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how many titles does JOAN M WHEELER need to let her lousy life story September 2, 2016

Posted by gertmcqueen in Uncategorized.
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and while she’s at telling her life story she slanders and libels every member of TWO FAMILIES.





Joan Wheeler “social worker” (yeah, right), adoptee rights activist says she wants to blow up buildings. what an ass April 16, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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This post is not going to be a pretty one – so you have fair warning right now.  

see end of post for UPDATE INFO

First off – I am disgusted and disturbed and angry over the bombings yesterday in Boston.  I hope whoever is responsible fries in an electric chair. 

Okay, now I want to turn attention back towards Joan Wheeler’s tweet the other night about her and other adoptees “fantasizing about blowing up vital statistics offices.” 

I wrote about this in my blog post “Joan Wheeler is now fantasizing/threatening to blow up government buildings. Is she looking for a pair of handcuffs?April 14, 2013”  I included a screen shot of Joan’s actual tweet. and here it is again:

joan-wheeler-tweet-03 Joan Wheeler’s tweet on April 14, 2013

Okay Joan – and all you stupid adoptees who want to blow up buildings – take a cold hard look at your televisions and see the damage done by bombs in Boston – no wait – photographers on the scene showed that they are human beings and did not photograph the gruesomeness of what happened. 

Want to hear about it? Let’s see – blown up body parts laying in the street. One woman had most of her jaw blown off. And an 8 year old child was killed! A child for god’s sake! 

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT BLOWING UP A BUILDING MEANS JOAN WHEELER? My god, you heartless bitch. Even if the building is closed for business there are probably other workers in there – cleaning personell – other workers. Innocent bystanders walking on the sidewalk next to the building. Innocent bystanders that may include children. And when a building is blown up – that means the people who work there are out of a job. This is what you stand for Joan? If it is, I’ll say it again – you’re a cold heartless bitch. 

And you call yourself a social worker? Who the hell do you think you are fooling? You have the picture of an abused child on your twitter page, yet advocate BLOWING UP BUILDINGS? You are a two faced lying hypocrite! You are evil.

Do you advocate terrorism Joan? Because your tweet says that you do.

 But then yes, you and all the other “angry militant adoptees” ARE fucking idiots and dangerous ones at that. I hope the FBI is watching your crazy little asses. 

Now I’m not saying that Joan or some other angry adoptee had anything to do with the bombing in Boston – but if they did – they are in a shitload of trouble. And even if they didn’t – to want to do something like that shows the whole world what rotten people they are. No respect for the sanctity of life. To want to destroy life and property. Sick little bastards – as they are proud to call themselves. 

Oh and Joan – just how do you think your fucking little tweet is going to look in court tomorrow? You can drop your poor little meek and mild down-trodden little act right now. The first day you had to report to court – you came in, looking down at the floor, walking oh-so-slowly, like you had the weight of the world on you! The little act you were trying to portray yourself as just a little old beaten down thing. The whole world is beating you up, and you’re so sad, so tired of the whole thing, oh, look at me, just taking slow little steps, cos I’m so pitiful. I’m so meek and mild, and sweet, and I wouldn’t hurt a fly. 

BULLSHIT! Your own tweet says the truth about you. And I will make damn sure the judge sees that stupid tweet of yours. 

And don’t forget stupid – making terrorist threats is a federal offense – I hope they put you away for a long long time sweetie. 

godzilla smashe building

is this your problem Joan – well you will have plenty of time to think about when you are sitting in a jail cell.

For myself – I will be heading over to the Red Cross tomorrow to donate blood to help the victims of the Boston bombing.

gertmcqueen – April 16, 2013

Excellent post Ruth!

Totally disgusting what happened in Boston…it’s looking more and more like a deed of DOMESTIC violence…terror by any name is still terror. And yes of course, NO ONE KNOWS who did that deed, but the anti-terrorist people are very good at their jobs and the doer will be found!

At this point in the history of the USA it is disgusting that anyone, let alone a SOCIAL-WORKER would put on a social NETWORKING site…for the entire globe to see…that she and other ADOPTEES want to blow up government OFFICES because they are MAD. Hey if you are mad sign yourself up in an institution and let the rest of the country be free from your assholeNESS.

I don’t care what side of the adoption issue anyone is on …but it’s past time for EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER HEARD OF JOAN WHEELER to silence the bitch! Do you people think that the government is going to GIVE YOU YOUR ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATES just because Joan Wheeler and friends think that blowing up the offices of VITAL STATICS will do the trick?

Hey, I worked for the military and I know just HOW SERIOUS the government is about terror and those that do it, talk about it, advocate it, etc. Joan Wheeler calls herself a MILITANT ACTIVIST and will work till the day she DIES for EVERYONE to get an OBC…and the hell with anyone else.

these types of idiots are disgusting


UPDATE OCTOBER 2016; as older posts are being seen I, Gert, am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!


this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.



It seems that Joan Wheeler CAN do the right thing when she wants to. But she still will have to pay for the times she went out of her way to lie about her birth sisters March 20, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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 About Joan’Wheeler’s comment page on The Huffington Post.–

Since Joan made that libelous statement about me and admitting that she wrote that libelous letter to my employer (Nov 2012) on January 22, 2013, she has made several more comments about adoption and birth certificates. So you will have to scroll down to see the stupid comment she made about me and my sisters – even accusing me of starting my twitter account solely to bother her. really. I took her to task on Huffington – refuting all her bullshit lies there. All her stupid libelous comments AND my replies – with the TRUTH – are all there in one spot. You just have to scroll down a bit.

As to her recent activity on Huffington – with her discussions about adoption and birth certificates – THIS IS WHAT WE’VE BEEN TELLING JOAN TO DO FOR MORE THAN THREE YEARS NOW – have your debates about adoption and birth certificates all you want – we don’t care – JUST LEAVE US THE HELL OUT OF YOUR DISCUSSIONS! AND STOP LYING ABOUT THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF YOUR ADOPTION.

It seems as though Joan is quite capable of discussing her adoption activism WITHOUT DRAGGING US INTO IT OR DISRESPECTING OUR FAMILY after all. Because I have not one single problem with what she has been saying recently on Huffington.

She even FINALLY acknowledged that the natural family relinguished her because there was no other choice. Which actually is a direct contradiction of what she keeps harping about – she keeps saying she is 100% against adoption, and keeps promoting kinship and guardianship care. Which was NOT a viable option in our family.

We’ve told Joan before – if you want to engage in your anti-adoption activism, LEAVE US OUT OF IT. By continually dragging us into it – she opens herself up to our rebuttals.

All she has to EVER say is, “I was adopted when my birth mother died. Due to lack of options of child care, my birth father relinguished me for adoption. My adoptive parents lied to me. I was found by my birth siblings in 1974. A few years later, personality conflicts between us resulted in us not having a relationship.”

That’s all she has to ever say about us. Since she keeps lying about us – we keep telling the truth about us.

1. gertmcqueenMarch 20, 2013

It’s so simple to just tell the truth without harming others!

RuthMarch 20, 2013

absolutely Gert – Joan needs to learn that when she lies, she not only hurts others, she hurts HERSELF as well! By lying on Huffington about me – by writing a lying letter to my employer, SHE has hurt herself. Now she goes on trial for that. Idiot. We’ve been saying on our blogs for over three years to Joan – STOP LYING. JUST TELL THE DAM TRUTH AND STOP TALKING ABOUT US. cos when you tell the truth – you don’t get in trouble. Joan creates the very situations she bitches about. Because she’s a fool.

RuthMarch 21, 2013

let me clarify the title of this blog post. When I say “But she still will have to pay for the times she went out of her way to lie about her birth sisters ” – that is not a threat. It is a fact. If you do somebody wrong – it’s gonna come back to you in some way. Karma baby – it’s called KARMA. It’s called paying for your sins. Somehow, someway, you will reap what you have sown. If you treat people like dirt, the way Joan has treated me and members of my family, someone is going to treat Joan like dirt. It’s the law of the universe – cause and effect. Like I said – it is Joan herself creating the situations she is bitching about. NOBODY TOLD HER TO TELL LIES ABOUT ME. SHE MADE THE CONSCIOUS DECISION TO TELL THE LIES. Now, with her lies exposed, she has to deal with the consequences of her actions and words.

Exactly what is the purpose of our blogs against Joan Wheeler – find out here January 7, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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In a comment to my last post, Joan Wheeler is starting her lying false accusations again – calling my job to make trouble January 6, 2013, My friend Nancy says: “… what is happening here, is she is feeding off the attention. She is an attention whore..”  And I answer here in this post.

Oh yes, Nancy, we are aware of that. As to your advice about ignoring her – it doesn’t work. I ignored her from 1995 to 1998. But what happened there was the district attorneys told us to leave each other alone (after she called child abuse on herself and blamed for it- to get John to leave me – the caller identified themself as me and named John. (like I’d stupid enough to give out my name and name my fiance as a child molestor). I took her to court for harassment, but the judge dismissed it. But the DA told us both to leave each other alone. No contact. In 1998, out of the blue, Joan writes Gert a letter, but addresses the envelope to me and John. (Gert had no contact with Joan since 1992).In 1999, again, out of the blue, I get a letter from Joan telling me John got the next door neighbor pregnant (the house was vacant). I took her to court and got a one-year restraining order on her. Didn’t hear anything about her until my brother died in 2003. I told Joan that I had website, an msn group for family photos and stories to share. I figured, lets cooperate via the internet – in January 2004 she sends me a nasty email accusing me of plotting against her. That’s when I said let her rot. Didn’t hear anything again until her book came out and I found all the twisted lies and slander in it.

We were successful in getting that book pulled – but she and her little friend Brian have two hate blogs against us – and until those blogs are taken down, Gert and I will continue to speak out.

All her life she had been spoiled rotten – raised as only child, she was never told “NO.” She thinks everything is for HER. Even when she was married and had kids, everything was for HER – money went for HER adoption conferences – yet she complained left and right how poor she was. In July 1986, The Monkees, Gary Puckett of the Union Gap, and The Grassroots were on an Oldies Tour and were booked for the Chautauqua Institute, Southern Tier of Western New York. Joan and her husband wanted to go and I went with them. It was a really nice concert. In September, they added Buffalo to the tour and Joan called me up to see if I wanted to go. No, I couldn’t afford it. I enjoyed myself at the concert, but I had bills to pay, rent, etc. etc. Joan called me up the next day – she had a dream about Mickey Dolenz (of the Monkees) and now she simply HAD to go. fine, whatever. So she goes. The next week, she calls me up crying – her electricity is being shut off. – Okay, what’s wrong with this picture? You don’t get your electricity shut off unless you don’t pay your bill for more than about 3 or 4 months. That’s counting back to maybe June or July. You have money to see a concert TWICE, but you don’t have money to pay your electric bill. Oh and I should mention – at this point in time she had a three year old son and WAS EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT!

In 1990, I foolishly entered into a real estate plan with her and her husband – to buy an apartment building together. I fronted the money for the down payment (borrowed from credit cards) and Joan was dipping into the joint checking account for living expenses, even tho she had a husband who had a job. In September ’90 we dissolved the partnership and I was missing money – almost 900.00. Also the lawyer was to refund 300.00 but he split the refund between me and Joan – even all the money came initially from me. Joan said when she cashed the check she would give it to me. (this was now December 90) Then Joan called me up and said she was keeping the money – MY money to provide xmas for her kids. That was the end for me – I told her “fuck you get the hell out of my life.” And she’s been punishing me ever since.

She never wanted to get a job. Her big fantasy was that book. She fantasied that it would be a million dollar best seller and be made into a movie (ala Lifetime). And she would be rich. She wanted to be rich on the backs of our family and the tragic death of a young mother (my mom). AND her other big dream was to be this big-ass adoption expert and earn monies on speaking engagements on the adoption lecture circuit.

Gert and I don’t really care about any adoption issues – what we do care about is Joan’s continual lies about our family and misrepresentations about our family and the circumstances of her adoption. Even though we were successful in getting that book pulled from publication – she still goes on different internet forums and blabs bullshit stories about OUR childhood! She was given up for adoption in 1956. She was reunited with us in 1974. She wasn’t there when we were kids – who gave her the right to blab lying stories about me, Gert, and the rest of our siblings on the internet?

Her biggest dream, as with most adoptees, was being reunited with her birth family. At the age of 16, she made the conscious decision to find us. In 1974, when she was 18 – legal age – we found her. BUT by 1980, we could see that she was NOT someone we wanted in our lives. She writes in her book that we wanted to mold her into our vision of what we wanted her to be. NOT TRUE! We wanted to be reunited with our younger sister – what we got was someone who did not have the same moral values as us. Lying, stealing, manipulating, making trouble – she was doing that as a young adult and is still doing it. One by one, we turned our backs on her – not just Gert and me, but our siblings, our extended family. My father and me – we were the ones who TRIED for years to keep a relationship with her. Throughout the 80’s I turned my cheek to her lies, her disrespect. I turned the cheek so many times I ran out of cheeks. She wanted her birth family. She got us – then lost us – because of her own actions.

By the year 2008 – Joan WAS out of our lives – or so we thought. Those years between 2004 (when I got that accusing email and I booted her off my family website) and 2008, going into 2009, were quiet years. Little did we know, that Joan was feverishly finishing up that dam book. I have a 1999 manuscript and although I dont’ like it, it’s not as bad as the finished product. Because the old manuscript does not have almost every other page Brenda this, Brenda that (Brenda is me) and other HATREDS spewed out to other family members – dead members of our family – my uncle, my cousin Gail – who never bothered anyone, who was harassed by Joan while she was battling cancer. In the book, Joan’s hatred for Gail is quite evident – yet the bitch showed up at Gail’s wake in 2003.

I just spoke to a couple of my cousins at a family get-together on Dec. 23, 2012 and was asked, “why Gail? She never hurt anyone?”

Our blog is not just for things that Joan has done to me and Gert – it is for the honor of our entire family – who Joan has sullied and told lies about for years – in person, in print, and on the internet. Joan is a bully – plain and simple as that – a BULLY and the best way to deal with a bully is to shed light on their words and deeds. – That’s what this blog is about.

To see further goals – go to this post: What is Demanded from Joan Wheeler.

Gert, from facebook:  “just the fact that Joan can’t get rid of us and that she has to speak our names must really taste like garbage to her (I like) she says that she is NOT in our lives, not physically but in every other way she is and it’s all her own doing. I told her that she can do the right thing but she refuses so she has to have live with our names coming out of every pore in her body until she does the right thing, remove her and boyfriend’s hate blogs and shut up it’s her choice.”

2. gertmcqueen – January 7, 2013

Gert here…
excellent post Ruth!

Ruth quotes me at the end of this post from what I said last night on facebook…and I shall add this…why do we not ignore Joan?

Joan in 1980 interfered with my minor children and the ADOPTION of my son, then called 2 child abuses reports on me when I told her to get lost, I had 10 years of no Joan. I tried to reconcile in 92 in a afternoon visit but by that evening got back-stabbed, then she writes me 98 trying to get MY attention, I told get lost, In 98 she writes to my daughter asking her to commit a crime. In 2004 or 05 I TRULY wanted to bury it all and called her, she told me SHE LOVED ME, she loved me so much that in 2009 she told all kinds of lies about me, my children, my family EVERYONE, in that fucking book.

I have had 4 contacts with that bitch in 30 years and then she writes libel SHE WILL HEAR FROM ME TILL SHE DOES RIGHT OR DIES. Her choice…I’m in it for the long ran…
if she didn’t doesn’t want us in her life she never SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN THAT FUCKING BOOK

 5. RuthJanuary 7, 2013

Nancy, your comment tho very good is just too long to put in the body of the post here, and I know your heart is there. I will try to answer. we know that Joan is hurting. We don’t know exactly what happened, but we know her adoptive mother was a nutcase. We don’t want to talk to her adoptive family – they don’t like Joan either. As much as we may have some sympathies for Joan – we draw the line when she delibrately sets out to destroy us. In my case: After I cut her out of my life in 1990 – she went on a campaign of retaliation – set me up in 1993. She called the phone company to complain that I was calling her multiple times and swearing at her on the phone. I was not. She insisted the phone company put a tap on her line (this was pre-caller ID) then she forged a letter – she made it look like it was a letter from her own 10 year old son. The letter was for John, but then Joan put it in an envelope and addressed it to me. She baited me. I stupidly took the bait – I called her up, say Hi. She says, “just a minute.” click. I though we were disconnected. I call back. same thing. I call again. same thing. BINGO! You only need three calls to show it is “harassment.” When the police called me – I told them the truth and I told him about how she swindled me out of almost $900.00. He was pissed. He said he would tell Joan to drop any charges, but she didn’t. I got hauled into court and was given a restraining order to stay away from her for 6 months. Because I didn’t do anything, after 6 months, it was dismissed, no record. I was never arrested, I have no criminal record. Joan says that the restraining order was for one year, and that I was arrested and placed on probation, and I have posted to this blog actual court documents that tell the truth. Then in 1994, she called child abuse on herself and posed as me – this was her attempt to break me and John up. She even wrote him letters to his mother’s house asking him to leave me. Then in 1994-95, she’s calling my job to get me fired.


6. RuthJanuary 7, 2013

as to any suggestion of any kind of counseling or family remediation – it is long way past the time for that. In 1993, when she hoodwinked the phone company and the police into thinking I was making multiple annoyance calls, and we got to court, the court suggested a mediator. I agreed. Joan refused. With Joan it is going to be HER way – all the way – and no it will NOT be that way – because I, and Gert, and the rest of our family are NOT going to tolerate being walked on. Even after all the fighting, I call her up to be nice to her – to tell her that our aunt, the person she was originally named for died – and all Joan could do was spew obscenties at me – screaming at me over the phone. She needs to learn that she cannot treat people that way. The ball is in her court. She needs to stop being an ass and become a woman who respects other people. She wants respect? She has to give it first. No one is going to respect a person who continually disrespects others, especially innocent people.

Why does Joan Wheeler write about the childhoods of her birth siblings, but never about her own childhood? What is she hiding? September 7, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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In my last post “Why must Joan Wheeler continue to tell lies about her birth family?” ,I left the following comment:

I know what MY life is and was – Joan was NOT there! She knows NOTHING about my life. And I have a dam good memory! I have what is called an eidetic memory – that means I remember things in details. I can remember colors, smells, actual words, the weather, I remember events like my father walking me to Sacred Heart School for a Halloween party – which must have been Halloween 1958. I remember the Christmas party in Sacred Heart’s downstairs gymnasium, around 1958 as well – I actually remember eating a tangerine and walnuts! I remember the Halloween party at the orphanage 1959 – I remember the black and orange crepe paper draping from the cieling, and bobbing for apples. I remember the school year recital at the orpanage where me and my brother Butch tapdanced to the tune of – well I don’t know the title of the song but it went “H-A-Double R -I, G-A-N spells Harrigan.” I remember seeing the 7th Voyage of Sinbad in the auditorium of the orphanage, a first run film, for the kids at the orphan home!   I remember bringing home the living room lamps with my stepmother and stepbrother. She carried the lamps – decorated with antique cars, and me and John each carried a shade. We got them from the S+H green stamp redemption center on the fifth floor of downtown’s Hens + Kelly store.

       And in the body of my post, to dispel the lies that Joan writes about how “poor” we were as children, I list some of the many toys we had when we were little.

And I just had a thought – Why is Joan Wheeler constantly writing about MY childhood (lies or not) – and NEVER WRITES ABOUT HER OWN CHILDHOOD!

She’s always whining that we birth sisters of her, NEVER TOOK THE TIME TO UNDERSTAND HER. Well, how could we – she NEVER TOLD US ABOUT HER CHILDHOOD. I haven’t the slightest idea of what toys she had when she was a kid. Or what tv shows she watched when she was little. Even back in the 70’s, when we were first reunited with her and we were getting to know each other. – Oh, she told us how she loved The Beatles, Star Trek, Ancient Egypt, art and loved Native American dances. BUT SHE NEVER TALKED ABOUT HER EARLY CHILDHOOD. She never told us where in their living room the Christmas tree was placed. What toys were put there.

Did she ever go to the circus? Ice Capades? (my dad took me to Ice Capades all the time). What movies did she go see? My stepmother took me and my brother and stepbrother to see science fiction and monster movies, and I well remember my dad taking me to see Fantasia. Snow White, Bambi, Cinderella. My dad could talk like Donald Duck and get out the word “yep” in a belch. Didn’t Joan’s parents take her places and do silly stuff like that?

The only time she described an outing in her book was the time when she was 10 years old and went to Crystal Beach and my Aunt Catherine happened to be there with my 10 year old cousin Gail. And Joan had to turn into a hate fest against adoption and the cousin who withheld “secrets” from her – even though the cousin was a 10 year old kid herself and didn’t know who the hell Joan was!

So now Joan – here’s your chance for us to “understand” you – why don’t you write what happened to you when you were a little kid that screwed you up so dam much that you turned into a lying evil person? Come on – out with it.

1. gertmcqueenSeptember 7, 2012


She does NOT want to talk about her childhood, because that is when she was abused and that is WHY she hates adoption because she blames her life of abuse on adoption! She has a fixation with her birthsibling’s lives because she doesn’t have one of her own, to her mind she was created in the imagine of what the adoptive parents wanted. Well guess what…most parents mold and guide their children to be what the parent feels are best for them, some better than others of course, but, Joan always had the OPTION, when she became of age to LEAVE HOME AND LIVE HER LIFE THE WAY SHE WANTED.

She always talks about being raised as a only child and was spoiled rotten, but never gives details. All she ever says is that she was LIED to by the adoptive parents.

So she stayed at home, with adoptive parents after being found by birth family, she was still in high school but was legal age of 18! She then went to college, paid for by those people who lied to her, when she first went out on her own, those same liars paid her rent and food etc, when she married, those same liars, the adoptive parents, gave her thousands of dollars for a wedding gift! and all kinds of help. Oh the father died in the early 80s so it was just that lying adoptive mother that continue to take care of Joan and Joan just kept taking the money etc, And then after not being able to make it on her own, Joan MOVES BACK INTO the childhood home with that lying mother! Where Joan still lives in her CHILDHOOD HOME.

So yes, what the hell was her childhood like? Obviously, she and that mother could NOT live apart from each other, even has they went after each other. There is no other rational explanation for Joan’s negative hate and anger against adoption ….she was abused, BEFORE she was found by the birth family and that is why she hates us. Joan really needs to confront her abuse as a child and leave adoption and the birth family alone.

Why must Joan Wheeler continue to tell lies about her birth family? September 7, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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In her latest blogpost, “Joan Wheeler continues to believe that adoption is an evil that must be stamped out, even as she lies, some more, about the birth family. Gert says:  “So Joan Wheeler will continue on spreading her untruths anywhere she can…but…the birth siblings will also be right there, EXPOSING HER. At some point in time those that are hanging on to her coat tails will ‘let go’ because Joan Wheeler’s reputation is CATCHING UP WITH HER.”

Her latest puppet, who is harassing us at Joan’s request (so she doesn’t get her hands dirty) accused us of “ruining Joan’s reputation.” – not so. We are merely “exposing” her lies.

