Thoughts on Joan Wheeler, how I viewed her as a child and an adult, how I view her in the present December 20, 2010Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lessons in Life, Our Family History, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reunion, blaming people for your own mess, Disrespect, emotional abuse, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, whining
by Ruth Sippel Pace — Here’s a recent tidbit of wisdom from Joan
Post by: joanmw on November 06, 2010, 04:05:28 PM
I was found at age 18. In a split second I had the shock of my life and I had to decide how to handle it. How was I gonna be the only child of two adoptive parents and be the middle child of ten in my natural family and make it work with two sets of parents? For me, I told myself I have two sets of real parents and tried to please them both.
That was in the 1970s.
Today,, my real mother is the one who was pregnant with me and birthed me. She died when I was three months old. Her husband is my real father because, well, he is.
The fatehr who raised me is my adoptive father. The mother who raised me is my adoptive mother. She’s still alive and I call her Mom, but the destinction is real. She did not give birth to me and that’s a fact. She did parent me and so did my adoptive father.
I also have a step mother who is currently married to my real father.
All of these people are real and cannot be denied in their exsistance.
Does the term real parent mean “who do I love”? In different ways, I love all of them. But it isn’t a feel-good love. It is a sad, angry and grief-filled acknowldgement of what really happened.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joan says “It isn’t a feel-good love” – can’t Joan just accept the people around her for what they are – people? And love them for themselves? Isn’t that the friggin’ whine she keeps saying about herself? That people should love and accept her? Why does she have to label people and mete out feelings that are “supposed” to be about that label.
At the age of 54, Joan hasn’t yet learned that human beings are complicated? And are deserving of love and affection for themselves based on what they bring to your relationship.
Yes, we all have a familial love for our relatives. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the feelings we have with those with whom we have a relationship with.
I will use my stepmothers as an example. I was too young when my mother died to really understand what that meant. Shortly afterwards, my father married my first stepmother. Who had a bunch of problems of her own. My siblings didn’t get along with her. I did. I had a relationship with her. I loved her. She took care of me. Did things with me. I vividly remember her pushing me on the swing, playing with me, singing with me. I was a little kid. I adapted. This woman took care of me. Called me her daughter. Her mother called me her granddaughter. As I grew older, I began to realize that this woman was not my mother. She was my stepmother. My love for her did not diminish and I was genuinely upset when she died.
I was 18 when my father married again. I was old enough to accept this woman for who she was. A very nice woman. I was almost grown, didn’t need anyone to braid my hair anymore. Or teach me how to brush my teeth. Or wash behind my ears. But she did teach me other things. And I am eternally grateful to her. She became my friend. I will always love her for that. And yes, it is a “feel-good” love, because she’s been nice to me.
So getting back to Joan. And perhaps this history will clear up the mis-understanding and mis-labeling that we birth siblings of Joan are suffering from “separation anxiety” because she was taken away from us. I was 3 1/2 years old when my mother died. My brother was 5, Gert and Kathy were 8 and 9. There were no daycare centers in 1956, no welfare system, my dad had to go downtown to his job everyday to earn money for the rent and for groceries. (got that Joan?) Right after my mom died, I was living with my Uncle Mattie and Aunt Millie. I’m not sure where the others were. Then my dad married Josephine, and we all lived together. Well, not quite. It seems that Josephine had two sons. Her youngest, John, lived with us.Her oldest, Jimmy, lived with her mother. Why? Because Jimmy did not get along with my father. He was quite vocal about it. BUT he never disrespected any of us Sippel kids! I well remember his visits – he was just my big step-brother who didn’t live us, who lived with my Grandma Genovese and my Uncle Dominic and Aunt Helen, much like I used to live with Uncle Mattie and Aunt Millie.
