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Joan Wheeler is all mixed up on page 128 of her book Forbidden Family March 30, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
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On page 128 in her lying book Forbidden Family, Joan writes; ” On Sunday, August 22, 1976, my adoptive mother and I threw a going away party for Buddy and Monica.” (my brother Butch and his wife Marty who were moving to Arizona). Joan states that our older sister Irma (Gert) and her kids came as well as me and my husband Abdo. Wrong! The farewell party that I attended was held at my father’s apartment on Marine Drive. The picture below was taken by me at that party. see how sad Marty looks. See the table just a few feet from the entrance door? This was in a small apartment. I have also included 2 more pictures taken in April 1979, showing the table full view, which would be going left from the first picture of the party. The third picture shows a further view left, showing the kitchenette. Joan’s house is a full, 2 story single family house, with a spacious kitchen.
   So getting back to the party that I was at, I don’t remember if Joan was there, I doubt her mother was there.   I don’t think her mother ever went to Dad’s house, correction: APARTMENT. perhaps Butch and Marty went by themselves to her house. Gert says she doesn’t remember going to a farewell party for Butch and Marty at Joan’s house. I know for a fact that me and Abdo didn’t go there.  As a matter of fact, I don’t believe Abdo ever went to Joan’s house.

    As to me speaking about Uncle Dominic and hypnotism, I remember talking to Joan about it at my house on Amherst St. She was having her anxiety attacks and insomnia, and I was teaching her about self-hypnosis and relaxation techniques, and showed her some material and cassette tapes that Uncle Dom and given me. Since Butch and Marty were also into metaphysics and astrology, she may have spoken to them on another occasion when I wasn’t with them.
    But again, we see how Joan, either acting from a faulty memory, (which demonstrates that this book is poorly researched), or she is out and out lying, which negates this book as a truthful account of her reunion with us.

1. party at my dad's (not Joan's). See how sad Marty looks. see how close the table is to the door.

my stepmother, sister and me at my dad's table, turning left from the first picture, (here door is to the right)

#3.

Steve, Joselyne, Ginette, Ruth, in the kitchenette. Turning left again from the last picture, we are now opposite of the door.

a comment from a nice person in India, and my reply March 28, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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1. jab – March 28, 2010 [Edit]

My advice…am from INDIA and about the same age…pl let the past go…harnessing angrer hurts U the most b 4 it does any one else or any good at all to any one…PL have courage to let go of past..nop one can change it…Get the burden of U R back b 4 it hurts U or others any more..FORGIVENESS will release U and never hurts any one either..GOD BLESS..OM SHANTI..ajaib singh

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2. RuthMarch 28, 2010 [Edit]

jab,
I totally agree with you. But we are not just blogging about the past. This book JUST came out. Joan is not just lying about events that happened in the past, but about current events as well.
Not only that, she has smeared MY reputation in her book, and currently on her blog.
I have been on the internet for 10 years and have done nothing to harm to Joan. She has been on the internet for 2, and has discovered it as a new tool to use against me and my sisters to slam and trash us.
Just last month, she emailed some of her freinds from a discussion forum to help trash us, and they did just that. Then a week and a half ago, she did it again. She lies to these people and says that we are harrassing her by telephone, etc. WHICH WE ARE NOT DOING.
HER LYING IS ONGOING, TO THIS DAY. SHE WILL NOT STOP.
Further, it is not a matter of “forgiving and letting go.” It is a matter of honor. When someone puts out in public a lie that your father wanted to bury your mother naked, and you just read about that lie, that hurt is in the here and now. Especially since TODAY, March 28, is the 54th anniversary of our mother’s death.
It is JOAN who not let the past rest. We are trying to tell people that JOAN is a sick person. She hurts people left and right.
Jab, there is a limit that every person reaches. I gave Joan chance after chance after chance. In 1993, she filed a false police report on me. In 1990, she stole close to $900.00 from me. In 1994, she called child abuse authorities on herself, nameing my husband as a sex offender, and used MY name to do it. In 1994-95, she called my job repeatedly to try to get me fired. In 1997, she sent me a letter telling me my husband got the next door neighbor pregnant (the house was vacant).
After all this, in 2003, after our brother died, I gave her another chance.. I did let the past go. I started a website so we could share family photos and try to get back together. The result? Joan sent me a nasty email, accusing me of plotting against her. I turned my back on her again. Had no further contact. I did send her a letter in December 2004 begging for financial help, seeing as she still owed me money from her theft in 1990. Her response? She tried to take me to court for harassment!
On November 3, 2009, I called to tell her our aunt died,, She started swearing at me on the phone, screaming like a demented person. Then she called the police on me, telling them I was harassing her.
She went on the internet and gave out my employer’s name and accused me of using their computers to harass her. (which I do not, I have my own laptop and I am not harassing her.)
She tells everyone that I am harassing her. When I am not.
We have put up with her nonsense for years. We have been hurt by this person for years. We, my two sisters and I, have had ENOUGH.
We are quite content in our lives, are quite willing to put that book in the trash, where it belongs, and we will do just that, when we are done telling the internet every truth behind every lie that Joan has said about, not just us, but our dear dead mother, who is no longer here to defend herself.
I thank you for you input Jab, and Blessed Be to you.

addendum:

Joan is a cowardly bully. Bullies are not stopped by forgiving and ignoring them. Bullies are only stopped when you confront them and let everyone know what they are about.

We have been forgiving and ignoring Joan for more than 30 years. We have reached out to her in forgiveness several times, and even while we were being nice, she was still stabbing us in the back. She will not stop. Therefore, we have decided to let the entire world know just what kind of person she is.

Guest Post From Gert McQueen, birth sister of Joan Wheeler March 4, 2010 March 27, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Uncategorized.
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My oldest sister Gert, who has no computer,  (got that?) recently went to a public library and emailed this statement and asked me to post it here. — Ruth

From the eldest Sippel sister Gert, in respond to Joan’s book of fiction.

Having finally gotten my hands on this book of revelations! Do not relatives of Joan have the right to have their own emotions related to what she writes about them or their life or are we suppose to just allow someone to continue to lie and misrepresent us. If people have individual web sites, where they speak their own minds, like Joan, why is it that Joan’s family members are not allowed to have the same rights as she does and speak their mind. I am speaking my own mind, I have that right just as she does. No one can silent another, that went out with the Inquistion. I use techniques of Constructive Criticism and Higher Criticism when I read and comment on any book. I learned that from my years of research and writing and it is used routinely in the scholarly world.

On page 645 of Joan’s book she says she has worked in the field of social work. Would she please let her readers know when and where she worked? I’m really curious where she worked and gained her experience and you should too if the work she presents is to be believed. I took training at a Domestic HotLine center for a month and attended a couple of group sessions where my stories helped other people, does that give me creditials to say that I worked in those fields, even though I don’t hold any degrees. I also held a job for three months helping abused children, does that give me creditials to say I’m a social worker and have great experience working with abused children.

On the title pages of the book, she writes ‘some very traumatic events have been omitted’ as if to say hey there is much more that I can and will write about. Really folks all that statement says is there’s a ‘hint’ that the content of her book is going to be so sensational you must read it. It’s a come-on statement aimed at getting attention.

She says what she writes is from memory ‘without embellishment’. Really now! Who doesn’t tell a fish story when retelling from memory! If it isn’t embellished it certainly is highly subjective in nature and anyone who knows anything about ‘non-fiction’ knows that it better be object in nature if it is to be believed to be a true representation of the topic. This book should be listed as fiction.

In her acknowledgements she sure likes to drop a lot of names, as if that makes her important. It’s another publishing gimmick people, just like the foreward by a named Doctor. He calls the book a ‘reunion in progress’, but from whose point of view, totally from the adoptee, not the families! That’s biased people! You can’t have a work of non-fiction without being objective and unbiased.

She says in ‘why she wrote the book’, it was ‘to tell the truth from my point of view’ again that is totally subjective in nature and can not be considered non-fiction. Anyone’s point of view by nature is subjective and therefore does not meet the standard of truth. She ‘invites’ others, namely her family members to do ‘the hard work’ of telling their truth by writing a book. Wrong thinking. Writing a book is not the only way to tell the truth. Speaking for myself, I am doing the hard work by living my life and I don’t have any inner need to exploit the rest of my family by writing a book of fiction to play with myself.

Even on her facts she doesn’t get it right. My father went to night school to get a degree in engineering. He was a city engineer for about 30 years. He was not poor, he probably was part of that class called the ‘working poor’ like many people, including myself, have been in at one time or another. He was never out of work, like Joan is. He never cried poverty like Joan portrays him as.

There will be more from me as my life allows me the time to look at this book of subjectively fiction

Gertrude Mary Genevieve Boasts her fore-mothers March 25, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Statements from The Three Sippel Sisters.
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 I, Gertrude Mary Genevieve was named after the maternal line of our Sippel/Herr families.
 Gertrude after my mother’s mother Gertrude Stoll Herr
Mary after my father’s mother Mary Wisniewski
At about age 13, at a rite of passage into adulthood, I took my mother’s name Genevieve as part of my name
I am proud and honored to bear the names of these three women, for without them, I would not be
Wassail! (be you whole) Gertrude, Mary and Genevieve!
Your memories stay alive within meYour blood and mains (energy) flows within me.
I never knew Gertrude Stoll/Herr who gave birth to my mother….I boast her!
I did know Emma Herr, my mother’s step-mother who helped raise my mother… I boast her!
I did know Mary Wisniewski/Sippel who gave birth to my father Leonard…I boast her!
I did know Genevieve who gave birth to me…I boast her!
Ancestors remembered and honored
From the dawn of your birth, to the sunset of your death, I honor you.
From the goals you completed to your efforts left undone, I honor you.
From the season of your being, through the cycle of your life, I honor you.
From your time beyond the veil, til your soul’s return to earth again,
May you rest in peace and solace.
May my love reach you and embrace you especially this moment
Of remembering and forever more,
I honor you!

Gert McQueen is retired and no longer active in public work, but was a priestess and lore teacher in Theodism, editor and assistant publisher of a magazine, and has published several small booklets of lore and was an activist for Pagan rights.

joint statement from Gert, Kathy, Ruth about the burial of our mother and any other family stories as presented by Joan in her exploitation of our family March 25, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
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 written by Gert McQueen, with input and approval by Kathy Inglis and Ruth Sippel Pace, these three being the daughters of Genevieve Ruth Herr-Sippel

28 MARCH IS THE 54TH ANNIVERSARY OF GENEVIEVE’S, THAT IS OUR MOTHER, DEATH-FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET IT REST.

We must tell the truth, this is what the blog is about.

Joan continues to state, in the the book, that our father was poor, that he buried our mother in the nude, pg #542, she tells of family members disagreements with the husband’s decisions about medical care and many other family tales, rumors etc. These are baseless lies and misrepresentations of facts. Joan got these family story/ideas, decades after the events, while talking with mother’s family members, whom disliked our father.

People say and do many things in the grip of illness and grief. It does not matter about anyone’s opinion, shit happened, shit didn’t happen. These are a family’s intimate business, has nothing to do with Joan’s adoption, and should NEVER have been repeated outside the family nor published in a book. We sisters feel that Joan has not only dis-honored our parents, but also our entire families.

We DEMAND a public apology! What did or did not happen at a funeral home 54 years ago is not to be printed. People do not have the facts about the contract between a grieving husband and a funeral home. But, Joan hearing many stories from many relatives, over the years, misunderstood them, misrepresented them and published them.

Again, she has no shame, she doesn’t consider other people’s feelings and she has no respect for our parents. By repeating this,and other family myths and legends, without proper research and permission, JMW/DMS has shown herself to be the (Sippel/Herr/Wheeler) family tittle-tale and a user, which, precisely, are the reasons why I, for one, will have nothing to do with her. The simple answer to her constant plea “Why don’t they like me?” is: “BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN ACTIONS, AND LACK OF SINCERE REMORSE, WE DO NOT TRUST YOU”.

We demand Joan’s justification for repeating this. Is the past and our Mother not allowed to rest in peace? Joan is trying to make people account for their decisions they make in their adult life, digging up past emotions, with no respect for ADULTS who make life decisions for THEIR OWN LIFE. We may disagree with them, but the bottom line, people make decisions and that’s that. Especially when it comes to their own lives.

Genevieve Ruth Herr Sippel ~~~~~ October 4, 1925 - March 28, 1956

Genevieve Ruth Herr Sippel ~~~~~ October 4, 1925 - March 28, 1956

Joan Wheeler, in her book Forbidden Family, can’t tell the difference between a dog and a cat. WTF? March 25, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Lies in the book Forbidden Family.
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On page 314, Joan Wheeler mentions my pet Brandy. Joan refers to her as cat. WRONG! Brandy was my dog! How does one confuse a 65 pound Husky/Malamute with a 9 pound cat? oh, yes, that would be Joan. she confuses everything. guess she was “in the fog.” But in her case, it was probably more like an alcoholic haze.

She also mentions my cat Francois in the year of 1993. Sad to say, I put my Francois down in April 1992. For a book that is supposedly NON-FICTION, there sure is a lot of FICTION and POORLY RESEARCHED anecdotes and FICTIONAL STORIES. But therein lies the problem. Our dull, boring, TRUTHFUL lives, won’t sell books. Smut sells. So Joan is going to smut-up everybody’s life! So be it. Anybody who stoops so low as to tell lies about her family, adoptive or birth, is nothing but a smut-whore.

Internet 101, lesson two. Whore in this case does not refer to anybody’s sexual lifestyle. The term whore in this case means you are pimping and selling and dealing with stuff, all kinds of stuff. Since Joan is selling smut, technically I should say she is a smut-pimp.

Below is a picture of my darling Brandy, gone to puppy heaven in July, 2002. I have also included for you, a copy of Brandy’s DOG license from 1995, and a copy of her hospital bill when she was sick in 1998. On all documentation, Brandy is correctly referred to her canine species, DOG, breed: Husky/Malamute. click on each picture to see it full size.

If Joan Wheeler, BA, BSW, can’t tell the difference between a cat and a dog, what other facts has she gotten wrong? Plenty! I wouldn’t trust this dingbat for anything. I may not have gone to college, as Joan snidely points out in her stupid book, but at least I can tell the difference between a dog and a cat. Some people just like to show off what a moron they are.

Meow!

 Brandy's DOG license 1995 

Brandy's DOG rabies vaccination 1997Brandy's hospital bill 1998, clearly indicating that she was a DOG

Joan tells a vicious lie about her own godparents on page 319 of Forbidden Family March 25, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Lies in the book Forbidden Family.
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   On page 319, Joan writes: “I also suffered through inconsistency of primary care as my mother lay dying in a hospital room. When I was released from the hospital my godparents took me in. As my adoptive mother told me, when I was four months old my father handed me over to them in family court. They took me home and were shocked to find body sores. My godparents, I was told by my adoptive mother, didn’t take good hygienic care of me in the few weeks they had me. My new parents nursed me back to health and made me feel guilty for it years later. “You had sores all over your body when we got you!” Mom yelled at me. I never understood why she yelled at me as I grew up. She made me feel as if it were my fault. Perhaps I should feel grateful that I was saved.”

