repost: the story of Joan Wheeler’s theft of money from me February 27, 2010Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
Tags: abuse, Disrespect, emotional abuse, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, theft
In 1989, Joan and her husband C. and I entered into a business arrangement to buy an apartment building. We wanted one that had enough units for us each to have an apartment and one, perhaps two rental units. Neither of us had any money. But I was able to take out a loan for I believe it was close to $4500.00. We put the majority of this money into a CD account, and the rest into a joint checking account to be used for real estate agent fees, appraisal fees, etc. Since I worked nights, Joan and C. did the majority of the transactions.
In June 1989, C. called me and wanted permission to withdraw $500.00 to buy a case of fireworks to be sold on the street. This $500.00 would then be tripled. I agreed. My husband John ended up doing most of the selling, and whenever he sold anything, he would give C. the money. We thought that C. was putting that money back into the bank.
By September 1989, we weren’t finding any real estate suitable, so we decided to dissolve the business arrangement. Joan and I went to the first bank to close out the checking account. I stayed in the car, and when Joan came out, she said, “I have something to tell you. You know, last month, I needed work done on my car. So I withdraw $200.00 from the house fund to fix it.” I was so mad, but I couldn’t say anything, because we still had to go to the other bank and close out the CD account. Joan promised me she would pay me back every penny. She never did, despite my pleading, arguing, even having various friends and family members talk to Joan. We also had a $300.00 refund coming from the lawyer, the refund was coming in two checks, one to me, and one to Joan. We agreed that Joan would turn over that money to me, towards her theft, and C.’s NOT replacing the fireworks money. In December, Joan called me and told me over the phone that she changed her mind and she would NOT be giving me that money. I had it with her, told her to go to hell and hung up on her. She sent me a nasty letter, the first of many, many, nasty, harassing letters, letters filled with nonsense on how she doesn’t know why I don’t like her, she’s my sister and I should treat her better, and other garbage. Even outright lies about certain family members and my husband.
Also, at this time, my car broke down. All the money that was returned to me, was given back to the bank. I had been paying the monthly payments on this loan from June 1989. Now it was October, and there was a sizable balance due, with interest compounded on it. My car broke down. I did not have the funds to fix it. Yes, Joan was driving around, but John and I were taking the bus. When later, my husband got laid off, we were so strapped for cash, we had to get rid of the car. Joan was nice and warm in her car, fixed with my money, while John and I were cold, standing on the corner waiting for a bus.
In the spring of 1990, one of Joan’s rent check bounced, caused by 3 withdrawals from an ATM machine. Joan showed up at my house, and started out with crocodile tears. I mean, she really had tears. She apologized for stealing from me, she said she was sorry for getting me mad at her. She didn’t want our relationship as sisters to suffer. I just sat there, emotionless, just wanting her to shut up and leave. Then all of a sudden, this great little actress, dried her tears and said she had a question to ask me. She told me about the withdrawals from the ATM and wanted to know if I had done it. I simply said no. she left shortly afterward. John’s cousin, Joyce, who was living with us at the time, was there and heard it all. When Joan left, Joyce said, “that little bitch. She did not come over to apologize, but to accuse you.” I said, “I know. I’m done with her. forget it.”
Sometime later, Joan was busy painting her new apartment and she had on a cable access station for background noise. All of a sudden a video came on. This video was a college student’s class project – a study of strippers and the men who go to strip joints. Joan’s husband C. was on the video, admitting on camera, that he was addicted to strip joints, and he spent lots of money at the strip joints. He even admitted on camera, that he withdrew money from ATMs, without his wife’s knowledge, to go to the strip joint. I suppose that’s where the fireworks money went too.
Well, Joan called me to tell me about this video. She not once apologized to me for falsely accusing me of withdrawing from the ATM, when it was clear that it was her own husband and not me. she kept whining about C. and his infidelities. I got mad, and said to her “look, Im tired of all this bullshit. You show up at my house at 5am, drunk and scared that your husband is going to find out you slept with Jack _____, (an Irish folk singer from England), the you get mad at C. for his cheating on you. You both steal money from me, accuse me of going to an ATM. If he’s so bad, get a divorce, but leave me alone!”
