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don’t miss this one… July 30, 2011

Posted by gertmcqueen in Uncategorized.
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Getting back to posting about the book…

Read about…Joan Wheeler’s Loss of Reason


new post on my new blog July 26, 2011

Posted by gertmcqueen in Uncategorized.
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And I’m learning at a fast pace!!!

check out my new blog post called….

Jealously and punishment…Joan Wheeler’s versions

ruth here–


hee hee – gert may say she’s learning fast, but she didn’t provide a link so readers can have a quick thing to click on. normally i would have provided the link on the actual title of the post, but that entails highlighting the text – and i can’t do that with my hand injury. so i just provided the url addy to gert’s blog. i also ca’t capitalize, because it is too hard right now.

gertmcqueenJuly 27, 2011 [Edit]

thanks Ruth for adding the link….I know how difficult that was for you to do! I thought about that fact, that I ought to have included the link in the text, but, I’m not there yet…and besides, the thought didn’t come into my mind until I was falling asleep!!

Your typing skills are getting better!


2. RuthJuly 27, 2011 [Edit]

actually my typing skills were learned when i was a child – taught by our stepmother jo, who worked in was.dc as a secretary and had a potable typewriter at home.
oh dear, the pain of it all – poor little deprived joan, who missed out on that when she was adopted out.
umm, but boy, do u remember the HUUUGGGGEEE weaving loom her adoptive parents bought for her and set up in the dining room for princess joan? wtf is she jealous about? why all thru her book she describes us as poverty sticken, then she’s saying we had a house, then shes pointing out we grew up without a mother, and she just can’t make up her mind just EXACTLY what she is jealos about.
lesson- the dam grass is greenest where you sow seeds of contentment- if all you sow is frigging jealousy, hatred, lies, anger, -of course your side of the fence is going to look brown – from all the shit ypu place there.

3. gertmcqueenJuly 27, 2011 [Edit]

that’s right…our first step-mother did work in Washington DC during the war…that is how Dad knew her. Their marriage, right after our mother died, was one of ‘convenence’ (to take care of his/her children…but it didn’t quite work out all that well)

Jo (Josephine)and I didn’t have much time together…I shall be bringing out ALOT of the truth about that part of our lives that Joan has lied about, misrepresented and grossly misjudged on my new blog…

yep…it is quite confusing when reading things that Joan says…one place she says we were all so poor and then the next place she says that we had so many things she didn’t have…she obviously can’t make up her mind! Oh wait, is that bi-….

and about Dad’s house…I never lived there! I’m just so damm jeolous of you Ruth and and Kathy and Butch and John…you lived there and I didn’t!!

so you will have to correct me if I’m wrong here but he had the house from…1965/6 to 1974/5

and then he had to move into a high rise building apartment!

personally I don’t remember a whole lot of what was in Joan’s home when we first found her…probably the worst mistake I ever made in my life…but I’ll get over it.
anyway, all I do recall is that there was PLENTY in that home, Joan had everything materialisly the rest of us didn’t have. It’s really too bad that Joan does not understand how to honor her two sets of parents.

4. RuthJuly 29, 2011 [Edit]

yes, dad bought the house 1965 and worked 2 jobs – we hardly ever saw him. we were latch key kids. Kathy did most of the cooking, I had laundry detail, Butch and John took care of the outdoor stuff, while we all took turns doing dishes, vacuuming, stuff like that. no one was there to help us with our homework. why would anyone with 2 parents, one a stay-at-home mom, be jealous of that? – We bought our own clothes, relying on friends or the store cleks to make sure they fit right or looked right on us. joan’s mom made a lot joan’s clothes herself. – her prom dress was beautiful – her talented mom sewed it. NONE of her birth siblings even went to a prom. – who in their right mind would be jealous of that? – oh yeah, i forgot, joan ain’t in a right mind.

and as to joan’s house – when we first met her – we were in awe of it – and how she lived – the last time i set foot in it was around 1982 – when joan’s dad died – and the house and the furnishings were left to stagnate.

on nov 3, 2009, after i made that “harassing” phone call to joan[to tell her that her aunt and whom she was named for, had died]- after joan bombarded me with screeching verbal abuse, i went to my dad’s house – and he asked me when the last time i was in the wheeler house – because he said, “it looks the same- same old – not antique, but old furniture – they started renovating the kitchen – but ran out of money, and the kitchen is a mess.”

so those are joan’s PRIORITIES – 2009 – the time she went whining to my father for money to fix her car, the kitchen needed more work – and the house in a sad throwback to the 1950′s – BUT joan could come up with the $800.00 for Trafford publications to print and publish her stupid book.

Seems to me that joan should STO BEING JEALOUS of people and.situations that are not relavant to her own life and PAY ATTENTION TO HER STUPID LIFE.

she has contnuously whined FOR 30 YEARS that her life is a mess, she has no money —BUT WILL NOT DO A DAM THING TO FIX THESE THINGS.

going to a therapist for 30 years doesn’t count – because all you’ve is TALK about your problems and have DONE nothing about the problems.


as the old saying says: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

joan, when are you going to stop TALKING about your problems and actuallt DO something about them. wallowing in self-pity and being jealous of 4 kids that had NOTHING to do with your adoption is STUPID AND SICK

and you know what’s really stupid and sick? wasting 30 years of one’s life writing a garbage manifesto of hate and rage, taking $800.00 to have that shit published, but knowing your car needs repairs and your kitchen’s remodeling needs to be finished. and also expecting OTHER PEOPLE to foot the bill for your own dam car.

oh joanie, time to come in now – playtime is over – you are an ADULT and adults ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEMSELVES. daddy and mommy don’t HAVE to pay for a 53 year old woman’s toys. jusy because mommy wheeler was an ass to do it doesn’t mean that my father was stupid enough to fall for that scam.

you are over 50 fucking years old joan- grow the hell up.

do the right thing and remove all references to that book! July 26, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
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introduction from Gert

with Ruth’s permission I am posting this post

When will Joan Wheeler do the right thing and remove all references to the non-existed book that she libelously wrote and remove all hate speech against her siblings? 

Joan Wheeler’s ego-centric personality, with all its perversions and disabilities along with her desire to expose and hurt anyone who has had anything to do with her adoption can no longer be denied!

Can a book, that was published, but then pulled by the publisher, be considered a real book? No! Because if the publisher refuses to print any more copies of it, that book does not exist! But…some people just can’t let go….namely Joan Wheeler.

 As Ruth has recently pointed out…certain email providers keep every email that has been written. I would venture to say that every where, in that great out there of the internet, is every key that has ever been stoked.  So now a person can’t say ‘hey I didn’t say that’, because the proof is out there and it doesn’t take long to find it.

I have noticed lately that everything that Joan Wheeler has written can be found, via a google search. Of course that also means everything Ruth and I have written can also be found. We personally don’t have anything out there that we are concerned about because we haven’t been lying about anything, but others have or maybe they ought to rethink what and how they say it…out there, for when it comes to our and our family’s honor and name, will shall find it and expose it for what it is…hate speech and harassment.

Generally speaking I find it interesting the kinds of things that Joan Wheeler DOESN’T comment on as much as I find the things that she DOES comment on. Must be related to what kind of mood she has at any given time period or perhaps it has something to do with current affairs…like the inconvenience of the truth coming out or how it would be best not to show herself to be the fool that she is. There’s really no way of knowing what Joan will or will not do, because she is not in reality. But, if any of her friends have any influence on her…they are strongly advised to get her to remove references and blogs against her sisters!

Here is the beginning of a recent thread on the adoptee forum…the forum where everyone on it is full of hate and rage about being adopted and feed off of each other…perfect place for Joan and others who have major anger problems….they sure are getting the help they need to let go of anger/hate and learn how to love themselves and others. But hey, if that’s the kind of ‘support group’ they want…just make sure that you are not in their line of fire for they are a mean bunch of adoptees. We know because several of them have come over here on our blog with their hate and venom trying to stop us from telling the truth. Lots of Luck!

« on: July 10, 2011, 01:13:27 PM »



If you were to write a book of your life as an adoptee, what would be a good title for your book?

 Interesting topic! don’t you think? There are currently 34 replies, with many proposed titles but not ONE from Joan Wheeler. And not ONE has mentioned her and her book! Interesting!! Just where is Joan on this thread? Just where are her supporters? Here on a forum that Joan participates on and whom she has asked for help from and where several of them have indeed tried to ‘fight dirty’ with us, not ONE even mentions Joan’s book. If they have seen the light and reality, why has Joan not and why has she not removed mention of us siblings from her two hate filled blogs?

Back to reality about Joan’s book, the subject of this blog.

Just before the book was actually pulled by the publisher, in early May, Joan had placed on her website a new section called ‘Thank You’. I had answered that section in a blog post here…date May 10. In a clever little dig to her sisters Joan was giving us credit for the ‘great success’ of her book. At that time there was a spike in her sales; probably due to the fact that Joan had conned some people in a writer’s guild to help her with her propaganda. We exposed that here too.

Yes I know, about the spike in book sales, for I have been monitoring those sales since the first of January 2010 after I went to Trafford Publications with the evidence of libel in the book. Being busy as I am I had not looked for awhile at her web site until around July 12th. I have also noticed that there has been another spike in book sales and guess what? On Joan’s website she has REMOVED that little thank you to us! But it was NOT REMOVED until around July 9th (there are ways to find even that out). I wonder why she removed it! Could it have been about the posts that I had placed, here on this blog, on July 6 and 8? Did those posts piss Joan off? Or did someone ‘talk’ with Joan to get her continued harassment of us off her site? With each post that we place on this blog we keep REMINDING people that Joan is continuing HER harassment of us. It certainly was around this time that Joan had sent yet another ‘friend’ to our blog to try to get us to stop ‘stirring the soup’! Did that person talk with Joan about the contents of her own blogs against us? Don’t know and it doesn’t matter…the point is that Joan thought herself to be very clever by putting up another harassment to us by using a thinly veiled false thank you and then when the heat was applied, by us, she goes and removes it!

But she still has continued hate and harassments up on two blogs! And the reason she can’t or won’t bring herself to remove them is because of her ego-centricness, with all its perversions along with her desire to expose and hurt anyone who has had anything to do with her adoption!  So this is another call for help to Joan’s friends…get her to do the right thing and remove references to the pulled book of lies and libel from TWO BLOGS.

Now for the record…Joan’ s book Forbidden Family is no longer available and it will NEVER be reprinted by Trafford Publications. You don’t have to take my word for that just go and try to order it. As recently as the first of July, in a phone call to Trafford, I was told that the book is NOT being reprinted and they have NO COPIES, any and all orders would have to be placed via Amazon or others. Also, in an email exchange between Ruth and a top-level manager at Trafford, she was told that the book is not and will not be reprinted and that the number of physical copies of the book is ‘nothing to be excited about’.

