Halloween and other horrors. Joan Wheeler is a horror all year round! May 3, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.Tags: abuse, being downright nasty, bigotry, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, contradictions, cowardice, cyberbullying, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, emotional abuse, false accusations, Halloween, Halloween decor, harassment, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, hatred of infertile women, Joan "Chimp" Wheeler, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, religious freedom, religious intolerance, SLANDER, stupidity
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roflmao! – in case you need a refresher course in internet slang/shortcut – this means Roll On Floor Laughing MY Ass Off!
And this is just what I’m doing when reading Chimp’s new hatred post. And what bullshit – Chimp professes that he (and we know damn well it’s not a he, but Joan, hiding behind a made up person) – he and Joan don’t hate anyone. Really? Then why the continued use of Gertie and Ruthie – as personal bully digs and ridicule at us? Talk about being “fixated” – Joan is FIXATED on using the name Ruthie, as far back as December 2009. So drop the charade you fool. Or not – if you like making yourself into a laughing stock – then by all means- do so!
But I caught you Joan the Chimp – you fucked up! Because Pilgrim/Champ/Brian has been saying all along that Kathy has said nothing, but then all of sudden Chimps says “If 3 healthy healthy, mentally stable individuals insist on ganging up on one disaled person” – um, how did Kathy get into this all of a sudden? – Because Joan can’t stop lumping us all together. Idiot. Then Chimp says that Kathy seems to have lost interest. – What are you saying Chimp? Either Kathy is insisting on being on the team, or she has lost interest. MAKE UP YOUR MIND! (but see – I’ve said it before over and over – Joan contradicts herself left and right, even in one paragraph, as we see right here.) And she makes stupid grammar mistakes – she repeated the word healthy – twice. She does that too. So we can tell by the writing style that Chimp is in fact Joan. - Um and another giveaway that Joan and Chimp are the same – Joan’s posts are always full of misspellings – she can’t even spell the word disabled.
oh, yes, we are “attacking” a disabled person. Never mind this “disabled” person just was on a website two weeks ago ATTACKING pro-adoption people and infertile women. Oh give me a break – disabled my ass! Her herniated disc in her neck and other ailments did not stop HER from attacking and bullying other people online – so shove it JoanChimp.
Chimp also says: “No, I didn’t bother reading it. I’m not interested in adding any more lunacy to my existance..” — What? do you mean you already HAVE lunacy in your existence? – You got that right you fool. — and by the way FOOL – there is no A in existence! Learn to spell.
Chimp goes on to say: “The only reason for this blog is to try to get you to mind your own business.” — Excuse me you fool: JOAN’S GARBAGE BOOK AND WHAT SHE SAYS ABOUT US ON THE INTERNET IS OUR BUSINESS! WHEN SHE TALKS ABOUT HER BIRTH FAMILY AND HER BIRTH SISTERS -SHE IS TALKING ABOUT US AND THEREFORE IT IS OUR BUSINESS. – You clearly need to learn English pal.
Another giveaway this is really Joan talking is another attack on religion. Joan is obsessed with other people’s religions and people’s religious values. She is always ranting against the Catholic Church. In her book, on the internet, she said it to our father’s face, causing him to finally shove her out his life forever!
In September 2008, on her blog, Joan attacked Gert and mine’s pagan religion and brought up our “pagan values.” She attacked Kathy’s religion on her blog in October 2009. AND on pages 300-302, Joan is attacking us and putting us down for our choices in religion and spirituality.
Now we have another attack on our values. Joan, pay attention to your own filthy values – oh wait – you have none. Because for anyone to hurt her own sister like YOU did – like stealing hundreds of dollars from her, calling her place of employement for months trying to get her fired, AFTER you were told what you accused her of didn’t happen – WHO ARE YOU TO TALK ABOUT VALUES? But we see how judgmental and two-faced JoanChimp is – She can do anything she wants – but let someone else do the same thing she does – and all of sudden she gets spiritually endowed and preach-happy about values. Bitch.
Oh I absolutely love the crap Chimp says about me ripping wings off of flies and scaring children. WHAT AN ASSHOLE! – This is because Chimp Joan falls into the same HATE propaganda against pagans and shows us what a bigot she is. Just as she published erroneous and hateful propaganda in her book, this nutball comes on to say crap about pagans. What an asshole.
Ripping wings off of flies. What kind of MATURE person says this shit? My god, not even in The Wizard of Oz is the Wicked Witch of the West so hatefully portrayed. That movie perpetuates the wrongful charicature of a witch – green skinned, with a wart on her nose, flying around on a broomstick. But Elphaba NEVER ripped wings off flies. What crap are you listening to Joan? You are so laughable. roflmao! –
Scaring children? Oh – this goes back to her continual digs at me because she says I hate her kids, hate all kids, ridicules me for liking horror movies. Again – we see Chimp and Joan are the same person.
Scaring children? roflmao! In years past, John and I used to decorate our porch for holidays. We stopped when the porch floor got too rotted – we didn’t want anyone getting hurt. Even though we had the new porch put on 4 years ago – we haven’t decorated since – just haven’t had the time. Besides we want to put up lattice-work around the porch to semi-enclose it. And the lattice work will give us a better backdrop to hang things on.
Yes, we decorated for the Winter Solstice, which is the Pagan winter holiday. Got a problem with that Chimp? Too bad. Take it up with the Founding Fathers of this country because they wrote in Freedom of Religion in our constitution. Got something to say about the Constitution of the United States bitch?
But our favorite holiday is Halloween – well the popular American take on the Pagan Samhain. But we enjoy the fun that goes with the whole Halloween thing and Trick or Treat. Our neighbors would decorate their porches with smiling jack-o-lanterns, happy harvest scarecrows, hay bales, corn stalks. John and I – our jack-o-lanterns were scowling faces. We had skeletons and bats hanging from spiderwebs. Giant spiders and giant swamp rats everywhere. Ghouls, ghosts, and goblins were our decor fare.
And our house was the most popular in the neighborhood. John wore a black robe and hood, skeleton gloves and a ghoul mask. When the kids came up and yelled “Trick or Treat,” I would stand behind the door and open it slowly, then John would jump out. Yes, we did scare one girl – she was about 14 – she was scared so bad – she screamed, ran off our porch, across the street, and up the stairs onto the porch of a house across the street from us. Screaming as she went. Then she turned around, and came back, laughing her ass off. She said “You scared me so bad. But I love it!”
So for your enjoyment – here are some pictures of our house decorated for Halloween. You don’t like horror novels, movies or decor Joan – that’s fine. But your continued putting me down for it shows the world for what you are – a schoolyard bully ridiculing another person for their likes and their values. YOU have shown the world what YOU really are.
We first started decorating our house in the mid 90′s starting with simple things, then graduating into more things. I put up a small table, covered with an old sheet that I had lightly dyed purple and then dipped briefly into black dye. This gave it a real dirty “graveyard” look. The table had swamp rats and scowling jack-o-lanterns. Under the table, concealed by the sheet, were small speakers leading to a boombox just inside our door that played Halloween music and sound effects. Eventually, we put out another table, on the other side of the porch, that held a “flaming” cauldron, more ghouls and swamp rats and a fog machine. I dont’ have any pictures that have the flames and fog going. But it looked great!
Here is our house Halloween 2000. For the previous Winter Solstice, I had put up a huge display of lights to celebrate the coming of the new milennium, with a “2000″ sign, that I left up for a whole year, incorporating it into my Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s day, 4th of July and Summer decor.
Here is Halloween 2001, with Brandy our DOG (not cat, you bimbo JoanChimp):
Here are two views of 2001′s decor in the daytime:
This is a skull that John hung in our rec room window. I don’t know what year this was taken, but you should see some of the ghoulish stuff we have in there! Oh yes – we love shopping at The Spirit of Halloween store. And we love going to the various Haunted House mazes in our area.
Here is John in 2001, in his full costume holding our CAT Samantha. (not dog, JoanChimp).
Now, lastly, here is John in 2001, with the kids of our friends from around the block: ages 12, 4 and 5. Now if a 4 year old, and a 5 year old is clearly at ease with our ghoulish decorations, where does Joan get off saying that because of my pagan religion that I’m scaring kids. – the one kid has his face blacked out for privacy reasons.
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message to Joan Wheeler: I don’t play games with little brats April 29, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.Tags: abuse, being downright nasty, bullying, cyberbullying, Disrespect, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Star Trek, stupidity
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I refuse to be intimidated by Joan Wheeler, who in the past few days, in her alter-ego of Chimp, puts down my being a Trekker.
In an episode of The Original Series, Capt. Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise encounter a seemingly omnipotent being, who called himself The Squire (retired) of Gothos. His name was Trelane, and he put Captain Kirk through some pretty tough trials. Then it came out that Trelane was playing a game – and in reality, he was actually a child. He had taken on the form of an adult human, but was really a child. But even before this fact was discovered, Captain Kirk made it quite clear that he was not going to play games with Trelane.
And so have I. I may place some humorous things on this blog, but make no mistake – I am not playing games with Joan Wheeler. Joan Wheeler is a bully, and bullies are not to be taken lightly. Yes, I laugh at some of Joan’s antics, but I do not dismiss the fact that Joan Wheeler is a clearly mentally ill person who is in dire need of some psych meds. Because even though Joan looks like a 56 year old adult human woman, she acts like a little brat. Her behavior this past week shows what a little brat she is. (nyah, nyah, RuthIE, nyah nyah). ha ha ha ha. brat.
Joan is disgusting to put me down for liking Star Trek, when in fact, she herself was a Trek fan. She wrote a fan letter to Leonard Nimoy when she was a teenager. And accompanied me to a Star Trek Convention in New York City in 1975 and attended a Trek convention in Buffalo in 1980. She even wrote about us going to the 1975 convention in her book. So who the hell does she think she is? Now supposedly, Chimp is a friend of hers coming to her defense. Chimp claims to have read her book, so Chimp knows of Joan’s past liking of Star Trek. Chimp goes out of “his” way to put me down for liking Star Trek – but says nothing about Joan’s liking of Star Trek. Chimp is trying to point out that in his coming to Joan’s defense, he is showing what a true blue friend he is. Well, true blue friends don’t put down someone who likes a tv show that their “friend” also likes. Because if you are putting people down for liking a particular tv show, you are including your friend as well. Didn’t think of that did you Chimp/Joan? Because your logic is faulty. As we have been pointing out again and again on this blog and elsewhere.
But hey – if you want to keep posting your illogic, knock yourself out. Because you are documenting for the entire world what a nutcase you are.
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a short announcement to Joan Wheeler April 28, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: being downright nasty, bigotry, bullying, cyberbullying, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, horror movies, placing value judgments on people, SLANDER, stupidity
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In your book, Forbidden Family, you put me down for liking horror movies. I say “Screw you. I will like what ever movies I want. You ain’t the boss of me. I don’t give a damn if you don’t like the fact that I like horror movies.”
Got a problem with me liking horror movies? Anybody? Too damn bad.
And Joan, when you put me down for something that I like, you showed yourself for what you are – a bigoted bitch who places value judgments on people. What does the fact that I like horror movies have to do with your adoption, our reunion, or adoption reform? Nothing. Therefore, it does not belong in your book. You once said you only wrote about us when our lives intersected with yours. – The fact that I like something that you don’t is not an intersection of our lives. The fact that you further put me down for something that I like shows you are a bully.
I predict – (cos I can foretell what Joan will do – not that hard because like all immature little bitch bullies, she is so predictable) – a new post by Joan in her alter-ego of Champ will appear, with nasty hateful little comments about me liking horror movies. Despite the fact that Chimp, um I mean “Champ” preaches about us throwing hate at Joan, Chimp throws a lot of hate at us. So “he” is no better than us.
HA HA HA HA HA - I can always count on Joan to give me a good laugh.
Proof positive that Joan Wheeler is a hypocritical ridiculing bully. April 28, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, being downright nasty, bullying, contradictions, cyberbullying, Disrespect, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, harassment, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, hypocrite, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, stupidity
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Joan Wheeler is such a hypocrite.
On March 14, 2012, Joan Wheeler posted the following quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer: “A mind at peace centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe.” She then has a quote from a self-made guru from several years ago talking about Taoism and self-actualization and self improvement.
I think she put that stuff on her website as a hint to Gert and me that perhaps we should not write any more on our blogs. Meaning, she’s hoping we will stop exposing her lies.
I know one thing for certain, she didn’t put that stuff on her blog to reflect HER peaceful mind that is centered and not focused on not harming others.
Because she knows damn well I don’t like being called Ruthie. and what does she do on that thread over at Adoptive Families Circle? She goes out of her way to call me Ruthie – as a dig. Then she dreams up an imaginary playmate called Pilgrim and Champ, and names him Brian. And as Pilgrim/Champ/Brian, further calls me Ruthie several times, then puts me down for liking Star Trek. And in her book, she ridicules me for liking horror movies.
