this blog receives kudos February 28, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates.Tags: abuse, adoption, anti-bullying, bullying, cyberbullying, kudos, standing up to a bully
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One of my facebook friends, one whom I’ve known for a few years, has given this blog kudos. Nancy, who also goes by the name Madamstar is a California Wiccan Priestess, Witch and Belly Dancer. And a beautiful lady, inside and out.
I have learned much from Madamstar, and although I have been slacking off from my lessons in Madamstar’s Forum (both on facebook and on the private forum), she understood what I was going through and what I was doing.
Most of the blog posts here and on our sister site Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor are shared on my facebook. This way relatives and friends of mine can read what Gert and I write on our blogs.
Imagine my surprise this morning when I read the following about me (as my screen name LadyMoondancer) on facebook:
Cap’n Nancy Lombardi
Wiccan News: Im very proud to bring this Wiccan News Line. I had found one of our Sister Lady MoonDancer’s online Forbidden Lies!! She is one of the few Witches that will stand up for her rights, enough to bring the truth of her family issues. Some times we tend to keep our mouth shut when it comes to deligating our issues with people. That becomes very irresponcible for their actions. Lady MoonDancer had never stopped at her pace, to prove her point. If, only others knew the strength and courage of our Lady MoonDancer had to stand up for. As well the time spent on her information, and her speaking up. Congrats Sister!! Iam so proud of you., I even spent the time, to go over each sentence thhttps://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.comat/ you had typed. I also believe in everything that you had said. Keep up your strength as well, your rights. Our sister even used my old saying.. Thank you, Lady MoonDancer for taking that inspartation of my words.”
I honestly don’t know what to say. I didn’t start this blog to impress anyone, I only wanted to stand up to a bully and tell the truth about myself and my family. But if I can inspire anyone to stand up for their rights, to stand up to a bully, that’s when I will say I have done something. I also hope that this blog can serve as an inspiration to other birth siblings in an adoption event.
Too often we hear of the adoptee and their problems. Or we hear of problems from the adoptive parents, or the birth parents. Rarely does anyone think of siblings, birth or adoptive. I have already heard from two birth siblings who also were being bullied. I hope their path gets easier.
Here is the screen shot of Madamstar’s post. – thank you Madamstar – for not only this kudos, but for believing in me.
1. gertmcqueen
Gert here:
Thank you very much…Madamstar…for recognizing the fortitude and strength that Ruth has! I know it means a great deal to her to have this kind of understanding!
Well done Ruth, and thanks to Madamstar. I know this means a lot.
3. Ruth
Gert and Kathy (Chayelet) are my two older sisters, who were also instrumental in this blog. We Three Sippel Sisters (as Joan herself named us back in 2008 in a totally unprovoked internet slam) are separated by miles, but not by love. Yes, we have had our misunderstandings, as all humans do, but we were never viciously vindictive to one another. We were content to just “let it be.”
This is the lesson that Joan refuses to learn. That as humans, we are all flawed. We will step on another person’s toes from time to time, sometimes without meaning to. There is no need for vicious back-stabbing and bullying.
Some people may look at this blog and say “well aren’t you doing the same thing to Joan?” And in a sense, we are. But our purpose, outside of setting the record straight from all the lies that Joan put in the book and on the internet, is to get Joan to STOP writing on the internet about us. Because she is still doing it TO THIS DAY!
Even though we were successful in getting that filthy book of hers pulled from publication, she continues to have a lying cyberbullying page up, filled with lies about us. She continues to ramble on about with falsehoods about her adoption with false stories about OUR childhood, our parents, our stepparents, and other extended family members. – That is why Gert put together her own blog: Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Honor at http://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/ – because she, as well as Kathy and I, were appalled at how Joan was not only dragging us sisters through the mud, but our own dead mother, and two of her brothers – one who is still alive – and who now has turned his back on Joan!
We have a list of demands that we want Joan to adhere to – it is right at the top of this blog – under the tab “What is Demanded from Joan Wheeler.” – Untill all items in that list have been met by Joan, this blog will remain in existence.
Joan knew not what she started when she named us The Three Sippel Sisters. Because there is truth in the saying “The Power of Three.” … So Mote it Be!
What are the facts of Joan Wheeler’s adoption? Certainly not the crap she says it was. Here is the truth of it. February 15, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, contradictions, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, faulty memory, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths, stupidity, whining
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A lot of this stuff has been blogged about before – but it doesn’t hurt to do it again – in the hopes that it will eventually sink in that think head of Joan Wheeler’s. Because she keeps going on the internet and keeps posting the same delusions – the same erroneous fantastical twisting of the facts of her adoption. And we notice that on some internet sites she says one thing, and on other sites she says different things.
So I will start from the dam beginning AGAIN. – With the cold hard facts.
Joan was conceived sometime in July 1955. Around Christmas 1955, my mother became very sick and went into the hospital. We four kids at home were ages – Gert – (one month shy of 9 years old, Kathy, 4 months shy of 8 years old, Butch, one month shy of 6 years old, and me, 3 years, 4 months old). The doctors didn’t know what was wrong with my mother – she couldn’t keep any food down. On January 7, 1956, she went into labor and spontaneously miscarried the baby in her hospital bed. The baby was placed in an incubator. My mother’s health continue to deteriorate. On January 19, they did exploratory surgery, and she was found to be full of cancer. It was so far spread, there was nothing to be done. They closed her back up and on March 28, she died. Joan has reported on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change Forum that the doctors discovered a cancer tumor the same size as the baby – no they never did. At other places she reports the tumor was the size of a grapefruit. Read what I just wrote – she had exploratory surgery on January 19, 12 days after the baby was born. Other places Joan reports that she asked my father if there had ever been any plans to abort her and my father said no. Of course he would say that – because they didn’t know what was wrong with my mother. They had not discovered any dam tumor before the baby was born.
