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A short April Fool’s note to Joan Wheeler March 31, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Having Fun with Disfunctionality.
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While you were busy writing a lying book judging and condemning your birth sisters and others, a funny thing happened. Your little secret skeletons poured out. And this is no April Fools – it’s the Truth. Because we deal in Truth on this blog. And the only thing in our family that is forbidden is — you.

1. gertmcqueen

gert here…

too funny!! but oh SO TRUE

people who live in glass houses should NEVER throw stones

Joan’s house of cards….has fallen down!!
all that’s left to do is pick up her garbage and tell the world

2. Ruth

oh for sure Gert – we ARE telling the world – that Joan Wheeler is NOT the Miss Goody-Two-Shoes, Squeeky Clean person she presents herself to be.

In a accusatory email she sent to me in January 2004 (which I have posted to this blog), she is accusing me of things I hadn’t done (so what else is new?) Then, without either one of us talking about papers in each other’s possession, she writes this line: “I don’t care how much paper you think you have against me.”

Well, Joan, it’s 8 years later. I’ll bet you’re caring now! Because those papers were the documented proof of YOUR harassments to me. Handwritten letters and envelopes from Joan herself to my husband and his mother trying to turn them against me. Copies of letters that Joan wrote to elected officials smearing my character. Actual court documents that was given to me when Joan and I went to court that prove that what she says in her book and online are LIES.

Yes, Joan, while you were writing lies, you forgot about all that paper that I had. And I’m sharing all that paper with the world. lol – I bet you care now.



HSLDA | Newborn Seized in Hospital by Police, Social Worker March 30, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
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HSLDA | Newborn Seized in Hospital by Police, Social Worker.

of course, it’s not adoption related. wonder if Joan Wheeler and all those angry adoptees would put their militant mouths to take a stand for some REAL social injustice!

Timeline of computer/internet experiences/involvements of The Three Sippel Sisters – negating the “false facts” of such as put out by Joan Wheeler March 29, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Introduction by Ruth Sippel Pace

On various places on the internet Joan Wheeler, who lumps her three older birth sisters as one entity, gives false and inaccurate information (mostly assumptions) about her sisters’ uses of computers and the internet. I decided to do a chronological listing of our involvement in those areas. Since Kathy moved to England in 1974 and Gert moved away from Buffalo in 1982, I do not know all the details of their early computer usage. I can only give a detail of my own early computer uses. Actual dates cannot be given, only approximations, but the years given are fairly accurate. This list also contains documentation of Joan’s erroneous interpretations of our computer and internet experiences. Most of this list is done in the third person narrative, with occasional comments in the first person by Ruth.

1. Due to seeing the movies 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) and Colossus: Forbin Project (1970), Ruth develops a keen interest in computers, cybernetics, and artificial intelligence.

2. Early to mid 1980’s: Ruth obtains Atari 2600 and Atari 5200 gaming systems, with plans to buy a Radio Shack Tandy Home Computer, but cannot afford one.

3. 1987.
Ruth buys a second hand Texas Instrument TI99/4a home computer (1981 issue) that teaches BASIC computer programming.

Ruth’s employers begin using a DOS (disc operating system) shared computer network with terminals at all nursing stations to be utilized as a basic patient information system – information such as patients vital signs, lab orders and results and an extensive physician contact directory. Access by assigned username and password only. The system used by nursing staff and doctors is not shared with patient billing accounts or other business aspects of the hospital. Ruth’s only use of the system was to enter patients vital signs. As her assigned password could only access the vital sign program of the computer system, Ruth was not able to access any other system. All keystrokes are monitored.

5. 1989
Ruth takes her first official computer usage course, offered through the Buffalo Public School Continuing Adult Education Program on Wednesday evenings for a total of 8 months, training on an Apple IIa system.

6. Early 1990’s
Gert learns computer usage. Does not own her own computer, but teams up with a co-writer. They are on AOL (very early internet), accessing subject specific private discussion forums, joined by invitation only. Gert does not have a private email, her only email was from her employer, and for internal use only. (and every keystroke was also monitored). After a few years, Gert is burnt out – she had been helping her co-writer publish pamphlets and books regarding their religion.

7. 1994
Joan Wheeler’s hospital bill gets mixed up with another patient’s bill. Joan automatically ASSUMES Ruth did it and lodges a complaint with Ruth’s employers. They tell Joan it is highly unlikely that Ruth did it, because the system used by the nursing staff is not even connected with the business computers. They investigate anyway. The error is traced to a typing error occuring at around 4:00 in the afternoon. As Ruth works the 11:00pm – 7:00am shift, Ruth was not in the building at the time the error occured. (Don’t forget – major companies install security programs in their systems that can track every keystroke). Joan is told of the findings of the investigation, but will not accept that Ruth is innocent. Continues for six months to call various departments in the hospital to tell various employees (that don’t even know who Ruth is) that Ruth is a computer hacker and should be fired.

8. c. 1998
Ruth’s employers switch from DOS systems to Windows systems. New computers are installed throughout the hospital and employees are trained in Windows. The hospital sets up a computer lab in the medical library for employees to train on and access the internet.

9. 1999
Ruth is on the internet for the first time and starts her first email account. Using the computers in the medical library, which the hospital graciously lets the employees use for anything (except porn or other illegal activities). In March, Ruth obtains an old DOS home computer from a friend of Joan Wheeler. The computer, was actually first owned by Joan, who gave it to her friend. When Joan sent a harassing letter to Ruth, using the friends return address, Ruth went to the house, and the friend told her that she did not give Joan permission to her address. She said Joan and her were fighting, The friend put the computer out for the trash just an hour before Ruth got there and told Ruth “take it – I don’t want it.” (it was hers to do as she wished).

10. 2000 – 2006
Ruth continues using the complimentary computers in the medical library, to explore the internet. She joins various discussion forums, content-specific websites, begins to learn HTML to build her own websites. Ruth experiments with website building, and incorporates her own website domain Midnight and Mythos (copyright). These were mostly on the now defunct services of AOL Hometown and MSN Groups. Using the obsolete DOS computer that was originally owned by Joan, as a word processor, Ruth does most of her typing at home, saving to diskette and uses either the hospital’s complimentary computers or public computers in the public library to post writings to her websites.

