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When Will Joan Wheeler stop Playing Games, Stop Lying, and be a Truthful Person? September 30, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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so today I get this email from Gert:

“interestingly…there is a slight change on Joan’s site, on the cyberbullying article, she has REMOVED the date she wrote it AND the date she UPDATED it!!! But WHY does she continue to have the refuting blog and other sites up? Because she WANTS the attention!! and she can’t tear herself away from us.”

Joan, you are 54 years old. Stop the game playing. By putting updates on your website trashing your sisters yet again in September 2010 and backdating your update to May 2010 shows everyone what a liar you are. Now because we pointed that out here in our blog, you go in and remove all the dates.  GROW UP! What – just because YOU are stupid, you think the rest of the world is stupid too?

And yet again Joan, you show the world what a liar you are. The only way for you to know that we blogged your manipulation of the dates of your updates would be for you to be reading our blog. Yet you keep insisting that you don’t read our blog!  Then for you to read that we are onto your date manipulation, you try to cover your tracks by removing all the dates! What a friggin’ coward you are – YOU HAVE THE DAM GUTS TO LIE, TRY TO MANIPULATE YOUR WEBSITE READERS AND YOUR FRIENDS AT THE ADOPTION FORUM BY DELIBRATELY  PUTTING UP WRONG DATES, THEN WHEN YOU GET CALLED OUT ON THE CARPET, YOU TRY TO ERASE THE EVIDENCE. HA HA HA.

Well, you sure showed the entire world what an ass you really are. Oh, what was the accusation that you put up there on your website – that we are going around calling you an asshole? No, we are not, and never HAVE gone to various websites calling you an asshole. We don’t need to. Because with your latest stunt, you have shown the entire world just what you are. –no, I won’t call you it – because everybody already knows it – I, and my sisters have no need to call you an asshole. Because you just did it to yourself. You just made yourself out to be an —- well, you know the old saying – “if the shoe fits — WEAR IT!” And you seem to wear it well.

oh, to save you the trouble of typing it out – let’s just put the blame on good ol Ruth again. yepper, RUTH came over to your house. RUTH dragged you out of bed. RUTH forced you to your computer. RUTH forced you to sign onto your website and go to your cyberbullying page. RUTH forced you to highlight the dates in question and RUTH forced you to hit the delete button.

ha ha ha ha. O my goddess, what a joke! Are you for real?  Now go and whine to your adoption buddies. Summon them again – and by the way, your summoning didn’t work – NOT ONE COMMENT WAS PLACED ON MY BLOG BY YOUR FRIENDS.

Face it Joan, your gameplaying and your whining is doing you in – NOT Ruth or the 2 other Sippel Sisters – you keep lying, you keep playing games, you keep showing that you have no honor, no integrity. And you just showed the whole world what a coward you are.

Thanks for the laugh – omg, I really needed that!

oh – has it been six weeks? no- August 25 to September 29 – only 5 weeks. close enough.

To prevent Joan from saying that she never had dates up – here are two screenshots of Joan’s blog that I just did – it shows how her cyberbullying page apeared on September 7, 2010. I show the beginning of the cached page to show the date, and the actual part of the page with the questionable dates. The third image is a screenshot of the page as it currently is, and the dates are not there. The coward took them off!

Joan Wheeler says she stands for Adoption Reform. She can’t even stand for herself and back up her own words – because she knows those words are LIES!

1. Gert – October 1, 2010

And yes, we shall continue to read Joan’s site because we shall monitor what she says about us there…not for harassment purposes…but for refuting her lies…big difference.

Our review and refuting of the book of lies continues on…is Joan ready to answer us?


Bullying Untruths – and we can see through your little games Joan Wheeler – why are you lying about dates when you post on your own website? September 23, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
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Okay, here we have some MORE manipulation and BULLYING  by Joan Wheeler. Supposedly, back in May 2010, Joan added more nonsense to her website. We Three Sippel Sisters did not see this lying nonsense until September 18. Contrary to Joan’s insistence that we are visiting her website and stalking her. We do check out her site from time to time. And guess what – even though her cyberbullying page is listed as being updated on May 18 (or May 8) – it wasn’t there until just recently. A Google cache snapshop of the page on September 6, 2010, does NOT show her additional little snotty FALLACIES,, not FACTS of her miserable life or her sisters. Joan forgets that the internet is for keeps. And things can be sooooo easily checked.

So there you go Rus – contrary to what she told you – she is NOT interested in keeping the peace, or stopping the lies,  because as her little addition of  September, 2010, and backdating it to May 2010, she continues to post garbage about us. And we claim the right to know what is being is written about us. Call it “stalking” if you will – but it is NOT stalking – it is ferreting out Joan Wheeler’s lies and then refuting them here on this website. Joan’s addition is a paragraph telling lies about each of her sisters and lists them as FACTS. These are far from FACTS – these are fallacies, fallacies made up by Joan in a further attempt to damage the reputations of her sisters – these are in FACT – crimes of harassment and STALKING! And these fallacies are twisted reportings of personal items and events in the lives of her sisters. what are you doing Joan? Practicing writing for the tabloids? Your “reporting” and writing skills is just on that level.

I have already refuted the FALLACIES of Joan’s bullshit about me with my post of September 20, 2010: Facts, facts, facts – Joan Wheeler makes up facts to suit her own fantasies. But the real facts are quite different.  This current post is Gert’s answers to Joan’s bullying FALLACIES.

This is indeed the last time we will answer any more of Joan’s continued little additional “facts” about us, because frankly, we see no reason why Joan keeps coming up with these “new” additional facts. I mean, didn’t she write a whole dam book about us? oh wait – it’s a book about her – right? WRONG – the book is all about all the little sins that her sisters committed against her. I mean it’s over 600 pages long – but she keeps finding more stuff in the little recesses of her little mind to tattle about us. And most of these “new”facts are just rehasing of what she has said in the book, and even incredibliy enough, DIRECT CONTRADICTIONS OF WHAT SHE HAD SAID IN THE BOOK! She changes the FACTS of her own FACTS – and we have pointed out each and every contradiction. And that is getting dam tiring – so keep on typing your silly lies, Joan, keep on changing the facts of events every time you retell it, we are getting back to the business at hand – refuting all the lies contained in your book. I now turn the podium over to Gert —

From Gert —
my answers to part of the bullying untruths update supposedly of May 2010, but in reality, September 2010.

On Joan Wheeler’s site she posted, yet again, various untruths about her birth sisters. She has called us ‘the three Sippel sisters’ but she doesn’t include herself, even though she was ‘born’ a Sippel and is our blood sister. The title she has given us is because she fully believes that our entire lives have been devoted to destroying hers. Untrue. We are devoted to restoring honor to our own lives. She also says we are bullying her, untrue, we are only defending ourselves against all the untruths that Joan has printed about us. I am here addressing a couple of things that Joan has said, in an update supposedly on May 8, 2010, but in reality, September 2010. I am only addressing statements related to myself or those that I can speak about.

Joan states:  Here are facts about my life:

Gert answers: this statement is first of all an untruth, for her life has nothing to do with our lives, we are all individuals. Secondly, hasn’t Joan already written a ‘truthful’ account of her life? Then why are these statements, from September 2010, NOT in the book. Did she forget about them? No, she just wants to trash us again. How can she write a true account of her life and have ‘forgotten’ these facts. In fact these statements of Joan’s are her attempt to continue to trash us and she does it by the continued use of emblishments and exaggerations. To her mind, the more she can emblish a tale the worst she can make us out to be. But the truth of the matter is, is that by doing so, emblishing, she is showing everyone just how worried she is that her sisters are indeed telling the truth.

Joan states: Fact:   The three Sippel sisters, Gert, Kathy and Ruth, have written letters to all of the major adoption reform organizations in 1992 telling them what an asshole I am, and they wrote me a letter “throwing” me out of the family. This was after and during their barrage of hate mail and hate phone calls to me, harassing me, my husband and children, for decades. They do not want me in their lives and I do not want them in my life. I am not corresponding with them in any way at all, not even reading their hateful blogs about me. (Ruth’s note – in the book she says it was 9 agencies – now she changes it to ALL the agencies. AND in the book she contradicts herself on the harassing mail and phone calls she recieved. First she says it came from us, then she says it came from her adopted uncle John Wheeler, who was finally caught by the police).

Gert answers:  Why the need to repeat this, it’s all in the book. Joan likes to repeat herself many times over frequently making the fish bigger than the last time she told the story. And Joan is an asshole, want else is new! We sisters have recently answered part of this issue of the great ‘1992 letter writing’ on our blog. I myself have written about the entire book and my posts will appear in sequential order in due time. But truth is there were NO letters written to adoption organizations.

We probably did write a letter ‘throwing’ her out of the family. I have had two contacts with Joan since I divorced her in 1982, a physical visit in 1992 and a phone call in 2005. I never harassed her, her children or her adoptive mother. I DIVORCED myself from her, after her repeated interference within my marriage and my minor children and my parental authority and her calling child abuse upon me, which was proved totally unfounded. What she writes in her book is again a fabrication and twisting of the true facts. I have written about those incidents and they will be posted in due time.

Here is an example of how Joan twists facts. She writes in the book that she called child abuse on me, for fear for my child and that my child was ‘removed’ from my home because of abuse. That is false. The truth is, my child had behavioral and run-away issues. After Joan kept my run-away child from me and lied to the family about my child’s whereabouts,  it was I that called the police and I that requested a hearing in Family Court. It was THEN THAT JOAN CALLED CHILD ABUSE ON ME AND SUED ME FOR CUSTODY OF MY CHILD. It was I who had Family Court place my child in a foster home due to the behavioral and running away issues. No one took my child from me. I placed her in foster care for her safety and to keep her away from Joan. It was I who requested a home study done on Joan and she failed it. But, I have written in depth on this and it will eventually get on the blog. 

We are refutting Joan book of lies to restore our honor that she has sullied, garbaged and dishonored and we shall continue to expose Joan’s dirty deeds and words.

Joan states:  Fact:   My eldest sister, Gert, sexually molested me repeatedly during the first years of our reunion. No, this was not Genetic Sexual Attraction (as known in adoption psychology) this was initiated by drug and alcohol to intoxicate and to seduce me. She said it was “a way to get back to Momma”. So my eldest sister had her own idea of sex with me as she missed our dead mother and used me to that end. This first occurred when I was 20 years old and continued for about two years, which was two years after being found by this sister. It does not matter that I was “old enough to know better” because I was vulnerable from being found and having to deal with reunion and betrayal of my adoptive parents at that stage of young adulthood.

Additionally, my eldest sister was 29 years old at the time and in a position of authority over me (eldest sister to youngest sister). Keep in mind that I was raised an only child, too, and had no counselor or therapist to help me.  

 Gert answers:    So why didn’t Joan put this in the book? Only here, only after I came out publically to refute all her lies in her book does she state that I molested her repeatly for years. What a bunch of crap! As I’ve said before this never happened. This is just another example of emblishments and exaggerations to show that she has been victimized, which is her core belief. I have written about this and it will all come out in the wash when my extensive blog posts are posted. She writes with the purpose of sensationalizing everything, she combines and twists things to make her tale more believable than the usual nothing that in fact happened. And no where in the book does she tell the tales of her own sexual encounters.

Joan says that I seduced her as “a way to get back to Momma”, what the hell does that mean? and “So my eldest sister had her own idea of sex with me as she missed our dead mother and used me to that end.” What planet is Joan from? This is an expression of Joan’s own mind, this is how Joan thinks. I don’t think this way. What kind of sexual fantasy does Joan have that is ‘a way back to Momma’? What was it that she wanted from me in the first place?
(Ruth’s note – Well, my goodness! Gee, I grew up with Gert – we were in the same foster home together – in my teen years, I was her babysitter – we had many in depth talks – we drank together – never did drugs together, cried together about our dead mom, but NEVER did Gert make any sexual advances towards me to get back to Momma! Also, when I was 13, Gert who was married and pregnant with her second child, had me stay at her house for a weekend, where she gave me the birds and the bees talk. A very sexual conversation. With a very naive 13 year old. Gert did not take advantage of me then, or even later down the road when I was in my 20’s and we had some very graphic girl “locker room” talks. And by the way, Joan and I had some graphic girl “locker room” talks too, along with some raunchy jokes! And before the accusations start – I didn’t make any sexual advances to Joan either! And as to her allegations of threesomes with Gert, with Kathy, I’m beginning to think it was a sexual fantasy of Joan to have sex with Gert and Kathy, and possibly me – because most of her writings of FACTS is really FANTASIES!
Joan continues to say “It does not matter that I was “old enough to know better” because I was vulnerable from being found and having to deal with reunion and betrayal of my adoptive parents at that stage of young adulthood. Additionally, my eldest sister was 29 years old at the time and in a position of authority over me (eldest sister to youngest sister). Keep in mind that I was raised an only child, too, and had no counselor or therapist to help me. “

God damn it Joan grow up!!! Don’t you have a voice of her own to speak up and say anything, when something is happening to you? What are you, a sponge that anyone can squeeze and you just sit there and do nothing! What a cop-out to say that at age 20 you didn’t have to ‘know better’! You were vulnerable! Bull shit, a cop-out!

You poor thing! you had to deal with reunion and betrayal at such a stage of young adutlhood, what kind of stupid thing is that? Who are you talking to, yourself? No adult in their right mind believes such a statement. No, you know exactly what you are doing and these statements prove it. You are a manipulator and you are using clinical type words to describe a NON-EVENT.  Just because I’m older than you doesn’t give me any authority over you, that is totally in your own mind, another cop-out.

Oh you poor dear, you were raised as an only child without a counselor or therapist to help you! And I, did I have a therapist? And your siblings did they have a counselor or a therapist! And has every child in the world have a therapist! Are really that stupid and brain dead to think that you needed a counselor and therapist to be a real person who is capable of taking responsibility for your own life!! Do you really believe that a therapist would stop you from being a victim? If that is so, then you have wasted a lot of time and money because you are still a self-declared victim, everyone dumps on you. Get in line folks, pick up some shit and dump it on Joan…she loves being dumped on!

Ruth’s note – Joan was NOT as naive as she portrays herself here – she told me she became sexually active at 16. (1972). And in 1975, when we attended the Star Trek convention in New York City, we had discussions about the two year old Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision that legalized abortion, and both our uncertainties about that decision, trying to balance our repulsion against abortion, and our supporting a woman’s right to choose what she wants about her body. As much as I had many frank woman issues talks with Gert, I had a lot more of those types of talks with Joan – we each had a copy of “Our Bodies, Our Selves,” a book that not only talked about the physicality of a woman’s body, but touched on women’s issues that were never fully discussed before. It was a breakthrough for feminists and women everywhere in the early 1970’s. And Joan and I were both Feminists, and Women’s Libbers! Joan was quite knowledgeable about her body, and her sexuality. She was not a Veronica Virgin here – and she went out to the disco’s and bars with me and my first husband Abdo, sometimes double dating with her as Abdo’s brother Ali’s date. And the four of us drank – and smoked marijuana together. She did not sleep with Ali, because she had a steady boyfriend back in college, a black boy named Manuel. But she and Manuel did have sexual relations – how do I know these things? Because she told me? Because we were quite close – contrary to her recent lies that we (and that includes me) have been nothing but trouble to her since 1974. If I was such a trouble to you Joan, why did we have such frank girl-talks?
Joan states: Fact:   We lost our mother at her death when we were young children. They lost their baby sister to adoption and I lost my entire family due to adoption. My siblings violated our father’s privacy and confidentiality by contacting me when I was 18 without consulting him. My siblings violated my adoptive parents’ privacy and mine by contacting me when I was still in high school.        My siblings violated me in many ways.

Gert answers:    And we were not the only ones who has lost a mother. Adoption is not the issue, the real issue is in Joan’s diseased mind. We did not violate Dad’s privacy and confidentiality by contacting Joan. I spoke with an lawyer and an adoption agency and was told that siblings have the right to make contact on their own merits. No laws were broken, it is only in Joan’s diseased mind that she believes such. Again, being in high school is not the issue, she was 18, legal age, in NY State and was able to be contacted by birth family members. It is only in the adoptive family that there was and is this unhealthy view that Joan’s adoption was a secret.

Beside the violations that Joan has stated, could she please give us more details as to the ‘many ways’, we have violated her. This is a totally diseased  mind’s statement.

Joan states:    All of this could have been avoided had someone stepped in to help our father at the time his wife died to keep the family together. I have nothing but sympathy for my siblings who are suffering tremendously; we should be family instead of being torn apart. They found me because they wanted their baby sister, but they were not willing to accept the responsibility that goes with finding an adoptee who was unaware of the truth. I suffered the most in this separation and reunion. I want to spend the rest of my days in peace, free from their contact and harassment. But they follow me online, write to other bloggers and to professionals in adoption to interfere with my goals of adoption reform. They are actively involving themselves in my life, reading my blog, contacting people they have no business contacting. Enough already. I want to live in peace without them in my life. Ruth’s note – ahh, Dictator Joan is going to tell me I have no right to contact adoption experts – when she herself continues to insist that adoption has affected me and my sisters – well then if ADOPTION has affected me, than I DO have the business to contact them. – listen puppy, I will contact whomever I want – YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME JOAN – I WILL NOT OBEY YOU!

Gert answers: Joan refuses to accept reality. Period, life happens, death happens, decisions are made, life goes on, deal with it.

If Joan has sympathy for her siblings who are suffering, why is she continuing to tell lies? Again, Joan, stop blaming the birth family for your faults and your inability to be ‘part of the family’. It was you alone Joan, who violated everyone’s privacy and confidentiality by repeating, in print, things about the family that never should  have been repeated, period. It was you alone Joan who systematically destroyed every relationship that has ever come to you. Face the fact, Joan you are a sick puppy and you need to take the blame.

Ruth’s note – again, Joan REFUSES to see the realities of 1956. When my mother died, my father was left with 5 little kids – aged 3 months to 9 years – there was no welfare system like we have today – my father had to go to work – there were no daycare centers back then either – and even today, many daycare centers will NOT take care of infants. My father had no siblings – his parents were elderly – his mother worked – his father had one leg and was deaf – how was he going to run around taking care of 5 little kids? My mother’s siblings were either older as well and couldn’t deal with little ones and infant, or they had a bunch of little kids at home. My Uncle Richard did take Joan in for 3 months, but his wife was pregnant – and they all said they could take in 1 or 2, but not all 5.
As for Joan saying she suffered the most – yeah well, I can show you a lot of little kids all over the world who suffered even MORE than Joan, so just suck it up! For crying out loud Joan it is the year 2010 – WHEN are you going to live for NOW?

So the Sippel Family got a bad deal- Mama got cancer and died at the age of 30 – what could her life been had she lived? She was fond of country + western music, and was an artist. In some of her pictures she shows a tremendous sense of humor – and great love as she holds her god-daughter Judy. All 5 of us grew up not knowing this remarkable woman, but what disservice are you doing to her Joan that you are not living up to your potential? You have 2 college degrees, an artist in your right – you whine you can’t work because of your health problem. But you seem to have no problem finding the time to get on your computer and type out lie after lie.
        When I first met Joan – she had a huge weaving loom set up in the family dining room and was proud of a Native American shawl she had already woven. She was a member of the Buffalo Indian Dance group –    Joan – your kids are grown – why are you not back into your dancing? Or your weaving? My god – I have so many interests I can’t get to them because I have to work – I am eagerly w aiting for retirement so I can devote more time to them!

In other words Joan: GET A LIFE! 1956 is in the past. Mom is DEAD AND GONE. Our childhood is GONE! Our teens and twentys, the years of self-discovery are OVER! Our thirties and forties, where we start settling in are OVER! We are in our fifties and sixties, where we start looking back at our lives and start filling in the holes and start seeing our mistakes and start correcting them begin.
        And actually, if you have been a complete and whole human being, those mistakes would have been corrected years ago and NOT REPEATED over and over. And self-discovery never actually ends – I am still growing, and still discovering things about myself. I get better every year! Not so for Joan – she is still stuck like she were 10 years old, with telling little lies about her sisters. She keeps wishing that her mother hadn’t died – then her life would have been so much better. Yeah, right, so what? Same thing goes for me – I was 3 years old when my mother died. My life would have been so much better if MY mother hadn’t died too. YOU DON’T SEE ME LAYING AROUND MY HOUSE LIKE A DRIED UP OLD PRUNE TELLING LIE AFTER LIE AND WASTING MORE THAN 30 YEARS OF MY LIFE ON A TRASHY LYING BOOK! You don’t see me going to therapist after therapist, but not learing one dam thing from them! After Joan stole from me in 1990, I kicked her out of my life – it is now 19 years later – and she’s still whining about the same things she was whining about back then! And even after all the crap Joan did to me in the 90’s I had moved on from them – but then comes her book – with it’s lies and the reason I am writing about her misdeeds is to set the record straight!

Joan states:   With all this hateful rage they spew, their goal is to make my life a living hell. They have achieved their goal.

Gert answers:  No, not true. Only you Joan are responsible for your life and whether it is heaven or hell. I have nothing to do with your life. Your life is what you have made of it, not anything from me.
Ruth’s note – and if our setting the record straight from her lying book is making her life a living hell – well, that is all on her – she had a choice – she could have written a truthful book, instead she wrote a lying book. Now she needs to take the consequences of her actions.
Joan states:   If these people really do not want me in their lives, they need to stop. I do not want them in mine. By giving ignorance a voice, perhaps they will leave me alone. I have real life to tend to, and adoption reform is a big part of my life.

Gert answers:  If by these people she means her sisters, we will stop when Joan pulls the book of lies from all sales and gives us a public apology for the lies she has told about us and the family. Obviously Joan WANTS us in her life for she just wrote this piece, which I only answered part of, in September of 2010! Adoption reform! Reform yourself Joan Wheeler, it is after all your life.
Ruth’s note – yes, Joan wants us in her life – On September 22, 2010, she wrote again about us. On the internet.- saying that we had harassed her adoptive parents – and this is another lie. Her adoptive father died in 1982 – I always liked the guy and visited him a couple of times in the hospital! I really never liked her adoptive mother, but was always respectful of her, and always addressed her as Mrs. Wheeler, in a respectful way.I never harassed her. And neither did my sisters. Joan can write all she wants about HER life, but when she writes about US – she is obviously showing us and the world, that she is the one who cannot let go of US!

1. Marty – September 23, 2010

This is so crazy after all these years you would think she would stop it is soooo sad she does not have a life or the one she has is so sad

2. RuthSeptember 23, 2010

you are right Marty – it IS sad – that she does not have a life. It IS sad that the life she has is sad. But she did HAVE the loving support or her sisters UNTIL she began treating them like dirt. THIS is why we turn our hearts and backs on her – she showed us no respect – no love – she stole from us – lied about us – tried to get one of us deported – interfered with the raising of another one’s minor child – tried to get another one fired from her job and tried to break up her marriage – and to this day – just one day before I am writing this, she LIED again about us on the internet – and then whines that her sisters are bothering her?