When my stepmother showed signs of a nervous breakdown and went to the psych center, Gert and Kathy went to a foster home, me and my brothers to an orphan home for a year. Then we came home for a year. And I’m not sure why I was living with my paternal grandparents while I was in the first grade. My brother Butch was with me. But not Johnny. Nor Gert and Kathy. I was in the second grade at the orphan home and third grade when we all came home. Gert and Kathy stayed in the foster home. During the summer between my third and fourth grades, my stepmother flipped out again and I was sent to the same foster home as Gert and Kathy. The boys stayed with Dad, Jimmy was still with his grandmother.
So all this moving around, with one or two kids staying here, and other kids staying there, was quite NORMAL for us Sippel kids. The core group, Gert, Kathy, Butch, me, and Johnny all saw each other quite regularly. Jimmy, less regularly, but we knew he was around, and were pleased and excited when we did see him. Big step-brother Jimmy was aware of my fondness of art materials and always brought me play clay (not the Play-dough, but the better stuff), watercolors, brushes – stuff like that.
I don’t remember when I first aware that we had baby sister Doris laying around somewhere. And we wanted her with us. Why not? She was our sister. By the time I was 10 years old, I was quite aware of her, but she was “adopted” and her name had been changed. I didn’t quite understand that. By my mid-teens, I was fully aware of her status. I most certainly did NOT suffer from any sort of “separation anxiety” concerning Doris/Joan. MY separation anxiety problems stemmed from my being separted from my father. During my life, wherever I was living, whoever had custody of me, they always took good care of me, instilled good and proper moral values, and taught me skills. (Bible songs from Sunday School teacher Aunt Millie; some sort of embroidery from Josephine, hair care from my paternal grandmother, homemade spaghetti sauce from my grandmother Genovese, many skills from my foster parents, including gardening, pet care, rowing a boat and fishing!). Despite all this – I wanted to be with my daddy!
In the meantime, our Aunt Catherine had a photograph of Joan. It was given to her by her childhood friend, Helen, who’s brother Edward had adopted Joan. Contrary to Joan’s accusations of Aunt Catherine’s “stalking” her, (my god, how could she think of such a thing?), it was merely a photograph of the child of her dead sister’. Catherine was in the hospital giving birth to her last child Gail, (March 4) while in another part of the hospital, her sister lay dying, and died March28. Catherine had Doris/Joan’s photo out of LOVE and rememberance of her dead sister, and her last child, who was adopted out and indeed FORBIDDEN to us, Catheirne included. She was NOT “stalking”Joan, she had a momento of her. For god’s sake Joan, can’t you see that we all LOVED you and MISSED you? We didn’t STALK you, you idiot.
Catherine and Helen were childhood friends. Their children all knew each other. One day in 1966, Catherine and Helen took their kids to Crystal Beach Amusement Park. Well, what do you know? On the same day, Dorothy Wheeler had brought Joan to Crystal Beach. My cousin Gail saw Joan and was confused. This girl looked like me, but she wasn’t a Sippel. After the mothers finished talking, and Aunt Catherine got Gail alone, she told Gail who Joan was, and that we Sippel kids didn’t know who Joan was or where she was. And Gail was never to tell us. And she never did. So much for Joan’s insistence that she had been stalked “all her life” or “since she was 10 years old” by us. We couldn’t have – We didn’t know her name or where she was.
It was when I was 20 years old, (Joan was 16), when Gert approached me and told me that for years she had seen that photograph of Joan, and gradually became self-aware that the photo was that of our lost sister Doris. She asked Aunt Catherine what her name was. Catherine told her Joan Wheeler. But would not tell Gert where she lived. We found that out by me calling Wheelers in the phone book. And it was only ONE phone call placed to Joan’s home – she was not the subject of multiple stalking phone calls or prank letters, as Joan reports. And then we waited until she was 18 years old – legal age – to contact her.
