Gert McQueen’s review of Rene Hoksbergen’s review of Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler December 27, 2011Posted by gertmcqueen in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: adoption, adoption reunion, by Joan Wheeler, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, Forbidden Family, Lies, spreading untruths
I would like to know just what Hoksbergen means when he writes this sentance: “The father tires (tries) desperately, sometimes successfully but often not, to compromise between his children.”
Again, as he did in 1993, Dr. Hoksbergen is sticking his nose into MY family’s business. CHILDREN? excuse me, sir, we were all adults with careers. Joan was the only one who refused to grow up, take on ADULT responsibilites and get a job. Many times, throughout the years that we birth siblings and our father tried to get across to Joan to GROW UP – GET A JOB – BECOME A MEANINGFUL CONTRIBUTOR TO SOCIETY. But she always has some excuse.
As to my father trying to “compromise” between us – what the hell does this mean? Along with Hoksbergen’s statement that there were feelings of jealousy, aggression and ignorance from us towards Joan. I ask you Dr. Hoksbergen – WHO TOLD YOU THIS? JOAN? Did you EVER talk to any of us? What feelings of jealousy and ignorance have I ever showed to Joan. What is ignorant is this so-called college professor to say this about me, a stranger to him. I’m ignorant? About what? Oh yeah – Joan’s pathetic life. Dr. Hoksbergen – I was busy building my own life. I had (still do) a career. As did ALL my siblings. We were supposed to stop OUR lives and understand Joan’s petty problems? Of what? She made the choice to marry a man who kept getting fired from jobs. She made the choice to be a stay-at-home mother. She made the choice NOT to get off her ass and get a job like millions of other lower-middle class people. – who also had children to raise. Get your head out of the 1950′s television shows Joan – life is NOT like Leave it to Beaver where the wife/mother stays home and does nothing. Throughout history and all over the globe, women have had to work in the fields, in the homes and after the Industrial Revolution, in factories. As the menfolk hunted, the women worked together to weave cloths, huts, blankets, cook. Women have always worked outside the home – as seamstresses, cooks, servants. If you can afford to make it on one income – the husband’s – that’s great! But if not – and you sit on your ass at home then write a book and bitch and moan about how “poor” you are – you dam right Hoksbergen – I DIDN’T and NEVER WILL show sympathy to Joan for her “financial problems.” I know about financial problems RIGHT NOW. So what do I do? I GOT OFF MY ASS AND WORKED ON CHRISTMAS 2011 to compensate for the fact that my post-open heart surgery husband (aged 68 years) canNOT work extra time and as hard as he used to 30 years ago.
Hoksbergen claims I showed ignorance, aggression and jealousy towards Joan.
Ignorant of what? Joan’s emotional feelings of being adopted? Did Joan EVER put forth ANY attempts of trying to understand OUR emotional feelings? NO – she never did.
Jealousy? Of what? What does Joan have that I should be jealous of? Oh yes – she throws it in MY face that because I lost my son through miscarriage that I am jealous of her because she had two children. And I hated her kids. What a crock of shit and she should be ashamed of herself. I had my miscarriage in 1985, yet she says in her book that in 1989 we had outings to the beach WITH HER TWO CHILDREN. Joan contradicts herself in her book when she is trying to psycho-analyze me. And why is she psycho-analyzing me in the first place? I thought the book was about HER life as an adoptee, not MY life as a woman who’s son died. And Hoksbergen believes every f’ing word this idiot Joan feeds him.
Aggression? WHAT AGGRESSION? Oh yeah – when I slammed the phone down on Joan AFTER SHE STOLE HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS FROM ME. WHEN I CALLED THE POLICE AND TOOK HER TO COURT FOR STALKING AND HARASSING ME WHEN SHE WAS FALSELY ACCUSING ME OF COMPUTER HACKING AND CALLED MY JOB REPEATEDLY FOR MONTHS TRYING TO GET ME FIRED. Oh yes, I admit it – I was aggressive to Joan all right – WHEN I PRESSED HARASSMENT CHARGES ON HER FOR A SECOND TIME IN 1999 WHEN SHE WROTE ME A LETTER TELLING ME THAT MY INFERTILE HUSBAND GOT THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR PREGNANT!
