Exactly what is the purpose of our blogs against Joan Wheeler – find out here January 7, 2013Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reunion, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cyberbullying, embellishing the truth, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths, theft
In a comment to my last post, Joan Wheeler is starting her lying false accusations again – calling my job to make trouble January 6, 2013, My friend Nancy says: “… what is happening here, is she is feeding off the attention. She is an attention whore..” And I answer here in this post.
Oh yes, Nancy, we are aware of that. As to your advice about ignoring her – it doesn’t work. I ignored her from 1995 to 1998. But what happened there was the district attorneys told us to leave each other alone (after she called child abuse on herself and blamed for it- to get John to leave me – the caller identified themself as me and named John. (like I’d stupid enough to give out my name and name my fiance as a child molestor). I took her to court for harassment, but the judge dismissed it. But the DA told us both to leave each other alone. No contact. In 1998, out of the blue, Joan writes Gert a letter, but addresses the envelope to me and John. (Gert had no contact with Joan since 1992).In 1999, again, out of the blue, I get a letter from Joan telling me John got the next door neighbor pregnant (the house was vacant). I took her to court and got a one-year restraining order on her. Didn’t hear anything about her until my brother died in 2003. I told Joan that I had website, an msn group for family photos and stories to share. I figured, lets cooperate via the internet – in January 2004 she sends me a nasty email accusing me of plotting against her. That’s when I said let her rot. Didn’t hear anything again until her book came out and I found all the twisted lies and slander in it.
We were successful in getting that book pulled – but she and her little friend Brian have two hate blogs against us – and until those blogs are taken down, Gert and I will continue to speak out.
All her life she had been spoiled rotten – raised as only child, she was never told “NO.” She thinks everything is for HER. Even when she was married and had kids, everything was for HER – money went for HER adoption conferences – yet she complained left and right how poor she was. In July 1986, The Monkees, Gary Puckett of the Union Gap, and The Grassroots were on an Oldies Tour and were booked for the Chautauqua Institute, Southern Tier of Western New York. Joan and her husband wanted to go and I went with them. It was a really nice concert. In September, they added Buffalo to the tour and Joan called me up to see if I wanted to go. No, I couldn’t afford it. I enjoyed myself at the concert, but I had bills to pay, rent, etc. etc. Joan called me up the next day – she had a dream about Mickey Dolenz (of the Monkees) and now she simply HAD to go. fine, whatever. So she goes. The next week, she calls me up crying – her electricity is being shut off. – Okay, what’s wrong with this picture? You don’t get your electricity shut off unless you don’t pay your bill for more than about 3 or 4 months. That’s counting back to maybe June or July. You have money to see a concert TWICE, but you don’t have money to pay your electric bill. Oh and I should mention – at this point in time she had a three year old son and WAS EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT!
In 1990, I foolishly entered into a real estate plan with her and her husband – to buy an apartment building together. I fronted the money for the down payment (borrowed from credit cards) and Joan was dipping into the joint checking account for living expenses, even tho she had a husband who had a job. In September ’90 we dissolved the partnership and I was missing money – almost 900.00. Also the lawyer was to refund 300.00 but he split the refund between me and Joan – even all the money came initially from me. Joan said when she cashed the check she would give it to me. (this was now December 90) Then Joan called me up and said she was keeping the money – MY money to provide xmas for her kids. That was the end for me – I told her “fuck you get the hell out of my life.” And she’s been punishing me ever since.
She never wanted to get a job. Her big fantasy was that book. She fantasied that it would be a million dollar best seller and be made into a movie (ala Lifetime). And she would be rich. She wanted to be rich on the backs of our family and the tragic death of a young mother (my mom). AND her other big dream was to be this big-ass adoption expert and earn monies on speaking engagements on the adoption lecture circuit.
Gert and I don’t really care about any adoption issues – what we do care about is Joan’s continual lies about our family and misrepresentations about our family and the circumstances of her adoption. Even though we were successful in getting that book pulled from publication – she still goes on different internet forums and blabs bullshit stories about OUR childhood! She was given up for adoption in 1956. She was reunited with us in 1974. She wasn’t there when we were kids – who gave her the right to blab lying stories about me, Gert, and the rest of our siblings on the internet?
Her biggest dream, as with most adoptees, was being reunited with her birth family. At the age of 16, she made the conscious decision to find us. In 1974, when she was 18 – legal age – we found her. BUT by 1980, we could see that she was NOT someone we wanted in our lives. She writes in her book that we wanted to mold her into our vision of what we wanted her to be. NOT TRUE! We wanted to be reunited with our younger sister – what we got was someone who did not have the same moral values as us. Lying, stealing, manipulating, making trouble – she was doing that as a young adult and is still doing it. One by one, we turned our backs on her – not just Gert and me, but our siblings, our extended family. My father and me – we were the ones who TRIED for years to keep a relationship with her. Throughout the 80’s I turned my cheek to her lies, her disrespect. I turned the cheek so many times I ran out of cheeks. She wanted her birth family. She got us – then lost us – because of her own actions.
