Wisdom from Dr. Who on altering facts. March 19, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.comments closed
Altering facts is stupid. Because it cannot be done. The facts are the facts.
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off bog topic – Women’s Rights being superseded by the Republican Candidates – don’t let them do it. March 15, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Lessons in Life.comments closed
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Cap’n Ruth Herr Sippel PaceDavid takes a stand for Women’s Rights – are you with us? Because if you’re not – then you are saying your mother, the person who gave you life itself is worthless. Or your daughter – or your sister, or your female relatives and friends. That’s half the human race for goddess’ sake!
Regular readers here know that I stand for the civil rights of all people. In the past, I’ve focused on the marriage rights of same-sex couples. (If you’re against marriage equality, do us both a favor and defriend me, I won’t be friends with someone who thinks my civil rights are negotiable.)But underneath homophobia is something much more pernicious. The root cause of homophobia is misogyny — an inability to recognize and cherish women as equal partners in the human adventure. Beyond that, misogyny is an irrational desire to subjugate and dehumanize women.
It’s evil.
I stand for the rights of women. And any male who wants to think of himself as a real man should make the same stand — to stand as an equal partner with his mother, his sister, his daughters, his family, his friends and his neighbors.
Any man who talks about “pussy” and “broads” and “ho’s” and “sluts” and other disrespectful terms — that’s not a real man, that’s a child, a terminal adolescent, a snickering buffoon sneaking a cigarette in the boys’ bathroom while drawing stupid pictures on the walls of the stall. He’s not a grownup, not an adult, and certainly not someone who’s yet capable of recognizing what equality and partnership really mean.
That we even have to have this conversation is a national disgrace.
But when republican candidates talk about eliminating Planned Parenthood, destroying a woman’s right to choose, and eliminating opportunities even for necessary medicine — something is wrong. When republican pundits (like Ann Coulter) say that women shouldn’t even vote, it sounds like we’ve fallen into a tragic time warp of astonishing ignorance.
This pernicious misogyny reveals the squalid patriarchal forces at work behind the republican machinery — a desire to push this nation into an ugly theocratic mindset that will push us into a new dark ages.
Anyone who cherishes liberty — who understands that “liberty and justice for all” must be a commitment in absolute fact — should look long and hard at what the republican candidates are saying.
Over here, I say it’s not just wrong, it’s long past wrong — now it’s evil. If you have a mother, a wife, a daughter, a woman in your life who you love and cherish — will you stand against those who would deny them equality?
That’s where I stand.
a couple of good quotes that Joan Wheeler needs to study and learn – then maybe she wouldn’t be always be in so much trouble and turmoil. March 14, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.comments closed
“Free speech, whether it’s online or on the air, carries with it the possibility that others will hold you accountable for your speech. Ignore that at your own risk.” – David Gerrold
“The first duty of every Starfleet officer is to the truth, whether if it’s scientific truth or historical truth or personal truth. It is the guiding principle on which Starfleet is based.” – Captain Jean-Luc Picard (from a fictional character on TV (Star Trek The Next Generation, but still damn good words!)
A lesson of self-worth to disolveme – get some joy February 4, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.Tags: Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, disolveme adult adoptees advocating for change, healing yourself, self worth, self-esteem, self-love, self-sabotage
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okay, I know the purpose of my own blog is not to be bashing The Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, but I just read something over there and this HAS to be addressed!
First, this group is a bunch of spiteful, hate-filled, self-proclaimed angry adoptees who do nothing but spout hate at adoptive parents and infertile women. They claim they are a “support” group, yet I see little evidence of support.
Case in point: what I found tonight.
from member Disolveme
Disolveme
For those who believe..
in a God or higher being. I recently read somewhere, that the relationship you have with your father, can effect the way you view your relationship with God.
It wasn’t something I’d ever thought about, but in my case it’s so true. Just another way for adoptee’s to be screwed hey.
I expect to be nothing, to be rejected, unwanted, not good enough etc. With a very abusive adoptive father, who on a good day, pretended I didn’t exist. Didn’t speak to me, or acknowledge my presence, even if we sat at the same table. Expecting anything different from a being who has more worthy people to care for…ie anyone but me, isn’t so crazy.
Any thoughts on the subject?
Non believers, everyone welcome to post…each to their own an all that.
back to Ruth:
Here is a person who says that she is not expecting anything different from a being (a god or a supreme being) who has more worthy people to care for. Her post is answered by a couple of more adoptees,saying more or less the same thing. One did say she had a good relationship with her afather, therefore she has a good relationship with God. Another person asked to see the full article that disolveme cited. Did no one see what disolvme said? That GOD HAS MORE WORTHY PEOPLE THAN HER TO CARE FOR?
Where is the SUPPORT for this person? And look at her username: DISOLVEME! She wants to dissolve into nothing! And her fellow adoptees are not even supporting her by saying ‘Hold on a minute. It doesn’t matter what your afather said or didn’t say to you – YOU ARE A WORTHY PERSON. YOU MATTER!
Well, Dissolveme, if you want some dam self worth- you are NOT going to find it at that forum. Because all those other adoptees wallow in their own low self-esteem. One person with a low self-esteem canNOT help another person with low esteem. The only thing around that needs to be dissolved is that hateful forum. It is doing Joan no dam good. It didn’t no dam good for Steffi – and it sure as hell ain’t doing disolvme any dam good.
If they can’t tell you dissolveme any dam words of encouragement – then I sure will! – from the poem Desiderata:
YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE, NO LESS THAN THE TREES OR THE STARS – YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE.
and now MY words D. – YOU MATTER. YOU HAVE WORTH. YOU ARE WORTHY. I DON’T KNOW YOU BUT DAMMIT GET OFF YOUR ASS AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SAY TO YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE WORTHY TO YOURSELF. GOD HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT – YOU HAVE THE POWER WITHIN YOURSELF.
The more you tell yourself you are unwanted, you are not worthy, you are not good enough and expect to be rejected – that is what you are going to get in this world. You are a victim of a bunch of negative programming and you need to stop that shit and stop it right now! Look in the dam mirror and say to yourself: I’M SMART ENOUGH, I’M GOOD ENOUGH, AND DOGGONE IT PEOPLE LIKE ME. – that may have been a joke on Saturday Night Live – but it is the dam TRUTH!
or maybe you’d like this affirmation: I AM CALM, SERENE, AND CONNECTED TO THE UNIVERSE. Everytime you hear yourself putting yourself down, say one of those affirmations (or any one of a whol bunch you can find on the internet) and reprogram your mind – rid yourself of your bad habit of putting yourself down. Because if you’re in your own bathroom feeling like that, the only person who made you feel that way is .. YOU!
CHANGE COMES FROM WITHIN – NOW DAMMIT DISOLVEME – DISSOLVE THAT DESTRUCTIVE ATTITUDE AND LIVE LIFE THE WAY IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE LIVED – IN JOY. NOBODY CAN GIVE IT TO YOU – YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT TO YOURSELF. NOW GET GOING GIRLFRIEND!
