Joan Wheeler’s condemnation of her birth sister Ruth smacks of stupid judgment – and Ruth turns the tables right back on Joan. September 23, 2011

In Gert’s post “Joan Wheeler’s attempts at ‘Mending the Broken Pieces of Our Lives’” Gert discusses something that Joan addresses on page 370, about a piece of hate mail  that Joan received in the year 2000, which of course, she attributes to — you guessed it – ME.

WHY is it always ME?  The writing is not mine. Joan does say the note MIGHT have  come from my friend.

I got news for you Joan – if you are writing a NON-fiction book, you can’t have MIGHTS in this book. You either present the FACTS or you don’t. My friend just might be taking you to court for this. – Remember the guidelines set forth by Trafford to prospective writers about slander – “If a person can recognize themself in the work, you can be sued for slander.” And since it takes no rocket scientist for “Brenda” to recognize herself and “Brenda’s” best friend – we know who you’re talking about.

And this postcard, that Joan received, has two different handwritings on it – and neither handwriting is mine, nor my friend’s.

And I just love how Joan describes me and my friend – “their language reflected the lifestyle they had chosen.”

 EXCUSE ME? How dare Joan say such a thing? MY lifestyle? What does that mean Joan? Are you saying because I use cuss words I am a tramp? I’m not the only person who uses cuss words.

 Well, Joan, by that definition, YOU condemned YOURSELF and every person on The Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change – because YOU, Joan, called me “fuckhead” on a post there. Your good friend Mara swears regularly over there and on other websites. Mara even came to my blog and told me to go F myself.

 Using swear words should NOT be a condemnation of a person’s lifestyle. And it is a judgment call on Joan’s part. Well, Joan, as I pointed out, since YOU have a filthy mouth and all the “adult” adoptees on that forum also have filthy mouths, let’s use YOUR own judgments Joan. Your filthy mouths are reflections of the lifestyles YOU adoptees have chosen.

 But as we see again and again, Joan simply MUST show her sisters, and RUTH in particular as being a pig or worse. (After all, she did call me swine on her website).  And Joan did she say in her book that I lived in the inner city and that people living in the inner city were trash.  Trash? Well, for a period of time (1988-1990) Joan herself lived in the Inner City. Again, using JOAN’S own judgment, residents of the Inner City are trash. And since Joan lived in the inner city, she is calling herself trash.

 So, let’s see, MY lifestyle – right. This past Sunday, Sept. 18, marked my 39th anniversary of my being hired as a nurses’ aide. All at the same facility. I have worked the night shift, 11pm – 7am all those years, (except for 4years in the 70′s when I had to get up at 5am). I have done hands on patient care. I have worked in various medical/surgical nursing units throughout the hospital. In the late 80′s, I worked on the cardiac floor, and a step-down respiratory unit, then 4 years in the medical intensive care unit. Then I worked 5 years on the gyn/floor which also include 7 beds assigned for hospice. Since the year 2000, I have worked on the renal/kidney transplant floor.

 In 1995, I served on a committee that helped redesign patient care. In 1996 I attended union steward training classes. In 1999 I attended classes which earned my New York State Certification. Three years ago, I attended classes and am now a Patient Care Assistant – which means I do more work. In addition to nurse aide duties, I am now a phlebotomist.

 During the past 39 years, I have gained the respect from my co-workers throughout the hospital. Aides, nurses, supervisors and doctors have given me their respect.

 In my personal life, from 1980, when I first began taking lessons, to the mid-90′s, I was a professional Middle Eastern Dancer, and also served on the Board of Directors of The Beledi Club.

 In the mid-90′s, I began to explore local politics – With my husband and a few friends on my street, I organized a Clean-Up Campaign, organized a Rodent Control Petition to be submitted to the mayor of Buffalo. In 1997, under the Newburgh Coalition of Block Clubs, I organized a Block Club for my street and surrounding area. My husband and I did volunteer work in the Coalition office, manual labor, such as installing drywall, painting, etc. I contributed to the Coalition newsletter, and helped to distribute that. In 1998, after a thorough background check, by the Buffalo Police Department, (which turned up NO arrest record, contrary to Joan’s stating that I have one), I attended class at the Buffalo Police Academy to become a VIABLE volunteer. (Volunteers in Aiding Buffalo Law Enforcement). This enabled me to do man the Police Satellite Station at the Coalition and take in Quality of Life complaints.

 Due to my work in the Coalition, I have attended meetings with the mayor of Buffalo, members of the Buffalo Common Council (of which, one of them, is now my personal friend), and members of the police department.

 I have been urged in the past, by neighbors, extended family members, acquaintances, and even a former Common Council member, to run for political office.

 In the year 2000, I hooked up with some local Star Trek fans and joined their group The USS Ari – a chapter of Starfleet International. I began contributing to the club’s newsletter, finally taking over the newsletter completely in 2005, and in 2009, I became the head of this group.

 During all this, after having bought my house in 1996, and paying off the mortgage in 10 years, I have landscaped my property and done much hands-on improvements. I don’t like to cook. But I can wield a mighty mean reciprocating saw and staple gun. – I’ve always been a bit of a tom-boy! Is this what Joan means? That I don’t dress in dresses? Yeah, I prefer to wear jeans and slacks – so what? So did Katherine Hepburn! And may I remind you – I was a belly dancer – one of the most graceful and sensuous dances around. I can be a lady – or a construction worker! Just because I don’t like to cook, doesn’t mean that I can’t cook. I can cook very well.