By the year 2008 – Joan WAS out of our lives – or so we thought. Those years between 2004 (when I got that accusing email and I booted her off my family website) and 2008, going into 2009, were quiet years. Little did we know, that Joan was feverishly finishing up that dam book. I have a 1999 manuscript and although I dont’ like it, it’s not as bad as the finished product. Because the old manuscript does not have almost every other page Brenda this, Brenda that (Brenda is me) and other HATREDS spewed out to other family members – dead members of our family – my uncle, my cousin Gail – who never bothered anyone, who was harassed by Joan while she was battling cancer. In the book, Joan’s hatred for Gail is quite evident – yet the bitch showed up at Gail’s wake in 2003.
I just spoke to a couple of my cousins at a family get-together on Dec. 23, 2012 and was asked, “why Gail? She never hurt anyone?”
Our blog is not just for things that Joan has done to me and Gert – it is for the honor of our entire family – who Joan has sullied and told lies about for years – in person, in print, and on the internet. Joan is a bully – plain and simple as that – a BULLY and the best way to deal with a bully is to shed light on their words and deeds. – That’s what this blog is about.
To see further goals – go to this post: What is Demanded from Joan Wheeler.
Gert, from facebook: “just the fact that Joan can’t get rid of us and that she has to speak our names must really taste like garbage to her (I like) she says that she is NOT in our lives, not physically but in every other way she is and it’s all her own doing. I told her that she can do the right thing but she refuses so she has to have live with our names coming out of every pore in her body until she does the right thing, remove her and boyfriend’s hate blogs and shut up it’s her choice.”
excellent post Ruth!
Ruth quotes me at the end of this post from what I said last night on facebook…and I shall add this…why do we not ignore Joan?
Joan in 1980 interfered with my minor children and the ADOPTION of my son, then called 2 child abuses reports on me when I told her to get lost, I had 10 years of no Joan. I tried to reconcile in 92 in a afternoon visit but by that evening got back-stabbed, then she writes me 98 trying to get MY attention, I told get lost, In 98 she writes to my daughter asking her to commit a crime. In 2004 or 05 I TRULY wanted to bury it all and called her, she told me SHE LOVED ME, she loved me so much that in 2009 she told all kinds of lies about me, my children, my family EVERYONE, in that fucking book.
I have had 4 contacts with that bitch in 30 years and then she writes libel SHE WILL HEAR FROM ME TILL SHE DOES RIGHT OR DIES. Her choice…I’m in it for the long ran…
TILL DEATH DO WE PART
if she didn’t doesn’t want us in her life she never SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN THAT FUCKING BOOK
Nancy, your comment tho very good is just too long to put in the body of the post here, and I know your heart is there. I will try to answer. we know that Joan is hurting. We don’t know exactly what happened, but we know her adoptive mother was a nutcase. We don’t want to talk to her adoptive family – they don’t like Joan either. As much as we may have some sympathies for Joan – we draw the line when she delibrately sets out to destroy us. In my case: After I cut her out of my life in 1990 – she went on a campaign of retaliation – set me up in 1993. She called the phone company to complain that I was calling her multiple times and swearing at her on the phone. I was not. She insisted the phone company put a tap on her line (this was pre-caller ID) then she forged a letter – she made it look like it was a letter from her own 10 year old son. The letter was for John, but then Joan put it in an envelope and addressed it to me. She baited me. I stupidly took the bait – I called her up, say Hi. She says, “just a minute.” click. I though we were disconnected. I call back. same thing. I call again. same thing. BINGO! You only need three calls to show it is “harassment.” When the police called me – I told them the truth and I told him about how she swindled me out of almost $900.00. He was pissed. He said he would tell Joan to drop any charges, but she didn’t. I got hauled into court and was given a restraining order to stay away from her for 6 months. Because I didn’t do anything, after 6 months, it was dismissed, no record. I was never arrested, I have no criminal record. Joan says that the restraining order was for one year, and that I was arrested and placed on probation, and I have posted to this blog actual court documents that tell the truth. Then in 1994, she called child abuse on herself and posed as me – this was her attempt to break me and John up. She even wrote him letters to his mother’s house asking him to leave me. Then in 1994-95, she’s calling my job to get me fired.
bottom line: I DON’T CARE WHAT HURTS OR ABUSES SHE HAS GONE THROUGH. SHE DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO TURN AROUND AND HURT AND ABUSE ME.
as to any suggestion of any kind of counseling or family remediation – it is long way past the time for that. In 1993, when she hoodwinked the phone company and the police into thinking I was making multiple annoyance calls, and we got to court, the court suggested a mediator. I agreed. Joan refused. With Joan it is going to be HER way – all the way – and no it will NOT be that way – because I, and Gert, and the rest of our family are NOT going to tolerate being walked on. Even after all the fighting, I call her up to be nice to her – to tell her that our aunt, the person she was originally named for died – and all Joan could do was spew obscenties at me – screaming at me over the phone. She needs to learn that she cannot treat people that way. The ball is in her court. She needs to stop being an ass and become a woman who respects other people. She wants respect? She has to give it first. No one is going to respect a person who continually disrespects others, especially innocent people.