And in her book, she also puts down people living in trailer parks, calling them trailer trash. She forgot that our own brother Butch and his wife lived in a trailer park when they first moved to Arizona in 1976. Was my late brother TRASH Joan?
She sure likes to lay on the name-calling and ridiculing of people on where they live and what they like. In her book, she put down the people living on the East Side of Buffalo (inner city) and ridiculed my involvement in community block clubs – she said the conditions in my area were “deterioting.” Uh DUH! – That’s the reason I became involved in the block club – TO IMPROVE THE CONDITIONS OF MY COMMUNITY.
So getting back to the ridiculing of me for what I like and dislike. Only a schoolyard bully does that people. But haven’t Gert and I been telling you all along on our blogs that this is what Joan is? - A BULLY! AND A NASTY ONE AT THAT.
“Oh RuthIE – you like horror movies and Star Trek, oh RuthIE get on a starship and fly away – you are dismissed.”
oh my god – do you people see what a BITCH she is?
So – there is more proof that Joan and Pilgrim/Champ/Brian are one and the same. She ridicules me in my choice of what of I wish to called. She ridicules me as RuthIE on her post signed Half Orphan, and ridicules me as RuthIE in the posts attributed to Pilgrim/Champ/Brian. She ridicules me in her book for liking a certain genre of movies. She ridicules me for liking a certain TV show in the posts attributed to Pilgrim/Champ/Brian.
And this all from April 23, 2012 – a mere five and a half weeks after she posted that little ditty from Dr. Dyer. – You know – the one that’s plastered on her website dated March 14, 2012 – the one that I quoted at the beginning of this post – you know – the one that says “a mind at peace and not focused on harming others…”?
Yeah – that’s the one. I guess she didn’t learn Dr. Dyer’s lesson very well.
On our blogs, Gert and I refute the lies that Joan has told about us in her book, in person, and on various places on the internet. We have outlined her harassments to us. We have never stooped to ridiculing her for her likes and dislikes. For example, I know she likes Irish folksinging. I have never put her down for that. I know that she likes Peter Paul and Mary. I have never put her down for that.
I have concentrated on her words and deeds when they are/were detrimental to me or my family. I have never attacked her for her likes and dislikes. But as we see, in the following screenshots – how Joan Wheeler, the 56 year old schoolyard bully attacks me and puts me down for my choice in what I don’t like to be called.
I’ve been called names all my life. I am not defined by that crap. I am not losing any sleep because Joan puts me down for my name and my liking Star Trek.
By the way, Joan, our mother’s middle name was RUTH. As is my first name. RUTH. with no y or ie at the end. That is what her name was, and that is what is on my birth certificate. That is what my mother wished me to be called. For you to ridicule that name – you are ridiculing my mother’s choice in what she wanted me to be called.
Put your head down in shame. Bully.
Joan’s website showing her post of March 14, 2012
here is the proof that she called me Ruthie
and here is her signature at the bottom of the post, dated April 23, 2012
Joan Wheeler – hypocritical bully. shame on you.
Ruth answers Champ April 26, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.Tags: abuse, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cowardice, cyberbullying, embellishing the truth, false accusations, harassment, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, stupidity
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So in her latest cyberbullying attack on her birth sisters, Joan uses one of her multiple personalities called Champ. She really shows her true self in this piece of garbage. Despite her recent posts on her Forbidden Family website promoting peace, respect and love, and not harming anyone, and despite knowing full well that I don’t like to be called Ruthie, she goes out of her way to shove that name at me. So does she think she has hurt me? No, I don’t like to be called Ruthie, but dayam, I ain’t gonna lose any sleep over it. All she accomplished was to show the entire world what a bitch she is.
Gert has already torn apart this Champ in her post “Joan Wheeler has a new friend, by the name of Champ! don’t tell her we know, wink, wink!” - and I already placed a comment on it. (a good one too!)
Now supposedly, Champ is not Joan, but a good friend of Joan’s – but on the post, refuses to give his name. He says his name is not important. Oh yes it is buddy – because when you put shit out about someone on the internet (or anywhere for that matter, you show the world what you really are – a snively little gossip mongering COWARD. But in reading the post, and reading between the line, Gert and I can see that Champ is no man, (double entrende intended) but Joan herself. Because of the rhetoric, use of language, phrases, – see, we have been dealing with Joan’s bullshit writings far longer than she has been on the internet – for over 30 years. And we have read her writings, her filthy book, and a lot of other crap she has put out – for over 30 years. We have dealt with her in person, and on the phone. We have been in intimate conversations with her, arguments, and even screaming matches with her. We know how she thinks and we can recognize her foul stench for parsecs.
This is how Joan fantasizes herself as Champ – stepping on Ruthie. But you know, it certainly goes against her latest posting of promoting respect and not harming anyone – but we all know she’s a hypocrite.
So Champ – in my comment to Gert’s post, I said I had something for you – here you go – here’s one for starters – 
and I got a whole box for you – in large size too! Just to fill your huge mouth.
Go get ‘em Champ boy! ruff, ruff.
MilkBones are great. I used to give them to my Siberian Husky/Alaskan Malamute – Brandy. Brandy was a such a sweetheart – 65 pounds of love. Now silly ass Joan in her book, relates a conversation she is having with a police detective about me and annoyance phone calls. At that time, I had my phone bill under the name of Brittany Sippel – to ward off people getting my phone number. In a letter Joan wrote to my niece Karen, Joan admits to knowing that my phone was listed under Brittany Sippel, but in her book, during this fictious conversation with the police detective, she has him saying to her, “Who’s Brandy Sippel?” and Joan says, “that’s Ruth’s cat. Why?” and the detective says, “well she’s got her phone number listed under Brandy Sippel.”
So what does this prove? That Joan can’t tell the difference between a cat and a dog, and by her own letter to Karen that says BRITTANY, not BRANDY – we see her book is not the truth. And the real DOG is Joan “Champ” Wheeler.
The latest “wisdom” from Joan Wheeler, um, well, actually, she’s trying to show that she has some widsom April 14, 2012
Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, contradictions, cyberbullying, emotional blackmail, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, spreading untruths, stupidity, theft
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I rarely go over to Joan Wheeler’s website – because it’s all the same bullshit over and over. anti-adoption, and how Joan has suffered because of her adoption. Ho-Hum.
But this morning, I went over there and found this little ditty that she put up:
A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe. – Wayne Dyer
I like Dr. Dyer. I have several audio cassettes and cd’s of his motivational lectures. But I think Joan is just trying as usual to pump herself up for her blog-readers. Well, actually, what is going on, is Joan is trying to “stick it” to us again. She has found out the past 2 and a half years that she can’t shut us up. Since we’ve had this blog, and were successful in getting her filthy book pulled from publication, Joan has tried to shut us up several ways.
She went to the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum and incited them to come over to this blog and try to shut us “fuckheads” down. (Her words: “If enough of us complain to wordpress, we can shut those fuckheads down.” And a whole bunch of them came over and left obscene messages here. That was in February 2010. She tried it again in May 2010. A few of them came over. She tried again several months later. Nobody came. She got her then-boyfriend to do it. He left a couple of nasty messages here. She got Susan Thompson Underdahl to try some shit with us. Failed. Just as in the past, she tried to get Rene Hoksbergen (in 1993) to help her extort money from Kathy. And this was just 3 years after she stole hundreds of dollars from me.
She put up a “cyber-bullying” blog to show that we birth sisters of hers are cyber-bullying” her because we dare to take lies from her book and tell the truth. This so-called cyber-bullying” page is in itself an act of cyber-bullying by Joan of us, because it is full of our personal information. And twisted lies.
She keeps saying all over the internet that because we dared to speak up about the truth of our own lives, we are “hurting” her. We are “harassing” her. We are “running her into the ground.” We are making her “go inside herself.” We are making her “have panic and anxiety attacks and be depressed.” – all this, because we find a lie she said about us and we told the truth.
And the worst thing she did was enlist her then-boyfriend to write a hate message in my father’s memorial book in the funeral home, just across the room from my father’s body.
She posted some lying crap about my grandfather on the Huffington Post, and the results were that she got kicked off that website.
On March 5, 2012, she left her first and only comment to this blog, taking a past post of mine, and taking things out of context, tried to show that I was inciting her to commit suicide. I picked about her comment, and even posted an actual photograph of Joan that showed a line in her comment was a lie.
Now we have this quote from Dr. Dyer. Is it to show how progessive she is in her thinking? No, not by a long shot.
Here is the quote again, and pay attention to the bolded words: A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe.
No, Joan didn’t put that quote up there to help anyone (not even herself), or to show that she’s getting some wisdom – she put that up there to try to “teach” us nasty birth sisters to stop “harming” her.
We’ve been accused of all sorts of harm to Joan. The big one that I was accused of was calling child abuse on her in December 1994 and saying that she and my then-fiance were sexually abusing her children. The caller identified themself as me.
I have posted actual written letter BY JOAN to my fiance and his mother after this child abuse call. In it, she is telling John to leave me, trying to get his mother to turn against me.
In the months before the abuse call was made, Joan was on the phone with my employer calling them almost every day to get me fired over a false accusation that I had hacked into my employer’s computers and tampered with her medical bill. I was investigated and found innocent. Joan says again on her cyber-bullying page that I am a computer hacker. So in 1994, she couldn’t get me fired, so she calls child abuse on herself, and gives my name as the caller, names my fiance as the abuser. This was a blatant attempt to break me and John up. Didn’t work, the fiance is now my husband – 10 years now. – This was also the time frame (1993-1995) that Joan’s own marriage was breaking up.
I’ve been accused of other “harms” to her – read this blog – you’ll find them all documented here.
So now we have Joan, trying to give some “anti-harm” wisdom. Oh really Joan, you’ll have to do better than that. – For one thing, to soothe your guilty conscience, you need to read that page at the top and on the right side menu – “What is demanded of Joan Wheeler.” and I have copied and pasted that entire list of demands at the end of this post.
No, reader, Joan Wheeler is not Miss Goody-Two-Shoes. In reality, she is Ms. Bull-Shit-Boots.
“Anti-harm” wisdom? oh puh-leaze Joan. Like you didn’t mean to harm me when you called my employer repeatedly to get me fired? Like you didn’t me to harm us when you called us “fuckheads” on the adoptee forum? Like you didn’t mean to harm us when you told all those filthy lies in your book? Like you didn’t mean to harm us in that filty rant of yours on your blog in December 2009 when you threatened to expose “all the dirty little secrets” you think we sisters have? That’s called emotional blackmail Joan – and it is HARM. And readers, I have challenged Joan many times in the past on this blog to come forth and tell everybody just what dirty little secrets she thinks she has over us. I challenged her again last month! We have no “dirty little secrets” to have exposed.
So you see reader, what a sniveling little bull-shitter Joan Wheeler is. And a low-down hypocrite.
“A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe.”
Right Joan – if I were you, I would read those words very carefully, over and over and then read this list of demands again. Only one demand has been met, the pulling of the book off the market, and it wasn’t done voluntarily by Joan. We birth sisters did it. By showing documented proof – actual court documents – that Joan Wheeler HARMED us by slandering us in her book.
What is demanded from Joan Wheeler
The Three Sippel Sisters, having read the book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler, have discovered many many falsehoods, lies, misrepresentations, and false accusations of us, our family members, our family situation, and even some of our friends. Ms. Wheeler has also been on her website and various places on the internet spreading these same lies and accusations.
The purpose of this blog is to refute and debunk Ms. Wheeler’s statements that she puts forth in her book and on the internet. We also will discuss Ms. Wheeler’s behavior in real life, because it is detrimental to us and our family.
The Three Sippel Sisters demand the following:
1. Public apology and retraction from Joan Wheeler for the following:
1.Falsely accusing Gert of repeatedly sexually molesting Ms. Wheeler.
2.Falsely accusing Ruth of having a criminal record and being placed on probation.
3.Falsely accusing Ruth of calling child abuse on Ms. Wheeler in December 1994. In the book, she lists it as happening in 1993, on the internet in May and September 2010, she lists it as 1996. – (only a liar can’t keep dates straight – I have scanned and posted an actual letter sent by Joan dated December 1994 to New York State Child Abuse authorities and in it she states the call was made Dec. 1994. Why are there 3 different years listed by Joan in this letter, in her book, and on the internet?
4.Falsely asserting that there was a 3 month court battle in the spring of 1994 over this child abuse call. (which according to her letter didn’t occur until months later, and on the internet, years later). There was never a 3 month court battle between Joan and Ruth. and again, why does she keep mixing up the date of the call? Perhaps because she keeps lying about it.
5.Falsely accusing Ruth of hacking into computers where Ruth works and tampering with Ms. Wheeler’s medical bill in late 1994.
6.For six months of almost daily phone calls placed to Ruth’s place of employment for the purpose of Ruth losing her job. This was AFTER Ruth’s employer’s investigated Joan’s complaint in the fall of 1994, determined that Ruth was innocent, informed Joan of this, yet Joan continued into the spring of 1995 with calling various departments in the hospital and falsely informing them that Ruth did tamper with her bill.
