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Joan Mary Wheeler has a written an article for “Dissident Voice” titled “End Identity Theft Caused by Adoption.” August 23, 2015

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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Joan Mary Wheeler has a written an article for “Dissident Voice” titled “End Identity Theft Caused by Adoption.”

It is a topic that Joan and other adult adoptees are very passionate about. And it is a topic that most people don’t think about because they haven’t experienced it or don’t know anyone who has.

Joan correctly points out that when people (usually adoptees) don’t have their original birth certificate (OBC), all sorts of problems arise. And many of those problems surfaced after the Homeland Security Act.

My own husband experienced these problems. He was born to an unwed teenage girl in 1943. He was not adopted, but due to shoddy paperwork by his family he was registered in Catholic grammer school under his step-father’s last name when his mother married the step-father. That step-father never adopted my husband – everyone just gave my husband that last name and that was that.

During the Vietnam War, when my husband was of age, he enlisted under that ‘assumed’ name. He was issued a social security number under that name and all his military papers, and subsequent documents throughout his adult life (driver’s license, employment), were all under that name.

After his mother died, he finally got his OBC, found in her papers. And his birthdate was off by a week. His retirement was coming up – we needed to fix the problem. He also couldn’t renew his driver’s license because after Homeland Security kicked in – he was not eligible for a license or a non-driver’s id card.

Even though all his documents, social security number, and military papers were under the name of Pace, his legal last name was his mother’s maiden name. We had to go in front of a judge with all this paperwork and have his name legally changed to Pace. The different birthdate wasn’t too much of an issue – we just had to change it on everything – we had to notify the IRS, the DMV, doctors, dentist – we just handled that when the times came when we would be doing business with those entities.

But it cost us almost $300.00! And it was not an uncommon thing we had to go through! The clerk in the surrogate judge’s office told me they see this kind of thing all the time! And nobody pays attention to it until they approach retirement age and find there’s a problem with their paperwork.

So getting back to Joan’s article – actually the rest of the article doesn’t concern me. Her writing style is very good. I have no problem with this kind of stuff that she champions – in fact, I applaud it. I just want to point out that we can see – she CAN leave us birthsisters OUT of her writing – WHEN SHE CHOOSES TO.

She can now point out that by my finding, reading, and commenting on this, that I have internet-stalked her. I choose to call it MONITORING what she writes about – because I have the right to see if she is writing anything about ME and MY FAMILY. And if she writes something about ME that is a lie, a misrepresentation, or a mockery of anything about ME OR MY LIFE, OR MY FAMILY – I most certainly will speak up.

AND because she mentions her kindle book “Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption,” which includes many blatant lies and misrepresentations and mockeries of me, and members of my family, I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO COMMENT ABOUT THIS ARTICLE that she has written.

Gert here with an UPDATE, FEBRUARY 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…




1. gertmcqueenAugust 23, 2015

Very good Ruth!
We do NOT do any kind of searching for Joan on the Internet, she puts herself out there! I saw at least 3 public shares of this article at 6 am this morning! We do monitor what she says because we ARE THE SUBJECTS in her books! She has published OUR family names, OUR parents names! Within the books she publishes REAL names of living and dead RELATIVES of our FAMILY. So, any time Joan M Wheeler references her books she is REFERENCING us.

I have comments on the reviews of her book on Amazon…that is a legit thing to do. We write our blogs, we have facebook and twitter and more accounts, just like the rest of the world. And, we will continue to say what we must!

RuthAugust 23, 2015

exactly Gert – the internet is for EVERYONE to use. And Joan is NOT the owner of the internet. If it is a PUBLIC post on a PUBLIC page, than I have the right to comment on it. If it is a private page, say a person’s website or blog, and the owner allows comments – it is NOT up to Joan to dictate if I or Gert can comment on it.


Joan Mary Wheeler decides to step in (unwanted and uninvited) to help Laura Ruffino adopt the four daughters of her late best friend Elizabeth Diamond and blabs confidential information about the family on her facebook page. August 7, 2015

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world.
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“When Elizabeth Diamond was diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer in 2014, the single mom was deeply concerned about what would happen to her four young daughters after she was gone.   But Diamond, who died in April at the age of 40, needn’t have worried. Her best friend, Laura Ruffino of Orchard Park, New York adopted the four girls.”

So starts the article on this adoption (with a bit of help from me on that last sentance) on the Huffington Post, published on July 23, 2015. You can see the original Huffington post here:


Well, it turns out that as the most supreme adoption expert out there, Joan Mary Wheeler decided to step in and give UNWANTED advice to Laura Ruffino via a mutual friend. Er, um, that is Joan WANTED to contact Mrs. Ruffino and advise her. I don’t know if Joan ever got to meet Mrs. Ruffino and tell her how to run her own life. But we have Joan’s full comment that she wrote on both the Huffington Post and on her facebook page on July 23, 10:04 pm. 

A friend of mine is a close friend of the deceased mother, Elizabeth Diamond. When she told me of the mother’s death and the impending adoption, I volunteered to help in the only way I knew: to give advice against the adoption. Why? Because I didn’t want the girls’ true identities to be sealed and then falsified by new birth certificates as this is what adoption does. Using my own life story as proof, I explained that I was given up to a closed adoption one month after the death of my mother from cancer. I was only three months old when my mother died. My father relinquished me to a closed adoption and kept his four older children. My adoption not only took away my family, but took away my birth certificate and gave me a completely new identity.

 I did not want the same thing to happen to these girls. I did not want them to lose their true identities in order to have a home with their mother’s best friend.

 I explained that legal guardianship would be a better choice, that Elizabeth Diamond’s best friend, Laura Ruffino, and her husband, Rico, could be legal guardians as opposed to adoptive parents. Guardianship, I explained, would preserve the four girls’ birth certificates, preserve Elizabeth Diamond’s place as their mother, and at the same time, give the four girls a stable home. Info was transferred to the attorney.

My friend later told me that the adoption was a necessary legal action to protect the girls. There are private, extenuating circumstances concerning the girls’ father. That is why he is not mentioned in the article.

 It was determined that the girls would, indeed, maintain their own birth certificates in this adoption: their birth certificates would not be sealed and no new birth certificates would be made implying that the new adoptive parents gave birth to these four girls.

 For that, I am grateful. These girls lost their mother in April. They did not need to lose their identities upon adoption on top of losing their mother.

The general public needs to know that there are other alternatives to adoption. Promoting adoption, and only displaying the happy side of adoption, is very misleading. The finality of adoption, the striping away of a child’s identity, the sealing of birth certificates and the automatic issuance of a new birth certificate upon adoption are all aspects of adoption that need to be pointed out as unnecessary and harmful to all adopted people.

Now go back up 4 paragraphs and re-read that sentance again and I repeat it here for emphasis: THERE ARE PRIVATE, EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES CONCERNING THE GIRL’S FATHER. THAT IS WHY HE IS NOT MENTIONED IN THE ARTICLE.

Following her posting this on her facebook page, was a discussion between Joan and her anti-adoption friends and one of them asked about the biological father of the four girls and Joan wrote this the following day on July 24 at 5:33pm:

“I was trying to get this family to go for legal guardianship as the father is a s********… that is why the family went for adoption – to keep him away from the girls.”

But less than 24 hours prior, Joan was saying that it was a PRIVATE circumstance about the bio-dad. So who the HELL does Joan Wheeler think she is to BLAB that PRIVATE information on her very PUBLIC facebook page, or ANYWHERE or to ANYONE?

This is coming from someone who keeps saying she is a social worker? No, she is not – she went to COLLEGE for social work, but she has NOT WORKED ONE SINGLE DAY AS A SOCIAL WORKER! And if she WAS a social worker, to breach the confidentiality of a current or prospective client is a a breach of the code of ethics of professional social workers. And there are ways for people to file complaints against a social worker and get their license pulled and censured and terminated from their place of employment. But Joan doesn’t work for ANYONE – she is on Social Security Disability. For her mental problems.

Think I am making this up? here are the screenshots I took of the comments that I quoted above as they appeared on Joan Mary Wheeler’s facebook page. I whited out that information that Joan Wheeler blabbed.

 joan reveals 2

joan reveals 1

Joan Mary Wheeler violated the privacy of people she doesn’t even know and I hope they go after her with a lawyer. And Laura Ruffino – if you read this – I would find out WHO that close friend of yours is that blabbed this information to Joan Wheeler in the first place.

Read Gert’s blog post about Joan’s sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong here: https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/2015/07/30/when-others-adopt-joanmwheeler-volunteers-to-advise-them-against-doing-so-why-because-shes-been-dupedbyadoption/

UPDATE, APRIL 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…



Joan Wheeler – what is your solution for kids languishing in orphanages and NO family members are taking in? December 10, 2014

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness.
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Joan Wheeler hates the institution of adoption so badly that she wants to eradicate adoption from the entire planet of Earth! What an unrealistic idea. But then, Joan has always been unrealistic in her thoughts, deeds and goals. 

Joan’s “brilliant” solution for a replacement for the act of adopting an orphan is kinship guardianship. Well, that’s all well and good on the surface – but – what if there is a child who HAS no family left at all? Like a child who’s whole family is wiped out by war or an act of nature (earthquake, flood, etc.) – and there ARE many such babies and children who have experienced this. 

OR – as in the case of MY family – when MY mother died, and my father was left with four young children, aged 3 years to 9 years and one three month old infant – extended family members TRIED to help out.  

What does Joan propose for a family such as ours? FORCE an aunt or uncle to raise that infant? I believe that is what she wants – because she forced ME to provide Christmas 1989 for HER kids when I did not give birth to them, nor their legal parent or guardian – explanation: Joan stole money from me in the summer of 1989. In September 1989, she agreed to repay me, we were expecting refund checks from a lawyer for his fee (long story) – Joan agreed that when her check came, she would cash it and turn the entire amount over to me to go towards what she owed me. But, the little lying snake that she is, she called me early December 1989 and informed me (did not ask, but INFORMED me) that she was KEEPING all the money to provide Christmas presents for her kids. Never mind that her husband had a job, was working and SHE refused to get off HER ass and get a part time job to provide for her own kids. NO, she saw $$$ that her sister (me) had coming, but her sister (me) was in a two-income relationship, and her sister had a well-paying job, and therefore her sister’s money should be redistributed to JOAN AND HER FAMILY. So, yeah, money was stolen from me, and then never repaid, because JOAN made a decision on how to spend MY money, therefore I was FORCED to provide Christmas for her kids. 

Here’s a picture of an orphan child:

 adopted kid

What is Joan’s solution for this child?

She wants to eradicate adoption – she thinks that every child should be raised by other family members – um, there were none for this kid – so according to Joan Wheeler, he should stay in the hospital, being raised by nurses until he becomes an adult.  

Good solution there Joan Wheeler. – Totally illogical, stupid and inhumane.

illogical and stupid

1. gertmcqueenDecember 10, 2014

Gert here…good points…as we have said so many times, ADOPTION is here to stay as long as there are HUMANS IN NEED of it.
And Joan thinks NOTHING of interfering in other members of the family for her OWN purposes. Been There, Done That, and she will NEVER DO IT AGAIN.

She violated my parental rights BECAUSE she knew better than me how to raise my children. She called in 2 false child abuse reports on me saying I was UNFIT…SHE did NOT pass the HOME STUDY that I requested on her.

She didn’t do her OWN children any good either…besides MOVING BACK home to her adoptive mother’s home, with her children…where Joan STILL LIVES…she had that mother TAKE CARE of her children while she went off to get another DEGREE PAID FOR BY THAT MOTHER. Then Joan WROTE in a book about how she treated her children, documented CHILD ABUSE SHE did, how she BURNED her children’s stuff, how she attempted SUICIDE in front of her children.

Never Trust Anyone Who Always Blames Everyone Else for Everything Wrong in Their Life (like Joan Wheeler does) September 11, 2014

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world.
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don't trust blamers

right – if you listen to Joan Wheeler carefully – you will notice that everything bad in her life is because of what OTHER people have done. NOTHING in her life is because of a choice that she herself has made. And if you listen very closely – you will notice that anything bad in her life has been caused by me. I get fucking blamed for everything – even when I’m sleeping and not even thinking of her. – Correction – everything bad in her life happened because she was adopted – after her adoption, everything bad in her life is because of Ruth. Ruth did this, Ruth did that. Then she’ll blame her other birth sisters. I could be under anesthetics, having surgery done, but she’ll still say that at that moment in time – I did something to her.

observation – gosh – it had been almost two years since Joan called my job – for the umpteenth time – to get me fired. She’s slacking! – I wonder what she’ll do when I retire – she’ll have no plaything – her life will be soooo bereft without her 20 year habit of calling my job with false accusations.

UPDATE, APRIL 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…



UPDATE JULY 2017; I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/   this blog is titled Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor


this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.

Also see this Facebook page


In addition…see the ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.

Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum


Joan Mary Wheeler forum 


review of first book and 4 comments





Joan Wheeler and other angry adoptees – get your priorities straight. January 18, 2014

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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I follow actor Daniel Goddard (of Young and the Restless) on facebook and he posted this picture and said: “As sad, and as emotionally disturbing as some pictures are… Sometimes, they must be shared so that the people of the world can see the truth that is the lives of so many…”


I left the following comment on his thread: ” Mother Theresa was asked once about where to start in caring, because there are so many that need it. She said to start with one. I can’t help those that are like in this picture. But I do what I can – outside of working as a nurse’s aide for my career, I donate blood when I can. I donate unwanted household goods to AmVets thrift store to help out our country’s veterans. Even if all you can do is donate a dollar or one canned food item during a food drive for your community’s hungry, do it.”

You know, if the child whose hand is pictured here is an orphan and if the necessity was there and the opportunity was there for me, I would take that child into my home to nourish and raise. And yes, I WOULD ADOPT HIM OR HER.

I get that adoptees want truthful documentation of their background. I get that some were adopted into abusive homes and they suffered and they are angry about that. What I don’t get is the “angry adoptees” wish to abolish the institution of adoption all together. WHY? Because THEY had a bad experience in adoption, so they would sentence an orphaned and starving child to nothingness when someone is willing to nourish and love that child, raise them and give them a good home and education.

If you follow the il-logic of angry adoptees, the child whose hand this is, should be left to wither and die in hunger, pain, and loneliness.

Joan Wheeler and all the rest of you angry adoptees – take your damn “me, me, me, woe is me because I was adopted” bullshit and shove it!

gertmcqueenJanuary 18, 2014 [Edit]

Gert here…very well put! Each of us is here with a life for a purpose and to learn a lesson. Ok there are times when I’ve ponder those two thoughts and came up empty…that’s human nature.

I’ve gotten my angry up over injustices in the world, I worked ‘with boots on the ground’ mentality and I worked endlessly with compassion, dedication, blood, sweat and tears. And…the institution I fought against are STILL STANDING. My time is NOT NOW. So I retired and GOT ON WITH MY LIFE.

I spend 23 years, in a paying job, to support our country’s veterans and active duty soldiers. I have volunteered in several community based charities. I currently volunteer with Hospice.

All it takes is for an angry person to LOOK AT THOSE LESS FORTUNATE THAN THYSELF. And the sooner one does that the better…for YOUR life is NOT ENDLESS. You too shall get sick and die.

What IS it with those angry adoptees that they cannot comprehend English? November 15, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
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They just don’t get it.

#1. I may be pro-adoption, but that does NOT mean I am against open adoption records or for falsified adoption/birth certificates.

#2. I don’t give a shit WHY my sister Joan Wheeler is “crazy” – she could have become mentally ill because she took drugs and fried her brains – SHE DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO WHAT SHE HAS DONE TO ME.

#3. When Gert wrote her article to outline why our reunion with our adopted out sister went bad – she signed her name as Gert McQueen. I left a couple of comments with my name Ruth Herr Sippel Pace. We both used our facebook signon names.

Now, I did have a bit of a tit-for-tat with one adoptee named Dana. Dana started trashing my father, whom she never met and did not know the EXACT situation of my family. Dana even suggested that the older siblings could have taken care of the infant instead of the infant being placed for adoption. Since Dana was ignorant of the fact that the oldest sibling was only 9 years old – I corrected her.

After that, I went clicked on Dana’s name on the comments and it took me to her facebook page. Yes, I looked at her facebook page, and saw someone who I thought was intelligent. I sent her a friend request. Just because we had a difference of opinion does not mean we are “enemies.”

In fact, the evening of November 14, Dana and I had a rather intelligent conversation on facebook.

I had another intelligent conversation with another facebook friend of mine today about adoption – she is an adoptee and totally understands when I say – “I don’t care WHY your head is messed up – YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO ABUSE ME.”

WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT! I was reunited with my adopted out sister in 1974. By 1980 she started to abuse me. I gave her chance after after chance. When she STOLE HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS FROM ME – I TOLD HER TO GET LOST! To the angry adoptees out there – I committed a mortal sin!


Anyway, tonight, I find Dana defriended and blocked me. I called up a friend of mine to see what’s up on Dana’s fb page and she emailed me this post that Dana wrote. – Dana says she was blindsided because of different last names? She didn’t pay attention to our names when she trashed our father? Apparently not. She twists things around and says that I said “all adoptees are crazy, and it’s their fault, being crazy, that no one wants to open adoption records.”

When just today I had an intelligent conversation with my fb freind where I condemned the ones who advocate violence. AND I said that I was FOR open records. Well, dammit Dana, you just proved my point – you are just as batty as my sister Joan Wheeler. I thought we could be “buds” – and perhaps learn from each other – and the whole point of my conversation with my adoptee fb friend was: IF YOU WANT PEOPLE IN AUTHORITY (SURROGATE COURTS, CONGRESSMEN, ETC) TO TAKE YOUR REQUESTS FOR OPEN ADOPTION RECORDS SERIOUSLY – THEN PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING AND DON’T TWIST THINGS AROUND AND PUT WORDS IN PEOPLE’S MOUTHS.


It is very clear as to who she is talking about in her rant – and she totally LIES about me. What IS it with these angry adoptees that they lie and twist things around?

so here is what she said, and I gotta say, as much as I tried to give Dana the benefit of the doubt and I tried to reach out – there are certain people that are just too dam stupid.

Dana says: I have had some creepy damn people stalking me because apparently, they had a bad situation in an adoption reunion with their lost sister, so now everybody around them is supposed to be pro-adoption, and all adoptees are crazy and it’s their fault, being crazy, that no one wants to open adoption records.

 I wound up friending back one of them recently because as a woman and thanks to marriage, she didn’t have the same last name as one of her sisters that I was already kind of avoiding, not appreciating the intrusion, so I was kind of blindsided. But she outed herself today, and in the process of being a royal bitch about it, too.

 Just in case any more of them are still on my friends list, because I friended someone else the same day I friended her, you can get lost. Your situation is NOT the norm, I am NOT going to legitimize your shitty attitude by being buds with you on the Internet, and basically you can fuck off.

 I don’t care how many adoptees are crazy now, I still want open records. It’s no wonder they’re crazy when they’ve been treated like shit their entire lives under the pretense that they were “saved” or some garbage. I’d be crazy too. It’s a miracle more of them aren’t.

oh and Dana – just because Joan was treated like shit by her adoptive parents does not give her the right to turn around and treat ME like shit, when all I ever did was be nice to her. So -fuck you Dana Seilhan.

1. gertmcqueen

gert here… hey…Dana did not HAVE to comment NEGATIVELY on MY article on Portrayal of Adoption. Her comments were very inflammatory and with intent to discredit ME and my position of my story…against the rules and regs that were set DOWN BY THE HOST OF THE SERIES.Many of Dana’s comments, as well as mine and Ruth’s, were deleted by the host…because of their negativity…BUT it was Dana who STARTED IT…that’s called a hit and run.

 2. Ruth

it was also hit and run when she ranted about me then unfriended and blocked me. – that was the coward’s way out. She insulted Gert and me AND our father, and when the heat got turned on her – she fucking ran AFTER slinging more insults. And nobody told her to be the first one to begin a dialogue with us. To be honest, my first impression of her was that she was a bimbo. I mean, what else would you call someone who suggested the solution my father should have taken is that of some single mothers who “dump their kids onto the older siblings of the family.” – which in our family, would have meant dumping a 3 month old infant onto a 9 year old child. Along with a 5 year old and a 3 year old. I responded by saying (not sure of my exact words) that DUMPING an infant onto someone else is the same as DUMPING an infant onto adoptive parents. Bimbo Dana’s solution is NO solution. But, as I said, I went to her facebook, and thought, “she doesn’t seem so bad.” Boy was I wrong. She is REALLY a bimbo of the highest degree. She gets a facebook friend request from someone she doesn’t know. Doesn’t recognize their name, even tho just 24 hours prior, she was engaging in slinging insults at that person. Doesn’t go to that person’s facebook page to check them out. Accepts a friend request from me without checking out my facebook page, which had on it, links to my then-latest blog post that had included in it’s title, the name of Joan Wheeler, whom Dana is familiar with. uh – Dana Seilhan – I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt – I thought I had labeled you a bimbo on a rash judgment. I tried to see the good in a fellow human being – but I take it all back – you ARE a bimbo of the highest degree.

3. Ruth

Dana dear, all I know is from what I have experienced – nutjobs like YOU that take things out of context – pass judgements on my father -who you never met, make like YOU know what was best for my family even tho you had NO facts about us.

readers – Dana’s alternative solution to my father’s giving Joan up for adoption – and she did write this to me and Gert in a comment to Gert’s article at the Chicago Now site – ‘dump the infant onto the older sibling.” – sure, DUMP a 3 month old infant onto a 9 year old child. – lesson for you dana – get the facts of a situation before giving a solution – f’ing bimbo.

4. Ruth

a note on being safe when receiving friend requests/sending friend requests on facebook. I have received many friend requests on facebook from people I don’t know. I NEVER automatically consent to be  fb friends with them. I ALWAYS check out their profile to see WHY they want to be friends with me. Usually it’s because they are fellow Star Trek, Lord of the Rings or other science fiction fans. Or a friend of one my friends. But I’ve gotten some that were a mystery. And with those – I ignore them. Dana was wrong to automatically consent to be my fb friend without checking me out first. Once she found out who I was, she was in her rights to unfriend me and even block me. She has no right to call me “creepy.” Oh well, that’s not the first thing she got wrong. Seems as tho she got a lot of things wrong. What I got wrong was thinking she was intelligent. – my bad.

Another whine from an angry adoptee – why do they get booted off sites? September 1, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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I saw an interesting post by an “angry adoptee” wherein she is bemoaning the fact that a lot of “angry adoptees” are booted off some sites that are geared towards “happy adoptees.”

Adopted in the UK

A Safe Place for Adoptees


While this person is entitled to her opinion, I left the following comment, which will probably not be posted.

perhaps the “angry adoptees” wouldn’t be booted off sites if they would stop calling people names, telling them they are “rainbow farters” and “Kool-Aid drinkers” telling people they are delusional (or worse) if they say they are happy in their adoption, etc. etc. etc.

As for the title of her post “A Safe Place for Adoptees” – there already is one – it’s a forum called Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change” where it is a free-for-all of bashing, name calling, hate language and calls for spam against pro-adoption websites, and desires for violence against public figures who are adoptive parents. One member at the AAAFC said this about actress Edie Falco: “someone should stuff a sock in her mouth, douse it with gasoline and set it on fire.”

Who the hell wants these types of people on their site? 7Rin would do well to write to angry adoptees to watch their mouths instead of whining about being booted off websites.

for more info see…

History of, and current attack sites, upon the birthsiblings, of Joan Wheeler UPDATED by on April 1, 2013

2. RuthSeptember 3, 2013

well 7Rin didn’t post my comment – but quoted me and twisted what I said. She said:

“1. It wasn’t a whine, it was a look at adoptee-related places that’re available, since the theme of #WASO32 was “safe places”.

2. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, every ‘fight’ has its extremists. I’m one of the adoptee ones. Deal with it. I do.”

my answer – it most certainly WAS a whine – and she put words in my mouth – I did not EVER say “bet you won’t post this?” Sorry 7Rin – you asked a question – “why are angry adoptees booted off some sites?” And I answered, giving my honest, politely worded opinion.

If you want to be an extremist – that’s ok. I have dealt with it. What YOU need to deal with – is the fact that rude angry adoptees WILL be booted off some sites – now deal with THAT honey – no need to question why – just deal with it.

3. RuthSeptember 3, 2013

mmm, think I’ll go back and make a screenshot of my comment – it’s still there in the queue – awaiting moderation – and it will show that what I wrote was polite, and NEVER did I challenge her with a snotty nyaah, nyahh – THAT childish behavior came from HER – not me.

Stick to the truth always – quote a person truthfully – don’t stick words in their mouths, because those false words can and will come back and bite you in the ass.

oh hell – why I am I threatening to do something? I don’t believe in empty threats – I simply DO. here is the screenshot that proves I didn’t engage in childish boorish behavior:

whining adoptee

and here is what she said that I said:


WHERE did I say ANY thing along the lines “bet you won’t post this?” – except on THIS blog – and it was a valid observation – because 7 has her mind made up that because I stood up to a bully, who just happened to be an angry adoptee, what I have to say is not valid. No whining here – just stating the facts – because one thing I noticed – if you disagree with an angry adoptee – then all the other angry adoptees come crawling out of the woodwork to insult and belittle you – because that’s what extremists do – it’s THEIR way and even when you talk nice to them – if you’re in disagreement with them – you are crap to them. And that’s why they get booted off websites.


this truthful blog destroys the lies told by Joan Wheeler aka Forbidden Family August 20, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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why this blog –

I already have a page – the reason for this blog. Let us go over it again.

