The Dark Side by Gert McQueen – March 16, 2010 April 18, 2010Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler.
Tags: contradictions, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, emotional blackmail, passing assumptions off as truth
sorry for the delay in getting Gert’s post out! – Ruth
UPDATE Dec 2015; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ yet again, her ‘story’, NOW called ‘duped by adoption’. There is NOTHING in it for adoption reform, for she is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…
back to THIS post…
The Dark Side
Yoda tells Anakin Skywalker ‘I sense great fear in you. Fear leads to hate. Hates leads to suffering. Suffering leads to the Dark Side.’ And look what happened to Anakin because he didn’t listen.
Now I’m certainly not suggesting that Joan has some ‘higher’ purpose in mind by choosing the dark side, as Anakin believed he had, but by not having a ‘personal’ higher purpose in her life she really is on the dark side because she has chosen to be on the dark side and that is why she is suffering. Get rid of the fear and hate to set yourself free. That is the message of the little Buddha in Yoda.
Going back to the book, Chapter 11 is titled – integrating two families.
She was never taught how to integrate anything, but as an adult and having had the second family from the age of 18 she ought to have learned how to do that, but she never has.
The thought occurs to me that she ought to drop the ‘if my birth family didn’t contact me I would have been just fine’ crap. She knew she was adopted and would have found out eventually from the parents that raised her, even in their paranoia, that the child would eventually know the truth, the truth would have come out even if we did not contact her.
Pg 78 she describes looking for the truth, where, in her adoptive mother’s wallet, not her adoptive father’s wallet because she didn’t ‘suspect’ him, only her mother’s wallet. I’ll tell you first and foremost people, that if a child does not learned very early on in life about personal boundaries and privacy you will have an adult who is a sneak, a liar, a thief, a fabricator, and one who can never be trusted. Look in her mother’s wallet?!! Even as a married adult I had never looked though my husband’s wallet or anyone’s wallet. Would you readers leave your wallet/purse around Joan? She really is totally unconscious as to write about such things that are lacking in her character. I would be ashamed to say such a thing. Joan has no shame. She does not see the basic flaws in her character that were shaped during her first 18 years of life as an adoptee of parents that were paranoid they would lose her.
Pg 80-82 letter from our father to Joan: I have no way knowing the authenticity of the letter but it sounds reasonably what my father would have said. He always did maintain that the rights and privileges of the adoptive parents where more important than himself because they raised her. But Joan is incapable of accepting another’s point of view; she is always looking for something that isn’t there. She can’t accept the fact that shit happens in life and life is not ‘according to Joan’.
Pg 83, yet another misrepresentation of the event of her adoption and yet another contradictory description of the event in the same book. Who was her editor? She writes, ‘first face-to-face meeting my mother had with him since the day he handed me over to my prospective adoptive parents sometime in the spring of 1956’. Wrong, wrong and wrong! I can’t with all certainly say that the natural father and the adoptive parents never ‘really’ met before the adoption. There is some family ‘rumor’ that they may have met at my mother’s funeral, but I am clearly labeling that as RUMOR. It is certain that he did not ‘hand’ Joan over to them, it was done with lawyers, nor was it in the spring of 56. Joan was living with maternal relatives after her birth, not with Dad and he did not see her after the baptism. On pg 469 Joan has a copy of the final order of adoption and it clearly states Oct and Dec 1956 and filed Jan 1957. Again this is an example of creative fiction where she is attempting to write a scandalous story out of a very real sad life event of the death of a young wife and mother, to make money. Again, where was Joan’s editor who would have pointed out these kind of inconsistencies in a book that is listed as non-fiction?
Pg83 has false information about my father’s work that I have already addressed in another post.
Pg 84 she mentions a friend who helped her from ‘confusion into the world of meditation and spirituality…that it would take time to work out…wanted to be normal…didn’t want to go through pain….be able to feel peace.’
Unfortunately for a young person of 18, which she was at this time period, for her to think she was not ‘normal’ is something to really wonder about. Was that the birth family’s fault? Shouldn’t they have given her the sense of normal growing up? Guess not. Why didn’t she stay with meditation and spirituality? If she did she wouldn’t have the depression that has plagued her all her life. Joan, it isn’t too late to begin meditation and to get peace. Stop blaming others. Heal thy self!
And she really does need to learn to get peace because there are pages after pages devoted to her inner torment, really now is all this torment really what people want to read? Are there really that many stress junkies out there that have nothing better to do with their lives but to spent it’s entirely on writing about their inner torment? On page 87 alone I counted at least 25 words or phrases that describe her inner torment, is this what makes a book a ‘great’ book? or is it calculated to sell books? Please someone take her out of her misery!