As to Joan saying she was stalked by this contact – well I wish she would make up her mind! She has always maintained that as she became a teen and was aware that she was adopted, when she gained the “maturity” (and I say this loosely because she shows very little maturity, even now at the age of 54) – by the time she was 16, she made the conscience decision to find her birthparents. She didn’t know at the time she had siblings, but I guarantee if she had, they would have been included in her decision to find her birth family. – So much for her saying that she was traumatized by us finding her and we had “separation anxiety” – after she made that conscience decision to find her birth family – she wanted us as much as we wanted her.
So what happened when we found her? For myself, I was quite happy to have her back in my life. In 1974, I was in my first apartment, learning all the new things a new “adult” does. I was making my own decisions in my life, learning all about my new freedoms to come and go as I please, do what I want with my life and my time. Making my own mistakes and learning from them. And yes, that included my new relationship with Joan.
Gert said in a recent comment, “Ruth tried so many times to be a sister to Joan.” Yes, I did. Joan was raised as an only child. I was not. I came from a large family. Even if we Sippel siblings weren’t always with each other, we were with other kids. Aunt Catherine’s kids were particularly close to us. My cousin Gail was more like a sister to me. My first stepmother’s nephews and neice (David, Anthony, Gina, Perry) were close to me. Anthony was around the same age as me and Johnny, and we always played together). So I had experience in being a sister, or at least being close to someone!
And that is what I tried to be. To be close with Joan. I welcomed her back into my life with open arms. And she admits this in her book! I grew to love her. And I didn’t base my love on a wish that my dead mother would be sort of re-incarnated. No, I loved Joan for who and what she was. My sister. Who was funny, talented, creative, shared an interest in Ancent Egypt and Star Trek with me, shared an interest in mysticism with me. Liked many of the same songs and rock groups and actors as I did. Liked many of the same movies as I did. Some things about her I didn’t understand. But I would bet there were some things about me she didn’t understand. But no matter – we got along just fine. Joan said in her book that we were in a reunion and nobody knew how to proceed. What’s the big deal? I knew how to proceed! I just accepted her! If I had a day off from work and was free – I called her up and we went out to a movie or something. Isn’t that we all just simply do with anybody in our lives? Why must Joan make everything so dam difficult and see fucking problems where no problems exist? I had NO problem with Joan whatsoever. I loved her.
Well what the hell happened? Apparently, Joan didn’t love me at all. Because by 1981, we started seeing things in Joan we didn’t like. Her being opinionated for one thing. Let me rephrase that – her being DISRESPECTFUL is what I mean. She would give her opinion of a situation – and nobody was allowed to have an opposing viewpoint! If you disagreed with Joan, she would argue with you, and you ended up feeling belittled, like your opinion or viewpoint had no value. And that is wrong, wrong, wrong, because every human being on this planet has worth. Just because they disagree with you, does not give you the right to devalue them their basic human right to a free opinion!
It took a few years – but after a while, this devalue-ing (is that a word?) of me took it’s toll. I began to lose respect for Joan. By 1983, I had very little respect for her, but there was still love there. I gave her another chance. She hurt me again in 1987, I gave her another chance. In 1990, she out and out stole money from me. By that time, I could give her no more chances. Or so I thought. I tried again in 1992. Nope, I got kicked in the teeth again. And then her vendetta against me started for real – harassing letters, lies, July 4 and 5, 1992, she tried THREE times to get me in trouble with my husband! (that will be documented in due time). Then she started sending stalking letters to my house, greeting cards to my husband, but the envelopes addressed to me, false police reports, and on and on and on and on. Phone calls to my job to get me fired, trashing me to car repair people who knew me.
I sure want to know what the hell I did to Joan Wheeler that made her want to do all these rotten things to me! Then in 1999, she sends me a letter asking me why I don’t like her. No, by this time, I didn’t just not like her, I no longer loved her. And it was Joan herself who killed any love I ever had for her.
I said it before – our Doris is dead and gone. We are left with Monster Joan. I loved the Joan of the 70’s. The Joan of the 80’s, the 90’s, the 2000’s – she is deserving only of my contempt. And it is due to her own actions.
