Joan Wheeler gives expert advice – NOT! and other observations of the latest bout of mouth diarrhea from Joan M. Wheeler April 22, 2011Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, being downright nasty, bullying, contradictions, diarrehea of the mouth, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, stupidity, whining
by Gert McQueen
Joan Wheeler doesn’t like being lied to…YET…she has no problem lying about others!! How can that be, I ask you??
It amazes me, to no end, how a person can believe two separate and different things at the same time and not see how that doesn’t work in the real world. It’s called cognitive dissonance!
The other thing that amazes me is how a person can believe that only therapy can make their life whole! That’s pretty sad!!
Now while I’ll agree that there are times in a life when a person might need help, of various kinds, I have had to have some help from ‘professionals’ on occasion, but, to say that ONLY therapy can help only proves to me that that individual must really be off their rocker and therefore not to be trusted nor believed. Or, they are just WORKING the system and are a PERMANENT victim and NO GOOD for anybody and again ought not to be trusted nor listened to.
I also agree and can understand the NEED to have proper documentation of identity and that there are things that happen in life that are NOT fair BUT at some point in a adulthood a person NEEDS TO LET IT GO AND GROW UP. If an adoptee has the proper documentation for identity WHY all the crying and carrying on about what happen? Give it a break already! All this anger doesn’t really help other people, all it does is keep sick people sick and a victim.
On April 16, 2011 Joan has this to say about her Amended Birth Certificate:
My ABC long form has the City, and the hospital, and the time of birth! I’d really like the authorities to try to locate any hospital records for said mother giving birth — she did not give birth to me! My blood boils every time I think about it.
Okay, most people would just see this as a legal fiction…governments do that ALL THE TIME, its part of the cost of living in a world of DOCUMENTATION AND LAWS and a means to keep its population intact. ANYONE who is looking at a adoption certificate KNOWS that it is a legal fiction and they take it for GRANTED that an amended birth certificate is a LEGAL LIE. So…what’s the sense in having so much anger that your ‘blood boils’? Boiling blood, as in so much anger, will NOT fix the legal fiction and will and can DESTROY a person’s health! Joan’s health has been destroyed yet she won’t let go of her anger…she loves her anger!
On April 19, 2011 Joan Wheeler said the following…
A few years ago, my therapist asked me if my amom knew how I felt about being lied to all of my life. That stopped me cold. No, she didn’t know because I didn’t tell her exactly how I felt and why. So I did. It doesn’t matter how old they are, you just have to come clean with your feelings and be specific as to why. You may not get a response, but you may get a partial response. My amom at least talked through some of the issues of adoption and we came to resolution about the official lie of our birth certificates,, but as to keeping my adoption a secret, no, there was never a resolution of that issue. Once your aparents die, there is only you left to cope with the mess. That part is not very helpful, but at least if you speak your mind now you won’t be regretful when she is no longer here to attempt to talk things out. Therapy is the only way to get through the rest.
Joan has been going to therapists all of her life…gee when will she get OFF therapy? Who pays for this? Obviously not Joan because she doesn’t work and is on SSD so that means that all NY state taxpayers are supporting Joan’s addiction to therapy! This therapy certainly hasn’t helped Joan’s physical conditions either…for that to get better Joan would have to drop all her anger. And everyone wonders why the cost of health care is so high!
Interesting how Joan can give advise to ‘come clean with your feelings and be specific as to why’ when it comes to something SHE deems to be important but NOT for anything related to the other person, in particular anyone that is related to Joan (by blood or adoption). No, our feelings, specific or not, DON’T matter at all to Joan. So you is she kidding? She doesn’t live by the advise she freely gives. Why is it that Joan doesn’t want to have a therapy session with her birth sisters to ‘come to a resolution’ on the issues that we have between us? Because to do that, find resolution, would mean that Joan would have to concede to things she doesn’t want to oncede to…that she is wrong on so many things!
And again we hear how poor Joan is left all alone to deal with the mess, now that the aparent is dead. What mess? Joan has always been alone in her mess…the only different now is that she doesn’t have that adoptive mother to browbeat and yell at! Yep, Joan has no problem speaking her mind…too bad that she doesn’t think before speaking her mind or allow others to speak their mind. Yep, therapy is the only way to get through it all!!
Joan also said the following:
I also want to address the idea that someone brought up about the difference of being crazy rather than being mean. I think there is a distinct possiblity that amoms are in such denial of the horrors that adoption lies have put their adotpees through that they just can’t come clean with what they did. Back in the fifties, it was the thing to do: raise a child as happy and as care-free as possible. So what if there were major ommissions in the truth of the background of the adoptee? That doesn’t matter because we’ve got you now and everything is going to okay. In their minds, they did nothing wrong. But speak your mind to your amom anyway, may be you’ll break through.
Here we have an example of Joan’s expert social worker’s opinion, from a person who has NEVER held a job as a social worker…that adoptive parents are in denial of the horrors that adoption lies cause the child. And that the parents can’t come clean with what they did. My god! Who made Joan the avenger of all adoptees against all adoptive parents for the horrible crime of maintaining a legal fiction, with the help of the government, against the poor helpless infant that was adopted!!
Adoption didn’t just start in the 50s when Joan was born, it has been around as long as the human race as been around and it will continue to be around as long as there are children that need parents and governments will continue to enact laws to provide legal fictions according to the laws of their governments. So Joan can continue to beat her head on the brick wall and scream and yell all she wants because she will never get want she wants and as long as she continues with her anger that makes her blood boil she will be physically, mentally, and spiritually SICKER than she already is!
A person is only as good as their last show and Joan’s last show, on the Huffington Post site, was pretty bad! There is not going to be any comeback for her…she is finished! Joan ought to take her own advise!