Hoksbergen – you are as delusional as Joan because you took that lying snake’s words as truth.
Getting back to my father’s trying to compromise between us? Again, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Gert, the oldest sibling moved out of Buffalo in 1982, and actually knew NOTHING of the trouble that Joan was causing me. Kathy lived in England, and knew some of the things going on. My brother lived in Arizona, and knew NOTHING of what was going on. I NEVER TOLD MY FATHER ANYTHING. In 2004, when my father was in rehab following open heart surgery, I took my stepmother out to lunch and we were talking about Joan. THAT is when I told her of: Joan’s stealing money from me in 1990, Joan calling my job to get me fired, Joan writing me that letter about my husband getting a neighbor pregnant. My stepmother and my father KNEW NOTHING (FROM ME) ABOUT THE COURT PROCEEDINGS THAT I INSTITUTED AGAINST JOAN. When my stepmother found out – she cried. “We didn’t know this was all going on.”
WHO WAS YAKKING TO MY FATHER MAKING UP STORIES OF FIGHTING BETWEEN JOAN AND HER SIBLINGS? – JOAN – THAT’S WHO! And we were NOT fighting – it was Joan and her bullshit stalking and harrassments that I was TRYING TO GET STOPPED BY CALLING THE POLICE, THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY, THE COURTS.
It was and always has been Joan who was the trouble-maker, not just with me, but others. In my post of December 22, 2011, “some examples of Joan Wheeler’s bad behavior – why nobody wants to hang out with her” I outline what Joan did to my cousin Gail. WHILE GAIL WAS BATTLING CANCER – she had to put up with Joan’s harassments. And Gail, who was like a sister to me, knowing what Joan did to me, wanted to prove to the family that it was NOT me, but JOAN doing all the trouble. She kept me out of the mess between her and Joan and it was GAIL who called my father to tell him what Joan was doing.
So Dr. Hoksbergen – you know NOTHING of what happened/happens in my family – and you need to publicly withdraw your support of Joan, and make a public apology to us – for your contribution to the slander and libel about me, and my sisters Kathy and Gert. Gert did NOT repeatedly sexually abuse Joan. I heard all about the little thing that happened right after it happened – I heard it from both Gert and Joan – and it was ONE experiment that JOAN initiated – and what I heard from both of them, (separately) was the same thing. Joan told me that SHE initated it. Joan is no angel when it comes to these matters. In 1984, being married only one year, with an infant son at home, JOan was at Lulu’s – a roadhouse bar in Kitchener Ontario and had a party – I know about it because she called me up the next day and was crying about it that she didn’t want her husband to find out she cheated on him. And in 1991, she did it again and showed up at my house at 5am, drunk and crying that she cheated on her husband again.
IGNORANCE? Gee thanks Dr. Hoksbergen for calling me ignorant. Well, I never went to college. So I don’t have a college degree. But you, Dr. Hoksbergen, AND Joan, can take your college degrees and shove them where the sun don’t shine – because it is JOAN WHEELER and RENE HOKSBERGEN who are the ignorant ones.
emails from Willem Koops, former colleague of (retired) Professor Rene Hoksbergen (palsie-walsie of Joan Wheeler) May 16, 2011Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates.
Tags: adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunion, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, Joan Wheeler, Willem Koops
From: “Koops, W. (Willem)” <W.Koops@uu.nl>
To: Gert McQueen
Subject: Re: about the book Forbidden Family
I thank Professor Koops for his kind email here. To see his email from Saturday, May 14, click on this link: Our Second Success in recovering our lives from the many lies told by Joan M. Wheeler in her trashy book Forbidden Family – college professors are now agreeing with us!
a note to any international readers of this blog, who may not understand American slang – the term PALSIE-WALSIE, is a sarcastic rendering of “good friend.” the word “pal” is slang for friend, as in buddy, chum, bro.