When Joan was discharged from the hospital, she had impetigo – a pimply rash that she acquired at the hospital. She went to stay with my mother’s brother and his wife, who tried very hard to clear up the rash. In her lying book, Joan says that her amom told her that when they got Joan (April 1956) Joan was full of sores due to poor hygiene. This is a lie and a slam against my Aunt Ann and my uncle Richard, who when was told of this a year ago, was very angry. He told me on the phone what happened. He was furious. So much for Joan respecting her godparents and the people who took care of her while her mother was dying in the hospital.
Yes, my mother’s brothers wanted her to go to Roswell Park Cancer Institute for cancer research. Yes, my father refused. It was his decision to make, along with my mother. My aunt Catherine told me that my mother didn’t want it either. My uncles, in their grief blamed my father. These things happen all the time. And yes, in the case of my one uncle, the bitter feelings remained down the years, but at least the two men just avoided each other. None of the family EVER took their feelings out on us kids.
My mother’s sister Catherine went to grammer school with a woman named Helen. After my mom died, my uncle asked my father what he was going to do about the baby. Because his wife was going to have a baby and there were other kids too. Catherine had just given birth to her last child, and had two other toddlers at home. My mother’s siblings had their own kids to raise, my father’s parents were elderly and couldn’t take on the responsibility of an infanct.
Catherine talked to Helen and Helen said her brother-in-law and his wife couldn’t have kids and wanted to adopt – so they asked my father (NOT at my mom’s funeral, like Joan likes to lie about). My father consulted his pastor and then agreed to the adoption. He re-married several months later. He had one year to change his mind about the adoption. He didn’t. The adoption was finalized in January 1957.
So much for Joan’s assertion that my father was “coerced” into giving her up for adoption. Yes, it could be argued he was grief-stricken, but he had a full year to consider the adoption – to change his mind. In that year, he married another woman. Who had two sons, one stayed with her mother and the other came to be with us. And yes, in 1970, 6 years after that woman died, my father married again, to a woman with two daughters, one he legally adopted in 1979. The facts that he gave a daughter up for adoption, gained 2 stepsons, then gained 2 stepdaughters, and ended up legally adopted one of those stepdaughters shows us how unpredictible and transitory life can be. My father did the best he could – making decisions on the raising of his children with the resources (physical and non-tangible) that he had at the time of those decisions. As any parent does. As any person does when making decisions with their lives. That some of those decisions affected another person’s life (for the betterment or detriment) is just a result of the serendipitous nature of life. – I mean, I could make a decision to quit my present job and take a job at another place – and in 2 years that new place could close down and then I’d be out of work! Unless you’re a very very good psychic with a very accurate crystal ball – you just don’t know what’s going to happen in life down the road. You make the best decision you can, and hope for the best. And that’s exactly what my father did. To hold him – and the rest of the family – hostage to a life decision that he had the right to make (concerning his children that he had sole custody of and responsibilty for) is wrong. Joan is a parent herself. I’m sure she made choices and decisions that affected her children too. Joan just needs to accept the facts of her childhood and MOVE ON! As anyone on this planet has to and does. She keeps looking backwards – instead of forward.
Instead of constantly whining and blaming her birth sisters for her rotten life – she needs to look at the results of the decisions that SHE made the past 30 years. Like publishing that filthy book full of lies.
Going back to 1956 – my father’s second wife came from a large Italian family. She had one brother and three sisters, all were married with kids. These kids became my “step-cousins” and I remember playing with them. Anyway – Joan likes to report on a fantastical tale told to her by her aparents – that the Christmas after they got Joan (would this be 1956 or 1957? Joan never says) her aparents bought a Christmas tree and presents for us Sippel kids because we were so poor. This story is pure BULLSHIT! My father remarried in the summer of 1956. To a woman from a large family. My father was not poor. He worked in Buffalo’s City Hall. Yes, we lived in a cramped apartment – but as the years went on, we moved to better places. This is how ANYbody does. My first “apartment” was a room in a boarding house – then I shared an apartment, then eventually got my own small studio apartment, and each time I moved thereafterwards my apartments were better than the last – and in 1987, I moved to a house, which is now MINE. I went from a room in a boarding house, working my way up to owning my own house. So what’s the problem? My father did the same. By 1965 he bought his own house, but by 1975, he decided he didn’t want the responsibility of it. And it is a big responsibility, let me tell you.
Joan’s aparents lived in an all-white suburb of Buffalo – her father worked as an electrician at Dunlop tires. That was a good paying job. And they had only one child – and Joan’s mom hand sewed her dresses. Joan likes to report that we kids were jealous of that. We may have pointed this out – but not because we are jealous – but to get Joan to see how nice she had it growing up and she should be appreciative of it. Yes, we other kids had hand-me-downs, but we were a large family. Large families do that.
My father’s second wife unfortunatley was mentally ill and spent some time in the psych center. One day, it was all arranged, we kids were at school. The ambulance came and took my stepmother. We kids were picked up at school by case workers and my sisters went to a foster home, my brothers and me to an orphanage – only about 4 blocks from the foster home. My father was with me. I remember. So much for Joan reporting that we kids came home from school for lunch to witness my stepmother screaming in the ambulance.
This would have been the fall of 1959 – as I spent my second grade at the orphanage, then 3rd grade I was back home. My stepmother died in 1964. Joan reports that we kids were placed in the foster and orphan home after she died. And she’s always getting our ages wrong. She chalks it up to “being in the fog.” If that is the case, if she is in the fog and is reporting erroneous things about our ages in her book and on the internet – CAN YOU TRUST ANY DAM THING SHE SAYS ABOUT HER BIRTH FAMILY? Because I have caught her in several contradictions in her book – and in one paragraph, she starts talking about me, then she starts talking about her daugher, then she mixes us both up. Yep, Joan is in the fog all right. And because she is, she needs to SHUT UP ABOUT THE FACTS OF MY LIFE, HER ADOPTION, MY MOTHER - THE FACTS THAT SHE KEEPS GETTING WRONG!
In 1960, my brothers and me came back to live with my father and my stepmother. Jo, despite her being ill, loved to embroider. She embroidered our bed linens – pillowcases and the like with all our names in the corner. She liked little flowers on hers and put little flowers on mine. She taught me to sew – or tried to. lol. Every Friday evening, she took me and my brothers downtown to the movies. We liked science fiction and monster movies. After the movies, we went to eat. I don’t always remember what I ate – but I remember always getting a chocolate milkshake. I remember Jo taking care of me when I was sick with the measles, bringing me a tray of chicken soup to my bedroom and patting my head. She took care of me when I came home after getting my tonsils out.
