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Why I don’t give a DAMN about Joan Wheeler’s adoption trauma or any other “trauma” she’s going through April 15, 2011

Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
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by Ruth Sippel Pace

clarification, I copied and pasted a post that Joan had placed on the adoptee forum, and I answered here, on my blog. In the past, Joan has accused me of stalking her on the internet to see what she writes – call it stalking if you want, I call it “monitoring” what Joan says about me and my family. Because I have the right to know what is written about me. And if it’s a lie, I will mostly definitely straighten that lie out. Don’t like what I’m doing Joan? – too bad. THEN STOP WRITING ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY ON THE INTERNET – AND MOST IMPORTANT – STOP LYING ABOUT ME.  A month ago, we sent this same message – after Joan got on the Huffington Post to smear our reputations and my grandfather’s reputation. – Whenever I see that Joan has writted stuff about me – I will be right there – because that it is my right. — Ruth Sippel Pace, April17, 2011, 11:17pm.

  The other day I wrote an answer to this post that Joan placed on the adoptee forum:

 “Realize that whatever trauma they have lived through, real or imagined, is what is driving them to hurt you.”

 I answered:  “Yeah, I get that Joan – whatever CRAP you went through as a child you are now taking out on your birth sisters. .. Well, I don’t give a DAMN what you went through. I don’t give a DAMN that your adoptive parents lied to you – you don’t get to write a book and tell lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. You don’t get to get on the internet and tel lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. AND THAT’S THE TRUTH!”

 I see that’s a bit harsh and wish to explain. When I was first reunited with Joan, and was getting to know her – I most certainly DID have sympathy for her for her “adoption trauma.” Of all her birth family, I believe I was the most supportive of her. It was ME who told her to “go for it,” when she first had the idea to write a book. It was ME who accompanied her to WGRZ-TV studio for a taping of human interest story on adoption reunion. This was in 1980 or 1981. – (addendum – April 18, 2011,) – addition, April 27, 2011: Anyone wishing to verify this story, contact reporter Rich Kellman at WGRZ-TV studios, 259 Delaware Ave, Buffalo, NY 14202. I’m not sure if they would still have records of this taping, but I don’t think it would hurt to ask. This verifies that I, one of Joan’s birth sisters, did indeed SUPPORT her in her adoption interests and causes, and did indeed have a relationship with her 30 years ago, despite her LYING and saying that we did not. I, Ruth Sippel Pace, provide documentation of everything that I say on this blog, contrary to Joan Wheeler, who gives NO proof, NO documentation, to prove her LIES.

 and why didn’t these 2 instances of me supporting her and her adoption cause make it into her book on adoption? She writes about herself going to all these adoption reform meetings and conferences, her letters to the editorial pages of newspapers, but she doesn’t mention going to WGRZ-TV to be interviewed by reporter Rich Kellman? She was on TV, talking about adoption reunion, and she doesn’t write about it in her book about adoption? – She writes about how even a couple of people in the adoption reform field discouraged her to write her book – yet fails to write how I, her “horrible” birth sister actually encouraged her to write the book AND appeared on TV with her to discuss our reunion. – NO, she can’t write about that, see, because it would put into questiion her continual lying statements that “she had to be silenced” about her adoption interests. The only time we try to “silence” her is when she bores us to death on the subject or when she LIES – which is just about 99% of the time.

Although I did not agree to her tactics regarding my oldest sister’s Gert’s children – in fact I was appalled at Joan’s interference and bullying Gert over the adoption of Gert’s son by her and her new husband. And when she called child abuse on Gert over daughter, I was very angry with Joan.

 In 1983, I was a bridesmaid in Joan’s wedding. She had borrowed my mother’s wedding gown 4 years earlier, volunteering to have it restored. She and her seamstress used the gown as a model to make a copy of. But then Joan removed bead trim off the original dress and put it on her own. She promised to replace the trim. She never did. When I got the gown back several months later, she had never restored or cleaned the gown. I waited until she asked me to babysit for her, and when that day came, I brought a pair of scissors with me and removed the bead trim from Joan’s gown – because the trim belonged to me – on my mother’s wedding gown – that my father had given me. – This was the first theft that Joan committed against me.