Why I don’t give a DAMN about Joan Wheeler’s adoption trauma or any other “trauma” she’s going through April 15, 2011Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunion, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, contradictions, cowardice, cyberbullying, dishonesty, Disrespect, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, false accusations of sexual abuse, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, hatred of infertile women, Lies, mental instability, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, stupidity, theft, whining
by Ruth Sippel Pace
clarification, I copied and pasted a post that Joan had placed on the adoptee forum, and I answered here, on my blog. In the past, Joan has accused me of stalking her on the internet to see what she writes – call it stalking if you want, I call it “monitoring” what Joan says about me and my family. Because I have the right to know what is written about me. And if it’s a lie, I will mostly definitely straighten that lie out. Don’t like what I’m doing Joan? – too bad. THEN STOP WRITING ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY ON THE INTERNET – AND MOST IMPORTANT – STOP LYING ABOUT ME. A month ago, we sent this same message – after Joan got on the Huffington Post to smear our reputations and my grandfather’s reputation. – Whenever I see that Joan has writted stuff about me – I will be right there – because that it is my right. — Ruth Sippel Pace, April17, 2011, 11:17pm.
The other day I wrote an answer to this post that Joan placed on the adoptee forum:
“Realize that whatever trauma they have lived through, real or imagined, is what is driving them to hurt you.”
I answered: “Yeah, I get that Joan – whatever CRAP you went through as a child you are now taking out on your birth sisters. .. Well, I don’t give a DAMN what you went through. I don’t give a DAMN that your adoptive parents lied to you – you don’t get to write a book and tell lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. You don’t get to get on the internet and tel lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. AND THAT’S THE TRUTH!”
I see that’s a bit harsh and wish to explain. When I was first reunited with Joan, and was getting to know her – I most certainly DID have sympathy for her for her “adoption trauma.” Of all her birth family, I believe I was the most supportive of her. It was ME who told her to “go for it,” when she first had the idea to write a book. It was ME who accompanied her to WGRZ-TV studio for a taping of human interest story on adoption reunion. This was in 1980 or 1981. – (addendum – April 18, 2011,) – addition, April 27, 2011: Anyone wishing to verify this story, contact reporter Rich Kellman at WGRZ-TV studios, 259 Delaware Ave, Buffalo, NY 14202. I’m not sure if they would still have records of this taping, but I don’t think it would hurt to ask. This verifies that I, one of Joan’s birth sisters, did indeed SUPPORT her in her adoption interests and causes, and did indeed have a relationship with her 30 years ago, despite her LYING and saying that we did not. I, Ruth Sippel Pace, provide documentation of everything that I say on this blog, contrary to Joan Wheeler, who gives NO proof, NO documentation, to prove her LIES.
and why didn’t these 2 instances of me supporting her and her adoption cause make it into her book on adoption? She writes about herself going to all these adoption reform meetings and conferences, her letters to the editorial pages of newspapers, but she doesn’t mention going to WGRZ-TV to be interviewed by reporter Rich Kellman? She was on TV, talking about adoption reunion, and she doesn’t write about it in her book about adoption? – She writes about how even a couple of people in the adoption reform field discouraged her to write her book – yet fails to write how I, her “horrible” birth sister actually encouraged her to write the book AND appeared on TV with her to discuss our reunion. – NO, she can’t write about that, see, because it would put into questiion her continual lying statements that “she had to be silenced” about her adoption interests. The only time we try to “silence” her is when she bores us to death on the subject or when she LIES – which is just about 99% of the time.
Although I did not agree to her tactics regarding my oldest sister’s Gert’s children – in fact I was appalled at Joan’s interference and bullying Gert over the adoption of Gert’s son by her and her new husband. And when she called child abuse on Gert over daughter, I was very angry with Joan.
In 1983, I was a bridesmaid in Joan’s wedding. She had borrowed my mother’s wedding gown 4 years earlier, volunteering to have it restored. She and her seamstress used the gown as a model to make a copy of. But then Joan removed bead trim off the original dress and put it on her own. She promised to replace the trim. She never did. When I got the gown back several months later, she had never restored or cleaned the gown. I waited until she asked me to babysit for her, and when that day came, I brought a pair of scissors with me and removed the bead trim from Joan’s gown – because the trim belonged to me – on my mother’s wedding gown – that my father had given me. – This was the first theft that Joan committed against me.
As the 80’s progressed – so did Joan’s bad behavior. Yet I continued to have a relationship with her. (despite her saying on the Huffington Post that we did not). I had been trying to conceive and had several books on pregnancy and child rearing. Joan even borrowed some of them – and I had a hell of a time getting them back. (so much for her saying in her book that I had merely “claimed” to want to have children). It was Joan who drove me home from the hospital in June 1985 after my miscarriage, and it was ME who drove her and her new daughter home from the hospital in October 1986.
In June 1987, Joan and I were on the phone. I was still grieving the loss of my son, (indeed, to this day, I still grieve), and I told Joan that I did not want to discuss infertility. But did Joan respect my wishes? No., she kept on talking about it. I told her 3 more times I did not want to talk about it. She kept on talking. I finally yelled at her to shut up and hung up on her. What kind of idiot keeps talking about a painful subject when the person asks, then finally demands that they don’t? I did not speak to Joan for a full year. I did not write to her. I did not call her.
But in 1988, I did call, and we reconciled. This was the time that we spent many days at the beach with her children – the summer of 1988, I was on disability for a back injury at work. I was going for physical therapy in the mornings, and enjoyed afternoons at the beach with my sister and her kids. These outings continued through the summers of 1989 and 1990, when my work schedule permitted it.
But Joan continued her bullying of me. And stealing from me. In 1990, we decided to buy an apartment building together. I borrowed money from the bank for a down payment. The money was in a joint checking account to be used for lawyer fees, real estate broker fees, etc. By September 1990, we didn’t find an apartment building that would suit us, and we dissolved the partnership. When the back account was closed, there was a lot of money missing. Joan confessed to me that she had been using the money for her day to day living expenses. I was livid. I borrowed this money from the bank to buy real estate, not to support Joan, who had a husband – who had a job. Our lawyer was to return part of his fee – and he sent us a letter that I would receive half, and Joan would receive half. Joan and I agreed that when she cashed her check, I would get the cash, because the lawyer’s fee was paid for out of the money that I had borrowed and placed in the account.
