Proof positive that Joan Wheeler is a hypocritical ridiculing bully. April 28, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, being downright nasty, bullying, contradictions, cyberbullying, Disrespect, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, harassment, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, hypocrite, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, stupidity
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Joan Wheeler is such a hypocrite.
On March 14, 2012, Joan Wheeler posted the following quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer: “A mind at peace centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe.” She then has a quote from a self-made guru from several years ago talking about Taoism and self-actualization and self improvement.
I think she put that stuff on her website as a hint to Gert and me that perhaps we should not write any more on our blogs. Meaning, she’s hoping we will stop exposing her lies.
I know one thing for certain, she didn’t put that stuff on her blog to reflect HER peaceful mind that is centered and not focused on not harming others.
Because she knows damn well I don’t like being called Ruthie. and what does she do on that thread over at Adoptive Families Circle? She goes out of her way to call me Ruthie – as a dig. Then she dreams up an imaginary playmate called Pilgrim and Champ, and names him Brian. And as Pilgrim/Champ/Brian, further calls me Ruthie several times, then puts me down for liking Star Trek. And in her book, she ridicules me for liking horror movies.
And in her book, she also puts down people living in trailer parks, calling them trailer trash. She forgot that our own brother Butch and his wife lived in a trailer park when they first moved to Arizona in 1976. Was my late brother TRASH Joan?
She sure likes to lay on the name-calling and ridiculing of people on where they live and what they like. In her book, she put down the people living on the East Side of Buffalo (inner city) and ridiculed my involvement in community block clubs – she said the conditions in my area were “deterioting.” Uh DUH! – That’s the reason I became involved in the block club – TO IMPROVE THE CONDITIONS OF MY COMMUNITY.
So getting back to the ridiculing of me for what I like and dislike. Only a schoolyard bully does that people. But haven’t Gert and I been telling you all along on our blogs that this is what Joan is? - A BULLY! AND A NASTY ONE AT THAT.
“Oh RuthIE – you like horror movies and Star Trek, oh RuthIE get on a starship and fly away – you are dismissed.”
oh my god – do you people see what a BITCH she is?
So – there is more proof that Joan and Pilgrim/Champ/Brian are one and the same. She ridicules me in my choice of what of I wish to called. She ridicules me as RuthIE on her post signed Half Orphan, and ridicules me as RuthIE in the posts attributed to Pilgrim/Champ/Brian. She ridicules me in her book for liking a certain genre of movies. She ridicules me for liking a certain TV show in the posts attributed to Pilgrim/Champ/Brian.
And this all from April 23, 2012 – a mere five and a half weeks after she posted that little ditty from Dr. Dyer. – You know – the one that’s plastered on her website dated March 14, 2012 – the one that I quoted at the beginning of this post – you know – the one that says “a mind at peace and not focused on harming others…”?
Yeah – that’s the one. I guess she didn’t learn Dr. Dyer’s lesson very well.
On our blogs, Gert and I refute the lies that Joan has told about us in her book, in person, and on various places on the internet. We have outlined her harassments to us. We have never stooped to ridiculing her for her likes and dislikes. For example, I know she likes Irish folksinging. I have never put her down for that. I know that she likes Peter Paul and Mary. I have never put her down for that.
I have concentrated on her words and deeds when they are/were detrimental to me or my family. I have never attacked her for her likes and dislikes. But as we see, in the following screenshots – how Joan Wheeler, the 56 year old schoolyard bully attacks me and puts me down for my choice in what I don’t like to be called.
I’ve been called names all my life. I am not defined by that crap. I am not losing any sleep because Joan puts me down for my name and my liking Star Trek.
By the way, Joan, our mother’s middle name was RUTH. As is my first name. RUTH. with no y or ie at the end. That is what her name was, and that is what is on my birth certificate. That is what my mother wished me to be called. For you to ridicule that name – you are ridiculing my mother’s choice in what she wanted me to be called.
Put your head down in shame. Bully.
Joan’s website showing her post of March 14, 2012
here is the proof that she called me Ruthie
and here is her signature at the bottom of the post, dated April 23, 2012
Joan Wheeler – hypocritical bully. shame on you.
The latest “wisdom” from Joan Wheeler, um, well, actually, she’s trying to show that she has some widsom April 14, 2012
Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, contradictions, cyberbullying, emotional blackmail, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, spreading untruths, stupidity, theft
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I rarely go over to Joan Wheeler’s website – because it’s all the same bullshit over and over. anti-adoption, and how Joan has suffered because of her adoption. Ho-Hum.
But this morning, I went over there and found this little ditty that she put up:
A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe. – Wayne Dyer
I like Dr. Dyer. I have several audio cassettes and cd’s of his motivational lectures. But I think Joan is just trying as usual to pump herself up for her blog-readers. Well, actually, what is going on, is Joan is trying to “stick it” to us again. She has found out the past 2 and a half years that she can’t shut us up. Since we’ve had this blog, and were successful in getting her filthy book pulled from publication, Joan has tried to shut us up several ways.
She went to the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum and incited them to come over to this blog and try to shut us “fuckheads” down. (Her words: “If enough of us complain to wordpress, we can shut those fuckheads down.” And a whole bunch of them came over and left obscene messages here. That was in February 2010. She tried it again in May 2010. A few of them came over. She tried again several months later. Nobody came. She got her then-boyfriend to do it. He left a couple of nasty messages here. She got Susan Thompson Underdahl to try some shit with us. Failed. Just as in the past, she tried to get Rene Hoksbergen (in 1993) to help her extort money from Kathy. And this was just 3 years after she stole hundreds of dollars from me.
She put up a “cyber-bullying” blog to show that we birth sisters of hers are cyber-bullying” her because we dare to take lies from her book and tell the truth. This so-called cyber-bullying” page is in itself an act of cyber-bullying by Joan of us, because it is full of our personal information. And twisted lies.
She keeps saying all over the internet that because we dared to speak up about the truth of our own lives, we are “hurting” her. We are “harassing” her. We are “running her into the ground.” We are making her “go inside herself.” We are making her “have panic and anxiety attacks and be depressed.” – all this, because we find a lie she said about us and we told the truth.
And the worst thing she did was enlist her then-boyfriend to write a hate message in my father’s memorial book in the funeral home, just across the room from my father’s body.
She posted some lying crap about my grandfather on the Huffington Post, and the results were that she got kicked off that website.
On March 5, 2012, she left her first and only comment to this blog, taking a past post of mine, and taking things out of context, tried to show that I was inciting her to commit suicide. I picked about her comment, and even posted an actual photograph of Joan that showed a line in her comment was a lie.
Now we have this quote from Dr. Dyer. Is it to show how progessive she is in her thinking? No, not by a long shot.
Here is the quote again, and pay attention to the bolded words: A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe.
No, Joan didn’t put that quote up there to help anyone (not even herself), or to show that she’s getting some wisdom – she put that up there to try to “teach” us nasty birth sisters to stop “harming” her.
We’ve been accused of all sorts of harm to Joan. The big one that I was accused of was calling child abuse on her in December 1994 and saying that she and my then-fiance were sexually abusing her children. The caller identified themself as me.
I have posted actual written letter BY JOAN to my fiance and his mother after this child abuse call. In it, she is telling John to leave me, trying to get his mother to turn against me.
In the months before the abuse call was made, Joan was on the phone with my employer calling them almost every day to get me fired over a false accusation that I had hacked into my employer’s computers and tampered with her medical bill. I was investigated and found innocent. Joan says again on her cyber-bullying page that I am a computer hacker. So in 1994, she couldn’t get me fired, so she calls child abuse on herself, and gives my name as the caller, names my fiance as the abuser. This was a blatant attempt to break me and John up. Didn’t work, the fiance is now my husband – 10 years now. – This was also the time frame (1993-1995) that Joan’s own marriage was breaking up.
I’ve been accused of other “harms” to her – read this blog – you’ll find them all documented here.
So now we have Joan, trying to give some “anti-harm” wisdom. Oh really Joan, you’ll have to do better than that. – For one thing, to soothe your guilty conscience, you need to read that page at the top and on the right side menu – “What is demanded of Joan Wheeler.” and I have copied and pasted that entire list of demands at the end of this post.
No, reader, Joan Wheeler is not Miss Goody-Two-Shoes. In reality, she is Ms. Bull-Shit-Boots.
“Anti-harm” wisdom? oh puh-leaze Joan. Like you didn’t mean to harm me when you called my employer repeatedly to get me fired? Like you didn’t me to harm us when you called us “fuckheads” on the adoptee forum? Like you didn’t mean to harm us when you told all those filthy lies in your book? Like you didn’t mean to harm us in that filty rant of yours on your blog in December 2009 when you threatened to expose “all the dirty little secrets” you think we sisters have? That’s called emotional blackmail Joan – and it is HARM. And readers, I have challenged Joan many times in the past on this blog to come forth and tell everybody just what dirty little secrets she thinks she has over us. I challenged her again last month! We have no “dirty little secrets” to have exposed.
So you see reader, what a sniveling little bull-shitter Joan Wheeler is. And a low-down hypocrite.
“A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe.”
Right Joan – if I were you, I would read those words very carefully, over and over and then read this list of demands again. Only one demand has been met, the pulling of the book off the market, and it wasn’t done voluntarily by Joan. We birth sisters did it. By showing documented proof – actual court documents – that Joan Wheeler HARMED us by slandering us in her book.
What is demanded from Joan Wheeler
The Three Sippel Sisters, having read the book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler, have discovered many many falsehoods, lies, misrepresentations, and false accusations of us, our family members, our family situation, and even some of our friends. Ms. Wheeler has also been on her website and various places on the internet spreading these same lies and accusations.
The purpose of this blog is to refute and debunk Ms. Wheeler’s statements that she puts forth in her book and on the internet. We also will discuss Ms. Wheeler’s behavior in real life, because it is detrimental to us and our family.
The Three Sippel Sisters demand the following:
1. Public apology and retraction from Joan Wheeler for the following:
1.Falsely accusing Gert of repeatedly sexually molesting Ms. Wheeler.
2.Falsely accusing Ruth of having a criminal record and being placed on probation.
3.Falsely accusing Ruth of calling child abuse on Ms. Wheeler in December 1994. In the book, she lists it as happening in 1993, on the internet in May and September 2010, she lists it as 1996. – (only a liar can’t keep dates straight – I have scanned and posted an actual letter sent by Joan dated December 1994 to New York State Child Abuse authorities and in it she states the call was made Dec. 1994. Why are there 3 different years listed by Joan in this letter, in her book, and on the internet?
4.Falsely asserting that there was a 3 month court battle in the spring of 1994 over this child abuse call. (which according to her letter didn’t occur until months later, and on the internet, years later). There was never a 3 month court battle between Joan and Ruth. and again, why does she keep mixing up the date of the call? Perhaps because she keeps lying about it.
5.Falsely accusing Ruth of hacking into computers where Ruth works and tampering with Ms. Wheeler’s medical bill in late 1994.
6.For six months of almost daily phone calls placed to Ruth’s place of employment for the purpose of Ruth losing her job. This was AFTER Ruth’s employer’s investigated Joan’s complaint in the fall of 1994, determined that Ruth was innocent, informed Joan of this, yet Joan continued into the spring of 1995 with calling various departments in the hospital and falsely informing them that Ruth did tamper with her bill.
7.Falsely asserting that Ms. Wheeler has had “multiple orders of protection” against the 3 Sippel Sisters.
8.Falsely asserting that the one and only Order of Protection Ms. Wheeler ever received (against Ruth) was for one year, when in reality it was for 6 months.
9.Falsely asserting that the 3 Sippel Sisters repeatedly interfere with Ms. Wheeler’s life and harass her.
10.For using our picture on the back cover of her book without our permission. The book is used for monetary gain, therefore, Ms. Wheeler is making money from our likeness.
11.For writing letters to Anthony J. Masiello, when he was mayor of the city of Buffalo and other elected officials, giving them personal and private details of Ruth’s life, thereby invading Ruth’s privacy.
12.For stealing Kathy’s money and belongings in 1993.
13.For stealing Ruth’s money in 1990 and the bead trim off the wedding dress of our mother, which was Ruth’s property.
14.An apology and explanation that Ms. Wheeler lied to Professor Rene Hoksbergen, and asked him to interfere with Kathy’s life in 1993, thereby invading Kathy’s privacy.
15.For all lies and misrepresentations that are contained in the book and on her website.
2. Joan WILL comply with the following:
1.The complete pulling of the book Forbidden Family off the market.
2. Full return of Kathy’s money and belongings that was stolen by Ms. Wheeler in 1993.
3.Full return of Ruth’s money that was stolen by Ms. Wheeler in 1990
4.The cessation of posting any more about her sisters ANYwhere on the internet, except when discussing her adoption and she is to limit her discussion of her sisters to say that she has 3 older birth sisters, one who first made the contact with her, and due to personality conflicts, any reunion between Joan and her 3 birth sisters has been terminated.
3. Ms. Wheeler will cease her public statements that:
1.Our father was coerced into relinquishing her for adoption. It has always been his assertion that he was NOT coerced.
2. The 3 Sippel Sisters are “trashing” her on the internet via “multiple” adoption reform sites.
4. We Three Sippel Sisters further demand a public apology from Professor Rene Hoksbergen for his interference with Kathy in 1993, and his recent “professional” review of the book Forbidden Family, wherein, he is guilty of spreading a false allegation of sexual abuse by the person of Gertrude McQueen. Professor Hoksbergen did not check any “facts” that Joan Wheeler alleges, and therefore he is guilty also of damaging the reputation of Mrs. McQueen, and the other two Sippel Sisters.
Unless and until ALL these listed items are complied with by Joan Wheeler, (and Professor Hoksbergen), this blog will remain an active blog with every printed lie, misrepresentation, or misdeed of Joan Wheeler’s, either in the book, or on the internet, or real life, WILL be refuted and the truth WILL be documented. Further, any future lies, falsehoods, misrepresentations, and further invasion of the privacy of The Three Sippel Sisters, their families and friends, will result in the continuation of this blog.
ALSO: Ruth hereby demands that Joan Wheeler’s ex-husband Colby Allen Bell repay every penny of the money he stole from her in 1990. – $490.00. He withdrew $500.00 from the joint checking account that Ruth had with them to purchase real estate (with her permission) to purchase a case of fireworks. Colby was supposed to replace that money when the fireworks were sold. He did not. He repaid Ruth only $10.00.
Further, in 1991, 3 ATM withdrawals were made totalling $400.00 from Joan and Colby’s checking account, causing their rent check to bounce. Joan and Colby accused Ruth of doing it. The following year, Colby was caught on a student video, admitting that it was HE who withdrew the money to support his habit of frequenting strip joints.
