don’t miss this one… July 30, 2011Posted by gertmcqueen in Uncategorized.
Getting back to posting about the book…
Read about…Joan Wheeler’s Loss of Reason
new post on my new blog July 26, 2011Posted by gertmcqueen in Uncategorized.
And I’m learning at a fast pace!!!
check out my new blog post called….
Jealously and punishment…Joan Wheeler’s versions
hee hee – gert may say she’s learning fast, but she didn’t provide a link so readers can have a quick thing to click on. normally i would have provided the link on the actual title of the post, but that entails highlighting the text – and i can’t do that with my hand injury. so i just provided the url addy to gert’s blog. i also ca’t capitalize, because it is too hard right now.
thanks Ruth for adding the link….I know how difficult that was for you to do! I thought about that fact, that I ought to have included the link in the text, but, I’m not there yet…and besides, the thought didn’t come into my mind until I was falling asleep!!
Your typing skills are getting better!
actually my typing skills were learned when i was a child – taught by our stepmother jo, who worked in was.dc as a secretary and had a potable typewriter at home.
oh dear, the pain of it all – poor little deprived joan, who missed out on that when she was adopted out.
umm, but boy, do u remember the HUUUGGGGEEE weaving loom her adoptive parents bought for her and set up in the dining room for princess joan? wtf is she jealous about? why all thru her book she describes us as poverty sticken, then she’s saying we had a house, then shes pointing out we grew up without a mother, and she just can’t make up her mind just EXACTLY what she is jealos about.
lesson- the dam grass is greenest where you sow seeds of contentment- if all you sow is frigging jealousy, hatred, lies, anger, -of course your side of the fence is going to look brown – from all the shit ypu place there.
that’s right…our first step-mother did work in Washington DC during the war…that is how Dad knew her. Their marriage, right after our mother died, was one of ‘convenence’ (to take care of his/her children…but it didn’t quite work out all that well)
Jo (Josephine)and I didn’t have much time together…I shall be bringing out ALOT of the truth about that part of our lives that Joan has lied about, misrepresented and grossly misjudged on my new blog…
yep…it is quite confusing when reading things that Joan says…one place she says we were all so poor and then the next place she says that we had so many things she didn’t have…she obviously can’t make up her mind! Oh wait, is that bi-….
and about Dad’s house…I never lived there! I’m just so damm jeolous of you Ruth and and Kathy and Butch and John…you lived there and I didn’t!!
so you will have to correct me if I’m wrong here but he had the house from…1965/6 to 1974/5
and then he had to move into a high rise building apartment!
personally I don’t remember a whole lot of what was in Joan’s home when we first found her…probably the worst mistake I ever made in my life…but I’ll get over it.
anyway, all I do recall is that there was PLENTY in that home, Joan had everything materialisly the rest of us didn’t have. It’s really too bad that Joan does not understand how to honor her two sets of parents.
yes, dad bought the house 1965 and worked 2 jobs – we hardly ever saw him. we were latch key kids. Kathy did most of the cooking, I had laundry detail, Butch and John took care of the outdoor stuff, while we all took turns doing dishes, vacuuming, stuff like that. no one was there to help us with our homework. why would anyone with 2 parents, one a stay-at-home mom, be jealous of that? – We bought our own clothes, relying on friends or the store cleks to make sure they fit right or looked right on us. joan’s mom made a lot joan’s clothes herself. – her prom dress was beautiful – her talented mom sewed it. NONE of her birth siblings even went to a prom. – who in their right mind would be jealous of that? – oh yeah, i forgot, joan ain’t in a right mind.
and as to joan’s house – when we first met her – we were in awe of it – and how she lived – the last time i set foot in it was around 1982 – when joan’s dad died – and the house and the furnishings were left to stagnate.
on nov 3, 2009, after i made that “harassing” phone call to joan[to tell her that her aunt and whom she was named for, had died]- after joan bombarded me with screeching verbal abuse, i went to my dad’s house – and he asked me when the last time i was in the wheeler house – because he said, “it looks the same- same old – not antique, but old furniture – they started renovating the kitchen – but ran out of money, and the kitchen is a mess.”
so those are joan’s PRIORITIES – 2009 – the time she went whining to my father for money to fix her car, the kitchen needed more work – and the house in a sad throwback to the 1950′s – BUT joan could come up with the $800.00 for Trafford publications to print and publish her stupid book.
Seems to me that joan should STO BEING JEALOUS of people and.situations that are not relavant to her own life and PAY ATTENTION TO HER STUPID LIFE.
she has contnuously whined FOR 30 YEARS that her life is a mess, she has no money —BUT WILL NOT DO A DAM THING TO FIX THESE THINGS.
going to a therapist for 30 years doesn’t count – because all you’ve is TALK about your problems and have DONE nothing about the problems.
