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Joan Wheeler, the Teflon Dictator. Nothing is ever her fault! lol. December 10, 2009

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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Before I get “accused” of  something again. I am a night shift worker. On my nights off I do sometimes be awake all night, or even snooze here and there. I did manage to get about 3 hours sleep on the couch with Captains and the Kings dvd in the background, to drwon out the wind. And I don’t need to use the search phrase “adoption reform resentment.” I’m really not interested. I’m only interested in getting out what happened to turn our adoption reunion sour.


Now despite a well-thought out post that actually is put forth in a civil manner, the sentance “Do not pin any negativity on me” is indicative of this person’s lifelong attitude. Nothing is ever her fault.

How do you think a person would feel if they loaned someone a wedding dress that belonged to your mother to someone who then mutilated it? Ok, I will admit, I didn’t take good care of it to begin with. But this person voluteered her adoptive mother’s help in cleaning it. She was a seamstress, well not by profession, but I guess by hobby. Anyway, I gave this person the dress. I believe it was in 1981. In 1983, this person was getting married and wanted to wear the dress, but it didn’t quite fit her. She asked permission for the dress to be altered. I said no. So she worked with another woman, a seamstress by occupation to make a copy of the dress. This woman also made the bridesmaid dresses. I was one of the bridesmaids.

My mother’s wedding dress has some beadwork, small concentric circles of white seed beads, sewn on a small ribbon of fabric that lined the v-shaped bodice of the satin main dress. Over this bodice is a smaller section of a more sheer fabric leading from the bosom to the neck.

On the wedding day of the person, 45 minutes before the start of the wedding, we were at her house, the matron of honor helping her get dressed, a photographer in attendance. If memory serves, I was one of 3 bridesmaids, one of them her future sister in law. I was dressed, putting on fresh coat of nail polish. All of a sudden here comes the bride! “Oh Ruth. I just wanted to tell you. With all the work on the dresses, there wasn’t time to make a copy of the beadwork on Mom’s dress. So we took it off, and sewed it onto mine. When we get the copy of the beadwork done, we’ll just swap the ribbons. And this is so wonderful, as I will be able to go down the aisle with something that Mom had on her wedding day.”

Now I ask you. What would you have done? What could you have done? Make a scene in front of all those people and ruin the brides day? NO, there was NOTHING I could have done.

Months later, she refused to return the dress itself. I finally had to get my father to get the dress back. It was not cleaned, not pressed, the buttons in the back NOT repaired, even though this person had the dress in her possession for about 3 or 4 years. In a 1999 draft of the book Forbidden Family, this person, yes, I’m talking about the author of this book, none other than Joan Wheeler herself! Well she describes her return of the dress to me by her flinging the dress at my feet. She berates me for abusing the dress. But did she not abuse it herself by “throwing it at my feet?” But that never happened. She took the dress to my father’s house, and he in turn, gave it to me. Why would someone lie like that? By saying that she threw the dress on the floor, is admitting to a possible abuse of the dress. The very same thing she accused me of. (always with the accusations of me).

Anway, the beads were NOT on the dress. So I called her up. “I’ve changed my mind. I’m keeping the beadwork as it belonged to my mother. MY mother too, you know.”

So who is abusing the dress now, Joan?

HOWEVER, I waited a few months, no mention of the beads came forth from her. I kept my cool. When her son was about a year old, I was asked to babysit one evening. So I went over there. I had my nephew in his high chair, feeding him dinner. I gave him a couple of spoonfuls of baby food. Then I went in seach of her wedding dress. I found it in her bedroom closet. I laid it on the bed. I gave my nephew some more spoonfuls of food. I went back into the bedroom and with a small pair of scissors that I brought with me, I carefully removed the ribbon of beadwork from Joan’s dress. I put her dress back in the closet.


Funny thing, Joan never mentioned the beadwork.

But this is how Joan operates. She is manipulative, sneaky, is a liar, a thief. And despite all this, I still kept an open heart to her. I still kept a relationship with her. I let her and her husband access to my bank account while he was in South Carolina and cashed his checks for them. In 1989, we wanted to buy real estate. So I borrowed almost $4500.00 from two credit cards. Most went into a CD account, the rest into a joiont checking account. Funds were used for lawyer fees, appraisal fees, etc. By September 1989, we didn’t find a suitable apartment building, so we dissolved our business partnership. We went to the back to close out the checking account.

Joan came out to the car and handed me $700.00. There was supposed to be over $1000.00. She then says, “I have something to tell you.” “Ohno, I thought.”

“The brakes on my car needed fixing last month, and I needed the money. I knew you’d understand.”

Understand? That she stole my money from me? And let a whole month go by without telling me? THIEF, COWARD!

And her deadbeat husband! I had given him permission to withdraw $500.00 to buy a case of fireworks. The sale of the fireworks would triple the $500.00 investment. But it was MY husband (then fiance), who did most of the selling. He would give the money back to Colby whenever he had some. We ASSUMED that Colby was putting the money back into the bank, but HE DID NOT! By the time both bank accounts were closed and all available funds returned to me, I was shorted out by $741.00.  BY MY OWN SISTER!



Joan Wheeler, the teflon dictator.

UPDATE OCTOBER 2016; as older posts are being seen I, Gert, am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!


this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.






