Tags: embellishing the truth, faulty memory, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements
On page 128 in her lying book Forbidden Family, Joan writes; ” On Sunday, August 22, 1976, my adoptive mother and I threw a going away party for Buddy and Monica.” (my brother Butch and his wife Marty who were moving to Arizona). Joan states that our older sister Irma (Gert) and her kids came as well as me and my husband Abdo. Wrong! The farewell party that I attended was held at my father’s apartment on Marine Drive. The picture below was taken by me at that party. see how sad Marty looks. See the table just a few feet from the entrance door? This was in a small apartment. I have also included 2 more pictures taken in April 1979, showing the table full view, which would be going left from the first picture of the party. The third picture shows a further view left, showing the kitchenette. Joan’s house is a full, 2 story single family house, with a spacious kitchen.
So getting back to the party that I was at, I don’t remember if Joan was there, I doubt her mother was there. I don’t think her mother ever went to Dad’s house, correction: APARTMENT. perhaps Butch and Marty went by themselves to her house. Gert says she doesn’t remember going to a farewell party for Butch and Marty at Joan’s house. I know for a fact that me and Abdo didn’t go there. As a matter of fact, I don’t believe Abdo ever went to Joan’s house.
As to me speaking about Uncle Dominic and hypnotism, I remember talking to Joan about it at my house on Amherst St. She was having her anxiety attacks and insomnia, and I was teaching her about self-hypnosis and relaxation techniques, and showed her some material and cassette tapes that Uncle Dom and given me. Since Butch and Marty were also into metaphysics and astrology, she may have spoken to them on another occasion when I wasn’t with them.
But again, we see how Joan, either acting from a faulty memory, (which demonstrates that this book is poorly researched), or she is out and out lying, which negates this book as a truthful account of her reunion with us.
a comment from a nice person in India, and my reply March 28, 2010Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: emotional abuse, harassment of an adoptee's birth family
1. jab – March 28, 2010 [Edit]
My advice…am from INDIA and about the same age…pl let the past go…harnessing angrer hurts U the most b 4 it does any one else or any good at all to any one…PL have courage to let go of past..nop one can change it…Get the burden of U R back b 4 it hurts U or others any more..FORGIVENESS will release U and never hurts any one either..GOD BLESS..OM SHANTI..ajaib singh
I totally agree with you. But we are not just blogging about the past. This book JUST came out. Joan is not just lying about events that happened in the past, but about current events as well.
Not only that, she has smeared MY reputation in her book, and currently on her blog.
I have been on the internet for 10 years and have done nothing to harm to Joan. She has been on the internet for 2, and has discovered it as a new tool to use against me and my sisters to slam and trash us.
Just last month, she emailed some of her freinds from a discussion forum to help trash us, and they did just that. Then a week and a half ago, she did it again. She lies to these people and says that we are harrassing her by telephone, etc. WHICH WE ARE NOT DOING.
HER LYING IS ONGOING, TO THIS DAY. SHE WILL NOT STOP.
Further, it is not a matter of “forgiving and letting go.” It is a matter of honor. When someone puts out in public a lie that your father wanted to bury your mother naked, and you just read about that lie, that hurt is in the here and now. Especially since TODAY, March 28, is the 54th anniversary of our mother’s death.
It is JOAN who not let the past rest. We are trying to tell people that JOAN is a sick person. She hurts people left and right.
Jab, there is a limit that every person reaches. I gave Joan chance after chance after chance. In 1993, she filed a false police report on me. In 1990, she stole close to $900.00 from me. In 1994, she called child abuse authorities on herself, nameing my husband as a sex offender, and used MY name to do it. In 1994-95, she called my job repeatedly to try to get me fired. In 1997, she sent me a letter telling me my husband got the next door neighbor pregnant (the house was vacant).
After all this, in 2003, after our brother died, I gave her another chance.. I did let the past go. I started a website so we could share family photos and try to get back together. The result? Joan sent me a nasty email, accusing me of plotting against her. I turned my back on her again. Had no further contact. I did send her a letter in December 2004 begging for financial help, seeing as she still owed me money from her theft in 1990. Her response? She tried to take me to court for harassment!
On November 3, 2009, I called to tell her our aunt died,, She started swearing at me on the phone, screaming like a demented person. Then she called the police on me, telling them I was harassing her.
She went on the internet and gave out my employer’s name and accused me of using their computers to harass her. (which I do not, I have my own laptop and I am not harassing her.)
She tells everyone that I am harassing her. When I am not.
We have put up with her nonsense for years. We have been hurt by this person for years. We, my two sisters and I, have had ENOUGH.
We are quite content in our lives, are quite willing to put that book in the trash, where it belongs, and we will do just that, when we are done telling the internet every truth behind every lie that Joan has said about, not just us, but our dear dead mother, who is no longer here to defend herself.
I thank you for you input Jab, and Blessed Be to you.
Joan is a cowardly bully. Bullies are not stopped by forgiving and ignoring them. Bullies are only stopped when you confront them and let everyone know what they are about.
We have been forgiving and ignoring Joan for more than 30 years. We have reached out to her in forgiveness several times, and even while we were being nice, she was still stabbing us in the back. She will not stop. Therefore, we have decided to let the entire world know just what kind of person she is.
Gertrude Mary Genevieve Boasts her fore-mothers March 25, 2010Posted by Ruth in Statements from The Three Sippel Sisters.
I, Gertrude Mary Genevieve was named after the maternal line of our Sippel/Herr families.
Gertrude after my mother’s mother Gertrude Stoll Herr
Mary after my father’s mother Mary Wisniewski
At about age 13, at a rite of passage into adulthood, I took my mother’s name Genevieve as part of my name
I am proud and honored to bear the names of these three women, for without them, I would not be
Wassail! (be you whole) Gertrude, Mary and Genevieve!
Your memories stay alive within meYour blood and mains (energy) flows within me.
I never knew Gertrude Stoll/Herr who gave birth to my mother….I boast her!
I did know Emma Herr, my mother’s step-mother who helped raise my mother… I boast her!
I did know Mary Wisniewski/Sippel who gave birth to my father Leonard…I boast her!
I did know Genevieve who gave birth to me…I boast her!
Ancestors remembered and honored
From the dawn of your birth, to the sunset of your death, I honor you.
From the goals you completed to your efforts left undone, I honor you.
From the season of your being, through the cycle of your life, I honor you.
From your time beyond the veil, til your soul’s return to earth again,
May you rest in peace and solace.
May my love reach you and embrace you especially this moment
Of remembering and forever more,
I honor you!
Gert McQueen is retired and no longer active in public work, but was a priestess and lore teacher in Theodism, editor and assistant publisher of a magazine, and has published several small booklets of lore and was an activist for Pagan rights.
joint statement from Gert, Kathy, Ruth about the burial of our mother and any other family stories as presented by Joan in her exploitation of our family March 25, 2010Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
written by Gert McQueen, with input and approval by Kathy Inglis and Ruth Sippel Pace, these three being the daughters of Genevieve Ruth Herr-Sippel
28 MARCH IS THE 54TH ANNIVERSARY OF GENEVIEVE’S, THAT IS OUR MOTHER, DEATH-FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET IT REST.
We must tell the truth, this is what the blog is about.
Joan continues to state, in the the book, that our father was poor, that he buried our mother in the nude, pg #542, she tells of family members disagreements with the husband’s decisions about medical care and many other family tales, rumors etc. These are baseless lies and misrepresentations of facts. Joan got these family story/ideas, decades after the events, while talking with mother’s family members, whom disliked our father.