The Secret is Out – An examination of Joan Wheeler’s failure to protect her birth sister’s identities in her book Forbidden Family May 15, 2011Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, adoption, Adoption and Fostering - Quarterly Journal of British Agencies for Adoption and Fostering, adoption reform, adoption reunion, contradictions, Disrespect, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, embellishing the truth, examine the evidence, harassment, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, not protecting someone's identity in print, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, secrets, stupidity, The Secret is Out
Joan Wheeler likes to point out that she changed my name in her book Forbidden Family, thereby “protecting” my identity. What nonsense. Just because she changed my name to “Brenda” doesn’t mean she protected me at all. She claims that we identified ourselves on our blog AFTER the book was published, thereby relieving her of the duty of “protecting” us.
This is an excerpt from a recent blog post by Gert McQueen:
And here are more lies. It was Joan herself that made public our real identities, not once but several times. On Pg 634, footnote #15 of Forbidden Family she references her article The Secret is Out, written and published in 1990 where Joan published our full real names. We objected to that then and as Joan tells it, we harassed her. No! If she was not ‘outing’ the identities of us in the book Forbidden Family then WHY did she put in the reference to an article that identifies us and where anyone could find that information?
So what is this article “The Secret is Out?” It is a short article that Joan wrote in the late 1980’s. It was published in October 1990 in the UK in the “Quarterly Journal of British Agencies for Adoption and Fostering,” pages 22-27. It was also published in 1991 in The Netherlands in the book “Kind van Andere Ouders (Child of Other Parents),” edited by Professor Rene Hoksbergen (yes, Joan’s good palsie-walsie) and Has Walenkamp, Chapter 10, pages 155-163.
In its original publicized version, Joan identifies herself as Joan Wheeler, being born as Doris Michol SIPPEL (my maiden name). She also mentions the HERR family (my mother’s maiden name). She changed Gert’s name to Gillian, but left my name, my sister Kathy’s name, and our brother’s family nickname of Butch, INTACT. These are all on page 23 of the British publication, and page 155 of the Dutch publication. In addition, she identifies Kathy again on page 26 of the British publication and page 161 of the Dutch publication AND identifies the city of Kathy’s residence of Liverpool England.
She changed Gert’s name because Gert had already threatened her with a lawyer, and although in 1989 – 1990, Kathy and I were becoming embroiled in our own conflicts with Joan, we hadn’t yet reached the point of bringing in solicitors and attorneys. HOWEVER, Joan did not ask Kathy or me if she could publish our names, or our cities of residence. We did not even know that this article was being written until it came out and Joan sent us each photocopies of it. I was too busy to do any kind of complaint about it, but Kathy sent a letter to Barbara Fletcher, editor of the British publication.
On Joan’s website, she posts scans of both the British and the Dutch versions of her article. With the British article, our names are blacked out, and in the Dutch version, our names are whited out. In both versions, the cities of residence of both Kathy and me are still intact, as well as our maiden name of Sippel and our mother’s maiden name of Herr.
So what does this mean? This means that 21 years ago, Joan invaded our privacy by PUBLISHING OUR TRUE NAMES WITHOUT OUR CONSENT OR KNOWLEDGE! By blacking/whiting out our names on her website, shows she is covering her ass! And does she think people are stupid? You can clearly see that SOMEBODY’S name was PRINTED AND PUBLICIZED and she merely blacked out and whited out their names. The damage had been done when the article was first printed! Covering her tracks 20 years later just shows everyone that she is backtracking and scrambling to save her lying face. And as Gert pointed out, she refers readers of her book to this article – where our names are published! Changing a person’s name in the body of the book, then referring the readers of the book to an article that has the person’s true name in it, IS NOT PROTECTING THE IDENTITY OF THE PERSON.
