Joan’s Insistence on Not Letting Our Mother Rest March 22, 2010Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
Tags: abuse, contradictions, Disrespect, emotional abuse, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, mental instability, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements
In the last paragraph of Gert’s “Nature vs. Nurture” post, she says: “Joan knows no boundaries, has no boundaries. She has no discretion and went so far as to obtain some kind of medical records from the hospital, prior to HIPAA, about our mother.” (Health Insurance Portability Accountability Act – patient privacy laws enacted by US Federal government, April 2003) .
see end of post for updated info
I will explain this “medical records” event in this post, clear up once and for all, the cause of my mother’s death, and clear up a persistant family story that my mother’s brothers “hated” my father. And I got that bit, straight from my mother’s only remaining living sibling, my Uncle R., who I spoke with at 8pm, on March 19, 2010.
In either 1982 or 1983, Joan somehow obtained actual hospital records of my mother and herself. They were actual nursing unit patient chart records. I don’t know how she conned the hospital out of them. They were incomplete, they didn’t have the vital sign graphs (of which as a nurse’s aide, I am responsible for obtaining from a patient), or actual nurse’s and doctor’s “progress notes,” but they were definitaly part of my mother’s chart. Joan’s purpose? To find out how our mother died. She asked me to read them and interpret them for her. I told her that I am only a nurse’s aide and cannot interpret doctor’s notes or medical terminology outside of the scope of my job. She then took the records to a doctor to have some terminology explained to her.
After Joan left my house, I immediately called the Medical Records Department of Millard Fillmore Hospital and asked them how Joan got hold of my mother’s medical records. They couldn’t (or wouldn’t) answer me. I then spoke to a supervisor and demanded that in the future my mother’s records be sealed and the only way they could be unsealed was with two signatures present, mine and my fathers. I then called my father and told him what happened. He was furious. And he agreed I had done the right thing by demanding the neccessity of both our signatures on my mother’s records.
Also, on my mother’s death certificate is listed the cause of death as A). Carcinomatosis, and B). Hypernephroma. This is a bit confusing, because we were always told that Mama died of ovarian cancer. Let us go back in time to just prior to Christmas 1955. I was too young to understand what pregancy was. I was only 3. Even at the age of 8 and 9, my two older sisters did not know what pregancy meant. We were not told that a new baby was coming. Yet on page 319, Joan has this fantastical lie going: “I recalled that my sisters told me that they crawled all over Momma as sat on the couch with her pregnant belly. She told the kids not to jump on her as they might hurt the baby.”
THIS IS NOT TRUE! The first time we heard about a baby, was in January when Dad came home and told Gert that we have a new baby sister. AND WE DID NOT TELL THIS RIDICULOUS STORY TO JOAN. Joan also says on the top of page 319: “Some relatives, particularly my sisters told me that they blame me for Momma’s death.” WHAT A CROCK OF SH!T! We never told her that. If that were true, WHY THEN DID WE GO TO SUCH LENGTHS TO FIND HER AND BE REUNITED WITH HER?
So around Christmas 1955, Mama goes into the hospital for bedrest because she had a risky pregnancy. They gave her the DES drug, which was used at that time to prevent miscarriage. It was discontinued because it was found to cause birth defects in the fetus. On January 7, 1956, Mama started having labor pains and rang for the nurse, but by the time the nurse arrived, the baby had arrived. That is listed on Joan’s medical records as “Spon Del.” – Spontaneous Delivery. Joan is premature and taken to the neo-natal unit and placed in an incubator.
Joan stated recently on her blog that an x-ray was done on Mama while she was still pregnant. WRONG! They would not exposed a fetus to x-rays. Joan goes on to say that a large tumor was discovered. WRONG! The tumor was discovered when Mama had surgery on January 19, 1956. (date listed on Mama’s death certificate). According to my Uncle R., “They opened her up and found a (?) the size of a grapefruit. They closed her up.” (this means that by the time they got in there, it was too late, and the cancer was spreading).
Uncle R. continues “my brother Mike and I wanted to take her to see Dr. Leek, the top cancer specialist at Roswell Park Memorial Hospital, but your dad said he couldn’t afford it. We were working at the railroad, and making some pretty good money and we said we would pay for it. But your dad still said no.” – (my father may not have had adequate health insurance).
This is the basis of the brothers not liking my dad down through the years, but contrary to what Joan says on another page in her book, and I can’t remember it right now, they DID NOT DISRESPECT ME OR MY SIBLINGS! My uncles have ALWAYS treated me with respect, even when I got on Uncle Mike’s case in 1990 at my cousin Ida’s funeral. At the wake, he had snubbed my father. My father got mad and started yakking at me about him. I told him that Ida’s funeral was not the place for an old family squabble. The following day, at the brunch held at my cousin Judy’s house I got hold of Mike and told him to behave himself. “I am Ruthy,” he said to me. “Good. See that you do.” He just looked at me then he hugged me. And when Uncle R. called me the other day, he said very joyfully, “Is this my lovely niece Ruth?” Hardly any disrespect there! Where does Joan get her delusions from?