On Friday, March 19, 2010, at 8pm, I spoke on the phone with my uncle, who was Joan’s godfather and who took care of her while my mother was in the hospital. My uncle says that Joan had impetigo, and she had them when she was discharged from the hospital. He told me his wife did everything she could to clear up the rash, and was just getting a hold of it, when my father came for Joan and gave her to the Wheelers. My uncle said, “Ann raised 4 children and did the best job. She took good care of Joan.” My uncle was outraged to hear this lie about him and his late wife. He also told me he had already fired off an email to Joan to “straighten her out.”

 So once again, we see how Joan takes something that was told to her and instead of researching it, repeats the lie. She has had many opportunities in the past to ask our uncle if this story was true. But then again, could we have trusted Joan to tell the truth? No, because we see again and again, that Joan interprets facts to support her conclusions about things, if not outright lying about things.

the following information is taken from this website:  http://www.medicinenet.com/impetigo/article.htm

Non-bullous impetigo: This is the common form, caused by both staph and strep bacteria. It appears as small blisters or scabs, which then form yellow or honey-colored crusts. These often start around the nose and on the face, but they also may affect the arms and legs. At times, there may be swollen glands nearby.

 Bullous impetigo: This form is caused by staph bacteria that produce a toxin that causes a break between the top layer (epidermis) and the lower levels of skin forming a blister. (The medical term for blister is bulla.) Blisters can appear in various skin areas, especially the buttocks, though these blisters are fragile and often break and leave red, raw skin with a ragged edge. No prior trauma is needed for these blisters to appear.

Is impetigo contagious? Impetigo is contagious, mostly from direct contact with someone who has it, but sometimes from towels, toys, clothing or household items. Once it starts, impetigo often spreads to other parts of the body. This is particularly common with impetigo in children. There may be mini epidemics in daycare centers. Bacteria that cause impetigo may enter through a break in the skin, such as that which comes from cuts and scrapes. At times, however, impetigo appears even if no one nearby has it and the skin seems unbroken. Adults often catch impetigo from close contact with infected children. Heat, humidity, and the presence of eczema predispose a person to developing impetigo. Sometimes bacteria live in the nose and spread from there to other parts of the skin

Ruth: I work in a hospital and I can tell you first hand what a nasty dirty place it is. Considering diseases the patients have, soiled linen, soiled waste (i.e., dressings, disposable gloves, gowns, masks, etc), patients coughing in your face, patients peeing on the floor, throwing up all over, staff not washing their hands properly, it’s a wonder I haven’t come down with a serious life-threatening disease. Then again, I’ve probably developed a strong immune system.

The most prevalent contagion in hospitals is MRSA (we call it mirsa). MRSA infection is caused by Staphylococcus aureus bacteria — often called “staph.” MRSA stands for methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus. It’s a strain of staph that’s resistant to the broad-spectrum antibiotics commonly used to treat it. MRSA can be fatal. And MRSA runs rampant in a hospital setting. I do everything I can to keep down the spread of MRSA and any other disease, by washing my hands, with soap and water, to using the foam hand-sanitizers. I wipe down the thermometers and blood pressure cuffs when I use them.

So in my capacity as a hospital worker, I can very well see how this impetigo had affected Joan. But to lay the blame of it on a woman who is dead and can no longer defend herself? Joan, you should be ashamed!

Joan’s Insistence on Not Letting Our Mother Rest March 22, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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   In the last paragraph of Gert’s “Nature vs. Nurture” post, she says: “Joan knows no boundaries, has no boundaries. She has no discretion and went so far as to obtain some kind of medical records from the hospital, prior to HIPAA, about our mother.” (Health Insurance Portability Accountability Act – patient privacy laws enacted by US Federal government, April 2003) .   

see end of post for updated info

    I will explain this “medical records” event in this post, clear up once and for all, the cause of my mother’s death, and clear up a persistant family story that my mother’s brothers “hated” my father. And I got that bit, straight from my mother’s only remaining living sibling, my Uncle R., who I spoke with at 8pm, on March 19, 2010.

    In either 1982 or 1983, Joan somehow obtained actual hospital records of my mother and herself. They were actual nursing unit patient chart records. I don’t know how she conned the hospital out of them. They were incomplete, they didn’t have the vital sign graphs (of which as a nurse’s aide, I am responsible for obtaining from a patient), or actual nurse’s and doctor’s “progress notes,” but they were definitaly part of my mother’s chart. Joan’s purpose? To find out how our mother died. She asked me to read them and interpret them for her. I told her that I am only a nurse’s aide and cannot interpret doctor’s notes or medical terminology outside of the scope of my job. She then took the records to a doctor to have some terminology explained to her.
     After Joan left my house, I immediately called the Medical Records Department of Millard Fillmore Hospital and asked them how Joan got hold of my mother’s medical records. They couldn’t (or wouldn’t) answer me. I then spoke to a supervisor and demanded that in the future my mother’s records be sealed and the only way they could be unsealed was with two signatures present, mine and my fathers. I then called my father and told him what happened. He was furious. And he agreed I had done the right thing by demanding the neccessity of both our signatures on my mother’s records.

     Also, on my mother’s death certificate is listed the cause of death as A). Carcinomatosis, and B). Hypernephroma. This is a bit confusing, because we were always told that Mama died of ovarian cancer. Let us go back in time to just prior to Christmas 1955.  I was too young to understand what pregancy was. I was only 3. Even at the age of 8 and 9, my two older sisters did not know what pregancy meant. We were not told that a new baby was coming. Yet on page 319, Joan has this fantastical lie going: “I recalled that my sisters told me that they crawled all over Momma as sat on the couch with her pregnant belly. She told the kids not to jump on her as they might hurt the baby.”

THIS IS NOT TRUE! The first time we heard about a baby, was in January when Dad came home and told Gert that we have a new baby sister. AND WE DID NOT TELL THIS RIDICULOUS STORY TO JOAN. Joan also says on the top of page 319: “Some relatives, particularly my sisters told me that they blame me for Momma’s death.” WHAT A CROCK OF SH!T! We never told her that. If that were true, WHY THEN DID WE GO TO SUCH LENGTHS TO FIND HER AND BE REUNITED WITH HER? 
  
    So around Christmas 1955, Mama goes into the hospital for bedrest because she had a risky pregnancy. They gave her the DES drug, which was used at that time to prevent miscarriage. It was discontinued because it was found to cause birth defects in the fetus. On January 7, 1956, Mama started having labor pains and rang for the nurse, but by the time the nurse arrived, the baby had arrived. That is listed on Joan’s medical records as “Spon Del.” – Spontaneous Delivery. Joan is premature and taken to the neo-natal unit and placed in an incubator.
    Joan stated recently on her blog that an x-ray was done on Mama while she was still pregnant. WRONG! They would not exposed a fetus to x-rays. Joan goes on to say that a large tumor was discovered. WRONG! The tumor was discovered when Mama had surgery on January 19, 1956. (date listed on Mama’s death certificate). According to my Uncle R., “They opened her up and found a (?) the size of a grapefruit. They closed her up.” (this means that by the time they got in there, it was too late, and the cancer was spreading).
     Uncle R. continues “my brother Mike and I wanted to take her to see Dr. Leek, the top cancer specialist at Roswell Park Memorial Hospital, but your dad said he couldn’t afford it. We were working at the railroad, and making some pretty good money and we said we would pay for it. But your dad still said no.” – (my father may not have had adequate health insurance).

    This is the basis of the brothers not liking my dad down through the years, but contrary to what Joan says on another page in her book, and I can’t remember it right now, they DID NOT DISRESPECT ME OR MY SIBLINGS! My uncles have ALWAYS treated me with respect, even when I got on Uncle Mike’s case in 1990 at my cousin Ida’s funeral. At the wake, he had snubbed my father. My father got mad and started yakking at me about him. I told him that Ida’s funeral was not the place for an old family squabble. The following day, at the brunch held at my cousin Judy’s house I got hold of Mike and told him to behave himself. “I am Ruthy,” he said to me. “Good. See that you do.” He just looked at me then he hugged me. And when Uncle R. called me the other day, he said very joyfully, “Is this my lovely niece Ruth?” Hardly any disrespect there! Where does Joan get her delusions from?

    Now let’s get back to my mother’s death certificate. It shows the two causes of death, carcinomatosis and hypernephroma. Here are the definitions of these two words from the National Cancer Institute website, www.cancer.gov:

carcinomatosis (KAR-sih-NOH-muh-TOH-sis)
  A condition in which cancer is spread widely throughout the body, or, in some cases, to a relatively large region of the body. Also called carcinosis. 

hypernephroma (HY-per-neh-FROH-muh)
  The most common type of kidney cancer. It begins in the lining of the renal tubules in the kidney. The renal tubules filter the blood and produce urine. Also called renal cell adenocarcinoma, renal cell cancer, and renal cell carcinoma.

    From my years of experience of working at the hospital, (37 1/2), I have come to understand much more than I did back in the early 80’s. Mama may have started out with ovarian cancer with the grapefruit-sized tumor being found on January 19, 1956, but by March, the cancer obviously spread to other parts of her body and organs. The immediate cause of death was kidney failure on March 28, 1956, caused by the prescence of cancer in her body, which started as ovarian cancer.
     Joan has been told this over and over again. But she is DETERMINED to change the facts. She is DETERMINED to turn the clock back 54 years and change a medical diagnosis. A true neurotic, JOAN JUST WILL NOT ACCEPT CERTAIN FACTS! She then tries her darnest to change those facts to suit her. And when she is hit with the reality that she cannot change the facts of a certain event, she goes into a rampage, burns personal items, lashes out against family members, making their lives a living hell.

   On page 381, Joan relates an event that happened at our brother’s house in Arizona two days after his death. I had brought my personal photo albums to share with the family. Joan relates that she was horrified to see that I had my siblings birth certificates in there. She says nothing about the fact that I had my mother’s death certificate there as well. Joan says that “Dawn” (I have no idea who “Dawn” is) “interrepted the show.” What show? Why must Joan write in such ridiculous terms. It was not a “show.” Family members were looking at photographs, nothing more. Well, Joan says that Dawn said “What’s this? I’m a government worker and I know you can’t just get birth certificates from the Office of Vital Statistics! There are rules and regulations! How did you get these? The only one you should have, legally is yours.”
    First of all, this conversation never took place. There was no-one called “Dawn” at my brother’s house. There was no one there claiming to be a government worker, let alone ANYBODY asking me how I got the birth certificates. These words are Joan’s ideas, she didn’t say these words to me at the time. But I suppose that is what she was thinking.

For the record: I went to Buffalo City Hall and showed my proper identification. MY driver’s license. I paid $35.00 for each of the documents I obtained LEGALLY from Buffalo City Hall.
    What is going on here, is that Joan is incensed that SHE can’t get HER original certificate from the Office of Vital Statistics or City Hall and is pissed off that I was able to obtain my sibling’s certificates. (I didn’t bother with hers, I already had a copy). And no, her documents and pictures are NOT part of MY personal album, because she has stabbed me in the back too many times to be in there.
    If Joan has a problem in not obtaining her birth certificate, instead of being a petulant child about and making up lies and fictious Dawns, then she should devote her time in lobbying to change the law. Which is what she is doing. Fine. Then shut up about me.
    Also, we see again, how Joan has a double-standard. Why was it okay for her in the early 80’s to FRAUDUANTLY obtain MY MOTHER’S MEDICAL RECORDS, but 20 years later throw a dam hissy fit when she sees me with LEGALLY OBTAINED FAMILY RECORDS?

Bottom line: all this nonsense about what caused my mother’s death, was it this or that, and all the rehashing of painful things HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH JOAN’S ADOPTION and should not be discussed outside the family, let alone in a book or on the internet. But Joan has made our family pain PUBLIC. She tells lies about her birth sisters not wanting her, blaming her for our mother’s death.

As for her publicity blurbs for her lying book “She had to be silenced.” THIS IS WHAT WE WANT HER TO SHUT UP ABOUT! Why is it necessary for her to tell lies about things? Why is it necessary for her to drag my mother’s body through the public square and proclaim “this woman did not die of ovarian cancer, it was kidney cancer.” Who cares? The woman is DEAD! SHUT UP AND LEAVE HER ALONE!

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JOAN: SHUT UP!

UPDATE February 2017; as older posts are being seen I, Gert, am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism’ published in 2009, was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011 due to libelous material in it. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’, being her own editor and owner. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and reedited and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/     this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoptionStruggleforIdentity1/

in addition…

This author, whether she goes by Joan M Wheeler or Doris M Sippel, has three books, all the same but for title and author name. There are two ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.

The buying public has the right to view and comment on those forums and comments.

Here are those links…

Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Adoptee-Duped-Adoption/forum/Fx16ZHWP5PQHHCK/-/1/ref=cm_cd_fp_rvt?_encoding=UTF8&asin=B00X520CGW

Joan Mary Wheeler forum

https://www.amazon.com/gp/forum/cd/forum.html/ref=cm_cd_rvt?ie=UTF8&cdForum=Fx3T0YAD0KXNPP5

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Joan-M-Wheeler/dp/1412061547

Nature vs. Nurture revisited; a mother/daughter dynamic witnessed by Ruth Sippel Pace March 21, 2010

Posted by Ruth in mental illness, Uncategorized.
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My sister Gert McQueen says in her post “Nature vs. Nurture”: “She (Joan) shows a very intense love/hate relationship with the adoptive mother, in my opinion one that borders on a form of non-sexual sadomasochism because it appears as if they both get some kind of pleasure from inflicting and from enduring pain and cruelty.”
    I not only witnessed first hand a couple of exchanges between Joan and her amom, but the one was indicative of narcississtic personality disorder, in which CONTRADICTIONS OF IDEAS is present, often in the same conversation, even in the same sentance.
    In 1982, I drove Joan to Roswell Park Cancer Institute to visit her adoptive dad, who was suffering from terminal brain cancer. I had met this guy before, he seemed nice. (Joan says me and my sisters were disrespectful to him, that is so BS). Anyway, picture if you will, a man laying in the hospital bed. Three chairs assembled at the foot of the bed, I was on his left side, his wife on his right side, Joan at the direct end of the bed. EW was not able to speak, but he was aware of everything that was going on.

