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Joan Wheeler gives her views on motherhood through adoption – again, she is so full of hate, she cannot understand LOVE. February 4, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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On January 31, 2012, Gert posted this very excellant post over at her blog. I want everyone to read it. AND read my comment – because it shows how Joan treated me, her own blood sister, in her book, in regards to the death of my son Saied. – I was only 6 weeks pregnant when I lost him. A friend at work asked me just a couple of weeks ago how did I know it was a boy – and I answered – a mother knows.

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motherhood through adoption; find out what Joan Wheeler has to say

by on January 31, 2012
I’m updating this post on Feb 2, 2011, because I have found additional information on this topic. It appears that after a poem, by an adopted mother, was posted on Amazon it was posted on the forum and then those adult adoptees, that are advocating for change, had a good time blasting the woman.
 
First here is the poem as placed on Amazon and then on the public forum of Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change…
 
MARKING HIM
Does my little son miss the smell of his first mother? I wonder as the mew of his mouth opens toward a plastic bottle which is not her breast.Sudden new mother, I bury my nose deep into his skull cap of ringlets, his starry cheesiness.In her good-bye letter to him sealed in his album with a birth certificate which now lists my name as Mother his first mother writes she nursed him briefly after he emerged into the second room of his world.

I think of milk volcanic and insistent, answering the newborn’s gigantic thirst,
a primal agreement between generosity and greed.

Sometimes I press my nose to the glass of that place where a mother and my child belong to each other; I cannot imagine coming between them.

But then I want to lick him all over with a cow’s thick tongue,
to taste him and mark him as mine so if the other mother returns,
she will refuse her handled calf smeared with my smell.
© Margaret Hasse, Milk and Tides, Nodin Press, 2008

 
And now…here are some of the comments from the Adult Adoptees about it.
 
An AMom poem  Today at 09:06:29 AM
Why are AP’s SOO fixated and obsessed with breasts and breast milk?  It’s kinda perverted and disgusting.
This woman needs to be locked up and kept away from society.  REEEETTTTCCHHHHHHH
As tragic as this is, what’s more tragic is that it’s the first honest expression of what’s really going on that I’ve ever seen an a-mom admit to.
They all feel it, this one’s just honest enough to say it out loud.
 
1adopteeReply #24 on: September 15, 2010, 01:26:16 PM »
Jealousy of a woman who became a mother in an unnatural act of taking another woman’s infant as her own. You can’t have him, he’s MINE! Insecure, crazy, possessive nutcase.  :piknose:   :naus:
 
And now back to my original post…before I found the above.
 
On an Amazon.com customer discussion thread, called Motherhood through adoption, I found another outrageous statement by Joan Wheeler. The response was to a poem which isn’t really needed here. The point I want to show is Joan’s total hatred of adoption.
 
Posted on Sep 15, 2010 11:27:34 AM PDT
Joan M. Wheeler says:
Jealousy, insecurity, envy of the infant’s true mother. That is what adoption is: taking another woman’s infant as your own. That act perverts the natural order of life itself. I am an adoptee. This poem is disgusting.
 
Gert’s comments:
So let’s get this right! According to Joan, who was adopted because of the death of her mother and the inability of her father from being able to care for her…adoption is a perverted act against the order of life! According to Joan…someone who adopts is taking another woman’s child…what the hell is she talking about? Joan’s mother died! The woman who adopted Joan didn’t take another woman’s child; the child was placed via legal means. That adopted parent was NOT jealous, insecure of envious of a DEAD woman! That adopted parent wanted nothing more than to have a child, and it was probably that woman’s bad luck to have been stuck with Joan!
 
Of course adoption creates motherhood and fatherhood and a family. How does the act of adoption pervert the natural order of life itself? If anything it helps perserve family.
 
Joan is disgusting!
 
Here is the comment I posted on Gert’s blog post: –

I’m surprised that Joan didn’t stand up to the adoptee who blasted breastfeeding – because Joan herself was obsessed with breastfeeding her own son until he was past FOUR YEARS OLD! And she drank much beer at the time because she was told that beer increases milk production.

Joan, – the Earth Mother? no, because when she was pregnant with her first child, her son, was bitching and moaning that she now had to learn about “vitamins and nutrition.” – she was pissed she was pregnant because it would take time away from her all important life as a wronged adoptee!

ps, Joan, who also suffered from low self-image problems because of her flat chest LOVED breast feeding – because she was engorged and bigger at the time. – I know these things, because yes, we were once close where we shared things. – Joan, you gonna publish crap in your book about MY miscarriage – mocking me – actually saying “at one time she (me) CLAIMED to want children…” – ok, you deserve this dig. MY SON DIED AND YOU PUT IN YOUR BOOK THAT I MERELY CLAIMED I WANTED HIM – payback is a bitch.

personally, I think the poem is beautiful – ok, the cow’s thick tongue – but when you witness even a cat giving birth – and I have – and how the mama cat cleans the baby with her tongue – then you get the idea. It is all natural – it is all in the wonderful world of nature. We humans don’t lick our babies clean. We have developed other means for that. – but at one time we must have.

one time a friend of mine said she wouldn’t breast feed her son because “it wasn’t natural.” roflmao! – it’s the most natural thing in the whole world! This is another person who is afraid of silence – as Gert points out Joan is in another post –

Silence is wonderful. Nature is wonderful. A child is wonderful. For an infertile woman to have the chance to cuddle and love a child is wonderful. She didn’t steal him. She was given a gift. She was robbed of the chance to have her own. Another woman, for whatever reason, gave her child up. The infertile woman/adoptive mother didn’t STEAL another woman’s child – she isn’t jealous because some other woman is pregant.

yes we hear of the horror stories of SOME infertile women who abduct infants from homes and hospitals – even go so far as murdering the new mother or pregnant woman. BUT to paint ALL infertile women as jealous nutballs – no, that is not right.

