More Lies by Joan Wheeler from January, 2012 on another website February 9, 2012Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunion, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cyberbullying, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, LIBEL, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, spreading untruths
So, at another wordpress blog, Finding God’s Fingerprints at the post “Adoption: Where Do You Begin?” Joan spouts some more lies and misrepresentations of us. She apparently has nothing better to do with her life than to keep spreading lies about us on the internet. I left the following comment for this particular post. It is awaiting moderation. I don’t know if the moderator will approve my comment or not. If she wants to keep lies on her page, that is her decision.
SEE UPDATE AT END OF THIS POST….
I have only commented on just a couple of pieces of Joan’s garbage, but Gert has taken Joan’s garbage and answered everything that Joan has said in her very excellent post “Joan Wheeler continues to lie and lie on another adoption site, but she got caught! part one.” and “Joan Wheeler continues to lie and lie on another adoption site, but she got caught! part two” Gert outlines every example of fact-twisting and lie, that Joan did as well as outlining every incident of bullying, intimidation, and brow-beating that Joan committed on that site – intended to bully the site’s owner, an adoptive mother, other adoptive parents and those wishing to adopt.
The moderator of the site did put up my comment – but here they are anyway – and keep reading to see how the moderator felt to have her site taken over by this family drama – a drama that didn’t need to put out there in the first place – but that’s how Joan is – she just HAS to have her bullshit drama spread all over the place. Bullshit should be only be spread around in farms and gardens as a fertilizer, to help things grow. Joan’s form of bullshit is toxic – and turns people away from her. Will she never learn? – and at the end of this post – is proof positive that one of the adoptees who commented on Erica’s site is a spamalator – a person who not only intentionally spams pro-adoption sites, but posts links of those sites and instructs other people to spam them too. Yeah, Daniel ibn Zayd – I’m talking about YOU. Keep that crap up, and the law might come after you – delibrate spamming is cyberbullying.
so here is my comment answering Joan’s latest bullshit:
I am a birth sister of Joan Wheeler’s and am appalled at her continued bantering of falsehoods regarding her adoption. She says: At his wife’s funeral, a Catholic priest said to him, “The baby needs two parents”. And a woman approached him and said, “I know someone who will take your baby.” Her brother and his wife became my adoptive parents.
No, my mother’s sister’s childhood friend had a brother whose wife was infertile. My aunt and her brothers asked my father after my mother died, “what are you goint to do about the baby?” My aunt suggested the adoption by her friend’s brother. My father consulted the priest. NONE OF THIS HAPPENED AT THE FUNERAL. I have heard the stories from not only my father, but my aunt, and my uncles.
Joan also says: The Christmas after I was born, and two weeks before my adoption was to be finalized, my adoptive parents bought a Christmas tree and presents for my four older siblings, ages 3, 6, 8 and 9. The kids were in bed when they delivered and set up the tree and gave my father the presents. They must have had a babysitter for me so they could do this act of charity. My adoptive mother told me that she and my adoptive father wanted to do something nice for my natural father and his children so they would have a nice Christmas. Imagine how my natural father felt receiving these gifts in exchange for his 5th child? His other children never knew where the tree came from or the presents.
This is a lie. My father worked as an engineer at Buffalo’s City Hall and was making good money. Six months after my mother died in March 1956, he remarried (Summer 1956) to a woman from a large Italian family. There was no need for ANYbody to send over a tree and gifts. This story may have been told to Joan by her adoptive parents because they lived in a suburb of Buffalo, while we continued to live in the “inner city.” Joan was raised as a spoiled only child, with hand-made dresses. The rest of us, as kids from any large family would, wear hand-me-downs. So what? We also had many fine Christmases provided by my father and his second wife, many gifts from both sets of my birth grandparents and my stepgrandmother and her son and daughters. If anything, we kids PROSPERED with so many relatives!
Joan further says that we birth siblings ruined her life, and our reunion with her. She says that at age 18, she was unprepared for the reunion. She says we were out of bounds. NO, my sister Gert asked an adoption agency and they said that there was no restrictions on siblings to find adopted out relatives. No, we did not consult our father, but after he was reuinted with Joan, he was happy to see his daughter again.