7.Falsely asserting that Ms. Wheeler has had “multiple orders of protection” against the 3 Sippel Sisters.
8.Falsely asserting that the one and only Order of Protection Ms. Wheeler ever received (against Ruth) was for one year, when in reality it was for 6 months.
9.Falsely asserting that the 3 Sippel Sisters repeatedly interfere with Ms. Wheeler’s life and harass her.
10.For using our picture on the back cover of her book without our permission. The book is used for monetary gain, therefore, Ms. Wheeler is making money from our likeness.
11.For writing letters to Anthony J. Masiello, when he was mayor of the city of Buffalo and other elected officials, giving them personal and private details of Ruth’s life, thereby invading Ruth’s privacy.
12.For stealing Kathy’s money and belongings in 1993.
13.For stealing Ruth’s money in 1990 and the bead trim off the wedding dress of our mother, which was Ruth’s property.
14.An apology and explanation that Ms. Wheeler lied to Professor Rene Hoksbergen, and asked him to interfere with Kathy’s life in 1993, thereby invading Kathy’s privacy.
15.For all lies and misrepresentations that are contained in the book and on her website.
2. Joan WILL comply with the following:
1.The complete pulling of the book Forbidden Family off the market.
2. Full return of Kathy’s money and belongings that was stolen by Ms. Wheeler in 1993.
3.Full return of Ruth’s money that was stolen by Ms. Wheeler in 1990
4.The cessation of posting any more about her sisters ANYwhere on the internet, except when discussing her adoption and she is to limit her discussion of her sisters to say that she has 3 older birth sisters, one who first made the contact with her, and due to personality conflicts, any reunion between Joan and her 3 birth sisters has been terminated.
3. Ms. Wheeler will cease her public statements that:
1.Our father was coerced into relinquishing her for adoption. It has always been his assertion that he was NOT coerced.
2. The 3 Sippel Sisters are “trashing” her on the internet via “multiple” adoption reform sites.
4. We Three Sippel Sisters further demand a public apology from Professor Rene Hoksbergen for his interference with Kathy in 1993, and his recent “professional” review of the book Forbidden Family, wherein, he is guilty of spreading a false allegation of sexual abuse by the person of Gertrude McQueen. Professor Hoksbergen did not check any “facts” that Joan Wheeler alleges, and therefore he is guilty also of damaging the reputation of Mrs. McQueen, and the other two Sippel Sisters.
Unless and until ALL these listed items are complied with by Joan Wheeler, (and Professor Hoksbergen), this blog will remain an active blog with every printed lie, misrepresentation, or misdeed of Joan Wheeler’s, either in the book, or on the internet, or real life, WILL be refuted and the truth WILL be documented. Further, any future lies, falsehoods, misrepresentations, and further invasion of the privacy of The Three Sippel Sisters, their families and friends, will result in the continuation of this blog.
ALSO: Ruth hereby demands that Joan Wheeler’s ex-husband Colby Allen Bell repay every penny of the money he stole from her in 1990. – $490.00. He withdrew $500.00 from the joint checking account that Ruth had with them to purchase real estate (with her permission) to purchase a case of fireworks. Colby was supposed to replace that money when the fireworks were sold. He did not. He repaid Ruth only $10.00.
Further, in 1991, 3 ATM withdrawals were made totalling $400.00 from Joan and Colby’s checking account, causing their rent check to bounce. Joan and Colby accused Ruth of doing it. The following year, Colby was caught on a student video, admitting that it was HE who withdrew the money to support his habit of frequenting strip joints.
Ruth demands a formal and public apology from Colby from his theft of her money and a formal and public apology from both Joan and Colby concerning the accusation that she illegally made ATM withdrawals, which could have resulted with a criminal investigation of her by the bank and law enforcement. This could have damaged her reputation irreparably.
Again, until ALL demands here listed are FULLY met, this blog will remain active and the public shall know just what kind of persons Joan Wheeler and her ex-husband are.
Gert here…
very interesting!! So Joan put this little ditty up yesterday? after I posted on my blog
Do we see Joan Wheeler’s childhood anywhere in here? And is it possible for her to ‘heal’ herself?
which contains the article—
7 Steps to Lasting Change: Finding Freedom from Addiction by Deepak Chopra, M.D., F.A.C.P.
In the article he focuses on Childhood Roots of Addiction…
and my point is that Joan Wheeler has had a childhood of many abuses and she has NOT addressed them and that is WHY she is so hateful and angry.
Joan…your karma is catching up to you…you can’t get away from it.
3. Ruth – April 14, 2012 [Edit]
right Gert – we have long suspected that Joan suffered abuse from someone when she was a child. She speaks very little of her childhood in her book. Indeed, she hardly ever spoke of her childhood to me while we were close – once upon a time.
In her book, while relating several incidents, Joan goes out of her way to describe hand and arm movements from those who she is talking about. stuff like: Hands up, arm sweeping, arms outstreched, hands open, a swipe of his right arm, palm facing down,a swipe of his open hand in the air, palm side down, upper arms close to his side, elbows bent, clenched fists at waist.swept his arm in the air, palm up to the night sky, ..ran away from me, her arms up in the air, …vigorously waved his finger in the air, hands behind his back,
There are many other such instances. of hand and arm movements.
And people are always snapping and snarling.growling – I have never read a book before in my life that has so much attention on hands hands hands – Joan – this is something you need to tell your therapist – and that ditz therapist Nicole Urdang, who gave a “good” review of this crap book on Amazon – it’s another clue she missed. – readers – I wrote a letter to Urdang in 2010 telling her she was a poor therapist because she missed the clues – this was not a good book at all – it is not helpful in any sort of adoption reform – it’s a manifesto of hate against anyone who ever disagreed with Joan, and a desciption of an alcoholic woman descending into madness.
So Joan is now “against” harming people. right, sure, if she so believes Dr. Dyer’s words, she would put her money where her mouth is – and take down that cyber-bullying blog – because it is nothing but harm to us. Take your own advice Joan and stop harming me and my sisters with your lies.
Joan – if you truly advocate Dr. Dyer’s words – you would make amends for all the harm you have done to people thruout your life. Not just to us birth sisters – but to everyone you have insulted thru the years and in your book. Yes, by insulting Polish people, Catholics, and people who live in trailer parks, you have sent harm to them. – Readers, in her book, Joan refers to people in trailer parks as “trailer trash.” She puts down people who live on the East Side of Buffalo (traditionally teh rough tough inner city.) – So the inner city is rough, has gangs, is economically depressed. Does that mean EVERYone who lives is trash? The mayor of our city lives on the east side. My district councilman lives on the east side. My mother’s family grew up on the east side. My husband’s family lives on the east side (and all my brother in law’s kids went to college). – And I live on the east side. I organized a block club on my street. Attended seminars and meetings with city officials to better the life of not just my neighoberhood, but the whole city. What does Joan do with that little bit of info? – She slams me for it in her book. What asshole slams another person for doing their civic duty by trying to improve the quality of life in their community? – Joan! Because all she knows what to do is insult people and put them down – thereby HARMING them.
Joan, why don’t you just SHUT THE HELL UP?!!!
And before Joan starts again with the lie that we were abused and that HER ADOPTION caused us severe mental illnesses…I will state here NOW…
I was NOT abused as a child. I have never been been treated for any kind of addiction…I quit smoking 12 years ago…I have never been treated of any kind of mental illness or depression…Besides life’s usual ups and downs I’ve NEVER stayed in bed for days! I have held private and government jobs for over 40 years.
And perhaps most importantly….I have taken care of my physical, emotional and spiritual live with an on-going holistic life-style.
Joan’s insistence that we and others are damaged is just another form of ‘projection’ of her own ills onto everyone else.
Joan is a very sick person who harms everyone who stands in her sick way. And…time is ticking away…she isn’t getting any younger and before long she will be on her death bed wishing someone cared about her and gives a shit about her…the harm that she has done to everyone in the birth family is starting to turn itself on to her…
Joan’s face is being rubbed into her own shit, because, she doesn’t know enough to not shit where she lives….
Oh another thing – I mentioned Joan slams the Catholic religion. She also slammed Pagans.
Way way back in an unprovoked incident of cyber-bullying of her birth sisters in September 2008 on her now-defunct blogspot blog.
At that time, I was the only one on the internet. Gert, having been working on computers and early internet in the mid 1990′s, publishing books, was burnt out and stepped away from the internet. Kathy, had never touched a computer, let alone expereinced the internet.
I had found her blog and saw a rant she did about (ho-hum) her crappy adoption. She was slamming her adoptive family. Then she slammed her birth family. She put out a “warning” to the Three Sippel Sisters to stay out of her life – which we were! Then she went on to slam the Christians for not preventing her adoption – then she said something about Christain and Pagan values.- This was a direct slam against Gert and mine religion. And she knew Gert was a pagan. She talks about in her book. I’m not sure if she knew I was a pagan at the time.
I am what is known as Neo-Pagan, Wiccan. And the most important charge we have is this: HARM NONE.
As I said, the attack on our pagan religion was done in September 2008 BEFORE her book was published. BEFORE this blog was in existence, BEFORE I tried to defend our family from Joan’s lies and misrepresentations of our family in an online news article in October/November 2009.
So Joan the HYPOCRITE has a lot of dam nerve putting up a blog accusing me and my sister of cyberbullying, when it was JOAN herself who began the cyberbullying A FULL YEAR BEFORE THIS BLOG WAS IN EXISTENCE!
AND on that blog of 2008, she committed the HATE CRIME of slamming other people’s religion!
NOW she comes on the internet and quotes a motivational speaker’s words against HARMING people?
Joan, SHUT THE HELL UP!
6. Ruth -
To this day, Joan goes on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum and other anti-adoption sites and swears at and aobut anybody who is pro-adoption. She cyber-bullys ANY one is for adoption. She swears at them, calls them names.
Joan, my dear, by swearing at people on the internet, for their lifestyles, their beliefs, their choice of family life is HARMING people.
Joan – you are nothing but a hypocrite and a bullshit LIAR.
Diligence, Ridicule, Self-Actualization – Joan Wheeler tries to understand Taoism. March 17, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cyberbullying, dishonesty, Disrespect, embellishing the truth, emotional blackmail, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, LIBEL, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, ridicule, self-actualization, SLANDER, stupidity, Taoism
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I generally have a good sense of humor. Sometimes it is a bit irreverant, and most times I don’t take myself too seriously. One thing I don’t laugh too much about is how people address me. In my childhood days, people would call me Ruthie. At the age of 14, I had a moment of self-actualization and I decided I didn’t want to be called that and ever since, have been diligently telling people to call me Ruth.
When my younger brother Steve turned 12, I asked him, “how do you want to be called? Stefan, Stevie or Steve?” He thought about 10 seconds, and said “Steve.” I thought of the little baby who I changed his diapers, who I sat with overnight at Children’s Hospital when he was 5, sick with pnuemonia, the little kid who I always called Stevie, and acknowledged that he was growing up. From that moment on, I called him Steve. I recognized the 12 year old young man in a moment of self-actualization, and respected him.
In my workplace, I am continually telling new people I meet “Don’t put the y at the end of my name.” I have had only one person call me Baby Ruth and get away with it. – He was the husband of one of the nurses I work with. John is a sweet heart. A little immature, but is just such a sweetheart. Last year, a cousin of mine, who I used to babysit, joined facebook and called me Ruthy. I hadn’t seen Nancy since 2003 at her Aunt Gail’s funeral, and before that hadn’t seen her much at all the past 20 years, seeing as she moved away from Buffalo. I told her via facebook, “don’t call me Ruthy.” A week later, a distant cousin sent me a message on facebook, and called me Ruthy. I told her as well, “don’t call me Ruthy.” She got all bent out of shape, and actually started a fight with me. I won’t be bullied by ANYone, so I booted her off my facebook. And then, to prevent any other people from my childhood that are reconnecting with me, to respect me, I wrote this in my facebook intro: “Mae govannen!(welcome) from LadyMoondancer– My name is RUTH, not RuthY, or RuthIE. This is my personal perference, please respect that. I will be 59 years old on August 9, 2011. I am not a baby. I haven’t gone by my baby name since I was 14 years old.”
Now some relatives, because of their age, and having been calling me Ruthy since the day I was born, I will just let them. Out of respect for them. Their children, of my age-group and younger, need to respect me when I ask them not to call me that. If they forget and still call me Ruthy (as even my sister Gert still does occasionally), I let it slide, because we are all human. But when somebody gets all bent out of shape and starts a fight with me on what I wish to be called – oh no no.
When we were reunited with Joan in 1974, she hung around too many relatives that were still calling me Ruthy. And she would occasionally call me that. I would tell her not to. And eventually she lost the habit. I sometimes called her Joni. She never objected. I don’t know when, I think in the 80′s when she became a wife and mother, I sort of dropped the habit and called her Joan.
