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more discussion of Joan’s fiction from Gert McQueen March 9, 2010 March 17, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Pg 12 she talks about her name being changed without her consent. News flash here; no infant gives their consent for anything! As an adult you either have to accept it or change it, but regardless, stop whining about it. For example, when I made the adult decision to quit Christianity I took back my soul from Jesus Christ in a simple ceremony. I said to Jesus ‘you no longer have the right to my soul, as an adult I did not give myself to you and as an adult I now take it away from you, end of story. You no longer have any right to my soul.’ That was it and that ended it, no more whining necessary.

Pg 13 she is depressed, bored, disillusioned. What else is new here folks, if you read this entire book that is all she is and guess what, in the here and now, in the flesh she is still depressed, bored and disillusioned. Maybe she needs some help. Where are her friends? Her birth family tried to tell her she needed help and we are telling her again. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.

Pg 15 she talks about a rift, a split, because of my coolness towards her, well guess what people, I, as well as the other sibs have our own life traumas to deal with. She had no idea of the kinds of traumas I had had or was going through at the time. Yes I am the type of person that does not suffer fools lightly, if you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen. (Ruth’s note, March 17, lol, and I am the same way). By the time Joan reentered my life I had several serious life changing events happen to me and there was no time nor energy, then or now, to tell her, let alone teach her, what life was really about. If her adoptive parents hadn’t done that job of preparing her for life it was not my job to do so. Joan could not understand us because she was not prepared for real life as we, or most people usually are.

 Pg 16 she reports that our family was poor. How does she know this? What evidence does she have to support this assessment? She tells about how our family lived in a house with a black family and she somehow makes it sound trashy with a hint of bigotry. True fact here; a Black family, the Johnsons, owned the house, they were the landowners, we were the tenants. My personal memories are that the Johnsons were of a kind lovely warm people from the South. We had one bathroom in that house, and we all shared it. They had a small apartment in the front of the house, we had the back plus the whole upstairs. The lessons I learned from sharing a house with a Black family in the middle 50’s and hearing stories from my fraternal grandmother about her giving up her seat on the bus for a Black woman, after the Rosa Parks episodes, and other incidents have made me NOT A BIGOT. Of course at the time I was a very young child and didn’t really understand certain things, but these are lessons learned at the knees of parents. What lessons did Joan learn at the knees of the adoptive parents? Certainly not the same ones we learned that is sure. But in the whole scheme of things did that make our family poor, or some how tainted because of the closeness of the Blacks? God only knows what goes on in some people’s minds.

And as we are on this subject, bigotry that is, here’s another fact. Our parents were sponsors, in the early 1950s, of people that were then known as Displaced People or as a derogatory DPs. DPs were looked upon as low life somewhat like the Blacks of that time, and today with other ethnic refugees. In truth they were people that were ‘displaced’ because of World War II. They came to America as refuges and needed folks here to help them gain American ways and rights to a better life. I can’t help it if today’s people, including Joan, are ignorant of their own history. I lived through it. In was probably 1952 when they sponsored this family from the Ukraine, husband, wife and two children. Lydia and I met at age 5 and have reminded friends to this day. With the help that my parents gave them they were able to purchase a home long before my own father was able to.

Back to pg 16 she has things coming out of my mouth that I didn’t say in the manner that she relates. I never said that Dad ‘had mixed feelings about you because of Momma’s death. We were poor….Daddy put you up for adoption while the rest of us were taken in by foster homes.’ She is making it sound like Dad wanted to get rid of her, not true. We were not poor. Her adoption and our placement in foster home and orphan home were two separate events that happen years apart.

Pg 17 she states Dad ‘just got a new job as a machinist’, truth is he always worked two jobs. He went to night school, after working a day job, to get a better job. His employment had nothing to do with whether he could or could not have an infant child. She states, ‘we didn’t have a home after Momma died’. Where does she get this?

True facts here: our paternal grandparents were taking care of us during the time Dad was working. We had two homes, our own and grandpa and grandma’s. But the reality of things were that he could not place the burden of caring for an infant on top of his aged parents, who were already caring for 4 little children. Those were the real burdens, traumas and pains that our father had to deal with. There are situations and decisions in life that people have to make with what is going on at that moment and at that moment it was decided that the best for the infant child was adoption.

She states ‘it was real hard on us, things happened, terrible things’ okay, things were not perfect but this is real life not some TV melodrama! She states that I said ‘I was the oldest, I tried to keep us all together, but then you disappeared’. I tried to keep us all together!!! People, I was nine years old living with my grandparents!! I had absolutely nothing to say about what happened to me or the rest of us. Get a grip on reality! This book is fiction!

True fact here: after the death of our mother, Joan was living with maternal relatives until her adoption was completed. My father remarried within a year to a woman that had two sons, it was suppose to be a marriage that would help both of them, for each needed a another parent for their children. Unfortunately as life is, he found out early in that marriage that his second wife had a mental illness. Yes there were episode of nastiness and unpleasantness but again not everyone has the perfect life like Leave it to Beaver or Lassie, shows of those times that portrayed family life.

 When Dad’s second marriage backfired and blow up he had to protect everyone. He placed us in foster and orphan homes and she was placed in a mental institution. We did not know that our step-mother was going away and she did not know that we children, including one of her sons, were going away. We went to school as usual and from school we were taken to the foster and orphan homes. After we were gone from home, our step-mother was taken to the hospital. She had a very sad and difficult life, there were years were she was able to come home for short periods, but in the end her illnesses, mentally and physically, took toll on her and she died.

Recap here: Dad loses his first wife and mother of 5 children in 1956, he chooses to have an infant daughter adopted out believing that it was best for the child. He marries again in 56 only to have to make yet more heart breaking decisions about children and wife in 57. He loses his father in 59. He works two jobs to support his family that were still in various places, with relatives, foster care, and orphan homes and a wife in a mental institution. Within 3 months of each other he loses his 2nd wife and his mother in 1965. In 1965 he purchases a house and tries to bring his family back together. I the oldest had just gotten married. ……more to come

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Comments

1. Sharon - March 17, 2010

keep it coming girls! The Truth Shall Set You Free!!!!!!!


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