Then Joan called me on the phone and stated that she was keeping the money. I had finally had it with her bullshit bullying me and told her to keep the fucking money, but she was not my sister, and to stay away from me.
We did have a couple more interactions during the following year, mostly she kept calling and giving me excuses why she couldn’t repay me the money that she STOLE from me. Each time I just kept my distance.
Then by 1993 the out and out fighting began. For more details on the meddling, Joan’s stalking me, her pranks, her trying to get me fired from my job, her writing bullshit letters to elected officials about me – see my post of November 2, 2010, What is demanded from Joan Wheeler – the purpose of this blog.
I remember shopping with my cousin Gail once, around 1991, and I were talking about Joan and the shit she had done to me. I told Gail, “I don’t know who I’m more angry at – Joan for doing this shit, or myself for allowing her to do it.”
Gail said, “You do it because you love her. You are trying to be a sister to her. I had some issues with my sister Ida, but this is different. Ida didn’t steal from me or tell lies. You need to put your foot down.”
And I did. In 1991, I refused to be Joan’s doormat any longer. And that’s when the real shit began and continues to this day. THAT is why throughout her book, the one person in Joan’s birth family that is the most written about in her filthy book is ME. Almost every page is Brenda this, Brenda that. (she calls me Brenda in her book). Because I had turned the cheek so many times to her shit and continued to take her shit – then when I stood up for myself – Joan set out to punish me along with other people in her book.
And I state here and now: I am a human being and do not deserve to be treated the way Joan has treated me. She had a wonderful person (me) who loved her. Who accepted her – as she was. I never judged her. I supported her. I loved her. BUT NO MORE. SHE PUSHED ME AWAY FROM HER – SHE TURNED MY LOVE FOR HER TO HATE. My hate for her has NOTHING to do with Joan’s imaginings that I blame her for our mother’s death, or her stupid lying shit that my grandfather molested me and I am jealous that Joan was adopted out and escaped that abuse. What a crock of shit – my grandfather never molested me or my sisters. But Joan will stop at nothing – she loves to tell lies about me and my sisters.
The reason I hate Joan is because of her own actions to me. Joan needs to take responsiblity for her own choices in life. At the age of 16, she made the conscious decision to search for her birth family. She didn’t have to look for us – we found her. (our bad). But we had no idea that our younger sister was a such a BITCH. We took her to our hearts, and she betrayed and hurt each and every one of us. And one by one, we all turned our backs on her -even our father threw her out of his house several times, the last incident being in 2009, where he called his lawyer and REMOVED Joan from even his pre-planned funeral arrangements and his self-written obituary.
It is all on Joan. She did this. She treated her birth family like shit and we Sippels are not shit.
And that is why I reiterate what I wrote to Joan the other day and I don’t give a DAMN that it is harsh:
I don’t give a DAMN what you went through. I don’t give a DAMN that your adoptive parents lied to you – you don’t get to write a book and tell lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. You don’t get to get on the internet and tel lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. AND THAT’S THE TRUTH!
Here is the gist of my post of November 2, 2010 – a concise listing of the shit that Joan has done to her birth family.
The purpose of this blog is to refute and debunk Ms. Wheeler’s statements that she puts forth in her book and on the internet. We also will discuss Ms. Wheeler’s behavior in real life, because it is detrimental to us and our family.
The Three Sippel Sisters demand the following:
1. Public apology and retraction from Joan Wheeler for the following:
- Falsely accusing Gert of repeatedly sexually molesting Ms. Wheeler.
- Falsely accusing Ruth of having a criminal record and being placed on probation.
- Falsely accusing Ruth of calling child abuse on Ms. Wheeler in December 1994. In the book, she lists it as happening in 1993, on the internet in May and September 2010, she lists it as 1996. – (only a liar can’t keep dates straight – I have scanned and posted an actual letter sent by Joan dated December 1994 to New York State Child Abuse authorities and in it she states the call was made Dec. 1994. Why are there 3 different years listed by Joan in this letter, in her book, and on the internet?
- Falsely asserting that there was a 3 month court battle in the spring of 1994 over this child abuse call. (which according to her letter didn’t occur until months later, and on the internet, years later). There was never a 3 month court battle between Joan and Ruth. and again, why does she keep mixing up the date of the call? Perhaps because she keeps lying about it.
- Falsely accusing Ruth of hacking into computers where Ruth works and tampering with Ms. Wheeler’s medical bill in late 1994.
- For six months of almost daily phone calls placed to Ruth’s place of employment for the purpose of Ruth losing her job. This was AFTER Ruth’s employer’s investigated Joan’s complaint in the fall of 1994, determined that Ruth was innocent, informed Joan of this, yet Joan continued into the spring of 1995 with calling various departments in the hospital and falsely informing them that Ruth did tamper with her bill.
- Falsely asserting that Ms. Wheeler has had “multiple orders of protection” against the 3 Sippel Sisters.
- Falsely asserting that the one and only Order of Protection Ms. Wheeler ever received (against Ruth) was for one year, when in reality it was for 6 months.
- Falsely asserting that the 3 Sippel Sisters repeatedly interfere with Ms. Wheeler’s life and harass her.
- For using our picture on the back cover of her book without our permission. The book is used for monetary gain, therefore, Ms. Wheeler is making money from our likeness.
- For writing letters to Anthony J. Masiello, when he was mayor of the city of Buffalo and other elected officials, giving them personal and private details of Ruth’s life, thereby invading Ruth’s privacy.
- For stealing Kathy’s money and belongings in 1993.
- For stealing Ruth’s money in 1990 and the bead trim off the wedding dress of our mother, which was Ruth’s property.
- An apology and explanation that Ms. Wheeler lied to Professor Rene Hoksbergen, and asked him to interfere with Kathy’s life in 1993, thereby invading Kathy’s privacy.