Like this:
from Gert McQueen’s blog: Do some adoptees, that have mental illness, get it from their genes or environment or because they are adopted? Joan Wheeler presents her views! November 7, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Lessons in Life, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunion, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, contradictions, cowardice, embellishing the truth, emotional abuse, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, mental illness, mental instability, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, stupidity, theft, whining
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« on: October 24, 2011, 03:28:47 PM »
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Nancy Verrier’s other book, Coming Home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up, is one that ought to be given to any therapist who treats an adoptee. Verrier addresses the core issues of abandonment and loss. On page 429: “…proceeds from the separation trauma. It would be a huge mistake to try to untangle the adoptee’s relationship to the adoptive parents without understanding of the lens through which the adoptee views them. All other relationships in the adoptee’s life will be misunderstood as well. Something devastating happened to him which makes him distrust close relationships.” … “Instead of pathologizing society’s penchant for separating babies and their mothers, we pathologize the victims of a grave wrongdoing… We need to normalize the adoptee’s and the birth mother’s responses to this separation or at least come up with a better diagnosis, because what is happening is that inaccurate diagnoses are resulting in poor or harmful treatment.” “Many adoptees have been diagnosed with personality disorders simply as a result of the ignorance of the helping professions….The most notorious is the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. This term is frequently used within the mental health profession as little more than (page 430) a sophisticated insult…..Adoptees are not Borderlines!” Basically, adoptees do not split in their minds. Adoptees actually do have two mothers and two fathers. (my words) On page 448: “This brings us to a more accurate diagnosis for what adoptees and birth mothers are suffering from —- post-traumatic stress disorder. …trauma is based in reality, unlike other psychological disorders, trauma is based on a true experience.” Get the book and ask your therapist to read it.
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“All other relationships in the adoptee’s life will be misunderstood as well..
Really? – What I UNDERSTAND is that when I was reunited with my adopted-out birth sister Joan Wheeler, after I opened my life and arms and heart to her is that is was clear that her morals and values were NOT like mine, or other members of my family. We were raised not to steal, not to lie, to treat people with kindness. Unlike Joan. I don’t know where she learned it from – but just a few years after our reunion she turned into a bitch.
She lied to me, manipulated me, stole from me, harassed me, set me up to phone her by sending me forged letters and greeting cards, (and when I phoned, she hung up on me, then told the police that it was ME who was placing annoyance phone calls), then she called my job to get me fired, tried to break me and my fiance up, wrote letters to his mother trashing me, wrote letters to elected officials, called child abuse on herself, implicating me, sent me a letter telling me my infertile husband got the next door neighbor pregnant, writes a book full of slander and libel. – Sooo what’s to understand?
So, let me get this straight – in Nancy Verrier’s book, Coming Home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up, she says, “Many adoptees have been diagnosed with personality disorders simply as a result of the ignorance of the helping professions”
I don’t need to have doctorate as a “helping profession” (does she mean psyciatrists, psychologists, mental health counselors), to know that WRONGFUL THINGS were done to me by an out-of-control person who refuses to grow up.
As for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – many many people suffer from it. But that does not give ANYbody an excuse to break the law, harass other people, bully other people, or generally be a total idiot. My husband is a Vietnam Veteran who has PTSD and still somehow holds down a job, owns a house, takes care of the house and me, is a law-abiding person, does not bully or bother anyone. So don’t give that crap that Joan Wheeler’s behavioral problems needs to be “understood.” BULL! She’s a trouble-making liar, plain and simple as that.
so getting back to the queston on the forum: “If you are diagnosed mentally ill…. do you feel it is genetics, crazy upbringing by aparents or is it just the life on an adoptee? where do you think it comes from.” – – I don’t care where it comes from – all I know is that I have been used and abused by Joan Wheeler and I don’t give a damn about any so-called “trauma” Joan has endured – from anything – all I know is IT DOES NOT GIVE HER THE RIGHT TO TURN AROUND AND TRAUMATIZE ME.
I was NOT traumatized by HER adoption! so get that thought right out of your heads. I suffered from the loss of MY mother. Then my father’s disastrous second marriage. Yet, I managed to grow up into a law-abiding person, who is contributing member of society, a person who has held down the same job in the same facility for 39 years, who saw disinetgrating quality of life issues on my street (drug use, litter, rodents) and organized a block club and worked with local government officials to correct those problems. And for that – Joan ridicules me in her book. What asshole ridicules a person who is trying to better American society? Joan Wheeler – that’s who. Oh, I’m SORRY, poor little Joan was adopted, and despite the title of that book (adoptees grow up) – Joan Wheeler will NEVER grow up. – excuse me while I go puke.
It’s so much easier to place the blame on someone or something else when you fuck up.
“The devil made me do it.” – No, YOU made you do it.
“You made do it.” – No, YOU made you do it.
“My rotten childhood made me do it.” No, YOU made you do it.
“My adoptive parents made me do it.” No, YOU made you do it.
We are human and we will all make mistakes. The point is, when you make a mistake, own up to it. There is no devil, no other person, be they your parent (adopted or birth), other family member, boss, rude cashier at the store, co-worker, customer, neighbor, that can MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT TO DO!
I have said before on my blog – when Joan has written lies about me on the internet – it wasn’t me who forced my way into her house, hold her gunpoint, march her to the computer and “make” her type out lies about me – it was Joan herself, who made the concsious decision to write her lies. And she has gotten caught in some lies, some contradictions on the internet. We have copied and pasted her words, making notes of the dates and place where she said something, and then a few months later, we have seen her contradict herself on the internet. Again, I didn’t hold a gun to her to make her make a liar out of herself. She alone did that. As it was Joan’s conscious decision all these years to commit those harassments against me and others. She just doesn’t have the courage and backbone to stand up for herself and admit it. She’s a sniveling little coward and will just lay all the blame on me and her other sisters for the failure of our reunion. Or blame someone else.
There’s a cute little thing about blame – when you point a finger at someone, look at your hand, you will see your other fingers all pointing back at — YOU!
Stop with the whining, the blaming, the nonsense that “I was adopted, I can’t help myself” bullshit. ‘Cos that’s all it is – BULLSHIT!
And if you’re mentally ill, for god’s sake, take your damn medications so you won’t be a nuisance to other. Because we all have busy lives and we don’t have time for you losers. Maybe you didn’t ask to be mentally ill, and for that, I’m genuinely sorry, just like I feel bad for people with MS, cancer, cystic fibrosis. HOWEVER, my sympathy stops when you make MY life miserable and then turn around gleefully and say, “It’s not my fault – I got PTSD!” – ‘cos I don’t buy that excuse either.
A lesson in email protocol – and some person with a doctorate in education needs to get edumacated! (and grow up and learn some manners) November 3, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.comments closed
On October 17, 2011 I wrote a blog post titled: Translating your emotions into internet text can be fraught with dangers, misinterpretations, and people just need to chill out.
It came about because of an email exchange I had with a 33 year old relative of mine. I had emailed him about some personal issues. I had written my draft in my Word Document, using a font and size that I always use. When I imported it to my email program and sent it off, I didn’t know it would show up HUGE! (I found out because I had cc’d myself) and when I saw my copy, I did see it was HUGE, but it was a done deal. So this whipper-snapping youngling got all bent out of shape and accused me of internet yelling at him.
He also got bent out of shape because instead of italicizing or underlining or bolding words for emphasis, I had used capital letters. So f’ing sue me! I’m only human – and this is the way I write – I’ve been doing a newsletter for 10 years and that’s what I do – and I’ve never gotten any complaints, instead- I get compliments – and when the former head of our Star Trek fan group sent out copies of our newsletters, nominating different articles for “awards” – many of my articles received awards based on votes from people who were NOT in our group. – Oh no – I just capitalized the word “not” so put the thumbscrews on me!