When I started my blog in November 2009, AFTER Joan’s book was published, and I saw the direct reference to an article Joan wrote in 1990 that had my true name in it, yes, I identified myself as Ruth Sippel Pace, the birth sister of Joan Wheeler. By referencing that article and directing her readers to it, she compromised my name. So calling me Brenda in the book was negated. AND she used HER real name AND only changed my father’s first name. And both she and my father, using their real names and photos, were in two articles of The Buffalo News. So my name was further compromised. AND she used a family portrait on the back cover. That clearly had my father’s face. So who is Joan trying to fool?
So now we come to a couple of rants on her website that Joan wrote on December 10, 2009. One sentance she wrote was “And why did I bother to change names in the book? I was thinking of YOUR privacy, but heh, guess it is time to use real names because Ruthie decided to jump the gun.”
Considering her book came out BEFORE I started my blog, no, I didn’t jump the gun. And see how she ridicules me sarcastically by calling me Ruthie. I never addressed this slur against me, until now. Because Joan has the audacity to put the following on her website on March 14, 2012:
A very long time ago, I subscribed to an online newsletter which is now defunct. I had saved the followiing quotes:
“When superior people hear of the Way, they carry it out with diligence. When middling people hear of the Way, it sometimes seems to be there, sometimes not. When lesser people hear of the Way, they ridicule it greatly. If they didn’t laugh at it, it wouldn’t be the Way.”
— Lao-tze, 6th century bce Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism, from Tao Te Ching
“People have ridiculed the concept of the Way (or the idea of striving to thinkarete, self-actualizing, self-improvement, etc) for centuries. Remember Lao-tzu’s wisdom that if lesser people don’t laugh at it, it wouldn’t be the Way”.
Ruth here again – um, not sure if the word “thinkarete” is in the dictionary, – nope, it’s not in my Tenth Edition Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. mmm, let’s see, if the word cigarette, is the French “little cigar”, is thinkarete “little thought?” Addendum, March 19, 2012: It seems that thinkarete is a correct term after all – well sort of – it’s a made up term by a self-styled guru who has a couple of blogs on New Age mental health and health foods/nutrition and such. Well, whatever floats your boat! Anyway – Joan made this correction to her blog, attributing that last sentance to: “from philosopher Brian Johnson, Founder of Zaadz and thinkArete” She still doesn’t tell her blog readers what Zaadz or thinkArete is. that’s just plain sloppy, coming from a person with two college degrees and a self-advertised social worker (although she never worked a day in her life AS a social worker – talk about resume padding!) and it’s sloppy coming from a . . writer! And your welcome Joan, your gratitude to me to help you clarify something on your blog has not gone unnoticed. Just clarify it a little more. Accuracy is always good. Mistakes made should be acknowledged as such.
Taoism has a lot of good ideals. Joan would be wise to study it further. And then put in to practice what she so blithely slaps around on her website. Because she just put the spotlight on her own diligent hypocrisy and ridiculing and bullying others. So Joan, how do you respect MY self-actualization when you sarcastically call me RuthIE on your website?
Joan, all over your cyberbullying page, your Forbidden Family website, on various forums and other internet sites, and in your book, you have repeatedly and diligently ridiculed me and my sisters by telling falsehoods about us. Joan repeatedly and diligently ridicules any one is pro-adoption. Joan repeatedly and diligently ridicules the Catholic Church. In her book, Joan repeatedly and diligently ridiculed the following groups: infertile women, adoptive parents, Catholics, Polish people, inner city residents, trailer park residents (yes, she called them trailer trash), and poor people.
Joan, until you remove that cyberbullying page, remove all references to your sisters on your Forbidden Family page, come forward publicly to explain the many harassments you committed against me and the many lies you have told about me, you will always be one of those “lesser people” that Lao-tze is talking about. Because if you really were thinking of The Way, you wouldn’t be doing what you are doing.
Here is a screenshot of her webpage where she diligently ridiculed me and diligently denied my self-actualization:
And notice how she diligently threatens us by saying she will “give you trash talk of all the dirty little secrets all three of you have that are not in my book.” – We have addressed this issue before on my blog – we told her that we will not be held to emotional blackmail. That if she has “dirty little secrets” about us, she should just put them out. Because we don’t have “dirty little secrets.” I challenged her once before (about two years ago) to come out with whatever crap she thinks she can hold over me. She never took me up on my challenge. I have been truthful in this blog – to the point of posting actual court documents that prove Joan’s lies about me. Only “lesser people” resort to threats. I don’t threaten, I do. When that distant relative of mine on facebook got all bent out of shape when I told her not to call me Ruthy, she went off on me and threatened to “defriend” me. I read that, and immediately went in to my facebook settings and kicked her right off my friend’s list. Then I blocked her. Then I deleted the entire ridiculous disrespectful post. I didn’t threaten, I did. Because when I see that MY self-actualization wishes are not being respected, I speak up for myself. Because I have certain human and civil rights. And those rights are not negotiable.
“Threats are illogical, and payment is usually high.” — Sarek of Vulcan
Gert here…
ah..diligence and ridicule….
I too am very familiar with the Tao Te Ching as well as the I Ching…which I shall quote in this comment.
I was NOT going to say anything at the obvious ‘hit and run drive-by shooting’ that Joan did..but now that Ruth has I have some thoughts. If Joan was really attempting to show her ‘superior’ self, her self-actualized SELF, she would not have done this stupid little ditty. No…she is still the same immature little brat as always.
Like the brat she is, she throws a temper fit on our blog…making the contact with us that she says she doesn’t want and then when the heat is put back on to her, she crawls back under her rock…but can’t resist yet another little taunt at us! Sneak!! she only stuck her tongue out at us!!
Like Ruth at some point in my life I grew up and left my childhood name of Gertie. Likewise, certain people in the family have continue with that name and I let it slide. I have NEVER called Joan Joni, yet in her writings she slips, from those inner visions of her reality, and has me calling her Joni…that is HOW I know she makes shit up. Joan likes putting words in other people’s mouths. Joan has so many words coming from her own mouth that proves her to be anything but self-actualized.
All good comes when we are innocent…I Ching
what good has come to Joan when her lying libelous book, websites and other venues where she speaks are revealed?
Misunderstanding truth creates opposition…I Ching
Joan has opposition because she does not understand the truth…the truth of her birth family…which we, the birth family, have told and will continue to tell.
Joan do the right thing and remove those hateful libelous blogs.
Ruth -
When Joan got married in 1983, she decided not to take her husband’s last name as her last name. She even printed up a one-page statement and distributed that paper to all those who were at the wedding. The statement was about how her name had already been changed, against her wishes, when she was adopted. And she went into the whole political thing about the significance of a bride taking on the groom’s last name, and it was all about the woman giving up her identity. But she did wear a wedding ring! And a ring is a symbol that you are “owned” by another person.
Joan tells us on page 228 of her lying book, that when she decided not to change her name “for both feminists reasons as well as adoption-based reasons,” her adoptive mother “couldn’t understand why a woman wouldn’t change her name when she got married.” Joan says that she received harassing letters from her amom, addressed to Joan Bell, or Mrs. Bell, or Mrs. Bell-Wheeler “and other combinations.” Joan says “My mother’s letters were abusive, nasty, and emotionally distressful.”
Well, well, well, Miss Joan Wheeler, so YOU don’t like it when somebody disrespects YOU – but it’s okay for YOU to disrespect others – especially when they have specifically said “don’t call me by (blank) name.”
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. And so AGAINST the ideals of Taoism, Christianity, and just about every religious and spiritual path on the planet. – what did Gert just call you? A little brat? Yeah, yeah, that fits Joan to a “T.”
this blog receives kudos February 28, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates.Tags: abuse, adoption, anti-bullying, bullying, cyberbullying, kudos, standing up to a bully
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One of my facebook friends, one whom I’ve known for a few years, has given this blog kudos. Nancy, who also goes by the name Madamstar is a California Wiccan Priestess, Witch and Belly Dancer. And a beautiful lady, inside and out.
I have learned much from Madamstar, and although I have been slacking off from my lessons in Madamstar’s Forum (both on facebook and on the private forum), she understood what I was going through and what I was doing.
Most of the blog posts here and on our sister site Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor are shared on my facebook. This way relatives and friends of mine can read what Gert and I write on our blogs.
Imagine my surprise this morning when I read the following about me (as my screen name LadyMoondancer) on facebook:
Cap’n Nancy Lombardi
Wiccan News: Im very proud to bring this Wiccan News Line. I had found one of our Sister Lady MoonDancer’s online Forbidden Lies!! She is one of the few Witches that will stand up for her rights, enough to bring the truth of her family issues. Some times we tend to keep our mouth shut when it comes to deligating our issues with people. That becomes very irresponcible for their actions. Lady MoonDancer had never stopped at her pace, to prove her point. If, only others knew the strength and courage of our Lady MoonDancer had to stand up for. As well the time spent on her information, and her speaking up. Congrats Sister!! Iam so proud of you., I even spent the time, to go over each sentence thhttps://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.comat/ you had typed. I also believe in everything that you had said. Keep up your strength as well, your rights. Our sister even used my old saying.. Thank you, Lady MoonDancer for taking that inspartation of my words.”
I honestly don’t know what to say. I didn’t start this blog to impress anyone, I only wanted to stand up to a bully and tell the truth about myself and my family. But if I can inspire anyone to stand up for their rights, to stand up to a bully, that’s when I will say I have done something. I also hope that this blog can serve as an inspiration to other birth siblings in an adoption event.
Too often we hear of the adoptee and their problems. Or we hear of problems from the adoptive parents, or the birth parents. Rarely does anyone think of siblings, birth or adoptive. I have already heard from two birth siblings who also were being bullied. I hope their path gets easier.
Here is the screen shot of Madamstar’s post. – thank you Madamstar – for not only this kudos, but for believing in me.
1. gertmcqueen
Gert here:
Thank you very much…Madamstar…for recognizing the fortitude and strength that Ruth has! I know it means a great deal to her to have this kind of understanding!
Well done Ruth, and thanks to Madamstar. I know this means a lot.
3. Ruth
Gert and Kathy (Chayelet) are my two older sisters, who were also instrumental in this blog. We Three Sippel Sisters (as Joan herself named us back in 2008 in a totally unprovoked internet slam) are separated by miles, but not by love. Yes, we have had our misunderstandings, as all humans do, but we were never viciously vindictive to one another. We were content to just “let it be.”
This is the lesson that Joan refuses to learn. That as humans, we are all flawed. We will step on another person’s toes from time to time, sometimes without meaning to. There is no need for vicious back-stabbing and bullying.
Some people may look at this blog and say “well aren’t you doing the same thing to Joan?” And in a sense, we are. But our purpose, outside of setting the record straight from all the lies that Joan put in the book and on the internet, is to get Joan to STOP writing on the internet about us. Because she is still doing it TO THIS DAY!
Even though we were successful in getting that filthy book of hers pulled from publication, she continues to have a lying cyberbullying page up, filled with lies about us. She continues to ramble on about with falsehoods about her adoption with false stories about OUR childhood, our parents, our stepparents, and other extended family members. – That is why Gert put together her own blog: Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Honor at http://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/ – because she, as well as Kathy and I, were appalled at how Joan was not only dragging us sisters through the mud, but our own dead mother, and two of her brothers – one who is still alive – and who now has turned his back on Joan!
We have a list of demands that we want Joan to adhere to – it is right at the top of this blog – under the tab “What is Demanded from Joan Wheeler.” – Untill all items in that list have been met by Joan, this blog will remain in existence.
Joan knew not what she started when she named us The Three Sippel Sisters. Because there is truth in the saying “The Power of Three.” … So Mote it Be!
More Lies by Joan Wheeler from January, 2012 on another website February 9, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunion, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cyberbullying, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, LIBEL, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, spreading untruths
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So, at another wordpress blog, Finding God’s Fingerprints at the post “Adoption: Where Do You Begin?” Joan spouts some more lies and misrepresentations of us. She apparently has nothing better to do with her life than to keep spreading lies about us on the internet. I left the following comment for this particular post. It is awaiting moderation. I don’t know if the moderator will approve my comment or not. If she wants to keep lies on her page, that is her decision.
I have only commented on just a couple of pieces of Joan’s garbage, but Gert has taken Joan’s garbage and answered everything that Joan has said in her very excellent post “Joan Wheeler continues to lie and lie on another adoption site, but she got caught! part one.” and “Joan Wheeler continues to lie and lie on another adoption site, but she got caught! part two” Gert outlines every example of fact-twisting and lie, that Joan did as well as outlining every incident of bullying, intimidation, and brow-beating that Joan committed on that site – intended to bully the site’s owner, an adoptive mother, other adoptive parents and those wishing to adopt.