With that being said, I ask you, why, WHY does Joan Wheeler insist on advertising this book, a book that has clearly been labeled for what it is…libelous! Because she doesn’t know any better, because she insists she is correct. Well she is wrong, dead wrong. Not only does she continue to promote this dead libelous book, she continues with her hate and harassment to us sisters with dishonorable words and deeds towards our parents and family.

She still maintains a Facebook page for the book Forbidden Family…now just how dumb is that!!

On July 15 her web site still contains, under the ‘about/buy book’ all information and links to Trafford Publications…if you go there you will NEVER find that book! What you will find there is still the harassment and hate towards us sisters via misrepresentation of facts and a link to her second hate/harassment blog towards us! These things need to be and must be removed!

Under the section ‘about author’ she still has many misrepresentations of facts and the death notice of our mother, which contains all our names. Under this Joan gives her ‘justification’ for violating our privacy by stating that because our names were printed in a death notice, in 1956, that proved she didn’t have to protect our identities in the book or elsewhere. Now, that kind of logic is precisely WHY the book was pulled, because she not only violated our privacy but she violated the very contract she signed with Trafford as well as their publishing guidelines to the author. The publisher  guidelines state do not print anything libelous. Stupid woman!!! She has two college degrees, paid for by the adoptive parents, and she can’t understand what she did wrong!

For the record, we have posted several of Trafford’s guidelines before and again here are Trafford’s guidelines, that Joan Wheeler obviously did not follow, for to her mind, they were not important, afterall, she was only writing about her sisters and they have been a thorn in her side for ever and her ego-centricness, with all its perversions along with her desire to expose and hurt anyone who has had anything to do with her adoption is more important than honoring a contract! 

Trafford’s guideline about libel says:

Libel has a variety of definitions throughout the United States depending on each state’s laws, but in general it is a written false defamation, or the publication of any statement that could cause damage to an individual or organization’s character or reputation.

 Joan obviously doesn’t see how anything she wrote about other people matters to them or how what she wrote, could cause damage to an individual or organization’s character or reputation, because all she wanted was to expose and hurt everyone. Everything she says or writes is related to ‘her view’ and how and what she ‘believes’ the other person said or did. She is so mentally off balance that she can’t understand this very basic premise. It didn’t take Traffords’ editors and lawyers long to see the defamation and libel when it was pointed out to them by us. As a general rule, Trafford DOES NOT read a manuscript when the author only pays for ‘print ready manuscript’ UNLESS they get a complaint and they got a complaint alright…from us siblings.

How can I protect myself against libel in publishing?

Although truth is in most cases a defense in a libel case, it is often difficult and lengthy (thus expensive) to prove in court. If your published book tells a true story about events that occurred, the first step to protect yourself is by changing the names of people or organizations in the book. However, simply changing a name from “Jim” to “David” is often not enough. If a person or others can recognize themselves from the situation, places or events even if their name is changed, you can still be sued for libel. Changing the location also helps to distance the story so that it is unrecognizable to real people. You can use a pen name to further distance any recognizable trail back to you or, most importantly, the real person, in order to avoid trouble.

For instance, imagine an individual reader knows you, the author in real life. If you make claims about your husband’s doctor, even if you change your husband’s name and the doctor’s name, but you keep your real name, it is pretty clear to someone involved who you are talking about in reality. By using a pen name and changing the name of people in the book, this will help to further remove the specifics and protect you against any libel claims.

Voicing an opinion is not libelous; however, be careful that you are not actually making an accusatory statement. Even if you say “in my opinion” before a statement, that does not automatically make the statement an opinion if you are speculating or asserting something about someone.

Do not make the following statements or claims, as they are clear grounds for a libel case: Falsely accusing someone of a crime, or having been charged, indicted or convicted of a crime; falsely identifying someone as the carrier of an infectious or loathsome disease; falsely charging someone or an organization with a claim that discredits or disqualifies a business, office or trade and lowers their profitability; and falsely accusing someone as being impotent.
Seriously consider if you are self-publishing a book that makes statements or reveals information that could damage someone, and consult a legal advisor if you are concerned.

Now Joan has referenced, in several places, that she had the manuscript reviewed by lawyers, that’s in the plural, including in my father’s presence and with Trafford’s lawyers. Well, I doubt that my father was ever in the presence of any lawyer related to Joan’s cause! When he did see a draft of a couple of chapters where Joan insults him and then had the gall to ask him for money to publish it, my father denied her then and forever! If she ever showed a draft to Trafford she certainly didn’t show them all of it or the book would never have seen the light of day in the first place.

Joan wanted to keep her names and can’t distance herself from her names, plural, because her identity is so wrapped up in her being adopted that she can’t conceive of writing a story that doesn’t contain her names. Therefore everyone related to her had to be exposed. She didn’t follow her publisher’s guidelines. Once it was pointed out to the legal department of Trafford they realized they wanted nothing more to do with that libelous book. If a person or others can recognize themselves from the situation, places or events even if their name is changed, you can still be sued for libel. So in Joan’s cleverness she changes ‘certain’ names, but because she uses her real names, our family names, and publishes documents with both my parents names and locations, she NAMED us….


There are two very good reasons why Joan is not in a court being sued for libel by me. One, I don’t need to spend my money for lawyers to do the job that we have been able to do…get the book pulled from publication and by exposing her, and two, Joan has nothing in monetary value for me to claim for damages, she lives on SSI and is what she never wanted to be…poor, dirt poor. So she is off that hook, unless I win a lottery.

Recently Joan said on the forum, when she asked her friends to come and ‘get us’ that she was not represented by an attorney when Trafford pulled the book and she is having her lawyer look into the manner. Ha! So where is her lawyer now? It has been 3 months since the book has been pulled so I ask again…where is her lawyer? When shall I hear from her lawyer? She doesn’t have one and never will be able to take this to a court, it is nothing but another empty threat from her diseased mind. But…if she ever did get a lawyer, please send him to me…I’d love to sit down with him.

When, just when will Joan Wheeler give it up and get rid of all that hate and hassements on her web pages? Are there any friends and supporters of Joan’s that can get her to remove the cyberbullying that she continues against us?

a little delay July 25, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
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Gert here

we are having a bit of a delay…Ruth has had a small accident and is a bit out of commission…more posts to be arriving soon…

addendem july 25, 8:30pm  – ruth here –

i got a sprained right thumb. doesn’t hurt too much, a little achy at times – but it’s been splinted with a soft cast. typing is difficult – and i’m otta work for a bit. tomorrow i do battle with the dreaded worker’s comp red taped beastie. and as with all my battles, i shall be victorious. lol.

so while gert gets her bloggin’ feet wet – i will be catching up with young and the restless, my dvd sets of the collected adventures of indiana jones, and listening to a couple of audiocassette sets of coping with diffificult people; relationship strageties [not romantic] and other communication skills seminars i’ve done thru-out the years.

i’ll probably be spending time at my favorite retreat – stiglmeier park and reinstein woods preserve -ggogle them- i may not be able to type or even write for a couple of weeks, but that don’t mean i’m down and out. cos i ain’t no quitter or whiner – –

Reality is Truth. But all Joan Wheeler knows is self-delusions, fantasies, and lies July 15, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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by Ruth Pace

I was listening to an old motivational tape of mine and stumbled upon the following. It is from a tape that I had labeled “Living Without Limits.” I didn’t write down the speaker’s name, but I think it  might be Dr. Wayne Dyer. I transcribed the part of the lecture that I thought is very pertinent to this problematic person Joan Wheeler, who doesn’t seem to differentiate between reality/truth and fantasy/lies. Here is the transciption of the lecture:

And now for the first component of living without limits which could very well be described as the foundation for survival itself, and that is, REALITY.

Now what exactly do I mean by reality? I don’t want to be misunderstood here. Well my definition of reality is very simple and straightforward. Reality isn’t the way you wish things to be or the way they appear to be but the way they actually are.

Now by the way you wish things to be, I’m referring to the constant struggle that takes place within each of us between the real and the ideal. Between reality and what we would like reality to be. And it’s absolutely imperative that you learn to differentiate between the two.

Reality is Truth. And unfortunately the real problem is that most people do not love Truth. But instead they try to make true that which they love. They have it backwards.

As Robert De Ropp says in his fascinating book “The Master Game,” “Man inhabits a world of delusions. And because of these delusions, makes dangers for himself and others.”

Reminds me of Ashleigh Brilliant, the great humorist, some of you may be familiar with, who once remarked, “I have abandoned my search for truth and am now looking for a good fantasy.”    

Seriously, I totally agree with DeRopp, I think self-delusion is probably the chief cause of most unhappiness in the world today.

In my comment to my last post, I refer to Joan’s cyberbullying page, where she has posted lies about me and my sisters. Some of them twisting of the facts. For example she has posted on that site, that I got her phone number from my father – yes I did. On November 3, 2009 – because my then 85 year old father was tired and I calledJoan AS A FAVOR to tell her that a family member died. On the phone Joan subjected me to a barrage of yelling obscentities that even her daughter (who in an email exchange via myspace the next day, came running down the stairs to see what her mother was screaming about).

So here is some info: “Doris Ohl was born June 05, 1919 in Buffalo, Erie, NY, and died October 31, 2009 in Silver Creek, NY. She married (1) Michael W. Herr in Buffalo, Erie, NY, son of Jacob Grant Herr and Gertrude H. Stoll. She married (2) Lou LoManto.”

Doris and Michael were Joan’s original godparents, and Joan Wheeler’s original name was Doris Michol Sippel. (None of this information is private, Joan plasters this all over the internet, and the info on Doris was taken from an online internet family tree. 

Addendum: July 16, 3:00am, ok, I was doing research – do you know that hotmail saves EVERY email you send? So I found the original email from my Uncle. —

From:   To:   Subject: RE: Aunt Doris
Date: Tue, 3 Nov 2009 08:39:56 +0000

Hi Uncle Rich
thank you forwarding this to me. Can you send me Wayne’s email so I can send him my condolences?
Everything is going fine. I had a small vacation, which I used for housework. lol. all the stuff you never seem to get to, like getting behind furniture and degreasing cabinets. Also had to clean out the utility room. got a new washing machine, the old one went kaput. I found some missing socks amidst the dust bunnys back there. lol.

