From Myst – a comment, and my reply. with replies from my sisters.

This is the only comment I will post and reply to, because it’s the only one who seems to want to get to the bottom of things. Thank you Myst.

From Myst:

I have read a bit of your blog now and I understand you see what Joan is saying as lies… but can I just point out that you have never lived in Joan’s shoes so how can you refute her experience? Maybe you didn’t experience things the way she describes them but how is that making what Joan says to be a lie? We all see and experience life differently and what one person went through in one experience is not the same for another… and the feelings, perspective etc are all very different.

I guess I am confused as to why you care so much about it that you feel the need to lash out in so much anger. It hurts to read it and I am not even related to you all. And bringing it onto the internet… really don’t think this is the way to deal with it. Is there any way you all can sit down and talk this out reasonbly without hurting each other and causing pain? Life is short. I would hate it if any of my sisters was on the outer in this way. What would your mother think? I feel she would be devastated if she could see how adoption has torn her family apart.

 My reply:

Myst

You have not read enough of my blog to understand what is going on. First, you have it wrong. Find out the FACTS before you judge me. How do I know Joan lies? Because she has. She said last week ON THE INTERNET that she had been physically attacked for 3 decades by her natural family. I know that’s a lie.  Joan is the one alleging that she has been physically attacked by me and my family for 30 years. The burden of proof is on her. Why doesn’t she swear out an arrest warrant if she has been physically assaulted?
Because she’s never had hands laid on her by me or my family.

She wrote a whole book called Forbidden Family – in it – she LIES. She says she has “multiple orders of protection against me.” How do I know this is a lie, think Myst, think. I KNOW it’s a lie. I do know what goes on in my life. She says in her book that she signed a complaint against me in February 1993 for annoyance phone calls and she was given a one year order of protection against me. I KNOW this is a iie Myst. The phone calls were made in JUNE 1993, she signed the complaint in JULY, not Februrary, and the order of protection was for SIX MONTHS. I scanned and posted the actual court documents right here on this blog PROVING that Joan is a LIAR.

Myst, you say:  “We all see and experience life differently and what one person went through in one experience is not the same for another… and the feelings, perspective etc are all very different.” – I have scanned actual court documents and actual letters written by Joan and posted them right here on this blog. They cannot be construed as someone having a different perspective on their life. And I am NOT commenting on Joan’s life – I am commenting on what Joan has said about MY life.  I am ANSWERING what JOAN has put out in public. If Joan has the right to tell everyone I could not get pregnant, do I not the right to comment about that very personal item of MY dam life? And pray tell, what does THAT item have to do with Joan’s adoption or adoption reform work? Do you think congressmen/women considering changing amended birth certificates for adoptees care if Ruth Pace got knocked up or not? Joan is against adoption fine. I’m not saying anything about the adoption issue AT ALL! When I couldn’t have kids, I never even thought of adopting. So why is this even in her book? And how do you think I felt when I read that? And she put it this way: “At one point in her life, she CLAIMED to want to have children and even started to have fertility tests.” First, I never CLAIMED, I wanted kids. Second, if I had merely CLAIMED to want kids, I wouldn’t be having tests, now would I. And how do you think I felt when I read this crap. I lost my son – yes, my son – and Joan brought me home from the hospital. His name was Saied.  I came home from the hospital – Saied did not. He was left lifeless after emergency surgery resulted in my miscarrying him. It’s been 25 years and 4 months this coming Sunday. A mother never forgets.  Every June 5th I cry. Then I have to read that I merely CLAIMED  I wanted him.  Different life experiences? You bet. Did Joan experience being moved from the stretcher and see a pool of blood left behind? Did Joan experience being told by the doctor that I lost my son? And to go thru the grief – running out of  a store in tears because I just saw a woman and newborn? And to have Joan keep calling me on the phone and talking about babys and infertility and blah blah blah, and I kept begging her to stop talking about babies? because it hurt too much? and she kept at it. That is inhumane! And thank you very much for slamming me in your book about my gyn problems my dear loving sister.

She also says in her book that I would have been a poor mother? How would she know? And why is that in her book? What’s THAT got to do with her adoption work? I got news for you – last year, I reconnected with a young woman via facebook.  Her parents had a bitter divorce, she went thru hell. She wrote me via facebook that I was the only one in her childhood that made a difference. I was close to her and her siblings in the late 80′s – AFTER my miscarriage. They took me in as family. The 2 youngest wanted me to marry their dad so I could be their mother. When I asked about my current husband – they said “he can live in the upstairs apartment.” Now this young woman has a one year old baby of her own. On August 10, 2010, she treated me to ice cream for my birthday and asked advice about her baby. From a woman who never had kids and Joan says that she’d be a poor mother?