11. 2002
Ruth is given a computer with Windows 95 on it from friends living across the street from her. This computer was not working correctly but Ruth was able to use it as a word processor.

12. 2003
At their brother’s funeral and family gathering in Arizona, Ruth tells Joan about her websites and invites Joan to join a website that she is building for the purpose of geneology and sharing of family photos. Joan joins the webiste, an MSN Group and posts several pictures. Ruth is able to post a few pictures that she scanned into a diskette at a local Office-Max store. The hospital does install a scanner for the first time in the autumn of 2003, but Ruth does not know how to use it.

December – Ruth’s father has open heart surgery. At the hospital, Joan and Ruth have several nice conversations. Ruth tells Joan that hopefully she can get the Windows 95 computer fixed so she can get more work done on the Family Website. Joan tells her that her live-in boyfriend fixes computers and he might be able to help. Joan actually gives Ruth a piece of paper with her phone number on it. When Ruth gets home, she throws the paper out. She does not want it. Because she knows how two-faced Joan is. If Joan gets an annoyance phone call, Ruth knows she will be the first to be blamed. Ruth also does not want help from anybody living with Joan.

Joan posts a picture to the Family Website but gets the date wrong. It’s an old photograph given to her by my father. It is of Santa Claus, Gert, Kathy and two of our childhood friends. Joan does not know the name of those kids. So I, who knew their names, and in my capacity as website-owner, corrected the description that Joan had given to the picture.

13. 2004
January. Ruth gets sick and is off work for about a week and a half. When she returns to work, she does not see a very interesting email, because it had gotten buried. Ruth is also very busy with personal life – her husband and her father both had open heart surgeries in 2003 (husband in September, father in December). Because of this, Ruth has limited time for her websites.

April – Ruth is cleaning out her email inbox and comes across the interesting email. It is from Joan – sent in January when Ruth was out sick. In it Joan is suspicious of me, doesn’t know how she feels about me “tampering” with HER photograph, thinks I am plotting against her because I am not posting any photos. (she was told that I don’t have a working Windows home computer, do not know how to use a scanner, and was busy with work and personal issues). I sent Joan an email demanding to know what her problem was. Joan sends Ruth a nasty email, begins accusing her of nonsense. Ruth responds, saying the old Joan was back, we had a few months of peace, Ruth doesn’t do anything wrong, yet Joan imagines stupid garbage that Ruth is doing. Ruth tells her to cut it out – the past is the past and if she can’t go forward and do something nice then get off the website. Then Ruth tells Joan, “never mind, it’s not going to work, you keep accusing me of things I haven’t done, so forget the whole project” – Ruth then removes Joan from the website. Ruth is angry and hurt, but knows she tried to heal the rift, but Joan will never change. Ruth vows to never have anything more to do with Joan.

June – The computer that was originally owned by Joan dies and is discarded. Ruth buys a small Brother Word Processor to continue her writing, as she is now a member and second in command of a local Star Trek fan group and is helping with the group’s bi-monthly newsletter.

11. 2006
March. Having been on the myspace social media site for about a year, Ruth finds Joan’s daughter on myspace and sends her a private message – can they get to know each other? For the next 3 years, Ruth and her niece correspond on a limited basis. Niece is in college, holds down a job, Ruth only online an hour before her work starts, or on her lunch break.

June – Having paid off her home mortgage, Ruth buys her first Windows home personal computer, albeit a second hand one.

August – Ruth gets home internet service for the first time. Ruth also assumes full command of the Star Trek group and is responsible for putting out the group’s newsletter.

12. 2007
Gert retires from her job. She does purchase a laptop for her home for personal writing and other uses. Does not subscribe to any internet service, does not go to public libraries, is not on the internet at all.

13. 2008
Having had a limited correspondence with Joan’s daughter, Ruth fully admits to “googling” Joan Wheeler a few times.  Didn’t find much, there was a mention of her son when he was in the Navy. Ruth thought that was nice, her nephew was in the Navy and his mom was proud of him. Ruth does not interfere. Summer 2008, Ruth googles Joan and finds that Joan now has a blog on Google’s Blogspot Blogger – Ruth looks at it – anti-adoption – ho-hum, Ruth has heard it all before, doesn’t even look more than a minute or two. September – Ruth moseys on over to Joan’s blog – same old anti-adoption rhetoric, but then Ruth sees a blog post that is  clearly a ridiculous rant – Joan is blabbing on her adoptive family, then gives out a warning to the “entire Wheeler and Herr clans (The Herrs are my mother’s family) to leave her alone. Then Joan gives a “warning” to The Three Sippel Sisters to “stay out of her life.” (we weren’t in it). Then she rants about the Catholics and their “christian values” didn’t help her not to be adopted. Then she says something about “your pagan values.” – She knows that both Gert and Ruth are pagan, so this was a direct slur against Ruth and Gert’s religion.

What is fascinating and disturbing is this first use of the term “The Three Sippel Sisters” and for them to stay out of her life – We WERE out of her life. The only contact was RUTH having contact with Joan’s daughter – and in one of our private myspace messages, I told Catherine, that I did not want any friction to occur between her and her mother because of me.  Catherine did say that she told Joan that she was corresponding with me, and Joan said that was okay, that Catherine should try to get to know her aunt. Gert and Kathy were in ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT WITH JOAN OR HER DAUGHTER! Ruth made a note of Joan’s rant, but did not respond to it.

14. 2009
Early summer Kathy buys her first home computer and subscribes to the internet. She is so new to the computer and internet, she phones Ruth frequently for techie help. Kathy also gets her first email account. It is during this time, Ruth goes to Joan’s blog and finds it has been removed. A message containing a link to her new blog at WordPress is all that is there. Ruth visits it and sees that Joan has moved most of the content from her old blog to the new blog. Kathy visits Joan blog as well.This new blog is named Forbidden Family, the name of the book that Joan had been writing for the past 30 years. It was no secret that the book was going to be titled Forbidden Family. On her Forbidden Family website, Joan announces that her book is coming out in November 2009.