Date: Sun, 1 Nov 2009 08:33:33 -0500
To:  Subject: Fw: Aunt Doris

Received this from Wayne about his Mother (Uncle Mikes first Wife.)
Dad, Opa and Uncle Rich
—–Forwarded Message—–
From: Wayne D Herr
Sent: Nov 1, 2009 7:57 AM
To: silverdick1 .. judy , Richard Herr

We spent a very hard week this week, but last night @ 9:45pm  Mom pasted after a very hard week for her. I believe she is happy now, she was ready. Eileen and I were with her so she did not have to die alone. This past sunday she told me she was going to see Edmund and she might even talk to Michael. Thank you for your prayers.



Joan’s self-delusions and the facts are that Joan cannot accept the REALITY and the TRUTH that her “mean and nasty” sister Ruth couldn’t possibly call her on the phone for the simple reason of doing her father (and Joan) a FAVOR. Further, she cannot STAND for the TRUTH of the phone call to be made public. Instead, Joan twists the FACTS of the event of November 3, 2009 and reports it on the internet that I called her as an act of harassment.

The phone call was made by ME, around 5pm. Later that evening, around 10pm, I emailed my niece, Joan’s daughter via myspace. We were myspace buddies and facebook buddies at the time. Here is the transcription of the email exchange between her and me, and the graphics are the actual screen shots of that exchange that I captured on July 14, 2011.  I also have included a screen shot of Joan’s blog (also captured on July 14, 2011, that shows Joan’s version of the phone call. Notice she says really nothing about the phone call. Because deep down, she knows the TRUTH about that phone call – that I obtained the phone number from a tired 85 year old man, as  A FAVOR TO BOTH HIM AND JOAN to let Joan know that her original godmother and namesake had died. AND Joan fails to tell everyone HER subsequent actions! After screaming obscenities at me, subjecting me to verbal emotional abuse, she then called my father and SCREAMED AT HIM – AN 85 YEAR OLD MAN, WHO WAS NOT FEELING WELL THAT DAY! That is called ELDER ABUSE! And of course, Joan doesn’t tell what happened when SHE made an abusive phone call to an elderly man – that the call was terminated when the tired elderly man HUNG UP ON HER!

So why isn’t the COMPLETE TRUTH about that phone call of November 3, 2009 published on Joan’s blog? Because she doesn’t want to tell the truth – she always presents HER twisted version of the truth – she wants people to think that I, Ruth Pace am a bitch, and all I do is harass her by getting her phone number from relatives and call her up and bother her. But Joan can whine on a forum that when another relative died, she wasn’t notified – well, because when she was notified of a relative’s passing, she went all f’ing crazy! Who does Joan thinks she is? That she can treat people like dirt and they have to accept it? This is why Joan is an outsider – she has no family – either birth or adoptive – BECAUSE SHE HAS ALWAYS TREATED US LIKE DIRT.

So here is the transcript of the myspace email:

  Nov 3, 2009 RE: something happened today
Ladymoondancer ~ saysTo: *~*~They call me Cat, Kit… (@myspacecom)  I got an email, (from a relative)that my Uncle Mike’s first wife Doris died on Saturday, Oct. 31. Uncle Mike and Aunt Doris were your mom’s original godparents and she was named for them (Doris Michol).
so I thought she should know about it. I called the old number but it was disconnected so I called my father and he gave me your mom’s number. So I called her. She asked how I got the number. I told her. She said “Big mistake.” then she said she didn’t want any contact from me. Fair enough I thought. She was calm at this point, but then she said tersely, “Thank you for telling me about Aunt Doris, but I do not want to hear from you. My mother is dying.” (I have heard this, and I felt bad, I thought, shit, this is bad getting bad news now and all.
But then you mom said, “She (her mom) does not want to hear from you.” (I was not calling for her). Then your mom started screaming about her sisters. She said that I threw her out of the family.
Cathy, I just sat there staring at my computer screen. I was in shock. She was screaming so hard I could not understand what she was saying. I did hear “you are not my sister.” She was ranting and raving. I started crying. I didn’t know what to do. All I did was call her to tell her that her godmother had died. I got angry. I did not call to make trouble. I swear to you Cathy. I did not. I swear on the soul of my unborn son that I lost in 1985. I did not call to make trouble, but dammit, why should I be subjected to her verbal abuse? So I said “You know what? You’re right. You’re not my sister. You don’t know how to behave like a sister. so fuck you.”  and then I hung up.
Cathy, I was so upset. I wanted to go to my dad’s house. I left my house with my washing machine running. I only grabbed a sweater and my keys. I was still in my slippers. I was crying so hard then when I was on Genesee St. I couldn’t see. I stopped at my cousin’s house and she calmed me down. I went on to my Dad’s. In the meantime, she had called him and when she started screaming at him, he hung up on her.
He had told me a couple of weeks before that he had thrown her out of his house because she was whining again about no money. He told her to get a job, like we have all been telling her for the past 25 years. She said she didn’t like Polish people. Well his mother came from Poland and we are all part Polish, so what the heck? She wanted money from him to fix her car.
When I got home, there was a message on my answering machine from the Town of Tonawanda police that “Ruth Sippel Pace, Gertrude McQueen and Kathy Inglis are NOT to have any contact with Joan Wheeler.”
Now where did Gerty and Kathy get in this?
I swear to you Cathy, your mom needs a psych consult. My father said she is mentally ill, and I see that. I am sorry to tell you this, but I believe it. All she had to say was, “Thank you for telling me about Aunt Doris. Goodby.”
there was no reason for her to off on me like she did, or call the cops on me. If she hauls me into court for harassment, all she is going to get is a psych consult. Because I will insist on it. She threatened my life once before. The district attorney knows this.
I am not going to write to you again about this. I just wanted you to know what went down. I undertstand that she is your mother and you love her.
But geez, she is my little sister, I love her too. Why the hell would I have called to tell her about Aunt Doris? I can’t stand this anymore. I’m done. I didn’t call her to make trouble I swear. I won’t make the same mistake again. (Ruth’s note, July 15, 2011 – This was all written on November 3, 2009, just a couple of weeks before Joan’s book was published. Notice how I tell my neice that Joan is “my little sister and I love her.” Because why would I have been crying like that from getting abuse from someone whom I loved? BUT when I read that horrible book – when I saw how almost every page was lie and hate against me over and over and her disgusting things she said about my mother’s deadbody my heart turned to stone against her. Yes, after 30 years of crap from her, there was still love there, but no longer. And Joan did all to herself. Yes, I mention my son that I lost – June 1985, Saied Ali, my heart. After years of trying to concieve, and I lost my only child. And Joan was there – she drove me home from the hospital – and in her book, she makes a mockery of my miscarriage. My only child – my baby, and Joan mocked his loss. – That is why any remaining love I had for Joan left me when I read that filthy book). now, back to the original email of Nov. 3, 2009″

ps I already shredded the piece of paper that I wrote her phone number on. I did not memorize it. I swear to you, I will not call her, I will not drive over there. I will not contact her. I am done. I try to do the right thing and all I get is a kick in the teeth AGAIN. no more.

 Nov 4, 2009 RE: something happened today
*~*~They call me Cat, Kitty Cat*~*~ saysTo: Ladymoondancer ~
look im sorry bout wat has happened. 
 i originally wrote a message earlier but then i guess time warner decided to have a hiccup so it never sent, which gave me another chance to write with out being so mad. i am very sorry bout aunt doris’s passing. its too bad yet another person who probably was good has gone. i am sorry that mom did that. i guess my question to u is- y would u think shed wanna hear some one has passed, coming from u?…..u know better.lol. as to how she feels and how u feel. i think it best to stay clear of us. i would not tempt her. i know u said u wipe ur hands of her. not to sound like a bitch- but it would be best. i hope this means Kathy and Gertrude too. no contact with her at all. no smart things from her blogs or anykind of publication she has. she has it in her head u all are like gonna do ur best to hurt her….which if u r i have to say- so not cool……anyways, i understand u all r getting old, but my mom has good reason to think none of u wont try anything- the wheeler’s r fucking nuts!…well u sippels are a piece of work too….lol… i want to make it clear that none of u will not come into contact with my mom, my brother, or my nana- none of them want it or can handle it. as for me. if either of the other 2 wanna have any contact- they will have to ask u to write me a message via myspace. i do not want any disturbances from anyone- i want my own life. i deserve it. i wanted things to go different- i hoped everyone would get over everything so that when times like these came- we’d all be civil. i was surely wrong. mom just has alot of hurt. not saying none of u dont, but i see it of course more form her. if any one else passes- let maryelle or joselyn contact mom. gpa sippel should have known better not to give my moms number out to anyone. so yea- i was there kind of when u called. i was taking a shower- and thought something was wrong. she was crying and yelling that u had called. i got mad and thought- here we go again. i told her i didnt give a crap bout watever happened between u 2. but yea she was very distrought. so please- fo my sake- no more contact, ever- from any of u in any form. leave her alone- let her write her lil things online- its a free country and the internet is free- i mean we allow freaky ass porn!- let her do her shit in peace. let her, my brother and my nana be in peace. and im sorry for the way everything went down. it was a fragile time for everyone and i am sorry. i wish i knew this doris woman, she must have been a good woman. and please- no response to this other than- telling me that u will keep ur promise and tell the other 2 to stay away from us. thanks, and sorry again.