CNN’s Anderson Cooper’s tagline is “keeping them honest.” Exposing lies of politicians and crooked charities. 60 Minutes has a long history of doing the same thing. What makes Joan so special that HER lies don’t get exposed? Does Joan Wheeler have some sort of special immunity that her lies don’t get exposed? If Joan Wheeler has the freedom of speech to tell a lie in a book and on the internet, then we have the right to expose that lie and replace it with the truth. Especially when that lie is about us and how we lived when we were children. She was born in  January 1956, lived with my uncle on Fox St. in Buffalo and NEVER in our apartment on Smith St. She was given to the Wheelers in April 1956. Shortly after that, the Wheelers moved to a nice suburb of Buffalo.

So why is she writing about where WE lived in the 1950’s and 1960’s. Her excuse once was that she wrote about us only when our lives intersected with hers. What happened in OUR lives betweeen 1956 and 1974 (the year we were reunited with her) HAS NEVER INTERSECTED WITH HER LIFE AND SHE HAS NO BUSINESS WRITING ABOUT IT. Doesn’t matter that she used one of her screen names, because she uses Legitimate Bastard, 1Adoptee, Half Orpan56, all the time and leaves clues as to who she is and who we are. Especially when she signs her real name, or “Joan Wheeler, born as Doris Sippel”

We have said before and it should be said again: We have no objection to her fighting her cause about adoption reform. All she has to do is refrain from telling lies about our childhood, and our family. She needs to stop writing lies about the circumstance of her adoption. MY FATHER WAS NOT COERCED INTO GIVING HER FOR ADOPTION! She needs to stop saying that no one came forth to help my father keep her. IT WAS NOT POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO KEEP HER! Again – there were no day-care centers in 1956. Welfare did not exist as it does now. My father had to work. His parents were elderly, could not take care of 5 little kids, one of them being an infant. My mother’s siblings also could not take her in. My father was approached by my aunt, who was childhood friends with the sister of the man who adopted Joan. My father THEN consulted his parish priest. HE WAS NOT COERCED AT MY MOTHER’S WAKE. The final adoption papers were signed in January 1957. My father had ample time to reconsider his decision. He did not. He stuck to his original decision. This is something that Joan Wheeler must accept and live with. So he was greiving when he made his initial decision -the fact remains: HE HAD TEN MORE MONTHS TO RECONSIDER THAT DECISION. AND HE STUCK WITH HIS FIRST DECISION – THAT BEING THAT THE WHEELER’S WOULD BE JOAN’S PARENTS.

ALSO – my father did have a GED for high school. In the early 50’s he went to night school to study drafting, reading blueprints, etc. In 1955 he became employed by the City of Buffalo as Junior Civil Engineer in the Street Paving and Design Department, where he worked until his retirement in 1988. And he made fairly good money.

Joan Wheeler is constantly saying that our family was “poor” and we lived in a run-down neighborhood. Not so. We did live in a back apartment. So? Some houses are constructed up and down. Front and back. Actually, our apartment was the back AND the whole second floor! Our landlord, Mr. Johnson and his wife had the small one bedroom apartment downstairs in the front.

In the 1950’s and 1960’s, the nieghborhood that we lived in, Smith St. near William St. was vibrant. All along William St. was a bustling shopping district. With a large city playground nearby. There were 2 gas stations, a post office, 3 drug stores, several mom + pop delis, a couple of small variety stores, a liquor store, a butcher store, a large supermarket, a Deco restaurant, and we lived about a mile from Central Terminal, the main hub of railroad passenger and freight service. We also lived a couple of miles from the Broadway/Fillmore shopping district that had banks, major shops and stores.

By the 1970’s, yes, the area began to deteriorate. After we were reunited with Joan in 1974, she went to our old neighborhood (we moved in 1965 after my father bought a house). What Joan saw was our old nieghorhood slowly decaying. It’s called “urban blight” and Buffalo is not the only city this happens to. What she saw in the 70’s was NOT what we saw when we lived there. By the 90’s, however, community re-development took charge. Our playground was demolished and a beautiful senior apartment complex arose. Today, there are vast fields where a lot of Buffalo’s oldest housing stock has been demolished. (yes, my childhood home too). These were structures built in the mid-to-late 1800’s. – Joan really should do her homework when she talks about Buffalo’s East Side. The core area where we lived was built for Polish and German immigrants and blacks who migrated from the southern states. In the late 1800’s and early 1900’s, Buffalo was a boom-town. Very different from what it is now.

And as my father’s finances progressed, he put together a down payment and bought a house – the first in his family to own property. The Wheelers had done the same in 1957. Coincidentally, they lived only a few blocks from where we lived! They moved to a hoity-toity suburb of Buffalo (hence Joan’s tendancy to look down on where and how we lived). Well, geez, my uncle, who took Joan in for the first couple of months of her life, lived on Fox St. – another neighborhood that was quite nice in the 50’s and 60’s and sadly, now, is a crummy drug-infested ghetto.

You cannot see a crummy house and think it was crummy from the day it was built – and this is Joan’s mistake. (well one of her mistakes). She also suffers from the prejudicial statements from her adoptive parents who apparently forgot where they came from, because all her life, Joan was told she came from a family that were “too poor to keep her.” Joan was raised as an only child, spoiled rotten. Her mom hand sewed her pretty dresses. She must have used that line as a way to keep Joan grateful to them for adopting her. That was rotten, but that doesn’t give Joan the right to keep on perpetuating that tired old myth – by writing in her book and online that for Christmas 1956 or 1957, her adoptive parents sent over a xmas tree and presents for us!

This is utter bullshit! MY FATHER WORKED FOR THE CITY OF BUFFALO AND MADE GOOD MONEY. In 1956, my father remarried to an Italian lady, who’s mother doted on me. My father’s parents also doted on us. I recently posted on my facebook about how I got started on my love of mythology. My father’s mother gave me, when I was five years old (1957) – a book on Hiawatha. Even though it is a child book, it has some of the original prose of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. – I still have it in my attic. How do I know what year I got it? – cos my grandmother wrote it in the inside cover! It is a quality book – she had to have paid $$$ for it. (see graphics at end of this post). And that’s just only ONE thing. I remember a lot of the toys we had. Even when we lived with our grandparents for a couple of years while my stepmother was ill. – Just as girls today have dolls to learn makeup and hairdos – we had Toni dolls and Breck dolls (sponsored by Breck shampoo and Toni home perms) we had our very own gym set in the back yard on Smith St. not many kids had those. We had the make believe kitchen sets, with running water! (you filled the resevoir in the back). We had the first Easy Bake Oven. My brothers and I had Roy Rogers and Dale Evans cap gun sets. I had a Lucas McCain rifle (tv’s The Rifleman). Davy crockett coonskin hats, Jim Bowie rubber knives. Mickey Mouse Ears and Tinkerbell wands. We had the Visible V8 engine and chemistry sets. Countless paint by number kits and activity books and water color books and sets. I also had a Howdy Doody doll. METAL not plastic dish and tea sets. Stuffed toys. Cars and fire trucks, my stepbrother John had a rubber John Deere tractor! (which he named Basil – go figure!) We had an Elsie the Cow doll.

WE DIDN’T NEED CHARITY FROM THE WHEELERS OR ANYBODY ELSE AND JOAN WHEELER NEEDS TO STOP SAYING THAT BULLSHIT THAT WE RECIEVED IT. In her comments on that site that Gert references in her blog post – Joan also mentions “Catholic Charities.” Yes, our family availed ourselves with their services – AFTER MY STEPMOTHER BECAME ILL! – after Joan was adopted! I don’t know what kind of health insurance my father had back then, but I suspect he had the same problems back then as most families have today. Raising a family of 5 kids is expensive! And in those days, it was NOT the norm for the wife to work. So we were a one-income family, with the added burden of illness. Doctor and other bills to pay. My stepmother was mentally ill and an alcoholic. What Catholic Charities provided for us was social work. NOT monetary contributions. By 1959, when my stepmother was placed in the psych center, we were sent to a foster home and an orphanage. Again, I don’t know the financial obligations of all of that – but I think you have to pay some sort of child support, plus there was the doctor and hospital bills for my stepmother. But even in the foster home, there was still plenty of ample food, clothes and toys. And as I said, in 1965, my father bought a house, taking on a second job as a salesman at Sears. Teenagers in the 60’s were just as expensive then as they are today! But we were NOT poor!

And as far as Joan quoting my father as saying “if I had more education…” blah blah blah – my father was a carpenter. After he bought his house in 1965, he did extensive remodeling. He built a bedroom in the basement! Do you know how much money carpenters make?  My father could have taken that route for a career. (and I do not consider it a menial job at all – to create things with your hands is hardly menial. FYI – one of today’s greatest actors – Harrison Ford worked as a carpenter.- if carpentry is good enough for Han Solo and Indiana Jones, then I’m proud of my dad too!) And don’t forget – Jesus was a carpenter too, having learned the craft from his father Joseph.

So why is Joan NOT proud of the man who gave her the greatest gift of all? – HER OWN LIFE? No, all she can do is write put-down after put-down of him – and us.

AND THAT NEEDS TO STOP. And until she does – this blog, and Gert’s blog will be right here, taking Joan’s bullshit and telling the truth of us and our family.

I didn’t feel like going up to the attic and dragging my copy of Hiawatha down and taking pictures of it – I did find it on google. Apparently it was a 1951 edition, adapted by Allen Chaffee and illustrated by Armstrong Sperry. This is no “Little Golden Book.” This is large – larger than your average 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper.  This is an old friend of mine, along with my Heidi book, another present from my grandmother – which I also still have.

1. gertmcqueen

Right on Ruth!!! Our lives and our family’s lives, our friends, our lovers, our husbands, our children, where and how we lived and any minor or major aspect of our lives have been EXPOSED EXPLOITED AND LIED ABOUT by Joan Wheeler. We shall never stop in exposing these lies and righting our honor. People don’t like it, that’s just too bad.

 2. Ruth

you dam right Gert – if I, Ruth Pace, want to talk about MY childhood – that is my right! anybody got a problem with that? stuff it.

I know what MY life is and was – Joan was NOT there! She knows NOTHING about my life. And I have a dam good memory! I have what is called an eidetic memory – that means I remember things in details. I can remember colors, smells, actual words, the weather, I remember events like my father walking me to Sacred Heart School for a Halloween party – which must have been Halloween 1958. I remember the Christmas party in Sacred Heart’s downstairs gymnasium, around 1958 as well – I actually remember eating a tangerine and walnuts! I remember the Halloween party at the orphanage 1959 – I remember the black and orange crepe paper draping from the cieling, and bobbing for apples. I remember the school year recital at the orpanage where me and my brother Butch tapdanced to the tune of – well I don’t know the title of the song but it went “H-A-Double R -I, G-A-N spells Harrigan.” I remember seeing the 7th Voyage of Sinbad in the auditorium of the orphanage, a first run film, for the kids at the orphan home!

I remember bringing home the living room lamps with my stepmother and stepbrother. She carried the lamps – decorated with antique cars, and me and John each carried a shade. We got them from the S+H green stamp redemption center on the fifth floor of downtown’s Hens + Kelly store.


And if Joan and her deluded friends don’t like it – they can go you-know-where!

Joan Wheeler NEVER was a sibling of ours, she is ‘the adoptee’! (from that book) September 2, 2012

Posted by gertmcqueen in Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Our Family History, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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come over to Gert’s blog to see my revisted post of another couple of chapters of Joan’s libelous book…

Joan Wheeler NEVER was a sibling of ours, she is ‘the adoptee’! (from that book)


Joan Wheeler NEVER was a sibling of ours, she is ‘the adoptee’! (from that book) by gertmcqueen

Blood doesn’t always mean family – something Joan Wheeler needs to accept August 31, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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See end of post for update….So – answer me this: WHY after Gert and I went through all the trouble of searching for our adopted-out younger sister, go through a reunion with her, only to ask her to leave us alone just 6 years later?

Joan will tell you it’s because we tried to mold her into what we thought she would be, should be. There may be some truth in that – when we searched for our sister – that’s what we thought we’d be getting – our sister. We expected a person who some morals and values. What we got was a person who interfered with our lives, our life decisions, manipulated people into fighting, twisting words, lying to and about us, stealing from us, harassing us, calling our jobs for the sole purpose of getting us fired, calling law enforcement and filing false reports, sending harassing letters to our spouses to break up relationships, arguing with us.

Joan Wheeler continuously whines that her birth family never took the time to understand her. Did she ever take the time to understand US? Did she EVER sit down and simply accept US? – NO! She had to find fault with everything – she didn’t like this, she didn’t like that – if we didn’t jump to her every whim, we were branded as not being supportive of HER! – Where was her support for US?

As for trust – would you trust someone who steals? Hell no. Why then should we trust her? So, yeah, she was asked to leave the family. Not just by Gert or Ruth, but by our other sister, our brother, our father, our cousins, our aunts and uncles. Family members of our father’s second wife. Even Joan’s own friends and family and acquaintances were running the hell away from her.

There’s something wrong somewhere when ONE person is continuously in fights with someone else!

Constantly fighting with her adoptive parents. In an abusive relationship with a college boyfriend. Fighting with another tenant in her very first apartment building – at the top of stairs – engaged in a shoving match over Tupperware. Fighting with her landlords over unpaid rent in the apartment she lived in when she had first child. Fighting with her landlords over unpaid rent in the house she lived in while married. Fighting with her husband. Fighting with an ex-boyfriend that she moved in after leaving her husband. Fighting and screaming with her adoptive mother, her kids, this boyfriend and that boyfriend. Fighting with her college professors, her classmates in college while studying social work. FIGHTING FIGHTING FIGHTING –  That’s all Joan knows how to do – argue and fight. bitch bitch bitch.

I couldn’t go anywhere with her without hearing her mouth bitching about something or someone. Shut up already! After she stole hundreds of dollars from, and disrespecting me – I kicked her out of my life.

But she can’t and won’t accept responsibility for the consequences of her actions. It isn’t HER fault I got mad at her – it’s mine. (HUH?)

THEN she writes a book that contains lie after lie about me.

So I’m supposed to view her as family? I don’t think so. She ain’t my family. And her latest deluded puppet seems to think there could be some sort of agreement or peace between us! What the f planet is he from?

Hey Brian – if you think so much of Joan – why don’t YOU take her in as YOUR family? Why don’t you marry her? And take care of her. If Joan needs so much care and love and attention – and you’re her knight in shining armor (Champ?) then I say: “Go for it!” – maybe you’ll get your shirts ironed too in the process. A mutually satisfying relationship.

There is no mutual satisfaction in any relationship that Joan has had with us. We don’t want her. We give her to you Brian. Have fun.


100% correct! and I may add that when Joan decided that SHE KNEW what was best for my marriage and children, going behind my back to alienate my minor children, telling me I was WRONG to adopt my own child, and then called 2 child abuse reports on me…that is when she ceased to be any FAMILY to me. Three times since then 1981, I attempted to reconcile only to have her backstab me 3 more times. THEN, she wrote a lying book wherein she further added malicious misrepresentations of myself, husbands, finace, and children.

and you think that we have NO RIGHT TO EXPOSE her? And anyone who acts against us, in Joan Wheeler’s name, is just as bad. Brian Maloney has proven that he is just like Joan. Even to attack me on the familycircle, under your name of pilgrim, to browbeat and insult me over my ADOPTION OF MY SON. Who the hell do you think you are Brian? You get all your information from Joan…not a sound source.

Why don’t you Brian, take full charge of Joan, she obviously needs a caretaker and you are a SELF-PROCLAIMED defender of hers! Seems that it’s a match made in your kind of heaven.

UPDATE December 2016; as older posts are being seen I, Gert am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!


this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.



Joan Wheeler tells her tale of woe AGAIN. yawn, yawn, big, big yawn – OH WAIT! SHE CHANGES THE STORY OF HER BAPTISM! August 18, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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IMPORTANT UPDATE – AUGUST 19, 2012, 2:30 pm:

It seems that Joan WAS telling the truth about her baptism. Here is the following exchange from facebook:

 Richard L. Herr Girl’s that part is true. That is how it happend.

  • gert mcquen  excatly what happened, could you please explain, who and what at the hospital or in the church, because I saw her in baptismal dress at grandma’s NOT at the hospital
  • Richard L. Herr All I can tell you is she was baptised in the hospital room with Aunt Anne, me as her godparents. I understand she was baptized again after that when your Dad took her away from us.
    RUTH HERE – Richard Herr is Joan’s godfather. – so why didn’t Joan tell the full story in the first place? And why did she end up telling THREE different versions of it?
    And this is the trouble when you tell stories that are different from the actual facts, or outright lies – like the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf, Joan has published so many lies, fabrications and twisting of facts, that when she does tell the truth, nobody believes her.
    Thank you Uncle Rich for setting the record straight. —-
    Gert here now…thank you Uncle Rich for telling me what happened;
    two baptismal ceremonies and then removed from godparents care and placed with the adopted parents, who then did their own ceremonies.
    Joan never tells the same story twice and this is where the core problems lie, plus she repeats things she heard or learned from the adopted parents that were untrue and based on their own fears.
    As I just said to Uncle Rich…why doesn’t Joan stop, it is not helping our mother’s spirt.
    For Joan to constantly invoke our mother’s spirit to the entire world and make up several versions of a very tragic event, robs that mother of PEACE IN DEATH. Joan really needs to have her tongue cut out!
    okay, back to my original post:

On the New York Times site is an article on adoption and there is Joan again telling her tale of woe – at first I sort of just pooh-poohed it – but then I took a second look and saw SHE CHANGES THE FACTS AGAIN! Previously, on various internet sites, via comments, she has reported that it was “a nurse in the hospital who brought the baby to her mother’s room.” Then it was changed to a “Protestant nurse who brought the baby to her mother’s room.” NOW it’s her godparents AND a priest who brought her to mom’s hospital room and she received the Holy Sacrement of Baptism! But she says NOTHING  about any of these three scenarios in her all-truthful book!

After I read her latest whine of woe and changing of the facts, I knew I had to answer!

Joan’s comments:
Aug. 17, 2012 at 3:38 a.m.
..halforhpan56Buffalo, NY

..My adoption became final one year and one week after my birth. Within the following three months, the government confiscated my birth certificate and placed it under seal, never to be opened, forever. Paperwork was sent 400 miles away from Surrogate’s Court in the city of my birth to the State Capital where all birth certificates created for NYS adoptees are made and filed. One year and three months after I was born, the Registrar of Vital Statistics set forth a new birth certificate in my new adoptive name, naming my new parents as my parents by birth, naming my hospital of birth, the time of my birth, and stating that I was a “single” birth and not a twin or a triplet. The Registrar then signed his name and affixed the raised State seal to this new birth certificate certifying that the facts stated were true. He lied. He knowingly created a false government document. He committed fraud and perjury as lying under oath is a crime. But, it was God’s will. It was destiny. He just had to do it since it was God’s Plan.

..Three and a half years later, (after my adoption) when my adoptive parents wanted a new baptismal certificate for me in the name they had given me, they asked their lawyer to do something. He did. He requested that the parish that performed my baptism in 1956 issue a new, amended, baptismal certificate in my adoptive name so that I could go to Catholic Schools and receive the rest of the Catholic sacraments. The parish pastor created a new baptismal certificate that stated that I, in my legal adopted name, was baptized on the date of my actual baptism in 1956, he named my adoptive parents, named my godparents who were my deceased mother’s brother and his wife, and then issued the new baptismal certificate in May of 1959. This Pastor knowingly issued a falsified baptismal certificate, yet he, being a representative of God, committed a sin by signing his name in witness and testimony that all the information was true as taken from Official Records of that parish church.

This is not God’s Will, nor is it Destiny. This is lying. By a priest.
…It was God’s will and His Plan for my widowed father that he relinquish me, his fifth child, born in January of 1956, to be raised the only child of my adoptive parents. Yes, it is destiny that my mother was dying while pregnant with me and her only purpose was to stay alive long enough for me to be born. But she lingered for three more months.

…I was taken to my dying mother’s bedside where my godparents, a priest, and my mother witnessed the Holy Sacrament of Baptism. I was Baptized under my legal and religious name, recognized by Jesus Christ himself, while my father was at home with his four older children. Three weeks later, his wife, and our mother, died.

The priest said to our father, “The baby needs two parents.” At the funeral parlor, a woman came up to my father and said, “I know someone who will take your baby.” So, my father, being the obedient Catholic that he was, took the priest’s words to heart. A woman who knew his deceased wife came to pay her respects. It must surely be God’s will, it must surely be destiny, that this woman appeared to my father at the exact moment that his newborn daughter needed a new family because, after all, the priest said that the baby needed two parents. And so it came to pass that my father handed me over to my pre-adoptive parents nearly one month after my mother’s death.

Ruth’s comments:

Adoption, Destiny and Magical Thinking is certainly an appropriate title to describe HalfOrphan56’s way of thinking. I am a birth sister of H.O56. HO56 likes to put her own spin on the facts of her adoption and other things. And everytime she tells the story, she changes things. One time she told the story of her baptism, it was simply a nurse who did the “baptism.” Another time it was a Protestant nurse. (on different internet sites). Now she says that she was taken to her dying mother’s bedside where she received the Holy Sacrament of Baptism with her godparents and a priest in attendance. NO, she was baptized on March 4, 1956 in Sacred Heart Church. My oldest sister remembers seeing the infant lying on my grandparent’s bed – they lived only a few blocks from the church.

As to her adoption – yes, my mother got sick while pregnant and went into the hospital late December 1955. On January 7, she miscarried the baby, who was placed in an incubator and discharged from the hospital 6 weeks later. That baby was HO56, who went home with my uncle, her godfather. My father had 4 other children to look after – his parents were elderly.

My mother’s sister Catherine grew up and remain friends with Helen. Helen’s brother and his wife couldn’t have children. She did approach my father with the suggestion that he let these people adopt the baby.

It was NOT at the funeral home. AND my father then consulted his parish priest. NO priest approached him at the funeral home. In April 1956, the baby was given to the adoptive parents. The final papers were signed by my father in January 1957, giving him ample time to think things over further and reconsider. That he stood by his initial decision shows that he was hardly coerced or taken advantage of while grieving.

In 1956, there were no daycare centers or welfare system as we know it today. My father made a painful decision with the circumstances he had to work with. There was NO kiinship solving available. HO56 refuses to accept this fact, and because she refuses to accept that fact, has many “issues.” One is that only 6 years after being reunited with her birth family, she was actually kicked out of the family – due to her harassments and other wrongful actions.

In November 2009, she self-published her book Forbidden Family, which contained many lies about me and other members of our family.My oldest sister and I compiled a list of the slanders contained in the book and made a formal complaint to the publisher. They carefully read our complaint and the book and agreed that HO56 violated her contract with them – no slander, no hate speech, copyright infringement. Their legal department pulled the book from publication in May 2011.

My sister and I have two blogs regarding this libelous book, HO56’s blog, and her lies about us and our family on various internet sites.
The are: Refuting a Book of Lies – Forbidden Family at:https://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/  and Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor at: http://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/

RuthAugust 18, 2012

here read this sentance again:
“…I was taken to my dying mother’s bedside where my godparents, a priest, and my mother witnessed the Holy Sacrament of Baptism.”

take notice how Joan says “a priest…witnessed the Holy Sacrament of Baptism.”

She doesn’t say that the priest PERFORMED the sacrement, but that he WITNESSED it.