 As the 80’s progressed – so did Joan’s bad behavior. Yet I continued to have a relationship with her. (despite her saying on the Huffington Post that we did not). I had been trying to conceive and had several books on pregnancy and child rearing. Joan even borrowed some of them – and I had a hell of a time getting them back. (so much for her saying in her book that I had merely “claimed” to want to have children). It was Joan who drove me home from the hospital in June 1985 after my miscarriage, and it was ME who drove her and her new daughter home from the hospital in October 1986.

 In June 1987, Joan and I were on the phone. I was still grieving the loss of my son, (indeed, to this day, I still grieve), and I told Joan that I did not want to discuss infertility. But did Joan respect my wishes? No., she kept on talking about it. I told her 3 more times I did not want to talk about it. She kept on talking. I finally yelled at her to shut up and hung up on her. What kind of idiot keeps talking about a painful subject when the person asks, then finally demands that they don’t? I did not speak to Joan for a full year. I did not write to her. I did not call her.

 But in 1988, I did call, and we reconciled. This was the time that we spent many days at the beach with her children – the summer of 1988, I was on disability for a back injury at work. I was going for physical therapy in the mornings, and enjoyed afternoons at the beach with my sister and her kids. These outings continued through the summers of 1989 and 1990, when my work schedule permitted it.

 But Joan continued her bullying of me. And stealing from me. In 1990, we decided to buy an apartment building together. I borrowed money from the bank for a down payment. The money was in a joint checking account to be used for lawyer fees, real estate broker fees, etc. By September 1990, we didn’t find an apartment building that would suit us, and we dissolved the partnership. When the back account was closed, there was a lot of money missing. Joan confessed to me that she had been using the money for her day to day living expenses. I was livid. I borrowed this money from the bank to buy real estate, not to support Joan, who had a husband – who had a job. Our lawyer was to return part of his fee – and he sent us a letter that I would receive half, and Joan would receive half. Joan and I agreed that when she cashed her check, I would get the cash, because the lawyer’s fee was paid for out of the money that I had borrowed and placed in the account.

 Then Joan called me on the phone and stated that she was keeping the money. I had finally had it with her bullshit bullying me and told her to keep the fucking money, but she was not my sister, and to stay away from me.

 We did have a couple more interactions during the following year, mostly she kept calling and giving me excuses why she couldn’t repay me the money that she STOLE from me. Each time I just kept my distance.

 Then by 1993 the out and out fighting began. For more details on the meddling, Joan’s stalking me, her pranks, her trying to get me fired from my job, her writing bullshit letters to elected officials about me – see my post of November 2, 2010, What is demanded from Joan Wheeler – the purpose of this blog.

 I remember shopping with my cousin Gail once, around 1991, and I were talking about Joan and the shit she had done to me. I told Gail, “I don’t know who I’m more angry at – Joan for doing this shit, or myself for allowing her to do it.”

 Gail said, “You do it because you love her. You are trying to be a sister to her. I had some issues with my sister Ida, but this is different. Ida didn’t steal from me or tell lies. You need to put your foot down.”

 And I did. In 1991, I refused to be Joan’s doormat any longer. And that’s when the real shit began and continues to this day. THAT is why throughout her book, the one person in Joan’s birth family that is the most written about in her filthy book is ME. Almost every page is Brenda this, Brenda that. (she calls me Brenda in her book). Because I had turned the cheek so many times to her shit and continued to take her shit – then when I stood up for myself – Joan set out to punish me along with other people in her book.

 And I state here and now: I am a human being and do not deserve to be treated the way Joan has treated me. She had a wonderful person (me) who loved her. Who accepted her – as she was. I never judged her. I supported her. I loved her. BUT NO MORE. SHE PUSHED ME AWAY FROM HER – SHE TURNED MY LOVE FOR HER TO HATE. My hate for her has NOTHING to do with Joan’s imaginings that I blame her for our mother’s death, or her stupid lying shit that my grandfather molested me and I am jealous that Joan was adopted out and escaped that abuse. What a crock of shit – my grandfather never molested me or my sisters. But Joan will stop at nothing – she loves to tell lies about me and my sisters.