People say and do many things in the grip of illness and grief. It does not matter about anyone’s opinion, shit happened, shit didn’t happen. These are a family’s intimate business, has nothing to do with Joan’s adoption, and should NEVER have been repeated outside the family nor published in a book. We sisters feel that Joan has not only dis-honored our parents, but also our entire families.
We DEMAND a public apology! What did or did not happen at a funeral home 54 years ago is not to be printed. People do not have the facts about the contract between a grieving husband and a funeral home. But, Joan hearing many stories from many relatives, over the years, misunderstood them, misrepresented them and published them.
Again, she has no shame, she doesn’t consider other people’s feelings and she has no respect for our parents. By repeating this,and other family myths and legends, without proper research and permission, JMW/DMS has shown herself to be the (Sippel/Herr/Wheeler) family tittle-tale and a user, which, precisely, are the reasons why I, for one, will have nothing to do with her. The simple answer to her constant plea “Why don’t they like me?” is: “BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN ACTIONS, AND LACK OF SINCERE REMORSE, WE DO NOT TRUST YOU”.
We demand Joan’s justification for repeating this. Is the past and our Mother not allowed to rest in peace? Joan is trying to make people account for their decisions they make in their adult life, digging up past emotions, with no respect for ADULTS who make life decisions for THEIR OWN LIFE. We may disagree with them, but the bottom line, people make decisions and that’s that. Especially when it comes to their own lives.
Joan Wheeler, in her book Forbidden Family, can’t tell the difference between a dog and a cat. WTF? March 25, 2010Posted by Ruth in Lies in the book Forbidden Family.
On page 314, Joan Wheeler mentions my pet Brandy. Joan refers to her as cat. WRONG! Brandy was my dog! How does one confuse a 65 pound Husky/Malamute with a 9 pound cat? oh, yes, that would be Joan. she confuses everything. guess she was “in the fog.” But in her case, it was probably more like an alcoholic haze.
She also mentions my cat Francois in the year of 1993. Sad to say, I put my Francois down in April 1992. For a book that is supposedly NON-FICTION, there sure is a lot of FICTION and POORLY RESEARCHED anecdotes and FICTIONAL STORIES. But therein lies the problem. Our dull, boring, TRUTHFUL lives, won’t sell books. Smut sells. So Joan is going to smut-up everybody’s life! So be it. Anybody who stoops so low as to tell lies about her family, adoptive or birth, is nothing but a smut-whore.
Internet 101, lesson two. Whore in this case does not refer to anybody’s sexual lifestyle. The term whore in this case means you are pimping and selling and dealing with stuff, all kinds of stuff. Since Joan is selling smut, technically I should say she is a smut-pimp.
Below is a picture of my darling Brandy, gone to puppy heaven in July, 2002. I have also included for you, a copy of Brandy’s DOG license from 1995, and a copy of her hospital bill when she was sick in 1998. On all documentation, Brandy is correctly referred to her canine species, DOG, breed: Husky/Malamute. click on each picture to see it full size.
If Joan Wheeler, BA, BSW, can’t tell the difference between a cat and a dog, what other facts has she gotten wrong? Plenty! I wouldn’t trust this dingbat for anything. I may not have gone to college, as Joan snidely points out in her stupid book, but at least I can tell the difference between a dog and a cat. Some people just like to show off what a moron they are.
Tags: being downright nasty, cowardice, dishonesty, Disrespect, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths
On page 319, Joan writes: “I also suffered through inconsistency of primary care as my mother lay dying in a hospital room. When I was released from the hospital my godparents took me in. As my adoptive mother told me, when I was four months old my father handed me over to them in family court. They took me home and were shocked to find body sores. My godparents, I was told by my adoptive mother, didn’t take good hygienic care of me in the few weeks they had me. My new parents nursed me back to health and made me feel guilty for it years later. “You had sores all over your body when we got you!” Mom yelled at me. I never understood why she yelled at me as I grew up. She made me feel as if it were my fault. Perhaps I should feel grateful that I was saved.”
On Friday, March 19, 2010, at 8pm, I spoke on the phone with my uncle, who was Joan’s godfather and who took care of her while my mother was in the hospital. My uncle says that Joan had impetigo, and she had them when she was discharged from the hospital. He told me his wife did everything she could to clear up the rash, and was just getting a hold of it, when my father came for Joan and gave her to the Wheelers. My uncle said, “Ann raised 4 children and did the best job. She took good care of Joan.” My uncle was outraged to hear this lie about him and his late wife. He also told me he had already fired off an email to Joan to “straighten her out.”
So once again, we see how Joan takes something that was told to her and instead of researching it, repeats the lie. She has had many opportunities in the past to ask our uncle if this story was true. But then again, could we have trusted Joan to tell the truth? No, because we see again and again, that Joan interprets facts to support her conclusions about things, if not outright lying about things.
the following information is taken from this website: http://www.medicinenet.com/impetigo/article.htm
Non-bullous impetigo: This is the common form, caused by both staph and strep bacteria. It appears as small blisters or scabs, which then form yellow or honey-colored crusts. These often start around the nose and on the face, but they also may affect the arms and legs. At times, there may be swollen glands nearby.
Bullous impetigo: This form is caused by staph bacteria that produce a toxin that causes a break between the top layer (epidermis) and the lower levels of skin forming a blister. (The medical term for blister is bulla.) Blisters can appear in various skin areas, especially the buttocks, though these blisters are fragile and often break and leave red, raw skin with a ragged edge. No prior trauma is needed for these blisters to appear.
Is impetigo contagious? Impetigo is contagious, mostly from direct contact with someone who has it, but sometimes from towels, toys, clothing or household items. Once it starts, impetigo often spreads to other parts of the body. This is particularly common with impetigo in children. There may be mini epidemics in daycare centers. Bacteria that cause impetigo may enter through a break in the skin, such as that which comes from cuts and scrapes. At times, however, impetigo appears even if no one nearby has it and the skin seems unbroken. Adults often catch impetigo from close contact with infected children. Heat, humidity, and the presence of eczema predispose a person to developing impetigo. Sometimes bacteria live in the nose and spread from there to other parts of the skin
Ruth: I work in a hospital and I can tell you first hand what a nasty dirty place it is. Considering diseases the patients have, soiled linen, soiled waste (i.e., dressings, disposable gloves, gowns, masks, etc), patients coughing in your face, patients peeing on the floor, throwing up all over, staff not washing their hands properly, it’s a wonder I haven’t come down with a serious life-threatening disease. Then again, I’ve probably developed a strong immune system.
The most prevalent contagion in hospitals is MRSA (we call it mirsa). MRSA infection is caused by Staphylococcus aureus bacteria — often called “staph.” MRSA stands for methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus. It’s a strain of staph that’s resistant to the broad-spectrum antibiotics commonly used to treat it. MRSA can be fatal. And MRSA runs rampant in a hospital setting. I do everything I can to keep down the spread of MRSA and any other disease, by washing my hands, with soap and water, to using the foam hand-sanitizers. I wipe down the thermometers and blood pressure cuffs when I use them.
So in my capacity as a hospital worker, I can very well see how this impetigo had affected Joan. But to lay the blame of it on a woman who is dead and can no longer defend herself? Joan, you should be ashamed!
Joan’s Insistence on Not Letting Our Mother Rest March 22, 2010Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
Tags: abuse, contradictions, Disrespect, emotional abuse, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, mental instability, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements
In the last paragraph of Gert’s “Nature vs. Nurture” post, she says: “Joan knows no boundaries, has no boundaries. She has no discretion and went so far as to obtain some kind of medical records from the hospital, prior to HIPAA, about our mother.” (Health Insurance Portability Accountability Act – patient privacy laws enacted by US Federal government, April 2003) .
see end of post for updated info
I will explain this “medical records” event in this post, clear up once and for all, the cause of my mother’s death, and clear up a persistant family story that my mother’s brothers “hated” my father. And I got that bit, straight from my mother’s only remaining living sibling, my Uncle R., who I spoke with at 8pm, on March 19, 2010.
