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Joan Wheeler condemns her birth family for looking at pictures of her January 12, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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So today on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum was this discussion. Joan was not part of it, but I find it very interesting.

  The title of the thread is “Is it weird?”
opening post:

When I started my search I was dying to find out information.  I found out that my nparents married and had three boys.  I was so excited when I found out I not only had siblings but they were full siblings.  Weird thing was I have ALWAYS wanted a brother and now I find out I have 3! 

Okay, the thing I am hoping is not too weird is I like cyber stalk them because I haven’t reached out to my bfamily yet.  Is it weird I check out their Facebook and I have saved pictures I could find?  I even put them all together with mine to see if there are similarities (which I believe I see many).  I found a picture of my bdad and it is so weird I think he looks like my agrandpa.  The one I long to find, however, is my bmom.  I have one clipping that the state put in my file of their marraige announcement and their picture is there but it is so terrible and is hard to see.  It is a strange longing and what I can see of her in the face I think we look crazy alike! 

Anyway, now that I have babbled on about my thoughts and weirdness I will settle down.  Haha! 
Reply #1

LOL Renae, Those are completely normal things for adoptees to do!
Reply #2

Yep, completely normal!  Who WOULDN’T want to see the face of their own mother?  Or see and know something about their own families?  I think it is more abnormal to NOT want to do those things.

I mean, why is Ancestry.com so huge? Because people want to know where they came from. 
 
Reply #3
Completely normal.  I was happy too when I found out my first parents were married.  I always wanted brothers but ended up with sisters instead…

Congrats of finding them! Have fun cyber stalking!
 
Reply #4

Completely normal!  I cyber stalked my siblings for months until b-mom finally told them!
 
Reply #5
It is not weird.
 
Reply #6

Totally normal.  I checked out all my relatives via Facebook before making contact (they seemed relatively normal lol).  When I told them, they laughed and said they would have done the same lol.

I did family history via Births/Deaths and Marriages and, to cut a long story short, found a family history site for a convict and his brother (convict is grandfather’s descendant, his brother is grandmother’s descendant) – wrote away for the FH books which listed all the 7000 or so descendants and in a couple of the books discovered pictures of my nmum, most of my uncles, grandparents and grandmother’s siblings and parents and grandfathers father – that was pretty exciting because I really wasn’t expecting to find any photos at all – well worth the $10 I spent on all 3 books lol.  
 
Reply #7

Perhaps a lot more weird is that I often google my nmum’s widower’s name in the hope that there will be something online about him (eg is he still alive (he was alive a year ago though very ill)) as I sort of want to contact him one day (but am too scared to lol).  I did find an interesting legal document (he is suing a company for health reasons) which does give all his work history – probably of no relevance to me but sort of interesting. 

So now to my observations:
In her book, and on her websites, Joan Wheeler bitches and moans that pictures of her were exchanged between a birth aunt and an adopted aunt. She equates that with “spying.” She’s even accused her birth sisters of stalking her for her entire life. Considering we were children (me being 3 years old) – that’s kind of hard to do! Joan also related in her book that when she was an adult (?) in her first apartment, she had a picture of our mother and she was staring at it, trying to relate to it. (just like the person who started this thread on the forum).

To clarify: my mother’s sister, Catherine, grew up with a woman named Helen. Helen’s brother in law Edward Wheeler and his wife couldn’t have kids of their own and wanted to adopt. When my mother died, and it became clear that my father couldn’t take care of an infant, Aunt Catherine asked my father what he was going to do. She SUGGESTED adoption. My father consulted his priest. After much soul-searching, he agreed to the adoption. He was not coerced. So the adoption took place. YES through the years, Aunt Catherine knew about Joan. She never told us, until Gert was an adult. Joan CONDEMNS Aunt Catherine in her book as “spying” on her. BULLSHIT! Aunt Catherine and Helen GREW UP TOGETHER – they were friends BEFORE my parents and Joan’s aparents even met and married! And of course Aunt Catherine would “keep an eye” on Joan (keeping silent because of the legalities), because JOAN WAS THE DAUGHTER OF HER DEAD SISTER!

Dammit Joan – why is all your whining all about YOU and YOUR pain? Did you never think that Aunt Catherine would be in pain? Do you think that Aunt Catherine LOVED you your entire life, and be hurting, knowing that you were her neice and she couldn’t hug and kiss you? Or that when your birth siblings wanted to find you it was because WE LOVED YOU?

So if it is normal for ADOPTEES to “stalk” their birth families, why is it NOT normal for BIRTH FAMILIES to “stalk” the adopted ones? As usual, these adoptees have a double standard. Joan routinely CONDEMNS her birth sisters for doing the same dam thing she did – look at a picture of a family member and wonder about them. Yes, Joan CONDEMNS Aunt Catherine for having a picture of her when she had her First Holy Communion. Aunt Catherine was a second mother to me. I know that she spent hours looking at that picture of Joan and cried, knowing this was the daughter of her dead sister. But Joan did the same thing when she received a picture of her dead mother.