Yes I do plan on reading this book and continuing with my extensive book report. Why? Because it is about my family and the book is full of lies and misrepresentations. My mother and father deserve more than what Joan has done in this book.
An April Fools post by a true Fool – Joan Wheeler April 1, 2010Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
Tags: abuse, adoption, dishonesty, emotional abuse, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, spreading untruths, stupidity, theft, whining
Seeing as this is April 1, usually known as Aprils Fools Day, it is quite appropos that a certain fool writes another foolish post. This particular fool got her hair done and started talking about adoption and tells her hair stylist that her “family of birth was destroyed by adoption.”
Where does she get this foolish idea? Our family was NOT destroyed by HER adoption! Our mother died. Jesus Christ, Joan, won’t you let that woman rest? Have you no shame?
Anyway, our mom died, and Joan was adopted out. Our father remarried. His second wife was mentally ill. We kids were scattered into foster homes, an orphanage, various relatives homes, but WE WERE NOT DESTROYED! Relationships suffered, yes, but NOT DESTROYED! How does Joan account for this blog, maintained by The Three Sippel Sisters? Our sisterhood was NOT DESTROYED by Joan’s adoption! Our relationship with our father is shaky, again, NOT BECAUSE OF JOAN’S ADOPTION, but because of not being with him during our formative years and lack of bonding. Again, this was due to our step-mother’s illness and frequent hospitalizations. JOAN’S ADOPTION HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR CHILDHOOD AND HOW WE WERE RAISED.
Incidentally, wherever we were during our childhood, we were raised with morals and values that Joan clearly does not have. We learned things like familial loyalty. We learned not to steal from family members or anybody else. We learned not to tell lies about family members or anybody else. Joan has stolen from me and my older sister Kathy. Joan has lied repeatedly about all of her members of both her birth and adoptive families. Joan has stalked members of her family. Joan has filed false police reports on me. Joan has filed a false child abuse report on herself, posing as me, and reported my husband as the offender, all in an attempt to discredit me in the eyes of my husband. Joan has called my job repeatedly in an attempt to get me fired. Joan has written letters to the mayor of Buffalo, giving him my personal health and family information.
It was Joan herself who has tried to destroy her birth family, but has failed. A true neurotic, she sees that instead of being destroyed by her adoption, and despite being raised in a seemingly hap-hazard way, our family was NOT destroyed, but sought out ways to keep together. Even when, in our adult lives, siblings moved to other cities, we still kept our closeness. And this is what is eating Joan up. She sees our familial loyalty, and wonders why she is not part of it. She is not part of it, because of her actions. Would you want someone in your life who calls your job to get you fired? I don’t think so. So she sees The Three Sippel Sisters still together, and in her heart of hearts wishes that we had been destroyed, so she deludes herself with her foolish imaginings.
She writes, “We – society – are influenced by what we hear, and what we hear influences our perceptions around us.” Unfortunately, Joan hears only what she wants to hear. She is not part of her birth family. She was, from 1974 to 1982, then she started her meddling, her lying, her stealing. She meddled in our eldest sister’s upbringing of her minor child. She stole beads off my wedding dress, the wedding dress that originally belonged to my mother. (she has no shame), and refused to return the beadwork. She made a mockery of my miscarriage, she stole almost $900.00 from me in 1990.
So we turned our backs on her. Our relationship with Joan as a family member, or even as a friend or acquantaince, was destroyed, not by her adoption, but BY HER OWN ACTIONS. I don’t keep thieves around me. I don’t keep liars around me. Face it Joan, YOUR relationship with your birth family was not destroyed by your adoption, it was destroyed BY YOU LYING TO AND ABOUT US, AND BY YOUR STEALING FROM US! It was YOU and YOU alone that destroyed your relationship with us.
This is no April’s Fools joke.This is the truth. THE SIPPEL FAMILY, AND THAT INCLUDES OUR FATHER, DO NOT WANT JOAN WHEELER AROUND US BECAUSE SHE IS RUDE, INSENSITIVE, LIES TO AND ABOUT US, AND STEALS FROM US.
NEW COMMENT from Gert….March 30 2015
This post of Ruth’s was written LONG before I had begun making my own blog posts, placed on Ruth’s blog, and before I had my own blog.
As birth siblings, our collective and individual lives were NOT affected by Joan’s ADOPTION, as Ruth points out in this post. It is Joan who REFUSES to accept that fact. The reason is because Joan is anti-adoption; actually she wants to abolish adoption! In order to present her case, from HER point of view, she uses, willfully, and for exploitation, her birth family, seeking to prove that ADOPTION is why the birth siblings REJECTED her and for any of OUR faults.