We kids had many many toys. I remember them all. I had my own desk with lots of crayons and differnt color chalks. The first Visible V-8 engine. I remember the doll houses – the kitchen sets – the little dishes, my set was blue with flowers – and they weren’t plastic – they were metal.
Joan can take her lying stories of MY childhood and shove them – she wasn’t there. She doesn’t know how we lived. She’s going by the lies told her by adoptive parents who looked down at us.
And every time Joan puts those lies out there on the internet – we Sippel Sisters will be right here, on this blog to tell the TRUTH of our own dam childhood. Get a life Joan – my life, my childhood is NOT yours for the taking.
1. gertmcqueen –
Gert here…
The TRUTH is always worth repeating!!! particularly when there is a nut case out there that is determine to expose and exploit, for fame and money….our LIVES AND OUR FAMILY
As long as Joan Wheeler keeps those two web site up that exploits and lies about us and our parents we shall continue to tell everyone, everywhere, just what a liar she is as well as all her DARK secrets and all her malicious deeds…
When will Joan Wheeler ever accept the TRUTH? Probably NEVER and that means we will continue on telling the truth.
More Lies by Joan Wheeler from January, 2012 on another website February 9, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunion, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cyberbullying, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, LIBEL, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, spreading untruths
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So, at another wordpress blog, Finding God’s Fingerprints at the post “Adoption: Where Do You Begin?” Joan spouts some more lies and misrepresentations of us. She apparently has nothing better to do with her life than to keep spreading lies about us on the internet. I left the following comment for this particular post. It is awaiting moderation. I don’t know if the moderator will approve my comment or not. If she wants to keep lies on her page, that is her decision.
I have only commented on just a couple of pieces of Joan’s garbage, but Gert has taken Joan’s garbage and answered everything that Joan has said in her very excellent post “Joan Wheeler continues to lie and lie on another adoption site, but she got caught! part one.” and “Joan Wheeler continues to lie and lie on another adoption site, but she got caught! part two” Gert outlines every example of fact-twisting and lie, that Joan did as well as outlining every incident of bullying, intimidation, and brow-beating that Joan committed on that site – intended to bully the site’s owner, an adoptive mother, other adoptive parents and those wishing to adopt.
The moderator of the site did put up my comment – but here they are anyway – and keep reading to see how the moderator felt to have her site taken over by this family drama – a drama that didn’t need to put out there in the first place – but that’s how Joan is – she just HAS to have her bullshit drama spread all over the place. Bullshit should be only be spread around in farms and gardens as a fertilizer, to help things grow. Joan’s form of bullshit is toxic – and turns people away from her. Will she never learn? – and at the end of this post – is proof positive that one of the adoptees who commented on Erica’s site is a spamalator – a person who not only intentionally spams pro-adoption sites, but posts links of those sites and instructs other people to spam them too. Yeah, Daniel ibn Zayd – I’m talking about YOU. Keep that crap up, and the law might come after you – delibrate spamming is cyberbullying.
so here is my comment answering Joan’s latest bullshit:
I am a birth sister of Joan Wheeler’s and am appalled at her continued bantering of falsehoods regarding her adoption. She says: At his wife’s funeral, a Catholic priest said to him, “The baby needs two parents”. And a woman approached him and said, “I know someone who will take your baby.” Her brother and his wife became my adoptive parents.
No, my mother’s sister’s childhood friend had a brother whose wife was infertile. My aunt and her brothers asked my father after my mother died, “what are you goint to do about the baby?” My aunt suggested the adoption by her friend’s brother. My father consulted the priest. NONE OF THIS HAPPENED AT THE FUNERAL. I have heard the stories from not only my father, but my aunt, and my uncles.
Joan also says: The Christmas after I was born, and two weeks before my adoption was to be finalized, my adoptive parents bought a Christmas tree and presents for my four older siblings, ages 3, 6, 8 and 9. The kids were in bed when they delivered and set up the tree and gave my father the presents. They must have had a babysitter for me so they could do this act of charity. My adoptive mother told me that she and my adoptive father wanted to do something nice for my natural father and his children so they would have a nice Christmas. Imagine how my natural father felt receiving these gifts in exchange for his 5th child? His other children never knew where the tree came from or the presents.
This is a lie. My father worked as an engineer at Buffalo’s City Hall and was making good money. Six months after my mother died in March 1956, he remarried (Summer 1956) to a woman from a large Italian family. There was no need for ANYbody to send over a tree and gifts. This story may have been told to Joan by her adoptive parents because they lived in a suburb of Buffalo, while we continued to live in the “inner city.” Joan was raised as a spoiled only child, with hand-made dresses. The rest of us, as kids from any large family would, wear hand-me-downs. So what? We also had many fine Christmases provided by my father and his second wife, many gifts from both sets of my birth grandparents and my stepgrandmother and her son and daughters. If anything, we kids PROSPERED with so many relatives!
Joan further says that we birth siblings ruined her life, and our reunion with her. She says that at age 18, she was unprepared for the reunion. She says we were out of bounds. NO, my sister Gert asked an adoption agency and they said that there was no restrictions on siblings to find adopted out relatives. No, we did not consult our father, but after he was reuinted with Joan, he was happy to see his daughter again.
Joan made the concious decision BEFORE we found her to search for us, so that negates her statement that she was unprepared.
Joan says we ridiculed her for her anti-adoption stand. No we did not. I myself appeared with her for a tv news interview on WGRZ tv Buffalo, New York AND I encourged her to write a book. Sad to say, her book was full of hate directed at her birth family, me in particular. In May of 2011 we were successful in having her book pulled from publication due to the slander and lies contained in it.
Joan also fails to tell people on this site and elsewhere WHY our reunion turned sour. Because she interfered with parental authority, she stole money from us, in my case it was hundreds of dollars, and she called my job repeatedly to get me fired over a false accusation. She sent harassing letters to me, one said that my infertile husband got the next door neighbor pregnant.
