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Joan Mary Wheeler engages in personal attacks against someone who she disagrees with and is taken to task! June 18, 2015

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world.
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First a note: Joan Mary Wheeler PUBLICLY attacked someone, and I am PUBLICLY reporting on it. And to quote Joan’s own words which appear further down: when she answered Melinda A. W. – “it is not slander when I am telling the truth.”

SEE END OF THIS POST FOR AN UPDATE…

Joan Mary Wheeler is currently pissed off at another person – and saying on facebook about the woman, much the same crap she’s been saying about me and my sisters for years. And someone else is telling Joan to shut up, stop slandering, and grow up. – same thing me and Gert Mcqueen have been saying to Joan for years. AND Joan – in her tirades – is admitting to being in “deep depression” and in therapy. – Yet she thinks she has the right to call ME crazy? She says that me and my sisters have been “deeply affected” by HER adoption, and we are crazy. (the other day on facebook). Where’s your medical degree Joan? – now she’s saying another lady has been “deeply affected” by her being a birthmother.  gods, Joan just loves her DRAMA and SLANDERING people.

 AND – the person standing up to Joan – says “where’s your proof?” and “someone’s lying. I want to see proof.” One woman admonishes Joan that just because J.B. let Joan down, Joan should not be betraying confidences – AND another woman told Joan to stop slandering. 

Isn’t that what Gert and I have been saying on our blogs that Joan is a pathological LIAR? – she accuses people of saying this or that, doing this or that – yet offers no clear PROOF of it.  I, on the other hand, have offered police and court documents that prove JOAN MARY WHEELER is the liar – and even handwritten letters and envelopes by Joan that also prove she is a liar.

So what’s the story here? Apparently, there was an important bill to be voted on in Albany the other day, something to do with adoptees and their birth certificates – I don’t fully understand it, because frankly, it is not my passion, therefore I am unclear as to what exactly happened, but apparently a woman named Joyce. B. was supposed to say something that the adoptees wanted her to say, but she didn’t. I’m not sure – so I can’t comment one way or the other – but Joan Mary Wheeler feels BETRAYED by Joyce and was quite vocal about it on facebook and was calling for Joyce to step down from her position as spokesperson (I think). Some of Joan’s adoptee friends agreed with Joan, but a couple, Denise F. C. and Melinda A. W. called Joan out for slandering, bringing personal issues into it, and engaging in personal attacks on Joyce.

Here is the facebook exchange that I am talking about – I have omitted comments by other adoptees that have no bearing on the topic of this blogpost – that being that SOME people now see Joan Mary Wheeler for what we, her birth family saw 30 years ago – that she is mentally unstable, is a liar, offers absolutely NO proof of her lies or anything she says, engages in personal attacks, yells at people when they disagree with her, and brags about her own self-importance as evidence that what she says is the final truth in the matter.

Joan also has a couple of statements about Joyce that ARE EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAYS ABOUT ME AND MY SISTERS – that we were DEEPLY AFFECTED by HER adoption and we WILL NOT ADMIT IT. – so, Joan is in MY brain – to know what I’m thinking and feeling?

The statements below that I have talked about above, are in bold for emphasis. I have also bolded some statements that have been told to Joan over and over by us, but because she does not agree with us on them, we have been labeled by her as “crazy.” Joan also psycho-analyzes Joyce by saying that she knows what Joyce is thinking and feeling, Joyce won’t admit it. – same garbage she says about me.  I have also included some of my notes after some key statements and put them in italic.

June 15, 2015

Joan Mary Wheeler

I am urging all adoption activists who have “liked” Unsealed Initiative’s Facebook Page to UNLIKE the page to give the clear message that we do not like, nor approve of, the incompetent leadership of New York Statewide Adoption Reform’s Unsealed Initiative. Instead, send all your LIKES to NY New York State Adoptee Equality where we have leaders who will lead with competency, respect, while conducting damage control of the mess created by the other group in NYS.

Joan Mary Wheeler

On a deep personal level, Joyce B. has been negatively affected by letting her son go into adoption. She will not admit it, as I spoke with her privately many times between 2005 – 2007. She defends her position as a “birthmother”.

She told me that adoption “is as American as apple pie” and threw me out of UI because I am anti-adoption. She, evidently, is PRO ADOPTION.

She feels she must defend adoption because she gave her son to adoption decades ago. She said, “there will always be mothers who give up their children” and “there will be people to take those children in.”