1. Gert – December 21, 2010
Well said Ruth!!!
“I most certainly did NOT suffer from any sort of “separation anxiety” concerning Doris/Joan. MY separation anxiety problems stemmed from my being separted from my father.”
I can state, with full knowledge that this statement is the truth, that from where both I and Kathy stand and from our deceased brother Butch. We, four children suffered through the loss due to death of a mother and several placements, some healthy, some not so healthy for many many years and not having our father there for us when we needed him, because he was always so busy with earning a living to support us all. During the 10 years I lived in a foster home I was ALWAYS packed because Daddy was coming to take me home the following weekend. Joan was never in my thoughts.
At various times in each of our lives we knew about Doris/Joan…I knew more and I remember more because I was the oldest…but at NO TIME did I ever suffer from being separated from her…Joan flatters herself too much…she was not and is not the center of my soul and life…as a child it was my FATHER, as an adult it is with my FATHER that I had to come to terms with regarding events of my life and those of and in my family…it NEVER WAS WITH JOAN.
“Apparently, Joan didn’t love me at all. Because by 1981, we started seeing things in Joan we didn’t like. Her being opinionated for one thing. Let me rephrase that – her being DISRESPECTFUL is what I mean. She would give her opinion of a situation – and nobody was allowed to have an opposing viewpoint! If you disagreed with Joan, she would argue with you, and you ended up feeling belittled, like your opinion or viewpoint had no value. And that is wrong, wrong, wrong, because every human being on this planet has worth. Just because they disagree with you, does not give you the right to devalue them their basic human right to a free opinion!”
And it was at that same time that Joan turned on me! I was to obey her views on adoption, when I told her to get lost and mind her own business, when I was adopting my own child, she TURNED on me.
She alienated my children from me, she interfered with my and my husband’s parental authority, she called me an unfit mother, called child abuse on me, took my daughter from me…and to this day…has the gall to think she was right and I was wrong, regardless to the fact that I own the paperwork that states my innocence!
Joan is very self-centered and thinks that she can write a untruthful account of everyone’s life and get away with it…NO…doesn’t work that way.
Joan gave us sisters the opportunity to tell the entire world what Joan has done, thank you Joan!
And we shall do just that…tell the world every thing that Joan has done…
2. chayelet – December 21, 2010
As for me, my way of dealing with those early traumas -mother’s death, placements and serious personality clashes with my father, was to move to the UK.I had made my decision as early as 1965, aged 17. I moved here in 1973 and have been too involved with building and sustaining my life here to be anything but a bystander in this whole reunion thing, and I made that quite clear to JW from the very start. Gert and Ruth speak about a time when JW TURNED against them.Both times it was when Ruth and/or Gert said NO to JW. Same with me. I saw from our very first days together that JW was a user but it was 1988 when her demands for a free ride on a 3rd visit were just a bit too intrusive. I did not ring her to tell her to stay home- she stayed home because her kids were sick (quite rightly) and common sense prevailed. But because I would not offer her free food and lodgings, her attitude toward me changed dramatically.
Certain ‘acquaintances’ in the UK had to terminate budding friendships with her because of her incessant phoning up at 3 am local time, asking for favours, etc. None of that had anything to do with me ‘bad-mouthing’ JW. She did it all by herself.
And now, with these few lines, I believe I have covered everything about me that JW has issues with, except for the Rene Hoksbergen incident circa 1992 to which Ruth and Gert have alluded in previous posts, and so there really, truly, and officially is nothing left for me to say on this subject.
3. gert – December 22, 2010
Well said Kathy!!!
It trully is amazing just how ‘far-fetched’ and ‘off base’ Joan’s understandings of any person/situation is! And the reasons for that is because it is always Joan’s inner mind that is always talking to her, that makes all her decisions for her about what any person was THINKING AND FEELING, instead of what ACTUALLY and TRULLY happened…and Joan wonders why people don’t understand her…no one is in Joan’s mind except Joan. Reality is NOT Joan’s mind!