In either 1982 or 1983, Joan somehow obtained actual hospital records of my mother and herself. They were actual nursing unit patient chart records. I don’t know how she conned the hospital out of them. They were incomplete, they didn’t have the vital sign graphs (of which as a nurse’s aide, I am responsible for obtaining from a patient), or actual nurse’s and doctor’s “progress notes,” but they were definitaly part of my mother’s chart. Joan’s purpose? To find out how our mother died. She asked me to read them and interpret them for her. I told her that I am only a nurse’s aide and cannot interpret doctor’s notes or medical terminology outside of the scope of my job. She then took the records to a doctor to have some terminology explained to her.
After Joan left my house, I immediately called the Medical Records Department of Millard Fillmore Hospital and asked them how Joan got hold of my mother’s medical records. They couldn’t (or wouldn’t) answer me. I then spoke to a supervisor and demanded that in the future my mother’s records be sealed and the only way they could be unsealed was with two signatures present, mine and my fathers. I then called my father and told him what happened. He was furious. And he agreed I had done the right thing by demanding the neccessity of both our signatures on my mother’s records.
Also, on my mother’s death certificate is listed the cause of death as A). Carcinomatosis, and B). Hypernephroma. This is a bit confusing, because we were always told that Mama died of ovarian cancer. Let us go back in time to just prior to Christmas 1955. I was too young to understand what pregancy was. I was only 3. Even at the age of 8 and 9, my two older sisters did not know what pregancy meant. We were not told that a new baby was coming. Yet on page 319, Joan has this fantastical lie going: “I recalled that my sisters told me that they crawled all over Momma as sat on the couch with her pregnant belly. She told the kids not to jump on her as they might hurt the baby.”
THIS IS NOT TRUE! The first time we heard about a baby, was in January when Dad came home and told Gert that we have a new baby sister. AND WE DID NOT TELL THIS RIDICULOUS STORY TO JOAN. Joan also says on the top of page 319: “Some relatives, particularly my sisters told me that they blame me for Momma’s death.” WHAT A CROCK OF SH!T! We never told her that. If that were true, WHY THEN DID WE GO TO SUCH LENGTHS TO FIND HER AND BE REUNITED WITH HER?
So around Christmas 1955, Mama goes into the hospital for bedrest because she had a risky pregnancy. They gave her the DES drug, which was used at that time to prevent miscarriage. It was discontinued because it was found to cause birth defects in the fetus. On January 7, 1956, Mama started having labor pains and rang for the nurse, but by the time the nurse arrived, the baby had arrived. That is listed on Joan’s medical records as “Spon Del.” – Spontaneous Delivery. Joan is premature and taken to the neo-natal unit and placed in an incubator.
Joan stated recently on her blog that an x-ray was done on Mama while she was still pregnant. WRONG! They would not exposed a fetus to x-rays. Joan goes on to say that a large tumor was discovered. WRONG! The tumor was discovered when Mama had surgery on January 19, 1956. (date listed on Mama’s death certificate). According to my Uncle R., “They opened her up and found a (?) the size of a grapefruit. They closed her up.” (this means that by the time they got in there, it was too late, and the cancer was spreading).
Uncle R. continues “my brother Mike and I wanted to take her to see Dr. Leek, the top cancer specialist at Roswell Park Memorial Hospital, but your dad said he couldn’t afford it. We were working at the railroad, and making some pretty good money and we said we would pay for it. But your dad still said no.” – (my father may not have had adequate health insurance).
This is the basis of the brothers not liking my dad down through the years, but contrary to what Joan says on another page in her book, and I can’t remember it right now, they DID NOT DISRESPECT ME OR MY SIBLINGS! My uncles have ALWAYS treated me with respect, even when I got on Uncle Mike’s case in 1990 at my cousin Ida’s funeral. At the wake, he had snubbed my father. My father got mad and started yakking at me about him. I told him that Ida’s funeral was not the place for an old family squabble. The following day, at the brunch held at my cousin Judy’s house I got hold of Mike and told him to behave himself. “I am Ruthy,” he said to me. “Good. See that you do.” He just looked at me then he hugged me. And when Uncle R. called me the other day, he said very joyfully, “Is this my lovely niece Ruth?” Hardly any disrespect there! Where does Joan get her delusions from?
Now let’s get back to my mother’s death certificate. It shows the two causes of death, carcinomatosis and hypernephroma. Here are the definitions of these two words from the National Cancer Institute website, www.cancer.gov:
A condition in which cancer is spread widely throughout the body, or, in some cases, to a relatively large region of the body. Also called carcinosis.
The most common type of kidney cancer. It begins in the lining of the renal tubules in the kidney. The renal tubules filter the blood and produce urine. Also called renal cell adenocarcinoma, renal cell cancer, and renal cell carcinoma.
From my years of experience of working at the hospital, (37 1/2), I have come to understand much more than I did back in the early 80’s. Mama may have started out with ovarian cancer with the grapefruit-sized tumor being found on January 19, 1956, but by March, the cancer obviously spread to other parts of her body and organs. The immediate cause of death was kidney failure on March 28, 1956, caused by the prescence of cancer in her body, which started as ovarian cancer.
Joan has been told this over and over again. But she is DETERMINED to change the facts. She is DETERMINED to turn the clock back 54 years and change a medical diagnosis. A true neurotic, JOAN JUST WILL NOT ACCEPT CERTAIN FACTS! She then tries her darnest to change those facts to suit her. And when she is hit with the reality that she cannot change the facts of a certain event, she goes into a rampage, burns personal items, lashes out against family members, making their lives a living hell.
On page 381, Joan relates an event that happened at our brother’s house in Arizona two days after his death. I had brought my personal photo albums to share with the family. Joan relates that she was horrified to see that I had my siblings birth certificates in there. She says nothing about the fact that I had my mother’s death certificate there as well. Joan says that “Dawn” (I have no idea who “Dawn” is) “interrepted the show.” What show? Why must Joan write in such ridiculous terms. It was not a “show.” Family members were looking at photographs, nothing more. Well, Joan says that Dawn said “What’s this? I’m a government worker and I know you can’t just get birth certificates from the Office of Vital Statistics! There are rules and regulations! How did you get these? The only one you should have, legally is yours.”
First of all, this conversation never took place. There was no-one called “Dawn” at my brother’s house. There was no one there claiming to be a government worker, let alone ANYBODY asking me how I got the birth certificates. These words are Joan’s ideas, she didn’t say these words to me at the time. But I suppose that is what she was thinking.
For the record: I went to Buffalo City Hall and showed my proper identification. MY driver’s license. I paid $35.00 for each of the documents I obtained LEGALLY from Buffalo City Hall.
What is going on here, is that Joan is incensed that SHE can’t get HER original certificate from the Office of Vital Statistics or City Hall and is pissed off that I was able to obtain my sibling’s certificates. (I didn’t bother with hers, I already had a copy). And no, her documents and pictures are NOT part of MY personal album, because she has stabbed me in the back too many times to be in there.
If Joan has a problem in not obtaining her birth certificate, instead of being a petulant child about and making up lies and fictious Dawns, then she should devote her time in lobbying to change the law. Which is what she is doing. Fine. Then shut up about me.