The moderator of the site did put up my comment – but here they are anyway – and keep reading to see how the moderator felt to have her site taken over by this family drama – a drama that didn’t need to put out there in the first place – but that’s how Joan is – she just HAS to have her bullshit drama spread all over the place. Bullshit should be only be spread around in farms and gardens as a fertilizer, to help things grow. Joan’s form of bullshit is toxic – and turns people away from her. Will she never learn? – and at the end of this post – is proof positive that one of the adoptees who commented on Erica’s site is a spamalator – a person who not only intentionally spams pro-adoption sites, but posts links of those sites and instructs other people to spam them too. Yeah, Daniel ibn Zayd – I’m talking about YOU. Keep that crap up, and the law might come after you – delibrate spamming is cyberbullying.
so here is my comment answering Joan’s latest bullshit:
I am a birth sister of Joan Wheeler’s and am appalled at her continued bantering of falsehoods regarding her adoption. She says: At his wife’s funeral, a Catholic priest said to him, “The baby needs two parents”. And a woman approached him and said, “I know someone who will take your baby.” Her brother and his wife became my adoptive parents.
No, my mother’s sister’s childhood friend had a brother whose wife was infertile. My aunt and her brothers asked my father after my mother died, “what are you goint to do about the baby?” My aunt suggested the adoption by her friend’s brother. My father consulted the priest. NONE OF THIS HAPPENED AT THE FUNERAL. I have heard the stories from not only my father, but my aunt, and my uncles.
Joan also says: The Christmas after I was born, and two weeks before my adoption was to be finalized, my adoptive parents bought a Christmas tree and presents for my four older siblings, ages 3, 6, 8 and 9. The kids were in bed when they delivered and set up the tree and gave my father the presents. They must have had a babysitter for me so they could do this act of charity. My adoptive mother told me that she and my adoptive father wanted to do something nice for my natural father and his children so they would have a nice Christmas. Imagine how my natural father felt receiving these gifts in exchange for his 5th child? His other children never knew where the tree came from or the presents.
This is a lie. My father worked as an engineer at Buffalo’s City Hall and was making good money. Six months after my mother died in March 1956, he remarried (Summer 1956) to a woman from a large Italian family. There was no need for ANYbody to send over a tree and gifts. This story may have been told to Joan by her adoptive parents because they lived in a suburb of Buffalo, while we continued to live in the “inner city.” Joan was raised as a spoiled only child, with hand-made dresses. The rest of us, as kids from any large family would, wear hand-me-downs. So what? We also had many fine Christmases provided by my father and his second wife, many gifts from both sets of my birth grandparents and my stepgrandmother and her son and daughters. If anything, we kids PROSPERED with so many relatives!
Joan further says that we birth siblings ruined her life, and our reunion with her. She says that at age 18, she was unprepared for the reunion. She says we were out of bounds. NO, my sister Gert asked an adoption agency and they said that there was no restrictions on siblings to find adopted out relatives. No, we did not consult our father, but after he was reuinted with Joan, he was happy to see his daughter again.
Joan made the concious decision BEFORE we found her to search for us, so that negates her statement that she was unprepared.
Joan says we ridiculed her for her anti-adoption stand. No we did not. I myself appeared with her for a tv news interview on WGRZ tv Buffalo, New York AND I encourged her to write a book. Sad to say, her book was full of hate directed at her birth family, me in particular. In May of 2011 we were successful in having her book pulled from publication due to the slander and lies contained in it.
Joan also fails to tell people on this site and elsewhere WHY our reunion turned sour. Because she interfered with parental authority, she stole money from us, in my case it was hundreds of dollars, and she called my job repeatedly to get me fired over a false accusation. She sent harassing letters to me, one said that my infertile husband got the next door neighbor pregnant.
For Joan to get on the internet and spread such lies, while being guilty of lies herseld speaks volumes of her character.
Click on my name to go my blog Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler, where we take every lie contained in Joan’s book and present the truth – with documetnted proof of her lies: actual court documents (one of her lies was that I have an arrest and criminal record – which is false and slander) – and actual letter written by Joan herself.
I am NOT against adoptee rights. I am just against this particular adoptee who has spread lies about me for more than 30 years and ruined our reunion with her because of her immoral activity. She says we wanted to mold our baby sister into what we wanted? NO, all we wanted was someone who didn’t lie to us, create trouble, steal from us, and wreak havoc in our lives.
1. gertmcqueen -
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Gert here: it boggles the mind…just how much Joan likes to talk and talk and talk…the same of lies and fabrications…on every new blog and news site she finds!
She left several rambling, over the tops, comments. She is nothing but a raving manic and she thinks by doing so that people will get her message…wrong!
It doesn’t matter, to us, really, if this blog does not recognize nor publish our comments related to Joan…BECAUSE…the moderator will check us out and will be cautious the next time Joan opens her month! This particular ‘adoption’ site will see, like others have, that Joan is a nut case and will never listen to her.
Our job is done…for this site…and every site that we find where Joan lies and lies and exploits us and our family.
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oh – on that site – in one of her numerous nonsense comments, Joan mentions that her boyfriend’s father died in November (2011) – like that had something to do with the topic on the blog! HOWEVER, during a check at The Buffalo News just 10 minutes ago, I found that the man died on October 30, 2011. Okay, it was only a couple of days before November, but we see how JOAN DOESN’T GET THE FACTS RIGHT!
I have caught her in many of these little slip-ups in her book. Like the time she was describing a fight she had after a party of my younger brother’s First Holy Communion. She described the day as cold and rainy. I posted pictures of my stepsister who was wearing a dress with spaghetti straps. Full sunlight streaming in the windows! And a check in the library on the mircrofilmed newspaper for that day – the weather was listed as “warm and sunny.”
Nitpicking? Not when you are dealing with the facts of people’s lives – which Joan turns completely around to suit her fantasy of what happened – which in turns means: CAN YOU TRUST WHAT JOAN SAYS ABOUT HER BIRTH FAMILY?
For example, this bullshit about my father accepting a xmas tree the year after she was born – which would make it Dec. 1956 (actually 11 months after she was born, considering she was born in January). In December 1956, I was 4 years old, yet she says I was 3. And she gets all the ages of my siblings wrong.
This is the example of an author of a non-fiction book? Her book that is full of mistakes just like this – plus the lies we found in it. Bad bad Joan. -
update:
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The moderator approved my 2 comments with this caveat:
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Erica says:
February 9, 2012 at 11:31 am
I have approved of these comments regarding your side of your birth families’ story, but will ask that any future comments from yourself or Joan regarding this topic, be done personally, or on your own site. I absolutely understand your desire to defend yourself, and your family when you feel you are being wronged (especially publicly), but I do not want my site to become the place to do this. I would like to keep the focus of this post for people who are considering adoption and don’t know where to begin. Thanks for understanding! -
to which I answered:
Ruth says:
(Your comment is awaiting moderation.)February 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm -
Erica,
I thank you for posting my comment – there are two sides to every story and you are fair and gracious to have let my side to have been heard. -
yes, people should keep their comments to the topic at hand. And this topic was for adoption. The comments should also be truthful. Because when the truth is not told, or the topic is not adhered to, confusion is the result. I say kudos to those who want to consider adoption. They should know all the facts.
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I am also for adoptee rights. Truth in their documentation should be a must. However, militant tactics and lies only hurt and confuse people. And make enemies of those who might otherwise help in ways that are not known.
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Erica, please let me extend to you my apologys for the drama posted here. – Ruth
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so what can we learn from this debacle (besides what we already know – that Joan is a liar)? That Joan is the real cyberbully! She finds a pro-adoption website and spouts her garbage on it. And she uses their site as a way to tell more lies about us.
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You should be ashamed Joan. And before you start with ranting and raving that we are cyber-stalking you – we’ve told you before – yes, we are there watching and monitoring what you say on the internet – because when you are talking about your birth family and spreading untruths – we have the right to know about it. Because we ARE your birth family – and any untruth spread about us will be refuted. You have recently posted a few anti-adoption remarks on the internet, which did not mention us. And we left them alone. But the minute you include us in your comments, you have left yourself wide open to rebuttals from us. Shut your mouth about us and you won’t get into trouble on the internet. Now here is another site you are banned from – just like the Huffington Post last March.
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Gert here…
thank you Ruth for thanking Erica, the owner of that site.She also posted my comment…
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gertmcqueen says: February 8, 2012 at 3:43 pm
I am birth sister to Joan Wheeler, you really ought to see the other side of the story check out the birth siblings blogs@ gertmcqueen.wordpress.com and ruthsippelpace@wordpress.com Amongst many things, Joan Wheeler violated the adoption process I was in with adopting my own son, in 1980…Ruth…you are so right when you say….
so what can we learn from this debacle (besides what we already know – that Joan is a liar)? That Joan is the real cyberbully! She finds a pro-adoption website and spouts her garbage on it. And she uses their site as a way to tell more lies about us. You should be ashamed Joan.
These angry adoptees are the real bullies….and they shall be exposed because NO ONE deserves to have a target on their backs because they are pro-adoption.
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Ruth here – Gert – yes – Joan and the other adoptees from the adoptee forum, Daniel, one of them,ARE the true cyberbullies.
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Readers – at the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, these militant, angry “hating” adoptees regularly post urls of ANY pro-adoption site with instructions for their members to go and spam them. Which they do, and then come back and post on their forum how they “socked it to them.” They use disgusting hating smilies like “punching” karate chop, piknose, barfs – any infertile woman, birth mother who relinquished their baby for adoption, adoptive parent or adoption agency is fair game to these people. Bullies, that’s all they are. We have seen evidence from as far back as 2008 of Joan having been kicked off pro-adoption websites.
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I went to find a post on the forum to see if they publicized Erica’s site to spam her, but didn’t find evidence of it. BUT – I did find in early November 2011 TWO posts instructing the forum members to spam two other sites – and one of them was started by Daniel ibn Zayd, who left a couple of comments on Erica’s site. – This graphic is a screnshot of my computer screen while I was on the index page of the general discussion board of the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change – proof positive that these “adult” adoptees are not advocating for change – their purpose is to BULLY pro-adoption sites and CONDEMN any one who is pro-adoption. That is NOT the way to change things. The way to change things is NOT to spam people – but to lobby the lawmakers. And by bullying, browbeating and verbally abusing adoptive parents on the internet, all they are doing is making assholes of themselves. – And like all bullies, when their bullying tactics are revealed, when people stand up to them, they slink away into their self-made cesspools. They tried to bully me in February 2010 on this blog – they came over in droves after Joan asked them, and left a number of obscene messages. When they saw that I was not intimidated by Joan or them, they slunk away. Adults? not in the way they act. They act like little petulant children, that when they don’t get their way, they resort to leaving obscene comments on internet sites.
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by her own words, on her own website, Joan Wheeler admits to fraud December 24, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reunion, being downright nasty, bullying, copyright infringement, cyberbullying, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, emotional abuse, fraud, harassment, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, LIBEL, Lies, Lori Corangelo, misrepresenting one's credentials, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, spreading untruths, theft, wrongful publication of a photo that the author does not own the copyright to!
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Here is a screenshot that I took of Joan Wheeler’s “About” page on her Forbidden Family website.
this is her trying to justify her publishing MY childhood photo on the back of her book. I took this screenshot on December 24, 2011 0500 (5:00am).
Carefully read what she has to say:
“This photograph of my natural family was taken in Autumn of 1955. My mother is pregnant with me. This is the only family “portrait” I have. My deceased natural mother’s sister (my aunt) sent the photograph to my adoptive aunt who then gave the photograph to my adoptive parents in 1956. My adoptive mother gave me the photograph when I was 18 years old and newly reunited with my natural family.”
Okay, first – we have no way of knowing exactly what month this picture was taken – it could have been early summer 1955. Because I, (in my father’s arms), am awful small for a three year old. This picture could have even been taken in 1954 when I was 2 years old. – Whatever – the other point is – even if Mom was pregnant – (she looks fat – NOT pregnant) – Joan was NOT a legal entity when the photograph was taken.
Joan admits right here that she was not given a paper copy of the photo until she was 18 years old in 1974. Since I and other members of the extended Herr family – my mother’s siblings and their children also had copies of this same photo – it shows us that this photo was widely distributed AFTER my mother’s death. This photo could have been taken by any number of persons – my paternal grandmother, who only lived a few blocks from us, a member of the Herr family, heck, it could even have been taken by our landlord Mr. Johnson. (not Williams, Joan – JOHNSON).
In the terms and conditions set forth by Trafford Publications for their authors, it is stipulated that the author must own the sole copyright to the work and ALL IT’S CONTENT.
So how does Joan Wheeler think she owns the sole copyright of a photograph that she is NOT in, was NOT the photographer, did not even see it, or own a COPY of until 18 years AFTER the photo was taken?
And Joan, my dear, if I find out that you took MY baby picture and took out a copyright/patent on MY baby picture – YOU ARE GUILTY OF FRAUD!