For Joan to get on the internet and spread such lies, while being guilty of lies herseld speaks volumes of her character.
Click on my name to go my blog Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler, where we take every lie contained in Joan’s book and present the truth – with documetnted proof of her lies: actual court documents (one of her lies was that I have an arrest and criminal record – which is false and slander) – and actual letter written by Joan herself.
I am NOT against adoptee rights. I am just against this particular adoptee who has spread lies about me for more than 30 years and ruined our reunion with her because of her immoral activity. She says we wanted to mold our baby sister into what we wanted? NO, all we wanted was someone who didn’t lie to us, create trouble, steal from us, and wreak havoc in our lives.
1. gertmcqueen -
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Gert here: it boggles the mind…just how much Joan likes to talk and talk and talk…the same of lies and fabrications…on every new blog and news site she finds!
She left several rambling, over the tops, comments. She is nothing but a raving manic and she thinks by doing so that people will get her message…wrong!
It doesn’t matter, to us, really, if this blog does not recognize nor publish our comments related to Joan…BECAUSE…the moderator will check us out and will be cautious the next time Joan opens her month! This particular ‘adoption’ site will see, like others have, that Joan is a nut case and will never listen to her.
Our job is done…for this site…and every site that we find where Joan lies and lies and exploits us and our family.
2. Ruth -
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oh – on that site – in one of her numerous nonsense comments, Joan mentions that her boyfriend’s father died in November (2011) – like that had something to do with the topic on the blog! HOWEVER, during a check at The Buffalo News just 10 minutes ago, I found that the man died on October 30, 2011. Okay, it was only a couple of days before November, but we see how JOAN DOESN’T GET THE FACTS RIGHT!
I have caught her in many of these little slip-ups in her book. Like the time she was describing a fight she had after a party of my younger brother’s First Holy Communion. She described the day as cold and rainy. I posted pictures of my stepsister who was wearing a dress with spaghetti straps. Full sunlight streaming in the windows! And a check in the library on the mircrofilmed newspaper for that day – the weather was listed as “warm and sunny.”
Nitpicking? Not when you are dealing with the facts of people’s lives – which Joan turns completely around to suit her fantasy of what happened – which in turns means: CAN YOU TRUST WHAT JOAN SAYS ABOUT HER BIRTH FAMILY?
For example, this bullshit about my father accepting a xmas tree the year after she was born – which would make it Dec. 1956 (actually 11 months after she was born, considering she was born in January). In December 1956, I was 4 years old, yet she says I was 3. And she gets all the ages of my siblings wrong.
This is the example of an author of a non-fiction book? Her book that is full of mistakes just like this – plus the lies we found in it. Bad bad Joan. -
update:
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The moderator approved my 2 comments with this caveat:
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Erica says:
February 9, 2012 at 11:31 am
I have approved of these comments regarding your side of your birth families’ story, but will ask that any future comments from yourself or Joan regarding this topic, be done personally, or on your own site. I absolutely understand your desire to defend yourself, and your family when you feel you are being wronged (especially publicly), but I do not want my site to become the place to do this. I would like to keep the focus of this post for people who are considering adoption and don’t know where to begin. Thanks for understanding! -
to which I answered:
Ruth says:
(Your comment is awaiting moderation.)February 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm -
Erica,
I thank you for posting my comment – there are two sides to every story and you are fair and gracious to have let my side to have been heard. -
yes, people should keep their comments to the topic at hand. And this topic was for adoption. The comments should also be truthful. Because when the truth is not told, or the topic is not adhered to, confusion is the result. I say kudos to those who want to consider adoption. They should know all the facts.
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I am also for adoptee rights. Truth in their documentation should be a must. However, militant tactics and lies only hurt and confuse people. And make enemies of those who might otherwise help in ways that are not known.
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Erica, please let me extend to you my apologys for the drama posted here. – Ruth
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so what can we learn from this debacle (besides what we already know – that Joan is a liar)? That Joan is the real cyberbully! She finds a pro-adoption website and spouts her garbage on it. And she uses their site as a way to tell more lies about us.
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You should be ashamed Joan. And before you start with ranting and raving that we are cyber-stalking you – we’ve told you before – yes, we are there watching and monitoring what you say on the internet – because when you are talking about your birth family and spreading untruths – we have the right to know about it. Because we ARE your birth family – and any untruth spread about us will be refuted. You have recently posted a few anti-adoption remarks on the internet, which did not mention us. And we left them alone. But the minute you include us in your comments, you have left yourself wide open to rebuttals from us. Shut your mouth about us and you won’t get into trouble on the internet. Now here is another site you are banned from – just like the Huffington Post last March.
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Gert here…
thank you Ruth for thanking Erica, the owner of that site.She also posted my comment…
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gertmcqueen says: February 8, 2012 at 3:43 pm
I am birth sister to Joan Wheeler, you really ought to see the other side of the story check out the birth siblings blogs@ gertmcqueen.wordpress.com and ruthsippelpace@wordpress.com Amongst many things, Joan Wheeler violated the adoption process I was in with adopting my own son, in 1980…Ruth…you are so right when you say….
so what can we learn from this debacle (besides what we already know – that Joan is a liar)? That Joan is the real cyberbully! She finds a pro-adoption website and spouts her garbage on it. And she uses their site as a way to tell more lies about us. You should be ashamed Joan.
These angry adoptees are the real bullies….and they shall be exposed because NO ONE deserves to have a target on their backs because they are pro-adoption.
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Ruth here – Gert – yes – Joan and the other adoptees from the adoptee forum, Daniel, one of them,ARE the true cyberbullies.
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Readers – at the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, these militant, angry “hating” adoptees regularly post urls of ANY pro-adoption site with instructions for their members to go and spam them. Which they do, and then come back and post on their forum how they “socked it to them.” They use disgusting hating smilies like “punching” karate chop, piknose, barfs – any infertile woman, birth mother who relinquished their baby for adoption, adoptive parent or adoption agency is fair game to these people. Bullies, that’s all they are. We have seen evidence from as far back as 2008 of Joan having been kicked off pro-adoption websites.