Yep – that Joan Wheeler is full of contradictions and double standards. SHE can look at pictures of her birth family, but her birth family is condemned for looking at pictures of her.

1. gertmcqueenJanuary 12, 2012

Gert here:

very good Ruth…great insights into the minds of adoptees and of course Joan!!
while I can certainly understand their ‘need to know’ I do find their double standards and their tactics to be worst than childish and more malicious in nature….they, the adoptee, can do all the spying and stalking they want…but NO ONE else can!! And the adoptee, Joan in particular, screams that we, the birth siblings, are COMMITTING the crime of cyber-stalking for doing the very thing they are doing.

So the next time Joan Wheeler tells the world or a lawyer that we are stalking her, she had better be careful for we shall refer them to this post…

2. RuthJanuary 13, 2012

oh yes- the subject of stalking – let me tell you about stalking!

In 1987, I had broken off ties with Joan – because she had hurt and insulted me after I had miscarried my son. I had hung up the phone on her in April 1987. The following month, my husband (then fiance) John moved into a house together. I had the post office send my mail to a friend’s house in Lackawanna NY. I did not call Joan AT ALL. I did not Write to her either. But for months – I would come into work and find little slips of paper paperclipped to my timecard – memos from the nursing office – “call Joan Wheeler at (such and such number)” I never called her.

In the summer of 1988, I reached out to Joan and we reconciled. She told me that she tried to find me. She went to the post office to get my forwarding address – it was some house in Lackawanna, but the people there said they didn’t know me. (thank you Hassan) – and Joan said that she’d been calling my job and leaving messages and once had a conversation with one of my managers, who told her (and remember, this is Joan telling me this) “If Ruth doesn’t want to call you, there’s nothing we can do.”

What’s wrong with this picture? JOAN ADMITTED TO STALKING ME IN 1987 – 1988! YET SHE GETS ON THE INTERNET AND CLAIMS IN HER BOOK THAT I STALKED HER! WHAT A TWO-FACED BITCH!

Go ahead now, Joan, file cyberstalking and other stalking charges against me – for I will tell the authorities what a bitch YOU are. You want to take that gamble? And how about the times you wrote letters to my job in 1995 – falsely accusing me of computer hacking with my employer and giving away private details of my life to a supervisor that did not know me. Or how about the time in March 2011 you went on the Huffington Post internet site and blabbed sexual abuse garbage about me and my sisters – garbage that resulted in you getting kicked off the Huffington site. – a clear case of CYBERSTALKING! Oh, the pot sure has a lot of nerve calling the kettle black.

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Comments

1. gertmcqueen - January 12, 2012

Gert here:

very good Ruth…great insights into the minds of adoptees and of course Joan!!
while I can certainly understand their ‘need to know’ I do find their double standards and their tactics to be worst than childish and more malicious in nature….they, the adoptee, can do all the spying and stalking they want…but NO ONE else can!! And the adoptee, Joan in particular, screams that we, the birth siblings, are COMMITTING the crime of cyber-stalking for doing the very thing they are doing.

So the next time Joan Wheeler tells the world or a lawyer that we are stalking her, she had better be careful for we shall refer them to this post…

2. Ruth - January 13, 2012

oh yes- the subject of stalking – let me tell you about stalking!

In 1987, I had broken off ties with Joan – because she had hurt and insulted me after I had miscarried my son. I had hung up the phone on her in April 1987. The following month, my husband (then fiance) John moved into a house together. I had the post office send my mail to a friend’s house in Lackawanna NY. I did not call Joan AT ALL. I did not Write to her either. But for months – I would come into work and find little slips of paper paperclipped to my timecard – memos from the nursing office – “call Joan Wheeler at (such and such number)” I never called her.

In the summer of 1988, I reached out to Joan and we reconciled. She told me that she tried to find me. She went to the post office to get my forwarding address – it was some house in Lackawanna, but the people there said they didn’t know me. (thank you Hassan) – and Joan said that she’d been calling my job and leaving messages and once had a conversation with one of my managers, who told her (and remember, this is Joan telling me this) “If Ruth doesn’t want to call you, there’s nothing we can do.”

What’s wrong with this picture? JOAN ADMITTED TO STALKING ME IN 1987 – 1988! YET SHE GETS ON THE INTERNET AND CLAIMS IN HER BOOK THAT I STALKED HER! WHAT A TWO-FACED BITCH!

Go ahead now, Joan, file cyberstalking and other stalking charges against me – for I will tell the authorities what a bitch YOU are. You want to take that gamble? And how about the times you wrote letters to my job in 1995 – falsely accusing me of computer hacking with my employer and giving away private details of my life to a supervisor that did not know me. Or how about the time in March 2011 you went on the Huffington Post internet site and blabbed sexual abuse garbage about me and my sisters – garbage that resulted in you getting kicked off the Huffington site. – a clear case of CYBERSTALKING! Oh, the pot sure has a lot of nerve calling the kettle black.


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