I had no contact from her for some time. Nor did I ever contact her. I was sick of her.
In 1993, John and I were having severe money problems. Our electricity was shut off one day. The day before, I had received another one of Joan’s nonsense letters. I got to thinking. Well, she owes me money. I called her up.
ring ring. “hello.” “Joan, this is Ruth.” … click. What the heck? Were we disconnected? dial. ring ring. “hello.” “Joan, this is Ruth.” … click. What the Heck is going on? ring ring. “hello.” “Joan, this is Ruth.” … click.
I didn’t know what game she was playing, but I had no time for her. I had to call the electric company again. After speaking to a supervisor, I had to come up with $100.00 and they would turn my lights back on. I went to 4 neighbors and they gave me what they could. I got back home, had a cup of tea, and consulted the bus schedule so I could go to the electric company and pay them. I called Joan again. I was pissed. Here is my sister, who stole from me, who promised she would pay me back. I am having troubles, neighbors helped me out, but not her. So I called her up. I called her a bitch and slammed the phone on her.
A few weeks later, I was contacted by a Buffalo Police Detective about phone calls I made to Joan. It seems that she was getting annoyance phone calls. she had a trap on her line, and those 4 phone calls I made showed up. SHE TOLD THE POLICE THAT I HUNG UP ON HER. But no, she lied. IT WAS HER WHO WAS HANGING UP ON ME!!!
I told the detective this. And I told him about the theft. I heard him audibly suck in his breath, as if to say, “What the heck?” He told me he believed me, and would recommend that Joan drop it, but she continued. I was hauled into court for harrassment.
Now this is not like the court shows on TV. The judge don’t care what happened. All they wanted to know, did I call her. yes. guilty. I could not prove that it was Joan who hung up. So Joan was given a six month order of protection against me.
Joan left the courtroom ahead of me. By the time my friend FJM and I reached the escalator, Joan was already on the bottom floor. She looked up at me and smirked at me. FJM started running down the escalator. “Ruth can’t touch you, but I will. I’m going to wipe that smirk off your face.” I ran down after F, telling her that violence was not going to solve anything, and that bitch was not worth it. But Joan sure did wipe that smirk off her face. She got scared and got out of the courthouse fast.
This incident was the basis of Joan telling people that I have a criminal record. She wrote to various family members telling them this. She told everyone verbally this. She slandered and libeled me. I never had a criminal record. The terms of the order of protection were that if I stayed away from Joan, (which I did), the whole matter would be dropped. And it was.
In 1999, I applied for and was accepted into a program with the Buffalo Police, a VIABLE position. Volunteers in Aiding Buffalo Law Enforcement. An extensive background check was done on me. No criminal record turned up. why? BECAUSE THERE NEVER WAS ONE. But Joan will LIE and tell you that I have one.
Now you know how Joan STEALs, LIES and SCHEMES against her own birth sister. But she will tell you that I am the one who is doing the harassing, the lying. Joan then wonders why I don’t like her. uh, DUH, why should I like her?
1. the reciept from the bank when Joan closed out the bank account and returned $700.00 to me. It was supposed to be for $900.00.
2. Joan and her husband got the lawyer mad at them, (long story, but it involved them not paying their rent, getting evicted, and needing the lawyer for help. He didn’t act fast enough for Dictator Joan, and they got into a fight. (Joan is always fighting with somebody). Then she made a complaint to the Bar Association and lied ABOUT THE LAWYER! Here is page one of his response. Page 2 involves me and my husband, and is not relevant to this discussion.
