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being cautious on the internet – checking out who contacts you. April 5, 2014

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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I posted this as my status on facebook a short while ago –

I got a facebook message the other day – it appeared in my “other” folder in messages – from someone I don’t know. I was comparing notes with another fb friend, who was also contacted by this person. I think I caught the person messaging me in a lie – I copied and pasted to notebook a statement from what she sent me, and copied and pasted a statement from what she sent my friend. And the two didn’t quite add up. It might have been a lie, or a typo on her part.

 I wanted to send my thoughts on that (lie or typo) to my friend and accidentally sent it to the person that messaged me and my friend.

 I don’t like to piss people off for no reason – but the internet can be a scary place – you don’t know who is at the other end of the internet – I check on people who I don’t know who send me friend requests or messages out of the blue.

 I’ve also been known to send friend requests to people who I need to check out – to be able TO CHECK THEM OUT. I am open and honest about things – but sadly, not everyone is.

And when I find out that the person who I’ve been conversing with has not been honest, I will defriend them. If they disrespect me – I will block them.

If you contact me first, expect to be scrutinized. On the other hand, I would expect, and would not be insulted, if someone scrutinized me.


40 years ago we summoned Joan Wheeler, now we can’t banish her. sob! March 23, 2014

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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see additional update at end of this post

40 years ago, my siblings and I summoned a terrible, hideous entity. It was in the guise of our adopted-out younger sister. We have tried many times to banish it. The entity is cunning. It knows how to appear so vulnerable that it gains sympathy from many. Its wiles has even turned the minds of court judges to mush: “How could such a meek little woman, whose tear-stained face I see be capable of the deeds her sister claims? I don’t think this undernourished frail person called her sister’s place of employment with lies, or wrote that admission to it on the internet. No, I will not let the harassment charge be of any merit,” says a judge that was taken in by the false charms of this most sly demoness.

Another man was so taken with the falsehoods that were uttered by this most deceitful succubus that he memorized the names of the brothers of her birth mother’s brothers, and wrote them in the memorial book of her birth father, using their names in a hellish curse that he wrote in the book.

I shall continue to work my good magick until the lies produced by the forked tongue of The Nameless One are silenced.

don't summon if can't banish

Speaking of the demoness being able to appear vulnerable and completely innocent and wrapping people around her little finger – like her so called “defender” – who did little defending her (he spent all his time talking trash about me, repeating 30 year old erroneous gossip that the succubus fed him) – Joan Wheeler has the ability to fool a lot of people. And those poor blind idiots can’t see that – I have posted actual police and Buffalo City court documents here on this blog that clearly prove, without a shred of doubt that Joan Wheeler has lied about me. But those that she has sucked in will simply not admit to the fact that they were made a fool of. Trust me, I know how they feel. I was sucked into the web of deceit that Joan spun – and I was angry at myself for allowing myself to listen to her as she sobbed her heart out with her tales of woe. Then I felt ashamed for being such a fool. So I can understand how Russ and Brian and Rene Hoksbergen and Mara and Laura feel – they see a poor pitiful thing like Joan – and then look over at me – a strong willed, self-confident woman that takes no shit (not anymore that is) – and they can’t possibly believe that Joan is the aggressor and Ruth is the victim.

But they are ones who are in denial. At least Brian Maloney saw first hand a year ago – what tricks Joan is capable of. Having allowed himself to be sucked into her net, having allowed himself to be manipulated into coming on the internet and threatening me – all in the guise of “helping” his little friend Joan – when Joan overplayed her hand by contacting my job in November 2012, then posting on the public internet for all to see – her admission to doing that (which is against the law) – and when Brian saw that I marched down downtown and filed criminal charges against Joan – he started backing off. But not far enough – he had the nerve to try emotional blackmail and extortion on me – by going on the internet and threatening to expose my “dark dirty secret.” As soon as I saw that – I marched back downtown and filed criminal charges of blackmail, extortion and harassment on HIM and Joan – as an extension of the original charges I filed in January 2013 against Joan. The judge dismissed the charges against Joan saying Joan wasn’t responsible for Brian’s actions. Fair enough. The judge also told me that I could file separate criminal charges against Brian. I didn’t bother – but I did leave a warning to Brian that he should “put up or shut up.” – in other words, don’t beat around the bush – if you got something to say about me, then say it – what is the dark secret that I supposedly have? I sure would like to know, cos really, I don’t have any dark dirty secret. BUT I did warn Brian – that since he is a stranger to me – he has never met me, nor spoken to me – how does he know something about me? And if he, as a stranger starts slandering me on the internet – the police and the district attorney will want to know 1. how does he know stuff about me, and 2. why is he putting lies about me on the internet. – And criminal stalking and harassment charges will be placed against him – but Joan – the one who started the mess – will walk away clean as a whistle.I wonder how that will play out – Brian will be sitting in jail while Joan walks around without a care.

It was also interesting that when I filed the additional charges against Joan – for Brian’s actions – to keep herself clean, she threw Brian under the bus. She wasn’t going to defend him – because then she would have to admit to the judge that Brian got his “information” about me from her.

Gert and I tried to warn Brian not to be fooled by Joan – but he wouldn’t listen. He thought he knew best about OUR lives. What a fool.

As Obi-Wan said in “Star Wars A New Hope” – “Who’s the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows?”

I think the it’s the fool that follows – because they will heed no warning.


Nov 10, 2015…

time marches on and so does the idiot…no we can’t get rid of her…BUT…we can expose her…she can write what she wants but we shall contour it…

I, Gert, have a new blog and a Facebook page…



I also have commented on each ‘reviewer’ of her new e-book and second printed edition…as well as having discussion topics…so she can write all she wants and I shall continue to write against her…

UPDATE February 2017; as older posts are being seen I, Gert, am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/   this blog is titled Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor


this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.

Also see this Facebook page


In addition…see the ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.

Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum


Joan Mary Wheeler forum 


review of first book and 4 comments




Lesson for Joan Wheeler – lying about people won’t make you happy. February 7, 2014

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lessons in Life, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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It’s impossible to build one’s own happiness on the unhappiness of others.

So true. So what did you think to accomplish when you published that filthy book full of lies Joan? Yes, you accomplished SOMETHING  – you hurt me again and again. Every time I turned a page and read another filthy lie about me – I actually was walking in circles in my kitchen crying when I read your twisting of facts, your put-downs of me being a prospective mother, your disgusting stabbing me in the back twenty years after I got over the initial anger of your dirty deeds to me –

BUT what else did it get you? Your biggest dream (actually an unrealistic fantasy) was that your book was going to be a million dollar best seller and either a TV movie or a Hollywood blockbuster book was going to made of your book – and you would be set for life.

And because you blatantly lied about events in MY life – and I had documented proof of those lies (actual police and court documents, your own harassing letters to me and the envelopes they came in) – YOUR LIES WERE EXPOSED.

Proof of your lies – libel – was sent to the publisher and your book was pulled.

You said once on an internet forum, about two years, ago, that you “wasted 30 years of my life writing a book.” That’s right honey, you did. But you got part of that wrong – you didn’t waste 30 years of your life writing a book – you wasted 30 years of your life TRYING TO KILL OTHER PEOPLE’S HAPPINESS! 

What did you think to accomplish when you were harassing me? Did you honestly think my relationship with John would go down the tubes when you sent that lying letter to me saying he got the next door neighbor pregnant? What really happened is that when I showed him the letter – he was disgusted with you. You always claimed you honored him as friend. HA! Well that’s one friend who hates you now.

What did you think to accomplish when you repeatedly called my job in 1994-95 with false accusations of me? And did it again in November 2012? Did you really think I would get fired? – HA! Not only was I NOT fired (because I am innocent of your bullshit lies), but my job now knows you as a freak – a crackpot who has nothing better to do with her time than lie about innocent people.

One other thing that was accomplished Joan – when the truth of your lies were exposed by this blog and Gert’s blog – YOUR REPUTATION IN THE ADOPTION REFORM ACTIVIST COMMUNITY IS NOW SEVERELY COMPROMISED.

And you have only yourself to blame. Nobody put a gun to your head and made you pick up the phone and call my job. Nobody put a gun to your head and made you sent me that lying letter about John. Nobody put a gun to your head and made you type out all those lies in your book.