Also, we see again, how Joan has a double-standard. Why was it okay for her in the early 80’s to FRAUDUANTLY obtain MY MOTHER’S MEDICAL RECORDS, but 20 years later throw a dam hissy fit when she sees me with LEGALLY OBTAINED FAMILY RECORDS?
Bottom line: all this nonsense about what caused my mother’s death, was it this or that, and all the rehashing of painful things HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH JOAN’S ADOPTION and should not be discussed outside the family, let alone in a book or on the internet. But Joan has made our family pain PUBLIC. She tells lies about her birth sisters not wanting her, blaming her for our mother’s death.
As for her publicity blurbs for her lying book “She had to be silenced.” THIS IS WHAT WE WANT HER TO SHUT UP ABOUT! Why is it necessary for her to tell lies about things? Why is it necessary for her to drag my mother’s body through the public square and proclaim “this woman did not die of ovarian cancer, it was kidney cancer.” Who cares? The woman is DEAD! SHUT UP AND LEAVE HER ALONE!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JOAN: SHUT UP!
UPDATE February 2017; as older posts are being seen I, Gert, am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism’ published in 2009, was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011 due to libelous material in it. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’, being her own editor and owner. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and reedited and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!
https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/ this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.
This author, whether she goes by Joan M Wheeler or Doris M Sippel, has three books, all the same but for title and author name. There are two ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.
The buying public has the right to view and comment on those forums and comments.
Here are those links…
Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum
Joan Mary Wheeler forum
Nature vs. Nurture revisited; a mother/daughter dynamic witnessed by Ruth Sippel Pace March 21, 2010Posted by Ruth in mental illness, Uncategorized.
Tags: abuse, contradictions, emotional abuse, false accusations, mental illness, mental instability, Narcissistic personality disorder, passing assumptions off as truth
My sister Gert McQueen says in her post “Nature vs. Nurture”: “She (Joan) shows a very intense love/hate relationship with the adoptive mother, in my opinion one that borders on a form of non-sexual sadomasochism because it appears as if they both get some kind of pleasure from inflicting and from enduring pain and cruelty.”
I not only witnessed first hand a couple of exchanges between Joan and her amom, but the one was indicative of narcississtic personality disorder, in which CONTRADICTIONS OF IDEAS is present, often in the same conversation, even in the same sentance.
In 1982, I drove Joan to Roswell Park Cancer Institute to visit her adoptive dad, who was suffering from terminal brain cancer. I had met this guy before, he seemed nice. (Joan says me and my sisters were disrespectful to him, that is so BS). Anyway, picture if you will, a man laying in the hospital bed. Three chairs assembled at the foot of the bed, I was on his left side, his wife on his right side, Joan at the direct end of the bed. EW was not able to speak, but he was aware of everything that was going on.
To make conversation, I brought up something that was on the news. It involved a Florida couple, he was paralyzed in a car accident, and was engaged to be married. The Catholic priest of the girl’s parish refused to marry them because the purpose of marriage in the Catholic Church was to procreate. Since the man could not procreate, he could not marry anyone. Well, Joan agreed with me, and her mother disagreed. Instead of having an intelligent debate, these two women started bickering at each other. Dorothy/Doloris (so contradictory, she uses two names, she was introduced to us as Dorothy, that’s all we knew her by, but then years later, we were told by Joan that we were wrong, her name is Doloris. In the public records in Erie County Hall, she is known as Dorothy Wheeler, aka Doloris Wheeler). Anyway, DorDol was raising her voice saying that if a couple couldn’t have children, they couldn’t be married in the Catholic Church. I was amazed. Here she and her husband couldn’t have children, and were married in the Catholic Church, so what the heck? Joan was raising her voice arguing that that was an old-fashioned judgement call. I wanted to sink thru the floor. “why did you bring this up?” I said to myself. I then looked at the dying man in the bed, (don’t forget we were in a hospital at the bedside of a dying man), and he was looking sadly at his wife, then to his daughter. I felt so bad for him. Then all of a sudden, Dor/Dol changed her arguement, saying, “the priest should mind his own business. Who does he think he is saying he is not going to marry two people who love each other.” I did a double take!
This was like the classic Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck arguing routine, Bugs saying “no,” Daffy saying “yes.” Yes, no; yes, no; yes, no; yes, YES.” Bugs changed his word no to yes in the middle of the argument, and then Daffy, to spite Bugs, changed HIS word to no. Then Daffy stops and realizes what just happened. And Bugs is there smirking.
I don’t remember how the arguement ended, but I do remember saying to Joan in the car later, what I saw and heard her mother do. “Oh yes, that is how she does. I have grown up with her doing that. Sometimes I didn’t know which way to go or what to say when I was growing up.”
Another instance I witnessed was at the 4th birthday party of Joan’s daughter. My husband and I were there at Joan’s house, along with my stepmother. I’m not sure who my stepmother was with, since she doesn’t drive. It may have been one of her daughters. This was in 1990, and my husband was still getting to know my family (we’d only been together for a couple of years). He was in the kitchen talkiing with my stepmother who was from France. My husband visited Paris when he was in the Navy and he and my stepmother were talking about the Follies Begere. Joan walked in the kitchen and interrupted a conversation that she wasn’t even involved in, and started yakking about how sexist the Follies were. I was sitting in a chair in the dining room and witnessed the whole thing. Both my husband and stepmother just stopped talking, because Joan ruined the conversation. Both of them rolled their eyes. Joan then left the room and walked past me and went into the living room where her amother was. I don’t know what started it, but the next minute, they were screeching at each other. Those two harpies ruined a four-year old’s birthday party. Everybody who was there were rolling their eyes, as if to say “there they go again.”
Joan stomped into the dining room, her amom followed her. They were standing in front of me, yelling at the top of their lungs. And very screechy! My ears started to hurt. I went into the kitchen and got my husband. In front of my stepmother, I said, “can we go? I can’t stand this noise.” So we left. I never went to Joan’s house again. She would yell at her kids like that too! Screeching!
Joan had been spoiled while she was growing up. Her mother hand sewed mother/daughter matching outfits, but then, according to Joan, (on Page 319) that when they got Joan home from Family Court, she was covered in body sores, because Joan’s godparents (who had taken her in while my mother was dying), did not take good hygienic care of her. (more on this later). “You had sores all over your body when we got you.” Joan says on page 319 that her mother yelled at her and made her feel guilty, yet fawned on her. In the late 70’s Joan got her first apartment on Bradley Street, just about a mile where I was living with my first husband. I was with her one day when her mother brought over 2 full grocery bags. Meat, fresh produce, bread, canned goods. But then Joan relates (and I witnessed this, as I wa s a bridesmaid), Dor/Dol refused to be part of Joan’s wedding party. Would not sit in the front of the church, but sat at the back. (I still have the video of the wedding). Joan also relates in the book, that Dor/Dol refused to accept Joan’s decision to retain her maiden name after she got married and would sent her letters addressed to Mrs. Joan Bell, and other variations of her name. Yet she continued to pay this grown and now married woman’s bills!
In 1986, The Monkees, a 60’s pop-rock group went on a tour. The closest they came to Buffalo was in Chataugua, New York, south of Buffalo. Joan and her husband were planning on going and asked me if I wanted to go too. I really wanted to, but had no money. But Joan and Colby owed me for some long distance calls Joan had put on my phone, so they bought my ticket. We went and it was fun! This was July. In September, 1986, Buffalo was added to the tour. Joan called me up. Did I want to see them again? Well, sure, but I had other financial obligations, and declined. Joan called me a few days later. She had a dream about Monkees lead singer Mickey Dolenz. She just HAD to go to the concert now. I said “Have fun.”