3. The letter from the bar association telling the lawyer to refund a portion of his fee for the failed real estate venture. And thank Goddess it did fail. Joan and her husband were getting evicted for non-payment of rent. They were siphoning money out of our joint checking account (stealing from me) and then got our lawyer mad at us (me included, when I had done nothing, I was not involved in Joan’s fight with her landlady (geez, another fight). What the hell was I thinking that deadbeats like Joan and her husband would be responsible co-property owners? They couldn’t even pay their rent! Any property we would have bought would probably been foreclosed and I would have ended up on the street.
gosh, I hit a nerve. settle down Potsie! February 26, 2010Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
Tags: Refuting Joan Wheelers statements
Well, friend Mara and all those who think I am so bad for speaking about Joan on my blog. Why don’t you read further and see the actual court documents I have posted that prove that Joan is a liar. And actual letters that Joan herself wrote to my then fiance, urging him to leave me. I have been falsely accused of doing stuff to her.
You may think that I am terrible for talking about Joan like this in public. May I remind you that she herself wrote a book, that trashes ME? And spews hatred at ME? lol. (like lying about me left and right)
If you read my post again, I did not say ANYTHING whether the two gay men were right or wrong. I was pointing out, that Joan wants people to learn about the falsified birth cerificates given to adoptees. I am not debating that issue. I was pointing out two more contradictions of Joan’s statements. Here, you supporters of Joan, have you not read in the recent past, ON JOAN’S BLOG that she says that her birth sisters shut down her blogs? Yes, you did. and she did say that. But now she says that her blog at blogspot was shut down by gay activists. So which of her statements is correct? That I shut her down? Or gay activists? It cannot be both!!!
And when I wrote “Joan is adopted, so she must —whatever I wrote.” I wrote that because Joan uses that an excuse for all the problems in her life. She and her ex-husband steals more than 700.00 from me, she reneged on her promises many times to pay me back, she sends me stupid letters telling me my fiance got the next door neighbor pregnant and they had a baby girl, (the house was vacant, and only 2 boys were born to ladies in that house 1989 to 1992), and uses a friend’s return address for this letter, without the friend’s permission, lies to YOU that I was arrested and placed on probation, (no, I was never arrested). But Joan says that all these incidents were prompted because she was adopted. oh pu=leaze. These incidents were prompted because Joan is a thief and a liar and a troublemaker.
so listen, I used an error in judgement. I did not mean to insult adoptees when I wrote that. I meant that Joan uses the fact that she is an adoptee for an excuse for all her bad behavior. If I offended adoptees, I apologize.
One of you ask “what kind of sister am I to Joan to write this blog?” Well I ask you: what kind of sister was Joan to have done those things to me? You think I am making this stuff up? Go ahead, read her book. Read all about the supposed “three-month court battle” that we had in 1994. And go here on my blog and see the actual court documents from family court in 1999 that show that there was no three month court battle. She writes that I placed on probation. See the actual court document that shows in 1993 Joan was granted a 6 month order of protection, ACD. DISMISSED. Go ahead, read how she keeps saying she has “mulitple orders of protection” against me. LIE. See the actual court document that says: ONLY ONE FOR SIX MONTHS. And that I was not placed on probation.
What kind of sister is Joan to me to keep spreading these lies about me?
My blog is just what it says: getting out the truth behind Joan’s contradictions, her propaganda and her lies about her birth family. Yeah, yeah, go ahead, say that I am bad for talking about Joan. But my goodness, what filthy language one of you spewed forth, while trying to show that I am so bad.
So what names have I called Joan? in this blog? That she is a slimeball and a liar? No, that is not name calling, it is the truth. Joan puts out lies about my father in her book, like he almost buried my mother in the nude. Which is a filthy lie. I am merely telling the world that my father did no such thing. Joan states in her book, that this was merely a rumor. If it was a rumor, why did she write that filthy thing then? But in other places in the book, and on her blog, and in various places on the internet, she says that people spread rumors about her. She whines that she doesn’t like it when people “spread rumors” about her (again and again in her book), yet is guilty of the very same thing herself. When I say she is a thief and a deadbeat, I speak from her stealing from me and refusing to repay me.
If Joan can write stuff about me and my life, and most of it is lies, and twisted facts, then I can write the truth about my own life!