1. chayelet - December 10, 2009

Ruth-Your post here refers to Ms Wheeler’s post on her blog titled ‘It is not reunion I resent – it is being lied to and harassed’ , 10 Dec. 09, the content of which appears, as you say, as a ‘well thought out post that actually is put forth in a civil manner’,in contrast with her post of 7 De. 09 ‘Abusers are warned to stay away’ wherein Ms Wheeler subjects us, her birth sisters, to various angry tirades, individually tailored and addressed to each of us in turn.

I would draw readers’ attention to Ms Wheeler’s statement in her 10 Dec post, that ‘Reunions with blood kin only work if all people work at it’ and ‘Reunions between families separated by adoption are positive, natural events that, if handled with respect and dignity and honesty can and do work.’ I do believe I said something to that effect myself in a comment to your post ‘Our family history’ wherein I spoke of the pain we, the birth family endured, and which was, and never has been, properly acknowledged by Ms Wheeler, and which she continues to this day to deny by blaming us for her unhappiness.

I suppose I should take it as a compliment, that Ms Wheeler was so inspired by my insight as to use it in her own post-imitation is the best form of flattery , as they say.

If you still have my original comment on file, I would be grateful if you could re-publish it as I believe it is relevant to this post, and, being an IT novice, I don’t trust my cutting and pasting skills!

Ruth - December 10, 2009

yes, I will repost your comment. sorry your comment got lost during the restructuring.

2. chayelet - December 11, 2009

I have just read Ms Wheeler’s blog titled Angry Aoptee’s Rant Pt 1. I have to say I feel really sorry for this woman. She appears to be a very fragile personality.

Let me make something absolutely clear- Ruth and I never set out to ‘defeat’ Ms Wheeler or to denigrate her cause-we were merely standing up for our own reputations, which were blackened on the web by Ms Wheeler- it is Ms Wheeler who started all this. Now, in this new rant, and in a sequel rant No 2,she further abuses the privacy and reputations of a number of her relatives, from all sides of this particular Adoption Triangle, accuses these same people of abusing her, and makes threats to further abuse these people herself! It is my belief that this alone shows the type of personality we are dealing with.

If Ms Wheeler cares to read through MY contributions, she will see that I have NEVER attacked her personally in any of my comments- I merely make observations on her behaviour and stand up for my reputation as a human being.I have never attacked Ms Wheeler’s status as an adoptee, or as a member of my family.In my writings I have never divulged information regarding Ms Wheeler’s life, apart from the adopton issues which she espouses, and even then, my comments regarding adoption are sparse because it is not a subject I am particular involved in, apart from being a member of this Birth Family.

As a lay person in the academia of psychology per se, but speaking as a trained teacher with 30+ years experience of teaching all levels aged 7-75 in and out of the school system, whose teacher training involved studying the psychology of learning, I recognise that Ms Wheeler clearly demonstrates symptoms of mental disorder-the origins and alleviation of which I am not qualified to diagnose.

However, as someone who has lived through a traumatic childhood, and as an adult with much personal experience of dealing with people with mental disorders, I am qualified to make this observation and offer it to Ms Wheeler and readers in the most generous spirit of human light:

I have come to believe that, in life, no matter what life throws at us, NO-ONE , NOTHING, can make you completely happy. YOU MAKE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. You, yourself, have the tools to heal yourself, or to damage yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most intimate relationship you have-the only person who is with you 24/7 until your death is YOU, YOURSELF. We each of us has the helping hand of our Creator, whichever way we choose to identify with the Supreme Power.You can choose to live life in Light and Love, or in Conflict. I wish Ms Wheeler and our readers a life of Light, Love and Healing.

3. Ruth - December 11, 2009

chayelet is much more gracious than I am. But I do wholeheartedly agree with her.
If I come off as strong here in my blog, it is because, yes, I am angry at Ms. Wheeler’s treatment of me for the past 26 years, but I am also angry at her present presentation of me and my family. We are accused of harassing her for years, abusing her. When in fact, it has been Ms. Wheeler who has been harassing and abusing us. Ms. Wheeler seems incapable of telling the truth, even as recent as December 10 when in her rant, she claims she has multiple orders of protection against me. This is an outright lie. She had one and ONE, for six months, from 1993, and it was dismissed. I have challenged her to produce the evidence. But she will not produce it. Because there is none to produce. In her first rant she warns me not to go to bookstores and deface her book. I am a regular customer of Barnes and Noble and Borders. Puh-leaze! As for showing up at her book signings. Again puh-leaze! She shouldn’t be flattering herself so much.
Going back to chayelet’s assessment of Ms. Wheeler’s possible mental deficiencies, I have only this to add: apparently Ms. Wheeler enjoys this fighting. Her refusal to keep the peace affirms this. I have gone as much as 3 years of peace, because the District Attorney of Erie County warned us both to stay away from each other and not to contact each other. (1995). But 3 years later, there was a chance meeting by Ms. Wheeler’s ex-husband in South Carolina and a man who used to know my oldest sister G.M. This man, of whom, neither I, nor my fiance, had any knowledge of, trashtalked my oldest sister to Ms. Wheeler’s ex-husband. Ms. Wheeler, DESPITE BEING TOLD BY THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY NOT TO CONTACT ME, sent me a letter addressed to me and my sister. But the envelope was addressed to me and my fiance. And so that started a new round. Again, in January 2004 she started again, after we actually had 4 months of working together in building a website to publish family photos. Everything was ok, until out of the blue, she sends me an email accusing me (again, with the accusing) of tampering with her photo. I booted her off the website.Not a word since then until she started the bashing here on the internet.
As I said, I believe Ms. Wheeler enjoys the fights. Otherwise, she wouldn’t always start them!

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