3. gert – September 24, 2010

Yes it is quite sad!

The only reason that this blog exists is because Joan published her lies and that can not be left alone. No one gets the right to publish lies about other people, living or dead, without consequences. Joan’s entire book is a lie. Joan’s entire life is a lie…she doesn’t know how to be truthful.

Kathy Inglis’ answers to Joan Wheeler’s caricature of her in the book Forbidden Family September 23, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Back on April 7, 2010, Kathy sent me an email that contained material that she wanted me to post. I never got around to it, so here it finally is. Kathy also posted on September 19, 2010 that she will not be baited with Joan’s FALLACIES in this post: FINAL NOTICE TO JOAN WHEELER AND ALL ADOPTEES AND ADOPTION REFORMERS BY KATHERINE INGLIS

From: Kathrine Inglis
To: Gert McQueen ; Ruth Pace
Sent: Wed, April 7, 2010 8:36:38 PM
Subject: info req’d

Gert and Ruth- here’s what I have to say, so far:
My sister, Gert, has asked me for my observations on JW’s version of our reunion and her visits to Liverpool. I do not feel that my life, and life choices, should be fodder for public opinion, but there are a few things here I feel should be addressed and I will comment briefly.
On page 16,c.1974- JW has me down as a hotel maid- I never worked in a hotel in my life! I was granted a Work Permit to work for 1 family, as an au pair-the nearest equivalent to this in American parlance is Living-in-Nanny.  Eventually, on acquiring Permanent UK Residence, I worked in an Insurance office, then became a full time music student and trainee teacher. I have earned my living as a musician and GUITAR (not dance) teacher for more than 30 yrs, and though retired from school work, I still teach privately and perform locally.
Much of what JW relates regarding her visits to Liverpool is accurate, however, there are one or two ‘scenes’ she describes which seem to be contrived to fit what she wants to believe.
On page 146 -Nov/Dec 1976-JW describes an incident in a pub where an entertainer shouts ‘Yankee go home’,a near riot breaking out, and me ranting and raging in anger through several city streets.I don’t think so. ‘Yankee go home ‘is a phrase used a lot here, I still get it after 37 yrs-it is usually used in jest, as a term of endearment. It is a phrase left over from WWII when American GIs were stationed all over Britain. It may be that someone said this, but it would have been in jest.I certainly have never had it said to me in anger, perhaps this is because I made the effort to get to know, and respect, my adopted country. (Adopted – now there’s word for you-JW is not the only adoptee in this story.)
Page 152- JW seems to have ‘telescoped’ several scenes into 1 – friends did come round for an annual Christmas open house  I used to host, and the film Ben-Hur was televised-but these were two seperate occasions. We certainly never watched the film together- now this may sound trivial to most folks, but, because of our Mother’s family name of Herr and various other reasons,  a family tradtion developed wherein we would watch the film as a unit, particularly in cinemas. We would always cheer when Judah, searching for his mother and sister, mentions the ‘family of Hur’. I remember relating this to JW when I’d noticed BH was due to be televised during her visit to Liverpool.
Now, for many reasons, not least of which is the music, I have tended over the years to want to view the film on my own, as a form of cultural escapism, and I explained this to JW. I gave her the option of watching it with me, without disturbing me, or of going out for the afternoon whilst it was broadcast. She chose the latter – wise girl. By reporting in FF that we watched it together, and cheered at the appropriate moment, demonstrates JWs  manipulation of our lives to include her – this is her wishful thinking, in her head, not in actuality.
Her description of her second visit to Liverpool Dec 1979 is very bizarre. I welcomed her as I welcome any guest – with warmth and sincerity. By this time, 3 years into our little reunion, I had put down roots here in the UK and was even more emotionally separated from the family. We had many talks during that month,and I would wince whenever she went on about her wonderful life in Buffalo. She did ask me why she got ‘negative vibes’ from me whenever she spoke about Buffalo – had she not been listening to me when I told her Buffalo did not hold many happy memories for me?
As regards my bizarre behaviour on page 178ff – wild-eyed, slapping my thighs- what a charicature! Of course, I did not relate to her as a sister, I repeatedly tried to explain when she insisted that I do. With my upbringing, and her adoption, I did not – and still now do not – know what it feels like to be a sister, daughter, aunt, neice. I explained this to her grown up daughter in an email just a few months ago, and my other two sisters know and accept this of me. In social situations, I felt it better to ‘put on the act’ to put others at ease and not burden them with ‘our tragic family history. It’s called social skills.
At the time of JWs visits, I was living in what Americans call a studio flat – one large room, and kitchen, shared bathroom, no bedroom. I happliy shared my huge bed for that first month – and paid for all the food, etc. Second time around, I was a full-time student with a heavy work load, so my neighbour said JW could use her studio flat whilst she spent the Xmas hols with her family in Wales. I thought this was a very generous offer – it certainly wasn’t meant as a snub. Two years before, the same neighbour lent the same flat to my father when he came to visit.JW may have rung her mother from the communal pay-phone but I doubt if she had enough coins to make a trans-Atlantic phone call on a metered public phone! If she did speak to her mother, it would have to have been reversed-charge which is how I spoke internationally before getting my landline. In any case, her mother does come over as a rude woman as described by her daughter.
I’m sure her bizarre caricature of me, right down to the strange Irish/Cockney accent she describes, is down to several things, not least of which was my insistance that she pay towards her keep during her second month-long sojourn, as, being on a student grant, money was tight. After all, her adopted parents paid for both trips and I was in no position to give her free lunches. Fair’s fair, you know.
So there you have it-the story so far. More when we reach 1984, 1989. Perhaps.

Schedule for appearances of Joe Soll and Rene Hoksbergen at the Shedding Light on the Adoption Experience VI Sept. 24 + 25, 2010 September 23, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Lessons in Life.
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Mr. Joe Soll will be lecturing for the 200 series on Friday afternoon, Sept. 24, from 3:10 – 4:30pm. And for the 300 series on Saturday morning, Sept.25, from 10:30am – 11:45am.

Dr. Rene Hoksbergen will be a panel member at a panel discussion on Saturday afternoon, 12:45 – 2:15 pm.

I suggest all interested parties please ask these two gentlemen pointblank about their side of the story of how they were portrayed falsely in Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family. But let me make this statement: I am aware that the adoptees run hot and cold with Mr. Soll. Some like him, some don’t like him, some out and out can’t stand him – that is not the issue here. Whether you like Mr. Soll or not – it doesn’t matter – what does matter and this is my point – JOAN WHEELER LIED ABOUT HIM IN HER BOOK FORBIDDEN FAMILY THAT SHE KEEPS SAYING IS THE TRUTH!

Ask Joe about Joan’s saying on page 310 of the book Forbidden Family that he received in the mail a copy of a 40 page letter that was supposedly written by the Three Sippel Sisters, and about a phone call between Joe and Joan discussing this letter. We received an email from Joe on May 14, 2010 that confirms what we knew all along – this was a falsehood – because we never wrote such a letter. We posted both Gert’s email to Joe, and his quick response (a half hour after receiving Gert’s email) – here at this post, HIGH ALERT EVIDENCE of Joan Wheeler’s lies FROM A PERSON IN AN ADOPTION REFORM ORGANIZATION . 

Ask Dr. Hoksbergen about an event that was described on pages 275-278- a visit by Rene to the home of Ruth and John Pace and how I, Ruth Pace jumped up and down and was screaming and yelling at Joan and Rene. We have not been in contact with Dr. Hoksbergen to hear what he has to say about this visit, but I know what he will say: that the chronicling of this visit is FALSE, because no such visit took place, he was never at my home, and the one and only time I did meet him – at Joan’s house, I barely spoke to him, much less jumped up and down and screamed at him. Also he never met my husband.

Big mouths Rus and Mara, little mouths Heather and Myst – now’s your chance to either shut up or put up. Even if you are not going to be in attendance, I’m sure you will know someone who is going there – you are all so fired up about my blog – and keep defending Joan – so don’t take MY word – go to two of your own adoption experts – Joe and Rene. Then see how “truthful” Joan’s  book is.

Then ask yourselves: if Joan could lie about Joe and Rene, who or what else has she lied about? You will find those answers right here on this blog. This is not about The Three Sippel Sisters bullying Joan Wheeler, either in the cyberworld, or the real world – this blog is for Shedding Light on the Lies of Joan Wheeler – for not only has she lied about and misrepresented us and our family, she has lied about and misrepresented two adoption reform experts.

We Three Sippel Sisters have experienced lies, misrepsentations, out and out deeds by Joan that were engineered to destroy our lives. Like falsely calling child abuse authorities, calling the place of employment of one sister, trying to get her fired with lies, writing letters to the mayor of a major city trying to discredit her sister, trying to get another deported from the country she emigrated to, tried to break up the marriage of one sister, interfered with the minor child’s upbringing of another sister, harassed a birth-cousin while she was dying of cancer. Oh yes, Joan has been one busy lady – busy being a liar, a pest, a stalker, a troublemaker, a harrasser, an abuser, a thief, a manipulator, a con artist, and a bully.

So to those adult adoptees who have come here and have thought that the words of this blog are terrible – because they are against Joan – do yourself a favor – don’t believe me or my sisters – go right to two experts in your own field – Joe Soll and Rene Hoksbergen –

Because if you don’t take the time to get to the truth of the matter, then you deserve all you get from the Master Manipulator – Joan Wheeler. And you will show the world that you are nothing but sheep, willing to be just led around by the nose and used and abused by Joan Wheeler.

I know – I’ve been there – I was used and manipulated by Joan Wheeler for 15 years – 1975-1990. Then when I stood up for myself and refused to be her doormat any longer, came the lies, harassment, emotional abuse that lasted for 10 years. In 1999, I was granted a one-year order of protection against her. We had 4 years of peace,but then in 2004 she started up again – and it continues to this day.

I am only trying to warn you people – that she will make your life a living hell – so it’s YOUR choice, — find out about her NOW – do your homework – or lie down and be her slave.

baa baaa baaa baa baaaa

1. Gert – September 23, 2010

Right on!!

Perfect, Shedding Light on the Lies of Joan Wheeler! That is what this blog is about. It isn’t a popularity contest or who the biggest baddest, it’s all about the truth.

Lies can not live when there are spot-lights on them. Joan may be able to lie to herself and to those that think like her, but she can not lie to the entire world, when Light is Placed on the lies.

And the term bullying is misused by Joan when she whines that we are doing so. She has no real understanding of what bullying is. She likes to throw out terms that are catch-words, hot-button terms, terms that the fringes of society may use. No, this is no bullying, this is shedding the light where the lies lives, it is truth-telling.

Joan started all of this by publishing a book of lies. We sisters are throwing light on those lies.

And as Ruth as stated:
“for not only has she lied about and misrepresented us and our family, she has lied about and misrepresented two adoption reform experts.”

This is also correct. We sisters have no interest in gaining fame or fortune, we have no contracts with the professionals named here, our ONLY motive is for the truth to be out…that Joan Wheeler lies and lies and lies.

2. RuthSeptember 24, 2010

I posted this article yesterday morning September 23, 2010. In the body of this post, I  named 4 people who had come here in the past and left comments. The only way anybody could see their names would be if they came and READ the post.
In past weeks Joan Wheeler kept insisting that she does NOT read our blog – but then how come yesterday, she starts another whine entitled “More crap from my sisters – Mara, Heather, Myst – you are being summoned.”

Sooo, what does this mean? It means that JOAN WHEELER IS READING OUR BLOG!!!
I told you people – If Joan can lie to + about Mr. Soll and Dr. Hoksbergen – she will lie to and about YOU. And it looks like she just did.
“I’m not reading their blog.” Oh Baloney! She IS reading it.

3. gert – September 24, 2010

It’s okay, Joan she really ought to READ THIS BLOG because it is ALL ABOUT HER and HER LIES

We are not going anywhere, we are staying right here, forever, telling our truths…

4. Gert – September 24, 2010

Having given this more thought…

This statement of Joan’s:

“More crap from my sisters – Mara, Heather, Myst – you are being summoned.”

not only does it indicte that Joan reads this blog, but she has and is using her friends to do her dirty work as her henchmen, that is the typical work of a true bully someone who stands BEHIND others who will and do the dirty work!

Stand up for yourself Joan!

you may have the wool pulled over these sheep, but the world is watching you and judging you.

5. RuthSeptember 24, 2010 

oh without a doubt Gert – this is Joan’s Modus Operendi – Method of Operation – I sugges those who doubt this – go to the post about Joan lying to Prof. Hoksbergen and please read the letter that Kathy wrote to the good professor back in 1993 –
where Kathy says to the Prof – “Joan knows I won’t open or read her letters, so she gets her friends to do her dirty work.”
1993 folks – 17 years ago, and Joan is still manipulating and using people to do her dirty work!

You adoptees don’t know Joan as long as we have or dealt with her shit as long as we have – but you will – ‘cos once you get on her shit list – you can’t get rid of her. We’ve been trying for decades to get rid of her -SHE WON’T GO AWAY – SHE WON’T STOP!  So we do the next best thing – cut her off. We expose her to the world for what she is – a bully – a 54 year old woman acting like a 10 year old –

My “summoning’ of Heather, Mara, Myst was for them to wake the hell up, I didn’t tell them to take this blog at carte blanch – didn’t I tell them to do their homework? I didn’t tell them to go “talk” to Joan – I told them to figure things out – they have brains – can’t they tell when they are being used? And not by me – I think those who are following this blog (and I know I have regular readers – they come over here via various blogspot blogs (financial services, loan consolidation) almost everyday – or is that YOU Joan? lol. anyway, those who are reading my blog can tell the Three Sippel Sisters style of writing – that we shoot from the hip – no fooling around – we tell it like it is – straight-forward TRUTH telling. NO friggin beating around the bush whines like “oh, my sisters are bothering me- get them away from me – get them away from me…ooh ohh, I’m falling apart ooh oohh – I can’t take it—ohh boo hoo, sob”  oh puh-leeze!

And we back up our words with cold hard evidence – scans of actual letters and court documents. If we were in a court of law, with the body of evidence we have provided, there would be no doubt – Joan would be hauled off to the psych center – where she belongs. She “claims” she doesn’t have the paper documents to back up her fish-stories, because she burned them all! Baloney! She never had them in the first place. She’s full of shit and she knows it. And we know it. And the whole world is beginning to know it.

Adoptee’s tantrums nothing special – Childhood bipolar disorder article by child psychologist John Rosemund, September 14, 2010 September 21, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Lessons in Life, mental illness, Uncategorized.
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Adoptee’s tantrums nothing special – Childhood bipolar disorder article by child psychologist John Rosemund, September 14, 2010 – submitted by Gert McQueen September 21, 2010
In  my newspaper the headline was Adoptee’s tantrums nothing special. I particularly like…the psychobabble about adoptees having unique bonding issues and how they make the parents obey them…that is the child must be obeyed by the parent and by extension everyone else. I’ve been personally sick of Joan’s inner child ruining my life for as long as she’s been ‘known’ by me. I’m sick of Joan’s inner child telling me and the rest of the world how horrible I am. Joan’s childhood bipolar disorder has continued long enough! It’s time to grow up and take responsibility for her own life, the good and the bad of it. I shall never obey Joan and be what she wants me to be, I was before Joan was. I shall not have her continue to tell untruths about  me. 

9/14/10 Living with Children
John Rosemond Copyright 2010, John K. Rosemond 
 Today’s parents—and especially those in the educated class who consume parenting information via newspaper columns, books, and seminars—tend toward what I call “psychological thinking.” They assign psychological meaning and significance to any behavior on the part of their children that is the least bit out of kilter. So, for example, a somewhat clingy preschool child isn’t simply introverted; rather, the child is insecure and needing additional attention because a younger sibling came along before she was able to completely work through toddler dependency issues and blah blah blah. Thus, something that is no big deal becomes a big deal.

           The psychological interpretation mystifies the child’s behavior, raises the parent’s anxiety level, and generates responses that are not only confusing to the child but also make the problem—if in fact the behavior in question is problematic to begin with—much, much worse.

           This came to mind recently when a mother asked me to help her figure out why her 3-year-old is throwing wild tantrums and what to do about them. She said, “You probably need to know that she’s adopted.” I needed to know this because several adoption specialists had informed said Mom that adopted children were burdened by unique “bonding issues” that engendered confusion, insecurity, anger, fear of rejection, and other forms of psychological angst. Therefore, adopted children need to be treated with kid gloves, which Mom was dutifully doing.

           I stopped her and said, “Your daughter is throwing tantrums for the same reason non-adopted children throw tantrums.”

           “Which is?” she asked, somewhat taken aback.

           “You are not obeying her properly.”

           It doesn’t matter what the child’s history or circumstances, all tantrums are equal. They are expressions of what I call “The Almighty I Am”—the belief, shared by every child, that he/she is the only fish in the pond of any significance and that everyone else—parents especially—exists solely to serve. When their service is not pleasing, when their obedience is not immediate, The Almighty I Am begins to rage. Hell hath no fury, etcetera.

           (In the 1960s, those of us who had our heads in various utopian clouds referred to TAIA as the “inner child” and we strove to get back in touch with it. When we became parents, we took special care to not repress our children’s inner beasts, which goes a long way toward explaining why so many Boomers are now raising their grandchildren.)

           Convinced that her daughter’s tantrums were a sign of deep-seated psychological rumblings, Mom catered to them. She figured out what her daughter wanted her to do and she did it. In short, she fed the beast. In turn, the beast grew more beastly. (In some cases, the beast is eventually given a name: childhood bipolar disorder.)

           I asked, “Do you think it’s good for your daughter to believe that it’s your duty to obey her?” She answered correctly—her first step toward parental rehabilitation.

           As long as her daughter’s high-self-esteem seizures were the expression of psychological commotion, Mom’s ability to deal effectively with them was paralyzed. In fact, the commotion was primarily in Mom’s head, not her daughter’s. Released from the bondage of psychobabble, Mom is now able to give said seizures their due—which is to say, nothing. (This makes less likely that she will someday be found raising her grandchildren.)

           Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents’ questions at www.rosemond.com.

1. RuthSeptember 21, 2010

“You are not obeying her properly.”
you dam right – I am NOT obeying Joan Wheeler – do you people read and understand that??
I also was before Joan. and that doesn’t matter – I AM A HUMAN BEING WITH MY OWN RIGHTS AND DIGNITIES AND I REFUSE TO BE DICTATED TO BY JOAN WHEELER. Joan hinted at “secrets” in her book. Secrets that her sister have and are afraid of having put out – we said it once before on this blog and here it is again: WHATEVER SECRETS YOU THINK YOU CAN HOLD HOSTAGE OVER OUR HEADS SPEAK THEM NOW – FOR WE WILL NOT BE HELD FOR EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL BY YOU JOAN! WE WILL NOT OBEY YOU, PROPERLY OR IMPROPERLY.

Joan Wheeler LIES about Dr. Rene Hoksbergen in her book Forbidden Family September 20, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Lies in the book Forbidden Family.
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Joan M Wheeler has published a new ‘revision’ of the same old hate manifesto and renamed it ‘Duped by Adoption’. I have created a new blog and Facebook page…

Here are the links to my NEW blog and Facebook page



On Amazon, I have reviewed 7 reviews of this ‘new’ garbage book and created a ‘discussion’ on the Forward, by Rene Hoksbergen.

Here’s the link to the DISCUSSION about the FORWARD on Amazon


Here’s the link to a recent blog post Nov 3, 2015 about the contents of the forward


Here are the related links to blog posts that Ruth and I have already written and addressed topics related to Rene Hoksbergen, the author of the Forward.


https://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/2011/12/27/gert-mcqueens-review-of-rene-hoksbergens-review-of-forbidden-family-by-joan-wheeler/     this one is about the review in LAVAContact2  2010 English translation





NOW to continue on with THIS POST…

This post is about Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, who wrote the forward to Joan Wheeler’s book Fobidden Family. He wrote the forward in 2006, but the book wasn’t published until November 2009, with additions to it that included events that took place in the summer of 2009. I am assuming he READ a manuscript of the book before he wrote the forward. But I guarantee that the manuscript he read is NOT the same that was finally published, for it contains a huge lie – ABOUT HIM!

First – a bit of history – because Dr. Hoksbergen is involved here – when my sister Kathy moved to England in 1974, she left behind two large trunks of belongings, intending to send for them – my brother had possession of them until 1978 when he moved to Arizona. JOAN then took them in, and when she did, she took on the responsibility of caring for them. In 1990-91, Kathy started sending Joan money orders to be used for shipping costs. We have the actual letters that Joan in her handwriting, acknowledges receipt of the money, but SHE NEVER SHIPPED THE BELONGINGS. (therefore, she STOLE the money that Kathy sent her). Finally, Kathy called my father, he yelled at Joan, who’s excuse was that she and her husband only had one car, she had little kids, she didn’t have the time to ship them, blah, blah, blah. My father, WHO DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE – managed to collect Kathy’s belongings, and ship them onto her for a total of about $150.00. (when I first posted about this, I didn’t see the second reciept and put down it was around $52.00). BUT – not all of Kathy’s possessions were there – Joan KEPT some of the stuff – STEALING IT. – oh yes, the letters that Joan and Kathy were writing back and forth here were quite friendly – so much for Joan’s assertions that she has not had contact with Kathy since the late 80’s – another LIE!

Kathy was angry that not all of her possessions were returned, and rightfully so — so what does Joan do? She enlisted the help of Dr. Rene Hoksbergen to send a letter to Kathy, on Utrecht University letterhead stationary telling Kathy that she should feel sorry for Joan, she doesn’t have the money to ship her goods to her – that it was going to cost $500.00 to ship the stuff – (obviously Joan LIED to him about receiving the money from Kathy in the first place).

I will have to scan and post my father’s receipts and the letter from Dr. Hoksbergen – and how dare Joan drag a STRANGER  into our family business, and how dare he write to Kathy advising her on how deal with Joan. The result? – a formal complaint was made to Utrecht University in 1993 and a letter of apology from the university was sent to Kathy. Do you see how Joan drags even PROFESSIONAL people into her personal life and cons them into actually interfering with our family’s personal, private lives? This letter will also be posted.

The following are excerpts from previous posts that I have written months ago on this blog, and am reprinting them here:

On page 275, Joan Wheeler recounts a completely fabricated story where she and her husband brought adoption expert from Utrecht, Holland, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen for a visit to my house to meet me and my husband. THIS NEVER HAPPENED! I met Dr. Hoksbergen at Joan’s house on Swinburne St. Buffalo, BUT DR. HOKSBERGEN NEVER CAME TO MY HOUSE AND HE NEVER MET MY HUSBAND, AT OUR HOUSE OR JOAN’S HOUSE.

When I did meet Dr. Hoksbergen, I thought he was a rather nice man. I barely spoke to him, as I am shy around new people.