FOR 30 YEARS JOAN HAS TALKED ABOUT HER PROBLEMS AND HAS YET TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THEM.
as the old saying says: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
joan, when are you going to stop TALKING about your problems and actuallt DO something about them. wallowing in self-pity and being jealous of 4 kids that had NOTHING to do with your adoption is STUPID AND SICK
and you know what’s really stupid and sick? wasting 30 years of one’s life writing a garbage manifesto of hate and rage, taking $800.00 to have that shit published, but knowing your car needs repairs and your kitchen’s remodeling needs to be finished. and also expecting OTHER PEOPLE to foot the bill for your own dam car.
oh joanie, time to come in now – playtime is over – you are an ADULT and adults ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEMSELVES. daddy and mommy don’t HAVE to pay for a 53 year old woman’s toys. jusy because mommy wheeler was an ass to do it doesn’t mean that my father was stupid enough to fall for that scam.
you are over 50 fucking years old joan- grow the hell up.
introduction from Gert
with Ruth’s permission I am posting this post
When will Joan Wheeler do the right thing and remove all references to the non-existed book that she libelously wrote and remove all hate speech against her siblings?
Joan Wheeler’s ego-centric personality, with all its perversions and disabilities along with her desire to expose and hurt anyone who has had anything to do with her adoption can no longer be denied!
Can a book, that was published, but then pulled by the publisher, be considered a real book? No! Because if the publisher refuses to print any more copies of it, that book does not exist! But…some people just can’t let go….namely Joan Wheeler.
As Ruth has recently pointed out…certain email providers keep every email that has been written. I would venture to say that every where, in that great out there of the internet, is every key that has ever been stoked. So now a person can’t say ‘hey I didn’t say that’, because the proof is out there and it doesn’t take long to find it.
I have noticed lately that everything that Joan Wheeler has written can be found, via a google search. Of course that also means everything Ruth and I have written can also be found. We personally don’t have anything out there that we are concerned about because we haven’t been lying about anything, but others have or maybe they ought to rethink what and how they say it…out there, for when it comes to our and our family’s honor and name, will shall find it and expose it for what it is…hate speech and harassment.
Generally speaking I find it interesting the kinds of things that Joan Wheeler DOESN’T comment on as much as I find the things that she DOES comment on. Must be related to what kind of mood she has at any given time period or perhaps it has something to do with current affairs…like the inconvenience of the truth coming out or how it would be best not to show herself to be the fool that she is. There’s really no way of knowing what Joan will or will not do, because she is not in reality. But, if any of her friends have any influence on her…they are strongly advised to get her to remove references and blogs against her sisters!
Here is the beginning of a recent thread on the adoptee forum…the forum where everyone on it is full of hate and rage about being adopted and feed off of each other…perfect place for Joan and others who have major anger problems….they sure are getting the help they need to let go of anger/hate and learn how to love themselves and others. But hey, if that’s the kind of ‘support group’ they want…just make sure that you are not in their line of fire for they are a mean bunch of adoptees. We know because several of them have come over here on our blog with their hate and venom trying to stop us from telling the truth. Lots of Luck!
« on: July 10, 2011, 01:13:27 PM »
If you were to write a book of your life as an adoptee, what would be a good title for your book?
Interesting topic! don’t you think? There are currently 34 replies, with many proposed titles but not ONE from Joan Wheeler. And not ONE has mentioned her and her book! Interesting!! Just where is Joan on this thread? Just where are her supporters? Here on a forum that Joan participates on and whom she has asked for help from and where several of them have indeed tried to ‘fight dirty’ with us, not ONE even mentions Joan’s book. If they have seen the light and reality, why has Joan not and why has she not removed mention of us siblings from her two hate filled blogs?
Back to reality about Joan’s book, the subject of this blog.
Just before the book was actually pulled by the publisher, in early May, Joan had placed on her website a new section called ‘Thank You’. I had answered that section in a blog post here…date May 10. In a clever little dig to her sisters Joan was giving us credit for the ‘great success’ of her book. At that time there was a spike in her sales; probably due to the fact that Joan had conned some people in a writer’s guild to help her with her propaganda. We exposed that here too.
Yes I know, about the spike in book sales, for I have been monitoring those sales since the first of January 2010 after I went to Trafford Publications with the evidence of libel in the book. Being busy as I am I had not looked for awhile at her web site until around July 12th. I have also noticed that there has been another spike in book sales and guess what? On Joan’s website she has REMOVED that little thank you to us! But it was NOT REMOVED until around July 9th (there are ways to find even that out). I wonder why she removed it! Could it have been about the posts that I had placed, here on this blog, on July 6 and 8? Did those posts piss Joan off? Or did someone ‘talk’ with Joan to get her continued harassment of us off her site? With each post that we place on this blog we keep REMINDING people that Joan is continuing HER harassment of us. It certainly was around this time that Joan had sent yet another ‘friend’ to our blog to try to get us to stop ‘stirring the soup’! Did that person talk with Joan about the contents of her own blogs against us? Don’t know and it doesn’t matter…the point is that Joan thought herself to be very clever by putting up another harassment to us by using a thinly veiled false thank you and then when the heat was applied, by us, she goes and removes it!