    To make conversation, I brought up something that was on the news. It involved a Florida couple, he was paralyzed in a car accident, and was engaged to be married. The Catholic priest of the girl’s parish refused to marry them because the purpose of marriage in the Catholic Church was to procreate. Since the man could not procreate, he could not marry anyone. Well, Joan agreed with me, and her mother disagreed. Instead of having an intelligent debate, these two women started bickering at each other. Dorothy/Doloris (so contradictory, she uses two names, she was introduced to us as Dorothy, that’s all we knew her by, but then years later, we were told by Joan that we were wrong, her name is Doloris.   In the public records in Erie County Hall, she is known as Dorothy Wheeler, aka Doloris Wheeler).  Anyway, DorDol was raising her voice saying that if a couple couldn’t have children, they couldn’t be married in the Catholic Church. I was amazed. Here she and her husband couldn’t have children, and were married in the Catholic Church, so what the heck? Joan was raising her voice arguing that that was an old-fashioned judgement call. I wanted to sink thru the floor. “why did you bring this up?” I said to myself. I then looked at the dying man in the bed, (don’t forget we were in a hospital at the bedside of a dying man), and he was looking sadly at his wife, then to his daughter. I felt so bad for him. Then all of a sudden, Dor/Dol changed her arguement, saying, “the priest should mind his own business. Who does he think he is saying he is not going to marry two people who love each other.” I did a double take!

    This was like the classic Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck arguing routine, Bugs saying “no,” Daffy saying “yes.” Yes, no; yes, no; yes, no; yes, YES.” Bugs changed his word no to yes in the middle of the argument, and then Daffy, to spite Bugs, changed HIS word to no. Then Daffy stops and realizes what just happened. And Bugs is there smirking.
      I don’t remember how the arguement ended, but I do remember saying to Joan in the car later, what I saw and heard her mother do. “Oh yes, that is how she does. I have grown up with her doing that. Sometimes I didn’t know which way to go or what to say when I was growing up.”
     Another instance I witnessed was at the 4th birthday party of Joan’s daughter. My husband and I were there at Joan’s house, along with my stepmother. I’m not sure who my stepmother was with, since she doesn’t drive. It may have been one of her daughters. This was in 1990, and my husband was still getting to know my family (we’d only been together for a couple of years). He was in the kitchen talkiing with my stepmother who was from France. My husband visited Paris when he was in the Navy and he and my stepmother were talking about the Follies Begere. Joan walked in the kitchen and interrupted a conversation that she wasn’t even involved in, and started yakking about how sexist the Follies were. I was sitting in a chair in the dining room and witnessed the whole thing. Both my husband and stepmother just stopped talking, because Joan ruined the conversation. Both of them rolled their eyes. Joan then left the room and walked past me and went into the living room where her amother was. I don’t know what started it, but the next minute, they were screeching at each other. Those two harpies ruined a four-year old’s birthday party. Everybody who was there were rolling their eyes, as if to say “there they go again.”

    Joan stomped into the dining room, her amom followed her. They were standing in front of me, yelling at the top of their lungs. And very screechy! My ears started to hurt. I went into the kitchen and got my husband. In front of my stepmother, I said, “can we go? I can’t stand this noise.” So we left. I never went to Joan’s house again. She would yell at her kids like that too! Screeching!

    Joan had been spoiled while she was growing up. Her mother hand sewed mother/daughter matching outfits, but then, according to Joan, (on Page 319) that when they got Joan home from Family Court, she was covered in body sores, because Joan’s godparents (who had taken her in while my mother was dying), did not take good hygienic care of her. (more on this later). “You had sores all over your body when we got you.” Joan says on page 319 that her mother yelled at her and made her feel guilty, yet fawned on her. In the late 70’s Joan got her first apartment on Bradley Street, just about a mile where I was living with my first husband. I was with her one day when her mother brought over 2 full grocery bags. Meat, fresh produce, bread, canned goods. But then Joan relates (and I witnessed this, as I wa s a bridesmaid), Dor/Dol refused to be part of Joan’s wedding party. Would not sit in the front of the church, but  sat at the back. (I still have the video of the wedding). Joan also relates in the book, that Dor/Dol refused to accept Joan’s decision to retain her maiden name after she got married and would sent her letters addressed to Mrs. Joan Bell, and other variations of her name. Yet she continued to pay this grown and now married woman’s bills!
    In 1986, The Monkees, a 60’s pop-rock group went on a tour. The closest they came to Buffalo was in Chataugua, New York, south of Buffalo. Joan and her husband were planning on going and asked me if I wanted to go too. I really wanted to, but had no money. But Joan and Colby owed me for some long distance calls Joan had put on my phone, so they bought my ticket. We went and it was fun! This was July. In September, 1986, Buffalo was added to the tour. Joan called me up. Did I want to see them again? Well, sure, but I had other financial obligations, and declined. Joan called me a few days later. She had a dream about Monkees lead singer Mickey Dolenz. She just HAD to go to the concert now. I said “Have fun.”
    Two weeks later, Joan calls me crying. Her electricity was getting shut off for non-payment. Let’s see, we have this grown woman, married, she has one child, is 9 months pregnant with her second child, and her electric bill is getting cut off. folk, it doesn’t take a mere two weeks to get the electric company to make that decision! It takes about 3-4 months of not paying for them to send out a shut-off notice! So instead of being a RESPONSIBLE ADULT AND PAYING HER UTILITY BILLS, WHEN SHE HAS A TODDLER AND ANOTHER BABY ON THE WAY, she goes to TWO concerts! I don’t remember what I told her. But a few days later, Joan calls me up: her mother paid the electric bill.
    A few years later, my cousin Gail called me. Her mother had been friends with a sister of the man who adopted Joan, and Gail knew this woman’s daughters. Well, Dor/Dol had been whining to the Wheeler family that Joan was ungrateful, always taking her money, not paying her back, yadda yadda yadda. Gail felt sorry for her. I told her “Well I don’t.” I told Gail about the bags of grocery, the electric bill, and other instances I know of. I said,”All Dor/Dol has to do is stop giving Joan money and tell her to grow the f up and get a job  and pay her dam bills like everybody else on this planet. If she she keeps giving her money, that’s her problem, and she should stop whining about it. Only a fool continues to give another person money when they haven’t gotten paid back from previous “loans.” Gail agreed.
    In 1988, Joan wanted to buy a computer to write her book. She didn’t have the money. Yep, you guessed it, her mother gave  her the money. BUT after the whole summer, holding the money over Joan like a carrot on a stick. She would say she’d have the money from the bank by a certain day, then say, she didn’t go to the bank. She would tell Joan she giving her $4000.00 that’s right FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS, then it was only 4 hundred. Sick game playing. I told Joan “this woman is toxic. You need to make your mind up. Either you accept her money, on her terms, and live with her sick playing, or tell her once and for all to go to hell.” (that’s what I would do, I don’t let ANYBODY treat me like that! But as we see, these two women are locked together in a sick game of love and hate, give and take, arguing and then talking like nothing happened. SICK! The both of  them.

Here’s a real sweet example of how sick they are. On pages 554-55  Joan plays the martyr for VOLUNTEERING to take my 85 year father to his doctor appointments. She snidely says our younger has a motorcycle, and the sister who lives in the same city (me) has a paying job, but a car with high repair costs. Again we see how Joan takes a little bit of info and weaves her own spin of a story on it. I did not have a car for years. I inherited a van when my mother-in-law died. The van was in perfect condition. On December 30, 2004 a distracted driver made a right turn on red in front of me and I couldn’t stop in time. The damage was over $2000.00. The insurance company wanted to total it, my husband and I said no, tow it our house and we will fix it later. At the same time, our house was being foreclosed for back taxes. My husband had open heart surgery in September 2003, and was out of work for a while and we fell behind. I had asked Joan for help via a letter, reminding her of her theft of money from me, instead of sending me even ten bucks, she tried to haul me into court for “harassment!” The court dismissed it, because they could see I was pleading for help. John and I used the car insurance settlement money to pay the back taxes on our house and the gas bills for that winter season. It took us another 2 years to scrimp and save to get the repair money for the van, and it was fixed in November 2006. Hasn’t given us any problems, except the usual – we need new brakes next month. To do the scrimping and saving, I was putting in overtime at work. My husband, post-open heart surgery, could not do any more heavy lifting, he did try it, and got a hernia. In July 09, he had another surgery. His job pays just over minimum wage. As I am the major bread-winner in my household, I am still putting in the extra/overtime. So what? that’s MY business, not Joan’s. I live almost 9 miles from my father. Joan lives less than 4. She doesn’t work. I do. AND SHE VOLUNTEERED to drive my father for his doctor and errands. A volunteer does it because they care, not because they expect to get something back. You do get something back, the feeling of goodness in your heart that YOU HELPED SOMEONE.

   Another thing: Joan ASSUMES she knows anything about my van. ASSUMPTIONS DO NOT BELONG IN A BOOK OF NON-FICTION. As she knows no facts concerning my van or my life at this period in time, WHY IS SHE MENTIONING IT? And does the fact that I could not drive my father around in 2004 – 2006 because I was taking the bus HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH JOAN’S ADOPTION? NO! Then why is it in her book?  Joan, when you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME. But mostly yourself. 

So what does this CARING daughter do to my father when her car broke down? Demanded money from him! He told her “your car is your responsibility, not mine.” right on Dad!

Now, in her book, she whines because Dad didn’t help her. (um Joan, remember what YOU did when someone [ME] asked for help? You turned me down flat, and further, tried to take me to court. And puts in her book over and over that she doesn’t know why her birth sisters can’t stand her. JOAN wants everyone to help HER, but when someone asks HER for help, she turns her back on them. Joan never helped me from day one. Then again, I don’t need anybody’s help. I stand on my own two feet, put in the extra time at work and pay for what I need.  And if that didn’t leave me time for college, as Joan uses as a put-down about me, well, Joan, THAT’S MY LIFE, NOT YOURS. I have NEVER complained about not going to college. Why is Joan? Joan says continuously thru her book that people should stop making judgements and comments about HER life. Well it works both ways my dear. Why are you making comments and judgements about MY life? Whether I went to college or not, wanted children or not, HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR ADOPTION, OUR REUNION OR ANYTHING ABOUT YOU AND DOES NOT BELONG IN YOUR BOOK!

On page 554, after my father turned her down for help for her car repairs, Joan relates that she goes back home and tells her amom.  This is what Joan relates that her amom says (or rather yelled):  “We did all the work – your (adoptive) father and I – and paid for the upkeep of his child. Did he ever think of that? He gave you up for adoption because he could not afford to take care of you. We took care of you. Now the tables are turned. In my advanced age, living on a fixed income. I look back and see that he ahd the benefit of a working wife for thirty-some years! I had to quit my job to stay home with you – his child! Those were the rules to adopt – no sense in adopting if a mother would not actually be with the child. Back then, we had enough money with just Daddy’s income, but now, your other father reaps the benefits of retirement from a two-paycheck income while I watch my Social Security dwindle. Daddy’s pension and medical benefits get cut every year. My out-of-pocket are sky-high, yet he wants us to foot the bill for his transportation!”

1. Dorothy, YOU chose to adopt Joan. Nobody forced you.

2. Joan VOULUNTEERED  to transport my father.

3. Both Dorothy and Joan CHOSE to not work when they were younger and in better health, thereby building up their social security/old age pension.

4. As an electrician at Dunlop Tires, EW made a dam good income. Auto workers, steel plants workers, paid very good money. I know a lot of retirees and widows of retirees from both Chevy and Bethlehem steel and they are getting enough. It is called PLANNING FOR YOUR FUTURE.

5. such snidely remarks. Jealousy. reaping the benefits of two-income social security. well, that’s the way of the world people. Oh, Joan can’t get a job. Listen, I have congenital scoliosis. My right leg is slightly shorter than my left and I have curvature of the spine because of it, causing chronic back problems.  I now have athritis in my spine. But I am still at my job. Which entails a lot of heavy lifting. I have allergies. I am exposed to all sorts of germs in the hospital. I am constantly sneezing and hacking and blowing my nose at work. (ask my co-workers).  I already know and have planned for, that I have to work until I am 70 to get my full social security, and my pension from BGH.  John is also working until he is 70. And in the meantime, I am remodeling my house. Me, doing a lot of the manual work. Tearing down walls, up in the crawlspace, cleaning out the dirt, laying down insulation and the plywood sheets. John, post open-heart surgery, nails down the wood. We see what needs to be done, AND DO IT! If we can’t, then we PAY for it. No whining involved.

The two of these whining, self-serving, jealous, judgemental biddies need to be put out of their misery.

Reply
Gert McQueen – March 26, 2010 [Edit]

I find it hard to believe that Joan would print the things she does in that book. How can she say on one hand that Dad was ‘dirt’ poor when he married and had children when he wasn’t and then say that he has more income today, with retirement and SS than she ever will. Can’t have your cake and eat it too.
and for her to repeat a statement from the adoptive mom, worst than tackless, not right, nonrepectful to repeat such coming from a sick woman
these people Joan and the adoptive mom think that our father was dirt poor and that is why he place joan up and that the wheeler did him a huge favor in raising joan and that now he ougtht pay them, I could go on up you’lll have to wait til I write my blog entries to read more, I am not done with Joan yet.

unhinged persons, throwing conniption fits on internet, should learn how to read March 18, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Having Fun with Disfunctionality.
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so Sweet Mara got into a conniption fit because she thought that Joan had “usurped” her census rant? When I first read the rant I was confused. What do you mean Joan doesn’t know what race she is? But then I read that it was Mara who wrote it the rant and Joan had merely posted it as a guest post. Only took me a few seconds to figure it out. oh oh, fighting amongst the adoptees. Again we see Joan getting into another fight.

But this time, it wasn’t her fault. This time, the person with the short temper was Sweet Mara, the one who sent me a filthy potty-mouthed, obscenity-laden comment telling me go f myself. lol. I see another “unhinged” person! lol.

Please, take the time to read something. ‘cos obviously potty-mouth hasn’t taken the time to read this blog. or else she would see just who is lying and who is telling the truth. As I said, it took me only a couple of seconds to figure out who wrote the rant.  If you guys would learn to chew on some Twizzlers and THINK, maybe you would not have so many rants, connipition fits or hissy fits. Again, I say, “settle down Potsie.”

Also good job with the internet 101 lesson Joan, about the cautious and wise use of screennames. HOWEVER they are called SCREEN NAMES not aliases. And aka (also known as) is not exclusively used by law enforcement. AKA is used in all sorts of situations when someone has two names, such as a nickname. My husband is known in his family by his family nickname Butch. But outside of the family, everyone knows him as John.  and Joan, your own adoptive mother uses two first names. And don’t try to lie about it, like you did when you wrote that letter to Child Abuses Services in December 1994, claiming that your mother’s name was wrong. She is listed under both names on deeds and mortgage records (public records) in Erie County Hall and it quite legally archived as Dor. AKA Dol.  Is she a criminal?

and by the way, nice brown nosing job there. Keep that up. You never know when you might want to use her again.