1. gertmcqueenFebruary 7, 2014

Gert here…yep…Joan’s lies and dirty deeds have become apparent to even those in the adoption reform movement! TRUTH always out wins lies! Joan should have learned how to ‘bury the bodies’ when she decided to KILL HER KIN FOLK! Oh sure, she led a great charge against her kin, when we first learned of her, 30 years in the making, masterpiece! Where’s all those angry adoptees today? Not by Joan’s side. There been a couple of new books on the adoption topics these days and none of them INCLUDE Joan Wheeler! Even the most vocal of the activists do not want to share the printed venue with Joan! She’s now trying to break into a new field…online therapy! Yep! good luck on that!

2. gertmcqueenFebruary 7, 2014

Gert here again… I was just reading some blog posts and found a comment that Joan left about Joe Soll! Okay Joe just FOUND his mother! Great news, that’s nice for him, but Joan, takes any opportunity for someone else’s spot light to pour out her bullshit that means nothing! In that lying book Joan wrote she USED Joe Soll. I had email exchange with the man and he DENIED what she wrote in the book, we have blogged about this…YET Joan acts as if she is CLEAN… here’s the comment she left…with ALL HER usual misspellings, she can’t even honor her friends with checking her spelling! Her sweetness makes me want to puke! Anyone who can do shit, like she did to her own KIN, and then speak false sweetness and false ‘peace’ to strangers, only proves to the world what a fool she is.

@forbiddenfamily · 2 weeks ago Back then, in the late 80s, Jow began organizing the Marches on Washington. I was there fro three of them. Saddens me that he could have met his mother at the time. So sorry for that loss. But very happy indeed for the wonderful news of NOW! releived for the man who helped so many of us. Knowing you, dear friend, has meant so much for me. May you now know some inner peace.

and here is the link http://www.adopteerestoration.com/2014/01/breakthrough-for-one-of-our-own-in.html#more

and have you ever noticed that Joan always talks about the 70s, 80s, 90s she is a HAS BEEN! She has DONE NOTHING IN RECENT HISTORY or currently, cause she’s a liar!

3. RuthFebruary 8, 2014


In this post – we show Mr. Joe Soll’s email to Gert, in which he says “I do not need to see the book, Gert. I don’t know what’s going on but no matter what the book says, I am baffled because none of what you asked me has any basis in fact/”

AdoptionHealing.com – AdoptionCrossroads.org – EvilExchange.com” To: Gert Mcqueen Sent: Fri, May 14, 2010 9:52:53 AM Subject: Re: fact finding request, please I never received, nor do I know of the existance of any letters from any person regarding Joan.

here is Joe’s entire email, in which he had copied and pasted Gert’s question and provided an answer:

From: “Joe Soll, LCSW – AdoptionHealing.com – AdoptionCrossroads.org – EvilExchange.com” To: Gert Mcqueen

Sent: Fri, May 14, 2010 9:52:53 AM Subject: Re: fact finding request, please

I never received, nor do I know of the existance of any letters from any person regarding Joan.

(Gert asks):

Also, in her book, Joan relays a phone conversation with you, pg 311, regarding these alleged letters in which she writes that you did indeed receive them and that you had spoken with Joan about them

(Joe answers): This is patently false.

(Gert offers):

If you do not have access to her book, but wish to see the pages I am referring, I would gladly snail you copies if you would provide me an address. My sisters and I would greatly apprecitate it if you could shed light on this for us and yourself.

(Joe answers): I do not need to see the book, Gert. I don’t know what’s going on but no matter what the book says, I am baffled because none of what you asked me has any basis in fact/

Feel free to contact me further

Be well, 조살 :-)

4. RuthFebruary 8, 2014


to reiterate what Mr. Joe Soll said about her book:

“I do not need to see the book,”

that means, that when he sent that email, May 2010, he had not seen the book yet, nor would he ever, because he was made aware that Joan LIED about him in the book. And he will NEVER see it, because it is dead – having been pulled from publication because of the LIES Joan put in it.

Joan Wheeler and other angry adoptees – get your priorities straight. January 18, 2014

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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I follow actor Daniel Goddard (of Young and the Restless) on facebook and he posted this picture and said: “As sad, and as emotionally disturbing as some pictures are… Sometimes, they must be shared so that the people of the world can see the truth that is the lives of so many…”


I left the following comment on his thread: ” Mother Theresa was asked once about where to start in caring, because there are so many that need it. She said to start with one. I can’t help those that are like in this picture. But I do what I can – outside of working as a nurse’s aide for my career, I donate blood when I can. I donate unwanted household goods to AmVets thrift store to help out our country’s veterans. Even if all you can do is donate a dollar or one canned food item during a food drive for your community’s hungry, do it.”

You know, if the child whose hand is pictured here is an orphan and if the necessity was there and the opportunity was there for me, I would take that child into my home to nourish and raise. And yes, I WOULD ADOPT HIM OR HER.

I get that adoptees want truthful documentation of their background. I get that some were adopted into abusive homes and they suffered and they are angry about that. What I don’t get is the “angry adoptees” wish to abolish the institution of adoption all together. WHY? Because THEY had a bad experience in adoption, so they would sentence an orphaned and starving child to nothingness when someone is willing to nourish and love that child, raise them and give them a good home and education.

If you follow the il-logic of angry adoptees, the child whose hand this is, should be left to wither and die in hunger, pain, and loneliness.

Joan Wheeler and all the rest of you angry adoptees – take your damn “me, me, me, woe is me because I was adopted” bullshit and shove it!

gertmcqueenJanuary 18, 2014 [Edit]

Gert here…very well put! Each of us is here with a life for a purpose and to learn a lesson. Ok there are times when I’ve ponder those two thoughts and came up empty…that’s human nature.

I’ve gotten my angry up over injustices in the world, I worked ‘with boots on the ground’ mentality and I worked endlessly with compassion, dedication, blood, sweat and tears. And…the institution I fought against are STILL STANDING. My time is NOT NOW. So I retired and GOT ON WITH MY LIFE.

I spend 23 years, in a paying job, to support our country’s veterans and active duty soldiers. I have volunteered in several community based charities. I currently volunteer with Hospice.

All it takes is for an angry person to LOOK AT THOSE LESS FORTUNATE THAN THYSELF. And the sooner one does that the better…for YOUR life is NOT ENDLESS. You too shall get sick and die.

Another whine from an angry adoptee – why do they get booted off sites? September 1, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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I saw an interesting post by an “angry adoptee” wherein she is bemoaning the fact that a lot of “angry adoptees” are booted off some sites that are geared towards “happy adoptees.”

Adopted in the UK

A Safe Place for Adoptees


While this person is entitled to her opinion, I left the following comment, which will probably not be posted.

perhaps the “angry adoptees” wouldn’t be booted off sites if they would stop calling people names, telling them they are “rainbow farters” and “Kool-Aid drinkers” telling people they are delusional (or worse) if they say they are happy in their adoption, etc. etc. etc.

As for the title of her post “A Safe Place for Adoptees” – there already is one – it’s a forum called Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change” where it is a free-for-all of bashing, name calling, hate language and calls for spam against pro-adoption websites, and desires for violence against public figures who are adoptive parents. One member at the AAAFC said this about actress Edie Falco: “someone should stuff a sock in her mouth, douse it with gasoline and set it on fire.”

Who the hell wants these types of people on their site? 7Rin would do well to write to angry adoptees to watch their mouths instead of whining about being booted off websites.

for more info see…

History of, and current attack sites, upon the birthsiblings, of Joan Wheeler UPDATED by on April 1, 2013

2. RuthSeptember 3, 2013

well 7Rin didn’t post my comment – but quoted me and twisted what I said. She said:

“1. It wasn’t a whine, it was a look at adoptee-related places that’re available, since the theme of #WASO32 was “safe places”.

2. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, every ‘fight’ has its extremists. I’m one of the adoptee ones. Deal with it. I do.”

my answer – it most certainly WAS a whine – and she put words in my mouth – I did not EVER say “bet you won’t post this?” Sorry 7Rin – you asked a question – “why are angry adoptees booted off some sites?” And I answered, giving my honest, politely worded opinion.

If you want to be an extremist – that’s ok. I have dealt with it. What YOU need to deal with – is the fact that rude angry adoptees WILL be booted off some sites – now deal with THAT honey – no need to question why – just deal with it.