October- Joan participates in an online article named “Adoptees Face Sting of Discrimination.” The article contains several falsehoods about Joan’s adoption and birth family. Joan proceeds to place 5 or 6 additional opinion comments at the end of the article. These comments contain several falsehoods about her adoption, her birth family, and her birth sisters. Ruth, using an alternate email, and using the psuedonym of Terry, attempts to correct those falsehoods. The comment moderators do not approve her comments.

On Yom Kippur, Joan makes a blog post about Yom Kippur, giving her interpretation of the Jewish holy day atonement. Her interpretation is wrong. Kathy, who is Jewish, leaves a very nice comment, correcting Joan. Kathy uses her email that  contains her real name. Joan approves the comment, and very nicely thanks Kathy for giving the correct information. She also says “I always knew we would re-connect.” Neither Joan nor Kathy identify themselves as birth sisters – The following day, without any further contact from Kathy, Joan removes the comments from Kathy and herself. She then sends Kathy a very nasty email. (cannot recall what was contained in the email). Kathy is alarmed – she acted with good faith. She calls Ruth on the phone – can she make a complaint about this? As Joan is  the webhostess, and commentors are required to leave a valid email, the webhost(ess) canNOT use those emails to send angry and threatening emails to commentors. Kathy files a complaint with WordPress. At the same time, Joan leaves a blogpost giving her opinion on gay and lesbians adopting children. Joan, who routinely bullys anyone who adopts makes comments that were discriminatory against the gay community. Apparently, a gay person lodged a complaint to WordPress about it and WordPress went into Joan’s blog and removed both the gay post and the Yom Kippur post. Joan goes off on a rant – saying she will not be censored! She will find a website that she will pay for out of her own pocket so she can not be censored. Because Joan had already dismantled her first blog, Kathy did not see the “warning” to “The Three Sippel Sisters” – she was able to see a Google cache of it. Because of the complete turn-around of Joan to Kathy (a repeat of her behavior to Ruth in 2003-2004), and her lies on the online article, and Joan’s “warning” to her sisters,Kathy and Ruth agree to begin to monitor what Joan says on the internet about them.  (later on, Joan goes on the internet and accuses The Three Sippel Sisters as being responsible for shutting down her first two blogs. This is false, because Joan shut those blogs down herself).

At this time, Kathy, who had used her real name on Joan’s blog, but did not identify herself as Joan’s birth sister, started her own blog “Chayelet’s Blog.” There are only a few posts on this blog, that do use Kathy’s real name, but still does not identify herself as a birth sister of Joan’s. Kathy writes: “With regard to my comment on your post ‘On the Conclusion of Yom Kippur…’. I am sorry that you chose to misunderstand my intention-which was merely to point out the correct purpose and customs of observing this most holy day in the Jewish calendar.I wrote that comment in good faith, and not with an accusing finger, but I cannot control how you choose to interpret it. I wrote using my username, as I am entitled to do. As regards your unprofessional conduct in contacting me on my private email address, and your further posts regarding my comment, all I can say is – I did not use my religion to get at you or bait you- you yourself chose to use an observance of my religion as the headline and basis for your blog.” The rest of Chayelet’s blog contains only general statements on Kathy’s stand regarding her intention not to be baited, nor abused by Joan and distancing herself from Joan.

Around the first week of November, Joan made an announcement on her website that her book has been published by Trafford Publications and would be available through Trafford and Amazon.com. Kathy and Ruth, knowing that Joan has already put out lies about us on the comment section of the article, “Adoptees face Sting of Discrimination,” they decide to set up their own blog to refute any lies that they knew would be in the book. How did they know there would be lies? Because they had had many years of experiencing lies and betrayals from Joan already. They simply knew her character.

The second week of November, Ruth opens an account with WordPress and begins to build her blog. Not knowing what to call her blog, when she first started it, she simply typed in her name Ruth Sippel Pace. She named the blog “Refuting Lies” and for her first post, and to experiment with the blog, she posted a Happy Thanksgiving graphic. She posted several introductory posts that wasn’t even about Joan or her book. Ruth was trying to get to know how WordPress  worked. Several of the initial posts were deleted, the Happy Thanksgiving one was deleted. Some of the graphics that Ruth posted weren’t showing up the way she wanted them to appear. The order they appeared in wasn’t the way she wanted them. Ruth decides to “shop around” for a new blog host, but ultimately decides to stay with WordPress.

The third week of November Joan’s book was available on Amazon.com and Kathy and Ruth purchase copies of it. Also during the third week of November, on the anti-adoption site, The Daily Bastardette, was a promotional post about Joan Wheeler’s new book.

Ruth received her copy it the first week of December. When she opened it up and merely skimmed through it, she was appalled at the lies in it. And was understandably livid. She remembered The Daily Bastardette post promoting the book and left a nice comment (despite her anger). She identified herself for the first time on the internet by name as one of the birth sisters of Joan Wheeler and the book contained many lies. The webhostess did not post her comment. It was because of the gross lies that Ruth read in the book when she had only skimmed through it the first half hour that she owned it, and the realization that Joan was getting other adoptees to promote and read this lying book, that Ruth went full ahead with her blog, renaming it “Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family.”

Ruth’s blog was only in full force for a week when Joan Wheeler became aware of it and went off on her website. On three seperate rants on December 10, she goes off with spews of hatred, lies and threats.

15. 2010

Having finally received her copy of the book, Gert calls Kathy and Ruth on the phone. She had been aware of Ruth and Kathy’s blogs, but not having access to the internet, did not see them.” When she started reading the book, she wished to comment on it. Gert then went to a public library, and using a public computer, set up an email account. When Gert wished something posted on Ruth’s blog, she would type it out and email it to Ruth, who then posted it on the blog. So this makes Joan’s statement in December 2009 that Gert had “backed off” from any internet usage a falsehood. Gert did not need to “back off” because she had not been on the internet in the first place. This shows us that Joan Wheeler deals with false facts, assumptions and delusions. And out and out lies.