That’s right readers, (pay attention Lori Corangelo) – JOAN WHEELER DEFRAUDED TRAFFORD PUBLICATIONS WHEN SHE SIGNED THE CONTRACT WITH THEM. AND I WILL GO AFTER JOAN VIA MY ATTORNEY IF I FIND OUT THAT SHE OBTAINED A FRAUDULENT COPYRIGHT ON MY PHOTOGRAPH. – and you will end up in jail – or the psych ward – I don’t care which – just as long as you get put away so you can stop your lying on the internet and stop your lying mouth!
Change your mind, change your life! Or do you really like being miserable all the time! July 8, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Dreams, Inconsistent Angel Things, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Lessons in Life, Uncategorized.Tags: being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cyberbullying, emotional abuse, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, healing yourself, Lies, meditations, therapy
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by Gert McQueen
It never fails to amaze me just how many people there are that NEED to retell their pathetic versions of their lives, to each other, and the world, INSTEAD of accepting that ‘shit happens’ and move on, from pain to ’having a life’. Personally, I can’t stand SUFFERING, I refuse to suffer and therefore I DON’T SUFFER. It’s all in your mind and your belief system! Hey…I gave up lent for lent! But there are many people who think that that is what life is about…suffering…and so every minute of their existence is painful and they must tell the entire world.
Joan Wheeler, using one of her nicknames of 1adoptee, is never at a loss of words to describe how terrible her life has been, how people have misused her, and how she can never forget nor forgive. Even after spending 35 years of her precious life writing a book about her pain and anguish and having that book removed from the printing press and public sales because of it’s libelous statements against birth and adoptive families, this person, Joan, just can’t STOP YAKKING ABOUT HER PAIN AND ANGER.
There is a mistaken view/opinion that by telling, in so-called ‘support groups’, one’s own horror story it will prevent the same thing from happening to others. This is so terribly wrong! It actually hurts others. It promotes perversity and gives a ‘badge of honor’ to the mental illness that is portrayed by repeating painful situations and outbursts of rage as well as a continued slander against family members. What possible positive thing can occur, for others, to read over and over again about the horrible trials and tribulations of Joan Wheeler? How does all this help bring about ADOPTION REFORM? Individuals that have the power and position to make real changes DO NOT LISTEN to these angry outbursts.
Is there nothing else in Joan’s life that she can discuss besides the hurt and pain that she feels? Damn! she is like a broken record, it never stops, no wonder no one can stay around for long with her. Joan doesn’t want to get better, she doesn’t want a life, because she doesn’t know how to live any other way. Such a waste! Change your mind, change your life!
So here is Joan’s recent thoughts and my comments.
| Re: What never to say to an adoptee « Reply #51 on: June 30, 2011, 01:22:57 PM » |
When my adoptive father died in 1982, after 8 years of my reunion with my natural father and other natural blood kin, an adoptive cousin came up to me as I was getting out of my car to go to my adoptive father’s funeral at the funeral parlor. She said, “You OPENLY declare you have two fathers, therefore, you must not love THIS father. Your other cousins and I decided we don’t want you here!”
I was 26 years old and stood alone. I was raised an only child. My adoptive mother was driven to the funeral parlor by someone else and was unware of what my cousin said to me.
Gert here: And look at the icons she adds to SHOW us how she feels!!! Can you feel her anger, her disbelief, her rage?? She sure wants you to, she wants to make sure that everyone continues to feel it, that is the only thing that keeps her alive; her anger and rage! But…how different a life she could have if only she would…change her mind and change her life! Does her man like to listen to her outbursts? How many men has she had that have left her because of her outbursts? How about her children? Have they stayed with her? Are they happy living with her? Those are the questions that Joan and other adoptees ought to be asking!
Sure, some people are idiots, people say and do lots of stupid, heartless things, but at some point a healthy person LETS GO OF IT and MOVES ON. Over my life-time, and I’m sure in times to come, I have had insensitive people say very hurtful things to me. Their words and deeds are not in my mind for long…they are poison and my body, mind and spirit does not want those poisons, so I release those things and release the poisons. I am happy and content, I have changed my mind and have changed my life, many times over.
I have only been speaking out about Joan since she published that lying book. Until Joan removes the two websites that are a source of continued harassment and slander to the birth family I shall continue to speak out about her. I was very happy before Joan was in my life, and after I banished her from my life when she did dirt to me, and I went back to being happy with not having her in my life after 2 unproductive reconciliation attempts with her. I have been very happy until she wrote a lying book and until she stops talking trash about us, I shall continue to expose her.
Joan, you wrote about the nasty adoptive family already, so drop it, what good does it do to you. Are you happy by keeping this anger and rage? Don’t you ever want to be HEALTHY? Guess Not.
Another thing that Joan keeps saying, as if it excuses so many of her faults, is that she was raised an only child. Joan is incapable of ‘standing up for herself’ at the moment of any form of conflict or disagreement. She states here she was 26 and stood alone, because she was raised an only child….and that proves what? I became an ADULT at age 18 when I married and became a mother!
By the age of 26 if a person can’t stand up for themselves, they never will and here Joan is age 55 and she still is reliving this….CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR WORLD.
She continues on…replying to someone else’s comments here in italic.
Re: What never to say to an adoptee
« Reply #53 on: June 30, 2011, 01:39:54 PM
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“Yes, but it took me years to tell her and even then, she didn’t care. She was very close with the aunt and these cousins and beleived their shit over me anyway.”
About two years before my adoptive mother died, I was thinking about this and the fact that this aunt and my adoptive parents knew I had sisters and brothers when I was adopted, and NO ONE from the adoptive family wanted me to know about them,, so I took this up with my therapist. “Does your mother know how you feel?” was the question. I spent a yar and half crying to my mother about these two issues and she finally said, “But I didn’t say that to you!” (about the comment made at my adoptive father’s funeral). My adoptive mother never appologized for keeping me away from my siblings all of my life. BUt my aunt and my cousins definately felt I was wrong to be in a reunion with my natural father and my siblings. My adoptive mother died this past March. The cousin who made that remark was present in the room when my mother was dying, so was her mother and her sisters. Two sisters appologized and tearfully hugged me as my mother lay dying. My aunt never appologized. My natural father died this past January.
Sorry to hijack the thread, but I just had to answer the question.
Yes,, it still bothers me after all these years. Just goes to show how deeply ingrained prejudice against adoptees goes when your own family hates the fact that I was found and was in reunion since 1974…I was found… I did not search! Fortunately, not all of my adoptive family felt this way, but many others did…
Gert here: Again, a regurgitation of the same old sad story, Joan’s life-long series with a therapist! What a racket! The purpose of therapy is to get better and learn how to deal with issues. But if you are always going to a therapist, by Joan’s statements here and elsewhere she is still, in her late 50′s, going to a therapist. That therapist is sure making money off of Joan! And because Joan is on Social Security Disability, the taxpayers of New York State are paying for Joan’s therapy! They are not helping Joan they are keeping her a slave to therapy and keeping NYS in debt!
If Joan has been seeing a therapist why did Joan have to spend a year and a half crying to her adoptive mother for a comment that that woman never said! That is typical of Joan…browbeat someone else that had nothing to do with the original injury! Joan should have gone to the person who spoke the words, not the adoptive mother years later. Joan can not stand up for herself to anyone…she has to find the next weakest person, hide behind others, or write something using big threatening words and make up stories for others to believe her. NOT ONCE has Joan answered any of her sister’s accusations against her. NO Joan goes to many others to do that dirty work, or she acts like she is incapable of acting on her own. (Ruth’s note: yes, I have challenged FOUR times on this blog for her and me to take a lie-detector test to get to the bottom of her “viewpoint” (LIE) that I have an arrest and criminal record. No response from Joan. I have repeatedly on this blog, addressed statements to Joan to come clean, even listed a set of demands from us to her that will, when met, result in the dismantling of this blog. – We know she reads this blog, even though she says she doesn’t. Because she will quote it. But she has NEVER addressed us directly! Instead she goes running to this adoptee forum and gets THEM to address us. And their statements to us is usually hate statements, or stupid comments that show us that instead of doing research, getting to the bottom of the truth, READING this blog, they are like being led around by their noses by Joan).
And this type of person, with this type of disability, that Joan has, will NEVER help adoption reform. She is a liability to reform.
This is a very telling statement of Joan’s; ‘My adoptive mother never appologized for keeping me away from my siblings all of my life’. What the hell!! Since when does an adoptive mother have to apologize for the act of adoption? The whole point of adoption IS TO KEEP THE CHILD AWAY FROM THE NATURAL FAMILY! Joan and all these adoptees haven’t a clue about the REAL purpose of adoption. Joan wants EVERYONE to apologize to her because she is an adoptee!! Bullshit!!
Joan is certainly NOT sorry for hijacking the thread! (which was about ‘what never to say to an adoptee) because when Joan has the opportunity to open her mouth she must do just that ‘hijack’ the conversation. Using her own words, ’it still bothers me after all these years. Just goes to show how deeply ingrained prejudice against adoptees’ proves the Joan is not HEALTHY. Her identity is an adoptee that has been abused by prejudice. Of course that is false, but to Joan, it is truth and so she will never be healthy.
Continuing on with answering yet another comment.
| Re: What never to say to an adoptee « Reply #59 on: Today at 11:04:45 AM » |
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Btw Iadoptee, what your afamily did was horrible.
Thanks,… They are such backward thinking people.
Now that both adoptive parents are dead, it seems I don’t have to associate with the rest of the family anymore so they don’t bother me.
It was a life of hell, though.
Thank god for the few who have brains and treat me fairly…and lovingly…
Gert here: This is Joan’s view/opinion and truth about her adoptive family…that they are backward thinking people! Now nice of her…I’m sure that Joan wins much approval from those adoptive relatives just as she has from the birth family! But now, that the adoptive parents are dead, she is safe because…there is no reason to associate with them any longer and they no longer can bother her. So why does she have to keep talking about them? She tells us in the next breath…her life was a life of hell…oh we can’t forget that Joan’s life has been hell. Too bad she hasn’t been able to change her mind to change her life…if she can maybe her life will not be hell anymore. (Ruth’s note, I said it before – last month on the Buffalo News site where Joan had her editorial on birth certificates published, that Joan was whining that the newspaper didn’t publish her editorial fast enough for her. She went on the forum and said that the city of Buffalo was full of backwards thinking people and she has tried for years to get them to see her point of view. I said then and will say it again: Joan doesn’t know how to talk to people, actually she is two faced – she is all nice and sweet to their face, then TALKS SHIT ABOUT THEM BEHIND THEIR BACKS AND WHEN THEY FIND OUT HOW SHE HAS BADMOUTHED THEM, THEY RUN FAR AWAY FROM HER! Yes, even people who just might be in a position to help her or her cause, because Joan, here is a lesson for you to learn: PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE BEING CALLED BACKWARDS THINKING!)
But isn’t it nice to know that there are a few, just a few, that have brains and treat her fairly and lovingly! Lucky them! They must really enjoy all the rage that Joan gives out.
My god! If I was trying to get healthy and do adoption reform, I’d stay far away from this nut case. All her life she can’t stand up for herself because these people are backward thinking and have treated her horribly. If it isn’t the birth family she is trashing, its the adoptive family. And if you are not a member of either of those families, don’t think you are safe. If you cross Joan Wheeler, you too will feel her wrath and be subjected to slander such as backward thinking people!
Ruth’s additional comment:
Lest people think that Gert and I and Kathy have allowed ourselves to be poisoned by Joan and her backward thinking, let me say this to you – NOT A CHANCE! Yes, we were at a more peaceful place before Joan published that book of lies. Yes, it hurt us to read the garbage in it. It hurt us to see how Joan not only dishonored US, but our dead mother, other family members and our dad, who recently died.
HOWEVER, we do not let that garbage book and Joan poison us. Because we are secure and happy with our lives. We have learned to take the crap that life has flung at us and shrug it off. Sure, there are times, life’s unfairness gets us down, but then we fling the negativity off and rise up shining! Joan has never learned this, despite many many people telling her how to do it.
Some people may think to themselves, “well, if what you are saying is true, how is it that you cannot shrug off this book?” My answer to that is this: the book is full of slander and lies about not just us sisters, but our entire family. If Joan had simply made a stupid putdown of me liking horror movies, (which she actually did in her book), I could simply shrug that off and say, “her opinion of me is not my business.” But she goes much much further – she falsely accuses us of leading criminal lives – this crosses the line into the legal definition of slander, libel, false accusation, harassment, stalking, bullying, cyberbullying. We have suffered through 30 years of harassments by Joan. The courts won’t help. So we stand up to the bully Joan with this blog.