Joan made the concious decision BEFORE we found her to search for us, so that negates her statement that she was unprepared.
Joan says we ridiculed her for her anti-adoption stand. No we did not. I myself appeared with her for a tv news interview on WGRZ tv Buffalo, New York AND I encourged her to write a book. Sad to say, her book was full of hate directed at her birth family, me in particular. In May of 2011 we were successful in having her book pulled from publication due to the slander and lies contained in it.
Joan also fails to tell people on this site and elsewhere WHY our reunion turned sour. Because she interfered with parental authority, she stole money from us, in my case it was hundreds of dollars, and she called my job repeatedly to get me fired over a false accusation. She sent harassing letters to me, one said that my infertile husband got the next door neighbor pregnant.
For Joan to get on the internet and spread such lies, while being guilty of lies herseld speaks volumes of her character.
Click on my name to go my blog Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler, where we take every lie contained in Joan’s book and present the truth – with documetnted proof of her lies: actual court documents (one of her lies was that I have an arrest and criminal record – which is false and slander) – and actual letter written by Joan herself.
I am NOT against adoptee rights. I am just against this particular adoptee who has spread lies about me for more than 30 years and ruined our reunion with her because of her immoral activity. She says we wanted to mold our baby sister into what we wanted? NO, all we wanted was someone who didn’t lie to us, create trouble, steal from us, and wreak havoc in our lives.
1. gertmcqueen –
Gert here: it boggles the mind…just how much Joan likes to talk and talk and talk…the same of lies and fabrications…on every new blog and news site she finds!
She left several rambling, over the tops, comments. She is nothing but a raving manic and she thinks by doing so that people will get her message…wrong!
It doesn’t matter, to us, really, if this blog does not recognize nor publish our comments related to Joan…BECAUSE…the moderator will check us out and will be cautious the next time Joan opens her month! This particular ‘adoption’ site will see, like others have, that Joan is a nut case and will never listen to her.
Our job is done…for this site…and every site that we find where Joan lies and lies and exploits us and our family.2. Ruth –
oh – on that site – in one of her numerous nonsense comments, Joan mentions that her boyfriend’s father died in November (2011) – like that had something to do with the topic on the blog! HOWEVER, during a check at The Buffalo News just 10 minutes ago, I found that the man died on October 30, 2011. Okay, it was only a couple of days before November, but we see how JOAN DOESN’T GET THE FACTS RIGHT!
I have caught her in many of these little slip-ups in her book. Like the time she was describing a fight she had after a party of my younger brother’s First Holy Communion. She described the day as cold and rainy. I posted pictures of my stepsister who was wearing a dress with spaghetti straps. Full sunlight streaming in the windows! And a check in the library on the mircrofilmed newspaper for that day – the weather was listed as “warm and sunny.”
Nitpicking? Not when you are dealing with the facts of people’s lives – which Joan turns completely around to suit her fantasy of what happened – which in turns means: CAN YOU TRUST WHAT JOAN SAYS ABOUT HER BIRTH FAMILY?
For example, this bullshit about my father accepting a xmas tree the year after she was born – which would make it Dec. 1956 (actually 11 months after she was born, considering she was born in January). In December 1956, I was 4 years old, yet she says I was 3. And she gets all the ages of my siblings wrong.
This is the example of an author of a non-fiction book? Her book that is full of mistakes just like this – plus the lies we found in it. Bad bad Joan.
The moderator approved my 2 comments with this caveat:
February 9, 2012 at 11:31 am
I have approved of these comments regarding your side of your birth families’ story, but will ask that any future comments from yourself or Joan regarding this topic, be done personally, or on your own site. I absolutely understand your desire to defend yourself, and your family when you feel you are being wronged (especially publicly), but I do not want my site to become the place to do this. I would like to keep the focus of this post for people who are considering adoption and don’t know where to begin. Thanks for understanding!
to which I answered:
(Your comment is awaiting moderation.)February 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm
I thank you for posting my comment – there are two sides to every story and you are fair and gracious to have let my side to have been heard.
yes, people should keep their comments to the topic at hand. And this topic was for adoption. The comments should also be truthful. Because when the truth is not told, or the topic is not adhered to, confusion is the result. I say kudos to those who want to consider adoption. They should know all the facts.