If Joan can go to ABC news (or was it CBS news) and misrepresent ME and the facts of MY life and misrepresent MY FATHER, in that article, “Adoptees Face Sting of Discrimination” AND IN HER FOLLOW UP COMMENTS to that article, than I can rebut her statements.
If Joan can tell all her friends about MY life, than I can tell people about HER life. Freedom of Speech.
There’s only one difference between Joan and me. I tell the truth.
Why do you have your knickers in a knot? Are adoption activists the only people allowed to voice their opinion on the internet or elsewhere?
Oh and as for me putting out her real name: She did that herself when she wrote her book of lies. Also she put out MY real name, and MY place of employment and my screen name of LadyMoondancer on her blog.Of course, she deleted it. But I saw it. and it still shows up on google.
oh, yes, she put out a lie that I use my employer’s computers to troll her blog. ON THE INTERNET. so how about THAT for invading one’s privacy? mmmm? got nothing to say about that do you guys? by the way, I use my private laptop on my lunch break, using my company’s complimentary wireless. Joan doesn’t like that I read her blog? Why then is she, and her buddies, reading mine?
I am not writing this blog or calling Joan names because she disagrees with me, (as one person said, in essence calling me a hypocrite). I am writing his blog IN ANSWER to Joan’s book and her blog, and various statements on the internet, in which she LIES ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY. When she says in her book “at one point in her life Brenda (me) claimed she wanted to get pregnant.” Well, I claim the RIGHT to refute that statement as a falsehood. I never CLAIMED to want to have a child, I DID want a child. But then in another part of her book, Joan says that I had fertility testing done! Well, is this not a contradiction to her first statement? If I merely claimed to want to have a child, I wouldn’t want nor need fertility testing, now would I? And the truth of it is: I NEVER HAD FERTILITY TESTING! Joan writes about MY LIFE, when she clearly KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT IT. And this is Joan’s very real mockery of my miscarriage in June 1985. She herself drove me home from the hospital. I “claimed” to have wanted to get pregnant? really? Why then would I have books on pregnancy and breastfeeding, and even Dr. Spock’s Baby Care if I had not wanted to have children? And Joan knows I had those books, because she borrowed them when she first became pregnant. So what kind of sister was Joan to me, to take my very real pain of 4 years trying to get pregnant, only to lose my son, and she lies about this in her book and says I only “claimed” to want children.
This blog is MY right to set forth the truth of a subject I know very well: MY OWN LIFE! Since Joan has decided to smear me in her book, her blog and all over the internet, I am getting MY side of the story out!
And what I wrote the other day is the truth. Joan does insult people and then whine they don’t like her after she insults them. Believe me, don’t believe me. lol. I HAVE KNOWN JOAN INTIMATELY FOR 35 YEARS. I suffered from her emotional abuse, her theft, her lies, her schemes. Joan should have been an actress, she would gotten the academy award the day she came to my house, crying, I mean real tears man! Apologizing for stealing my money. Then all of a sudden, the tears dried and then she accused me of going to an ATM and stealing money from her bank account. and causing her rent check to bounce. It was revealed later, that it was her own slimey husband who did that, and he admitted to it on camera. But did I get an apology from Joan for accusing me? hell no. See, Joan accuses me of doing this, doing that, doing abc, doing xyz. She accuse me of tampering with her hospital bill, and even after hospital administration investigated and told her I didn’t, Joan writes letters to the mayor of Buffalo telling him I did. then calls child abuse on herself, posing as me, and says that my fiance abused her daughter. riiight. lol. I’ve known my husband since 1978. been best friends. In 1986, we became romantically involved. Moved in together in 1987, bought our house in 1996, got legally married in 2002. Still going strong. BUT, I’m gonna call child abuse on the man I love and while making this prank child abuse call, give out my real name. sure. and by the way, I have always referred to John as my “husband” since 1987. Joan refers to him constantly as my “boyfriend.” And in the child abuse call, he was called my boyfriend. So we know now just WHO made that call. And it was the same time she was calling my job left and right trying to get me fired. Writing letters to elected officials, calling phony child abuse calls on herself, posing as me, calling my job repeatedly to get me fired, my she sure was busy late 1994, early 1995. And calling my future mother in law, sending letters to John, telling him to break up with me (I posted her letters her in this blog).