And…we are NOT completely done with the subject of Hoksbergen, not by a long shot, we are not done…there is much much more coming out on that one…as there is so much more damage that Joan has to account for.
…all in good time, my pretty!! all in good time.
Joan Wheeler — The Puppet Master December 8, 2010Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, being led around by the nose, being manipulated, blaming people for your own mess, cowardice, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, First Amendment: Free Speech, getting others to do your dirty work, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, hiding behind others, letting oneself be manipulated, Lies, puppet master, puppet on a string, puppets, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths, stupidity, ventriloquists, whining
In my last post Joan Wheeler AGAIN plays fast and loose with the facts of MY family! I tell of Joan going on another internet forum and tells lies again about my family. Gert and I, exercising OUR Freedom of Speech right, left a couple of comments. Joan’s cronies Russ and Mara went on and bashed us. roflmao! What’s the matter Joan? Can’t speak for yourself? gotta have someone else talk for you? Ain’t Woman enough to stand up for yourself?
I said once before on this blog to Russ ol boy – that Joan was manipulating him, pulling his strings and his head was full of sawdust.
It seems that my assessment was correct.
For once again, Joan the Puppet Master is at work again behind the scenes. She has Mara on one knee, Russ on the other. She has her hands in their wooden heads, working their mouths, making them do what she is too cowardly to do herself.
Joan, the quintessential liar and bully, goes onto an internet forum and talks trash about my family. When it has nothing to do with HER adoption or her anti-adoption agenda. Then she wonders why her family gets upset! Then when her family, excercises their right to debate her, can’t take it. She whines to her puppets: “oh help me, my sisters are mad at me again. Help me, make them stop.” She doesn’t see that she can stop us herself – by not talking about us and lying about us.
For some reason, Joan can’t learn this.
And neither can her puppets. They love to be lead around by their wooden noses.
Fools! Joan is a ventriloquist. With her fingers flying fast on the keyboard, she tells you guys what to do, what to say.
Wake up fools! Pull back the curtain and see who is really behind your thoughts! The Great and Powerful Puppet Master of Joan!
ps, if you guys have the right to go to PUBLIC internet forums and talk, then so do I! You fools do NOT own the internet. I have the Freedom of Speech to go where I want, say what I want. Just because your Master, Joan Wheeler tells you that her sisters can’t does not make it so. Got news for you – we can, and we will. Deal with it.
1. gert – December 8, 2010
But you know, Joan does keep certain things quiet from the puppets and she also lies to them…She told them that she had removed mentioning us on the Forbidden family site and I thought she had…well she didn’t…she still has a notice up about us sisters and she is continuing with her promotion about the cyberbullying site.
How can her puppets get anything done, in regards to having Joan stop yaking about us, as they in the past said they wanted, when Joan lies to them and doesn’t tell them what she is doing…namely sullying our names and reputations.
We want mention of us OFF the forbidden family site, that site is for ADOPTION REFORM not for promoting her sisters.
So you see, until Joan removes mention of us and advertising and sending readers to a cyberbullying site in a site that says it is about adoption reform, namely forbidden family, she is lying to her puppets and she is harassing us.
2. Ruth – December 8, 2010
Another thing the puppets haven’t caught – in the past their puppet master has instructed them to come over to this blog to harass us. BUT she instructed them NOT to come from the Adoptee Forum! She instructed them to come from other websites.
Isn’t this a direct violation of Joan’s complaint that we use multiple IP addressess and different wireless connections to go to her site? My, my, my, we see Joan’s double standard of harassment there!
the poor puppets haven’t figured that out yet, because they have sawdust for brains.
Manic depression – should you let it define you? Should you remain a victim? Joan Wheeler needs to get some inspiration – here is a video of actress Patty Duke discussing her illness and her refusal to be a victim. December 3, 2010Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life, mental illness.