A post from Kathy…evidence July 14, 2012

Posted by gertmcqueen in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
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January 2017 see end for updated info…

Gert says…

This is a post from Kathy…she has asked me to post this on my and on Ruth’s  blogs. There are scans to this and I’m afraid that I am unsure on how to do that and so the scans will have to wait until Ruth is able to so them, in the meanwhile see…


Kathy says:

There have been, over the years, a few remarks made by Ms Wheeler and her friends, casting aspersions as to my intentions for writing this blog. I was clearing out some files, and came across the original post by Ms W, and the subsequent correspondence which led to me starting this blog. It is all here, with a few of my ‘white-outs’ of personal information not pertaining to the subject.

You will see:

Scans 1-4   The original post by JW, the title of which caught my eye whilst surfing the net on Jewish topics, and not her by name: On the Close of Yom Kippur, Day of Atonement. You will see Ms Wheeler twists Yom Kippur to be an opportunity for her adversaries to apologise to her and seek her forgiveness, which is not exactly what Yom Kippur is all about.

Scan5  My comment, which as anyone can see is solely for the point of clarity over the true meaning of Yom Kippur, not accusation, and certainly not mentioning Ms Wheeler’s family situation, which was not the focus of my comment.

Scans 5/6  Her response to me, as Chayelet, before she realised who I really was.

Scan 7 Her, unsolicited by me, personal email to me. The whited-out paragraphs refer to private individuals Ms Wheeler wanted me to contact on her behalf (no, she’s not a user, is she). Note how she actually thanks me for reading her blog, and how she ‘had a feeling we’d re-connect..’.  So much for wanting ‘no contact’. Nowhere in this letter, by the way, does she ask after my welfare, or show any interest in my life- same old, same old.

Scan 8 My email to WordPress regarding her unprofessional behaviour in contacting me.

WordPress’s response is unknown- but Ms Wheeler did post an abusive response to me, which was taken down along with the entire correspondence by either herself or WordPress, before I had the chance to print it out.

I believe this will end the speculation as to the ‘abuse’ Ms Wheeler claims I gave her. I merely wanted to give her a greater understanding of the true meaning of Yom Kippur.  I wish I’d never bothered.

This post was seen Jan 18, 2017 and so I thought I’d update it… here is the link to the post that clarifies what Kathy said above…



UPDATE January 2017; as older posts are being seen I, Gert, am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism published in 2009, was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011 due to libelous material in it. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’, being her own editor and owner. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and reedited and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!


https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/     this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.



Can I sew Joan Wheeler’s mouth shut? Or smash her fingers so she can’t type any more bullshit? Please? May 9, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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At the Adoptive Families Circle website, Joan keeps spewing crap from her diarrhea mouth. Here are three comments from there. The first from Joan, and then 2 from me. Joan had decided to make a comment on a thread called “All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?” And kept up the same old family garbage that had NOTHING to do with the topic of the thread. Gert came on and left a statement. Which pissed Joan off. And of course, Joan can’t keep her diarrhea mouth shut, so she went off again. Accusing us of stupid things. So I stepped in. Joan’s bullshit comment doesn’t even deserve answering EXCEPT where she fucking dishonors our family AGAIN.  – Joan’s comment is in italics.

All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?

 am tired of my older sisters stalking me and harassing me.

Please note that after any comment I make, it is followed by an attack from one or both of my sisters.

This latest comment was merely copied and pasted, except for the lines “I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, from another thread she posted on after she found me there (http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/topic/3858/ Private adoption vs Agency).

I would like to bring this hostile, confrontational behavior to the attention of the moderators of this blog.

I declare publicly that am not the poster called Pilgrim. I am a social worker and an adoptee. I challenge my sisters to present their credentials. I also state that the poster called “eldersibling” is lying when she states she is an “adopted mother”. She was never adopted by anyone. What she says about me and our stepmother is wrong. Our step mother came to me, crying, because she had to sign relinquishment papers for her husband, our father, to adopt her younger daughter, not the other way around.

This has been the problem since my sisters found me in 1974. They twist stories, make things up, gang together, and attack me.

I have made it clear I want nothing more to do with them. No attempts were made by “eldersister” to reconcile with me. I will not fall for anything they say, as when I did in the past, they turned on me again.

Their statements about me are wrong, as they have been for the past 38 years (after they found me). I suspect that during my childhood before they found me that these sisters had been gossiping about me behind my back. Keep in mind I had absolutely no knowledge that they ever existed because my adoptive parents never wanted me to know the truth.

I have been hunted down all of my life. Nothing I have said on any thread in this website, or any other website, has been lying, or threatening, or naming them. They, however, come here, list my initials, thus leading to my real identity. If I wanted to use my real name here, I would do just that.

The only thing I ask is for them to leave me alone. I wish them no harm even though they continually attempt to do me harm in one way or another.

Many adoptees who post here do so because of the negative experiences we have had. Because we have had “bad experiences” should not be a cause to dismiss what we say. It is a warning. These comments do not come from textbooks. They come from those who have lived adoption. Before considering seriously adopting, you have you before your eyes one of many possible implications of adoption by observing the interaction between my sisters and myself. NOTE: I have NO contact with them in real life at all. They have been told to stay away from me for many decades and they still harass me with the intent to harm me.

Since this thread was a put-down on birthmothers (All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?) I decided to let you know that not all mothers who lose their infants and children to adoption are drug addicts and criminals. I cringe with this accusation as my mother died. I am insulted by the assumptions here at this website. You pre-adoptive and adoptive parents have such low esteem for the parents of your adoptees. THAT I find disturbing. It was not my mother who relinquished me, but my father, and he was not at all a drug addict, nor a criminal. My parents were married for 10 years.

Now, for anyone out there who still believes what my eldest sister says:  “I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, I challenge you to find what I have said to be exploitive.

Obviously, my sisters have been deeply affected by the death of our mother and my relinquishment to adoption and whatever happened in their childhoods. They drew me into their lives and used my naivety (I was a teenager of 18 when they contacted me) against me. They never wanted me to learn about adoption and put me down when I did. I am the adopted one, they grew up together. They defend adoption, yet that is what tore our family apart, and that is what tore my adoptive family apart when the truth was told, against the wishes of my adoptive parents who never wanted me to know the truth. So, by my sisters defending adoption, they are accepting the very institution that caused so much havoc in our lives.

Reunions are both good and bad. Readers here do not know my relationships with other relatives or who I am as a person. You don’t know my adoptive parents, nor do you know what my life as an adoptee has been like. When adoptees search, they do so for similar reasons “normal” people go on Ancestry do com. For adoptees, no, we are not supposed to know, and when we do, we are the troublemakers. There are plenty of stereotypes of adoptees out there. We who come here, do so to speak for the little adoptees who cannot speak for themselves.

So, people on this website feel attacked by me? Then by all means, message me and talk with me. None of you have done that. But go to the older sisters who hunt me down, yes, listen to them, they are the older ones who know better than I do. Listen to what they say about me. If you read their comments, you’ll see that in reality, their sole purpose is to attack me rather than making any meaningful comment concerning adoption itself. 

I would simply ask the moderators to closely examine the comments made by “eldersister” (and the other sister, “birthsibling” on other threads) and decide whether this is the kind of discussion they in fact wish to promote.

Posted by halforphan56 on May 09, 2012 at 12:27am
RUTH – first comment:
I have not spoken anything but the truth.  And this is the only other thread that I have posted on, so halforphan’s statement “(and the other sister, “birthsibling” on other threads)” is wrong. Before she wrote that, I had posted on only ONE thread – singular, not plural. One of halforphan’s faults is that she exaggerates and overblows everything. If she reads 2 posts – she reports it as 5. If she she get one legitimate phone call by ONE sister (to inform of the death of an aunt) – it is reported as “numerous harrasing phone calls by my three sisters.” and calls the police to make a report on all three of us.(???)  – but I digress, just want you guys to take her statements with a little bit of salt. For example, her accusations that I gave her initials that lead to her real name. – Before I came to this site, halforphan filled out her profile here, and listed a link to her blog Forbidden Family – which contains her real name. So she left a way for readers here to find her real name. I never named her in my posts. only initials. This is what I mean that halforphan either outright lies about me or misrepresents what I have said or done.

As an infertile woman, who once considered adopting, and beng “touched by adoption” – my youngest sibling was relinquished to adoption – and having been in an “adoption reunion” – I have every right to be at this website.

I have every right to learn by being here – because my youngest sibling keeps saying I am ignorant of some things.

However, if I find an untruth or misrepresentation of me or my family, do I not have the right to speak up with the truth?

My youngest sibling blithely puts out hurtful stories of my family -such as this: “It took me years to figure out why she said that to me. Turns out, my extended adoptive family heard rumors that my natural father killed my mother, and other sordid tales. The truth is that my father did not kill my mother; he did not want her to suffer any more so he said no to experimental cancer treatment (1956).”

Jesus, it happened 56 years ago – LET IT GO and give the whole family some peace. It hurts to see these old family resentments and accusations of killing and such repeated all over the internet. This is what eldestbirthsibling meant that it is disgusting. Because it is.

All that needs to be said is:

My mother died of cancer three months after I was born. My father could not take care of 5 little kids, and gave me up for adoption.
My adoptive parents and other adoptive relatives told me gossip about my birth family.
When I was 18, my birth siblings found me and we had a reunion. While discovering my birthfamily, I became aware of some personal resentments towards my birthfather by my uncles.  For various personal reasons, my reunion with my birthsisters and other birthfamily members, turned sour.”

WHY must old hurtful gossipy, UNTRUE stories about my mother be forever dragged all over the internet?

WHY must lies be told about ME all over the place?

Lies are being replaced with truth. That is all. Nothing more, nothing less.

Posted by Birth Sibling on May 09, 2012 at 9:37am – Edit Reply

RUTH – second comment:

My mother is dead. My father is dead. halforpan’s adotpive parents are both dead. With the exception of two, all siblings and sibling-in-law of my mother are dead.

Let the dead rest in peace!

Even while living, my father accepted the fact that his former-brothers in law acted out in their grief that their sister died of cancer. She died swiftly. She went into the hospital in Dec. 1955, had the baby prematurely, had exploratory surgery on Jan. 19. She was discovered to be full of cancer. Nothing could be done. My uncles had a hard time accepting that and placed those feelings to my father. Three months later, my mother was dead. It was also HER wish not to go undergo any more treatments.

NOW THAT THE STORY IS TOLD WHERE IT DOESN’T BELONG (on this thread or elsewhere on the interent) – would you please stop repeating the same old tired garbage – please shut up about my mother and father and my uncles. We each have blogs for that.

What my uncles felt toward my father:
1. had nothing to do with your adoption.
2. had nothing to do with your adoption reunion
3. has nothing to do with your adoption reform work.
4. does not need to be repeated ad nausuem
5. whatever lies or gossip your adoptive family told you has no bearing on MY family.

the thread is about birthmoms on drugs and criminal charges? Why is our family’s old stories here? Who put them here first? – as an exploitation – to get sympathy for yourself. Stop!

comments for THIS blog post:


1. gertmcqueen –  
Gert here…

Did you notice how jW side-stepped what I said….
“I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, from another thread she posted on after she found me there about

no she can not ever answer the issues at hand…all she did was cry that she is being harassed…

I placed the following on that thread

in response to halforphan56

I am using HO for halforphan and JW for her real name…

If I said I was adopted, sorry, I am an adoptive mother, who adopted her son, to HO that is a crime, but why is it that HO does NOT answer to what I said, that she interferred in the adoption process of my son and violated my rights to privacy and parental decisions. HO answer why DID you DO that to me? Why don’t you ever TAKE responsibility for the dirty deeds to did to your sisters?

I have left you along since 1981 UNTIL you wrote a libelous book telling all manner of lies…own up to it, and it was YOU who came to my blog and left comments…why don’t you ADMIT that it is you who keeps this up…because you will NOT stop talking and lying about us….

In the book she wrote on page 355 JW says…’social workers have a ethical responsibility to promote a client’s right to self-determination’ and quotes from the National Association of Social Workers’ Code of Ethics…’Social workers should not participate in, condone, or be associated with dishonesty, fraud, or deception’ and footnotes it as #17

Why does SHE NOT live by those ethics? Why does she think she can exploit my family so that she can continue to browbeat others into NOT adopting?

anything else i have to say about her non-issues will be addressed on my blog’

I do have a right to be on this site and comment because I adopted! and I am not telling lies about

 2. Ruth

Joan ALWAYS sidesteps the charges we have put towards her – like why she LIED in her book about me having a criminal and arrest record. I have posted the actual Buffalo City Court documents that show that I was not arrested – I was SUMMONED into court – (big difference) – that Joan was granted a SIX MONTH order of protection (not one year as she reports in the book and all over the internet) and that she wrote to Albany New York in December 1994 to the Child Abuse and Maltreatment Center and told them that I was placed on PROBATION! I have scanned and posted that actual letter that she wrote in 1994 – lying to New York State Officials about me –
1. I was never arrested in my life.
2. The order of protection was for six months, not one year.
3. the judge said it was an order of protection NOT probation.
4. Despite my bringing these lies in her book and on the internet forth, WITH THE ACTUAL LETTER JOAN WROTE IN 1994 AND ACTUAL COURT DOCUMENTS THAT PROVE JOAN IS F’ING LIAR – SHE WILL NOT ANSWER!


But since we have already done that – her reputation is shot.
And Joan my dear, you did that to yourself. You started the shit way back in 1990 when you stole hundreds of dollars from me, reneged on your promise to repay me, tried to break me and John up, forged a letter pretending to be your own 10 year old son, mailed it to John, but addressed the envelope to me, baited me into phoning you, hung up on me three times when I did call you, falsely reported to the phone company and the police that I was making annoyance calls to you, then you charged me with harassment and you were given a six-month order of protection against. Then the following year, you called my job repeatedly, accusing me of computer hacking, called them everyday for six months trying to get me fired, then you called child abuse on yourself giving out my name and saying that my fiance abused your kids. Then your write to Albany, NY and tell them I was on probation – then you write to the mayor of Buffalo and lied to him about all this bullshit, AND gave him my private details of my life and medical history of not being able to get pregnant.Then in 1999, you send me a letter that John got the next door neighbor pregnant.


She can’t, because then she will have admitted to what she really is: A FUCKING BITCH.



More Deluded Ramblings from Joan Wheeler’s Sick Diseased Mind April 6, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness, Our Family History, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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In Gert’s recent post “The beginnings of Joan Wheeler’s Internet campaign against her birth siblings (part 1), Gert revisits the early posts in Joan’s blog and tells about Joan’s ranting on her website on December 9 and 10, 2009. I left a comment on Gert’s post, but I want to post it all here.

But first, I want to address a paragraph from a post of Joan’s from December 11, 2009: Adoption Gone Bad – Not Reunion, where Joan is rambling on about (ho-hum) her crappy adoption:

“Meanwhile, my father was not aware that meddling relatives from his deceased wife’s family would spread filty lies about him killing his wife and that he “could not stand the sight of me” that’s why he “got rid of me”. THAT was the content of hate mail sent to me for decades from anonymous letters whom I suspect are members of my extended adoptive family who listened to these lies and beleived (sic) them.”

Really? My father KILLED my mother? She died of cancer. Her relatives said that? I’d like to know who said that. Because I had never heard it. Here is what happened:

In early winter 1955, Mom, who was pregnant, was not feeling good. By Christmas, she had to go to the hospital. They couldn’t find out what was wrong. On January 7, 1956, she miscarried her baby at 7 months gestation. The baby was placed in an incubator and survived. Mom had exploratory surgery on January 19. She was found to be full of cancer, nothing could be done, so they closed her up.

Meanwhile, her brothers, asked my father to send her to Roswell Park Cancer Institute. I am unclear why, perhaps he didn’t have proper health insurance in those days, but my father said he couldn’t afford a specialist. The brothers talked it over and they agreed to pool their money. (as told to me in a telephone conversation with my uncle in the spring of 2010). Meanwhile, (and this was told to me by my mother’s sister), my mother knew that it was hopeless, and also refused to see a specialist. This is not uncommon, at the end stages of life, sometimes people just “know” it is their time – why bother with treatments etc.? – My aunt also told me she told her brothers this and to “let it go.”

My mother died on March 28, 1956. My uncles, in their grief, blamed my father. This also is not uncommon. Funerals sometimes bring out the worst in people. BUT they blamed him for her death – by not calling a specialist, but NOT killing her. There is a difference.

During the 1960’s, two of my uncles and my aunt lived in the city of Buffalo. I saw them frequently. The other two uncles lived where it was necessary to have a car to see them. We did not have a car in our family. But I did see my uncles from time to time.

I well remember my cousin Judy’s wedding in the early 60’s. I was there with my father. Judy’s husband Jerry, well respected my father. Anytime the family got together for funerals or weddings, or family reunions, my cousins all showed respect for  “UNCLE Leonard.” My uncles, yes, because of the bad feelings, did not associate with my father. But they never disrespected him.

There were two incidents, in 1985 and in 1990, where my Uncle Mike snubbed my father. And my father took offense to it. I told him both times to just let it go. There were no words spoken between Mike and my father – just a snubbing – and in the long run – who cares? – Uncle Mike, and indeed ALL my mother’s brothers – despite their not liking my father, NEVER held any of this against us, Leonard’s children. We were always welcomed in their houses. And loved.

So to refute what Joan blabs on nonsensically and irresponsibly:
1. My father did not “murder” my mother.
2. My mother’s brothers did not ever say he “murdered” or “killed” my mother.
3. Yes, they held it against my father (wrongly) for not taking  my mother to a specialist.
4. Yes, there were bad feelings down the years towards my father.
5. Except for 2 short and relatively insignificant instances, my uncles never disrespected my father.
6. My uncles raised their children to be respectful to my father.
7. My uncles never disrespected me or my siblings, despite their not liking our father.
8. My cousins never disrespected me or my father.

Now here is my comment that I posted to Gert’s post, and it certainly applies to this BULLSHIT that people said my father killed my mother as well:

Joan gets herself into a rage and starts talking nonsense. She does it in real life, I’ve seen in letters she’s written to me – and now we see it on the internet. She will start out quietly and rationally, then rapidly starts talking about things that have NOT been in the conversation – she then pulls those things into the conversation and starts accusing the other person of it. Then her voice becomes rapid and high-pitched and she ends up screaming. And swearing. (maybe she has Tourette’s). Any chance of the other person to continue an intelligent conversation, or even denying what Joan is accusing them of is gone. You have NO chance to stand up for yourself – because if she ‘s in person, your ears are hurting, a fight now starts. If on the phone, as soon as you begin to defend yourself, Joan hangs up on you.

She is an irrational mentally ill person. Like the stewardess who had the melt-down on the plane a couple of weeks ago, Joan is screaming nonsense. The stewardess was yelling the plane was going to crash and she wasn’t going to be responsible – before they even took off – and so does Joan – she takes off on a nonsense tangent – things you don’t even know what she’s talking about – things that happened to her, but not to you. But in her delusions, she believes that YOU did it. She speculates as to your motives. Every little look on your face, gesture of your arm, is interpreted. And usually wrongly. And then – she’s got you!

“Aha!”, she thinks, “I just KNEW it, she thinks I’m a shit head, she’s the one who called me this morning and hung on me. (it was probably an innocent wrong number) – yeah, those f’ing birth sisters of mine – they think I should have died,then they would have had mom to themselves. Well, I’ll show them. I’ll call the police on them. I’ll write to the mayor about them. yeah, because I know that’s what they did to me. They hate me. They’ve hated me for years. I know everything they’ve done.”

And on and on she goes. Then she starts BELIEVING the things that we’ve “supposedly” done. And reports those things as true.

This is a sick woman who seriously needs to be committed to the psych center. She is always whining that she wants HER privacy respected, but as we see in her rants, she blabbed OUR personal business to the internet.

— end of comment —

Yep – Joan gets a wild idea in her head and goes off and running with it. Never mind it never happened, it isn’t the truth, it’s a deluded imagining of someone who is very clearly mentally ill. To post on the internet that 1. my father killed my mother. 2. my uncles said this about my mother – IS SMEARING THE REPUTATIONS OF MY FATHER AND MY UNCLES. And make no mistake about it – JOAN LOVES TO SMEAR PEOPLE’S REPUTATIONS. I don’t give a shit if she says she got hate mail from her adoptive family down through the years that said that about my father and my uncles – JOAN HAS NO BUSINESS PUTTING THAT CRAP ON THE INTERNET – SHE IS DAMAGING THE REPUTATION OF DEAD PEOPLE WHO ARE NO LONGER HERE TO DEFEND THEMSELVES! Rumors, innuendos, gossip, and only JOAN’S version of my family’s dynamics.

WHERE ARE THE LETTERS THAT SAYS MY UNCLES ACCUSE MY FATHER OF KILLING MY MOTHER JOAN? POST THEM. — Bah, Joan is liar, she has no letters – all we have is her hearsay that her adoptive family wrote that shit. I don’t believe for one minute that ANYbody wrote that shit.

We have seen time and again, the past two and a half years, Joan throwing accusations out left and right against a whole bunch of people on her blog, on her cyberbullying page, on the adult adoptee forum, and on various other places on the internet. Accusations that are NEVER substantiated with any kind of PROOF! Meanhwile, all over this blog, and our other blog, I have posted photographs, documents, actual court documents, written letters (by Joan) that prove without a shadow of a doubt that Joan Wheeler is a filthy liar. Because of actual court documents that proved Joan lied in her so-called “truthful” book, her book got yanked by the publisher. Joan needs now to remove her cyberbullying page and ALL mention of her birth sisters on her Forbidden Family website. She needs to stop spreading rumors and lies about us and our family. Until these demands are met, this blog and it’s sister blog will stay up and we will continue to harvest EVERY word that Joan says on the internet – and if it is NOT the truth – we will post the truth.

The only way to stop us Joan, is to remove all mention of us from your blog, and come forth publicly and admit you lied in your book and to publicly apologize to us and ALL members of our family for your smearing good people’s names through the mud.

where does Joan get off painting everybody as murderers, harassers, and downright despicable people?
Seems to me that I know who the despicable person is – and their name is Joan Mary Wheeler!

Victims of abuse have a responsibilty to not abuse others in turn. Something that Joan Wheeler really needs to learn. March 19, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Uncategorized.
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My facebook friend David Gerrold, of whom I consider to be a mentor, wrote this short essay on March 17, 2012. I found it to be very interesting.

“I was in a seminar series and one of the people in the course shared about being molested as a child. She was still very angry about it, justifiably so. A lot of other people were equally outraged on her behalf.

The seminar leader listened quietly, acknowledge the hurt, the outrage, the anger, then said, “Imagine how screwed up someone has to be to do that to a child.”

He paused, then he added, “Imagine what you have to do to a person to get them that screwed up.”

I have remembered that moment vividly for over three decades — because whenever I get angry at someone for behavior so ugly it makes me start fantasizing about revenge, remembering that one question always stops me.

Imagine what you have to do to a person to get them that screwed up.

It doesn’t mitigate the ugliness. It doesn’t erase the horrific act. But it does mean that I can get past my anger. Just because someone else has fallen into a gutter, I am not obligated to jump down there and roll around with him.”

Ruth here, recently on Gert’s blog, in the post “Teaching Moments Lost on Joan Wheeler,” this subject came up. An adoptee from Australia, eagoodlife left a few comments. I had brought up the subject of Whitney Houston, on how she failed to learn to get abuse and addiction out of her life. Gert made an additional comment, closing with this sentance: “That is the PURPOSE of this blog and the use of the article about Whitney….to LEARN SOMETHING…that a person CAN get abuse and addiction OUT OF THEIR LIVES.”