Joan Wheeler, born Doris Sippel, my sister was given up for adoption after my mother died, due to child care issues. She was raised as an only child, spoiled rotten, never having the word NO said to her.

In 1974, we were reunited with her. Within a few short years, Joan’s overbearing attitude, her stealing, her lying, her interference in some of out lives, caused us to, one by one, turn our backs on her.

Boundaries and limits were set by various members of the birth family, which Joan repeatedly ignored. By 1989, she had surfaced as a THIEF. A joint checking account, funded by me, to be used for real estate purposes, (Joan and I were thinking of buying rental property together), was dipped into time and again for Joan’s living expenses. Hamburgers at the mall, Joan’s car repairs. This was not what I put the money up for. When we dissolved the “partnership” I was shorted out a lot of money – even taking into account monies spent on real estate brokers, appraisal fees, etc. Those I well accepted, as that was the agreement. I did NOT agree to foot Joan’s living expenses. Joan’s husband had a job. My paycheck goes for me, not anybody else. In December 1990, a refund from a lawyer was agreed to be turned over to me to go towards what Joan owed me. Instead, Joan called me up and informed me she was keeping the money to provide xmas for her kids. Again, that was not what my money was for – you got kids? Foot your holidays for them via your own money, NOT your sister’s. I was lied to, stolen from. This spoiled little brat Joan, USED me. I told her to get the hell away from me and stay away.

Over the course of the next few years, I was harassed left and right. Phone calls and letters to my job, accusing me of computer fraud occurred almost daily for six months. Joan called child abuse on herself, posing as me. Joan wrote to various elected officials and government agencies telling them that I had a criminal record – which I do not. I myself received a letter from Joan telling that my husband had gotten the next door neighbor pregnant – when the house was vacant!

And she wonders why I’m pissed at her.

THEN she writes and self-publishes her “autobiography. And in this trashy filthy book, is more lies about me – slander – and again, accusing me of computer fraud at my job, that I have a criminal record and other filthy shit.

I created this blog to take each and every one of the lies in Joan’s filthy book and expose it for what it is – a lie.

I have provided actual court documents that prove that Joan lied about me. I have scanned and posted to this blog the actual letter that Joan sent to Albany NY that said that in 1993 I was sentenced to probation. She wrote in the filthy book that I was sentenced to a one year order of protection for various harassments of her and her mother. I scanned the court document with the dates that prove it was for six months over some annoyance phone calls that she engineered for me to make. She forged her own 10 year old son’s handwriting and sent a letter to my house (supposedly her son). When I called her to ask about it, she said, “hold on a minute.” and hung up. I called back and she did it again. THEN she falsely lodged a police complaint that I called her and hung up on her. So she got a 6 month order of protection against me. BUT she says in the book it was for one year – and for worse than phone calls. And I scanned and provided the forged letter and all documents to prove I am not the harasser that Joan claims that I am.

Her little friends get on their high horse and lamblast me for telling the truth and “destroying” Joan and her book.

Well, too damn bad. That book was destroyed by me and my sister Gert. BECAUSE IT CONTAINED LIES ABOUT NOT ONLY ME – BUT OTHER MEMBERS OF OUR FAMILY.

Joan is the worst kind of slime ever! She is a kin-killer. Do you know what that means? It means what it says! She stabbed HER OWN FAMILY in the heart and back.

I sent my documents to Trafford Publication, the publisher of Joan’s book. Joan had signed a legal contract with them – that stated that the contents of the book were the truth. My documents proved that she lied.

If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth. –  – Carl Sagan

It’s as plain and simple as that. If you don’t like it Joan – too dam bad.

destroyed by truth

1. gertmcqueenAugust 20, 2013 [Edit]

Yes, that’s go over it again…

what made Joan think she could interfere with my parental rights with my minor children?

why couldn’t Joan take NO for an answer to a repeat of a sexual threesome?

what made Joan think she could call child abuse on me, TWICE, because SHE didn’t like my parenting or the word NO or because…pick out something…doesn’t matter to her, anything would work?

why did Joan speak with fork-tongue; nice to my face yet within hours condemn my religion and my mental health?

why did Joan attempt to get my daughter to commit a crime? Joan wanted to pursue a medical malpractice suit regarding HER daughter and since MY daughter worked with medical records Joan believed SHE could get MY daughter to commit a crime for her!?

Why did Joan write me a letter asking me to CALL her to warn me about some danger…only to yell at me NOT to call her?

Why did Joan tell me, on the phone, after brother died and father gravely ill, that SHE LOVED ME, then twist everything in a lying garbage book?

Because Joan is a sick bitch that’s way…


2. Ruth – August 21, 2013  Gert said: ” Why did Joan write me a letter asking me to CALL her to warn me about some danger…only to yell at me NOT to call her?”

What Gert refers to is an incident that happened in 1998. But let’s back up to 1994-95 – When Joan called child Abuse on herself (Dec. 1994). This was right in the middle of the time she was calling my employer with false accusations trying to get me fired. The child abuse call was made and it was my fiance (now husband) who was named as an abuser of Joan’s children. The letter she sent to Albany NY, was written Dec. 31, 1994. During the months of January/February 1995 she was writing letters to the mayor of Buffalo, and other people slandering me. Then she sent me the copies of those letters. I hauled her into court and the judge dismissed my charges saying “sisters should get along.” The day after that, I went down to the district attorney’s office to complain. One of the assistant DA’s told me that they had better things to do. And she told me to stay away from Joan. I told her, that I would be happy to, as long as Joan also stays away from and stop writing letter about me. The Asisstant DA assured me that she would tell Joan the same thing. Which is what she did and I had three and a half years of peace – until September 1998.

I received a registered letter from Joan – the envelope was addressed to me and my fiance John. Inside was a letter addressed to Gert. Why was my fiance’s name on the envelope and WHY WAS JOAN CONTACTING ME AFTER AN ASSITANT DA TOLD HER NOT TO? Because Joan is a spoiled little brat who will NOT take NO for an answer – even if that word NO comes from law enforcement!

The letter was about some guy who bumped into Joan’s ex-husband in South Carolina. This guy was bad-mouthing Gert. So? A conversation happens in South Carolina, and Ruth, minding her own business in Buffalo, suddenly gets dragged into it! AFTER JOAN WAS TOLD BY LAW ENFORCEMENT NOT TO CONTACT RUTH.

The letter was to be sent to Gert and I contacted Gert and told her about the letter and gave Gert the phone number provided in the letter. Gert called the number and Joan yelled at her not to call her.


I think Joan was trying to set Gert up the way she set me up in 1993 with that forged letter from her “son” and caught me in an annoyance phone call trap – she wanted Gert to call her, knowing the call would be traced and Joan wanted to run to the cops and claim Gert was harassing her.

This is the shit we have had to deal with from Joan – her little schemes – and she didn’t do it to just me and Gert – she did it to my cousin Gail – WHILE GAIL WAS BATTLING CANCER! KIN-KILLER! That’s what you are Joan – lower than then lowest. And another cousin also had his job contacted with false accusations about him – because his aunt – my cousin Gail told him to stay away from Joan, and he stopped accepting her calls. For this she tried to destroy his job.

And she tried to fuck with my job again just recently.

Joan is a fucking devious evil bitch.

It seems that Joan Wheeler CAN do the right thing when she wants to. But she still will have to pay for the times she went out of her way to lie about her birth sisters March 20, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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 About Joan’Wheeler’s comment page on The Huffington Post.–

Since Joan made that libelous statement about me and admitting that she wrote that libelous letter to my employer (Nov 2012) on January 22, 2013, she has made several more comments about adoption and birth certificates. So you will have to scroll down to see the stupid comment she made about me and my sisters – even accusing me of starting my twitter account solely to bother her. really. I took her to task on Huffington – refuting all her bullshit lies there. All her stupid libelous comments AND my replies – with the TRUTH – are all there in one spot. You just have to scroll down a bit.

As to her recent activity on Huffington – with her discussions about adoption and birth certificates – THIS IS WHAT WE’VE BEEN TELLING JOAN TO DO FOR MORE THAN THREE YEARS NOW – have your debates about adoption and birth certificates all you want – we don’t care – JUST LEAVE US THE HELL OUT OF YOUR DISCUSSIONS! AND STOP LYING ABOUT THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF YOUR ADOPTION.

It seems as though Joan is quite capable of discussing her adoption activism WITHOUT DRAGGING US INTO IT OR DISRESPECTING OUR FAMILY after all. Because I have not one single problem with what she has been saying recently on Huffington.

She even FINALLY acknowledged that the natural family relinguished her because there was no other choice. Which actually is a direct contradiction of what she keeps harping about – she keeps saying she is 100% against adoption, and keeps promoting kinship and guardianship care. Which was NOT a viable option in our family.

We’ve told Joan before – if you want to engage in your anti-adoption activism, LEAVE US OUT OF IT. By continually dragging us into it – she opens herself up to our rebuttals.

All she has to EVER say is, “I was adopted when my birth mother died. Due to lack of options of child care, my birth father relinguished me for adoption. My adoptive parents lied to me. I was found by my birth siblings in 1974. A few years later, personality conflicts between us resulted in us not having a relationship.”

That’s all she has to ever say about us. Since she keeps lying about us – we keep telling the truth about us.

1. gertmcqueenMarch 20, 2013

It’s so simple to just tell the truth without harming others!

RuthMarch 20, 2013

absolutely Gert – Joan needs to learn that when she lies, she not only hurts others, she hurts HERSELF as well! By lying on Huffington about me – by writing a lying letter to my employer, SHE has hurt herself. Now she goes on trial for that. Idiot. We’ve been saying on our blogs for over three years to Joan – STOP LYING. JUST TELL THE DAM TRUTH AND STOP TALKING ABOUT US. cos when you tell the truth – you don’t get in trouble. Joan creates the very situations she bitches about. Because she’s a fool.

RuthMarch 21, 2013

let me clarify the title of this blog post. When I say “But she still will have to pay for the times she went out of her way to lie about her birth sisters ” – that is not a threat. It is a fact. If you do somebody wrong – it’s gonna come back to you in some way. Karma baby – it’s called KARMA. It’s called paying for your sins. Somehow, someway, you will reap what you have sown. If you treat people like dirt, the way Joan has treated me and members of my family, someone is going to treat Joan like dirt. It’s the law of the universe – cause and effect. Like I said – it is Joan herself creating the situations she is bitching about. NOBODY TOLD HER TO TELL LIES ABOUT ME. SHE MADE THE CONSCIOUS DECISION TO TELL THE LIES. Now, with her lies exposed, she has to deal with the consequences of her actions and words.

Exactly what is the purpose of our blogs against Joan Wheeler – find out here January 7, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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In a comment to my last post, Joan Wheeler is starting her lying false accusations again – calling my job to make trouble January 6, 2013, My friend Nancy says: “… what is happening here, is she is feeding off the attention. She is an attention whore..”  And I answer here in this post.

Oh yes, Nancy, we are aware of that. As to your advice about ignoring her – it doesn’t work. I ignored her from 1995 to 1998. But what happened there was the district attorneys told us to leave each other alone (after she called child abuse on herself and blamed for it- to get John to leave me – the caller identified themself as me and named John. (like I’d stupid enough to give out my name and name my fiance as a child molestor). I took her to court for harassment, but the judge dismissed it. But the DA told us both to leave each other alone. No contact. In 1998, out of the blue, Joan writes Gert a letter, but addresses the envelope to me and John. (Gert had no contact with Joan since 1992).In 1999, again, out of the blue, I get a letter from Joan telling me John got the next door neighbor pregnant (the house was vacant). I took her to court and got a one-year restraining order on her. Didn’t hear anything about her until my brother died in 2003. I told Joan that I had website, an msn group for family photos and stories to share. I figured, lets cooperate via the internet – in January 2004 she sends me a nasty email accusing me of plotting against her. That’s when I said let her rot. Didn’t hear anything again until her book came out and I found all the twisted lies and slander in it.

We were successful in getting that book pulled – but she and her little friend Brian have two hate blogs against us – and until those blogs are taken down, Gert and I will continue to speak out.

All her life she had been spoiled rotten – raised as only child, she was never told “NO.” She thinks everything is for HER. Even when she was married and had kids, everything was for HER – money went for HER adoption conferences – yet she complained left and right how poor she was. In July 1986, The Monkees, Gary Puckett of the Union Gap, and The Grassroots were on an Oldies Tour and were booked for the Chautauqua Institute, Southern Tier of Western New York. Joan and her husband wanted to go and I went with them. It was a really nice concert. In September, they added Buffalo to the tour and Joan called me up to see if I wanted to go. No, I couldn’t afford it. I enjoyed myself at the concert, but I had bills to pay, rent, etc. etc. Joan called me up the next day – she had a dream about Mickey Dolenz (of the Monkees) and now she simply HAD to go. fine, whatever. So she goes. The next week, she calls me up crying – her electricity is being shut off. – Okay, what’s wrong with this picture? You don’t get your electricity shut off unless you don’t pay your bill for more than about 3 or 4 months. That’s counting back to maybe June or July. You have money to see a concert TWICE, but you don’t have money to pay your electric bill. Oh and I should mention – at this point in time she had a three year old son and WAS EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT!