 The reason I hate Joan is because of her own actions to me. Joan needs to take responsiblity for her own choices in life. At the age of 16, she made the conscious decision to search for her birth family. She didn’t have to look for us – we found her. (our bad). But we had no idea that our younger sister was a such a BITCH. We took her to our hearts, and she betrayed and hurt each and every one of us. And one by one, we all turned our backs on her -even our father threw her out of his house several times, the last incident being in 2009, where he called his lawyer and REMOVED Joan from even his pre-planned funeral arrangements and his self-written obituary.

 It is all on Joan. She did this. She treated her birth family like shit and we Sippels are not shit.

And that is why I reiterate what I wrote to Joan the other day and I don’t give a DAMN that it is harsh:

 I don’t give a DAMN what you went through. I don’t give a DAMN that your adoptive parents lied to you – you don’t get to write a book and tell lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. You don’t get to get on the internet and tel lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. AND THAT’S THE TRUTH! 

Here is the gist of my post of November 2, 2010 – a concise listing of the shit that Joan has done to her birth family.

The purpose of this blog is to refute and debunk Ms. Wheeler’s statements that she puts forth in her book and on the internet. We also will discuss Ms. Wheeler’s behavior in real life, because it is detrimental to us and our family.

The Three Sippel Sisters demand the following:

1. Public apology and retraction from Joan Wheeler for the following:

  1. Falsely accusing Gert of repeatedly sexually molesting Ms. Wheeler.
  2. Falsely accusing Ruth of having a criminal record and being placed on probation.
  3. Falsely accusing Ruth of calling child abuse on Ms. Wheeler in December 1994. In the book, she lists it as happening in 1993, on the internet in May and September 2010, she lists it as 1996. – (only a liar can’t keep dates straight – I have scanned and posted an actual letter sent by Joan dated December 1994 to New York State Child Abuse authorities and in it she states the call was made Dec. 1994. Why are there 3 different years listed by Joan in this letter, in her book, and on the internet?
  4. Falsely asserting that there was a 3 month court battle in the spring of 1994 over this child abuse call. (which according to her letter didn’t occur until months later, and on the internet, years later). There was never a 3 month court battle between Joan and Ruth. and again, why does she keep mixing up the date of the call? Perhaps because she keeps lying about it.
  5. Falsely accusing Ruth of hacking into computers where Ruth works and tampering with Ms. Wheeler’s medical bill in late 1994.
  6. For six months of almost daily phone calls placed to Ruth’s place of employment for the purpose of Ruth losing her job. This was AFTER Ruth’s employer’s investigated Joan’s complaint in the fall of 1994, determined that Ruth was innocent, informed Joan of this, yet Joan continued into the spring of 1995 with calling various departments in the hospital and falsely informing them that Ruth did tamper with her bill.
  7. Falsely asserting that Ms. Wheeler has had “multiple orders of protection” against the 3 Sippel Sisters.
  8. Falsely asserting that the one and only Order of Protection Ms. Wheeler ever received (against Ruth) was for one year, when in reality it was for 6 months.
  9. Falsely asserting that the 3 Sippel Sisters repeatedly interfere with Ms. Wheeler’s life and harass her.
  10. For using our picture on the back cover of her book without our permission. The book is used for monetary gain, therefore, Ms. Wheeler is making money from our likeness.
  11. For writing letters to Anthony J. Masiello, when he was mayor of the city of Buffalo and other elected officials, giving them personal and private details of Ruth’s life, thereby invading Ruth’s privacy.
  12. For stealing Kathy’s money and belongings in 1993.
  13. For stealing Ruth’s money in 1990 and the bead trim off the wedding dress of our mother, which was Ruth’s property.
  14. An apology and explanation that Ms. Wheeler lied to Professor Rene Hoksbergen, and asked him to interfere with Kathy’s life in 1993, thereby invading Kathy’s privacy.
  15. For all lies and misrepresentations that are contained in the book and on her website.