As for walking in her shoes, oh please, lets cry for Joan. How would YOU like to have money stolen from you by your own sister? Joan has stolen over $700 from me. We had a joint checking account to buy real estate. She dipped into it to fix her car WITHOUT ASKING ME. When the account was closed, I was shorted, she never repaid me. When my car broke – I did not have money to fix it. We were due a refund from a lawyer – he split it between me and Joan – I was counting on the refund to fix my car – Joan calls me up and says “I’m keeping my share of the refund.” So, Myst, walk in MY shoes – I went years without a car, lugging groceries home in the snow, while Joan had her car fixed – with MY money that she STOLE. The money I fronted for the real estate was money I BORROWED from a credit card. Do the math – at 18%  interest – I was in debt because of Joan.

Joan put out in public MY business. She lies and says that I have been arrested, and have a criminal record. How do I know Joan is a liar Myst? Because Myst, I have never been arrested in my life. I do NOT have a criminal record.

Joan repeatedly called my job to get me fired. For over six months she was calling the nursing office EVERY DAY! The supervisors and the secretaries TOLD ME! I had a meeting with hospital administration – Joan accused me of hacking into the hospital computer and tampered with her bill. I work the night shift as a nurses aide – I canNOT access the billing computer. The hospital checked into her complaint, and found that I was innocent. They told her that – she has this incident in her book BUT she says that I am a billing clerk – and that I did it! No at the meeting, HOSPITAL OFFICIALS told me that they knew I was innocent and Joan was a crackpot. HOSPITAL OFFICIALS,

Myst. Joan has brought this onto the internet. She had a blog a year ago. Fine. I saw it. No problem. Then all of a sudden she attacked me and my sisters ON THE INTERNET. Joan started this.

And no, we canNOT sit down and talk. On November 3, 2009. I phoned her house to let her know an aunt died. I had called my 85 year old father. I said “Aunt Doris died. Do you have Joan’s number?” I had no intention of calling her. I didn’t know if Dad had her number – he had just had a fight with Joan – she had been driving him to his doctor’s appointments, HER idea, not his. – She doesn’t live too far from him – I work nights, and sleep during the day -so I can’t do it. All of a sudden, she wanted gas money from him – and demanded money to fix her car. He refused. He gave her $20. and told her he would not be needing her anymore. He told her to grow up, get a job, her car was her responsibility. She didn’t like that began yelling at him and he threw her out of his house. How do I know this? HE TOLD ME! AND MY STEPMOTHER TOLD ME!

 So when I called him, he sounded tired, he gave me Joan’s number. To save him the aggravation, I called Joan. “How did you get this number?” she demanded. I told her. “NOT a good idea.” (Ok, so we don’t get along, I’ll excuse this). I broke into her mumblings. “Joan, Aunt Doris died the other day. I thought you’d like to know.” (She was originally named Doris after this woman). “Thank you for telling me this, but I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR F’ING VOICE AND F YOU,———– she started screaming obscenities at me, I sat there stunned.

I had been doing housework and had taken break to check on my email and I kept staring at the computer screen while Joan was ranting like a madwoman! What did I do wrong? I slammed the phone down and burst into tears. What did I do wrong? I jumped into my van with thoughts of going to my dad’s house. I ended up at a cousin’s house because I was crying so hard I almost had an accident. She calmed me down and then I went to my father’s. Joan had called him in the meantime and yelled at him. AN EIGHTY-FIVE year old man. When I got home, there was a message on my answering machine from the Town of Tonawanda police, stating that, Ruth Sippel, Kathy Inglis, and Gert McQueen are NOT to have any further contact with Joan. First of all, I called to tell her Aunt Doris died, nothing more. I did not deserve her spew of verbal abuse. Second, I made the phone call, not Kathy, not Gert, it was NOT a conference call. Third, my phone call was NOT a harassing call, it was family business, and a COURTESY call. Why call the police on me? I did nothing wrong!

by the way, the next day, I emailed, via myspace, Joan’s daughter. She was taking a shower when she heard her mother screaming and came running down to see what the fuss was about. Do you people want me to post that email exchange mmm? To prove that Joan was screaming obscenities at me? When her own daughter witnessed it?