No, I do not “disagree” with Joan, I say she is a liar, a stalker, a troublemaker. And I give details to SPECIFIC EVENTS and back them up with documentation when I say these things about her. She will give out vague statements like “my sisters interfere with my life.” But does she give out specific dates, happenings? no, because they don’t happen.
Does she tell you what she did when I, and only ME, called her on November 3, 2009, to tell her that our Aunt Doris died? She went off on me, swore at me, used foul language at me, screamed so hard I couldn’t understand half of what she was saying. I burst into tears because of yet another bout of emotional and verbal abuse from my baby sister, who grew up to be a nasty woman. Yet what does she say on her blog? That I called her to harass her. That her birth sisters (PLURAL) ARE ONCE AGAIN INTERFERING WITH HER LIFE! My sisters Kathy and Gert did not call her, I did. Only I did. How did they get dragged into it? mmm? bah, Joan couldn’t tell the truth if her life depended on it.
by the way, the next day, November 4, I emailed Joan’s daughter via myspace to apologize for upsetting Joan. YES I DID!
DO I GET AN APOLOGY FOR THE FILTHY LANGUAGE JOAN SPEWED AT ME WHEN ALL I DID WAS PHONE HER TO INFORM HER A RELATIVE DIED? THAT I WAS HURT SO BADLY THAT I BURST INTO TEARS? oh no of course not. Ruth’s feelings have never mattered to Joan. I’m just a filthy birth sister. I must be punished for my crime: having lived with my natural father, having known my ancestral history. I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH MY MOTHER’S DEATH. I HAD NOTHING TO DO JOAN GETTING ADOPTED. WHY DOES SHE WANT TO PUNISH ME? BECAUSE I DARED TO DISAGREE WITH HER. BECAUSE I TOLD HER I DIDN’T LIKE GETTING STOLEN FROM, AND LIED TO AND LIED ABOUT!
and mara, I sure hope you don’t talk like that in front of your children. gosh, such horrible language. lol
A comment and my reply – February 8 – 9, 2010 February 9, 2010Posted by Ruth in Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Uncategorized.
Tags: contradictions, false accusations, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths
I received this comment for my post A Listing of Lies told by Joan Wheeler in her book Forbidden Family and elsewhere Smarty asks some important questions and gives some good insight in human behavior and perception of memory. I thought I’d make this into a separate post, along with my rather lengthy reply, which explains why I am choosing to go the route I am, in regards to my resolving my issues with Joan Wheeler.
smarty58 said 1 day ago: Why are you not suing the author of the book for defamation of character and for using your photographs? I would think the resolution in court would be more beneficial to you than venting on a blog. As humans we all have our own perception of what took place, what was said, by whom, when, and the context in which they said it. The mind is a powerful thing when it comes to allowing us to “believe” the story we are telling ourselves. My sister, (a pathological liar) has recently lied about me (again) my mother choose to believe her. I KNOW the truth and I do not feel I need to have to defend myself. If it comes to that and I have to prove it, the price my mother and sister will have to pay will be very high. I do not communicate with my sister in anyway. I realized many many years ago that she is a very toxic and sick individual and I will no longer allow her to be part of my life. I am irate that my mother has chosen to believe her, but this says far more about the two of them than it ever will about me. I’ve had to learn to accept that my sister is a very sick sick individual and she needs psychological help. if my sister had the mental capacity to write a book, have it published etc filled with lies, invaded my privacy, or used my photograph, I would sue her in a court of law whereby the truth goes on record and onto the internet, right now it’s only “you said, she said” Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand how hurtful all this must be for you. Your words I can not hear, when your actions speak so loudly… meaning, SUE her.
