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Open letter to and about Joan Wheeler, from her eldest birth sister Gert McQueen January 7, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Statements from The Three Sippel Sisters.

January 2010

Open letter to and about Joan Wheeler, from her eldest birth sister Gert McQueen


I am one of the “three Sippel sisters” as Joan calls myself and our other two sisters. We also have a deceased brother. I find it interesting that even though she professes to be a “Sippel” by birth she does not consider her self a “Sippel Sister.” Why is that?

This is to set the record straight about how I have NOT harassed her but about WHAT she has done to my family and myself. I have no secrets, if she thinks there is any pleas, by all means, she should bring them out in the open for Joan shall not blackmail me. She shall not hold me hostage to her emotional imbalance or her distortion of events or her omission of her own transgressions that she did perpetrate to myself and my families, those that I have come from, those I married into and those I gave birth to.

By choice I do not have email and am not connected to the net, that is why I’ve asked Ruth to scan and post this for me. Since Joan posted, without my permission, “all” of my last names and teh city where I live its not difficult for anyone to find me. I’m listed in the phone book, if anyone, out there, is truly interested in knowing more details about Joan’s adoption and reunion, from someone who who actually does remember her as an infanct and who brought about the initial reunion and who has suffred from her meddling interference or wants to know how she really is, feel free to phone me, I have nothing to hide. For I shall not be blackmailed and held hostage! Again it is interesting to note that Joan has no problem in telling the world her family’s names and where they live but I do not know where she lives nor her phone number. If I did know her address and phone I have forgotten them over the years and don’t care to know them or her now. True fact – I have seen and spoken with Joan only three, count them 3, times in the past 27 years. Did you get that? In 27 years I have only had 3 contacts with Joan. I’m really slacking in my harassing her so this is my fourth contract to her.

And yet had the audacity, a couple of months ago, to call her town of Tonawanda NY Police Department (did you get that) to tell them that her sisters, whom she named, where harassing her and telling the police to phone one of them with the trhreat of court action of harassment if they did not leave her alone. Excuse me! And then in recent posts to her internet accounts she wonders why “Gert has backed off…and was only fishing for information a couple of years ago when she asked for her stepmother to phone Joan.” Excuse me! What was I backing off from? Haven’t talked to her in years and that last phone call, can’t even remember the date, sometime 2004, or 05, or 06, was yet another attempt, on my part, to recocile with her. It’s called peace making, settling karma, forgiveness, burying the hatchet, what ever you like but certainly not fishing for information or harassment. But like everything else, Joan is incapable of understanding the other guy and/or minding her own business.

Why, you ask, is it that if it is my choice not to have, nor to want, contract with Joan that I should give a damn about what she has to say? Because she should be ashamed of her self for things she is saying and doing today and others should not be conned nor used by her. She has written the book, well people also need to hear the other side of the story.

Does she forget why I divorced her? Yes, that’s right, I divorced her, by my personal decree, that it is only an accident of birth (the work of the Wyrd Sisters or the Fates) that we both have the same blood parents and, in my opinion, that divorce is still in effect because of her inability to reconcile with me about what she has done to me and my family and her continued hatred for me and our other sisters. If anyone is unfamiliar with the Wyrd Sisters check your European and Classical mythologies.

A synopsis: I have 2 children from a first marriage, remarried in 1980 and my second husband wanted to adopt my children who were young teenagers. Because of their ages they had to give their permission to be adopted. My daughter was going through the usual teenage “identity crisis,” did not want to be adopted; she also was having issues with her natural father and it was deemed best that she not be adopted. None-the-less she was treated as if she was by her stepfather. During this time period I was paying $s for professional counseling as any family would to gain tools to keep the family together.

During the adoption procedures we had to go through many examinations by the adoption authorities and were found fit for adopting my son. Joan in her adoption zeal became abusive towards me because of the first two pieces of paper I had to sign for adopting my own son. On the first paper I signed, I, the birth mother relinquished my parental rights for said child. On the second paper I signed, I, the birth mother became the foster mother of said child. On the third I signed, I, the birth/foster mother became the adopted mother of said child. The said child was 16 years old and never left my home or heart! But Joan argued with me to the point of calling me an unfit mother and I had to kick her out of my home.

Then Joan, with another sister of mine, whom BTW has long ago, made amends, apologized to me for her involvement and whom I have forgiven, began interfering in my and my husband’s parental authority with my minor children. Joan told my 14-year-old daughter that she did not have to listen to her mother, that it was okay for to have a mixed racial sexual relationship, against my parental authority and encouraged my daughter to run away and lied to family and police about my daughter’s whereabouts. When we found my daughter, she said she was abused and raped. My husband and I were labeled child abusers and rapists and put on the NY State Child Abuse List. My child was taken from me. Then they sued me for custody of my chold. I asked for a home study to be done on both my sisters and they were found to be unsuitable to have a 14 year old in their custody.