Ruth demands a formal and public apology from Colby from his theft of her money and a formal and public apology from both Joan and Colby concerning the accusation that she illegally made ATM withdrawals, which could have resulted with a criminal investigation of her by the bank and law enforcement. This could have damaged her reputation irreparably.
Again, until ALL demands here listed are FULLY met, this blog will remain active and the public shall know just what kind of persons Joan Wheeler and her ex-husband are.
Gert here…
very interesting!! So Joan put this little ditty up yesterday? after I posted on my blog
Do we see Joan Wheeler’s childhood anywhere in here? And is it possible for her to ‘heal’ herself?
which contains the article—
7 Steps to Lasting Change: Finding Freedom from Addiction by Deepak Chopra, M.D., F.A.C.P.
In the article he focuses on Childhood Roots of Addiction…
and my point is that Joan Wheeler has had a childhood of many abuses and she has NOT addressed them and that is WHY she is so hateful and angry.
Joan…your karma is catching up to you…you can’t get away from it.
3. Ruth – April 14, 2012 [Edit]
right Gert – we have long suspected that Joan suffered abuse from someone when she was a child. She speaks very little of her childhood in her book. Indeed, she hardly ever spoke of her childhood to me while we were close – once upon a time.
In her book, while relating several incidents, Joan goes out of her way to describe hand and arm movements from those who she is talking about. stuff like: Hands up, arm sweeping, arms outstreched, hands open, a swipe of his right arm, palm facing down,a swipe of his open hand in the air, palm side down, upper arms close to his side, elbows bent, clenched fists at waist.swept his arm in the air, palm up to the night sky, ..ran away from me, her arms up in the air, …vigorously waved his finger in the air, hands behind his back,
There are many other such instances. of hand and arm movements.
And people are always snapping and snarling.growling – I have never read a book before in my life that has so much attention on hands hands hands – Joan – this is something you need to tell your therapist – and that ditz therapist Nicole Urdang, who gave a “good” review of this crap book on Amazon – it’s another clue she missed. – readers – I wrote a letter to Urdang in 2010 telling her she was a poor therapist because she missed the clues – this was not a good book at all – it is not helpful in any sort of adoption reform – it’s a manifesto of hate against anyone who ever disagreed with Joan, and a desciption of an alcoholic woman descending into madness.
So Joan is now “against” harming people. right, sure, if she so believes Dr. Dyer’s words, she would put her money where her mouth is – and take down that cyber-bullying blog – because it is nothing but harm to us. Take your own advice Joan and stop harming me and my sisters with your lies.
Joan – if you truly advocate Dr. Dyer’s words – you would make amends for all the harm you have done to people thruout your life. Not just to us birth sisters – but to everyone you have insulted thru the years and in your book. Yes, by insulting Polish people, Catholics, and people who live in trailer parks, you have sent harm to them. – Readers, in her book, Joan refers to people in trailer parks as “trailer trash.” She puts down people who live on the East Side of Buffalo (traditionally teh rough tough inner city.) – So the inner city is rough, has gangs, is economically depressed. Does that mean EVERYone who lives is trash? The mayor of our city lives on the east side. My district councilman lives on the east side. My mother’s family grew up on the east side. My husband’s family lives on the east side (and all my brother in law’s kids went to college). – And I live on the east side. I organized a block club on my street. Attended seminars and meetings with city officials to better the life of not just my neighoberhood, but the whole city. What does Joan do with that little bit of info? – She slams me for it in her book. What asshole slams another person for doing their civic duty by trying to improve the quality of life in their community? – Joan! Because all she knows what to do is insult people and put them down – thereby HARMING them.
Joan, why don’t you just SHUT THE HELL UP?!!!
And before Joan starts again with the lie that we were abused and that HER ADOPTION caused us severe mental illnesses…I will state here NOW…
I was NOT abused as a child. I have never been been treated for any kind of addiction…I quit smoking 12 years ago…I have never been treated of any kind of mental illness or depression…Besides life’s usual ups and downs I’ve NEVER stayed in bed for days! I have held private and government jobs for over 40 years.
And perhaps most importantly….I have taken care of my physical, emotional and spiritual live with an on-going holistic life-style.
Joan’s insistence that we and others are damaged is just another form of ‘projection’ of her own ills onto everyone else.
Joan is a very sick person who harms everyone who stands in her sick way. And…time is ticking away…she isn’t getting any younger and before long she will be on her death bed wishing someone cared about her and gives a shit about her…the harm that she has done to everyone in the birth family is starting to turn itself on to her…
Joan’s face is being rubbed into her own shit, because, she doesn’t know enough to not shit where she lives….
Oh another thing – I mentioned Joan slams the Catholic religion. She also slammed Pagans.
Way way back in an unprovoked incident of cyber-bullying of her birth sisters in September 2008 on her now-defunct blogspot blog.
At that time, I was the only one on the internet. Gert, having been working on computers and early internet in the mid 1990′s, publishing books, was burnt out and stepped away from the internet. Kathy, had never touched a computer, let alone expereinced the internet.
I had found her blog and saw a rant she did about (ho-hum) her crappy adoption. She was slamming her adoptive family. Then she slammed her birth family. She put out a “warning” to the Three Sippel Sisters to stay out of her life – which we were! Then she went on to slam the Christians for not preventing her adoption – then she said something about Christain and Pagan values.- This was a direct slam against Gert and mine religion. And she knew Gert was a pagan. She talks about in her book. I’m not sure if she knew I was a pagan at the time.
I am what is known as Neo-Pagan, Wiccan. And the most important charge we have is this: HARM NONE.
As I said, the attack on our pagan religion was done in September 2008 BEFORE her book was published. BEFORE this blog was in existence, BEFORE I tried to defend our family from Joan’s lies and misrepresentations of our family in an online news article in October/November 2009.
So Joan the HYPOCRITE has a lot of dam nerve putting up a blog accusing me and my sister of cyberbullying, when it was JOAN herself who began the cyberbullying A FULL YEAR BEFORE THIS BLOG WAS IN EXISTENCE!
AND on that blog of 2008, she committed the HATE CRIME of slamming other people’s religion!
NOW she comes on the internet and quotes a motivational speaker’s words against HARMING people?
Joan, SHUT THE HELL UP!
6. Ruth -
To this day, Joan goes on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum and other anti-adoption sites and swears at and aobut anybody who is pro-adoption. She cyber-bullys ANY one is for adoption. She swears at them, calls them names.
Joan, my dear, by swearing at people on the internet, for their lifestyles, their beliefs, their choice of family life is HARMING people.
Joan – you are nothing but a hypocrite and a bullshit LIAR.
Diligence, Ridicule, Self-Actualization – Joan Wheeler tries to understand Taoism. March 17, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cyberbullying, dishonesty, Disrespect, embellishing the truth, emotional blackmail, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, LIBEL, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, ridicule, self-actualization, SLANDER, stupidity, Taoism
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I generally have a good sense of humor. Sometimes it is a bit irreverant, and most times I don’t take myself too seriously. One thing I don’t laugh too much about is how people address me. In my childhood days, people would call me Ruthie. At the age of 14, I had a moment of self-actualization and I decided I didn’t want to be called that and ever since, have been diligently telling people to call me Ruth.
When my younger brother Steve turned 12, I asked him, “how do you want to be called? Stefan, Stevie or Steve?” He thought about 10 seconds, and said “Steve.” I thought of the little baby who I changed his diapers, who I sat with overnight at Children’s Hospital when he was 5, sick with pnuemonia, the little kid who I always called Stevie, and acknowledged that he was growing up. From that moment on, I called him Steve. I recognized the 12 year old young man in a moment of self-actualization, and respected him.
In my workplace, I am continually telling new people I meet “Don’t put the y at the end of my name.” I have had only one person call me Baby Ruth and get away with it. – He was the husband of one of the nurses I work with. John is a sweet heart. A little immature, but is just such a sweetheart. Last year, a cousin of mine, who I used to babysit, joined facebook and called me Ruthy. I hadn’t seen Nancy since 2003 at her Aunt Gail’s funeral, and before that hadn’t seen her much at all the past 20 years, seeing as she moved away from Buffalo. I told her via facebook, “don’t call me Ruthy.” A week later, a distant cousin sent me a message on facebook, and called me Ruthy. I told her as well, “don’t call me Ruthy.” She got all bent out of shape, and actually started a fight with me. I won’t be bullied by ANYone, so I booted her off my facebook. And then, to prevent any other people from my childhood that are reconnecting with me, to respect me, I wrote this in my facebook intro: “Mae govannen!(welcome) from LadyMoondancer– My name is RUTH, not RuthY, or RuthIE. This is my personal perference, please respect that. I will be 59 years old on August 9, 2011. I am not a baby. I haven’t gone by my baby name since I was 14 years old.”
Now some relatives, because of their age, and having been calling me Ruthy since the day I was born, I will just let them. Out of respect for them. Their children, of my age-group and younger, need to respect me when I ask them not to call me that. If they forget and still call me Ruthy (as even my sister Gert still does occasionally), I let it slide, because we are all human. But when somebody gets all bent out of shape and starts a fight with me on what I wish to be called – oh no no.
When we were reunited with Joan in 1974, she hung around too many relatives that were still calling me Ruthy. And she would occasionally call me that. I would tell her not to. And eventually she lost the habit. I sometimes called her Joni. She never objected. I don’t know when, I think in the 80′s when she became a wife and mother, I sort of dropped the habit and called her Joan.
When I started my blog in November 2009, AFTER Joan’s book was published, and I saw the direct reference to an article Joan wrote in 1990 that had my true name in it, yes, I identified myself as Ruth Sippel Pace, the birth sister of Joan Wheeler. By referencing that article and directing her readers to it, she compromised my name. So calling me Brenda in the book was negated. AND she used HER real name AND only changed my father’s first name. And both she and my father, using their real names and photos, were in two articles of The Buffalo News. So my name was further compromised. AND she used a family portrait on the back cover. That clearly had my father’s face. So who is Joan trying to fool?
So now we come to a couple of rants on her website that Joan wrote on December 10, 2009. One sentance she wrote was “And why did I bother to change names in the book? I was thinking of YOUR privacy, but heh, guess it is time to use real names because Ruthie decided to jump the gun.”
Considering her book came out BEFORE I started my blog, no, I didn’t jump the gun. And see how she ridicules me sarcastically by calling me Ruthie. I never addressed this slur against me, until now. Because Joan has the audacity to put the following on her website on March 14, 2012:
A very long time ago, I subscribed to an online newsletter which is now defunct. I had saved the followiing quotes:
“When superior people hear of the Way, they carry it out with diligence. When middling people hear of the Way, it sometimes seems to be there, sometimes not. When lesser people hear of the Way, they ridicule it greatly. If they didn’t laugh at it, it wouldn’t be the Way.”
— Lao-tze, 6th century bce Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism, from Tao Te Ching
“People have ridiculed the concept of the Way (or the idea of striving to thinkarete, self-actualizing, self-improvement, etc) for centuries. Remember Lao-tzu’s wisdom that if lesser people don’t laugh at it, it wouldn’t be the Way”.
Ruth here again – um, not sure if the word “thinkarete” is in the dictionary, – nope, it’s not in my Tenth Edition Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. mmm, let’s see, if the word cigarette, is the French “little cigar”, is thinkarete “little thought?” Addendum, March 19, 2012: It seems that thinkarete is a correct term after all – well sort of – it’s a made up term by a self-styled guru who has a couple of blogs on New Age mental health and health foods/nutrition and such. Well, whatever floats your boat! Anyway – Joan made this correction to her blog, attributing that last sentance to: “from philosopher Brian Johnson, Founder of Zaadz and thinkArete” She still doesn’t tell her blog readers what Zaadz or thinkArete is. that’s just plain sloppy, coming from a person with two college degrees and a self-advertised social worker (although she never worked a day in her life AS a social worker – talk about resume padding!) and it’s sloppy coming from a . . writer! And your welcome Joan, your gratitude to me to help you clarify something on your blog has not gone unnoticed. Just clarify it a little more. Accuracy is always good. Mistakes made should be acknowledged as such.
Taoism has a lot of good ideals. Joan would be wise to study it further. And then put in to practice what she so blithely slaps around on her website. Because she just put the spotlight on her own diligent hypocrisy and ridiculing and bullying others. So Joan, how do you respect MY self-actualization when you sarcastically call me RuthIE on your website?
Joan, all over your cyberbullying page, your Forbidden Family website, on various forums and other internet sites, and in your book, you have repeatedly and diligently ridiculed me and my sisters by telling falsehoods about us. Joan repeatedly and diligently ridicules any one is pro-adoption. Joan repeatedly and diligently ridicules the Catholic Church. In her book, Joan repeatedly and diligently ridiculed the following groups: infertile women, adoptive parents, Catholics, Polish people, inner city residents, trailer park residents (yes, she called them trailer trash), and poor people.
Joan, until you remove that cyberbullying page, remove all references to your sisters on your Forbidden Family page, come forward publicly to explain the many harassments you committed against me and the many lies you have told about me, you will always be one of those “lesser people” that Lao-tze is talking about. Because if you really were thinking of The Way, you wouldn’t be doing what you are doing.
Here is a screenshot of her webpage where she diligently ridiculed me and diligently denied my self-actualization:
And notice how she diligently threatens us by saying she will “give you trash talk of all the dirty little secrets all three of you have that are not in my book.” – We have addressed this issue before on my blog – we told her that we will not be held to emotional blackmail. That if she has “dirty little secrets” about us, she should just put them out. Because we don’t have “dirty little secrets.” I challenged her once before (about two years ago) to come out with whatever crap she thinks she can hold over me. She never took me up on my challenge. I have been truthful in this blog – to the point of posting actual court documents that prove Joan’s lies about me. Only “lesser people” resort to threats. I don’t threaten, I do. When that distant relative of mine on facebook got all bent out of shape when I told her not to call me Ruthy, she went off on me and threatened to “defriend” me. I read that, and immediately went in to my facebook settings and kicked her right off my friend’s list. Then I blocked her. Then I deleted the entire ridiculous disrespectful post. I didn’t threaten, I did. Because when I see that MY self-actualization wishes are not being respected, I speak up for myself. Because I have certain human and civil rights. And those rights are not negotiable.
“Threats are illogical, and payment is usually high.” — Sarek of Vulcan
Gert here…
ah..diligence and ridicule….
I too am very familiar with the Tao Te Ching as well as the I Ching…which I shall quote in this comment.
I was NOT going to say anything at the obvious ‘hit and run drive-by shooting’ that Joan did..but now that Ruth has I have some thoughts. If Joan was really attempting to show her ‘superior’ self, her self-actualized SELF, she would not have done this stupid little ditty. No…she is still the same immature little brat as always.