Joan has also accused us of saying to her on this blog and other websites to commit suicide. NO, we have always said to her to GET SOME HELP! And here is a nice meditation for Joan to learn. Gert and I have learned this already. Perhaps not this particular one, but similar ones. But I know Joan, she’ll copy and paste it, read it through once, report she followed it and then report it didn’t work. And the reason she will give for it not working will be to blame us sisters for it. Or her “backwards thinking” adoptive family. Because nothing is ever her fault. She was given instructions 35 years ago by my step-uncle on self-hypnosis, and guided self-meditations. He taught me the same things and set me on a lifetime of spiritual learning. Joan never learned the lessons because SHE DOESN’T WANT ANY HEALING. SHE’S HAPPY IN HER MISERY! She has been going to therapy for more than 30 years and hasn’t learned a dam thing yet!
In 1984, there was an incident in Kitchener, Ontario after a rock concert that Joan attended and did something stupid. She called me the next day and told me about it. She told me that she had already spoken to her therapist on the phone about it. The therapist told her, and Joan repeated it to me. “If this is the lifestyle you want, then accept it. If it isn’t, then don’t repeat the action.” Apparently Joan WANTS the lifestyle she has – because she WON’T CHANGE IT. It is YOU, Joan, ONLY YOU THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Your afamily, your birth family cannot do it for you. ONLY YOU.
Joan has been in therapy for so long because she is addicted to therapy. She can’t live without a therapist telling her what to do. She hasn’t learned to grow up and take responsibility for her own life. She expects the therapist to wave a magic wand and all her problems will disappear. BUT IT JUST DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY. You go to therapy to hash out your problems, and then GET TO WORK ON SOLVING THEM. And the therapist cannot do the work for you, you must do the work yourself.
YOUR TRANSFORMING HEART
This meditation is based on an ancient Tibetan practice known as Tonglen, and has been used by many generations and traditions to cultivate bodhichitta, or compassion.
Once the steps have been practiced it becomes very simple. It can be used as a way to open and heal one’s own heart, for developing the ability of living from the heart rather than the head, for dissolving feelings of separation and isolation, and for giving unconditionally to others, specifically or globally. This is the true nature of Love Itself.
The outer, emotional heart may give pain as well as pleasure, true, but as one becomes more aware one accepts the pain as a blessing, an opportunity. The quality of the pain naturally starts changing because you are no longer resisting it. Then it is no longer pain; it is a fire that will cleanse and deepen you.
It is a transmutation, a transformation process, in which the old will go and the new will arrive; in which the mind will disappear and the inner, spiritual heart will function wholly. Then your life becomes a blessing.
TRANSFORMING HEART MEDITATION
This gift is from Atisha, a second century Tibetan teacher
When you breathe in, imagine you are breathing in the miseries of the people in the world – all the hardness, all the negativity and abuse, all the non-love that exists anywhere. Breathe it in and let it be absorbed in your Heart.
The so-called positive thinkers of the West say just the opposite but they don’t know what they are saying. They say, when you breathe out throw out all your misery and negativity; and when you breathe in take in joy, positivity, happiness, cheerfulness. Atisha’s powerful method is just the opposite.
When you inhale, breathe in all the misery and suffering of all the beings of the world.
When you exhale, breathe out all the joy you have —
all the unconditional love, all the peace, all the silence.
You will be surprised at what happens. The moment you take in the sufferings of the world they are no longer sufferings. The Inner Heart immediately transforms the energy. The spiritual Heart is a transforming force. Drink in misery and it is transformed into blissfulness… then pour it out.
Breathe out and pour yourself into existence.
This is the method of compassion:
Drink in suffering and pour out blessings.
Compassion is being a transforming force in existence – transforming the ugly into the beautiful, kissing the frog and transforming it into a prince, transforming pain into healing, darkness into light.
If you find any hindrance in the meditation, notice if you are holding on to expectations and release through heart breathing
Once you have learned that your Heart can do this magic, this miracle of giving, you will like to do it more and more.
Begin with yourself.
Breathe your pain, your suffering, your conflicts and knots into your own pure inner Heart.
Then breathe out from your Heart into all parts of yourself.
Keep going… and notice your increasing lightness.
- adapted from Osho, “The Book of Wisdom”
“`
“If you can experience it – this is of tremendous importance – then start absorbing it. Don’t throw it away. It is such a valuable energy; don’t throw it away. Absorb it, drink it, accept it, welcome it, feel grateful to it. And say to yourself, ‘This time I’m not going to avoid it, this time I’m not going to reject it, this time I’m not going to throw it away. This time I will drink it and receive it as a guest. This time I will digest it.’
“It may take a few days for your to be able to digest it, but the day it happens you have stumbled upon a door which will take you really far. A new journey has started in your life, you are moving into a new kind of being…..
“But start with your own self. Make a small experiment with your own pains, sufferings and miseries. The moment you accept the pain with no reject anywhere, its energy and its quality changes. It is no longer pain.
“And once you have found the key, then you can share it with the whole existence. Then you can take all the suffering of all the world, or all the worlds.
“Ride on the incoming breath and your small heart becomes bigger than the whole universe, then you know what miracles it can do. And pour out your blessings. It is the same energy passing through your heart that becomes bliss, that becomes blessing. Then let blessings go riding on the outgoing breath to all the nooks and corners of existence.”
- from Osho, quoted in “Relaxing Into Clear Seeing” by Arjuna Nick Ardagh
Suffer the wrath of the wronged birth sister who had nothing to do with Joan Wheeler’s adoption June 18, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunion, angry adoptee, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cyberbullying, dishonesty, Disrespect, emotional abuse, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, hatred of infertile women, LIBEL, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, spreading untruths, stupidity, theft, whining, wrath of the angry adoptee, wrath of the birth family
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by Ruth Pace
There’s a thread on the adoptee forum entitled Suffer the Wrath of the Adoptee. I’ll read it when I get a chance, but for now, I want to give my opinion on just the title of this thread.
These adoptees like to label themselves ANGRY ADOPTEES. They are angry because for whatever circumstances went on in their lives, they were adopted. I can’t comment on their stories, because I don’t know them, I don’t know what happened. Frankly, it’s none of my business. I can only comment on the adoption that I know all about – that of my younger sister Joan Wheeler, who also calls herself an ANGRY ADOPTEE.
I can’t control her anger. That is something she has to deal with. Whatever beef she’s got against my father, her aparents, the system – has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I was only 3 ½ years old when she was adopted by the Wheelers. I only heard that we had a new baby sister when she was born, then never saw her. Because of my father’s second wife’s illness, and her need to be placed in the psych center a couple of times, we remaining kids did indeed spend some years in foster care and a year in a children’s home. A couple of us lived here, a couple of us lived over there, and a couple of us lived somewhere else. (My stepmother had two sons of her own, so now there were six kids that needed to be looked after). When I was a little kid, I knew our younger sister was “adopted” and living somewhere else. I didn’t know what the word adopted meant. All I knew was that there was a total of 7 kids – 5 Sippels and 2 Genoveses scattered around. (4 Sippel kids, plus Doris/Joan and 2 stepbrothers).
Trauma? Nope, because this was NORMAL for us. And from time to time, we would all get back together, and we all saw each other regularly. Where ever I lived, I had tons of friends! We were never mistreated. Eventually it began to sink in what adoption exactly meant and when we were teenagers, naturally we wanted to be reunited with our sister Doris/Joan. And by then, we recognized the fact that because of the legal system, we couldn’t contact her. But we were determined to find her, and we did.
When I was reunited with Joan in 1974, I opened up my life to her and my heart. I never judged her. I accepted her as she was. In 1974, I had been on my job for 2 years. In 1971, I had my first apartment, (actually a room in a boarding house), then in 1972, I had a roomie, in 1973, I moved back to my Dad’s house to save money, and to help out with the kids from my father’s third marriage. In May 1974, two months after meeting Joan, I got my first real apartment. In 1975 I met a wonderful man and we moved in together. We lived together for 10 years.
And Joan was always a part of my life after our reunion. And yes, I accepted her, never judged her, she was my sister. We would do things as my time and my life allowed, just as with every other relationship in my life.
But by the 1980’s Joan began to lash out at us. She interfered with Gert’s children in 1981-83. In 1985, right after I had my miscarriage, she showed NO sympathy for my infertility. Went out of her way to bring up subjects that she KNEW would hurt me. I know the world does not end when a woman, who has been trying for years to conceive loses her baby, but when someone DELIBRATELY sets out to hurt someone – that is unacceptable. Even during a phone conversation in April 1987, she was babbling on about how she “knows” all about infertility. (no, she knows book stuff, but NEVER experiencing the pain of infertility or the grief of loss of your child – she does NOT know). I told her THREE times during this conversation that I was planning on seeing a grief counselor and I DID NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! To her, or anyone else! THREE times I said this – did she RESPECT MY WISHES? NO! She just kept on blabbing about how she knows about infertility. What a f’ing disrespectful bitch. That’s when I hung up on her and did not contact her. 2 months later I moved in with my present husband. I sent my mail to a friend’s house in Lackawanna NY. For a year, she kept calling my job in the daytime – (I worked nights – still do). I would come in to work and find notes paperclipped to my timecard to call Joan. And I would throw the notes out. After I reconnected with her in 1988, she told me she went to the post office and got my forwarding address in Lackawanna and tried to find me – but the people there said they didn’t know me. ha ha ha – (thank you Hassan). So who was STALKING whom – even back in 1987? But Joan bitches about ME stalking her when I read her shit online? She’s got a lot of f’ing nerve!
oh and by the way – when I did go to the grief counselor, I told her of the phone conversation I had with Joan. The counselor was appalled! She said Joan was disrespectful of me. (like I need a counselor to tell me that – but it was nice to know that a professional recognized Joan’s rotten behavior for what it was).
From 1987 to 1988, I did not speak to Joan because of her disrespect to me. BUT in 1988 I tried to have a relationship with her. By 1990, she was at it again. She stole hundreds of dollars from me, we had a fight on the telephone over money she promised me. She called me on the phone and dictated to me” “I know I said that I was going to give you this sum, but I changed my mind.” (paraphrase) I told her to keep the money and I never wanted to see her again.
This is what started the feud that continues to this day. Because I DARED to stand up for myself. I NEVER belittled Joan’s activism in the adoption reform field. And it was ME who told her to write her book! (silly me).
So let’s get back to this “suffer the wrath of the adoptee” business.
I WANT TO KNOW WHY JOAN WHEELER IS ANGRY WITH ME!!!!! AND WHY SHOULD RUTH SUFFER? WHEN RUTH HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH JOAN’S ADOPTION?
As I said, I was only 3 ½ years old when she was adopted. I had nothing to do with it. From 1956 to 1974, I always wanted Joan in my life. From 1974 – 1987, I accepted and LOVED her. It was JOAN who destroyed our relationship in 1990 by stealing money from me. Money that she knew wasn’t even mine! I had borrowed it from the bank! Joan put me into debt!
Then Joan set out to PUNISH me for being angry with her. In 1993, she baited me with a forged letter. (see post Did Joan’s 10 year old son write that letter I got in June 1993? Or did Joan herself? ) Like a fool, I fell for it. I called her on the phone, she hung up. I called back, she hung up again. I called again. She hung up. What I did not know, she had a trace trap on the phone. SHE was the one hanging up on me, but she filed a false police report saying that I called her, swore at her and hung up on her. A week later, my electricity was shut off. She still owed me money. I called her on the phone. The first call, I was crying and said, “Joan, don’t hang up, I need help.” She did hang up. I called back, she hung up. Now I was angry, and I did call and swore at her. Admit it- you would do the same. And of course, these additional calls were caught by the annoyance call bureau. So the bitch hauled me into court. No, I was NOT arrested, and yes, a six-month order of protection was given to Joan. The judge told me to stay away from her for six months and everything would be dismissed. No, I was not placed on probation. Yes, I did stay away from her for YEARS.
In the fall of 1994, Joan’s hospital bill got mixed up with another patient. She swore up and down that I did it. She complained to my employer. They investigated it. I did not do it. She wasn’t going to have it. She set out to change the events. She called my job for the next six months trying to get me fired. In December 1994, she called child abuse on herself, posing as me, and giving out my fiance’s name! Then in February 1995, I get a packet of letters in the mail from her – copies of letters that she had been mailing around to various elected officials in the Buffalo area – one of them being the mayor of Buffalo! These letters included my personal medical history and my life choices, where I worked, where I lived! I filed harassment and stalking charges against her. But the judge dismissed it, saying “sisters should get along.” By the way, during the time frame of December 1994 – April 1995, Joan was writing letters to my fiancé, sending them to his mother’s house, even wrote a letter to my future mother-in-law – the letters telling John to break up with me. She even telephoned John’s mother a few times, to trash me, then her other son grabbed the phone and told Joan if she ever called their m’f’ing house again, she would have to answer to him, and stop bothering his mother!
Joan continued harassing me. In February 1999, I received two letters from her. One telling me that my fiancé had gotten the next door neighbor pregnant. (the house was vacant). The other one accused me of driving past her house – when at the time, I did not have a car.
This time, I took her to Family Court. And was granted a one year order of protection against her. These were the only 3 times we were in court – and in previous posts, I have scanned and posted the actual court documents pertaining to them.