3. RuthSeptember 3, 2013

mmm, think I’ll go back and make a screenshot of my comment – it’s still there in the queue – awaiting moderation – and it will show that what I wrote was polite, and NEVER did I challenge her with a snotty nyaah, nyahh – THAT childish behavior came from HER – not me.

Stick to the truth always – quote a person truthfully – don’t stick words in their mouths, because those false words can and will come back and bite you in the ass.

oh hell – why I am I threatening to do something? I don’t believe in empty threats – I simply DO. here is the screenshot that proves I didn’t engage in childish boorish behavior:

whining adoptee

and here is what she said that I said:


WHERE did I say ANY thing along the lines “bet you won’t post this?” – except on THIS blog – and it was a valid observation – because 7 has her mind made up that because I stood up to a bully, who just happened to be an angry adoptee, what I have to say is not valid. No whining here – just stating the facts – because one thing I noticed – if you disagree with an angry adoptee – then all the other angry adoptees come crawling out of the woodwork to insult and belittle you – because that’s what extremists do – it’s THEIR way and even when you talk nice to them – if you’re in disagreement with them – you are crap to them. And that’s why they get booted off websites.


Facts are facts, truth is truth and lies are lies. July 22, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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Found this on my facebook newsfeed. From one of my facebook buddies. He posted this picture and said:

Reality is like that.  When you construct a house of cards you do so at your peril.   Reality and truth will eventually burst any bubble of inaccuracies at some point.   Truth can be a fickle friend but far better that than a lifetime of self-delusions.

truth is truth, lie is lie

Ruth here. Facts are facts, truth is truth and lies are lies. – Reality is Reality. This is what this blog is all about. Refusing to find out the truth of the matter, refusing to see actual court documents that are posted to this blog tells me and others that you are too blinded by your own self-delusions.

UPDATE January 2017; as older posts are being seen I, Gert, am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism published in 2009, was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011 due to libelous material in it. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’, being her own editor and owner. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and reedited and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!


https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/     this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.


changing the truth to match your story – something Joan Wheeler does all the time July 16, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lessons in Life, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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story doesn't match truth

Not only did Joan Wheeler change the truth to match her story in her book, she changed the FACTS. And that just is unacceptable.

Especially when the facts she changes is about other people and harmful to their good reputation.

One of her “friends” said once that she has the right to tell her story the way she wants. No, she does not. If she’s telling a story about herself and wants to change the truth and facts about herself – that’s her business. But when she changes the truth and facts about another person – that is NOT right and is unacceptable.

That’s what this blog is all about – taking a lie about myself or my family that Joan had put in her book and on the internet and putting forth the truth. And backing up what I say with irrefutable TRUTH and FACTS – with actual court documents that prove that Joan Wheeler is a liar.

If you refuse to examine the evidence and think critically, you have no right to voice your uniformed opinion. Because you DON’T have a right to your opinion, you have the right to an INFORMED opinion. Because if you open your mouth without knowing all the FACTS – you have shown everyone that you are incapable of thinking critically and with knowledge. And you have made yourself out to be a fool.

I have provided evidence on this blog. If you refuse to go see it and then compare what actual court documents against the lies Joan Wheeler says – then you really are a fool. And I have no use for you.

demand evidence

1. gertmcqueenJuly 16, 2013

When Joan decided to write a NON-FICTIONAL book AND put her full name and BIRTH NAME on the cover she instantly…CAUSED the problem. She labeled the book as a TRUE story, but placed OUR ENTIRE FAMILY’S NAME clearly on the cover. So any changes of names of people within the book was meaningless…she had ALREADY named the entire family on the front COVER and placed OUR PICTURES on the back cover. Furthermore, not only DID SHE LIE, she also FABRICATED, WHOLE CLOTH, events, actions and words, about OTHER PEOPLE, than her self, and THAT is the problem with Joan’s libelous book…and with Joan herself. She DOES NOT have any right to slander, libel, tell fictional stories of other people and label it as HER TRUTH.

UPDATE, Sept 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…



writing memoirs and taking the consequences July 12, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lessons in Life, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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the following link is to a blogpost that Gert found, commented on, and shared with me. I shared the following on my facebook and share it here.


a discussion about someone writing and considering publishing a memoir.

I submitted the following comment. It is still awaiting moderation. But here it is for you – it’s good advice for all writers. –

Something else to consider:  If your “memoir” contains slander and/or libel – be prepared to suffer the consequences of your actions.  I am the sister of Gert McQueen, and we were both mentioned in a book that was first touted as a “truthful autobiography” then when the lies that were in the book were brought out and refuted on my blog, the author (sadly our younger sister) changed her tune and said it was her “memoir” – trying to give herself the out that her memory was faulty.  Which was just another outrageous lie.  My blog – https://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/ – contains actual city court documents, handwritten letters from my younger sister that proved what she wrote in her “memoir” was libelous.  Those documents were sent to the publisher and the book was pulled from publication and will never be reprinted.  Also – don’t publish any photos unless you have written permission from ALL persons in the photo. Just because you “own” a copy of a family group photo – it is not necessarily “yours.” My picture was plastered on the back of my sister’s “memoir” without my permission. And the publisher took that in consideration, along with the court documents and hence killed the book.  My sister wasted 30 years of her life, writing a trashy “expose” as a vehicle to get back at anyone in her life she was angry at – and I was her biggest target.  The consequences she has suffered is a wasted life, her reputation in the adoption reform field is trashed, members of both her adoptive and birth family want nothing to do with her.  All she ever wanted from the age of 16 was to be with her birth family. She was reunited with us when she was 18, and now that she is 57 – she does not have us – due to her own actions and her “memoir.”

1. RuthJuly 12, 2013

regarding the use of my photograph – Joan Wheeler tries to use the ridiculous claim that the picture was blurred – no it was not – my father’s face is clearly visible. And so was mine. At the time of publication – 2009, there were still 4 living persons in the photo – myself, my two older sisters, and my father. And Joan did not get written permission from any of us to use our picture for monetary gain. One of the articles of the contract that she signed with Trafford Publications said “You hereby state that you are the sole copyright owner of the work and all its contents.” Since she did not have the sole copyright of a family photograph that was taken the year before she was born and a legal (in the eyes of United States law) entity and being, she did NOT have copyright ownership of that photo. And was in violation of the contract that she signed. The contract that she signed also stated that the contents of the non-fiction manuscript she submitted for publication did not contain any falsehoods. She stated that she had a one year order of protection against me in 1993. Then she said in 1994 we were involved in a three month court battle and she got another one year order of protection against me. She stated in the book that I have an arrest record. I submitted proof to Trafford, via court documents that: the order of protection in 1993 was for six months. we were never in court in 1994 The “three months court battle” occurred in 1995 when I filed charges of harassment against Joan and the three times we were in court were 1. Joan’s arraignment in March 1995. 2. First appearance in April 1995 – adjourned to a later date. 3. The later date of May 1995, where the judge dismissed my charges saying “sisters should get along.” Each time we were in front of the judge for about 10-15 minutes. Less than an hour total time. So much for a “three month court battle.” Those court documents were sent to Trafford and their legal department determined that Joan did indeed LIE in her book and when she signed the contract, she did so under false pretenses. She has no one to blame but herself for the death of her precious book.

2. RuthJuly 12, 2013

as for the three month court battle – and Joan’s penchant for exaggeration – I filed harassment and stalking charges against her on January 24, 2013 for her crap writing a letter to my job in November 2012 with a false accusation of me committing computer fraud. Which I was investigated for and found innocent. Even had a meeting on January 4 where I was told of the letter and their findings. – Then on January 23, Joan gets on the internet and brags that it was she who sent the anonymous letter. I made a screenshot of her admission and filed charges against her. We have been delayed a few times – we are scheduled to appear again on July 23, 2013. So that makes six months now – between the time I first filed, and we’ve been in court and it’s gotten adjourned a few times – I suppose Joan is now saying we’ve been involved in a six month court battle. See, this is what she does – she tells people things in a slanted way – slanted to make it sound as though she does no wrong – and that I, Ruth am “bitch supreme” and asshole. And her stupid idiot friends believe her sweet-talking. Anybody who doesn’t believe an actual court document is the real asshole.