Joan then recounts a totally ficticious account of Dr. Hoksbergen’s fictitious visit, including a description of me jumping up and down, waving my arms around, yelling at Dr. Hoksbergen and calling Joan names. She says that my husband and I exchanged disgusted looks at each other.

She says that her mentor Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, adoption expert from Utrecht, Holland came to my house to meet me and my husband. LIE! He never came to my house. Joan describes a scene where I jump up and am pumping my arms around calling her obsessed and POSSESSED. This is a lie!


Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, I was going to write another post about the time Joan conned YOU into that nonsense about my sister in England’s belongings. I wasn’t going to use your real name, but since you wrote the forward to this book of lies, I hold you partially responsible for this crazy woman’s book of lies.

In your letter to my sister April 19, 1993, you tell K. that the cost of shipping her belongings to her would cost $500.00, and Joan did not have a car at that time to drive the stuff to a post office.
What Joan did NOT tell you, Dr. Hoksbergen, is that K. had sent a money order to Joan to cover the shipping costs. And she wrote and told Joan if she needed to take a cab, to call her and K. would send more money for cabfare. It was my father, who sent some of K.’s belongings to her for $52.50 OUT OF HIS OWN MONEY! –

back to the present – Dr. Rene Hoksbergen is going to be at “Shedding Light on the Adoption Experience, VI” in New York City, at the Park Central Hotel, this weekend, September 24 – 25, 2010. I suggest you go see him and ask him pointblank about the lies Joan Wheeler has told about him in her book.

Don’t take the Three Sippel Sisters word that Joan Wheeler is a liar – go ask TWO of your own – Mr. Joe Soll and Dr. Rene Hoksbergen!

 Gert – September 21, 2010

Ruth is correct. I have already written about this appalling episode and it shall be seen here in due time. My entries are following the page/chapter sequence in the book and will be posted in sequence. I have a copy of this letter by Doctor Rene and I have commented line by line about the letter. But, readers will have to wait for it to appear here, in due time.

Joan has so much to answer for…we have only touched the surface.

I request that everyone of those people whom have doubted us birth sisters to contact both Mr. Joe Soll and Dr. Rene Hoksbergen and ask them for yourselves about what we here are asserting.

We have given you proof…now go out there and check it out…don’t believe us…don’t believe Joan…find out for yourselves…unless of course…you WANT be taken for a ride by Joan.

Ruth here again – ok this is a lot to go thru – but here is the correspondence regarding Joan and Rene about Kathy’s belongings. First up – Joan’s acknowledgement that she got the money order. Then Dad’s recipts where he only spent about $150.00, then the letter from Rene lecturing Kathy, and saying it would cost $500. Then Kathy’s letter to Rene. Happy reading! but first here are 2 additional comment from Gert and myself. Please keep them in mind while you reading them. btw when you click on the image, it may shrink back – wait a second, a small orange box will appear on the lower right hand side of the image – click on the box and the image will enlarge again – and you will be able to read it.

Gert – September 24, 2010

yes, there is alot to read here, but Joan has always given LOTS of trouble to her sisters. —So it’s good that people get to see the behind the scenes that Joan NEVER put in her book or wants the public to know about. —It’s good that people get to see what we birth sisters have had to put up with with Joan, the Liar.

 RuthSeptember 24, 2010 —-and if you see – this letter by Kathy was written in 1993 – 17 years ago – and what does it say?
“Prof. Hoksbergen — why should we feel sorry for a 36 year old woman — she’s not the only one who suffers in life — I want my things back (that Joan stole) — Joan LIED to you — Joan, leave me alone — Joan, stop getting people to do your dirty work — Joan is violating my privacy — Joan won’t take no for an answer — Joan whines and complains she is poor”
Sound familiar? Because it is 17 years later and Joan is STILL DOING THE SAME DAM THING! AND STILL WHINING ABOUT THE SAME DAM THING! — the first image is the letter written by Joan to Kathy where she says she got the money order from Kathy – then whines about why she can’t get Kathy’s belongings to her – her kids were in school all day – the youngest was 10 – her attic wasn’t that big – give me a break – she couldn’t find them. But she sure found them when our Dad yelled at her and he came over in a cab and collected them – and he used the cab to take the stuff to the post office and sent the stuff over to England. WITH HIS OWN MONEY! Joan never gave him anything from the money that Kathy sent to her – nor did Joan return that money to Kathy. She saysin her letter that she put the money into a special account – where? What bank? And if she had the time to go to the bank to set up a special account – then she had time to find the stuff in the attic. And I know the neighborhood she lived in – ain’t no bank there. Closest one was down by Broadway Market – where she would have taken a bus to get to if she didn’t have a car – why all this running around?  But no running up the stairs to find the stuff? This makes no sense – she didn’t open a special account at a bank – the “special” account was her own dam pocket! And that’s the dam truth! So Prof. Rene, how does it feel, 17 years later to find out that you were taken for a ride by Joan? Not very good, I would guess. But we know how you feel, believe me, we do – we’ve been there – bullied, manipulated, used, abused, lied to -by the one and only – JOAN WHEELER, BITCH SUPREME!

 Gert – September 25, 2010
And we have not finished with this issue! Once my own blog entries get posted there will be more details coming out….I have written about this book of lies since January 2010 and I’m still not done! There is a mountain of evidence just waiting to be place on this blog.

So the challedge is and will continue to be…for Joan…to ANSWER for her actions…

Why does Joan NOT answer for what she does? Because she is not only a liar but a coward! 




Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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EVIDENCE of Joan Wheeler’s lies

 Yes I, Gert, did email a adoption reform person, named in Joan’s book for verification of Joan’s statements about her sisters’ writing to adoption reform organizations.
We have been sitting on this email for several months waiting for the right moment and today seems to be that moment. Joan is a bit scared these days because she doesn’t want the birth family to tell what they know on our blog. I have been reading and writing about every chapter since January 2010, not everything I’ve written about has made it on our blog…yet. In due time it all will be out there and believe me when I say, you the readers will be very surprised to find out just how much lies Joan has told, in the book, on her site, and everywhere else where she trashes us. You will also be surprised to find out ALL the dirty deeds of Joan’s herself, some are NOT in the book, some in the book are misrepresented to show Joan as the innocent victim, but she is no victim.
 Ruth’s note – don’t take our word for it – go ask him – If you are attending the “Shedding Light on the Adoption Experience VI, in New York City, at the Park Central Hotel this coming weekend, September 24-25, 2010, you can ask him in person.

To: joesoll@adoptionhealing.com
From: Gert Mcqueen
Subject: fact finding request, please
Fri, May 14, 2010
Mr Joe Soll,
My name is Gert Mcqueen. I am a birth sister of Joan Wheeler, who is known to you. She has recently published her book called Forbidden Family.
My reason for writing you is simply a fact finding mission, to ask if you have any copies of any letters that were sent to you, about Joan, that were allegedly sent from any of her birth sisters? My reason for asking is, again simply, because on pg 310 of Joan’s book she states that you and about nine other adoption organizations, had received some letter(s) in 1992, from us. Frankly, I, and my sisters Ruth and Kathy, did not do so. It would help my sisters and myself greatly to know, for fact, if there is any existence of such letter(s) because we did not write any or send any.
If you don’t have any copies of any letter(s) but know of any such letters I would appreciate it greatly if you could please let me know of their existence and whom I may contact about them.
Also, in her book, Joan relays a phone conversation with you, pg 311, regarding these alleged letters in which she writes that you did indeed receive them and that you had spoken with Joan about them. If, as I know, you did not receive letters from myself and my sisters and as we suspect did  not have a phone conversation with Joan, in 1992, about us, we also know that you would want to be protrayed correctly, in print in a book allegedly about adoption reform. 
If you do not have access to her book, but wish to see the pages I am referring, I would gladly snail you copies if you would provide me an address. My sisters and I would greatly apprecitate it if you could shed light on this for us and yourself.
It is very distressing to myself, my sisters and our entire family, that there are so many falsehoods in Joan’s book. My sisters and I wish to correct the many errors and are doing so in a blog called refuting a book of lies in Forbidden Family @    https://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com 
Your help is greatly appreciated and we thank you
 Gert McQueen

From: “Joe Soll, LCSW – AdoptionHealing.comAdoptionCrossroads.orgEvilExchange.com” <joesoll@adoptionhealing.com>
To: Gert Mcqueen
Sent: Fri, May 14, 2010 9:52:53 AM
Subject: Re: fact finding request, please
I never received, nor do I know of the existance of any letters from any person regarding Joan.
Also, in her book, Joan relays a phone conversation with you, pg 311, regarding these alleged letters in which she writes that you did indeed receive them and that you had spoken with Joan about them
This is patently false. 
If you do not have access to her book, but wish to see the pages I am referring, I would gladly snail you copies if you would provide me an address. My sisters and I would greatly apprecitate it if you could shed light on this for us and yourself.
I do not need to see the book, Gert. I don’t know what’s going on but no matter what the book says, I am baffled because none of what you asked me has any basis in fact/

Feel free to contact me further

Be well, 조살 🙂

From: Gert Mcqueen
To: joesoll@adoptionhealing.com
Sent: Tue, May 18, 2010 11:43:19 AM
Subject: Re: fact finding request, please
From: “Joe Soll, LCSW – AdoptionHealing.com – AdoptionCrossroads.org – EvilExchange.com” <joesoll@adoptionhealing.com>
To: Gert Mcqueen
Sent: Fri, May 14, 2010 9:52:53 AM
Subject: Re: fact finding request, please
I never received, nor do I know of the existance of any letters from any person regarding Joan.
Also, in her book, Joan relays a phone conversation with you, pg 311, regarding these alleged letters in which she writes that you did indeed receive them and that you had spoken with Joan about them

This is patently false.
If you do not have access to her book, but wish to see the pages I am referring, I would gladly snail you copies if you would provide me an address. My sisters and I would greatly apprecitate it if you could shed light on this for us and yourself.
I do not need to see the book, Gert. I don’t know what’s going on but no matter what the book says, I am baffled because none of what you asked me has any basis in fact/
Feel free to contact me further

Ruth’s note
as you can see, we copied and pasted this directly from the email inbox. and the codes contained in it made Mr. Soll’s reply in small print – so I copied and pasted it onto notepad, to remove the codes and pasted it back onto this post. I did this to keep the original email in it’s entirety to ward off any accusations of tampering with Mr. Soll’s email reply to us. Please note that he confirms that Joan’s accusations in her book, about a 40 page letter sent to him, and a follow-up phone call between Mr. Soll and Joan are “PATENTLY FALSE!”

and by the way, when Gert emailed him, he responded WITHIN A HALF AN HOUR – (thank you Mr.  Soll).

Well, well, well, there you have it, PROOF FROM SOMEONE NAMED IN THE BOOK FORBIDDEN FAMILY THAT JOAN WHEELER IS A LIAR. So much for Joan’s insistence that her book is true and factual. Because it is NOT. It is a bunch of  lies from cover to cover and we will continue to point out every lie she tells about US.  And that is our RIGHT – to set forth the TRUTH of our lives.         

Getting back to refuting Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler September 20, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Joan has successfully pulled our focus in refuting the lies told by her in her book Forbidden Family. That is okay – because in trying to bad mouth us – she succeeded in only showing the world how terrified she is that we are picking apart her book. Her lies on the internet have been challenged and also refuted. With hard evidence to prove they are lies. All Joan has done is show everyone what a nut she is – with not being able to keep dates of important events straight – and since she listed the year 1996 as the year of the false child abuse call in TWO SEPERATE INTERNET SITES, it cannot be construed as a typo – but a complete falsehood!

So now that that nonsense is done and behind us – indeed it is behind us – because Joan can say no more – she has said it all – there is no reason for us not to focus on our original intent – and that is REFUTING THE BOOK FORBIDDEN FAMILY!

For we are the Forbidden Family – Joan is forbidden from us because she lies about us left and right.

Hold onto your butts – the refutting resumes – and it ain’t pretty! For we will not be bullied into silence!


1. Gert – September 20, 2010

Yes, we have not forgotten our primary purpose of this blog, to refute every lie and misrepresention that Joan has said about her sisters. I have been reading and writing about the book since January and I have loads to say…Joan gives us so much to work with…

I know that some people think that we sisters are nuts but you know what…you have not been the subject of the hateful things that Joan has done to us and what she can dish out…but you will hear about it all…on this blog.

Our purposes are to have our lives back, that’s right OUR lives, not Joan’s presentations of our lives.

I suggest that people go BACK AND READ what we have said and then go back to things that Joan has said about the same issue. This is why we use pg numbers to show where the lies are. Ask Joan directly about particulars and then compare what she tells you with what evidence is on this blog. Joan can not keep her lies straight, she can’t remember what she said and where she said it. It’s all here!

example go back and reread my post on July 22, 2010 titled What is a Birth Ceritifcate for, guess who’s NOT coming to dinner and is it affection or an invitation. I talk about birth certificates, the reasons behind Joan’s interracial dating and her assertions that I got her drunk, drugged her, and seduced her. All this is in her book and I refute it and set it straight. Joan versions of things is not the whole story, that is why we have this blog.

Then reread what Joan says, on her site, about cyber bullying, where she updated it and added yet more hateful lies, still attempting to slander us for telling the truth.

This is not a she-said, she-said, thing! Joan can say all she wants about how I did this or that, but she doesn’t tell you what she DID, now does she?

Like I said all I have to say HAS NOT BEEN POSTED YET. Without spoiling the effect…what Joan has said in the book and on her site about me seducing her is of course pure fantasy in her mind…but she doesn’t let that fantasy go, she uses it, in the book, to cover her own free will actions, and blame other, later when she does indeed has a three-way…it will all come out in my posts.

So please keep reading for Joan’s lies are many.

2. gert – September 20, 2010

Joan has a history of mental illness, she herself discusses it in depth and her own rantings shows it. In talking about us sisters, Joan continues to tell everyone about various sexual activities that she is subjected to, by us sisters. I have just pointed to one of them in the above comment.

It is a common aspect of people that are bipolar to have various types of sexual encounters and an over abundance of sexual thoughts and fantasies.

Isn’t it amazing how Joan wants everyone to know that her sisters have tried to get sexual with her! Read my blog entry I just mentioned, I tell it like it was! And I shall tell it like it was and is in future entries.

gee, I kinda feel left (out). – Joan has never wanted to do a threesome with me and Abdo or me and John – but then again, we have her allegations that I have repeatedly accused her of sleeping with John. As far back as 1995.(199o)  Well, if I thought that John was sleeping with her, why would I go ahead and marry the bum in 2002?
Joan has sex on the brain – one of the traits of a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and who is Manic-Depressive, is excessive sexual promiscuity. And I have only exposed the tip of the iceberg – when I mentioned only 4 of Joan’s extramarital affairs – I know a lot more – but the 4 details I know of are disgusting.
Let’s play a guessing game Joan – 1. pool t.Lulus? (was it 4 or 6? and you were terrified that P. and M. would find out and think “bad” of you.) 2. h.? (hope the 4 or 6 don’t share it). 3. bj’s with neighbors- Alexander Hamilton (toot-toot  for 20).  – 4. lap da. – (at the place on Genesee and Transit – before it was Talley-Ho’s).
Do you really want to go there? I suggest you stop your lies because the truth about you is much uglier.

I had no idea that Joan has had such a vast sexual history!!! But then again, I have had so LITTLE contact with Joan in decades because of the troubles she caused with my family and children.

Contrary to what Joan says I have had 2 contacts with her since 1982, that’s about 28 years!!

And Joan thinks she can tar and feather her sisters!

Facts, facts, facts – Joan Wheeler makes up facts to suit her own fantasies. But the real facts are quite different. September 20, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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I called Joan on November 3, 2009 to inform her of the death of an aunt. NOT to harass her.My father did give me the phone number – because he was tired (he’s 86). When I called, Joan subjected me to a tirade of obscenities. I will post the email exchange I had with her daughter who home and witnessed her mother screaming like a crazy person.
FACT- the false child abuse call was NOT made in 1996 it was made in 1994. She says in the book it was 1993. And she says there were months of court battles -FALSE- I, Ruth Pace took HER to court in 1995 for HER posing as ME to make the call and for dragging my mother in law into this. I have already posted the letter date December 1994 that Joan herself wrote – go look at it – it is NOT 1996 or 1993. it’s right here at the end of this post.
FACT – Joan has NOT had multiple orders of protection against me – she only had ONE and it was for six months –
FACT – I have never been arrested in my life, nor ever placed on probation
FACT – I never accused her of sleeping with John – she’s delusional.
FACT – the contact of December 2004 was me BEGGING for money – that she owed me – because my house was being foreclosed. SHE took me to Family Court, it was denied, because the judge could see that I was NOT harassing Joan, but begging for help.

FACT- Joan says that we ” have written letters to all of the major adoption reform organizations in 1992 telling them what an asshole I am,”  Well, go and ask all the major adoption reform organizations if this is true – they will tell you NO! Go ahead – take me up on my challenge – don’t bother, Gert and I did the work for you – see our post HIGH ALERT EVIDENCE of Joan Wheeler’s lies FROM A PERSON IN AN ADOPTION REFORM ORGANIZATION  which details an email exchange between Gert and Mr. Joe Soll of AdoptionHealing.comAdoptionCrossroads.org – and in this email Mr. Soll says that it is “Patently False” what Joan says about him in her book Forbidden Family – that she sent him a 40 page letter supposedly written by us, and then Mr. Soll had a phone conversation with Joan about this letter. If you are attending the “Shedding Light on the Adoption Experience VI, in New York City, at the Park Central Hotel this coming weekend, September 24-25, 2010, you can ask him in person.

FACT: The Three Sippel Sisters did NOT send Joan a 40 page letter in 1992.

FACT: Joan Wheeler did NOT send this “fictitious 40 page letter to Mr. Soll.

FACT: Joan Wheeler did NOT have any phone conversation with Mr. Soll regarding this 40 page letter.

 And Joan – you just put your foot in your mouth and Mr. Soll and those organizations now see you for what you are – a liar and a manipulator, and a loser. As for asshole – you keep behaving like one – so TAKE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS.    NOBODY FORCED YOU TO WRITE THAT LIE ABOUT A 40 PAGE LETTER. NOBODY FORCED YOU TO WRITE THAT LIE ABOUT YOU SENDING THIS FICTIOUS LETTER TO MR. SOLL. NOBODY FORCED YOU TO WRITE THAT LIE ABOUT A PHONE CONVERSATION. YOU HAVE THE GUTS TO LIE, THEN TAKE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR LIES.

You are bringing the major adoption reform organizations into our familly feud. YOU, Joan Wheeler,  not us. Just like YOU brought Prof. Rene Hoksbergen into it by asking him to write a letter to Kathy – violating HER privacy – you state you didn’t speak to her since the end of the 1980’s, yet in 1992 – you drag Hoksbergen and Kathy into your sick pathetic games.  I will scan and post Hoksbergen’s letter which states that he is writing at YOUR request. this is all FACTS!
FACT – The mere fact that Joan keeps posting these LIES and can’t keep dates of important events straight shows me and should show the entire world that JOAN WHEELER IS A PATHOLOGICAL CHRONIC LIAR AND CANNOT AND SHOULD NOT BE TRUSTED!


Notice that she says in this letter to Albany that in regards to the annoyance calls in 1993, I was placed on probation – look below – see the hard physical evidence from the court document that states I was given a six-month order of protection from August 9, 1993 – February 9, 1994. And there you have it – PROOF THAT JOAN WHEELER IS A LIAR – IF SHE LIED TO THE OFFICIAL CHILD ABUSE OFFICE OF ALBANY NEW YORK  IN THIS LETTER – DO YOU THINK SHE WILL HAVE NO COMPUNCTION ABOUT LYING TO HER FRIENDS?


FACT – as you can see by Joan’s own handwriting dated March 95 – “Ruth has now taken me to court ” and she is begging my husband to get me to drop the charges – because she was terrified the judge would find her guilty of posing as me to call child abuse on herself. But the judge dismissed it saying “sisters should get along.” yes, I agree, they should, and I tried for YEARS, but with Joan’s stealing from me, lying about me, trying to break up my husband and me. You cannot get along with a psychopath.
















Gert – September 20, 2010

There is quite a bit of hard evidence about the deeds of Joan Wheeler towards her birth family that we will post on this blog.

Joan is a master intimidator of the elderly, I have proof. I have a letter that Joan wrote to an elderly trying to get dirt about her terrible sisters and events that happen in our childhood to put in the book, which didn’t get in it because to do so Joan would have to tell you all about her dirty deeds. I will show, line by line, how Joan browbeat and intimidated an old woman.

We have pictures, we have letters, we have hard evidence. All Joan has is her lies and twisted ways of telling it ‘from her point of view’.

She interferred in my parental authority, turned my child from me, condemned me for ADOPTING my son, and then lies to say that I was hurting my child. Wrong, I have documents, to prove my innocent, Joan has nothing but lies. I adopted my own son with an husband and Joan interferred with it. That is why I moved away!!!

All Joan can do is whine that we sisters are so evil and hateful. No more! Read this blog, we will tell you everything that REALLY HAPPENED and all the Joan DID HERSELF!

Telling the Truth Part 3 – Joan Wheeler – The Three Sippel Sisters September 20, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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This is the third and final installment of our Telling the Truth series. Go here for Part One: Telling the Truth Part 1 – Joan Wheeler – The Three Sippel Sisters by Ruth Pace, September 7, 2010 and here for Part Two:  Telling the Truth Part 2 – Joan Wheeler – The Three Sippel Sisters  by Gert McQueen, September 9, 2010 – in answer to a 5 part retro piece that Joan Wheeler had on her site. We do not care what Joan writes on her site, or at other place on the internet, except WHEN IT PERTAINS TO US AND  OUR FAMILY, OR WHEN SHE CONTINUES TO LIE ABOUT US. iF SHE WANTS TO SPREAD LIES ABOUT US, WE WILL TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT HER. – Ruth, September 20, 2010.

J is Joan, G is Gert, with additional comments by Ruth:

Part 4: The Buffalo News 3-Part Series Search for Yesterday (Adoptive Parents Dilemma) 1984    J: 2010.08.11 I’ll let this article speak for itself

 G:…I have no real need to discuss the article here, only interested in Joan’ words today.

J:  This type of negative publicity influences public opinion, including our legislators. Over the decades, there has been a tendency to make this an “either – or” topic: either you have a good reunion, or you have a bad one, with nothing in between. In the mental health fields, such as social work or psychology, we see that life itself is a collection of shades of grey. Life is a series of good and bad experiences with lots of ups and downs. People go with the flow. Same is true with searches and reunions. Many adoptive parents of the past are now viewing their adoptees with greater understanding of their losses due to the adoption itself and are more open to search and reunion.

G:…Joan makes herself sound like she has it all together. Far from it! This is how Joan manages to get people to see only what Joan wants them to see. Joan knows all the right words, how to pull the emotional strings of other adoptees, she is a con-artist. Even if someone really reads the book, like we sisters are, you will see the ‘real’ Joan emerge. She is soft-spoken, unless crossed, she is meek, unless crossed, she’s understanding, unless crossed. And, she is an unconscious maniac, has no problem laying it all out for the reader to see her violent mental outbursts. And, she is so brain dead that she doesn’t realize that real sane people, adoptees or not, see right to the core of who she is…a nut case. So yes, stay tuned here to this blog because we shall show you the real Joan.