To which ea goodlike responded: They can and then need to be super careful about not abusing others and being mindful of the rights of others to make their own choices.”

And this what we have been saying over and over and over: that we can recognize that Joan Wheeler was definitely psychologically and emotionally abused as a child, and perhaps physcially and sexually as well. This was done BEFORE the reunion took place. BEFORE the birth family ever came into the picture. To therefore, continually lay the blame of Joan’s miserable life at the feet of her birth family, her birth sisters in particular, is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! To blame innocent people for a miserable life, and then go one step further by not respecting her birth family (and others) and to actively engage in anti-social behaviors (such as harassing letters, stalking, calling someone’s employer with false accusations, interfering with a minor child’s upbringing and parental authority) – Joan turned full circle from an abused person, to an abusing person. She abused Gert when she interfered with Gert’s parental rights. She abused Ruth time and time again. She abused Kathy as well. To even take the abuse a further step – she self-publishes a book that is full of heinous lies – lies engineered to damage the reputations of her birth sisters. That is what the name of this blog means: Refuting the Lies told in Joan’s book. Joan then takes a further step and actually threatens us on her website. She continues her smear campaign against us to this very day!

 I understand what David mean when he says, “Imagine what you have to do to a person to get them that screwed up.” But that doesn’t mean I HAVE to imagine what happened to Joan to get her that screwed up. And I will not condone or accept her abusing me in turn. I have said this many times on this blog and I will continue to say it: I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT HAPPENED TO JOAN THAT “DAMAGED” HER – BECAUSE WHEN SHE BEGAN A 30 YEAR HATE CAMPAIGN AGAINST ME I LOST ANY FEELINGS OF SYMPATHY OR UNDERSTANDING OF HER “PROBLEMS.” HER PROBLEMS ARE NOT MINE.

Quote by David Gerrold used with his permission.

More Lies by Joan Wheeler from January, 2012 on another website February 9, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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So, at another wordpress blog, Finding God’s Fingerprints at the post “Adoption: Where Do You Begin?” Joan spouts some more lies and misrepresentations of us. She apparently has nothing better to do with her life than to keep spreading lies about us on the internet. I left the following comment for this particular post. It is awaiting moderation. I don’t know if the moderator will approve my comment or not. If she wants to keep lies on her page, that is her decision.


I have only commented on just a couple of  pieces of Joan’s garbage, but Gert has taken Joan’s garbage and answered everything that Joan has said in her very excellent post “Joan Wheeler continues to lie and lie on another adoption site, but she got caught! part one.”  and “Joan Wheeler continues to lie and lie on another adoption site, but she got caught! part two” Gert outlines every example of fact-twisting and lie, that Joan did as well as outlining every incident of  bullying, intimidation, and brow-beating that Joan committed on that site – intended to bully the site’s owner, an adoptive mother, other adoptive parents and those wishing to adopt.

The moderator of the site did put up my comment – but here they are anyway – and keep reading to see how the moderator felt to have her site taken over by this family drama – a drama that didn’t need to put out there in the first place – but that’s how Joan is – she just HAS to have her bullshit drama spread all over the place. Bullshit should be only be spread around in farms and gardens as a fertilizer, to help things grow. Joan’s form of bullshit is toxic – and turns people away from her. Will she never learn? – and at the end of this post – is proof positive that one of the adoptees who commented on Erica’s site is a spamalator – a person who not only intentionally spams pro-adoption sites, but posts links of those sites and instructs other people to spam them too. Yeah, Daniel ibn Zayd – I’m talking about YOU. Keep that crap up, and the law might come after you – delibrate spamming is cyberbullying.

so here is my comment answering Joan’s latest bullshit:

I am a birth sister of Joan Wheeler’s and am appalled at her continued bantering of falsehoods regarding her adoption. She says:  At his wife’s funeral, a Catholic priest said to him, “The baby needs two parents”. And a woman approached him and said, “I know someone who will take your baby.” Her brother and his wife became my adoptive parents.

No, my mother’s sister’s childhood friend had a brother whose wife was infertile. My aunt and her brothers asked my father after my mother died, “what are you goint to do about the baby?” My aunt suggested the adoption by her friend’s brother. My father consulted the priest. NONE OF THIS HAPPENED AT THE FUNERAL. I have heard the stories from not only my father, but my aunt, and my uncles.

Joan also says: The Christmas after I was born, and two weeks before my adoption was to be finalized, my adoptive parents bought a Christmas tree and presents for my four older siblings, ages 3, 6, 8 and 9. The kids were in bed when they delivered and set up the tree and gave my father the presents. They must have had a babysitter for me so they could do this act of charity. My adoptive mother told me that she and my adoptive father wanted to do something nice for my natural father and his children so they would have a nice Christmas. Imagine how my natural father felt receiving these gifts in exchange for his 5th child? His other children never knew where the tree came from or the presents.

This is a lie. My father worked as an engineer at Buffalo’s City Hall and was making good money. Six months after my mother died in March 1956, he remarried (Summer 1956) to a woman from a large Italian family. There was no need for ANYbody to send over a tree and gifts. This story may have been told to Joan by her adoptive parents because they lived in a suburb of Buffalo, while we continued to live in the “inner city.” Joan was raised as a spoiled only child, with hand-made dresses. The rest of us, as kids from any large family would, wear hand-me-downs. So what? We also had many fine Christmases provided by my father and his second wife, many gifts from both sets of my birth grandparents and my stepgrandmother and her son and daughters. If anything, we kids PROSPERED with so many relatives!

Joan further says that we birth siblings ruined her life, and our reunion with her. She says that at age 18, she was unprepared for the reunion. She says we were out of bounds. NO, my sister Gert asked an adoption agency and they said that there was no restrictions on siblings to find adopted out relatives. No, we did not consult our father, but after he was reuinted with Joan, he was happy to see his daughter again.
Joan made the concious decision BEFORE we found her to search for us, so that negates her statement that she was unprepared.
Joan says we ridiculed her for her anti-adoption stand. No we did not. I myself appeared with her for a tv news interview on WGRZ tv Buffalo, New York AND I encourged her to write a book. Sad to say, her book was full of hate directed at her birth family, me in particular. In May of 2011 we were successful in having her book pulled from publication due to the slander and lies contained in it.
Joan also fails to tell people on this site and elsewhere WHY our reunion turned sour. Because she interfered with parental authority, she stole money from us, in my case it was hundreds of dollars, and she called my job repeatedly to get me fired over a false accusation. She sent harassing letters to me, one said that my infertile husband got the next door neighbor pregnant.
For Joan to get on the internet and spread such lies, while being guilty of lies herseld speaks volumes of her character.
Click on my name to go my blog Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler, where we take every lie contained in Joan’s book and present the truth – with documetnted proof of her lies: actual court documents (one of her lies was that I have an arrest and criminal record – which is false and slander) – and actual letter written by Joan herself.

I am NOT against adoptee rights. I am just against this particular adoptee who has spread lies about me for more than 30 years and ruined our reunion with her because of her immoral activity. She says we wanted to mold our baby sister into what we wanted? NO, all we wanted was someone who didn’t lie to us, create trouble, steal from us, and wreak havoc in our lives.

1. gertmcqueen

Gert here: it boggles the mind…just how much Joan likes to talk and talk and talk…the same of lies and fabrications…on every new blog and news site she finds!

She left several rambling, over the tops, comments. She is nothing but a raving manic and she thinks by doing so that people will get her message…wrong!

It doesn’t matter, to us, really, if this blog does not recognize nor publish our comments related to Joan…BECAUSE…the moderator will check us out and will be cautious the next time Joan opens her month! This particular ‘adoption’ site will see, like others have, that Joan is a nut case and will never listen to her.

Our job is done…for this site…and every site that we find where Joan lies and lies and exploits us and our family.

2. Ruth

oh – on that site – in one of her numerous nonsense comments, Joan mentions that her boyfriend’s father died in November (2011) – like that had something to do with the topic on the blog! HOWEVER, during a check at The Buffalo News just 10 minutes ago, I found that the man died on October 30, 2011. Okay, it was only a couple of days before November, but we see how JOAN DOESN’T GET THE FACTS RIGHT!
I have caught her in many of these little slip-ups in her book. Like the time she was describing a fight she had after a party of my younger brother’s First Holy Communion. She described the day as cold and rainy. I posted pictures of my stepsister who was wearing a dress with spaghetti straps. Full sunlight streaming in the windows! And a check in the library on the mircrofilmed newspaper for that day – the weather was listed as “warm and sunny.”
Nitpicking? Not when you are dealing with the facts of people’s lives – which Joan turns completely around to suit her fantasy of what happened – which in turns means: CAN YOU TRUST WHAT JOAN SAYS ABOUT HER BIRTH FAMILY?
For example, this bullshit about my father accepting a xmas tree the year after she was born – which would make it Dec. 1956 (actually 11 months after she was born, considering she was born in January). In December 1956, I was 4 years old, yet she says I was 3. And she gets all the ages of my siblings wrong.
This is the example of an author of a non-fiction book? Her book that is full of mistakes just like this – plus the lies we found in it. Bad bad Joan.


The moderator approved my 2 comments with this caveat:

  Erica says:
February 9, 2012 at 11:31 am
I have approved of these comments regarding your side of your birth families’ story, but will ask that any future comments from yourself or Joan regarding this topic, be done personally, or on your own site. I absolutely understand your desire to defend yourself, and your family when you feel you are being wronged (especially publicly), but I do not want my site to become the place to do this. I would like to keep the focus of this post for people who are considering adoption and don’t know where to begin. Thanks for understanding!

to which I answered:
 Ruth says:
(Your comment is awaiting moderation.)February 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I thank you for posting my comment – there are two sides to every story and you are fair and gracious to have let my side to have been heard.

yes, people should keep their comments to the topic at hand. And this topic was for adoption. The comments should also be truthful. Because when the truth is not told, or the topic is not adhered to, confusion is the result. I say kudos to those who want to consider adoption. They should know all the facts.

I am also for adoptee rights. Truth in their documentation should be a must. However, militant tactics and lies only hurt and confuse people. And make enemies of those who might otherwise help in ways that are not known.

Erica, please let me extend to you my apologys for the drama posted here. – Ruth

so what can we learn from this debacle (besides what we already know – that Joan is a liar)? That Joan is the real cyberbully! She finds a pro-adoption website and spouts her garbage on it. And she uses their site as a way to tell more lies about us.

You should be ashamed Joan. And before you start with ranting and raving that we are cyber-stalking you – we’ve told you before – yes, we are there watching and monitoring what you say on the internet – because when you are talking about your birth family and spreading untruths – we have the right to know about it. Because we ARE your birth family – and any untruth spread about us will be refuted. You have recently posted a few anti-adoption remarks on the internet, which did not mention us. And we left them alone. But the minute you include us in your comments, you have left yourself wide open to rebuttals from us. Shut your mouth about us and you won’t get into trouble on the internet. Now here is another site you are banned from – just like the Huffington Post last March.

3. gertmcqueen

Gert here…
thank you Ruth for thanking Erica, the owner of that site.

She also posted my comment…

gertmcqueen says: February 8, 2012 at 3:43 pm
I am birth sister to Joan Wheeler, you really ought to see the other side of the story check out the birth siblings blogs@ gertmcqueen.wordpress.com and ruthsippelpace@wordpress.com Amongst many things, Joan Wheeler violated the adoption process I was in with adopting my own son, in 1980…

Ruth…you are so right when you say….

so what can we learn from this debacle (besides what we already know – that Joan is a liar)? That Joan is the real cyberbully! She finds a pro-adoption website and spouts her garbage on it. And she uses their site as a way to tell more lies about us. You should be ashamed Joan.

These angry adoptees are the real bullies….and they shall be exposed because NO ONE deserves to have a target on their backs because they are pro-adoption.

Ruth here – Gert – yes – Joan and the other adoptees from the adoptee forum, Daniel, one of them,ARE the true cyberbullies.

Readers – at the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, these militant, angry “hating” adoptees regularly post urls of ANY pro-adoption site with instructions for their members to go and spam them. Which they do, and then come back and post on their forum how they “socked it to them.” They use disgusting hating smilies like “punching” karate chop, piknose, barfs – any infertile woman, birth mother who relinquished their baby for adoption, adoptive parent or adoption agency is fair game to these people.  Bullies, that’s all they are.  We have seen evidence from as far back as 2008 of Joan having been kicked off pro-adoption websites.

I went to find a post on the forum to see if they publicized Erica’s site to spam her, but didn’t find evidence of it. BUT – I did find in early November 2011 TWO posts instructing the forum members to spam two other sites – and one of them was started by Daniel ibn Zayd, who left a couple of comments on Erica’s site. – This graphic is a screnshot of my computer screen while I was on the index page of the general discussion board of the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change – proof positive that these “adult” adoptees are not advocating for change – their purpose is to BULLY pro-adoption sites and CONDEMN any one who is pro-adoption. That is NOT the way to change things. The way to change things is NOT to spam people – but to lobby the lawmakers. And by bullying, browbeating and verbally abusing adoptive parents on the internet, all they are doing is making assholes of themselves. – And like all bullies, when their bullying tactics are revealed, when people stand up to them, they slink away into their self-made cesspools. They tried to bully me in February 2010 on this blog – they came over in droves after Joan asked them, and left a number of obscene messages. When they saw that I was not intimidated by Joan or them, they slunk away. Adults? not in the way they act. They act like little petulant children, that when they don’t get their way, they resort to leaving obscene comments on internet sites.  

Gert here…

UPDATE, FEBRUARY 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…




Gert McQueen’s review of Rene Hoksbergen’s review of Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler December 27, 2011

Posted by gertmcqueen in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Joan M Wheeler has published a new ‘revision’ of the same old hate manifesto and renamed it ‘Duped by Adoption’. I have created a new blog and Facebook page…

Here are the links to my NEW blog and Facebook page



On Amazon, I have reviewed 7 reviews of this ‘new’ garbage book and created a ‘discussion’ on the Forward, by Rene Hoksbergen.

Here’s the link to the DISCUSSION about the FORWARD on Amazon


Here’s the link to a recent blog post Nov 3, 2015 about the contents of the forward


Here are the related links to blog posts that Ruth and I have already written and addressed topics related to Rene Hoksbergen, the author of the Forward.


https://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/2011/12/27/gert-mcqueens-review-of-rene-hoksbergens-review-of-forbidden-family-by-joan-wheeler/     this one is about the review in LAVAContact2  2010 English translation






 Gert here:
In view of the fact that recent attention has been placed on Rene Hoksbergen’s endorsement of the lying hateful book that Joan Wheeler wrote, which was pulled from publication, I thought that readers would like to see what I wrote and posted some time ago about his review. (Ruth’s note – I placed some additional material at the end of this post – please read – it is my answer to only 2 statements of Hoksbergen).
Rene Hoksbergen’s words are in normal text format.
Gert McQueen’s comments, on this review, are in bold itatic text format.
Review of Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family by Rene Hoksbergen in LAVAContact2  2010 English translation.
This autobiographical study of Joan Wheeler read with the necessary tension on the way things will go. Despite the extensive and detailed description of the many events and feelings over a period of almost fifty years.
This book is a detailed description of a tormented individual that has a great need to have the world fit her delusions. No one lives in a vacuum and by the very nature of writing about one’s own inner demons it becomes very subjective in nature and all peoples in it must fit that subjective mindset. The ‘necessary tension’ is the result of the author’s inabilities to accept life as life was given to her. The ‘extensive and detailed description’ is just over-kill and only points to a mentally unbalanced individual. Perhaps if the author actually lived a life instead of always writing ‘the book’ she and it would not be so full of torment!
It consists of two parts. The autobiography of Joan and then part two with lots of information about the American adoption history and its current situation. In this second part she makes her findings and suggestions for improvements.
Part 1, is full of sensationalized drama, with intent to sell the story, the book! The author uses, extensively, the techniques of exaggeration and hyperbole along with fabrications and outright lies. 38 chapters consisting of 569 pages are devoted to the study of the autobiography of Joan’s tormented views!
Part 2, which ought to be the more useful part of any written material intended for adoption reform, consists of only 6 chapters with a total of 62 pages! And there are no ‘suggestions’ from the author. She is a militant angry adoptee that is very hostile to anyone who adopts!
And how much does a person have to spend for this study of one person’s tormented life? Around $50.00! A person, spending a few hours on the Internet, could come up with the same source materials in this book and save themselves the money.
Joan was born in Buffalo. Her mother died shortly after her birth and her father decided to give her away to a distant relative without children. He has already four children, three daughters and one son, this fifth child can’t be taken care by him. In 1956, when this takes place, adoption in the US (and also in our country) is a taboo subject. Birth certificates are falsified, the child is sometimes very late or not informed about the adoption and many know the facts and family relationships, some don’t, as the case of Joan.
My father didn’t know about the adoptive parents being any sort of ‘distant relative’; he was in the middle of a tragedy! My father’s decisions do not have to be explained or justified. The adoptive parents also do not have to justify or explain their reasons for adopting. Throughout this book the author details, over and over again, how she had browbeaten, intimidated, condemned, and used all sorts of methods to get all parents to ‘apology’ to her for her being adopted! My god!
When she becomes 18 years old, she’s suddenly called by her eldest sister. Her three sisters were from when Joan suddenly disappeared from the family informed of the status of adoption and also of her destination. They had always wanted to know how she was doing and now she’s eighteen and formal adult, they can contact her. From this call Joan’s life has been put upside down. She describes her reactions, of the adoptive parents and how her birth family, her father and siblings deal with it.
Life, being as it is as it unfolds, is full of surprises; who would have guessed that the author would choose to condemn both families for wanting her and then go out of her way to make everyone’s life miserable with her dirty double dealings and lies! It makes me ill to read, the almost 600 pages, of pure mental garbage that the author describes herself and everyone related to her.
Against the background of all the facts around the reunion and the further development of contacts she tells clearly and gripping the progress of other aspects in her life, her school life, marriage, becomes mother of two children, the death of her adoptive father, dealing with friends, the care of her adoptive mother and only child, and many others. It is a moving description of the history of an American woman and her two families.
Gripping is not a word I’d use to describe how the author tells about aspects of her life. Soap opera dramatics is how the author details her life; every little thing is overblown so that when real troubles occur they are exaggerated to show how horrible a life she has, because she is adopted! “A moving description”, only if you are addicted to soap opera drama!
But gradually it becomes clear that the reunion in her life especially got a negative impact. There is sexual abuse of her by one of her sisters, intense feelings of jealously, aggression and ignorance towards Joan. The father tires desperately, sometimes successfully but often not, to compromise between his children. Joan herself also got a fierce nature. At the same time her adoptive mother initially responds very negative to her writings about adoption in various newspapers and increasingly in book form. Mother has a strong possessiveness towards her adopted child, Joan.
Negative impact, cause by the author herself! As I’ve stated in my letter to Doctor Hoksbergen, there was no sexual abuse from me to the author. That is purely a cover-up story to take away from a real incident that the author wanted and then retaliated, when things didn’t go her way, with a cover-up story. She makes her mistake, of letting out the truth, via her own lying; liars never remember the original lie. Page 220 contains a very important element to this lie of sexual abuse and points to the ‘cover up story’! But, you will have to read my own extensive comments on this once its posted on our web blog under the title ‘facts are stubborn things’. I suggest everyone check out and read our blog frequently to know the truth of all that the author details, for indeed, it will take a few more months for all our refuting of this book!
The ‘intense feelings of jealously, aggression and ignorance’ is not towards Joan but is what Joan feels herself and projects onto everyone else. If someone does not fit into her ‘inner world reality’ they are ‘out to get her’ and she has no limits to what she will do to get you! “Fierce nature” and “strong possessiveness” don’t begin to describe the sick relationship between adopted mother and adoptee.
 Precisely because of its negative experiences Joan has decided twenty years ago, to write down her life story. She is also an adoption activist. She vehemently rails against the practice adopted in the US. She fights against the fraudulent nature, against hypocrisy, market characteristics, the closed nature of many adoptions that still continues, even against anonymous sperm and egg donors. Many times you see her at conferences, and so I made her acquaintance, her story. In the adoption world in the USA she’s well known.
When was this review actually written? The Doctor wrote the foreword in 2006 and according to the author she began writing her book in 1970’s. So by 2006 it was already close to 40 years not 20. So why have an outdated ‘review’ published now, in 2010? Precisely because it is now about one year since the book was published. This ‘review’ is a staged occurrence, it happens in the publishing world to boost sales!
She is no activist but yes she ‘vehemently rails against adoption’ to the point of not only obsession but condemnation of anyone adopting any child for any reason. Sounds more like she ought get a job with the Inquisition! She is well known in the adoption world? Pity those people!
The book is a very informative story about how an adopted deals with secrecy, how decisions are made for her, the struggle with feelings of loyalty, the reunion and contacts with biological family of both mothers and father’s side. She describes her emotional reactions openly and honestly.
This sounds as if the author wrote it for the reviewer!
It is an exciting and very well written story about the weak position of an adopted child. English is relatively simple and remain legible.
It is not written well and moves around, in space and time, as to be almost intentional misleading the reader. It is pathetic in its subjective portrayal of a weak mentally ill person. I don’t buy into the idea that because a person is adopted they are weak! They are weak because they choose to be so!
For adoptees and adoptive parents, I would recommend this book highly.
I, having actually read the thing, would recommend you use this book in the bathroom, if you were not worry about contamination from the printed words. You would be better off reading the birth sisters web blog to get a better well-rounded view of this author.
Ruth here –
I would like to know just what Hoksbergen means when he writes this sentance: “The father tires (tries) desperately, sometimes successfully but often not, to compromise between his children.”

Again, as he did in 1993, Dr. Hoksbergen is sticking his nose into MY family’s business. CHILDREN?  excuse me, sir, we were all adults with careers. Joan was the only one who refused to grow up, take on ADULT responsibilites and get a job. Many times, throughout the years that we birth siblings and our father tried to get across to Joan to GROW UP – GET A JOB – BECOME A MEANINGFUL CONTRIBUTOR TO SOCIETY. But she always has some excuse.

As to my father trying to “compromise” between us – what the hell does this mean? Along with Hoksbergen’s statement that there were feelings of jealousy, aggression and ignorance from us towards Joan. I ask you Dr. Hoksbergen – WHO TOLD YOU THIS? JOAN? Did you EVER talk to any of us? What feelings of jealousy and ignorance have I ever showed to Joan. What is ignorant is this so-called college professor to say this about me, a stranger to him. I’m ignorant? About what? Oh yeah – Joan’s pathetic life. Dr. Hoksbergen – I was busy building my own life. I had (still do) a career. As did ALL my siblings. We were supposed to stop OUR lives and understand Joan’s petty problems? Of what? She made the choice to marry a man who kept getting fired from jobs. She made the choice to be a stay-at-home mother. She made the choice NOT to get off her ass and get a job like millions of other lower-middle class people. – who also had children to raise. Get your head out of the 1950’s television shows Joan – life is NOT like Leave it to Beaver where the wife/mother stays home  and does nothing. Throughout history and all over the globe, women have had to work in the fields, in the homes and after the Industrial Revolution, in factories. As the menfolk hunted, the women worked together to weave cloths, huts, blankets, cook.  Women have always worked outside the home – as seamstresses, cooks, servants. If you can afford to make it  on one income – the husband’s – that’s great! But if not – and you sit on your ass at home then write a book and bitch and moan about how “poor” you are – you dam right Hoksbergen – I DIDN’T and NEVER WILL show sympathy to Joan for her “financial problems.” I know about financial problems RIGHT NOW. So what do I do? I GOT OFF MY ASS AND WORKED ON CHRISTMAS 2011 to compensate for the fact that my post-open heart surgery husband (aged 68 years) canNOT work extra time and as hard as he used to 30 years ago.