Other events: I followed a link that showed up here and as a “guest” came across Joan’s whine and pleas for help. A couple days later I see that someone named Cinnamon had been here too and copied some of my stuff. It’s the internet. oh well. but, sorry to disappoint you guys, the only cinnamon I know is the stuff I sprinkle on my applesauce.  It’s really a rather nice name. Next time I get a brown cat, and if it fits their personality, I think I might use that name. Or, when we get a new husky or malamute I might use it then.

 

Nature vs Nurture by Gert McQueen March 11, 2010 March 18, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Nature vs Nurture by Gert McQueen March 11, 2010

Are we solely a combination of our parents or a product of our upbringing and environment or a combination of both?

While genetically Joan is a Sippel/Herr she is the product of the Wheeler family dynamic. This can be understood via the studies done where identical twins are separate at birth and raised differently. It is the nature verses nurture argument. By nature she is a produce of Sippel/Herr genes, but never knew anyone with those genes until age 18 and was not nurtured by the Sippel/Herr family dynamics. She was nurtured, by the Wheeler/(Dorothy, her maiden name is unknown to me) genes, via that family’s dynamics; even though she has none of the physical genes.

Now I will grant you that Joan did not have a pleasant childhood, by her recollections in her book. Even though I am extremely skeptical of the accuracy of her depictions of her family life and other events that I never was part of nor ever knew about I will grant a large degree of benefit of doubt in her favor. Why? Because I did met the adopted parents and heard many stories about them and made my own conclusions as an adult about them. They were not easy to live with I’m sure and I know Joan and I have experienced first hand the type of pain she can dish out.

Chapter 4…From Thich Nhat Hanh: Buddhist Monk – ‘People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.’

Joan shows, from a very early age, some sort of anger and resentment whenever there are issues of adoption. She shows a very intense love/hate relationship with the adoptive mother, in my opinion one that borders on a form of non-sexual sadomasochism because it appears as if they both get some kind of pleasure from inflicting and from enduring pain and cruelty. How else would you describe the back and forth between adoptee and adoptive mother that is always present in this book? (Ruth’s note, March 17, oh yes, I have personally seen this in action many times. I will address this in my next post).

Joan also has a tendency to approve or accept something when it suits her purposes but then rejects the same things when they fail to work for her or to her benefit. Example pg 20 she doesn’t like confidentiality between parent and professionals but then on pg 22 she likes the confidentiality because it’s between herself and a doctor. It is this same kind of doublethink in her head that caused her to believe that she could interfere with my parental authority with my minor children and get away with it, but this is not the place for that major transgression. Cardinal rule is that no one has the right to override parental authority. Both her birth and adoptive parents had parental authority over her and her life. I, a birth sib, did not override that authority; I waited till she was of age, she did not do the same when it came to my minor children and I shall get into that.

Pg26 Joan wonders about the ‘innocence of a child…firm foundations…what happened to them? where did we go wrong?’ Obviously that family’s foundation and relationships were built on lies and fears; which produced hate and when you hate nothing works. Joan’s adoptive parents are 10 years older than her natural parents. That is significant when trying to see the whole picture. These two people had a worldview that was different from that which the natural parents had and the adopted parents raised Joan with that ‘older’ worldview. This is nothing new, that is why we have these different ‘generations’ and how they different from each other. So when Joan was growing up in the 60s and 70s her parents were still living and viewing life from a 1920/30 time frame. Our parents grew up in the 1930/40s, it makes a huge difference in childrearing. Add to that the paranoia that the adoptive parents had and you can see just ‘what happened and where it wrong’.

And paranoia is really what these adoptive parents had. Even if Joan is exaggerating and fabricating, which she has a great tendency to do, she describes her adoptive mother as being obsessive, intimidating, controlling with ‘violent rages’. Pg 44 she describes a yelling scene of the mother’s, leaving home and then on pg 51 the same woman is having a calm scene with none other than myself, the birth sister, in her own kitchen! Now really if you didn’t live with that kind of mood-swings all the time how else could you describe them. I had a friend that was manic-depressive with wild mood-swings. I’ve seen the inside of a mental institution, as a visitor, both with my friend and my stepmother and have seen the swings up close and personal. All the way through to pg 49 is a family dynamic that is full of fear, rage and hate. The adoptive mother uses a lot of ‘transference’ upon and with Joan that is placing her own fears onto Joan who then learns how to do the same thing. Then Joan transfers her fears onto her siblings and imagines us doing all kinds of things to her. She is the product of the Wheeler family dynamics. If you really listen to Joan’s words today as she describes what we are ‘supposedly doing’ all you hear are the same things that her adoptive mother has said to her.

Chapter 8 about our first meeting, at first glance, seems reasonable, probably is fleshed out with more embellishment than needed, but frankly I don’t remember much about it, that was so long ago and I have ceased to be amused or fascinated by Joan.

Chapter 9 official paperwork and more hate from the adoptive mother.

pg 62, Joan makes the faulty reasoning mistake of NOT understanding legal terms; she states ‘I was surprised the Office of Vital Statistics would make the mistake of referring to my adoptive parents as my ‘foster parents’. Oh, she is so wise in legal matters at the age of 18 to think that Vital Statistics has made a mistake! She’ll make that same error years later when my husband and I adopt my own birth son (but that’s another story for later). Legal adoption papers identify parents as ‘birth parent’, ‘foster parent’ and ‘adoptive parent’. She says that our language is confusing–wrong–English is one of the most precise languages there is, the words mean actually what they say.

Foster means ‘to bring up; to nurture’ and in the sense of legal adoption terms it does mean ‘temporary’, until the adoption becomes permanent, someone must be responsible therefore a fosterling is established. The adoptive parents, in this case, became the foster parents while the process was going on. Just as in my own case the one where Joan interfered in my parent/child relationship saying I ‘gave up’ my child. She didn’t want to understand that on the legal process I was the birth parent, the foster parent and the adoptive parent, but that is another story.

Why make things so complicated Joan? Biological, bio-mother, bio-father, natural parents, hey you forget bionic-parent! That’s what my 2nd husband said he was when he adopted my son. Don’t you ever have a sense of humor? And for the record I will state here and now that he also wanted to adopt my daughter. After the age of 14 children must give their permission to be adopted, which she did not give. My daughter was 14 with an identity crisis (she wanted to know her natural father before becoming adoptive, long story for later) but that is the only reason she was not adopted not for the reasons Joan states later in this book of fiction, but I’ll get to that later.

Pg 63 she states about the birth certificate ‘that the only thing unchanged was my birth date January 16, 1956’. Hey folks that is false, her birth date is January 7, 1956. And she covers up the date on the documents that she published in this book of fiction. Then she says ‘I was disgusted that my identity had been legally changed without my consent’. Well you know she was just an infant, those adults should have known better and asked her for her consent! But then…she sees the light and reality but now she feels ‘devalued and helpless, like a piece of merchandise handed over in a business deal….what mattered was the powerlessness I felt’. Someone take her out of her misery!

I doubt very much Joan’s assertion about whom her family doctor was; that he was or knew her birth mother and family. Seems highly unlikely that the adoptive family would keep that doctor. I was born in 47. Dr Paris delivered me. I only know a Dr Koslowski as a family doctor up till the time I was 18 when I was married with child and obtained my own physician.

Pg 64 On a hospital card that records vitals of her birth it says ‘Del Spon’t’ which means ‘delivered spontaneously’. No it does not mean, as Joan writes, that she ‘was born quickly without hours of labor’. What it means is that our mother delivered her baby herself in the hospital room, without help, where she was on complete bed rest till the fetus was ready to be born. That was the reason she went to the hospital in December, to hold the baby till closer to full term. It was after Joan was born, on Jan 7, that the cancer our mother had was found. It has always been my understanding that she had advanced ovarian cancer, there were no adequate treatments in 1956, there was no hope for her. She died March 28, 1956 of organ failure, which is the normal progress of the body’s process of dying. So Joan’s assertion that Mom died of kidney failure is wrong.

Joan knows no boundaries, has no boundaries. She has no discretion and went so far as to obtain some kind of medical records from the hospital, prior to HIPA, (patient privacy laws enacted by US Federal government, April 2003) about our mother. I don’t know those details but Ruth does and she will bring out those facts to refute Joan’s lies and misrepresentations. (ruth’s note: oh yes, I will address this in my next note).

Another contradiction by liar Joan Wheeler March 17, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler.
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the other day at the Adult Adoptee for Change forum, Joan asks the people is she should post our fullnames on her blog (to get back at us, for what other reason could there be?) BUT she neglected to tell them, THAT SHE ALREADY HAD POSTED OUR FULL NAMES, OUR CITIES OF RESIDENCE AND MY EMPLOYER on her blog, and posted this info on a justanswers.com! I addressed her breach of our privacy in two previous posts. I had only put my name and Joan’s out on my blog. Mine, because, I choose to. Joan’s, because she’s all over amazon.com and on the abc news site and other places on the internet anyway. But my sister’s names were not mentioned, nor their cities, UNTIL JOAN PUT THEM OUT THERE IN DECEMBER 2009 AND JANUARY 2010! And on her blog, she accuses me of using my employer’s computers to troll adoption reform sites and names my employer! ohh, but she whines to YOU at the AAFC “get them away from me.”  She does things to hurt us, then wonders why we get pissed off, then like the coward she is, goes whining to her buddys to do her dirty work. If she can publicize our names, cities and employers, she had dam well better take the heat of her foolishness. Here are my two past posts addressing this issue, with an excerpt from both. Click on the link to see my full post.

Whining Teflon Dictator Joan at it again. December 28, 2009

So apparently Joan solicited free legal advice via the internet around December 19. She doesn’t like the fact that I, in this blog, am telling the darn truth of MY OWN LIFE! She reports that I am using her name in my blog. Yep, I am. But does she tell them that on December 7, 2009, she did the same to me and my sisters on HER blog. Of course she backtracked and took down her “cyber-bullying” page, but her post wherein she posts personal information about me and my sisters is still there, albeit “password protected.” So cronies of hers who deign to want a password can have access to some of our personal information. Only thing is: if you google my name, this is what comes up:

  1. Forbidden Family » defamtion of charcter

Ruth Sippel Pace (Buffalo, New York), G.S. M. (W.New York), and K. S. I. (L.) —
forbiddenfamily.com/tag/defamtion-of-charcter/ – Cached

Google results for Ruth Sippel Pace:

  1. Forbidden Family » personal attacks

Kaleidahealth.org and Buffalo General Hosptial employee Ruth Sippel Pace has Ruth Sippel Pace (Buffalo, New York), G.S.M. (W,
forbiddenfamily.com/tag/personal-attacks/ – Cached

Now I took out my sister’s names, and left only their initials and the initials of their cities. I left my info, because my name is right up on the top of my blog, and if you go to my page “my other websites” you can go to my facebook page where I already listed my employer.

 Joan Wheeler, coward. Won’t stand by what she says. January 5, 2010

At 10:00 this morning I saw where she amended her Attention Adoption Reformers post that she put out a couple of days ago, where she was “warning” adoption reformers that I, and my sisters are trolling their sites. (which we are not). Her original post contained mine and my sisters full names and the cities of our residences.

The amendment I saw this morning contained my online screen name and my employer. She also accused me, for the internet to see, of using my employer’s equipment to do this trolling. I found this out by googling my own name!

more discussion of Joan’s fiction from Gert McQueen March 9, 2010 March 17, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Pg 12 she talks about her name being changed without her consent. News flash here; no infant gives their consent for anything! As an adult you either have to accept it or change it, but regardless, stop whining about it. For example, when I made the adult decision to quit Christianity I took back my soul from Jesus Christ in a simple ceremony. I said to Jesus ‘you no longer have the right to my soul, as an adult I did not give myself to you and as an adult I now take it away from you, end of story. You no longer have any right to my soul.’ That was it and that ended it, no more whining necessary.

Pg 13 she is depressed, bored, disillusioned. What else is new here folks, if you read this entire book that is all she is and guess what, in the here and now, in the flesh she is still depressed, bored and disillusioned. Maybe she needs some help. Where are her friends? Her birth family tried to tell her she needed help and we are telling her again. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.

Pg 15 she talks about a rift, a split, because of my coolness towards her, well guess what people, I, as well as the other sibs have our own life traumas to deal with. She had no idea of the kinds of traumas I had had or was going through at the time. Yes I am the type of person that does not suffer fools lightly, if you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen. (Ruth’s note, March 17, lol, and I am the same way). By the time Joan reentered my life I had several serious life changing events happen to me and there was no time nor energy, then or now, to tell her, let alone teach her, what life was really about. If her adoptive parents hadn’t done that job of preparing her for life it was not my job to do so. Joan could not understand us because she was not prepared for real life as we, or most people usually are.

 Pg 16 she reports that our family was poor. How does she know this? What evidence does she have to support this assessment? She tells about how our family lived in a house with a black family and she somehow makes it sound trashy with a hint of bigotry. True fact here; a Black family, the Johnsons, owned the house, they were the landowners, we were the tenants. My personal memories are that the Johnsons were of a kind lovely warm people from the South. We had one bathroom in that house, and we all shared it. They had a small apartment in the front of the house, we had the back plus the whole upstairs. The lessons I learned from sharing a house with a Black family in the middle 50’s and hearing stories from my fraternal grandmother about her giving up her seat on the bus for a Black woman, after the Rosa Parks episodes, and other incidents have made me NOT A BIGOT. Of course at the time I was a very young child and didn’t really understand certain things, but these are lessons learned at the knees of parents. What lessons did Joan learn at the knees of the adoptive parents? Certainly not the same ones we learned that is sure. But in the whole scheme of things did that make our family poor, or some how tainted because of the closeness of the Blacks? God only knows what goes on in some people’s minds.

And as we are on this subject, bigotry that is, here’s another fact. Our parents were sponsors, in the early 1950s, of people that were then known as Displaced People or as a derogatory DPs. DPs were looked upon as low life somewhat like the Blacks of that time, and today with other ethnic refugees. In truth they were people that were ‘displaced’ because of World War II. They came to America as refuges and needed folks here to help them gain American ways and rights to a better life. I can’t help it if today’s people, including Joan, are ignorant of their own history. I lived through it. In was probably 1952 when they sponsored this family from the Ukraine, husband, wife and two children. Lydia and I met at age 5 and have reminded friends to this day. With the help that my parents gave them they were able to purchase a home long before my own father was able to.

Back to pg 16 she has things coming out of my mouth that I didn’t say in the manner that she relates. I never said that Dad ‘had mixed feelings about you because of Momma’s death. We were poor….Daddy put you up for adoption while the rest of us were taken in by foster homes.’ She is making it sound like Dad wanted to get rid of her, not true. We were not poor. Her adoption and our placement in foster home and orphan home were two separate events that happen years apart.

Pg 17 she states Dad ‘just got a new job as a machinist’, truth is he always worked two jobs. He went to night school, after working a day job, to get a better job. His employment had nothing to do with whether he could or could not have an infant child. She states, ‘we didn’t have a home after Momma died’. Where does she get this?