Also in my email, I referenced an email that he had previously sent to another relative, and he had neglected to use her familial title – AUNT. I told him of his faux pas. The youngling got his nose bent out of shape and proceeded to lecture me that “email protocol dictates that when you answer an email, you address the person they way they signed their original email.” I emailed him back and said that that applies to business correspondence, not family members. And why wasn’t he addressing his family members as family in the first place? What kind of manners does this youngling have? None that I can see. Then he furthers his faux pas by telling me to address HIM by his professional title. In my return email I said that “I do not call my family member Dr. Familymember, no matter how proud I am of him and his accomplishements.” I may be proud of him in that regard but am appalled by his lack of manners, failure to give relatives their just due, and daring to lecture his elders, especially related elders. I said in my previous post that this person does not know me – cos anyone who does, knows that there are certain things I will not stand for – and one of them is being lectured to by someone who is almost half my age!
So today, here was a bit of a radio show talking about email manners and type setting
In past times when people wrote with typewriters it was the usual practice to put two spaces between sentences. But since no one uses typewriters any more and type-setting is done on computers, there is no need to have two spaces between sentences.
The real news on the show was about how to address people in emails, that salutation and closing. So what did I just say this youngling told me? — Well he is all wrong! ANYTHING is acceptable. It depends on whom you are emailing! Just as I pointed out to him…talking to family members and friends are very loose, very informal. The guy on the radio even said that went he emails his wife he never puts a dear or hi before hand and never signs it, I am also correct in that older relatives ought to have their designated ‘title’ used…aunt, uncle, grandma…etc. So the bottom line …the youngling may be a ‘doctor’ but he doesn’t know his manners.
Last Leaf of Autumn November 3, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Dreams, Inconsistent Angel Things, Lessons in Life.comments closed
totally off blog topic.
I wanted to blog yesterday, but was done in by errands, shopping, and the need to leave my van at the mechanic’s. hopefully it won’t cost me an arm and a leg to get it fixed. Life really sucks sometimes.
when this stuff happens, there’s nothing you can do but regroup. here’s a beautiful piece of music – The Last Leaf of Autumn by Grant Wilson. – enjoy. the link will take you to a myspace page – I hope the link works – and just click on the play button.
If Grant’s name sound familiar, you’re more used to seeing him as a paranormal investigator on Sci-fi’s Ghosthunters series.
we paranormal investigators are people with many interests and talents. We don’t get ourselves stuck in one little groove of life – why would anyone do that? There is so much out there to learn – to enjoy – to discover! Anyone who has only one interest in life is a very boring person.
Translating your emotions into internet text can be fraught with dangers, misinterpretations, and people just need to chill out. October 17, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.comments closed
Living with Internet text.
We all know that the internet is an invaluable tool to keep in touch with out of town family members, friends and acquaintances. Internet social mediums such as myspace and facebook have brought millions together. As do the various discussion forums.
There have always been little rules like softening your opinion with little smilies, J to show your mood. A colon : and a parentheses ) together gives you a cute smilie. : )
Another rule is when you capitalize you are in essence yelling or raising your voice. This is usually in chat rooms. In chat rooms, you don’t have the luxury of underlining or italicizing certain words. So lots of times people capitalize a word here and there to emphasize a word, to reflect a tonal inflection.
I put out a bi-monthly newsletter (The Ari Chronicles) for my local Star Trek group. So I do a lot of writing. I have customized my Microsoft Word to have my default font as Tahoma. Size 11. This is because Tahoma is a nice clean font. Size 11 is perfect. Not too big, not too small. When I write an article for The Ari Chronicles, I routinely capitalize words or bold them for emphasis. I’ve been writing articles for the newsletter since the year 2000, and took over the complete newsletter in 2006. I’ve never had a complaint about my style of writing. Or the style of the text, or the formatting. I’ve gotten compliments in fact. This post is in Tahoma style, size 11, imported from Word document, and WordPress imported it just fine.
I have my primary email account through MSN Hotmail. Hotmail uses a default setting of Times New Roman in font 10 or 11. I generally use it when I send out an email. From time to time, I will go in and change the font or text color. But Hotmail is really a pain in the ass to use. It was just fine until about 2 years ago when they upgraded it. They offer Tahoma in size 10, which translates too tiny, and size 12 which translates too big. Hotmail’s Tahoma 12 relates to Word Document Tahoma 14.
I didn’t know this until a couple of weeks ago when I sent out an email. I had written a heartfelt letter to someone. Poured my heart out. It was emotional, dealing with personal issues and human emotions. I typed it out in Word Document just like I do normally and had Hotmail import it. Because I had proofread it before I imported it, I didn’t proofread again. And sent it off.
The recipient took offense over my email and it’s formatting. He said I was yelling at him. I did no such thing. And I took his response as a slap in my face, a hard one in fact.
I have gotten emails from people that have been formatted in gigantic letters! So big only three or four words fit in a single sentence. Some of them were in garish colors that hurt my eyes. Yuck. But I was brought up in the manner that you don’t criticize another person for such silly petty things.
And let’s talk about eyes. I am 59 years old. I have worn eyeglasses since I was a small child. It is a well known medical fact that after the age of 40, macular degeneration sets in. People can no longer focus on print close up. This is why you see older people holding their reading material at arm’s length. So along with my inherited astigmatism, resulting in me needing eyeglasses my entire life, I also have the normal aging macular degeneration. Even with my bi-focals, it is difficult to read little tiny print. Hence, my default setting of size 11 for my Tahoma font.
It was not my fault that Hotmail translated my size 11 Tahoma written missive into a huge print. And I’m not going to apologize for it either.
What pisses me off, is this 33 year old pisspot turns around and starts lecturing me about email protocol. He has no respect for his elders. And a family member at that! My gut instinct tells me, that he needs to be placed over my knee for a good old-fashioned spanking.
Instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, this 33 year old pisspot takes offense and verbalizes his distaste over my font size. And the fact that I capitalized some of my words. What a petty person.
And it shows me he doesn’t know me at all. Everybody who knows me, knows that I am outspoken, and do not hesitate to stand up for myself. There are certain things that I will not tolerate. And being lectured to by someone almost half my age is one of them!
Instead of writing back and saying – “Hey now, next time you email me, watch your font size.” Not a problem. I may be outspoken, but I know I’m human and make mistakes, and when my mistakes are pointed out to me, I will correct them. Because that is how I am. When I fuck up, (which I do occasionally), I will admit it.
Well, that’s it for my rant. Lesson learned for me – those little whipper-snappers, those younglings can’t stand big and bold statements or big and bold fonts. Guess I’ll have to talk down to them from now in a font size that their petty little minds can relate to. How’s this K.? – this is font size 8. Next time, I’ll use font size 4 at him, since he acted like a 4 year old!
Lesson for Joan Wheeler and all other whiny adoptees October 10, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: adoption, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cowardice, dishonesty, Disrespect, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Steve Jobs, stupidity, whining
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Get off your ass and make something of yourself. Nobody else is going to do it for you. Life ain’t easy – you either sink or swim. And if you think somebody is going to throw you a life preserver – you are dead wrong. And shaddup your dam whining. Life is full of pain and disappoinments, so you when shit happens, ya cry a little, mope a little – then you get it on with it! 55 years is just too damn long to be whining about something that happened when you were an infant. Acknowledge your pain, then get on with life!
And if you make a mistake – and everybody does – own up to it. And just because you think YOUR life is miserable – that doesn’t give you the right to make other people’s lives miserable. If you lie about someone, steal from them, act like an asshole around them, and they decide not to be around you – be a damn Woman and own up to the fact that it was because of YOUR actions and words that they can’t stand you.