Joyce cannot admit that her actions led to her son having many problems as an adoptee. She told me his problems. I told her many adoptees DO have problems because of adoption. She cannot reconcile her actions nor her son’s present life, so that is why she is a controlling dictator in her self-appointed role as the leader of Unsealed Initiative. She feels guilty for giving up her so, but she will not admit it.

In those years (2005-2007) Joyce told me she felt that I was ineffectual as an activist because of my admittance of going to therapy. Ha! If it weren’t for my therapy to help me sort out the crazy affects of adoption, I would be dead right now.

STEP DOWN JOYCE B. We do not want YOU to lead US into one disaster after another.

Denise F. C.

You don’t have to be against adoption in order to work for open records. While I know the countless abuses that occur in the practice of adoption, I do see adoption working for adoptees. Kids in foster care have found loving adoptive families. My adoption saved from a family life that had lots of problems I was fortunate to avoid. Adoption is a mixed bag. It is not the glowing institution that some people idealize, but it isn’t completely useless.

The catholic maternity home I was relinquished in now has a program that helps women keep their children. Maybe you should work with organizations like that.

There are women who do not want to parent for various reasons. Open records activism is not about second guessing or shaming birthmothers for their choices.

It sounds like you are unfairly using information told you in confidence to attack her publicly which is uncool. I worked with Joyce in the 1990s and she is a pioneer in the movement. She deserves more respect than this. (Ruth’s note: yes, Joan has done the same thing to me – used things told to her in confidence to slam me and slander me).

Everybody has problems– even the non-adopted. While being adopted colors how we see our problems, adopted people are more effected by the pathologizing by those advancing the primal wound or adopted child syndrome. It is just another reason opponents can justify sealed records because even adopted people are telling us they are different than other citizens.

There are people who have more nuanced and therefore more accurate view of adoption who disagree with the anti-adoption crowd. I think the anti-adoption language turns potential supporters off from joining because your experience isn’t theirs.

If you have a problem with Joyce’s leadership or effectiveness then talk about those things. This is horrible and reflects poorly on those who are against adoption.

If you want to abolish adoption create your own organization, do not use open records organizations to do it. .

Denise F. C.

I am not going to reveal details, but I was the lucky one to be adopted. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have feelings for each other but it was pretty messed up and there was no real stability.

My birthmother never regretted relinquishing me, who am I to argue with her. This wasn’t the lone teen, but an older woman with 3 other kids.

Every family situation is different and there is a spectrum of experience in adoption. I believe adoption can be reformed and made less necessary. I work for supporting single moms so they can keep their children with comprehensive set of services.

Working on Voices of Adoption for 8 years I heard countless adoption stories. People would call me day or night to tell me their stories. I can guarantee you there are so my complexities to the adoption experience that differ from yours.

If you ban adoption, like abortion you just drive it underground where it can be more secretive and horrible.

I do not want anyone to tell a woman what she does with her body whether it is birth control, abortion, adoption, or keeping a child when she is poor. I do not find it helpful in open records by adding more shame to the institution than has already been hoisted.

Part of why records are sealed is the shame put on birth mothers for decisions they made. They can never win in this country. Keep the child and people call you a burden, relinquish the child and they are told they are horrible people. Getting an abortion when you are poor in this country isn’t as easy as you think.

Denise F. C.

Rarely do adults get to choose the optimal thing to do. The best we can do is work for comprehensive birth control, reproductive rights, reform open adoption, take the money out of adoption, and stop the shaming of women and make sure all women regardless of class or race everywhere can be true choice makers.

Joan Mary Wheeler to Denise F. C..

you do not tell me what to do! I do what is right for me! I have been working for adoptees’ civil rights since 1974. I do not support Joyce B. and am taking the opportunity to go public with her character because she must take her personal jealousies and insecurities and step down.

(PS – Ruth’s note – this is the same bullshit reasoning that Joan pulled back in 1994/1995 when she was calling my job repeatedly to get me fired. She got hold of one supervisor and when asked if her complaint had something to do with my job performance – Joan said “no, I just want you people to know what kind of person you have working for you.” The supervisor then told Joan, “I have known Ruth and worked with her for 20 years, her performance on the job is explemary. goodbye.” – by the way, Joan is still doing it – as recently as November 2012, she sent a letter to my job and then bragged about on the internet. (The Huffington Post)

Denise F. C.

Now how did she throw adoptees under the bus?

The thing is if you posted that she did something legislatively you disagreed with or you do not like her betraying confidences, you would have valid arguments that are useful and informative. If it is her style of leadership you do not like, that is a valid topic of conversation.

