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emf press – Will Gert McQueen have a say in a book a bout adoption reunions? March 9, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
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by Gert McQueen
The following was buried in my emails and in the interest of being open and above board…
 On December 16, 2010 I had sent a letter to EMK Press in Warren NJ regarding a submission that Joan Wheeler had presented to them. Here is what I said:

Publisher of EMK Press,

It is my understanding that you have received a submission, in October, from one Joan Wheeler for a book your publishing house is producing on adoption reunions. Joan Wheeler has published a book called Forbidden Family.

I am a birth sister to Joan Wheeler. I and other sisters, on a blog, are refuting that book because it is full of lies, misrepresentations and exaggerations of family members and others and is nothing more than a hateful rage against everyone in her life. Our blog is called, Refuting a book of Lies; Forbidden Family@ ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com. We also have a ‘book review’ of it on Amazon.com. I encourage you to look at them both before you accept and publish anything from Joan Wheeler.  

 ***

I then received a letter, on January 25, 2011, from LewEllen Singley…editor of EMK Press  

Here is what she said to me:

I wanted to let you know I received your letter concerning your birth-sister’s submission to our adoption reunion book. The book is still in production and want explore all aspects of reunion, not just for adoptees but the experiences of birth family too.

This book is not about pointing fingers but about the emotions that swirl during a reunion from all the sides. We hope the book can be used as a tool to create a healthy and successful reunion for everyone, that by seeing a different perspective than their own, readers can learn what it feels like to be on the other end of the emotions reunion brings.

Reunions aren’t always about happy endings; separation takes its toll on everyone. I’d like to respectfully ask you to share your story. Reunion is complex and I think your perspective could be valuable.

****

 And here is my response to her:

To LewEllen Singley

Thank you for your recent letter regarding my comments to your Press about publishing anything from Joan Wheeler, a birth sister that was placed in adoption.

I must point out, to you, that my reasons for informing you was so that you, and your publication, would have an opportunity to research and investigate the legitimacy of any statements from Joan Wheeler because, frankly she is a liar and anything she has to offer would not be of benefit to the book you feel ‘can be used as a tool to create a healthy and successful reunion’.

In your letter to me you state ‘This book is not about pointing fingers but about the emotions that swirl during a reunion from all the sides.’ Fine, but do you really want to publish the words of a liar? The adage ‘if the shoe fits’…fits here. Joan Wheeler’s book, Forbidden Family, is nothing but a long painful account of the author’s mental illness and her ‘mental impressions’ of what happened to her and not restricted to ‘reunion’.

Personally, I have no interests in any aspect of the adoption scene. All my ‘emotions that swirl’ from every second of ‘reunion’ with this adoptee has been nothing short of pain! My main concerns are that I am refuting and condemning a book that is full of lies, rage and hate by its author and restoring the honor to myself and my entire family from the hate and lies of 35 years by the united adoptee. But, your suggestion that my ‘perspective could be valuable’ is somewhat appealing. So, here is my perspective that you may publish, if you choose.

***

Reunion of birth siblings with adopted sibling; not for the faint of heart, you could be burnt.

Within a very short period of time after the adopted sibling was found, by birth sisters, the adopted sister began creating intense episodes of interference in birth family members’ affairs. Adopted sister would never accept a ‘no’ from any family member but inflicted her views and when not accepted, adopted sister retaliated in various forms of anti-social behavior to reunited birth family members.

My reunited adopted sister was, and still is, so against any form of adoption, that she thought it was her ‘right’ to get in between the adoption processes of others. The first was to interfere with the process of my father’s adoption of a stepchild. The second was to interfere with the process of my own adoption of my own child. When the reunited adopted sister was told to back off, it’s none of her business, the united adopted sister retaliated by causing major trouble.

In the case of my father (who was birth father to reunited adopted child) the reunited adoptive child began a campaign of projected internalized negativity toward every member of the united family because she could not accept the fact that the father that ‘gave her away’ was now ‘adopting’ another child. The reunited adopted sister saw everyone as ‘out to get her’.

In the case of myself, the reunited adopted sister, believed I was ‘harming’ my child by ‘adoption’ and when I told her to leave us alone, she proceeded to interfere in my parental authority with my minor children. I had to forbid the reunited adopted sister from having any contact with my minor children. In retaliation she called child abuse on me. That false case was quickly dismissed because I was already in an intense background check for the adoption proceedings. Shortly after that episode she called in a second false child abuse report on me, claiming sexual abuse, when one of my children ran-away after I moved my family away from reunited adopted sister. During that episode reunited adopted sister lied to family and police about the whereabouts of my minor child and eventually filed for custody of my child. After I placed my own child in protective custody, of the county, to keep her away from reunited adopted sister, I had a court hearing that proved I was innocent of all charges and the case was expunged. These events and the damage that resulted was 30 years ago, 1981 and 1982, but the reunited adopted sister, in her book that she published in 2009, lies and misrepresents everything and retells more lies about it. Why?

Because…‘she alone is the adoptee’ and the birth family members ‘harmed’ the adoptee and they must be exposed.

I attempted two reconciliatory attempts, in person in 1992 and a phone call around 2005. Both times the reunited adoptive sister smiled to my face and then betrayed me again. In 1992, by condemning my religion and calling my mental state into question to family members. In 2005, lead me to believe that she ‘loved me’ when indeed she thought I was ‘looking for information’. In her book, this united adopted sister fabricates outrages fantasies about these two events to prove ‘her’ belief that I am ‘out to get her’.

Since the publication of her book, in 2009, I have spoken out against it, because of the malicious hateful rages and lies within it and the need to restore my family’s honor that has been sullied by this book.

And I am only ONE member of the reunited family. Other birth family members have been accused, by the reunited adoptee, of various forms of harassment to the reunited adoptive sister, when in fact the family members were the victims of harassment and abuse by the reunited adopted sister. Reunited adopted sister, stole, from reunited birth family members, money, personal properties and reputations and then wrote a book of lies to victimized us all, again.

Moral of the story; know the background of the adoptive family that adopted the united adoptee and know how the adoptee was raised, before REUNION. For, even though you may be of the same blood, the adoptee is NOT a member of your family. Once adopted, by non-blood, the adoptee cannot relate with blood family members because they were NOT raised with them and therefore have not the same common backgrounds and mind sets. It was our family’s bad luck to have a reunion with someone who happens to be mentally impaired. Reunion, proceed at your own risk.

****

So LewEllen, you can publish my statement or not, doesn’t matter to me, I don’t care. All I care about is that this particular ‘reunited adopted sister’ caused severe damage, still is causing severe damage and certainly her story is not going to help your book to be ‘used as a tool to create a healthy and successful reunion’ because she is mentally unstable. Read her book and then tell me differently.   

So will I, Gert McQueen, have a say in a book about adoption reunions? And will I, Gert McQueen, share space in the same book with Joan Wheeler? Just think of the possibilities!!!

Gert says:

I have the snail mail and email addresses…any ONE interested please let me know. Anyone who has anything to say about adoption reunions with this particular adoptee, Joan Wheeler, is more than welcome to contact me or Ruth and we will help get you in contact to submit your story for this publication. Of course, I can’t guarantee acceptance, but at least you would have your say on YOUR experiences with this particular adoptee. I say…GO FOR IT. SAY WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY TO JOAN WHEELER, AND SAY IT IN A BOOK!

Ruth’s comment:

I just might submit something myself!

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