Two weeks later, Joan calls me crying. Her electricity was getting shut off for non-payment. Let’s see, we have this grown woman, married, she has one child, is 9 months pregnant with her second child, and her electric bill is getting cut off. folk, it doesn’t take a mere two weeks to get the electric company to make that decision! It takes about 3-4 months of not paying for them to send out a shut-off notice! So instead of being a RESPONSIBLE ADULT AND PAYING HER UTILITY BILLS, WHEN SHE HAS A TODDLER AND ANOTHER BABY ON THE WAY, she goes to TWO concerts! I don’t remember what I told her. But a few days later, Joan calls me up: her mother paid the electric bill.
A few years later, my cousin Gail called me. Her mother had been friends with a sister of the man who adopted Joan, and Gail knew this woman’s daughters. Well, Dor/Dol had been whining to the Wheeler family that Joan was ungrateful, always taking her money, not paying her back, yadda yadda yadda. Gail felt sorry for her. I told her “Well I don’t.” I told Gail about the bags of grocery, the electric bill, and other instances I know of. I said,”All Dor/Dol has to do is stop giving Joan money and tell her to grow the f up and get a job and pay her dam bills like everybody else on this planet. If she she keeps giving her money, that’s her problem, and she should stop whining about it. Only a fool continues to give another person money when they haven’t gotten paid back from previous “loans.” Gail agreed.
In 1988, Joan wanted to buy a computer to write her book. She didn’t have the money. Yep, you guessed it, her mother gave her the money. BUT after the whole summer, holding the money over Joan like a carrot on a stick. She would say she’d have the money from the bank by a certain day, then say, she didn’t go to the bank. She would tell Joan she giving her $4000.00 that’s right FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS, then it was only 4 hundred. Sick game playing. I told Joan “this woman is toxic. You need to make your mind up. Either you accept her money, on her terms, and live with her sick playing, or tell her once and for all to go to hell.” (that’s what I would do, I don’t let ANYBODY treat me like that! But as we see, these two women are locked together in a sick game of love and hate, give and take, arguing and then talking like nothing happened. SICK! The both of them.
Here’s a real sweet example of how sick they are. On pages 554-55 Joan plays the martyr for VOLUNTEERING to take my 85 year father to his doctor appointments. She snidely says our younger has a motorcycle, and the sister who lives in the same city (me) has a paying job, but a car with high repair costs. Again we see how Joan takes a little bit of info and weaves her own spin of a story on it. I did not have a car for years. I inherited a van when my mother-in-law died. The van was in perfect condition. On December 30, 2004 a distracted driver made a right turn on red in front of me and I couldn’t stop in time. The damage was over $2000.00. The insurance company wanted to total it, my husband and I said no, tow it our house and we will fix it later. At the same time, our house was being foreclosed for back taxes. My husband had open heart surgery in September 2003, and was out of work for a while and we fell behind. I had asked Joan for help via a letter, reminding her of her theft of money from me, instead of sending me even ten bucks, she tried to haul me into court for “harassment!” The court dismissed it, because they could see I was pleading for help. John and I used the car insurance settlement money to pay the back taxes on our house and the gas bills for that winter season. It took us another 2 years to scrimp and save to get the repair money for the van, and it was fixed in November 2006. Hasn’t given us any problems, except the usual – we need new brakes next month. To do the scrimping and saving, I was putting in overtime at work. My husband, post-open heart surgery, could not do any more heavy lifting, he did try it, and got a hernia. In July 09, he had another surgery. His job pays just over minimum wage. As I am the major bread-winner in my household, I am still putting in the extra/overtime. So what? that’s MY business, not Joan’s. I live almost 9 miles from my father. Joan lives less than 4. She doesn’t work. I do. AND SHE VOLUNTEERED to drive my father for his doctor and errands. A volunteer does it because they care, not because they expect to get something back. You do get something back, the feeling of goodness in your heart that YOU HELPED SOMEONE.
Another thing: Joan ASSUMES she knows anything about my van. ASSUMPTIONS DO NOT BELONG IN A BOOK OF NON-FICTION. As she knows no facts concerning my van or my life at this period in time, WHY IS SHE MENTIONING IT? And does the fact that I could not drive my father around in 2004 – 2006 because I was taking the bus HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH JOAN’S ADOPTION? NO! Then why is it in her book? Joan, when you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME. But mostly yourself.
So what does this CARING daughter do to my father when her car broke down? Demanded money from him! He told her “your car is your responsibility, not mine.” right on Dad!
Now, in her book, she whines because Dad didn’t help her. (um Joan, remember what YOU did when someone [ME] asked for help? You turned me down flat, and further, tried to take me to court. And puts in her book over and over that she doesn’t know why her birth sisters can’t stand her. JOAN wants everyone to help HER, but when someone asks HER for help, she turns her back on them. Joan never helped me from day one. Then again, I don’t need anybody’s help. I stand on my own two feet, put in the extra time at work and pay for what I need. And if that didn’t leave me time for college, as Joan uses as a put-down about me, well, Joan, THAT’S MY LIFE, NOT YOURS. I have NEVER complained about not going to college. Why is Joan? Joan says continuously thru her book that people should stop making judgements and comments about HER life. Well it works both ways my dear. Why are you making comments and judgements about MY life? Whether I went to college or not, wanted children or not, HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR ADOPTION, OUR REUNION OR ANYTHING ABOUT YOU AND DOES NOT BELONG IN YOUR BOOK!
On page 554, after my father turned her down for help for her car repairs, Joan relates that she goes back home and tells her amom. This is what Joan relates that her amom says (or rather yelled): “We did all the work – your (adoptive) father and I – and paid for the upkeep of his child. Did he ever think of that? He gave you up for adoption because he could not afford to take care of you. We took care of you. Now the tables are turned. In my advanced age, living on a fixed income. I look back and see that he ahd the benefit of a working wife for thirty-some years! I had to quit my job to stay home with you – his child! Those were the rules to adopt – no sense in adopting if a mother would not actually be with the child. Back then, we had enough money with just Daddy’s income, but now, your other father reaps the benefits of retirement from a two-paycheck income while I watch my Social Security dwindle. Daddy’s pension and medical benefits get cut every year. My out-of-pocket are sky-high, yet he wants us to foot the bill for his transportation!”
1. Dorothy, YOU chose to adopt Joan. Nobody forced you.
2. Joan VOULUNTEERED to transport my father.
3. Both Dorothy and Joan CHOSE to not work when they were younger and in better health, thereby building up their social security/old age pension.
4. As an electrician at Dunlop Tires, EW made a dam good income. Auto workers, steel plants workers, paid very good money. I know a lot of retirees and widows of retirees from both Chevy and Bethlehem steel and they are getting enough. It is called PLANNING FOR YOUR FUTURE.
5. such snidely remarks. Jealousy. reaping the benefits of two-income social security. well, that’s the way of the world people. Oh, Joan can’t get a job. Listen, I have congenital scoliosis. My right leg is slightly shorter than my left and I have curvature of the spine because of it, causing chronic back problems. I now have athritis in my spine. But I am still at my job. Which entails a lot of heavy lifting. I have allergies. I am exposed to all sorts of germs in the hospital. I am constantly sneezing and hacking and blowing my nose at work. (ask my co-workers). I already know and have planned for, that I have to work until I am 70 to get my full social security, and my pension from BGH. John is also working until he is 70. And in the meantime, I am remodeling my house. Me, doing a lot of the manual work. Tearing down walls, up in the crawlspace, cleaning out the dirt, laying down insulation and the plywood sheets. John, post open-heart surgery, nails down the wood. We see what needs to be done, AND DO IT! If we can’t, then we PAY for it. No whining involved.