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I went to find a post on the forum to see if they publicized Erica’s site to spam her, but didn’t find evidence of it. BUT – I did find in early November 2011 TWO posts instructing the forum members to spam two other sites – and one of them was started by Daniel ibn Zayd, who left a couple of comments on Erica’s site. – This graphic is a screnshot of my computer screen while I was on the index page of the general discussion board of the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change – proof positive that these “adult” adoptees are not advocating for change – their purpose is to BULLY pro-adoption sites and CONDEMN any one who is pro-adoption. That is NOT the way to change things. The way to change things is NOT to spam people – but to lobby the lawmakers. And by bullying, browbeating and verbally abusing adoptive parents on the internet, all they are doing is making assholes of themselves. – And like all bullies, when their bullying tactics are revealed, when people stand up to them, they slink away into their self-made cesspools. They tried to bully me in February 2010 on this blog – they came over in droves after Joan asked them, and left a number of obscene messages. When they saw that I was not intimidated by Joan or them, they slunk away. Adults? not in the way they act. They act like little petulant children, that when they don’t get their way, they resort to leaving obscene comments on internet sites.
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time for another chapter in that lying book of Joan Wheeler! February 6, 2012
Posted by gertmcqueen in Uncategorized.comments closed
come over to Gert’s blog and read the next 2 chapters
‘I don’t understand your life and I never will!’; from Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler
Fake Shit February 4, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates.Tags: Lies, SLANDER, stupidity
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how can you tell if what is said on this blog is true? Because I have provided actual court documents that prove that Joan Wheeler is a liar.
how can you tell if what Joan Wheeler says in person, on the internet or in her book is true? – You can’t – because she never provides the hard and fast documentation!
you never get fake shit on this blog. We deal in the truth!
Joan Wheeler gives her views on motherhood through adoption – again, she is so full of hate, she cannot understand LOVE. February 4, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.Tags: abuse, adoption, being downright nasty, bullying, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, hatred of infertile women, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements
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On January 31, 2012, Gert posted this very excellant post over at her blog. I want everyone to read it. AND read my comment – because it shows how Joan treated me, her own blood sister, in her book, in regards to the death of my son Saied. – I was only 6 weeks pregnant when I lost him. A friend at work asked me just a couple of weeks ago how did I know it was a boy – and I answered – a mother knows.
motherhood through adoption; find out what Joan Wheeler has to say
Does my little son miss the smell of his first mother? I wonder as the mew of his mouth opens toward a plastic bottle which is not her breast.Sudden new mother, I bury my nose deep into his skull cap of ringlets, his starry cheesiness.In her good-bye letter to him sealed in his album with a birth certificate which now lists my name as Mother his first mother writes she nursed him briefly after he emerged into the second room of his world.
I think of milk volcanic and insistent, answering the newborn’s gigantic thirst,
a primal agreement between generosity and greed.
Sometimes I press my nose to the glass of that place where a mother and my child belong to each other; I cannot imagine coming between them.
But then I want to lick him all over with a cow’s thick tongue,
to taste him and mark him as mine so if the other mother returns,
she will refuse her handled calf smeared with my smell.
© Margaret Hasse, Milk and Tides, Nodin Press, 2008
Why are AP’s SOO fixated and obsessed with breasts and breast milk? It’s kinda perverted and disgusting.
This woman needs to be locked up and kept away from society. REEEETTTTCCHHHHHHH
They all feel it, this one’s just honest enough to say it out loud.
I’m surprised that Joan didn’t stand up to the adoptee who blasted breastfeeding – because Joan herself was obsessed with breastfeeding her own son until he was past FOUR YEARS OLD! And she drank much beer at the time because she was told that beer increases milk production.
Joan, – the Earth Mother? no, because when she was pregnant with her first child, her son, was bitching and moaning that she now had to learn about “vitamins and nutrition.” – she was pissed she was pregnant because it would take time away from her all important life as a wronged adoptee!
ps, Joan, who also suffered from low self-image problems because of her flat chest LOVED breast feeding – because she was engorged and bigger at the time. – I know these things, because yes, we were once close where we shared things. – Joan, you gonna publish crap in your book about MY miscarriage – mocking me – actually saying “at one time she (me) CLAIMED to want children…” – ok, you deserve this dig. MY SON DIED AND YOU PUT IN YOUR BOOK THAT I MERELY CLAIMED I WANTED HIM – payback is a bitch.
personally, I think the poem is beautiful – ok, the cow’s thick tongue – but when you witness even a cat giving birth – and I have – and how the mama cat cleans the baby with her tongue – then you get the idea. It is all natural – it is all in the wonderful world of nature. We humans don’t lick our babies clean. We have developed other means for that. – but at one time we must have.
one time a friend of mine said she wouldn’t breast feed her son because “it wasn’t natural.” roflmao! – it’s the most natural thing in the whole world! This is another person who is afraid of silence – as Gert points out Joan is in another post –
Silence is wonderful. Nature is wonderful. A child is wonderful. For an infertile woman to have the chance to cuddle and love a child is wonderful. She didn’t steal him. She was given a gift. She was robbed of the chance to have her own. Another woman, for whatever reason, gave her child up. The infertile woman/adoptive mother didn’t STEAL another woman’s child – she isn’t jealous because some other woman is pregant.
yes we hear of the horror stories of SOME infertile women who abduct infants from homes and hospitals – even go so far as murdering the new mother or pregnant woman. BUT to paint ALL infertile women as jealous nutballs – no, that is not right.
I know of what I speak – I am an infertile woman. I tried for years to get pregnant. And then I did, and I lost my son. – I have never forgotten him. I have never been jealous of other pregnant women. I rejoiced when the following year Joan had her daughter – oh – did she forget to write in her book that it wasn’t her husband who drove her and their new baby home? Oh – who was it? – oh – it was that nasty birth sister Ruth! who despite having lost her own son the year before, still loved Joan’s kids. And cuddled and kissed them frequently. And buried her aunty nose in their little curls and wished their cousin Saied could grow up with them. Alas – it was not to be.
this is the way wordpress messed up the margins: so just scroll down to continue reading. (sorry for the inconvenience).