J:  Legislation and public opinion toward adoptee and natural parents’ access to the true original birth certificate has slowly gained momentum. It depends on who you talk to.

 G:…certainly does depend on who you talk to. And heaven help the person that disagrees with Joan, for you shall reap the full extend of Joan’s wrath. Keep reading this blog to see how we sisters address every page of the disgusting book that Joan has written that is full of lies.


Part 5: Response to The Buffalo News 3-Part Series Search for Yesterday: Adoptive, Birth Parents See Reunion Problems: My Natural Father Speaks Out 1984     2010.08.13

J:  Appearances are deceiving, or are they?

 I honestly don’t know where to begin.

G:….Even without the article here I have comments. Yes, appearances are deceiving. Joan is not whom she presents herself as. And if she doesn’t know where to begin, why the hell is she reprinting these articles? Is her real purpose to help with adoption reform? I doubt it. No, the real reason is to show that she has always told the truth but it is other people that have misrepresented her. Bull Shit. She is writing this 5 parter because we the sister questioned her telling the truth.

J: Right from the start there are the two adoptive mothers who are defending their rights to someone else’s child:

“I don’t want to sound unsympathetic to birth parents”

She just did by dismissing their loss of their child.

“I wouldn’t want someone else to say ‘she’s my daughter’.”

Wow, such denial of the facts of life coming from an adoptive mother who probably was infertile so she thought adopting (taking) someone else’s child as her own was the best choice for herself and the child. Guess what? Her Korean girl IS some else’s daughter!

This “all or nothing” thinking is what causes problems in adoption.

“…chances for a reunion with her biological family are lessened. We didn’t adopt internationally because of that, but it’s a fringe benefit of adopting from another country…That’s one problem you’d almost never have to deal with.”

Really? This adoptive mother contradicted herself. She told me, via a phone call back in 1984, that the only reason she adopted foreign children is make sure her children would never have contact from their birth families.

G:…Personally these issues don’t concern me. But what I do see here is another example of how if Joan’s view is not accepted how Joan has an immediate negative reaction. Joan never accepts another’s reasoning. She never accepted the reasons that our father had when he placed her up for adoption, or years later when he ADOPTED a step-child. She never accepted the reasons I had for ADOPTING my own birth son with a second husband. In the case of her own adoption she ‘believes’ that our father was coerced into giving her away and she is very hostile about that. In the cases of adopting a step-child (my father and myself) Joan reacted extremely hostile to us, never once accepting the real reason that those two separate adoptions were done….for the LOVE OF THE CHILD. Stay tune right here on this blog for I shall write all about how Joan’s reactions and interference not only damaged and hurt two family but everyone else in the family! Joan is NOT an advocate to adoptive parents. If you are an adoptive parent you had better ran for cover, far away from her.       Ruth’s note – and if you are an infertile woman run far far away from Joan – because she HATES infertile women.

 J:  So, the adoptee’s right to know her own natural parents and siblings and country of origin is seen by her adoptive mother as a problem that is avoided because the chances of reunion are next to nill because the birth family is in Korea? How convenient for the adoptiveparents, or at least this adoptivemother. Notice that adoptive fathers are absent from this article, and even in the series presented in my previous post. Also note that natural fathers are absent from discussion involving illegitimate births.

How am I able to write about this now, nearly 26 years later? Because I took notes.

I’d like to know what that cute Korean toddler of 1984 has to say now in 2010 when she realizes that (by the will of her loving, forever, real adoptive parents) she was held in captivity because her adoptive parents didn’t love her enough to give her the freedom necessary to build her own self identity.

There are so many blogs out there now written by adoptees of color who were adopted by white people and brought to America. These adoptees do not like what was done to them. I sure do hope that this family has done quite a bit of healing for the adoptee’s sake, if not for the sake of the misguided adoptive parents.

G:…Golly gee, she kept notes…okay…but in the book she goes on a raging rampage and destroys and burns all kinds of pictures and memos of her life with her CHILDREN and does it in FRONT OF THEM.       Ruth’s note: She burned her children’s toys and baby pictures in front of them in the middle of the dam living room! She should be up on charges of child abuse – the mental anguish she put those kids thru and for almost burning down the house while the kids were in it! – f’ing lunatic!

Wait till I get to that part in the book and post that entry! Oh yes, Joan is a crazy person as well as a liar, for if she says here (2010) that she can write about something 26 later because she kept notes, then was what she wrote in the book, about burning everything a lie or is she lying now? Oh, she did say, in the book, that a copy of the manuscript for the book was not burnt. Must be these articles and notes were too precious to her to burn when she went on a rampage in front of her children. KEEP YOUR CHILDREN AWAY FROM HER.

And are you really hearing what Joan is saying here? How she mocks adoptive parents? She never sees the love that those people have for the children, only that they allowed the child to be ‘held in captivity’ and they were not given ‘freedom to build own self identity’. Joan is PROJECTING her life, her identity, her trauma, onto every child that has been adopted. Joan is NOT an impartial advocate and as such should never be counseled. Adoptive parents are ‘misguided’ and are not giving ‘healing’ to the adoptee. Stay clear of Joan!     Ruth’s note: quoting Gert “She never sees the love that those people have for the children,” How can she see the love there, she has no love for her own children, to burn their pictures and toys in front of them, to forge a letter posing as her son and send it me as bait for me to get her to call her on the phone and entrap me for annoyance phone calls. She used her own child as a pawn to get at me.

J:  “I think it would be difficult for any child to have two real mothers and two real fathers…”    Yes, it is a difficult path, but all adoptees DO have two mothers and two fathers and they are most certainly REAL. Both sets are real in the adoptee’s life. To deny that is to warp the adoptee’s sense of self.

The other adoptive mother said:

“But I’m not in favor of my daughter finding her mother and forming a relationship…I think it would take away from our relationship, and I feel there would be a strain on our relationship.”

I still meet adoptive parents today who feel this way. It’s that “All or Nothing” thinking again. The shades of grey are there in real life, but not in adoption. Or that’s just the way adoptive parents want it. The  adoptee needs both sets of parents, with or without a relationship, because, whether or not adoptive parents realize it, the adoptee already HAS a relationship with her natural parents. It is the bonds of biology, of genetics, of being hard-wired to have inherent qualities of temperament and talents and allergies and muscle structure and facial features. With such selfishness of these adoptive parents, it is hard to see any real love there. I see possessiveness and desperate attempts to claim “mine, all mine!”, but this does not speak well of adoptive parent attitudes of 1984.

G:… Joan should not talk about ‘shades of grey’, she has never understood that in real life. See how she ‘takes on’ the adoptive parents? Who is she talking about? Her adoptive mother! Everything related to Joan’s adoption and her views for reform are filtered from her experience with a crazy woman who adopted her. Okay, that was a tough break but it isn’t the end of the world. To promote a dual relationship with both adoptive and natural parents, simultaneously, DEFEATS the entire PURPOSE of adoption! No child, let along 2 sets of parents, can have a balanced healthy mind and life living like that. Certainly medical records are important to be shared but the whole purpose of raising a child, by one set of parents, is to have parental authority over said child. Having two sets of parents simultaneously would only create an unbalanced child.

This statement of Joan’s …”With such selfishness of these adoptive parents, it is hard to see any real love there. I see possessiveness and desperate attempts to claim “mine, all mine!” …comes directly from Joan’s personal life experience with the adoptive parents. NOT EVERY PERSON is like her adoptive parents, who were desperate people when they adopted Joan. Tough break! To use one’s own unhealthy life as an example for proof for adoption reform is not a scientific measure. At best, it only proves the selflessness of Joan and her own inability ‘to see any real love there’. That is not acceptable for adoption reform, to hate one’s own adoptive parents!

 J:  Like I said, this attitude is still alive in adoptive parents today.

“The birth parents don’t seem to realize the relationship has ended once the papers have been signed. I think it’s a real invasion of privacy when they attempt to meet the child.”

No, it’s the adoptive parents who don’t realize that the relationship between the adoptee and her natural parents continues throughout her lifetime, even if there is no contact. The adoptee feels the loss. The natural parents feel the loss. And we’ve seen natural parents coming out by the thousands, in America and in Korea and elsewhere, to put an end to “taking someone else’s child as your own.”

G:…Here is the proof that the real enemy to Joan is the adoptive parents who take a child away from the natural parents.  

 J:  “Giving birth doesn’t make the parents. It’s the caring and loving and growing with the child that does.”

 And natural parents have been coerced into giving up their children to adoption out of shame. They were prevented from the actual parenting of their own children because of that permanent separation. We know from organizations such as Origins and Concerned United Birthparents that these mothers desperately wanted to do the natural acts of parenting, but were forced out of the their child’s lives.

Being pregnant and giving birth are natural events and are most certainly the very essence of life itself. It is the adoptive mother in this article who berates pregnancy and birth because she was deprived of experiencing the very events she puts down.

G:…I really have no desire to have a debate pro or con over various issues related to adoption, I’m only concerned about Joan’s use of exploiting our families for her own self-gratification. It’s too bad that Joan does not see how stupid she sounds….Joan’s own children were denied the very ‘essence of life’ from her, their mother, because of Joan’s mentally unbalanced views of birthing and parenting. I shall bring this all out in my blog entries.     Ruth’s note: quoting Joan: :  “Giving birth doesn’t make the parents. It’s the caring and loving and growing with the child that does.” Oh yeah, Joan, I see where you cared and loved for your own children – going on a rampage in front of them, detailing in your book how you came home drunk in front of them. Yep, you sure cared for them!

J:  Hurray for Dr. David Brodzinsky — a former Buffalonian! — for his professional statements. Dr. Brodzinskihas gone on to be a prolific writer on the psychology of adoption. He is the co-author or co-editor of five influential books on adoption,  including The Psychology of Adoption (1990); Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self (1992); Children’s Adjustment to Adoption: Developmental and Clinical Issues (1998); Adoption and Prenatal Drug Exposure: Research, Policy, and Practice (2000), and Psychological Issues in Adoption: Research and Practice (2005).

Still, Dr. Brodzinsky’s statement in this 1984 article raises concern:

“He doesn’t see the issue in terms of ‘rights’. Adoptive parents have the same rights or lack of rights as all parents have…”

 Auh, what about the adoptee’s rights? The International Adoption Reform Movement has made great progress since 1984: Bastard Nation, the American Adoption Congress, Council on Equal Rights in Adoption, Adoption Crossroads, Origins, Concerned United Birthparents, Senior Mothers and hundreds of adoptees’ blogs, mothers of loss blogs, oh, and The Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute, to name a few entities out there promoting adoptees’ rights.

G:…adoptee rights!!! As children they have the same rights as every other child….to be cared for! And by that means there is NOTHING in the laws that govern civilized cultures that parent SHOULD OR OUGHT to LOVE THEIR CHILDREN. It’s all about physical/mental care and nurturing. No parent, natural or adoptive, owe the kid anything more and once they are of legal age they are, by definition, are adults.

J:  Now, about my natural father’s photo in the paper and his statements.

First thing that must be said: He did not want to be identified in my book, so I changed his name and any other identifications that could lead to him today. BUT, he chose to go public in 1984. He called the newspaper to defend himself. For what? I have always had respect and love for him, and especially his third and present wife, my loving step mother. Nothing I ever wrote put him  down in any way.

As a result of this article, at that time in 1984, my natural father and I healed a five-year period of silence between us. We continued in a growing and loving father-daughter relationship. He was actively involved with my two children, two of his many grandchildren, and we shared tender moments. My father tearfully relayed to me what happened when my mother died — a story he had not been able to tell me in detail until after 1984. He cried when he told me that he “gave the baby — you — up, up, … up for adoption.” I could see remorse in his face and in his heart.

G:…It is only speculation on my part, but, I can understand why he would have chosen to ‘go public’ in a newspaper article but not in a book. The same reason why I have stated for myself. Newspapers are ephemeral, that is they come and go. Books are a more permanent item. I didn’t speak out about Joan’s article writing or anything else she has done, until, she published it in a the book.

Our father says that he called to ‘defend himself’ and Joan doesn’t understand why. As he states, he abided by the law, again that is something Joan has no concept of…obeying the laws of the land and the privacy of others. And no, Joan has not always loved and respected our father or his wife. After reading Joan’s book and seeing how she portrays her relationship with Dad I have no belief in the words she has just written. Wait till I get to those pages in the book in my blog entries. Contrary to what Joan believes and what she constantly states, our father has no remorse about having placed his child up for adoption. Joan is a browbeater, a manipulator and she can easily lead someone into a psychological place, where she wants that person. Today, in August 2010, I state for the record, having just come from a physical visit with my father, that he DOES NOT HAVE TO MAKE ANY STATEMENTS EITHER WAY FOR ANY DECISIONS HE MADE IN HIS LIFE. HE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE MADE TO FEEL AS IF HE COMMITTED A CRIME BECAUSE JOAN BELIEVES HE DID. Today, Joan browbeats her dying adoptive mother, convincing her that she was WRONG to have adopted!

Ruth’s note: Many decisions were made about ME when I was a minor. Some I didn’t like at the time. Now at the age of 58, I can well understand those decisions. When I was 7 years old, I was very unhappy to have been placed in an orphanage – and I well remember crying myself to sleep many nights in the home. But what was the alternative? Being home alone? With no parent or adult to supervise me? It is not right for a 7 year old child to come home to empty house after school and open up a can of soup to eat. This is also AGAINST THE LAW!  My father’s second wife was mentally ill and spent time in the psych center. My father had to work – there was no welfare system in the 1950’s like we have today. There were NO DAYCARE CENTERS – therefore, my father had no choice but to place us kids in the home and foster homes. HE DID WHAT HE DID FOR OUR BENEFIT AND TO KEEP US SAFE! AND HE DOES NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY WHATEVER DECISIONS HE MADE FOR HIS OWN CHILDREN. WHEREVER WE WERE, AND THIS INCLUDES JOAN – WE WERE WELL FED, HAD CLOTHES AND SHOES, A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS, A GOOD EDUCATION, RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING, MEDICAL AND DENTAL NEEDS TAKEN CARE OF.  To this day, we see on the news, children being neglected, being beaten, forced into pornography and prostitution – NOT ONE OF THE SIPPEL KIDS, INCLUDING JOAN, HAD TO ENDURE THAT – BECAUSE MY FATHER MADE THE RIGHT DECISIONS FOR ALL OF US. Get over it Joan.

  J:  Since the printing of this article, my father and I talked of how newspaper reporters make situations worse by exaggerating points. He wanted to be sure the public knew he “abided by the law” and stayed away from me while I was growing up. My father and I talked of how the articles did not accurately portray how the adoptee and her adoptive family and natural family are effected by a reunion that went out of control. Too many people butting in, saying harsh words, trying to interfere with the adoptee adjusting to her reunion.

G:…So if Joan’s NOW knows all this, and knew it before she started this 5 part series, why in the hell didn’t she state it from the get-go? Because Joan likes suspense and drama, she wants to play it for all it’s worth.

J:  When this article was written, there were unspoken words between my father and I. In 1979, he thought that all I wanted was to get my hands on my sealed records, to talk about the past, to ask about my deceased mother. His worst fear was that I’d hate him for what he had done. After the publishing of this article, we came together to discuss our sore spots, coming away with a greater understanding of each other. We have spent an immense amount of personal energy since then in building a personal relationship that is much different from the relationships he had with his other children from his first wife and the children he has with his present wife. We accepted each other and what the past has done to us.

G:…Oh isn’t that idyllic! Unfortunately not all of it rings true. Whenever ANYONE has a ‘personal relationship’ with Joan, it ALWAYS ends up, rather quickly, to one of immerse pain and hurt given out by Joan herself to the other person. So look here at the time-table. The article is written, published in 1984, that ended a 5 year silence. So she was ‘found and reunited’ in 1976, then has period of silence (no contact) for 5 years, then another attempt at a relationship in 1984. I can tell you, and I will in more detail in later posts, that there was another separation, in 1992 that lasted for another several years. Then it was on and off again, until she offended Dad in 2008. I will say more of that in a bit. Joan likes to whitewash certain aspects of her relationship with Dad, and others, so you the reader, you the one looking for advice with adoption reform are always being fooled and conned by Joan. Don’t believe me? Keep reading my posts in which I will detail every dirty deed that Joan has done. And BTW Joan does not accept anyone nor what the past has done to us.

 J:. One summer night in 1987, just shortly before midnight, I knocked on my father’s door. I was despondent because my adoptive mother had just been diagnosed with cancer. I told my father I can’t bear to lose another parent to cancer. My first mother died of cancer, my adoptive father died of cancer. Slowly, my adoptive mother’s cancer went into remission, only to resurface in recent years, but that night my natural father said to me: “I will always be here for you. We may not have the legal binds, but we have something stronger. We not only have the ties of blood, but we have the emotions in our hearts.”

G:…This is an example of Joan’s need to have constant drama in her life. It’s really too bad that Joan never took what Dad said to her to her heart. If she had she would STILL HAVE NOT ONLY A FATHER BUT SISTERS. It is only Joan that pulls the plug on relationships.

J:  Sadly, through the passage of time, and the realization that I went full steam ahead, completed and published the memoir I said I was going to write since 1976, those old fears and resentment rose up again. When asked to, my father read a rough draft of my book in 2004. He clarified points. I made corrections he asked me to make and said I represented him in a clear manner. He read another draft of the book again in 2008. This time he said it all could have been avoided if he had gotten some help. I agree. He was alone in his decision to split up his family.

G:…Again, Joan misrepresents. It was NOT ‘old fears and resentments’ that ‘rose up again’, it WAS Joan’s insistence that she get more information out of our father and get his APPROVAL. Joan’s ways of getting what she wants is through browbeating and intimidation. I’m sure that is how, if he ever did say it, that he said ‘it could have been avoided if he had gotten some help’. And the reason I say that is because WHAT HELP WAS HE DENIED? What help was there to be gotten under the circumstances of his life at that time? Everyone makes decisions with what is available to them at any given time. It is only Joan who refuses to accept that reality. If only, if only, if only is how Joan views anything. I don’t see how any form of adoption reform can help anyone when you have a browbeater in the mix. Joan is a browbeater and I shall prove that in my blog entries.

J:  Then, in 2009, I added a Social Work Assessment, of which, my father did not understand. He reacted out of emotion and fear that I do not love and respect him. That is not true. I do love him and respect him. The Social Work Assessment of my adoption was written in analytical style and encompasses all parties to my adoption. My natural father did not understand it. There were other aspects that entered into why we are again not speaking to each other: a disagreement between my natural father, my adoptive mother, and myself; so, my natural father and I parted ways again.

G:… This ‘social work assessment’ is flawed, there are many many errors in it. I can see how my father would not understand it, I don’t! I see no reason for it after all the pages of drama and lies that went before it. And what is Joan’s reaction to Dad’s reaction? He is the one who reacts out of emotion and fear and projects on to her no love and respect! No Joan you do not love and respect him, you never have.

Ruth’s note: the reason nobody can understand the “social work assessment” is because it IS flawed. Joan starts with a topic, gives a fairly basic assessment, then tries to give a real-life example to prove her social work theories. But during many of the examples of real life incidents, Joan goes off on hate tangents again. The “social work assessment” section is peppered with more digs and hatred at people who have angered her throughout her life. And she gives her own flawed judgments against the people she is making a “scientific social work assessment” against. She CANNOT make an unbiased social work assessment on her birth family, adoptive family, her adoption, and any aspect of her life, for the simple reason that she is writing this assessment FROM HER OWN VIEWPOINT! Therefore, it cannot be scientifically accurate, medically accurate, psychologically accurate. And I have pointed out many times, in my blog where, if she is not out and out lying, she gets many facts WRONG! Like relating in her book that my pet Brandy is a cat. This is inaccurate – Brandy was a 65 pound Siberian Husky/Alaskan Malamute mix : DOG!

     Can the scientific, medical, or social work, adoption reform fields trust any of Joan M. Wheeler’s social work assessments/theories/conclusions if Ms. Wheeler does not know the difference between a dog and a cat, or at least ATTEMPT to get the FACTS STRAIGHT IN HER BOOK????

So Dad reads a draft of the book in 2004 and then again in 2008 and his comments about it to others are that ‘Joan will never get it published because she will never be satisfied with it.’

And here’s another cryptic remark of Joan’s “There were other aspects that entered into why we are again not speaking to each other: a disagreement between my natural father, my adoptive mother, and myself; so, my natural father and I parted ways again.” What bull shit! No there was no disagreement! It was browbeating by Joan and venom and hate from her adoptive mother that fueled Joan’s continued harassment and browbeating to my father that severed the relationship, for the last time.

 Here’s the truth, amazingly she puts it in the book but doesn’t recall it here, in real time! For some time Joan had been helping both Dad and his wife with shopping and doctor errands. Good! But then she browbeated Dad by saying to him that he treats her as a cab driver and doesn’t give her any gas money. Did she ever ask for money? Did she ever say that she doesn’t mind helping him but could be spare some money for gas? No, in her usual non-thinking manners she demands money from him. And informs him that her car needs repairs and he should pay for the repairs because she is driving him around town. So Dad, no dummy, gives her $20 for ‘cab fare’ and tells her he no longer requires her services and her car is her responsibility. Joan goes home to adoptive mother who has a fit telling Joan that they (adoptive parents) helped him out, years ago, when they adopted Joan. They paid for all of Joan upbringing and upkeeping for ‘his’ daughter and now when they are ‘down and in need’ he can’t come to help them out.

 Isn’t that nice! Is this the usual exchange between adoptive and natural parents and child? Is this the reason for adoption reform? I thought that those people adopted a child to love and care for and not to hold as a source of ransom when she is dying against an elderly man! So where is Joan’s love and respect for her birth father? Certainly not on anything she writes! And Joan advocates open adoption where both sets of parents interact with the child! Good God! I’d ran as fast as I could from crazy people.

 J:  I went ahead with my goals. The book is out now. My adoptive mother doesn’t like it. My natural father doesn’t like it. No one looks good in this book, including me. The true destruction of adoption in my life had to be told, with or without the approval of others.

G:…Yep she went ahead with her goals and everyone’s life is exposed and exploited! Of course no one likes it. Dad said the book belongs in the garbage. Dad says that he does not want to see or hear from Joan. We three sisters are refuting every thing in it. The true destruction was caused by the adoptive parents and in Joan’s mind. It did NOT HAVE TO BE TOLD. Joan’s life is a sad life because she chooses it to be so.

Ruth’s note: EXACTLY – As I said before, I was unhappy as a child. Because of me having to be in an orphanage and then a foster home. I don’t dwell on it. I accept it. I have MOVED ON!  I do not choose to have an unhappy life. Joan wallows in misery because she loves it!