If you talk shit about people, don’t get all surprised when they talk shit about you in turn.
There is no Prince Charming – the only person who can rescue you is —- YOU!
- RIP and Thank You to Steve Jobs.
Life quote of the day – September 8, 2011 September 8, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.Tags: Life Quotes
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Surround yourself with people who are for you not against you. It’s not about the quantity of friends, it’s about the quality of your friends.
As Joan Wheeler as proved herself to be against me – time and time again – I will not have her around me. I value myself too much to have such a toxic person near me.
Motivational Quote for August 25, 2011 August 25, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.comments closed
“I’ve failed over and over and over again
in my life and that is why I succeed.”
— Michael Jordan: is a former professional basketball player
Motivational Quote of the Day – August 17, 2011 August 17, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life, Uncategorized.comments closed
from Nightingale.com
“Setbacks and stressors are bridges to be crossed to our goals…not barricades to keep us from them.” – Stephen Pierce, Nightingale-Conant author
Change your mind, change your life! Or do you really like being miserable all the time! July 8, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Dreams, Inconsistent Angel Things, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Lessons in Life, Uncategorized.Tags: being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cyberbullying, emotional abuse, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, healing yourself, Lies, meditations, therapy
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by Gert McQueen
It never fails to amaze me just how many people there are that NEED to retell their pathetic versions of their lives, to each other, and the world, INSTEAD of accepting that ‘shit happens’ and move on, from pain to ’having a life’. Personally, I can’t stand SUFFERING, I refuse to suffer and therefore I DON’T SUFFER. It’s all in your mind and your belief system! Hey…I gave up lent for lent! But there are many people who think that that is what life is about…suffering…and so every minute of their existence is painful and they must tell the entire world.
Joan Wheeler, using one of her nicknames of 1adoptee, is never at a loss of words to describe how terrible her life has been, how people have misused her, and how she can never forget nor forgive. Even after spending 35 years of her precious life writing a book about her pain and anguish and having that book removed from the printing press and public sales because of it’s libelous statements against birth and adoptive families, this person, Joan, just can’t STOP YAKKING ABOUT HER PAIN AND ANGER.
There is a mistaken view/opinion that by telling, in so-called ‘support groups’, one’s own horror story it will prevent the same thing from happening to others. This is so terribly wrong! It actually hurts others. It promotes perversity and gives a ‘badge of honor’ to the mental illness that is portrayed by repeating painful situations and outbursts of rage as well as a continued slander against family members. What possible positive thing can occur, for others, to read over and over again about the horrible trials and tribulations of Joan Wheeler? How does all this help bring about ADOPTION REFORM? Individuals that have the power and position to make real changes DO NOT LISTEN to these angry outbursts.
Is there nothing else in Joan’s life that she can discuss besides the hurt and pain that she feels? Damn! she is like a broken record, it never stops, no wonder no one can stay around for long with her. Joan doesn’t want to get better, she doesn’t want a life, because she doesn’t know how to live any other way. Such a waste! Change your mind, change your life!
So here is Joan’s recent thoughts and my comments.
| Re: What never to say to an adoptee « Reply #51 on: June 30, 2011, 01:22:57 PM » |
When my adoptive father died in 1982, after 8 years of my reunion with my natural father and other natural blood kin, an adoptive cousin came up to me as I was getting out of my car to go to my adoptive father’s funeral at the funeral parlor. She said, “You OPENLY declare you have two fathers, therefore, you must not love THIS father. Your other cousins and I decided we don’t want you here!”
I was 26 years old and stood alone. I was raised an only child. My adoptive mother was driven to the funeral parlor by someone else and was unware of what my cousin said to me.
Gert here: And look at the icons she adds to SHOW us how she feels!!! Can you feel her anger, her disbelief, her rage?? She sure wants you to, she wants to make sure that everyone continues to feel it, that is the only thing that keeps her alive; her anger and rage! But…how different a life she could have if only she would…change her mind and change her life! Does her man like to listen to her outbursts? How many men has she had that have left her because of her outbursts? How about her children? Have they stayed with her? Are they happy living with her? Those are the questions that Joan and other adoptees ought to be asking!
Sure, some people are idiots, people say and do lots of stupid, heartless things, but at some point a healthy person LETS GO OF IT and MOVES ON. Over my life-time, and I’m sure in times to come, I have had insensitive people say very hurtful things to me. Their words and deeds are not in my mind for long…they are poison and my body, mind and spirit does not want those poisons, so I release those things and release the poisons. I am happy and content, I have changed my mind and have changed my life, many times over.
I have only been speaking out about Joan since she published that lying book. Until Joan removes the two websites that are a source of continued harassment and slander to the birth family I shall continue to speak out about her. I was very happy before Joan was in my life, and after I banished her from my life when she did dirt to me, and I went back to being happy with not having her in my life after 2 unproductive reconciliation attempts with her. I have been very happy until she wrote a lying book and until she stops talking trash about us, I shall continue to expose her.
Joan, you wrote about the nasty adoptive family already, so drop it, what good does it do to you. Are you happy by keeping this anger and rage? Don’t you ever want to be HEALTHY? Guess Not.
Another thing that Joan keeps saying, as if it excuses so many of her faults, is that she was raised an only child. Joan is incapable of ‘standing up for herself’ at the moment of any form of conflict or disagreement. She states here she was 26 and stood alone, because she was raised an only child….and that proves what? I became an ADULT at age 18 when I married and became a mother!
By the age of 26 if a person can’t stand up for themselves, they never will and here Joan is age 55 and she still is reliving this….CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR WORLD.
She continues on…replying to someone else’s comments here in italic.
Re: What never to say to an adoptee
« Reply #53 on: June 30, 2011, 01:39:54 PM
Quote
“Yes, but it took me years to tell her and even then, she didn’t care. She was very close with the aunt and these cousins and beleived their shit over me anyway.”
About two years before my adoptive mother died, I was thinking about this and the fact that this aunt and my adoptive parents knew I had sisters and brothers when I was adopted, and NO ONE from the adoptive family wanted me to know about them,, so I took this up with my therapist. “Does your mother know how you feel?” was the question. I spent a yar and half crying to my mother about these two issues and she finally said, “But I didn’t say that to you!” (about the comment made at my adoptive father’s funeral). My adoptive mother never appologized for keeping me away from my siblings all of my life. BUt my aunt and my cousins definately felt I was wrong to be in a reunion with my natural father and my siblings. My adoptive mother died this past March. The cousin who made that remark was present in the room when my mother was dying, so was her mother and her sisters. Two sisters appologized and tearfully hugged me as my mother lay dying. My aunt never appologized. My natural father died this past January.
Sorry to hijack the thread, but I just had to answer the question.
Yes,, it still bothers me after all these years. Just goes to show how deeply ingrained prejudice against adoptees goes when your own family hates the fact that I was found and was in reunion since 1974…I was found… I did not search! Fortunately, not all of my adoptive family felt this way, but many others did…
Gert here: Again, a regurgitation of the same old sad story, Joan’s life-long series with a therapist! What a racket! The purpose of therapy is to get better and learn how to deal with issues. But if you are always going to a therapist, by Joan’s statements here and elsewhere she is still, in her late 50′s, going to a therapist. That therapist is sure making money off of Joan! And because Joan is on Social Security Disability, the taxpayers of New York State are paying for Joan’s therapy! They are not helping Joan they are keeping her a slave to therapy and keeping NYS in debt!