Like the brat she is, she throws a temper fit on our blog…making the contact with us that she says she doesn’t want and then when the heat is put back on to her, she crawls back under her rock…but can’t resist yet another little taunt at us! Sneak!! she only stuck her tongue out at us!!
Like Ruth at some point in my life I grew up and left my childhood name of Gertie. Likewise, certain people in the family have continue with that name and I let it slide. I have NEVER called Joan Joni, yet in her writings she slips, from those inner visions of her reality, and has me calling her Joni…that is HOW I know she makes shit up. Joan likes putting words in other people’s mouths. Joan has so many words coming from her own mouth that proves her to be anything but self-actualized.
All good comes when we are innocent…I Ching
what good has come to Joan when her lying libelous book, websites and other venues where she speaks are revealed?
Misunderstanding truth creates opposition…I Ching
Joan has opposition because she does not understand the truth…the truth of her birth family…which we, the birth family, have told and will continue to tell.
Joan do the right thing and remove those hateful libelous blogs.
Ruth -
When Joan got married in 1983, she decided not to take her husband’s last name as her last name. She even printed up a one-page statement and distributed that paper to all those who were at the wedding. The statement was about how her name had already been changed, against her wishes, when she was adopted. And she went into the whole political thing about the significance of a bride taking on the groom’s last name, and it was all about the woman giving up her identity. But she did wear a wedding ring! And a ring is a symbol that you are “owned” by another person.
Joan tells us on page 228 of her lying book, that when she decided not to change her name “for both feminists reasons as well as adoption-based reasons,” her adoptive mother “couldn’t understand why a woman wouldn’t change her name when she got married.” Joan says that she received harassing letters from her amom, addressed to Joan Bell, or Mrs. Bell, or Mrs. Bell-Wheeler “and other combinations.” Joan says “My mother’s letters were abusive, nasty, and emotionally distressful.”
Well, well, well, Miss Joan Wheeler, so YOU don’t like it when somebody disrespects YOU – but it’s okay for YOU to disrespect others – especially when they have specifically said “don’t call me by (blank) name.”
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. And so AGAINST the ideals of Taoism, Christianity, and just about every religious and spiritual path on the planet. – what did Gert just call you? A little brat? Yeah, yeah, that fits Joan to a “T.”
Joan Wheeler gives her views on motherhood through adoption – again, she is so full of hate, she cannot understand LOVE. February 4, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.Tags: abuse, adoption, being downright nasty, bullying, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, hatred of infertile women, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements
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On January 31, 2012, Gert posted this very excellant post over at her blog. I want everyone to read it. AND read my comment – because it shows how Joan treated me, her own blood sister, in her book, in regards to the death of my son Saied. – I was only 6 weeks pregnant when I lost him. A friend at work asked me just a couple of weeks ago how did I know it was a boy – and I answered – a mother knows.
motherhood through adoption; find out what Joan Wheeler has to say
Does my little son miss the smell of his first mother? I wonder as the mew of his mouth opens toward a plastic bottle which is not her breast.Sudden new mother, I bury my nose deep into his skull cap of ringlets, his starry cheesiness.In her good-bye letter to him sealed in his album with a birth certificate which now lists my name as Mother his first mother writes she nursed him briefly after he emerged into the second room of his world.
I think of milk volcanic and insistent, answering the newborn’s gigantic thirst,
a primal agreement between generosity and greed.
Sometimes I press my nose to the glass of that place where a mother and my child belong to each other; I cannot imagine coming between them.
But then I want to lick him all over with a cow’s thick tongue,
to taste him and mark him as mine so if the other mother returns,
she will refuse her handled calf smeared with my smell.
© Margaret Hasse, Milk and Tides, Nodin Press, 2008
Why are AP’s SOO fixated and obsessed with breasts and breast milk? It’s kinda perverted and disgusting.
This woman needs to be locked up and kept away from society. REEEETTTTCCHHHHHHH
They all feel it, this one’s just honest enough to say it out loud.
I’m surprised that Joan didn’t stand up to the adoptee who blasted breastfeeding – because Joan herself was obsessed with breastfeeding her own son until he was past FOUR YEARS OLD! And she drank much beer at the time because she was told that beer increases milk production.
Joan, – the Earth Mother? no, because when she was pregnant with her first child, her son, was bitching and moaning that she now had to learn about “vitamins and nutrition.” – she was pissed she was pregnant because it would take time away from her all important life as a wronged adoptee!
ps, Joan, who also suffered from low self-image problems because of her flat chest LOVED breast feeding – because she was engorged and bigger at the time. – I know these things, because yes, we were once close where we shared things. – Joan, you gonna publish crap in your book about MY miscarriage – mocking me – actually saying “at one time she (me) CLAIMED to want children…” – ok, you deserve this dig. MY SON DIED AND YOU PUT IN YOUR BOOK THAT I MERELY CLAIMED I WANTED HIM – payback is a bitch.
personally, I think the poem is beautiful – ok, the cow’s thick tongue – but when you witness even a cat giving birth – and I have – and how the mama cat cleans the baby with her tongue – then you get the idea. It is all natural – it is all in the wonderful world of nature. We humans don’t lick our babies clean. We have developed other means for that. – but at one time we must have.
one time a friend of mine said she wouldn’t breast feed her son because “it wasn’t natural.” roflmao! – it’s the most natural thing in the whole world! This is another person who is afraid of silence – as Gert points out Joan is in another post –
Silence is wonderful. Nature is wonderful. A child is wonderful. For an infertile woman to have the chance to cuddle and love a child is wonderful. She didn’t steal him. She was given a gift. She was robbed of the chance to have her own. Another woman, for whatever reason, gave her child up. The infertile woman/adoptive mother didn’t STEAL another woman’s child – she isn’t jealous because some other woman is pregant.
yes we hear of the horror stories of SOME infertile women who abduct infants from homes and hospitals – even go so far as murdering the new mother or pregnant woman. BUT to paint ALL infertile women as jealous nutballs – no, that is not right.
I know of what I speak – I am an infertile woman. I tried for years to get pregnant. And then I did, and I lost my son. – I have never forgotten him. I have never been jealous of other pregnant women. I rejoiced when the following year Joan had her daughter – oh – did she forget to write in her book that it wasn’t her husband who drove her and their new baby home? Oh – who was it? – oh – it was that nasty birth sister Ruth! who despite having lost her own son the year before, still loved Joan’s kids. And cuddled and kissed them frequently. And buried her aunty nose in their little curls and wished their cousin Saied could grow up with them. Alas – it was not to be.
this is the way wordpress messed up the margins: so just scroll down to continue reading. (sorry for the inconvenience).
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I’m surprised that Joan didn’t stand up to the adoptee who blasted breastfeeding – because Joan herself was obsessed with breastfeeding her own son until he was past FOUR YEARS OLD! And she drank much beer at the time because she was told that beer increases milk production.
Joan, – the Earth Mother? no, because when she was pregnant with her first child, her son, was bitching and moaning that she now had to learn about “vitamins and nutrition.” – she was pissed she was pregnant because it would take time away from her all important life as a wronged adoptee!
ps, Joan, who also suffered from low self-image problems because of her flat chest LOVED breast feeding – because she was engorged and bigger at the time. – I know these things, because yes, we were once close where we shared things. – Joan, you gonna publish crap in your book about MY miscarriage – mocking me – actually saying “at one time she (me) CLAIMED to want children…” – ok, you deserve this dig. MY SON DIED AND YOU PUT IN YOUR BOOK THAT I MERELY CLAIMED I WANTED HIM – payback is a bitch.
personally, I think the poem is beautiful – ok, the cow’s thick tongue – but when you witness even a cat giving birth – and I have – and how the mama cat cleans the baby with her tongue – then you get the idea. It is all natural – it is all in the wonderful world of nature. We humans don’t lick our babies clean. We have developed other means for that. – but at one time we must have.
one time a friend of mine said she wouldn’t breast feed her son because “it wasn’t natural.” roflmao! – it’s the most natural thing in the whole world! This is another person who is afraid of silence – as Gert points out Joan is in another post –
Silence is wonderful. Nature is wonderful. A child is wonderful. For an infertile woman to have the chance to cuddle and love a child is wonderful. She didn’t steal him. She was given a gift. She was robbed of the chance to have her own. Another woman, for whatever reason, gave her child up. The infertile woman/adoptive mother didn’t STEAL another woman’s child – she isn’t jealous because some other woman is pregant.
yes we hear of the horror stories of SOME infertile women who abduct infants from homes and hospitals – even go so far as murdering the new mother or pregnant woman. BUT to paint ALL infertile women as jealous nutballs – no, that is not right.
I know of what I speak – I am an infertile woman. I tried for years to get pregnant. And then I did, and I lost my son. – I have never forgotten him. I have never been jealous of other pregnant women. I rejoiced when the following year Joan had her daughter – oh – did she forget to write in her book that it wasn’t her husband who drove her and their new baby home? Oh – who was it? – oh – it was that nasty birth sister Ruth! who despite having lost her own son the year before, still loved Joan’s kids. And cuddled and kissed them frequently. And buried her aunty nose in their little curls and wished their cousin Saied could grow up with them. Alas – it was not to be.
Gert here:
thank you very very much, Ruth, for telling us about the inside stories…yes, the birth sister that Joan condemns, certainly knows what went on behind the scenes that Joan does not tell.
Saturday, Feb. 4, 10:30 am -
Gert and I had a phone conversation yesterday afternoon – and I told her of a conversation on facebook several months ago. A woman I used to babysit is now a mom of 2. She just had her second child a couple of months ago. Her oldest is going on 2 years old. She posted a curious thing on facebook – how she wants to just take a bite out of Hanna. Her friends (her age group and now moms themselves) agreed. – Disgusting? Absolutely not! – After I told Gert this – I said, and she agreed – don’t we all just love to nuzzle a baby? – I well remember changing Gert’s kid’s diapers and then placing my face on their tummies – and giving them raspberries – and gently tickling them, and then going “rar, rar, rar,” and pretend to bite them – I think it’s the most natural thing in the world! And I did it to my baby brother too! And Joan’s kids. Geez – I do it to this day to my cat! – and he loves it! I bury my face in his fur – and he in turn gives me little nips with his teeth on my chin and the tip of my nose. – Imagine that! An entity that didn’t give birth to another entity – and yet they still have that most natural nuzzling/kissing/lightly tasting thing called LOVE!
No, Pippin, my cat didn’t give birth to me, yet he still “tastes” me. I didn’t give birth to him, yet I still (sort of) taste him. I never had the wonderful gift of giving birth – yet I still have that basic instinct of wanting to nuzzle a baby. – to some degree – now in 1988, my cat Morris was having a litter and I had to be her midwife. Into the palm of my hand came out the cutest little black cat. Samantha was born into my hand. And I held her as Morris cleaned her with her tongue. Samantha and I were very affectionate to each other thru the years and in 2004, when it was her time to leave this world, I held her in my arms and nuzzled her while the vets gave her the shot that put her down. She came into this world into my hand, and that’s how she left this world. With me holding and nuzzling her and telling her I loved her.
Why won’t you adoptees give that loving boon to infertile women and adoptive women? Are you all dried up prunes that you can’t understand LOVE? That the pre-requiste for LOVE is giving birth? I love my husband – I didn’t give birth to him. What the hell is the matter with you adoptees? Just because YOU are incapable of love doesn’t give you the right to deny it to others.
new post by Gert McQueen: Is adoption a theft? According to Joan Wheeler it is! January 17, 2012
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates.Tags: adoption, blaming people for your own mess, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, Gert McQueen, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths, whining
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new post by Gert McQueen “Is adoption a theft? According to Joan Wheeler it is!” — with a scathing comment by … ME! – because Joan says her kids have no family – hell it ain’t MY fault! read and find out whose fault it really is!
some examples of Joan Wheeler’s bad behavior – why nobody wants to hang out with her December 22, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.Tags: abuse, being downright nasty, bullying, cowardice, dishonesty, Disrespect, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, stupidity
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In her book, Joan complains about my cousin Gail. Gail died of cancer in 2003 at the age of 49. She had been battling it for a few years. And while she was battling cancer, she was being harassed by the bully Joan Wheeler.
Now my sister Gert had moved from Buffalo in 1982 and did not know a lot of what was happening in Buffalo. In an email yesterday, I mentioned something about Gail and Gert emailed me back and said she didn’t know all about the Gail thing. So I elaborated. Then I thought – I was going to get into this on the blog in the future, but since I typed it all out now, I may as well just go ahead and blog it now. So here is what I wrote to Gert this morning, via email. I have only changed a couple of names. Read on and see what a “nice” person Joan Wheeler is.
The Gail thing started in 1993 when Joan’s daughter got sick with the hypothroidism -and Joan wanted information if anyone else in the family had similar medical problems. no problems there, just a mother wanting to give info to the doctors. Since she had burnt her bridges with Gert and Ruth, and was in the process of burning them with Kathy, she turned to the extended family. Nobody paid attention to her and just said they didn’t know anything. Dad was his usual helpful self – meaning – no help at all. Gail got a few phone calls from Joan and ignored her. Then Joan sent a packet of medical information about her daughter to Gail. Gail saw the return address and marked “Return to Sender.” Joan then called her at 10pm, when Gail and K. were in bed and left a screaming message on the machine – “don’t you know this is IMPORTANT MEDICAL INFORMATION THAT COULD SAVE YOUR SON?” K. wanted to pick up the phone and bitch Joan out but Gail said to just ignore her.
Sometime in 1997 or 1998, Joan had a busted windshield and went to get it fixed. By chance – the repairman was R.M.III. (h they were both thrilled that they were cousins. And Joan went to his house for dinner. When Gail found out – she told him to stay away from her because of the shit she had done to me. R. gave Joan the cold shoulder and hung up on her once. She called his job and tried to make trouble for him (sound familiar?) In the meantime, I got a letter from Joan accusing Gail, R, me and Francine of plotting against her. Fran came by for lunch and I read her the letter and Fran said, “but – but – I never met your cousin R.”