True facts here: our paternal grandparents were taking care of us during the time Dad was working. We had two homes, our own and grandpa and grandma’s. But the reality of things were that he could not place the burden of caring for an infant on top of his aged parents, who were already caring for 4 little children. Those were the real burdens, traumas and pains that our father had to deal with. There are situations and decisions in life that people have to make with what is going on at that moment and at that moment it was decided that the best for the infant child was adoption.

She states ‘it was real hard on us, things happened, terrible things’ okay, things were not perfect but this is real life not some TV melodrama! She states that I said ‘I was the oldest, I tried to keep us all together, but then you disappeared’. I tried to keep us all together!!! People, I was nine years old living with my grandparents!! I had absolutely nothing to say about what happened to me or the rest of us. Get a grip on reality! This book is fiction!

True fact here: after the death of our mother, Joan was living with maternal relatives until her adoption was completed. My father remarried within a year to a woman that had two sons, it was suppose to be a marriage that would help both of them, for each needed a another parent for their children. Unfortunately as life is, he found out early in that marriage that his second wife had a mental illness. Yes there were episode of nastiness and unpleasantness but again not everyone has the perfect life like Leave it to Beaver or Lassie, shows of those times that portrayed family life.

 When Dad’s second marriage backfired and blow up he had to protect everyone. He placed us in foster and orphan homes and she was placed in a mental institution. We did not know that our step-mother was going away and she did not know that we children, including one of her sons, were going away. We went to school as usual and from school we were taken to the foster and orphan homes. After we were gone from home, our step-mother was taken to the hospital. She had a very sad and difficult life, there were years were she was able to come home for short periods, but in the end her illnesses, mentally and physically, took toll on her and she died.

Recap here: Dad loses his first wife and mother of 5 children in 1956, he chooses to have an infant daughter adopted out believing that it was best for the child. He marries again in 56 only to have to make yet more heart breaking decisions about children and wife in 57. He loses his father in 59. He works two jobs to support his family that were still in various places, with relatives, foster care, and orphan homes and a wife in a mental institution. Within 3 months of each other he loses his 2nd wife and his mother in 1965. In 1965 he purchases a house and tries to bring his family back together. I the oldest had just gotten married. ……more to come

* March 16, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates.
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WARNING: Extreme refuting of lies and truth telling done here.   ~~~ How I feel about you doesn’t matter. You’re the one who has to live with yourself. –  Xena, Warrior Princess – (truer words were never spoken – ty Xena!)  ~  “If you don’t want anyone to know what you did, then you should not have done it. If you don’t want anyone to know what you do, then don’t do it.” –ex Mrs. Jekyll and Hyde. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  If you lack character, honesty and integrity, you are a worthless human being. (ty Brian Harnois). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You could look a million dollar’s but if you have bitterness in your heart & soul towards your fellow human,  you’re not even worth $2 (ty Garry) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hiding from and censoring the truth will not change the truth. – Ruth Pace ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get the facts first – you can distort them later. — Joan Wheeler’s creed to live by?  ~~~~ Don’t confuse me with facts, my mind is already made up. Facts don’t register in my f’ked up mind. —- Joan Wheeler

post Joan Wheeler LIES about Dr. Rene Hoksbergen in her book Forbidden Family  – scanned and posted actual letter from Joan to Kathy, receipts from Dad, letter from Dr. Hoksbergen to Kathy, letter from Kathy to Dr. Hoksbergen – proving that Dr. Hoksbergen was manipulated and USED and LIED to from Joan.

post New whine by Joan Wheeler – and how she shifts the blame off herself onto other people. amended Sept. 15, 2010, 5:30 pm. several paragraphs added.

post Telling the Truth Part 1 – Joan Wheeler – The Three Sippel Sisters  edited on Sept 9, 2010 – 3 paragraphs added.

Blog is now linked to my facebook page. All new posts can be accessed there. 

Sister Site: The Three Sippel Sisters

UNAUTHORISED USE OF MY IMAGE ON JOAN WHEELER’S WEBSITE by Kathy Inglis, June 21, 2010

 2 quick observations: where in this whole blog have I used adoption reform terminology? All I  ever said was that I agree that birth certificates should not be falsified. So Dictator Joan doesn’t like when someone agrees with her? (that’s sick and deranged.) And H in UK. So, you “get” where Joan is coming from? I ask you, did she have to LIE about me and my family to get there? If you didn’t catch that contradiction in one sentance  on the top of page 302, then you are as delusional as  Joan. (2nd paragraph, 4th line).

Photos from the Past March 15, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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In her book Forbidden Family, Joan Wheeler  paints the Sippel family as being “po’ white trash.” We were “working class poor” we were not trash. She writes in her book on page 542 that my father was so poor he couldn’t afford a dress to bury my mother in, and almost buried her in the nude. WTF? Well what the heck was hanging in her closet? No, I’m sure my daddy couldn’t afford a dress suitable for the Academy Award Red Carpet, but I’m pretty sure my mommy had some clothes in her closet.  “Honor thy mother and thy father” Joan puts in the beginning of her book, then writes this garbage? How is this honoring them? THIS IS TRASHING MY MOM AND MY DAD, AND I WON’T CENSOR MYSELF IN THIS! What? Was my mother walking around in her underwear before she got sick and went to the hospital in late 1955? I kinda think she had a dam dress! And what? Did she attend Sunday Mass  on Sundays in her underwear? As most people of that generation did, I am sure my Mom had a few nice “Sunday” dresses. And Joan, if you’re going to spread lies, please make them believable! geez!

This is how Joan puts it on age 542 “The most hurtful rumor first reached my ears in the summer of 2007 – that my father was going to bury my mother in the nude because he was too poor to bury my mother in a dress.”  Joan doesn’t say who told her this rumor, nor does she say if she defended my father, her birth father, who by 2007 she has known for 33 years.  And does she stop and think about what I said in the above paragraph that my mother must have had clothes in her closet? Nope! Joan admits it is a rumor, and instead HONORING MY DEAD MAMA, she doesn’t dismiss this disgusting piece of hearsay, but publishes it in a book for the world to see! 

March 16, 6:52pm. Just received this via email (from public library) from Gert McQueen.

ruth and kathy
 
dont’ know about you two but
I was at the wake and Mom had cloths on, they certainly would not take them off after the viewing. I believe the comment comes from relatives that hated dad and told it to joan to discredit him and joan is such an asshole and she really believes that dad was poor that she belives it all, don’t worry about it.
I will be addressing that issue when the time comes, I’m doing a very indepth book report. there is nothing wrong with that if joan doesn’t like the critizism she sould not have written a book that would be subjected to a report
 
gert

1. chayeletMarch 16, 2010

I also saw my mother in her casket- I was held up close to her so I could see her face, and I attended the funeral. She was fully clothed. Family myths and hearsay do not equal truth, and, really, do not have anything to do with the FACTS of Joan’s adoption, and have no place in a work of ‘non-fiction’ as the book FF purports to be.

right click on pictures to enlarge. see the details in the background. especially the  picture of my first birthday. Notice the detail of the kitchen pantry in the upper right hand corner. The neatness of the pans hanging on the wall. The overall cleanliness of the spice rack in the upper center. By the way, if we were so “poor” how come we had one little cake just for the birthday person, and a large cake and ice cream for everyone else? (not that this has anything to do with the topic at hand, but don’t you think I’m soooo cute holding that little football?)

1. My mom and dad. See how happy they look.  Hardly the man who would bury his wife in the nude.

2. My first birthday. Photo taken by my mama. See how well nourished + well dressed the  kids are. The kitchen clean and neat. But Joan in her book paints a picture that the Sippel family was so poor we lived in squalor.

3. Carousing in the street. The woman sticking out her tongue is my mama. My dad is in the middle. My Mama was a fun-loving woman! Not like Joan, a dried up bitter thing who is full of hate and rage. Yeah, read her book. Every page is filled with hate and rage. (some may say my blog reflects this from me, and I agree. BUT I am only angry at ONE person in my life: Joan. In her book, Joan shows hate and rage to EVERYONE in her life! To my mom for dying, to my dad for giving her up, to the Wheelers who adopted her, to her adoptive family, to her birth family, to her ex-husband, to ex-boyfriends, to the lawyer who handled our failed real-estate venture, and the list goes on and on and on!)

4. The Sippel kids and stepbrother. See how nice and neat we look. If the clothes look funny, lol, think back on how YOU were dressed and had the 80’s Big Hair! It was the style of the day.

5. My junior year high school yearbook picture. Nice and neatly dressed, wouldn’t you say? We didn’t have a lot of money, but we were clean and had good clothes.

Joan alo says on pge 542 that our father fed kids hotdogs while he (and presumably my mother and then my siblings’ step-mother) ate steak. This is a family anecdote that Joan in her “brain fog” has gotten wrong.
What happened was this: my father’s mother was from the old-school, she would send over a steak every Friday for my dad. My mother, and then later my stepmother would say “thank you,” and put it in the freezer and the next week, another steak would come, and then we all would eat steak. and yes there were times that we kids would eat hotdogs.
As to the next “story” that my father sent my brother to the Broadway Market for hotdogs, and he ate them on the way home, leaving no dinner for the rest of the family, this makes no sense. Broadway Market was 2 and a half long blocks up Smith St. and then 5 short blocks over. There was Matty’s Deli right around the corner if we needed something in a hurry. Besides, there was Loblaw’s at the corner of William and Emslie only 5 blocks away and Joan was not there, I was. I went shopping every week with my stepmother. We had money for dinner people. come on. What Joan is doing is having “brain fog” in hearing another family anecdote that my brother was sent to the store and probably did eat the hotdogs. I WAS THERE, I HAD DINNER EVERY NIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! And if we were so “poor” how come we had one cat, 2 parakeets, turtles, fish, Visible V8 Engine set, chemistry sets, build your own radio kits, a backyard gym/swing set, electric football game, kitchen sets with hoses to a bottle to supply running water, the first Easy Bake oven, Chatty Cathy dolls, Nancy dolls, Janet Lennon dolls, Elsie the Cow doll, some doll, if memory serves, The Breck Doll, sponsered by Breck shampoo, where you learned to style hair, and these weren’t Barbie doll sized, but big – their heads were at least 3 or 4 inches across! I had a Drink and Wet doll who was at least 15 inches long! The first Lite Brite sets. Sno-Cone set. I had a chair and desk set with reversible top – chalkboard on one side, artist easle on the other, paint by number sets, the oirginal Cootie and Mr. Potato-Head.

AND we had our living room set from Ethan Allen furniture – colonial style! with a couch that opened to a bed. Colonial style rocking chair, coffee table (of which I had until the early 80’s), colonial style dining room furniture, of which I have TO THIS DAY, one of the chairs – it’s sitting  four feet away from me right now! I vividly remember being with my step-mother and step-brother bringing home the living room lamps from downtown Buffalo, Hens and Kelley. AND if we were soooo poor, how come every week, my step-mother took me, my brother and stepbrother downtown to the movies, usually to see the new sci-fi, stuff like “The Cosmic Man” “Invaders from Mars” “Darby O’Gill + the Little People”  We saw Fantasia, went to the circus, I vividly remember not liking the clowns and my stepmother holding me. And all the junk we brought home. I also vividly remember my stepmother taking ME alone to see the brand new Hayley Mills film, The Parent Trap. My brothers and I had Roy Rogers capgun sets, complete with belts, which my grandmother didn’t like. Rubber Jim Bowie knives, Davy Crockett hats. I had a Howdy Doody doll who came to the hospital with me when I had my tonsils taken out at 7 years old, where I threw a temper tantrum because they shut my tv off just as Chuck Connors The Rifleman came on! (I had to leave my rifle home, dad wouldn’t let me take it).  All these brand new toys, and pets, but we were poor? I DON’T THINK SO!
in my post the other day where I stress that my father was not coerced into giving Joan up for adoption, I GOT THIS FROM MY FATHER’S OWN MOUTH MANY TIMES.
Joan says that he told her in 1974 that a Catholic priest coerced him. This is not true. My father told me that he consulted with his parish priest and they advised him. He never talked my father into it. My father thought long and hard about it. Joan makes it seem as tho she was turned over to the Wheelers at my mother’s funeral.
Joan was born the first week of January. It was discovered that Mom had cancer AFTER the baby was born. There were no x-rays showing a baby AND a large tumor. It was ovarian cancer. Mom went downhill fast.Joan, after she was released from the hospital went to live with Mom’s brother and his wife for 3 months. It was clear that Mom was not going to make it. Dad was making tough decisions for ALL of his 5 kids. Joan’s adoption was not finalized until the following year. in the meantime, my dad remarried to a woman with 2 sons. From the summer of 1956, to January 1957, my father had ample time to reconsider the adoption.
Joan continuously “mixes” things up, such as dates and names. She even says she does, and attributes it to being “in the fog.”
She even says that in 1974, she was given so much information, she couldn’t process it all. WELL OBVIOUSLY SHE DIDN’T PROCESS IT VERY WELL ABOUT THE CATHOLIC PRIEST.
Again: MY FATHER TOLD ME PERSONALLY MANY TIMES THAT HE WAS  NOT COERCED INTO GIVING JOAN UP!
Are you calling my father a liar Joan? There is only one liar around here, and I think we all know who that is! And I  would certainly like to know how I’ve been “hunting her for 54 years” considering 54years ago, I was only THREE YEARS OLD!

Stop the exagerating, the embellishing, the LYING, Joan! I wasn’t hunting anbody when I was 3 years old. And 54 years ago my sisters were 8 and 9. Nobody was hunting you then, and not now.  We are merely setting forth THE TRUTH in some things you say about us and our family. When I say something about my miscarriage, and tell people about MY WANTING CHILDREN, how is that about YOU? When I write about MY mother and MY father, and you don’t like it, too bad!

why is Joan Wheeler against Free Speech March 15, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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1. Joan puts out a book that gives erroneous details of MY life.

2. Joan goes on the internet and gives erroneous details of MY life.

3. In her book, Joan tells lies about me and my family.

4. On her blog, Joan tells lies about me and my family.

5. Joan is now asking her friends to gang-assault WordPress with complaints to have me shut down.

6. I have never asked my friends to do this to her.

7. Joan threw a hissy fit when WordPress censored one of her posts. She said “I will not be censored.” But she wants to censor me?

Excuse Me. Joan, are YOU the only one who can write about  the life of the Sippel family? Last time I looked, MY name is Sippel. YOU wrote a book about MY mother. MY family! Then I have the same right to write a blog about MY family. And what I am doing, is pointing out where YOU tell lies about MY mother and MY father, and ME!

Adoptee friends of Joan: Do you see how you are being manipulated by Joan? Did she not write the other day a post and provide a link about “gang-stalking?” And now she is asking you guys to do the very same thing to me? To gang up and send a bunch of complaints to WordPress? That is called “gang-stalking” my friends, and Joan just asked you do the very same thing she is accusing me and my sisters of doing to her. THINK ABOUT IT! Stop and ask yourself this question: If I read someplace somebody writes a blog and tells a fabrication of my life, surely I have the right to correct that fabrication?