 J:  I wrote it to prevent another family from being permanently separated by adoption.

I wrote my book to make sense of my life with the facts as they were presented to me.

G:…No not true. Joan’s reasons for writing it was because she is obsessed and in love with herself.

So Joan, now that you have written the book, does your life make any more sense to you now?

Ruth’s note: no, her life still does not make any sense because she is still whining about it.—–I told her once before – back in 1991, when she called me up on the phone (yes, SHE called me on the phone – so much for her saying that she has had NO CONTACT with me for over 30 years) – she called to cry because she found out her husband had been unfaithful. – oh gee wow! What news! Less than a year after getting married, and with an infant son at home – Joan herself was unfaithful. And her husband had an affair, then she did, then he did, then she did, then he di…..sigh. (take a breath) …. Well, when she was on the phone and crying, I broke into her sobs – “Look, I’ve had enough of this. If he’s so dam bad, if your marriage is so dam bad, GET A DIVORCE! BUT LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU STOLE MY MONEY – YOUR HUSBAND BLEW IT AT THE STRIP JOINT – YOU BOTH USED ME FOR MY MONEY – NOW YOU’RE WHINING – SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

And I called my father the next day – he apparently had a call from Joan – whining about her husband and he told her “IF HE’S SO BAD, GET A DIVORCE – EITHER SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT!”

But whining Drama Queens don’t WANT to stop whining. It’s their reason for getting out of bed each day!

Here is an excerpt from my actual journal about this: and so much for Joan saying she has not had contact –     Near the end of August 1991, I received a phone call from Joan. She was crying hysterically because she had just seen Colby on the public access channel of our local cable television company. Apparently, the brother of one the strippers that attended the Fourth of July party made a video for one of his college courses. The subject was a sort of biographical essay on strippers that also included interviews with men who go to the strip joints. The video was made during the summer of 1990, and Colby was one of men interviewed. On the video, Colby admitted that he went to the strip joint quite frequently, and also admitted to spending a great deal of money in this establishment. I guess we know where Colby spent the $500.00 fireworks money that he was supposed to put back in the bank. Instead of replacing the money, he was at strip joints spending it and having a good time, while I was working my ass off, paying that money back to the credit card.     While Joan was crying on the phone, I reached the end of my rope, I was sick and tired of the lies, the stealing, the many “second chances” I gave her and Colby, and now I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach with the realization of how I was used by these low-lifes. With the realization of where my money went, I just turned to stone inside. And now I had to hear about another one of numerous marital infidelities (from both Joan and Colby).     As soon as I was able to get a word in, I told Joan that I was sick of hearing about her marriage problems. I told her that John and I sometimes have fights and all,  but I keep my butt at home where it belongs. I told her that John and I may have never taken marriage vows, but we are faithful to each other. I told her that she and Colby took the marriage vows, but they don’t honor them, with Joan’s extramarital affairs. Three that I know of in August and September 1991, and March 1992, and a party in Ontario, Canada not even a year after she was married with an infant son at home.     Joan was not expecting me say this. She thought that I would feel sorry for “poor Joan and all her problems” yet again. Her voice miraculously became free and clear of hysterical tears. She cut the conversation short and got off the phone.     

 The next couple of months Joan and Colby went to marriage counseling, and (according to Joan) during one of the sessions, Colby admitted to withdrawing the $200.00 that had caused their rent check to bounce, and to falsely accusing me for it. Joan wanted me to attend one of their counseling sessions to confront Colby and make him admit his lies, but I refused. I told her that I had been a victim, and I was not going to use MY time to attend one of THEIR sessions. I told her that SHE made the commitment to Colby when she married him, but I made no such commitment. I also told her that when a person loses a friend or a relationship with a family member because of their own actions, they should not be surprised. I also advised her to get a divorce. Any man who would spend his sister-in-law’s money at a strip joint and withdraw money from the bank causing his rent check to bounce, clearly does not have the best interests of his wife and children in mind. Providing food and shelter for his children were more important than watching nude dancers. Joan told me that her own lawyer had said that what Colby had said on the video was grounds for divorce.     In retrospect, I believe that I should have gone to their counseling session to confront them both and make Joan admit to her lies as well as Colby. During this same time period, Joan tried to elicit sympathy from our father about her failing marriage. He told me that he said to her, “I do not want to hear any more of your marital problems. If he’s that bad, divorce him or shut up.”    By the end of October 1991, I had grown so disgusted by the two of them, I just never returned her calls. I made up my mind to have nothing further to do with them.     

I wrote those words in 1991 – 19 years ago – has anything changed? Joan is still a whiner – still a liar – still trying to pawn all the blame of her actions onto somebody else. And does she listen when somebody gives her advice? NO. I told her to get a divorce in 1991. She didn’t until 1995. She won’t take anybody’s advice, because you see, that advice just might solve the problem –and she doesn’t want the problem solved. If the problem gets solved, why then, she won’t have a reason to whine and play the victim and wring sympathy out of people. Didn’t the adoptees tell her months ago to stop reading my blog? And no, she lied AGAIN – because she doesn’t just read the google alerts – she posts things on her site that show us that she DOES read this blog. By either coming directly here, or using Google reader. We’re not stupid Joan.

You carry on in the same old way
No lessons learned from yesterday
Talk of changes lost in pages of paperwork…
  – Jon Anderson, title song of the 1997 Yes album “Open Your Eyes.”

1. Gert – September 21, 2010

I was NOT aware of things that happened in Joan’s marriage…for the simple fact that I DIVORCED myself from Joan in 1982 and had NO CONTACT with her for years and years. Sure I heard a couple of stories over the years, but never to the detail that Ruth is able to provide us, for Joan USED Ruth for years and years.

And you readers, you friends of Joan wonder why Ruth is so angry!!!

Truth wins out!

2. RuthSeptember 21, 2010 

yes the details are there – because I kept a journal –
and dam straight I’m angry – I had MOVED ON from Joan – was willing to leave all this shit in the past until JOAN got on the internet and in September 2008 begand the cyber-bullying by bashing The Three Sippel Sisters on her blogspot blog. I had been on the internet since 2000, and had NEVER blasted her – except for the email exchange between us in April 2004 – and that was PRIVATE – and involved a family photo website. Then 4 years later JOAN started the shit by using the internet as a new tool to harass and badmouth us. so much for her buddies to tell me that Joan wants peace -SHE STARTED THIS SHIT!
THEN in October 2009 she attacked Kathy, and in the comments section of that Adoptees face the sting of discrimination, Joan told LIE about me and my father – that’s when I started this blog – and when her book came out – I read her filthy lies, the past anger came flooding back – I can’t tell you the shit I felt back in 1990 when Joan and Colby stole money from me – Colby came to my house and whined “can’t you just forget the money – I don’t want to go home and hear Joan yell at me.”
this was money I took out as a cash advance from a credit card – $4000.00 at 18% interest – Joan dipped into it STOLE money to fix her car – when MY car broke down a few months later – I had no money to fix it – because I was paying off the credit card – and Joan was warm in her car – while I was at the corner freezing lugging home groceries on the bus.
You wonder why I’m angry – again Myst – and big mouth Rus – and where the hell is Sweet Mara – PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES – stop listening to Joan – how would YOU feel if YOUR OWN SISTER used YOUR money to fix HER car, then YOUR car broke and you are freezing in zero degree weather thinking of your broken car. (ant then to read in that filthy book that she merely BORROWED the money – NO! She STOLE IT. And Colby used $500.00 of MY money to get his rocks off at the strip joint! The two of them will burn in hell.) and in 2004, I sent her a letter BEGGING for even TEN DOLLARS to help me save my house from foreclosure and the bitch tried to take me to court for HARASSMENT – because I dared to ask for MY money back, or even just TEN BUCKS! 
And that is only ONE beef I have against the bitch called Joan Wheeler. – the money is basically a non -issue, because I actually have won a $500.00 raffle in 1997, $600.00 from New York Lottery win four in 1998 and other small money prizes – WHAT GETS MY GALL IS JOAN’S ATTITUDE THAT SHE USED ME, STOLE MY MONEY, AND LIES ABOUT IT AND TURNED HER FUCKING BACK ON ME WHEN  I BEGGED FOR HELP.  I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT I EVER DID TO DESERVE THIS SHIT FROM SOMEONE I LOVED.



Posted by chayelet in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness, Statements from The Three Sippel Sisters, Uncategorized.
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New whine by Joan Wheeler – and how she shifts the blame off herself onto other people. September 15, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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A few days after her lie on August 25, 2010,  Joan makes another rambling whine. And contradicts herself again. On August 25, she says we’ve been attacking her physically for 30 years, then on Sept. 1, she’s back to saying there’s been no contact.

She also says the reason she wasn’t posting was because of me. Oh, but didn’t she say back in May she wasn’t posting because she was busy with getting her amom into the nursing home, doing all the stuff necessary for legal stuff with the house, and daily visits to her amom, etc. etc. etc. NO WHERE IN MAY WAS I MENTIONED AS THE CAUSE OF HER NOT POSTING! SHE SAID SHE WAS BUSY. Now she would have you believe it’s all my fault. See how she blames me for her life? Oh, give me a break! – she said that our blog was upsetting her, but not preventing her from posting. – remember the whine and plea for help “get them away from me, get them away from me.” um, Joan, be Woman – get us away yourself. Stand up on your own 2 feet. Because the only person who created this mess is –YOU. You wrote the book, not the adoptees.

There seems to be only a handful of  buddies who support her. And apparently an administrator was ticked off because a link was made to our blog back in the original plead for help for Joan – made by a buddy of Joan’s back in February 2010 .But then more links are put up – does Joan not listen when the administrator obviously doesn’t want no links? Then Joan sloughs the blame off herself and onto her buddy! well, technically, yes, it was Joan’s buddy who did post it – BUT IT WAS AT JOAN’S BEHEST! Now, can you people see how you are being deceived, manipulated, and USED by Joan? She wants YOU to clean up her mess! She lies about people, gets upset because the people she lies about are angry, but instead of acknowledging her contribution to the anger, or cleaning it up herself – she goes whining to other people, expecting them to do battle for her. baa baa sheep. I told you guys before: PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT SHE SAYS, BECAUSE SHE SAYS ONE THING ON A MONDAY, AND A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THING ON FRIDAY!

 And by the way, I do NOT use my employer’s computers – I have my own personal laptop. Again, people are being deceived by Joan. How does she know what I use? Is she there? No? Did she see me? No? Then how do you know what I do? Because Joan told you? Joan is a proven liar!

And no, there is no threat from me or my sisters to Joan or to the adoptees. I said it in my last post – this blog is for the purpose of finding Joan Wheeler’s lies, putting those lies straight, and refuting her contradictory lying statements. If you examine this blog – The Three Sippel Sisters are not interested in, nor posting anything to do with adoption issues, EXCEPT when they pertain to OUR FAMILY. We may give our personal postition on adoption, based on our personal experience, but we are not joining, nor condemning, any adoption, adoption reform, OBC reform, or anything else related to adoption.

As to Joan’s reaction to my angry posts: what did she think was going to happen? Has she not learned the rule of cause and effect? You tell a lie about someone, and they might get angry!


There really is a very simple solution to this Joan – and that is for you to STOP LYING!  And stop whining when you are caught in your lies!

and Joan, would you get your lies straight? If we have been nothing but trouble since 1974, why do you have a whole chapter in your book about your wonderful visit to Kathy in England, the Star Trek  Convention in 1975 with me? Why was I one of your bridesmaids? You mention great times you and I had at the beach in the 80’s with your babies. Meeting herman’s hermits at Uncle Sam’s nightclub.

as for the child abuse call – it was made by YOU in December 1994. In the book you say it was made in December 1993. Now in your whine it was made in 1996!

can’t you make your mind up?

remember the old saying about telling the truth – because then you don’t have to remember the lies? Joan, Joan, JOAN,——— STICK TO THE TRUTH – because you put your foot in your  mouth SIX  TIMES in your whine. you are getting things mixed up because you can’t keep your lies straight.

and no, I, Ruth Pace did NOT call child abuse on Joan. Joan did that herself in a pathetic attempt to break me and my husband up. THINK! people think – If I’m going to place a false child abuse call against Joan, I’m not going to give them my real name AND name my own husband as the perpetrator- I’ve known John since 1978 – we were best friends! In 1986, we were both single and then became romantically involved. In 1987 we moved in together. In 1996, we bought our house off our landlord and in 2002, we got married! WHY WOULD I CALL CHILD ABUSE AND NAME HIM AND RISK HIM GOING TO JAIL WHEN THIS IS THE MAN I LOVE???? AND AT THE TIME OF THE CALL (DECEMBER 1994)  WE WERE PAYING $360.00 RENT TOGETHER, WHICH I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO AFFORD BY MYSELF IF HE WAS IN JAIL!!!!!! And Joan right away writes him a letter, sends it to his mother’s house and URGES HIM TO LEAVE ME.




Comment by Gert McQueen, September 15, 2010:

In processing out the lies and misrepresentations that Joan has in her book, hard evidence, namely letters, have come to surface. They will ALL be posted on this blog to show that Joan indeed is the intimidator and manipulator of many many dirty deeds that she SAYS comes from her birth sisters.

Even without hard evidence, Joan has done many many dirty deeds to her birth family. Joan is not innocent. Our sole intent here is to reclaim our own honor back from the dishonor that Joan has written, in the book, and elsewhere, about us.

As early as this morning, as I read in Chapter 33 of her book…for I am indeed writing my rebuttals…I find yet again, more lies and misrepresentations. Joan makes up so much drama that she TRULY BELIEVES her own shit!!

Anger? oh yes, we have anger, but it is not anger that is driving us to refute Joan’s versions of our lives. It is the very fact that Joan has sullied and garbaged up every member of her birth family, including our father…who wants NOTHING to do with her for the shit she continues to do to the family…as recently as just a couple of years ago, as the damn book was going to press.

So Joan and friends, there is NOTHING you can say or do that will stop us from exposing Joan for all she has dumped on us.

Joan wrote the book, she told the lies, she now has to deal with those she dishonored.

additional thought by Ruth, September 15, 2010, 10:30am –

Joan doesn’t get to be angry. She is the one who keeps spreading lies and untruths. If her lies are slapping back in her face – well that’s just too dam bad, now isn’t it? no, Joan, YOU don’t get to be angry. You are playing with the big girls now. And big girls don’t lie, they tell the truth. And truth ALWAYS wins out.

ok, here’s another contradiction she makes in her whine – she says she is looking for a job, but with crap like our blog, prospective employers will be offended. then she says later down, that she is very sick with illnesses and cannot work full time or at all.



ok people – look at what she is writing – because you’re not seeing it! Many people don’t ‘read’ clearly, they miss alot, they don’t ‘read between the lines’ they make assumptions, they label…wrongly…
That’s how they get caught off guard, because they were not paying attention in the first place. that is Joan’s whole problem and her undoing. Sure, right, she is looking for a job and she has to blame it on us…before hand…that she won’t be able to get a job because of us. This is Joan manipulating you again. She is laying the groundwork that if she doesn’t get a job it’s because of us. (thanks Gert)

Speaking of “poor little Joanie’s reputation” – What goes around comes around. Back in autumn 1994 – early 1995, Joan accused me of hacking into my employer’s computer and messing up her bill. The hospital investigated, traced it down to a typing error and told her I didn’t do it. I work as a nurse’s aide NOT a billing clerk as Joan says in her book. I work the night shift – 11pm – 7am. (Dory – what time was it when motor33 applied? AFTER 10pm, right?) I am not in the building at 4pm when the typo happened. They do have the technology to see what people do on computers. And I’m still working there, I didn’t get fired, because I didn’t do anything. But Joan wasn’t going to have it. – She was going to change the FACT that I didn’t do it, so she called the hospital EVERYDAY FOR SIX MONTHS, calling the nursing office, calling the different nursing units badmouthing me – telling people that didn’t even know me – that I was a bitch, do they know what kind of people they have working for them – this is a dam hospital – where we are taking care of sick people, saving lives, and Joan is bothering busy people during the daytime with this shit, trying to make me look bad and lose my job. So now, 15 years later, SHE’S worried about prospective employers thinking SHE looks bad? What Joan did to Ruth 15 years ago is coming back to haunt her! KARMA BABY, KARMA! SUCK IT UP!!!! – You didn’t care about RUTH’S reputation with her present employers, so why should anyone care about YOUR reputation with prospective employers..

And please people THINK! She says each time they are posting their hate filled crap.
No, Joan – YOU are the one who posts the hate filled crap. We are merely answering you. We do not say anything to anything you have to say in general – ONLY to those things you say about US!

And perhaps the adoption issue in our family has affected us – but what has affected us even more is the continued TRASHING OF US that you keep doing! Why, Joan, WHY, must you keep making up stories about us? WHY do you say that you have been physically attacked for 30 years by us when you know that that is NOT TRUE? Do you see anything on my blog about ANYthing you have said on the internet in the past month? EXCEPT that lie? You have things on your blog about the ACLU, a letter to somebody called Debbie Jacobs, you’ve given support to forum members, urged others to write about an adoption issue – has ANYthing been said about those things on this blog until now? And they are being brought up as an example. NO, the only time we say anything is IN ANSWER TO YOU!And this whole blog IS AN ANSWER TO YOUR BOOK! You had a choice when you wrote your book – you could have chosen to write a truthful insightful book. Instead you wrote a trashy LYING book.You have a choice in the here and now. Continue your writing for your interests or continue writing LIES about your family.

The ball is in your court Joan. And stop playing your little games. We can see what you’re up to – bah – you’re looking for a job and if you can’t get one – it’s my fault! BALONEY! You’re not looking for a job – you said before you are permanently disabled and on SSI. and you just said in your whine you are “sick with illnesses and cannot work full time or at all.”
Do you see what a snarky snake Joan is?

and meaning no disrespect here, but if Joan’s amom is on the path to leaving this world (she has been doing this since last October when Joan first said this on the comments for the  ABC or CBS interview Adoptees Face Sting of Discrimination), Joan says in her whine that she needs to pay attention to her amom. Well then, Joan, PAY ATTENTION TO HER. Why are you on the internet telling lies about your birth family and your birth sisters in particular? Do you not have something much more important to do?

But of course, see how Joan BLAMES us for HER life? Oh yes, WE are driving to her house everyday, dragging her out of bed, forcing her to her computer, forcing her to sign on, forcing her to google her own name, forcing her to put her fingers to the keyboard, forcing her to type her lies, when she is supposed to be taking care of her mother. Riiiiiiiggghhhht. Dammit Joan, would you PLEASE take accountability for YOUR OWN ACTIONS! STOP BLAMING ME AND MY SISTERS FOR EVERY THING IN YOUR LIFE! IF YOU GET A DAM ZIT ON YOUR FOREHEAD – I GUESS THAT’S MY FAULT TO!

Gert – September 15, 2010

I want to make this perfectly clear…

Adoption, pro or con, reform or not, has nothing to do with why us, the birth sisters, are refuting Joan’s book and everything else she says about us, anywhere, which we will continue to do until we die or Joan pulls the book and gives us a public apology.

Joan recently said that ‘adoption is the reason we are the way WE ARE’. That is a patent falsehood! Adoption has nothing to do with it. Adoption is WHY JOAN IS THE WAY SHE IS.

We sisters are setting the record straight as far as what Joan has done to us, individually and collectively and to how she has presented our family. Our positions are all about Joan, not adoption. So please, get off the point that we give a damn about adoption…we DON’T. We are not concerned with any issue related to adoption, outside of our personal opinions which are a non-issue here.

Our issues are all about Joan’s lies, fabrications, manipulations, intimidations, and all sorts of techniques to get her way and to lay blame on others and not onto herself. Our issues are to restore our personal lives from the garbage that Joan has presented. It is an honor issue, not an adoption issue.

Why did Joan Wheeler write her book Forbidden Family? pure and simple: it is for revenge! September 13, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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From Lisa in a comment to my post “I am not interested in your opinion of me”:

I think I have read most of your site. I just wanted to add to your post above. I came to your site when searching about adoption reform and your sisters name came up. It was wonderful to read your site. Some of your adjectives about your sister are adjectives that I was thinking. She states herself she was spoiled as a child. That mentality is why we have a generation of people who are self centered, does not care about anyone else, materialistic, condescending, arrogant etc etc etc. I know it is not politically correct to say she should be grateful because in reading the two stories it seems like your families (3 Sippel sisters) didn’t have the easiest of lives yourself do to your mom’s death, while she was “spoiled” her words. Anyway I just wanted to support you and your story. Once the adoption reform “gang” gets wind of your story they will be relentless. They have that “vicious gang” mentality. It’s not let’s join together for a cause and explain our side. They will try to pick you apart in every way. Continue telling your story. I think it should come out in how reunion doesn’t always work and the sick need of some adoptees for OBC. Showing that nothing not even a piece of paper will fix what needs fixing in their souls.

 My reply:

Yes, Lisa, Joan was spoiled when she was a child, and well into her adulthood. This is why she never learned boundaries, never learned the word NO, never learned to respect other people’s needs and feelings. It has always been about Joan, Joan, Joan. I could go into a couple of events here, but I want to use them on the blog itself, not comments.

 I usually try to be politically correct, because I believe that all people should have their say. But when their say tramples on other people, than the rules have changed. I have ALWAYS supported Joan in her quest for her OBC, which incidentally, she has. It was given to her. So why the crusade? She SAYS it is so that others who cannot get their OBC can legally obtain it. But as I have asked time and time again throughout this blog, why are personal details of MY life on display? What do they have to do with adoption or adoption reform at all? Pray tell, what does the fact that I, Ruth Pace, am a neighborhood activist have to do with JOAN’S adoption, JOAN’S reunion, JOAN’S adoption reform work? And in the book, when she mentions that I am a neighborhood activist, she puts me down for it, saying that my neighborhood was deteriorating. Well, DUH, yeah, that’s why I became a neighborhood activist in the first place! And my neighborhood is much better, thanks to a lot of my work.

The reason that and other personal details of my live is in the book, is clear – it’s a chance to take a swipe at me, to assassinate my character – because that is the whole purpose of her book – it is revenge writing – to get back at everyone in her life who ever angered her, from the mother who up and died when she was an infant, to the birth relatives who did not step in and take her and raise her, to my father who gave her up for adoption, to the Wheelers who adopted her, to a birth cousin who bumped into her at an amusement park when both girls were 10 years old – because she knew that Joan was in reality, Doris, and this little kid, her birth cousin didn’t tell her. (and in the late 90’s Joan harassed this cousin while she was dying of cancer, until the Town of Eden, NY police, NOT my cousin, but the police themselves instituted a harassment case against Joan. Joan’s hatred and anger continues onto her birth siblings, because we were not given up for adoption. And it is for that fact, she is out to punish us.