If Joan has been seeing a therapist why did Joan have to spend a year and a half crying to her adoptive mother for a comment that that woman never said! That is typical of Joan…browbeat someone else that had nothing to do with the original injury! Joan should have gone to the person who spoke the words, not the adoptive mother years later. Joan can not stand up for herself to anyone…she has to find the next weakest person, hide behind others, or write something using big threatening words and make up stories for others to believe her. NOT ONCE has Joan answered any of her sister’s accusations against her. NO Joan goes to many others to do that dirty work, or she acts like she is incapable of acting on her own. (Ruth’s note: yes, I have challenged FOUR times on this blog for her and me to take a lie-detector test to get to the bottom of her “viewpoint” (LIE) that I have an arrest and criminal record. No response from Joan. I have repeatedly on this blog, addressed statements to Joan to come clean, even listed a set of demands from us to her that will, when met, result in the dismantling of this blog. – We know she reads this blog, even though she says she doesn’t. Because she will quote it. But she has NEVER addressed us directly! Instead she goes running to this adoptee forum and gets THEM to address us. And their statements to us is usually hate statements, or stupid comments that show us that instead of doing research, getting to the bottom of the truth, READING this blog, they are like being led around by their noses by Joan).
And this type of person, with this type of disability, that Joan has, will NEVER help adoption reform. She is a liability to reform.
This is a very telling statement of Joan’s; ‘My adoptive mother never appologized for keeping me away from my siblings all of my life’. What the hell!! Since when does an adoptive mother have to apologize for the act of adoption? The whole point of adoption IS TO KEEP THE CHILD AWAY FROM THE NATURAL FAMILY! Joan and all these adoptees haven’t a clue about the REAL purpose of adoption. Joan wants EVERYONE to apologize to her because she is an adoptee!! Bullshit!!
Joan is certainly NOT sorry for hijacking the thread! (which was about ‘what never to say to an adoptee) because when Joan has the opportunity to open her mouth she must do just that ‘hijack’ the conversation. Using her own words, ’it still bothers me after all these years. Just goes to show how deeply ingrained prejudice against adoptees’ proves the Joan is not HEALTHY. Her identity is an adoptee that has been abused by prejudice. Of course that is false, but to Joan, it is truth and so she will never be healthy.
Continuing on with answering yet another comment.
| Re: What never to say to an adoptee « Reply #59 on: Today at 11:04:45 AM » |
Quote
Btw Iadoptee, what your afamily did was horrible.
Thanks,… They are such backward thinking people.
Now that both adoptive parents are dead, it seems I don’t have to associate with the rest of the family anymore so they don’t bother me.
It was a life of hell, though.
Thank god for the few who have brains and treat me fairly…and lovingly…
Gert here: This is Joan’s view/opinion and truth about her adoptive family…that they are backward thinking people! Now nice of her…I’m sure that Joan wins much approval from those adoptive relatives just as she has from the birth family! But now, that the adoptive parents are dead, she is safe because…there is no reason to associate with them any longer and they no longer can bother her. So why does she have to keep talking about them? She tells us in the next breath…her life was a life of hell…oh we can’t forget that Joan’s life has been hell. Too bad she hasn’t been able to change her mind to change her life…if she can maybe her life will not be hell anymore. (Ruth’s note, I said it before – last month on the Buffalo News site where Joan had her editorial on birth certificates published, that Joan was whining that the newspaper didn’t publish her editorial fast enough for her. She went on the forum and said that the city of Buffalo was full of backwards thinking people and she has tried for years to get them to see her point of view. I said then and will say it again: Joan doesn’t know how to talk to people, actually she is two faced – she is all nice and sweet to their face, then TALKS SHIT ABOUT THEM BEHIND THEIR BACKS AND WHEN THEY FIND OUT HOW SHE HAS BADMOUTHED THEM, THEY RUN FAR AWAY FROM HER! Yes, even people who just might be in a position to help her or her cause, because Joan, here is a lesson for you to learn: PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE BEING CALLED BACKWARDS THINKING!)
But isn’t it nice to know that there are a few, just a few, that have brains and treat her fairly and lovingly! Lucky them! They must really enjoy all the rage that Joan gives out.
My god! If I was trying to get healthy and do adoption reform, I’d stay far away from this nut case. All her life she can’t stand up for herself because these people are backward thinking and have treated her horribly. If it isn’t the birth family she is trashing, its the adoptive family. And if you are not a member of either of those families, don’t think you are safe. If you cross Joan Wheeler, you too will feel her wrath and be subjected to slander such as backward thinking people!
Ruth’s additional comment:
Lest people think that Gert and I and Kathy have allowed ourselves to be poisoned by Joan and her backward thinking, let me say this to you – NOT A CHANCE! Yes, we were at a more peaceful place before Joan published that book of lies. Yes, it hurt us to read the garbage in it. It hurt us to see how Joan not only dishonored US, but our dead mother, other family members and our dad, who recently died.
HOWEVER, we do not let that garbage book and Joan poison us. Because we are secure and happy with our lives. We have learned to take the crap that life has flung at us and shrug it off. Sure, there are times, life’s unfairness gets us down, but then we fling the negativity off and rise up shining! Joan has never learned this, despite many many people telling her how to do it.
Some people may think to themselves, “well, if what you are saying is true, how is it that you cannot shrug off this book?” My answer to that is this: the book is full of slander and lies about not just us sisters, but our entire family. If Joan had simply made a stupid putdown of me liking horror movies, (which she actually did in her book), I could simply shrug that off and say, “her opinion of me is not my business.” But she goes much much further – she falsely accuses us of leading criminal lives – this crosses the line into the legal definition of slander, libel, false accusation, harassment, stalking, bullying, cyberbullying. We have suffered through 30 years of harassments by Joan. The courts won’t help. So we stand up to the bully Joan with this blog.
Joan has also accused us of saying to her on this blog and other websites to commit suicide. NO, we have always said to her to GET SOME HELP! And here is a nice meditation for Joan to learn. Gert and I have learned this already. Perhaps not this particular one, but similar ones. But I know Joan, she’ll copy and paste it, read it through once, report she followed it and then report it didn’t work. And the reason she will give for it not working will be to blame us sisters for it. Or her “backwards thinking” adoptive family. Because nothing is ever her fault. She was given instructions 35 years ago by my step-uncle on self-hypnosis, and guided self-meditations. He taught me the same things and set me on a lifetime of spiritual learning. Joan never learned the lessons because SHE DOESN’T WANT ANY HEALING. SHE’S HAPPY IN HER MISERY! She has been going to therapy for more than 30 years and hasn’t learned a dam thing yet!
In 1984, there was an incident in Kitchener, Ontario after a rock concert that Joan attended and did something stupid. She called me the next day and told me about it. She told me that she had already spoken to her therapist on the phone about it. The therapist told her, and Joan repeated it to me. “If this is the lifestyle you want, then accept it. If it isn’t, then don’t repeat the action.” Apparently Joan WANTS the lifestyle she has – because she WON’T CHANGE IT. It is YOU, Joan, ONLY YOU THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Your afamily, your birth family cannot do it for you. ONLY YOU.
Joan has been in therapy for so long because she is addicted to therapy. She can’t live without a therapist telling her what to do. She hasn’t learned to grow up and take responsibility for her own life. She expects the therapist to wave a magic wand and all her problems will disappear. BUT IT JUST DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY. You go to therapy to hash out your problems, and then GET TO WORK ON SOLVING THEM. And the therapist cannot do the work for you, you must do the work yourself.