Now let’s get back to my mother’s death certificate. It shows the two causes of death, carcinomatosis and hypernephroma. Here are the definitions of these two words from the National Cancer Institute website, www.cancer.gov:
A condition in which cancer is spread widely throughout the body, or, in some cases, to a relatively large region of the body. Also called carcinosis.
The most common type of kidney cancer. It begins in the lining of the renal tubules in the kidney. The renal tubules filter the blood and produce urine. Also called renal cell adenocarcinoma, renal cell cancer, and renal cell carcinoma.
From my years of experience of working at the hospital, (37 1/2), I have come to understand much more than I did back in the early 80’s. Mama may have started out with ovarian cancer with the grapefruit-sized tumor being found on January 19, 1956, but by March, the cancer obviously spread to other parts of her body and organs. The immediate cause of death was kidney failure on March 28, 1956, caused by the prescence of cancer in her body, which started as ovarian cancer.
Joan has been told this over and over again. But she is DETERMINED to change the facts. She is DETERMINED to turn the clock back 54 years and change a medical diagnosis. A true neurotic, JOAN JUST WILL NOT ACCEPT CERTAIN FACTS! She then tries her darnest to change those facts to suit her. And when she is hit with the reality that she cannot change the facts of a certain event, she goes into a rampage, burns personal items, lashes out against family members, making their lives a living hell.
On page 381, Joan relates an event that happened at our brother’s house in Arizona two days after his death. I had brought my personal photo albums to share with the family. Joan relates that she was horrified to see that I had my siblings birth certificates in there. She says nothing about the fact that I had my mother’s death certificate there as well. Joan says that “Dawn” (I have no idea who “Dawn” is) “interrepted the show.” What show? Why must Joan write in such ridiculous terms. It was not a “show.” Family members were looking at photographs, nothing more. Well, Joan says that Dawn said “What’s this? I’m a government worker and I know you can’t just get birth certificates from the Office of Vital Statistics! There are rules and regulations! How did you get these? The only one you should have, legally is yours.”
First of all, this conversation never took place. There was no-one called “Dawn” at my brother’s house. There was no one there claiming to be a government worker, let alone ANYBODY asking me how I got the birth certificates. These words are Joan’s ideas, she didn’t say these words to me at the time. But I suppose that is what she was thinking.
For the record: I went to Buffalo City Hall and showed my proper identification. MY driver’s license. I paid $35.00 for each of the documents I obtained LEGALLY from Buffalo City Hall.
What is going on here, is that Joan is incensed that SHE can’t get HER original certificate from the Office of Vital Statistics or City Hall and is pissed off that I was able to obtain my sibling’s certificates. (I didn’t bother with hers, I already had a copy). And no, her documents and pictures are NOT part of MY personal album, because she has stabbed me in the back too many times to be in there.
If Joan has a problem in not obtaining her birth certificate, instead of being a petulant child about and making up lies and fictious Dawns, then she should devote her time in lobbying to change the law. Which is what she is doing. Fine. Then shut up about me.
Also, we see again, how Joan has a double-standard. Why was it okay for her in the early 80’s to FRAUDUANTLY obtain MY MOTHER’S MEDICAL RECORDS, but 20 years later throw a dam hissy fit when she sees me with LEGALLY OBTAINED FAMILY RECORDS?
Bottom line: all this nonsense about what caused my mother’s death, was it this or that, and all the rehashing of painful things HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH JOAN’S ADOPTION and should not be discussed outside the family, let alone in a book or on the internet. But Joan has made our family pain PUBLIC. She tells lies about her birth sisters not wanting her, blaming her for our mother’s death.
As for her publicity blurbs for her lying book “She had to be silenced.” THIS IS WHAT WE WANT HER TO SHUT UP ABOUT! Why is it necessary for her to tell lies about things? Why is it necessary for her to drag my mother’s body through the public square and proclaim “this woman did not die of ovarian cancer, it was kidney cancer.” Who cares? The woman is DEAD! SHUT UP AND LEAVE HER ALONE!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JOAN: SHUT UP!
UPDATE February 2017; as older posts are being seen I, Gert, am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism’ published in 2009, was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011 due to libelous material in it. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’, being her own editor and owner. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and reedited and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!
https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/ this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.
This author, whether she goes by Joan M Wheeler or Doris M Sippel, has three books, all the same but for title and author name. There are two ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.
The buying public has the right to view and comment on those forums and comments.
Here are those links…
Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum
Joan Mary Wheeler forum