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Hypocrite Joan Wheeler, the Teflon Dictator December 11, 2009

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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“Reunions between families separated by adoption are positive, natural events that, if handled with respect and dignity and honesty…” relates Joan Wheeler December 10, 2009 in her blog.

I whole heartedly agree.  HOWEVER, respect, dignity and honesty was NEVER forthcoming from Joan. From the time she “helped herself” to the beadwork off my mother’s wedding dress, which became MY property when my father gave it to me, to the time she “helped herself” to MY money, to the lying on the phone to my  husband’s cousin, who was living with us, trying to turn her against me, to the time she repeatedly called my job trying to get me fired, to the time she sent me a stupid letter saying my husband the next door neighbor pregnant, to the time she involved my mother in law in our feud, to the time she disrespected me on the phone after I had a miscarriage and was grieving, Joan Wheeler NEVER showed respect, to me, or honesty, least of all dignity.

Instead, she blames all her life troubles on somebody else.

For example, my two older sisters and I spent some years in a foster home when we were children. They were a nice couple, older, and they took good care of us. Taught us a lot. I liked them both. Because my foster mother also knew my mother’s sister, my cousin, her husband, and her small child became friends with them. One day, in the late 1980’s I had mentioned to Joan Wheeler that I had been unhappy living with my foster parents. This was not a reflection on them personally, I just wanted to be with my own family.  Now I told this to Joan  in confidence.

Well, Joan in her quest to find out how her birth family lived without her, went for a visit to my foster parents. I wasn’t there. But, Joan betrayed my confidence. She told my foster mother what I had said, that I wasn’t happy living there. My foster mother then got on the phone with my cousin. She was crying. “I thought Ruth was happy living with us.” My cousin, who had heard me say the same thing, and HAD kept my confidence, covered for me. She told me, that she told my foster mother, “Oh, I know Ruth was happy living with you. Joan probably got it mixed up.”

Apparently Joan also said something about my stepmother, my father’s second wife. And my foster mother wrote a letter to my sister in England about it. Then apparently she was on the phone with Joan and told her off and hung up on her.

What was Joan’s reaction? She wrote a letter to my foster mother and started the letter:  “Dear D., I don’t know what you are mad about but at least you could have the decency to tell me what you think the problem is.” This disrespectful remark was written by Joan Wheeler to an 82 year old woman. The letter goes on to blame my sister K. in England and my oldest sister G. “You must have been talking to K. again, because she is famous for bad-mouthing me. Or G. ” She goes on to accuse D. of “listening to gossip,” and then lectures this 82 year old woman. “Well, obviously you haven’t learned by now that the best source of information is the person in question.” How arrogant! “I know I haven’t been over there for a long time, but that is no reason to treat me the way you did. You owe me an explanation.”

She got an explanation all right. When I heard about it, I tore into Joan. “I don’t know if I’m doing anything wrong if I’m told.” was her excuse, even though she was a grown woman with 2 kids. I reminded her that what I said was said in confidence and she had betrayed my trust.

Dignity? Respect? There was no dignity or respect in how Joan treated that woman. I am going to scan both the letter that Joan wrote to my foster mother, and D.’s letter to my sister in England as soon as I can.

But of course, Joan did nothing wrong here. NO, the blame was all my sisters. Because she was bad-mouthing Joan. Yeah right.

Is there any body on this planet more perfect that Joan Wheeler, the Teflon Dictator?

“Reunions between families separated by adoption are positive, natural events that, if handled with respect and dignity and honesty…” relates Joan Wheeler December 10, 2009 in her blog. — a damn hypocritical statement if you ask me!

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