Now, Myst, I see you are a decent person, and I thank you for your input. You seem to really care. But you have your sentiments all wrong. It is not JOAN who is the victim, it is everyone around her. And THEY are the victims by her. She has hurt people left and right.

Walk a mile in my shoes. She wrote her book – it came out last year. I read it. It’s full of nonsense. But not ONCE did she say in her book that she was physcially attacked by her natural family. NEVER. Now all of a sudden, she’s saying she is! Do you not see the contradiction here? Of course, you haven’t read her book. But Heather in UK has. Go ask her. Heather, if you’re reading this, answer truthfully, where in the book does Joan say she has been physically attacked by me for 30 years. In fact, she Joan says all over the internet, “I have had no contact with my sisters for decades.” If this is true, HOW are we physically attacking her?

People, THINK! READ what Joan says and copy and paste it and put it away. When she writes again on the forum, or elsewhere, copy and paste that! Keep a record of what she says – and the dates. You will soon see contradictions. Even in her book there are contradictions. She says one thing on one page – then down the line she completely says the opposite. That is what this blog is about – in her book, she has misrepresented me, and various members of my family. This blog is merely to get the facts of MY life out. This is what I care about – the TRUTH.

and don’t talk about me hurting my mother’s memory – how about Joan writing in her book that my uncle and aunt didn’t take good care of her when she was a baby and she had body sores from their bad hygiene – she had impetigo – a contagious rash from the hospital. My uncle was livid when he heard what she put in the book. Then Joan writes in her book that my father wanted to bury my mother in the nude and my mother’s nephew tried to punch my father at the funeral. Is this Joan’s way of honoring my mother? Or the time she stole the beadwork off my dead mother’s wedding gown?

What I wrote the past 2 days was in anger – because I read her book. There was never any allegation that I, or my family had attacked her for the past 30 years. Then to read that lie, just days before the anniversary of my brother’s death. How is Joan honoring my brother or my mother by continually LYING about me and my family?  Like I said in my one post: Joan can lie to her adoption friends, but she can’t lie to my mother’s spirit, or lie to my brother’s spirit. The burden is on her. We have choices in life. Joan choses to waste her life spreading lies.

I told her once before in a letter – that perhaps those nightmares of hers, (where she wakes up screaming) are really caused by her guilty conscience – or perhaps they are caused by my mother’s spirit trying to tell her via dreams to STOP LYING AND HURTING HER FAMILY.

Do you people think I have no feelings? Do you think I like reading on the internet that I have a criminal record when I have none? Walk a mile in MY shoes!  How do you people think I felt when I received a letter from Joan telling me that my husband got the next door neighbor pregnant and they had a baby girl? The house was vacant by the way.  How do you think I felt when Joan wrote letters to him and sent them to his mother’s house, telling him to break up with me? How do you think I felt when I took Joan to court for harassment and she turns around and writes to my mother-in-law asking her to appear in court against me? When the woman never met Joan.

How do you think I felt when a child abuse call was made on Joan – the caller gave them my name, and reported MY husband for having sex with Joan.  Now, first, if I’m going to call child abuse as a prank, I’m not going to give out my real name. Second, I’m not going to name my own husband as the abuser!!! This was Joan’s way of trying to break me and my husband up.  It didn’t work. This was also the time frame she was trying to get me fired from my job. Neither of her schemes worked.  I’m still working at the same place and John and I still together. BECAUSE MY EMPLOYERS AND MY HUSBAND KNOW WHO THE LIAR IS – (AND SO DID MY MOTHER IN LAW, AND SO DO I) AND THAT WOULD BE JOAN!

Comments»

1. chayelet – September 2, 2010

I, too, read Myst’s comment and was hoping Ruth would want to respond because I want to say something.I am Kathy, Ruth’s older sister, and the second child in this birth family.

In regard to Myst’s suggestion that we ‘see things from Joan perspective’-that is a good point, which was made to me 20 years ago by Dr Rene Hoksbergen in a letter he wrote to me, at Joan’s behest. And a most unwelcome intrusion into my life at that time it was, as I was, as always, getting on with my life,here in the UK.

The point you are all missing is that, yes, we are aware of the pain that adoption causes-we are all very much, TOO aware- WE ARE MEMBERS OF THE BIRTH FAMILY IN THIS ADOPTION TRIAD. Throughout this entire saga, not once has Joan or her friends acknowledged the pain WE endured by the loss of our mother, and, consequently, our own intact family life. It would have been enough for JW to acknowledge our pain, even once, but, instead, she has used her pain to lecture us, and walk all over our feelings and memories, and to manipulate others, like Dr Hoksbergen, to do the same.