But she still has continued hate and harassments up on two blogs! And the reason she can’t or won’t bring herself to remove them is because of her ego-centricness, with all its perversions along with her desire to expose and hurt anyone who has had anything to do with her adoption! So this is another call for help to Joan’s friends…get her to do the right thing and remove references to the pulled book of lies and libel from TWO BLOGS.
Now for the record…Joan’ s book Forbidden Family is no longer available and it will NEVER be reprinted by Trafford Publications. You don’t have to take my word for that just go and try to order it. As recently as the first of July, in a phone call to Trafford, I was told that the book is NOT being reprinted and they have NO COPIES, any and all orders would have to be placed via Amazon or others. Also, in an email exchange between Ruth and a top-level manager at Trafford, she was told that the book is not and will not be reprinted and that the number of physical copies of the book is ‘nothing to be excited about’.
With that being said, I ask you, why, WHY does Joan Wheeler insist on advertising this book, a book that has clearly been labeled for what it is…libelous! Because she doesn’t know any better, because she insists she is correct. Well she is wrong, dead wrong. Not only does she continue to promote this dead libelous book, she continues with her hate and harassment to us sisters with dishonorable words and deeds towards our parents and family.
She still maintains a Facebook page for the book Forbidden Family…now just how dumb is that!!
On July 15 her web site still contains, under the ‘about/buy book’ all information and links to Trafford Publications…if you go there you will NEVER find that book! What you will find there is still the harassment and hate towards us sisters via misrepresentation of facts and a link to her second hate/harassment blog towards us! These things need to be and must be removed!
Under the section ‘about author’ she still has many misrepresentations of facts and the death notice of our mother, which contains all our names. Under this Joan gives her ‘justification’ for violating our privacy by stating that because our names were printed in a death notice, in 1956, that proved she didn’t have to protect our identities in the book or elsewhere. Now, that kind of logic is precisely WHY the book was pulled, because she not only violated our privacy but she violated the very contract she signed with Trafford as well as their publishing guidelines to the author. The publisher guidelines state do not print anything libelous. Stupid woman!!! She has two college degrees, paid for by the adoptive parents, and she can’t understand what she did wrong!
For the record, we have posted several of Trafford’s guidelines before and again here are Trafford’s guidelines, that Joan Wheeler obviously did not follow, for to her mind, they were not important, afterall, she was only writing about her sisters and they have been a thorn in her side for ever and her ego-centricness, with all its perversions along with her desire to expose and hurt anyone who has had anything to do with her adoption is more important than honoring a contract!
Trafford’s guideline about libel says:
Libel has a variety of definitions throughout the United States depending on each state’s laws, but in general it is a written false defamation, or the publication of any statement that could cause damage to an individual or organization’s character or reputation.
Joan obviously doesn’t see how anything she wrote about other people matters to them or how what she wrote, could cause damage to an individual or organization’s character or reputation, because all she wanted was to expose and hurt everyone. Everything she says or writes is related to ‘her view’ and how and what she ‘believes’ the other person said or did. She is so mentally off balance that she can’t understand this very basic premise. It didn’t take Traffords’ editors and lawyers long to see the defamation and libel when it was pointed out to them by us. As a general rule, Trafford DOES NOT read a manuscript when the author only pays for ‘print ready manuscript’ UNLESS they get a complaint and they got a complaint alright…from us siblings.
How can I protect myself against libel in publishing?
Although truth is in most cases a defense in a libel case, it is often difficult and lengthy (thus expensive) to prove in court. If your published book tells a true story about events that occurred, the first step to protect yourself is by changing the names of people or organizations in the book. However, simply changing a name from “Jim” to “David” is often not enough. If a person or others can recognize themselves from the situation, places or events even if their name is changed, you can still be sued for libel. Changing the location also helps to distance the story so that it is unrecognizable to real people. You can use a pen name to further distance any recognizable trail back to you or, most importantly, the real person, in order to avoid trouble.
For instance, imagine an individual reader knows you, the author in real life. If you make claims about your husband’s doctor, even if you change your husband’s name and the doctor’s name, but you keep your real name, it is pretty clear to someone involved who you are talking about in reality. By using a pen name and changing the name of people in the book, this will help to further remove the specifics and protect you against any libel claims.