I had to endure a year of investigations and an 8-hour hearing that produced a 16-page document that proved our innocence saying that everything my husband and I did was to protect my minor child from harming herself. But the damage was done. I placed my daughter in foster care and gave her legal freedom at age 17. My family was destroyed. My marriage broke up; no one in the family could believe that such a thing could happen. My son and daughter’s relationship has never been the same and my daughter has been estranged from many family members for decades. This is why I divorced Joan and left the city of Buffalo NY in 1982.

the following paragraph is highlighted to show Joan’s hatred of anyone’s religion.

Ten years later, in 1992, our brother came home for a visit and there was an opportunity, I thought, to reconcile with Joan, put it behind us and move on. During the visit I shared with my sisters my finding of and involvement in a reawakening movement of Northwestern European ancestral folk religion and in particular Anglo-Saxon Theodish Belief. I had explained all this to our father a couple of years before. He asked me if I was happy in my choice of religious expression and when I said yes he said that is all that matters. But to Joan my religion was wrong. Unbeknown to me she went to our father’s home and complaining to him that there was “something wrong with Gert’s mental health because of the religion she is into.” Our father kicked her out of his home. When I heard about that I said okay she and I were still divorced.

I was very much involved in the devolpment of Theodish Belief, from 1990 until I retired in 2000, including publishing a full-scale international magazine 4 times a year for 7 years, writing several booklets of my own, editing and publishing the works of several authors and am still considered one of the prime leaders of the whole Heathen movement. You can find my and others’ works on the net.

Interestingly, our brother knew and loved our ancestral Old Gods and Goddesses long before I did and when he died I wrote and circulated among many of the leaders who knew us both a “memory boast.” There’s a Heathen verse that says:

Cattle die, kinsmen die, you too shall die, and the only thing that remains is your reputation.

Think about it!

I didn’t speak with Joan for another 10 or 15 years, can’t remember when it was 2004, 05, 06, doesn’t matter, but I was at our father’s home in Buffalo, and again I thought perhaps Joan would be willing to have a decent conversation that could lead to reconciliation. I thought it was important to settle the karma while one can, none of us is getting any younger. I asked if someone would place the call to her, I never had the number, Joan and I had a nice conversation and she told me was a Unitarian Universalist. She knew that I had given some lectures at the Watertown Church. Don’t remember much more of that conversation thinking that is all I could do. That was the third and last time I spoke with Joan.

But seeing some of her commments recently on the web, I wonder if she really understands anything. She really ought to read and understand the Unitarian Univeralist mission statement. They recognize the worth of every individual’s choice of expression in the divine. Joan does not adhere to that because she is a bigot. She condemns my religious expression. Why? I have for decades studied and practiced many religious traditions to learn from them. I wonder, is there a relgion that I should be practicing that Joan would approve of?

Since that last conversation I had with Joan, our father has told me that over recent years Joan had helped him with rides to doctors and such. About a year or so ago he told me that Joan started to complain to him that he doesn’t help her with gas money and thinks of her as a taxi and that her car needs repairs and he ought to give her money to fix it. he gave her some “taxi” money, told her he doesn’t need her services, the car is her responsibility to fix, that if she doesn’t have money she should get a job and that it is best that they don’t “see” each other. Joan currently has been writing that her natural father, my father, is dying. He’s dying the same as all of us are. He is not on the deathbed.

Joan ought to be ashamedof her self for misrepresenting our father and his condition.

Joan ought to be ashamed of her self for the way she talks about her adoptive family and in particular her adoptive mother who probably really is on the deathbed.

Joan ought to learn about death and dying. The one thing elderly and the dying don’t need is stress, arguments, being forced to account for their decisions in their lives or have other unsavory conditions placed upon them. Joan is doing much damage here. Shame on you Joan.

Joan is doing soul damage to those who have passed on; like not honoring our mother and her memory and to those that are aging like our father and those that are in the final end of days of their life like her adoptive mother. Shame on you Joan. I work with Hospice. I tend to those that are dying and know what I say here.

Joan is a soul vampire she sucks the energy out of people and eats their souls. You think I jest? Ask anyone in her families, birth or adoption, and they will tell you all kinds of horrors they have suffered. Shame on you Joan.

I can forgive Joan for what she did to my family but only if she can forgive herself is she stops her hatred for others and me. The one thing that forgiveness doesn’t mean is to forget. I shall never forget what she did and therefore shall never trust her again and true to her nature she is still falsely accusing me of things and misrepresenting other situations. There’s a great wisdom: one cannot have a conversation, or a constructive argument, with a drunk or a mentally disturbed person.

Joan get some help and humility before it is too late. Another Heathen wisdom: You Are Your Deeds!

Your sister, Gert


I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/   this blog is titled Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor


this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.

Also see this Facebook page


In addition…see the ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.

Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum


Joan Mary Wheeler forum 


review of first book and 4 comments





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