Well, don’t I have that right? Joan says in her book that I was arrested and placed on probation in 1993.  I PROMISE YOU PEOPLE ON THE GRAVE OF MY MOTHER THAT I WAS NEVER PLACED ON PROBATION.  I have produced scans of actual court documents that PROVE THIS. I have proven that Joan is a liar. But she will keep telling you people that she is not a liar? And ask why I am writing this blog?

I AM WRITING THIS BLOG TO CLEAR MY REPUTATION THAT JOAN HAS SMEARED IN HER BOOK. I have never been arrested in my life. Joan says that I have a criminal record. THIS IS A LIE!

Now go ahead, and say that I am “unhinged.” Really. The unhinged one is Joan. I have never even thought of suicide, but Joan admits that she has been in the past. Her book tells of one fight after another with just about every one in her life! gods I am sorrry that she has so many psychological problems, but THAT’S NOT MY FAULT. She lies and says that I have placed thousands of annoyance calls to her house and swore at her kids. THIS IS NOT TRUE!

But does she say what she said to me on November 3, 2009, when I called her to tell her a family member died? She went off on me, screaming obscenities at me. Then called the police on me and named my other 2 sisters, who had nothing to do with the phone call. Then she called MY FATHER, an 85 year old man, and screamed at him! Because he gave me her phone number. I was protecting him, he sounded tired when I called him about my aunt. So I thought I would make the call. Well jesus christ, flog me with whipps for placing a phone call to tell adopted Joan that the women she was originally named for DORIS died. well f me!!

The verbal abuse I got from Joan was horrible. Obscenities. I burst into tears. Oh, but only JOAN has feelings huh? What about the rest of us? MY MOTHER DIED TOO YOU KNOW. When I was three years old. I HAD NO MOTHER.  But Joan continues to write about her talking about xrays showing tumors. dam it, that IS MY MOTHER SHE IS DISHONORING. Joan writes disgusting rumorss in her book that my father wanted to bury my mother in the nude! Admits it’s a rumor, than all over the book, she laments when people spread rumors about HER!

But it’s ok for Joan to spread a hurtful rumor about my father like that. And now I’m trying to get out the truth, and she doesn’t like it.

my father loved my mother. I and love them both, even tho my mamma died and I didn’t know her.

Joan is nothing but a bully, who throws temper tantrums when she doesn’t get her way, and won’t fight her own battles. Goes crying to her friends. ‘HELP ME.’ Instead of being a grwon woman.

Joan, you sullied my reputation on your blog and in your book. All I am doing is telling the truth. I WAS NEVER ARRESTED. I WAS NEVER PLACED ON PROBATION. Joan makes a mockery of my miscarriage, WHEN SHE WAS THE ONE WHO DROVE ME HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL. HUGGED ME WHEN I CRIED WHEN I LOST MY SON. yet says in her book that I merely ‘CLAIMED”  to have wanted children. I also had several books on pregnancy, breast-feeding, Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care; Our Bodies Ourselves. And Joan knows I had those books because SHE BORROWED THEM when she was pregnant with her son. If I had merely “claimed” to want children, I wouldn’t have those books now would I?

But I don’t have the right to tell people via my blog the truth of MY life? WHY NOT?

Joan Wheeler: STOP LYING! March 14, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Uncategorized.
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new blog post by chronic pathological liar Joan Wheeler, March 13, 2010

Joan, OUR FATHER WAS NOT COERCED INTO GIVING YOU UP FOR ADOPTION! No matter how many times you say this, you will never change the fact that my father was NOT coerced into giving you up!

People, if you read that and believe that lie, you are so gullible! I have it from my father’s mouth, HE WAS NOT COERCED!

He was grieving, yes, he was now a single father with 5 kids, 1 of them an infant.

THERE WERE NO DAYCARE CENTERS IN 1956! His parents were elderly, could not take care of a baby. In her own lying book, Joan says that her adoptive mother told her that when they got her, she was covered in body sores. This is a f’ing lie! MY UNCLE AND HIS WIFE, JOAN’S GODPARENTS TOOK CARE OF HER. Their son Jim was born the same year. Ann took care of two infants. AND DID IT WELL!

JOAN, THE NEXT TIME I SPEAK TO UNCLE R. I WILL TELL HIM WHAT YOU WROTE IN THAT LYING BOOK. HE WON’T DO ANYTHING, BUT AGAIN, HERE WILL BE ANOTHER PERSON WHO WILL TURN THEIR BACK ON YOU!

AND DON’T TRY TO TWIST IT TO SAY YOUR BIRTH SISTERS ARE “BADMOUTHING” YOU, BECAUSE YOU, AND YOU ALONE WROTE THAT LIE. AND IF IT WAS YOUR MOTHER WHO LIED TO YOU, WELL SHE IS A LIAR TOO!

YOU BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT PEOPLE SPREADING LIES AND RUMORS ABOUT YOU, DAMAGIING YOUR REPUTATION, WELL WHAT THE F DO YOU THINK YOU DID TO OUR UNCLE AND HIS LATE WIFE! BURN IN HELL, TWO FACED LIAR!

AND I AM NOT ONE OF YOUR FANS!!!!! TO PARAPHRASE MOMMIE DEAREST. IF PEOPLE ARE BUYING YOUR BOOK, THEY ARE SPENDING GOOD MONEY FOR TRASH! AND IF THEY CAN’T SEE YOUR CONTRADICTIONS IN THE BOOK AND YOUR CONTINUAL PUT-DOWNS OF YOUR BIRTH FAMILY (but whine and boo-hoo when you “perceive” us putting you down) THEY ARE AS SICK AS YOU ARE!

One big contradiction: on one page she says about me: “at one point Brenda “claimed” to want to get pregnant.”  then on another page, she says, “she went to a fertility clinic.”

Actually, it is all on page 302, and she contradicts herself IN ONE WHOLE SENTANCE. “At one point in her life life time she (me) claimed to want children and even went through infertility tests.”

PEOPLE, IF I ONLY “CLAIMED” TO WANT TO GET PREGNANT, THEN I WOULDN’T BE AT A FERTILITY CLINIC!!! ARE YOU THAT STUPID HEATHER IN ENGLAND THAT YOU DIDN’T CATCH THAT?

baloney!

another bunch of lies from Joan Wheeler March 9, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
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lol. yepper, here is Joan again, writing lies to her adoptee friends.

We did not “not like her activism.” Again Joan is LYING. In 1980, I, myself accompanied Joan to WGRZ tv station (a Buffalo New York NBC affliate). We were interviewed by reporter Rich Kellman as to Joan’s adoption and our reunion. As to her getting names and dates mixed up, Joan was writing things down in notebooks AS SHE WAS TOLD THINGS. We never perceived her as stupid. This is bullshit.

“what kills her is that we are on her website.” Well, she is on my website. It’s not killing me. Stop being a hypocrite Joan, you are reading MY blog, so shut up. As for taking your words as you write them, so? This is done to show people how one day you say one thing about us, and then another day, you change your story and say something else.

Joan did NOT write about her church on her wordpress blog. She wrote about Yom Kippur, a Jewish holiday. (Joan is not Jewish). In October 2009, she wrote a piece about Yom Kippur being about a day of atonement, a day you ask forgiveness from people. Yes, yes, my sister Kathy Inglis had read it. She was new to the internet, and as ALL people do, when they are new to the internet, googled Joan’s name and read the blog. Kathy converted to Judaisim some years in the past and wrote a politely worded comment to Joan, that Yom Kippur is not a day to ask forgiveness from other people, but to ask forgiveness from God. Kathy had used her email address, one that included her real name. So she was not hiding anything from Joan. Joan at first sent her an email saying that she always knew that her and Kathy would reconnect. Then all of a sudden, Joan changed her mind, blasted Kathy on the blog.

This was not the first time Joan used her blog to blast religion. In September 2008 on her blog at blogspot, she was blasting the Christian Church and Pagans. She knew that our eldest sister and I were Pagans. She questioned our Pagan values. What was the reason for this attack? I don’t know. My sister Gert had not had any contact with Joan for some time. I myself had not had contact with Joan for 4 and a half years. Then Joan went on to give a “warning” to “The Three Sippel Sisters.”

Now I have been on the internet since late 1999. From that time to September 2008, I have not had any contact with Joan on the internet except for the time in late 2003 and early 2004 when I was building a family photo website at the now-defunct MSN groups service. As the webmistress, I moved one of the photos Joan posted, from one folder to another and also corrected the date. In January of 2004, Joan sent me a nasty email. I was ill, did not see the email, the email got buried. When I saw it in April 2004, we had a brief skirmish, (I have scanned and posted the actual 7 page document of the email exchange here) and I booted her off my website, because she can’t behave herself. From that time on, even though I did see her slamming of my “pagan values,” I did NOT post anything, ANYWHERE on the internet in answer to this slamming of MY religious value system or her trashing of “The Three Sippel Sisters.” I wrote a brief spot about it on my myspace blog, simply saying, “when you write your book on adoption, all I ask is you tell the truth.”

Going back to the Yom Kippur incident, after she slammed Kathy for daring to correct her in erroneous statement about the purpose of Yom Kippur, Joan wrote a statement on her blog that her blog was NOT for religious debate or family skirmishes. I wrote her a polite email asking if her blog indeed was not for this, why then the entire post about Yom Kippur in the first place? And why the slamming of the Christians and Pagans and the slamming of her sisters in September 2008?

She states here “When I write about my church, or my adoptive Mom…”  What does this mean? I have explained her lie about the church, she never wrote about her church, she wrote about Christian, Jews and Pagans. As to her Mom. Nobody said anything about her mom.

She further writes that she is embarrased. She should be. Because she keeps lying. She keeps twisting things around. She keeps telling her buddies garbage. She keeps slamming me and my sisters, calling US liars. When it is in fact, JOAN herself who is the liar. She is embarrassed because the truth about her is coming out.

“…. not an invitation for my sisters to complain to WordPress that I’m  attacking the one sister’s religion or whatever they want to attack me on.”
Again, a twisting of the facts. When she slammed Kathy about the correction about Yom Kippur, Kathy rightfully so, felt insulted. She then wrote a complaint to WordPress about the misuse of the webmistress about her religion and when she wrote to correct the fact about Yom Kippur, she got slammed. Apparently WordPress took off the offending Yom Kippur post. Joan didn’t like that. She didn’t want to be censored. So got VOLUNTARILY paid for a site at startlogic and began building her present site. She transferred all her stuff from her blog at WordPress AND blogspot. Both the old blogs were shut down at the same time. If you go to the URL of her WordPress blog, you will see it was NOT DELETED BY WORDPRESS. You get the following message: “This website has been removed by the author.”

Joan keeps saying that because of “our” complaintS (only one was made) her old blogs were shut down. But did she not just say in her post about the two gay men getting their names on the birth certificate of their adopted child, that she wrote about that issue before in her old blog and her blog was SHUT DOWN BY GAY ACTIVITSTS?

Oh yes she did, and you people read it! Because when I wrote about it: Joan Wheeler Insults Gays and Lesbians, you guys got all over me. You know dam well she wrote that.

I was merely pointing out ANOTHER CONTRADICTION OF JOAN WHEELER: THAT SEVERAL POSTS, SHE BLAMES ME AND MY SISTERS FOR SHUTTING DOWN HER BLOG, THEN SHE SAYS IT WAS THE GAY ACTIVISTS WHO SHUT HER DOWN!

And the only reason she finally deigned to show any gratitude to you, is because she was just here on my blog,  and read my latest post.’yet they are on my website, viewing every post I make, and taking my words as if I write to them or about them, when they are not in my mind at all.” Is this not what she just did?
And we are not in her mind at all? Then why is she complaining about us? We most certainly ARE  in her mind.

So now, go back and read what I just wrote: I have NOT slammed Joan, I just corrected the FACTS. If I say that Joan is a liar, THAT IS THE TRUTH. Because she is a liar.

There’s a simple solution to this: Joan, stop lying about me and my sisters.

Here is the comment exchange between Chayelet (Kathy) and Joan. I didn’t save Joan’s original post. Wish I had.

  1.  

chayelet

As a Jewish lady, it’s nice to know this lady was so touched by the Hebrew sung in her church,but please permit me one observation. Her article completely misses the point of the Day of Atonement.
Yom Kippur is the culmination of a period known as Yomin Noraim-Days of Awe-a ten-day period of reflection on the wrongs we have done to others and of asking forgiveness for those wrongs, not those done do us. This period starts on Rosh Ha-Shanah(literally Head of the Year, or New Year), but is actually preceded by a whole month (Ellul) wherein we reflect on our actions in the previous year and seek forgiveness from others(Teshuvah). On Yom Kippur we fast, and stand solemnly before our G-d and ask HIS forgiveness for the wrongs we committed in the previous year. I wish this lady and her family a Shana Tova-a good year.

  1.  

halforphan56

Our Minister at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Buffalo has a very sweet singing voice. In singing Hebrew, his voice struck something deep inside, an ancient knowing?

I was born, and then raised, as a Catholic, and have been a Unitarian Universaltist for a long time. In this church we are exposed to songs and readings and teachings of the worlds religions.

Perhaps I did miss the point of Yom Kippur. Thank you for expanding on my awareness. And thank you for wishing my family a good year.

I wish to reiterate, for the purposes of deeper understanding, that the negative effects of separating a sibling group of five children should not have happened at all. Our father was in deep grief and under great duress at the time he was talked into relinquishing me, but for those details, which are unknown to my siblings, you will have to wait for the release of my book.

Our father does not now fully comprehend all of the forces that were working to his demise at the time he relinquished me. I tried to explain to him, but he sees only that he is dying, not that I understand and defend him. He read the last chapter and was so traumatized by the new revelations of the extent of the crimes committed against him (and his children), that he acted in haste. I cannot allow myself to be distracted. I live with a dying mother. I have to let my father go right now. He has other adult children to take care of him.

The point of my focus on my adoptive mother in this post is that she and my adoptive father could have prevented the whole thing — my adoption — and chose not to. (I’m giving too much away here. Details are revealed in the book.)I understand that they adopted a child so they could love me all to themselves, but they took me away from my existing family and that was a sin, and a crime against us, and our father. I am not sure I can ever forgive that. My mother has no remorse for this.

Yet, the wrongs that were perpetrated upon her by my siblings, were never rectified. My adoptive mother was hurt by the actions of several of my siblings (who are not her children), but not a single one of them has ever made a formal attempt to apologize to her and to ask forgiveness. My adoptive mother to this day is affraid of my siblings. And she knows I defend her on this.

So you see, I am the holder of all this pain. I have spent my life trying to make sense of our lives.

In the end, if nothing else, the most important goal I have of my book is that no other sibling group shall be separated by adoption and that the parents by conception and birth shall be respected and honored.