I know of what I speak – I am an infertile woman. I tried for years to get pregnant. And then I did, and I lost my son. – I have never forgotten him. I have never been jealous of other pregnant women. I rejoiced when the following year Joan had her daughter – oh – did she forget to write in her book that it wasn’t her husband who drove her and their new baby home? Oh – who was it? – oh – it was that nasty birth sister Ruth! who despite having lost her own son the year before, still loved Joan’s kids. And cuddled and kissed them frequently. And buried her aunty nose in their little curls and wished their cousin Saied could grow up with them. Alas – it was not to be.

this is the way wordpress messed up the margins: so just scroll down to continue reading. (sorry for the inconvenience). 

  1. I’m surprised that Joan didn’t stand up to the adoptee who blasted breastfeeding – because Joan herself was obsessed with breastfeeding her own son until he was past FOUR YEARS OLD! And she drank much beer at the time because she was told that beer increases milk production.

    Joan, – the Earth Mother? no, because when she was pregnant with her first child, her son, was bitching and moaning that she now had to learn about “vitamins and nutrition.” – she was pissed she was pregnant because it would take time away from her all important life as a wronged adoptee!

    ps, Joan, who also suffered from low self-image problems because of her flat chest LOVED breast feeding – because she was engorged and bigger at the time. – I know these things, because yes, we were once close where we shared things. – Joan, you gonna publish crap in your book about MY miscarriage – mocking me – actually saying “at one time she (me) CLAIMED to want children…” – ok, you deserve this dig. MY SON DIED AND YOU PUT IN YOUR BOOK THAT I MERELY CLAIMED I WANTED HIM – payback is a bitch.

    personally, I think the poem is beautiful – ok, the cow’s thick tongue – but when you witness even a cat giving birth – and I have – and how the mama cat cleans the baby with her tongue – then you get the idea. It is all natural – it is all in the wonderful world of nature. We humans don’t lick our babies clean. We have developed other means for that. – but at one time we must have.

    one time a friend of mine said she wouldn’t breast feed her son because “it wasn’t natural.” roflmao! – it’s the most natural thing in the whole world! This is another person who is afraid of silence – as Gert points out Joan is in another post –

    Silence is wonderful. Nature is wonderful. A child is wonderful. For an infertile woman to have the chance to cuddle and love a child is wonderful. She didn’t steal him. She was given a gift. She was robbed of the chance to have her own. Another woman, for whatever reason, gave her child up. The infertile woman/adoptive mother didn’t STEAL another woman’s child – she isn’t jealous because some other woman is pregant.

    yes we hear of the horror stories of SOME infertile women who abduct infants from homes and hospitals – even go so far as murdering the new mother or pregnant woman. BUT to paint ALL infertile women as jealous nutballs – no, that is not right.

    I know of what I speak – I am an infertile woman. I tried for years to get pregnant. And then I did, and I lost my son. – I have never forgotten him. I have never been jealous of other pregnant women. I rejoiced when the following year Joan had her daughter – oh – did she forget to write in her book that it wasn’t her husband who drove her and their new baby home? Oh – who was it? – oh – it was that nasty birth sister Ruth! who despite having lost her own son the year before, still loved Joan’s kids. And cuddled and kissed them frequently. And buried her aunty nose in their little curls and wished their cousin Saied could grow up with them. Alas – it was not to be.

Gert here:

thank you very very much, Ruth, for telling us about the inside stories…yes, the birth sister that Joan condemns, certainly knows what went on behind the scenes that Joan does not tell.

Saturday, Feb. 4, 10:30 am –

Gert and I had a phone conversation yesterday afternoon – and I told her of a conversation on facebook several months ago. A woman I used to babysit is now a mom of 2. She just had her second child a couple of months ago. Her oldest is going on 2 years old. She posted a curious thing on facebook – how she wants to just take a bite out of Hanna. Her friends (her age group and now moms themselves) agreed. – Disgusting? Absolutely not! – After I told Gert this – I said, and she agreed – don’t we all just love to nuzzle a baby? – I well remember changing Gert’s kid’s diapers and then placing my face on their tummies – and giving them raspberries – and gently tickling them, and then going “rar, rar, rar,” and pretend to bite them – I think it’s the most natural thing in the world! And I did it to my baby brother too! And Joan’s kids. Geez – I do it to this day to my cat! – and he loves it! I bury my face in his fur – and he in turn gives me little nips with his teeth on my chin and the tip of my nose. – Imagine that! An entity that didn’t give birth to another entity – and yet they still have that most natural nuzzling/kissing/lightly tasting thing called LOVE!

No, Pippin, my cat didn’t give birth to me, yet he still “tastes” me. I didn’t give birth to him, yet I still (sort of) taste him. I never had the wonderful gift of giving birth – yet I still have that basic instinct of wanting to nuzzle a baby. – to some degree – now in 1988, my cat Morris was having a litter and I had to be her midwife. Into the palm of my hand came out the cutest little black cat. Samantha was born into my hand. And I held her as Morris cleaned her with her tongue. Samantha and I were very affectionate to each other thru the years and in 2004, when it was her time to leave this world, I held her in my arms and nuzzled her while the vets gave her the shot that put her down. She came into this world into my hand, and that’s how she left this world. With me holding and nuzzling her and telling her I loved her.

Why won’t you adoptees give that loving boon to infertile women and adoptive women? Are you all dried up prunes that you can’t understand LOVE? That the pre-requiste for LOVE is giving birth? I love my husband – I didn’t give birth to him. What the hell is the matter with you adoptees? Just because YOU are incapable of love doesn’t give you the right to deny it to others.

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