My reply: Well Smarty, I would love to take Joan to court, and so would my sisters, but we are all spread all over the place. And there are other complications. I agree with you say that we all different perceptions on things, and sometimes the memory can be faulty. But I am relying on my journal, and actual court documents from the 3 times that I and Joan had been in court agains each other, and relying and quoting actual letters written by Joan and sent to me, and various family members, and even actual letters written by Joan and sent to my employer, various elected officials and government agencies.
I have also quoted Joan’s own words, not only from her letters, but from her book, her blog, and her own comments made to various internet discussion forums. And I have relied on my own good memories. No one can tell me that I have a faulty memory when I clearly remember babysitting for her year old son, and using a pair of scissors that I brought with me, cutting the ribbon of beadwork off Joan’s wedding dress. the ribbon of beadwork that she stole off my mother’s (and handed down to me) wedding dress. She had the dress in her possession for about 4 or 5 years. In her book, she says she had if for only 4 weeks. But she also said in her book, that she had a copy of the dress made for her own wedding, which took place in May 1983. But in her book, she says she returned the dress to me in 1979. Her seamstress did not rely on a photograph to make the copy.
Joan says in her book, she rely’s on her journals, but her journals themselves must be faulty. And she is so inconsistant with her facts. For example, I have told the story of the phony child abuse call made about her, that I supposedly made. The call was made in December 1994. But in her book, she says it was 1993. I suppose that could be attributed to a slip-up of memory. but just a couple of months ago, she went to an internet advice forum and said the call was made in 1997. Now, supposedly, this call was a very traumatic event. Because she claimed that she and I were engaged in a 3 month court battle because of this child abuse call. THERE WAS NEVER A 3 MONTH COURT BATTLE. This is not something that can attributed to a faulty memory! this is blatant lies, thru and thru.
As for your statement that right now, it’s only “You said, she said,” Yes, to some degree it is. HOWEVER, I have been scanning and posting the actual letters that Joan has written, and actual court documents relating to the 3 times (1993, 1995, and 1999) that Joan and I were in court against each other. I can back up most of my “claims” with written evidence. Joan cannot. Also in a real court, it is not like it is on TV. The judge doesn’t have time to ask, “Wait a minute.” (Turns to defendant – “You sent her a letter saying her husband got the next door neighbor pregnant? What kind of sister are you?” They just want to know the facts. Not any history of adoption, not any previous history of lies, the whole story of my brother-in-law’s taking my money and using it at the strip joint really happened, but I can’t prove it. How can I prove to you right here and now that I just had a cup of tea and 2 chocolate chip cookies? I can’t. But it’s the truth! If I can’t prove it in a court of law, what’s the point in me paying a lawyer?
So I’m doing the next best thing.- putting it out for the internet to be the judge and jury. I had no problem with Joan writing her book, but I read a working manuscript in 1997, and I knew then, it would be a bunch of crap. I made it clear then, that I was opposed to the lies. Since she had been “working” on this book since around 1980, I figured the stupid thing would never get published. Well, she scrapped together the 800 bucks to get it self-published, because she knew no reputable publisher would touch it.
Outside of the lies, it’s a very hate-filled book. She trashes just everybody in her life that she ever had a disagreement with! She has nothing nice to say about anybody. She is very judgemental, very bigoted in many things. And very inaccurate in many things. For example, when she writes about events in the mid 70s, she refers to me as “heavily dating” an Arab man. mmm, we were living together, so how were we dating? She was away at college when Abdo and I met, and moved in together after knowing each other only 1 month. (something I wouldn’t recomend, it worked for us, it might now work for everyone). She consistently calls him and my present husband my “boyfriends” when I always referred to them as my husbands. (my present co-habiter and I were legally married in 2002.) She says that by 1992, I was completely immersed in the Arab culture. Abdo and I had broken up in 1985, and John and I were together in 1987. I continued my belly dancing, and had at the time many Arab friends (and still do), but in 1992, no, I was not heavily in the Arab culture. and that is another reason for this blog – she has put erroneous details of MY life out in public. I am merely setting the record straight.