The two of these whining, self-serving, jealous, judgemental biddies need to be put out of their misery.
I find it hard to believe that Joan would print the things she does in that book. How can she say on one hand that Dad was ‘dirt’ poor when he married and had children when he wasn’t and then say that he has more income today, with retirement and SS than she ever will. Can’t have your cake and eat it too.
and for her to repeat a statement from the adoptive mom, worst than tackless, not right, nonrepectful to repeat such coming from a sick woman
these people Joan and the adoptive mom think that our father was dirt poor and that is why he place joan up and that the wheeler did him a huge favor in raising joan and that now he ougtht pay them, I could go on up you’lll have to wait til I write my blog entries to read more, I am not done with Joan yet.
Tags: stupidity, take time to laugh at yourself
so Sweet Mara got into a conniption fit because she thought that Joan had “usurped” her census rant? When I first read the rant I was confused. What do you mean Joan doesn’t know what race she is? But then I read that it was Mara who wrote it the rant and Joan had merely posted it as a guest post. Only took me a few seconds to figure it out. oh oh, fighting amongst the adoptees. Again we see Joan getting into another fight.
But this time, it wasn’t her fault. This time, the person with the short temper was Sweet Mara, the one who sent me a filthy potty-mouthed, obscenity-laden comment telling me go f myself. lol. I see another “unhinged” person! lol.
Please, take the time to read something. ‘cos obviously potty-mouth hasn’t taken the time to read this blog. or else she would see just who is lying and who is telling the truth. As I said, it took me only a couple of seconds to figure out who wrote the rant. If you guys would learn to chew on some Twizzlers and THINK, maybe you would not have so many rants, connipition fits or hissy fits. Again, I say, “settle down Potsie.”
Also good job with the internet 101 lesson Joan, about the cautious and wise use of screennames. HOWEVER they are called SCREEN NAMES not aliases. And aka (also known as) is not exclusively used by law enforcement. AKA is used in all sorts of situations when someone has two names, such as a nickname. My husband is known in his family by his family nickname Butch. But outside of the family, everyone knows him as John. and Joan, your own adoptive mother uses two first names. And don’t try to lie about it, like you did when you wrote that letter to Child Abuses Services in December 1994, claiming that your mother’s name was wrong. She is listed under both names on deeds and mortgage records (public records) in Erie County Hall and it quite legally archived as Dor. AKA Dol. Is she a criminal?
and by the way, nice brown nosing job there. Keep that up. You never know when you might want to use her again.
Other events: I followed a link that showed up here and as a “guest” came across Joan’s whine and pleas for help. A couple days later I see that someone named Cinnamon had been here too and copied some of my stuff. It’s the internet. oh well. but, sorry to disappoint you guys, the only cinnamon I know is the stuff I sprinkle on my applesauce. It’s really a rather nice name. Next time I get a brown cat, and if it fits their personality, I think I might use that name. Or, when we get a new husky or malamute I might use it then.
Nature vs Nurture by Gert McQueen March 11, 2010 March 18, 2010Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, contradictions, emotional abuse, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, stupidity
Nature vs Nurture by Gert McQueen March 11, 2010
Are we solely a combination of our parents or a product of our upbringing and environment or a combination of both?
While genetically Joan is a Sippel/Herr she is the product of the Wheeler family dynamic. This can be understood via the studies done where identical twins are separate at birth and raised differently. It is the nature verses nurture argument. By nature she is a produce of Sippel/Herr genes, but never knew anyone with those genes until age 18 and was not nurtured by the Sippel/Herr family dynamics. She was nurtured, by the Wheeler/(Dorothy, her maiden name is unknown to me) genes, via that family’s dynamics; even though she has none of the physical genes.
Now I will grant you that Joan did not have a pleasant childhood, by her recollections in her book. Even though I am extremely skeptical of the accuracy of her depictions of her family life and other events that I never was part of nor ever knew about I will grant a large degree of benefit of doubt in her favor. Why? Because I did met the adopted parents and heard many stories about them and made my own conclusions as an adult about them. They were not easy to live with I’m sure and I know Joan and I have experienced first hand the type of pain she can dish out.
Chapter 4…From Thich Nhat Hanh: Buddhist Monk – ‘People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.’
Joan shows, from a very early age, some sort of anger and resentment whenever there are issues of adoption. She shows a very intense love/hate relationship with the adoptive mother, in my opinion one that borders on a form of non-sexual sadomasochism because it appears as if they both get some kind of pleasure from inflicting and from enduring pain and cruelty. How else would you describe the back and forth between adoptee and adoptive mother that is always present in this book? (Ruth’s note, March 17, oh yes, I have personally seen this in action many times. I will address this in my next post).
Joan also has a tendency to approve or accept something when it suits her purposes but then rejects the same things when they fail to work for her or to her benefit. Example pg 20 she doesn’t like confidentiality between parent and professionals but then on pg 22 she likes the confidentiality because it’s between herself and a doctor. It is this same kind of doublethink in her head that caused her to believe that she could interfere with my parental authority with my minor children and get away with it, but this is not the place for that major transgression. Cardinal rule is that no one has the right to override parental authority. Both her birth and adoptive parents had parental authority over her and her life. I, a birth sib, did not override that authority; I waited till she was of age, she did not do the same when it came to my minor children and I shall get into that.
Pg26 Joan wonders about the ‘innocence of a child…firm foundations…what happened to them? where did we go wrong?’ Obviously that family’s foundation and relationships were built on lies and fears; which produced hate and when you hate nothing works. Joan’s adoptive parents are 10 years older than her natural parents. That is significant when trying to see the whole picture. These two people had a worldview that was different from that which the natural parents had and the adopted parents raised Joan with that ‘older’ worldview. This is nothing new, that is why we have these different ‘generations’ and how they different from each other. So when Joan was growing up in the 60s and 70s her parents were still living and viewing life from a 1920/30 time frame. Our parents grew up in the 1930/40s, it makes a huge difference in childrearing. Add to that the paranoia that the adoptive parents had and you can see just ‘what happened and where it wrong’.
And paranoia is really what these adoptive parents had. Even if Joan is exaggerating and fabricating, which she has a great tendency to do, she describes her adoptive mother as being obsessive, intimidating, controlling with ‘violent rages’. Pg 44 she describes a yelling scene of the mother’s, leaving home and then on pg 51 the same woman is having a calm scene with none other than myself, the birth sister, in her own kitchen! Now really if you didn’t live with that kind of mood-swings all the time how else could you describe them. I had a friend that was manic-depressive with wild mood-swings. I’ve seen the inside of a mental institution, as a visitor, both with my friend and my stepmother and have seen the swings up close and personal. All the way through to pg 49 is a family dynamic that is full of fear, rage and hate. The adoptive mother uses a lot of ‘transference’ upon and with Joan that is placing her own fears onto Joan who then learns how to do the same thing. Then Joan transfers her fears onto her siblings and imagines us doing all kinds of things to her. She is the product of the Wheeler family dynamics. If you really listen to Joan’s words today as she describes what we are ‘supposedly doing’ all you hear are the same things that her adoptive mother has said to her.
Chapter 8 about our first meeting, at first glance, seems reasonable, probably is fleshed out with more embellishment than needed, but frankly I don’t remember much about it, that was so long ago and I have ceased to be amused or fascinated by Joan.