Below are several graphics. Secret numbers 1 to 6 are the original published British article with our names and cities of residence intact. Secret number 7 is an establishing shot of Joan Wheeler’s Forbidden Family website. Secret number 8 is the British page with our names blacked out. Secret 10 is the British page with Kathy’s name blacked out, but with her city of residence still visible. Secret 13 is the portion of the page of the Dutch version, with our names whited out. Secret 14 is the Dutch version with Kathy’s name whited out, but the city of her residence is still visible. graphics Secrets 9, 11, and 12 were not needed for this post.
Now, members of the jury – examine the evidence. Can you convict Joan Wheeler, beyond a REASONABLE DOUBT that she invaded our privacy in 1990 and 1991, by publicizing our names without our knowledge or consent? Can you convict Joan Wheeler beyond a REASONABLE DOUBT that she failed to protect our identities by referring to this article in her book Forbidden Family?
Yes, the secret is indeed out – that Joan Wheeler is a liar, and she did NOT protect our identities in her book, and she was the one who identified her birth sisters first – way back in 1990! The glove fits. And if the glove fits, you can NOT acquit.
And by the way, my posting of these documents in no way violates any copyright that Joan Wheeler has for her article “The Secret is Out.” The article contains MY name, and the only person who owns the right to that name is ME. I do not claim any ownsership to this article, only my name. Indeed, the person responsible for writing such nonsense AND violating other people’s privacy is of course none other than Joan M. Wheeler. Who in the world would want to try to claim ownership of material that disrespects other human beings. It sure ain’t my work – I’m only reclaiming MY good name and reputation that Joan Wheeler has been trying to sully by dragging it through the mud. Those days are over!
Joan Wheeler has slapped MY name on her website and on her cyberbulling page. I claim the right to discuss MY name in any manner I see fit. I also claim the right to discuss MY life in any manner I see fit. Joan does not have any right to MY name or MY life. Least of all to try to make money about MY life. Need money Joan? Then get off your butt and get a job. You don’t use MY back to support you. Get yourself your own life and write about it – but keep MY life and MY family’s lives OUT of it – You ceased to be a Sippel in 1956. We tried to reunite with you, but by the 1980′s you got yourself THROWN out. That’s the real secret – Joan lost her birth family twice – once through adoption, through no fault of hers. The second time through banishment – through EVERY fault of her own actions and words.
Who writes Joan Wheeler’s reviews on Amazon.com? February 15, 2011Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, angry adoptee, book review, dishonesty, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, misrepresenting one's credentials
Joan Wheeler has written a compelling, moving, and often harrowing account detailing her life experiences as an adoptee who at age 18 was contacted by a sister whose existence was unknown to Joan. The subsequent reunion with her birth family was emotion-charged and turbulent with profound effects on Joan and her adoptive family, as well as Joan’s children later on. The book also recounts Joan Wheeler’s activism for adoptees’ rights and her efforts and suggestions to reform the adoption system in order to spare others the frustration and suffering she has endured.
Joan Wheeler LIES about Dr. Rene Hoksbergen in her book Forbidden Family September 20, 2010Posted by Ruth in Lies in the book Forbidden Family.
Tags: adoption, adoption reform, Disrespect, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, embellishing the truth, Lies, Mr. Joe Soll, stupidity, theft
This post is about Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, who wrote the forward to Joan Wheeler’s book Fobidden Family. He wrote the forward in 2006, but the book wasn’t published until November 2009, with additions to it that included events that took place in the summer of 2009. I am assuming he READ a manuscript of the book before he wrote the forward. But I guarantee that the manuscript he read is NOT the same that was finally published, for it contains a huge lie – ABOUT HIM!