I am also for adoptee rights. Truth in their documentation should be a must. However, militant tactics and lies only hurt and confuse people. And make enemies of those who might otherwise help in ways that are not known.
Erica, please let me extend to you my apologys for the drama posted here. – Ruth
so what can we learn from this debacle (besides what we already know – that Joan is a liar)? That Joan is the real cyberbully! She finds a pro-adoption website and spouts her garbage on it. And she uses their site as a way to tell more lies about us.
You should be ashamed Joan. And before you start with ranting and raving that we are cyber-stalking you – we’ve told you before – yes, we are there watching and monitoring what you say on the internet – because when you are talking about your birth family and spreading untruths – we have the right to know about it. Because we ARE your birth family – and any untruth spread about us will be refuted. You have recently posted a few anti-adoption remarks on the internet, which did not mention us. And we left them alone. But the minute you include us in your comments, you have left yourself wide open to rebuttals from us. Shut your mouth about us and you won’t get into trouble on the internet. Now here is another site you are banned from – just like the Huffington Post last March.
3. gertmcqueen –
thank you Ruth for thanking Erica, the owner of that site.
She also posted my comment…
gertmcqueen says: February 8, 2012 at 3:43 pm
I am birth sister to Joan Wheeler, you really ought to see the other side of the story check out the birth siblings blogs@ gertmcqueen.wordpress.com and firstname.lastname@example.org Amongst many things, Joan Wheeler violated the adoption process I was in with adopting my own son, in 1980…
Ruth…you are so right when you say….
so what can we learn from this debacle (besides what we already know – that Joan is a liar)? That Joan is the real cyberbully! She finds a pro-adoption website and spouts her garbage on it. And she uses their site as a way to tell more lies about us. You should be ashamed Joan.
These angry adoptees are the real bullies….and they shall be exposed because NO ONE deserves to have a target on their backs because they are pro-adoption.
Ruth here – Gert – yes – Joan and the other adoptees from the adoptee forum, Daniel, one of them,ARE the true cyberbullies.
Readers – at the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, these militant, angry “hating” adoptees regularly post urls of ANY pro-adoption site with instructions for their members to go and spam them. Which they do, and then come back and post on their forum how they “socked it to them.” They use disgusting hating smilies like “punching” karate chop, piknose, barfs – any infertile woman, birth mother who relinquished their baby for adoption, adoptive parent or adoption agency is fair game to these people. Bullies, that’s all they are. We have seen evidence from as far back as 2008 of Joan having been kicked off pro-adoption websites.
I went to find a post on the forum to see if they publicized Erica’s site to spam her, but didn’t find evidence of it. BUT – I did find in early November 2011 TWO posts instructing the forum members to spam two other sites – and one of them was started by Daniel ibn Zayd, who left a couple of comments on Erica’s site. – This graphic is a screnshot of my computer screen while I was on the index page of the general discussion board of the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change – proof positive that these “adult” adoptees are not advocating for change – their purpose is to BULLY pro-adoption sites and CONDEMN any one who is pro-adoption. That is NOT the way to change things. The way to change things is NOT to spam people – but to lobby the lawmakers. And by bullying, browbeating and verbally abusing adoptive parents on the internet, all they are doing is making assholes of themselves. – And like all bullies, when their bullying tactics are revealed, when people stand up to them, they slink away into their self-made cesspools. They tried to bully me in February 2010 on this blog – they came over in droves after Joan asked them, and left a number of obscene messages. When they saw that I was not intimidated by Joan or them, they slunk away. Adults? not in the way they act. They act like little petulant children, that when they don’t get their way, they resort to leaving obscene comments on internet sites.
UPDATE, FEBRUARY 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…