 Yes Lisa, you are correct, when you say that the adult adoptees will not be happy when they get their OBC, or find out their birth names, or meet their birth family. Because they are full of hate. They hate the mother that gave them up. Never mind she may have been the 14 year old victim of a rapist or other circumstances. They just blindly pass judgment on the birth mother and anyone who had a hand in their adoption. And that hatred spills onto infertile women, who merely want a chance to be a mother. And this what I believe is at the heart of Joan’s hatred towards me, an infertile woman adopted her. I am an infertile woman. Joan loves/hates her adoptive mother. Joan hates me. I don’t think she ever loved me, because she stole from me and lied to me before I had my miscarriage. But it was when I lost my son, and I told her that I didn’t want to hear any more stories of her adoption conferences that Joan really became my enemy. I didn’t want to hear about babies, infertility, adoption or anything to do with reproduction because at that point, I needed grief counseling.  Joan became angry at me because I told her NO. And spoiled children who grow into spoiled adults cannot stand the word NO. I believe in my heart of hearts her further stealing the hundreds of dollars from me in 1990 was punishment because I dared to cut her out of my life for the years 1987 and 1988. And that was because she would NOT respect me – she would NOT stop talking about infertility. My god, I just had a miscarriage, shut up already! But she HATES infertile women, and now I was an infertile woman, ergo, she must HATE me. She makes a mockery of my miscarriage in her book!  When even Jesus carrying his cross to his death, said “Bless the barren,” when St. Veronica wiped his face with her scarf, and the grieving women, stood nearby. Jesus Christ blessed us, but Joan condemns us.

Joan has a need for revenge. Her book, her blog, her statements on the internet, are not about adoption reform at all — it is REVENGE, pure and simple.

 Why else would she blatantly lie about court proceedings that are on record? These are indisputable records of FACT. The FACT that she was granted a six-month order of protection against me, which was summarily DISMISSED, but she just bowls over that FACT. She says that it was for one year. This is a BLATANT LIE. I have posted that court document to PROVE THAT JOAN IS A LIAR. She doesn’t care. That’s her story and she’s sticking to it. Even though she’s making herself out to be a fool. Anybody with brains and has an 8th grade reading level can read Joan’s words “I had a one year order of protection.” Then read the actual court document “order of protection: August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994.” And anybody with first grade arithmetic skills and who knows the succession of the months, can reason out that from August to February is SIX MONTHS!

 As for the adoptees, they come over here from time to time. That’s ok. They are always welcome to read my blog. I have NEVER once said in my blog that adult adoptees are not entitled to their OBC. In fact, I SUPPORT their efforts to have OBCs amended to a TRUTHFUL document. But other than that, I do not want to get into the adoption/adoption reform issue at all. Because that is NOT what this blog is about. This blog is to REFUTE JOAN WHEELER’S LIES ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY.  I am not interested in Heather in UK’s adoption issues. I am not interested in Mara Rigge’s adoption issues. They have their issues and lives, and they are none of my business. I am not interested in anybody’s else’s issues. EXCEPT if any reader steps forward and says that they are part of a birth family, was reunited with the adopted person, and is now being bullied by that person.

 There are plenty of places in the real world and the cyber world that offer support for infertile women, birthmothers, would-be adoptive parents, adoptive parents, the adopted child, adult adoptees, grief counseling for parents who lose their children, grief counseling for spouse who have lost their partner, but no where is there any help for the siblings of an adoptee. Who stands up for them? And does anybody ever know what happens after an adoption reunion? Oh, they get on Oprah Winfrey and show how they glad they are they found each other. But when the reunion goes sour, what then? Where is there any help? And where is there any help when the soured reunion turns criminal? I took Joan to court in 1995 because of the falsified child abuse call, her calling my place of employment, her writing letters to the mayor of Buffalo, telling him that I have a criminal record when I have none. These are deeds of STALKING! I took her to court and the judge dismissed my case! Why? Because the judge said, “sisters should get along.” WTF kind of answer is that? If I can help ANYone who is in this same type of situation, to help them gear up the courage to stand up to their bullies, than I have succeeded.

 Also, it is clear that Joan is mentally ill. I know for a fact that she was treated for manic depression. In 1999, when her friend Bonnie gave me Joan’s computer and her discs, which contained an early manuscript of her book, Joan had a part of a journal on the computer and she writes about her manic depression. Now, I know that mentally ill people do not ask to be mentally ill. And perhaps some of her actions are caused by her illness, but WHERE IS MY PROTECTION FROM THAT ILL PERSON? When does it stop? Why must I suffer from character assassination? Why must I have my employers be called and told lies? Why must MY husband be urged to leave me? Why must I suffer? Because SHE is ill? NO WAY!  I refuse to be walked on because Joan is ill. I, RUTH PACE HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE A PEACEFUL LIFE! This is guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States! And by the gods, I DEMAND that Joan stop her lies! And I speak for my two sisters Gert and Kathy, and indeed for MY ENTIRE FAMILY. My cousin Gail is dead. Joan harassed her when she was DYING OF CANCER! Joan lies about her in the book. Gail is no longer here to defend herself. So I WILL DEFEND HER.

 Joan, you can hang up your keyboard, because your sisters are coming after you. And you have no one to blame but yourself. YOU chose to say the order of protection in 1994 was for one year – no one put a gun to your head and forced you to write that lie. And all the other lies you put in that book, and all the lies you put out on the internet. YOU, Joan Wheeler, YOU did it. And all The Three Sippel Sisters are doing is showing the world what you really are: a lying bitch.

1. gert – September 14, 2010

Again, thank you Lisa, for your words that show that indeed there are people out there that are not fearfull of the truth…

This statement of yours:
“Once the adoption reform “gang” gets wind of your story they will be relentless. They have that “vicious gang” mentality. It’s not let’s join together for a cause and explain our side. They will try to pick you apart in every way.”

This is what is wrong within our culture, the gang mentality, that seeks to destroy instead of build.

I’m not afraid of bullies or gangs. I’ve dealt with more of them than there are of these vicious adoption reform people that Joan hangs out with. I’m also sure that not every adoption reform group are as they are, but, I shall never be bullied by a gang of people that intimidate and threaten. I have more scalps on my belt than are in that little group of obnoxious loudmouths! My agenda is not the same as theirs. My is truth and honor. People in and with gang mentality are not interested in truth and they know not honor.

The gang is very worried, they see that we sisters are not being intimidated and are not going away.
That’s right, every page of that book of filth will be addressed on this blog. Stay tuned for more truth speaking.

RuthSeptember 14, 2010

I’m not so sure if the “adoption gang” is worried about us – but I do believe that some of them are concerned about Joan. Back in February, a certain adoptee couldn’t wait for Joan to join her gang, because she was so “awesome.” Joan had manipulated her into believing that the Three Sippel Sisters were a trio of bashers! O my goddess, what a day they had! Almost 200 hits here, and several nasty comments! Then, silence.

In May, Joan herself, starts her whining herself, urging them to shut down by blog by complaining about me. Which is EXACTLY one of the false accusations she had thrown at me – that I had managed to shut her previous 2 blogs down, which was a lie. Joan herself explained on the wordpress blog the reason SHE shut her blogspot blog down was because she had been censored. As to the wordpress blog – again, SHE shut it down. She moved it over to startlogic. When you went to the wordpress site, you got a message stating that the OWNER shut it down. I had nothing to do it, but she whined that I did. And bitched and moaned that when I did, I was interfering with her life. So what does she do – turn around and tries to do the same to me. Two wrongs don’t make a right my sweet sister. Because you showed everyone what a little pisspot you are right there and then.

And in her May 2010 whines, she passionately pleads to the adoptees “get them away from me, get them away from me.” ‘Scuse me, I’m not near her, nor is Gert or Kathy. Joan doesn’t like this blog for one simple reason – and that is: HER LIES ARE BEING STRAIGHTENED OUT! The whole world, and that includes her adoptee friends, are seeing for themselves, that their “awesome” friend is nothing but a liar, a manipulator and a fraud!
On August 25, 2010, she told another lie about me and my family, stating that we have been physically attacking her for the past 30 years. Which is a direct contradiction of things she has said in the book, and on the internet and, most importantly, on the adoptee forum. Joan has stated over and over that we are intefering with her life, despite that fact that she HAS HAD NO CONTACT WITH US FOR DECADES. So I put the question out there: HOW HAVE WE BEEN ATTACKING HER PHYSICALLY FOR 30 YEARS IF THERE HAS BEEN NO CONTACT?

It is JOAN herself who keeps putting her foot in her mouth, and I suspect that people are starting to see this. And we know for a FACT that not only the adoptee gang has realized this – we got an email from someone who stated that something Joan said about her 3 sisters was “patently false.” And with each whine, with each lie, with each contradiction that Joan has fed her “friends,” her support gets diminshed. The stats for this blog prove this. And the replys that she got on her posts on the forum also diminished in numbers.

ah, the forum – let us address this here and now and be done with it. Yes, I had 2 covert accounts. I have been accused of “spying” on Joan. Let me say this for the  record – I DON’T CARE WHAT IS DISCUSSED ON THE FORUM – I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY ISSUES REVOLVING AROUND THE ADOPTEES – I ONLY WANT TO BE INFORMED OF WHAT JOAN SAYS ABOUT ME – BECAUSE AS YOU SEE, ON AUGUST 25, JOAN LIED ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY AGAIN! I have every right to want to know what is said about ME and MY FAMILY. Anything else – I AM NOT INTERESTED IN IT! And both Gert and Kathy have stated they also don’t care about the adoption issue.
THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT ADOPTION REFORM, SHUTTING UP ADOPTEES, ANTI-ADOPTION, OR PRO-ADOPTION. THIS BLOG IS ABOUT THE SIPPEL FAMILY SETTING STRAIGHT THE TRUTH ABOUT OUR LIVES. TO UNDO THE DAMAGE THAT JOAN HAS DONE TO OUR REPUTATIONS. Someone (Joan) has gone in public and told stories about us. And they are LIES! We have the right to tell the truth about our own lives and straighten out those twisted up stories!
No one is intimidating anyone. The adoptees have their issues – fine. This blog is not about those issues. This blog is about the Sippel Family taking ownership of their lives. Taking it back from a lying, deceitful fraudulant, bitter bitch named Joan Wheeler.

A commment by Lisa and my reply – discussing how Joan Wheeler has ruined her position in the family with her lies. September 11, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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this was a comment left on the Telling the Truth Part 2 by Gert McQueen. And I have my reply to it.

Lisa Marie – September 11, 2010 [Edit]

Glad I found you site. I’ve encountered your sister on the web. I knew parts of the story, her anger of not having OBC, a mom who died and anger with adoption. It was interesting reading your side. Your side seems more real especially for the times. Many of the adjectives you use to describe her would be how I would describe her when reading her comments. Don’t be upset with her lies. You have the one thing she craved her whole life. Each other. She forgets the WHOLE family went through difficult times. Everyone did the best they could. It’s always easy 20 years later to say if only, or should of could of would of. She may have the limelight now but look who she has alienated and that limelight only lasts so long. Good Luck to you and your families.

My reply:

Thank you Lisa. What you say about regrets we may have 20 years down the line is absolutely true. But in all honesty, I don’t know what I could have done better. Because I did nothing wrong. I examined things I did – nope, nothing. So what did I do? I stood up for myself. When someone steals money from you, you stand up to them. This is what I did to Joan – I stood up to her and told her that stealing money from me was wrong – the whole feud between me and her broke open because of that, but in reality, it was simmering for a few years. I felt disrespected, walked on, stabbed in the back when Joan refused to acknowledge the pain I had when I lost my baby. And to have her bring it up to me AFTER I ASKED HER TO STOP, was torture, simple inhuman torture. I don’t know what I had done to deserve such treatment from someone who I wished to be reunited with my entire life. I accepted her into my life. In the 70’s we went disco-dancing, to the movies, everything. If I couldn’t relate to her as a sister, at least she was a good and true friend, until – I don’t know! All of a sudden – she was doing wrong things to me – and after she stole from me, the harassing letters started. The calling of the police on me, baiting me into calling her on the phone, hanging up on me when I called, then turning around and reporting me to the Annoyance Call Bureau. What did I do to deserve this? And to try to get me fired from my job, when I have a mortgage to pay for? And to try to break me and my husband up?

 Lisa, you do advise me not to get upset about her lies, and that is good advice, except for one thing – her lies are geared to destroy my reputation. And my life. To write a letter to the mayor of Buffalo and tell him that I have a criminal record – that can hurt my chances of ever having a political career! And I have been urged to enter politics. From the mid 1990’s to even just a month ago. Because I am also a neighborhood activist, head of the block club of my street, for which Joan ridicules in her book!

But I do know that I have the truth of my life – and that wins out above all. Even when just a couple of months ago, when a cow-worker (not a typo) of mine, showed me she was not the type of person I wanted to be around, got mad at me for unfriending her at facebook, and ran right over to Joan’s facebook page. (can we say acting like a 10 year old? lol), even then, I could care less – because that person is nothing to me. And in that very act – she showed people what a two-faced snot she is.

 But with Joan – she is very sweet to you in person, she can pull you into her web, she can deceive you with her little machinations and manipulations until you are in so deep you can’t get out. And when you try to get out – WATCH OUT! Because once you’re on her enemy list, be prepared for your life to turn into a living hell.

 y life was a living hell from 1990-2000. She almost succeeded in breaking me and my husband up. She had his head twisted around and I was ready to throw him out of the house – because he deserved it for taking HER word against mine – my own husband! The only reason I stuck through it, was because I knew what was going on, that Joan was at the bottom of it, and I’d be damned if I was going to throw my relationship to the dogs – because that was what SHE wanted. She was NOT going to direct my life, I was. (this was at the same time she was trying to get me fired from my job).

Then because he wasn’t leaving me fast enough to suit her manipulations, (calling child abuse on herself, posing as me, and naming him), she tried a more direct tactic – she sends me a letter saying that he got the next door neighbor pregnant! Then he finally saw what I had been saying all along – that Joan is dangerous!

 And yes, I was upset on August 25 to read that now she is saying that her natural family has been physically attacking her for 30 years! Because she said it just before the anniversary of my brother’s death. How despicable. And this is a lie – we are not around her to lay hands on her. And she certainly didn’t put that in her book – she goes out of her way in the book to detail harassment letters she received and blamed ME for, but then in another part of the book – she says they were from her adoptive uncle! But no mention of ANYbody putting their hands on her.

 I am glad Lisa, that you have the intelligence and wisdom to see through her silly comments. To put two and two together and see just ehat is happening. That I, and indeed, my ENTIRE family have been wronged by Joan. Joan is a troublemaker. She likes to harass people, to do dirty deeds against. I swear she got her ideas from watching soap operas! She did use to watch General Hospital when that Heather Webber was on. Oh my goodness the crap Heather used to pull! But Joan is 100 times worse. lol

 Have a Blessed Day Lisa!

Telling the Truth Part 2 – Joan Wheeler – The Three Sippel Sisters September 9, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Why does Joan Wheeler need to keep telling us that she is telling the truth? 

 By Gert McQueen August 14 2010

Well it appears as if Joan does indeed read our blog! Why else does she feel the need to reprint many newspaper articles and then make comments that she is telling the truth. Ruth had posted, August 7, an entry called “To tell the truth, who lies? Joan Wheeler or the Three Sippel Sisters?” And on August 8 Joan starts a 5 part series of pre-printed newspaper articles and her assertion that she has been telling the truth!

It must be pointed out, here, at the beginning of my post, that newspaper articles of the ‘human interest’ type are always sensationalized and biased toward the need to ‘sell papers’. Newspapers themselves are written for a 5th grade reading level. How do I know this? Because I wrote to my local newspaper years ago. I wrote ‘letters to the editor’, for over 3 three years, I was interviewed and had stories written about myself and what I was doing in the community. I was ‘misquoted’ and ‘misrepresented’ by the reporter and newspaper, not once but many many times. When I didn’t like how the newspaper were ‘editing’ my material, I did something about it, I self-published. As a self-published author I, again, had gotten many critics. You will never get everyone to like you or what you write. But, the one thing I have never had was anyone say I had NOT told the truth. Joan can’t say that, for indeed, she has not told the truth in her book. And her recent 5 parter is proof that she is very concerned that her blood sisters are TELLING THE TRUTH.

In Joan’s current ‘rebuttal’ efforts, on her site, she proves that she does read her sisters’ site. She is trying to throw so much information at people as to cloud the truth with yet more bull-shit. I am not going to address the many newspaper articles she posts. I have only read one or two of them when they were published originally and many were published after I left Buffalo NY so I never saw them or knew about them. These newspaper articles are irrelevant. They have nothing to do with the truth. I am only interested in the words that Joan has currently published in her book of lies and her current statements on her blog as she tries to rebuttal our claims of her lying and misrepresenting us, our families, and other families.

If you are interested in seeing the newspaper articles, go to Joan’s site. As I have done in the past I will use Joan’s own words to prove my points.

J: is Joan. G: is Gert

Part 1 in a 5-Part Series: Has Anything Really Changed Since 1984 in My Reunion and Adoption Reform?  2010.08.08 

G:… No nothing has really changed, Joan is still Joan and her reunion ended long ago. I don’t see what Joan’s adoption and reunion have to do with Adoption reform anyway. Joan’s assertion that she doesn’t want other families to go through what she has is a NON-ISSUE. Joan wrote the book and is in adoption reform because that is where Joan can get ATTENTION and continue to be a VICTIM.

J: Today, I embark on a 5-part series of a look back into time. I will be reflecting on a slice of my reunion as well as adoption reform 26 years ago and relating it to the present situations.

G:… The big question is…why does she feel the need to ‘look back into time’? Didn’t she write a damn book about her life already? So she needs to ‘reflect’ on a ‘slice of’…gee when does she LIVE FOR TODAY? The past is over, get on with living today! I can’t wait to find out what ‘slice’ of’ her reunion she wants to reflect on! She really ought to wait and read our blog posts before she goes and puts her foot in her mouth again. Oh ‘present situations’, that’s gotta be a good one, can’t wait to see what new and interesting things have been happening to Joan!

J: Here’s Part 1 of my 5-part series:  Part 1: Registry Law Unjust to Adoptees

I begin with an article I wrote 26 years ago today: “Registry Law Unjust to Adoptees”, published as a Letter to the Editor in The Buffalo News. This article can also be found in My Archives Pages in this website.

G:… So if the article can be found in her archives why the need to reprint it here? To prove her point of course! Joan has an agenda. As I’ve said, I’m not interested in these articles, they prove nothing and are not adequate source materials to prove that Joan has spoken any truth.

 J: The New York State Registry has undergone a few changes since 1984. What I do know has changed is that adoptees no longer must seek written permission from their adoptive parents and natural parents to obtain basic information about themselves. However, I do believe the provision still exists that dead people cannot register, therefore, the past and current New York State Registry would do me no good at all because my natural mother died 54 years ago and cannot file to a mutual-consent registry. Mutual consent registries do not give adoptees access to their sealed birth certificates. Also, media still addresses adoptees as “adopted children”.

G:… of course dead people can not register, they are dead.

Part 2: The Buffalo News 3-Part Series Search for Yesterday (Natural Mothers) 1984  2010.08.09 Part 2: The Buffalo News 3-Part Series Search for Yesterday (Natural Mothers) 1984

J: In the early 1980s, because of my participation in local adoption reform support groups and writing numerous Letters to the Editor, I was contacted by a reporter to be a part of this newspaper series. I will highlight one article per day of this series as each was written on a different day. Copies of these articles, along with these notes, will be posted in My Archives Pages in this website. The first in The Buffalo News series “Search for Yesterday” is the following article. Of note is natural mother and author Lorraine Dusky (Birthmark, 1979). The fictitiously-named Ms. Higgins is a natural mother who was not known by any members of the local adoption group in Buffalo at the time.

G:… I too have experience with letter writing to an editor of a newspaper and I too was interviewed by a reporter, about my topic I was writing about, and I too was contacted by a reporter to give my opinions about my topic in a series of articles. So what’s the big deal? Many people have many interests and many people write and are interviewed in a local newspaper. Joan is not unique in that.

J: Times have changed. With the Internet, underground searches are not necessary as anyone can search for just about anyone they want to find, with or without adoptee access to their original birth certificates, and with or without Mutual Consent Registries.

G:… Okay, things have changed. Again, what is the point of rehashing all of this today? Joan has an agenda! Attention getting proving she has told the truth, but others have misrepresented her. Oh gee, and she wonders why her three sisters are pissed off over what Joan has said about us in the book. (Ruth’s note: People getting misrepresented in print is a non-issue – EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO JOAN. Her whole dam book is a misrepresentation by Joan of me and my family, but WHOA! Don’t let ANYBODY misrepresent Little Miss Joan!)

J: It must be stated that there are many facets of adoption, search and reunion. This newspaper series focused mainly on the emotional aspects. The real civil rights aspects — sealing and falsifying adoptees’ birth certificates and denying us access — was not a high priority in the news media back in 1984. Is it really a priority today?

G:… There are indeed ‘many facets of adoption’ and what Joan doesn’t like about many of those facets, she tries to kill. She really doesn’t understand many of the reasons why adoption exists in the world and why people adopt. But wait…if you stay tune to our blog where we refute Joan’s book you will see all of those reason and how she has reacted to them over the years. Oh yes, Joan is starting to show concern for what we sisters will say about the book, that is why she is doing this 5 part series!

Part 3: The Buffalo News 3-Part Series Search for Yesterday (Adoptees) 1984

J:  2010.08.10 Here is the main article that offended my adoptive family and natural family because I went public — I put my face and name in the newspaper. Though I had been interviewed for newspaper and radio and public television on and off since 1976, and had been writing Letters to the Editor since 1975 (paid articles didn’t come along for a few more years at this time), this article with a larger-than-the-others photo of me really annoyed my relatives. This wasn’t my idea – the photo – it was the newspaper reporter’s idea. My natural family and my adoptive family would have much preferred that I kept quiet. I was labeled as conceited. I had been reunited and the secret outed ten years earlier, but certain people in both my adoptive family and natural family were angry for me putting my face and name in the public’s eye. But this was not the first time I had done so. I had been writing in the newspaper, and have been interviewed in the paper, since 1975, at the age of 19. I had been interviewed on radio and TV for several interviews beginning in 1976. Those tapes have long ago disapeared as they warped with age. If they hadn’t, I’d print transcripts of those 2 and 4-hour interviews. Ruth’s note: NOWHERE does Joan say, on the internet, in her book, on her website, NOWHERE does she mention that one TV interview included ME! In 1981, Joan and I were interviewed by reporter Rich Kellman at WGRZ-TV, Buffalo, New York on – TA-DA! ADOPTION!YES, I was in SUPPORT OF HER AND HER ADOPTION SOCIAL WORK! But she keeps saying that her entire birth family was AGAINST her. LIAR!

G:… I NEVER SAW THIS ARTICLE At the time I was not living in Buffalo and had no idea what Joan was up too. Again, watch our blog for FULL DETAILS about the lies in Joan’s book. We have REAL EVIDENCE of Joan’s own dirty deeds towards her families.