Another idiot who thinks I don’t have the right to correct lies told about myself and my own family.- Anna Harrison needs to do her homework. June 4, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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This blog got the following “comment” from an Anna Harrison:

“You guys are incorrect, and ought to not be so difficult around the writer. This site appears to be committed to stating their own impression, which most of us have. I detest when folks try to talk unhealthy about somebody simply because their thoughts and opinions differs from others. Look at yourself prior to you try to talk about someone else.”

Oh really Anna? I am incorrect about MY life? Did you read the page listed on the front of this blog called “Read first before commenting on this blog?”

AGAIN and for the umpteenth time – on this blog – I HAVE SCANNED AND POSTED ACTUAL COURT DOCUMENTS that prove that what “the writer” (as Annna Harrison refers) LIED in her book Forbidden Family. So, Anna, I am talking “unhealthy” about somebody because theri thoughts and opinions differ from mine?

So sorry Anna – YOU don’t know what you are talking about. “The writer” has lied in her book, and on the internet about MY life – giving false impressions about MY character and reputation. “The Writer” says that I have an arrest record – sorry sweetie – actual court documents do not support that. We were in court for harassment over annoyance phone calls and the judge gave her a SIX-MONTH order of protection against me in 1993. There was one and ONLY ONE order of protection – not for one year’s length as she says in her book, nor were there multiple orders of protection.

Sorry toots, it is YOUR opinion here that doesn’t matter – when you read something GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH – because it makes you look silly and unhealthy when you talk about someone else or a subject that you know nothing about. All you accomplished Anna was to make yourself look like a fool – because you did not do your research.

oh here Anna – I’ll make your homework easy for you – check out this blog post that contains the court documents that prove the writer you are trying to defend DID lie about me – the writer’s personal opinion is not a factor here – what IS the factor – is that she wrote a book that slandered and libeled me – and these court documents were sent to the publisher of the book and they pulled it from publication.

https://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/here-are-the-court-documents-that-prove-that-joan-wheeler-is-a-liar/ –

have fun washing the egg off your face Anna.

1. gertmcqueen – June 4, 2013 [Edit]
its appalling how people are so quick to believe that we are WRONG…this person ought to hope she never has a libelous slanderous book written about her! To have all manner of lies told about you and you are HELPLESS to stop it. Well…we were not helpless we went to the publisher and provided the PROOF as we have on our blogs! And the only way to stop the liars and the bullies is to THROW LIGHT ON THEIR WORDS AND DEEDS. if this person doesn’t like what she reads, go elsewhere for we shall continue on with EXPOSING Joan Wheeler and all her gang of bullies until JOAN removes her hate blogs about us…this person ought to check out what Joan has written and see if she is DETESTED by what Joan has written about US.

Knowledge or Ignorance? It is YOUR responsibility to find out the truth of something. April 24, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Lessons in Life.
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“The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.” – Professor Stephen Hawking

It has been said that there are two sides of every story. If you are going to take for truth and fact only ONE side of a story, you under the “illusion” of knowledge and allowing yourself to be ignorant.

All of those sheeple that take for truth Joan Wheeler’s stories of how her birth sisters are always the bad guys are just that – sheeple. baa baa sheeps that have no brains to think for themselves, to ferret out the details, to find out the truth of something. If they don’t take the responsibility to find out the facts and truth of a situation or an anecdote – they cannot be trusted.

Grow some brains and use them.

If Joan Wheeler wants a sugar-coated truth – she won’t find it here on my blog April 19, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Lessons in Life, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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ruth truth

My blog is not a bakery. I don’t sugar coat anything. Joan Wheeler and other adoptees are always screaming for the “truth.” And that is what I deal with here in this blog.

Don’t be mad when it’s not what you want to hear.


truth honesty respect

and don’t forget – “two wrongs don’t make a right.” – If you feel you didn’t get truth from your adopted parents. If you feel that the adoption system wasn’t honest with you – if you feel that you were disrespected – don’t go around lying, being dishonest and show gross disrespect to other people.

I was disrespected by Joan Wheeler. I was lied to and about by her. She was never honest in anything she ever did with me, even to the point of stealing, trying to destroy my reputation, my career, my marriage. But she failed. My reputatioin and my career are intact and my marriage? Well that’s the funny thing. We weren’t even married when Joan was trying her soap opera tactics trying to break us up. We are married now – 10 and a half years and still going strong.

She keeps on trying to bring me down, and it never worked in the past, and won’t work – ever! Instead of fixating on MY life and how to destroy it, she would do better to concentrate on her own life. Like learning not to be dreaming of blowing up government offices. That’s the kind of dreams that get a gal locked up!

chasing away Midwinter darkness and bringing in light – something Joan Wheeler really needs to learn February 2, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Today, February 2nd is Midwinter. In popular American culture, we call it Groundhog Day. A groundhog comes up out of his den, sees his shadow, gets scared and runs back into his den. This means we will have six more weeks of winter. If he doesn’t see his shadow, he stays out. This means we will have an early spring. I don’t really pay attention to that – but the Native Americans and older cultures did. In 2013, we have the modern meterologists to tell us what the weather will be like in the weeks to come.

In the Catholic Church, today is Candlemas. Where candles are lit and candles to be used in  church in the following months are blessed.

In Pagan traditions, today is Imbolc – Midwinter, where we light candles to bring the light once more into our homes. The dark dreary days of Winter are passing. The daylight hours are growing longer.  And we examine our lives – to see where we should shed light – and to rid ourselves of dark things.

Joan Wheeler lives a very dark life. She sits and wallows in her self pity. She really should let some light into her life.

The following is a brief exchange Gert and I just had on facebook. It started out with me talking about my cat Pippin. And Gert replied, and then I commented. When I read what I wrote, I thought “what a good blog post this would be.” And so here it is:

Ruth:    as you know, Pippin is a very well-adjusted feline, for being an adotee. However, he doesn’t like other felines in HIS house. So as long as the stray cat is on the porch and not IN the house, Pippin just turns his back. I have been teaching him that we don’t turn our backs on the homeless, and we must – in all charity – feed the poor stray cat.

Gert:    oh brother!! now there’s something joan should do to get her mind off shit…take care of others

Ruth:     right – she doesn’t live too far from the SPCA – she should go volunteer and help those homeless animals. or go downtown to the City Mission and help with homeless humans. Or help out in any food pantry – and I don’t mean any kind of counseling – with her messed up head, she’d mess up somebody else’s head! What she could be doing is bagging food items for pantries, pouring coffee or ladling soup/meals. – but I guess that’s just too menial for her – it’s beneath her dignity to do hands-on work for those that are less fortunate. She’d rather sit at her computer and bitch and whine all day how she’s been afected by adoption.
1. gertmcqueen

Gert here; Ruth didn’t see my next comment so here it is, plus more…

that’s the problem with those like her…they are so self-centered only giving lip service to those that are in need and they do nothing…notice what she has on her tweeter account…videos of seriously horrorable misuse of children…I believe she gets off on that shit…and then she and others think they are doing the world a service by saying those abused kids should not be adopted …instead of getting their hands dirty by doing just what you suggest…doing SERVICE  to those that are less fortunate than themselves.

I have, in the past, volunteered in food pantries and was on the board of the Urban Mission, and spoke with abused women and recovering addict groups. I currently volunteer for Hospice!

What good does Joan’s carrying on DO? all she does is browbeat people that adopt and don’t see her view of the world. It’s her lost, let her stay in her dark dark world.

The Flame Against Shame – dedicated to Brian Maloney and Joan Wheeler December 7, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lessons in Life.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Flame against Shame

A dear friend of mine wrote this yesterday and with her permission, I am sharing it:

“Never beat yourself down for making mistakes. While you should be rewarding yourself for those mistakes, why? Because you learn to grow and learn from those mistakes. If not so, then you would never be here teaching others. Im one to be the first to apologize and ask forgiveness for my mistakes. Then I reward myself with a quote on my fridge, saying., “Hello I’m such a Human”!.”

The other day, Joan’s puppet Brian said this to me and Gert: “If you were not trying to hide something you might be ashamed of, you would not be trying so hard to discredit what was said.”