- For all lies and misrepresentations that are contained in the book and on her website.
2. Joan WILL comply with the following:
- The complete pulling of the book Forbidden Family off the market.
- Full return of Kathy’s money and belongings that was stolen by Ms. Wheeler in 1993.
- Full return of Ruth’s money that was stolen by Ms. Wheeler in 1990
- The cessation of posting any more about her sisters ANYwhere on the internet, except when discussing her adoption and she is to limit her discussion of her sisters to say that she has 3 older birth sisters, one who first made the contact with her, and due to personality conflicts, any reunion between Joan and her 3 birth sisters has been terminated.
3. Ms. Wheeler will cease her public statements that:
- Our father was coerced into relinquishing her for adoption. It has always been his assertion that he was NOT coerced.
- The 3 Sippel Sisters are “trashing” her on the internet via “multiple” adoption reform sites.
4. We Three Sippel Sisters further demand a public apology from Professor Rene Hoksbergen for his interference with Kathy in 1993, and his recent “professional” review of the book Forbidden Family, wherein, he is guilty of spreading a false allegation of sexual abuse by the person of Gertrude McQueen. Professor Hoksbergen did not check any “facts” that Joan Wheeler alleges, and therefore he is guilty also of damaging the reputation of Mrs. McQueen, and the other two Sippel Sisters.
Unless and until ALL these listed items are complied with by Joan Wheeler, (and Professor Hoksbergen), this blog will remain an active blog with every printed lie, misrepresentation, or misdeed of Joan Wheeler’s, either in the book, or on the internet, or real life, WILL be refuted and the truth WILL be documented. Further, any future lies, falsehoods, misrepresentations, and further invasion of the privacy of The Three Sippel Sisters, their families and friends, will result in the continuation of this blog.
ALSO: Ruth hereby demands that Joan Wheeler’s ex-husband Colby Allen Bell repay every penny of the money he stole from her in 1990. – $490.00. He withdrew $500.00 from the joint checking account that Ruth had with them to purchase real estate (with her permission) to purchase a case of fireworks. Colby was supposed to replace that money when the fireworks were sold. He did not. He repaid Ruth only $10.00.
Further, in 1991, 3 ATM withdrawals were made totalling $400.00 from Joan and Colby’s checking account, causing their rent check to bounce. Joan and Colby accused Ruth of doing it. The following year, Colby was caught on a student video, admitting that it was HE who withdrew the money to support his habit of frequenting strip joints.
Ruth demands a formal and public apology from Colby from his theft of her money and a formal and public apology from both Joan and Colby concerning the accusation that she illegally made ATM withdrawals, which could have resulted with a criminal investigation of her by the bank and law enforcement. This could have damaged her reputation irreparably.
Again, until ALL demands here listed are FULLY met, this blog will remain active and the public shall know just what kind of persons Joan Wheeler and her ex-husband are.
Now ask me if I care about any “trauma” Joan is going through. – I don’t.
Additional comment by Gert McQueen, Saturday, April 16, 2010:
Ruth’s newest post called…Why I don’t give a DAMN about Joan Wheeler’s adoption trauma or any other “trauma” she’s going through is very well said! Excellent! Concise! Accurate!
And yes the purpose of this blog is to refute and expose every dirty thing that Joan Wheeler has done to our entire family and we shall NEVER stop exposing the TRAUMA that Joan has done to us!
I would like to add something more to this item:
1. Public apology and retraction from Joan Wheeler for the following:
1. Falsely accusing Gert of repeatedly sexually molesting Ms. Wheeler.
1(a) Falsely accusing Gert and husband of child abuse to her daughter. Those charges were PROVEN to be totally FALSE and were EXPUGED by the State and never were to be EXPOSED by anyone including Joan.
1 (b) Joan and Doctor Hoksbergen’s statements about me sexually abusing Joan are based purely on some kind of adoption pyschobable nonsense…there is no truth to such nonsense…these false accusations (sexual abuse and child abuse) are Joan’s attempts to ‘hit below the belt’ at me for NOT continuing a sexual three-way that Joan wanted to have and continue.
I stand by my decision in 1981…I divorced her from my family…I renounced her then and I maintain that denouncement…Her conception and birth to my parents was an ACCIDENT OF THE FATES. She is NO SISTER and I shall continue to refute her lies to my dying day!
Thoughts on the recent post “Joan Wheeler’s obsessions with death, suicide, and blaming her birth sisters for her rotten life.” April 14, 2011Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, birth family, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, emotional abuse, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, hatred of birth family, Lies, manipulation, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths, stupidity, suicide, suicide threats for attention, whining
Gert McQueen offers some thoughts about Ruth’s post Joan Wheeler’s obsessions with death, suicide, and blaming her birth sisters for her rotten life. – and Ruth adds a little more of her comments.
On March 28, 2011, on the anniversary of my mother’s death, Joan Wheeler writes the following on her blog: “With the recent passing of my adoptive mother and my natural father now four of my five parents are dead. Only my step mother survives.”
I state, Joan does NOT have any step-parent! After my mother’s death my father remarried, twice, those women are NOT any relation to Joan Wheeler, they simply are my father’s late wife/widow. (and they married my father AFTER Joan was adopted, ceasing to be the legal daughter of my father).
Out of common respect most people refer to someone in a family with ‘honorary’ titles, such as mom and dad for an in-law or aunt and uncle and perhaps even grand…but…such honorary titles DOES NOT make that person a relative! Let alone any kind of entitlement to any inheritance unless given freely! In Joan Wheeler’s case she is NOT considered any kind of relative in our family!
Joan also never had a foster parent like her birth siblings had and Joan NEVER gave the honorary title of aunt and uncle to them, even thought THAT WAS their unofficial honorary titles to us who ACTUALLY had the foster parents! But, that did NOT stop Joan from intimidating and using elder abuse to her birth siblings’ foster mother and she did it without any pretense of using of any honorary titles!! And Joan’s reasons for intimidating an elderly foster mother was to obtain family information for Joan to use in her book of lies!