Word of advice: if you put your ‘face and name in the newspaper’ or in a book, you will get negative reactions. What Joan has never understood is that she DOES NOT LIVE IN A VACUUM. There are many other people that have real concerns about their lives being ‘an open book’. That is why we are writing this blog, because Joan not only puts our lives in the open she lied and misrepresented our lives and NEVER ONCE told about her own misdeeds to family members. This is not acceptable. To my mind, as long as Joan had ‘talked’ about writing the stupid book I could have cared less, but as soon as she made a mockery about of our lives I took my stand against it and her. By publishing a book she has opened herself up to massive and intense criticism by those she lays open in the book.

Joan’s states here ‘…a larger-than-the-others photo of me really annoyed my relatives. This wasn’t my idea – the photo – it was the newspaper reporter’s idea…’ And that should surprise her! Number ONE Joan doesn’t understand family privacy issues. And of course it was the reporter’s idea! That’s why THEY get paid, to sell newspapers! And when some human interest story comes along, with hot-button issues, those reporters will go out of their way to get the story and the picture. But, Joan doesn’t know that, she blames her family for their own rightfully negative reactions to her actions and points the finger at them as the cause of all Joan’s problems. The family is being unreasonable, they don’t understand me! Bull Shit!

Today, August of 2010, Joan still has a great NEED for attention, she has to drag all this out again and again. She wrote and PUBLISHED the book already! What is the purpose, this need to tell it all again? Joan has an agenda, and it isn’t adoption reform! She wants to tell the world that she has told the truth and that her sisters are the liars! She wants the attention, well she will get the attention, because we sisters will continue to tell the world every thing that Joan has done to us and we will continue to refute what she has written in the book, so, stay tune. WE HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN.

J: In the nearly-full-page photo and article posted here, please note that the reporter misquoted me several times. That will be discussed following the article itself.  Two other adoptees, one age 19 and the other age 18, were interviewed as well.

 G:… reporters ALWAYS misquote, that’s the nature of newspapers who want to sell papers by using human interest hot-button issues.

J: Though the author of the article, newspaper reporter Paula Voell, gave a good overview of the plight of adoptees in search, she misquoted me. I did not search for my natural family, rather, I was found by my natural family.

G:…Why point this out again? She was misquoted, she didn’t search she was found. She wrote the book already, what’s the point of this posting of all this stuff now? Joan has an agenda. She is a victim and she wants attention.

J:  My natural and adoptive relatives who read the first few paragraphs were upset when they read, “To obscure their true origins, some were told their mothers died in childbirth…the false information…” Both of my families were devastated by this statement which linked me to the two other adoptees who were lied to about their natural mothers’ deaths.

G:…That’s what happens in newspaper articles, I’ll say it again, newspapers are in the business of selling papers and hot-button human interest issues SELL papers. It is RARE that the truth is presented in a newspaper article of a hot-botton human interest story. get over it.  

J: For days after this newspaper article’s publication, I received numerous angry phone calls and hate mail from relatives wanting to know why I had told the reporter these lies. Fact is, I didn’t lie. It was the interpretation of the readers that led to their reactions to me and to the article. Also, even though I had been told (during my childhood) that my natural mother died, HOW and WHEN she died was not told to me while I was growing up. MANY stories were told to me by many people after I was found at age 18 and many of these stories conflicted with each other.

G:…In the book, Joan details all this, again, why is this shit being talked about again? In the book the phone calls and mail came from the ADOPTIVE FAMILY. And you know what? They had a right to be upset, their lives were being misrepresented, just as they are in the book. The same is true for the birth family. They DID NOT make calls or send mail, but they had every right to be upset. And how does Joan get around not taking the consequences of her own actions? By stating ‘It was the interpretation of the readers that led to their reactions to me and to the article’ How convenient! Blame it all on the ‘interpretation of the readers’. As in every family in the entire world, where there is more than one you will have that many more versions of the story.

J:  My relatives were also upset over this paragraph: “While family members and neighbors knew that her mother had been ill, she had been advised not to become pregnant and had subsequently died while giving birth to her…” Both of my families were angry that I relayed distorted information to the reporter. Relatives telephone me and angrily yelled: “That’s not what happened! We told you what happened, you can’t get it straight that your mother did not die in childbirth! She died two or three months after your birth and she died of cancer and not because she was pregnant with you!”

G:…AND WHY PRINT THIS AGAIN HERE. Joan is brain dead! And she wonders why the families get upset with her. WHAT IS THE NEED AND REASON TO REPRINT LIES. Because Joan has a great NEED to KEEP IT UP. She does NOT want to let this die out. She needs to continue to show the world that her two families were upset with her. Joan is a VICTIM and she will continue to tell the world.

 J: The constant yelling at me about my mother’s death further eroded my emotional state. Grief at having lost my mother and having that knowledge denied to me for the first 18 years of my life in the true aspects and facts of her death were overshadowed because of the constant bombardment from relatives telling me their versions of the truth.

G:…Who was yelling at her….her adoptive mother that’s who. That is who Joan really hates, the adoptive mother. Grieving? Okay one never gets over the death of a parent, or anyone else, but if that is all you do with the life that you are given, that is grieve, what life do you have? Joan has no life because she has CHOOSEN to have this life that she keeps writing about.  (Ruth’s note: yes, the only person yelling at her was her adoptive mother. It wasn’t me.)

J: What I told the reporter was the collective “truths” told to me by many relatives (both natural family and adoptive family). The reporter shortened the stories to suit the length of the newspaper article. The article had some accurate passages, however, which angered my relatives even more than the misquotes: “Why should one group know everything and the adoptee not know anything?” and “Adoptive parents are confused. We adult adoptees are coming out and saying ‘You did it all wrong.’ They need guidance, too.” Both adoptive and natural relatives attacked me because of key phrases like “you did it all wrong”. Many aspects of my adoption were wrong. Over and above my own adoption, the system of adoption has people tied up. The SYSTEM needs to change. That was my message then, as well as now. Change the system, and eventually people’s attitudes will change, too. And yes, my adoptive parents lied to me and prevented me from knowing key truths about my life, and for that, they, and other relatives who kept their secrets, were wrong.

G:…Seems to me that if you, anyone, sees adoption as some sort of secret, as Joan does, then you have set yourself up for heartache and troubles. I know the heartache our father had in making the decision to put Joan (Doris) up for adoption when he did, the reasons were right and needed, that is what happens in life; major hard decisions must be made. Joan’s adoptive parents made a major decision to adopt her and make up stories over the years because of their internal emotional makeup. It is NOT THE SYSTEM THAT IS BROKEN, IT IS THE PEOPLE INVOLVED. Real adoption reform should begin with the emotional makeup of the adoptive parents, which will always be a flawed thing, people being people are not perfect and so you will never have a perfect adoption. Get over it! 

J:  Today, it seems that many members of both my extended adopted family and natural family are still upset that I have gone public.

G:…And you want WHAT from us?

Ruth’s note: what I am upset about her going public is the dam LIES she tells about me and others.

 J:  I wrote my memoir, Forbidden Family, with falsified names. Names of dead people are used but names of the living are changed. This still upsets people. I wrote the truth of what happened to me, the adoptee, and my adoptive family and my ex-husband and my children as a result of other people’s misinterpretations and judgments of me. I cannot be responsible for other people’s opinions of me, I can only be responsible for myself. I wrote a book of truth. I wouldn’t have written a book of lies. Every page was carefully vetted by editors, counselors, a literary attorney. Trafford Publishing’s legal division also approved of the content of the book.

Ruth’s note: not all names of living people were changed. And no, she did NOT tell the truth.

G:…A memoir by its very nature is not truthful. No one sees their life in all honestly. We sisters feel it an HONOR issue when it comes to the DISHONORING of our parents names, both dead and alive, and our own names and lives to be exposed as Joan has done to us. This book is no memoir, it is a dirty tell-all, according to Joan, where Joan repeats many things that NEVER should have been repeated outside of any relative’s kitchent table. And because Joan has done that people will continue to be upset. Joan’s book does not tell the truth, read this blog to see our rebuttals to every page of the book.

Yes, Joan, you can and should be responsible for the opinions that others have of you! You are your deeds, you are your words and we sisters will make you eat each and every lie, untruth, misrepresentation and fabrication in that book. And Joan you don’t even take responsible for yourself. Instead of giving the families peace you give them grief. Joan you did not write a book of truth, you did write a book of lies.

The editors did not carefully vet the book. I point out many many errors, in spelling, grammar etc and as far as content…NO ONE FROM THE PUBLISHER EVER SPOKE TO ME ABOUT THE TRUTH OF MY LIFE AND WHAT WAS BEING WRITTEN ABOUT ME IN THE BOOK.

Ruth’s note: I like the mistake where Joan is talking about me and her daughter, then gets us both mixed up. She starts the paragraph talking about one of us, then she talks about the other one, then names me by her daughter’s name. LOL – what jackass “editor” edited this book?

J:  My purpose then — when I began writing about my adoption publicly in 1975 in Erie, Pa and in Buffalo, New York in 1976, and in this interviewed newspaper article in 1984 — and now in 2010 — is to write my truth and to promote adoption reform.

G:…No Joan, you don’t know what the truth is, you only know and care about herself and how you SEE THINGS. You don’t give a damn about adoption reform, it is only a means to the end….the end being an avenue for you to whine and cry and be a victim.

I am not done with you, Joan, until you pull the book from all book sellers and make a public apology to both families and then KEEP SILENT the rest of your life.

Telling the Truth Part 1 – Joan Wheeler – The Three Sippel Sisters September 7, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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A month ago, I blogged a post called “To Tell the Truth – who lies – Joan Wheeler or The Three Sippel Sisters?’

In that post I bring up the subject that strangers to this situation may not be able to tell just WHO is telling the truth here. Now I have been posting actual court documents and actual letters written by Joan Wheeler right here on this blog. Despite having this undisputed PROOF of Joan’s lies, and she KNOWS dam well she lies, Joan keeps insisting that it is SHE who is telling the truth. She gets on her site and starts writing, embellishing and twisting things. We know she reads our blog, (because she keeps whining about it and quoting from it to her adoption buddies). And she has SEEN the documentation that I have provided. But on her site, she keeps rehashing the same thing (ok, I’m a bit guilty or rehashing myself), but the one thing Joan will NOT do – is even mention or acknowledge the documentation that I have provided. As Kathy pointed out in her comment to Myst’s post, Joan has never ONCE acknowledged the pain that SHE has caused US.

I have posted two actual handwritten letters from Joan that were sent to my husband, via his mother’s house, and in them, Joan is clearly trying to turn my husband against me and trying to involve my mother in law in our dispute. My mother in law never met Joan, had nothing to do with her, yet Joan wanted her to appear in court AGAINST ME, when I took Joan to court for harassment in early 1995. So come on Joan! You said on August 25, 2010 on your adoption forum that you did do some wrong things. You said this to your adoption buddies, but not to ME, the one who was hurt by you. You did not say this to Gert or Kathy or Gail. But you say it to strangers.

 And yet Joan, despite her whinings about her birth family keeps saying that she wishes things had turned out better, that we didn’t hate her so much. But she fails to get it through her head that WE DO HATE HER. And we cannot forgive her. Perhaps we can, but first, we must get an apology. Or even an acknowledgement of what she has done to us. So Joan, you say on the adoption forum that you DID do some wrong things – well, tell us, tell the internet just WHAT did you do? Never mind, don’t sweat it, you don’t have to say a bloody thing – because we Three Sippel Sisters will do it for you – and we are – right here on this blog.

And is Joan one iota remorseful of these “wrong things?” NO! On the contrary, she is PROUD of what she has done. Her whole book Fobidden Family is nothing but a manifesto of hate against anyone in her life who had dared to anger her.

As proof of her pride in upsetting people, pages 350-356, she relates an incident of her giving a lecture during for one of her classes at State University of New York at Buffalo (Buff State) while she wasgetting her social work degree. She lectured on infertile women and their selfishness in wanting a child. As if they were bitches for not being able to reproduce. Joan attacked them for seeking infertility treatements, and of course adoption. Joan tells us in the book that the classroom erupted in anger (oh, yes, Joan ALWAYS gets people mad at her). She says that several women ran out of the room to barf. (what a professional term for a professional writer to use. The professional term is VOMIT! – I thought she said this book was properly edited, vetted, checked out – BALONEY! This book is a piece of trash, not only for its content, but its style of writing). 

Joan continues for 7 pages to regale us with the tale of her upsetting an entire roomful of people, including her professor. Her message is clear: infertile women are not entitled to the joys of motherhood. Because of a fluke of nature, they must be condemned  to a life of loneliness. This is the same thing as saying anyone with a birth defect is not entitled to corrective surgery, even if the technology exists. So if conjoined twins can be seperated, we should not – because they were born that way. But Joan doesn’t see it that way – she sees things the way she wants to see them and will play GOD and tell infertile couples to their face (and mine, don’t forget how she rammed this shit at me, just after I lost my son, while I was greiving and I begged her on the phone to stop talking about it) they are SELFISH, they DON’T DESERVE THE LOVE OF A CHILD.  When Joan refused to stop talking about babies on the phone with me in April of 1987, I slammed the phone down. She had just ripped out my heart. Did she care? NO. To this day – JOAN HAS NEVER APOLOGIZED TO ME FOR THIS. She hurt me so bad, my own blood sister – and yet, I turned the cheek and took her back in my life, because SHE WAS MY SISTER AND I LOVED HER. But does she say this to anyone? NO. She will have you believe that I am a bitch. When after she hurt me, and very deeply, I FORGAVE HER! But I retract my forgiveness, because she does not deserve it. JOAN WHEELER IS THE LYING BITCH, NOT ME.

So right after I posted the “To Tell the Truth” post, Joan scrambles and tries to point out that SHE is the one telling the truth. But she doesn’t do it with hard evidence, instead she uses old newspaper clippings and editorials giving HER stand on adoption! And what does all THAT have to do with her trying to break me and my husband up? NOTHING! And just because she wrote a bunch of stuff in newspapers and a reporter got a few things mixed up gives HER the right to stab me and my sisters in the back? And in my case, twist the f’ing knife around and around and try to destroy my life? Yes- she tried to destroy my life – she set me up with the phone company – baited me with a falsified letter, knowing I would phone her, kept hanging up on me, yet reported to the police that it was me who was hanging up on her. She called my job repeatedly trying to get me fired. She tried to break me and my husband up. She involved my mother in law. She wrote lying letters to the mayor of Buffalo, she wrote lie after lie about me in that trash book of hers. Even asked for a hitman to kill me! (how’s that for rehashing – and I will keep repeating Joan’s sins until you numbnuts get it!).

And people wonder why I hate her. Are you as dense as Joan?

Next post: Telling the Truth Part 2, from Gert McQueen.

more undisputed evidence that Joan Wheeler is a liar – PHOTO evidence! September 4, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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So, on August 25, 2010, Joan Wheeler says on an adoption forum that she has been physically attacked for 30 years by her natural family. On other occasions, on other various internet sites, she also says that she has not had contact with her sisters “for decades.” So if she has not had contact with us, HOW have we physically attacked her? ha ha ha. You just HAVE to have contact for that to happen!

So here are two photos that show she is a LIAR.

The first is a group photo taken by Joan’s husband on July 4 1992, with Joan’s own handwriting on the left giving the date. It shows her birth family. Her father, brother, 2 sisters. The third sister, Kathy, has been living in England since 1974. Has never been back in the states. Never mind the fact that NOWHERE in her lying trashy book does Joan say she has been physically attacked by her natural family for 3 decades, but she does say that on the day this photo was taken, the whole dam family had been plotting to get her to the park. Just to jump on her and harass her. She was nervous. She didn’t want to go. She was going to get jumped on! riigggghhht.

No, this was at The Friendship Festival, celebrating the independence days of both Canada (July 1) and USA (July 4). My dance troupe had been booked as performers MONTHS IN ADVANCE by Rusty, our group leader. Seperately, my brother planned a visit to Buffalo around the 4th of July. Gert heard that he would be in town, so she came in. My father invited Joan, to be part of the reunion. IT WAS A FAMILY OUTING – GATHERING NOT A F’ING EVIL PLOT TO DO IN JOAN! Joan, you are NOT that important. gods, my f’ing dance troup can’t even book a gig without you f’ing imaging things.

My father is the dude on the left. I’m next. The tall one is my brother. The woman in the skirt is Gert, and LOOK – the one in the red shirt, with the big smile and her arm around Gert is — JOAN! And LOOK – Gert has her arm around her. My brother’s got his hand on Joan’s shoulder. Me, I’m not holding on to anybody – because I’m a loner – always have been one. I’m very shy, quiet, reserved (until somebody tries to f with me – then watch out!) – I was told a couple of years ago at a coffee meet for local pagans in a restaurant – that I am a “listener.” I listen and gather information. Anyways – LOOK at Joan – yep, she sure is having a lovely time with her abusers!

from left - Leonard Sippel Sr. Ruth Sippel-Pace, Leonard "Butch" Sippel Jr., Gert McQueen, Joan Wheeler

Now for the second photo. This one was taken by my stepmother on April 9, 2004 on my father’s 80th birthday. Joan is the one in the white shirt, seated on the left. SEE the big smile on her face! Oh, but she is in the company of her natural family – the daughters of my stepmother and my half brother Steve. So are THESE the people who have been physically assaulting Joan for 30 years? Ha ha ha ha!

Now remember people, she goes around the internet and says she has had no contact with her sisters for DECADES. This is only 2010, a mere six years after this photo was taken in 2004. And she relates this birthday party in her book! And she relates in her book how in late 2003 – early 2004, she DID have contact with me, via the family website that I was trying to build. Why, that gives us another year to add on – making it SEVEN YEARS! Six or Seven years,  but NOT decades. So here you have it Myst, and other readers: PHOTO EVIDENCE that Joan Wheeler is a LIAR!

seated: Joan Wheeler, Mariel. standing: Steve Sippel, Leonard Sippel Sr., Joselyne, Ruth Sippel-Pace

 Gert – September 7, 2010

This is all correct!

The last time I had been in the physical presence of Joan was on that date in 1992 at that family ‘gathering’. The time before that was sometime in 1982 just after Joan’s interference within my own family and my minor children. I moved from Buffalo in 1982. I had one phone call with Joan around 2006/7. In both cases, 1992 and 2006/7, after the contact I was again betrayed by Joan (where she caused much trouble with other family members) and as she relates in the book of lies, she fabricated things according to her own diseased mind as to what happened, and of course it is all wrong.

I shall be addressing all of this in my own blog entries…so Joan…you had better start to pack your bags and get out of town because once I’m done with you no one will ever listen to you.

Joan, you were the one who wrote a book of trash and lies, knowing full well what you were doing and it is you who will have to pay the price for your own ignorance. I and my sisters will never allow your diseased mind to tell the world lies again. This is an HONOR THING, something you have no conception of.

From Myst – a comment, and my reply. with replies from my sisters. September 2, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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This is the only comment I will post and reply to, because it’s the only one who seems to want to get to the bottom of things. Thank you Myst.

From Myst:

I have read a bit of your blog now and I understand you see what Joan is saying as lies… but can I just point out that you have never lived in Joan’s shoes so how can you refute her experience? Maybe you didn’t experience things the way she describes them but how is that making what Joan says to be a lie? We all see and experience life differently and what one person went through in one experience is not the same for another… and the feelings, perspective etc are all very different.

I guess I am confused as to why you care so much about it that you feel the need to lash out in so much anger. It hurts to read it and I am not even related to you all. And bringing it onto the internet… really don’t think this is the way to deal with it. Is there any way you all can sit down and talk this out reasonbly without hurting each other and causing pain? Life is short. I would hate it if any of my sisters was on the outer in this way. What would your mother think? I feel she would be devastated if she could see how adoption has torn her family apart.

 My reply:


You have not read enough of my blog to understand what is going on. First, you have it wrong. Find out the FACTS before you judge me. How do I know Joan lies? Because she has. She said last week ON THE INTERNET that she had been physically attacked for 3 decades by her natural family. I know that’s a lie.  Joan is the one alleging that she has been physically attacked by me and my family for 30 years. The burden of proof is on her. Why doesn’t she swear out an arrest warrant if she has been physically assaulted?
Because she’s never had hands laid on her by me or my family.

She wrote a whole book called Forbidden Family – in it – she LIES. She says she has “multiple orders of protection against me.” How do I know this is a lie, think Myst, think. I KNOW it’s a lie. I do know what goes on in my life. She says in her book that she signed a complaint against me in February 1993 for annoyance phone calls and she was given a one year order of protection against me. I KNOW this is a iie Myst. The phone calls were made in JUNE 1993, she signed the complaint in JULY, not Februrary, and the order of protection was for SIX MONTHS. I scanned and posted the actual court documents right here on this blog PROVING that Joan is a LIAR.

Myst, you say:  “We all see and experience life differently and what one person went through in one experience is not the same for another… and the feelings, perspective etc are all very different.” – I have scanned actual court documents and actual letters written by Joan and posted them right here on this blog. They cannot be construed as someone having a different perspective on their life. And I am NOT commenting on Joan’s life – I am commenting on what Joan has said about MY life.  I am ANSWERING what JOAN has put out in public. If Joan has the right to tell everyone I could not get pregnant, do I not the right to comment about that very personal item of MY dam life? And pray tell, what does THAT item have to do with Joan’s adoption or adoption reform work? Do you think congressmen/women considering changing amended birth certificates for adoptees care if Ruth Pace got knocked up or not? Joan is against adoption fine. I’m not saying anything about the adoption issue AT ALL! When I couldn’t have kids, I never even thought of adopting. So why is this even in her book? And how do you think I felt when I read that? And she put it this way: “At one point in her life, she CLAIMED to want to have children and even started to have fertility tests.” First, I never CLAIMED, I wanted kids. Second, if I had merely CLAIMED to want kids, I wouldn’t be having tests, now would I. And how do you think I felt when I read this crap. I lost my son – yes, my son – and Joan brought me home from the hospital. His name was Saied.  I came home from the hospital – Saied did not. He was left lifeless after emergency surgery resulted in my miscarrying him. It’s been 25 years and 4 months this coming Sunday. A mother never forgets.  Every June 5th I cry. Then I have to read that I merely CLAIMED  I wanted him.  Different life experiences? You bet. Did Joan experience being moved from the stretcher and see a pool of blood left behind? Did Joan experience being told by the doctor that I lost my son? And to go thru the grief – running out of  a store in tears because I just saw a woman and newborn? And to have Joan keep calling me on the phone and talking about babys and infertility and blah blah blah, and I kept begging her to stop talking about babies? because it hurt too much? and she kept at it. That is inhumane! And thank you very much for slamming me in your book about my gyn problems my dear loving sister.