First - a bit of history – because Dr. Hoksbergen is involved here – when my sister Kathy moved to England in 1974, she left behind two large trunks of belongings, intending to send for them – my brother had possession of them until 1978 when he moved to Arizona. JOAN then took them in, and when she did, she took on the responsibility of caring for them. In 1990-91, Kathy started sending Joan money orders to be used for shipping costs. We have the actual letters that Joan in her handwriting, acknowledges receipt of the money, but SHE NEVER SHIPPED THE BELONGINGS. (therefore, she STOLE the money that Kathy sent her). Finally, Kathy called my father, he yelled at Joan, who’s excuse was that she and her husband only had one car, she had little kids, she didn’t have the time to ship them, blah, blah, blah. My father, WHO DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE – managed to collect Kathy’s belongings, and ship them onto her for a total of about $150.00. (when I first posted about this, I didn’t see the second reciept and put down it was around $52.00). BUT – not all of Kathy’s possessions were there – Joan KEPT some of the stuff – STEALING IT. – oh yes, the letters that Joan and Kathy were writing back and forth here were quite friendly – so much for Joan’s assertions that she has not had contact with Kathy since the late 80′s – another LIE!
Kathy was angry that not all of her possessions were returned, and rightfully so — so what does Joan do? She enlisted the help of Dr. Rene Hoksbergen to send a letter to Kathy, on Utrecht University letterhead stationary telling Kathy that she should feel sorry for Joan, she doesn’t have the money to ship her goods to her – that it was going to cost $500.00 to ship the stuff – (obviously Joan LIED to him about receiving the money from Kathy in the first place).
I will have to scan and post my father’s receipts and the letter from Dr. Hoksbergen – and how dare Joan drag a STRANGER into our family business, and how dare he write to Kathy advising her on how deal with Joan. The result? – a formal complaint was made to Utrecht University in 1993 and a letter of apology from the university was sent to Kathy. Do you see how Joan drags even PROFESSIONAL people into her personal life and cons them into actually interfering with our family’s personal, private lives? This letter will also be posted.
The following are excerpts from previous posts that I have written months ago on this blog, and am reprinting them here:
On page 275, Joan Wheeler recounts a completely fabricated story where she and her husband brought adoption expert from Utrecht, Holland, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen for a visit to my house to meet me and my husband. THIS NEVER HAPPENED! I met Dr. Hoksbergen at Joan’s house on Swinburne St. Buffalo, BUT DR. HOKSBERGEN NEVER CAME TO MY HOUSE AND HE NEVER MET MY HUSBAND, AT OUR HOUSE OR JOAN’S HOUSE.
When I did meet Dr. Hoksbergen, I thought he was a rather nice man. I barely spoke to him, as I am shy around new people.
Joan then recounts a totally ficticious account of Dr. Hoksbergen’s fictitious visit, including a description of me jumping up and down, waving my arms around, yelling at Dr. Hoksbergen and calling Joan names. She says that my husband and I exchanged disgusted looks at each other.
She says that her mentor Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, adoption expert from Utrecht, Holland came to my house to meet me and my husband. LIE! He never came to my house. Joan describes a scene where I jump up and am pumping my arms around calling her obsessed and POSSESSED. This is a lie!
I met Dr. Hoksbergen once, AT JOAN’S HOUSE, AND I BARELY SPOKE TO THE MAN.
Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, I was going to write another post about the time Joan conned YOU into that nonsense about my sister in England’s belongings. I wasn’t going to use your real name, but since you wrote the forward to this book of lies, I hold you partially responsible for this crazy woman’s book of lies.
In your letter to my sister April 19, 1993, you tell K. that the cost of shipping her belongings to her would cost $500.00, and Joan did not have a car at that time to drive the stuff to a post office.
What Joan did NOT tell you, Dr. Hoksbergen, is that K. had sent a money order to Joan to cover the shipping costs. And she wrote and told Joan if she needed to take a cab, to call her and K. would send more money for cabfare. It was my father, who sent some of K.’s belongings to her for $52.50 OUT OF HIS OWN MONEY! -
back to the present – Dr. Rene Hoksbergen is going to be at “Shedding Light on the Adoption Experience, VI” in New York City, at the Park Central Hotel, this weekend, September 24 – 25, 2010. I suggest you go see him and ask him pointblank about the lies Joan Wheeler has told about him in her book.