First, the beginning of his statement does not correlate with the second part of what he said. – When I am writing about “discrediting” Joan – what I am doing is CORRECTING THE LIES SHE HAS SAID ABOUT ME. For example – in her book and on the internet Joan says that I have a criminal record – NO I DO NOT. Joan says that I have been arrested – I have never been arrested in my life. Joan LIES about me in the book. She says that I went to a fertility clinic – NO I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A FERTILITY CLINIC. And even I had – where does she have the right to put that in her book?  Joan LIES in her book that in a court case in 1994 her children were on the stand testifying against me – THIS NEVER HAPPENED. Joan LIES in her book that she never harassed me – I have scanned and posted to my blog actual letters that Joan wrote to my fiance and his mother – trashing me – I have scanned and posted to my blog actual letters from Joan to me and Gert wherein she is harassing me after the Erie County District Attorney told her to leave me alone. I have scanned and posted to this blog an actual letter that Joan wrote to my employer falsely accusing me of computer fraud and in this letter to a complete stranger to me – she is giving this man personal details of my health and my private life. Brian- you need to do your homework and SEE WHAT YOUR LITTLE GOODY-TWO-SHOES FRIEND HAS DONE. These documents were sent to Trafford Publishing and this is why the book is dead.

Brian also says: You may very well have your own story to tell, and that may differ from Joan’s. Each person has their own version of how things happened, and each person has the right to free speech.

Well, now let’s take his last sentance first: “each person has the right to free speech.” – so Brian, if each person has the right to free speech, and I therefore have the right to free speech, as you just said, then why are you bitching about what I say here? You just put your foot in your mouth sir.

Brian says: ” Each person has their own version of how things happened,” – Maybe – HOWEVER – I AM RELYING ON ACTUAL CITY OF BUFFALO COURT DOCUMENTS THAT PROVE THAT JOAN’S VERSON OF HOW THINGS HAPPENED IS A LIE. And I don’t need to have a “different version” to know THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN ARRESTED NOR DO I HAVE A CRIMINAL RECORD. Facts are facts and those are the facts.

These documents have been on this blog for almost three years. Joan has had ample time to examine those documents and refresh her faulty memory and come forth WITH THE TRUTH.

Now as to the accusation that I am hiding something that I might be ashamed of – oh, so now this Reiki healer is stooping to emotional blackmail and threats, just as Joan has done in the past. In her book and on her cyberbullying page Joan threatened us with “exposing secrets” that we don’t want to come out. I have listed here below,in chronological order, SEVEN BLOG POSTS dating from January 3, 2010 to April 4, 2012, where we tell Joan to stop her emotional blackmail – we have nothing to hide and will not be held hostage to Joan’s threats. In fact, here is an additional comment that I wrote on September 21, 2010 in the post numbered 3 below:   I AM A HUMAN BEING WITH MY OWN RIGHTS AND DIGNITIES AND I REFUSE TO BE DICTATED TO BY JOAN WHEELER.   Joan hinted at “secrets” in her book. Secrets that her sister have and are afraid of having put out – we said it once before on this blog and here it is again: WHATEVER SECRETS YOU THINK YOU CAN HOLD HOSTAGE OVER OUR HEADS SPEAK THEM NOW – FOR WE WILL NOT BE HELD FOR EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL BY YOU JOAN! WE WILL NOT OBEY YOU, PROPERLY OR IMPROPERLY.

Now as to being ASHAMED of anything I did in the past: No sir, I am not ashamed of anything I ever did. And Brian had also tried to blackmail me with something I did in the past. But like the fool that he is, he stooped to listening to 30 year old GOSSIP from Joan about a young woman named Shadya. I posted all about her in my post of July 7, 2012.  This post contains scans of a card that I received from Shadya in 1985, putting to rest any filthy gossip about her and me. Grow up gossipers.

To sum up: I met Shadya in 1977, when she was dating the brother of my then husband Abdo. We had gone on a picnic. I thought she was very nice. I did not see for about a month, and one night after Abdo left the house to go to a birthday party and I was home alone, getting ready to go to work, I received a prank phone call. I knew I heard the voice before, but could not place it. But a couple of months later, I talked to Shadya, and recognized her voice. It was she who had made the prank call. She did other things, trying to break me and Abdo up. From 1978 to 1983, yes, Shadya and I did not get along. We had arguments, and one knock-down brawl in September 1979.- She laid hands on me first – so I defended myself. I am not proud of how I behaved, but I am not ASHAMED – there is a difference. I acted badly to this woman. And so did she act badly to me. In 1984, I had a talk with her and I apologized to her. I think I could have handled the situation better than the way I did in 1977, but hey – as my friend said “Never beat yourself down for making mistakes. While you should be rewarding yourself for those mistakes, why? Because you learn to grow and learn from those mistakes.” – Shadya and I forgave each other and in 1985, when I was in the hospital after miscarrying my son, Shadya sent me a card, and when I got home, she called me up and offered to cook several dinners and send them over to me in tupperwares. Shadya no longer lives in Western New York. I know where she lives, and I will NOT tell anyone where she lives. She lives in another state. She is married again. A couple of years ago, on her 50th birthday, we communciated together via facebook. She is doing very well. I am happy for her. She was happy for me that John and I got married, as she had met John in the late 80’s.

So much for Brian trying to get me to feel “ashamed” for what I “did” to an Arab lady whose name begins with an S – as he tried to throw in my face back in July 2012. Oh – by the way, she wasn’t Arab – she was born in the United States to a Puerto Rican woman and an Indonesian/Yemeni man. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU SPREAD GOSSIP JOAN AND REPEAT IT BRIAN!

Shame is a toxic emotion and I do not deal in that. I live my life the way I see fit. I AM a human being who makes mistakes. And from time to time, have made mistakes and mis-quotes on my blog, and when I find them, I don’t just delete and “fix” the post – I OWN UP TO MY MISTAKES – I TELL MY BLOG READERS WHAT I SAID WRONG AND GO ON – NO SHAME INVOLVED. Just as I said above: I have posted actual court documents and even handwritten letters – written by Joan Wheeler herself – that prove that “her side” of the story is a faulty memory at best, or out and out LIES at worst. Joan has had ample time to review those documents and correct her lies and “mistakes.”

I forgave Shadya for what she did to me back in the late 70’s – early 80’s. And I have forgiven myself. Because in 1977 – I was only 25 years old – I am more than twice that age now – and have learned much.


Now Brian – go back and read these posts where we have already addressed the issue of supposedly having little secrets and deeds that we want hidden. As usual, Brian – you are a couple of years late in your research and threats. Grow up little man. REAL men, GROWN-UP men, don’t listen to, repeat, nor believe baseless 30 year old GOSSIP! Get with the times man! This is 2012, not 1983. And we have already dealt with the issues of “little dirty secrets” in these old, posts:

1. attention adopion reformers part 2 January 3, 2010

2. Open letter to and about Joan Wheeler, from her eldest birth sister Gert McQueen January 7, 2010

3. Adoptee’s tantrums nothing special – Childhood bipolar disorder article by child psychologist John Rosemund, September 14, 2010 September 21, 2010

4. Facts are Stubborn Things Part 1 November 10, 2010

5.What is the REAL reason behind Joan Wheeler’s rant on the Huffington Post? March 9, 2011

6. Evidence that Joan Wheeler has violated the Code of Ethics of the National Association of Social Workers March 10, 2011

7.The latest “wisdom” from Joan Wheeler, um, well, actually, she’s trying to show that she has some widsom April 14, 2012


kimberlyhardingDecember 7, 2012

You are so correct- shame is a toxic emotion!!  Keep putting your story out there. It needs to be heard! I love what your friend says about mistakes – mistakes are truly a means for transformation. Thank youl.

3. gertmcqueenDecember 7, 2012[Edit]

Gert here:

Thank you Kim for your insights!


This is correct, Joan has NEVER admitted ANY of her dirty deeds/words…she is always right/correct, everyone else is the problem/trouble-maker, etc.

I did in 1992 FORGIVE her for events she did to me in 82, BUT within 9 hours of seeing me that day, she started more crap; that told me alot; she is EVIL, stay away. Then I heard more of what she did to Kathy and Ruth and somehow we all got along without Joan in our lives. About 8 or 9 years ago, when Dad was ill, I WANTED to put all this behind and I called Joan, she tolded me she LOVED me. No she didn’t cause she had every intention of using that phone conversation for another ‘harassment’ to her, by me…but I didn’t know at the time.