Tags: biological father, manic depression, mental illness, Patty Duke, Sean Astin
Actress Patty Duke and her sons discuss manic depression. —
I’ve always loved Patty (Anna), and admire Sean as well.
It was Patty’s description years ago on tv, about her manic depression, which made me aware of my sister Joan’s illness. I wish that Joan would have the courage to face her demons and stop hurting those who loved her. I did love Joan. But even knowing it’s caused …by an illness, I have to protect myself. And Joan MUST stop. I truly wish Joan would see this video.
Illness or no, Joan does not have the right to self-publish a book and spread lies about me, lies that can damage my personal and professional reputation. Therefore, I continue with my truth-telling blog. Read it, don’t read it – your choice.
1. Gert – December 3, 2010
WOW, what a story!!
Yes, there is much there that would benefit Joan…if she were to hear it…
FORGIVENESS AND LETTING IT GO
Joan did not forgive and didn’t let it go…because she always was thinking about the book, she couldn’t forgive anyone for anything and let anything go because she always had the book in her mind therefore, we sisters, must set it right
I attempted, no I did, in 1992,FORGAVE Joan, for things she did in 1982, but she betray me again, then again, in 2005 or so, I FORGAVE her, again I was betrayed by her…because she KNEW that she was publishing the book…
So…until Joan can forgive herself and get rid of that book of lies and betrayal and set it right with us and members of two families…we will continue to refut every page of that book
mental illness is no excuse of allowing lies to be promoted and believed…someone has to tell the truth…we sisters are.
2. Ruth – December 3, 2010
Gert sent me an email- she said she cried watching the video. I sent her this email in return:
I cried too. I remember around 1990, I was snoozing on the couch – and the tv was on in the background. And Patty Duke was on some talk show. Because I’ve always loved her, one of my ears pricked up – when she started saying some things she did, describing manic depression, I shot bolt up – she was describing Joan!
and sadly, in this video I posted, where she says she went right to the thing about someone that she knew would make them suffer the most – that too is Joan. All the things she did to me was just that – but she can’t hurt me anymore. The only hurt left is the fact that she was our Doris. I did love her – we had great times together – but like a divorce from a bad person – you have to forget the love, and move on. She killed our love. You may be noble enough to forgive her – but I can’t. Don’t know if I ever will. If she were to ask my forgiveness, I’d laugh in her face.
I already told John about that post where she says she is facing homelessness due to poverty and her mother’s coming death – I told John that she better not show up on my door begging for help- because I will remind her of Dec 2004, when I was behind in property taxes, and I begged her for what money she stole from me – begged for even ten bucks – and her response was to file harassment charges against me in court – which they threw out! Doris is dead. we are left with Monster Joan.
so many lessons in this video from both Patty and Sean for Joan to learn. We can only hope – but I won’t hold my breath.
3. Ruth – December 3, 2010
the letter I’m talking about was one I wrote on December 26, 2004. I didn’t have a photo-copy of it, so I can’t scan and post it to this blog, but I did still have the letter on a computer disc.
On December 8, 2009, I copied and pasted the letter to this blog, and it can be found here A letter to Joan
There was no threat of harassment contained in the letter, yet Joan goes on the internet talking about an unwanted contact from me, that she took to court, and the judge was tired of it all. Perhaps, I wasn’t there – all I know is that I got a letter from the court saying it was dismissed – and I didn’t even know it had gone in front of a judge! I’m facing foreclosure, Joan stole money from me, never repaid it, I asked for what she stole from me, even a lousy 10 bucks, and she takes me to court. Well, read the letter and you see if I was “harassing” her.
you know what? To save trouble, here’s the post as I posted it last December – the first couple of paragraphs explainethat I was thinking of going to a different blogsite, then I set up the scenario of the purpose of the letter. Read the letter. And keep in mind what Patty Duke said about going for what she knew would make the person suffer the most. And that’s EXACTLY what Joan did to me over and over again. May she burn in hell.