September – Ruth purchaes a small Acer Aspire One netbook for portability with her writing projects. Many times she comes into work an hour before her shift starts, or during her lunch break  to work on her blog or on The Ari Chronciles, the newsletter of her Star Trek group. She sometimes uses the complimentary wireless internet service provided by her employer, which is totally legal and acceptable to her employer. The several times that Ruth had looked at Joan’s blog via this wireless service, and an IP address was captured by Joan, Joan accused Ruth of using several hospital-owned computers to access her blog. Ruth makes a blogpost explaining that many times when a computer is shut down, the IP address can be reset, and she does not use her employers computers for personal use, but uses her own net book. As usual, Joan ASSUMES things that Ruth is doing and ACCUSES Ruth of doing things that she isn’t. As usual, Joan has absolutely no idea of what is really going on, but lets her delusional brain think up scenarios and then reports those speculative (and WRONG) actions as FALSE FACTS.

16. 2011
In the summer of 2011, Gert purchases a small Acer Aspire One netbook, similar to the one that Ruth has, for the purpose of portability with her writing. In July, Gert decides to set up her own blog, a sister-blog to Ruth’s blog.


Gert here…very good time-line! excellent in fact!!

Just want to clarify a couple of things. I believe it was around 1991/92 when I began being tutored, by my mentor, in writing and computer skills. We started out with DOS, eventually getting into various desk-top publishing programs. Our AOL account was used strickly for our subject matter and for teaching purposes. There was only one time, 1998, that someone contacted me, via AOL, about something Joan’s husband said to which Joan contacted me, via Ruth. I wrote a letter to Joan to ‘go away’.

The internet access I had via my employer was strickly monitored…by the Department of Defense and if there was any misuse I would not be allowed to use it. That never happened because I never misused it, by going on the internet.

After my retirement I wanted NOTHING to do with computers, except for my own personal use for my hobbies and ‘real’ letters. It was NOT until Joan Wheeler published that libelous book that I got on the Internet to help refute the lies.


Two new posts at our sister blog Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor by Ruth Pace March 24, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
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A Tribute to Millard Fillmore Hospital  March 24, 2012

Figures of Speech and We Tell Joan Wheeler to kill herself…NOT! Part 2  March 23, 2012

Wisdom from Dr. Who on altering facts. March 19, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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Altering facts is stupid. Because it cannot be done. The facts are the facts.


Victims of abuse have a responsibilty to not abuse others in turn. Something that Joan Wheeler really needs to learn. March 19, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Uncategorized.
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My facebook friend David Gerrold, of whom I consider to be a mentor, wrote this short essay on March 17, 2012. I found it to be very interesting.

“I was in a seminar series and one of the people in the course shared about being molested as a child. She was still very angry about it, justifiably so. A lot of other people were equally outraged on her behalf.

The seminar leader listened quietly, acknowledge the hurt, the outrage, the anger, then said, “Imagine how screwed up someone has to be to do that to a child.”

He paused, then he added, “Imagine what you have to do to a person to get them that screwed up.”

I have remembered that moment vividly for over three decades — because whenever I get angry at someone for behavior so ugly it makes me start fantasizing about revenge, remembering that one question always stops me.

Imagine what you have to do to a person to get them that screwed up.

It doesn’t mitigate the ugliness. It doesn’t erase the horrific act. But it does mean that I can get past my anger. Just because someone else has fallen into a gutter, I am not obligated to jump down there and roll around with him.”

Ruth here, recently on Gert’s blog, in the post “Teaching Moments Lost on Joan Wheeler,” this subject came up. An adoptee from Australia, eagoodlife left a few comments. I had brought up the subject of Whitney Houston, on how she failed to learn to get abuse and addiction out of her life. Gert made an additional comment, closing with this sentance: “That is the PURPOSE of this blog and the use of the article about Whitney….to LEARN SOMETHING…that a person CAN get abuse and addiction OUT OF THEIR LIVES.”

To which ea goodlike responded: They can and then need to be super careful about not abusing others and being mindful of the rights of others to make their own choices.”

And this what we have been saying over and over and over: that we can recognize that Joan Wheeler was definitely psychologically and emotionally abused as a child, and perhaps physcially and sexually as well. This was done BEFORE the reunion took place. BEFORE the birth family ever came into the picture. To therefore, continually lay the blame of Joan’s miserable life at the feet of her birth family, her birth sisters in particular, is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! To blame innocent people for a miserable life, and then go one step further by not respecting her birth family (and others) and to actively engage in anti-social behaviors (such as harassing letters, stalking, calling someone’s employer with false accusations, interfering with a minor child’s upbringing and parental authority) – Joan turned full circle from an abused person, to an abusing person. She abused Gert when she interfered with Gert’s parental rights. She abused Ruth time and time again. She abused Kathy as well. To even take the abuse a further step – she self-publishes a book that is full of heinous lies – lies engineered to damage the reputations of her birth sisters. That is what the name of this blog means: Refuting the Lies told in Joan’s book. Joan then takes a further step and actually threatens us on her website. She continues her smear campaign against us to this very day!

 I understand what David mean when he says, “Imagine what you have to do to a person to get them that screwed up.” But that doesn’t mean I HAVE to imagine what happened to Joan to get her that screwed up. And I will not condone or accept her abusing me in turn. I have said this many times on this blog and I will continue to say it: I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT HAPPENED TO JOAN THAT “DAMAGED” HER – BECAUSE WHEN SHE BEGAN A 30 YEAR HATE CAMPAIGN AGAINST ME I LOST ANY FEELINGS OF SYMPATHY OR UNDERSTANDING OF HER “PROBLEMS.” HER PROBLEMS ARE NOT MINE.

Quote by David Gerrold used with his permission.

