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Joan Wheeler is at it again, browbeating an adoptive mother (the actress Edie Falco) using a FACEBOOK account! – new post by Gert McQueen on her blog! April 18, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, mental illness.
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you guys really need to check this out!

Joan Wheeler is at it again, browbeating an adoptive mother (the actress Edie Falco) using a FACEBOOK account!

and not only does Joan show us for the HYPOCRITE that she is – another sicko adoptee from the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum shows what a sick brain she has – she says someone should soak a sock in gasoline, stuff it in Edie Falco’s mouth and set it on fire! – what the hell is wrong with these people? They need to be locked up!



A lesson of self-worth to disolveme – get some joy February 4, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.
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okay, I know the purpose of my own blog is not to be bashing The Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, but I just read something over there and this HAS to be addressed!

First, this group is a bunch of spiteful, hate-filled, self-proclaimed angry adoptees who do nothing but spout hate at adoptive parents and infertile women. They claim they are a “support” group, yet I see little evidence of support.

Case in point: what I found tonight.

from member Disolveme
  For those who believe..
in a God or higher being. I recently read somewhere, that the relationship you have with your father, can effect the way you view your relationship with God.
It wasn’t something I’d ever thought about, but in my case it’s so true. Just another way for adoptee’s to be screwed hey.
I expect to be nothing, to be rejected, unwanted, not good enough etc. With a very abusive adoptive father, who on a good day, pretended I didn’t exist. Didn’t speak to me, or acknowledge my presence, even if we sat at the same table. Expecting anything different from a being who has more worthy people to care for…ie anyone but me, isn’t so crazy.

Any thoughts on the subject?

Non believers, everyone welcome to post…each to their own an all that. 

back to Ruth:

Here is a person who says that she is not expecting anything different from a being (a god or a supreme being) who has more worthy people to care for. Her post is answered by a couple of more adoptees,saying more or less the same thing. One did say she had a good relationship with her afather, therefore she has a good relationship with God. Another person asked to see the full article that disolveme cited. Did no one see what disolvme said? That GOD HAS MORE WORTHY PEOPLE THAN HER TO CARE FOR?

Where is the SUPPORT for this person? And look at her username: DISOLVEME! She wants to dissolve into nothing! And her fellow adoptees are not even supporting her by saying ‘Hold on a minute. It doesn’t matter what your afather said or didn’t say to you – YOU ARE A WORTHY PERSON. YOU MATTER!

Well, Dissolveme, if you want some dam self worth- you are NOT going to find it at that forum. Because all those other adoptees wallow in their own low self-esteem. One person with a low self-esteem canNOT help another person with low esteem. The only thing around that needs to be dissolved is that hateful forum. It is doing Joan no dam good. It didn’t no dam good for Steffi – and it sure as hell ain’t doing disolvme any dam good.

If they can’t tell you dissolveme any dam words of encouragement – then I sure will! – from the poem Desiderata:



The more you tell yourself you are unwanted, you are not worthy, you are not good enough and expect to be rejected – that is what you are going to get in this world. You are a victim of a bunch of negative programming and you need to stop that shit and stop it right now! Look in the dam mirror and say to yourself: I’M SMART ENOUGH, I’M GOOD ENOUGH, AND DOGGONE IT PEOPLE LIKE ME. – that may have been a joke on Saturday Night Live – but it is the dam TRUTH!

or maybe you’d like this affirmation: I AM CALM, SERENE, AND CONNECTED TO THE UNIVERSE. Everytime you hear yourself putting yourself down, say one of those affirmations (or any one of a whol bunch you can find on the internet) and reprogram your mind – rid yourself of your bad habit of putting yourself down. Because if you’re in your own bathroom feeling like that, the only person who made you feel that way is .. YOU!


Adoptees identifying with Batman and The Hulk (yes, Joan Wheeler is among them) – but Batman and The Hulk were not adopted. -hey – didn’t they ever hear of Superman? February 3, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world.
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Gert posted this most excellant post over at her blog. I just had to reblog it over here. Because it is so informational.
First: in my comment I admitted that I didn’t Deeply Read Gert’s post. So I will explain.

Over at the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, one of the so-called “adult” adoptees admitted to identifying with the comic characters Batman and The Hulk. (ah, wait, don’t condemn them just yet – let me do that.). Then Joan, jumps on the bandwagon and says the same thing. – I have posted before that Joan doesn’t have any original thoughts – she just reads an interesting item and rephrases it.
ADOPTEES: why are you identifying with Batman and The Hulk? They were NOT adopted! – roflmao – they are just watching the new movies and have not a clue as to what they are talking about. As usual. anyways, here’s Gert post:


How does Joan Wheeler grieve her losses? Over and over and over again!