When Joan published in nov 2009, that libelous evil hatred of a book against every member of two families, birth and adopted, she did the worst…character asassination of FAMILY. Not only did she violated, the DIVORCE I had with her and DIDN’T stay away, she continued lying and fabricating in the book. I found out only in 2011 MORE dirty deeds she did to family including asking my daughter to commit a crime for her!

Joan, by writing/publishing that piece of garbage, VIOLATED the peace between every member of our family and NOW she has us TILL DEATH DO WE PART. and that is VOW we will keep…

I was willing many years ago to forgive Joan, attempted to 3 times, but this will never be forgiven, nor forgotten…kin-killing is a crime in many places! Joan is a kin-killer and a soul-killer and she has to live with that reputation! She wanted to tell her story, the way she saw it, fine, NOW she can’t get out of it…TILL DEATH DO WE PART

I am not ashamed of anything in my life, some regrets, but not shame! I have already written/spoken about what Joan thinks she HAS ON ME…silly little sleasy ass…and gossiper that she is…to Brian Maloney who obviously relishes hearing gossip and loves to taunt women! Asshole.

PS while typing I noticed that the word ‘assination’ could be the asassination of an ass…does that apply here…if Joan is an ass…then we are doing ass-ination!

The internet, social media and Twitter newsfeed and people getting all bent out of shape over nothing. geez! November 23, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Lessons in Life.
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Social media sites are a wonderful way for people to stay in touch with each other. You got a cousin or old school friend who lives thousands of miles away? – You can stay in touch via facebook, twitter and other sites. You like a certain celebrity? Become “friends” with them on facebook or follow them on Twitter. It’s like the ultimate fan-groupie high!

I am a multi-faceted person with many interests and am passionate about them. I like belly dancing, art, writing. I like learning about herbs and natural healing. I like learning about crystals. I like science-fiction and fantasy and have studied metaphysics for 44 years. I learned all about paranormal investigating (ghost hunting) way back in 1982 – 32 years before Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson got on Sci-Fi channel with their popular “Ghost Hunters” series. I’ve had several paranormal experiences in the 1970’s and 1980’s and into the early 90’s. Since September 2010, I’ve been involved in a local “ghost hunting” group.

I have about 150 friends on my facebook and I follow 120 people on twitter. I also have 13 followers on twitter. On both my facebook and twitter, I have several of the cast members of the following TV paranormal shows: Ghost Hunters, Ghost Hunters International, Ghost Adventurers. As a long time Star Trek fan, I also have several of the actors, a couple of the writers and producers of Star Trek on both my facebook and twitter. I have other celebrities as well, including Lucy Lawless (Xena), Kevin Sorbo (Hercules), Gary Graham (Alien Nation and Star Trek Enterprise) and Mark Hamill – Luke Skywalker of Star Wars.

I also follow some singers: k.d. lang, Barry Gibb, Peter Tork on facebook. On my blog account, I follow the blog of Sam (Samantha) Sorbo, Kevin’s wife.

Do I communicate with all these people? Yes. Some of the celebrities are there because they are celebrities. (uh, duh!) And in my communicating with some, I have become “pen-pals” with them. One actor, who is an Orchard Park New York (a suburb of Buffalo) native, was on Star Trek Deep Space Nine and other movies, is my fb buddy because I took care of his father when he was a patient of mine where I worked.

One of the cast members of Ghost Hunters is a rabid Buffalo Bills and science fiction fan. Brian and I have had many conversations in the past 4 years. And thru him, I have become a buddy of his wife (now ex) Michelle. Michelle and I have also had many conversations in the past 4 years.

Now many of these people have an extensive fan-base. William Shatner, Capt. Kirk of Star Trek has a LOT of fans. George Takei, Sulu of Star Trek just posted on facebook that he has three million fans on fb and twitter. – That’s a lot of tweets and fb messages!

Facebook and Twitter has a function called “newsfeed” that shows YOU what your buddies have been up to.

I’m going to use Twitter as an example. Let’s say I tweet to William Shatner. Then an hour later my sister Gert gets on twitter. She will see what I tweeted to Capt. Kirk. If Shat responds to me, Gert will see his tweet. On the converse, because I follow Mark Hamill, I was able to see his daughter Chelsea’s tweet to him to have a Happy Thanksgiving. AND if I tweet to Mark Hamill, MY tweet will show up on CHELSEA’S newsfeed.

I don’t know Chelsea. Never met her. Never heard of her. Mark pretty much keeps his family private. I do remember back in he 80’s reading an article in Starlog magazine that as a father, he got a kick out of seeing his own 4 year old son playing with an action figure of himself (as Luke Skywalker).

So, am I “stalking” Chelsea if her tweets show up on my newsfeed? Hell no. I can’t control how twitter or facebook works. I have a twitter buddy that I follow – Daniel. Daniel is an adoptee who has interesting things to say. He must think I have interesting things to say because he follows me. Daniel’s tweets to others show up on my newsfeed. I don’t recognize the names of those he’s tweeting to. I don’t know if they are adoptees or others that he converses with. Am I stalking them? NO – they are showing up on my newsfeed thru no control of mine. I may skim thru them. And may join in the conversation. – that’s how Brian Harnois’ wife Michelle became my buddy.

That is how these social media sites work. I have a conversation with someone, someone else sees it, posts to the conversation. If that person and I hit it off, we become “friends” – or we don’t.

And let’s not forget that this is all PUBLIC. What you write on the internet is seen by not just a few people – but MILLIONS of people. It isn’t called the World Wide Web (www) for nothing! If you don’t want your private business to be read by someone, THEN DON’T WRITE ABOUT IT!

Case in point: someone this morning accused Gert and me of stalking her twitter account. We responded to a post she made. (not on Twitter). She used a screen name. We don’t know her real name. Gert said the other day, she THINKS she knows who the person is. But suspecting someone’s real name and actually knowing it are two different things.

This person then started ranting that her daughter’s school was in lock-down. WELL  I was sleeping this morning, went to bed at 8:10 am, after working 12 hours overnight. I woke up a little after 12 noon. Sorry, I had nothing to do with her daughter’s school being locked down. – I was busy snoring away!  —  I didn’t really read this person’s comments, just heard about it via email when I woke up. I’m not sure if this person thinks I did something to cause her child’s school to be locked down or was she just getting carried away with her keyboard. – There was just too much DRAMA there for me – especially since I had just woken up after only 4 hours sleep.  And because there’s too much DRAMA and stuff that doesn’t concern me – I’m not even going to read all that stuff. Anyway, if she wasn’t accusing me or Gert of causing the lockdown – WHY IS SHE WRITING ABOUT IT? Especially in a post wherein she accuses us of stalking her!

I’m not interested in this person’s daughter’s school, nor is Gert. We were not talking about this person’s daughter OR her school – we were talking about the lies contained in Joan Wheeler’s book!

I don’t know this person, as of this morning, I didn’t know she HAD a daughter, didn’t know she was school-aged, didn’t know her school was in lockdown. – I was not talking about her daughter. SO WHY DID THIS PERSON TELL ME ABOUT HER DAUGHTER AND HER SCHOOL? It had NOTHING to do with the topic at hand: the lies about me contained in Joan Wheeler’s book.

geez! some people! Think they are twitter cops, divulge personal information about their daughter, and themeselves and get their knickers in a knot because people are reading what they wrote. If that person didn’t want me to know they have a daughter, she sure did a good job keeping that information away from me. IF YA DIDN’T WANT ME TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER YA SHOULD’VE KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT.


1. Ruth

I see by my statistics here that my link to the Drama button has been accessed. Good – hope you liked that little ditty to accompnay your drama. sigh, honey, chill out, don’t stroke out.

1. Paula

Now I know someone accused you of stalking her AND she has a daughter. I must be stalker her stalking you stalking her. Hehe!

3. Ruth

Drama button: http://www.dramabutton.com/

5. withoutorigin – November 24, 2012 [Edit]

Gert didn’t appear on twitter by chance, she actively ‘followed’ which is not by chance. I don’t know what she was looking for but hey, if you want to know when the kids’s school xmas fair is or that soccer practice is cancelled . . . v.strange behavior from someone who simpy didn’t like my book review.