A letter to Joan
While I’m shopping around for perhaps a new site for my blog, here is a letter I sent to Joan back in December 2004. It’s pretty self-explanatory. And explains HOW Joan and I got to fighting, what started everything, her theft of my money back in 1990, and her refusal to admit that she stole from me. By the way, when she reneged on her promise to give me the lawyer’s refund, I said goodbye to her and hung up on her (we were on the phone). This was December 1990. Her response? She sent me a nasty letter, the first of many nasty letters, some full of lies, some engineered to create problems in my life, some sent to my mother in law’s house, some sent in an envelope that was addressed to me (in her handwriting), but containing a father’s day card she engineered and used her own 10 year old son. Another envelope simply addressed to Ruth (in her handwriting) and contained a small letter from her son to my fiance, another letter whose handprinting on the envelope matched that from her son’s letter. So she used her own child in our feud. Another letter addressed to me and my fiance, but inside a letter addressed to me and my oldest sister, about a chance meeting between Joan’s ex-husband and a man I never met. Another letter addressed to me and my fiance, but the letter was addressed to me, and it told me that my fiance got the next door neighbor pregnant. Another letter, again in another person’s handwriting and a return address of a “friend” that Joan was feuding with, was addressed to me and sent on the 25 th anniversary of our reunion, and in it she wonders why I don’t like her. And tells a lie that her son saw me driving past her house. When I didn’t even have a car. She’s been a busy lady. Not to mention letters she wrote to the mayor of Buffalo and my job, and calling my job to get me fired. Anyway, enough of the synopsis of Joan’s sins.
So in getting back to this letter I sent her in December 2004. What was her response to this letter, wherein I am begging for help? SHE TRIED TO PULL ME INTO COURT FOR HARASSMENT! -But the court denied her petition. They could see that I was NOT harassing her, but asking for help, asking for justice. If someone feels they are publicly humiliated by the publication of this letter here on this blog, well they should be humiliated, they should be ashamed for what they did: to her own sister. Not only the theft, not only the disrespect to her sister, but her putting into motion a feud that is continuing to this day. Except I am NOT feuding. I am only doing what she is doing: putting the story of the feud on a blog. Except for one thing: I AM PUTTING OUT THE TRUTH! And I am backing my blog up with scans of documents and evidence that proves that I AM TELLING THE TRUTH!
Dec. 26, 2004
First understand that this is not a letter to cause trouble. John and I are in a jam. First let me explain something. We bought our house off our landlord in 1996. Six months later, John got laid off. So right off the bat – we were always one step behind in paying our taxes. Ours is a private mortgage – not thru the banks – so our taxes, insurance and water bills are not included in the monthly mortgage payment. We had a 10 year mortgage and will be finished in April 2006. We have only 15 months to go.
The problem is – and you may be aware – that the City of Buffalo needs money. They need to cover the 66 million dollars given to the Bass Pro shop at the old Memorial Auditorium. This will be done on the backs of us working poor. The City has taken a hard stand – they have decided that any taxes or fees, more than 1 year old MUST be paid by Dec 31, 2004 or they will foreclose the property. They did not give anybody any warning. The notices were sent out Dec 1. They are threatening to take my house! The City wants 50% and the rest in 6 equal monthly payments.
As you know, John had heart surgery last September. In November 2000, I had a hysterectomy and was out of work for 2 months. Because of these and other illnesses, we fell behind in the garbage user fee. John got laid off August 31, 2004. He found a job and started working Nov 1, but it is only part time, 25-30 hours, minimum wage.
Now what I am asking you is for the money that is owed me from 1990 – the total is $383.50. I understand this is a lot – perhaps you can give it to me in monthly payments. I have enclosed the breakdown of the funds – and what was paid back.