What you did is to personally smear someone in the movement about something that has nothing to do with the movement. Who cares why she relinquished? Who cares how she feels about it or how she is supposed to feel about it? The only question is how this all helps open records. I do not know why this post would even help you.

It is generally not acceptable to complain how someone betrayed confidences by turning around and betraying theirs.

People who were anti-adoption have always been part of the open records movement but they usually understand that they are most useful to the movement when they keep that separate from open records activism.

No one is forcing you to follow Joyce, but there are better ways to resolve your personal conflict with Joyce than this and certainly better ways of discussing our differences with tactics and strategy.

Joan Mary Wheeler

Joyce B. humiliated me in 2007. She knew that I was suffering from physical illnesses, that my mother was dying, and she knew private things about me. She used my weaknesses against me. I kept quiet for years. Then, last year, Jason Darnieder posted a comment about Joyce attacking him. So I commented on his post. And that is how NY New York State Adoptee Equality began. We were all ousted by Joyce. I did not want to go public last year with all the crap Joyce dished out at me. But now? Hell no! This dictator must Go!

Melinda A. W.

Joan, Stop slandering Joyce..This is so uncool of you..slandering her…I have lost respect for you for posting this on FB..shame on you

Melinda A. W.

 grow up Joan and the rest of you….from a reuntied adoptee who thinks what you are doing is just pathetic.

Joan Mary Wheeler to Melinda A. W. – it is not slander when I am telling the truth.

(Ruth’s note – just like when she wrote her now-dead book slandering me – she said it was the truth, but then I had the police and court documents that proved she was not telling the truth, sent those documents to the publishers, and the publishers killed the book).

Joyce’s ability to lead has been undermined by her personal perception of her own adoption involvement and by how she sees other people. I once thought of her as a leader, but as i got to know her, it became evident she could not lead.

Joan Mary Wheeler

Too bad Melinda A. W. Joyce slandered me for years.

(Ruth’s note – we have only Joan’s word that Joyce has slandered her for years. – see, she is doing to Joyce, EXACTLY what she does to me – “Ruth has been harassing me for YEARS!”)

She must GO. I have never NEVER made a fool of myself in front of legislators. Joyce has made a mockery of herself and of adoptees who have been working very hard for our rights. I myself have been in this since 1974. Joyce is not an adoptee and she needs to go. now.

Melinda A. W.

who are you to tell her to go Joan…seriously..no wonder the bill never passes…

Melinda A. W.

how many times have you been to lobby in Albany and for how many years…

Joan Mary Wheeler

I do not have money to travel. (Ruth’s note: now comes the ploy for sympathy for poor little Joan who has no money).

I write letters and artifices. And make phone calls. I traveled to Albany in 2005-2006 when I was very sick. Joyce tossed me out in 2007. So I’ve been writing articles that have been publi8shed in newspapers. I know what I am doing. (Ruth’s note – see – her sense of “self-importance.”)

Melinda A. W.

 Do you have tape to prove how Joyce made a mockery? I would love to see if for myself….this is your opinion…..why should I trust you..just because you are an adoptee does not give you the last word....Albany will never pass a clean bill…

(Ruth’s note – Melinda – you are my hero!”

Joan Mary Wheeler

Melinda… you were a friend form long ago. Difference of opinion I guess. I have keen insight into vital statistic laws and am doing my own research. (Ruth’s note – self-importance – she has keen insight. yeah, right.)

No one has all the answers. Joyce tossed me out because she didn’t like my activism. Neither do you. So leave.

Joan Mary Wheeler

Melinda, you are so negative. Disappear, You are no help at all.

(Ruth’s note – this is what happens when you disagree or confront Joan – you are told you are worthless and are dismissed).

Denise F. C.

 Joan started this thread without stating her objections in regards to open records. She lead with personal attacks which had nothing to do open records.

She would have done better to cut the personal objections and talk about her legislative concerns.

Joan Mary Wheeler

I’ve been stating my legislative concerns to Joyce when she asked me to join UI in 2005. She got mad and threw me out.

Stephanie M. S.

Is she a first mom?

Joan Mary Wheeler

Yes, Stephanie M. S. Joyce is a mother of adoption loss. She is NOT an adoptee. She does NOT understand the full ramifications of adoptees’ stolen and sealed OBCs NOR does she fully comprehend what the falsified birth certificate does to adoptees. I tried to explain it to her in 2005-2006 and she didn’t like what I said.