Chapter 9 official paperwork and more hate from the adoptive mother.
pg 62, Joan makes the faulty reasoning mistake of NOT understanding legal terms; she states ‘I was surprised the Office of Vital Statistics would make the mistake of referring to my adoptive parents as my ‘foster parents’. Oh, she is so wise in legal matters at the age of 18 to think that Vital Statistics has made a mistake! She’ll make that same error years later when my husband and I adopt my own birth son (but that’s another story for later). Legal adoption papers identify parents as ‘birth parent’, ‘foster parent’ and ‘adoptive parent’. She says that our language is confusing–wrong–English is one of the most precise languages there is, the words mean actually what they say.
Foster means ‘to bring up; to nurture’ and in the sense of legal adoption terms it does mean ‘temporary’, until the adoption becomes permanent, someone must be responsible therefore a fosterling is established. The adoptive parents, in this case, became the foster parents while the process was going on. Just as in my own case the one where Joan interfered in my parent/child relationship saying I ‘gave up’ my child. She didn’t want to understand that on the legal process I was the birth parent, the foster parent and the adoptive parent, but that is another story.
Why make things so complicated Joan? Biological, bio-mother, bio-father, natural parents, hey you forget bionic-parent! That’s what my 2nd husband said he was when he adopted my son. Don’t you ever have a sense of humor? And for the record I will state here and now that he also wanted to adopt my daughter. After the age of 14 children must give their permission to be adopted, which she did not give. My daughter was 14 with an identity crisis (she wanted to know her natural father before becoming adoptive, long story for later) but that is the only reason she was not adopted not for the reasons Joan states later in this book of fiction, but I’ll get to that later.
Pg 63 she states about the birth certificate ‘that the only thing unchanged was my birth date January 16, 1956’. Hey folks that is false, her birth date is January 7, 1956. And she covers up the date on the documents that she published in this book of fiction. Then she says ‘I was disgusted that my identity had been legally changed without my consent’. Well you know she was just an infant, those adults should have known better and asked her for her consent! But then…she sees the light and reality but now she feels ‘devalued and helpless, like a piece of merchandise handed over in a business deal….what mattered was the powerlessness I felt’. Someone take her out of her misery!
I doubt very much Joan’s assertion about whom her family doctor was; that he was or knew her birth mother and family. Seems highly unlikely that the adoptive family would keep that doctor. I was born in 47. Dr Paris delivered me. I only know a Dr Koslowski as a family doctor up till the time I was 18 when I was married with child and obtained my own physician.
Pg 64 On a hospital card that records vitals of her birth it says ‘Del Spon’t’ which means ‘delivered spontaneously’. No it does not mean, as Joan writes, that she ‘was born quickly without hours of labor’. What it means is that our mother delivered her baby herself in the hospital room, without help, where she was on complete bed rest till the fetus was ready to be born. That was the reason she went to the hospital in December, to hold the baby till closer to full term. It was after Joan was born, on Jan 7, that the cancer our mother had was found. It has always been my understanding that she had advanced ovarian cancer, there were no adequate treatments in 1956, there was no hope for her. She died March 28, 1956 of organ failure, which is the normal progress of the body’s process of dying. So Joan’s assertion that Mom died of kidney failure is wrong.
Joan knows no boundaries, has no boundaries. She has no discretion and went so far as to obtain some kind of medical records from the hospital, prior to HIPA, (patient privacy laws enacted by US Federal government, April 2003) about our mother. I don’t know those details but Ruth does and she will bring out those facts to refute Joan’s lies and misrepresentations. (ruth’s note: oh yes, I will address this in my next note).
Tags: bigotry, contradictions, dishonesty, Disrespect, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements
Pg 12 she talks about her name being changed without her consent. News flash here; no infant gives their consent for anything! As an adult you either have to accept it or change it, but regardless, stop whining about it. For example, when I made the adult decision to quit Christianity I took back my soul from Jesus Christ in a simple ceremony. I said to Jesus ‘you no longer have the right to my soul, as an adult I did not give myself to you and as an adult I now take it away from you, end of story. You no longer have any right to my soul.’ That was it and that ended it, no more whining necessary.
Pg 13 she is depressed, bored, disillusioned. What else is new here folks, if you read this entire book that is all she is and guess what, in the here and now, in the flesh she is still depressed, bored and disillusioned. Maybe she needs some help. Where are her friends? Her birth family tried to tell her she needed help and we are telling her again. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.
Pg 15 she talks about a rift, a split, because of my coolness towards her, well guess what people, I, as well as the other sibs have our own life traumas to deal with. She had no idea of the kinds of traumas I had had or was going through at the time. Yes I am the type of person that does not suffer fools lightly, if you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen. (Ruth’s note, March 17, lol, and I am the same way). By the time Joan reentered my life I had several serious life changing events happen to me and there was no time nor energy, then or now, to tell her, let alone teach her, what life was really about. If her adoptive parents hadn’t done that job of preparing her for life it was not my job to do so. Joan could not understand us because she was not prepared for real life as we, or most people usually are.
Pg 16 she reports that our family was poor. How does she know this? What evidence does she have to support this assessment? She tells about how our family lived in a house with a black family and she somehow makes it sound trashy with a hint of bigotry. True fact here; a Black family, the Johnsons, owned the house, they were the landowners, we were the tenants. My personal memories are that the Johnsons were of a kind lovely warm people from the South. We had one bathroom in that house, and we all shared it. They had a small apartment in the front of the house, we had the back plus the whole upstairs. The lessons I learned from sharing a house with a Black family in the middle 50’s and hearing stories from my fraternal grandmother about her giving up her seat on the bus for a Black woman, after the Rosa Parks episodes, and other incidents have made me NOT A BIGOT. Of course at the time I was a very young child and didn’t really understand certain things, but these are lessons learned at the knees of parents. What lessons did Joan learn at the knees of the adoptive parents? Certainly not the same ones we learned that is sure. But in the whole scheme of things did that make our family poor, or some how tainted because of the closeness of the Blacks? God only knows what goes on in some people’s minds.
And as we are on this subject, bigotry that is, here’s another fact. Our parents were sponsors, in the early 1950s, of people that were then known as Displaced People or as a derogatory DPs. DPs were looked upon as low life somewhat like the Blacks of that time, and today with other ethnic refugees. In truth they were people that were ‘displaced’ because of World War II. They came to America as refuges and needed folks here to help them gain American ways and rights to a better life. I can’t help it if today’s people, including Joan, are ignorant of their own history. I lived through it. In was probably 1952 when they sponsored this family from the Ukraine, husband, wife and two children. Lydia and I met at age 5 and have reminded friends to this day. With the help that my parents gave them they were able to purchase a home long before my own father was able to.
Back to pg 16 she has things coming out of my mouth that I didn’t say in the manner that she relates. I never said that Dad ‘had mixed feelings about you because of Momma’s death. We were poor….Daddy put you up for adoption while the rest of us were taken in by foster homes.’ She is making it sound like Dad wanted to get rid of her, not true. We were not poor. Her adoption and our placement in foster home and orphan home were two separate events that happen years apart.
Pg 17 she states Dad ‘just got a new job as a machinist’, truth is he always worked two jobs. He went to night school, after working a day job, to get a better job. His employment had nothing to do with whether he could or could not have an infant child. She states, ‘we didn’t have a home after Momma died’. Where does she get this?
True facts here: our paternal grandparents were taking care of us during the time Dad was working. We had two homes, our own and grandpa and grandma’s. But the reality of things were that he could not place the burden of caring for an infant on top of his aged parents, who were already caring for 4 little children. Those were the real burdens, traumas and pains that our father had to deal with. There are situations and decisions in life that people have to make with what is going on at that moment and at that moment it was decided that the best for the infant child was adoption.