May you, too, Chayelet, have a good year.

Guest post from Gert McQueen, March 8, 2010 March 8, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
comments closed
UPDATE here…from Gert
this post got some views today, Oct 4, 2015 and so I decided to add a thought or two and then share this.
The date of this post is from 2010, when we first learned of Joan’s libelous book, that book was pulled from publication by the publisher. In June 2015 Joan rewrote and published an e-book version. I have answered several reviews of that book, on Amazon and started a discussion on the topic of the ‘forward’. More will be discussed. I have created a new blog and facebook page to answer the contents of this ‘new’ lying book.
https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/  ‘duped by adoption’ a book study
https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoption1
Back to the original post…
From Joan’s eldest birth sister Gert McQueen, second posting about her views on the book Forbidden Family, which she just received last week. for her first post see The Three Sippel Sisters
What are my reasons for speaking out about Joan’s book?
Because as members of the birth family we have our own anger and grief, from losing our mother, separation from a sibling, and dealing with life’s hurts, to having this sister speak out with such fabrications and lies, with hate and venom about our parents and ourselves. We feel that others, that have a more reasonable mindset, that are capable of seeing both sides of an issue, can judge rightly who presents the truer picture of Joan’s book, her or other family members.
There is a wisdom that states ‘you are the company you keep’ so we are not speaking to Joan’s friends for they only wish to see her side or they are in some way obnoxious in Internet behavior and speech with  ‘in your face’ attitudes. I don’t answer that type of dialog.
Joan has been mistaken that we sisters would not care what she wrote. Her fantasy of making millions of $ off one of life’s miseries upon a couple of families is her sole reason for writing it, she also believed that there would be a movie made of it. To continue on with her fantasy she has misrepresented and abused both her families. So these are some of the reasons for commenting, publicly, because she made it public.
Going back to the book itself:
In Dr Rene Hoksbergen’s foreward he states that Joan’s book is about ‘reunion in progress’. Fact, it ceased to be a reunion due to the adoptee’s that is Joan’s own actions towards the birth family. He states ‘the adoptee…fulfills the cultural role she is expected to fulfill…to be a grateful and dependent person…’. Where is such a perception coming from? No one in the family said that Joan, the found sister, should be grateful or dependent. We were glad and joyful about knowing her and having found her. I truly question the Doctor’s assertion that ‘Joan’s account is a true description’. He never questioned me to learn about my perception on this matter. He is guilty of promoting a one-sided presentation of the ‘reunion in progress’.
In Joan’s why I wrote this book she says her purpose was ‘to increase awareness and influence social change so that no adoptee will be lied to again and that…go through what I went through…’ Okay admiral goals but to do so she has ‘exposed her life’. Hey!!She doesn’t live in a vacuum, other people have been exposed here and exploited by her ‘noble’ purposes. Why is it that Joan’s words are true, that is researched to verify the info but her ‘extended adoptive and natural relatives have their own…based on hearsay.’? A good portion of her research comes from second hand and hearsay and anecdotal stories gathered from some family members who had their own reasons for ‘coloring’ the truth about any situation or person. It is a known fact that in every family there are people who don’t like each other and tell all manner of tales against them. It is also a known fact that there are some of my mother’s brothers who did not like my father and have told Joan some stories that are colored by their dislike of my father. For Joan to print these opinions and present them as a true story is what I and my sisters are refuting.
She is correct in saying basically that not everyone connected to her knows everything, but, she makes a mistake when she says that as the adoptee, her memory is the truth. No! Truth is Truth and no one has a patent on it. Joan’s truth is not my truth.
 On her memoir page, she has a quote of Huxley’s, she would have written a better book if she heard herself before the book went to print. A more apt quote by Huxley is:
“Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors” from Science and Culture and other Essays, “The Coming of Age of the Origin of Species”
Her citing of the commandments are truly unfortunate, for her.
Honor Father and Mother: She really has no concept of what it means, all she can do is to expose, misrepresent them and humiliate them to all the world.
Bear false witness: My sisters and I are pointing out the false witness that she has through out the book.
The Oscar Wilde quote, points to her obsessive compulsion that the only life that matters is her own.
On the back cover of the book: Yes I can see how she ‘protects the id’s of the natural family. Where is the picture of her adoptive family, why is this so one-sided, exploit one family but not the other.
And oh so much mellow-drama, ‘secrets traded across’ and ‘she had to be silenced’. Sounds like a movie poster!
Her use of mixing fictuous names with real names is so confusing. What method did she use, death or permission or capriousness? Her use of actual documents also makes it real easy to find out real names anyway, they are all public documents, so marking off names and dates is stupid.
 You know contracting Joan, when she was 18, was probably not the wisest decision I ever made. But hell, shit happens! Actually we siblings all wanted to and it fell to me because I am the oldest. Before any action was taken to contact her I spoke with an attorney and an adoption agency and was told that there is no law against a sibling contacting another sibling that was placed for adoption. She was 18 and we were told that it was alright to make contact. It is the natural parent that was not to make the contact.
On pg 5 she misrepresents: We did not know that mom was pregnant, we were little kids, I knew she was fat. I didn’t know pregnant and neither would an 8, 6 or 3 year old know it.
On pg 6 she lies: she says she never came home from the hospital. Wrong. She lived with relatives of our mother. I saw her many times, I have memories of the infant and her baptism.
On pg 7 she lies: chain letter what the hell! we never did that.
Certainly I can not comment on the family that adopted her I only met them a few times but I had made my own opinions from observations and they don’t fall far from the brief discription of them on pg 19/20.
I do remember witnessing exchange between Joan and her adoptive mother who was making cloths for her and I though I wish I had a mother that did that kind of things for me. My mother did make our cloths and was a homemaker, I remember her vividly. But I lost her when I was nine.
****
that’s all for now

Adopted Child Syndrome – a way out for 50 year old brats? #flipthescript March 4, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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a person can find any number of ‘illnesses’ to explain their BS behaviors

This particular blog post gets FREQUENT views…must mean that there is a lot of interest in the topic…so…be aware…that there are some that can con others…

UPDATE February 2017; as older posts are being seen I, Gert am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/   this blog is titled Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/

this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.

Also see this Facebook page

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoptionStruggleforIdentity1/

In addition…see the ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.

Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Adoptee-Duped-Adoption/forum/Fx16ZHWP5PQHHCK/-/1/ref=cm_cd_fp_rvt?_encoding=UTF8&asin=B00X520CGW

Joan Mary Wheeler forum 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/forum/cd/forum.html/ref=cm_cd_rvt?ie=UTF8&cdForum=Fx3T0YAD0KXNPP5

review of first book and 4 comments

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Joan-M-Wheeler/dp/1412061547

 

 

update, November 6, 2011

Please see Gert McQueen’s November 1, 2011 article “Americans for Open Records and Adopted Child Syndrome” for an insight on how “adult” adoptees refuse to take responsiblilty for their own behavior and shift the blame onto other people and “adopted child syndrome.” I don’t buy thier cop-out for a minute.  Just because someone has had a bad break in life, does not give them an excuse for hurting others, physically or emotionally.

ok, back to my original post:

I was directed to this interesting website. For those with problems, and who are sincerely trying to overcome them, and do accept the consequences of their actions, I give you hugs. Others, well, um, having been the victim of one, — sigh, —- oh, just read on:

AMERICANS FOR OPEN RECORDS www.Amfor.Net
Adopted Child Syndrome

In 1978, Dr. David Kirschner coined the term “Adopted Child Syndrome” as underlying “Dissociative Disorder,” in his paper, “Son of Sam and the Adopted Child Syndrome,” Adelphi Society for Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy Newsletter, 1978)… and in the same year, the Indian Child Welfare Act (Public Law 95-608) was amended to provide adult adoptees of Native American heritage “different rights” than non-Indian adoptees.

conflict with authority (for example truancy);
preoccupation with excessive fantasy;
pathological lying;
stealing;
running away (from home, school, group homes, situations);
learning difficulties, under-achievement, over-achievement;
lack of impulse control (acting out, promiscuity, sex crimes);
fascination with fire, fire-setting

Years laters Kirschner still maintained:

“In twenty-five years of practice I have seen hundreds of adoptees, most adopted in infancy. In case after case, I have observed what I have come to call the Adopted Child Syndrome, which may include pathological lying, stealing, truancy, manipulation, shallowness of attachment, provocation of parents and other authorities, threatened or actual running away, promiscuity, learning problems, fire-setting, and increasingly serious antisocial behavior, often leading to court custody. It may include an extremely negative or grandiose self-image, low frustration tolerance, and an absence of normal guilt or anxiety.” (“The Adopted Child Syndrome: What Therapists Should Know,” Psychotherapy in Private Practice, vol. 8 (3) Hayworth Press, 1990)….
*********************************************

alright. alright. So what we’re hearing, is that adoption has a detrimental effect on people. ok. So now what? The rest of society is just supposed to sit back and take their garbage?
Stealing from someone is wrong. And when it meets certain guidelines, IS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE! So, when an adopted person steals, we are just supposed to pat them on the head, and say, “there, there, it’s okay. You were adopted, so you don’t have to pay for your crime. You don’t have to apologize. You don’t have to make restitution.” BALONEY!

How many of you will make excuses for a pedophile? Not too many. What if we catch a pedophile. A child rapist. He’s put on the news. “String him by the balls.” many people say. And during his trial, we find out, *gasp* he was adopted! Now what do we do? SET HIM FREE? So he can abuse another child?

No. Criminals can come up with all sorts of excuses and rationales for their crimes. “I was abused as an child.” This is the most often heard excuse. Adolf Hitler was abused as a child. So was Charles Manson. Not too many people feel any sympathy for them. Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy were also abused as children. Not too many people feel any sympathy for them either. So let’s add a hypothetical factor into the mix: These 4 men were ADOPTED! Now what are we going to do? I know! I know! Let’s let Charles Manson out of prison! He’s not to blame, he was adopted!

In Buffalo, just this past week, we heard the gruesome details of a horrible crime that happened a couple of weeks ago. The 23 year old mentally and physically handicapped child of a mother was tortured to death. HER OWN MOTHER beat this girl. Sodomized her. Encouraged the girl’s 33 year old half brother to rape her. Her head was covered up, she was beaten, scalding hot water was poured on her by the brother hours before her death. Another brother, in the military, and other people were calling left and right to the authorities to have the 23 year old removed from the house, but the system failed her.

What are your thoughts? Should the mother and brother be held accountable for their actions? New York State does not have the death penalty. Should they get life imprisonment? 50 years to life? What would you charge them with? First degree murder? Manslaughter? First degree rape and sexual assault? The district attorney is charging them with a hate crime, because the victim was mentally and physically handicapped.

Now what are your thoughts about the mother? Sadistic cruel bitch, eh? How can a mother do that to her own child? 

How about Scott Peterson, who murdered his pregnant wife Lacey Peterson a few years ago? O.J.Simpson? Think of any high-profile, (or low-profile) criminal case you can. What are your thoughts? They should pay for their crimes, right? How about Osama bin Laden, who masterminded the September 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, who is responsible for the worst terrorist attack on the planet? Any member of Al-Qaeda, who is responsible for other terrorist attacks around the world? They should pay for their crimes, right?

Well about if all these people were ADOPTED? Now what? We should just let them go free? Not charge them with any crime? Let them go so they can go and kill somebody else?

How about your local street punk, who robs you at knifepoint for your spare change. What’s he gonna do with that spare change? Get enough together to score some more crack? What’s his dam excuse? He was adopted?
Or about the crack addict who busts in the door of an elderly couple, beats them, breaking their facial bones. Rapes the 79 year old woman, then ransacks the home for valuables. The elderly man dies hours later of a heart attack. The woman lingers in the hospital for several weeks before she too dies. Oh, but wait! The crack addict was adopted!

GET OFF YOUR LITANY OF EXCUSES THAT ADOPTEES ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS.

I don’t feel sorry for ANYBODY who was adopted and uses adoption as an excuse for their own bad behavior.  EVERYBODY ON THIS PLANET HAS SOME SORT OF PROBLEM. And we all LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM AND GET ON WITH A LAW-ABIDING LIFE THAT INCLUDES RESPECTING OTHER PEOPLE.

As the FORMER VICTIM of an adoptee with psychological problems I want to say: I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR “ISSUE du JOUR” is. I DON’T CARE THAT YOU GOT PROBLEMS! YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE IT OUT ON ME!

I don’t care that Joan has problems dealing with the fact that she was adopted. This does NOT give her the right to steal from me, lie about me, trash me in her book, call my job to get me fired, manipulate people and try to turn them against me, try to break me and my husband up, send me harassment letters, send me envelopes addressed to ME, but the inside letter is for somebody else, pose as me and call child abuse on herself and name my husband as a sex offender.

In her book, Forbidden Family, Joan says that I live in the inner city. The ghetto. Like that’s a crime. A disgusting thing. Yeah, well, she used to live a mile and a half away from me, also in the inner city. So what was her point? Her point, and this was a value judgement, that because I live in the inner city, I am trash. Really? I have held the same job for 37 and a half years. I don’t do drugs. I drink only occasionally. I do not use or sell drugs. I do not, nor have ever sold my body on the street. I have had less than 7 sexual partners in my whole life, have never cheated on my two husbands, have never been arrested. I have had only one speeding ticket, and I was going with the flow of traffic. I am not perfect, but I am not trash. But Joan would have you believe that I am.

Let’s go back over this list that adoptees seem to have problems with:

conflict with authority (for example truancy);
preoccupation with excessive fantasy;
pathological lying;
stealing;
running away (from home, school, group homes, situations);
learning difficulties, under-achievement, over-achievement;
lack of impulse control (acting out, promiscuity, sex crimes);
fascination with fire, fire-setting

OH  yes, conflict with authority. In 1999, she was harassing my cousin big time. Gail went to the Town of Eden police for help. The police told Joan to stop contacting Gail. But she sent Gail another letter. Gail goes back to the police, and in front of Gail, they phone Joan. “Did you contact Mrs. B. after we told you not to?” And Joan answered “yes.” So Joan was hauled into court BY THE TOWN OF EDEN POLICE! Not Gail, but the police themselves. But on November 3, 2009, when I phoned Joan to inform her of an aunt’s death, Joan calls the police on me! Joan has a problem with authority, but will call them left and right on other people, whom she perceives as “bothering her.”

Excessive fantasy. oh geez. In 1988, Joan was lining up musicians to write the music for the movie version of her as-yet-unwritten book. I, I, I can’t even fathom this one. I don’t know what to say.  Unfortunately, the duo, J. & B., lost J. She died. No movie soundtrack. No movie either.