Gert here…update…Nov 26…I made a whole new post in answer to this last comment…

please see this post for further updates….


Bad decisions, bad choices – who is to blame when someone makes them? August 30, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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Who is to blame? Why the person who made them! If you chose to tell a lie, and that lie gets exposed – you don’t get to turn around and blame the other person. Be a Woman or a Man and own up to YOUR bad decisions and bad choices.


UPDATE January 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ yet again, her ‘story’, NOW called ‘duped by adoption’. There is NOTHING in it for adoption reform, for she is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…



Wisdom from Dr. Who on altering facts. March 19, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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Altering facts is stupid. Because it cannot be done. The facts are the facts.


off bog topic – Women’s Rights being superseded by the Republican Candidates – don’t let them do it. March 15, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Lessons in Life.
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off blog topic – first my rant – then a copy and paste from my facebook page concerning my sharing of my friend David Gerrold’s stand on women’s rights.
The Republican Candidates done lost their minds! They want to take away Planned Parenthood, Women’s rights to healthcare, Women’s right to vote!  I know who I’m voting for, and I know who I WANT to vote for. – I really wish David would run for President.
Vote your conscience – but please don’t take us back to the Dark Ages – where unplanned pregnancies were taken care of with coat hangers. And why should women not be allowed to vote? I am a member of the human race – I have the right to say what I want on how to direct my life. And if I want to vote for someone who will represent me in my government – then I demand the right to do so. (Ann Coulter, you should be ashamed of yourself).
The government of the United States is for the people, of the people and by the people. People include women. I am a people – I am a person. I am not a bacteria. I have the right to vote and the right to health care. I am a health care worker. I give my all to my patients. I demand the same be given to me.

    David takes a stand for Women’s Rights – are you with us? Because if you’re not – then you are saying your mother, the person who gave you life itself is worthless. Or your daughter – or your sister, or your female relatives and friends. That’s half the human race for goddess’ sake!

    Regular readers here know that I stand for the civil rights of all people. In the past, I’ve focused on the marriage rights of same-sex couples. (If you’re against marriage equality, do us both a favor and defriend me, I won’t be friends with someone who thinks my civil rights are negotiable.)

    But underneath homophobia is something much more pernicious. The root cause of homophobia is misogyny — an inability to recognize and cherish women as equal partners in the human adventure. Beyond that, misogyny is an irrational desire to subjugate and dehumanize women.

    It’s evil.

    I stand for the rights of women. And any male who wants to think of himself as a real man should make the same stand — to stand as an equal partner with his mother, his sister, his daughters, his family, his friends and his neighbors.

    Any man who talks about “pussy” and “broads” and “ho’s” and “sluts” and other disrespectful terms — that’s not a real man, that’s a child, a terminal adolescent, a snickering buffoon sneaking a cigarette in the boys’ bathroom while drawing stupid pictures on the walls of the stall. He’s not a grownup, not an adult, and certainly not someone who’s yet capable of recognizing what equality and partnership really mean.

    That we even have to have this conversation is a national disgrace.

    But when republican candidates talk about eliminating Planned Parenthood, destroying a woman’s right to choose, and eliminating opportunities even for necessary medicine — something is wrong. When republican pundits (like Ann Coulter) say that women shouldn’t even vote, it sounds like we’ve fallen into a tragic time warp of astonishing ignorance.

    This pernicious misogyny reveals the squalid patriarchal forces at work behind the republican machinery — a desire to push this nation into an ugly theocratic mindset that will push us into a new dark ages.

    Anyone who cherishes liberty — who understands that “liberty and justice for all” must be a commitment in absolute fact — should look long and hard at what the republican candidates are saying.

    Over here, I say it’s not just wrong, it’s long past wrong — now it’s evil. If you have a mother, a wife, a daughter, a woman in your life who you love and cherish — will you stand against those who would deny them equality?

    That’s where I stand.

a couple of good quotes that Joan Wheeler needs to study and learn – then maybe she wouldn’t be always be in so much trouble and turmoil. March 14, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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“Free speech, whether it’s online or on the air, carries with it the possibility that others will hold you accountable for your speech. Ignore that at your own risk.” – David Gerrold

“The first duty of every Starfleet officer is to the truth, whether if it’s scientific truth or historical truth or personal truth. It is the guiding principle on which Starfleet is based.” – Captain Jean-Luc Picard (from a fictional character on TV (Star Trek The Next Generation, but still damn good words!)

A lesson of self-worth to disolveme – get some joy February 4, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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okay, I know the purpose of my own blog is not to be bashing The Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, but I just read something over there and this HAS to be addressed!

First, this group is a bunch of spiteful, hate-filled, self-proclaimed angry adoptees who do nothing but spout hate at adoptive parents and infertile women. They claim they are a “support” group, yet I see little evidence of support.

Case in point: what I found tonight.

from member Disolveme
  For those who believe..
in a God or higher being. I recently read somewhere, that the relationship you have with your father, can effect the way you view your relationship with God.
It wasn’t something I’d ever thought about, but in my case it’s so true. Just another way for adoptee’s to be screwed hey.
I expect to be nothing, to be rejected, unwanted, not good enough etc. With a very abusive adoptive father, who on a good day, pretended I didn’t exist. Didn’t speak to me, or acknowledge my presence, even if we sat at the same table. Expecting anything different from a being who has more worthy people to care for…ie anyone but me, isn’t so crazy.

Any thoughts on the subject?

Non believers, everyone welcome to post…each to their own an all that. 

back to Ruth:

Here is a person who says that she is not expecting anything different from a being (a god or a supreme being) who has more worthy people to care for. Her post is answered by a couple of more adoptees,saying more or less the same thing. One did say she had a good relationship with her afather, therefore she has a good relationship with God. Another person asked to see the full article that disolveme cited. Did no one see what disolvme said? That GOD HAS MORE WORTHY PEOPLE THAN HER TO CARE FOR?

Where is the SUPPORT for this person? And look at her username: DISOLVEME! She wants to dissolve into nothing! And her fellow adoptees are not even supporting her by saying ‘Hold on a minute. It doesn’t matter what your afather said or didn’t say to you – YOU ARE A WORTHY PERSON. YOU MATTER!

Well, Dissolveme, if you want some dam self worth- you are NOT going to find it at that forum. Because all those other adoptees wallow in their own low self-esteem. One person with a low self-esteem canNOT help another person with low esteem. The only thing around that needs to be dissolved is that hateful forum. It is doing Joan no dam good. It didn’t no dam good for Steffi – and it sure as hell ain’t doing disolvme any dam good.

If they can’t tell you dissolveme any dam words of encouragement – then I sure will! – from the poem Desiderata:



The more you tell yourself you are unwanted, you are not worthy, you are not good enough and expect to be rejected – that is what you are going to get in this world. You are a victim of a bunch of negative programming and you need to stop that shit and stop it right now! Look in the dam mirror and say to yourself: I’M SMART ENOUGH, I’M GOOD ENOUGH, AND DOGGONE IT PEOPLE LIKE ME. – that may have been a joke on Saturday Night Live – but it is the dam TRUTH!

or maybe you’d like this affirmation: I AM CALM, SERENE, AND CONNECTED TO THE UNIVERSE. Everytime you hear yourself putting yourself down, say one of those affirmations (or any one of a whol bunch you can find on the internet) and reprogram your mind – rid yourself of your bad habit of putting yourself down. Because if you’re in your own bathroom feeling like that, the only person who made you feel that way is .. YOU!