Hoksbergen claims I showed ignorance, aggression and jealousy towards Joan.

Ignorant of what? Joan’s emotional feelings of being adopted? Did Joan EVER put forth ANY attempts of trying to understand OUR emotional feelings? NO – she never did.

Jealousy? Of what? What does Joan have that I should be jealous of? Oh yes – she throws it in MY face that because I lost my son through miscarriage that I am jealous of her because she had two children. And I hated her kids. What a crock of shit and she should be ashamed of herself. I had my miscarriage in 1985, yet she says in her book that in 1989 we had outings to the beach WITH HER TWO CHILDREN. Joan contradicts herself in her book when she is trying to psycho-analyze me. And why is she psycho-analyzing me in the first place? I thought the book was about HER life as an adoptee, not MY life as a woman who’s son died. And Hoksbergen believes every f’ing word this idiot Joan feeds him.


Hoksbergen – you are as delusional as Joan because you took that lying snake’s words as truth.

Getting back to my father’s trying to compromise between us? Again, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Gert, the oldest sibling moved out of Buffalo in 1982, and actually knew NOTHING of the trouble that Joan was causing me. Kathy lived in England, and knew some of the things going on. My brother lived in Arizona, and knew NOTHING of what was going on. I NEVER TOLD MY FATHER ANYTHING. In 2004, when my father was in rehab following open heart surgery, I took my stepmother out to lunch and we were talking about Joan. THAT is when I told her of: Joan’s stealing money from me in 1990, Joan calling my job to get me fired, Joan writing me that letter about my husband getting a neighbor pregnant. My stepmother and my father KNEW NOTHING (FROM ME) ABOUT THE COURT PROCEEDINGS THAT I INSTITUTED AGAINST JOAN. When my stepmother found out – she cried. “We didn’t know this was all going on.”


It was and always has been Joan who was the trouble-maker, not just with me, but others. In my post of December 22, 2011, “some examples of Joan Wheeler’s bad behavior – why nobody wants to hang out with her”   I outline what Joan did to my cousin Gail. WHILE GAIL WAS BATTLING CANCER – she had to put up with Joan’s harassments. And Gail, who was like a sister to me, knowing what Joan did to me, wanted to prove to the family that it was NOT me, but JOAN doing all the trouble. She kept me out of the mess between her and Joan and it was GAIL who called my father to tell him what Joan was doing.

So Dr. Hoksbergen – you know NOTHING of what happened/happens in my family – and you need to publicly withdraw your support of Joan, and make a public apology to us – for your contribution to the slander and libel about me, and my sisters Kathy and Gert. Gert did NOT repeatedly sexually abuse Joan. I heard all about the little thing that happened  right after it happened – I heard it from both Gert and Joan – and it was ONE experiment that JOAN initiated – and what I heard from both of them, (separately) was the same thing. Joan told me that SHE initated it. Joan is no angel when it comes to these matters. In 1984, being married only one year, with an infant son at home, JOan was at Lulu’s – a roadhouse bar in Kitchener Ontario and had a party – I know about it because she called me up the next day and was crying about it that she didn’t want her husband to find out she cheated on him. And in 1991, she did it again and showed up at my house at 5am, drunk and crying that she cheated on her husband again.

IGNORANCE? Gee thanks Dr. Hoksbergen for calling me ignorant. Well, I never went to college. So I don’t have a college degree. But you, Dr. Hoksbergen, AND Joan, can take your college degrees and shove them where the sun don’t shine – because it is JOAN WHEELER and RENE HOKSBERGEN who are the ignorant ones.

by her own words, on her own website, Joan Wheeler admits to fraud December 24, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Here is a screenshot that I took of Joan Wheeler’s “About” page on her Forbidden Family website.
this is her trying to justify her publishing MY childhood photo on the back of her book. I took this screenshot on December 24, 2011 0500 (5:00am).

Carefully read what she has to say:
“This photograph of my natural family was taken in Autumn of 1955. My mother is pregnant with me. This is the only family “portrait” I have. My deceased natural mother’s sister (my aunt) sent the photograph to my adoptive aunt who then gave the  photograph to my adoptive parents in 1956. My adoptive mother gave me the photograph when I was 18 years old and newly reunited with my natural family.”

Okay, first – we have no way of knowing exactly what month this picture was taken – it could have been early summer 1955. Because I, (in my father’s arms), am awful small for a three year old. This picture could have even been taken in 1954 when I was 2 years old. – Whatever – the other point is – even if Mom was pregnant – (she looks fat – NOT pregnant) – Joan was NOT a legal entity when the photograph was taken.

Joan admits right here that she was not given a paper copy of the photo until she was 18 years old in 1974. Since I and other members of the extended Herr family – my mother’s siblings and their children also had copies of this same photo – it shows us that this photo was widely distributed AFTER my mother’s death. This photo could have been taken by any number of persons – my paternal grandmother, who only lived a few blocks from us, a member of the Herr family, heck, it could even have been taken by our landlord Mr. Johnson. (not Williams, Joan – JOHNSON).

In the terms and conditions set forth by Trafford Publications for their authors, it is stipulated that the author must own the sole copyright to the work and ALL IT’S CONTENT.

So how does Joan Wheeler think she owns the sole copyright of a photograph that she is NOT in, was NOT the photographer, did not even see it, or own a COPY of until 18 years AFTER the photo was taken?

And Joan, my dear, if I find out that you took MY baby picture and took out a copyright/patent on MY baby picture – YOU ARE GUILTY OF FRAUD!

That’s right readers, (pay attention Lori Corangelo) – JOAN WHEELER DEFRAUDED TRAFFORD PUBLICATIONS WHEN SHE SIGNED THE CONTRACT WITH THEM. AND I WILL GO AFTER JOAN VIA MY ATTORNEY IF I FIND OUT THAT SHE OBTAINED A FRAUDULENT COPYRIGHT ON MY PHOTOGRAPH. – and you will end up in jail – or the psych ward – I don’t care which – just as long as you get put away so you can stop your lying on the internet and stop your lying mouth!

Atttention Lori Corangelo; Amfor (Americans for Open Records) re: Joan Wheeler, Forbidden Family December 11, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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LORI CORANGELO AND OTHERS: I think you’d better read this: from the pdf. file of Trafford’s Publishing’s “Terms and Conditions.” These are the Terms and Conditions that Joan Wheeler agreed to when she signed (under false pretenses) her contract with Trafford and the ones that she VIOLATED – she had hate speech in her book, obscene language, had me saying things that I didn’t, labeled me as a computer hacker with a criminal record and used MY photograph. 


2.1. You represent that you are the sole copyright owner of the Work and all of its content.

 2.2. You represent that the Work does not infringe upon any statutory or common law right of copyright, libel or privacy of any third party.

  2.4. You further represent that the Work does not contain illegal, unlawful or objectionable material including, but not limited to, pornography, obscenity or hate speech. You acknowledge that the Work is not plagiarized and does not include falsely attributed statements of third parties.

 3.(Trafford’s Legal Responsibility
3.2. We reserve the right to refuse to provide and/or to discontinue ALL Services upon our discovery of any violation by you of these Terms and Conditions, any other actions, omissions or misconduct by you with respect to Work, and/or your performance under these Terms and Conditions. In the event a complaint is made by a third party regarding the Work, we reserve the right to suspend the Services in accordance with Section 7.1 until such time as the complaint is satisfactorily resolved, as determined by us in our sole discretion.

Now Lori go and read these two posts and read them word for word so you can UNDERSTAND what Joan Wheeler did –

Joan Wheeler FINALLY announces the demise of her book Forbidden Family, but still shows evidence of her silly delusions

My complaint to Trafford Publications concerning the slander and libel contained in the book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler

 Tell us again Lori of how Joan made a “mistake” – you are full of shit, and so is Joan.

You want open records Lori? That equates to the TRUTH, does it not Lori? We are open and TRUTHFUL here on our blogs. Can you handle the TRUTH Lori?

Joan Wheeler FINALLY announces the demise of her book Forbidden Family, but still shows evidence of her silly delusions December 8, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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I revised the front page of this blog on December 5 + 6, 2011. In that post,  I described what Joan has on her tab “About and Buy.” on her website. On December 8, 2011, Joan renamed that tab to say only “About” and wrote the following:

“Forbidden Family has been taken off the market by Trafford Publishing as of May 2011.
It was a short run, but well worth it.
I believe in my book and future success.
The book is not dead, only sleeping while another opportunity is sought.”

First off, she doesn’t say WHY Trafford  took her book off the market. Why not Joan? Got something to hide? Like the very TRUE reason it was taken off the market – for slander and libel and using a photograph that you didn’t have the copyright of.

If someone is going to make a statement like this bullshit – and she says she believes in her book, she would tell her blog readers WHY the book is not on the market. But like the master manipulator Joan is, she will tell only PART of the story. She won’t tell the TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. Just little bits and pieces of sound bites.

She can say her book is only sleeping, and it’s not dead,but she’s only fooling herself and her blog readers. As to using the phrase her book is not dead – we see evidence that  Joan is reading our blog, because it was here that we say the book is dead. And we see more evidence of her delusions. It only took her seven months to admit that the book has pulled from publication. The book IS dead. She claims that the short run of her book was “well worth it?” Worth having the entire world know what Joan’s true lying nature is and exposed? Joan may  “believe” in her book – that is because Joan “believes” her delusions. She DID write in her book that in 1993 she was granted a one year order of protection against me. I have submitted on this blog the actual court document that says it was for six months. Joan says in her book that I was arrested, and placed on probation in 1993. I have submitted actual court documents on this blog that show that is a falsehood, slander and libel.

Joan continues to insist that she changed names in her book to protect identities. No, she changed only SOME names and kept her own name Joan Wheeler in the book. She put on the back of the book, a family photograph that clearly shows my father’s face. AND she names him by his correct name of SIPPEL. My father worked in City Hall and was well known. In his second wife’s funeral guest book, and his mother’s funeral guest book are the signatures of two prominent local politicians. My father’s colleagues and many other people knew that he had given up one daughter for adoption. This was no secret in the 1950’s and 1960’s. Further, Joan wrote an article called “The Secret is Out,” that was published in England and Holland in the early 1990’s. In this article, she gave out the correct names of ME and one of my sisters. In her book Forbidden Family, she  referenced  this article and where it was published, and named the publication. It is available, so any person with any reasonable amount of intelligence could read her book, find her original article and find MY real name, which is sullied in Joan’s book as a criminal, a computer hacker with my employer, and other disgusting detrimental claims to my good name and character.

Joan says that we sisters identified ourselves first on our blog – no we did not. I started my blog late November 2009. Her book had already come out in the beginning of November 2009. The book Forbidden Family was already offered for sale by Trafford Publishing BEFORE I started my blog. And in September 2008, on a now-defunct Blogger blog, Joan identified her birth sisters. A full year before the book was published and my blog was started. 

I started this blog as the direct result of two internet sites that Joan publicized her “new” book – the first one was actually an interview/article by ABC.com titles “Adoptees face Sting of Discrimination.” In that article, Joan was interviewed and she put forth many falsehoods, both in the body of the interview/article and in 5 or 6 additional comments. I submitted comments refuting her statements, but they were not accepted.  On another website, called “The Daily Bastardette”, was a piece promoting Joan’s book. In that article, there was a falsehood, put forth by Joan, and published by the website’s owner Marley Greiner. I submitted a comment, refuting what Joan told Ms. Greiner. Ms. Greiner did not publish my comment.  I was frustrated, because Joan was able, via these two sources, and her own new wordpress website called Forbidden Family to get out her lies and misrepresentations of my family, but I could not get out the truth. So I began this blog. I had known that Joan had a blog on google’s blogspot for some time, but never paid much attention to it. I did see the warning that she put out in September 2008 to the Wheeler clan, the Herr clan and The Three Sippel Sisters to “leave her alone,” although nobody was bothering her. I made screen shots of that warning, but did nothing else. I ignored the little child.

Apparently, sometime in the summer of 2009, when her book was going to press, she built her wordpress blog and titled it Forbidden Family and began to promote her new book. She transferred all her files from the blogger blog to the new wordpress blog.  In October 2009, on Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of  Atonement, Joan wrote a blog post about Yom Kippur, but got some things wrong. As it turns out, my sister Kathy, converted to Judaism several years ago. She wrote a comment on Joan’s blog, a very nice comment, but it corrected Joan in the points she got wrong. Joan graciously accepted the comment for publication, and even left a nice note, something along the lines “I knew someday we would re-connect.” The two comments stayed on her blog for a few days, when all of a sudden, with no action taken from either me, or Kathy, Joan turned 180 degrees (this is very typical of her) and accused Kathy and me of spying on her, and getting her blogger blog shut down.  ???? What? — and then she dragged Gert into it.

Gert had not been on the internet AT ALL! She had a computer at home, for personal work, did not have internet access, didn’t go to public computers for such. Kathy was brand new to the internet.  With a brandnew computer, wasn’t internet savvy enough NOT to leave her private email containing her name, on the comment she put on Joan’s blog. Joan then emailed her and bitched her out! For nothing! Kathy was upset, and rightfully so. She complained to WordPress, she said that 1. she only corrected some points about the Jewish religion that Joan had gotten wrong, and 2. why was the webhost (Joan) emailing her and threatening her. WordPress went in and took down the post about Yom Kippur, and all comments as well. Joan became enraged! She left a nasty post saying she was not going to be censored. She went out and BOUGHT a website from StartLogic and began building a new Forbidden Family website, and transferred all her files from her wordpress blog over there. And then closed down her blogger blog and wordpress blog – but then said that it was The Three Sippel Sisters who closed her down. Which is a big fat lie. She closed those blogs down HERSELF.

That happened in September, October and the beginning of November 2009. I was not involved AT ALL with the Yom Kippur postings, nor was Gert. But I was sympathetic with Kathy. And I began this blog, the third week of November. I originally titled it, “Refuting Joan Wheeler’s statements about her Forbidden Family.” I ordered the book from Amazon.com the first week of December 2010, and received it a few days later. I opened the book and just glanced at it and saw many lies. I was disgusted. Since this blog had already been started, I went in and changed the title to Refuting the Book Forbidden Family. Her book came out BEFORE I started this blog.  So Joan had done the damage BEFORE my blog was in existence.

Joan also keeps insisting that she had the right to publish MY family photograph on the back of her book. NO, she does not, did not have that right. Joan says on her website that she spoke to a literary attorney. If she did, she misled them, just as she misled Trafford Publishing. Joan signed a contract with Trafford Publishing in 2009, but in 2011, when they saw the actual court documents, and what I outlined in the above paragraph, THEIR attorneys agreed that Joan VIOLATED their rules of conduct of authors. 

The photograph in question is of my parents, me, and my 3 siblings. It was taken in 1955. Joan was not born until January 1956. She was not in the photograph. This photograph was widely distributed among relatives in the 1950’s and 1960’s. I don’t care where or when Joan was given a PAPER COPY of this photograph. Joan says that in the photograph, our mother was pregnant with her. We have no proof of that. She looks fat. But that’s not the point. Joan was NOT A LEGAL ENTITY UNTIL SHE WAS BORN ON JANUARY 7, 1956. IN THE WINTERTIME! The photo was taken in the summer or early fall 1955. Joan did not legally exist when the photograph was taken, therefore, she does NOT OWN THE SOLE COPYRIGHTS TO THAT PHOTOGRAPH.

One of the articles in the contract that Joan signed with Trafford Publishing was that “the author is the SOLE COPYRIGHT OWNER OF THE WORK AND ALL ITS CONTENTS.” In order to publish that photograph, Joan needed the permission of those pictured in the photograph. She claims on her website that “no permissions were needed to use this photo.” – WRONG! Because this photo was being put on a work that was to be used for MONETARY INCOME, Joan did indeed NEED TO GET PERMISSION FROM ALL LIVING PERSONS IN THE PHOTOGRAPH. She “claims” she had our father’s permission. I want to see his signature, and it had better have been notarized, because if it wasn’t -it doesn’t prove a thing – because Joan has been known to forge things.   

I am in that photo, as well as my sisters, and Joan DID NOT GET OUR PERMISSION IN WRITING OR ORALLY to publish OUR likeness on a vehicle for her to make money. Joan in the past has tried to skip around the issue by saying the faces were blurry and obscured by text. WRONG! The faces are not that blurry, and text does obscure faces of my mother, my brother, and my two sisters. BUT MY FATHER’S FACE AND MY FACE ARE CLEARLY VISIBLE. Since my likeness has been placed on a body of work that garnered income for Joan Wheeler, WITHOUT MY PERMISSION – I hereby demand my share of all monetary sums from all sales of the book Forbidden Family in the years 2009, 2010, 2011. 

Many people in  the Buffalo area know my father, they know his last name, they know my mother’s maiden name, which is given out in the book. That photograph is well known by many people. We have a large family, and everybody knows who Joan Wheeler is. Joan had her picture published in The Buffalo News,with her full name given out – and she spoke about adoption. The following week, my father was interviewed by The Buffalo News and spoke about her adoption. In the interview HIS FULL REAL NAME, ALONG WITH HIS PHOTOGRAPH was published.

 Because of her many years of writing articles for The Buffalo News and other places, Joan’s name and circumstances of her adoption have been well publicized. On the internet, BEFORE the book was published, Joan herself was using a name that DID NOT LEGALLY BELONG TO HER! She wrote many opinion pieces throughout the internet on adoption, using the signature “Joan Wheeler, born Doris Sippel.” – Therefore, she gave out MY legal maiden name BEFORE the book was published.

In 1980, both Joan and I appeared on a locally produced human interest news story about adotion reunion. We were interviewed by reporter Rich Kellman and the half-hour show was televised on WGRZ-TV of Buffalo, New York. In this interview, we both gave our names, she as Joan Wheeler, and me as Ruth Sippel. Our faces were not concealed.  Neither Joan, nor I, were paid any moneys for this televised appearance.

Many people know me, and know that I have an adopted-out younger sister that I was reunited with, and they know her name as Joan Wheeler.  Many people  have known that for the last 30 years Joan wheeler has been writing this book. Therefore, when that book came out, and Joan started publicizing it on the internet, and it was available for sale, someone sees it, sees the author “Joan Wheeler,” sees the photograph, and knows that photograph – they can know EXACTLY who Joan is writing about. Whether she changed ALL the names or only SOME of the names.

Also, Trafford Publishing puts out a guideline for authors. One of the guidelines says, “even if you change names, if someone can recognize themselves in your book, you can be sued for slander and libel.” 

In a recent correspondence with Gert McQueen, Americans for Open Records Lori Corangelo says in defense of Joan: “first time wrtiers make mistakes.” oh – well! First time drunk drivers who kill people make mistakes too. riiight.

Excuse me Lori, these are NOT “mistakes” that Joan did. She was given a specific contract with Trafford. She signed that contract KNOWING FULL WELL SHE WAS MISLEADING THEM. And when their attorneys learned the TRUTH of the matter – they pulled that filthy book from publication. It IS DEAD.

It has been listed as available on amazon.com. But – it is a “print on demand” situation. Once the original print run was exhausted, any new orders via amazon would be printed and sent to the buyer. BUT just two months ago, in a conversation with Trafford PUblishers, it was revealed that Trafford has pulled the book from even that status. They know that book is LEGAL TROUBLE for them and want nothing more to do with it. Amazon is a mostly automated site. It is going to list 3 copies as a come-on – a “bait and switch.” There is more to this story and will be posted next week. We have just been busy. We have several blog posts waiting to get up.

People need to learn once and for all that Joan Wheeler is a con-artist. She is a consumate liar. She could sweet talk and charm even Adolf Hitler! She will only tell a literary attorney and/or agent what they need to know to approve her work. She did it to Trafford. And as soon as they found out that she conned them – they pulled the plug on her. Lori, are you stupid or what?

Joan – remember – you can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time. And your days of fooling people are over! You can keep on insisting your book is the “truth” and keep on ignoring actual Buffalo City Court Documents and YOUR OWN HANDWRITTEN LETTERS TO ME AND OTHERS that prove otherwise.

For Joan to LIE about past police and court documents, even her own handwritten letters shows just how mentally disturbed and brain dead Joan Wheeler really is. I am begging someone reading this blog, to please, please, get Joan to a place where she clearly needs to be – The Buffalo Psychiatric Center.

LORI CORANGELO AND OTHERS: I think you’d better read this: from the pdf. file of Trafford’s Publishing’s “Terms and Conditions.” These are the Terms and Conditions that Joan Wheeler agreed to when she signed (under false pretenses) her contract with Trafford and the ones that she VIOLATED – she had hate speech in her book, obscene language, had me saying things that I didn’t, labeled me as a computer hacker with a criminal record and used MY photograph. 


2.1. You represent that you are the sole copyright owner of the Work and all of its content.

2.2. You represent that the Work does not infringe upon any statutory or common law right of copyright, libel or privacy of any third party.

2.4. You further represent that the Work does not contain illegal, unlawful or objectionable material including, but not limited to, pornography, obscenity or hate speech. You acknowledge that the Work is not plagiarized and does not include falsely attributed statements of third parties.

3.(Trafford’s Legal Responsibility
3.2. We reserve the right to refuse to provide and/or to discontinue ALL Services upon our discovery of any violation by you of these Terms and Conditions, any other actions, omissions or misconduct by you with respect to Work, and/or your performance under these Terms and Conditions. In the event a complaint is made by a third party regarding the Work, we reserve the right to suspend the Services in accordance with Section 7.1 until such time as the complaint is satisfactorily resolved, as determined by us in our sole discretion.

Tell us again Lori of how Joan made a “mistake” – you are full of shit, and so is Joan.

Comment by Gert McQueen: 

This is very very interesting, indeed!!
As Ruth says:
“There is more to this story and will be posted next week. We have just been busy. We have several blog posts waiting to get up.”

There is definetly true! There is so much more to the story of Joan’s lying book and it’s DEATH! Stay tuned!

Make no mistake…the book, as she wrote it, is DEAD, it will never be republished. And…if she EVER writes another, she had better NOT mention the names and lives of the birth family…we give NO PERMISSION, for her to earn money off our names and lives.
Furthermore, we shall be always watching her to make sure she NEVER LIES ABOUT US AGAIN.

4. gertmcqueenDecember 12, 2011

Gert here…again…
Thank you Ruth for giving such a detailed clarification of the time line of when Joan published, on the internet and in print, lies about us, and when we got involved.

For the record…I had no knowledge of what Joan was doing, nor did I care, for years…I had about 3 contacts with her since 1980 and each one was used AGAINST ME by her.

In Dec of 2009 I was in the middle of a physical move when both Ruth and Kathy called me telling me that Joan published the book! I did not get to see a physical copy until late Jan 2010. I then got an email account and started emailing my posts to Ruth for her blog. It wasn’t until July 2011, when Ruth had a injury, did I get a blog of my own. In the past two years I have learned and read many many things that Joan has done that I was not aware of before but now that I am I shall make sure that everyone knows about them.