In 1990, I foolishly entered into a real estate plan with her and her husband – to buy an apartment building together. I fronted the money for the down payment (borrowed from credit cards) and Joan was dipping into the joint checking account for living expenses, even tho she had a husband who had a job. In September ’90 we dissolved the partnership and I was missing money – almost 900.00. Also the lawyer was to refund 300.00 but he split the refund between me and Joan – even all the money came initially from me. Joan said when she cashed the check she would give it to me. (this was now December 90) Then Joan called me up and said she was keeping the money – MY money to provide xmas for her kids. That was the end for me – I told her “fuck you get the hell out of my life.” And she’s been punishing me ever since.

She never wanted to get a job. Her big fantasy was that book. She fantasied that it would be a million dollar best seller and be made into a movie (ala Lifetime). And she would be rich. She wanted to be rich on the backs of our family and the tragic death of a young mother (my mom). AND her other big dream was to be this big-ass adoption expert and earn monies on speaking engagements on the adoption lecture circuit.

Gert and I don’t really care about any adoption issues – what we do care about is Joan’s continual lies about our family and misrepresentations about our family and the circumstances of her adoption. Even though we were successful in getting that book pulled from publication – she still goes on different internet forums and blabs bullshit stories about OUR childhood! She was given up for adoption in 1956. She was reunited with us in 1974. She wasn’t there when we were kids – who gave her the right to blab lying stories about me, Gert, and the rest of our siblings on the internet?

Her biggest dream, as with most adoptees, was being reunited with her birth family. At the age of 16, she made the conscious decision to find us. In 1974, when she was 18 – legal age – we found her. BUT by 1980, we could see that she was NOT someone we wanted in our lives. She writes in her book that we wanted to mold her into our vision of what we wanted her to be. NOT TRUE! We wanted to be reunited with our younger sister – what we got was someone who did not have the same moral values as us. Lying, stealing, manipulating, making trouble – she was doing that as a young adult and is still doing it. One by one, we turned our backs on her – not just Gert and me, but our siblings, our extended family. My father and me – we were the ones who TRIED for years to keep a relationship with her. Throughout the 80’s I turned my cheek to her lies, her disrespect. I turned the cheek so many times I ran out of cheeks. She wanted her birth family. She got us – then lost us – because of her own actions.

By the year 2008 – Joan WAS out of our lives – or so we thought. Those years between 2004 (when I got that accusing email and I booted her off my family website) and 2008, going into 2009, were quiet years. Little did we know, that Joan was feverishly finishing up that dam book. I have a 1999 manuscript and although I dont’ like it, it’s not as bad as the finished product. Because the old manuscript does not have almost every other page Brenda this, Brenda that (Brenda is me) and other HATREDS spewed out to other family members – dead members of our family – my uncle, my cousin Gail – who never bothered anyone, who was harassed by Joan while she was battling cancer. In the book, Joan’s hatred for Gail is quite evident – yet the bitch showed up at Gail’s wake in 2003.

I just spoke to a couple of my cousins at a family get-together on Dec. 23, 2012 and was asked, “why Gail? She never hurt anyone?”

Our blog is not just for things that Joan has done to me and Gert – it is for the honor of our entire family – who Joan has sullied and told lies about for years – in person, in print, and on the internet. Joan is a bully – plain and simple as that – a BULLY and the best way to deal with a bully is to shed light on their words and deeds. – That’s what this blog is about.

To see further goals – go to this post: What is Demanded from Joan Wheeler.

Gert, from facebook:  “just the fact that Joan can’t get rid of us and that she has to speak our names must really taste like garbage to her (I like) she says that she is NOT in our lives, not physically but in every other way she is and it’s all her own doing. I told her that she can do the right thing but she refuses so she has to have live with our names coming out of every pore in her body until she does the right thing, remove her and boyfriend’s hate blogs and shut up it’s her choice.”

2. gertmcqueen – January 7, 2013

Gert here…
excellent post Ruth!

Ruth quotes me at the end of this post from what I said last night on facebook…and I shall add this…why do we not ignore Joan?

Joan in 1980 interfered with my minor children and the ADOPTION of my son, then called 2 child abuses reports on me when I told her to get lost, I had 10 years of no Joan. I tried to reconcile in 92 in a afternoon visit but by that evening got back-stabbed, then she writes me 98 trying to get MY attention, I told get lost, In 98 she writes to my daughter asking her to commit a crime. In 2004 or 05 I TRULY wanted to bury it all and called her, she told me SHE LOVED ME, she loved me so much that in 2009 she told all kinds of lies about me, my children, my family EVERYONE, in that fucking book.

I have had 4 contacts with that bitch in 30 years and then she writes libel SHE WILL HEAR FROM ME TILL SHE DOES RIGHT OR DIES. Her choice…I’m in it for the long ran…
if she didn’t doesn’t want us in her life she never SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN THAT FUCKING BOOK

 5. RuthJanuary 7, 2013

Nancy, your comment tho very good is just too long to put in the body of the post here, and I know your heart is there. I will try to answer. we know that Joan is hurting. We don’t know exactly what happened, but we know her adoptive mother was a nutcase. We don’t want to talk to her adoptive family – they don’t like Joan either. As much as we may have some sympathies for Joan – we draw the line when she delibrately sets out to destroy us. In my case: After I cut her out of my life in 1990 – she went on a campaign of retaliation – set me up in 1993. She called the phone company to complain that I was calling her multiple times and swearing at her on the phone. I was not. She insisted the phone company put a tap on her line (this was pre-caller ID) then she forged a letter – she made it look like it was a letter from her own 10 year old son. The letter was for John, but then Joan put it in an envelope and addressed it to me. She baited me. I stupidly took the bait – I called her up, say Hi. She says, “just a minute.” click. I though we were disconnected. I call back. same thing. I call again. same thing. BINGO! You only need three calls to show it is “harassment.” When the police called me – I told them the truth and I told him about how she swindled me out of almost $900.00. He was pissed. He said he would tell Joan to drop any charges, but she didn’t. I got hauled into court and was given a restraining order to stay away from her for 6 months. Because I didn’t do anything, after 6 months, it was dismissed, no record. I was never arrested, I have no criminal record. Joan says that the restraining order was for one year, and that I was arrested and placed on probation, and I have posted to this blog actual court documents that tell the truth. Then in 1994, she called child abuse on herself and posed as me – this was her attempt to break me and John up. She even wrote him letters to his mother’s house asking him to leave me. Then in 1994-95, she’s calling my job to get me fired.


6. RuthJanuary 7, 2013

as to any suggestion of any kind of counseling or family remediation – it is long way past the time for that. In 1993, when she hoodwinked the phone company and the police into thinking I was making multiple annoyance calls, and we got to court, the court suggested a mediator. I agreed. Joan refused. With Joan it is going to be HER way – all the way – and no it will NOT be that way – because I, and Gert, and the rest of our family are NOT going to tolerate being walked on. Even after all the fighting, I call her up to be nice to her – to tell her that our aunt, the person she was originally named for died – and all Joan could do was spew obscenties at me – screaming at me over the phone. She needs to learn that she cannot treat people that way. The ball is in her court. She needs to stop being an ass and become a woman who respects other people. She wants respect? She has to give it first. No one is going to respect a person who continually disrespects others, especially innocent people.

on Gert’s blog, a new post October 9, 2012

Posted by gertmcqueen in Uncategorized.
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Joan Wheeler knows about personal boundaries…NOT.

by  on October 9, 2012

Resistance to facts is futile.If you can’t accept the facts about my life, then by all means – leave this blog. September 7, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Dreams, Inconsistent Angel Things.
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“As I have said more than once, my postings are an invitation to understand, not an invitation to argue” – David Gerrold.

Saturday, September 8, is the 46th anniversary of Star Trek. But this post is not about Star Trek, only in passing.

I had the pleasure of meeting David Gerrold and getting his autograph at one of the first Star Trek conventions in New York, either 1973 or 1974. And I’ve had the privilege the past couple of years to have him as a facebook buddy. David is the inventor of those fuzzy little creatures called Tribbles, and he has written other things too. You can see his stuff at his home page at www.gerrold.com

David is always writing interesting things to get his readers to think about political issues, personal growth, human and civil rights. He passes himself off as a grumpy old man, but I’m not sure that’s the case at all. I think that he, like me and Gert, has a low tolerance for bullshit and stupidity. I’m constantly learning from him.

I’m not a paid professional writer, but I do like to write. I’ve got my blogs, and I do write for the newsletter for my local Star Trek group, the USS Ari. A couple of things that I learned from David about writing: get your science right and do your research. If you don’t have your science right and your facts straight, you may as well chuck your piece in the garbage. David recently posted that 90% of what he does as a writer is RESEARCH.

And this is what we’ve been saying all along – and especially in my post about Joan writing about my childhood neighborhood and indeed, about Buffalo’s East Side. click here. What she saw in the 1970’s was NOT the way it was in the 1950’s! And her silly friend Brian, who trashed my father for relinquishing Joan for adoption in 1956, while he didn’t do the same for his children in 1994 made the same mistake. To compare American society of 1956 to American society of 1994 is a fatal mistake.  And the ages of the children were completely different. Brian’s youngest child was 10 years old, while Joan was a newborn.

Brian made the mistake of not doing his research. Were there daycare centers in 1956? No. What was the welfare system back then? Not much help. Did my father have relatives able to help out with the raising of his children? No.

Most of Joan’s supporters also failed to do their research. In 2006, when her buddy Rene Hoksbergen wrote the foreword to her slanderous book, he failed to get all the facts from her. She showed him a manuscript that was NOT the final product. The final product contained a huge lie about me and him. Now, this adoption expert and author has egg on his face. He was told way back in 1993 to keep his nose out of our family business. He didn’t listen.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – if Joan has the freedom of speech to write a lie about me, then I have the freedom of speech to correct that lie and tell the truth about me. That is what this blog is all about. As well as Gert’s blog.

Joan tells her readers of her now dead book and on her website and various internet forums all these horror stories about her birth sisters – but never backs up her stories with any documented proof. This blog has been in existence since late November 2009 and I have provided actual court documents and letters to prove that what I say is the truth.

If people don’t like what I write on my blog about MY OWN CHILDHOOD and post court documents from the City Court of Buffalo they can just leave and don’t come back. Because as David said on facebook today: “As I have said more than once, my postings are an invitation to understand, not an invitation to argue.”

This blog is an invitation to know the truth behind a libelous book, and not an invitation to argue with me.  

– gratitude extended to David, who graciously gave me permission to use his quote. I owe him hugs, kisses, and a big box of chocolate!

1. gertmcqueenSeptember 7, 2012

Ruth…you did it again!! excellent observations!

When people refuse to let go of their ‘pet theories’ and ‘get with the program’ they are doomed! I’ve seen this time and time again, over the years..I have had far more formidable opponents than Joan Wheeler and Brian Maloney and they, like Joan and Brian didNOT do their homework and therefore lost.

I suggest that every adoptee out there that feels that Ruth and Gert are causing trouble for poor misunderstood adoptee called Joan Wheeler, they really ought to read each and every post on our blogs; there are years worth. Sure such a venture would require some patience because many posts are hard to get through because of our own frustations of having  to deal with an mental nut case who speaks without engaging the brain and many who believe her to be the second coming of the savior and, as in the case of Brian, who must be getting far more out of his association with Joan than what she has to offer…anyone, seems to be totally misinformed about anything!

I am not interested in arguments, been there done that. I am interested in getting Joan Wheeler mouth CLOSED. You don’t like that…tough shit!

Why does Joan Wheeler write about the childhoods of her birth siblings, but never about her own childhood? What is she hiding? September 7, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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In my last post “Why must Joan Wheeler continue to tell lies about her birth family?” ,I left the following comment:

I know what MY life is and was – Joan was NOT there! She knows NOTHING about my life. And I have a dam good memory! I have what is called an eidetic memory – that means I remember things in details. I can remember colors, smells, actual words, the weather, I remember events like my father walking me to Sacred Heart School for a Halloween party – which must have been Halloween 1958. I remember the Christmas party in Sacred Heart’s downstairs gymnasium, around 1958 as well – I actually remember eating a tangerine and walnuts! I remember the Halloween party at the orphanage 1959 – I remember the black and orange crepe paper draping from the cieling, and bobbing for apples. I remember the school year recital at the orpanage where me and my brother Butch tapdanced to the tune of – well I don’t know the title of the song but it went “H-A-Double R -I, G-A-N spells Harrigan.” I remember seeing the 7th Voyage of Sinbad in the auditorium of the orphanage, a first run film, for the kids at the orphan home!   I remember bringing home the living room lamps with my stepmother and stepbrother. She carried the lamps – decorated with antique cars, and me and John each carried a shade. We got them from the S+H green stamp redemption center on the fifth floor of downtown’s Hens + Kelly store.