 On my job, I give encouragement and compassion. I have held the hands of the dying. And comforted their families. I have cradled the mother who just miscarried her baby. I have rejoiced with my patients when their organ transplant is successful, and cried with them when it has failed. Yeah, I empty bedpans. So did Dr. Christian Barnard, the surgeon who performed the world’s first heart transplant. He worked as a male nurse’s aide in his pre-med days, working his way thru college.

 From 1975 – 1985, I was with a most amazing man from Yemen. He didn’t have much of a formal education, but he was so intelligent. He taught me so much. And encouraged me in many things. He was not your typical stereotype of an Arab man – no, Abdo respected my independence – even encouraged me. Even after we amicably broke up, and he returned to his homeland, when he came back to Buffalo in 1994, he was still a good friend to me and my present husband. so much so, that when he died in 2003, even my present husband John broke down and cried.

 John – I can’t even begin to write about him. For if I did, I’d never stop typing. Suffice it to say that he has been my best friend from 1978 to now.

I really believe that Joan’s putting down my lifestyle has more to do with her BEING JEALOUS OF ME, then an accusation. I have had two amazing husbands, who never cheated on me. (Joan’s marriage was full of infidelitys, from both sides). Both my husbands always held down jobs, and even when they were laid off, (the Arab guy too), pitched in and did the housework. Both my husbands placed me on a pedestal, while Joan’s husband did not. Right around the time Joan’s marriage was falling apart (1990-1994) was the same time Joan was actively trying to break me and John up. It was during this same time, Joan was calling my place of employment trying to get me fired.

 Getting back to that obscene note that Joan puts in her book. – Gert postulates that perhaps Joan, in her mental madness wrote the note herself. There is that possibility. Joan is certainly quite capable of that kind of subterfuge. She did after all, forge a letter, pretending to be her own 10 year old son, and sent that letter to me. Joan is always playing games with the post office. In letters to my cousin Gail and me, Joan has deliberately put down the wrong zip-codes in return addresses.  For example, in one harassing letter she sent to Gail, it was correctly addressed to Gail, but the return address was Joan’s name, but the street address, city and zipcode was Gail’s. This way, if Gail marked “return to sender”, the post office would send it right back to Gail. Joan did the same to me. In 1999, Joan even used a friend’s address, WITHOUT HER FRIEND’S KNOWLEDGE OR PERMISSION – to send me a letter telling me that my husband had gotten the next-door neighbor pregnant.

 In reading the obscene note, there are references to “I smell fish. Summer’s Eve and Mr. Clean. And an accusation of Joan being a “Hoe.” Joan seems stuck on that word Hoe. Earlier this year, I had rebutted an online comment of Joan. She had used one of her screen names HalfOrphan. I began my rebuttal using the complete name HalfOrphan, but then shortened it to HO. I had no intention of calling her a whore. But she went on the Adult Adoptees forum and said that I did. I pointed out that there are chocolate cakes called Ho-HO’s. But what does Joan see? – Whore.

 Who sent that card to Joan? I don’t know. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t my friend, who incidentally also has a very good lifestyle, having worked in a mortgage title company, a paralegal, and as a receptionist in the x-ray department in a hospital run by the Buffalo CATHOLIC Hospitals. As a single mom, she raised her son, who is now, at the age of 22, working in his uncles’ home construction company. Her son, unlike many of his age group, has never been in trouble with the law or done drugs or other stupid things. He is a very caring young man, who once, when I was taking care of him (when he was 10 years old), I was snoozing on the couch, went upstairs, got a blanket, and tucked me in.

 Yes, I live in the inner city. And I have seen many things, including a young man being shot to death right in front of my house. Later in the police station, I comforted his family, including his grandmother, who witnessed his slaughter. I have fought with the drug dealers and others in my neighborhood, making my neighborhood a cleaner, safer place to live. And what does Joan do? She actually puts me down in her book for this!

There are three possible scenarios for this postcard. Number One – how do we really know that Joan REALLY received this note (and indeed other pieces of hate mail she reports) in the mail? She does not give us a picture of the envelope. Number Two – how do we know that Joan didn’t have a friend (or friends, because there IS two different handwriting on it) write this thing out, Joan photocopied it for the book, just to portray ME as a disgusting piece of slime. OR Number Three – a pissed off wife or girlfriend of one of Joan’s many liaisons could have sent it. With the references to Joan’s anatomy – there is that distinct possibility.

 Joan reports that I have sent her some harassing letters. No, any letters I sent her were in response to garbage that I had received from her. I just spent several days scanning those letters into my computer. Yes, I kept the originals, having sent Joan only the photocopies of what I wrote. I have also transcribed them. Yes, there are some “cuss” words contained in my letters. But you will be shocked to read what I wrote – not shocked at my use of colorful metaphors, but what my letters allude to – Joan’s own rotten behavior and harassing letters that she sent to me. I also have some letters that Joan sent, and some letters from another family member. These will be posted to this blog in time. They will knock your socks off.

In a phone conversation I had with Joan’s ex-husband in 1998, I mentioned that I was just putting anything Joan sent me in a box. Apparently he told Joan this because in a nasty email to me in 2004, Joan says “I don’t care how much paperwork you have against me.”

 Oh, Joan, you arrogant little weasel, you will care. Because people will see the “real” you. And they will see just who the bully has been all these years – YOU, JOAN WHEELER – YOU!

1. gertmcqueen – September 24, 2011

Gert here:
Well said Ruth…you have given us a very good summary of some of your accomplishments in a ‘upward mobility’ kind of way…you have worked to improve yourself and your quality of life and you take no nonsense from fools and idiots…