Joan started writing letters to Gail, which she kept refusing. Gail made a complaint to the Town of Eden police. They sent Joan a letter telling her NOT to contact Gail. She sent Gail another letter. (by this time it was 1999). Gail was about to return to sender and drop it in the mailbox when she noticed something funny about the return address. It had the wrong zipcode on it – and Joan’s street address wasn’t quite right. The zipcode was actually GAIL’S ZIPCODE! and Joan’s street name was not spelled right. This would make the post office not be able to find Joan’s house and bring it RIGHT BACK TO GAIL. Gail said “enough.” and took it right to the police. They called Joan up and asked did you not get our letter telling you not to contact Mrs. B.?” She said yes. They asked her, ”and did you just send her this letter?” She said yes. The police said ok, and hung up. he opened the letter and started reading it and was laughing, and Gail said what was it? And he started reading it – it was the same bullshit about Gail refusing to learn medical information to save her son, and plotting with Ruth to get her. While this was going on – the phone at the police station rang and it was Joan wanting to know if they, the Town of Eden police had called her. They said yes – and you will be hearing from the courts as well. It was the TOWN OF EDEN POLICE, NOT GAIL, who instituted the harassment charges on Joan – coincidentally the exact same month that I hauled her into court over the shit letter telling me John got the next-door neighbor pregnant. And because she used her friend Bo’s address (Carol in the book), without her permission – Bo. took her to court as well. So in one month, Joan had to answer harassment charges in Tonawanda, Buffalo, and Eden.
From 1997 to 1999, Gail got several phone calls and several letters from Joan – and she refused to read them, and DID NOT CALL ME – to keep me out of it. It wasn’t until AFTER she got her one-year order of protection against Joan (the same as me and Bo.) – did she call me and tell me what she did. She wanted to prove to the family that it was not RUTH, but Joan who was doing the shit. And she called Dad to tell him that too.
And it really pisses me off that Joan had the fucking nerve to show up at Gail’s wake. I was talking to R. III, when Joan and her boyfriend D.s (the one she met online) walked in. R. and I both gave her a dirty look and we both needed to go outside and get a smoke. While we were out there – we noticed everybody else was out there – either standing near us and smoking, or off to the side having fresh air. – My John went back inside to take a look – and came out – and said the whole place had emptied out! Even Dad came outside, talking with a couple of the Herr relatives.
So Joan walks in – and everybody walks out. Even J. left. AND J. asked me when J. died if Joan would be coming. When I told her no, she said “thank god.” Nobody wants that b around.
(Ruth’s additional comment, on my facebook page, on a link to this post, one of R.’s sisters wrote this:
D. M. – Have No Fear I Will Never Run Away From Joan Wheeler, I Will Speak For My Family, She Is Nothing To Us And Never Will Be, She Is A Blight On This EARTH…….NEVER GIVE UP FIGHTING ARE FAMLIYS HONOR,,,
Comments
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to clarify – at the end that was J. asking if Joan was going to show up at her husband J.’s funeral.
I miss him very much too. He was a wonderful man. And contrary to how Joan portrays the extended family “hating” my father (because of him not wanting experimental cancer treatments for my mother and not saving her life) – this cousin AND her husband, ALWAYS respected my father. And he of them. She always called my Dad, Uncle Leonard (because he was her uncle- and used to babysit us kids) and her husband always called Dad by his first name.
So contrary to how Joan portrays the Herr family as all hating my father – no – they didn’t.
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Gert here:
You know…as I’m reading this and I know the characters, it dawns on me that NO ONE CAN MAKE THIS SHIT UP!
No, this is NOT any kind of story to ‘get Joan’! This ACTUALLY happened, by Joan, she has always caused severe trouble within the family, not just to us siblings, as this account of Ruth’s details, but everyone in the family.do people wonder WHY we siblings have refuted the book Joan wrote, and why we are setting the record straight, and exposes Joan Wheeler for every toxic thing she did to us and our family.
Beware of Joan Wheeler!
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you are absolutely correct Gert – I did not make ANYthing up here at all!
And the sisters of R.III, having known what Joan did to their brother and their Aunt Gail, HATE Joan. NOT from any badmouthing that Ruth could have told them – but from THE FACTS OF JOAN’S OWN STUPID BEHAVIOR! -
Joan says in her book that I, Ruth, turned Gail against her. No, Joan, YOU turned Gail against you. Do you honestly think that someone, in bed, trying to get to sleep because they have to get up early to go to work, likes getting a message on their answering machine from a screaming lunatic? (oh, that’s right Joan – you never HAD to get up early because you never held down a decent job in your life).
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Moving right along – and to clarify another point – there was nothing wrong with Gail’s son. He was in perfect health. Still is. So what was that shit all about? “important medical information that could save your son’s life!” What a f’ing moron! Ok, so Joan’s daughter had some medical issues that may or may not be shared with biological relatives. You just don’t go around SCREAMING such things on somebody’s answering machine! By the time Gail got around to telling me this, several years had passed and Gail and I had were laughing our asses off about it.
Yes, Joan really knows how to impress people. Too bad it’s NOT the impression that she wants people to know about her – there is NO picture that I could paint about Joan that would tell another person how she is – it would not compare to the reality of her behavior! Me telling Gail what a nutball Joan is simply is not the same as Gail having heard first hand Joan’s screaming mouth – yelling stupid ridiculous garbage! And Joan even chronicles in her book how she screamed at people! and physically and mentally abused her own adopted mother and her own son!
Same thing about this blog. I am telling the truth here – and if some morons out there want to continue to associate with Joan – well, I can’t stop them. They will have to find out first hand what a nut she is. Her latest boyfriend broke up with her – after only a few months. Her whole book chronicles one broken relationship after another broken relationship – not just her ex-husband or boyfriends, but – family members from both her adopted and birth families and friends. Even former foster parents of her birth sisters, step-aunt and uncle of her birth sisters. I can add to the list. A former teen pop star and his wife. Two former landlords, a lawyer, a former neighhbor (who lived in the apartment next to her), my ex-husband, my friend, my present husband.
Everybody who has dealings with Joan and eventually gets to know her, and/or suffers from her shitty behavior all do the same thing – run the hell away from her!
Why is Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family dead? Because she killed it herself! June 20, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, diarrhea of the mouth, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, emotional blackmail, exagerrating, false accusations, Forbidden Family, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler - scam artist, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, scam artist, Trafford Publications, whining
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Introduction by Ruth Pace
In this new post by Gert McQueen, we see the elaborate scam that Joan Wheeler tried to pull. A scam she presented to her friends and supporters in the adoption reform arena, publishers, fellow adoptees, and even her own blood kin. Here we go:
Joan Wheeler has so MUCH to answer for and not just to the family but to many many other people. All I can hope for is that people WAKE UP AND SPEAK UP to Joan for the damage she has done. She has left a long long trail of destruction and untruths that it DOES take time for some to come to surface, but, in this age of Internet archives…EVERYTHING comes to the surface!
In Joan Wheeler’s, now pulled (dead), book she ‘acknowledges’ many people, among them was a Robert Rich from Australia. He is a ‘psychologist, non-adoptee and a content editor’. I wrote him in Dec 2010 about his involvement with the book, how we, the family, see the book and therefore his work on it. I never received a reply from him…no matter I informed him about Joan using his ‘service’.
After the book was pulled I wrote another letter to him…in part it reads:
Robert Rich; The purpose of this note is to inform you that the book, Forbidden Family, has been pulled by the publisher. It has been proven that the author did indeed lie, slandered and grossly misrepresent many people and situations. My recommendation to you would be to inform Joan Wheeler of your displeasure at being placed in a book that has been found to be slanderous and libelous. Furthermore, I suggest that you seek damages from the author for putting you in this awkward position. (Ruth’s note, the page that Mr. Rich had out on the internet promoting Joan’s book, was visible a couple of months ago, today, I checked, the page is GONE! – wonder why?)
Furthermore, there are many people she has named, that ’support’ her and web sites she has given where she has gone out on and slandered the family, that I may not be able to make any contact with, but, that is NOT going to stop me for showing the world just what kind of double-crosser she is…so hang on to your hats because WE are not done, not by a long shot. Over time I shall be contacting as many people and web sites, named in the book of lies, as I possibly can…to spread the word that Joan Wheeler is a liar, a slanderer and her book is no longer available.
Some time ago I came across the following… found it to be very very interesting…such a con-artist that Joan is…attempting to tell others how to write a book!!! See my comments at the end…
The All-White World of Children’s Publishing « sarahpark.com
| Aug 14, 2009 … My name is Joan M Wheeler, author of : Forbidden Family: A Half-Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism, … readingspark.wordpress.com/…/the-all-white-world-of-childrens-publishing/ |
This is what Joan posted to a question about where to publish…
halforphan56
Hi!
A good place to try is Trafford Publishings at:
http://www.trafford.com/
Yes, it is a pay-your-own package and pay for extras, but he advantage is that this publisher is willing to publish well-written controversy. They won’t publish the usual problem-causers such aas porn or hate books, but they are interested in a book that can hold an audiance.
They are working with me as I complete the final stages of my book’s 3rd proof. This has been a very exciting 5 years! I contacted song publishers and purchased copyrights, and for each problem area I brought to Trafford’s attention, they were accepting. Controversy, no problem! Memoir, expose, history, aslong as you are truthful and aren’t out to hurt anyone, Trafford willmore than likely accept your contract. Yes, you have to pay for the publsihing contract and it is expensive, but mainstream publishers are not as willing to publish activist material.
If you do write to Trafford, please tell them that I sent you over! My name is Joan M Wheeler, author of : Forbidden Family: A Half-Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism, due to be published in the next two months!
Good Luck! Let’s get out there and send them some decent manuscripts that tell adoption stories as you would like our stories to be told! Peace, Joan Wheeler***
Now…I, Gert, did post this comment on the site, if it gets on it gets on…at least it is here on THIS blog:
regarding Joan Wheeler, and her screen names of halforphan56 and 1adoptee and the book Forbidden Family:
It needs to be pointed out that the book Forbidden Family, written by Joan Wheeler, published by Trafford Publications has been pulled from their selling markets. The book is unavailable and no further copies of it in it’s present form will be printed. The book was pulled by the publisher after several months of investigating the documented proof sent to them by the birth family.
The pulling of the book proves that what the birth sisters have been saying, that the book is full of lies and hate, is correct. For further details see: ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/
***
Now, my comments about Joan’s posting …Joan NEVER paid for those extras…she paid for a ‘print ready’ package and no one in that publishing house ever saw the ENTIRE manuscript before they printed it. She is basically bullshitting as she speaks. She got various people to ‘content edit’ certain subject materials such as with Robert Rich named above. She told the editing staff, of Trafford, that she had the manuscript edited and she DID NOT pay for that service and therefore they NEVER saw the complete manuscript when they printed it.
She continues here saying, ‘They won’t publish the usual problem-causers such as porn or hate books’.
What does Joan think was IN HER BOOK? talk about porn and a hate book! I gave, as part of my evidence to Trafford, a total of about 8 pages that contained porn language…that in itself was CAUSE for the termination of the contract that Joan signed! And as far as hate goes…if the editing staff of Trafford EVER SAW the pages, before the formatting stages, they would have seen all the hate speech within the narrative of Joan’s ‘story’. But, they never saw the content…all Trafford did was to format the manuscript, make the pages and print the book. (Ruth’s note: I also submitted several pages of proof of Joan’s LIES [engineered to slander and libel me]. It was these proofs that Gert and I sent to Trafford in December 2010 that caused them to have their lawyers look over the book, and they determined that the porn, hate, and LIES violated the Terms of Conditions contract that Joan herself signed. Yes, she signed a contract that stated the book did NOT contain porn, hate language or lies. And it was proven that porn, hate language and lies WERE in the book. Therefore, Trafford pulled the book. She can whine all she wants now, and puff up and say she’s getting a lawyer – but any lawyer is going to tell her – “you blew it kid.” – oh and Gert and I will be putting out on this blog those several pages of proof – because we are honest. We give our blog readers full disclosure of what we write and to whom. We deal in truth. – Not only do we deal in the truth – we deal in the truth to EVERYBODY! – Unlike Joan, who tells one person one thing, another person another thing, and another person a third story. Joan thought she was being slick – she told Trafford one story, Mr. Rich another story, Prof. Rene Hoksbergen another story, she showed one version of her manuscript to our father, while submitting another version to Trafford for publication. The version of her manuscript that she showed Rene Hoksbergen was NOT the same version that was printed. Mr. Rich edited only a section of her manuscript, but she told Trafford that the entire manuscript was edited. – How do I know this? Because I recognized a non-existent event in her book. She relates in the book a tale of a three-month court battle between her and me in the year 1994 over a false child report that didnt’ take place until December 1994. In the book, she relates how the court broke for lunch, and she and her two children were at a water fountain. I supposedly approached her children and said “do you see what your mother is doing to your poor Auntie?”
The “three months” court battle took place in 1995 when I took HER to court for harassment. There were three court dates – one, where Joan was summoned into court to answer my charges, and the judge scheduled the actual hearing date, the second time, it was adjourned to a third hearing date, where the judge dismissed everything. On the second date, the judge had made a general announcement to the room that no children were to be present. On the third date, Joan did bring her children – but they were outside with a babysitter, although it was a school day. In a letter I sent her, where I was telling her to leave me alone, I asked why did she bring her children – to parade them in front of the court – to show them how Ruth was dragging their mother to court? But we see in the book how she says the three court dates (three DAYS of court) gets exagerrated to THREE MONTHS OF COURT BATTLES! And she tells her children one thing, me another thing, and her book readers another thing! I have previously scanned the actual court documents pertaining this case on this blog. Joan is such a CON-ARTIST – you simply cannot trust her!
Back to Gert and the original thrust of this post — How do I know (about book publishing)…well…I am a published author, I was an editor of a full-scale international magazine for seven years, I did writing, research, formatting, editing and real self-publishing of my own and others work…so I know what I am talking about.
She (Joan) continues saying ‘complete the final stages of my book’s 3rd proof’…
Knowing Joan’s propensity’s for exaggeration I would really wonder about 3 times…but again, she did write an additional chapter and added much to a manuscript just months before the book was published! So, if Trafford looked at it 3 times they really didn’t do a good job of it OR Joan didn’t GIVE THEM all that she wrote, until the end. I still maintain that she added MUCH after the basic drafts were looked over and completed, because she is devious and that’s why there is SO MUCH hate and libelous material in the book.
And she says, ’as long as you are truthful and aren’t out to hurt anyone’
What a laugh…sorry I’m not laughing…she wrote a truthful book and wasn’t out to hurt anyone?!! The entire book was to hurt everyone she believed hurt her. The entire book was to expose and exploit people.
Let this be a lesson to those of you who believe that you have a RIGHT to tell her story…don’t write and publish ANYTHING that is untrue, because sooner or later, someone is going to get you…and we GOT YA…Joan!
We have given, on this blog, direct quotes of Trafford’s own guidelines, all of which Joan violated. She signed a contract, she violated the contract and we the birth family gave the evidence to Trafford that they needed to pull the book from their selling markets. This book will not longer be available.