Voicing an opinion is not libelous; however, be careful that you are not actually making an accusatory statement. Even if you say “in my opinion” before a statement, that does not automatically make the statement an opinion if you are speculating or asserting something about someone.
Do not make the following statements or claims, as they are clear grounds for a libel case: Falsely accusing someone of a crime, or having been charged, indicted or convicted of a crime; falsely identifying someone as the carrier of an infectious or loathsome disease; falsely charging someone or an organization with a claim that discredits or disqualifies a business, office or trade and lowers their profitability; and falsely accusing someone as being impotent.
Seriously consider if you are self-publishing a book that makes statements or reveals information that could damage someone, and consult a legal advisor if you are concerned.
Now Joan has referenced, in several places, that she had the manuscript reviewed by lawyers, that’s in the plural, including in my father’s presence and with Trafford’s lawyers. Well, I doubt that my father was ever in the presence of any lawyer related to Joan’s cause! When he did see a draft of a couple of chapters where Joan insults him and then had the gall to ask him for money to publish it, my father denied her then and forever! If she ever showed a draft to Trafford she certainly didn’t show them all of it or the book would never have seen the light of day in the first place.
Joan wanted to keep her names and can’t distance herself from her names, plural, because her identity is so wrapped up in her being adopted that she can’t conceive of writing a story that doesn’t contain her names. Therefore everyone related to her had to be exposed. She didn’t follow her publisher’s guidelines. Once it was pointed out to the legal department of Trafford they realized they wanted nothing more to do with that libelous book. If a person or others can recognize themselves from the situation, places or events even if their name is changed, you can still be sued for libel. So in Joan’s cleverness she changes ‘certain’ names, but because she uses her real names, our family names, and publishes documents with both my parents names and locations, she NAMED us….
There are two very good reasons why Joan is not in a court being sued for libel by me. One, I don’t need to spend my money for lawyers to do the job that we have been able to do…get the book pulled from publication and by exposing her, and two, Joan has nothing in monetary value for me to claim for damages, she lives on SSI and is what she never wanted to be…poor, dirt poor. So she is off that hook, unless I win a lottery.
Recently Joan said on the forum, when she asked her friends to come and ‘get us’ that she was not represented by an attorney when Trafford pulled the book and she is having her lawyer look into the manner. Ha! So where is her lawyer now? It has been 3 months since the book has been pulled so I ask again…where is her lawyer? When shall I hear from her lawyer? She doesn’t have one and never will be able to take this to a court, it is nothing but another empty threat from her diseased mind. But…if she ever did get a lawyer, please send him to me…I’d love to sit down with him.
When, just when will Joan Wheeler give it up and get rid of all that hate and hassements on her web pages? Are there any friends and supporters of Joan’s that can get her to remove the cyberbullying that she continues against us?
a little delay July 25, 2011Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
we are having a bit of a delay…Ruth has had a small accident and is a bit out of commission…more posts to be arriving soon…
addendem july 25, 8:30pm – ruth here –
i got a sprained right thumb. doesn’t hurt too much, a little achy at times – but it’s been splinted with a soft cast. typing is difficult – and i’m otta work for a bit. tomorrow i do battle with the dreaded worker’s comp red taped beastie. and as with all my battles, i shall be victorious. lol.
so while gert gets her bloggin’ feet wet – i will be catching up with young and the restless, my dvd sets of the collected adventures of indiana jones, and listening to a couple of audiocassette sets of coping with diffificult people; relationship strageties [not romantic] and other communication skills seminars i’ve done thru-out the years.
i’ll probably be spending time at my favorite retreat – stiglmeier park and reinstein woods preserve -ggogle them- i may not be able to type or even write for a couple of weeks, but that don’t mean i’m down and out. cos i ain’t no quitter or whiner – –
Joan Wheeler admits to punishing people for deeds and statements they did not do or say. July 9, 2011Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: blaming people for your own mess, contradictions, delusions, false accusations, festering anger, Lies, mental instability, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths, stupidity
I was reading our last post and something Joan said hit close to home:
“About two years before my adoptive mother died, I was thinking about this and the fact that this aunt and my adoptive parents knew I had sisters and brothers when I was adopted, and NO ONE from the adoptive family wanted me to know about them,, so I took this up with my therapist. “Does your mother know how you feel?” was the question. I spent a yar and half crying to my mother about these two issues and she finally said, “But I didn’t say that to you!” (about the comment made at my adoptive father’s funeral). My adoptive mother never appologized for keeping me away from my siblings all of my life. BUt my aunt and my cousins definately felt I was wrong to be in a reunion with my natural father and my siblings. My adoptive mother died this past March. The cousin who made that remark was present in the room when my mother was dying, so was her mother and her sisters. Two sisters appologized and tearfully hugged me as my mother lay dying. My aunt never appologized. My natural father died this past January.” (all misspellings are Joan’s)
Pay attention to this line: “I spent a yar and half crying to my mother about these two issues and she finally said, “But I didn’t say that to you!” (about the comment made at my adoptive father’s funeral).”