Don’t take the Three Sippel Sisters word that Joan Wheeler is a liar – go ask TWO of your own – Mr. Joe Soll and Dr. Rene Hoksbergen!
Gert – September 21, 2010
Ruth is correct. I have already written about this appalling episode and it shall be seen here in due time. My entries are following the page/chapter sequence in the book and will be posted in sequence. I have a copy of this letter by Doctor Rene and I have commented line by line about the letter. But, readers will have to wait for it to appear here, in due time.
Joan has so much to answer for…we have only touched the surface.
I request that everyone of those people whom have doubted us birth sisters to contact both Mr. Joe Soll and Dr. Rene Hoksbergen and ask them for yourselves about what we here are asserting.
We have given you proof…now go out there and check it out…don’t believe us…don’t believe Joan…find out for yourselves…unless of course…you WANT be taken for a ride by Joan.
Ruth here again – ok this is a lot to go thru – but here is the correspondence regarding Joan and Rene about Kathy’s belongings. First up – Joan’s acknowledgement that she got the money order. Then Dad’s recipts where he only spent about $150.00, then the letter from Rene lecturing Kathy, and saying it would cost $500. Then Kathy’s letter to Rene. Happy reading! but first here are 2 additional comment from Gert and myself. Please keep them in mind while you reading them. btw when you click on the image, it may shrink back – wait a second, a small orange box will appear on the lower right hand side of the image – click on the box and the image will enlarge again – and you will be able to read it.
yes, there is alot to read here, but Joan has always given LOTS of trouble to her sisters. –So it’s good that people get to see the behind the scenes that Joan NEVER put in her book or wants the public to know about. —It’s good that people get to see what we birth sisters have had to put up with with Joan, the Liar.
Ruth – September 24, 2010 —-and if you see – this letter by Kathy was written in 1993 – 17 years ago – and what does it say?
“Prof. Hoksbergen — why should we feel sorry for a 36 year old woman — she’s not the only one who suffers in life — I want my things back (that Joan stole) — Joan LIED to you — Joan, leave me alone — Joan, stop getting people to do your dirty work — Joan is violating my privacy — Joan won’t take no for an answer — Joan whines and complains she is poor”
Sound familiar? Because it is 17 years later and Joan is STILL DOING THE SAME DAM THING! AND STILL WHINING ABOUT THE SAME DAM THING! — the first image is the letter written by Joan to Kathy where she says she got the money order from Kathy – then whines about why she can’t get Kathy’s belongings to her – her kids were in school all day – the youngest was 10 – her attic wasn’t that big – give me a break – she couldn’t find them. But she sure found them when our Dad yelled at her and he came over in a cab and collected them – and he used the cab to take the stuff to the post office and sent the stuff over to England. WITH HIS OWN MONEY! Joan never gave him anything from the money that Kathy sent to her – nor did Joan return that money to Kathy. She saysin her letter that she put the money into a special account – where? What bank? And if she had the time to go to the bank to set up a special account – then she had time to find the stuff in the attic. And I know the neighborhood she lived in – ain’t no bank there. Closest one was down by Broadway Market – where she would have taken a bus to get to if she didn’t have a car – why all this running around? But no running up the stairs to find the stuff? This makes no sense – she didn’t open a special account at a bank – the “special” account was her own dam pocket! And that’s the dam truth! So Prof. Rene, how does it feel, 17 years later to find out that you were taken for a ride by Joan? Not very good, I would guess. But we know how you feel, believe me, we do – we’ve been there – bullied, manipulated, used, abused, lied to -by the one and only – JOAN WHEELER, BITCH SUPREME!
So the challedge is and will continue to be…for Joan…to ANSWER for her actions…
Why does Joan NOT answer for what she does? Because she is not only a liar but a coward!