 On the public forum for Adult Adoptees Advocating for change…we find Joan, as 1adoptee, confirming that she will never allow herself  to get well, be well and stay well. There is grieving and then there’s grieving! And then there is stupidity and worthless self-pity and then there is just plain mental illness! There does come a point in, anyone’s, life when you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get moving with the business of living!
This constant ringing of the hands, weeping and gnashing of teeth, the sack cloth and ashes, gets old pretty fast! I thought that Joan Wheeler had a mental health counselor that is HELPING her! Apparently not! The following rant, of Joan’s, clearly shows, NOT that she is grieving, BUT that she HAS mental illness and that she NEEDS to be on medications!
Not only does Joan continue with her lying ‘story’ and her fantasies about ‘how it most have been’…and of which contribute to her illness…but, she intentionally PUTS herself into these needless fantasies that are causing her the grief that she is fucking grieving!
One of the first things a person that has anxiety disorder needs to do is to STOP doing/thinking about the stuff that gets them anxious! If you are afraid of the world and the news…STOP reading the newspaper and watching the news programs! Go somewhere else…read a nice pleasant book, see a happy movie, PRAY! But STOP reliving, via fact or fanasty, all the thoughts that are causing you anxiety! Not Joan…she loves her pain.  
« Reply #3 on: December 20, 2011, 03:52:26 PM »
Grieving our losses, like DP said, is not a one time thing and really must be done over and over.
My mother died a few months after my birth, so I know how it feels to imagine her pregnant and giving birth, and then dying. I do have a few pictures of her, but it’s not enough. Every year on her birthday, I wish her a happy birthday. And every year on the anniversary of her death, I silently retreat into a private space, even if I’m in a crowd. Sometimes, my feelings are numb and I can’t feel. Other times, my feelings overwhelm me and I shake with intense saddness and sob. Songs will spark an emotion and I’m longing for the family I lost at the time our mother died. I can’t imagine what our father must have gone through. He told me of his feelings over the years of our reunion and he cried, feeling guilty that he couldn’t have taken better care of his pregnant wife, that my brother was sick with a cough, and his other children stayed at home with our grandparents while our father and a neighbor took my mother and brother to two separate hosptials. I think of the strain our father was in, and I think of how frightened my mother must have been to be that sick and pregnant at the same time. After my birth, she was told she was dying. How terribly awful that must have been for her.
Each time I look in the mirror, I see parts of my mother and my father. Yes, it helps to know what features come from which parent, but it doesn’t relieve the pain of separation. I don’t like beinig alone at night. I can’t get to sleep unless I read for a bit to try to block my racing thoughts. Or, I do deep breathing. I try to see a different movie in my mind, something else, something calming. And when I wake up, I wake up in anxiety over the losses. It is a moment by moment acceptance of what has happened. It is constant work. Happiness, for me, is fleeting. A freind of mine said for me to practice gratitude, but that just puts me in the place of being grateful for being adopted, which doesn’t help, as we know. Still, I am grateful that I have my children and that I know my story. Sometimes, you just have to sob and shake until the tears stop. It is an uncomfortable way to live. Identifying with Batman, or the Hulk, or any other charachter out there also helps because at least you see that perhaps someone else is feeling those losses, too.
Gert’s comments: 

My gods, it’s worst than I thought!
What the fuck!!! Identifying with Batman, the Hulk!! Okay some one else, on the thread, had mentioned these characters but why, why, even give such nonsense a voice! these characters are from comic books…is there NO real human being that these idiots can IDENTIFY with? and learn how to deal with pain and grief?  
And this is a grown woman who says she is a SOCIAL WORKER and wants to help REFORM ADOPTION, who goes out in the cyber-world and beats people up because they are pro-adoption! No wonder Joan and all those that she ‘grieves’ with are messed up!
Joan obviously has some serious mental issues that have nothing to do with grieving.

identifying with a comic book character! Gert- you should be ashamed of yourself. – Comic book characters are good people to emulate. I’m just wondering why Joan didn’t connect with Kal-el (Superman) – because he not only lost his family and home planet – he was (gasp) ADOPTED by the Kents. His identity torn away and given a new name – Clark Kent. lol.

You know, I also suffered from THE LOSS OF MY MOTHER – at age 3 and a half. I also have my moments of sadness. But geez –

as to MY comic book heroines – I looked up to Saturn Girl, Supergirl/Kara, Wonder Woman/Diana Price, and Lois Lane. Vampirella and Brenda Starr. Women with careers – strong women. Women who took no shit. Women who also suffered losses but overcame them to have a life.

