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Facts are Stubborn Things Part 1 November 10, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Facts are Stubborn Things Part One by Gert McQueen, April 22, 2010

John Adams, before he became the 1st vice President and the 2nd President of the USA, defended some British soldiers against some citizens of Boston, in what became known as the Boston Massacre. He won the case for the soldiers because of the facts of the case. In his address to the jury he said…

“Facts are stubborn things and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations or the dictums of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence” from David McCullough’s book, John Adams.

SEE END OF POST FOR UPDATE INFORMATION

 In chapter 18 Liverpool 79, Joan tells of another trip to visit birth sister Kathy, who has told us, in another post, of that visit, from her own mouth about what actually did happen…facts are stubborn things.

 Here are a few adjectives and phrases that Joan uses to describe her natural father, her birth siblings and her perceptions of us in our relationships with her: the tyrant (pg178), I am the throw away baby (pg180), why does she hates me (pg 180), leader of this great band of mixed-up, tormented kids (pg 180), what crime did I commit, her behavior now baffled me (pg 180), knew she despised me (pg 183), introduced me as ‘the American’, I felt betrayed, unloved, I was frightened (pg 184), I loved a sister who didn’t love me back (pg185). According to Joan these are facts, but are they? …facts are stubborn things.

 The beginning efforts to write her book came from and with a friend in the Division of Youth, in 1980, where Joan had a part time job. On pg 190 she states, ‘Without warning or training, I took a job as a Youth Transfer Agent with the N Y State Division of Youth. I’d be working with teenagers between the ages of 13 to 18 and most of these teens were youth offenders.’ Remember this! It is because of her association with this Division of Youth where Joan gets her ‘authority’ to interfere in my and my children’s lives later on. Remember this also! In 1980 I remarried and my new husband and I were beginning the process of adopting my children! … facts are stubborn things.

Chapter 19 Tucson; she has now saved enough money to visit birth brother Leonard. Amazing isn’t it that she has all this ability to travel and visit while everyone else in the family must work to keep roof and food! She says she arrived, for a two-week visit, on August 20, the day I remarried; my honeymoon was a weekend camping trip that included my children! …facts are stubborn things.

My brother, amongst many things, belonged to a reenactment group, SCA, Society of Creative Anachronism. Most that are in these groups are in it for entertainment and historical reasons and most groups do not allow any form of ‘religious’ overtones in their ‘character personas’. When she leaves Tucson she has a contact name of a member in Buffalo’s chapter of Medieval reenactment groups. Remember this! Because this is the beginning of how, when and why she gets her authority to condemn my religious beliefs and question my mental health some 12 years later! She like, so many others, confuse SCA activities with real and true religious reawakening and reconstruction! … facts are stubborn things.

Chapter 20 is a redundant chapter, (about birth certificates) we have heard this so many times before, totally unnecessary. But it does prove the facts of Joan’s inability to accept the ways of the world, be they semantics (pg 201) of the legal system or the facts that people and institutions do not behave the way Joan thinks they are behaving. ‘I (she) knew the clerks (in the vital Statistics offices) lied’ (pg 199) ‘an underhanded compliment meant to insult me’, ‘felt guilty…that’s how this man wanted me to feel’ (pg 202) Pg 203,‘Some people have argued that I set myself up for pain’…sure looks that way from here! And the greatest of all, pg 203, ‘I began to think less and less of my own personal situation and more and more of how our laws and social practices were imbedded into our culture and what changes were needed to make this a more humane system.’ 

Remember I have already told, in another post, of how, when Joan was shy and new to the militaristic crusade of adoption reform, when she upset my stepmother over my father’s adoption of her daughter, Joan was not quite sure of herself. But now she is! She overcame her shyness and she was very insistent that she is right and everyone else is wrong. Oh sure she was not thinking of herself, when she called me an unfit mother, for giving up my child for adoption. Forget the fact that I was adopting him! She was thinking about making things more humane, ha! You should have seen her in my kitchen, ranting and raving about how wrong I was to ‘give up’ my child and what harm I was doing to him. So much so I had to kick her out of my home! Sound familiar, doesn’t she tell us that our father kicked her out of his home too! …. facts are stubborn things.
 