Now, lets take a look at what Joan Wheeler has on her web site Forbidden Family…which she needs to change the title of because the book is defunked and by keeping the site as is and where it is she is continuing on with her hatred toward the birth family and others. She needs to make the site only for her adoption reform and not to slander the birth family…anyway…
On the Q and A: Where to Buy my book…posted Mar 16, 2010 in part she says:
(Ruth’s note: misspellings are due to the great and wonderful published author JOAN WHEELER! We only copied and pasted what SHE wrote.)
As an author, I am completely in the dark about how this book is being sold and purchased by worldwide book sellers. (Ruth’s note, June 20, 2011 – why is she “completely in the dark?” Why didn’t she find out? What an ass! She just told her readers she’s ignorant! I’m not a published author, and I figured it out! A vendor, no matter where they are located, will recieve an order, notify the publisher they need x amount of copies, when they receive such, they will fulfill the order. DUH!)
I chose Trafford because they were the best Publish-On-Demand publishers available. There are pluses and minueses to any publishing contract. I like that the book is available through Trafford Publishing worldwide. It will be available for sale online at thier bookstore for as long as I choose to keep it available, and as long as Trafford is a publisher. This means it will never go out of print.
Currently I am doing, all media exposure and bookings for lectures and book signings, on my own as I can not afford to pay for these services at the pay-per-services fees through Trafford.
I had to sent a signed book to Idaho and to The Hague, at two very different and expensive shipping costs.
All this tells me that Joan put all her eggs in one basket thinking she could pull off a great con scam on the families but not telling anyone what she was up to and by not being fully honest with Trafford and guess what …. she lost!
On June 20, 2011 I googled the book at Trafford and it is NO LONGER listed on Google…now what does that tell you? The book is DEAD.
Ruth’s additional comment:
Joan says: “I had to sent a signed book to Idaho and to The Hague, at two very different and expensive shipping costs.”
On amazon.com, there is a listing for two used books for over $180.00 – could it be those two “autographed” copies? Other “used” copies are going for around $30 – $40. And why are there USED copies out there anyway? Seems to me that some people, having spent $45.00 of their hard earned cash, got the book, read it and saw the garbage in it and sent it back to amazon to get a refund. $45.00 is a lot of money to pay for a crap book.
Joan, face it – if your book was so damn good, there wouldn’t be any USED copies, and your book would have been flying off the presses! You can sit and whine and say that it is because of OUR blog people didn’t buy it. That may be partly true – HOWEVER, how do you account for the many USED copies available? Apparently people don’t want that garbage in their house. The book that I purchased isn’t even in my house – it’s at a friend’s house. I don’t want that shit in my house! And apparently, other people don’t either!
and what does she mean “ two very different and expensive shipping costs.” – ok, the Hague – is overseas in The Netherlands, but Idaho? How much does it cost to ship a book to Idaho? About 10 bucks? again, we see how Joan EXAGGERATES things. She is just incapable of telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! Anything she says is always colored with her interpretation of it, her exagerration of it, her embellishing of it. This is why in previous blog posts I have said that she has diarrhea of the mouth – she can’t shut up, she can’t stop putting her own spin on things. And then she wonders why nobody likes her, wants anything to do with her, turns their backs on her, shoves her out of their lives. Her own customers don’t even want the book they bought!)
Gert McQueen answers the secret is out – more evidence of misdeeds and lies by Joan Wheeler May 19, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cowardice, dishonesty, Disrespect, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, stealing from your own family, theft, whining
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by Gert McQueen
There are many essays or blog posts that I have written that have not been seen yet on this blog. Seeing that we are discussing and showing our EVIDENCE I feel it is time for the following to be posted. It is part of a larger essays where I discuss many pieces of evidence about Joan’s lying. And we do have the physical documents to go with it. Here we go:
The next pieces of evidence are in connection to the article The secret is out that Joan wrote in 1990 published in England and the aftermath from it. This article caused great concern because in the article Joan uses her sisters’ real names, interestingly enough not mine. In any event, the publication of that article is what caused certain letters to be written, alerting those agencies, listed in the article, that privacy was not afforded to the persons mentioned in the article. These letters were not ‘harassments’ but legitimate letters of concern for the breach of privacy the author committed. It is only Joan who turns these letters into gross obscene letters in her fabrication of telling of them.
As I have stated in previous posts, I did not write any letters to Joan and it is a falsehood for Joan to write in her book on pg 308 ‘…my sisters wrote harassing letters in the months after our family reunion of 92’. Which sisters? She does not say, so how can anyone be sure whom Joan is referring to? (Ruths’ note: as usual, Joan lumps all three of her sisters as one entity. Only thing is, we didn’t write harassing letters to her, either individually or collectively.) On pg 310 she writes ‘…the 40 page letter that my sisters put together…’ and ‘…my sisters included copies of long handwritten letters they wrote to the nine major adoption…’ Wrong! Joan does not name the sisters because there were no sisters, in the plural. Ruth and I never wrote to those nine major adoption agencies listed in the article. Kathy wrote legitimate letters of concern for the breach of privacy; all else is pure nonsense and fabrication by Joan. Furthermore, Kathy wrote an seven-page letter, not 40 pages; Joan loves hyperbole! (see graphics #4a-4g below).
Hyperbole…exaggeration: deliberate and obvious exaggeration used for effect.
Again, we shall revisit this issue, when I return to the book, after I complete this presentation of the evidence of Joan’s own behavior of fabrication, telling lies, doing harassments, and other deeds that are not in her book. For now it is sufficient to state that we three sisters, who are refuting the lies of Joan, possess proof that she is a liar and user of hyperbole solely for the effect of putting us sisters in bad light.
As part of the fallout from the breach of privacy and Joan’s consistent disregard for returning Kathy’s personal property to her, Kathy in England , demanded her property returned to her. There were negotiations; monies sent by Kathy to Joan, for shipping, back and forth letters, but all of Kathy’s efforts were stalled by Joan because Joan had excuse after excuse for not sending them.
Evidence here: In two letters that Joan wrote to Kathy (ca.1992) we learn from Joan, in one, ‘…yes I did receive the money order…put it in a special account for when I have time to pack everything for you…can’t do it right now…don’t have a car…can’t do anything right now…Colby lost his job…trying to cope with unemployment…I am working two part-time jobs…pay is low…with this new upset…going and finding your scrapbooks will just have to wait…. the records are safe…I’ll let you know when I can get the stuff together…before Christmas…’ and in another ‘…have been sad that our relationship ended abruptly and that I have caused you pain…felt the need to reach out to you…need to apologize for overstepping my bounds in your life…I respect your right to privacy and am sorry for my past behaviors…I ask forgiveness…and hope that we can be friends again…since I’m rather busy now, I will try to pack up your things sometime before Christmas…working two part-time jobs and will be going back to college in the fall…’ (see graphics 1 and 2 below).
So we see from Joan’s own words; that she did receive money to send Kathy’s things back to her, that she put the money in a special account, for when she has time, but she can’t do it now, no car, husband lost a job, coping with unemployment, working two jobs, pay is low, new upset, getting your stuff will just have to wait, let you know when I can get the stuff to you later but sad that our relationship ended abruptly and I caused you pain, need to reach out to you, to apologize, respect your right to privacy, sorry for past behaviors, ask forgiveness, can be friends, but I’m rather busy now, will try to pack your stuff before Christmas, working two jobs and going back to college in the fall.
Would you, reader, buy that brunch of boloney? She was given the money to ship the items but found excuses for not doing so and yet she has the money and time to go back to college! How nice! Priorities!
Neither did Kathy, buy it that is, and when Kathy puts the pressure on to get her property back, Joan enlists the ‘big guy’; Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, the very same that wrote the forward of this book of lies and fabrications! It ought to be noted that the last time the good Dr. saw a ‘draft’ of the book was in 2006, three years before publication! Joan has done extensive rewrites since he saw it. I wonder if Dr Hoksbergen would approve of the published work? Perhaps I shall write him! I’ll think about that!
In the meanwhile, I’ll just inform folks with, yes that’s right, evidence here, just what Dr Hoksbergen said to my sister Kathy on Joan’s behalf. (see graphic #3 below). It ought to be remembered that Joan is a very good con artist. Joan can play the part of the misused, misunderstood adoptee, that the birth family seems to go out of their way to make life miserable for her. This letter by Dr Hoksbergen was written to Kathy in April 1993.
In part he says: ‘…you will be amazed that you suddenly get a letter from a complete stranger…(goes into his educational and professional backgrounds)…connected with the phenomenon of adoption …conference in 1987 I met your sister Joan Wheeler…tried to help her with some of her questions and problems…I very well know the complexity of her life situation and emotional stress this often gives to her…sometimes we have to give adoptees some more time and understanding then we do in other occasions…conference in April I had a long discussion with Joan about many important family related questions. It has become clear to me that she is very sad about the problems she seems to have with you. It is a pity that rather uncomplicated questions of yours, has given deep going emotional stress to at least Joan and as far as I understand also to you. Let me be more clear: you have asked her to send back your goods…last year Joan had a lot of material problems…not having a car, losing her jobs etc…Joan does not have the money…(goes into detail about weight and costs)…it is an idea to ask Joan what precisely you definitely want to have back as soon as possible…the rest could be taken back slowly, when you visit your friends and relations in the USA…to my opinion problems like these should not divide people…related…who might need each other…when people live far away from each other…things easily might become complicated…I would ask you to forgive Joan what you think she did wrongly…I’m sure that her intensions are good…but she has problems to carry out the things you asked her…I know she would love it so much to have a good friendship with you…she has tried to see you in Liverpool…but she does not have the money for it…it is a useful idea if you write me back about your suggestions…if you prefer this in stead of writing directly to Joan…I know that she very much want to solve the problems you have with each other…’
Okay! Here’s what I see in this communication; first and foremost intimidation by a professional with the use of a condescending tone to a woman who has already paid to have her personal property return and is being denied justice. Secondly, what I see is, the continuation of the mixture of intimidation as well as a good dose of browbeating, which btw is somewhat common with the professional attitudes of doctors.
‘phenomenon of adoption’ …since when is adoption a phenomenon?
‘complexity of her life situation and emotional stress’ …do only adoptee have complexity and emotional stress, is this some kind of new ‘condition’ that the rest of the population doesn’t have?
‘give adoptees some more time and understanding then we do in other occasions’ …again, what makes the adoptee some kind of special needs person? Does this mean they are in the same category as the physically and mentally ‘challenged’ individuals are in (for those that are not PCs they are commonly called retarded)?
‘she is very sad about the problems she seems to have with you’ …oh so Joan needs a professional to communicate that sentiment?
‘it is a pity’ …no shit!
‘Let me be more clear’ …by all means, what he is saying is that Kathy and by extension the rest of the birth family ‘needs’ to understand the special conditions that the adoptee has and we must alter our views. (Ruth’s note: the birth family is not considered to be human, with our own human needs, desires, etc. ONLY the adoptee matters. – BULLSHIT – I am just as IMPORTANT as the adoptee, they are NOT the center of the universe, just because in their view, they got shafted. LOTS of people the world over get shafted every day, adopted or not. Life sucks. DEAL WITH IT.)
‘Joan does not have the money’ … she was given the money, what happened to it and even if she wasn’t given the money why is it that she can’t give back someone else’s property? (Ruth’s note: What happened to this money, that Joan says she put in a “special account?” I know what happened to it – the same thing that happened to MY money that Joan and I had in a joint checking account for the purpose of buying real estate in 1990 – Joan STOLE it – used if for HER living expenses).
‘had a lot of material problems’ …is Joan the only person in the world with problems, does not Kathy have anything in her life that should be considered here?
‘the rest could be taken back slowly, when you visit your friends and relations in the USA’ …an assumption that Kathy will be visiting the USA, was never in the negotiations to begin with, that’s a direct attempt at turning the whole thing back onto Kathy.
‘to my opinion’ …amazing that he didn’t send Kathy a bill for his opinion, what did it cost Joan for getting the doctor to write this letter? (Ruth’s note: I wonder as well. All evidence points to Joan and the doctor being waaay beyond professional ties.)
‘‘ask you to forgive Joan what you think she did wrongly’ …excuse me! what right does this guy have to say such a thing?
‘that her intensions are good’ …intensions my ass, any intelligent person knows that following through is what matters!
‘to have a good friendship with you’ …that falls squarely onto Joan’s shoulders and no one else!
‘it is a useful idea if you write me back.’ …no thank you!
‘that she very much want to solve the problems you have with each other’ …we have heard that before!
So there you have it, the evidence of Joan Wheeler’s own behavior of fabrication, telling lies, doing harassments, and other deeds that are not in her book, Forbidden Family.
Ruth’s additional note – examine carefully Dr. Hoksbergen letter to Kathy – Joan told him that it would cost about $500.00 to ship her belongings to her. Really? Kathy enlisted the help of our father to get her belongings back. My father never owned a car, never learned to drive. So what he did, was TAKE A TAXI-CAB to Joan’s house and get Kathy’s belongings and took them to his house, packed them up and shipped them over to Kathy in three different shipments. On July 7, 1993, the first shipment went out, costing my father $52.75. On August 7, 1993, the second shipment went out, costing $45.95. On November 23, 1993, the third and final shipment went out, costing $52.95. The total my father paid was $150.95 – far less than the $500.00 Joan led Dr. Hoskbergen to believe. And this bullshit happened only 3 years after Joan conned me out of several hundred dollars! Joan is a liar, a thief and a con-artist. She belongs in jail! The letters she wrote to Kathy in 1992 (graphics 1 and 2, are the same kind of nonsense she had feeding me in 19990 and 1991 about the money she stole from me. Apologies, crocodile tears, promises of repayment, excuse after excuse why she couldn’t pay me back, blah, blah, blah, until I finally had enough of her lies and bullshit and turned my back on her completely – I lost around $700.00 to her, and that doesn’t even cover the interest I was paying every month – yes, interest – it wasn’t even MY money Joan stole – it was money I borrowed from the bank – Joan put me into debt – I couldn’t afford to fix my car, I was forced to take a bus in the snow and cold, while Joan drove a car, which she fixed with MY (borrowed) money! As I noted above – this money was in a joint checking account to buy real estate – Joan stole it for her own day-to-day living expenses. After I washed my hands of her in 1991, she went to find another mark – she tried to play Kathy for a fool – she got 50 bucks out of Kathy. Now you know why her birth sisters turned their backs on her. Joan also did NOT return all of Kathy’s belongings: missing are valuable Beatles collectibles: Beatles bubble gum sets, copies of The Beatles Fan Club magazine, a signed sketch by original Beatle member Stuart Sutcliffe. By not returning these items (and others) – Joan is guilty of THEFT. Joan has been asked for years to return these items, I personally saw them in the attic of her house on Swinburne St. in the late 1980′s, so she cannot LIE and say she doesn’t have them.