So Joan and anyone else out there that wants to believe in their own bullshit, be my guest and continue to lie to yourselves! But, truth wins out and liars are always shown for what they are!

If Joan is waiting for another opportunity she is going to wait for a long long time. Her story has been written and her history is NOW known. Any other book written by Joan will be looked at very carefully, believe me. Her book is not sleeping, it’s dead. Joan doesn’t understand the difference. Once a liar always a liar and anyone who thinks they can get another book published by that liar had better understand the nature of libel…it always follows you.

Beware of helping Joan Wheeler, you could find yourself in a law suit.


My complaint to Trafford Publications concerning the slander and libel contained in the book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler November 30, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Our Family History, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Here it is – at long last – my official complaint to Trafford Publications – the complaint that made them take a look at the book they published. The contract they had with Joan Wheeler was that the book was “ready-to-publish” that is, all editing for content had been done already.

Let me explain. Trafford is a publishing vehicle for authors to self-publish their works. Trafford offers several packages. They offer editing services, but Joan opted out of that. I wonder why? Because one of the articles of the standard contract Trafford offers to their prospective authors is: no obscenities. Yet on page 370 Joan publishes a post card that she received in the mail that had obscenities written on it. (and as usual – she blames ME for it – even tho the handwriting is not mine). – Anyway, she slipped that in under Trafford’s nose – she told Trafford that the book had already been edited for content. Therefore, nobody at Trafford ever read the entire manuscript – they took Joan at her word and published it.

Joan also signed the contract that stated that no slander or libel was contained in the book. She signed the contract under false pretenses. In my last two posts, A Letter I wrote to the district attorney in 1995 sheds light on Joan Wheeler’s harassments of me and refutes the lies on pages 325-333 in her book Forbidden Family  and  Graphics of scanned court documents, etc. that prove without a doubt that Joan Wheeler is a liar in her book Forbidden Family,  I outlined many lies contained in only pages 295 – 342, and provided actual court documents and actual letters (one hand-written by Joan, one typed out, and contains a hand-written note by Joan), that refuted those lies contained in only less than 50 pages in that hideous 600 page plus book.

When Joan signed the contract with Trafford, they took her word the book contained no slander or libel and published the book. When they received my complaint (along with one from Gert), it took them from January 2011 to May 2011 to research my complaint. In other words – someone from Trafford FINALLY sat down and read the garbage they had unwittingly published.  Not only did they have to read the garbage that Joan wrote – they had to look through the court documents that I sent them. Then they had to sift through all the convoluted lies and twisting of facts, events, dates that Joan did on those few 50 pages and that I outlined in my post A Letter I wrote to the district attorney in 1995 sheds light on Joan Wheeler’s harassments of me and refutes the lies on pages 325-333 in her book Forbidden Family .

The result? Trafford’s editors and legal staff agreed that Joan, by signing the contract under false pretenses, LIED to them and pulled the wool over their eyes. Their only recourse was to: PULL THAT GARBAGE BOOK  FROM PUBLICATION.

I also pointed out to Trafford that the photograph on the back cover of that garbage book is of ME and my siblings and parents. Joan had no right to publish that photograph. It was taken in 1955. Joan was not born until 1956.She was adopted out a year later. She was given COPY of it almost 20 years later. Copies of that family photograph were distributed to many family members during the 1950’s and 1960’s. One of the articles in the contract that Joan entered into with Trafford was that she “was the sole copyright owner of all content of the work.” She did not, and DOES NOT own the copyrights to MY photograph. Joan has a little blurb on her website that the faces are blurry and obscured by text – that is just her trying to get out of the mess that SHE alone got herself into. When I pointed out to Trafford (in a telephone call with Eugene Hopkins, at 11:am on May 9, 2011), that Joan did not get permission from ME (orally or written) to publish MY photograph – Mr. Hopkins agreed right then and there to PULL THE BOOK FROM PUBLICATION!

That happened on May 9, 2011, and to this day, November 30, 2011, Joan, in her delusional state, her continual REFUSAL TO FACE REALITY – still has a link on her website that directs “buyers” of this garbage book to a sales page on Trafford’s website – a page THAT NO LONGER EXISTS because Trafford pulled it down!

Joan Wheeler is a pathological LIAR – she not only lies to people to their face, she lies on the internet. She spent more than half of her life writing her precious book – the book that she invested so much wasted time and energy on – finally got the stupid thing published, but then got it pulled because she not only LIED in the book – she LIED to the publisher that it contained no lies.

AND this delusional LIAR has a facebook page promoting this book. A DEAD BOOK!  Ok, she made the page over a year ago – but it’s still in existence. BUT – she recently (October 2011) created an account on The Huffington Post, using this page. A page that promotes a DEAD BOOK! (because she can’t register on Huffington under her regular facebook page – thanks to her posting some lying shit about us back in March 2011 – and she got booted off of Huffington).  So what does she do – she re-registers under false pretenses. Using a dead book. Will she never learn NOT TO LIE?

So here is my complaint. There is a list of documents – I’m not going to post them all. Go here to this post to see only a couple of them. They are enough to back up my TRUTH of what happened. And to show how Joan Wheeler LIED in her book about me.

Part 1 of complaint of Ruth Sippel Pace

Re: book, Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler, published by Trafford

 Submission by Ruth Sippel Pace, birth sister of Joan Wheeler, author of the book Forbidden Family.

 For consideration of Trafford Publishing to rescind their contract with Ms. Wheeler regarding the publication of this book, on the grounds that the book contains many falsehoods, slanderous statements about me, Ruth Sippel Pace and other members of my family. The book also contains references to my life, which are personal in nature, and the author has not been given my permission to discuss with anyone, nor publish them in a book.

    Also, my photograph is published on the back cover, my face is clear, even though it is a picture of me as a child. I never gave permission for this picture to be published. The picture of my father’s face is clear. The author’s stance of her changing the names of living person’s in the book is enough to provide privacy does not hold up to the fact that she uses her own real name, Joan Wheeler in the book, identifies the city of her birth and the city of the birth of her birth siblings, as that of Buffalo, New York. Any person with any reasonable intelligence and who ever knew my father, would recognize his picture on the back cover of the book and put names to people mentioned in the book. My father worked for the city of Buffalo in Buffalo’s City Hall for more than 30 years and is well known. We also have a large family, and the Wheeler clan is also very large. Also, the details of Joan’s adoption have been publicized in the past, via a television interview of Joan and myself (together), and newspaper interviews of Joan and my father (separately). In the case of the television interview, both my face and Joan’s were in clear view, and our names were given on camera. In the newspaper articles, both my father, and Joan, had their photographs published, with their names published with the photos.

 In a conversation between my sister Gert McQueen and Mr. Tubio, Mr. Tubio requested the most telling of the lies we have found in the book Forbidden Family. I will start by refuting Joan’s narration of court cases that Joan and I were involved in against each other. This narration is on the following pages: 314 – 317, 322-333, 362-368. Unfortunately, Joan not only lies about actual events that happened between us, and the court cases, but mixes up the court cases with each other until there is such a convoluted narration of these events, that I have to resort to first telling you in a few short paragraphs, exactly what happened before I can point out any slanderous comments that are contained in these pages. I do have, scanned copies of actual court documents that support the truth of what happened. These are included at the end of this email, are listed as thus:

 01 -Joan’s complaint July 9, 1993

02a – restraining order Aug 9,93 – Feb 9,94

02b – closeup dates restraining order Aug 9,93 – Feb 9,94

02c – closeup name restraining order Aug 9,93 – Feb 9,94

03 – Joan’s letter to Albany, New York Dec 31, 94

04 – Ruth’s complaint 3-7-95

05 – Joan’s letter to John

06 – summons April 19 95

07  – certificate from Buffalo Police Academy 8-29-98

08  – Ruth’s petition to Family Court 6-4-99

09 – summons to Family Court 6-4-99

10 – temporary restraining. 6-4-99

11 – one year restraining order June 24, 99 – June 24, 00

 When it is necessary to refer to these evidence documents, during my narrative and the narrative contained in the book, I will be referring to them by their assigned number.

My second email contains the remainder of the many lies and invasions of my privacy that are contained in this book.

 I have listed the page number first, then the quote from the book in bold, and my objection/telling of the truth follows. Joan Wheeler refers to me, Ruth Sippel Pace as Brenda in her book. It is my contention that Ms. Wheeler’s purpose for writing the book is a means of revenge and hurting people that have ever disagreed with her. There are many personal attacks on me in this book. Throughout the book, Ms. Wheeler portrays me as an uneducated inner city ghetto dweller with a foul mouth and a person who drinks all the time. I have found many personal hateful slurs directed at me in this book. I believe she included these slurs in an attempt to hurt me, as she has done many things to me in the past 25 years to hurt me. For example, she made a complaint to my job that I was a computer hacker. After they investigated me, found me innocent, and told her this, she would NOT accept it. She called my job almost everyday for several months trying to get me fired. This book is just a continuation of Ms. Wheeler’s hate campaign against myself and others. Throughout the book, Ms. Wheeler puts words into other people’s mouths, those words usually are her own thoughts and she does this to lend credence to her fantasy that people agree with her on the topic she is writing about. And to lend credence that people actually DID agree with her, as she reports in the book.

    Right from the beginning, Ms. Wheeler presents a falsehood:

Page xvi

“I believe I have written a fair and accurate account.” “ This is my story as it happened to me.”

 I have caught Ms. Wheeler in many out and out lies that cannot be construed as a faulty memory, the most telling is blatant falsifications of actual court proceedings between Ms. Wheeler and myself and the decisions of the court.

     The court proceedings between me and Joan had their beginnings in 1990 when Joan and her ex-husband stole several hundred dollars from me. Between 1990-1992, there were many arguments between us over this. The theft of the money was one of previous misdeeds Joan had done to me.  It got to the point that in disgust, I told Joan I wanted nothing more to do with her. In February 1993, just before Valentine’s Day, I received a greeting card in the mail. Actually, the envelope was addressed to me. Inside was a Valentine’s Day card, for my husband, supposedly from Joan’s children. It was not a Valentine’s card that children hand out, it was a specialty card, for a “special Uncle.” (this was just the beginning of Joan’s playing games with the mail. I received many envelopes addressed to me, but the letter inside was for my sister Gert (who did not live in Buffalo, or the envelope was addressed to me and my husband, with the letter for me. Joan would also manipulate the return address and zip-codes so that if I attempted to refuse it and “return to sender” the post office’s machines would spit it back for delivery back to me). In May 1993, another envelope addressed to me arrived, inside was a forged letter – supposedly from my 10 year old nephew to my husband, but on close examination, you could tell the sloppy printing was Joan’s.

    During this time, Joan was receiving annoyance phone calls and she suspected me. She called the police and the phone company and arranged to have her line tapped. To ensure that I would call her, she sent a Father’s Day card, supposedly from her children, to my husband, and again, the envelope was addressed to me. And I took the bait. I called her, and she said, “hold on.” Click. ?? I called back. “Hold on.” Click. I called again, “Joan, this is Ruth.” I intended to ask why the envelopes were addressed to me, but the contents were for my husband, but then Joan swore at me and hung up. I got tired of her game and gave up.

    The following week, my electricity was cut off, as my husband and I were undergoing some financial difficulties. Knowing that Joan owed me over $700.00, I called her. I was crying and said, “Joan, I need help.” She hung up on me. I tried a couple more times. She kept hanging up on me. I got angry and called her and swore at her.

    Shortly afterwards, I got a call from Buffalo Police Detective Martin Harrington, who wanted to know why I was calling Joan. I told him exactly what I just wrote here. He said he believed me, and would recommend that Joan drop any charges against me. She went ahead and filed harassment charges on me, signing the complaint on July 9, 1993. (DOC 01) I do not have the summons for that court case, but appeared in front of Judge Robert Russell on August 9, 1993, where Joan was granted a six-month Order of Protection against, on ACD. (Adjournment on Consideration of Dismissal). (DOC 02a). The writing is hard to read, so you must look at DOCS 02b and 02c to make out my name, and dates of the duration of the six-month restraining order – August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994.

     Sometime in 1994, Ms. Wheeler’s medical bill from my employer (Buffalo General Hospital) got mixed up with a bill from another patient. Ms. Wheeler accused me of computer hacking and lodged a formal complaint with my employer. I was investigated and found innocent but Ms. Wheeler would not accept this. For several months, beginning in the fall of 1994 and continuing through January 1995, she was calling various departments in the hospital and telling numerous people how “bad” I was.  On December 22, 1994, a child abuse call was made against Ms. Wheeler. The caller identified themselves as me, saying that Ms. Wheeler had sex with my husband in front of her children. On December 31, 1994, Ms. Wheeler wrote to the New York State Department of Social Services, Child Abuse Maltreatment Register, in Albany, New York, to request a copy of the information of that call. (DOC 03).  In that letter, Joan refers to our court case of August 9, 1993, and informs them that I was put on six months “probation.”

    As my then fiancé, John Pace was named in the child abuse call, he was involved in talks with the Child Protective Services people, but HE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING, BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT I DIDN’T PLACE THE CALL. HE WANTED TO KEEP ME OUT IT, WHILE HE WAS TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON.

    The first I heard of this was in February 1995, when I received a large manila envelope from Ms. Wheeler. Inside were copies of letters that she wrote to the mayor of Buffalo, the commissioner of our local (Erie County) social services department, the formal complaint she wrote to my employer, and the letter of December 31, 1994 that she wrote to Albany New York. When I read the lie about me being placed on probation in 1993, I filed harassment charges against Ms. Wheeler on March 7, 1995.  (DOC 04). On March 17, 1995, Ms. Wheeler sent a letter to my fiancé via his mother’s house begging him to ask me to drop the charges and urged him to leave me. (DOC 05).

    We appeared before Judge Margaret Anderson three times, because it was adjourned twice due to a lack of time in the courtroom for the first two dates. On the first date of April 3, 1995, Judge Anderson instructed the court that no children were to be brought to the court. At the next court appearance of April 19, 1995, (afternoon session), (DOC 06), Ms. Wheeler did bring her two children, but they stayed out in the hallway with her friend Carol, even though it was a school day. At one point in the court, while we were waiting for our case to be called, I left to use the ladies room. I saw Carol and the children, but said nothing. Our case was adjourned to a date in May 1995. On this date, Judge Anderson dismissed my case against Ms. Wheeler, saying that “sisters should get along.” I thanked the judge for considering my case and left.

    I continued receiving harassing letters from Ms. Wheeler through the next several years. I ignored her. In the meantime, I involved myself in organizing a block club for my street, and became a neighborhood activist to improve the quality of life in my neighborhood. As part of this, I took a short course through the Buffalo Police Academy to be a VIABLE volunteer (Volunteers in Aiding Buffalo Law Enforcement). To be considered for this, candidates had to undergo a background check, and since I had a clean record (the one six-month restraining order had been summarily dismissed, because I had abided by the judge’s instructions to me to stay away from Ms. Wheeler). I had no arrest record, no record of probation, nothing. I was awarded my certificate and appointment to the VIABLE program on August 29, 1998. (DOC 07).

    On February 15, 1999, I received another letter from Joan, and in it she tells me that her son saw me driving past her house (DOC 08). This was a lie, as I didn’t even have a car at that time. I called her house to tell her to leave me alone and a male answered, and I hung up, saying nothing. I then sent her a letter telling her to leave me alone. I told her that I did not have a car, did not drive past her house. And that since she had a man now, she should concentrate on her own life and to leave me and MY man alone.

    Then on February 23, 1999, I received an envelope addressed to me. I did not recognize the return address, but inside was a letter to me from Ms. Wheeler, informing me that my husband had gotten the next door neighbor pregnant and the child was born in 1994 (totally untrue, as the only children born to women living in that house were 2 boys). (DOC 09).

    I met with the woman who lived at the address on the envelope – she was Carol, Joan’s friend who was in the court with Joan’s children. Carol told me that the previous year, Joan had been asking for a “hit man” to take me out. I went to the District Attorney’s office and they said that because it was hearsay, they couldn’t do anything about it. I spent the next two months trying to get harassment charges filed against Joan. I got another manila envelope from Joan, which I refused to open. I returned it, marking it “return to sender” and Joan then manipulated the return address and it came back to my house. I decided to return it to her in person. A neighbor drove me to Joan’s house. His car was leaking transmission oil and he kept a can of oil on hand. He suggested I put the oil on the envelope to prevent Joan from putting it in the postal service again. Which we did and I threw the envelope up on her lawn.

     This resulted in Joan calling my house and swearing at me. I talked to several people and they suggested I petition Family Court, as the District Attorneys were tired of the both of us sisters and not taking this matter seriously. On June 4, 1999, I did just that. (DOC 10). They listened to my complaint, and in front of me, they went into the court computer system and found the two previous court cases involving Ms. Wheeler and myself (1993 and 1995). They typed this information onto the complaint that I signed, issued a summons for both me and Joan to appear in Family Court on June 24, 1999. (DOC 11), and granted me a temporary restraining order ON THE SPOT (DOC 12). On June 24, 1999, Judge Margaret Szczur made the temporary restraining order permanent. (DOC 13).

 Now we shall examine how Ms. Wheeler presents these facts in her book Forbidden Family.

 Pages 314 – 315

Joan is discussing a conversation she is having with Det. M. H. The subject of her threatening to report our sister Kathy to the British Immigration Department comes up, as well as a couple of my pets.

 Det. H. did not know that there was any threat to call The Home Office – Back in 1989, Joan got into a snit with Kathy and said to me, “I ought to call immigration on her.” (as a revenge tactic). I told her not to do that. And I hadn’t told Kathy what Joan threatened to do, because Joan promised me she wouldn’t make the call. I eventually did tell Kathy, but it was AFTER this alleged conversation takes place. Joan alleges that the detective asks Joan who Brandy Sippel is, because supposedly, my phone bill is listed under that name. Which is false. Joan tells the detective that Brandy is one of my cats. False, Brandy was my dog. She mentions another one of my cats on page 315, Francoise (this conversation with the detective is supposedly taking place in February 1993). My cat Francoise had been put to sleep in 1992.

 Page 316 time frame – February/March 1993

“the detective issued a warrant for Brenda’s arrest to appear in a Buffalo Court. A Restraining Order was then issued to keep her away from me for a year.”

 Lie. Joan signed the complaint about annoyance calls from me on July 9, 1993, not in February or March 1993. The calls weren’t made until June 1993. see documents 01, Also an arrest warrant was NOT issued. What was issued was a summons to me by the court, not the detective, to appear in court. When a person is summoned into court, and they do NOT appear, THEN an arrest warrant is issued, and this warrant is issued by the COURT, not any police officer. As I did appear in court, no arrest warrant was ever issued, and I was never placed under arrest. Also the Order of Protection was for a period of six months, NOT one year. (DOCS 02a, 02b, 02c).  And this was issued ACD – Adjournment on Consideration of Dismissal, which means that if I stayed away from Joan for the six months, all charges would be dismissed. I did abide by the court’s orders – I stayed away from her and the charges were dismissed. We appeared in court on August 9, 1993, and the Order of Protection was for the dates August 9, 1993 – February 9, 1994.

 Pages 323-324

Joan is describing an event that took place on Saturday, July 31, 1993 (but she reports in the book it was for August 1, 1993. She and ex-husband were moving and had enlisted the help of my husband. Joan reports that I followed him to her house in my car, began screaming at him in the street, went up to Joan and accused her of having an affair with my husband. Joan says that four witnesses heard me screaming in the street. On page 323 she says: “The Restraining Order against Brenda wasn’t good enough to keep her away. On August 1, 1993…”

 Lies, character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace.

As we had not appeared in court yet, nor the restraining order set in place yet, I was in no violation of a restraining order on July 31, or August 1, 1993. I did not follow my husband in my car, we did not have a car at the time. I took the bus there. I had told my husband in the past I did not want him going to Joan’s house because of the trouble she was causing me. He continued to go there to visit with the children. I also repeated this request on July 31, 1993, and Joan overheard me, as she was standing nearby. I was not screaming at him in the street. I did not at any time accuse them of having an affair. I would also like to know who the four witnesses to my screaming are. I did not see four people outside the house. I did see ONE woman standing in Joan’s doorway, while Joan was standing outside the doorway, while my husband and I were on the sidewalk in front of the house. After I talked to my husband, who agreed to return home, I went across the street where Joan’s husband Colby Bell was putting things in his car. As I went to talk to him, it was JOAN who started the screaming, at her husband Colby — that he was not to talk to me. Joan then yelled at MY husband, who was walking down the street away from Joan’s house, that he should not be listening to me and he better leave me. It was at THIS point that I did yell back at Joan to shut up, and just because she can rule over HER husband, she wasn’t going to rule over mine, nor me. It was at this point, two of her friends came out of the house and they were looking at disgust at Joan.  I then left and walked down the street to join my husband.

 Page 325

“Brenda didn’t abide by the Order. She continued telephoning me at Brian’s house. Four months of harassment followed. … I had just come home from filing yet another harassment charge against Brenda in a different town jurisdiction.”

 Lies, character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace, contradictory statement by Joan.

I did abide by the Order. I did not telephone Brian’s house, as I did not know where he lived, nor the phone number. I did not harass Joan for four months. No additional harassment charges were filed against me in 1993. The contradiction and proof of this lie: if I were in violation of the restraining order, and she did indeed file additional harassment charges against me, I would have been placed under arrest. This did NOT happen.

 Page 328

“The harassment charges against Brenda were dropped.”

 Lie. There were no additional harassment charges against me.

 Pages 328-329

Joan describes an event in early December 1993 of a child abuse call that was placed against her and the call also implicated my husband. “It was obvious that Brenda made this ‘anonymous’ report.”

 Lie, character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace. The child abuse call was made on December 22, 1994. The caller identified themselves as Ruth Sippel and named my husband. It is NOT obvious that I made this call. What IS obvious is that if I were going to make a prank child abuse call, I would NOT use my real name, nor name my husband and risk him getting into trouble. See DOC 03, Joan’s letter to the New York State Department of Social Services, Child Abuse and Maltreatment Register, in Albany, New York, dated December 31, 1994, which lists the correct date of the child abuse call, which was December 22, 1994. In this letter, Joan states: “We know this report was made by Ruth.” How could she “know?” The matter had just begun it’s investigation. Also Joan states, regarding the court case in 1993 over the telephone calls and she was granted the six months restraining order: “Ruth was found guilty and placed on six months probation.” Here we see ABSOLUTE PROOF of Joan’s history of lying to people about me. And to official people in law enforcement and child protective services!

 Page 329 time frame – December 1993 to about March 1994

“What followed the allegations of child abuse and neglect were three months of court dates waiting for the first charges to be cleared.”

 Lies. There were NO court dates between Joan and I during these months. See DOC 10, of my petition to Family Court, June 4, 1999, that lists the 2 prior court case between Joan and I were in 1993 and 1995, NOT 1994.

 Page 329-330 time frame – early 1994

“Our only recourse was to seek and Order of Protection. Three months of court dates followed. I brought my children to court as they were part of the case and needed to see for themselves just what was going on.”

 Lie, there were no court dates between Joan and myself in 1994.