Oh yes, there is EVIDENCE to back up this statement and it will be placed on this blog in due time.
As Ruth also points out… “Joan is very clever at manipulating people.” This is a very TRUE statement and one that EVERYONE had better pay close attention too.
Joan states: “The pain of loss is real. All four parents are real. All adoptees have two sets of real parents.”
Why does she feel the need to speak the obvious!! Because of her agenda! And only because of her agenda! And on the anniversary of our mother’s death she chooses to promote her agenda.
NOWHERE has Joan written one word of honor and memory of any of the four people she calls parents!
Perhaps Joan’s pain of loss would be lessen if she HONORED her two sets of parents with words that come from her own HEART instead of her personal gnashing of teeth, tearing of flesh and generalized whining and crying. Is she the only one who has ever lost a parent? Has she NOT READ what her siblings have written to HONOR and REMEMBER our parents? Has Joan written ONE WORD of honor and memory of these four parents who gave her life! NO she has not! Not in her book of lies nor on her web site nor on any forum where she speaks only of the “abomination” called adoption.
Joan is too obsessed with her pain, she LOVES HER PAIN, she is ONE WITH HER PAIN! So much so that she must tell the whole world fantastic lies to justify her own suicidal thoughts!
My blood family told me this, too. Realize that they are crazy and you are sane. You deserve to be here, no matter what they say.
I agree with here with Ruth 100% when she writes in response to Joan’s latest accusation of her birth family …’Excuse me? Joan, WHO in your birth family told you to go kill yourself? No, nobody told her to kill herself. Joan has been threatening suicide as a means of getting attention and sympathy for years.’ and ‘But see how she admits that she is living with “suicidal thoughts everyday.”
And I add…come on out with it Joan…speak the truth…tell the entire world just WHO of your birth family told you WHAT about killing yourself! We all want to hear it from you, name the person, tell the statement! Come out with it…free yourself of the burden of it all, tell us all who and want we have said to you!
Joan has been having suicidal thoughts LONG before she even knew she had a birth family and she admits it AFTER she accuses the birth family of sayings things we NEVER HAVE SAID!
Joan said: Don’t let the ones who told you to do it win. Don’t let them have a good laugh at at you. Kill them with kindness to yourself and live!
Give us a break! Really listen to what she has said here…Joan believes that other people are laughing at her…NOT! Outside of refuting the lies she tells about family members and others we don’t give any thought to her, let alone laugh…she really isn’t all that important to us! We just want the lies in the book EXPOSED. But Joan believes herself to be a JOKE TO BE LAUGHED AT.
And what kindness has Joan been giving herself! All she ever portrays is pain, pain, pain, anger, anger and more anger! And she believes that is living! Good Grief!! Even Charlie Brown knows better than Joan Wheeler!
Ruth here, adding more comments.
And I add…come on out with it Joan…speak the truth…tell the entire world just WHO of your birth family told you WHAT about killing yourself! We all want to hear it from you, name the person, tell the statement! Come out with it…free yourself of the burden of it all, tell us all who and what we have said to you!
I also add my voice – OUT WITH JOAN – TELL US AND THE WORLD JUST WHO TOLD YOU TO GO KILL YOURSELF.
Do you people see how Joan just throws out blanket accusations against her birth family? Even on the adoptee forum she says “my sisters get on the internet and say horrible things about me.” WHAT things? She will NOT give details and specifics. But does she admit to the “horrible” things that she says about her birth sisters on the internet? Go back and read the home page of this blog, where I copied and pasted a comment that Joan posted in the adoptee forum – where she was urging the members there to go to WordPress and complain to get this blog shut down. Shut down those “fuckheads” Joan said. So I am a “fuckhead,” eh Joan? And during the Huffington Post debacle, when I answered her ridiculous lies on that forum, I started using the initials of her nickname Half Orphan. H and O. I began typing H.O. then shortened it to HO. Right away, Joan gets on the adoptee forum and accused me of calling her a whore. Only then did I realize what I had typed. Oh my goodness – do you see where Joan’s mind lays? I guess when Santa Claus is laughing , he is really saying “Whore, Whore, Whore.” And Hostess had better rename those delicious little chocolate covered doughnut rolls -because Joan must think they are named “Whore-Whores.”
So what other horrible things have I said about Joan on this blog? Come on Joan – copy and paste – don’t just give out blanket accusations! Back up your statements WITH THE FACTS! Have I called her perhaps, BITCH on this blog? – YES I have. Because she is a BITCH. Do I call her LIAR? Oh yes. Why? BECAUSE SHE IS A LIAR! Do I give details of her life? Oh yes – BECAUSE SHE HAS GIVEN DETAILS OF MY LIFE IN HER BOOK AND ON HER WEBSITE. If that is “horrible” well, too bad Joan, YOU were the one who chose to LIE about me in your filthy book. And when I say things on this blog – I back them up with specifics, with details, with names, with WRITTEN DOCUMENTATION to PROVE what I say. Joan offers NO proof – just more whines and blanket name-calling: “my sisters are saying “horrible” things about me” (oh boo hoo) and “fuckheads.”
The proof is what has been written. Lie your way out of that one Joan. Now go through this entire blog and point out anywhere you were told to kill yourself. If you perceive that I am laughing at you – well, all I can do is give out some good old fashioned Santa style, belly jiggling guffaws “HO HO HO!” Now go back to your sad little life and sad little forum and say how I called you horrible names again. Because this here “fuckhead” gives as good as she gets. I stand up to the cyber bully Joan M. Wheeler.