The loss of our mother at such young ages has left a devastating toll on all of us- in MY case, I thought I had dealt with it, but it came gushing back about 10 years ago when I needed help dealing with a mentally ill neighbour who was targeting me. I went to Bereavement counselling,yes, BEREAVEMENT counselling, 40-some years after my mum’s death. What I found out was truly amazing- the first thing I found out is that when a child as young as I was at the time (5 weeks short of my 8th birthday) loses a parent, it reverts back to being an infant. I realised, amongst other things, that that was why I continued to bed-wet into my early teens.

My point here is that, whilst I would dearly love this issue to be laid to rest, it is JW who is keeping it alive. JW has wrung all our empathy and sympathy out of us. What she needs to do now, is to stop playing the blame game, stand up, draw a line under it, and say, ‘OK, this is where we’re at, where do we go from here?’ To constantly moan and complain about the same thing, and then embellish it with more untrue detail each time, is just gilding the lily and does no-one and no cause any good.

As to your point about talking it out, in the UK it’s called Mediation and is always the first thing the professionals suggest in any dispute. In this case, as with my afore-mentioned neighbour, mediation is not appropriate, because all it does is feed the ego of the perpetrator- you cannot negotiate with mentally ill people. JW herself relates her mental state all too clearly, so I am saying nothing new or derogatory here.

If JW wants to campaign for adoptee rights, that’s her right, but we won’t allow her to do it on the back of OUR PAIN AND REPUTATIONS. Nor will we be manipulated into being spokespersons for any cause we do or do not support-we have made our life choices which, in my case, do not include adoption issues, from one side or the other-I could care less. People are people, regardless of their birth certificate status or any other status for that matter. Good grief!

It would help us all if JW would acknowledge, just once, the pain she has caused us, but she won’t.She will continue to throw accusations our way, roughly every six weeks or so, as is indicative of her illness. This will go on until JW either dies or gets a lobotomy cos she and her friends will never see things from our perspective, and continue to lecture us to see things from hers. Oh, we do, believe me, WE DO.

Gert - September 2, 2010

As another one of the birth sisters I too must state that we have spent over 3 decades living in Joan’s shoes! We have had no choice because Joan makes our lives her life.

Mediation! I tried that with Joan back in the early 80′s after Joan interferred with my parental authority with my minor children. What did Joan say to mediation? “I want nothing to do with that bitch” What did I do then? I divorced her. She has not been part of my life since 1982. I tried on 2 separate occasions to make peace with her and both times I was betrayed again by her. Since she published a book of filth and lies I must and will be protesting until she pulls it from selling it and gives a public apology!

It HURTS me and my sisters to read what Joan has published. Joan has not LIVED IN HER SISTERS’ SHOES, but she can write garbage about us and we are to be quiet? NO.

Joan has done many dirty deeds to us that she does not put in that book. Well, we will put them all out here on this blog.

There is no way that a rational discussion can happen with someone who is a drunk or a mentally unstable person. Joan is mentally ill and she choose to continue to paint us and her adoptive parents as the causes of all her problems. Joan choose to be a victim. She wants to be miserable. We are helping her. We are putting out the ‘other side of the story’and that isn’t what is in Joan’s mind. too bad.

We sisters have our lives too and it is not according to Joan. We will continue to state our truths. We take ownership of our lives. We don’t give a damn about Joan’s life. We want our lives back away from the sickness that is in Joan’s mind.

Stay tuned and learn about the evil deeds that Joan has done. Stay tuned and learn the truth of our lives…from us…who have lived it…and not according to Joan.

Ruth – September 3, 2010

thank you my brilliant sisters.

Yes what Kathy says is true – we will continue to be bullied by Joan until she dies or gets a lobotomy. — sssuuuuuuccccckkkk!
Another point that Kathy brings out – Joan has never ONCE acknowledged to US the hurts she has inflicted on us. But she embellishes her statement on the adoption forum that she knows that she did some wrong things (but doesn’t say what she has done) and then turns around with the blame game again and says that what was done to her was far worse.

