Joan Wheeler keeps spreading the same tired lies about my father again. November 14, 2013Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, blaming people for your own mess, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, false accusations, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths
on this blog http://danielibnzayd.wordpress.com/2013/11/07/does-anything-anyone-say-about-adoption-hurt-you-anymore/#comment-427 Joan Wheeler (@forbiddenfamily) says: November 13, 2013 at 10:18 pm says:
I think that when people, the general public, adoptive parents in particular, call an adoptee’s other mother a “birthmother” this negates what she truly is: that adoptee’s mother. Having said that, I want to share that yes, I am still hurt by what others say about adoption. Beyond the hurt are the truths that are ignored. People continually use the words they hear in conversation, they inflict those words onto me. I correct them. No, I say, I do not have a “birthmother” or a “first mother”. My MOTHER died when I was an infant, I tell them. My MOTHER was replaced by another woman. And my FATHER was replaced by another man. These two people became my adoptive parents, and as such, they are the ones who deserve the adjective in front of the words “mother”, “father” and “parents”. These two people are my social parents. They are my legal parents, but the two people who sired and gave birth to me are my parents. Period. When I approach the topic in this way, in one-on-one conversation, with boots on the ground, I can tell you that people receiving my words are truly shocked into reality: this woman’s MOTHER died and that’s why she was adopted. The expressions on their faces tells me that they understand. They then say to me, “I’m so sorry for your loss. How tragic.” Yes. The death of my mother is tragic. And so is the punishment I received: removal from my family of birth because my father was too poor to keep me. And let me add another variable into the larger discourse: religion. A Catholic priest so compassionately reminded my father at my mother’s funeral that “the baby needs two parents” that my devout Catholic father followed exactly what his parish priest suggested. My grieving father relinquished his youngest child to a closed adoption because that was a better solution, better than asking for help to keep his family together, better than having his second wife take care of all of his children while he went to work. It must have killed him to come home each day to his older children, filled with grief and despair. He had kept his family together by getting married very soon after his first wife’s death, but at the cost of giving up his newborn daughter, a choice he told me decades later that he regretted. So, when people tell me their joys of adoption, I am hurt. And then I tell them what adoption did to me. My broken families are not the only truth I hit them with. I slam them with the truth that my real birth certificate is sealed and that every single adoptee in America is issued a falsified birth certificate. People are just not aware. … sorry for rambling. Just in a rush today.
I answered, but doubt that it will get posted, because all those angry adoptees all have their heads up their asses:
as usual, Joan gets the facts of what happened at my mom’s funeral wrong. I was only 3, but I heard from many relatives what happened. Including my own father. It is strange that Joan forgot to blast my mother’s sister here because it was she who suggested the adoption in the first place – because her childhood friend was the sister of the man who adopted Joan. It was my aunt Catherine who approached my father with the idea of adoption. My father then asked our parish priest for advice. It was not done at the funeral.
Also – my father was NOT poor. He worked for the City of Buffalo as a civil engineer. He worked in the Streets Paving Department drawing up blueprints and plans of the city’s streets. Joan routinely spins this web of lies and even goes around saying my father was a high school dropout. Which, actually was true – BUT she doesn’t say WHY! BECAUSE LIKE MANY OTHER YOUNG MEN AT THE TIME MY FATHER LEFT SCHOOL TO ENLIST IN THE ARMED FORCES TO FIGHT WORLD WAR II.
When the war was over, he went back and got his GED. He worked as a machinist in a bicycle repair shop and then went to night school for blueprint and draftsman. He was hired by the city of Buffalo in 1955 and worked there until he retired in 1988. Yes, my father married a second woman – so what? Lots of people get married. For the wrong reasons. So? Joan’s own marriage was hardly a work of bliss. Because my stepmother turned out to have mental problems, we remaining birth siblings and now two stepbrothers were placed in foster care on and off. After the death of his second wife, my father put a down payment on a house and gathered his kids from the foster homes. In 1965, as now, 4 teenagers and a mortgage can be really tough on the wallet. My father took a second job as a salesman at Sears. So? Lots of people work two jobs to help pay a mortgage and rear a bunch of teenagers. That hardly makes my dad “poor.”
In 1970, when I was 18, my father met and married another woman. She had two daughters and soon my brother came along. At which time, my stepmother resumed the career that she had before she had her two girls – working as a nurse’s aide. So? Lots of families have two incomes. Doesn’t make them “poor.” My father and stepmother liked to travel. Because my stepmother emigrated from France and relatives both in France and Greece, they traveled to Europe frequently. So? Lots of people travel the world.
Joan has a habit of pointing out other people’s income and tries to dictate to them how they should spend their money. She did it to me. Joan and I had a joint checking account in 1989 to buy real estate. For the expenses of real estate brokers, lawyer fees etc. It was MY money – $4000.00 I put in. For real estate. Joan was dipping into it to fix her car. But her husband had a job. We dissolved the idea of buying real estate and after figuring out how much was used for legitimate reasons, I was shorted out hundreds of dollars – Joan took MY money – STOLE IT. A lawyer’s refund was being sent to us – split in half and Joan agreed since it was my money in the first place, when she got her check – she would give it to me. It was MY money after all. BUT when the time came – she said she was keeping it – MY money – to buy a xmas tree for her kids. I said Keep it – but I don’t want to see you again. Joan’s husband worked. Joan refused to get a job. Joan sees Ruth and her husband working. Ruth and her husband have no kids. Ruth and her husband can afford to buy Joan’s kids xmas. Really?
MY HUSBAND AND I WORK TO PAY OUR EXPENSES NOT ANYBODY ELSE’S. I DID NOT GIVE BIRTH TO JOAN’S KIDS AND WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM. This is how Joan’s mind works. go ahead and not post this – I’m putting it all on MY blog anyway. – but you adoptees all think another adoptee can do no wrong – but you are all hiding your heads in the sand when you take Joan’s words as gospel truth. On my blog – I post scans of actual documents that prove what I say. Joan just runs her mouth.
gert here…of course Daniel, author of the blog that Joan wrote lies about us, will not publish our comments…but it’s save to say that he at least read them! For a smart guy he is pretty dumb! These angry adoptees don’t care whether Joan lies or not…she’s good for their program against all things adoption. Joan’s their poster-child because she had such great tall tales of pain and suffering due to her being abused by adoptive parents…oh excuse me, according to Joan they are ‘social parents’…So these angry adoptees will just continue blindly agreeing with each other and ignoring the facts that are presented to them…for you see they are not interested in truth, only in the fact that they can continue to spread their form of venom and hate
exactly Gert – these hypocritical “angry adoptees” foam at the mouth when they demand THE TRUTH. That’s what they keep saying they want. They want THE TRUTH told about their birth certificates, their geneology, their birth families, their family medical backgrounds. That is reasonable, and they should receive those truths. However, THE TRUTH does not end there – because the birth family have their own truths and facts – Joan’s warped brain needs to lay BLAME on everyone – and I mean everyone in her birth and adoptive families for her wretched life. And there are lots of people out there who are so stupid, so brainless as to think that Joan doesn’t lie. They are worthless sheeple.