Chapter 21 cancer and sibling rivalry; I have no way of addressing the situations about Joan’s adoptive father’s illness etc. but I certainly can and will address (pg 213) ‘…trouble brewing between my (her) eldest sister (me) and myself (her).’ It had nothing to do with ‘sibling rivalry’ but all about interfering trouble that was ALL Joan’s doing… facts are stubborn things.

From our very beginning, in 1979, my second husband wanted to adopt both my children, they were 14 and 15 when we married. It should also be noted that my family had been in family counseling for over 2 years before and during our marriage, so that, as a new family, we could all integrate more smoothly. We had already been investigating adoption and upon my wedding, August 1980, the kids believed that as my name changed so would theirs. We went through the usual background investigations that come with adopting, we had an attorney and because of their ages the children had to speak with the judge and give their own reasons for or against being adopted.

At that time my daughter was having a normal major identity crisis and wanted to spend time with her natural/birth father. While I thought it would be of no help I allowed my daughter to live with her natural father. It did not prove successful and after some intense disappointments with her natural father she returned home to me and my husband. She came to the conclusion that she wanted to keep her own identity, not go through a name change, because she was going to marry soon anyway. She did when she was 17. While my husband was disappointed that my daughter did not want to be adopted it did not alter how he felt about her; he loved her still and treated her as if she was his. My son had no objections and wanted to be adopted. Their natural father gave permission and signed the necessary papers; he wanted to be freed from total responsibility, a responsibility my husband was willing to give, in fact had been giving. The judge spoke with them without the parents’ presence. The judge said to us later, referring to my husband, ‘that he wished more fathers would be attentive to their children has this man does’. My son was 16, in 1981, when he was adopted. … facts are stubborn things. –

(Ruth’s note: as I was a constant in Gert’s and her children’s lives – and they lived 2 blocks from me at this time period – I can attest that this is all true!)

Raising teenagers is never an easy task and when there are stepparents there are always additional elements but when you add a meddling interfering relative that has an obsessive agenda you have a receipt for disaster. Enter Joan into my family where she had no business. … facts are stubborn things.

So where are Joan’s credentials? Was she an attorney? What vast years of wisdom and experience did she have when (pg 213) she came barging into my home, obstructing my parental authority, our family’s core business, confusing my minor children with her faulty reasoning, asserting that her decisions and recommendations were in the best interests to my children and that I was to instantly follow them?

(Ruth’s note: Gert already has quoted Joan stating on page 190 that when she took her job as a Youth Transfer Agent (driver) she was “without warning or TRAINING.” And at this point in time, Joan was not a mother herself. And remember her occupation: DRIVER – it is important in a few pages.)

Joan states: ‘…(my son) was 14, a bit too old for stepparent adoption.’

(Ruth’s note: can Joan EVER get dates and ages correct? Yes – my nephew was born in 1965, therefore, in 1981, he was 16).

I answer: Where does she get this nonsense? A person can be adopted at any age.

Joan states: ‘When they told me about it (my son’s adoption) I (she) was hurt and angry and very protective of his rights…I tried to get them to see that an older child’s identity would change and his birth certificate would be sealed….but they wouldn’t understand.’

I answer: Oh we understood all right! What right does she have to get in the middle of another’s adoption proceeding? Who asked her to ‘protect’ my son’s rights? I thought the judge and adoption laws were doing just fine without her. Oh I forgot, Joan does not understand nor trust the legal systems of this country. As far as his ‘identity’, he kept his first name and changed his middle and last names; that was his choice and decision. He has never had an identity crisis of any kind and never had any problem getting into the military, (unlike Joan who used her adoption/birth records as a means not to enter military service), or obtaining marriage licenses or anything else he needed, his birth certificate is NOT sealed (he has both) or any other kind of troubles.

Joan states: ‘instead of listening to me they accused me of being too sensitive…they insisted I was obsessed with adoption, they were going ahead with the adoption…’

I answer: If the shoe fits, no one can talk to Joan about adoption because only Joan is the expert, so yes she is too sensitive and obsessed.

Joan states: ‘…(he) would adopt only the older teen…he wouldn’t adopt the younger one’

I answer: I have already told the background of this. Joan doesn’t repeat the truth of things because it just will not ‘fit into’ her version of the story, she has to sell the book! … facts are stubborn things.