Joan Wheeler’s obsessions with death, suicide, and blaming her birth sisters for her rotten life. April 13, 2011Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, adoption, blaming people for your own mess, depression, emotional abuse, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, mental illness, mental instability, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, stupidity, suicide, whining
by Ruth Sippel Pace
Joan is obsessed with the death issue. She has been on the internet, whether on her blogs (she had two previous ones, in addition to her present ones), or on internet forums,for about 2 years now, reporting that her birth father and her adoptive mother were “dying.” The way she talked about them, they were drawing their last breaths. And she kept saying if for about 2 years! In her book, she’s describing when her adoptive mother was very ill a few years ago, and then she tells the nurse that her father also was “dying.” Joan says in the book that nurse cries, “your father too?” oh boo-hoo. NO, my father was not “dying” then. Elderly, yes. Approaching the end of his days, yes. But hardly on his deathbed, considering he was still at home, taking daily walks with his dog. Joan just loves to manipulate people to wring every shred of sympathy out of them – sympathy for “poor Joan,” her parents are dying, oh no. What is Joan going to do? oh, oh, oh, poooor Joan.” Now that her adoptive mother and her birth father are indeed dead, she’s back on the suicide issue.
Get this nonsense that she wrote just today, April 13, 2011.
Re: Im going to kill myself on my birthday.
« Reply #14 on: Today at 11:51:39 AM »
I hope you take the words written here from your online friends very seriously. We all know the depth of despair that adoption can bring us. Many of us, and I speak largely about myself here, know the baseline of major depression, living with suicidal thoughts everyday. I wish with all my heart that the pain I feel from adoption would go away, but it doesn’t. So I live with it and learn to accept it. I can’t hide from it, nor can I get rid of it. Coming here to this forum helps. Knkowing that you have other people who are experieincing that same level of pain can help you cope. Don’t kill yourself. Don’t let the ones who told you to do it win. Don’t let them have a good laugh at at you. Kill them with kindness to yourself and live!
Oh, the “depths of despair.” “the baseline of major depression”
But see how she admits that she is living with “suicidal thoughts everyday.” So she admits that. So where does her birth family come in this drama? She says right here it’s caused by the pain she feels from adoption. Over and over in this blog, we have told Joan, as we have told her in person through the years to GET PROFESSIONAL HELP! Would we say this to her repeatedly in person and via the internet if we were urging her to kill herself?
If words were spoken in anger on this blog – it is because she deserved our wrath! NO ONE likes to have lies spread about themselves. NO ONE likes to receive lying letters in the mail – she says that she received hate letters from her sisters. Does she say anything about the hate letters she sent to US? In particular the letter that I received from her in February 1999 that falsely said that my husband got the next door neighbor pregnant and they had a baby girl in 1994? I have lived in my house since 1987 and have known every tenant of the house next door to me. there were only 2 babies born to women in that house – both BOYS! Our street is small – only one block long. From 1987 to the present, I know every baby born to women living on that street. I also got a letter from Joan saying that her son “saw” me driving past their house. ??? I didn’t even have a car at that time! Joan not only is a liar and a troublemaker – she makes her own son out to be a liar. I called her ex-husband long distance to straighten that lie out!
Joan, I’m going to say it again: GET SOME DAM HELP AND SHUT UP YOUR LYING MOUTH!
Season of sadness? – No, ’tis the season of madness! Joan Wheeler lies AGAIN about her birth family. March and April 2011 April 13, 2011Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
Tags: abuse, adoption, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths, stupidity, suicide threats for attention, whining
by Ruth Sippel Pace
The following was published in The Buffalo News on April 8, 2011:
DEAR ABBY: I have an issue regarding my 18-year-old son, “Jake.” His father and I divorced several years ago — amicably for the most part. Since then, and even before, Jake has had emotional problems.
My son makes up stories about himself. On one of his online social network sites he has been talking about a vehicle he doesn’t own. He even invited a friend to go four-wheeling with him in his nonexistent vehicle. This is only one of many lies Jake has told. When I call him on it, he admits it but says it’s “no big deal.”
Abby, people believe what my son is telling them. What is going on, and what can I do? — CARING PARENT, LITTLETON, COLO.
DEAR CARING PARENT: Your son may lie in order to impress others, or be so emotionally troubled that he can’t tell the difference between what he fantasizes and what is real. I assume that because Jake has had emotional difficulties for some time that he has been under the care of a therapist. If so, contact the therapist and explain what’s going on. If Jake doesn’t have a therapist, find one. Perhaps an intervention will help Jake. If the lying persists, your son will become increasingly isolated as it gets out that no one can believe a word he says.
Ruth here: This really caught my eye. Because I can substitute’s Joan Wheeler’s name for this “Jake.” Because not only do I know FOR A FACT that Joan Wheeler lies, but I can see that Joan can’t tell the difference between what she fantasizes and what is real.
Why else would she be so adamant that what she has written in her book is the truth?
Even after her book was published (self-published, by the way), she maintains the book is the truth. Even to this day, in April 2011, a full year and 5 months since I started this blog, she maintains that her version of events is the truth. Even though I know she reads this blog and I have posted actual court documents that prove that what she says is NOT the truth – Joan still keeps saying on the internet that what she says is the truth. What is happening with Joan is that she has told a lie so much, that she actually BELIEVES the lie is the truth. I don’t know what she thinks when she is confronted by an actual document, be it from the court, or a letter from her hand, that is IRREFUTABLE in that it proves that JOAN WHEELER IS A LIAR!
In an email exchange back in January 2011 that I had with Colby Allen Bell, Joan’s ex-husband, he said the following:
Oh well life i guess…and yes she could make pretty children but it took the best thing to be in her life to do that, ME, and she abused and drove that away like everything else good in her life. The lies she told about me and you and everyone.
In an email exchange on myspace several years ago that I had with Joan’s daughter, she said, “My mother is crafty at twisting words.”
Yes, my dear blog readers, words from Joan’s own daughter and ex-husband. Not from Ruth, not from Gert, but from 2 people who actually live/lived with Joan Wheeler and know her intimately.
On the front page of our blog, Gert wrote the following some months ago:
Not only is this blog about Truth Telling, It is about Joan getting some healing. All we sisters are doing is an intervention, which a recommended technique by Joan herself.