YOUR TRANSFORMING HEART
This meditation is based on an ancient Tibetan practice known as Tonglen, and has been used by many generations and traditions to cultivate bodhichitta, or compassion.
Once the steps have been practiced it becomes very simple. It can be used as a way to open and heal one’s own heart, for developing the ability of living from the heart rather than the head, for dissolving feelings of separation and isolation, and for giving unconditionally to others, specifically or globally. This is the true nature of Love Itself.
The outer, emotional heart may give pain as well as pleasure, true, but as one becomes more aware one accepts the pain as a blessing, an opportunity. The quality of the pain naturally starts changing because you are no longer resisting it. Then it is no longer pain; it is a fire that will cleanse and deepen you.
It is a transmutation, a transformation process, in which the old will go and the new will arrive; in which the mind will disappear and the inner, spiritual heart will function wholly. Then your life becomes a blessing.
TRANSFORMING HEART MEDITATION
This gift is from Atisha, a second century Tibetan teacher
When you breathe in, imagine you are breathing in the miseries of the people in the world – all the hardness, all the negativity and abuse, all the non-love that exists anywhere. Breathe it in and let it be absorbed in your Heart.
The so-called positive thinkers of the West say just the opposite but they don’t know what they are saying. They say, when you breathe out throw out all your misery and negativity; and when you breathe in take in joy, positivity, happiness, cheerfulness. Atisha’s powerful method is just the opposite.
When you inhale, breathe in all the misery and suffering of all the beings of the world.
When you exhale, breathe out all the joy you have —
all the unconditional love, all the peace, all the silence.
You will be surprised at what happens. The moment you take in the sufferings of the world they are no longer sufferings. The Inner Heart immediately transforms the energy. The spiritual Heart is a transforming force. Drink in misery and it is transformed into blissfulness… then pour it out.
Breathe out and pour yourself into existence.
This is the method of compassion:
Drink in suffering and pour out blessings.
Compassion is being a transforming force in existence – transforming the ugly into the beautiful, kissing the frog and transforming it into a prince, transforming pain into healing, darkness into light.
If you find any hindrance in the meditation, notice if you are holding on to expectations and release through heart breathing
Once you have learned that your Heart can do this magic, this miracle of giving, you will like to do it more and more.
Begin with yourself.
Breathe your pain, your suffering, your conflicts and knots into your own pure inner Heart.
Then breathe out from your Heart into all parts of yourself.
Keep going… and notice your increasing lightness.
- adapted from Osho, “The Book of Wisdom”
“`
“If you can experience it – this is of tremendous importance – then start absorbing it. Don’t throw it away. It is such a valuable energy; don’t throw it away. Absorb it, drink it, accept it, welcome it, feel grateful to it. And say to yourself, ‘This time I’m not going to avoid it, this time I’m not going to reject it, this time I’m not going to throw it away. This time I will drink it and receive it as a guest. This time I will digest it.’
“It may take a few days for your to be able to digest it, but the day it happens you have stumbled upon a door which will take you really far. A new journey has started in your life, you are moving into a new kind of being…..
“But start with your own self. Make a small experiment with your own pains, sufferings and miseries. The moment you accept the pain with no reject anywhere, its energy and its quality changes. It is no longer pain.
“And once you have found the key, then you can share it with the whole existence. Then you can take all the suffering of all the world, or all the worlds.
“Ride on the incoming breath and your small heart becomes bigger than the whole universe, then you know what miracles it can do. And pour out your blessings. It is the same energy passing through your heart that becomes bliss, that becomes blessing. Then let blessings go riding on the outgoing breath to all the nooks and corners of existence.”
- from Osho, quoted in “Relaxing Into Clear Seeing” by Arjuna Nick Ardagh
Endeavour (our shuttle) – or as Yoda says, “Do, or do not…there is no try.” June 12, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Dreams, Inconsistent Angel Things, Lessons in Life, Uncategorized.Tags: NASA, shuttle Endeavour, space program
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by Ruth Pace
I was experimenting, and now I know how to embed videos directly into posts. You learn something new everyday. And if you’re not, you’re stagnating. Dr. Wayne Dyer calls it inerita caused by depression. Where you sit and do NOTHING. Or you sit and whine and whine and whine. Whining is NOT a solution. Panic is where you’re treading water and don’t know what to do. This is Joan. Panic and Whining about her sorry life. And instead of taking up her bootstraps and making a life for herself, she writes a 600 plus page book that BLAMES everyone in her life of how sorry her sad life is. She doesn’t take one ounce of self-responsibility for her own life! WTF?
I’m pissed because of changes in my job – we may be going on strike in a week. Like a good fighting AMERICAN, I’m doing something about it, not whining. I didn’t like the way Joan lied about me and my family in her book Forbidden Family, so I started this blog to get the truth out. And it took us several months of talks with the publisher, but we accomplished our goal: WE GOT THAT TRASHY BOOK PULLED OFF THE MARKET!
What’s Joan done? Nothing but go on an adoptee forum and whine about how tough her life is, and ask others to come over to this blog and give us hell. Why? Why can’t Joan speak for herself? Because she’s a LOSER! She’s wallowing in poverty because she never would get off her ass and get a job. Now she’s too old to work. She says she’s disabled now. She has allergies and IBS. So do I. AND I have scoliosis (curvature of the spine) – I was born with it. Yet I have a job that requires heavy lifting. AND now I have arthritis in my spine. BUT I’m still at my job and doing it, despite the same physical ailments that Joan has, PLUS chronic back pain. what a wuss Joan is! (translation: LAZY!)
In writing about the birth of the American space program, Tom Wolfe showed us great American determination. In 1982 a movie was made of that book. It’s called The Right Stuff. I believe I have the right stuff. I know my sisters Gert and Kathy have it. I know that Joan does NOT have it. Teddy Roosevelt is puking in his grave to see an American act the way Joan does – whine, whine, whine.
What are the names of the shuttles? The prototype, named after the ship of Star Trek, Enterprise. Which means an act. Others are called Challenger, Discovery, Endeavour. All names of getting off your butt and doing what would make Teddy Roosevelt proud – being a person of action, no whine, but action!
I honor those of our early NASA days, from Chuck Yeager on down to the present – oh gods, how Yeager would PUKE if he saw the whining and hate on that forum! Go read his autobiography for an autobiography of an American who ACTED, not whined.
To our Mercury, Gemini, Apollo and Shuttle astronauts I say: a job well done! To those on the Hubble program I say also, a job well done! Onwards! – my first video – opening credits of Star Trek Enterprise. sung by Russell Watson. Good stuff in there – from Amelia Earhart, to the Wright Brothers, Charles Lindbergh, Alan Shepherd (Mercury astronaut) is in there, the pullout of the shuttle Enterprise, and other exciting inspirational events! The second video is of shuttle Endeavour. The 3rd video is a clip from the movie The Right Stuff – actor Sam Shepher plays Gen. Chuck Yeager – the old man behind the bar is the real Chuck Yeager – who first broke the sound barrier in 1947! Enjoy!