While Ruth, in this post, tells much about what Joan did to her, there is far more damage that Joan did to EACH BIRTH SIBLING and BIRTH FATHER and extended BIRTH FAMILY.
Before Joan wrote, and got published that libelous book, Forbidden Family, she had already started a campaign on the Internet against us. We of course had no idea of that campaign or the book! But once we did, we took action against her, with our blogs and on as many sites where we found lies against us. And we still continue to do so.
Joan knows NO boundaries, she respects NO ONE. Because she HATES adoption, she attempted to stop the ADOPTION of one of our step-sisters by our father. Joan also attempted to stop MY adoption of my own child! She called me an unfit mother, in front of my children. She VIOLATED my parental rights going behind my back telling my children they didn’t have to listen to me. When I told Joan to BUTT out of my business she called false child abuse upon me and husband. That action of Joan’s is WHY I had nothing to do with her since 1981. There was an attempt to reconcile in 1992 but Joan started right away with violating my privacy and condemned me for my RELIGION. It was Joan who continued to attempt to contact me. And even when I truly wanted to end the negativity between us…it was Joan that again lied to me and then wrote LIBEL about me in that fucking book!
So be it April Fools are not, Joan is a complete FOOL and should NEVER BE TRUSTED by anyone. She is mentally unstable and will stop at nothing to present a false picture of the birth family.
Tags: contradictions, Disrespect, embellishing the truth, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, misrepresenting one's credentials, misrepresenting one's employment, passing assumptions off as truth, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, whining
Truth in Non-fiction Books
author: Gert McQueen, March 16, 2010
I want to start this entry with a quote, from a newspaper article, about truth within nonfiction books. But first…
UPDATE, FEBRUARY 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…
continuing on with this post
From the Watertown Daily Times, March 14, 2010, Latest book fraud puts publishers on defensive By Motoko Rich, New York Times
‘Book publishers have long seen themselves as the gatekeepers of literary culture. But when they’re not looking, the truth has a way of being left at the door. Henry Holt and Co stopped printing and selling….because its author had relied on a fraudulent source for a portion of the book and possibly fabricated others…in many recent cases publishers did not seem to ask basic questions of authors….there’s a hazy line between ‘truth’ and invention in creative nonfiction, but good writers don’t have to make things up…’
The key point here is that Joan’s book is nonfiction but relies quite heavily on her use of ‘creative fabrication’ of events, particularly when she had no way of being present in certain situations and her creative use of ‘hearsay’ from relatives looking at something from many years distance. Her book should be called fiction based on ‘some’ true facts, not the other way around. Adoption advocates really ought to be familiar with the authenticity of their source materials, if you really want to be taken seriously by those that make the laws that you want to change, if not, those law makers are only going to laugh in your face for using Joan’s book as any means to your ends. Do you really think people in Washington believe this book of fabrication?
Now, for some reason the ‘tone’ of Joan’s book tends to be very derogatory and downgrades and devaluates members of her birth family. We sisters do not appreciate that and want to get the facts out and set them right from what Joan has fabricated in this book. And using the cover of ‘protecting by changing names and other facts’ does not work because that argument is not carefully followed within the book itself.
Our father, Leonard, was not poor, not in any long-term sense. There certainly are times when anyone has had economically ‘poor’ times. I have and you have but that does not mean I, or you, are poor. Our father worked as a laborer during his early years of marriage. I don’t know exactly what or where except that he worked for years in a bike shop repairing bikes. In today’s world, as in the late 1940’s, many people used bikes instead of cars and being able to repair bikes is a skill that is well worth having and earning a living by.
He went to night school to learn drafting and other skills when his first children were little. He started working for the City of Buffalo in 1953, when I was 6 years old and he worked there till his retirement in 1988 with 35 years of service. He was a civil engineer. He also has a Social Security pension. When he purchased a home in 1965 he worked a second job, as many people do, at the mid-town Sears, as a sales clerk not a machinist as Joan maintains, and he held that job for several years. He was a homeowner for about 12 years when that neighborhood changed, as many do, and moved his family into a very respectable housing complex around a harbor on Lake Erie. He lived there many years till moving into a small apartment closer to two of his, and his wife’s, children who help them out. My father is in his late 80’s, my step-mom in her late 70’s and they have had a great and long retirement that they have earned. It is a disgrace that Joan continues to portray our father in less than he deserves. Everything our father has, he earned. He is not poor, but he is not rich either, in the monetary sense. He is a rich man because he lives within his means and has more than enough to enjoy his retirement which is his right after working for years.