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I’m surprised that Joan didn’t stand up to the adoptee who blasted breastfeeding – because Joan herself was obsessed with breastfeeding her own son until he was past FOUR YEARS OLD! And she drank much beer at the time because she was told that beer increases milk production.
Joan, – the Earth Mother? no, because when she was pregnant with her first child, her son, was bitching and moaning that she now had to learn about “vitamins and nutrition.” – she was pissed she was pregnant because it would take time away from her all important life as a wronged adoptee!
ps, Joan, who also suffered from low self-image problems because of her flat chest LOVED breast feeding – because she was engorged and bigger at the time. – I know these things, because yes, we were once close where we shared things. – Joan, you gonna publish crap in your book about MY miscarriage – mocking me – actually saying “at one time she (me) CLAIMED to want children…” – ok, you deserve this dig. MY SON DIED AND YOU PUT IN YOUR BOOK THAT I MERELY CLAIMED I WANTED HIM – payback is a bitch.
personally, I think the poem is beautiful – ok, the cow’s thick tongue – but when you witness even a cat giving birth – and I have – and how the mama cat cleans the baby with her tongue – then you get the idea. It is all natural – it is all in the wonderful world of nature. We humans don’t lick our babies clean. We have developed other means for that. – but at one time we must have.
one time a friend of mine said she wouldn’t breast feed her son because “it wasn’t natural.” roflmao! – it’s the most natural thing in the whole world! This is another person who is afraid of silence – as Gert points out Joan is in another post –
Silence is wonderful. Nature is wonderful. A child is wonderful. For an infertile woman to have the chance to cuddle and love a child is wonderful. She didn’t steal him. She was given a gift. She was robbed of the chance to have her own. Another woman, for whatever reason, gave her child up. The infertile woman/adoptive mother didn’t STEAL another woman’s child – she isn’t jealous because some other woman is pregant.
yes we hear of the horror stories of SOME infertile women who abduct infants from homes and hospitals – even go so far as murdering the new mother or pregnant woman. BUT to paint ALL infertile women as jealous nutballs – no, that is not right.
I know of what I speak – I am an infertile woman. I tried for years to get pregnant. And then I did, and I lost my son. – I have never forgotten him. I have never been jealous of other pregnant women. I rejoiced when the following year Joan had her daughter – oh – did she forget to write in her book that it wasn’t her husband who drove her and their new baby home? Oh – who was it? – oh – it was that nasty birth sister Ruth! who despite having lost her own son the year before, still loved Joan’s kids. And cuddled and kissed them frequently. And buried her aunty nose in their little curls and wished their cousin Saied could grow up with them. Alas – it was not to be.
Gert here:
thank you very very much, Ruth, for telling us about the inside stories…yes, the birth sister that Joan condemns, certainly knows what went on behind the scenes that Joan does not tell.
Saturday, Feb. 4, 10:30 am -
Gert and I had a phone conversation yesterday afternoon – and I told her of a conversation on facebook several months ago. A woman I used to babysit is now a mom of 2. She just had her second child a couple of months ago. Her oldest is going on 2 years old. She posted a curious thing on facebook – how she wants to just take a bite out of Hanna. Her friends (her age group and now moms themselves) agreed. – Disgusting? Absolutely not! – After I told Gert this – I said, and she agreed – don’t we all just love to nuzzle a baby? – I well remember changing Gert’s kid’s diapers and then placing my face on their tummies – and giving them raspberries – and gently tickling them, and then going “rar, rar, rar,” and pretend to bite them – I think it’s the most natural thing in the world! And I did it to my baby brother too! And Joan’s kids. Geez – I do it to this day to my cat! – and he loves it! I bury my face in his fur – and he in turn gives me little nips with his teeth on my chin and the tip of my nose. – Imagine that! An entity that didn’t give birth to another entity – and yet they still have that most natural nuzzling/kissing/lightly tasting thing called LOVE!
No, Pippin, my cat didn’t give birth to me, yet he still “tastes” me. I didn’t give birth to him, yet I still (sort of) taste him. I never had the wonderful gift of giving birth – yet I still have that basic instinct of wanting to nuzzle a baby. – to some degree – now in 1988, my cat Morris was having a litter and I had to be her midwife. Into the palm of my hand came out the cutest little black cat. Samantha was born into my hand. And I held her as Morris cleaned her with her tongue. Samantha and I were very affectionate to each other thru the years and in 2004, when it was her time to leave this world, I held her in my arms and nuzzled her while the vets gave her the shot that put her down. She came into this world into my hand, and that’s how she left this world. With me holding and nuzzling her and telling her I loved her.
Why won’t you adoptees give that loving boon to infertile women and adoptive women? Are you all dried up prunes that you can’t understand LOVE? That the pre-requiste for LOVE is giving birth? I love my husband – I didn’t give birth to him. What the hell is the matter with you adoptees? Just because YOU are incapable of love doesn’t give you the right to deny it to others.
A lesson of self-worth to disolveme – get some joy February 4, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.Tags: Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, disolveme adult adoptees advocating for change, healing yourself, self worth, self-esteem, self-love, self-sabotage
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okay, I know the purpose of my own blog is not to be bashing The Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, but I just read something over there and this HAS to be addressed!
First, this group is a bunch of spiteful, hate-filled, self-proclaimed angry adoptees who do nothing but spout hate at adoptive parents and infertile women. They claim they are a “support” group, yet I see little evidence of support.
Case in point: what I found tonight.
from member Disolveme
Disolveme
For those who believe..
in a God or higher being. I recently read somewhere, that the relationship you have with your father, can effect the way you view your relationship with God.
It wasn’t something I’d ever thought about, but in my case it’s so true. Just another way for adoptee’s to be screwed hey.
I expect to be nothing, to be rejected, unwanted, not good enough etc. With a very abusive adoptive father, who on a good day, pretended I didn’t exist. Didn’t speak to me, or acknowledge my presence, even if we sat at the same table. Expecting anything different from a being who has more worthy people to care for…ie anyone but me, isn’t so crazy.