from Gert McQueen’s blog: Do some adoptees, that have mental illness, get it from their genes or environment or because they are adopted? Joan Wheeler presents her views! November 7, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Lessons in Life, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Today, November 7, 2011, Gert McQueen posted this on her blog. I am posting it here, in it’s entirety, because it’s so important. – Read, and please learn from it.
by Gert McQueen 
Do some adoptees, that have mental illness, get it from their genes or environment or because they are adopted? Joan Wheeler presents her views!
The question was raised on Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change…
« on: October 24, 2011, 03:28:47 PM »
If you are diagnosed mentally ill…. do you feel it is genetics, crazy upbringing by aparents or is it just the life on an adoptee? where do you think it comes from.
 1adoptee AKA Joan Wheeler answers
« Reply #12 on: October 26, 2011, 12:41:17 PM »
Nancy Verrier’s other book, Coming Home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up, is one that ought to be given to any therapist who treats an adoptee. Verrier addresses the core issues of abandonment and loss. On page 429: “…proceeds from the separation trauma. It would be a huge mistake to try to untangle the adoptee’s relationship to the adoptive parents without understanding of the lens through which the adoptee views them. All other relationships in the adoptee’s life will be misunderstood as well. Something devastating happened to him which makes him distrust close relationships.” … “Instead of pathologizing society’s penchant for separating babies and their mothers, we pathologize the victims of a grave wrongdoing… We need to normalize the adoptee’s and the birth mother’s responses to this separation or at least come up with a better diagnosis, because what is happening is that inaccurate diagnoses are resulting in poor or harmful treatment.” “Many adoptees have been diagnosed with personality disorders simply as a result of the ignorance of the helping professions….The most notorious is the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. This term is frequently used within the mental health profession as little more than (page 430) a sophisticated insult…..Adoptees are not Borderlines!” Basically, adoptees do not split in their minds. Adoptees actually do have two mothers and two fathers. (my words) On page 448: “This brings us to a more accurate diagnosis for what adoptees and birth mothers are suffering from —- post-traumatic stress disorder. …trauma is based in reality, unlike other psychological disorders, trauma is based on a true experience.” Get the book and ask your therapist to read it.
 What she say? Oh right…abandonment and loss! Are adoptees the only people that have experienced these things? Most of this comes from a certain point of view that is current in the psycho-babble of ‘healing the adoptee’ and this babble gives these angry militant adoptees a license to go out and browbeat everyone and everything in favor of adoption. These people ought to be ashamed and the public informed…which is what I’m doing.
Any child that has been placed with someone, other than an parent, for any reason, might suffer from abandonment and loss. I know that I DID and I’m not an adoptee! I have had issues with ‘distrust in close relationships’ too, not because I was adopted but because I felt the abandonment and loss that comes from having a parent die when I was a small child and having been placed in a foster home! These issues are NOT the sole property of adoptees!
It just might be that if a person has a mental illness it just means that…they have a mental illness and they ought to stop laying blame, for it, upon adoption. Joan Wheeler will never see the world in the way it truly is because she is a true believer in the ‘world according to Joan’ and we must not confuse her with anything but her own facts.
Joan says: Basically, adoptees do not split in their minds. Adoptees actually do have two mothers and two fathers.
Well…I too had more than one mother and father…I had foster parents!! And I was also grateful to have had someone who cared for me!
Joan says: post-traumatic stress disorder. …trauma is based in reality, unlike other psychological disorders, trauma is based on a true experience
It seems to me that some types of adoptees are just not able to come to terms with their life like regular people do. Here is the bottom line, these people relish their pain, they love their pain and wouldn’t know what to do without their pain! Come on…PTSD!!! This is nonsense! Joan might suffer from it but that’s probably due to her own inabilities over her life to come to terms with the reality of life…she was adopted…she had a crazy home life with adoptive parents…she and only she destroyed every relationship in her birth family because of her negative behaviors. If Joan suffers from PTSD it is NOT because she was adopted, its because she has always HAD to argue with everyone over the fact that she was ADOPTED! Get over it already.
oh brother, here we again. The poor little misunderstood adoptee. As if they are the only ones on the planet that had bad stuff happen to them. Want some cheese with that whine my dear?

“All other relationships in the adoptee’s life will be misunderstood as well..

Really? – What I UNDERSTAND is that when I was reunited with my adopted-out birth sister Joan Wheeler, after I opened my life and arms and heart to her is that is was clear that her morals and values were NOT like mine, or other members of my family. We were raised not to steal, not to lie, to treat people with kindness. Unlike Joan. I don’t know where she learned it from – but just a few years after our reunion she turned into a bitch.

She lied to me, manipulated me, stole from me, harassed me, set me up to phone her by sending me forged letters and greeting cards, (and when I phoned, she hung up on me, then told the police that it was ME who was placing annoyance phone calls), then she called my job to get me fired, tried to break me and my fiance up, wrote letters to his mother trashing me, wrote letters to elected officials, called child abuse on herself, implicating me, sent me a letter telling me my infertile husband got the next door neighbor pregnant, writes a book full of slander and libel. – Sooo what’s to understand?

So, let me get this straight – in Nancy Verrier’s book, Coming Home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up, she says, “Many adoptees have been diagnosed with personality disorders simply as a result of the ignorance of the helping professions”

I don’t need to have doctorate as a “helping profession” (does she mean psyciatrists, psychologists, mental health counselors), to know that WRONGFUL THINGS were done to me by an out-of-control person who refuses to grow up.

As for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – many many people suffer from it. But that does not give ANYbody an excuse to break the law, harass other people, bully other people, or generally be a total idiot. My husband is a Vietnam Veteran who has PTSD and still somehow holds down a job, owns a house, takes care of the house and me, is a law-abiding person, does not bully or bother anyone. So don’t give that crap that Joan Wheeler’s behavioral problems needs to be “understood.” BULL! She’s a trouble-making liar, plain and simple as that.

so getting back to the queston on the forum: “If you are diagnosed mentally ill…. do you feel it is genetics, crazy upbringing by aparents or is it just the life on an adoptee? where do you think it comes from.” – – I don’t care where it comes from – all I know is that I have been used and abused by Joan Wheeler and I don’t give a damn about any so-called “trauma” Joan has endured – from anything – all I know is IT DOES NOT GIVE HER THE RIGHT TO TURN AROUND AND TRAUMATIZE ME.

I was NOT traumatized by HER adoption! so get that thought right out of your heads. I suffered from the loss of MY mother. Then my father’s disastrous second marriage. Yet, I managed to grow up into a law-abiding person, who is contributing member of society, a person who has held down the same job in the same facility for 39 years, who saw disinetgrating quality of life issues on my street (drug use, litter, rodents) and organized a block club and worked with local government officials to correct those problems. And for that – Joan ridicules me in her book. What asshole ridicules a person who is trying to better American society? Joan Wheeler – that’s who. Oh, I’m SORRY, poor little Joan was adopted, and despite the title of that book (adoptees grow up) – Joan Wheeler will NEVER grow up. – excuse me while I go puke.

you know what this all boils down to? – The failure of people to accept SELF-RESPONSIBILTY for their own actions!

It’s so much easier to place the blame on someone or something else when you fuck up.

“The devil made me do it.” – No, YOU made you do it.

“You made do it.” – No, YOU made you do it.

“My rotten childhood made me do it.” No, YOU made you do it.

“My adoptive parents made me do it.” No, YOU made you do it.

We are human and we will all make mistakes. The point is, when you make a mistake, own up to it. There is no devil, no other person, be they your parent (adopted or birth), other family member, boss, rude cashier at the store, co-worker, customer, neighbor, that can MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT TO DO!

I have said before on my blog – when Joan has written lies about me on the internet – it wasn’t me who forced my way into her house, hold her gunpoint, march her to the computer and “make” her type out lies about me – it was Joan herself, who made the concsious decision to write her lies. And she has gotten caught in some lies, some contradictions on the internet. We have copied and pasted her words, making notes of the dates and place where she said something, and then a few months later, we have seen her contradict herself on the internet. Again, I didn’t hold a gun to her to make her make a liar out of herself. She alone did that. As it was Joan’s conscious decision all these years to commit those harassments against me and others. She just doesn’t have the courage and backbone to stand up for herself and admit it. She’s a sniveling little coward and will just lay all the blame on me and her other sisters for the failure of our reunion. Or blame someone else.

There’s a cute little thing about blame – when you point a finger at someone, look at your hand, you will see your other fingers all pointing back at — YOU!

Stop with the whining, the blaming, the nonsense that “I was adopted, I can’t help myself” bullshit. ‘Cos that’s all it is – BULLSHIT!

And if you’re mentally ill, for god’s sake, take your damn medications so you won’t be a nuisance to other. Because we all have busy lives and we don’t have time for you losers. Maybe you didn’t ask to be mentally ill, and for that, I’m genuinely sorry, just like I feel bad for people with MS, cancer, cystic fibrosis. HOWEVER, my sympathy stops when you make MY life miserable and then turn around gleefully and say, “It’s not my fault – I got PTSD!” – ‘cos I don’t buy that excuse either.

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