Diligence, Ridicule, Self-Actualization – Joan Wheeler tries to understand Taoism. March 17, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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I generally have a good sense of humor. Sometimes it is a bit irreverant, and most times I don’t take myself too seriously. One thing I don’t laugh too much about is how people address me. In my childhood days, people would call me Ruthie. At the age of 14, I had a moment of self-actualization and I decided I didn’t want to be called that and ever since, have been diligently telling people to call me Ruth.

When my younger brother Steve turned 12, I asked him, “how do you want to be called? Stefan, Stevie or Steve?” He thought about 10 seconds, and said “Steve.” I thought of the little baby who I changed his diapers, who I sat with overnight at Children’s Hospital when he was 5, sick with pnuemonia, the little kid who I always called Stevie, and acknowledged that he was growing up. From that moment on, I called him Steve. I recognized the 12 year old young man in a moment of self-actualization, and respected him.

In my workplace, I am continually telling new people I meet “Don’t put the y at the end of my name.” I have had only one person call me Baby Ruth and get away with it. – He was the husband of one of the nurses I work with.  John is  a sweet heart. A little immature, but is just such a sweetheart.  Last year, a cousin of mine, who I used to babysit, joined facebook and called me Ruthy. I hadn’t seen Nancy since 2003 at her Aunt Gail’s funeral, and before that hadn’t seen her much at all the past 20 years, seeing as she moved away from Buffalo. I told her via facebook, “don’t call me Ruthy.” A week later, a distant cousin sent me a message on facebook, and called me Ruthy. I told her as well, “don’t call me Ruthy.” She got all bent out of shape, and actually started a fight with me. I won’t be bullied by ANYone, so I booted her off my facebook. And then, to prevent any other people from my childhood that are reconnecting with me, to respect me, I wrote this in my facebook intro: “Mae govannen!(welcome) from LadyMoondancer– My name is RUTH, not RuthY, or RuthIE. This is my personal perference, please respect that. I will be 59 years old on August 9, 2011. I am not a baby. I haven’t gone by my baby name since I was 14 years old.”

Now some relatives, because of their age, and having been calling me Ruthy since the day I was born, I will just let them. Out of respect for them. Their children, of my age-group and younger, need to respect me when I ask them not to call me that.  If they forget and still call me Ruthy (as even my sister Gert still does occasionally), I let it slide, because we are all human. But when somebody gets all bent out of shape and starts a fight with me on what I wish to be called – oh no no.

When we were reunited with Joan in 1974, she hung around too many relatives that were still calling me Ruthy. And she would occasionally call me that. I would tell her not to. And eventually she lost the habit. I sometimes called her Joni. She never  objected. I don’t know when, I think in the 80’s when she became a wife and mother, I sort of dropped the habit and called her Joan.

When I started my blog in November 2009, AFTER Joan’s book was published, and I saw the direct reference to an article Joan wrote in 1990 that had my true name in it, yes, I identified myself as Ruth Sippel Pace, the birth sister of Joan Wheeler. By referencing that article and directing her readers to it, she compromised my name. So calling me Brenda in the book was negated. AND she used HER real name AND only changed my father’s first name. And both she and my father, using their real names and photos, were in two articles of The Buffalo News. So my name was further compromised. AND she used a family portrait on the back cover. That clearly had my father’s face. So who is Joan trying to fool?

So now we come to a couple of rants on her website that Joan wrote on December 10, 2009. One sentance she wrote was “And why did I bother to change names in the book? I was thinking of YOUR privacy, but heh, guess it is time to use real names because Ruthie decided to jump the gun.”

Considering her book came out BEFORE I started my blog, no, I didn’t jump the gun. And see how she ridicules me sarcastically by calling me Ruthie. I never addressed this slur against me, until now. Because Joan has the audacity to put the following on her website on March 14, 2012:

A very long time ago, I subscribed to an online newsletter which is now defunct. I had saved the followiing quotes:
“When superior people hear of the Way, they carry it out with diligence. When middling people hear of the Way, it sometimes seems to be there, sometimes not. When lesser people hear of the Way, they ridicule it greatly. If they didn’t laugh at it,  it wouldn’t be the Way.”
— Lao-tze, 6th century bce Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism, from Tao Te Ching
“People have ridiculed the concept of the Way (or the idea of striving to thinkarete, self-actualizing, self-improvement, etc) for centuries. Remember Lao-tzu’s wisdom that if lesser people don’t laugh at it, it wouldn’t be the Way”.

Ruth here again – um, not sure if the word “thinkarete” is in the dictionary, – nope, it’s not in my Tenth Edition Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. mmm, let’s see, if the word cigarette, is the French “little cigar”, is thinkarete “little thought?” Addendum, March 19, 2012: It seems that thinkarete is a correct term after all – well sort of – it’s a made up term by a self-styled guru who has a couple of blogs on New Age mental health and health foods/nutrition and such. Well, whatever floats your boat! Anyway – Joan made this correction to her blog, attributing that last sentance to: “from philosopher Brian Johnson, Founder of Zaadz and thinkArete” She still doesn’t tell her blog readers what Zaadz or thinkArete is. that’s just plain sloppy, coming from a person with two college degrees and a self-advertised social worker (although she never worked a day in her life AS a social worker – talk about resume padding!) and it’s sloppy coming from a . . writer! And your welcome Joan, your gratitude to me to help you clarify something on your blog has not gone unnoticed. Just clarify it a little more. Accuracy is always good. Mistakes made should be acknowledged as such. 

Taoism has a lot of good ideals. Joan would be wise to study it further. And then put in to practice what she so blithely slaps around on her website. Because she just put the spotlight on her own diligent hypocrisy and ridiculing and bullying others. So Joan, how do you respect MY self-actualization when you sarcastically call me RuthIE on your website?

Joan, all over your cyberbullying page, your Forbidden Family website, on various forums and other internet sites, and in your book, you have repeatedly and diligently ridiculed me and my sisters by telling falsehoods about us. Joan repeatedly and diligently ridicules any one is pro-adoption. Joan repeatedly and diligently ridicules the Catholic Church. In her book, Joan repeatedly and diligently ridiculed the following groups: infertile women, adoptive parents,  Catholics, Polish people, inner city residents, trailer park residents (yes, she called them trailer trash), and poor people.