       And in the body of my post, to dispel the lies that Joan writes about how “poor” we were as children, I list some of the many toys we had when we were little.

And I just had a thought – Why is Joan Wheeler constantly writing about MY childhood (lies or not) – and NEVER WRITES ABOUT HER OWN CHILDHOOD!

She’s always whining that we birth sisters of her, NEVER TOOK THE TIME TO UNDERSTAND HER. Well, how could we – she NEVER TOLD US ABOUT HER CHILDHOOD. I haven’t the slightest idea of what toys she had when she was a kid. Or what tv shows she watched when she was little. Even back in the 70’s, when we were first reunited with her and we were getting to know each other. – Oh, she told us how she loved The Beatles, Star Trek, Ancient Egypt, art and loved Native American dances. BUT SHE NEVER TALKED ABOUT HER EARLY CHILDHOOD. She never told us where in their living room the Christmas tree was placed. What toys were put there.

Did she ever go to the circus? Ice Capades? (my dad took me to Ice Capades all the time). What movies did she go see? My stepmother took me and my brother and stepbrother to see science fiction and monster movies, and I well remember my dad taking me to see Fantasia. Snow White, Bambi, Cinderella. My dad could talk like Donald Duck and get out the word “yep” in a belch. Didn’t Joan’s parents take her places and do silly stuff like that?

The only time she described an outing in her book was the time when she was 10 years old and went to Crystal Beach and my Aunt Catherine happened to be there with my 10 year old cousin Gail. And Joan had to turn into a hate fest against adoption and the cousin who withheld “secrets” from her – even though the cousin was a 10 year old kid herself and didn’t know who the hell Joan was!

So now Joan – here’s your chance for us to “understand” you – why don’t you write what happened to you when you were a little kid that screwed you up so dam much that you turned into a lying evil person? Come on – out with it.

1. gertmcqueenSeptember 7, 2012


She does NOT want to talk about her childhood, because that is when she was abused and that is WHY she hates adoption because she blames her life of abuse on adoption! She has a fixation with her birthsibling’s lives because she doesn’t have one of her own, to her mind she was created in the imagine of what the adoptive parents wanted. Well guess what…most parents mold and guide their children to be what the parent feels are best for them, some better than others of course, but, Joan always had the OPTION, when she became of age to LEAVE HOME AND LIVE HER LIFE THE WAY SHE WANTED.

She always talks about being raised as a only child and was spoiled rotten, but never gives details. All she ever says is that she was LIED to by the adoptive parents.

So she stayed at home, with adoptive parents after being found by birth family, she was still in high school but was legal age of 18! She then went to college, paid for by those people who lied to her, when she first went out on her own, those same liars paid her rent and food etc, when she married, those same liars, the adoptive parents, gave her thousands of dollars for a wedding gift! and all kinds of help. Oh the father died in the early 80s so it was just that lying adoptive mother that continue to take care of Joan and Joan just kept taking the money etc, And then after not being able to make it on her own, Joan MOVES BACK INTO the childhood home with that lying mother! Where Joan still lives in her CHILDHOOD HOME.

So yes, what the hell was her childhood like? Obviously, she and that mother could NOT live apart from each other, even has they went after each other. There is no other rational explanation for Joan’s negative hate and anger against adoption ….she was abused, BEFORE she was found by the birth family and that is why she hates us. Joan really needs to confront her abuse as a child and leave adoption and the birth family alone.

Why must Joan Wheeler continue to tell lies about her birth family? September 7, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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In her latest blogpost, “Joan Wheeler continues to believe that adoption is an evil that must be stamped out, even as she lies, some more, about the birth family. Gert says:  “So Joan Wheeler will continue on spreading her untruths anywhere she can…but…the birth siblings will also be right there, EXPOSING HER. At some point in time those that are hanging on to her coat tails will ‘let go’ because Joan Wheeler’s reputation is CATCHING UP WITH HER.”

Her latest puppet, who is harassing us at Joan’s request (so she doesn’t get her hands dirty) accused us of “ruining Joan’s reputation.” – not so. We are merely “exposing” her lies.

CNN’s Anderson Cooper’s tagline is “keeping them honest.” Exposing lies of politicians and crooked charities. 60 Minutes has a long history of doing the same thing. What makes Joan so special that HER lies don’t get exposed? Does Joan Wheeler have some sort of special immunity that her lies don’t get exposed? If Joan Wheeler has the freedom of speech to tell a lie in a book and on the internet, then we have the right to expose that lie and replace it with the truth. Especially when that lie is about us and how we lived when we were children. She was born in  January 1956, lived with my uncle on Fox St. in Buffalo and NEVER in our apartment on Smith St. She was given to the Wheelers in April 1956. Shortly after that, the Wheelers moved to a nice suburb of Buffalo.

So why is she writing about where WE lived in the 1950’s and 1960’s. Her excuse once was that she wrote about us only when our lives intersected with hers. What happened in OUR lives betweeen 1956 and 1974 (the year we were reunited with her) HAS NEVER INTERSECTED WITH HER LIFE AND SHE HAS NO BUSINESS WRITING ABOUT IT. Doesn’t matter that she used one of her screen names, because she uses Legitimate Bastard, 1Adoptee, Half Orpan56, all the time and leaves clues as to who she is and who we are. Especially when she signs her real name, or “Joan Wheeler, born as Doris Sippel”

We have said before and it should be said again: We have no objection to her fighting her cause about adoption reform. All she has to do is refrain from telling lies about our childhood, and our family. She needs to stop writing lies about the circumstance of her adoption. MY FATHER WAS NOT COERCED INTO GIVING HER FOR ADOPTION! She needs to stop saying that no one came forth to help my father keep her. IT WAS NOT POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO KEEP HER! Again – there were no day-care centers in 1956. Welfare did not exist as it does now. My father had to work. His parents were elderly, could not take care of 5 little kids, one of them being an infant. My mother’s siblings also could not take her in. My father was approached by my aunt, who was childhood friends with the sister of the man who adopted Joan. My father THEN consulted his parish priest. HE WAS NOT COERCED AT MY MOTHER’S WAKE. The final adoption papers were signed in January 1957. My father had ample time to reconsider his decision. He did not. He stuck to his original decision. This is something that Joan Wheeler must accept and live with. So he was greiving when he made his initial decision -the fact remains: HE HAD TEN MORE MONTHS TO RECONSIDER THAT DECISION. AND HE STUCK WITH HIS FIRST DECISION – THAT BEING THAT THE WHEELER’S WOULD BE JOAN’S PARENTS.

ALSO – my father did have a GED for high school. In the early 50’s he went to night school to study drafting, reading blueprints, etc. In 1955 he became employed by the City of Buffalo as Junior Civil Engineer in the Street Paving and Design Department, where he worked until his retirement in 1988. And he made fairly good money.

Joan Wheeler is constantly saying that our family was “poor” and we lived in a run-down neighborhood. Not so. We did live in a back apartment. So? Some houses are constructed up and down. Front and back. Actually, our apartment was the back AND the whole second floor! Our landlord, Mr. Johnson and his wife had the small one bedroom apartment downstairs in the front.

In the 1950’s and 1960’s, the nieghborhood that we lived in, Smith St. near William St. was vibrant. All along William St. was a bustling shopping district. With a large city playground nearby. There were 2 gas stations, a post office, 3 drug stores, several mom + pop delis, a couple of small variety stores, a liquor store, a butcher store, a large supermarket, a Deco restaurant, and we lived about a mile from Central Terminal, the main hub of railroad passenger and freight service. We also lived a couple of miles from the Broadway/Fillmore shopping district that had banks, major shops and stores.

By the 1970’s, yes, the area began to deteriorate. After we were reunited with Joan in 1974, she went to our old neighborhood (we moved in 1965 after my father bought a house). What Joan saw was our old nieghorhood slowly decaying. It’s called “urban blight” and Buffalo is not the only city this happens to. What she saw in the 70’s was NOT what we saw when we lived there. By the 90’s, however, community re-development took charge. Our playground was demolished and a beautiful senior apartment complex arose. Today, there are vast fields where a lot of Buffalo’s oldest housing stock has been demolished. (yes, my childhood home too). These were structures built in the mid-to-late 1800’s. – Joan really should do her homework when she talks about Buffalo’s East Side. The core area where we lived was built for Polish and German immigrants and blacks who migrated from the southern states. In the late 1800’s and early 1900’s, Buffalo was a boom-town. Very different from what it is now.

And as my father’s finances progressed, he put together a down payment and bought a house – the first in his family to own property. The Wheelers had done the same in 1957. Coincidentally, they lived only a few blocks from where we lived! They moved to a hoity-toity suburb of Buffalo (hence Joan’s tendancy to look down on where and how we lived). Well, geez, my uncle, who took Joan in for the first couple of months of her life, lived on Fox St. – another neighborhood that was quite nice in the 50’s and 60’s and sadly, now, is a crummy drug-infested ghetto.

You cannot see a crummy house and think it was crummy from the day it was built – and this is Joan’s mistake. (well one of her mistakes). She also suffers from the prejudicial statements from her adoptive parents who apparently forgot where they came from, because all her life, Joan was told she came from a family that were “too poor to keep her.” Joan was raised as an only child, spoiled rotten. Her mom hand sewed her pretty dresses. She must have used that line as a way to keep Joan grateful to them for adopting her. That was rotten, but that doesn’t give Joan the right to keep on perpetuating that tired old myth – by writing in her book and online that for Christmas 1956 or 1957, her adoptive parents sent over a xmas tree and presents for us!

This is utter bullshit! MY FATHER WORKED FOR THE CITY OF BUFFALO AND MADE GOOD MONEY. In 1956, my father remarried to an Italian lady, who’s mother doted on me. My father’s parents also doted on us. I recently posted on my facebook about how I got started on my love of mythology. My father’s mother gave me, when I was five years old (1957) – a book on Hiawatha. Even though it is a child book, it has some of the original prose of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. – I still have it in my attic. How do I know what year I got it? – cos my grandmother wrote it in the inside cover! It is a quality book – she had to have paid $$$ for it. (see graphics at end of this post). And that’s just only ONE thing. I remember a lot of the toys we had. Even when we lived with our grandparents for a couple of years while my stepmother was ill. – Just as girls today have dolls to learn makeup and hairdos – we had Toni dolls and Breck dolls (sponsored by Breck shampoo and Toni home perms) we had our very own gym set in the back yard on Smith St. not many kids had those. We had the make believe kitchen sets, with running water! (you filled the resevoir in the back). We had the first Easy Bake Oven. My brothers and I had Roy Rogers and Dale Evans cap gun sets. I had a Lucas McCain rifle (tv’s The Rifleman). Davy crockett coonskin hats, Jim Bowie rubber knives. Mickey Mouse Ears and Tinkerbell wands. We had the Visible V8 engine and chemistry sets. Countless paint by number kits and activity books and water color books and sets. I also had a Howdy Doody doll. METAL not plastic dish and tea sets. Stuffed toys. Cars and fire trucks, my stepbrother John had a rubber John Deere tractor! (which he named Basil – go figure!) We had an Elsie the Cow doll.

WE DIDN’T NEED CHARITY FROM THE WHEELERS OR ANYBODY ELSE AND JOAN WHEELER NEEDS TO STOP SAYING THAT BULLSHIT THAT WE RECIEVED IT. In her comments on that site that Gert references in her blog post – Joan also mentions “Catholic Charities.” Yes, our family availed ourselves with their services – AFTER MY STEPMOTHER BECAME ILL! – after Joan was adopted! I don’t know what kind of health insurance my father had back then, but I suspect he had the same problems back then as most families have today. Raising a family of 5 kids is expensive! And in those days, it was NOT the norm for the wife to work. So we were a one-income family, with the added burden of illness. Doctor and other bills to pay. My stepmother was mentally ill and an alcoholic. What Catholic Charities provided for us was social work. NOT monetary contributions. By 1959, when my stepmother was placed in the psych center, we were sent to a foster home and an orphanage. Again, I don’t know the financial obligations of all of that – but I think you have to pay some sort of child support, plus there was the doctor and hospital bills for my stepmother. But even in the foster home, there was still plenty of ample food, clothes and toys. And as I said, in 1965, my father bought a house, taking on a second job as a salesman at Sears. Teenagers in the 60’s were just as expensive then as they are today! But we were NOT poor!

And as far as Joan quoting my father as saying “if I had more education…” blah blah blah – my father was a carpenter. After he bought his house in 1965, he did extensive remodeling. He built a bedroom in the basement! Do you know how much money carpenters make?  My father could have taken that route for a career. (and I do not consider it a menial job at all – to create things with your hands is hardly menial. FYI – one of today’s greatest actors – Harrison Ford worked as a carpenter.- if carpentry is good enough for Han Solo and Indiana Jones, then I’m proud of my dad too!) And don’t forget – Jesus was a carpenter too, having learned the craft from his father Joseph.