Nov 4, 2009 RE: something happened today
Ladymoondancer ~ saysTo: *~*~They call me Cat, Kit…

o(k I hear ya.
I agree with you that it was not a smart thing to call. but as I said, I only wanted to let her know about Aunt Doris.
but you know, you are a little unfair. you say steer clear of Dennis and your Nana. I understand you are only looking out for your family. I am not looking to call them. Neither is Gert or Kathy.
As for your mom’s blog, well, yeah, it’s a free country and all, like you say, so why is it, that only the sippels must censor themselves? Your mom can go on and on and say this and that about us. but the minute we say ANYTHING, it’s always, “don’t do that. it will hurt Joni.”
What about my hurt? Do you think I like being labeled scum of the earth? When all I ever did was set limits? Like telling your mom and dad, that I will not be disrespected?
Did I ever call somebody’s place of employment for 6 months straight and tell them that they have a thief and a computer hacker working for them? do you know how embarrased I was? do you know how embarrased I was when I met Mayor Anthony Maseilo and he saw my name tag and said, “Ruth Sippel, now where do I know that name from?” from the crazy letters your mom wrote to him. When here I am, at a symposium for block clubs, and passed a course at the Buffalo Police Academy, doing things in local government, only to have the mayor look at me like I’m crazy thanks to your mom.
So I’m supposed to sit back and let this happen to me year after year after year?
Or your mom calling the immigration department in England to scheme to have Kathy deported from there and sent back to Buffalo, when it was always Kathy’s dream to live there. Or how Kathy gets a letter from some college professor in Holland who proceeds to tell Kathy how to live her life because your mom has told him some lies about her.
So we are supposed to get hurt over and over?
And everything was ok for the past few years until your mom goes on the internet on her blog and singles out THE SIPPEL SISTERS. and slanders us.
internet is free speech? ok, so I have the free speech too. It works both ways. and this is something your mom refuses to see.
She wants us to respect our privacy, and not to gossip about her,  but she runs into Francine’s brother and then starts telling him about what a bitch I am. And he’s like, hey, I’ve known Ruth since I was 1 year old, and she’s my aunt, and who is this whackjob and then he finally has to tell her to shut up in the middle of the muffler shop and he gets his boss looking at him, and I have to hear it from his other brother.
As for the Sippels being a piece of work, well yep. That’s right. Gert put herself thru school and became a dental hygeinist. Worked for the government. Retired a few years, is now an artist. Kathy scrimped and saved and emigrated to another country, became an accomplished guitarist and school teacher. Me, I have held the same job for 37 years. Am renovating my home. Was a professional dancer for a time. Board member of the Beledi Club, an organization for belly dancers. organized and head up the block club on my street. My brother before he died, worked in a hospital, studied medieval warfare. And all of us are artists and writers. I am head of a local Star Trek fan group.
And all of us have never stolen money from each other, maybe have snipped at snapped at each other, but always came back to hugs and kisses. Never tried to set each other up with the police and the courts. Never been arrested. Never sent false letters telling them that their spouse was unfatithful, never called false child abuse on each other.
As for my father “should have known better to give your mom’s phone number out.”
Why? I told him why I was going to call her. So she got kicked out of his house a few weeks ago? And whose fault is that?
so everything is always the fault of somebody else. Your mom is mentally ill, there is no reasoning with her. I am not out to hurt her. Neither are my sisters. But ask yourself, who is out to hurt whom? Do you think I was just all happy go lucky to open a letter and read my spouse got a women pregnant, and the house was vacant? So it was a lie.
And why did your mom sent me that? to have me say, O I’m so happy to hear this letter. No, the person who is doing the hurting is your mom. And then she gets surprised to find out that nobody likes her. or wants her in their life. and she has only herself to blame.

and now, here’s Joan’s version of that phone call, short and sweet, but all twisted to make it sound that I was harrassing her. Who’s the liar?

 1. Gert McQueen – July 15, 2011
Ruth reports in the above post that…

When I got home, there was a message on my answering machine from the Town of Tonawanda police that “Ruth Sippel Pace, Gertrude McQueen and Kathy Inglis are NOT to have any contact with Joan Wheeler.” Now where did Gerty and Kathy get in this?

Gert here:
When I was told about that phone message, I got the police phone number and officer’s name from Ruth and I call him. He told me that I HAD NOTHING TO WORRY about because that police station, where Joan Wheeler lives, KNOWS ALL ABOUT HER. They recognize her constant calls about harassments and that I ought to just ignore the phone message.

As I told the police, HOW DID two other people, miles and an ocean away from Joan Wheeler get lumped together with another person who made a LEGITMATE phone call? The reason is because Joan Wheeler lumps the three of us together as one unit and believes that we are OUT TO GET HER. The police are FULLY AWARE of Joan’s behavior and mental outlook.

In January of this year, just before our Dad died, Joan had gone unannouced to Dad’s home, where she was told NOT TO GO TO, and she gave a phone number to my step-mother who threw it in the garbage. In other words no body wanted the number. Days later, when the decision was made to call Joan and inform her of Dad’s passing, the question was asked ‘where is Joan’s phone number?’ and the answer was ‘IN THE GARBAGE’. It was fished out in order to phone Joan to inform her of Dad’s death and WHEN she was able to have her personal and private (away from all family members) viewing.

To be perfectly clear…no one WANTS Joan’s number, in fact we all wish she would remove her TWO WEB sites that are slanderous, libelous and full of lies about us and our families and fade into the sunset…

It’s time for Joan Wheeler to get the message…you have lost, give it up already!!

 Ruth – July 15, 2011
Gert is right to point out that in January of 2011, Joan shows up at our father’s house WHERE SHE WAS TOLD NOT TO COME. We see here, Joan’s double standard. She is thrown out of our father’s house late summer 2009, and told never to return – reason? She insulted my father’s blood lineage (and her own – what an idiot) and his religion. (boy I know that one – because she insulted my relgion, AND Gert’s, AND Kathy’s).

ALSO – the day my father died, January 11, 2011, my husband and I rushed to the hospital. There were a total of 8 family members there – and then my brother and his girlfriend came, making a total of 10. While we were saying our goodbyes to Dad, the phone rang – my stepsister answered it, it was Joan. She held the phone at arms length – “what should I tell her?” We all shook our heads – my stepmother said “I don’t want her here.” M. said on the phone, “sorry, you just missed him.” and hung up. 20 minutes later, the phone rang again. I picked it up. “This is Joan Wheeler, can I speak to my father?” I said, “sorry, he’s not available.” Hey – he could have been in x-ray or getting a ct scan! But then Joan starting calling his house and leaving messages AFTER SHE HAD BEEN TOLD NOT TO CALL THE HOUSE!

Gert reported to me later that she went with our stepmother and was sitting at the kitchen table while my stepmother was clearing her messages and on one message Joan says “I will keep calling until I find out about my father.”

Who the hell does she think she is? She was told DON’T CALL. Yet she calls and ADMITS that she will keep calling an elderly woman! This is HARASSMENT and ELDER ABUSE!

And this two-faced bitch gets on the internet and reports that I harassed her when I merely called to tell her that her namesake died? And further calls an elderly man and screams at him for giving me her phone number?

Oh, so let me get this straight – JOAN CAN GIVE OUT ORDERS AND BITCH AND COMPLAIN WHEN SOMEBODY GOES AGAINST THOSE ORDERS! But when Joan is GIVEN the same dam orders, (don’t call) – SHE CAN IGNORE THE ORDERS!

Oh no way Joan honey, you don’t get to be a dam dictator, and tell everyone how to run their lives, and disregard their set boundaries. And then report on the internet how people go against YOUR dictated orders, but don’t report how YOU go against other people’s wishes.

Now you know why people HATE Joan and run the hell away from her!

2. Ruth – July 15, 2011 
Here’s an interesting email I just got from Gert – who was reminiscing about Joan and her ways.

“I remember a time when I came to visit Dad, and I took Ginette (our stepmother) shopping and she told me that when Joan would take her shopping Joan would put items in the cart and not until they got to the check out would Joan mention that she put the items in the cart and she didn’t have any money to pay them. Ginette said she never told Dad!! what a slease ball she is….

I remember when she invited us over, when she had her first apartment, and she said she was going to have spagetti and meatball and I have to bring the meat! And ofcourse I did…

Ruth here – yep – this is the kind of shit that Joan has done to us year after year – she’s a scam artist, a thief – her and her ex-husband scammed me out several hundred dollars!

Oh, I know how sweet and lovely and how innocent she can portray herself to be. I am a very intelligent person – I am very computer savvy, I own my house, have worked at my job for going on 39 years, trained to be a union steward, am well respected by my peers and colleagues,and yet got scammed! That is why I’m not too surprised at Jennifer Willett, Pastor Ruth Willert, Mara, Heather, Daisy, Laura, and others who listen to Joan’s whines and all think that I am a bitch and Joan is the saint. — Joan has a way of sugar coating things – and is very very sneaky. She knows that civil, well mannered people are NOT going to make a fuss at the checkout – and my stepmother is no dummy either – She was educated at the Sorbonne University in Paris (French version of Yale or Harvard).

This is the purpose of this blog – to shed the light on the misdeeds and the words of the bully called Joan Mary Wheeler.

4. Ruth – July 19, 2011
Just wanted to add a little thing about the myspace email exchange between me and my niece – my niece didn’t respond further.

Because she knew what I said was true, and COULDN’T respond, for all her bravado on saying “the Sippels are a piece of work.” – cute little dig there, I see the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. – But when I said she was unfair and pointed out that yeah, we Sippel siblings have careers and jobs and interests and DON’T mess with people – she couldn’t respond.

And as for her saying in regards to her mother putting stuff on the internet, “let her write her lil things online-” and I tell her NO WAY! Guess she couldn’t respond to that one either!

My stepmother told me in 2004 that my niece had a bit of a mouth on her – oh yeah? humph – she mouthed off all right and when she got put in her place – that was the end of that!


I do not take slander and libel against me laying down, whether it is in print or on the internet. And no, I will NOT let Joan write her lil things online – because those “lil things” are lies and slander designed to TARNISH MY REPUTATION along with other members of my family.

Another comment by another idiot who didn’t take the time to READ before commenting July 11, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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by Ruth Pace

Someone named Jennifer Willett left this interesting silly comment the other day, and as usual, the writer, can’t see the forest for the trees. By the way, she’s probably another supporter of Joan, but as usual, her supporters can’t write logical defenses of Joan, but just illogical attacks on me.

This entire blog has a “hysterical” tone throughout. The righteous indignation sounds false to me. Over kill in other words. The threats, the sheer commitment of time and energy to all this negativity amazes me. If I may make a small suggestion, give all this a rest. Calm down a little. This negative energy can’t be healthy, even if a portion of what you say is true. Yet, you seemed unable to stop stirring this toxic soup you have created and are continuing to breath the unhealthy steam.

Well, Jennifer, may I make a small suggestion, given the fact that YOU are supposed to be a “writing and editing professional?” Why don’t YOU take the time to read Joan’s slander-filled book, then read the actual court documents that I have posted here on this blog that prove that Joan has slandered and libeled me.

My righteous indignation sounds false to you? Excuse me – did you even READ the sticky home page of this blog? Go and read her book. She says in her book that I, Ruth Pace have an arrest and criminal record – WHEN I HAVE NEVER BEEN ARRESTED IN MY LIFE!

That is not false, that is FACT!

Jennifer, you say “threats?” What threats? Where have I threatened Joan? Again, we see another illogical comment, containing garbage. Sounds like a little bit of righteous indignation and overkill to me to say this blog contains threats when it does not. And by the way, WE didn’t create the soup – it was Joan. I see this “professional” writer and editor didn’t do her homework. I didn’t write and publish the book, Jennifer, JOAN did. Are you that blind?

As a professional writer and editor, it your JOB to see that slander and libel do NOT take place. And when it does, there is fallout. The fallout from Joan’s slander is this blog. If you, Ms. Willett, do not like this blog, then by all means, don’t read it. If you think I am toxic, then by all means avoid my toxicity. As for my time, it is mine. Ask yourself why are YOU taking the time to comment on a blog that is soooo toxic to you.