Joan, until you remove that cyberbullying page, remove all references to your sisters on your Forbidden Family page, come forward publicly to explain the many harassments you committed against me and the many lies you have told about me, you will always be one of those “lesser people” that Lao-tze is talking about. Because if you really were thinking of The Way, you wouldn’t be doing what you are doing.

Here is a screenshot of her webpage where she diligently ridiculed me and diligently denied my self-actualization:

And notice how she diligently threatens us by saying she will “give you trash talk of all the dirty little secrets all three of you have that are not in my book.” – We have addressed this issue before on my blog – we told her that we will not be held to emotional blackmail. That if she has “dirty little secrets” about us, she should just put them out. Because we don’t have “dirty little secrets.” I challenged her once before (about two years ago) to come out with whatever crap she thinks she can hold over me. She never took me up on my challenge. I have been truthful in this blog – to the point of posting actual court documents that prove Joan’s lies about me. Only “lesser people” resort to threats. I don’t threaten, I do. When that distant relative of mine on facebook got all bent out of shape when I told her not to call me Ruthy, she went off on me and threatened to “defriend” me. I read that, and immediately went in to my facebook settings and kicked her right off my friend’s list. Then I blocked her. Then I deleted the entire ridiculous disrespectful post. I didn’t threaten, I did. Because when I see that MY self-actualization wishes are not being respected, I speak up for myself. Because I have certain human and civil rights. And those rights are not negotiable.

“Threats are illogical, and payment is usually high.” — Sarek of Vulcan


Gert here…
ah..diligence and ridicule….
I too am very familiar with the Tao Te Ching as well as the I Ching…which I shall quote in this comment.

I was NOT going to say anything at the obvious ‘hit and run drive-by shooting’ that Joan did..but now that Ruth has I have some thoughts. If Joan was really attempting to show her ‘superior’ self, her self-actualized SELF, she would not have done this stupid little ditty. No…she is still the same immature little brat as always.

Like the brat she is, she throws a temper fit on our blog…making the contact with us that she says she doesn’t want and then when the heat is put back on to her, she crawls back under her rock…but can’t resist yet another little taunt at us! Sneak!! she only stuck her tongue out at us!!

Like Ruth at some point in my life I grew up and left my childhood name of Gertie. Likewise, certain people in the family have continue with that name and I let it slide. I have NEVER called Joan Joni, yet in her writings she slips, from those inner visions of her reality, and has me calling her Joni…that is HOW I know she makes shit up. Joan likes putting words in other people’s mouths. Joan has so many words coming from her own mouth that proves her to be anything but self-actualized.

All good comes when we are innocent…I Ching

what good has come to Joan when her lying libelous book, websites and other venues where she speaks are revealed?

Misunderstanding truth creates opposition…I Ching

Joan has opposition because she does not understand the truth…the truth of her birth family…which we, the birth family, have told and will continue to tell.

Joan do the right thing and remove those hateful libelous blogs.


When Joan got married in 1983, she decided not to take her husband’s last name as her last name. She even printed up a one-page statement and distributed that paper to all those who were at the wedding. The statement was about how her name had already been changed, against her wishes, when she was adopted. And she went into the whole political thing about the significance of a bride taking on the groom’s last name, and it was all about the woman giving up her identity. But she did wear a wedding ring! And a ring is a symbol that you are “owned” by another person.

Joan tells us on page 228 of her lying book, that when she decided not to change her name “for both feminists reasons as well as adoption-based reasons,” her adoptive mother “couldn’t understand why a woman wouldn’t change her name when she got married.” Joan says that she received harassing letters from her amom, addressed to Joan Bell, or Mrs. Bell, or Mrs. Bell-Wheeler “and other combinations.” Joan says “My mother’s letters were abusive, nasty, and emotionally distressful.”

Well, well, well, Miss Joan Wheeler, so YOU don’t like it when somebody disrespects YOU – but it’s okay for YOU to disrespect others – especially when they have specifically said “don’t call me by (blank) name.”

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. And so AGAINST the ideals of Taoism, Christianity, and just about every religious and spiritual path on the planet. – what did Gert just call you? A little brat? Yeah, yeah, that fits Joan to a “T.”

off bog topic – Women’s Rights being superseded by the Republican Candidates – don’t let them do it. March 15, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Lessons in Life.
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off blog topic – first my rant – then a copy and paste from my facebook page concerning my sharing of my friend David Gerrold’s stand on women’s rights.
The Republican Candidates done lost their minds! They want to take away Planned Parenthood, Women’s rights to healthcare, Women’s right to vote!  I know who I’m voting for, and I know who I WANT to vote for. – I really wish David would run for President.
Vote your conscience – but please don’t take us back to the Dark Ages – where unplanned pregnancies were taken care of with coat hangers. And why should women not be allowed to vote? I am a member of the human race – I have the right to say what I want on how to direct my life. And if I want to vote for someone who will represent me in my government – then I demand the right to do so. (Ann Coulter, you should be ashamed of yourself).
The government of the United States is for the people, of the people and by the people. People include women. I am a people – I am a person. I am not a bacteria. I have the right to vote and the right to health care. I am a health care worker. I give my all to my patients. I demand the same be given to me.

    David takes a stand for Women’s Rights – are you with us? Because if you’re not – then you are saying your mother, the person who gave you life itself is worthless. Or your daughter – or your sister, or your female relatives and friends. That’s half the human race for goddess’ sake!

    Regular readers here know that I stand for the civil rights of all people. In the past, I’ve focused on the marriage rights of same-sex couples. (If you’re against marriage equality, do us both a favor and defriend me, I won’t be friends with someone who thinks my civil rights are negotiable.)

    But underneath homophobia is something much more pernicious. The root cause of homophobia is misogyny — an inability to recognize and cherish women as equal partners in the human adventure. Beyond that, misogyny is an irrational desire to subjugate and dehumanize women.

    It’s evil.