So why is Joan NOT proud of the man who gave her the greatest gift of all? – HER OWN LIFE? No, all she can do is write put-down after put-down of him – and us.

AND THAT NEEDS TO STOP. And until she does – this blog, and Gert’s blog will be right here, taking Joan’s bullshit and telling the truth of us and our family.

I didn’t feel like going up to the attic and dragging my copy of Hiawatha down and taking pictures of it – I did find it on google. Apparently it was a 1951 edition, adapted by Allen Chaffee and illustrated by Armstrong Sperry. This is no “Little Golden Book.” This is large – larger than your average 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper.  This is an old friend of mine, along with my Heidi book, another present from my grandmother – which I also still have.

1. gertmcqueen

Right on Ruth!!! Our lives and our family’s lives, our friends, our lovers, our husbands, our children, where and how we lived and any minor or major aspect of our lives have been EXPOSED EXPLOITED AND LIED ABOUT by Joan Wheeler. We shall never stop in exposing these lies and righting our honor. People don’t like it, that’s just too bad.

 2. Ruth

you dam right Gert – if I, Ruth Pace, want to talk about MY childhood – that is my right! anybody got a problem with that? stuff it.

I know what MY life is and was – Joan was NOT there! She knows NOTHING about my life. And I have a dam good memory! I have what is called an eidetic memory – that means I remember things in details. I can remember colors, smells, actual words, the weather, I remember events like my father walking me to Sacred Heart School for a Halloween party – which must have been Halloween 1958. I remember the Christmas party in Sacred Heart’s downstairs gymnasium, around 1958 as well – I actually remember eating a tangerine and walnuts! I remember the Halloween party at the orphanage 1959 – I remember the black and orange crepe paper draping from the cieling, and bobbing for apples. I remember the school year recital at the orpanage where me and my brother Butch tapdanced to the tune of – well I don’t know the title of the song but it went “H-A-Double R -I, G-A-N spells Harrigan.” I remember seeing the 7th Voyage of Sinbad in the auditorium of the orphanage, a first run film, for the kids at the orphan home!

I remember bringing home the living room lamps with my stepmother and stepbrother. She carried the lamps – decorated with antique cars, and me and John each carried a shade. We got them from the S+H green stamp redemption center on the fifth floor of downtown’s Hens + Kelly store.


And if Joan and her deluded friends don’t like it – they can go you-know-where!

some recent posts regarding Joan Wheeler September 6, 2012

Posted by gertmcqueen in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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over at Gert’s blog…


Joan Wheeler NEVER was a sibling of ours, she is ‘the adoptee’! (from that book) September 2, 2012

Posted by gertmcqueen in Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Our Family History, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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come over to Gert’s blog to see my revisted post of another couple of chapters of Joan’s libelous book…

Joan Wheeler NEVER was a sibling of ours, she is ‘the adoptee’! (from that book)


Joan Wheeler NEVER was a sibling of ours, she is ‘the adoptee’! (from that book) by gertmcqueen

Joan Wheeler tells her tale of woe AGAIN. yawn, yawn, big, big yawn – OH WAIT! SHE CHANGES THE STORY OF HER BAPTISM! August 18, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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IMPORTANT UPDATE – AUGUST 19, 2012, 2:30 pm:

It seems that Joan WAS telling the truth about her baptism. Here is the following exchange from facebook:

 Richard L. Herr Girl’s that part is true. That is how it happend.

  • gert mcquen  excatly what happened, could you please explain, who and what at the hospital or in the church, because I saw her in baptismal dress at grandma’s NOT at the hospital
  • Richard L. Herr All I can tell you is she was baptised in the hospital room with Aunt Anne, me as her godparents. I understand she was baptized again after that when your Dad took her away from us.
    RUTH HERE – Richard Herr is Joan’s godfather. – so why didn’t Joan tell the full story in the first place? And why did she end up telling THREE different versions of it?
    And this is the trouble when you tell stories that are different from the actual facts, or outright lies – like the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf, Joan has published so many lies, fabrications and twisting of facts, that when she does tell the truth, nobody believes her.
    Thank you Uncle Rich for setting the record straight. —-
    Gert here now…thank you Uncle Rich for telling me what happened;
    two baptismal ceremonies and then removed from godparents care and placed with the adopted parents, who then did their own ceremonies.
    Joan never tells the same story twice and this is where the core problems lie, plus she repeats things she heard or learned from the adopted parents that were untrue and based on their own fears.
    As I just said to Uncle Rich…why doesn’t Joan stop, it is not helping our mother’s spirt.
    For Joan to constantly invoke our mother’s spirit to the entire world and make up several versions of a very tragic event, robs that mother of PEACE IN DEATH. Joan really needs to have her tongue cut out!
    okay, back to my original post:

On the New York Times site is an article on adoption and there is Joan again telling her tale of woe – at first I sort of just pooh-poohed it – but then I took a second look and saw SHE CHANGES THE FACTS AGAIN! Previously, on various internet sites, via comments, she has reported that it was “a nurse in the hospital who brought the baby to her mother’s room.” Then it was changed to a “Protestant nurse who brought the baby to her mother’s room.” NOW it’s her godparents AND a priest who brought her to mom’s hospital room and she received the Holy Sacrement of Baptism! But she says NOTHING  about any of these three scenarios in her all-truthful book!

After I read her latest whine of woe and changing of the facts, I knew I had to answer!

Joan’s comments:
Aug. 17, 2012 at 3:38 a.m.
..halforhpan56Buffalo, NY

..My adoption became final one year and one week after my birth. Within the following three months, the government confiscated my birth certificate and placed it under seal, never to be opened, forever. Paperwork was sent 400 miles away from Surrogate’s Court in the city of my birth to the State Capital where all birth certificates created for NYS adoptees are made and filed. One year and three months after I was born, the Registrar of Vital Statistics set forth a new birth certificate in my new adoptive name, naming my new parents as my parents by birth, naming my hospital of birth, the time of my birth, and stating that I was a “single” birth and not a twin or a triplet. The Registrar then signed his name and affixed the raised State seal to this new birth certificate certifying that the facts stated were true. He lied. He knowingly created a false government document. He committed fraud and perjury as lying under oath is a crime. But, it was God’s will. It was destiny. He just had to do it since it was God’s Plan.

..Three and a half years later, (after my adoption) when my adoptive parents wanted a new baptismal certificate for me in the name they had given me, they asked their lawyer to do something. He did. He requested that the parish that performed my baptism in 1956 issue a new, amended, baptismal certificate in my adoptive name so that I could go to Catholic Schools and receive the rest of the Catholic sacraments. The parish pastor created a new baptismal certificate that stated that I, in my legal adopted name, was baptized on the date of my actual baptism in 1956, he named my adoptive parents, named my godparents who were my deceased mother’s brother and his wife, and then issued the new baptismal certificate in May of 1959. This Pastor knowingly issued a falsified baptismal certificate, yet he, being a representative of God, committed a sin by signing his name in witness and testimony that all the information was true as taken from Official Records of that parish church.

This is not God’s Will, nor is it Destiny. This is lying. By a priest.
…It was God’s will and His Plan for my widowed father that he relinquish me, his fifth child, born in January of 1956, to be raised the only child of my adoptive parents. Yes, it is destiny that my mother was dying while pregnant with me and her only purpose was to stay alive long enough for me to be born. But she lingered for three more months.

…I was taken to my dying mother’s bedside where my godparents, a priest, and my mother witnessed the Holy Sacrament of Baptism. I was Baptized under my legal and religious name, recognized by Jesus Christ himself, while my father was at home with his four older children. Three weeks later, his wife, and our mother, died.

The priest said to our father, “The baby needs two parents.” At the funeral parlor, a woman came up to my father and said, “I know someone who will take your baby.” So, my father, being the obedient Catholic that he was, took the priest’s words to heart. A woman who knew his deceased wife came to pay her respects. It must surely be God’s will, it must surely be destiny, that this woman appeared to my father at the exact moment that his newborn daughter needed a new family because, after all, the priest said that the baby needed two parents. And so it came to pass that my father handed me over to my pre-adoptive parents nearly one month after my mother’s death.

Ruth’s comments:

Adoption, Destiny and Magical Thinking is certainly an appropriate title to describe HalfOrphan56’s way of thinking. I am a birth sister of H.O56. HO56 likes to put her own spin on the facts of her adoption and other things. And everytime she tells the story, she changes things. One time she told the story of her baptism, it was simply a nurse who did the “baptism.” Another time it was a Protestant nurse. (on different internet sites). Now she says that she was taken to her dying mother’s bedside where she received the Holy Sacrament of Baptism with her godparents and a priest in attendance. NO, she was baptized on March 4, 1956 in Sacred Heart Church. My oldest sister remembers seeing the infant lying on my grandparent’s bed – they lived only a few blocks from the church.

As to her adoption – yes, my mother got sick while pregnant and went into the hospital late December 1955. On January 7, she miscarried the baby, who was placed in an incubator and discharged from the hospital 6 weeks later. That baby was HO56, who went home with my uncle, her godfather. My father had 4 other children to look after – his parents were elderly.

My mother’s sister Catherine grew up and remain friends with Helen. Helen’s brother and his wife couldn’t have children. She did approach my father with the suggestion that he let these people adopt the baby.

It was NOT at the funeral home. AND my father then consulted his parish priest. NO priest approached him at the funeral home. In April 1956, the baby was given to the adoptive parents. The final papers were signed by my father in January 1957, giving him ample time to think things over further and reconsider. That he stood by his initial decision shows that he was hardly coerced or taken advantage of while grieving.

In 1956, there were no daycare centers or welfare system as we know it today. My father made a painful decision with the circumstances he had to work with. There was NO kiinship solving available. HO56 refuses to accept this fact, and because she refuses to accept that fact, has many “issues.” One is that only 6 years after being reunited with her birth family, she was actually kicked out of the family – due to her harassments and other wrongful actions.

In November 2009, she self-published her book Forbidden Family, which contained many lies about me and other members of our family.My oldest sister and I compiled a list of the slanders contained in the book and made a formal complaint to the publisher. They carefully read our complaint and the book and agreed that HO56 violated her contract with them – no slander, no hate speech, copyright infringement. Their legal department pulled the book from publication in May 2011.

My sister and I have two blogs regarding this libelous book, HO56’s blog, and her lies about us and our family on various internet sites.
The are: Refuting a Book of Lies – Forbidden Family at:https://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/  and Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor at: http://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/

RuthAugust 18, 2012

here read this sentance again:
“…I was taken to my dying mother’s bedside where my godparents, a priest, and my mother witnessed the Holy Sacrament of Baptism.”

take notice how Joan says “a priest…witnessed the Holy Sacrament of Baptism.”

She doesn’t say that the priest PERFORMED the sacrement, but that he WITNESSED it.


a really important post on Gert’s blog July 16, 2012

Posted by gertmcqueen in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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don’t miss important developments…

this one has evidence that will knock your socks off…


The Yom Kippur Affair of Octobr 2009 – Joan Wheeler twists the meaning of Yom Kippur, gets herself in trouble with her bloghost, then blames her birth sisters for her own ignorance. (what else is new?)


My answer to Gert’s post ‘Champ has left the building, Joan Wheeler has taken over’ and lots more! June 29, 2012

Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Ruth here
Good morning. I went to bed at 10pm. I was going to stay up and do some blogging, but was just too tired.

So here it is 3:30. I find a bunch of comments on Gert’s post “Champ has left the building…Joan Wheeler has taken over….”
I was going to comment myself, but find I have to much to say – so here is a new blog post.

Thank you Paula for having the courage to write your observations. We have long suspected that people reading our blog and Joan’s blog can tell for themselves that Joan is mentally ill. Joan knows herself that she is mentally ill. She readily admits that she’s been in therapy for over 30 years and describes herself as “damaged.” She finally got something right.

For the life of me, I cannot and have never understood WHY she has gone after me – all these years. Sure, she has hurt Gert and Kathy, and I’ve said it before to both of them – that book was NOT about adoption – it was to trash everyone in her life who ever angered her, and in particular ME. She calls me Brenda in the book. My god, every other page is Brenda this, Brenda that. Is the book a biography of Brenda or a biography of Joan. She writes about my first husband, my job, makes a mockery of my miscarriage, makes outlandish claims regarding a telephone annoyance incident – has a police detective talking nonsense about my pets – yes – my pets! A police officer would not do that. I had my phone listed under a different name – Brittany. She has the police officer asking her who is Brandy Sippel? Joan writes that she told him that was my cat – actually it was my dog – and the officer says the phone bill is under the cats name and Joan says my gas bill is under the other cat’s name. A letter written to Gert’s daughter has her admitting that she knows my phone is listed under Brittany. So why not tell the truth in the book?