So why does Joan think she should ask her natural father for money to fix her car? Why doesn’t Joan get a job like everyone else and take care of her own bills like everyone else? And isn’t it interesting to note that on one hand Joan maintains that he is ‘poor’ but on the other hand thinks he has to give her money. That is the reason why she has no contact with her natural father today in 2010, because she was rude to him, saying that he should pay her for gas in her car when she takes him to the doctors. Gee I thought she was helping her aged father? It’s not a good deed if there are strings attached. But even if she needed the money for gas she could have been polite about it and then to top it off she said that it was his responsibility to give her money to fix her car. Our father told her, no it was her car, her responsibility and that he will no longer need her services or help, that it is best that they don’t see each other. How do I know this? Because my father told me himself a few months ago.
About myself, I also am retired and like my father am neither poor nor rich in the monetary sense but have enough to live comfortably on because I live within my means and have worked for my pensions. When my children were preschoolers I was that ‘dreaded’ telephone solicitor, part-time. After my first divorce I went to school full time for one year earning a Certified Dental Assistant degree and worked that job for 37 years. I worked in several private dental offices as an assistant including 3 years as an office manager. I worked 5 years at the Veterans Administration Hospital in Buffalo and 17 years with the Department of Defense at an army installation at Fort Drum N.Y. I have a 22-year federal pension and Social Security pension.
There was one year when I was in a transition, due to moving and starting over, when I had to work 2 jobs. That second job, after working 8 hours at my dental job, consisted of another 3 hours a night flipping burgers, dipping ice cream and cleaning toilets. I was not a young person that year, I was 40! And my education is not lacking either. Besides the one year of technical school I also went to college, part time at night, over the course of 6 years while raising two children. I was a single mom for over 10 years. I do not have a degree but I have everything needed for the two-year Liberal Arts Degree except the higher math and science courses, which I did not want to take. Since leaving college in the middles 80’s I have taught myself many things and have studied under and have been mentored by three PhDs in Germanic studies and other selective historical topics of interests. I am a published author.
My sister Kathy, living in England, has worked in child-care and in music being employed in the school system and other venues. She has proper college training and qualifications in and for music and teaching. She holds a statutory UK Government Clearance for working with children. She is a member of the UK Musicians Union. She speaks 5 languages as well as English. Before moving to England, she worked 5 years in the insurance business in the USA. She is currently retired.
My deceased brother Leonard Jr. was in the Marines during Vietnam. In civilian life he was a nurse’s aid and a mental health worker. With the GI bill he became a guidance counselor for the under privileged South-Western American Indians. His wife/widow was a nurse and is currently back in college. Their son is the founder of a couple of charter schools in Az.
My sister Ruth has been a nurse’s aid for over 37 years and is still working. She can add more here herself if she chooses.
(Ruth’s note: see my auto-biography listed as “Who is Ruth Sippel” at the top of this blog. My current activities are remodeling my house, getting my property landscaped, so that when I retire, my house will be done, and all I have to is enjoy my garden. My plans for retirement include, learning languages, Tolkien-Elvish, ancient Egyptian, modern Arabic and Japanese. I already speak some Arabic and some Spanish. My husband also wants learn languages. I may also become a Middle East dance teacher, as I have been approached several times to do so).
When I was 18, I was accepted into Bell and Howell Tech University to study rocket scientry. Yes, I wanted to work in NASA. Plans fell through for that. Yes, I suppose I could have gone to college through my adult life, but I never went. So what? In her book, Joan belittles me for this decision. Why? This is MY life. Whether I choose to go to college or become a welfare moocher is MY business. Do MY choices for MY life have any bearing on Joan’s adoption, reunion, or her social activism to reform adoption laws? Is the book Forbidden Family about Ruth’s life and decisions about her life, or about Joan’s adoption, reunion and social activism?
FYI: In the fall of 1971, I attended night school to learn shorthand (I already knew typing), and other office skills. In the summer of 1972, I attended Erie Community College, City Campus part time for college alegbra and chemistry, as a pre-requisite for bio-chemistry and anatomy for my health care profession. I attended those classes in 1973. In 1995, I served on a committee at Buffalo General Hospital, representing nurse’s aides, on studying new ways to deliver quality care to patients. In 1999, I took classes through my labor union to become a union steward. Also in 1999, I took a class to obtain my New York State Certification for Nurse’s Aides and in 2007, another class to become a Patient Care Associate, which entitles me to do EKG tests on patients and phlebotomy (drawing bloods). Throughout my adult life, I have attended continuing adult education classes at various colleges and musuems in fields as varied as the arts, history, theatre, dance, metaphysics, computer skills.