See the graphics 5a and 5b, below – my father’s receipts! Proof positive that Joan is a liar and a con-artist and LIED to her palsie-walsie, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen. And Dr. Hoksbergen, was so stupid as to be conned by Joan, stuck his nose into our family business, and got a complaint made to his employer, Utrecht University about his unprofessionalism. He apparently didn’t learn his leasson, because in 2006, he was conned by Joan again into writing a forward to her lying book. Unless he wasn’t really conned after all – won’t be the first time a man was drawn into a woman’s web. Just look what Arnold Schwarzenegger did! The bigger they are – the harder they fall. Arnold just fell. Joan just fell. Who’s next? I sent Dr. Hoksbergen a private message via facebook for his explanation and a public apology for his contribution to this lying piece of trash book. He hasn’t responded yet. If he doesn’t, I’ll know my assessment of him is correct.
1. April 27, 1992 Joan apologizes to Kathy (breach of privacy, using Kathy's name in Secret is Out article, offers up excuses
2. mid 1992, Joan admits to receiving Kathy's money order, offers MORE excuses
3. Rene Hoksbergen's letter to Kathy, April 19, 1993; says cost to ship her belongings will be $500.00
4a Kathy's letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 1
4b Kathy's letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 2
4c Kathy's letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 3
4d Kathy's letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 4
4e Kathy's letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 5
4f Kathy's letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 6
4g Kathy's letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 7
5a Shipping receipts, July 17, 1993 - $52.75 and August 7, 1993 - $45.95
5b Shipping receipt November 23, 1993 - $52.25
Like this:
Nicole Urdang’s amazon.com review of Joan Wheeler’s trash book Forbidden Family, and Ruth Pace’s rebuttal (re-post) May 15, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunion, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, contradictions, cowardice, dishonesty, Disrespect, embellishing the truth, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, mental illness, mental instability, Nicole S. Urdang, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths, stupidity, theft, whining
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In recent posts, we indicated that a Buffalo, NY therapist, Nicole S. Urdang, who wrote a review on Amazon.com for Joan’s book removed her review. We were in error. The review is still there, but hidden. But I found it.
Ms. Urdang writes:
This is an incredible book. Two books actually. One a memoir and one a call to arms for all adoptees.
Joan chronicles her own deeply moving experience and uses that as a springboard to examine wider issues affecting all adoptees and their parents.
An essential addition to your library if you are involved with adoption either personally or professionally.
I left this comment:
Ruth Pace says:
This book has been pulled from publication due to an incredible amount of slander and libel, and the author’s use of a family photo on the back cover, that she has NO copyrights to. She never bothered to obtain written permission from those whose likeness she is trying to make money off.
The book is of no help to anyone who has any adoption anxiety concerns, except that it is a chronicle of a woman losing her mind. the author details her alcoholism, anti-social behavior, rages, descent into depression. maybe it could help propel someone into therapy, but the author herself, despite admitting to being in therapy for years, has never learned any life lessons, continuing to blame all her woes on everybody else.
Now, going back to Ms. Urdang’s review – she says that this book is a “call to arms for all adoptees.” Why? Because Joan herself is mentally ill? Because Joan herself cannot accept reality? The reality being that in 1956 when my mother died, things were NOT as they are today – there were no daycare centers – my father had to go to work – he had no siblings – his parents were elderly and could not provide care for an infant – my mother’s siblings all had large families themselves, MY FATHER HAD NO CHOICE – HE WAS NOT COERCED INTO GIVING JOAN TO ADOPTION! Would Joan have wanted to lie in a crib unattended all day while my father was at his job? Or should he have stayed home and earned no money, and therefore we would all ended up in the streets. There was no welfare system as we have today.
These are the facts of Joan’s early life – it is her REFUSAL to accept them is what is causing her the great pain and frustration of her adoption.
In her book she twists the facts around – my mother’s sister did indeed know who adopted Joan and where she was living. She did NOT tell us about her. But when we became adults, we did ask her, and she only told us the name: Joan Wheeler. When I was 20 years old, I placed phone calls to Wheelers listed in the phone book. When I got to Edward, a young woman answered, and when I heard her speak, she sounded exactly like my other sister. I was not drunk when I made this call, as Joan writes in her book.
Two years later, 1974, we called her and were reunited with her. But by 1981, Joan began interfering with our lives, calling child abuse on one sister, stealing bead trim off the wedding dress of another sister, (and the dress was originally my mother’s) lying, manipulating people to create strife and tension and fighting between family members. By 1990, she stole hundreds of dollars from me, in 1993, she filed false police reports on me, in 1994-95, she called my employer repeatedly to get me fired, she wrote letters to elected officials giving out personal details of my life, in 1999, she sent me a letter telling me my husband got the next-door neighbor pregnant, and much, much more.
These actions, that caused me and my family much pain and grief did cause us to turn our backs on her. Would you want to associate with someone who files false police reports on you and calls your job to get you fired?
Perhaps Joan does have a beef against the adoption system because she feels that her adoptive parents “lied” to her. THAT IS NOT MY CONCERN! Just because they lied to her, does NOT give her the right to do all those things to us, her biological kin. Obviously the people who adopted and raised her did not instill a proper value system in her. Again,THAT IS NOT MY CONCERN, as long as Joan’s value system does not cause me and mine any harm. The problem is, it has. Big time.
Because of Joan Wheeler’s actions she was banished from our family. She will not accept this. She will not accept the consequences of her own actions. She cannot get it through her head that because of the many times she has HURT us, we don’t want her around us. It is her refusal to get these things through her head that is causing her pain. And at this point, I don’t give a damn as to whatever “trauma” she has gone through in her life. I am dealing with the trauma that Joan has caused ME. And to see this lie-filled book, to open this book, to read on these pages, LIES about myself, is HURTFUL.
A call to arms? Why? So these “damaged” individuals can turn around and do damage to other people? NO WAY!
So now this lying book has been pulled off the market, good riddance I say.
And I add this small comment to Ms. Urdang, indeed to EVERYbody who knows Joan Wheeler, whether personally in Buffalo, or on the internet: TELL HER TO STAY AWAY FROM ME AND MY FAMILY AND STOP WRITING LIES ABOUT US.
Joan got slapped down and slapped down real hard with the pulling of her precious book from publication. And that’s the consequences of her actions. That’s life Joan, DEAL WITH IT. TAKE YOUR PSYCHOSES AWAY FROM US AND LEAVE US ALONE!
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Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family has been pulled from publication part 2 – Joan thanks her birth sisters for exposing her lies. May 10, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Statements from The Three Sippel Sisters.Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunion, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, embellishing the truth, emotional blackmail, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, stupidity, whining, wrongful publication of a photo that the author does not own the copyright to!
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She wrote this mocking thank you in response to finding out, on May 6, that Trafford Publications, who publishes her book, told her that there were some problems with the book, they were pulling the book, but she did have the ‘option’ of a rewrite. Besides Joan’s general stupidity two other things are very obvious with this ‘thank you’ of Joan’s.
Number one, Joan really doesn’t have a CLUE as to what she was told about her book…that it was PULLED, that it will NOT be printed AGAIN, until or unless, there is a REWRITE. That means that after all current physical books are gone there will NOT BE ANY MORE PRINTED. Any inquiry to purchase the book, be it bookseller or individual, must go to Trafford to order the book, because they print it, but will find that it is NO LONGER AVAILABLE. How do I know? Because I’ve been talking to Trafford Publications for over 4 months!
Number two; she has found herself a writing ‘coach’, for these 4 paragraphs are NOT fully Joan Wheeler’s words. How do I know? Because I have read and know Joan’s writing style and her choice of words, as they are written in her book and on various web sites, and they are not used in this smug ‘thank you’.
As usual I quote Joan’s word, in italic, and then I answer. I may break up her paragraphs for easier commenting and understandings.
Joan said: Adoption is a controversial issue. As with any issue, there are more ways than one to view it. I have written a book which puts forth my personal experiences as an adoptee and while I speak from my own point of view, there are issues which other adoptees may have encountered.
Gert says: The blood family’s objections are not with any issues of adoption. Any of our personal views and opinions on that ‘controversial’ issue has nothing to do with what we have against and with Joan Wheeler or her book. Joan cannot use and abuse relatives for the sake of telling HER story…without impunity…there are consequences; that is the blood family’s objections not adoption itself. We also object to Joan’s insistence on saying that we, the blood family, have suffered or are suffering because she was adopted! What utter garbage! That thought and belief is strictly a fabrication and figment of Joan’s mind due to her and only her upbringing and has no basis on truth or reality in relationship to the blood family! Joan has lived her life with adoption syndromes and has projected all that crap upon others to promote her agenda. She hasn’t a clue as to what kind of a person I am…why…because she hasn’t had any meaningful contact with me for over 30 years and the two contacts she did have she manipulated to suit her own purposes in the book!
So, our issues are with the way Joan Wheeler has portrayed us individually and collectively as a family, with gross dishonor, with the pure intent to magnify and sensationalize a tragic death of a mother and those that were left behind. We totally object to Joan’s ‘views’ of our lives and her attempts to capitalize on us for mere financial gains because she doesn’t work, never has worked and needs a source of income. Not on our backs!
She says that she has told her experiences as an adoptee…no…she has put forth her ‘point of view’. That point of view is not the reality, from those that have suffered from her, over the years, and continuing on with the publication of this book. We the blood family NEVER gave her any permission to use our lives for her personal crusade against adoption. Our refuting blog’s purpose is to set forth the truth from Joan’s lies and gross misrepresentations. There is no one that will gain any insights to help them with their own struggles of adoption by believing what Joan Wheeler has written about HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES, for Joan is a mentally ill person! Buyer and reader beware!
Joan said: I could not have written this book without the assistance, albeit unintentional, of my natural family. As it happened, I was found by siblings I did not know existed. It is due only to that that this book was made possible. The full-blooded sisters who found me have, through blogs which can only be described as hostile, have contributed enormously to bringing Forbidden Family to the attention of those who are interested in the different aspects of adoption and what happens when siblings are separated by adoption. For their assistance in doing so, I thank them.
Gert says: Yes, indeed the natural family knew nothing about the fact that Joan was planning, for years, on using our lives for a smut filled book directly from her diseased mind where she ‘exposes them all’ (Joan’s words pg 452 of her book). That is why Joan could NEVER follow up with the many attempts, by various blood relatives, at reconciling with her over the years, for to do so, would mean that Joan’s book and her life story, as she knew it, could not be written or published.
So what did the blood family get for ‘finding’ her? Nothing but pain and grief! And, she can’t even tell the story, here, truthfully! She says ‘the full-blooded sisters who found me have’…what happened to the full-blooded brother who was also there in the finding of her? Forget the fact that he is now dead but, like our father, had suffered at the hands of Joan and who distanced themselves from her years before their deaths. No, Joan only wants to go after the sisters because we are standing in the way of her fantasies, for every time she mentions the blood family we answer her!
She also is lying here by saying that we have ‘blogs’, there is only one that is refuting her lies! Again, Joan is a liar for it is Joan herself that has two blogs where she very much attacks the blood family. We are hostile? Well depends on which side of the fence you happen to be on! From our side it is Joan who is hostile as in her second blog against us. Joan’s belief that we ‘have contributed enormously to bringing Forbidden Family to the attention of those who are interested in the different aspects of adoption and what happens when siblings are separated by adoption’ is yet another figment of her misguided understanding of how people are viewing her. If Joan is thinking of her fellow adoptees, well then, she is only one of many sick individuals that feed on each other’s sick lives. They are her fellow victims, they are only interested in browbeating the world into seeing their views and they deserve each other. On the other hand, I have seen for myself how sane thinking people view the angry words of people like Joan who is only kidding herself that she is helping her cause.
What actually happens to siblings separated by adoption? I don’t really know and don’t give a damm. I know what I suffered, by the hands of a sibling that was placed in adoption and then reunited with us! My life before her was great! I was not suffering from lack of knowing her! The 8 years that she was in life… was total hell! My life after I divorced and banished her from my life was doubly great! I did not suffer from lack of her in my life ever! I am only NOW SUFFERING because she wrote a lying book about my life and family and has the gall to rub salt in old wounds that she caused in the first place. No, adoption separation is not the issue; the issue is Joan’s sick interference in the lives of others! Beware!
Joan said: If you have read their blogs, you will find their views of my book, and of me, and will read their personal accounts of what it means for them to have found their long-lost baby sister. Yes, you will find their bitterness, jealously, resentment, accusations and allegations which they have made. You can then form an idea of the real, concrete issues surrounding adoption, particularly, my adoption and the detrimental effects that separating siblings has on all involved.
Gert says: Here again, Joan is fantasying, she really believes she is the great savior for those in adoption trauma, what bullshit. I don’t dwell on what ‘it means to have found their long-lost baby sister’ for I know, first hand. Joan has this warp view that because we ‘lost’ her we are ‘damaged’…far from it! Joan has a theory and she has tried to make us fit into her theory, problem is, we don’t buy her theory and neither does anyone else that is sane and/or wants to keep a crazy person away from them. No thank you Joan…I have been very happy in my life since that day in 1981 when I told you to GET LOST. It is only since you published a book of lies in 2009 that I have even a thought of you and now you have my FULL ATTENTION, the attention that YOU WANTED all your life, but never had. Stop projecting your loses onto your sisters, we don’t give a damm about you. What point of Joan’s life are we jealous of? Got me! No thank you! I have my own life, always had my own life, like my own life and am not jealous of anyone. Again, Joan is showing the world her own lack of character!
Joan said: Without the assistance of my full-blood sisters and their blogs, it is doubtful that Forbidden Family could have achieved the level of publicity it has. I recognize that, as with any controversial issue, there will be those who will take one side without examining the other and those who are willing to allow others to do their thinking for them. These people are not my audience I am speaking to those who have the insight to examine both sides of an issue, and only then draw whatever conclusions they chose.
Gert says: There is a great deal of difference between publicity and sales. There is also the level in the kind of publicity one gets. Contrary to what Joan believes the publicity, of this book of lies, that has come from us sisters, is exactly what we have intended…to show the world how crazy Joan Wheeler is and how to counter such a individual if one, such as Joan, is in their lives. So, Miss Joan, once again you have misread what actual reality is! And again, Joan is showing us her faulty logic and double-speak to confuse the reader. READ DEEPLY here! She is clever with words…and she believes every word of her own propaganda.
Joan said: My intention in writing this book was not to attack or impugn anyone, but merely to relate my personal experiences in the hope that it may be of benefit to others. Any discrepancy in names, or dates, are due to me trying to protect the anonymity of those involved (they themselves have gone public with their identities), but the incidents and circumstances are accurate.