On pg 440 Joan tells about how she was to deal with a violent boyfriend. Joan is a Social Worker and she knows what he needs, an intervention! Her professional assessment is ‘when loved ones intervene it doesn’t mean that trust is broken, it doesn’t mean a person is crazy, it means that a person’s out of control behavior needs to be confronted, worked through and overcome to resolve the past and heal the pain.’
So, we are only following Joan’s own professional opinion and techniques that she has so graciously put in her book for all of us to follow. Too bad she doesn’t see that we sisters are only following her most pointedly expert techniques! By her own standards and expected outcome from the technique, she should WANT to have her out of control behavior pointed out to her and confront it squarely. She MUST work through it and OVERCOME that negative behavior so that she can RESOLVE THE PAST and heal the PAIN. – Gert McQueen
And this is exactly what Dear Abby recommends to “Jakes” mother – Jake needs an intervention to help him see that his lying is going to make people avoid him – because as Dear Abby says, “…your son will become increasingly isolated as it gets out that no one can believe a word he says.”
What did Colby say? That Joan “… abused and drove that away (meaning her marriage to Colby) like everything else good in her life.”
Face it Joan – you’re a liar and a loser. You were reunited with your birth family, but drove us all away due to your lying and troublemaking. Get yourself some help, because one of these days, you will be all alone rambling around and talking to yourself. Because nobody wants to near you. We are all sick of you and your bullshit. Like the following continuing bullshit and lies from Joan about us. On March 17, 2011, Joan writes on an internet forum:
Other forms of hate mail I received were hateful letters from my own sisters. Now they are on the idea that the book I wrote about my adoption is full of lies and they are writing horrible things about me on the internet and calling me a liar. It is very hurtful.
Oh gee, Joan, do you mean that lies HURT? You dam right they hurt. And no, we don’t have an “idea” that the book you wrote about your adoption is full of lies, we KNOW it is full of lies. How do you explain the fact that in your book, you state that you signed a complaint against me for annoyance phone calls in February 1993, when the phone calls weren’t made until June 1993? And you then say you were granted an order of protection against me for the duration of ONE YEAR, and I have posted the scanned copies of the ACTUAL court documents, right here on this blog, that shows the complaint with YOUR signature on it, dated in JULY 1993, and the order of protection was for SIX MONTHS. Also I have provided the scanned letter that YOU wrote to Child Protective Services in Albany New York, and you LIED to government officials saying that I was sentanced to PROBATION. No, Joan, I was NOT sentenced to probation, I was given a order to stay away from you for six months, which I did, and all the whole matter was DISMISSED. In your book you LIE and say that I came to your house on July 31, 1993 and I was in violation of the order of protection. NO, I came there to get my husband, and the order of protection was not in effect until August 9, 1993, therefore, I was NOT in violation of the order. I have posted the actual court document on this blog, with the date AUGUST NINE, so on July 31, or Aug. 1, I was NOT in violation of the order. This is only ONE example of LIES contained in Joan’s book.
Then on April 12, 2011, another member of the forum writes:
“What do you do when your blood family tells you to go kill yourself?”
Well, Joan the LYING snakes writes back:
My blood family told me this, too.
Realize that they are crazy and you are sane. You deserve to be here, no matter what they say. Trauma effects us all differently. Realize that whatever trauma they have lived through, real or imagined, is what is driving them to hurt you. You are better than that. Rise above and don’t let their pettiness and ignorance rule your life.
Excuse me? Joan, WHO in your birth family told you to go kill yourself? No, nobody told her to kill herself. Joan has been threatening suicide as a means of getting attention and sympathy for years. In late 1985, or early 1986, she was at my apartment, crying, because she missed her husband, who was living in Charleston, South Carolina. (in her book, she writes of him in that time period as their marriage falling apart, but no, she was loving and missing him in reality). So she’s at my apartment, crying, and then she said she wanted to kill herself. I didn’t say anything. But you know, I had a handgun in my house, maybe I should have given it to her. But no, I didn’t. If I wanted Joan to commit suicide, I would have given her my gun right there and then and told her “go for it.”
Joan, would you please shut your lying mouth! And stop going on the internet and telling lies about your birth family.
And what’s with this statement “Realize that they are crazy and you are sane.”
Who the hell is Joan to say that this person’s birth family (or Joan’s birth family) is crazy? Is Joan now a psychiatrist? Again we see Joan for the person she is: a hateful BITCH. How do you dare to go on the internet and say that ANYone is crazy? If there is anyone around that is crazy – it is JOAN M. WHEELER.
And as to your statement “Realize that whatever trauma they have lived through, real or imagined, is what is driving them to hurt you.” Yeah, I get that Joan – whatever CRAP you went through as a child you are now taking out on your birth sisters.
Well, I don’t give a DAMN what you went through. I don’t give a DAMN that your adoptive parents lied to you – you don’t get to write a book and tell lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. You don’t get to get on the internet and tel lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. AND THAT’S THE TRUTH!
do you want to see the actual scanned court documents that I posted elsewhere on this blog?
In my post of 12/18/09, titled Lies in the book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler is the complaint of July 1993 with Joan’s signature on it, also the close up of the dates of the order of protection that she got against me, from August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994. Does Joan Wheeler know basic arithmetic? I’m so sure that she does, because she got on the Huffington Post forum in early March 2011 to say that she has not had a relationship with me for over 3 decades. 3 decades is 30 years, 2011 minus 30 is 1981. And she says in her book that I was one of her bridesmaids in 1983, took her and her son to the beach in 1985, and in 1988 and 1989. Guess she also can’t figure out that from August to February is SIX MONTHS, not a year.
In my post on 12/23/09, titled Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler pages 316, 324, and 330 Clear evidence of lies is the letter that Joan herself wrote to Albany and lies and says that I was placed on probation.