This is so typical of Joan. She punishes people for things THEY HAVE NOT DONE OR SAID TO HER! Why did she spend a year and a half crying to her mother over something her mother DID NOT SAY?? Like it was her mother’s fault for something that her cousin said?
All through her book, Joan has taken words said by one person, and stuffed them into other people’s mouths! For example, in her totally fictitious telling of a visit by Prof. Rene Hoksbergen to my house in 1987 (he NEVER stepped foot in my house), she has me saying to Hoksbergen “why is she putting our family business out in public?”
I never said that to Joan – EVER! In another incident, in the book, she relates a tale of an email exchange that she and I had in early 2004 and again, she has me berating her for “airing our family’s dirty laundry in public.” I had kept the printouts of that email exchange and scanned them and posted them here on this blog. NOWHERE in the email exchange did I say that. And you can read that email exchange here.
Gert and I noticed that many times statements that Joan attributes to her birth sisters were actually spoken by her amother. In her effort to paint everyone in her life with the same attitudes and oral statements, she takes statements from her mother and has other people saying them. This lends credence to her delusional ideas that everyone in her life is against her and out to get her.
I’ve been saying through out this blog, for a year and a half now, that Joan contradicts herself left and right. And I said before that she is on a path of punishment to anyone who supports adoption, and for some reason which I haven’t quite figured out why – she is on a path of punishment of her own birth sisters.
And we have here her own admission of her own contradictory way of thinking. And her pattern of punishing people for something they did not do! She relates in her book about her acousin’s statement at her afather’s funeral. She has said the same thing on the internet before. Now she admits she was PUNISHING HER AMOTHER FOR THIS STATEMENT WHEN HER AMOTHER DID NOT SAY IT.
So let’s get this straight- in 1982, a cousin says a stupid thing to Joan. From 1982 to 2009, she’s been letting this thing fester inside of herself, and directing that festering anger at the cousin and her amother who did NOT say it. FOR 27 YEARS JOAN WAS DIRECTING THAT FESTERING ANGER AT AN INNOCENT PERSON!
Like I said, Gert and I found many instances in the book where she has attributed statements to one person, when it was actually said by another person. And Joan says her book was written by her point of view.
Well her point of view is absolutely delusional, and that book is nothing but a chronicle of a deranged mind.
1. Gert McQueen – July 11, 2011
And Joan says her book was written by her point of view.
Well her point of view is absolutely delusional, and that book is nothing but a chronicle of a deranged mind.
this is totally correct! The book was (that’s past tense) nothing about adoption reform or how to deal with being an adoptee. The book was (that’s past tense) a detailed account of Joan’s mental view point, was not based on any real accounts with real people and a expression of her intense rage at being adopted. The book is Joan’s personal DIARY of her inner thoughts, views and opinions and as such is a work of demented fiction!
And Joan Wheeler believed that she was going to make tons of $ from that book and have a movie deal out of it!!! Delusional thinking will do that for you!
Ruth – July 11, 2011
What is amazing to me, especially in light of Jennifer’s recent comment, is that people don’t see that when someone publishesa book that is THEIR VIEWPOINT AND OPINION, it is no longer a work of NON-FICTION!
What further amazes me is that Joan says in her book that I have an arrest record, and that at one point in time, she herself was arrested 3 times in one month! Neither she, nor I were ever arrested! When Joan put that in her book, the book ceased to be TRUTH. And when any person writes in a book that they were arrested three times in one month, when they never were, and other people like Jennifer continue to support, all I can do is say WHERE THE HELL ARE PEOPLE’S BRAINS?
I once challenged any and all law-enforcement personell who might be reading this blog to do criminal background checks on me and Joan. One of Joan’s supporters, who at one time left a couple of obscenity-laden comments here on this blog is a police officer. I wonder if she took me up on my challenge – because she hasn’t been back since. At least SOMEbody finally used their brains.
Can’t Joan Wheeler EVER find Joy in her Life? – Motherhood, Baby Bracelets, and Remembrances July 6, 2011Posted by Ruth in Dreams, Inconsistent Angel Things, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world.
Tags: adoption, baby bracelets, death and grieving, loss of loved ones, whining
Introduction by Ruth Sippel Pace
On June 28, 2011, Joan writes a piece on her blog about her finding her baby bracelet. Now yes, I can understand under the circumstances that this event would evoke some strong emotions in her. This was the first time in her 55 years of life that she EVER saw that bracelet. And yes, it would bring to surface feelings of loss of her birth mother and questions of why her adoptive mother never gave her the bracelet, considering that Joan was reunited in 1974 with her birth family.