Gert says: Why does she feel the need to tell us, again, her intentions…of course it was to attack and impugn, the entire book is a raging attack on everyone and everything that favors adoption! Does Joan really believe that the world is full of fools and that they can’t see the details of a mentally ill person in the name of Joan Wheeler as she tells her life story?
And here are more lies. It was Joan herself that made public our real identities, not once but several times. On Pg 634, footnote #15 of Forbidden Family she references her article The Secret is Out, written and published in 1990 where Joan published our full real names. We objected to that then and as Joan tells it, we harassed her. No! If she was not ‘outing’ the identities of us in the book Forbidden Family then WHY did she put in the reference to an article that identifies us and where anyone could find that information? And then why on the web page for Forbidden Family does she have our names? Why does she have a SECOND web page, with our names were she spreads more vicious lies and hate? Why does she go on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change and tell our names and whine and cry and ask for their help in beating us up?
And the incidents and circumstances are NOT accurate, as Joan portrays them, that is why there is this refuting blog…to tell the truth.
Further more Joan went out on the Internet and made public our identities…and here is the proof.
from a google search:
www.justanswer.com › Personal Injury Law – Cached
I am a disabled social worker on SSI; limited income. I just published a book that is memoir and social activism. I am an adoptee reunited with my natural family for 35 years. My three old sisters (ages 57, 61, 62) have been harassing me by various methods for over three decades, and so have adoptive relatives. They attacked me for: writing articles in the paper for adoptees’ civil rights to our sealed birth certificates and now, because I have published my book. I’ve had numerous Orders of Protection, but they keep bothering me. I want them to stay away from me forever. No contact at all. My sisters that I was reunited with have used hate mail, hate phone calls to invade my home and homelife. They’d die down for a few years, and then start up again. They even charged my then-80 year old adoptive mother with sex abuse, and me, because, according to the workers who showed up at the door, “I was having sex with my sister’s boyfriend on the living room couch and my mother forced the kids to watch.” We went through three months of court in 1997 to clear our names. Now, my sisters are publically humiliating me. They shut down my two former blogs because they do not want me to write a book about my life. Yes, I followed a lawyer’s advice on how to write a book. I am an adoption activist. They read my website, twist what I say, and then they post malicious and libelous material on their blogs naming me outright. I went to the police. No help. Freedom of Press. Really? What they are writing is turned away readership from my blog, which means, I have not only lost credibility, but business in not selling my book. How can I get them to cease and desist? Thank You, Joan Wheeler Buffalo, New York USA My website: http://forbiddenfamily.com My book’s sales link: http://www.trafford.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000137652 My sisters’ blogs to attack me: http://chayelet.wordpress.com/ — Kathy Inglis uses the name of Chayelet. This woman lives in Liverpool, England • ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/…/my-journal-of-joan-wheelers-abuse/ – Cached This woman lives in Buffalo, New York, several miles away from me. • Refuting Some of Joan Mary Wheeler’s Statements « Refutting There is another sister by the name of Gert McQueen who lives in Watertown, New York. How can I protect myself from them?
State/Country relating to question: New York
Already Tried:
Police, no help, they said Freedom of Speech so my sisters can say anything online that they want to, even namimng me outright and maliciously defmaing me. I feel my personal and professional reputation has been ruined. I cannot afford to pay for a lwyer as my income in only$697 per month. But I could sell the book and write more books. Please look at those websites and tell me what I can do. Also, the one inn Liverpool states that I haev tried to deport her. I have no idea what she is talking about. I have not seen her since 1979 when I visited Liverpool, UK. We last spoke on the phone in 1988. The three sisters have written me a letter “throwing” me out of the family in 1992. I do not have contact with tham at all, but they find ways to harass me. Like getting my unlisted phone number from another relative and calling me. Now, it is cyber bullying and stalking and nalicious attacks upon me. Can I get them to pay me restitution for malicious defamtion of character and lying which drives people away frommy website?
Read more: Personal Injury Law Questions – I am a disabled social worker on SSI; limited income. I just – JustAnswer http://www.justanswer.com/personal-injury-law/2whab-disabled-social-worker-ssi-limited-income-just.html#ixzz1GoJRY46R
And continuing on… what information does Trafford Publishing give to their potential authors…here are a couple of interesting points taken from their site. (Ruth’s note: the sentances underlined below are the key points that Joan violated in her book and was the basis of the PUBLISHER’S decision to pull the book.- and what we have been saying on this blog since December 2009!)
Libel has a variety of definitions throughout the United States depending on each state’s laws, but in general it is a written false defamation, or the publication of any statement that could cause damage to an individual or organization’s character or reputation.
How can I protect myself against libel in publishing?
Although truth is in most cases a defense in a libel case, it is often difficult and lengthy (thus expensive) to prove in court. If your published book tells a true story about events that occurred, the first step to protect yourself is by changing the names of people or organizations in the book. However, simply changing a name from “Jim” to “David” is often not enough. If a person or others can recognize themselves from the situation, places or events even if their name is changed, you can still be sued for libel. Changing the location also helps to distance the story so that it is unrecognizable to real people. You can use a pen name to further distance any recognizable trail back to you or, most importantly, the real person, in order to avoid trouble.
For instance, imagine an individual reader knows you, the author in real life. If you make claims about your husband’s doctor, even if you change your husband’s name and the doctor’s name, but you keep your real name, it is pretty clear to someone involved who you are talking about in reality. By using a pen name and changing the name of people in the book, this will help to further remove the specifics and protect you against any libel claims.
Voicing an opinion is not libelous; however, be careful that you are not actually making an accusatory statement. Even if you say “in my opinion” before a statement, that does not automatically make the statement an opinion if you are speculating or asserting something about someone.
Do not make the following statements or claims, as they are clear grounds for a libel case: Falsely accusing someone of a crime, or having been charged, indicted or convicted of a crime; falsely identifying someone as the carrier of an infectious or loathsome disease; falsely charging someone or an organization with a claim that discredits or disqualifies a business, office or trade and lowers their profitability; and falsely accusing someone as being impotent.
Seriously consider if you are self-publishing a book that makes statements or reveals information that could damage someone, and consult a legal advisor if you are concerned.
Gert says: So there you have it, Joan in her self-importance deemed it a good thing for herself to use her real name and not take the advise of her publisher. She did not want to distance herself from those that she was writing about because she gave more than enough information in the pages of her book for ANYONE who knows the family to IDENTIFY the family and individuals and that is WHAT we sisters have been saying to the world…Joan Wheeler is a liar and her book is garbage and full of hate and disease.
Joan said: It is my sincere hope that my sisters will continue to help publicize Forbidden Family as it is a must read for those interested in a thoughtful, in depth look at the issues surrounding this unnecessary closed adoption, and the possible ramifications on future families in reunion. And I would like to thank those who have read the book. I hope I have given them as much to think about as the satisfaction they have given me!
Gert says: Rest assured Joan that we will indeed continue to show light on the book of lies that you wrote! If anyone is really willing to part with $45 to get anyone of the remaining copies of it, perhaps they ought to get you to sign it…for you are indeed a first class act…of stupidity! She is so full of herself to believe that her book is a ‘must read’ and that it is a ‘in depth look’ at the issues! Oh yes, she has given much for people to think about. Where are ALL those positive reviews of this great and wonderful book? There are only four that I have seen and I have debunked them all! So Joan, how about getting all those that you claim have benefited from this great and wonderful book to come forth and write something and put their names to it!
What is your next act going to be Joan? You bombed with this one! A rewrite? Gosh to rewrite this book of over 600 pages, and take out all the stuff of your birth family will probably leave you with perhaps 200 pages! Better get busy and start that rewrite because this first book is DEAD!
from Ruth – I shall be putting up my views on Gert’s post tomorrow – May 11, 2011, in the meantime, I have been authorized to post this comment from Kathy Inglis:
I wasn’t going to comment, but, must say Thanks to Gert for enlightening me with regard to what Trafford consider as Libel. And all thanks to both Ruth and Gert for their tenacity in this matter.
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THE BOOK FORBIDDEN FAMILY BY JOAN M. WHEELER HAS BEEN PULLED FROM PUBLICATION BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN PROVEN TO THE PUBLISHER THAT JOAN LIED IN THE BOOK! May 9, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Statements from The Three Sippel Sisters, Uncategorized.Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunion, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, false accusations, false accusations of sexual abuse, fish stories, Forbidden Family, harassment, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, LIBEL, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, spreading untruths, stupidity, theft, whining, wrongful publication of a photo that the author does not own the copyright to!
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Readers of this blog and Joan’s website may be interested to know that:
THE BOOK FORBIDDEN FAMILY HAS BEEN PULLED FROM PUBLICATION BECAUSE OF THE MANY LIES TOLD IN IT.
Joan says on her website today, “thank you for the phenomenal publicity that we have given her.”
Roflmao! Another delusion from a person who needs to have psych medications!
Joan M. Wheeler has egg on her face – she has been EXPOSED as a LIAR and a CON-ARTIST!
The “phenomenal publicity” contained in this blog “Refuting the Book Forbidden Family” has always been to chronicle and PROVE with actual documents that Joan is a LIAR. Only an IMBECILE thanks the people who have brought attention to the fact that they are a LIAR! 
There cannot be many actual copies of this book – She had to SELF-PUBLISH it, with the lowest package that the company offered – $800.00 – do the math people – the selling price of the book is $45.00 – it is offered on Amazon.com which gets about 40% of the monies. Trafford gets it’s cut – they have to make a profit – so figuring at least 75% going to Amazon and Trafford – that leaves $200.00 from her initial investment! Divide that up – I get about 4 and a half copies! We can account for 5 copies right off the bat. And having spoken on the phone with a representative from Trafford, we got this statement: “It is hardly a best-seller.” Roflmao! So who is Joan trying to fool? – Don’t be fooled by this con-artist – she’s a liar, she’s been exposed – she is dead in the water.
She may try to come up with a “new and improved” book, but rest assured, The Three Sippel Sisters will be right there to make dam sure she tells the truth.
So here is the email I sent to the publisher Trafford/Author Solutions over the weekend, and their response? THEY PULLED THE BOOK!
Now stop and ask yourself the question WHY? Why would the company pull the book just because I, Ruth, emailed them – BECAUSE THEY SEE THE PROOF THAT YOU DELUDED PEOPLE AND JOAN WON’T ADMIT TO: THAT JOAN M. WHEELER IS A LIAR! – Of course those people who see right through Joan’s lies are not delusional and know just what kind of nonsense, word-twisting, fact-twisting propaganda Joan is capable of. For Joan to try to justify her lies by saying she purposely mixed up dates and events to protect identities is BULLSHIT!
To lie about the length of an order of protection is protecting NO ONE! To stretch the actual time of six-months to one year does nothing to protect ANY one’s identity. To LIE about a non-event (a 3 month court battle and further LIE that “Brenda” accosted her children outside a court room was done to put her birth sister in a bad light and garner sympathy for herself UNDER FALSE PRETENSES). Don’t be fooled by her propaganda! She has said over and over that everything in her book was the TRUTH. Now, by saying she “mixed up dates and events” she is ADMITTING THAT SHE DID NOT PRESENT THE TRUTH. Like a true snake with a forked tongue, she is trying to cover her ass. DON’T BUY IT! Her own daughter says “my mother is crafty at twisting words.”
I have said MANY times on this blog that Joan continuously mixes up dates and events and presents them in an untruthful manner. I have challenged her MANY times to come clean. I have said again and again that even when confronted by actual documents and her own handwritten letters to explain the discreencies, all she does is say she is telling the truth. For a year and a half this blog has been saying this over and over. For a year and a half she kept saying that – why all of a sudden is she changing her story? Because on Friday, May 6, she was told to do revisions of her book – and by posting her “thank you” on her website on Friday, she is COVERING HER LYING ASS! But after receiving an email from me on Monday morning (May 9,) the decision was made BY THE PUBLISHER that instead of a revision, the book Forbidden Family will be pulled in its entirety.
Her rationale of lying was “Protecting identitys?” BALONEY! If she wrote ONLY the truth – the identity would still be protected – but what readers don’t know – is that in back in the early 1990′s she published a short article called “The Secret is Out” and used OUR TRUE NAMES! Anybody in the adoption reform field who read that article, then read the book Forbidden Family would already KNOW our names – because Joan had already published our names 20 years ago. So who is Joan kidding when she says that WE identified ourselves on this blog first – now SHE did. She did NOT protect our identities. Joan used her real name in the book. Sh used her real birth name Sippel and put MY family’s photo on the back – and it takes no genius in the City of Buffalo to recognize my father, a well-known employee at Buffalo City Hall, and many people knew about his giving his daughter for adoption – to put 2 and 2 together and identify me and others in the book.
She also puts in her book, my mother’s true name – and since MY name is in her obituary – published in 1956 – MY identity is right there. And smearing somebody’s reputation, whether you use their true name, or not is just simply the same thing – a smear campaign. Joan, you cannot weasel your way out of it – you are a LIAR! Plain and simple as that! LIAR!
Here then is my letter to the publisher:
May 6, 2011 –
Eugene Hopkins
Trafford, Author Solutions
Dear Mr. Hopkins,
I am the younger sister of Gert McQueen, with whom you have been in discussions with for the past few months over the book that your company published, “Forbidden Family” by Joan M. Wheeler.
I know that you had received our complaint about this book back on January 21, 2011. I also emailed you my co-complaint on this book. Included in my email, I attached several scanned official court documents pertaining to court cases between Ms. Wheeler and myself.
It is my understanding that recently you remarked to Gert that you were reluctant to get involved in a “family squabble.” Mr. Hopkins, Ms. Wheeler ceased to be a legal family member to us when she was adopted out of our family in 1957. Although we were reunited in 1974, I cut ties with her in 1990 after she stole hundreds of dollars from me. She further alienated herself to me in 1993 when she filed a false police report against me, over phone calls that I placed to her house, (in response to a letter she sent me). I called her house, and she said to me “hold on,” and hung up on me. She then reported to the police that I was placing threatening calls to her. I was summoned into court and Ms. Wheeler was granted a six-month order of protection against me.
In her book, that your company published, she records this incident, but claims that I was placed under arrest (I was not.), that she was granted a one-year order of protection against me (it was for six-months), that I was placed on probation (I was not), and that I have a criminal record (I do not).
I covered this and more in my emailed complaint to you and provided the actual court documents that prove that Ms. Wheeler lied, committing the crime of LIBEL in her book, that your company published.
In another part of her book, Ms. Wheeler describes a three month court battle between me and her in the year of 1994. This is completely false.