2. Joan WILL comply with the following:

  1. The complete pulling of the book Forbidden Family off the market.
  2.  Full return of Kathy’s money and belongings that was stolen by Ms. Wheeler in 1993.
  3. Full return of Ruth’s money that was stolen by Ms. Wheeler in 1990
  4. The cessation of posting any more about her sisters ANYwhere on the internet, except when discussing her adoption and she is to limit her discussion of her sisters to say that she has 3 older birth sisters, one who first made the contact with her, and due to personality conflicts, any reunion between Joan and her 3 birth sisters has been terminated.


3. Ms. Wheeler will cease her public statements that:

  1. Our father was coerced into relinquishing her for adoption. It has always been his assertion that he was NOT coerced.
  2.  The 3 Sippel Sisters are “trashing” her on the internet via “multiple” adoption reform sites.


4. We Three Sippel Sisters further demand a public apology from Professor Rene Hoksbergen for his interference with Kathy in 1993, and his recent “professional” review of the book Forbidden Family, wherein, he is guilty of spreading a false allegation of sexual abuse by the person of Gertrude McQueen. Professor Hoksbergen did not check any “facts” that Joan Wheeler alleges, and therefore he is guilty also of damaging the reputation of Mrs. McQueen, and the other two Sippel Sisters.

Unless and until ALL these listed items are complied with by Joan Wheeler, (and Professor Hoksbergen), this blog will remain an active blog with every printed lie, misrepresentation, or misdeed of Joan Wheeler’s, either in the book, or on the internet, or real life, WILL be refuted and the truth WILL be documented.  Further, any future lies, falsehoods, misrepresentations, and further invasion of the privacy of The Three Sippel Sisters, their families and friends, will result in the continuation of this blog.

ALSO: Ruth hereby demands that Joan Wheeler’s ex-husband Colby Allen Bell repay every penny of the money he stole from her in 1990. – $490.00. He withdrew $500.00 from the joint checking account that Ruth had with them to purchase real estate (with her permission) to purchase a case of fireworks. Colby was supposed to replace that money when the fireworks were sold. He did not. He repaid Ruth only $10.00.

Further, in 1991, 3 ATM withdrawals were made totalling $400.00 from Joan and Colby’s checking account, causing their rent check to bounce. Joan and Colby accused Ruth of doing it. The following year, Colby was caught on a student video, admitting that it was HE who withdrew the money to support his  habit of frequenting strip joints.

Ruth demands a formal and public apology from Colby from his theft of her money and a formal and public apology  from both Joan and Colby concerning the accusation that she illegally made ATM withdrawals, which could have resulted with a criminal investigation of her by the bank and law enforcement. This could have damaged her reputation irreparably.

Again, until ALL demands here listed are FULLY met, this blog will remain active and the public shall know just what kind of persons Joan Wheeler and her ex-husband are.

Now ask me if I care about any “trauma” Joan is going through. – I don’t.

Additional comment by Gert McQueen, Saturday, April 16, 2010:

Ruth’s newest post called…Why I don’t give a DAMN about Joan Wheeler’s adoption trauma or any other “trauma” she’s going through is very well said! Excellent! Concise! Accurate!

 And yes the purpose of this blog is to refute and expose every dirty thing that Joan Wheeler has done to our entire family and we shall NEVER stop exposing the TRAUMA that Joan has done to us!

 I would like to add something more to this item:

 1. Public apology and retraction from Joan Wheeler for the following:

 1.       Falsely accusing Gert of repeatedly sexually molesting Ms. Wheeler.

 1(a) Falsely accusing Gert and husband of child abuse to her daughter. Those charges were PROVEN to be totally FALSE and were EXPUGED by the State and never were to be EXPOSED by anyone including Joan.

1 (b) Joan and Doctor Hoksbergen’s statements about me sexually abusing Joan are based purely on some kind of adoption pyschobable nonsense…there is no truth to such nonsense…these false accusations (sexual abuse and child abuse) are Joan’s attempts to ‘hit below the belt’ at me for NOT continuing a sexual three-way that Joan wanted to have and continue.

 I stand by my decision in 1981…I divorced her from my family…I renounced her then and I maintain that denouncement…Her conception and birth to my parents was an ACCIDENT OF THE FATES. She is NO SISTER and I shall continue to refute her lies to my dying day!

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