She also says in her book that I would have been a poor mother? How would she know? And why is that in her book? What’s THAT got to do with her adoption work? I got news for you – last year, I reconnected with a young woman via facebook.  Her parents had a bitter divorce, she went thru hell. She wrote me via facebook that I was the only one in her childhood that made a difference. I was close to her and her siblings in the late 80’s – AFTER my miscarriage. They took me in as family. The 2 youngest wanted me to marry their dad so I could be their mother. When I asked about my current husband – they said “he can live in the upstairs apartment.” Now this young woman has a one year old baby of her own. On August 10, 2010, she treated me to ice cream for my birthday and asked advice about her baby. From a woman who never had kids and Joan says that she’d be a poor mother?

As for walking in her shoes, oh please, lets cry for Joan. How would YOU like to have money stolen from you by your own sister? Joan has stolen over $700 from me. We had a joint checking account to buy real estate. She dipped into it to fix her car WITHOUT ASKING ME. When the account was closed, I was shorted, she never repaid me. When my car broke – I did not have money to fix it. We were due a refund from a lawyer – he split it between me and Joan – I was counting on the refund to fix my car – Joan calls me up and says “I’m keeping my share of the refund.” So, Myst, walk in MY shoes – I went years without a car, lugging groceries home in the snow, while Joan had her car fixed – with MY money that she STOLE. The money I fronted for the real estate was money I BORROWED from a credit card. Do the math – at 18%  interest – I was in debt because of Joan.

Joan put out in public MY business. She lies and says that I have been arrested, and have a criminal record. How do I know Joan is a liar Myst? Because Myst, I have never been arrested in my life. I do NOT have a criminal record.

Joan repeatedly called my job to get me fired. For over six months she was calling the nursing office EVERY DAY! The supervisors and the secretaries TOLD ME! I had a meeting with hospital administration – Joan accused me of hacking into the hospital computer and tampered with her bill. I work the night shift as a nurses aide – I canNOT access the billing computer. The hospital checked into her complaint, and found that I was innocent. They told her that – she has this incident in her book BUT she says that I am a billing clerk – and that I did it! No at the meeting, HOSPITAL OFFICIALS told me that they knew I was innocent and Joan was a crackpot. HOSPITAL OFFICIALS,

Myst. Joan has brought this onto the internet. She had a blog a year ago. Fine. I saw it. No problem. Then all of a sudden she attacked me and my sisters ON THE INTERNET. Joan started this.

And no, we canNOT sit down and talk. On November 3, 2009. I phoned her house to let her know an aunt died. I had called my 85 year old father. I said “Aunt Doris died. Do you have Joan’s number?” I had no intention of calling her. I didn’t know if Dad had her number – he had just had a fight with Joan – she had been driving him to his doctor’s appointments, HER idea, not his. – She doesn’t live too far from him – I work nights, and sleep during the day -so I can’t do it. All of a sudden, she wanted gas money from him – and demanded money to fix her car. He refused. He gave her $20. and told her he would not be needing her anymore. He told her to grow up, get a job, her car was her responsibility. She didn’t like that began yelling at him and he threw her out of his house. How do I know this? HE TOLD ME! AND MY STEPMOTHER TOLD ME!

 So when I called him, he sounded tired, he gave me Joan’s number. To save him the aggravation, I called Joan. “How did you get this number?” she demanded. I told her. “NOT a good idea.” (Ok, so we don’t get along, I’ll excuse this). I broke into her mumblings. “Joan, Aunt Doris died the other day. I thought you’d like to know.” (She was originally named Doris after this woman). “Thank you for telling me this, but I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR F’ING VOICE AND F YOU,———– she started screaming obscenities at me, I sat there stunned.

I had been doing housework and had taken break to check on my email and I kept staring at the computer screen while Joan was ranting like a madwoman! What did I do wrong? I slammed the phone down and burst into tears. What did I do wrong? I jumped into my van with thoughts of going to my dad’s house. I ended up at a cousin’s house because I was crying so hard I almost had an accident. She calmed me down and then I went to my father’s. Joan had called him in the meantime and yelled at him. AN EIGHTY-FIVE year old man. When I got home, there was a message on my answering machine from the Town of Tonawanda police, stating that, Ruth Sippel, Kathy Inglis, and Gert McQueen are NOT to have any further contact with Joan. First of all, I called to tell her Aunt Doris died, nothing more. I did not deserve her spew of verbal abuse. Second, I made the phone call, not Kathy, not Gert, it was NOT a conference call. Third, my phone call was NOT a harassing call, it was family business, and a COURTESY call. Why call the police on me? I did nothing wrong!

by the way, the next day, I emailed, via myspace, Joan’s daughter. She was taking a shower when she heard her mother screaming and came running down to see what the fuss was about. Do you people want me to post that email exchange mmm? To prove that Joan was screaming obscenities at me? When her own daughter witnessed it?

Now, Myst, I see you are a decent person, and I thank you for your input. You seem to really care. But you have your sentiments all wrong. It is not JOAN who is the victim, it is everyone around her. And THEY are the victims by her. She has hurt people left and right.

Walk a mile in my shoes. She wrote her book – it came out last year. I read it. It’s full of nonsense. But not ONCE did she say in her book that she was physcially attacked by her natural family. NEVER. Now all of a sudden, she’s saying she is! Do you not see the contradiction here? Of course, you haven’t read her book. But Heather in UK has. Go ask her. Heather, if you’re reading this, answer truthfully, where in the book does Joan say she has been physically attacked by me for 30 years. In fact, she Joan says all over the internet, “I have had no contact with my sisters for decades.” If this is true, HOW are we physically attacking her?

People, THINK! READ what Joan says and copy and paste it and put it away. When she writes again on the forum, or elsewhere, copy and paste that! Keep a record of what she says – and the dates. You will soon see contradictions. Even in her book there are contradictions. She says one thing on one page – then down the line she completely says the opposite. That is what this blog is about – in her book, she has misrepresented me, and various members of my family. This blog is merely to get the facts of MY life out. This is what I care about – the TRUTH.

and don’t talk about me hurting my mother’s memory – how about Joan writing in her book that my uncle and aunt didn’t take good care of her when she was a baby and she had body sores from their bad hygiene – she had impetigo – a contagious rash from the hospital. My uncle was livid when he heard what she put in the book. Then Joan writes in her book that my father wanted to bury my mother in the nude and my mother’s nephew tried to punch my father at the funeral. Is this Joan’s way of honoring my mother? Or the time she stole the beadwork off my dead mother’s wedding gown?

What I wrote the past 2 days was in anger – because I read her book. There was never any allegation that I, or my family had attacked her for the past 30 years. Then to read that lie, just days before the anniversary of my brother’s death. How is Joan honoring my brother or my mother by continually LYING about me and my family?  Like I said in my one post: Joan can lie to her adoption friends, but she can’t lie to my mother’s spirit, or lie to my brother’s spirit. The burden is on her. We have choices in life. Joan choses to waste her life spreading lies.

I told her once before in a letter – that perhaps those nightmares of hers, (where she wakes up screaming) are really caused by her guilty conscience – or perhaps they are caused by my mother’s spirit trying to tell her via dreams to STOP LYING AND HURTING HER FAMILY.

Do you people think I have no feelings? Do you think I like reading on the internet that I have a criminal record when I have none? Walk a mile in MY shoes!  How do you people think I felt when I received a letter from Joan telling me that my husband got the next door neighbor pregnant and they had a baby girl? The house was vacant by the way.  How do you think I felt when Joan wrote letters to him and sent them to his mother’s house, telling him to break up with me? How do you think I felt when I took Joan to court for harassment and she turns around and writes to my mother-in-law asking her to appear in court against me? When the woman never met Joan.

How do you think I felt when a child abuse call was made on Joan – the caller gave them my name, and reported MY husband for having sex with Joan.  Now, first, if I’m going to call child abuse as a prank, I’m not going to give out my real name. Second, I’m not going to name my own husband as the abuser!!! This was Joan’s way of trying to break me and my husband up.  It didn’t work. This was also the time frame she was trying to get me fired from my job. Neither of her schemes worked.  I’m still working at the same place and John and I still together. BECAUSE MY EMPLOYERS AND MY HUSBAND KNOW WHO THE LIAR IS – (AND SO DID MY MOTHER IN LAW, AND SO DO I) AND THAT WOULD BE JOAN!


1. chayeletSeptember 2, 2010

I, too, read Myst’s comment and was hoping Ruth would want to respond because I want to say something.I am Kathy, Ruth’s older sister, and the second child in this birth family.

In regard to Myst’s suggestion that we ‘see things from Joan perspective’-that is a good point, which was made to me 20 years ago by Dr Rene Hoksbergen in a letter he wrote to me, at Joan’s behest. And a most unwelcome intrusion into my life at that time it was, as I was, as always, getting on with my life,here in the UK.

The point you are all missing is that, yes, we are aware of the pain that adoption causes-we are all very much, TOO aware- WE ARE MEMBERS OF THE BIRTH FAMILY IN THIS ADOPTION TRIAD. Throughout this entire saga, not once has Joan or her friends acknowledged the pain WE endured by the loss of our mother, and, consequently, our own intact family life. It would have been enough for JW to acknowledge our pain, even once, but, instead, she has used her pain to lecture us, and walk all over our feelings and memories, and to manipulate others, like Dr Hoksbergen, to do the same.

The loss of our mother at such young ages has left a devastating toll on all of us- in MY case, I thought I had dealt with it, but it came gushing back about 10 years ago when I needed help dealing with a mentally ill neighbour who was targeting me. I went to Bereavement counselling,yes, BEREAVEMENT counselling, 40-some years after my mum’s death. What I found out was truly amazing- the first thing I found out is that when a child as young as I was at the time (5 weeks short of my 8th birthday) loses a parent, it reverts back to being an infant. I realised, amongst other things, that that was why I continued to bed-wet into my early teens.

My point here is that, whilst I would dearly love this issue to be laid to rest, it is JW who is keeping it alive. JW has wrung all our empathy and sympathy out of us. What she needs to do now, is to stop playing the blame game, stand up, draw a line under it, and say, ‘OK, this is where we’re at, where do we go from here?’ To constantly moan and complain about the same thing, and then embellish it with more untrue detail each time, is just gilding the lily and does no-one and no cause any good.

As to your point about talking it out, in the UK it’s called Mediation and is always the first thing the professionals suggest in any dispute. In this case, as with my afore-mentioned neighbour, mediation is not appropriate, because all it does is feed the ego of the perpetrator- you cannot negotiate with mentally ill people. JW herself relates her mental state all too clearly, so I am saying nothing new or derogatory here.

If JW wants to campaign for adoptee rights, that’s her right, but we won’t allow her to do it on the back of OUR PAIN AND REPUTATIONS. Nor will we be manipulated into being spokespersons for any cause we do or do not support-we have made our life choices which, in my case, do not include adoption issues, from one side or the other-I could care less. People are people, regardless of their birth certificate status or any other status for that matter. Good grief!

It would help us all if JW would acknowledge, just once, the pain she has caused us, but she won’t.She will continue to throw accusations our way, roughly every six weeks or so, as is indicative of her illness. This will go on until JW either dies or gets a lobotomy cos she and her friends will never see things from our perspective, and continue to lecture us to see things from hers. Oh, we do, believe me, WE DO.

As another one of the birth sisters I too must state that we have spent over 3 decades living in Joan’s shoes! We have had no choice because Joan makes our lives her life.

Mediation! I tried that with Joan back in the early 80′s after Joan interferred with my parental authority with my minor children. What did Joan say to mediation? “I want nothing to do with that bitch” What did I do then? I divorced her. She has not been part of my life since 1982. I tried on 2 separate occasions to make peace with her and both times I was betrayed again by her. Since she published a book of filth and lies I must and will be protesting until she pulls it from selling it and gives a public apology!

It HURTS me and my sisters to read what Joan has published. Joan has not LIVED IN HER SISTERS’ SHOES, but she can write garbage about us and we are to be quiet? NO.

Joan has done many dirty deeds to us that she does not put in that book. Well, we will put them all out here on this blog.

There is no way that a rational discussion can happen with someone who is a drunk or a mentally unstable person. Joan is mentally ill and she choose to continue to paint us and her adoptive parents as the causes of all her problems. Joan choose to be a victim. She wants to be miserable. We are helping her. We are putting out the ‘other side of the story’and that isn’t what is in Joan’s mind. too bad.

We sisters have our lives too and it is not according to Joan. We will continue to state our truths. We take ownership of our lives. We don’t give a damn about Joan’s life. We want our lives back away from the sickness that is in Joan’s mind.

Stay tuned and learn about the evil deeds that Joan has done. Stay tuned and learn the truth of our lives…from us…who have lived it…and not according to Joan.

thank you my brilliant sisters.

Yes what Kathy says is true – we will continue to be bullied by Joan until she dies or gets a lobotomy. — sssuuuuuuccccckkkk!
Another point that Kathy brings out – Joan has never ONCE acknowledged to US the hurts she has inflicted on us. But she embellishes her statement on the adoption forum that she knows that she did some wrong things (but doesn’t say what she has done) and then turns around with the blame game again and says that what was done to her was far worse.

I would like to know what is far worse than baiting your sister with a forged letter supposedly from Joan’s 10 year old son written in sloppified Joan’s handwriting, to my husband. Supposedly this letter is to his uncle John, but it does not say Dear UNCLE John. Just Dear John. It was placed in an envelope, addressed to ME – not John – in Joan’s handwriting. Stupid me, I took the bait and called her. She hung up on me. I called again. She hung up again. I called again. She hung up. I gave up. I didn’t know what game she was playing – but the clever bitch had set me up. This was before caller ID and had called the annoyance phone bureau and authorized a trace trap, sent that forged letter and waited for me to call. Then she filed a false police report. This was June 1993. She signed the complaint against me in July 1993, NOT February 1993 as she lies in the book. She was given a 6 month order of protection against me, which was dismissed. In the book she says it was for one year and I was placed on probation. by the way – a week after I called her to ask about the letter her “son” wrote – my elecricity was shut off – I called her to ask for help – she did owe me a lot of money – I was crying, said “Joan, this is Ruth, I need help.” SLAM! She hung up on me. In December 2004, my house was being foreclosed for back taxes. Again, I contacted Joan via a letter – reprinted here on this blog under the category “Letters”, post entitled “Letter to Joan.” I BEGGED her for money. To save my house. Her response? She tried to take me to court for harassment!!! The court threw it out. They could see my letter was NOT harassment, but a plea for help. So not only is Joan a LIAR and a THIEF, but she is a BITCH to her sister.

To Joan: You set your sister up with the police. You call repeatedly to her job to get her fired. You call child abuse on yourself, posing as me, in an attempt to break me and my husband up. You send your sister a letter saying her husband got the next door neighbor pregnant. You stole money from her. You trash her (and others) in your book. You write lying letters to the mayor of Buffalo giving him personal details of my life and then send me those letters in the mail. You send letter after letter to my house with garbage in it. Cookie wrappers, empty ziploc bags, – what the heck was that all about? You send me a letter saying your son just saw me driving past your house – when I didn’t even have a car! You even used your children as pawns! You even told your friend Bonnie in 1998 that you wanted to find a hitman to take me out. YOU THREATENED MY LIFE! And I told the district attorney about it too. Oh yes, Joan you sure did so some wrong things.

So what are Ruth’s sins against Joan? I called her on the phone several times to get my money back. I sent you letters, yes, in anger, but mostly they were constantly telling and pleading with you to LEAVE ME ALONE!

And in your book, you even lie about your mentor Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, detailing an imagined visit of him to my house. HE NEVER STEPPED FOOT IN MY HOUSE!

So you see Myst, and other readers – this is the kind of LIAR and ABUSER Joan is. And I have scanned and posted court documents, letters, envelopes WITH JOAN WHEELER’S HANDWRITING right here on this blog. Look at the right side menu at “categories” – you will see “Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler’s Lies: Letters, Court Documents.” click on that to see the posts that contain those documents. See for yourself Myst – the actual court documents. The actual letters from Joan. Then say that I am only misinterpreting Joan. No, there can be no misinterpretation of ACTUAL COURT DOCUMENTS.

 Gert – September 3, 2010

There are many more pieces of hard evidence of Joan’s abuses towards her sisters and her lies and misrepresentations of actual events that ARE NOT IN THE BOOK, but that we sisters have, and we intent to put it all on this blog.

That is why this blog is called ‘refuting’ because Joan has not written events ‘from her view point’ but from her diseased mind. She has intentionly written to show herself to be innocent and the victim of and having abuse from the other person. Everything out of her mouth, even today, is to say that everyone is against her. She is the victim.

Joan is not telling a tale from one’s perception,instead she is telling it, done with the intent, to ‘sell the book and make a profit’. Joan is exploiting her families. And to do that Joan has fabricated, embellish,exaggerated and outright lied about events, people, situations,all done to fit Joan’s ‘vision’ of the way it must have been and is. To do anything else would mean that Joan has to admit to herself that she is mentally ill or she has to take responsibility for her actions.

I am not going to get into specifics here, I have already written my refutting and setting things right, page by page of the book. People will have to wait till we get those entries onto this blog to know ALL THE EVIL AND DIRTY DEEDS OF JOAN. But rest assured, Joan is NOT an innocent, telling the whole world about her big bad Daddy and her evil sisters and her mean abusive adoptive Mother. Her book is filth and a product of her diseased mind.

I can only speak for myself and you will read, from me, setting the truth out against everything that Joan has written about me and my family.

Are you ready for that Joan? You better be because the truth wins out. Are you ready to take responsibility for your actions?

Watch this space!

I am not interested in your opinions of me September 1, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates.
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the purpose of this blog is to refute the lies from Joan Mary Wheeler. The lies that she has put forth about me and my family in her book Forbidden Family. And the continuing lies she puts out about me and my family to this day on the internet.

If you don’t like what you see here – you have my leave to leave! Because obviously you do not have an open mind – so buh-bye!

MY character is not the issue of this blog – it is JOAN”S character that is the issue.

As for any preachy advice – thank you. Because it only one sided. You don’t know me. Therefore you have no right to judge me. I DO know Joan – and she has been judged. And if you THINK you know Joan thru her clever whinings and manipulations and traps – you are not as smart as you think you are.

um, by the way – if your “advice” is this question: “why do you care what Joan writes about you? Just ignore her”, um, why don’t you practice what you preach?  — Why are YOU here, caring about what I write? And why don’t YOU ignore me? oh and I really like the guy who berated me for calling Joan a bitch – then called me one. Well buddy, then you ain’t any better than me. lol. That sure was one “intelligent” commentor. NOT! Next time, don’t include in your complaint the very same thing you are complaining about. Well, thanks for the laugh you knucklehead!

As for me not posting your comments, don’t whine about that either – you didn’t let me post my comments on your site – so why should I post your stuff? It works both ways. You adoption people do not want a fair and equitable debate or rebuttal. But whine that I don’t post your comments.

Your very site is hypocritial. You post rules saying that inflammatory and falsified posts will not be tolerated – but that’s all I saw on your site. It’s better to be upfront about things. Don’t beat around the bush – I don’t. I tell it like it is. And if you can’t take the heat – stay out of the kitchen, or, er, my blog.

But see, like Joan, bullies like you can dish it out, but can’t take it. I have the Freedom of Speech to say what I want. If Joan can say what she wants about me, then I can say what I want about her. The only difference is: Joan lies. I tell the truth.

That’s right – I said BULLIES. Only bullies tell others to keep silent. I have been victimized by Joan and her lies. I will not be silenced. I stand up to bullies. And I stand up to those who tell me to keep silent.  Joan wrote a whole book about me and my family – and continues to write lies —  where are your admonitions to her to shut up? No, I will not be bullied into silence.

I challenge any one to set up a lie detector test for ANYTHING that I have stated on this blog. And by the gods, I will pass it every single time. Because I am not the liar – Joan Wheeler is.

slimeball Joan Wheeler – are you proud of yourself? Lying about the family just days before the anniversary of our brother’s death? September 1, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Uncategorized.
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warning: adult content here and strong language. Proceed at YOUR consent and risk.
I write this in anger and hurt feelings. I am threatening no one. The person I write about deserves everything written in this blog. She is an insect – an insect to be squashed.
A friend of mine commented on the facebook comments of my wanting to remove Joan’s teeth via my fist. She said that I must have a good reason, because I am usually a fair person.
So I wrote this in response and I want Joan to read this:
yes C., I am. But you know me, when I get stepped on – watch out.
for my own blood kin, to lie about me and the family, just days before the 7th anniversary of our brother’s death – I just saw red!
By the gods, Joan, Butch wil be swinging the hammer of Thor on your f’ing head! And Mom is just hurting to see her babes (me, Kath and Gert) be put thru the shit you do to us.
now here’s another message from me to Joan:
Joan, You will NEVER be a part of this family again. Nobody ever laid a hand on you! Liar.
May Goddess have mercy on your fucking soul! I hope you rot in hell you bitch. Got that?
get a bottle of pills and take them so this family can have some dam peace!
I HATE YOU.  I am ashamed that you came from my mother’s body. and she’s probably thinking the same thing.
You can lie to your adoption friends, but you can’t lie to my mother’s spirit or my brother’s spirit.
And don’t let me ever catch you at MY mother’s grave. I will not have her grave desecrated by a pig such as you. Take your  filthy body and stay the hell away from MY FAMILY.
You do not deserve to even claim kinship to that sweet woman. To tell such a lie about Genevieve’s family – you know DAM well you were not EVER physically attacked by ANYONE from Genevieve’s family – F YOU AND DON’T EVER LET ME LAY EYES ON YOU! THAT MEANS YOU LEAVE A ROOM WHEN I ENTER IT. 
Better still – don’t sully us with your filthy body ever again. You are not welcome to any family gathering. I will call 911 and have you forcibly removed – as a stalker – yes – YOUR history of stalking ME – writing letters with MY personal history to the mayor of Buffalo – you f’ing crackpot. Those letters are still forthcoming on this blog – hard evidence of how YOU are the one who is causing trouble – not me, not Gert, not Kathy,not Gail – YOU and YOU alone.
Who the hell writes letters to the mayor of a major city with personal details of her sister’s life? Telling him that I can’t get pregnant, that I’m living with a man without benefit of marriage, that he is of a different race than me? Is that the mayor’s business? BITCH! That’s right readers – only a f’ing asshole with a f’ed up mind with no brains, whose name is Joan Mary Wheeler does shit like this. But she didn’t put that in her book – so I’m telling you right here, right now what a bitch she is.
then go whining “I don’t know why my sisters don’t like me.” Please Joan – either sign yourself into Sheehan or take a bottle of Loritab. Please do the latter. It would put YOU out of your misery – because you keep saying what a horrible life you have. And it would give our family the peace we need after dealing with your shit for 36 years. And maybe too, my mother can finally rest in peace.
by the way Rus Thomas – I do have class – it is Joan who does not – as for bitterness – buddy, you don’t know me – so shut up. I have had to deal with Joan’s lies for years and to pick up the pieces – as for class – ask Joan about the pool table in Lulu’s in Kitchener Ontario in 1984, when she had a new husband and baby at home.
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