Joan finally stopped sending me garbage letters, but continued her hate campaign against me. She seethed in anger and I see that it built up in her, year after year. In 2009 she self-published her book and her anger and hate against me is very evident – almost every other page is anger and hate directed at me. She directs anger and hate against other people – but me in particular. She changes events around, LIES and says that it was ME who harassed her.
So again, let’s get back to the “Wrath of the Angry Adoptee.” Joan is angry, no doubt about it. But WHY is she angry at ME???
Around 1988-89, she managed to get MY former foster-mother mad at her. Joan, in her obsession to “re-connect” with her birth family re-traced her siblings childhood history, going around to the neighborhood we lived in as children, introducing herself to people who still lived there, and even meeting our former foster-mother. Now I had told her something, IN CONFIDENCE – that when I lived there – I didn’t want to be there. That was no reflection on the care they gave me – they were wonderful people – but I wanted to be with my father. What does Joan do? She goes and blabs that to my foster mother and made her cry. She was an elderly woman. She was a friend of one of my cousins, and cried to her. Gail knew my feelings and covered for me – she just said, “oh Joan probably got things mixed up.” But when I heard about it – I yelled at Joan. She sat at my kitchen table, 34 years old, and whined, “I don’t know if I’m doing anything wrong if nobody tells me.” What??? A 34 year old woman needs to be told how to behave? Not to betray things told to her in confidence?
Joan says somewhere in her book, and on her website, and other places on the internet, that the siblings that found her hold some sort of responsibility to her and her state of being after the honeymoon stage of our reunion with her. (my words, not necessarily hers, but the thought is the same). Excuse me. In 1988, she was 33 years old. She should have learned how to behave by then. She should have learned not to lie. She should have learned not to steal. She was raised by two competent people, she went to Catholic grammer school, Catholic high school, Catholic college. In 1988 she had two children of her own that SHE had the responsiblity to teach how to behave, yet she’s asking ME to teach these things to HER??? What the hell does she want from me?
So this message is now directed at Joan: I DON’T GIVE A DAMN THAT YOU ARE AN ANGRY ADOPTEE! I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! ALL I EVER DID WAS ACCEPT AND LOVE YOU! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?
TAKE YOUR ANGRY ADOPTEE BULLSHIT AND SHOVE IT WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE BECAUSE I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT IT!!!!!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE ANGRY ADOPTEE? WELL SUFFER THE WRATH OF THOSE WHO THE ANGRY ADOPTEE HAS WRONGFULLY HURT IN HER LASHING OUT!
Joan, you don’t get to write a book that sullies MY reputation! Your book is “your point of view?” BULLSHIT! You wrote intentionally to HURT me. You know damn well that I was NOT arrested and placed on probation. THAT is called slander and libel – because you set out to intentionally damage my reputation. Just look at your history towards me – in 1993 how you filed the false police reports, tried to get me fired in 1994, called child abuse on yourself to implicate me, in 1995 tried to break me and John up and trashed me to his mother, and stalked and harassed me, invaded my privacy by writing letters to the mayor and others, in 1999, you falsely tell me that John got the next door neighbor pregnant. And we are supposed to believe that you did NOT write that shit book to hurt me and it was only “your point of view?”
Yeah, we know, it is your point of view – YOUR point of view is that I, your sister, who never did a damn thing to you but love you, is trash, and should be punished in your book.
SUFFER MY WRATH, JOAN – - SUFFER!
Never fear, I won’t lie – I don’t HAVE to - because the TRUTH about Joan is damning! And she brought it all on herself.
Like this:
My letter (Jan 18, 2011) to Nicole S. Urdang, therapist, who thought the trash book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler was a good book, but then pulled her review of it off amazon dot com. May 15, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, contradictions, cowardice, cyberbullying, Disrespect, embellishing the truth, emotional abuse, false accusations, harassment, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, mental illness, mental instability, Nichole S. Urdang, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths, stupidity
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June 15, 2011, 6:00 am
to the members of redandwhitekop,who found this blog: welcome. I tried to register at your forum, but can’t get my Outlook Express to work. (gulleysucker – you are too funny! love ya!)
Oh yes, I have a very low opinion of Nicole S. Urdang as this blog post will attest. She not only wrote a stupid review on amazon on my sister’s self-published book of hate and rage against me and others, she even reviewed graham crackers! – so her nickname for her looooooong poetry is chocolatepsych? – I will admit to dabbling a bit in some New Age problem solutions, but geez, ya gotta keep it in perspective! And anyone who reviews crackers and calls themselves chocolatepsych just doesn’t seem qualified to me. She says Fridays are reserved for emergencys. mmmm. by all means – have your chum ring her up about his broken toilet seat – but make sure it’s on Friday – a broken toilet seat can be serious.
My other sisters and I call her a “ditz” – check out her website and see what I mean! I just want to put her picture up on a dartboard! roflmao! I just can’t see getting therapy from a ditz like this. I don’t think I could keep a straight face!
But seriously – I don’t want to be labeled as an “enemy” of the ditz – just someone who strongly opposses her and her support of my wacko sister. – Because the ditz is as wacky as my sister. Talk about the blind leading the blind! — Ruth
This is a letter I sent to Nicole S. Urdang, a Buffalo, NY therapist, who posted a review of the trash book Forbbiden Family, on amazon dot com. In it she says this book was good. I question this woman’s ability to be a therapist, because obviously she can’t see the book is from a deranged mind. Also, I wonder just what her relationship to Joan is – if she is Joan’s therapist – then she stepped over the bounds of professionalism. If she is not, and merely a friend, she needs to be a better friend to Joan and urge her to get on some psych meds. Please DEEPLY READ this letter, examine it – see if there is any reference to Joan Wheeler being an asshole – because I NEVER wrote to any professional person or agency and called Joan an asshole. And neither have my sisters.
Ms. Urdang never had the courage to respond to this letter, which I mailed via the US Postal Service. Gert also contacted her via email. Ms. Urdang never responded to Gert either. Says a lot about her character – AND – she removed her review of the Trash Book from amazon dot com. mmmm, makes one wonder.
January 18, 2011
Nicole S. Urdang
Buffalo, New York 142
My name is Ruth Sippel Pace. I am the birth sister of Joan Wheeler, author of the book Forbidden Family, of which you wrote a review of and placed on Amazon.com. I cannot believe any person of your occupation could think a book like that is anything but garbage.
I don’t know how you are acquainted with Joan Wheeler, and I really don’t care. Whether you are involved with her on a personal note or a professional note, you need to be aware of Joan’s actions towards her entire family. Her behavior is psychotic, anti-social and borders on criminal, indeed, she HAS crossed the line and HAS committed criminal acts. They are not enough for law enforcement to act on, but as we have seen time after time, these people keep on with their sick behaviors until we have an incident comparable to what happened in Tucson, Arizona on January 8, 2011. In 1998, Joan Wheeler was asking around for a “hitman” to “take her (me) out.” Because of this death threat, I took her to Family Court and was granted a one-year order of protection against her. Now Joan has hooked up with someone, and I am concerned. Joan also has posted on her website hate statements against me and my sisters. These statements are also indicative of coming from a psychotic mind and are a cause of concern.
Joan in the past has tried to ruin my life. Due to an innocent typing mistake, her hospital bill got mixed up with another patient’s bill in 1994. Joan immediately accused me of hacking into my employer’s computer to tamper with her bill. She sent a complaint to my employer. They investigated it, and told Joan that not only did they trace it to a typing mistake, but that it was impossible for me to do it, as the computers on the nursing station are not connected to the billing computers. Joan wasn’t going to have it. For the next six months, almost every day, she placed calls to the hospital telling everyone that I was a thief, a computer hacker, and should be fired. I work the 11pm – 7am shift, and was never told about this. I found out about it six months later. When I questioned a secretary in the nursing office, I was told that there had been a meeting by hospital administration that they were to hang up when Joan called and not to tell me. Yes, Buffalo General Hospital Administration protected me. Joan then tried to break my husband and me up by sending me a letter telling me that he got the next door neighbor pregnant. And they had a daughter. The only two babies born to women in that house from 1987 (when we moved there) – 2005 (when it was torn down), were boys. And Joan did much much more to me. I did try to take her to court for harassment in 1995, but the judge dismissed it, saying sisters should get along.” Would that that statement could be true. In Joan’s garbage book, she completely turns the story around, saying that it was she who took me to court and describes scenes that could only come from a sick person’s deluded fantasies.
Your review of her book Forbidden Family is in itself a work of garbage. You are a professional therapist and do not see within the pages of that book a chronicle of a person losing their mind? Did you not even catch contradictions from one page to another, indeed even in one sentence?
Even on her website she is full of contradictory statements and behaviors. For example on this page: http://forbiddenfamily.net/2009/12/10/angry-adoptee-rant1/, she gives out our full names. And later down the page, she says she doesn’t want us to view her website. Her website is supposed to be adoption reform, yet she has the hate statement against us. And does not see that if she puts our names there, we then have the right to see what is written about us.
My sisters and I have started a blog called Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family http://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/ I invite you to read it. It is not pretty. But Joan’s book is not pretty. How can someone write such garbage? And you, a professional, think this book is good? What is your professional opinion of what she says on page 163 about the condition of my mother’s body at the moment of her death? Joan claims that my father related this disgusting scene to her. This is a post I had made on my blog in October 2010:
Ruth’s note, May 14, 2011 – Here, I had copied and pasted a post from this blog in this letter I sent to Ms. Urdang. To save space, I removed it, but it is the post Ruth Pace’s additional comments of Personal Psychodrama of Joan Wheeler from October 14, 2010.
Also again and again in the book Joan alleges that I, Ruth Pace have a criminal record, having been arrested and placed on probation. This is slander and libel. I have never been arrested in my life. Joan is alluding to the 1993 event wherein she filed a complaint against me for annoyance phone calls made in June 1993, and she received a six-month order of protection against me, the dates being from August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994. In the book she says she signed the complaint in February 1993, and the Order of Protection was for one year, and I was also sentenced to probation. On my blog, I have provided the scanned copies of actual court documents that have Joan signing the complaint on July 19, 1993, and that I was NOT placed on probation.
As a professional, before you put your name to recommending a product or a book, you are responsible for doing research to see if that product or book is the “genuine article.” Since you did not ask me for verification of statements that Joan put forth about me in the book, you obviously do not care about the truth. And as you are a “professional” therapist, the truth should be your primary concern.
On January 11, 2011, my father died and Joan and her new companion were involved in the desecration of my father’s guest book in the funeral home. I invite you to read the following 3 blog posts that have been posted for legal and personal reasons:
Ruth’s note, May 14, 2011 – Here I had copied and pasted 3 posts from this blog in this letter I sent to Ms. Urdang. To save space, I removed it, but they are the posts: THIS IS A FORMAL NOTICE FOR LEGAL PURPOSES AGAINST JOAN M. WHEELER AND RUSSELL D. THOMAS OF WILSON NY (he made himself public by signing this on a separate page in the guest book; posted January 16, 2011. Legal Notice to Joan M. Wheeler – Part 2; posted January 17, 2011. and Legal Notice to Joan M. Wheeler Part 3 by Gertrude McQueen, first born of Leonard Sippel; also posted on January 17, 2011.
Now, Ms. Urdang, I will give some background information. This story was told to us many times through the years, and was also confirmed in March 2010 by my mother’s last surviving sibling, Richard L. Herr, currently living in Florida.
When my mother was diagnosed with the cancer in January 1956, her brothers had suggested to my father that she be seen by a cancer specialist at Roswell Park. My father hesitated, saying that he wasn’t sure if he could pay for it. The brothers offered to pay. My mother herself, refused the consultation from a specialist. She then died on March 28, 1956. Her brothers, in their grief, blamed my father for her death. However they felt about my father, they never, nor did their children, disrespect me or my siblings. My cousins, descendants of these five men, through the years, have always proved themselves to always have been respectful to my father, always referring to him as Uncle Leonard, and greeting him warmly when seeing him at other funerals, and at family reunions.
The hate message that was boldly printed in my father’s guest book was this:
“May he rot in hell for all eternity. From the Herrs: Charles, Matthew, Michael, Henry, Richard.”
These men are all dead, except for Richard, who is in Florida, in fact, he was on the phone with my sister Kathy, being physically in Florida when the forgery of his name was taking place.
If you, Ms. Urdang, are Joan Wheeler’s professional therapist, first and foremost, you overstepped your professional bounds by writing a personal recommendation of a book written by one of your clients. If you are her professional therapist, you are doing a poor job in counseling her. If you are involved with Joan in a merely personal level, as a friend, then you are doing a poor job as a friend. Because a friend would not let one carry on the way Joan does. A friend, or a professional therapist would try to make Joan understand the simple rule of “cause and effect.” When Joan tells a lie about a person, there can and will be repercussions.
If there are any further criminal acts committed by Joan, I will hold you partially responsible.
Respectfully submitted,
Ruth B. Pace
