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Victims of abuse have a responsibilty to not abuse others in turn. Something that Joan Wheeler really needs to learn. March 19, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Uncategorized.
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My facebook friend David Gerrold, of whom I consider to be a mentor, wrote this short essay on March 17, 2012. I found it to be very interesting.

“I was in a seminar series and one of the people in the course shared about being molested as a child. She was still very angry about it, justifiably so. A lot of other people were equally outraged on her behalf.

The seminar leader listened quietly, acknowledge the hurt, the outrage, the anger, then said, “Imagine how screwed up someone has to be to do that to a child.”

He paused, then he added, “Imagine what you have to do to a person to get them that screwed up.”

I have remembered that moment vividly for over three decades — because whenever I get angry at someone for behavior so ugly it makes me start fantasizing about revenge, remembering that one question always stops me.

Imagine what you have to do to a person to get them that screwed up.

It doesn’t mitigate the ugliness. It doesn’t erase the horrific act. But it does mean that I can get past my anger. Just because someone else has fallen into a gutter, I am not obligated to jump down there and roll around with him.”

Ruth here, recently on Gert’s blog, in the post “Teaching Moments Lost on Joan Wheeler,” this subject came up. An adoptee from Australia, eagoodlife left a few comments. I had brought up the subject of Whitney Houston, on how she failed to learn to get abuse and addiction out of her life. Gert made an additional comment, closing with this sentance: “That is the PURPOSE of this blog and the use of the article about Whitney….to LEARN SOMETHING…that a person CAN get abuse and addiction OUT OF THEIR LIVES.”

To which ea goodlike responded: They can and then need to be super careful about not abusing others and being mindful of the rights of others to make their own choices.”

And this what we have been saying over and over and over: that we can recognize that Joan Wheeler was definitely psychologically and emotionally abused as a child, and perhaps physcially and sexually as well. This was done BEFORE the reunion took place. BEFORE the birth family ever came into the picture. To therefore, continually lay the blame of Joan’s miserable life at the feet of her birth family, her birth sisters in particular, is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! To blame innocent people for a miserable life, and then go one step further by not respecting her birth family (and others) and to actively engage in anti-social behaviors (such as harassing letters, stalking, calling someone’s employer with false accusations, interfering with a minor child’s upbringing and parental authority) – Joan turned full circle from an abused person, to an abusing person. She abused Gert when she interfered with Gert’s parental rights. She abused Ruth time and time again. She abused Kathy as well. To even take the abuse a further step – she self-publishes a book that is full of heinous lies – lies engineered to damage the reputations of her birth sisters. That is what the name of this blog means: Refuting the Lies told in Joan’s book. Joan then takes a further step and actually threatens us on her website. She continues her smear campaign against us to this very day!

 I understand what David mean when he says, “Imagine what you have to do to a person to get them that screwed up.” But that doesn’t mean I HAVE to imagine what happened to Joan to get her that screwed up. And I will not condone or accept her abusing me in turn. I have said this many times on this blog and I will continue to say it: I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT HAPPENED TO JOAN THAT “DAMAGED” HER – BECAUSE WHEN SHE BEGAN A 30 YEAR HATE CAMPAIGN AGAINST ME I LOST ANY FEELINGS OF SYMPATHY OR UNDERSTANDING OF HER “PROBLEMS.” HER PROBLEMS ARE NOT MINE.

Quote by David Gerrold used with his permission.



1. gertmcqueen - March 20, 2012

Gert here…
Yep…Ruth is correct…there is NOTHING that says I MUST ALLOW Joan Wheeler to continue to ABUSE me and my family! Nope, been there, done that, and will never go back there again, thank you.

Joan had ample warnings, that’s plural, DECADES ago, to get the hell out of my life…but…she didn’t…she wrote a lying, hateful, libelous book to CONTINUE her hate and abuse of me and my family. Nope, the buck STOPS HERE….

If Joan had gotten, or would get, the help she needs and REMOVES the two hateful lying blogs against us, then maybe, just maybe I might rethink things…but…she hasn’t and she won’t because Joan Wheeler is a walking breathing being filled with hate because she was adopted! Unless Joan can realize that she is NOT the pain that she talks about and she is able to alter her life and bring joy and peace into it, ALL BY HERSELF, she will remain this angry militant hateful ADOPTEE looking for battlefields and enemies to FIGHT. And we will still be here, exposing Joan’s rotten behavior.


Joan’s upbringing never taught her about honor, personal, family and spiritual honor…that is her problem….NOT ours.

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