Joan Wheeler has conned another person about her book of lies, Forbidden Family Part 2 May 25, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Lessons in Life, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.Tags: adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunion, birth certificates, brow-beating, con-artist, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, harassment, LIBEL, misrepresenting one's credentials, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Ruth Willerth, scam artist, SLANDER, Smattersings Books, spreading untruths, Trafford Publications
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by Ruth Sippel Pace
In my post of May 24, 2011, Joan Wheeler has conned another person about her book of lies, Forbidden Family, I blog about how a poor woman got conned into buying one of the few remaining copies of this lying book. She then wrote a “review” of it on amazon.com. The “review” was no such thing. The “review” was simply adoptee rhetoric about birth certificates, and bringing up the subject of Barrack Obama and Donald Trump, which has nothing to do with the book. And it is clear, the woman didn’t read the book very well. Anyways, in doing some research, we find that this woman is a youth pastor, is a writer, and is part of a writer’s group in the north suburbs of Buffalo, NY.
In Gert’s post of May 10, 2011, Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family has been pulled from publication part 2 – Joan thanks her birth sisters for exposing her lies. Gert tells of Joan adding a page on her Forbidden Family site, which she uses as a dig against us birth sisters, under the tab “Thank You”. Gert says in her post: “… she (Joan) has found herself a writing ‘coach’, for these 4 paragraphs are NOT fully Joan Wheeler’s words. How do I know? Because I have read and know Joan’s writing style and her choice of words, as they are written in her book and on various web sites, and they are not used in this smug ‘thank you’. “
It is now clear who her writing coach is: Ruth Willerth of Smattersings Books, a self-described Christian writer and a youth pastor.
Now back on February 18, 2011, and February 22, 2011, Joan, under her member name of 1adoptee, on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum posted the following:
writers’ groups and adoption reform
« on: February 18, 2011, 12:36:14 PM »
1adoptee:
Hi gang! I found a new avenue to get adoption reform issues to the general public: local writing groups.
Here’s what I’ve been doing for the last few months. I found a local writer’s group and started attending meetings. I sat in for awhile before bringing in some of my own writings. When I got up the courage, I brought in a first draft of an online comment in response to an article posted on some online Newspaper.
The group I belong to requires members to pass out copies of their works. Members read and reflect on what’s written, and then write down their critique of the piece. A moderator goes from person to person and each one says out loud what they like, dislike, and ways to improve the piece. After everyone gets a chance to talk, the author of the piece addresses the group’s concerns.
So when it was my turn last night, I passed around a draft of a comment I was working on. The critique is supposed to center around the writing itself, but, as you know, people get caught up in their perceptions of adoption and then give their opinions of adoption, without really understanding that the piece I wrote is about adoption reform. We had a rousing discussion of what adoption is, and when it got to my turn to speak, I pointed out that every adoptee has two birth certificates and there is pending legislation in various states for adoptee access to their sealed records. This was an excellent way to educate the general public, at least the people in the room, and, at the same time, get feedback on my own writing style.
So, for those of you out there who are writers, pop in at your local writers group. Bring your own works with you, share them, and spread the word!
Re: writers’ groups and adoption reform
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2011, 11:56:59 AM »
1adoptee:
Yeah, the rainbow-farters are all upset and they whine, “Why should I adopt a child if this stuff is going on?” and the usual, “My sister adopted three kids and my friend has an adopted child…” It was really hard not to bite their headds off, but I said this isn’t about adoptive parents,, this is about an adoptee’s right to her original birth certificate. The room of about ten people found it difficult to focus on why I brought my one-page letter to them. It was a draft and I wanted suggestions as to how to make it a better essay. One or two of the people actually focused on the group’s activities: writing! Next meeting I’ll bring copies of my original and amended birth certificates for them to see what really happens…should be interesting to hear the discussion then! Fear, yeah, I fell it. But it also feels good to get the message out!
End of comments
Now, let us review this evidence:
Joan went out on a recon-mission to promote her agenda. Think about this timing… she tells the forum about the writer’s group and her proposed infiltrating into that group to get them to talk about BC and adoption etc. Over time some of these people probably had brought the book, she did have about 3 books sold in April and that got her all excited and asked this poor woman to help her with a ‘thank you’ to those nasty sisters. And this was ALL DONE BEFORE TRAFFORD CALLED HER,. So then when she gets the word that the book is being pulled she harasses and browbeats this woman, Joan is an expert browbeater, to purchase the book so that she could do a review…remember you have to be a customer to write a review…that’s why the woman HAD TO BUY the book to leave a new and revised ‘agenda’ for the book. What bullshit.
Well, here is my message to Pastor Ruth and the other members of that writer’s group: discuss long and hard about the book Forbidden Family – learn your lessons well: how NOT to try to con your publisher. How NOT to lie and say it is a non-fiction book that is the truth, when it is full of slander and libel. How NOT to publish a photograph that you don’t own the copyrights to.
Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family is a case study on how NOT to write and publish a book.
Pastor Ruth and her writer’s group ought to print out this email I sent to Mr. Eugene Hopkins of Trafford Publishing. They need to study it and further learn from Joan Wheeler’s mistakes.
May 16, 2011 –
Eugene Hopkins
Trafford, Author Solutions
Dear Mr. Hopkins,
I am the younger sister of Gert McQueen, with whom you have been in discussions with for the past few months over the book that your company published, “Forbidden Family” by Joan M. Wheeler.
I know that you had received our complaint about this book back on January 21, 2011. I also emailed you my co-complaint on this book. Included in my email, I attached several scanned official court documents pertaining to court cases between Ms. Wheeler and myself.
It is my understanding that recently you remarked to Gert that you were reluctant to get involved in a “family squabble.” Mr. Hopkins, Ms. Wheeler ceased to be a legal family member to us when she was adopted out of our family in 1957. Although we were reunited in 1974, I cut ties with her in 1990 after she stole hundreds of dollars from me. She further alienated herself to me in 1993 when she filed a false police report against me, over phone calls that I placed to her house, (in response to a letter she sent me). I called her house, and she said to me “hold on,” and hung up on me. She then reported to the police that I was placing threatening calls to her. I was summoned into court and Ms. Wheeler was granted a six-month order of protection against me.
In her book, that your company published, she records this incident, but claims that I was placed under arrest (I was not.), that she was granted a one-year order of protection against me (it was for six-months), that I was placed on probation (I was not), and that I have a criminal record (I do not).
I covered this and more in my emailed complaint to you and provided the actual court documents that prove that Ms. Wheeler lied, committing the crime of LIBEL in her book, that your company published.
In another part of her book, Ms. Wheeler describes a three month court battle between me and her in the year of 1994. This is completely false.
Also, on the back cover of the book, which your company published, is a family photograph that is of my parents, my siblings, and myself. Ms. Wheeler herself is NOT in the photograph at all – and the picture was taken BEFORE Ms. Wheeler was not even born, therefore, she wasn’t even a member of the family pictured on the back of her book. I have never given Ms. Wheeler permission, orally, or in writing, permission to use my photograph on her book. Also, since the photograph was taken sometime mid-1955, and Ms. Wheeler was born on January 7, 1956, and then 4 months later adopted out of the family, she does not OWN this photograph. She may “own” a paper copy of this photo, but since she was NOT a legal member of the family depicted in the photo, she does NOT have the legal right to publish it and gain monetary gain from it.
Whether you think of me and Ms. Wheeler as “family members” or not has no bearing on the basis of our complaint – that is being that Ms. Wheeler (and your company) has/have published my picture without my legal consent. In lying about a three month court case between us in 1994, and lying about the length of time the order of protection granted to her in 1993, Ms. Wheeler is presenting falsehoods about the City Court of the City of Buffalo. When Ms. Wheeler presents in her book that I was placed under arrest, she is presenting falsehoods about the Buffalo Police Department.