And how did I get into court for annoyance calls? Because in June 1993 (at the same time she was making trouble for Kathy, via her pal Rene Hoksbergen), I get a letter in the mail. The envelope, in Joan’s handwritiing, was addressed to me. So I open it up. Inside was a sloppy note, supposedly written by her ten year old son, to my husband. It does not say Dear Uncle John, just Dear John, – and comparing it to Joan’s handwriting – it was her. So I called her up. She hung up on me. I thought we were disconnected. I called again. She hung up. I called again. She hung up. – Well, the sly one had already falsely reported to the Annoyance Call Bureau that she was getting calls. And made them install a trace trap. And calls WERE NOT recorded. She sent that note to bait me, and I fell for it. The following week, my electricity was shut off. I called her again – because she owed me money, – the money that she stole from me in the first place – now I needed it – same thing. She kept hanging up on me. Then she reported me to the police.
I got a call from the police officer and I told him my side of the story. He told me that he would recomend to Joan not to press charges, but she went ahead and did anyway. That’s how she got the Order of Protection against me – and it was for six months. Not for one year as she writes in the book.
by the way, you can see the actual letter in this post.”Did Joan’s 10 year old son write that letter I got in June 1993? Or did Joan herself?”

The following year, a completely innocent typing mistake mixed up her hospital bill and she swore up and down that I had done it. Never mind that I did not, never did, work in the billing office. For forty years, I’ve worked as a nurse’s aide. Joan calls my job and they investigate it. They found me innocent. But she wasn’t going to have it. She KNEW I was guilty and despite being assured by my employer that I DIDN’T do it, she was going to change the facts and set out to destroy me. She called my job for months trying to get me fired. She made that false child abuse call against herself to destroy my relationship with my fiance (now husband), she wrote letters to the mayor of Buffalo. – This took us into 1995. I filed harassment charges against her, but the stupid judge dismissed it, saying “sisters should get along.” – I was so angry. I was victimized by Joan, now I was victimized by the judge.

The harassment stopped after an assitant district attorney yelled at both me and Joan in 1995, but then in 1998, out of the blue, Joan started up again. The assistant DA who yelled at us was not there any more, so I had to start from scratch – and in 1999, Joan wrote me a letter using a friend’s return address – without her permission – and in the letter Joan tells me my infertile husband got the next door neighbor pregnant and they had a daughter in 1993. I go down to the district attorney and they didn’t want to do anything. A friend of mine, who works in the present city government suggested Family Court – and they took my case, slapping a one year order of protection for me against Joan. But she doesn’t write about that in the book – instead, she has all 3 court cases all mixed up and convoluted with a statement that we had a 3 month court battle in 1994. – What she was talking about was the case I brought against her in 1995 – First appearance, she is arraigned and a trial date was set. Second appearance, the case gets postponed. Third appearance, the judge dismissed it. Three short appearance, probably 15 minutes in length each time in front of the judge – gets reported in the book as “a three month court battle” with her kids on the stand testifying against me.

When I read that for the first time – I was like stunned! It was a total fabrication – I’m still amazed that Joan wrote that and actually BELIEVES that things happened that way. Because she really does BELIEVE that things happen the way she reports.

That is why she canNOT ever EVER explain even actual court documents that PROVE WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT WHAT SHE SAYS DIDN’T HAPPEN OR HOW SHE SAYS OR THAT SHE LIED. She turns a blind eye to her own handwritten letters to me and my fiance and my mother in law. She didn’t do that. That’s her story and she’s sticking to it.

She whines and says that nobody knew how to proceed with the reunion. I have already addressed that on my blog – I don’t know what she means by that – that the birth siblings were supposed to be some sort of all-knowing gods?

In 1974, I had just gotten my first real apartment. I had been on my own from 71-72, moved back in at my dad’s to help out watching the little ones. My first “apartment’ was just a room in a boarding house, now I had a full apartment, with my own fridge, etc. A new adult. lol. I was 23, starting late, but was finding my first adult steps. And we had our reunion. What deep psychiatric bullcrap was I supposed to know? All I did was f’ing welcome her into my life. I was working full time nights. When I had a free time – we went out. We got together. We were like new friends getting to know each other, but we were sisters. And we were re-connecting. What the hell did she want from me? Apparrently my life. Because when she started her interfering in 1980, and we started telling her, don’t do that, she would act like a five year old, (whiny) “I didn’t mean it. I don’t know how to act.). She says in her book she was a naive sheltered white girl from the suburbs.) Bull – she was an adult. But yeah, she acted like a brat. By 1980, it was clear to us that she, despite being raised by two parents, did not have the same morals and values that we did. We did not try to mold her to fit OUR pre-conceptions of what Doris might be, we simply put our foot down to someone who began interfering with our lives. Lying to us, and eventually stealing from us. These are things that are NOT tolerated by ANYone.

I recently broke off a freindship with someone who had the nerve to swear at me on my facebook page. At 1 in the morning she calls me up demanding to know why I took her off my facebook page. Then she starts swearing at me on the phone. This is a friend? Not in my book. So I said “goodby” – end of friendship. I don’t allow ANYbody to abuse me, not phyisically, verbally or otherwise. You disrespect ol’ Ruth – be prepared to be thrown out of her life. Boom. End of story.

Joan couldn’t accept that one by one, not only her birth siblings, but her birth father, and other members of both her adopted and birth family turned their backs on her – not because she was adopted, or is a militant adoptee – IT IS JOAN’S OWN BEHAVIOR – HER WORDS AND DEEDS THAT GOT HER KICKED OUT OF THE FAMILY.

Now she gets on the internet and wants people to feel sorry for HER. Because we birth sisters are telling the truth of what happened. We’re being admonished by her in her guise of Chimp to “understand” HER feelings of being adopted. NO way!

I did that back in the 70’s. I bent over backwards for her – all the way thru the 80’s and finally had enough when she stole from me. And from January 1991 to the present, I’ve been punished for simply saying I WON’T BE ABUSED BY JOAN WHEELER ANY MORE.

Joan Wheeler tried to destroy my life. She railroaded me in court. She tried to break me and John up. She tried to get me fired from my job. She wrote letters to the mayor and other elected officials in an attempt to ruin my reputation. She writes that book and trashes me left and right in that book. And worse of all – the worst of it – and she was there – during the years I was trying to get pregnant. And she even borrowed my books on pregnancy and child-raising, and was there when I miscarried in 1985, yet in the book states: “at one point she (me) claimed to want to have children.” then mocks my infertility by saying, “just as well she didn’t get pregnant.”

What does THAT have to do with Joan’s adoption, her reunion, or her adoption reform work? NOTHING -ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It was a pure attack on me – a vicious, below-the-belt comment, written especially to slam me and hurt me, BECAUSE JOAN KNEW HOW MUCH I WANTED A CHILD.

No, I don’t feel sorry for Joan – I hate her. But no, my life does not revolve around her or my hate of her- or this blog. I have a life and a busy one at that. – I actually have not had much time to do a lot of blogging – it has been sporadic lately. Since the last week of January of this year, I’ve had some health issues. And because of being injured on my job last summer, we had fallen behind in some bills, so our finances were strained. So despite my health issues, I did what people with morals and values do – instead of stealing money from someone, sick as I was, I picked up extra shifts at work.

In the meantime, my husband John has been getting his documentation together. He never had his original birth certificate, and despite being a know-it-all about birth certificates and expert in those matters – Joan never helped John obtain his original birth certificate. Well, I did. And by god, I’m not even an adoption expert or birth certificate expert! We just went to Lackawanna and got it. And everything is A-OK.

When John turned 65 a few years ago, he was supposed to be automatically placed on Medicare Part B. We never heard from Social Security. And he is covered under my family plan thru my job, so we never paid any attention. Well of a sudden, our health insurance was denying his doctor bills. So – we had to get all that straightened out. Several weeks ago John went to social security and while there for one thing, made the decision to retire. He was going to retire in 2013, but why wait?

So while we were waiting for all that paperwork, the first week of June, my computer – a netbook, crashed. Gert in the meantime, bought a new computer and shipped me her old laptop, a bit outdated, but still works just fine. AND I went and ordered a new netbook. So now, I got two computers and have been busy transfering files from my external hard drive to Gert’s old laptop and personalizing it. I still haven’t even gotten my new netbook up and running. I turned it on the first day I got it – it works. I installed a game, played it – it works, and it’s been in my office ever since. I’ve been working on the larger laptop in the living room, which will be transfrered to the kitchen by next week for John to work on.

Sooo – John’s social security check came – for two months worth (May and June) and we’ve been busy catching up with our finances. Just yesterday, Thursday, I was downtown paying my county taxes and water bill. It feels good to have zero balance on all our property taxes. And we had to go to our health insurance and show them that now that he has Medicare part B – they need to straighten that out. They said that they will go back and take care of any claims that had been denied. whew!

NOW – today, is John’s last day at work. I have to work this weekend, and of course there’s the holiday coming up next week, which I have to work (hospitals never close ya know). Next weekend, we are going to Red Lobster to celebrate his retirement. Then next month, we have three things to celebrate – both our birthdays, and our tenth wedding anniversary. We have long wanted to check out a restaurant near downtown Buffalo – Chef’s – the official restaurant of the Buffalo Sabres. I’m not kidding – it is! Apparently the players go there for dinner a lot. It’s an Italian restaurant, and must be good – the parking lot is always packed!

I’m also busy with my other passion – Star Trek, and I am head of a local Star Trek group. And a newsletter is due. So I simply MUST get one of my computers hooked up to my printer and get to work. And we are having our July meeting downtown at the waterfront in a couple of weeks. AND I’m still busy with my archiving work. Scanning into my computer pictures, and papers, articles of topics that I’m interested in. I’m interested in many topics, Ancient Egypt, Ancient Meso-America, other historical eras, I love art – Art Deco and Art Neuveau (I can never spell that right).metaphysics, crystals and herbs, AND I’m digitizing my music collection. I have on my external hard drive almost 850 albums of music.With more to go. I love all forms of music – from head banging metal to Mozart.

So with all this stuff going on – I don’t always have to time to blog. And Joan also put me down in her book for me liking horror movies. And just recently slammed me because I have multiple blogs! So f’ing what? I am a multi-faceted person with passion for the things I like. If you ask me, Joan is simply jealous that my life is so rich! And that I get the hell out there and do things I love. And yeah, I do have multiple blogs – one is the main blog about refuting that book, one was set up just to have simple statements from us three sisters that we will not accept abuse from Joan Wheeler. Another blog is set up to share family stories. Another blog is my horror site Midnight and Mythos. John is itching to learn the computer and the internet and contribute to our blog. His screen name is The Cadaverman. That gives you a bit of hint of what you can expect he will write about. 

And two months ago, I set up another blog for my Star Trek group The USS Ari, and to share my vast Star Trek scrapbook. There is a website already –  My Star Trek Scrapbook  by my friend Fred. He has been doing this for a few years now. Last summer, he put up a magazine article from 1979, but was missing the last page. Well, I had that article in my collection, and put that page on my blog to share with him. He suggested I start my own webpage and post the pictures and articles that I have, and this way, he and I can share with each other, and the world, our Star Trek passion. My Ari site is not ready to be up and running – but it will be soon. And Joan, in her guise of Chimp, can put me down, and ridicule me all she wants, because what she is doing by ridiculing me for my passions, and my choice of a tv show or genre of movies, – she is showing the world that despite her being 56 years of physical age, her mental age is that of a 10 year old. Acting like a schoolyard bully – she is the same as those bullying brats on the school bus two weeks ago, that bullied bus aide Karen Klein. By the way, if you click on the link and go see Fred’s site – he also has multiple blogs and likes horror too. So whaddya gonna do now Joan/Chimp? slam Fred for liking Star Trek and horror and having multiple blogs? bitch – your bitchiness is showing. ha ha. That didn’t help your cause any. All you accomplished was to show the world just what an abuser to your sister Ruth you are. You failed to show that YOU do not harass or engage in abusive behavior to Ruth – because — you just did.

So yeah, I got a busy life. And when I have a few minutes to write, I will. But most times, I have very little tiime for losers like Joan and her imaginary playmate Chimp. Another thing people (read Joan/Chimp) fail to understand – that going through her book and blogging about it – it is therapuetic for us. Because we have never ever been able to get a word in edgewise with Joan. When you talk to her in person – she starts arguing, her voice raises, next thing you know she’s shouting at you – screaming – and her voice is so piercing it hurts your ears. And you can’t get your point across because SHE’S now controlling you – by screaming at you, not allowing your opinion to be heard. If you write to her – it’s harassment, if you’re on the phone with her – the second you disagree with her – she hangs up on you. WE HAVE BEEN BULLIED INTO SILENCE FOR MORE THAN 30 YEARS. And the blogs are now a way for us to get a chance to have our say. There is that well-known statement – “there’s two sides to every story.” And Joan as Chimp, has a lot of nerve to say that because WE are writing our blogs, WE are not listening to Joan’s side. ???? WTF??? JOAN’S BOOK WAS HER SIDE. OUR BLOGS ARE ANSWERING HER BOOK AND PUTTING OUT THE OTHER SIDE – THE TRUTHFUL SIDE.