Joan Wheeler is a bully in real life and in cyberspace. Joan has bullied me for 30 years. I am standing up to the bully and shedding light on the bully’s deeds. If you Jennifer, don’t like that, then you are as bad as the bully.

But seeing as you are just one Joan’s buddies, sliding on over here to defend her, (by attacking me), then you really should do your research on her. Because as a “writer and editing” professional, writing for gays and lesbians, you should know what Joan REALLY thinks of gays. On the Adult Adoptee forum, she commented that the gay community should “go back to their corner where they belong.”

If you, Ms. Willett, are truly a writing and editing professional, I think you are doing a very poor job in research. If you think what I put on this blog is false, you obviously didn’t look at the court documents I have plastered all over this blog.

I think you need to seek a new profession, because any writer/editor worth their salt knows that RESEARCH is the key to writing non-fiction. And RESEARCHING a topic is necessary before opening your mouth and commenting on it.

Bottom line sweetie, this is MY blog. My web-space. I will put on it what I want. Ciao!

1. Gert McQueen – July 11, 2011
Gert here:
Okay…perhaps we get a bit hysterical at times…but when you are the victim of the slander, libel, rage and hate that Joan Wheeler has dished out to you, perhaps you too would be a bit hysterical! If you have not been the target of Joan’s hate, rage and violence than you REALLY don’t have a clue. If your life has not been misrepresented, as Joan Wheeler has done to our lives, then you really can’t have a clue.

You think that we have righteous indignation and it all sounds false to you and that it is over kill!
Have YOU read Joan Wheeler’s two web blogs of threats, negativity and down right hate towards us? Give it a rest you say? NOT until Joan Wheeler takes down the two web pages in which she slanders, libels, lies and THREATENS us!

As far as the commitment of time and energy is concerned, I wouldn’t worry so much about our time and energy. Joan Wheeler has spent 35 plus YEARS doing the deeds and then writing about those deeds as she lies about us. So I guess we can spend some time and energy setting the record straight…NOW that we sisters have PROVEN that the book contains libelous materials. It wasn’t until that book of lies of Joan Wheeler’s was published, less than 2 years ago, did I know about all the shit, crap, lies, and other things that she did again to me and over and over again to others. I have NOT stirred any toxic soup. It WAS AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN Joan Wheeler who did that stirring ALL OF HER LIFE and recently by publishing that BOOK and by keeping TWO WEB BLOGS AGAINST US.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones! And believe me, Joan Wheeler’s glass house is crashing down around her, that is why she is enlisting others to try to stop us. No we shall continue to show every lie that she published, we shall continue to expose every misrepresentation that she utters UNTIL she removes the TWO BLOGS. I shall CONTINUE to monitor every thing that Joan speaks, everywhere I find it! So, I suggest that YOU go to Joan and give her your dose of self-righteous indignation about all the time and energy she is wasting stirring all the hysterical false toxic soup that SHE created! Bubble bubble toil and trouble!

So sorry Jennifer, Joan and anyone else…you shall continue to hear from us about each and every word and deed that she has done to us and others. Joan WANTED everyone in the world to know all about her life and NOW they shall know it, from the sisters she slandered! Joan Wheeler is a dangerous person and UNTIL she takes down the two web site AGAINST US no one else ought to tell us what to do…tell Joan Wheeler to give it a rest…Joan…take down the web sites!


2. Ruth – July 12, 2011

http://cyberbulliesstalkers.blogspot.com/  — is the ridiculous lie-filled propaganda blogpost by Joan wherein she lists such lies about Gert, Kathy and myelf.
If Ms. Willett is genuinely interested in getting this pot of soup off the stove, she would do well to get Joan to take down that slanderous blog.
There are such hate-filled statements on that blog. Twisted facts, things from left field that I have to wonder what goes on in Joan’s mind.
for example, she says she has had an Order of Protection on me from the 1980′s. but this is a blatant contradiction of what she says in her book. The only Order of Protection she had on me was from August 9, 1993 to Feb. 9, 1994. She says that I called child abuse on her – I did not – and she says that it resulted in “months of court appearances.” WRONG! In 1995, she sent me copies of mail that SHE had been sending to elected officials, and in Feb. 1995, I took HER to court – which had THREE different court dates – her initial appearance, the actual appearance, then the judge adjourned it to another day, at which time, the judge dismissed the whole thing. Yeah – three DAYS in court gets turned into three MONTHS.
Joan says that I got her phone number from my father – yes I did. On November 3, 2009 – because my then 85 year old father was tired and I calledJoan AS A FAVOR to tell her that a family member died. On the phone Joan subjected me to a barrage of yelling obscentities that even her daughter (who in an email exchange via myspace the next day, came running down the stairs to see what her mother was screaming about).
Joan twists everything around to make me and Gert sound like we are devils and she is an angel. This is what we are writing on this blog about. And that is why people need to do their research.
I am quite certain that Joan has told Ms. Willett such horror stories in person about her mean and nasty birth sisters. And I guarentee that she has whitewashed out any of her own misdeeds.
Ms. Willett, I have posted actual court documents – from the Buffalo City Court and Family Court that prove without a doubt the actual court proceedings between Joan and myself. They are here on this blog – they prove who is putting forth falsehoods and twisted lies on the internet.
Joan has also gone on The Huffington Post in March 2011 to say that my grandfather sexually molested me as a child. WTF? Joan was adopted out of our family in January 1957 – she was an infant. – I lived with my grandparents circa 1958-59. My grandfather never touched me – WHERE DOES JOAN GET OFF SAYING THIS STUFF ON THE INTERNET ABOUT A MAN WHO DIED IN 1959, CANNOT DEFEND HIMSELF AND JOAN NEVER MET – AND WHERE IS THIS STUFF COMING FROM?
Now Ms. Willett – I suggest you take your concerns about toxic soup to the person who put the pot on the stove – JOAN MARY WHEELER.

Joan Wheeler admits to punishing people for deeds and statements they did not do or say. July 9, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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I was reading our last post and something Joan said hit close to home:

“About two years before my adoptive mother died, I was thinking about this and the fact that this aunt and my adoptive parents knew I had sisters and brothers when I was adopted, and NO ONE from the adoptive family wanted me to know about them,, so I took this up with my therapist. “Does your mother know how you feel?” was the question. I spent a yar and half crying to my mother about these two issues and she finally said, “But I didn’t say that to you!” (about the comment made at my adoptive father’s funeral). My adoptive mother never appologized for keeping me away from my siblings all of my life. BUt my aunt and my cousins definately felt I was wrong to be in a reunion with my natural father and my siblings. My adoptive mother died this past March. The cousin who made that remark was present in the room when my mother was dying, so was her mother and her sisters. Two sisters appologized and tearfully hugged me as my mother lay dying. My aunt never appologized. My natural father died this past January.” (all misspellings are Joan’s)

Pay attention to this line: “I spent a yar and half crying to my mother about these two issues and she finally said, “But I didn’t say that to you!” (about the comment made at my adoptive father’s funeral).”

This is so typical of Joan. She punishes people for things THEY HAVE NOT DONE OR SAID TO HER! Why did she spend a year and a half crying to her mother over something her mother DID NOT SAY?? Like it was her mother’s fault for something that her cousin said?

All through her book, Joan has taken words said by one person, and stuffed them into other people’s mouths!  For example, in her totally fictitious telling of a visit by Prof. Rene Hoksbergen to my house in 1987 (he NEVER stepped foot in my house), she has me saying to Hoksbergen “why is she putting our family business out in public?”

I never said that to Joan – EVER! In another incident, in the book, she relates a tale of an email exchange that she and I had in early 2004 and again, she has me berating her for “airing our family’s dirty laundry in public.” I had kept the printouts of that email exchange and scanned them and posted them here on this blog. NOWHERE in the email exchange did I say that. And you can read that email exchange here.

Gert and I noticed that many times statements that Joan attributes to her birth sisters were actually spoken by her amother. In her effort to paint everyone in her life with the same attitudes and oral statements, she takes statements from her mother and has other people saying them. This lends credence to her delusional ideas that everyone in her life is against her and out to get her.

I’ve been saying through out this blog, for a year and a half now, that Joan contradicts herself left and right. And I said before that she is on a path of punishment to anyone who supports adoption, and for some reason which I haven’t quite figured out why – she is on a path of punishment of her own birth sisters.

     And we have here her own admission of her own contradictory way of thinking. And her pattern of punishing people for something they did not do! She relates in her book about her acousin’s statement at her afather’s funeral. She has said the same thing on the internet before. Now she admits she was PUNISHING HER AMOTHER FOR THIS STATEMENT WHEN HER AMOTHER DID NOT SAY IT.

So let’s get this straight- in 1982, a cousin says a stupid thing to Joan. From 1982 to 2009, she’s been letting this thing fester inside of herself, and directing that festering anger at the cousin and her amother who did NOT say it. FOR 27 YEARS JOAN WAS  DIRECTING THAT FESTERING ANGER AT AN INNOCENT PERSON!

Like I said, Gert and I found many instances in the book where she has attributed statements to one person, when it was actually said by another person. And Joan says her book was written by her point of view.

Well her point of view is absolutely delusional, and that book is nothing but a chronicle of a deranged mind.

1. Gert McQueen – July 11, 2011
Ruth said:
And Joan says her book was written by her point of view.
Well her point of view is absolutely delusional, and that book is nothing but a chronicle of a deranged mind.

Gert adds:
this is totally correct! The book was (that’s past tense) nothing about adoption reform or how to deal with being an adoptee. The book was (that’s past tense) a detailed account of Joan’s mental view point, was not based on any real accounts with real people and a expression of her intense rage at being adopted. The book is Joan’s personal DIARY of her inner thoughts, views and opinions and as such is a work of demented fiction!

And Joan Wheeler believed that she was going to make tons of $ from that book and have a movie deal out of it!!! Delusional thinking will do that for you!

 Ruth – July 11, 2011
What is amazing to me, especially in light of Jennifer’s recent comment, is that people don’t see that when someone publishesa book that is THEIR VIEWPOINT AND OPINION, it is no longer a work of NON-FICTION!

What further amazes me is that Joan says in her book that I have an arrest record, and that at one point in time, she herself was arrested 3 times in one month! Neither she, nor I were ever arrested! When Joan put that in her book, the book ceased to be TRUTH. And when any person writes in a book that they were arrested three times in one month, when they never were, and other people like Jennifer continue to support, all I can do is say WHERE THE HELL ARE PEOPLE’S BRAINS?