Also, on the back cover of the book, which your company published, is a family photograph that is of my parents, my siblings, and myself. Ms. Wheeler herself is NOT in the photograph at all – and the picture was taken BEFORE Ms. Wheeler was not even born, therefore, she wasn’t even a member of the family pictured on the back of her book. I have never given Ms. Wheeler permission, orally, or in writing, permission to use my photograph on her book. Also, since the photograph was taken sometime mid-1955, and Ms. Wheeler was born on January 7, 1956, and then 4 months later adopted out of the family, she does not OWN this photograph. She may “own” a paper copy of this photo, but since she was NOT a legal member of the family depicted in the photo, she does NOT have the legal right to publish it and gain monetary gain from it.
Whether you think of me and Ms. Wheeler as “family members” or not has no bearing on the basis of our complaint – that is being that Ms. Wheeler (and your company) has/have published my picture without my legal consent. In lying about a three month court case between us in 1994, and lying about the length of time the order of protection granted to her in 1993, Ms. Wheeler is presenting falsehoods about the City Court of the City of Buffalo. When Ms. Wheeler presents in her book that I was placed under arrest, she is presenting falsehoods about the Buffalo Police Department.
Further, may I ask you Mr. Hopkins, should a person be subjected to such slander and libel with no recourse, simply because they are related to the perpetrator? The issue of Ms. Wheeler being related to me and Gert is a NON-issue. Ms. Wheeler lied in her book. That is all that should concern you.
Gert tells me that several times in her conversations with you, you have told her that our complaint is in your legal department, and you have yet to hear back from your lawyers.
On your website is the Terms and Conditions for authors to agree to when submitting their work for publication. I cite the following items that Ms. Wheeler is in violation of YOUR own Terms and Conditions.
2. YOUR LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY
2.1. You represent that (i) you are the sole copyright owner of the Work and all of its content.
Ms. Wheeler is in violation of this because she has MY likeness on the back of her book, WITHOUT my consent.
2.4. You further represent that the Work does not contain illegal, unlawful or objectionable material including, but not limited to, pornography, obscenity or hate speech. You acknowledge that the Work is not plagiarized and does not include
falsely attributed statements of third parties.
. Ms. Wheeler is in violation of the second sentence, because as I pointed out above, she has lied about actual court proceedings between her and me.
I further cite YOUR Terms and Conditions as presented to authors on your website:
7. TERMINATION OF AGREEMENT
7.1. Suspension of Services. Upon a breach, default, or failure by you to comply with these Terms and Conditions or the failure to cooperate with us in the provision of any Services, we will have the right to suspend any or all performance until you cooperate with these Terms and Conditions and/or cooperate with us in the provision of Services.
Since I have just pointed out that Ms. Wheeler IS in violation of 2.1 and 2.4 of YOUR Terms and Conditions as presented on your website, Mr. Hopkins, you have NO choice, but to pull the book Forbidden Family off the market, your website, and your advertisement of it on Amazon.com. I don’t understand why your lawyers cannot come up with a timely interpretation of your own terms and conditions, the definition of the term libel, and the application of the term libel to Ms. Wheeler’s statements of me in her book that you published.
On page 670 of the Tenth Edition (1994) of the Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary are the following definitions of the term LIBEL:
- A written or oral defamatory statement or representation that conveys an unjustly unfavorable impression.
- A statement or representation published without just cause and tending to expose another to public contempt.
- Defamation of a person by written or representable means
- The act, tort, or crime of publishing such a libel
I believe that all four definitions cover what Ms. Wheeler has done in her book. By falsely reporting in her book that I have an arrest record, she is conveying a unjustly unfavorable impression.
You have stated to Mrs. McQueen that you do not want to be in the middle of a “family squabble.” This is no “family squabble.” It is accurate accusation of libel and a justifiable demand for the pulling of this book.
I expect to be hearing shortly on your decision to do a right and lawful action: the pulling of this libelous book.
Thank you for your help in this matter.
Very sincerely yours,
Mrs. Ruth Pace
cc: Kevin Weiss; Kevin A. Gray; Gert McQueen
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aha – we have the evidence and now everyone can see what a lying filthy snake Joan Wheeler is. March 7, 2011
Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cyberbullying, delusional thinking, delusions, dishonesty, elder abuse, embellishing the truth, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, exploitation of a rape victim, false accusations, false accusations of sexual abuse, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, mental illness, mental instability, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths, stupidity
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aha – we have the evidence and now everyone can see what a lying filthy snake Joan Wheeler is.
by Ruth Sippel Pace
This was just sent to me via email, the entire exchange and what Joan Wheeler said on the Huffington Post. She continues with her lies that she had multiple orders of protection against me, when in reality she only ONE. In her delusional mind, and her diarrhea of the mouth, ONE equals MANY. (was she never taught arithmetic?) Also for your consideration is the outlandish and disgusting lie about my grandfather. Joan has now taken the Angry Adoptee too fucking far and shows the world what a BITCH she really is. And this is going to help adoption reform? No! Rational people in congress and supreme court will NOT look at the rantings and ravings of such an irrational delusional liar as Joan Wheeler. For the love of god Joan, SHUT THE F UP!
Joan M Wheeler
Comments (15) | Friends (46)
Commented Mar 4, 2011 at 16:32:42 in Health
You can search my names on Google, read every comment and post I ever wrote, send follow-up comment postings and email to instigate and aggravate me. You don’t want me in your life so stay out of mine.
You are a destructive force in the goals that I, and other adoption reformers, want to achieve.
I have gone to the police repeatedly to try to stop you. Orders of Protection only work for six months or one year, then, you are back again. New York State does not have Internet Bullying Laws. If New York did have these laws, I would have all three of my sisters arrested and convicted for causing me emotional and financial distress.
My three sisters do prove my point that separating siblings, especially after the death of a parent during childhood, damages the children who bring their mental anguish into adulthood.
My siblings have been inflicting their sick perversions and twisted obsessions upon me and my children and my adoptive mother since 1974. It appears that they will continue this right into old age and death. That is how mentally sick they are.
http://cyberbulliesstalkers.blogspot.com/
For adoption reform: http://forbiddenfamily.com”
Commented Mar 4, 2011 at 16:21:24 in Living
Commented Mar 4, 2011 at 16:15:12 in Living
Commented Mar 4, 2011 at 16:14:21 in Living
Fact is that is that my older sisters were molested by our grandfather and they think I escaped by being adopted. So they blame me for being an adoption activist. They were not adopted, I was, and they weasel into my life every chance they get.”
Commented Mar 4, 2011 at 16:09:53 in Living
I filed for yet another Order of Protection in 2005, after yet more unwanted contact. Charges were dismissed because the judge was tired of it all. Since I cannot get the police to help me, nor a court of law to defend me, and I cannot reason with any of my three full blood sisters. I want to be left alone.”
Ruth Herr Sippel Pace on Mar 4, 2011 at 17:57:15
http://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/category/black-and-white-evidence-of-joan-wheelers-lies-letters-court-documents/
If any one is interested in the TRUTH, these posts on my blog, contain scanned actual court documents that PROVE that what JW says here, March 4, 2011 is LIES and again is SLANDERING me and my sisters.
I, Ruth Sippel Pace maintain my right to answer JW’s smearing of MY reputation.
If Joan wants to silence me on the internet the solution is obvious: JW needs to stop spreading false accusations about me and my sisters.”
Commented Mar 4, 2011 at 16:04:13 in Living
There are no cyberbullying laws in New York State so I cannot call law enforcement for protection. I have been the victim of harassment and bullying from my three sisters for many decades. They have taken disagreements to the extreme.
I have no contact whatsoever with the three sisters who found me. They are mean and unstable people. I want only positive and loving people in my life. My sisters have caused a great deal of torment in my life, but they are not the focus of my reunion nor my life. I, alone, am the adoptee. My book is about my life and how adoption effected me and my immediate adoptive family, my now ex-husband, and our children.”
Commented Mar 4, 2011 at 14:39:07 in Health
About my adoption: Our mother died when I was three months old. Our father placed me with my adopting parents one month later and I was legally adopted at age 1 year and 1 week. There facts are documented in my adoption papers which I petitioned for legally.”
Commented Mar 4, 2011 at 11:29:45 in Health
Exactly. So why don’t we start legislation across the USA to stop this practice? Someone has to put a stop to it. Access legislation makes no sense when the cycle is not broken. Stop producing false birth certificates, start producing truthful adoption certificates, and we will eventually see that there is no need for sealed records. So, where’s the new legislation to end the cycle? Get on it!!!”
Commented Mar 3, 2011 at 12:59:47 in Health
Keeping secrets as deep as the true identity of your adoptee is surely indicative of a controling and insecure adoptive parent. You don’t need to be so possessive and afraid if you parented your adoptee with love. But I see that you are angry and paranoid. You did adopt someone else’s child and for that, you have evvery obligation to tell the truth: morally, ethically, religiously, and legally. To base any relationship on lies is a set-up for disaster and pain. I feel sorry for you and your husband and your adoptee. You truley are ignorant of life-cycle adoption psychology. Shame on you. As an adoptive parent you owe it to yourself to read Nancy Verrier’s books on what the adoptee experiences. This isn’t about you, this is about the adoptee!”
Commented Mar 3, 2011 at 12:51:18 in Health
My amended birth certificate states all the birth facts: date and time of birth, and hospital, but I am re-named as if I were born with that name, and my adoptive mother is named as having given me birth. That is an outright lie! The one birth fact left off of my falsified birth certificate is that there were 4 other children born to the real mother. But I am forced to present this document as proof of my birth. I resent it.
In addition to giving back a civil right to own our original birth certificates, I would like to see the elimination of the amended birth certificate as an automatic dictate upon adoption. Instead, replace the amended and falsified birth certificate with an adoption certificate which states the facts of adoption. Leave the birth certificate alone and open to the adoptee. The adoption certificate should be open, too. This is the way it is done in more progressive countries such as The Netherlands and Australia.”
Commented Mar 3, 2011 at 12:50:23 in Health
I am not grateful to be adopted. Why would I? My adoptive parents knowingly and willingly prevented me from knowing my own full blood siblings during my childhood and that is child abuse. Yes, my natural father relinquished me to adoption when I was 4 months old just after the death of my mother. He kept the other 4 children. That alone is hurtful, but my adoptive parents knew my father and open visitation could have been arranged. But my so-called loving adoptive parents kept me all to themselves, alone, in their sheltered cocoon of adoption-love. I should have been told the truth.
Now about the birth certificate issue: I was born the 5th child to married parents. My original birth certificate states that there were 4 other children born to this mother. I was given a name and my long form birth certificate states the date and time of birth in the hospital. My natural father gave this document to my adopting parents when he relinquished me.
(end of part 1)”
Ruth Herr Sippel Pace on Mar 4, 2011 at 14:20:35
Second, JW states “I should have been told the truth.” JW should begin by telling the truth in all posts on the internet. She was not 4 months old when she was adopted, but 3 months.”
Miss Morgan B Aird on Mar 3, 2011 at 17:35:48
You were blessed to be adopted, regardless of how you feel now. I do not know anything about my biological parents and it isn’t until now (26 years later) my adoptive mom wants to seriously talk,other than when I was a child. I have a biological brother that is only 16 months older than me (which she kept), but I love both my parents just the same, because I am here and I am wonderful!”
Commented Feb 22, 2011 at 11:31:59 in New York
A wallet stolen 40 years ago and returned to the rightful owner certainly has sentimental value. The person who found the wallet felt “fantastic satisfaction” by giving back the wallet after all these years.
But what of adoptees who have had their identities at birth stolen from them? Shouldn’t they be the beneficiaries of a society who now realizes the tremendous sentimental value of obtaining one’s own birth certificate? Currently, New York and New Jersey are preventing millions of adoptees from accessing their sealed original birth certificates by refusing to pass legislation that would reunite adoptees with their original birth certificates.
Give adoptees back their civil rights to the truth of their births. Change the law. Let’s make human interest stories out of the positive outcomes that would result from reuniting an adoptee with the true certificate that documents the day they were born.
Joan Wheeler born Doris Sippel”
Commented Feb 11, 2011 at 10:44:53 in Living
Gert McQueen on Feb 14, 2011 at 09:24:12
The recent ‘pain’ is because of the lying book that Joan wrote about all family members and non-members in her quest for laying the blame of her miserable life on the doorstep of adoption.
I divorced myself from this woman back in 1982 because of what she did to my family, because I ‘adopted’ my own son and she didn’t like that and my telling her to leave me and my family alone. Ten years later, I attempted a reconcilation, in person, she again betrayed me, attacking my mental health and religion and then another attempt by me by phone in 2005 again was met with more betrayal, she thought I was looking for information to ‘get her’.
I am in no pain…Joan is…because she can not stop the truth, that we sisters are saying, on our blog. If the truth hurts, it is not my family that is hurting, only Joan because she refuses to accept the truth of the life that she was given.”
Ruth Herr Sippel Pace on Feb 12, 2011 at 16:34:56
My sister and I have a blog refuting Ms. Wheeler’s book at http://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/ where we tell WHY our reunion went sour.”
Gert McQueen on Feb 12, 2011 at 10:13:36
The truth about Joan’s book is that is is an extremely long painful account of the author’s own perceptions of her reality where in she fabricates, exaggerates and boldly lies about people and events. She describes her own character flaws presenting them as reasons for why she believes she has been traumatized by adoption and in that process doesn’t realize the harm she has done to herself and others. She portrays both the birth and adoptive families is very negative ways and claims to be harassed by us birth sisters. She does not tell of her own negative actions towards the birth sisters or many other people. The author is violently opposed to adoption and adoptive parents and is not truly interested in helping people,
My sisters and I are not hiding anything we say or do about refuting her book or other actions she has said or done to us; we put everything we do on our blog for it is a truth-telling blog. It is the birth sisters’ position that the fact of a publication of a book of lies and misrepresentation is an grave dishonor to our parents, ourselves and other members of our family and the adoptive family.”
Commented Oct 6, 2010 at 13:03:52 in Living
The primal wound is very much a part of my life, longing for closeness that was taken from me so soon after birth because I almost died and had to be kept in medical isolation to bring up my weight and physical development. Soon after I was released from the hosptial, my mother died, which led to my relinquishment and adoption.
Thank you for your article.
However, I would hardly call adoption “wonderful”: “Adoption is a wonderful way to start and have a family.” Be careful. Adoption as practiced in America is filled with destruction. If adoptive parents would truely be open and honest with their adoptee (mine were not) and adoptees’ the birth certificate are not sealed and falsified, and if connections with the family of origin are not severed…then adoption would become guardianship. Ever here of family preservation?
I am for total and complete adoption prevention.
Joan M Wheeler born Doris M Sippel
http://forbiddenfamily.com”