Admission to possible child abuse – Joan does not say that her children were required to be in court, she says she BROUGHT them to a court case between adults. In 1994, her children were aged 10 and 7. Why would anyone drag young children to court to witness this?

 Pages 329 –330 time frame in the book – early 1994

“Three months of court dates followed.”

 Lies, mixing up years of court dates. The court case Joan is referring here happened in 1995, the case that I brought against her, appearing before Judge Margaret Anderson three times, because it was adjourned twice due to a lack of time in the courtroom for the first two dates. On the first date of April 3, 1995, Judge Anderson instructed the court that no children were to be brought to the court. At the next court appearance of April 19, 1995, (afternoon session), (DOC 06), Ms. Wheeler did bring her two children, but they stayed out in the hallway with her friend Carol, even though it was a school day. At one point in the court, while we were waiting for our case to be called, I left to use the ladies room. I saw Carol and the children, but said nothing.

 Page 330

“The court broke for lunch. The room full of people went to the lobby. My ten-year old son and seven year old daughter went up to the drinking fountain. I was at their side. Aunt Brenda came up to them and yelled, “You see what your mother is doing to me? You see? She drags you in court to see your poor Aunt go through this.”

 Lie. This never happened. NEVER. We were NEVER in court in 1994. At no time did I EVER disrespect her children. Telling sign this is a lie (despite the actual court documents): Joan does not say she approached a court bailiff, the prosecutor, judge or any one of many sheriff’s deputies that are always standing on guard to prevent these kinds of altercations. 

 Page 330

“Mom and I were granted an Order of Protection against Brenda in the summer of 1994. It was good for one year.”

 Lie. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace. Again, refer to DOC 10, my petition to Family Court, June 4, 1999, that lists the 2 prior court case between Joan and I were in 1993 and 1995, NOT 1994.

    Also, how could Joan and her mother and her children attend three months of court case in early 1994, Joan and her mother obtain an Order of Protection against me in the summer of 1994, over a child abuse call that HAD NOT BEEN PLACED YET? The call was not made until December 22, 1994, and we have Joan’s letter to Albany (DOC 03) to prove this.

   Also, nowhere in the book does Joan refer to the harassment charges I placed against her in 1995.

 Page 332

“Toward the end of May 1994 … my mother were … in the middle of ugly court dates against Brenda.”

 Lie, as stated above, there were no court dates for any court case between Joan and me in 1994.

 Pages 332- 333 – time frame 1994

Joan is describing the mix-up of her hospital bill. On page 333, she writes: “ A letter arrived a month later stating the error was attributed to a computer glitch and that my sister wasn’t involved. I wasn’t convinced. I called the head of the billing department and told him everything that was going on and that I wanted no further contact from Brenda.”

 Admission of Joan’s invading Ruth’s privacy. Proof of Joan having delusions. Proof of Joan not accepting what is true. She made a complaint of computer hacking against me. My employer investigated her complaint. Found that I did not do it. COULD not do it, as I work 11pm to 7am and the computers on the nursing stations ARE NOT EVEN CONNECTED TO THE BILLING DEPARTMENT COMPUTERS. My employer told Joan I was innocent, but Joan refuses to believe it. She is so full of hate against me, that no matter what nice thing any one says about me – she will fly into a rage over it and will not accept it.

 Page 333 – time frame in the book 1994

“A few days later, a padded manila envelope appeared on my front lawn. I picked it up. It was covered with a slimy greasy substance that I guessed to be cooking oil. … I was stupid enough to open it up. A note inside stated that ‘You, Joan, have been cut out of my life forever.’ Out tumbled photographs. … cut from ordinary 35 mm photos … they were photos of me, photos of my children. Since there was only one of my sisters living in Buffalo, I knew who had done this—-Brenda.”

 Lies, mixing up calendar years of events. As I had already indicated in my narration of The Feud between Joan and myself in the beginning of this complaint, this envelope was the one that I had received from JOAN in the year of 1999. This is the one that I refused to accept, marked “return to sender,” but Joan had manipulated the return address zip code so that the envelope would not returned to her house, but come to my house. This was the envelope that I decided to return to her in person. A neighbor drove me to Joan’s house. His car was leaking transmission oil and he kept a can of oil on hand. He suggested I put the oil on the envelope to prevent Joan from putting it in the postal service again. Which we did and I threw the envelope up on her lawn.  (Ruth’s note, November 30, 2011 – When I submitted this complaint, I made an error – I myself had mixed up a couple of events. My neighbor D. did have a car that leaked transmission fluid. At the time that John and I did not have a car. And he would take me grocery shopping – we would frequently have to stop to add transmission fluid, as I would have to a few years later, when I got a clunker car. I only realized my mistake a few months ago (July 2011) when I found a manilla folder that contained the actual letter that I wrote and then I realized my mistake. I’m human, just like everybody else. And when I make a mistake, I own up to it. Joan whines that her book is “to the best of her recollection.” But there is NO way that can be true – I can allow SOME forgetfulness – but to be saying we were in court when we weren’t – to say the court ruled this or that way, when it didn’t, to say that I was arrested, when I was not, to say that she herself was arrested, when she never was – is NOT forgetfulness – it is out and out LIES).

   Also, I never sent “cut up” photos of her to her EVER. I did cut her pictures out of photos in my personal photo album, but I had thrown them in the garbage. She only knows of the “cut up” photos, because she had looked at my photo albums in the year 2003 and saw that she had been cut out of my personal photos. We see Joan in all her vindictive glory here, she herself sent me the manila envelope, to make sure she would get it back unopened, I had to resort to putting oil on it so she could not use the post office again in her harassment of me. Then she reports the wrong year of the event, then she takes an event that happened in another year, and pads up her hate campaign against me to say that I was the responsible for the envelope in the first place. AND sent her photographs in an envelope that came from her originally, and I returned to her UNOPENED!

 Page 361

Ms. Wheeler describes herself calling my cousin on the phone and screaming at her.

 Admission of Ms. Wheeler harassing Gail.

 Page 363

Ms. Wheeler describes that Gail called the police. And that the Town of Eden, New York police called her on the phone. And then she was summoned into court for harassment.

 This is true. Because Gail knew of the harassment that I was receiving from Ms. Wheeler and as she was going through a divorce, as well as battling cancer, she was not going to accept being harassed.

 Page 363

Ms. Wheeler describes her talking to her friend Carol who suggested to Joan to write me a letter using her return address. The letter I received was a hate letter informing me that my husband got the next door neighbor pregnant.

Ms. Wheeler describes me as harassing Carol. (DOC 09)

 Lies, twisting of facts, not reporting the facts as they happened.

Yes, I got a letter from Joan from that address. However, Carol did NOT give Joan permission to use her address. And this is a contradiction of Joan’s behavior. She does not want letters from me, but goes ahead and writes letters to me. When I received the letter from Carol’s house, I went to her house. She wasn’t home and the name on the mailbox was not Joan. I left a note listing my name and address and asked why a harassing letter from Joan came from her house to me. I returned to her house a few days later and Carol said that her and Joan had been friends, had a falling out, and no, she did not give permission for Joan to use her address. Carol said that by doing this, Joan was showing her anger at both me and her. Carol began harassment charges on Joan the next day. While I was at Carol’s house, she informed that Joan had made a death threat against me and the next day, I also began harassment charges against Joan. This was also the same month that the Town of Eden Police (and NOT Gail) filed harassment charges against Joan.

    See DOCS 08 and 09 to see the hate mail that I was receiving from Joan. 09 was the one that came with Carol’s return address and we see again Joan’s history of lying about the outcome of the court cases. She once again states that I was placed on six months probation, which I was not.

 Page 364

Ms. Wheeler says that she was arrested three times in one month due to these three harassment charges.

 Lies. She was not arrested. She was “summoned” to appear in court. An arrest warrant would have been issued if she did not appear in court. Since she did appear for all three of these harassment charges, she was not arrested. Please see accompanying documentation that she was “summoned” into Family Court due to my harassment charge against her. (document number 08).

 Page 364 time frame 1999

Ms. Wheeler describes the judge (a male) as not letting me talk and that he kept cutting me off, and that me and my best friend sat directly in front of her and her mother. She also says that I was waving around a document from the Buffalo Police Academy. She does say that in the court case between me and her, I was given a one-year Order of Protection against her.

 Lies. Combining two different court cases. Contradictory behavior of the judge as reported by Joan.

 The court case that the judge dismissed my harassment charges against Joan was in 1995. It was Judge Margaret Anderson who dismissed the charges saying “sisters should get along.” Judge Anderson did let me speak, and yes, I was not pleased with her decision, but I accepted it. I did not have the document from the Buffalo Police Academy until 1998, where I attended a course there. (DOC 07). A pre-requisite would be a thorough background check on me conducted by the Buffalo Police Department showing that I have a clean record. Which I had, despite Joan saying on page 316 that I was placed under arrest. Part of my harassment charge against Ms. Wheeler was her slandering me by saying that I had an arrest record.

    The court case in 1999 was in Family Court, under Judge Margaret Szczur, who also let me speak, and granted me an Order of Protection against Ms. Wheeler for the duration of one year. I did show the certificate of my graduation from the Academy as proof that I did indeed have a clean record. I did not wave it around, I handed it to the judge. The course was in conjunction with my work with the Newburgh Coalition of Block Clubs, under the supervision of then Police Commissioner Rocco Diina, and my city councilman __ . Incidentally, it was Councilman ____ who suggested to me that I institute harassment charges against Joan through Family Court.

    If the judge would not let me speak and present my case, why then would she grant me the Order of Protection against Joan.

 Page 365

Ms. Wheeler describes myself and my best friend as loudly proclaiming in the court that we were superior to her because we took the police course.

 Lies. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace. Mixing up 2 different court cases. My friend did not take the course with me. My friend was not in the court in this case either. The date she accompanied me was in April 1995. As I did not attend the Academy until 1998, this could not have happened. At no time during the three court cases that I was involved in with Ms. Wheeler did I show any disrespect to any judge or court official, nor did I act out in court.

 Page 365

Ms. Wheeler describes me as throwing computer discs at her in the courtroom. She says her manuscript was on the hard drive of the computer and “it was clear that Brenda downloaded the files.”

 Lies. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace. When I was at her friend Carol’s house, Carol had told me that she had received as a gift, an old computer from Joan.. She had called Joan a week prior to come and take it back. Joan refused. Carol put it out on her back porch. She informed Joan that it was going in the garbage. When I came to her house, Carol gave it to me, as it was now her property and she could do what she wanted with it. She also gave me a box that contained computer discs. I brought them with me to the court and when Joan’s lawyer approached me to ask me a question, I gave the discs to him to give to Joan, as they were labeled as chapters of her book. I had not looked at the discs. Her manuscript was not on the hard drive of the computer, but on separate computer discs. And how can anyone determine if someone downloaded files by simply looking at a disc?

   As to me throwing things in a court room, if I had thrown computer discs at her in the court room, I would have been arrested for contempt of court. This did not happen, because I never disrespected the court, nor Joan.

 Part 2 of complaint of Ruth Sippel Pace

Re: book, Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler, published by Trafford

 Page 8

“We got drunk one night…Brenda picked up the phone…we were drinking and got silly. Brenda panicked…didn’t know what to do. “ “I remember that phone call, I didn’t know anyone by the name of Brenda. I heard giggles and the phone went dead.”

 I, Ruth called Joan at 1:30pm from Gert’s workplace, a dentist’s office, during a non-patient day, we knew Joan’s name, but not her address. I began calling Wheelers in the phone book. When Joan answered, I did not give my name at all. I did ask for Joan, did ask where she was at bowling the previous night. Joan asked what number did I want, I repeated her number but changed the last digit, Joan told me I had the wrong number, I apologized, said goodbye and ended the call. I was NOT drunk, nor panicky.

 Page 100 – time frame – 1974

“Two days before I left for college, Brenda took me to meet Aunt Doris…she lived 75 miles from Buffalo.”

 I, Ruth, did not know how to drive in 1974, did not learn to drive until 1976.

 Page 174 time frame 1978

“I had Momma’s wedding dress for only four weeks. … my anger at my sisters and father got the better of me. I drove to Brenda’s house. I threw it (the dress) at her.”

 I loaned Ms. Wheeler the dress for the purpose of her having it cleaned and some minor sewing repairs done in the year 1978. She did not return it to me until late 1983, after many pleadings from me to return it. I finally had to ask my father to intervene. Ms. Wheeler brought the dress to my father’s house where I picked it up. The cleaning and repairs were never done.

 Page 186 time frame 1980,

Ms. Wheeler wanted to go public with her adoption story.

“Brenda called and said she was uncomfortable.”

 Lie. In 1980 or 1981, I accompanied Ms. Wheeler to WGRZ television studios to be interviewed by reporter Rich Kellman on our separation and reunion.

 Page 257

“I didn’t want to live in a trailer park to become trailer trash.”

 Bigotry, hate language, value judgment on people who live in trailer parks. 

 Page 263.

 Ms. Wheeler is quoting my father about my father’s second wife, being taken in an ambulance to the psych center. Supposedly he told Ms. Wheeler the arrangements were made for the ambulance to come around noon on a school day, and we kids were coming home for lunch.

“The ambulance attendants took her away in front of the kids.”

 The arrangements that were made were that we kids were picked up at school by social workers and taken to the foster home, so that WE WOULD NOT SEE OUR STEPMOTHER TAKEN AWAY SCREAMING IN AN AMBULANCE. We kids NEVER witnessed this. My father would NOT have made arrangements for this to occur as we were coming home from lunch, as he protected us.

 Page 270 time frame 1988

Ms. Wheeler describes in 3 paragraphs a funeral of my maternal aunt. She says that her adoptive mother attended the funeral. Ms. Wheeler describes my maternal uncle snubbing my father at the funeral and a conversation in the car with my father reminiscing about my mother, “I lost my wife and that man still blames me. How could I stop her from dying?” Then Ms. Wheeler quotes her adoptive mother as giving sage advice to my father about life and dying.

 I was at the funeral. Ms. Wheeler’s adoptive mother did NOT attend the funeral. My uncle may have snubbed my father, they did not get along. I was in the car. My father did NOT say this about my mother. My father very rarely talks about my mother. Ms. Wheeler’s adoptive mother did not give advice to my father in the car, as she was not there.

 Pages 276, 277, 278

Ms. Wheeler describes a fictitious account of her friend Dr. Rene Hoksbergen coming to my house and talking to me about adoption. In these pages, Ms. Wheeler describes me and my husband as exchanging dirty looks, portrays  me as a wild-woman, jumping up and down, waving my arms in the air, screaming at Dr. Hoksbergen and Ms. Wheeler. She also describes Dr. Hoksbergen lecturing me as though I were a child.

 Dr. Hoksbergen NEVER came to my house, and this incident NEVER took place.

 Page 277

“Oh Brenda,” I said, casting a disgusted look at her. “You’re just pissed off because you were trying to get pregnant and couldn’t. Just because you were using a fertility clinic to get pregnant with your partner, something I didn’t know when I wrote my article against sperm donors, doesn’t mean what I wrote is directed at you.”

 Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace. Invasion of privacy of Ruth Sippel Pace. (what does my not getting pregnant have to do with Joan’s life?) Hate language, insensitivity to infertile women, as well as a blatant lie. This speech never happened. But, I was not pissed off because I couldn’t get pregnant. Hurt, yes. Also I never went to a fertility clinic. I never objected to any article that Ms. Wheeler wrote about sperm donors.

 Pages 296, 297, 298  time frame 1992

Ms. Wheeler describes a scene at a Fourth of July outing in a local park with my father, my brother, my sister Gert McQueen and myself, where Gert and I are supposedly mocking her.

“Heh, she’s useless.” My sisters said sarcastically.

“Yes,” my father continued. “and I want you to know that we want you, Joan, to stop living in the past. You don’t need to be writing about adoption in the newspaper. You should find something worthwhile to do with your life. Taking care of children and writing aren’t getting the bills paid. Look at the others. They’ve done things with their lives. Where are you?”

Ms. Wheeler continues with a description of insults from Gert and “more giggling.”

 This is all totally untrue. Ms. Wheeler continues to the middle of page 298 with the description of this totally fictitious scenario. Ms. Wheeler describes a get-together at my father’s house that she was not invited to. There was no get-together, as my stepmother was at her daughter’s house celebrating her grand-daughters third birthday. Ms. Wheeler knew about this party as she was complaining about it to me on the phone the day before.

 Pages 299, 300

Ms. Wheeler describes a conversation that she had with her mother about the fictitious scene on pages 296-298.

 Character assassination of Leonard Sippel, (my father) Gert McQueen and Ruth Sippel Pace

I did not witness such a conversation, but it could not have happened has the “ridiculing” of Joan never occurred. Ms. Wheeler describes her mother as saying that we sisters started the family gathering in the park. In reality, my dance troupe was booked as performers for the Friendship Festival months in advance by our leader, M. W. with the Buffalo and Erie County Arts Council and The Buffalo Parks Department. As a coincidence, my brother came to town to visit. It was our father who suggested we meet at the park for a small reunion. My neice’s third birthday party was also scheduled with no thought of insulting Joan, her mother, or her husband.

 Page 308

“…my sisters wrote harassing letters in the months after our family reunion of 1992.”

Ms. Wheeler, in italics, presents a narrative that is attributed to have been written by Gert McQueen, Kathy Inglis and Ruth Sippel Pace.

 Lies; character assassination of Gert McQueen, Kathy Inglis and Ruth Sippel Pace.

We never wrote harassing letters to Ms. Wheeler.

The letter that Ms. Wheeler attributes to us was never written by any of us three sisters. We believe that Ms. Wheeler wrote this narrative to make it seem that we three sisters “ganged up” on her.

 Page 309

“Why did they attack my work in the Adoption Reform Movement?”

 Lie. We never attacked her work in any adoption reform movement.

 Page 310

Ms. Wheeler continues, in italics, her false narrative of a letter supposedly written by us three sisters. — “My sisters included copies of the long, handwritten letters they wrote to the nine adoption reform movement organizations in the United States at the time. My sisters slandered me in an attempt to ruin my credibility as an advocate for adoption reform.”

   Out of desperation, I called one adoption leader, Joe Soll, Director of the Council of Equal Rights in Adoption in New York City. Yes, he received my sister’s hateful letters.”

 Lies, character assassination of Gert McQueen, Kathy Inglis, Ruth Sippel Pace and Joe Soll.

In an email exchange in May 2010 between Gert McQueen and Joe Soll, Mr. Soll denies ever receiving: 1. a letter from any or all of us sisters; 2. a telephone call from Ms. Wheeler regarding this letter. In his email, Mr. Soll says that what is written about him in the book is “patently false.”

 Page 311

“Harassment from my three older sisters continued… Hate mail arrived at my house…” Ms. Wheeler quotes her ex-husband as saying to her “You’re crazy just like your sisters.”

 Lies, character assassination of Gert McQueen, Kathy Inglis and Ruth Sippel Pace

We sisters did not send harassing hate mail to her.

 Page 312

“My sisters telephone my house morning, noon and night and in the middle of the night when most people are asleep. My young children often answered the phone and I heard my sisters – their aunts – yelling obscenities at them.”

 Lies. We did not call her house. We did not yell obscenities at her children.

 Page 312, 313

Ms. Wheeler lists obscene language and attributes this language to us.

“You f.. B….”  “You w….”  “You a….. . You f…. c….” “P… on you, you m…-f…”

 Lies. Obscene and pornographic language.

 Page 359

Ms. Wheeler in italics relates a fairly decent letter that she attributes to have written to our brother. I have never seen the original, so I have no way of knowing if what she writes here is true. But in this letter, she tells our brother “…my mother and my children and I are still hounded by harassing mail and phone calls from Brenda and company.”

Returning to the book, Ms. Wheeler then writes “I sent a similar letter to my sisters. I added that whatever they had against me needed to be talked out, resolved, so we could be a family again.”

 Lies, character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace. Slander of Ruth Sippel Pace to her brother.

The letter that I received from Ms. Wheeler was not nice. It was to accuse me of harassing her that her son saw me drive past their house. Which was impossible, because I did not have a car at that time. A few days later I got another letter from Joan. It was to inform me, falsely, that my husband had gotten the next-door neighbor pregnant. – The house was vacant. See DOCS 08 and 09. Read those letters and see if you can find the sentence “whatever they had against me needed to be talked out, resolved, so we could be a family again.”

 Page 359, 360

“My sisters retaliated with yet more hate mail and vicious phone calls. Brenda and her best friend, a tough streetwise woman from the West Side, got in on the act and telephoned my mother, yelling obscenities…Mom held the phone to her ear and mind. I’d hear Brenda’s voice and her best friend’s voice, shouting at us. … “A year of hate mail followed. The envelopes had disguised handwriting and no return address so the police couldn’t trace the mail.”

 Lies. Character assassination of Ruth’s friend.

No phone calls were made by me or my friend to Joan or her mother. No hate mail was sent to Joan.

 Page 360

Ms. Wheeler describes a scene in a grocery store where my friend accosted her and swore at her.

 Lies, obscene language. My girlfriend lived on the East Side of Buffalo, Ms. Wheeler lives in a northern suburb of Buffalo, where she does her grocery shopping. My friend did not have a car, and wouldn’t drive 5 or 6 miles to a grocery store, when there was one less than a mile from her house. Telling sign this is a lie: Ms. Wheeler does not say that she went to a security guard at the store, or even called the police.

 Page 360

Ms. Wheeler involves my cousin Gail, who at the time was battling cancer and going through a divorce. Ms. Wheeler describes taking her car to be repaired and the repair person was one of my cousins, who I had not seen for more than 20 years. Ms. Wheeler says “exactly 10 days later, an anonymous envelope … arrived in the mail….I knew it was Brenda. (the envelope supposedly contained an defaced article about adoption reform).

 Lies. I did not send her any envelope with any article on adoption reform.

 Page 360, 361

Joan describes her sending me a letter begging me to stop bothering her and then I called her on the phone..

 Lies. I did not receive any letter from Joan at this time, nor did I call her.

 Page 365, 366 time frame 1999

Ms. Wheeler describes a falling out she had with my step aunt and uncle and attributes that falling out to me gossiping about her.

 Lies, I had not seen, nor spoken to my step aunt and uncle since about the early 1980’s.

 Page 366

Ms. Wheeler describes herself and her mother being “barraged by harassing phone calls. I recognized the voices as being Brenda and her best friend…”

 Lies, my friend and I did not call her house.

 Page 370

Ms. Wheeler shows a photocopy of a letter she received in the mail that contains pornographic language. She accuses me of sending this to her. It is not my handwriting.  She also blames my friend. Further she states “their language reflected the lifestyles they had chosen.”

 Lies, slander. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace and her freind Hate language directed towards Ruth Sippel Pace and her friend. My lifestyle includes a 38 year career as a Patient Care Associate/Nurse Aide at Buffalo General Hospital; organizer and leader of a block club on my street; member of the Newburgh Coalition of Block Clubs, which entailed meetings with local elected officials and police officers; being a VIABLE volunteer with the Buffalo Police Department; I am a former professional Middle Eastern Dancer, former board member of the Beledi Club, an organization for Middle Eastern dancers, and Buffalo and Erie Arts Council. In my job I served on various committees designed to improve delivering quality patient care; I have worked in the following departments in my long career at the hospital: Medical Intensive Care Unit, Respiratory Care Unit, Hospice Unit, Kidney Transplant Unit, as well as various medical/surgical units. Due to my work as a neighborhood activist, I organized a rodent containment petition from the 4 streets surrounding my home, (of which I own, one mortgage having been completely paid off, a second mortgage obtained to replace roof), delivering the petition to the mayor of Buffalo, NY. In 1997 when the Newburgh Coalition of Block Clubs obtained an empty storefront to use as their offices, my husband and I volunteered many hours to provide manual labor, such as installing drywall, painting walls and furniture. As members of the Coalition, I contributed to the monthly newsletter, and helped with the production and distribution of the newsletters, and attended monthly meetings of the Coalition, and did volunteer work at the Coalition Carnival.