I would like to know what is far worse than baiting your sister with a forged letter supposedly from Joan’s 10 year old son written in sloppified Joan’s handwriting, to my husband. Supposedly this letter is to his uncle John, but it does not say Dear UNCLE John. Just Dear John. It was placed in an envelope, addressed to ME – not John – in Joan’s handwriting. Stupid me, I took the bait and called her. She hung up on me. I called again. She hung up again. I called again. She hung up. I gave up. I didn’t know what game she was playing – but the clever bitch had set me up. This was before caller ID and had called the annoyance phone bureau and authorized a trace trap, sent that forged letter and waited for me to call. Then she filed a false police report. This was June 1993. She signed the complaint against me in July 1993, NOT February 1993 as she lies in the book. She was given a 6 month order of protection against me, which was dismissed. In the book she says it was for one year and I was placed on probation. by the way – a week after I called her to ask about the letter her “son” wrote – my elecricity was shut off – I called her to ask for help – she did owe me a lot of money – I was crying, said “Joan, this is Ruth, I need help.” SLAM! She hung up on me. In December 2004, my house was being foreclosed for back taxes. Again, I contacted Joan via a letter – reprinted here on this blog under the category “Letters”, post entitled “Letter to Joan.” I BEGGED her for money. To save my house. Her response? She tried to take me to court for harassment!!! The court threw it out. They could see my letter was NOT harassment, but a plea for help. So not only is Joan a LIAR and a THIEF, but she is a BITCH to her sister.

To Joan: You set your sister up with the police. You call repeatedly to her job to get her fired. You call child abuse on yourself, posing as me, in an attempt to break me and my husband up. You send your sister a letter saying her husband got the next door neighbor pregnant. You stole money from her. You trash her (and others) in your book. You write lying letters to the mayor of Buffalo giving him personal details of my life and then send me those letters in the mail. You send letter after letter to my house with garbage in it. Cookie wrappers, empty ziploc bags, – what the heck was that all about? You send me a letter saying your son just saw me driving past your house – when I didn’t even have a car! You even used your children as pawns! You even told your friend Bonnie in 1998 that you wanted to find a hitman to take me out. YOU THREATENED MY LIFE! And I told the district attorney about it too. Oh yes, Joan you sure did so some wrong things.

So what are Ruth’s sins against Joan? I called her on the phone several times to get my money back. I sent you letters, yes, in anger, but mostly they were constantly telling and pleading with you to LEAVE ME ALONE!

And in your book, you even lie about your mentor Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, detailing an imagined visit of him to my house. HE NEVER STEPPED FOOT IN MY HOUSE!

So you see Myst, and other readers – this is the kind of LIAR and ABUSER Joan is. And I have scanned and posted court documents, letters, envelopes WITH JOAN WHEELER’S HANDWRITING right here on this blog. Look at the right side menu at “categories” – you will see “Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler’s Lies: Letters, Court Documents.” click on that to see the posts that contain those documents. See for yourself Myst – the actual court documents. The actual letters from Joan. Then say that I am only misinterpreting Joan. No, there can be no misinterpretation of ACTUAL COURT DOCUMENTS.

 Gert – September 3, 2010

There are many more pieces of hard evidence of Joan’s abuses towards her sisters and her lies and misrepresentations of actual events that ARE NOT IN THE BOOK, but that we sisters have, and we intent to put it all on this blog.

That is why this blog is called ‘refuting’ because Joan has not written events ‘from her view point’ but from her diseased mind. She has intentionly written to show herself to be innocent and the victim of and having abuse from the other person. Everything out of her mouth, even today, is to say that everyone is against her. She is the victim.

Joan is not telling a tale from one’s perception,instead she is telling it, done with the intent, to ‘sell the book and make a profit’. Joan is exploiting her families. And to do that Joan has fabricated, embellish,exaggerated and outright lied about events, people, situations,all done to fit Joan’s ‘vision’ of the way it must have been and is. To do anything else would mean that Joan has to admit to herself that she is mentally ill or she has to take responsibility for her actions.

I am not going to get into specifics here, I have already written my refutting and setting things right, page by page of the book. People will have to wait till we get those entries onto this blog to know ALL THE EVIL AND DIRTY DEEDS OF JOAN. But rest assured, Joan is NOT an innocent, telling the whole world about her big bad Daddy and her evil sisters and her mean abusive adoptive Mother. Her book is filth and a product of her diseased mind.

I can only speak for myself and you will read, from me, setting the truth out against everything that Joan has written about me and my family.

Are you ready for that Joan? You better be because the truth wins out. Are you ready to take responsibility for your actions?

Watch this space!