I know some of the money was used by Colby – and you may be thinking that should I go after him- fair enough. However, you both benefited from my money. You took some of the money WITHOUT MY PERMISSION, reneged on your promise to give me your share of Mr. Campo’s returned fee, promised MANY TIMES to repay me, and back on your word, time and time again. You never once acknowledged that what you did was wrong. Colby did, but never you.
Joyce tried to get you to see what you did was wrong, but you wouldn’t listen. You dipped into my money to fix your car – and this wasn’t even my money – I had borrowed from the bank! When the time came to return the money to me, I didn’t have all the money to repay the bank, and I was put into debt. And then MY car broke. I did not have the cash to fix it, my cash was going to repay the bank loan. But there was not enough credit left over to fix my car. I couldn’t even charge the repairs because my credit limit was used up. You then agreed to give me your share of Mr. Campo’s returned fee. I was counting on that money. I was planning on fixing my car with that money. John and I were taking the bus in the cold, but we knew that you would give us the money. But then you called me in Dec 1990 and left a message on my machine that you changed your mind. You got your car fixed with Ruth’s money (credit), but when it came time to get Ruth’s car fixed – oh well, too bad! And you couldn’t or wouldn’t understand why I was angry. Or else you just didn’t care! You were driving a warm car, while John and I were freezing waiting for a bus. And you wonder why I was angry.
Anyway – You have been busy the past couple of years saying that you want the family to “heal.” Acknowledging what you did can start the healing process. And paying me back the money what you and your ex-husband took from me would be even better. You left a message on my answering machine early in 1991, saying that “money shouldn’t come between sisters.” It wasn’t the money that came between us, it was the idea that you took the money for your own needs with no regard as to me or my needs. It was this disrespect that came between us. You disrespected me when you took the money. When people say platitudes like “money shouldn’t come between people,” they are usually the ones who want to dictate to others on what to do with their money. I mean: It’s easy to look at someone who earns more money and say what they should do with it.
I work at B G to support myself. I work there for my bills, for my wants, my needs. I did not get a job there to fix your car. Your is your responsibility, not mine. And for you to assume that it my responsibility just because I made more money than your husband was wrong. Than you compounded the problem by taking the money without asking, (stealing) and then compounded it further by continuously going back on your word to pay me back. OK, maybe you didn’t have the money to pay me. Maybe you don’t have the money now. Maybe all you can give me $100.00, or $50.00, even 10 or 20 will help.
Now is the time for you to put your money where your mouth is. You are always talking about healing the family. Helping someone out would be a start. And John and I really need the help right now.
I tried to ask you for help once before, in June 1994. My electricity was cut off. Yes, you and Colby were not the only ones having money problems. I called you, crying, I said “Joan I need help.” The phone was disconnected. I thought we were cut off. I called again. “Joan, I..” CLICK I called again. “Joan.” click. You kept hanging up on me. I gave up and called the electric company and made arrangements. But then I called you a couple more times, and each time I called, you hung up on me. Just before I left the house to borrow money to pay the electric bill (I borrowed from 3 different neighbors), I called and swore at you. Do you remember this day? It was the day you had the trap on the line and then you reported to the police that I called you several times and hung up on you! My own sister, made a false report to the police on me. I called you for help. I was crying, but you were setting me up and betraying me.
Well, if you don’t help me now, I will not call you up and swear at you. You may not be able to help me. You may be able to help me and will leave me to hang out in the wind, as you did before. I’ll have no way of knowing the truth. Only you can answer that. Only you can answer to your theft.
John and I went out today and brought in buckets of snow. We have 2 huge plastic tubs in the basement, filled with snow. When it melts, we’ll have water to bring up to flush the toilet. This way, we can keep the water bill down a bit until we catch up with other bills. We have the 50% down payment for the garbage user fee, but we will still be strapped for the next 6 months.
When you respond to this letter, please keep it to this topic. I don’t want to hear about anything else. I am not in the mood for any more bickering. I have way too many things on my mind to engage in another war. If you can help me, that will be wonderful. If not, well ok. Ruth