In my post on 11/14/2010, titled Who Harasses Whom? is the court document of the order of protection. In this post is also a screen shot of Joan saying on a forum “suicide thoughts and bitterness are with me always.” Yep, she’ s got that right about herself – Joan is bitter, bitter, bitter. But that does NOT give her the right to take her bitterness out on me or my kin!
Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reunion, being downright nasty, bullying, contradictions, death of parents, elder abuse, grief, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, intimidation of an elderly person, parents, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements
On March 28, 2011, on the anniversary of my mother’s death, Joan Wheeler writes the following on her blog: “With the recent passing of my adoptive mother and my natural father now four of my five parents are dead. Only my step mother survives.”
Joan is very clever at manipulating people. She wants people to see how she honors her parents. Oh yes, she honors/honored them all right. All through her book Forbidden Family she chronicles how she disrespected her adoptive mother. And how she disrespected her birth father by attacking his religion and insulting his Polish ancestry.
What I find laughable is her saying she had five parents and how only her stepmother survives now. Sorry Joan, but you are not/were not the legal daughter of Leonard Sippel Sr., therefore his wife, now widow is NOT your stepmother. To you, she was/is simply the spouse of your birth father. And because of your disrespect to her, you don’t get to call her stepmother.
On the day of my father’s death, January 11, 2011, Joan called his hospital room. He had just passed away and the family was called. My husband and I went to the hospital to say our goodbyes.
The entire family, consisting of my stepmother and her daughters, their husbands, one of their grown children, myself (representing Dad’s first family) and my husband, IN UNISON AND COMPLETE AGREEMENT did not want Joan at the hospital room, the funeral home, or the funeral.
While we were in the room the phone rang, and a family member answered it. It was Joan. She was not told that Dad had passed. She was told “you just missed him.” Twenty minutes later, Joan called again. I answered it and told her “he is not available.”
This could have meant that he was not in his room, but getting x-rays or some other test. But Joan, needed to know what was going on. Why? My father had thrown her out of his house a year and a half ago, telling her not to contact him. But on January 4, 2011, because Joan was “upset” that her adoptive mother had taken a turn for the worse, came to my father’s house, accompanied by a male companion. The door was unlocked, to admit Meals on Wheels, and Joan and her friend, walked right in. My stepmother, frail and on permanent oxygen was frightened, but did tell Joan that Dad was in the hospital. Joan and her friend went to see him at the hospital. She writes on her blog that she asked Dad forgiveness. Nonsense. Another family member was there the entire time and tells me no such thing was said.
Be that as it may, picture this: a 79 year old woman, frail, on permanent oxygen, bent with age. Get the picture? Joan knows her husband is the hospital. She calls his room on January 11, is told by two family members that “you just missed him,” and “he is not available.” What does Joan do? Calls my father’s house and getting the answering machine, leaves several messages, and in one of them she says that she will “keep calling until she finds out what is going on with my father.”
So, this bitch, having been told previously NOT TO CALL MY FATHER’S HOUSE, knowing my father is in the hospital, and his wife is alone in the house, is frail, and on permanent oxygen, leaves a message stating that SHE WILL KEEP CALLING. Who the hell does Joan think she is?
Well I know WHAT she is: an abuser of the elderly! And that phone message proves it. She is going to keep badgering an old woman, who can’t defend herself, whose husband is in the hospital and she is alone in the house.
But this wasn’t the first time she disrespected my stepmother. Back in 2006, when my father and stepmother had arranged their funeral plans and wills, Joan had showed up had my father’s house. My father was not home. But Joan tried to manipulate my stepmother with her paperwork. Even boldly saying, “I know that I won’t get my father’s money, but I can get yours.”
My stepmother told her that all her paperwork was at the lawyers and everything was done. She then just sat at the kitchen table and waited until Joan left. Then she called one of her daughters.
Gert and I did not know of this until after my father’s death. Because my stepmother’s papers were all taken care of anyway, and it was felt that if we knew about it, there would have been more fighting between Gert and myself with Joan. Steps were taken to protect my stepmother’s paperwork, and indeed, Gert and myself.
After my father was finally done with Joan in 2009, the entire family, thought there would be no more contact from Joan, and there wasn’t until the week before my father died and she intimidated my stepmother again.
So now Joan wants to “honor” “her” stepmother? Read her sentence again.
“With the recent passing of my adoptive mother and my natural father now four of my five parents are dead. Only my step mother survives.”
She then says that she sadly marks their memories and lists their names, relationship to her, date of death and their age when they died. Then she says “The pain of loss is real. All four parents are real. All adoptees have two sets of real parents.”
What the hell is wrong with Joan? I thought she was sadly marking these people’s memories. Instead, she turns it all around on HER! People – DEEPLY READ what she wrote – “The pain of loss is real.”
Yeah, we all know that. Grief hurts. Fine. But what is her writing about HER feelings when she is supposed to be marking the memories of other people. And then her last sentence is the real kicker: “ALL ADOPTEES HAVE TWO SETS OF REAL PARENTS.”
So how did we get from marking deceased people’s memories to adoptees?
This blog post was not anywhere near marking deceased people’s memories and honoring them, it was just another whine from Joan, to get sympathy from people. And USING AND MANIPULATING a sad occasion to GET HER ADOPTION MESSAGE OUT yet again.
When a person gets married, they gain a NEW FAMILY. They are called in-laws. EVERYBODY knows this. So it is totally unnecessary for someone, in writing an eulogy to an in-law that has died, to point out that the grieving person has TWO SETS OF PARENTS, THEIR BIRTH PARENTS AND THEIR IN-LAW PARENTS.
Why does Joan always have to state the obvious? Uh, DUH adoptees have two sets of parents. Joan, the recent passing of our father, your adoptive mother, and the anniversary of our mother’s death IS NOT THE PROPER VENUE FOR YOU TO PROMOTE YOUR POLITICAL AGENDA. THEIR DEATHS IS ABOUT THEM, NOT ABOUT YOU!
But little Joni always has to turn everything around to shed light on herself. It’s always JOAN, JOAN, JOAN. Bah!