On pg 214 Joan states: ‘that was just the beginning’

I answer: It sure was! and before we get any further it must be said that there were many layers of different situations happening at the same period of time in which Joan has convoluted, combined and other wise mixed together, as well as leaving out some very valuable pieces of the puzzle, that she was intimately involved with and responsible for. That being said, after I kicked her out of my home, for her disruptions about our adoption plans, I paid no attention to her, until she began the next episode of interfering in my family, a year later, but before we get to that I  must give some background facts. … facts are stubborn things.

Again, on pg 214, Joan states ‘…(she) had been subjected to sexual advances from (me)’. She continues on with her take on it ‘…(she) was told to keep quiet’. Bullshit! Joan is using this crap as her ‘reasons’ for interfering into my family, but I don’t want to get too far ahead here…so

Let’s talk again, remember I discussed this in another post, about the so-called sexual advances that Joan said happened between her and myself, but also let’s talk about the actual sexual situation with my husband and us. That right, my husband! Oh did Joan not say anything about that in her book? Oh dear me, that must be that BIG SECRET she didn’t write about that I should be so afraid of her telling! Gotcha, Joan! You can’t blackmail me and hold me hostage to your warped mind! For the record: there were no sexual advances by me to her in 1976, she has fabricated that lie to be able to use it later on in her fabrications to cover up the real and actual sexual encounter that she herself was involved in and to take the light off herself and put it on my husband and myself. … facts are stubborn things.

It does surprises me that Joan hasn’t mentioned the experiment between the three of us in her book, at least as far as I can see she hadn’t, but then again if she mentions it than she can’t blame me for her own bad judgments and meddling now can she. Truth is that one night, long before Joan decided to involve herself within our adoption proceedings, my husband and I had dinner with Joan at her apartment. One thing lead to another and all three of us decided to explore the ‘girl on girl’ aspect, it was nothing really, not anything I cared to explore further, nor did my husband, nor Joan herself, to the best of my knowledge. Was she abused? Taken advantage of? Told never to talk about it? No, she was willing. There now you have it, if it isn’t the truth, why should I admit to this? Will Joan deny it, perhaps, but I got it out and she can’t blackmail me! Joan fabricates things so as not to involve herself. The whole episode regarding my daughter, in which Joan does not tell of her actions, is to make my husband and myself out to be the big bad guys. In fact it was Joan’s fabricating and involving outsiders that took my daughter away from me. Joan does not tell of her own deeds or the whole story of what happened…but I will! … facts are stubborn things.

Jumping ahead a bit, to get continuity, on pg 220, even though she is not writing about it, she seems to have, that girl on girl episode, on her mind, as she writes, trying to fit untruths in her version of the story, because she wonders, in print, if she committed adultery. If I had made sexual advances to Joan, as she says I did back in 76, and then in 81 she starts to question whether she herself was a lesbian or not and whether she was an adulterer would mean I must have been married when I made the so-called sexual advances to her in 76. I was not married in 76 when she says I made advances, but now in 81 she says I abused her, I violated her. Bull shit! This is her faulty reasoning and her neglect in not telling of her own involvement in sexual activities. She uses this method of thinking and non-thinking to justify her actions when she claims my daughter is being sexual abused by my husband. Oh, but of course, that’s how she gets back at him! Oh no, we shall go back to this page later, because this is too precious not to explore further. … facts are stubborn things.

UPDATE SEPT 2017; I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/   this blog is titled Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/

this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.

Also see this Facebook page

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoptionStruggleforIdentity1/

In addition…see the ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.

Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Adoptee-Duped-Adoption/forum/Fx16ZHWP5PQHHCK/-/1/ref=cm_cd_fp_rvt?_encoding=UTF8&asin=B00X520CGW

Joan Mary Wheeler forum 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/forum/cd/forum.html/ref=cm_cd_rvt?ie=UTF8&cdForum=Fx3T0YAD0KXNPP5

review of first book and 4 comments

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Joan-M-Wheeler/dp/1412061547

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Comments

1. Facts are Stubborn Things Part 3 « Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family – - November 10, 2010

[…] – she was 15.  As I have pointed out many times on this blog and just recently in the post  Facts are Stubborn Things Part 1 Joan keeps getting dates and ages wrong. On page 204, she says that Gert’s kids were around 14 […]


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