(Ruth’s note – Joan tried to ram down Joyce’s throat JOAN’S interpretation of things – and Joyce probably had a different point of view. And this is another example of turning things into a PERSONAL ATTACK – because Joyce had the basic human right to disagree with something Joan the Dictator and the Biggest Know-it-All about Adoption Around, – Joyce didn’t like it.)

Joan Mary Wheeler

Stephanie M. S. – UI has members, but since I was thrown out in 2006 or 2007 I don’t’ recall who is involved. I went to Albany several times and lobbied with UI in what I thought at the time was a an organized and professional effort. However, Joyce was ordering people around back then. When I told her what I wanted as an adopted person, she got mad and threw me out. No compromises on our birth certificates! Joyce sits of the fence. She negotiates with adoption agencies. And when I refused to go along with those negotiations, I was thrown out.YES she needs to voted out. Or thrown out.

 ——–

In conclusion, we birth sisters know Joan for what she is. Some of the adoptees have figured it out on their own – yet others seem to think that because she is an adoptee, her word is golden. Joan says “my birth sisters are crazy and have issues.” And they take her word at face value. Others, with brains, like Melinda and Denise here, DEMAND proof of what Joan says. Again and again they asked her – and again and again – what does Joan do? Tell them to shut up, go away, she knows what she’s taking about, she’s the expert.

WHEN will they people start seriously looking at the fact that Joan needs to be silenced. But she herself comes right back and states…no you can’t tell me to keep quiet…

1. gertmcqueenJune 23, 2015

Yep, this shows Joan’s basic behavior and thinking at its best! Excellent presentation here Ruth!

I have been saying for years, that if someone is in the public eye, fighting for a cause, their personal background and behaviors must be brought forth. That’s called ‘transparency’. But when dealing with Joan one must realize that she bounces from one extreme position to the next without ever realizing that she is contradicting herself. As this post shows clearly, via Joan’s own words and her exchange with other adoptees, Joan is incapable of SEEING her own dysfunctional behavior and thinking.

Just because others do not agree with Joan’s positions doesn’t give Joan the right to slander or libel them. But then again, as I say, a person can’t reason with Joan.

In response to a comment that Joan is ‘slandering’ another adoptee…
Joan says ‘– it is not slander when I am telling the truth.’

See what I mean! Just because Joan BELIEVES something is the truth does NOT make it so. Joan apparently has no conception of what slander/libel is all about, because Joan’s inner self is the only truth she knows.

And then when she is taken to ‘task’ she gets all high and mighty and indignant…

Joan says ‘you do not tell me what to do! I do what is right for me!

Can you see her face getting red and her fists at her side, stomping her feet?

Joan obviously AGREES with me, on transparency’ for here she says…

‘I have been working for adoptees’ civil rights since 1974. I do not support Joyce B. and am taking the opportunity to go public with her character because she must take her personal jealousies and insecurities and step down.’

But then on the other hand Joan would NOT agree with me when it is her character and behavior that is being made public. She’s such a fool!

UPDATE, APRIL 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoption1

 

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Comments

1. gertmcqueen - June 23, 2015

Yep, this shows Joan’s basic behavior and thinking at its best! Excellent presentation here Ruth!

I have been saying for years, that if someone is in the public eye, fighting for a cause, their personal background and behaviors must be brought forth. That’s called ‘transparency’. But when dealing with Joan one must realize that she bounces from one extreme position to the next without ever realizing that she is contradicting herself. As this post shows clearly, via Joan’s own words and her exchange with other adoptees, Joan is incapable of SEEING her own dysfunctional behavior and thinking.

Just because others do not agree with Joan’s positions doesn’t give Joan the right to slander or libel them. But then again, as I say, a person can’t reason with Joan.

In response to a comment that Joan is ‘slandering’ another adoptee…
Joan says ‘– it is not slander when I am telling the truth.’

See what I mean! Just because Joan BELIEVES something is the truth does NOT make it so. Joan apparently has no conception of what slander/libel is all about, because Joan’s inner self is the only truth she knows.

And then when she is taken to ‘task’ she gets all high and mighty and indignant…

Joan says ‘you do not tell me what to do! I do what is right for me!

Can you see her face getting red and her fists at her side, stomping her feet?

Joan obviously AGREES with me, on transparency’ for here she says…

‘I have been working for adoptees’ civil rights since 1974. I do not support Joyce B. and am taking the opportunity to go public with her character because she must take her personal jealousies and insecurities and step down.’

But then on the other hand Joan would NOT agree with me when it is her character and behavior that is being made public. She’s such a fool!


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