Any thoughts on the subject?
Non believers, everyone welcome to post…each to their own an all that.
back to Ruth:
Here is a person who says that she is not expecting anything different from a being (a god or a supreme being) who has more worthy people to care for. Her post is answered by a couple of more adoptees,saying more or less the same thing. One did say she had a good relationship with her afather, therefore she has a good relationship with God. Another person asked to see the full article that disolveme cited. Did no one see what disolvme said? That GOD HAS MORE WORTHY PEOPLE THAN HER TO CARE FOR?
Where is the SUPPORT for this person? And look at her username: DISOLVEME! She wants to dissolve into nothing! And her fellow adoptees are not even supporting her by saying ‘Hold on a minute. It doesn’t matter what your afather said or didn’t say to you – YOU ARE A WORTHY PERSON. YOU MATTER!
Well, Dissolveme, if you want some dam self worth- you are NOT going to find it at that forum. Because all those other adoptees wallow in their own low self-esteem. One person with a low self-esteem canNOT help another person with low esteem. The only thing around that needs to be dissolved is that hateful forum. It is doing Joan no dam good. It didn’t no dam good for Steffi – and it sure as hell ain’t doing disolvme any dam good.
If they can’t tell you dissolveme any dam words of encouragement – then I sure will! – from the poem Desiderata:
YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE, NO LESS THAN THE TREES OR THE STARS – YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE.
and now MY words D. – YOU MATTER. YOU HAVE WORTH. YOU ARE WORTHY. I DON’T KNOW YOU BUT DAMMIT GET OFF YOUR ASS AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SAY TO YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE WORTHY TO YOURSELF. GOD HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT – YOU HAVE THE POWER WITHIN YOURSELF.
The more you tell yourself you are unwanted, you are not worthy, you are not good enough and expect to be rejected – that is what you are going to get in this world. You are a victim of a bunch of negative programming and you need to stop that shit and stop it right now! Look in the dam mirror and say to yourself: I’M SMART ENOUGH, I’M GOOD ENOUGH, AND DOGGONE IT PEOPLE LIKE ME. – that may have been a joke on Saturday Night Live – but it is the dam TRUTH!
or maybe you’d like this affirmation: I AM CALM, SERENE, AND CONNECTED TO THE UNIVERSE. Everytime you hear yourself putting yourself down, say one of those affirmations (or any one of a whol bunch you can find on the internet) and reprogram your mind – rid yourself of your bad habit of putting yourself down. Because if you’re in your own bathroom feeling like that, the only person who made you feel that way is .. YOU!
CHANGE COMES FROM WITHIN – NOW DAMMIT DISOLVEME – DISSOLVE THAT DESTRUCTIVE ATTITUDE AND LIVE LIFE THE WAY IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE LIVED – IN JOY. NOBODY CAN GIVE IT TO YOU – YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT TO YOURSELF. NOW GET GOING GIRLFRIEND!
Like this:
Adoptees identifying with Batman and The Hulk (yes, Joan Wheeler is among them) – but Batman and The Hulk were not adopted. -hey – didn’t they ever hear of Superman? February 3, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world.Tags: adoption, Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, Batman, idiocy, mental instability, nonsense, stupidity, Superman, The Hulk
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Gert posted this most excellant post over at her blog. I just had to reblog it over here. Because it is so informational.
First: in my comment I admitted that I didn’t Deeply Read Gert’s post. So I will explain.
Over at the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, one of the so-called “adult” adoptees admitted to identifying with the comic characters Batman and The Hulk. (ah, wait, don’t condemn them just yet – let me do that.). Then Joan, jumps on the bandwagon and says the same thing. – I have posted before that Joan doesn’t have any original thoughts – she just reads an interesting item and rephrases it.
ADOPTEES: why are you identifying with Batman and The Hulk? They were NOT adopted! – roflmao – they are just watching the new movies and have not a clue as to what they are talking about. As usual. anyways, here’s Gert post:
How does Joan Wheeler grieve her losses? Over and over and over again!
Grieving our losses, like DP said, is not a one time thing and really must be done over and over.
My mother died a few months after my birth, so I know how it feels to imagine her pregnant and giving birth, and then dying. I do have a few pictures of her, but it’s not enough. Every year on her birthday, I wish her a happy birthday. And every year on the anniversary of her death, I silently retreat into a private space, even if I’m in a crowd. Sometimes, my feelings are numb and I can’t feel. Other times, my feelings overwhelm me and I shake with intense saddness and sob. Songs will spark an emotion and I’m longing for the family I lost at the time our mother died. I can’t imagine what our father must have gone through. He told me of his feelings over the years of our reunion and he cried, feeling guilty that he couldn’t have taken better care of his pregnant wife, that my brother was sick with a cough, and his other children stayed at home with our grandparents while our father and a neighbor took my mother and brother to two separate hosptials. I think of the strain our father was in, and I think of how frightened my mother must have been to be that sick and pregnant at the same time. After my birth, she was told she was dying. How terribly awful that must have been for her.
Each time I look in the mirror, I see parts of my mother and my father. Yes, it helps to know what features come from which parent, but it doesn’t relieve the pain of separation. I don’t like beinig alone at night. I can’t get to sleep unless I read for a bit to try to block my racing thoughts. Or, I do deep breathing. I try to see a different movie in my mind, something else, something calming. And when I wake up, I wake up in anxiety over the losses. It is a moment by moment acceptance of what has happened. It is constant work. Happiness, for me, is fleeting. A freind of mine said for me to practice gratitude, but that just puts me in the place of being grateful for being adopted, which doesn’t help, as we know. Still, I am grateful that I have my children and that I know my story. Sometimes, you just have to sob and shake until the tears stop. It is an uncomfortable way to live. Identifying with Batman, or the Hulk, or any other charachter out there also helps because at least you see that perhaps someone else is feeling those losses, too.
Gert’s comments:
My gods, it’s worst than I thought!