I once challenged any and all law-enforcement personell who might be reading this blog to do criminal background checks on me and Joan. One of Joan’s supporters, who at one time left a couple of obscenity-laden comments here on this blog is a police officer. I wonder if she took me up on my challenge – because she hasn’t been back since. At least SOMEbody finally used their brains.

Change your mind, change your life! Or do you really like being miserable all the time! July 8, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Dreams, Inconsistent Angel Things, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Lessons in Life, Uncategorized.
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by Gert McQueen 

It never fails to amaze me just how many people there are that NEED to retell their pathetic versions of their lives, to each other, and the world, INSTEAD of accepting that ‘shit happens’ and move on, from pain to ‘having a life’. Personally, I can’t stand SUFFERING, I refuse to suffer and therefore I DON’T SUFFER. It’s all in your mind and your belief system! Hey…I gave up lent for lent! But there are many people who think that that is what life is about…suffering…and so every minute of their existence is painful and they must tell the entire world.

Joan Wheeler, using one of her nicknames of 1adoptee, is never at a loss of words to describe how terrible her life has been, how people have misused her, and how she can never forget nor forgive. Even after spending 35 years of her precious life writing a book about her pain and anguish and having that book removed from the printing press and public sales because of it’s libelous statements against birth and adoptive families, this person, Joan, just can’t STOP YAKKING ABOUT HER PAIN AND ANGER.

There is a mistaken view/opinion that by telling, in so-called ‘support groups’, one’s own horror story it will prevent the same thing from happening to others. This is so terribly wrong! It actually hurts others. It promotes perversity and gives a ‘badge of honor’ to the mental illness that is portrayed by repeating painful situations and outbursts of rage as well as a continued slander against family members. What possible positive thing can occur, for others, to read over and over again about the horrible trials and tribulations of Joan Wheeler? How does all this help bring about ADOPTION REFORM? Individuals that have the power and position to make real changes DO NOT LISTEN to these angry outbursts.

Is there nothing else in Joan’s life that she can discuss besides the hurt and pain that she feels? Damn! she is like a broken record, it never stops, no wonder no one can stay around for long with her. Joan doesn’t want to get better, she doesn’t want a life, because she doesn’t know how to live any other way. Such a waste! Change your mind, change your life!

So here is Joan’s recent thoughts and my comments.

  Re: What never to say to an adoptee « Reply #51 on: June 30, 2011, 01:22:57 PM »  

When my adoptive father died in 1982, after 8 years of my reunion with my natural father and other natural blood kin, an adoptive cousin came up to me as I was getting out of my car to go to my adoptive father’s funeral at the funeral parlor. She said, “You OPENLY declare you have two fathers, therefore, you must not love THIS father. Your other cousins and I decided we don’t want you here!”

I was 26 years old and stood alone. I was raised an only child. My adoptive mother was driven to the funeral parlor by someone else and was unware of what my cousin said to me.    


Gert here: And look at the icons she adds to SHOW us how she feels!!! Can you feel her anger, her disbelief, her rage?? She sure wants you to, she wants to make sure that everyone continues to feel it, that is the only thing that keeps her alive; her anger and rage! But…how different a life she could have if only she would…change her mind and change her life! Does her man like to listen to her outbursts? How many men has she had that have left her because of her outbursts? How about her children? Have they stayed with her? Are they happy living with her? Those are the questions that Joan and other adoptees ought to be asking!

Sure, some people are idiots, people say and do lots of stupid, heartless things, but at some point a healthy person LETS GO OF IT and MOVES ON. Over my life-time, and I’m sure in times to come, I have had insensitive people say very hurtful things to me. Their words and deeds are not in my mind for long…they are poison and my body, mind and spirit does not want those poisons, so I release those things and release the poisons. I am happy and content, I have changed my mind and have changed my life, many times over.

I have only been speaking out about Joan since she published that lying book. Until Joan removes the two websites that are a source of continued harassment and slander to the birth family I shall continue to speak out about her. I was very happy before Joan was in my life, and after I banished her from my life when she did dirt to me, and I went back to being happy with not having her in my life after 2 unproductive reconciliation attempts with her. I have been very happy until she wrote a lying book and until she stops talking trash about us, I shall continue to expose her.

Joan, you wrote about the nasty adoptive family already, so drop it, what good does it do to you. Are you happy by keeping this anger and rage? Don’t you ever want to be HEALTHY? Guess Not.

Another thing that Joan keeps saying, as if it excuses so many of her faults, is that she was raised an only child. Joan is incapable of ‘standing up for herself’ at the moment of any form of conflict or disagreement. She states here she was 26 and stood alone, because she was raised an only child….and that proves what? I became an ADULT at age 18 when I married and became a mother!

By the age of 26 if a person can’t stand up for themselves, they never will and here Joan is age 55 and she still is reliving this….CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR WORLD.

She continues on…replying to someone else’s comments here in italic.

Re: What never to say to an adoptee

« Reply #53 on: June 30, 2011, 01:39:54 PM


“Yes, but it took me years to tell her and even then, she didn’t care. She was very close with the aunt and these cousins and beleived their shit over me anyway.”

About two years before my adoptive mother died, I was thinking about this and the fact that this aunt and my adoptive parents knew I had sisters and brothers when I was adopted, and NO ONE from the adoptive family wanted me to know about them,, so I took this up with my therapist. “Does your mother know how you feel?” was the question. I spent a yar and half crying to my mother about these two issues and she finally said, “But I didn’t say that to you!” (about the comment made at my adoptive father’s funeral). My adoptive mother never appologized for keeping me away from my siblings all of my life. BUt my aunt and my cousins definately felt I was wrong to be in a reunion with my natural father and my siblings. My adoptive mother died this past March. The cousin who made that remark was present in the room when my mother was dying, so was her mother and her sisters. Two sisters appologized and tearfully hugged me as my mother lay dying. My aunt never appologized. My natural father died this past January.

Sorry to hijack the thread, but I just had to answer the question.

Yes,, it still bothers me after all these years. Just goes to show how deeply ingrained prejudice against adoptees goes when your own family hates the fact that I was found and was in reunion since 1974…I was found… I did not search! Fortunately, not all of my adoptive family felt this way, but many others did…

 Gert here: Again, a regurgitation of the same old sad story, Joan’s life-long series with a therapist! What a racket! The purpose of therapy is to get better and learn how to deal with issues. But if you are always going to a therapist, by Joan’s statements here and elsewhere she is still, in her late 50’s, going to a therapist. That therapist is sure making money off of Joan! And because Joan is on Social Security Disability, the taxpayers of New York State are paying for Joan’s therapy! They are not helping Joan they are keeping her a slave to therapy and keeping NYS in debt!

If Joan has been seeing a therapist why did Joan have to spend a year and a half crying to her adoptive mother for a comment that that woman never said! That is typical of Joan…browbeat someone else that had nothing to do with the original injury! Joan should have gone to the person who spoke the words, not the adoptive mother years later. Joan can not stand up for herself to anyone…she has to find the next weakest person, hide behind others, or write something using big threatening words and make up stories for others to believe her. NOT ONCE has Joan answered any of her sister’s accusations against her. NO Joan goes to many others to do that dirty work, or she acts like she is incapable of acting on her own. (Ruth’s note: yes, I have challenged FOUR times on this blog for her and me to take a lie-detector test to get to the bottom of her “viewpoint” (LIE) that I have an arrest and criminal record. No response from Joan. I have repeatedly on this blog, addressed statements to Joan to come clean, even listed a set of demands from us to her that will, when met, result in the dismantling of this blog. – We know she reads this blog, even though she says she doesn’t. Because she will quote it. But she has NEVER addressed us directly! Instead she goes running to this adoptee forum and gets THEM to address us. And their statements to us is usually hate statements, or stupid comments that show us that instead of doing research, getting to the bottom of the truth, READING this blog, they are like being led around by their noses by Joan).

And this type of person, with this type of disability, that Joan has, will NEVER help adoption reform. She is a liability to reform.  

This is a very telling statement of Joan’s; ‘My adoptive mother never appologized for keeping me away from my siblings all of my life’. What the hell!! Since when does an adoptive mother have to apologize for the act of adoption? The whole point of adoption IS TO KEEP THE CHILD AWAY FROM THE NATURAL FAMILY! Joan and all these adoptees haven’t a clue about the REAL purpose of adoption. Joan wants EVERYONE to apologize to her because she is an adoptee!! Bullshit!!

Joan is certainly NOT sorry for hijacking the thread! (which was about ‘what never to say to an adoptee) because when Joan has the opportunity to open her mouth she must do just that ‘hijack’ the conversation. Using her own words, ‘it still bothers me after all these years. Just goes to show how deeply ingrained prejudice against adoptees’ proves the Joan is not HEALTHY. Her identity is an adoptee that has been abused by prejudice. Of course that is false, but to Joan, it is truth and so she will never be healthy.

Continuing on with answering yet another comment.

Re: What never to say to an adoptee « Reply #59 on: Today at 11:04:45 AM »  


Btw Iadoptee, what your afamily did was horrible.

Thanks,… They are such backward thinking people.

Now that both adoptive parents are dead, it seems I don’t have to associate with the rest of the family anymore so they don’t bother me.

It was a life of hell, though.

Thank god for the few who have brains and treat me fairly…and lovingly…

Gert here: This is Joan’s view/opinion and truth about her adoptive family…that they are backward thinking people! Now nice of her…I’m sure that Joan wins much approval from those adoptive relatives just as she has from the birth family! But now, that the adoptive parents are dead, she is safe because…there is no reason to associate with them any longer and they no longer can bother her. So why does she have to keep talking about them? She tells us in the next breath…her life was a life of hell…oh we can’t forget that Joan’s life has been hell. Too bad she hasn’t been able to change her mind to change her life…if she can maybe her life will not be hell anymore. (Ruth’s note, I said it before – last month on the Buffalo News site where Joan had her editorial on birth certificates published, that Joan was whining that the newspaper didn’t publish her editorial fast enough for her. She went on the forum and said that the city of Buffalo was full of backwards thinking people and she has tried for years to get them to see her point of view. I said then and will say it again: Joan doesn’t know how to talk to people, actually she is two faced – she is all nice and sweet to their face, then TALKS SHIT ABOUT THEM BEHIND THEIR BACKS AND WHEN THEY FIND OUT HOW SHE HAS BADMOUTHED THEM, THEY RUN FAR AWAY FROM HER! Yes, even people who just might be in a position to help her or her cause, because Joan, here is a lesson for you to learn: PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE BEING CALLED BACKWARDS THINKING!)

But isn’t it nice to know that there are a few, just a few, that have brains and treat her fairly and lovingly! Lucky them! They must really enjoy all the rage that Joan gives out.