In Joan’s book Forbidden Family, Joan takes the liberty of editorializing about my life and my sisters’ lives. Which has nothing whatever to do with adoption, adoption reunion or adoption reform. Since Joan can editorialize on our lives, we do the same to her life. This is our commentary on that blog post.
We start out with Gert McQueen’s thoughts.
Why does Joan Wheeler feel the constant need to tell the entire world about her ‘loss’? Is Joan Wheeler the only one who ever lost a mother to illness and death? Is she the only one who ever was adopted?
Joan is not the only person who has the right to mourn and remember a baby bracelet, a adoptive mother and a dying natural mother! That dying mother had 4 other children who had also worn baby bracelets and who KNEW the adoptive mother and father who RAISED their blood sibling. So, yes before anyone starts to complain about my speaking on this issue…I have a vested interested in ANYTHING that is said by JOAN about MY MOTHER.
Scary…you don’t know what scary is…
Truth…you don’t want to know the truth, for the truth scares you…
If a person does not have any kind of a life…who lives in their own inner world of their own making…who has a history of subjectifying everything, making everyone fit into their own inner world and puts words and thoughts into other people’s mouths to make them fit their own view of life…the truth can be very very scary. To make matters worst, a person who doesn’t have a life and who does all this…is a very scary person because they WANT and NEED others to know that they are a NOTHING. They are looking for sympathy, they are not looking to get a life but only to sustain the fantasies they have and to continue to place the blame on others and are always looking for proof that it is because of others that they have a miserable life.
On June 28 Joan Wheeler wrote: (her statements in purple):
….My adoptive mother died a few months ago. I have been slowly going through her belongings. Deciding what to keep and what to give away is a very difficult task.
Gert says: and Joan is the only person that has ever had this difficult task to do…duh!!! its bloody obvious! Instead why doesn’t Joan write a memory boast for the adoptive mother who gave much to Joan.
….I had already generally gone through a box of my mother’s old jewelry and set it aside for the ‘give away’ pile. But a relative who was with me took a second look. She found a small plastic bag with a string of beads. She pulled it out and said, ‘This looks like a baby bracelet.’
Gert says: treasures are always found upon a death…but… this may be the beginning of another book that Joan is writing…let’s see, she spend about 35 years of her life writing that first book of lies and it’s been pulled for libelous materials so she had better start composing another book of her views and opinions.
….I immediately swung around as my relative placed the beaded bracelet in my hands. I recognized the initials and last name as that of my natural mother. The beads were pink, this was my baby bracelet worn in the hospital after my birth.
Gert says: And here we see the first signs of drama…she ‘immediately swung around’…boy isn’t that something…the drama the sense of shock and awe that someone said ”This looks like a baby bracelet”! Okay, sure happening upon such a find can be a bit jarring, but does it have to have so much melodrama? And, why is this find something that the world NEEDS to know about?
….How could I have missed this when going through the box the first time?
Gert says: Is this important somehow? No, it’s for dramatic emphasis.
….More importantly, why was this the first time I had seen this bracelet? My adoptive mother kept it in her jewelry box since bringing me home on April 22, 1956, four months after my birth. My natural father had given her this bracelet, along with my clothes and birth certificate and baptismal certificate. Why did my adoptive mother keep this bracelet all these years? She surely could have given it to me during the course of my reunion with my natural family from 1974 onward. But I discovered it and reclaimed it a few months after her death.
Gert says: This is a total buildup and a continuation of the same of rap/storyline that Joan has against the adoptive mother. ‘More importantly’ means that this is Joan’s EVIDENCE against the adoptive mother…she kept this item away from Joan all of Joan’s life…it is an indictment against the adoptive mother. And she wants everyone to GET IT that the adoptive mother kept the bracelet from Joan ‘all these years’. And she wants everyone to know that the adoptive mother had ample time to give it to her…since 1974. But only upon death does Joan get it and Joan is pissed! That is why she has to write this…
Gosh perhaps the poor woman, the adoptive mother, had her own reasons. A parent does NOT have to explain everything to the child. This is basically Joan’s beef…that the adoptive parents lied to her, kept secrets from her…well maybe they had reasons…it is NOT up to the child to know every atom of the parents’ mind. (Ruth’s note: I know for a FACT that there were things that Joan herself did NOT share with her own daughter – things that she SHOULD have – for all of Joan’s whining that adoptees should know their complete medical background, and Joan was going around for years to various family gatherings (of her birth family and extended birth family) and collecting this information, SHE NEVER SHARED IT WITH HER DAUGHTER! I got an email via myspace and my niece was asking me questions about MY medical background, and my sisters’! So don’t be throwing stones at your amother Joan, because YOU have withheld things from your own birth daughter!)