 I have attended meetings of the Buffalo Common Council, The Niagara Frontier Transit Authority (to help improve public transportation in Buffalo and the surrounding area), organized neighborhood clean-up drives, block parties on National Night Out. Because of much of my civic volunteering, I have been urged by many people to enter local politics. I include in my personal friends, the director of a well known local art center, several local elected officials, two well-known noted cardiologists, one internal medicine physician, one urologist and two other doctors who I have known since their days as interns in the hospital. I maintain friendships with many registered nurses and other nurses aides. I also trained as a union steward in my local labor union representing nurses aides: SEIU 1199, but eventually turned down the appointment of union steward. This does not deter many nurses aides, as well as registered nurses to approach me on advice on our union contract.

  For the past 10 years, I also have supervised the production of a bi-monthly newsletter of a local Star Trek fan club, of which two years ago, I became the head of. For this group, I have helped organize local Star Trek conventions and manned tables at conventions, greeting fans and Star Trek celebrities alike. I have formed several personal friendships with some Star Trek celebrities. I will not “name-drop” here, and I only mention my friendships with these celebrities, local politicians and health care professionals to point out that I am far from the foul-mouthed ghetto trash that Ms. Wheeler portrays me as in her book.

 My friend has trained as para-legal and also has had many accomplishments in her life.  We are highly insulted to have been labeled as foul-mouthed, ghetto trash.

 Page 375

Ms. Wheeler describes a scene that happened during my cousin Gail’s wake. She alleges that “Dad asked me to make peace Brenda. I approached Brenda with an outstretched hand to shake her hand. ‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ I said. Brenda ran away from me, waving her arms in the air. Through her tears she managed to flash an intense angry glare at me.”

 Lie. Ms. Wheeler did approach me at the wake, calling my name. I ignored her, trying to keep the peace. She called me again. I turned and said “What?” Ms. Wheeler said, “I’m sorry, I know how much Gail meant to you.” I put my hand up to stop her. She was 10 feet away from me. I told her to just leave me alone. I burst into tears and did run out of the funeral home, and my husband and my father both followed me outside. My husband held me and my father said “Joan should not have said anything to you. I will talk to her.” I told my father, “Tell her to leave me alone. Just tell her to leave me alone.”

 Page 381

Ms. Wheeler describes looking at my personal photo albums that I brought to Arizona to attend my brother’s funeral. She recognizes where I had cut her pictures out of my personal photo album.

 This is the basis of her accusation that I had sent her those pictures. I had not – I had thrown the pictures in the garbage.

 Page 382

Ms. Wheeler describes another guest at my brother’s house as objecting to my having my sibling’s birth certificates in my personal photo album.  Ms. Wheeler has woman saying she is a government worker and is telling me that I have these birth certificates illegally.

 Lies. There was no guest at my brother’s house who was a government worker. I obtained my siblings birth certificate legally at Buffalo City Hall by showing proper identification and paying a fee of $35.00 for each birth certificate. As I noted in my introduction, throughout the book, Ms. Wheeler puts words into other people’s mouth, those words usually are her own thoughts and she does this to lend credence to her fantasy that people agree with her on the topic she is writing about. This is one example. Ms. Wheeler cannot obtain HER original birth certificate because she doesn’t have proper identification as a SIPPEL. Therefore she is angry because I do have the proper credentials to obtain SIPPEL birth certificates. To lend credence to her argument that I have the documents illegally, she picks another guest at the house and like a ventriloquist, she writes what she thinks the guest will look good saying in the book.

    The information I was gathering is for the purpose of having a complete family tree. The birth certificates are kept together with my mother’s death certificate. This information is that which used to be included in pages of a family’s bible. This sort of information gathering on families has been done for centuries. Incidentally, NO ONE in the family has objected to my having my siblings birth certificates. My father looked at my photo album while in Arizona, as well as my sister-in-law and my brother’s son. They all saw the birth certificate of my brother, and no one had any objection.

 Page 382

Ms. Wheeler continues her rant about my having my siblings birth certificates and notes that I did not have my younger half-brother’s birth certificate in my photo album. She states “I made a mental note of the deeper meaning in Brenda’s chopped up photo album. This was her attempt to make sense out of her…severed family life.”

 Lie, personal misguided interpretation of someone else’s thoughts. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace.

How does Ms. Wheeler know what is in my thoughts? I object to having someone publishing their interpretations of my thought processes published in a book. The reason my younger brother’s birth certificate was not in my photo album was because I had not obtained it at that time, due to time and financial restraints. I did obtain it a few years later and it is in my photo album right now. As to the “chopping up” of my photo album, I had just begun in the year 2002 to obtain the documents and actually organizing my photos. They were in boxes, and now were in albums. And my photo albums are even more chopped up now – I have scanned into my computer a full album’s worth of photos, documents and greeting cards into my computer. And those that I have not given away, or put away to be given to other family members, have been shredded and destroyed. I have done all the work up to the year 1970. If Ms. Wheeler saw my photo albums today with no physical evidence of anything prior to 1970, she would put forth the misguided diagnosis that I have tried to destroy my life prior to 1970. Ms. Wheeler did not ask me WHY my photo album was “chopped up” to include the true reason as to why some things were missing from the album, in her book and she certainly did not obtain my permission to put her interpretations of my life and thoughts into her book. I fail to see what MY goal of scanning into my computer a complete family tree and history of our family has to do with HER adoption and adoption reform work.

 Page 383

Ms. Wheeler describes me as looking at a picture of her son and giving a disgusted grunt and turning away from his picture.

 Lie. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace.

 I looked at the picture, nodded, and said, “Mmm.” I was trying to keep the peace by remaining silent. And this is also indicative of Ms. Wheeler’s contradictory attitude towards my thoughts and words and behaviors. If I do or say something regarding her or her children, husband or adoptive mother, or anyone else for that matter, she jumps on me. If I don’t say anything, thinking that by remaining silent I will keep the peace, Ms. Wheeler interprets my silence as haughtiness or a refusal to acknowledge her presence. If I acknowledge her presence, she psycho-analyzes my words and deeds and always finds me in the wrong. In Ms. Wheeler’s eyes, I am damned if I do anything and damned if I don’t do anything. Read the book you published – you will see almost every other page is an attack on Brenda. “Brenda did this, Brenda did that. Brenda DIDN’T do this, Brenda DIDN’T do that.” I can’t win no matter what I do or don’t do. Her hatred of me jumps right off the pages of this book.

 Page 383

Ms. Wheeler describes my husband (Larry in the book) as telling her that I found her “children’s photos in his wallet and yelled at him that she didn’t want him to have anything to do with me and that included cutting off ties with my children.’

 Lie. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace.

 Ms. Wheeler has no way of knowing of any personal conversation I had my husband.  But I did tell him that I did not want him going to Joan’s house because of the trouble she was causing me. He continued to go there to visit with the children. I also repeated my request on July 31, 1993, when he went to her house to help the family move. She over heard me say this to him, and twists the truth around to make me look as though I were a spying shrew, hen-pecking my husband. 

    I don’t look in my husband’s wallet. I did know of the pictures of Ms. Wheeler’s children in his wallet, because my husband showed them to me. And they are still there. I have scanned into my computer those photos only about six months ago, and my husband returned the pictures to his wallet in front of me. As to the subject of “chopping up” photos, Ms. Wheeler needs to answer for her own crime, to which she admits to in the book on page 358:

“once a month or so, I scrambled through the house, bagging up my children’s personal belongings, toys, books, gifts, even Russian nesting dolls I’d given my daughter – and threw them away….During these rages I screamed at my children as if I hated them.”

And she told a cousin of ours two years ago that she her own children’s photos, toys, school work, art work, IN FRONT OF HER OWN CHILDREN.  (of course she didn’t put that in the book).  If her narration in the book of me yelling at my husband for him having photos of her husband or cutting her out of my personal photo album is supposed to be a crime, she is way more guilty than I ever could be. Again, we see where Brenda (supposedly) does (almost) the same thing that Ms. Wheeler does, and should burn in hell for it, whereas Ms. Wheeler is an angel.

 Page 385

Ms. Wheeler describes me as hugging her at the side of our brother’s casket. “We hugged as we sobbed. But her arm dropped as suddenly as she reached out. That would be the last hint of love between us.”

 Half Lies. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace

 I did reach out to her. She was standing to my right. I did reach out with my right arm and put it over her shoulder and drew her to me. I do not recall how long I held her. I was grieving my brother and naturally reached out to my sister. Again we see Ms. Wheeler’s psycho-analyzing my every move. If I hung on to her too long, I suppose she would say that I was accepting her back into my life, which I don’t want. I only wanted to comfort her over the death of our brother. In simply reaching out to her in my grief, I showed that I didn’t hate her. And this was only 3 weeks after my meltdown at my cousin Gail’s funeral.

 Page 388

Ms. Wheeler describes an email exchange between regarding actions on a family photo web site I was building.

“Then I made the mistake of bringing up the past in a private email to Brenda. She flew into a rage, wrote me back saying the website was no place to discuss family dirty laundry, even though I didn’t post my email on the website. … I responded by terminating the email account I opened just for communicating with Brenda.”

 Lies. Twisting of the facts.

In 2003, I did build a website. At our brother’s house in Arizona, Ms. Wheeler and I exchanged emails. I needed her email to send an invitation to her to the website. In order to be a member of the website, members DID have to provide the website with their email. Everything was going fine from October 2003 to December 2003. Ms. Wheeler posted a photograph that had my two oldest sisters as children with Santa Claus. Ms. Wheeler had the wrong year on it. I corrected the year. Also moved the photo to the proper forum. As I knew the correct year and as the owner of the site, I had the right to do this. In January 2004, it was Ms. Wheeler who flew into a rage because I had “tampered” with her photo, and accused me of plotting against her. At this time, I did not own a computer of my own. I was doing all online work on public computers. When Ms. Wheeler sent the angry email to me, I was sick for a week and not able to get to a computer. The email got buried. I saw it in April 2004, and could not believe the nonsense. For three months, we were getting along, building a family photo website, (which should dispel any erroneous conclusions that I was trying to make sense out of my severed life, as she puts forth on page 382. (see what I mean about her contradictory interpretations of me? And how she contradicts herself in her own book?). I did answer her email as soon as I saw it. I asked her why was she bringing up the past – why can’t we just go forward? I never said anything about posting family dirty laundry on the website or in my email – (I still have the actual email exchange that proves what she said to me, and my response). 

 Page 389

Ms. Wheeler quotes my father as saying “Education, that’s what I needed….if I had more education, I would have kept you. … if I had education, none of this would have happened.  If someone would have told me how to keep you.“

 Lies. Character assassination of Leonard Sippel

Although I was not present to hear this conversation, I know my father would not, COULD not have said this. My father WAS educated. He worked as a civil engineer/draftsman in Buffalo’s City Hall in the Streets Department. (Ms. Wheeler portrays him as an uneducated laborer, working as a machinist in the book). Ms. Wheeler is insinuating here that if my father was better educated he would not have given her up for adoption. It wouldn’t have mattered. The bare fact is that whatever level of education my father had, whatever occupation he had, he still would have had to go to work everyday to earn money to support his family. He could not do this with an infant. There were no daycare centers in 1956, nor welfare system as we have today. Nor was any family member able to help out. My father’s hands were tied. It is Ms. Wheeler’s continual refusal to face these facts that has her once again, putting words into people’s mouths to support her delusions and fantasies.

 Page 393

Ms. Wheeler discusses her mother sharing photographs of her with her aunts and says: “…my aunts gave these pictures to my natural mother’s sister.”

 Lie. My aunt Catherine had only ONE photograph of Joan, taken of her First Holy Communion.

 Page 423

“…my sisters and brother suffered serious, extended childhood trauma. These facts resulted in them imposing trauma on me…”

 Lies; speculation on MY childhood experiences; character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace, Gert McQueen, Kathy Inglis and Leonard Sippel Jr.

These are NOT facts, these are Ms. Wheeler’s statements due to her personal faulty interpretation of our childhood, of which she did not share. Ms. Wheeler is not trained as a doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist or any where in the medical field. She has a degree in social work, but as she has never worked as such, she has no experience in the field. Also, I was never interviewed by a qualified child psychologist (much less Ms. Wheeler) in a medical or similar setting about my childhood. What are Ms. Wheeler’s qualifications to pronounce judgment on MY mental health, my childhood, my life experiences? Or my siblings? And she has no right to publish her OPINIONS on this matter concerning me or my family. I would suggest anyone reading this paragraph read again my life accomplishments, (listed above) and consider my lack of any substance abuse, criminal record or any other anti-social behavior. Read The Book and read Ms. Wheeler’s own admissions of her anti-social behavior, alcoholism, thoughts and threats of suicide.

 Page 490

Ms. Wheeler is describing my father (her natural father)

“Poor, advanced to working class 1950’s, advanced to middle-middle class in 1970’s.”

 Lies, character assassination of Leonard Sippel

Ms. Wheeler does NOT portray the true facts about her own natural father, my father.

My father started work for the City of Buffalo in Street Paving Department as a civil-engineer/draftsman on July 20, 1953 and maintained that position until his retirement on September 17, 1988. From 1965 to 1970, he also maintained a part time second job as salesman at Sears. In 1965, he bought a house, the first in his family to own property. He also had 4 teenagers at home, which in the 1960’s, as well as today, is an expensive obligation. Kids and houses are NOT cheap. My father married his third wife in October 1970, and after having a child with him (along with her two daughters from a previous marriage), went back to work as a nurse’s aide in 1972. I was also employed as a nurse’s aide and lived at home and helped take care of the children. The reason my father “advanced to middle-middle class in the 1970’s was because for the first time in his life, he was a member of a two-income family (actually three-income, when I was there 1972 – 1974).  My father sold his house in 1975 and took a spacious apartment. The rent was cheaper than the mortgage and all the expenses related to owning a house. This also helped his financial status.

 Page 491

Ms. Wheeler is discussing my father’s second wife.

“How this step-mother was removed from the home, in front of her son and step-children was a form of cruelty to her and emotional trauma to the children. Witnessing their mother and step-mother being carried away in a straight-jacket had lasting effects on them.”

 Lies. We children NEVER witnessed this. I myself did not learn of her being taken away in a straight jacket until about 15 years when my sister Gert told me about it. What happened was – my stepmother was having severe mental problems. My father told me once that she was examined by a doctor and it was decided that she should be placed in the psychiatric hospital in Buffalo. He told me that it was all arranged and the day she was placed there, social workers came to our school and picked up us children and took us to the foster home (Gert and Kathy) and the orphanage (me and my brothers).  My father was with me and my brothers – I remember him holding my hand as we entered the orphanage run by the Catholic nuns and the huge statue of St. Joseph welcoming us. Gert was about 12 at the time. She told me about 15 years ago, that when she was about 17 or 18, she went back to our old neighborhood to visit some old friends and the mother of one of our childhood friends (who lived across the street from us) told her of the day that our step-mother was placed in the ambulance, in a straight jacket, and she was screaming. All the neighbors witnessed it and they all said it was sad, but were glad that we children were not around to see it. Even the times that my stepmother came home from the psych center and me and my brothers came home from the orphanage, our landlord, landlady, and neighbors NEVER told us what happened. As I said, I myself never knew about it until about 15 years ago (c 1995), much less witnessed it in 1959. Ms. Wheeler had been adopted out of our family in 1956, her family moved to Tonawanda, New York and was not there.

 Page 529, 530, 531, 532

Ms. Wheeler again is accusing me and my sisters of harassing her.

(529) “…their joint letter writing campaign after our family reunion in 1992. The following year they wrote lengthy letters to the major adoption reform organizations to tell them what an asshole I was.” (530) “…looking back, now I can see they are tortured souls.” (531) “Each one of my sisters had something to hide, something they did not want me to write about, which I have not written about. … They chose to harass and mock me, so I wrote about it.”  “Harassing my husband…Calling our home and yelling obscenities at the our young children. … Calling the home of my boyfriend…. Calling the Child Abuse Hotline and accusing my then 80 year old mother, and me, of sexual abuse.”

 All lies. Slander, threats.

Many of these lies have already been addressed. But now is added this new statement that each one of her sisters have something to hide. This implies a threat. I have no idea to what Ms. Wheeler is alluding to here. I have nothing to hide. As I stated above: I do not engage in criminal or anti-social behavior, do not abuse substances (I barely drink), I have had a long career as a health-care worker (38 years with the same employer), and have been involved in the performing arts and as a neighborhood activist. When I took a course at the Buffalo Police Academy, a background check was done on me, and nothing showed up. So just what is my secret that Joan Wheeler thinks she has over me?

 Page 531

“I wrote about my sisters, and anyone else, at the point where our lives intersected.”

 Lie. Falsely writing about me and my siblings witnessing my siblings witnessing our step-mother being placed in an ambulance is not a point where our lives intersected. As I stated above, Ms. Wheeler was adopted out of our family in 1956, and the event took place in 1959. Yes, the Wheelers did coincidentally lived one block over in 1956, then they moved three blocks away shortly after adopting her, and in 1957, they moved several miles away from us. Ms. Wheeler’s life did not intersect with ours until 1972, when I was placing phone calls to Wheelers in the phone book and her life did not fully intersect with ours until 1974 when we were physically reunited with her.

Even so, this “intersection” of our lives does not give her the right to violate our privacy and tell lies about us in this book.

 Page 532

Ms. Wheeler discusses our brother.

“Our sisters poisoned him against me for 11 years.”

 Lies, speculation.

We did not “gossip” to our brother about Joan.  And how does she even know a time duration for this? It was Joan herself who was calling him, writing letters to him and trashing us to him and his wife that turned him against Joan. He quite naturally became disgusted with having his sisters trashed. Proof – Ms. Wheeler admits to trashing us to him on page 359, as I have already addressed this issue. I repeat it:

page 359

Ms. Wheeler in italics relates a fairly decent letter that she attributes to have written to our brother. I have never seen the original, so I have no way of knowing if what she writes here is true. But in this letter, she tells our brother “…my mother and my children and I are still hounded by harassing mail and phone calls from Brenda and company.”

Graphics of scanned court documents, etc. that prove without a doubt that Joan Wheeler is a liar in her book Forbidden Family. November 27, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Here are some documents that I scanned into my computer. Just click on each picture to see the larger version. They are very interesting. These are actual court documents. These have been posted in the past – they prove without a doubt that Joan Wheeler lied about the court proceedings between me and her. Come on, Joan – explain – you’re the one who’s always saying adoptees are looking for “truth.” So here’s the truth. Let’s hear your explanation!

First up: the ruling of Buffalo City Court in August 1993 giving Joan a six-month order of protection against me for annoyance phone calls. The dates were from August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994. It was NOT for August 1 as she puts in her book. As for the court giving me her new address after she moved, that was done to tell me where I was not supposed to go – but she put in her book that she complained because now I had her new address. Big deal – I didn’t go there, didn’t call her – didn’t know her boyfriend’s name – not like the lying crap she put in her book. If I violated the order of protection, and she called the police like she said in the book, I would have been arrested. Since I was NEVER arrested, (because I didn’t violate the order of protection), and the court reviewed my conduct in February 1994, (and they found I was “clean”), the order of protection was dismissed. Of course Joan puts her own little spin on the events in her book. – Oh by the way – she says in her book that in early December  1993 I called child abuse on her and then she took me to court. Well, wouldn’t that be IN THE MONTHS THE ORDER OF PROTECTION WAS IN EFFECT? According to Joan’s timetable of events – it would – but I’m sorry to break it to you – events and things that Ruth did or didn’t do – didn’t happen the way Joan says in her book. She’s  a filthy liar. The writing is hard to see – so what I did is this: the first graphic is the complete document. The second is a closeup on my name – Ruth Sippel – the third one is a closeup of the dates – a very sloppy clerk put the end date for the beginning date, then crossed it out – but you can see the begin date (you really have to look) as August 9, 1994 and the end date of February 9, 1994.

Next is this one from Family Court from 1999. This is to show that  Joan lied when she said  we spent three months in court in 1994 and in the summer of 1994 she was granted a one-year restraining order against me. I took her to court for harassment in early 1999 – the COURT CLERK went into the computer to research any court proceedings between me and Joan. The COURT COMPUTER correctly showed the 1993 case wherein Joan received the SIX MONTH Order of Protection against me and the 1995 case wherein Judge Anderson dismissed the harassment charges I filed against Joan. The COURT COMPUTER did not show ANY court dates in 1994 – Why? BECAUSE WE WERE NEVER IN COURT IN 1994! Read Article #5 on this document, near the bottom of the page to see ALL court dates of  ALL court proceedings between me and Joan – you will not see one for 1994. Because Joan is a LIAR!

This graphic is of the actual letter Joan wrote to Albany, New York about the false child abuse call that was placed against her on December 22, 1994. On page 328 – 329 she says the call was made in early December 1993. (She did this to show her readers how I was violating the Order of Protection, but I have the proof right here – and in this letter, she tells the New York State Child Abuse and Maltreatment Center that I was placed on probation in 1993. SLANDER! Because if you go back and look at that 1999 printout from Family Court – it says no such thing!

This one here is a doozy – this is a letter that Joan wrote to the Director of Patient Accounts where I work with her filthy accusations of me tampering with her bill. Notice on page 2 she says “The six month probation period ended on February 9, 1994.” SLANDER! I WAS NEVER SENTANCED TO PROBATION – I WAS GIVEN AN RESTRAINING ORDER TO STAY AWAY FROM JOAN – Probation and an order of protection are two different things! Not only does this prove her slandering me to someone where I work – but it proves that she knew the correct dates and duration (six months) of  the restraining order and LIED when she said in the book it was for one year.

Here’s the summons that Joan received ordering her to court to answer my charges of harassment. Notice the date she was to appear – April 3, 1995. And look at the note she wrote – to MY fiance and to MY future mother-in-law!

Here’s another doozy letter from Joan – sent to MY fiance at his mother’s house – clear evidence of her trying to break me and John up – “are you leaving her?” And look at how she’s pressuring him to work on me to drop the charges and trying to involve my future mother-in-law, who never met Joan. She only had the woman’s address because she drove me and John there once. Obviously she made a note of it, but stupid cow that she is – she got the zipcode wrong! Oh – but doesn’t she have 2 college degrees? Isn’t she smart enough to look up a correct zipcode?

So there you have it – and these are not the only documents I have. I have posted other things in the past on this blog, but there are some things that haven’t gotten up yet. And I’m only half done in refuting that filthy lying book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler. Joan- get ready to eat some crap. Because the truth is coming out – it’s been coming out for two years now – you lied in that book, the truth was shown to your publisher and because of  your lies and your SLANDERING me and others – your book is dead. oh, too bad!

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