My god! If I was trying to get healthy and do adoption reform, I’d stay far away from this nut case. All her life she can’t stand up for herself because these people are backward thinking and have treated her horribly. If it isn’t the birth family she is trashing, its the adoptive family. And if you are not a member of either of those families, don’t think you are safe. If you cross Joan Wheeler, you too will feel her wrath and be subjected to slander such as backward thinking people!

Ruth’s additional comment:

Lest people think that Gert and I and Kathy have allowed ourselves to be poisoned by Joan and her backward thinking, let me say this to you – NOT A CHANCE! Yes, we were at a more peaceful place before Joan published that book of lies. Yes, it hurt us to read the garbage in it. It hurt us to see how Joan not only dishonored US, but our dead mother, other family members and our dad, who recently died.

HOWEVER, we do not let that garbage book and Joan poison us. Because we are secure and happy with our lives. We have learned to take the crap that life has flung at us and shrug it off. Sure, there are times, life’s unfairness gets us down, but then we fling the negativity off and rise up shining! Joan has never learned this, despite many many people telling her how to do it.

Some people may think to themselves, “well, if what you are saying is true, how is it that you cannot shrug off this book?” My answer to that is this: the book is full of slander and lies about not just us sisters, but our entire family. If Joan had simply made a stupid putdown of me liking horror movies, (which she actually did in her book), I could simply shrug that off and say, “her opinion of me is not my business.” But she goes much much further – she falsely accuses us of leading criminal lives – this crosses the line into the legal definition of slander, libel, false accusation, harassment, stalking, bullying, cyberbullying. We have suffered through 30 years of harassments by Joan. The courts won’t help. So we stand up to the bully Joan with this blog.

Joan has also accused us of saying to her on this blog and other websites to commit suicide. NO, we have always said to her to GET SOME HELP! And here is a nice meditation for Joan to learn. Gert and I have learned this already. Perhaps not this particular one, but similar ones. But I know Joan, she’ll copy and paste it, read it through once, report she followed it and then report it didn’t work. And the reason she will give for it not working will be to blame us sisters for it. Or her “backwards thinking” adoptive family. Because nothing is ever her fault. She was given instructions 35 years ago by my step-uncle on self-hypnosis, and guided self-meditations. He taught me the same things and set me on a lifetime of spiritual learning. Joan never learned the lessons because SHE DOESN’T WANT ANY HEALING. SHE’S HAPPY IN HER MISERY! She has been going to therapy for more than 30 years and hasn’t learned a dam thing yet!

In 1984, there was an incident in Kitchener, Ontario after a rock concert that Joan attended and did something stupid. She called me the next day and told me about it. She told me that she had already spoken to her therapist on the phone about it. The therapist told her, and Joan repeated it to me. “If this is the lifestyle you want, then accept it. If it isn’t, then don’t repeat the action.” Apparently Joan WANTS the lifestyle she has – because she WON’T CHANGE IT. It is YOU, Joan, ONLY YOU THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Your afamily, your birth family cannot do it for you. ONLY YOU.

Joan has been in therapy for so long because she is addicted to therapy. She can’t live without a therapist telling her what to do. She hasn’t learned to grow up and take responsibility for her own life. She expects the therapist to wave a magic wand and all her problems will disappear. BUT IT JUST DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY. You go to therapy to hash out your problems, and then GET TO WORK ON SOLVING THEM. And the therapist cannot do the work for you, you must do the work yourself.


This meditation is based on an ancient Tibetan practice known as Tonglen, and has been used by many generations and traditions to cultivate bodhichitta, or compassion.

Once the steps have been practiced it becomes very simple. It can be used as a way to open and heal one’s own heart, for developing the ability of living from the heart rather than the head, for dissolving feelings of separation and isolation, and for giving unconditionally to others, specifically or globally. This is the true nature of Love Itself.

The outer, emotional heart may give pain as well as pleasure, true, but as one becomes more aware one accepts the pain as a blessing, an opportunity. The quality of the pain naturally starts changing because you are no longer resisting it. Then it is no longer pain; it is a fire that will cleanse and deepen you.

It is a transmutation, a transformation process, in which the old will go and the new will arrive; in which the mind will disappear and the inner, spiritual heart will function wholly. Then your life becomes a blessing.


This gift is from Atisha, a second century Tibetan teacher

When you breathe in, imagine you are breathing in the miseries of the people in the world – all the hardness, all the negativity and abuse, all the non-love that exists anywhere. Breathe it in and let it be absorbed in your Heart.

The so-called positive thinkers of the West say just the opposite but they don’t know what they are saying. They say, when you breathe out throw out all your misery and negativity; and when you breathe in take in joy, positivity, happiness, cheerfulness. Atisha’s powerful method is just the opposite.

When you inhale, breathe in all the misery and suffering of all the beings of the world.
When you exhale, breathe out all the joy you have —
all the unconditional love, all the peace, all the silence.

You will be surprised at what happens. The moment you take in the sufferings of the world they are no longer sufferings. The Inner Heart immediately transforms the energy. The spiritual Heart is a transforming force. Drink in misery and it is transformed into blissfulness… then pour it out.

Breathe out and pour yourself into existence.
This is the method of compassion:
Drink in suffering and pour out blessings.

Compassion is being a transforming force in existence – transforming the ugly into the beautiful, kissing the frog and transforming it into a prince, transforming pain into healing, darkness into light.

If you find any hindrance in the meditation, notice if you are holding on to expectations and release through heart breathing

Once you have learned that your Heart can do this magic, this miracle of giving, you will like to do it more and more.

Begin with yourself.
Breathe your pain, your suffering, your conflicts and knots into your own pure inner Heart.
Then breathe out from your Heart into all parts of yourself.

Keep going… and notice your increasing lightness.

– adapted from Osho, “The Book of Wisdom”


“If you can experience it – this is of tremendous importance – then start absorbing it. Don’t throw it away. It is such a valuable energy; don’t throw it away. Absorb it, drink it, accept it, welcome it, feel grateful to it. And say to yourself, ‘This time I’m not going to avoid it, this time I’m not going to reject it, this time I’m not going to throw it away. This time I will drink it and receive it as a guest. This time I will digest it.’

“It may take a few days for your to be able to digest it, but the day it happens you have stumbled upon a door which will take you really far. A new journey has started in your life, you are moving into a new kind of being…..

“But start with your own self. Make a small experiment with your own pains, sufferings and miseries. The moment you accept the pain with no reject anywhere, its energy and its quality changes. It is no longer pain.

“And once you have found the key, then you can share it with the whole existence. Then you can take all the suffering of all the world, or all the worlds.

“Ride on the incoming breath and your small heart becomes bigger than the whole universe, then you know what miracles it can do. And pour out your blessings. It is the same energy passing through your heart that becomes bliss, that becomes blessing. Then let blessings go riding on the outgoing breath to all the nooks and corners of existence.”

– from Osho, quoted in “Relaxing Into Clear Seeing” by Arjuna Nick Ardagh

Can’t Joan Wheeler EVER find Joy in her Life? – Motherhood, Baby Bracelets, and Remembrances July 6, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Dreams, Inconsistent Angel Things, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world.
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Introduction by Ruth Sippel Pace

On June 28, 2011, Joan writes a piece on her blog about her finding her baby bracelet. Now yes, I can understand under the circumstances that this event would evoke some strong emotions in her. This was the first time in her 55 years of life that she EVER saw that bracelet. And yes, it would bring to surface feelings of loss of her birth mother and questions of why her adoptive mother never gave her the bracelet, considering that Joan was reunited in 1974 with her birth family.

In Joan’s book Forbidden Family, Joan takes the liberty of editorializing about my life and my sisters’ lives. Which has nothing whatever to do with adoption, adoption reunion or adoption reform. Since Joan can editorialize on our lives, we do the same to her life.  This is our commentary on that blog post.

We start out with Gert McQueen’s thoughts.

Why does Joan Wheeler feel the constant need to tell the entire world about her ‘loss’? Is Joan Wheeler the only one who ever lost a mother to illness and death? Is she the only one who ever was adopted?

Joan is not the only person who has the right to mourn and remember a baby bracelet, a adoptive mother and a dying natural mother! That dying mother had 4 other children who had also worn baby bracelets and who KNEW the adoptive mother and father who RAISED their blood sibling. So, yes before anyone starts to complain about my speaking on this issue…I have a vested interested in ANYTHING that is said by JOAN about MY MOTHER.

Scary…you don’t know what scary is…

Truth…you don’t want to know the truth, for the truth scares you…

If a person does not have any kind of a life…who lives in their own inner world of their own making…who has a history of subjectifying everything, making everyone fit into their own inner world and puts words and thoughts into other people’s mouths to make them fit their own view of life…the truth can be very very scary. To make matters worst, a person who doesn’t have a life and who does all this…is a very scary person because they WANT and NEED others to know that they are a NOTHING. They are looking for sympathy, they are not looking to get a life but only to sustain the fantasies they have and to continue to place the blame on others and are always looking for proof that it is because of others that they have a miserable life.

On June 28 Joan Wheeler wrote: (her statements in purple):

….My adoptive mother died a few months ago. I have been slowly going through her belongings. Deciding what to keep and what to give away is a very difficult task.

Gert says: and Joan is the only person that has ever had this difficult task to do…duh!!! its bloody obvious! Instead why doesn’t Joan write a memory boast for the adoptive mother who gave much to Joan.

….I had already generally gone through a box of my mother’s old jewelry and set it aside for the ‘give away’ pile. But a relative who was with me took a second look. She found a small plastic bag with a string of beads. She pulled it out and said, ‘This looks like a baby bracelet.’

Gert says: treasures are always found upon a death…but… this may be the beginning of another book that Joan is writing…let’s see, she spend about 35 years of her life writing that first book of lies and it’s been pulled for libelous materials so she had better start composing another book of her views and opinions.

….I immediately swung around as my relative placed the beaded bracelet in my hands. I recognized the initials and last name as that of my natural mother. The beads were pink, this was my baby bracelet worn in the hospital after my birth.

Gert says: And here we see the first signs of drama…she ‘immediately swung around’…boy isn’t that something…the drama the sense of shock and awe that someone said ”This looks like a baby bracelet”!   Okay, sure happening upon such a find can be a bit jarring, but does it have to have so much melodrama? And, why is this find something that the world NEEDS to know about?

….How could I have missed this when going through the box the first time?

Gert says: Is this important somehow? No, it’s for dramatic emphasis.

 ….More importantly, why was this the first time I had seen this bracelet? My adoptive mother kept it in her jewelry box since bringing me home on April 22, 1956, four months after my birth. My natural father had given her this bracelet, along with my clothes and birth certificate and baptismal certificate. Why did my adoptive mother keep this bracelet all these years? She surely could have given it to me during the course of my reunion with my natural family from 1974 onward. But I discovered it and reclaimed it a few months after her death.