    I stand for the rights of women. And any male who wants to think of himself as a real man should make the same stand — to stand as an equal partner with his mother, his sister, his daughters, his family, his friends and his neighbors.

    Any man who talks about “pussy” and “broads” and “ho’s” and “sluts” and other disrespectful terms — that’s not a real man, that’s a child, a terminal adolescent, a snickering buffoon sneaking a cigarette in the boys’ bathroom while drawing stupid pictures on the walls of the stall. He’s not a grownup, not an adult, and certainly not someone who’s yet capable of recognizing what equality and partnership really mean.

    That we even have to have this conversation is a national disgrace.

    But when republican candidates talk about eliminating Planned Parenthood, destroying a woman’s right to choose, and eliminating opportunities even for necessary medicine — something is wrong. When republican pundits (like Ann Coulter) say that women shouldn’t even vote, it sounds like we’ve fallen into a tragic time warp of astonishing ignorance.

    This pernicious misogyny reveals the squalid patriarchal forces at work behind the republican machinery — a desire to push this nation into an ugly theocratic mindset that will push us into a new dark ages.

    Anyone who cherishes liberty — who understands that “liberty and justice for all” must be a commitment in absolute fact — should look long and hard at what the republican candidates are saying.

    Over here, I say it’s not just wrong, it’s long past wrong — now it’s evil. If you have a mother, a wife, a daughter, a woman in your life who you love and cherish — will you stand against those who would deny them equality?

    That’s where I stand.

a couple of good quotes that Joan Wheeler needs to study and learn – then maybe she wouldn’t be always be in so much trouble and turmoil. March 14, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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“Free speech, whether it’s online or on the air, carries with it the possibility that others will hold you accountable for your speech. Ignore that at your own risk.” – David Gerrold

“The first duty of every Starfleet officer is to the truth, whether if it’s scientific truth or historical truth or personal truth. It is the guiding principle on which Starfleet is based.” – Captain Jean-Luc Picard (from a fictional character on TV (Star Trek The Next Generation, but still damn good words!)

Big Bad Russ speaks – (Joan Wheeler sics her boyfriend on us) – too bad we found it a year and a half later – well, better late than never.- repost from Gert’s blog March 13, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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March 13, 2012 Big Bad Russ speaks – (Joan Wheeler sics her boyfriend on us) – too bad we found it a year and a half later – well, better late than never.

reposting from Gert’s blog “Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor   – – original post here.

it took us awhile, but we found this gem! Actually Gert found it. Back in the fall of 2010, my blog started receiving some nasty comments from a guy called Russ. He would routinely call me a bitch. I finally labeled his comments as spam so they would automatically go into the spam folder, then be automatically deleted. After a few months, we found out that Russ was Joan’s boyfriend. I had contacted him once via email, asking him to stop leaving obscene comments on my blog, and to not bother answering my email, as I did not wish to have contact with him but he answered me. I don’t remember what he said, but I just ignored him. About a month later he emailed me again. I notified him, via my blog that I do not want him to contact me, and since he contacted me via my private email after I told him not to do, he was now guilty of harassment. I threatened to call the police. We never heard from him again.

This was February 2011. BUT in January 2011, at the funeral home, in the same room that my father lay in his casket, an eyewitness stood behind Russ to await her turn to sign the funeral book. She witnessed the man write a long message at the bottom of a page, turn to another page and sign. She signed after him – and flipped the pages back to read a hate message directed at my father and signed by the names of 4 dead men and one living man, who at the time was in Florida. These 5 men, the brothers of my late mother, who made no bones about not getting along with my father certainly did NOT sign the register. The message was to my father to “rot in hell.”  The eyewitness, signing after Russ, noted his name and described him to us.  Russ did not know our family, the only way he knew to write this disgusting hateful message was at the request of Joan, who wanted to strike back at everyone in fell swoop – the birth father who gave her up for adoption – her birth sisters who would read it and get upset – the brothers of my mother who didn’t stop her adoption – my father’s new family – my stepmother, her daughters and their families, who, along with myself and my husband in my father’s hospital room made the decision that Joan be excluded from the wake and funeral (due to her troublemaking). We did agree to tell Joan to come to pay her respects at 4:30pm, AFTER the family had left – and she came at 4 – her daughter came in as we were leaving,  and she wrote me via facebook that she was with Joan and Russ. They must have been in the car. When someone tells you to come at 4:30 – you come at 4:30 – not 4:00. Catherine also says she didn’t see Russ write it. The eyewitness said that Catherine and her mother Joan were at the casket – with their backs turned away from the book. So of course she didn’t see it. Look, the writing was NOT there when I left at 4pm, the eyewitness and Joan and her boyfriend and daughter were the ONLY ones there between 4pm and 7pm (according to the funeral director) when we returned. The eyewitness also described Joan mouthing off  to the funeral director.

We blogged about all this and after I threatened to call the police on Russ – we never heard from him again. But before all that – in October 2010 – Big Bad Russ started his own blog. “Russ’s World.” Gert found it this morning. this is such a joke – Big Bad Russ only had one entry – a clear attack on us – oh wow – we’re scared. But it shows everyone what a hypocrite he is. I also found out that in December 2010, he joined Badoo – a dating service. Apparently, he clicked on Badoo’s request to access the “contacts” he had in his email. So I got a sent an invitation, seemingly from Russ to join Badoo. I did. Under a disquised name and email. And I read his profile – he’s interested in sailing and sex.  lol – that’s class!

Here is Big Bad Russ’ one and only blog post, followed the comment that I submitted, but which he will not have the guts to approve and publish.