Pathological lying. — what my blog is about. ’nuff said.

stealing. — oh yes, both me and my sister Kathy have suffered thefts from Joan.

running away. — Joan has not “run away” from home that I know of. But she certainly runs away from her problems. Will not admit that she has them. In fact, Joan is perfect. It’s everybody else on the planet that has the problem.

learning difficulties, under-achievement, over-achievement; — Joan’s only learning difficulties is her lack of learning how NOT to treat people like dirt. Under-achievement – Joan is very intelligent. I have always said this. But does she use her brains at all? She has no job. She has a college degree, but has no job. She claims she is a social worker. But has no job. She is not disabled. She has IBS and allergies. So do I.

lack of impulse control (acting out, promiscuity, sex crimes);  — lack of impulse control — that’s an understatement when it comes to Joan. She can’t control herself, her mouth, her actions, her hands at the keyboard, her hands on the phone, her hands writing stupid letters and sending them to elected officials and telling lies about me. I don’t think she has done any sex crimes. Promiscuity. mmm, mmm, I’m not even going there.  No Comment at This Time.

fascination with fire, fire-setting – She writes in her book that she burned all her diaries, and bunches of stuff. She told one of my cousins that she has no pictures of her children when they were babies, because in a fit of rage, she burned all their pictures and toys IN FRONT OF THEM!It’s not her fault. Nothing ever is. She’s Teflon.

So here it is, a week later, and I’m still here, still pointing out lies and contradictions made by Joan Wheeler in her book and on her blog.     Back on February 24 or February 25, Joan contacted her good friend Mara to tell her about my blog. Mara then posts a discussion on a forum she belongs to asking for support. She wanted other members of the forum to back up her friend who was being slammed by her own sister. (like Joan hasn’t slammed ME for years?). Well, my goodness, all of a sudden all these adoptees came out of the woodwork and started coming over here to check out my blog. In just 3 days, well over 200 views! I got 7 comments total, from 5 people (2 people left 2 comments). ALL derogatory, and one, by Sweet Mara, was just full of obscenities!
   But geez! On page 370 of her book Forbidden Family, Joan derides me for my “street talk.” lol. She says that I talk street talk as my usual style of conversation. Oh really? Now if that isn’t a slam OF HER OWN SISTER, then, sweet Mara, what do you call it?
And another indication of how hypocritical Joan is. I have heard Joan use potty language myself. And worse than me! But she calls Sweet Mara, her friend, who left me a obscene comment. every other word was F this, F that, and her closing words were F U!
     Then these people complain that I didn’t post their comments. Why should I? They were hateful. Not even staying on the subject! The subject of being the reason of my blog: ferreting out and pointing out lies and contradictions made by Joan in her book and her blog. and then telling the TRUTH behind those lies and contradictions! Uh, people, uh, JOAN doesn’t allow certain comments on HER blog, so why you are complaining about me, not allowing your comments, why don’t you go back and ask JOAN why she won’t allow MY comment? I left a comment on her blog over a month ago. Somebody left a comment and said, “all those involved in your (Joan’s) adoption were not good human beings.” I had an issue with that. MY FATHER was involved in Joan’s adoption and I was NOT going to sit back and let somebody say that my father is not a good human being. I left Joan a very nicely worded polite comment, saying that my comment was NOT to harass her, but to defend my father.
On the page before page 1 in her book, Joan puts down some interesting quotes. One was the fourth commandment: HONOR THY MOTHER AND THY FATHER.
    When Joan allowed that stranger to say what she did, (by not saying, I agree with your comment, but please do not disrespect my birth father), Joan did NOT honor my father, HER BIRTH FATHER.
    When Joan did not allow me to defend my father, Joan did not honor her birth father. — another little contradiction from your friendly neighborhood liar Joan Wheeler.

And you didn’t see me throwing a hissy fit because Joan didn’t post my comment. I wrote about it, yes, right here on my blog. (I will have to go find it and provide a link for it). I posted my original comment defending my father here on my blog. But I didn’t go into spasms because Joan didn’t publish my comment. As the webmistress of her blog, she had the right NOT to publish my comment. As the webmistress of THIS blog, I have the same right. Before I started this blog, I left a comment over at the Daily Bastardette (the only adoption reform site I left a comment on). It was in answer to the post “Joan Wheeler is a Baaaaad Girl.” It was a polite comment. I identified myself as Joan’s birth sister, and I pointed out a contradiction made by Joan. I can’t even remember what it was all about. Anyway, the webmistress chose not to publish my comment.  That was her right. And that’s what gave me the idea to start a blog, to get out MY statements on Joan’s adoption, MY family history, MY life story. And telling the TRUTH about it all.

So, here it is a week later, me and my blog are still here, and no more visits from Sweet Mara and her other cyber bully buddies. So what did you accomplish Joan? All you did was show everyone what a USER you are. oh boo hoo, my sister has a blog and she is saying stuff about me. boo hoo hoo.

Well, people Joan has published a book that says a lot about me! You don’t see me boo-hooing and getting other people to do my dirty work. I STAND UP FOR MYSELF! I started this blog to defend myself, my father, my mother, my (dead) son, and the rest of my family!

Joan had the guts to write that disgusting lying book. She is well capable of standing up for herself. She has done so before. What’s the problem now? No, she has no problem standing up for herself and answering my charges of her lies.  She has no explanation of why her book is nothing but a hate-filled book trashing me, my family and just about everybody in her life, from childhood up, who has ever disagreed with her. 

 One of the “charges” one of her adoptee bully-buddies said in a comment is that why am I trashing Joan for disagreeing with me. No, I am not trashing her for disagreeing with me, I am putting out the truth, AND telling you the rotten stuff Joan has done to me. Like calling child abuse on herself, saying she was me in the call, and telling the authorities that my husband is a sex offender. Joan is very silent about that. Why? In her book she relates that we had a three month court battle because of that child abuse call. I have scanned into my computer, and uploaded and posted here in this blog, actual court documents that prove without a doubt, that this three month court battle NEVER HAPPENED. Joan is here reading my blog. Sweet Mara admits it. Why does Joan not say anything  in her “defense?” I will tell you why: SHE HAS NO DEFENSE. SHE GOT CAUGHT IN A REAL BIG LIE AND NOW ISN’T WOMAN ENOUGH TO OWN UP TO HER LIE AND TELL THE WORLD JUST WHAT SORT OF LOW-LIFE SHE IS!

She tells her friend Sweet Mara that she is depressed. I would just bet she is depressed. She is depressed because the truth about her is now coming out.

She’s been a member of your forum for a week now (as of March 6). Has she contributed anything? Has she even thanked you guys for your support and you backing her up? You guys went out of your ways, to visit a “rambling, hard to read” (really!) blog, took the time to comment, albeit none of them very mannerly, and one showing me what a filthy-minded, potty-mouthed BRAT she is, and what has Joan done? Has she shown gratitude? “Awesome” people show gratitude.

Sweet Mara went out of her way to ask for support from the forum for Joan, and Joan has sat backed and done nothing! She’s happy. She just manipulated a “friend” to do her dirty work, namely come over here and see how awful her birth sister is,  and even trash me yourselves!

Are you people so weak-minded, that you let yourselves get led around by the nose when someone boo-hoo’s to you? Or are you really cyber-bullies who get off by leaving stupid and filthy comments on somebody’s blog? Either way, I am not impressed with any of you, nor intimidated by you.

Sweet Mara, do you see how you were used by Joan? How does it feel to have been manipulated into doing Joan’s dirty work? What did YOU accomplish? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Oh I am sure you guys are over at your discussion forum just ripping me to shreds. lol. So what? Go ahead! Sit there with your gossip mongering and character assassination. It ain’t bothering me. I ain’t reading it. I could care less what the heck you do on your forum. Do what you want. Say what you want. You ain’t related to me, you got nothing to do with me. I’m just sitting here laughing at all you guys, having been taken in by poor poor innocent little Joni. roflmao! And if she is what you call an awesome role model, I have to question YOUR insight. And after I have found it lacking, I feel — nothing. Well, not exactly nothing, I am feeling — amusement! I think the whole thing is funny.
I really wish I could upgrade my WordPress account so I could upload some videos. I have a webcam on my little netbook. I really need to make a video of myself reading aloud from my blog about this incident. I’m not sure if I could get the words out between my guffaws.  I must say the whole affair is most entertaining. (ty Sir Arthur Conan Doyle).  (paraphrase from The Speckled Band, Adventures of Sherlock Holmes). omg you guys are soooo predictable.

Anyways, let me go on with my ramblings. yes, I admit to some rambling, that’s because a blog is an online log, a journal. It is my blog, I can ramble if I dam well want to. If you don’t like it, too bad. Joan doesn’t have any trouble reading my blog, how come you guys can’t?

From Gert McQueen, March 4, 2010 at sister site The Three Sippel Sisters

Love and Open Communication are not just words, they should be LIVED!  December 12, 2009

notice to Joan Wheeler: my IP address changed by itself.  December 9, 2009

A most vile and hateful lie in Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family December 25, 2009

3. ktmckinsey – December 10, 2010
I’m an adult adoptee, and I can testify to the fact that infant adoption can leave serious emotional scars. It’s touched my life in ways that I can’t even begin to describe here, and adoption agencies should work to better educate adoptive parents so as to identify potential issues early on.

I guess I just want to point out one thing: most adoptees aren’t trying to excuse the violence committed by other adoptees. Children who are abused are also more likely to commit violent crimes as adults. We can acknowledge this fact without excusing the behavior or assuming that ALL formerly abused children are violent. Why can’t we take this same approach to adopted child syndrome and the potential for violence from adoptees? They are a high risk group, and it doesn’t do anyone any favors to assume otherwise.

2. Ruth – December 11, 2010
kt brings up some very good points. And while I was not ALL adoptees as to be exibiting anti-social behavior, I was trying to point out that a good many of them USE their “bad” childhood to justify their bad behaviors.

I personally have been to subjected to a LOT of bad behvior from the hands of Joan Wheeler, who uses her “bad” adoption as an excuse to inflict emotional pain and abuse on members of both her birth and adoptive families. This is unacceptable.

I am a human being too. I have rights too. I do not deserve to have hundreds of dollars stolen from me just because Joan was adopted and knows no boundaries. And when I understandably became angry at the theft, it was JOAN who began sending me harassing letters which started the feud that exists between us to this present day.

Joan has repeatedly done things that normal people just do not do. For instance, in 1999, I received two letters from her. One, was to inform me that my husband got the next door neighbor pregnant and thier daughter was born in 1994. I have known personally the two babies born to women at the house from 1987 to 1999 and they were baby boys. Now why would someone send their own sister a letter like that? AND use a friend’s return address – without the friend’s knowledge or consent. The second letter from Joan was yakking about the anniversary of our reunion, and in it was this sentance: “for some reason, you don’t like me.” Why would I like a person who steals from me and lies about my husband. And when I went to the return address of that first letter and showed it to Joan’s friend, Joan’s friend broke off her freindship with her. THEN Joan turns around and blames ME for the destruction of that friendship!

There are many more examples of Joan’s bad behaviors, and her unwillingness to acknowledge that it is HER actions, and HER actions alone that have gotten us to this point. and the final blow was the self-publication of her book in which she lies throughout the book about events that happened between me and her, and events in my life in which she had nothing to do with, and do not belong in a book that is supposed to be about adoption and adoption reform. That is the purpose of this blog – to shed the light on Joan’s deeds and lies.

I am not a psychologist in any way shape or form. I cannot give a definitive diagonose on just what is Joan’s problem. All I can say is that she exhibits symptoms of manic depression, (and I know for a fact that she has been treated for this in the past), she exhibits symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and this Adopted Child Syndrome.

Mental illness? oh yes, you don’t need to have a doctor’s degree to see that Joan is suffering from sort of mental illness. It is NOT normal for someone to steal from someone, and not recognize that it would hurt that person, and when the person is justifiably angry, it is NOT normal for someone to say that the other person does NOT have the right to be angry and hurt and not have the right to verbalize those feelings. Everytime I verbalized my anger, Joan herself got angrier and angrier and then the stalking, yes, stalking occured. It is NOT normal for someone to call another person’s job repeatedly to get them fired. It is NOT normal for a person to forge a letter from their own 10 year old son, the letter addressed to one person, and the envelope addressed to me, baiting me to call her. And when I called her, Joan hung up on me. and Icalled back two more times. And the following week, when my electricity was shut off, I called her for help, as she still owed me the money she stole from me, she hung up again. and again. And then turned around and filed a police report on me claiming that I was harassing her. She was given a sixmonth order of protection against me for this. the ONLY order of protection she EVER obtained from the collective Three Sippel Sisters.
Yet in the book, and all over the internet, this event is reported by Joan to say that I was arrested, placed on probation, the order of protection was for one year, I have a criminal record and she has had obtained MULTIPLE orders of protection against us sisters. ALL of this is false, false, false. These falsehoods are potentially damaging to our personal and professional lives. But does Joan care? No. And this is NOT normal for an adult woman to be doing these things. And I have scanned and posted here on this blog, actual court documents that prove that Joan is a liar – and she blindly blunders on – ignoring FACTS OF LIFE – !!!!

I don’t know what she thinks those actual court documents are – but she just ignores them as pages from a fairy tale! Even when confronted with absolute proof of her lies, with court documents and photographs on this blog, Joan STILL insists that the order of protection was for one year, I was arrested, I was placed on probation. THIS IS NOT NORMAL!

If adoptees don’t want to be lumped into this Adopted Child Syndrome, than I suggest they look to the company they keep. Is it Joan’s fault that she is mentally ill? Of course not! But she needs to be placed on medication and she needs to be undergoing Behavioral Modification Treatment, because not only does she engage in anti-social behviour, but criminal behavior as well. It is not ME or the other two Sippel Sisters who are engaging in criminal behavior, it is Joan. The entire Sippel family has turned their backs on Joan – not just us sisters. Why? Because she does things to them as well. But us sisters, particularly me, are her favorite targets. Why? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

We sisters and many other members of our family have been hurt many times over by Joan. I myself have shed many tears. My heart was taken out and stomped on by Joan in 1987, in 1990, in 1993, 1994, and again and again. I turned the other cheek so many times, I ran out of cheeks. And yet, in 2003, I tried, I really tried to have a relationship with her again, and it took her only 4 months to show her true colors and attack me again. And now the book and her continous going on internet forums and lying about me and my life and my family.

Adopted Child Syndrome? You are not only the company you keep, but the behavior you exhibit. People make mistakes, yes, but normal people correct their mistakes, apologize to the ones they hurt and don’t repeat the bad behavior. What is wrong with Joan? I don’t know, and at this point, I don’t care. I can only protect my life and my heart from being hurt by her again, AND correct all the lies she has spread about me and my family.

I have said it before on this blog – Joan is not only mentally ill, but a bully. A true bully. She attacks me and others, then runs to others for help when we will NOT accept her attacks. She will not stand up and acknowledge her contribution to our anger, and manipulates others to attack us in return. With this blog, we are not only shedding light on the deeds of Joan the Bully, thereby standing up to the bully, but we are correcting the bully’s lies.

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