Further, may I ask you Mr. Hopkins, should a person be subjected to such slander and libel with no recourse, simply because they are related to the perpetrator? The issue of Ms. Wheeler being related to me and Gert is a NON-issue. Ms. Wheeler lied in her book. That is all that should concern you.
Gert tells me that several times in her conversations with you, you have told her that our complaint is in your legal department, and you have yet to hear back from your lawyers.
On your website is the Terms and Conditions for authors to agree to when submitting their work for publication. I cite the following items that Ms. Wheeler is in violation of YOUR own Terms and Conditions.
2. YOUR LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY
2.1. You represent that (i) you are the sole copyright owner of the Work and all of its content.
Ms. Wheeler is in violation of this because she has MY likeness on the back of her book, WITHOUT my consent.
2.4. You further represent that the Work does not contain illegal, unlawful or objectionable material including, but not limited to, pornography, obscenity or hate speech. You acknowledge that the Work is not plagiarized and does not include
falsely attributed statements of third parties.
. Ms. Wheeler is in violation of the second sentence, because as I pointed out above, she has lied about actual court proceedings between her and me.
I further cite YOUR Terms and Conditions as presented to authors on your website:
7. TERMINATION OF AGREEMENT
7.1. Suspension of Services. Upon a breach, default, or failure by you to comply with these Terms and Conditions or the failure to cooperate with us in the provision of any Services, we will have the right to suspend any or all performance until you cooperate with these Terms and Conditions and/or cooperate with us in the provision of Services.
Since I have just pointed out that Ms. Wheeler IS in violation of 2.1 and 2.4 of YOUR Terms and Conditions as presented on your website, Mr. Hopkins, you have NO choice, but to pull the book Forbidden Family off the market, your website, and your advertisement of it on Amazon.com. I don’t understand why your lawyers cannot come up with a timely interpretation of your own terms and conditions, the definition of the term libel, and the application of the term libel to Ms. Wheeler’s statements of me in her book that you published.
On page 670 of the Tenth Edition (1994) of the Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary are the following definitions of the term LIBEL:
- A written or oral defamatory statement or representation that conveys an unjustly unfavorable impression.
- A statement or representation published without just cause and tending to expose another to public contempt.
- Defamation of a person by written or representable means
- The act, tort, or crime of publishing such a libel
I believe that all four definitions cover what Ms. Wheeler has done in her book. By falsely reporting in her book that I have an arrest record, she is conveying a unjustly unfavorable impression.
You have stated to Mrs. McQueen that you do not want to be in the middle of a “family squabble.” This is no “family squabble.” It is accurate accusation of libel and a justifiable demand for the pulling of this book.
I expect to be hearing shortly on your decision to do a right and lawful action: the pulling of this libelous book.
Thank you for your help in this matter.
Very sincerely yours,
Mrs. Ruth Pace
cc: Kevin Weiss; Kevin A. Gray; Gert McQueen
Joan Wheeler has conned another person about her book of lies, Forbidden Family May 24, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Lessons in Life, Uncategorized.Tags: adoption, adoption reform, Barrack Obama, birth certificates, contradictions, Donald Trump, embellishing the truth, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, LIBEL, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Ruth Willerth, SLANDER, Smattersings Books, truth in books
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by Ruth Sippel Pace
Some poor lady actually parted with her good money to buy this lying book from Amazon.com and then she left a “review” – she didn’t even read the book, because her review wasn’t even about the book, it was mostly about Barrack Obama and Donald Trump. Some people just love mixing apples and oranges.
So Gert and I left a couple of comments – and when I went there – I saw another person had left a comment – not a review, but a reminder – that this book was pulled from publication. Thank You Andrea, who ever you are.
So here is the new “review” and the comments posted by Gert and myself:
Timely Informative, May 23, 2011
By
Ruth Willerth “SmatteringsBooks”
This review is from: Forbidden Family (Paperback)
Forbidden Family by Joan M Wheeler is timely considering it took the resources of Donald Trump to make public President Obama’s birth certificate. I’m so glad to find out that he really is an American. I live in the part of America that must produce whatever forms government says we must like birth certificates, social security cards, photo id… Being one of millions of Americans not understanding Hawaii seals all birth certificates from the public, I wonder… How the public would respond if our president was adopted so had two conflicting birth certificates?
Ruth Willerth
Knife of Truth series consulting editor
Gert’s comment to this “review” – posted to Amazon
It is obvious that this ‘reviewer’ HAS NEVER read the contents of this book! This reviewer obviously is a personal friend of Joan Wheeler and has become yet another person conned and duped by Joan. For a person who makes money for providing reviews she really ought to be more careful about which books she is reviewing. Joan’s book of lies has over 600 pages and perhaps only about 200 of them any information about adoption reform including birth certificates. Those other 400 pages are hateful lies and misrepresentations towards both birth and adoptive families and that is WHY the book has been pulled from the selling market, by the publisher.
Ruth’s comment, posted on Amazon:
I have to wonder about this other Ruth. “Timely” she says? Um Ms. Willerth, this book of lies came out a year and a half ago. What was “timely” was YOUR purchasing it. And I agree with Gert – you didn’t even READ it, before you posted your review. But by all means, keep reading it – I wonder how you will feel about this book when you get to the part where Ms. Wheeler trashes the Catholic Church.
Seeing as you are a youth pastor, perhaps you can help Joan learn the 10 Commandments, particularly the ones about honoring one’s parents, not stealing, not lying. Please go to my blog at http://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/ to see actual proof of Joan’s violations of the 10 commandments.
And please do your research as to why this book is no longer being published – because the publisher found out about the slander and libel and Joan stealing MY photograph for the back cover – a photograph that she does NOT own the copyright to – a violation of the rules of the publisher – hence, the book was pulled. The copies listed here on Amazon are just those left over from the first publishing run, and the book will not be printed again.
Like this:
The Power of Words by Dick Sutphen; submitted by Ruth Pace February 18, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Dreams, Inconsistent Angel Things, Lessons in Life.Tags: Dick Sutphen, power of words
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THE POWER OF WORDS
by Dick Sutphen
Funny how a few words can change your life. I am writing this in a restaurant, a couple hours before conducting a workshop. Looking at the menu, I contemplate the cheeseburger, a chicken pasta plate and broiled fish with fresh vegetables.
Words ring through my mind: “Every time you decide what to eat, you are choosing life or death.”
The cheeseburger is hormones and red meat. Pasta is white flour. Fish and veggies win.
Because I am eating alone and have nothing better to do, I start to think about other words that have changed my life.
Whenever you are upset with anyone else, you are seeking approval or control. (You desired the other person to approve of your actions, or you were trying to control their actions or reactions. When you didn’t get what you wanted, you got upset. Your expectations were in conflict with what is.)
Everything you say, with the exception of some statements of fact, and some legitimate questions, is an attempt to make yourself more important or to obtain sympathy.
It is your resistance to what is that causes your suffering.
Argue for your limitations and they shall be yours. (Richard Bach)
Where do your words not match your deeds?
Your body believes everything you say, so watch your words. (Patti Conklin)
When you act with intention you create karma.
Wisdom erases karma.
There is nothing that cannot be healed by love.
One of the prices of freedom is to give up boredom.
Thoughts are things and they create.
Your suffering is also the source of your awakening.
Don’t get to be right and lose the game.
Blame is an expression of self-pity.
Wake Up!