In 1982 and 1983, I attend classes through BOCES on Basic Electricity and Residential Wiring, being the only female in the class, and actually scoring higher on the finals then some of the men in that traditionally “male” skill. Since becoming a home-owner, I have attended workshops at Home Depot to learn basic home repair, basic plumbing repair and creative painting techniques (stenciling, marbling, etc). I also enjoy doing crafts of all kinds, sewing, ceramics, folk design painting, beading, jewelry making. I also head up a local Star Trek fan group, the USS Ari, and publish a bi-monthly newsletter for that club. I also learned belly dancing through attending many classes and workshops.
All of this, while WORKING AT MY JOBS EITHER AT TWIN FAIR, INC. (1971-1972) OR BUFFALO GENERAL HOSPITAL (1972 – present). And all the time I suffered through allergies, congenital scoliosis, irritable bowel syndrome, recurrent bladder infections 1982-83, 1985-1987, and 2008. Maybe Joan doesn’t know about my health issues because I don’t talk about my bowels to complete strangers on airplanes like Joan does and use her allergies, her IBS and kidney and bladder problems as an excuse for not gaining employment. One of the reasons her husband left her was because she refused to get off her ass and get a job. He told me this himself. — ok, let me turn the focus back onto Gert’s post:
Every one of us has gone to school and have worked for many years. Why is it that Joan has not? Why is it that Joan does not give her work history? All she says is that she is disabled.
Ruth’s note: Joan’s Resume: In 1978 or 79, she worked for a month at the place that manufactures Keri Lotion. Then she got a job as a transporter (driver) for the New York State Department of Youth, driving kids to doctor’s appointments, etc. In 1982 she got a job as a general office manager, for an Canadian man who kept an office in the states. She took in orders, packaged them and sent the packages off. She was the only person in the office, had lots of downtime, use of a typewriter, and when she first got pregnant, there was even a cot for her to lie down if she got “tired.” Just before her son was born, she quit that job. She worked again, around 1992, sewing canvas sails for sailboats. This lasted only a short time. Then around 1995, she worked as a skip-tracer for a bill collector. Again, for only a short time. She claims she has worked as a social worker, but refuses to say where. I don’t think she ever worked as a social worker. And god help her clients, she’d screw them up more than they already are. If she belittles her own family for not having a college degree, how is she going to view her clients who probably don’t even have a high-school diploma? — back to Gert’s post:
Why is it that Joan has no money? Why does she not have a job? Why does she think she is going to make millions of $$$$ out of this book of pure nonsense? Because her adoptive family (Ruth’s note, it was always her adoptive mother, not the adoptive family) has always bailed her out, taken care of her and given her stuff. She has chosen husbands that couldn’t or wouldn’t support her and her family and she tries to convince people that she is needy and she works the sympathy angle.
She is a con artist and a fabricator of untruths. She is a burden on society. She is supported by tax-dollars from working people and others that pay taxes. Yes, I still pay taxes that go to support people like Joan who do not work. What kind of disability does she have that prevents her from working? If she had a real job she wouldn’t have to exploit her families, the birth and adoptive families and con her friends into thinking she wrote a true story.
Ruth’s note: she says she has recurrent kidney and bladder infections, irritable bowel syndrome and allergies. She currently claims she is on SSI (Supplemental Security Income) and is receiving just under $700.00 a month. This makes no sense, just before he died in 2003, my ex-husband, was receiving over $800.00 a month on SSI. But then again, from 1973-1982, he was working at the steel plants, and paying into the system. – You don’t pay into the system, you get nothing out of the system! – all you get is the basic poverty stipend. That’s Joan’s own fault – she should have worked 30 years ago when she was young. I tried to get her job as a nurse’s aide back in 1990. She wasn’t interested. Hey, do you think I enjoy emptying bedpans? Wiping up a stranger’s butt after they just had diarhhea in their bed? I do it because it is a good-paying job, with good benefits, and I will get a good pension when I retire, both from my employer and the government. I don’t feel sorry for anyone who turns 50, and finally sees the writing on the wall and starts to panic because now they understand what people around them have been saying for years. Only now it’s too late for Joan. Her old-age is going to be what she put into it: NOTHING!. That’s the way the system works. Joan played while she was younger, and now must pay the cost. I have paid the cost all my working life, and when I retire, it will be my turn to play. I also take care of my body, to ensure that I will live a long life. I plan on living until I’m 150 years old!