 Gert says: This is a total buildup and a continuation of the same of rap/storyline that Joan has against the adoptive mother. ‘More importantly’ means that this is Joan’s EVIDENCE against the adoptive mother…she kept this item away from Joan all of Joan’s life…it is an indictment against the adoptive mother. And she wants everyone to GET IT that the adoptive mother kept the bracelet from Joan ‘all these years’. And she wants everyone to know that the adoptive mother had ample time to give it to her…since 1974. But only upon death does Joan get it and Joan is pissed! That is why she has to write this…

 Gosh perhaps the poor woman, the adoptive mother, had her own reasons. A parent does NOT have to explain everything to the child. This is basically Joan’s beef…that the adoptive parents lied to her, kept secrets from her…well maybe they had reasons…it is NOT up to the child to know every atom of the parents’ mind. (Ruth’s note: I know for a FACT that there were things that Joan herself did NOT share with her own daughter – things that she SHOULD have – for all of Joan’s whining that adoptees should know their complete medical background, and Joan was going around for years to various family gatherings (of her birth family and extended birth family) and collecting this information, SHE NEVER SHARED IT WITH HER DAUGHTER! I got an email via myspace and my niece was asking me questions about MY medical background, and my sisters’! So don’t be throwing stones at your amother Joan, because YOU have withheld things from your own birth daughter!)

 Any way, Joan now has the bracelet…she ought to be glad…but…she isn’t.

 ….This is yet another reminder that for all I know about my birth and my adoption I shall never really know my life. I was a baby born to a dying mother. I was dying at birth. The conditions and events that surrounded the people who took care of  me, especially my natural father, were tense. My future hung in the balance until my mother died. Nearly a month later, my father handed me to another couple to raise as their daughter. I grew up the only child of this couple. My former life ceased to exist.

 Gert says: what Joan sees is just a reminder that she ‘shall never really know my life’ (her life). Here’s a news flash…I DON’T KNOW ALL OF MY LIFE and neither does anyone else. What part of Joan’s life does she not know that she didn’t know before she finds a baby bracelet? I didn’t have items of my infancy until I was an adult…neither did my children. Some people NEVER get those items. Joan ought to be glad to have the bracelet, NOW and give THANKS to the adoptive mother who kept it for her.

Joan’s sense of drama is scary!! She was born to a dying mother and Joan was dying at birth!! What bullshit! Here’s the TRUTH…Joan was born 7 weeks premature and was placed in an incubator! Our mother had been very sick in late Dec of 1955 and was in the hospital for complete bed rest. On Jan 7, 1956 mother went into premature labor. After having had four kids she knew the labor pains, rang for the nurse, but by the time the nurse got there, the baby had come. They cut the cord and placed the baby in the incubator. Joan was there for 6 weeks. Mother’s ovarian and uterine cancer wasn’t discovered until after the baby was born, nothing could be done for her and she died 3 months later.

 But, Joan has to tell everything in great melodramatic terms and as she does so, she alters things, she puts conditions upon the players in her story…but the TRUTH is…she has NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED because she was an infant and is relying on hearsay and conjuncture. No one KNEW her mother was dying at the time of Joan’s birth! Joan herself was NOT DYING AT BIRTH. So conditions around the event were tense…does that make Joan unique? And what about ME AND MY BROTHER AND SISTERS…were we NOT AFFECTED?

 We have as much right to state OUR TRUTH, OUR VERSION AND OUR OPINIONS when it comes to anyone talking about OUR MOTHER!

 But Joan is only concerned about ‘her future…that hung in the balance’…she doesn’t give a damn about her siblings and how THEIR future also hung in the balance.

 She ‘grew up the only child of this couple. My former life ceased to exist’…yep…it’s all about Joan!

 ….I hold this bracelet now as a mere portion of my life before adoption. Those six weeks I lay in an incubator, clinging to life, this is what this bracelet symbolizes for me. It’s not my name on the bracelet, it’s my mother’s name, for I am my mother’s daughter and this is the way the hospital knew I belonged to her. My birth and those first few weeks of my life were not happy moments.

 Gert says: Just because a baby is in an incubator does not mean they are clinging to life. My second child was in an incubator, my half-brother was in an incubator…many children have been in incubators…that’s normal procedure for early births…there was NOTHING unusual about Joan’s early birth…its only in Joan’s mind. No, the illness and death of our mother is not a happy occasion but that’s the way it was and is and we learn to accept those circumstances of our own birth and the dying of our parents. If us siblings have learned to live with that loss why can’t Joan? Because she HATES THE FACT THAT SHE WAS ADOPTED.

 ….As I clear thorough the belongings of one mother recently deceased, I am reminded of another mother who died long ago. Her death changed the course of my life.

 Gert says:

Joan ought to give thanks and memory to the woman who just died and to the woman who died long ago…but she hasn’t done so. All she can say is HOW those events changed the course of HER LIFE. Joan is so self-centered that she can’t give one second, one word of thanks to these two women, who gave her life and subsistence

 ….My baby bracelet brought me, not a moment of happiness, but a day of mourning of loss.

  Gert says:

Joan can not find one moment of happiness that Mother gave her life. All Joan can see is mourning and loss.

When I think of my mother, who died when I was nine, I don’t always feel sad for myself. I feel sad for the woman who died and about how much life SHE DID NOT get to live! (Ruth’s note: EXACTLY! When we lose a loved one, yes, we grieve them. Our tears are shed for us, because of the empty hole in our lives, and how we will miss them. Because grief is the price we pay for having loved someone. But then we need to think about the person who just died – are they in a better place? Or, in the case of Genevieve Herr Sippel – she never got to experience the joy of seeing her daughters get married. She never got to celebrate first womanhood with Gert, Kathy and me. She never got to see her son be a proud altar boy at Sacred Heart Church, or experience pride in seeing him graduate from boot camp and become a Marine! Genevieve never got to hold her grandchildren!  Because in the long run – the death is about THEM, not about US.)

Joan ought to give thanks for the life she was given and start to live that life before she finds herself on her own deathbed…alone…because there will be no one there for her because of all the lies she has told and all the misery she had heaped upon those that are blood.

 So I close this by giving thanks…to Dorothy Wheeler, who recently died, who adoptive my blood sister and took care of her. I also give thanks to Genevieve Herr Sippel, my mother, who also gave birth to Joan, and who is REPRESENTED by that baby bracelet.


That’s the truth and it’s scary!

 Ruth’s additional comments:

 Yes, we other children of Genevieve also lost our mother. Where was MY mother on MY wedding day? Was she there to pin the tiny silk roses in my hair? Gert’s granddaughter did my hair for me and pinned roses in my hair. My mother did not.

 Where was Gert’s mother when she got married? Where was Kathy’s and Len’s mom when they got married. Our father’s second wife also died, leaving behind two sons – where was THEIR mother when they got married?

As to motherhood – little Saied Ali never got a chance to even wear a baby bracelet. His mother never got a chance to even see him – because she miscarried him. But his mother still remembers him – from June 5, 1985. Saied is always in my heart. Because I am his mother.

But – do you see us whine about our losses? Yes, we still feel the pain. But we do NOT wallow in it. It took me two years of mourning my son to be able to walk through a department store and not break down when I passed through the infant department.  It doesn’t bother me anymore. Just a few years ago, when my nephew in Chicago and his wife had a baby girl – I ran right to JC Penney’s and got the cutest damned little denim playset. When a girl I used to babysit had her daughter two years ago – again I ran to JC Penney’s (yes, my favorite store) and got her a beautiful little ballerina outfit. And by the way, I don’t quite remember what I bought Joan’s daughter – who was born just 16 months after her cousin Saied died – but I know I bought her something. And I was the one who drove Joan and her home from the hospital and held her in my arms. I mourned the loss of my son – but celebrated the birth of my niece.

And that’s what life is all about – mourn your losses, yes – honor those who left you.  But life goes on. My mother in law is sitting on a shelf in a bookcase in my living room. Well, her ashes, actually. – Only two feet from my husband’s easy chair. We have her picture up. Along with the picture of my mother, and my brother and cousin who died just weeks after my mother in law. We even have a picture of my first husband who died a week and a half before my brother. I haven’t gotten around to putting up a picture of my father yet – I’m still a bit raw yet.

Both my husband and I honor these people. And yet, there are times in my busy life, that I am just going about my life and don’t even think about them. Because life goes on. I got things to do. Like going to my job, and other things. I don’t sit and wallow and think about my mother every dam day of my life. Hey – I got a real rotten shaft in life you know – I lost my f’ing mother when I was three and a half years old. Because my stepmother was sick, I got stuck in an children’s home for a year, then in a foster home. Then my father bought a house and got us kids together – but he worked two jobs. I never saw him. We teenagers had assigned jobs to do – Gert had married already, but Kathy did the cooking, I did the laundry, the boys did the outdoor work – and we all chipped in to do dishes, vacuuming, dusting etc.

Then I grew up and found a wonderful man – but geez, I couldn’t get pregnant! After several years of trying I finally did get pregnant, but what happens? I lose him! WTF? – AND on top of that – this was just at the time my ex and I broke up! And he had gone back to his home country overseas. I didn’t even have the father of my child to help me through my loss. I did it all on my own. And then I found love in a man who had already been a good friend of mine for 9 years. We moved in together in 1987 and have been together ever since. And I could never get pregnant again.

So what do I do every May on Mother’s Day? Through my whole life I never had a MOM to buy cards for. Now, I don’t a have CHILD to buy cards for me. Oh boo, hoo, poor Ruth. BULLSHIT!  I just get on with life. Because I am enriched in my life. I get cards from other people. I get calls from Gert’s daughter all the time on Mother’s Day and my birthday. My nephew – well, as a member of the male gender – this kind of stuff goes over his head. But I’ve gotten some nice messages of love from him – when his male genes let down their guard and he remembers he has an aunt that he’d better f’ing call!

The point is of this whole long piece here is this: Joan – get the hell off your ass and LIVE!  Stop the damn whining already. Stop obsessing with DEATH and get out and enjoy the sunshine! Good Lord! Even Helen Keller said “Look towards the sun and not the shadows.” And she was BLIND and DEAF!

The fact that Joan at the age of 55 is still WHINING about herself being in an incubator as a baby shows us that she is a very very scary person. As Gert points out – her daughter was in an incubator too. I have NEVER heard my niece WHINE about it. NEVER!

 For someone at the age of 55 years old to be still whining about it, or even whining at all about is truly scary.

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