Joan – GET A F’ING LIFE! Because this nonsense about connecting to Batman and The Hulk is ridiculous. Batman witnessed his parents murdered in from of him as a child – you did not..(and little Bruce Wayne knew his parents – you didn’t. Bruce was never adopted – he was raised by relatives, – you were not).
The Hulk is The Hulk due to an overdose of gamma rays – you were not exposed to gamma rays. Bruce Banner, as far as we know, had a normal childhood with his birthparents. so again, this doesn’t apply to you.

Don’t try to talk to me about comic books – I’ve been a comic collector my whole life – I know all about them. For Joan to say she identifies with Batman and the Hulk just shows us she is spouting more garbage and lies.

Gert – I haven’t seen this thread – let me guess – some other idiot adoptee mentioned Batman and The Hulk and Joan, with no original thoughts of her own, just jumped on the bandwagon – I guarantee it. She’s a fool. And I can see right through her idiocy.


Gert here: Hey, I’m NOT against comic books or their heros, male or female. I’ll admit that I don’t know ALL there is to know about the art…hey, it took me decades to UNDERSTAND Star Wars!! and now I love it! The only ‘fantasy’ I read and know is LORD OF THE RINGS and all related stories…and they are based on factual historical mythology, legends and language….so give me a little slack!

I picked up on the fact, as Ruth did, that Joan did not have the ORIGINAL thought, about Batman and the Hulk…which BTW I have NEVER SEEN, again begging your pardon. As you can see, by Joan’s own words, she is REPEATING what someone else said. My point is…is…there any other charactor that can be used to identify with…someone that the rest of the world knows?

Besides that and my own ignorance of the world of comics and their charactors, I am glad that Ruth has enlightened us AGAIN as to the finer points that Joan and the other adoptees have missed by NOT including Superman! Hey, he’s a fine example of an ADOPTEE who overcame his circumstances and who doesn’t show his anger at the rest of the world. Superman actually DOES something worthwhile by helping people. Angry adoptees, Joan, why are you NOT like Superman?

ty Debbie.
by the way – Spiderman (Peter Parker) was bullied in high school. His first girlfriend, Gwen Stacey, was murdered. Peter never succumbed to the “Woe is me” mentality.

Peter was an orphan – he was raised by his elderly Aunt May and Uncle Benjamin. His Uncle Ben taught him; “With great power comes great responsiblity.”

The adoptees have power – with their forum. Despite it’s name “Advocating for Change” – they wallow in their self-pity and other than their wanting open birth records, I see very little “change” – all I see is hate, belittlement of adoptive parents and birth mothers who have given up thier children. they cut birth mothers who relinquish NO slack – no sort of understanding that the birth mothers are flawed human beings. All the adoptees can do is whine “what about MEeeeee.” Well what about the pain the mother went through? What about the pain infertile women go thru? – no, another human being’s pain means NOTHING to them. Joan included. It’s always JOAN’S pain. She never understood that her birth sisters had pain as well. – Pain which had NOTHING TO DO WITH HER ADOPTION.

With great power comes great responsibility. Think about it. And Adoptees – think about what you did last year to Steffi. An adopted person,transgender, very confused,came to your forum. In looking at Steffi’s posts – I could see his/her pain. Yes, Steffi kinda took over the General Discussion threads. Instead of an administrator sending Steffi a private message and telling her to tone it down- the adoptees held Steffi up to ridicule – yes – THEY BULLIED STEFFI – AN ADOPTEE WHO HAD COME TO THEM FOR HELP!

And they claim that their forum is to HELP adoptees? What help did they give Steffi? NONE! Because she didn’t think like they did. She was a transgender – she was beyond thier scope – but instead of helping her – they BULLIED her off the boards! disgusting.


1. Ruth

speaking of a lack of responsiblity – here’s another gem from the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change:
Re: Feel like I don’t belong
« Reply #4 on: Today at 05:44:18 PM »

I feel the exact same, I’m also waiting to search for my birth parents until I’m older and on my own. I despise my sister who is also adopted as well. Family gatherings are the worst just high lights the differences.

Ruth here:
Marina doesn’t say WHY she despises her sister, who also is an adoptee. She just says she despises her. WHY – WHY do these adoptees HATE so much? To HATE another adoptee! oh geez – this one is really warped. – well apparently the thread was about differences – like an adoptee with blue eyes and blonde hair adopted by people of darker coloring – the adoptee doesn’t feel like they belong and begins DESPISING people. – even another adopted child. Who know has to deal with THEIR feelings of “not belonging” but the hatred of someone she has to see every day. Do you adoptees not see the destructiveness that abounds on your forum? All you people do is feed off each other. sick puppies – all of them. They need some dam prozac.