Above, I said that Joan “believes” things happened this way or that way, but I’m not so sure that’s true. Because if it was, Joan wouldn’t have a problem with our blogs. No, the real thing going on is this: JOAN DESPERATELY WANTS US TO SHUT UP BECAUSE SHE DOENS’T WANT THE TRUTH TO COME OUT – THE TRUTH OF HER OWN DIRTY DEEDS. But sick and perverted as she is, she keeps talking to us, knowing we won’t shut up. It’s like the child who is misbehaving – acting out to get attention – ANY kind of attention, even getting knocked down again. And by gods, I will keep knocking her down. Until she publicly admits that she set out on a campaign of hate against me. And publicly admits she stole from me and lied about me. And publicly apologizes to me.

Get a life Joan/Chimp – my life is not yours. You tried to destroy my life in the past with all your stupid harassment – but it never worked. Now you get the tables turned on you. It’s called “reaping the seeds that you have sown.” I loved you once. as a sister. But you destroyed that love with your abuse. Now I hate you. Deal with it.

Can I sew Joan Wheeler’s mouth shut? Or smash her fingers so she can’t type any more bullshit? Please? May 9, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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At the Adoptive Families Circle website, Joan keeps spewing crap from her diarrhea mouth. Here are three comments from there. The first from Joan, and then 2 from me. Joan had decided to make a comment on a thread called “All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?” And kept up the same old family garbage that had NOTHING to do with the topic of the thread. Gert came on and left a statement. Which pissed Joan off. And of course, Joan can’t keep her diarrhea mouth shut, so she went off again. Accusing us of stupid things. So I stepped in. Joan’s bullshit comment doesn’t even deserve answering EXCEPT where she fucking dishonors our family AGAIN.  – Joan’s comment is in italics.

All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?

 am tired of my older sisters stalking me and harassing me.

Please note that after any comment I make, it is followed by an attack from one or both of my sisters.

This latest comment was merely copied and pasted, except for the lines “I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, from another thread she posted on after she found me there (http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/topic/3858/ Private adoption vs Agency).

I would like to bring this hostile, confrontational behavior to the attention of the moderators of this blog.

I declare publicly that am not the poster called Pilgrim. I am a social worker and an adoptee. I challenge my sisters to present their credentials. I also state that the poster called “eldersibling” is lying when she states she is an “adopted mother”. She was never adopted by anyone. What she says about me and our stepmother is wrong. Our step mother came to me, crying, because she had to sign relinquishment papers for her husband, our father, to adopt her younger daughter, not the other way around.

This has been the problem since my sisters found me in 1974. They twist stories, make things up, gang together, and attack me.

I have made it clear I want nothing more to do with them. No attempts were made by “eldersister” to reconcile with me. I will not fall for anything they say, as when I did in the past, they turned on me again.

Their statements about me are wrong, as they have been for the past 38 years (after they found me). I suspect that during my childhood before they found me that these sisters had been gossiping about me behind my back. Keep in mind I had absolutely no knowledge that they ever existed because my adoptive parents never wanted me to know the truth.

I have been hunted down all of my life. Nothing I have said on any thread in this website, or any other website, has been lying, or threatening, or naming them. They, however, come here, list my initials, thus leading to my real identity. If I wanted to use my real name here, I would do just that.

The only thing I ask is for them to leave me alone. I wish them no harm even though they continually attempt to do me harm in one way or another.

Many adoptees who post here do so because of the negative experiences we have had. Because we have had “bad experiences” should not be a cause to dismiss what we say. It is a warning. These comments do not come from textbooks. They come from those who have lived adoption. Before considering seriously adopting, you have you before your eyes one of many possible implications of adoption by observing the interaction between my sisters and myself. NOTE: I have NO contact with them in real life at all. They have been told to stay away from me for many decades and they still harass me with the intent to harm me.

Since this thread was a put-down on birthmothers (All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?) I decided to let you know that not all mothers who lose their infants and children to adoption are drug addicts and criminals. I cringe with this accusation as my mother died. I am insulted by the assumptions here at this website. You pre-adoptive and adoptive parents have such low esteem for the parents of your adoptees. THAT I find disturbing. It was not my mother who relinquished me, but my father, and he was not at all a drug addict, nor a criminal. My parents were married for 10 years.

Now, for anyone out there who still believes what my eldest sister says:  “I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, I challenge you to find what I have said to be exploitive.

Obviously, my sisters have been deeply affected by the death of our mother and my relinquishment to adoption and whatever happened in their childhoods. They drew me into their lives and used my naivety (I was a teenager of 18 when they contacted me) against me. They never wanted me to learn about adoption and put me down when I did. I am the adopted one, they grew up together. They defend adoption, yet that is what tore our family apart, and that is what tore my adoptive family apart when the truth was told, against the wishes of my adoptive parents who never wanted me to know the truth. So, by my sisters defending adoption, they are accepting the very institution that caused so much havoc in our lives.

Reunions are both good and bad. Readers here do not know my relationships with other relatives or who I am as a person. You don’t know my adoptive parents, nor do you know what my life as an adoptee has been like. When adoptees search, they do so for similar reasons “normal” people go on Ancestry do com. For adoptees, no, we are not supposed to know, and when we do, we are the troublemakers. There are plenty of stereotypes of adoptees out there. We who come here, do so to speak for the little adoptees who cannot speak for themselves.

So, people on this website feel attacked by me? Then by all means, message me and talk with me. None of you have done that. But go to the older sisters who hunt me down, yes, listen to them, they are the older ones who know better than I do. Listen to what they say about me. If you read their comments, you’ll see that in reality, their sole purpose is to attack me rather than making any meaningful comment concerning adoption itself. 

I would simply ask the moderators to closely examine the comments made by “eldersister” (and the other sister, “birthsibling” on other threads) and decide whether this is the kind of discussion they in fact wish to promote.

Posted by halforphan56 on May 09, 2012 at 12:27am
RUTH – first comment:
I have not spoken anything but the truth.  And this is the only other thread that I have posted on, so halforphan’s statement “(and the other sister, “birthsibling” on other threads)” is wrong. Before she wrote that, I had posted on only ONE thread – singular, not plural. One of halforphan’s faults is that she exaggerates and overblows everything. If she reads 2 posts – she reports it as 5. If she she get one legitimate phone call by ONE sister (to inform of the death of an aunt) – it is reported as “numerous harrasing phone calls by my three sisters.” and calls the police to make a report on all three of us.(???)  – but I digress, just want you guys to take her statements with a little bit of salt. For example, her accusations that I gave her initials that lead to her real name. – Before I came to this site, halforphan filled out her profile here, and listed a link to her blog Forbidden Family – which contains her real name. So she left a way for readers here to find her real name. I never named her in my posts. only initials. This is what I mean that halforphan either outright lies about me or misrepresents what I have said or done.

As an infertile woman, who once considered adopting, and beng “touched by adoption” – my youngest sibling was relinquished to adoption – and having been in an “adoption reunion” – I have every right to be at this website.

I have every right to learn by being here – because my youngest sibling keeps saying I am ignorant of some things.

However, if I find an untruth or misrepresentation of me or my family, do I not have the right to speak up with the truth?

My youngest sibling blithely puts out hurtful stories of my family -such as this: “It took me years to figure out why she said that to me. Turns out, my extended adoptive family heard rumors that my natural father killed my mother, and other sordid tales. The truth is that my father did not kill my mother; he did not want her to suffer any more so he said no to experimental cancer treatment (1956).”

Jesus, it happened 56 years ago – LET IT GO and give the whole family some peace. It hurts to see these old family resentments and accusations of killing and such repeated all over the internet. This is what eldestbirthsibling meant that it is disgusting. Because it is.

All that needs to be said is:

My mother died of cancer three months after I was born. My father could not take care of 5 little kids, and gave me up for adoption.
My adoptive parents and other adoptive relatives told me gossip about my birth family.
When I was 18, my birth siblings found me and we had a reunion. While discovering my birthfamily, I became aware of some personal resentments towards my birthfather by my uncles.  For various personal reasons, my reunion with my birthsisters and other birthfamily members, turned sour.”

WHY must old hurtful gossipy, UNTRUE stories about my mother be forever dragged all over the internet?

WHY must lies be told about ME all over the place?

Lies are being replaced with truth. That is all. Nothing more, nothing less.

Posted by Birth Sibling on May 09, 2012 at 9:37am – Edit Reply

RUTH – second comment:

My mother is dead. My father is dead. halforpan’s adotpive parents are both dead. With the exception of two, all siblings and sibling-in-law of my mother are dead.

Let the dead rest in peace!

Even while living, my father accepted the fact that his former-brothers in law acted out in their grief that their sister died of cancer. She died swiftly. She went into the hospital in Dec. 1955, had the baby prematurely, had exploratory surgery on Jan. 19. She was discovered to be full of cancer. Nothing could be done. My uncles had a hard time accepting that and placed those feelings to my father. Three months later, my mother was dead. It was also HER wish not to go undergo any more treatments.

NOW THAT THE STORY IS TOLD WHERE IT DOESN’T BELONG (on this thread or elsewhere on the interent) – would you please stop repeating the same old tired garbage – please shut up about my mother and father and my uncles. We each have blogs for that.

What my uncles felt toward my father:
1. had nothing to do with your adoption.
2. had nothing to do with your adoption reunion
3. has nothing to do with your adoption reform work.
4. does not need to be repeated ad nausuem
5. whatever lies or gossip your adoptive family told you has no bearing on MY family.

the thread is about birthmoms on drugs and criminal charges? Why is our family’s old stories here? Who put them here first? – as an exploitation – to get sympathy for yourself. Stop!

comments for THIS blog post:


1. gertmcqueen –  
Gert here…

Did you notice how jW side-stepped what I said….
“I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, from another thread she posted on after she found me there about

no she can not ever answer the issues at hand…all she did was cry that she is being harassed…

I placed the following on that thread

in response to halforphan56

I am using HO for halforphan and JW for her real name…

If I said I was adopted, sorry, I am an adoptive mother, who adopted her son, to HO that is a crime, but why is it that HO does NOT answer to what I said, that she interferred in the adoption process of my son and violated my rights to privacy and parental decisions. HO answer why DID you DO that to me? Why don’t you ever TAKE responsibility for the dirty deeds to did to your sisters?

I have left you along since 1981 UNTIL you wrote a libelous book telling all manner of lies…own up to it, and it was YOU who came to my blog and left comments…why don’t you ADMIT that it is you who keeps this up…because you will NOT stop talking and lying about us….

In the book she wrote on page 355 JW says…’social workers have a ethical responsibility to promote a client’s right to self-determination’ and quotes from the National Association of Social Workers’ Code of Ethics…’Social workers should not participate in, condone, or be associated with dishonesty, fraud, or deception’ and footnotes it as #17

Why does SHE NOT live by those ethics? Why does she think she can exploit my family so that she can continue to browbeat others into NOT adopting?

anything else i have to say about her non-issues will be addressed on my blog’

I do have a right to be on this site and comment because I adopted! and I am not telling lies about

 2. Ruth

Joan ALWAYS sidesteps the charges we have put towards her – like why she LIED in her book about me having a criminal and arrest record. I have posted the actual Buffalo City Court documents that show that I was not arrested – I was SUMMONED into court – (big difference) – that Joan was granted a SIX MONTH order of protection (not one year as she reports in the book and all over the internet) and that she wrote to Albany New York in December 1994 to the Child Abuse and Maltreatment Center and told them that I was placed on PROBATION! I have scanned and posted that actual letter that she wrote in 1994 – lying to New York State Officials about me –
1. I was never arrested in my life.
2. The order of protection was for six months, not one year.
3. the judge said it was an order of protection NOT probation.
4. Despite my bringing these lies in her book and on the internet forth, WITH THE ACTUAL LETTER JOAN WROTE IN 1994 AND ACTUAL COURT DOCUMENTS THAT PROVE JOAN IS F’ING LIAR – SHE WILL NOT ANSWER!


But since we have already done that – her reputation is shot.
And Joan my dear, you did that to yourself. You started the shit way back in 1990 when you stole hundreds of dollars from me, reneged on your promise to repay me, tried to break me and John up, forged a letter pretending to be your own 10 year old son, mailed it to John, but addressed the envelope to me, baited me into phoning you, hung up on me three times when I did call you, falsely reported to the phone company and the police that I was making annoyance calls to you, then you charged me with harassment and you were given a six-month order of protection against. Then the following year, you called my job repeatedly, accusing me of computer hacking, called them everyday for six months trying to get me fired, then you called child abuse on yourself giving out my name and saying that my fiance abused your kids. Then your write to Albany, NY and tell them I was on probation – then you write to the mayor of Buffalo and lied to him about all this bullshit, AND gave him my private details of my life and medical history of not being able to get pregnant.Then in 1999, you send me a letter that John got the next door neighbor pregnant.


She can’t, because then she will have admitted to what she really is: A FUCKING BITCH.



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