Posted on October 29, 2010 by rus623 at http://rus623.wordpress.com/2010/10/29/hello-world/

I decided to start this blog after reading so many mean-spirited and slanderous blogs.  That, really, is not the way to get your point across.  Say what you want to say but don’t attack, demean, or cast aspersions on anyone.  I want to publicly apologize here if I have done any of these to anyone.  Now to comment specifically on a certain blog here at WordPress.  It is posted by Ruth Sipple Pace.  In it she attacks her youngest sister most vilely, saying she wanted to remove her sister’s teeth with her fist.  This is extremely barbaric.  I would like to think this was not a common way for her to act.  I do however have doubts about that.  The other two sisters, Gert and Kathy, also have disagreements with Joan, but do not sink to quite this level.  They all call Joan a liar.  I think this might be a collective denial of sins past.  So be it.  I can’t say I have any proof of what is true.  Some one is fabricating but who is left for readers and God to figure out.  I tend to believe Joan because I know her.  I only know her sisters through their writing, and I am not expecting to meet any of them soon.

I invite everyone to hit both Joan Wheeler’s blog(Cyberbullies) and Ruth’s(Forbidden Family:Lies) blog if you want to see what is going on.  I do know that Joan doesn’t want any contact with her sisters.  I challenge them to honor that.  Comment all you want on her book. Don’t comment on her.

my comment (which is awaiting moderation):

of course, Russ, you won’t dare to print THIS comment – because I shall tell everyone right here and now how MEAN-SPIRITED you are.

Yes, you first come on my blog and call me a bitch. Not once, but twice. Then you emailed me via my private email. And called me a bitch. When I told NOT to email me again, you did. You claimed you were only “trying to help.” Riiggghhttt. you try to help someone by calling them a bitch.
After you were seen by an eyewitness writing a hate message in the funeral book of my father in January 2011, and I blogged about and threatened to call the police – you acted like the cowardly little cur that you are – that is – you hid your tail and ran away. From me, from my blog, AND from your “relationship” with Joan. Oh, you are such a big man. And not very mean-spirited? HA! – well, thanks for the laugh Russ, even if it’s a over a year later.

And I will comment on her – especially because in her book she says that I have an arrest record – which is completely false and I have provided court documentation that disproves it. Joan is a liar – you are a liar – and you are both lying cowards and troublemakers.

When Joan decided to write a slanderous book, she opened herself up to full disclosure of both her book and her personality. that’s the way Freedom of Speech works Russ. If Joan has the Freedom of Speech to say what she wants about me, then surely, I have the same Freedome of Speech to say what I want about her. The only difference is: Joan tells lies. I speak the truth. Apparently, Big Russ couldn’t handle the truth and ran away. Ain’t nobody missing him!

comment by Michelle Herr Rupert (to this blog post)
Russ better hope I never find him, He has NO RIGHT to sign my dead father’s name or bad mouth my family in any way! Michael Herr was my father and I Loved him very much! He might of had his faults but so does everyone, That doesn’t make him a bad man or too have his name forged! Ruth thank you for sharing this.

A Disclaimer – March 6, 2012 March 6, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Statements from The Three Sippel Sisters.
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A Disclaimer

On March 6, 2012, Joan Wheeler left a comment on Gert’s blog “Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor.” In order to post a comment, one must leave an email address. And Joan left hers. It was an email address that I have known for some time.

(see end of this post for updated material)

Back when I first started my blog Refuting a Book of Lies, I posted a similar disclaimer. Joan had made a statement on her website that The Three Sippel Sisters were going around and leaving disparaging comments about her on various adoption reform forums. That was a lie. In October 2009, Joan was quoted in an adoptee article “Adoptees Face Sting of Discriminiation.” And then left several comments. In her comments, she got the facts of her adoption wrong. I tried to leave my comment, rebuting her, but my comment was not approved. An another website, The Daily Bastardette, the webhostess put up a post promoting Joan’s new book. (November 2009). I tried to leave a respectful comment, but the webhostess chose not to post it. Which was her right. It was because of my frustration in not having my respectful rebuting comments posted, that I began my blog – AFTER Joan’s book was published – which contained a direct reference to an article that contained my true name. My blog, containing my true name was not in existence until AFTER Joan’s book was published, so that makes her statement that we named ourselves on the internet first – a LIE!

So in my original disclaimer – I rebutted the fact that neither I, nor Kathy (Gert was not part of the blog until months later – we are after THREE distinct individuals, not one lumped together entity) were leaving disparaging remarks about Joan on various adoptee websites.

I said pretty much this – and it holds true today as it did then:

If any website is getting any comments from any individual naming themselves as one of the three birth sisters of Joan Wheeler, to please contact us via our blog for authentication purposes. As a matter of fact, after Joan’s book was pulled from publication, we did leave comments spreading the news that it had been pulled. And in the case of The Huffington Post, where Joan, out of the clear blue sky, posted a very vile lie about us and our grandfather, we rebutted the lie. (a complaint was made to Huffington, and Joan’s comments were deleted, her account canceled). In those cases, we left links to our blog(s). And blogged about what we wrote – and posted links to the discussion, so people can readily reference what we write on the internet.

If any website (and this includes Joan’s official website and her email) gets any email or comments with an email purporting to be from any of us birth sisters, please contact me with that email address, the IP address if it can be obtained, and the url address.

The reason? – Because Joan is devious enough to set up fake email addresses in our names, and use those fake email addresses to post as us. Joan did it before. Back in 1993, when she posed as her own 10 year old son, forged a letter to me, addressed the envelope to me, but the inside forged letter was for my husband. The purpose? To bait me to phone her – knowing she had a trace trap on her line – and she then hung up on me when I called. I thought we were disconnected, so I called back – and she hung up again. She then reported to the police that I was calling and hanging up on her and she filed a false police report on me.

So, bottom line, I want any email Joan receives from “us” investigated thoroughly – because it won’t be from us. It might be from Joan herself. Because she likes to play games and lie and twist the truth around. I don’t play games. Never have. I don’t lie. If I make a mistake, I own up to it. Not Joan. Even when the PROOF is shoved right into her face, she keeps on saying, “oh no, I didn’t do that.” 

UPDATE November 2016; as older posts are being seen I, Gert, am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!


this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.



chapter 37 of Joan Wheeler’s lying libelous book March 1, 2012

Posted by gertmcqueen in Uncategorized.
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Here’s the next chapter in that hateful book!!

Birth certificates and amended adoption certificates are NOT evidence of state fraud…they are vital statics!

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