Any way, Joan now has the bracelet…she ought to be glad…but…she isn’t.
….This is yet another reminder that for all I know about my birth and my adoption I shall never really know my life. I was a baby born to a dying mother. I was dying at birth. The conditions and events that surrounded the people who took care of me, especially my natural father, were tense. My future hung in the balance until my mother died. Nearly a month later, my father handed me to another couple to raise as their daughter. I grew up the only child of this couple. My former life ceased to exist.
Gert says: what Joan sees is just a reminder that she ‘shall never really know my life’ (her life). Here’s a news flash…I DON’T KNOW ALL OF MY LIFE and neither does anyone else. What part of Joan’s life does she not know that she didn’t know before she finds a baby bracelet? I didn’t have items of my infancy until I was an adult…neither did my children. Some people NEVER get those items. Joan ought to be glad to have the bracelet, NOW and give THANKS to the adoptive mother who kept it for her.
Joan’s sense of drama is scary!! She was born to a dying mother and Joan was dying at birth!! What bullshit! Here’s the TRUTH…Joan was born 7 weeks premature and was placed in an incubator! Our mother had been very sick in late Dec of 1955 and was in the hospital for complete bed rest. On Jan 7, 1956 mother went into premature labor. After having had four kids she knew the labor pains, rang for the nurse, but by the time the nurse got there, the baby had come. They cut the cord and placed the baby in the incubator. Joan was there for 6 weeks. Mother’s ovarian and uterine cancer wasn’t discovered until after the baby was born, nothing could be done for her and she died 3 months later.
But, Joan has to tell everything in great melodramatic terms and as she does so, she alters things, she puts conditions upon the players in her story…but the TRUTH is…she has NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED because she was an infant and is relying on hearsay and conjuncture. No one KNEW her mother was dying at the time of Joan’s birth! Joan herself was NOT DYING AT BIRTH. So conditions around the event were tense…does that make Joan unique? And what about ME AND MY BROTHER AND SISTERS…were we NOT AFFECTED?
We have as much right to state OUR TRUTH, OUR VERSION AND OUR OPINIONS when it comes to anyone talking about OUR MOTHER!
But Joan is only concerned about ‘her future…that hung in the balance’…she doesn’t give a damn about her siblings and how THEIR future also hung in the balance.
She ‘grew up the only child of this couple. My former life ceased to exist’…yep…it’s all about Joan!
….I hold this bracelet now as a mere portion of my life before adoption. Those six weeks I lay in an incubator, clinging to life, this is what this bracelet symbolizes for me. It’s not my name on the bracelet, it’s my mother’s name, for I am my mother’s daughter and this is the way the hospital knew I belonged to her. My birth and those first few weeks of my life were not happy moments.
Gert says: Just because a baby is in an incubator does not mean they are clinging to life. My second child was in an incubator, my half-brother was in an incubator…many children have been in incubators…that’s normal procedure for early births…there was NOTHING unusual about Joan’s early birth…its only in Joan’s mind. No, the illness and death of our mother is not a happy occasion but that’s the way it was and is and we learn to accept those circumstances of our own birth and the dying of our parents. If us siblings have learned to live with that loss why can’t Joan? Because she HATES THE FACT THAT SHE WAS ADOPTED.
….As I clear thorough the belongings of one mother recently deceased, I am reminded of another mother who died long ago. Her death changed the course of my life.
Joan ought to give thanks and memory to the woman who just died and to the woman who died long ago…but she hasn’t done so. All she can say is HOW those events changed the course of HER LIFE. Joan is so self-centered that she can’t give one second, one word of thanks to these two women, who gave her life and subsistence
….My baby bracelet brought me, not a moment of happiness, but a day of mourning of loss.
Joan can not find one moment of happiness that Mother gave her life. All Joan can see is mourning and loss.
When I think of my mother, who died when I was nine, I don’t always feel sad for myself. I feel sad for the woman who died and about how much life SHE DID NOT get to live! (Ruth’s note: EXACTLY! When we lose a loved one, yes, we grieve them. Our tears are shed for us, because of the empty hole in our lives, and how we will miss them. Because grief is the price we pay for having loved someone. But then we need to think about the person who just died – are they in a better place? Or, in the case of Genevieve Herr Sippel – she never got to experience the joy of seeing her daughters get married. She never got to celebrate first womanhood with Gert, Kathy and me. She never got to see her son be a proud altar boy at Sacred Heart Church, or experience pride in seeing him graduate from boot camp and become a Marine! Genevieve never got to hold her grandchildren! Because in the long run – the death is about THEM, not about US.)