What the fuck!!! Identifying with Batman, the Hulk!! Okay some one else, on the thread, had mentioned these characters but why, why, even give such nonsense a voice! these characters are from comic books…is there NO real human being that these idiots can IDENTIFY with? and learn how to deal with pain and grief?
And this is a grown woman who says she is a SOCIAL WORKER and wants to help REFORM ADOPTION, who goes out in the cyber-world and beats people up because they are pro-adoption! No wonder Joan and all those that she ‘grieves’ with are messed up!
Joan obviously has some serious mental issues that have nothing to do with grieving.
GOOD GRIEF!!
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roflmao!
identifying with a comic book character! Gert- you should be ashamed of yourself. – Comic book characters are good people to emulate. I’m just wondering why Joan didn’t connect with Kal-el (Superman) – because he not only lost his family and home planet – he was (gasp) ADOPTED by the Kents. His identity torn away and given a new name – Clark Kent. lol.
You know, I also suffered from THE LOSS OF MY MOTHER – at age 3 and a half. I also have my moments of sadness. But geez –
as to MY comic book heroines – I looked up to Saturn Girl, Supergirl/Kara, Wonder Woman/Diana Price, and Lois Lane. Vampirella and Brenda Starr. Women with careers – strong women. Women who took no shit. Women who also suffered losses but overcame them to have a life.
Joan – GET A F’ING LIFE! Because this nonsense about connecting to Batman and The Hulk is ridiculous. Batman witnessed his parents murdered in from of him as a child – you did not..(and little Bruce Wayne knew his parents – you didn’t. Bruce was never adopted – he was raised by relatives, – you were not).
The Hulk is The Hulk due to an overdose of gamma rays – you were not exposed to gamma rays. Bruce Banner, as far as we know, had a normal childhood with his birthparents. so again, this doesn’t apply to you.
Don’t try to talk to me about comic books – I’ve been a comic collector my whole life – I know all about them. For Joan to say she identifies with Batman and the Hulk just shows us she is spouting more garbage and lies.
Gert – I haven’t seen this thread – let me guess – some other idiot adoptee mentioned Batman and The Hulk and Joan, with no original thoughts of her own, just jumped on the bandwagon – I guarantee it. She’s a fool. And I can see right through her idiocy.
Gert here: Hey, I’m NOT against comic books or their heros, male or female. I’ll admit that I don’t know ALL there is to know about the art…hey, it took me decades to UNDERSTAND Star Wars!! and now I love it! The only ‘fantasy’ I read and know is LORD OF THE RINGS and all related stories…and they are based on factual historical mythology, legends and language….so give me a little slack!
I picked up on the fact, as Ruth did, that Joan did not have the ORIGINAL thought, about Batman and the Hulk…which BTW I have NEVER SEEN, again begging your pardon. As you can see, by Joan’s own words, she is REPEATING what someone else said. My point is…is…there any other charactor that can be used to identify with…someone that the rest of the world knows?
Besides that and my own ignorance of the world of comics and their charactors, I am glad that Ruth has enlightened us AGAIN as to the finer points that Joan and the other adoptees have missed by NOT including Superman! Hey, he’s a fine example of an ADOPTEE who overcame his circumstances and who doesn’t show his anger at the rest of the world. Superman actually DOES something worthwhile by helping people. Angry adoptees, Joan, why are you NOT like Superman?
ty Debbie.
by the way – Spiderman (Peter Parker) was bullied in high school. His first girlfriend, Gwen Stacey, was murdered. Peter never succumbed to the “Woe is me” mentality.
Peter was an orphan – he was raised by his elderly Aunt May and Uncle Benjamin. His Uncle Ben taught him; “With great power comes great responsiblity.”
The adoptees have power – with their forum. Despite it’s name “Advocating for Change” – they wallow in their self-pity and other than their wanting open birth records, I see very little “change” – all I see is hate, belittlement of adoptive parents and birth mothers who have given up thier children. they cut birth mothers who relinquish NO slack – no sort of understanding that the birth mothers are flawed human beings. All the adoptees can do is whine “what about MEeeeee.” Well what about the pain the mother went through? What about the pain infertile women go thru? – no, another human being’s pain means NOTHING to them. Joan included. It’s always JOAN’S pain. She never understood that her birth sisters had pain as well. – Pain which had NOTHING TO DO WITH HER ADOPTION.
With great power comes great responsibility. Think about it. And Adoptees – think about what you did last year to Steffi. An adopted person,transgender, very confused,came to your forum. In looking at Steffi’s posts – I could see his/her pain. Yes, Steffi kinda took over the General Discussion threads. Instead of an administrator sending Steffi a private message and telling her to tone it down- the adoptees held Steffi up to ridicule – yes – THEY BULLIED STEFFI – AN ADOPTEE WHO HAD COME TO THEM FOR HELP!
And they claim that their forum is to HELP adoptees? What help did they give Steffi? NONE! Because she didn’t think like they did. She was a transgender – she was beyond thier scope – but instead of helping her – they BULLIED her off the boards! disgusting.
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speaking of a lack of responsiblity – here’s another gem from the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change:
Marina7131
Re: Feel like I don’t belong
« Reply #4 on: Today at 05:44:18 PM »I feel the exact same, I’m also waiting to search for my birth parents until I’m older and on my own. I despise my sister who is also adopted as well. Family gatherings are the worst just high lights the differences.
Ruth here:
Marina doesn’t say WHY she despises her sister, who also is an adoptee. She just says she despises her. WHY – WHY do these adoptees HATE so much? To HATE another adoptee! oh geez – this one is really warped. – well apparently the thread was about differences – like an adoptee with blue eyes and blonde hair adopted by people of darker coloring – the adoptee doesn’t feel like they belong and begins DESPISING people. – even another adopted child. Who know has to deal with THEIR feelings of “not belonging” but the hatred of someone she has to see every day. Do you adoptees not see the destructiveness that abounds on your forum? All you people do is feed off each other. sick puppies – all of them. They need some dam prozac.
some new posts on Gert’s blog February 2, 2012
Posted by gertmcqueen in Uncategorized.comments closed