She states ‘it was real hard on us, things happened, terrible things’ okay, things were not perfect but this is real life not some TV melodrama! She states that I said ‘I was the oldest, I tried to keep us all together, but then you disappeared’. I tried to keep us all together!!! People, I was nine years old living with my grandparents!! I had absolutely nothing to say about what happened to me or the rest of us. Get a grip on reality! This book is fiction!
True fact here: after the death of our mother, Joan was living with maternal relatives until her adoption was completed. My father remarried within a year to a woman that had two sons, it was suppose to be a marriage that would help both of them, for each needed a another parent for their children. Unfortunately as life is, he found out early in that marriage that his second wife had a mental illness. Yes there were episode of nastiness and unpleasantness but again not everyone has the perfect life like Leave it to Beaver or Lassie, shows of those times that portrayed family life.
When Dad’s second marriage backfired and blow up he had to protect everyone. He placed us in foster and orphan homes and she was placed in a mental institution. We did not know that our step-mother was going away and she did not know that we children, including one of her sons, were going away. We went to school as usual and from school we were taken to the foster and orphan homes. After we were gone from home, our step-mother was taken to the hospital. She had a very sad and difficult life, there were years were she was able to come home for short periods, but in the end her illnesses, mentally and physically, took toll on her and she died.
Recap here: Dad loses his first wife and mother of 5 children in 1956, he chooses to have an infant daughter adopted out believing that it was best for the child. He marries again in 56 only to have to make yet more heart breaking decisions about children and wife in 57. He loses his father in 59. He works two jobs to support his family that were still in various places, with relatives, foster care, and orphan homes and a wife in a mental institution. Within 3 months of each other he loses his 2nd wife and his mother in 1965. In 1965 he purchases a house and tries to bring his family back together. I the oldest had just gotten married. ……more to come
* March 16, 2010Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates.
WARNING: Extreme refuting of lies and truth telling done here. ~~~ How I feel about you doesn’t matter. You’re the one who has to live with yourself. – Xena, Warrior Princess – (truer words were never spoken – ty Xena!) ~ “If you don’t want anyone to know what you did, then you should not have done it. If you don’t want anyone to know what you do, then don’t do it.” –ex Mrs. Jekyll and Hyde. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you lack character, honesty and integrity, you are a worthless human being. (ty Brian Harnois). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You could look a million dollar’s but if you have bitterness in your heart & soul towards your fellow human, you’re not even worth $2 (ty Garry) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hiding from and censoring the truth will not change the truth. – Ruth Pace ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get the facts first – you can distort them later. — Joan Wheeler’s creed to live by? ~~~~ Don’t confuse me with facts, my mind is already made up. Facts don’t register in my f’ked up mind. —- Joan Wheeler
post Joan Wheeler LIES about Dr. Rene Hoksbergen in her book Forbidden Family – scanned and posted actual letter from Joan to Kathy, receipts from Dad, letter from Dr. Hoksbergen to Kathy, letter from Kathy to Dr. Hoksbergen – proving that Dr. Hoksbergen was manipulated and USED and LIED to from Joan.
post New whine by Joan Wheeler – and how she shifts the blame off herself onto other people. amended Sept. 15, 2010, 5:30 pm. several paragraphs added.
post Telling the Truth Part 1 – Joan Wheeler – The Three Sippel Sisters edited on Sept 9, 2010 – 3 paragraphs added.
Blog is now linked to my facebook page. All new posts can be accessed there.
UNAUTHORISED USE OF MY IMAGE ON JOAN WHEELER’S WEBSITE by Kathy Inglis, June 21, 2010
2 quick observations: where in this whole blog have I used adoption reform terminology? All I ever said was that I agree that birth certificates should not be falsified. So Dictator Joan doesn’t like when someone agrees with her? (that’s sick and deranged.) And H in UK. So, you “get” where Joan is coming from? I ask you, did she have to LIE about me and my family to get there? If you didn’t catch that contradiction in one sentance on the top of page 302, then you are as delusional as Joan. (2nd paragraph, 4th line).
Joan Wheeler: STOP LYING! March 14, 2010Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Uncategorized.
Tags: contradictions, dishonesty, Disrespect, emotional abuse, false accusations, gossip, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths
new blog post by chronic pathological liar Joan Wheeler, March 13, 2010
Joan, OUR FATHER WAS NOT COERCED INTO GIVING YOU UP FOR ADOPTION! No matter how many times you say this, you will never change the fact that my father was NOT coerced into giving you up!
People, if you read that and believe that lie, you are so gullible! I have it from my father’s mouth, HE WAS NOT COERCED!
He was grieving, yes, he was now a single father with 5 kids, 1 of them an infant.
THERE WERE NO DAYCARE CENTERS IN 1956! His parents were elderly, could not take care of a baby. In her own lying book, Joan says that her adoptive mother told her that when they got her, she was covered in body sores. This is a f’ing lie! MY UNCLE AND HIS WIFE, JOAN’S GODPARENTS TOOK CARE OF HER. Their son Jim was born the same year. Ann took care of two infants. AND DID IT WELL!
JOAN, THE NEXT TIME I SPEAK TO UNCLE R. I WILL TELL HIM WHAT YOU WROTE IN THAT LYING BOOK. HE WON’T DO ANYTHING, BUT AGAIN, HERE WILL BE ANOTHER PERSON WHO WILL TURN THEIR BACK ON YOU!
AND DON’T TRY TO TWIST IT TO SAY YOUR BIRTH SISTERS ARE “BADMOUTHING” YOU, BECAUSE YOU, AND YOU ALONE WROTE THAT LIE. AND IF IT WAS YOUR MOTHER WHO LIED TO YOU, WELL SHE IS A LIAR TOO!
YOU BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT PEOPLE SPREADING LIES AND RUMORS ABOUT YOU, DAMAGIING YOUR REPUTATION, WELL WHAT THE F DO YOU THINK YOU DID TO OUR UNCLE AND HIS LATE WIFE! BURN IN HELL, TWO FACED LIAR!
AND I AM NOT ONE OF YOUR FANS!!!!! TO PARAPHRASE MOMMIE DEAREST. IF PEOPLE ARE BUYING YOUR BOOK, THEY ARE SPENDING GOOD MONEY FOR TRASH! AND IF THEY CAN’T SEE YOUR CONTRADICTIONS IN THE BOOK AND YOUR CONTINUAL PUT-DOWNS OF YOUR BIRTH FAMILY (but whine and boo-hoo when you “perceive” us putting you down) THEY ARE AS SICK AS YOU ARE!
One big contradiction: on one page she says about me: “at one point Brenda “claimed” to want to get pregnant.” then on another page, she says, “she went to a fertility clinic.”
Actually, it is all on page 302, and she contradicts herself IN ONE WHOLE SENTANCE. “At one point in her life life time she (me) claimed to want children and even went through infertility tests.”
PEOPLE, IF I ONLY “CLAIMED” TO WANT TO GET PREGNANT, THEN I WOULDN’T BE AT A FERTILITY CLINIC!!! ARE YOU THAT STUPID HEATHER IN ENGLAND THAT YOU DIDN’T CATCH THAT?
Guest post from Gert McQueen, March 8, 2010 March 8, 2010Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
this post got some views today, Oct 4, 2015 and so I decided to add a thought or two and then share this.The date of this post is from 2010, when we first learned of Joan’s libelous book, that book was pulled from publication by the publisher. In June 2015 Joan rewrote and published an e-book version. I have answered several reviews of that book, on Amazon and started a discussion on the topic of the ‘forward’. More will be discussed. I have created a new blog and facebook page to answer the contents of this ‘new’ lying book.https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/ ‘duped by adoption’ a book study