Joan ought to give thanks for the life she was given and start to live that life before she finds herself on her own deathbed…alone…because there will be no one there for her because of all the lies she has told and all the misery she had heaped upon those that are blood.
So I close this by giving thanks…to Dorothy Wheeler, who recently died, who adoptive my blood sister and took care of her. I also give thanks to Genevieve Herr Sippel, my mother, who also gave birth to Joan, and who is REPRESENTED by that baby bracelet.
The bracelet is NOT ABOUT JOAN BUT ABOUT MOTHERHOOD!
That’s the truth and it’s scary!
Ruth’s additional comments:
Yes, we other children of Genevieve also lost our mother. Where was MY mother on MY wedding day? Was she there to pin the tiny silk roses in my hair? Gert’s granddaughter did my hair for me and pinned roses in my hair. My mother did not.
Where was Gert’s mother when she got married? Where was Kathy’s and Len’s mom when they got married. Our father’s second wife also died, leaving behind two sons – where was THEIR mother when they got married?
As to motherhood – little Saied Ali never got a chance to even wear a baby bracelet. His mother never got a chance to even see him – because she miscarried him. But his mother still remembers him – from June 5, 1985. Saied is always in my heart. Because I am his mother.
But – do you see us whine about our losses? Yes, we still feel the pain. But we do NOT wallow in it. It took me two years of mourning my son to be able to walk through a department store and not break down when I passed through the infant department. It doesn’t bother me anymore. Just a few years ago, when my nephew in Chicago and his wife had a baby girl – I ran right to JC Penney’s and got the cutest damned little denim playset. When a girl I used to babysit had her daughter two years ago – again I ran to JC Penney’s (yes, my favorite store) and got her a beautiful little ballerina outfit. And by the way, I don’t quite remember what I bought Joan’s daughter – who was born just 16 months after her cousin Saied died – but I know I bought her something. And I was the one who drove Joan and her home from the hospital and held her in my arms. I mourned the loss of my son – but celebrated the birth of my niece.
And that’s what life is all about – mourn your losses, yes – honor those who left you. But life goes on. My mother in law is sitting on a shelf in a bookcase in my living room. Well, her ashes, actually. – Only two feet from my husband’s easy chair. We have her picture up. Along with the picture of my mother, and my brother and cousin who died just weeks after my mother in law. We even have a picture of my first husband who died a week and a half before my brother. I haven’t gotten around to putting up a picture of my father yet – I’m still a bit raw yet.
Both my husband and I honor these people. And yet, there are times in my busy life, that I am just going about my life and don’t even think about them. Because life goes on. I got things to do. Like going to my job, and other things. I don’t sit and wallow and think about my mother every dam day of my life. Hey – I got a real rotten shaft in life you know – I lost my f’ing mother when I was three and a half years old. Because my stepmother was sick, I got stuck in an children’s home for a year, then in a foster home. Then my father bought a house and got us kids together – but he worked two jobs. I never saw him. We teenagers had assigned jobs to do – Gert had married already, but Kathy did the cooking, I did the laundry, the boys did the outdoor work – and we all chipped in to do dishes, vacuuming, dusting etc.
Then I grew up and found a wonderful man – but geez, I couldn’t get pregnant! After several years of trying I finally did get pregnant, but what happens? I lose him! WTF? – AND on top of that – this was just at the time my ex and I broke up! And he had gone back to his home country overseas. I didn’t even have the father of my child to help me through my loss. I did it all on my own. And then I found love in a man who had already been a good friend of mine for 9 years. We moved in together in 1987 and have been together ever since. And I could never get pregnant again.
So what do I do every May on Mother’s Day? Through my whole life I never had a MOM to buy cards for. Now, I don’t a have CHILD to buy cards for me. Oh boo, hoo, poor Ruth. BULLSHIT! I just get on with life. Because I am enriched in my life. I get cards from other people. I get calls from Gert’s daughter all the time on Mother’s Day and my birthday. My nephew – well, as a member of the male gender – this kind of stuff goes over his head. But I’ve gotten some nice messages of love from him – when his male genes let down their guard and he remembers he has an aunt that he’d better f’ing call!
The point is of this whole long piece here is this: Joan – get the hell off your ass and LIVE! Stop the damn whining already. Stop obsessing with DEATH and get out and enjoy the sunshine! Good Lord! Even Helen Keller said “Look towards the sun and not the shadows.” And she was BLIND and DEAF!
The fact that Joan at the age of 55 is still WHINING about herself being in an incubator as a baby shows us that she is a very very scary person. As Gert points out – her daughter was in an incubator too. I have NEVER heard my niece WHINE about it. NEVER!
For someone at the age of 55 years old to be still whining about it, or even whining at all about is truly scary.