The Big Book Buying Burning Burial of Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler December 16, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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by Gert McQueen

 Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family is NO longer available! It is DEAD!

 The publisher pulled it from their on-line market once they saw that the book contained libelous materials and was just a hate-manifesto. They dropped it like a hot potato and distanced themselves far away from Joan Wheeler. 

The book was never considered to be a best seller nor a mover and when asked about how many copies were printed and available the publisher used the terms ‘nothing to get excited about’.  (Ruth’s note: yep, Trafford told me on the phone “It was hardly a best-seller.”)

UPDATE, MARCH 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…




 This book was published November 2009. When we, the birth sisters, found out we obtained 4 copies; 3 for us sisters and 1 for my daughter. It took me a year of reading the book to get the full extent of the hate the book contained. In December 2010, a year from publication, I had contacted the publisher requesting a complete review of the contents. It took several months for the publisher to go over all the evidence, that Ruth and I submitted to them, for their task of reviewing it.

 Once we KNEW that the book was pulled from publication, May 2011, I kept track of copies available on Amazon.com. Before May of 2011 the number was never higher than 15. In May of 2011 available copies were 13. So Ruth and I decided that perhaps we ought to ‘buy’ up all available copies, using Amazon as our base of information. Ruth purchased one copy, but then I told her that she shouldn’t spend any more of her income on that vile book. I have more disposal income than my sisters or daughter and can afford to buy up the books.

 You wonder why we wanted to buy the books? To show that there was very little interest in her cause and life.  Joan wrote what is called a ‘vanity story book’ geared to a small sub-set of the American popular culture. By our purchasing of many copies and then stopping and NO OTHER major sales have occurred, before or after we purchased, proves that the book is not of interest to a large segment of the popular culture or to the sub-set of anti-adoption culture that Joan believes would be interested in her life.

 We also wanted to keep other people from reading the garbage, that Joan wrote, about OUR LIVES. The book is a lying, vile, hateful attack on both adoptive and birth families. We wanted to destroy them! Yep buy the books and then destroy them and destroy them we did! There might be a couple of copies available out there, but why would anyone want to spent between $36 to $50, plus sales tax and shipping, for a book that will never help them and is being reviewed on our blogs for free! (Ruth’s note: Joan once made a complaint to an online lawyer service (which turned out to be a bullshit service) and whined that our blogs was taking business away from her. Nonsense. She did sell a FEW copies, before Gert started buying up those books. She hasn’t sold any since then. In February 2010, Joan made an appeal to members of the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum to check out my blog and complain to Worpress and “shut those fuckheads (her sisters) down!” We got 180 hits in one day, with several obscene messages – all from the so-called “adults” who say they are advocating for adoption change. As if obscene messages are going to get them taken seriously. Out of 180 hits on my blog that day, let’s say several hits were of one or two persons coming to my blog two or more times. So a modest true number of persons could be around 100. Out of those 100, let’s say about half just didn’t have any money. What about the other 50? Did ANYone of those adoptees who came running over to my blog to start trouble even bother to BUY Joan’s book? NO! We would have known it – because we had ALWAYS been monitoring Amazon’s stats! And if Joan’s adoptee “friends” HAD been buying the book – Trafford would not have told me “It was hardly a best-seller.” No one is really interested in Joan’s life – whether we had a blog or not, whether Gert bought a bunch of copies or not. And Joan now has to come to terms with the fact that her best customers are the people she hates the most – her birth sisters Gert and Ruth. – Not even those adoptee “friends” of hers that came to her defense by attacking my blog – they didn’t buy her book, because they just are not interested in Joan’s whining – they just came to attack someone who put down an adoptee! – And since then, her support had dwindled. She whined to them in May 2010, and about 100 hits showed up on my blog. She whined to them in September 2010, and about 50 hits registered. Whenever she whines now, I get maybe about 10-15 hits. But I ask again, how many of them BOUGHT her book? NONE!  (HeatherUK doesn’t count – she bought it before Joan sicced the forum on me – and Heather is stupid anyway. She didn’t even catch the contradictions from page to page or see that Joan was chronicling her own alcoholism and abuse to her own children).

back to Gert:

 So from May to August, I personally purchased 30 copies of that vile book. I have purchase orders and pictures of empty covers to prove that I did purchase and destroy 30 copies of the book.  (Ruth’s note –  The books ordered in June, July and August 2011 were delivered with a print date on the last page of dates in June, July, and August at the printing plant in Lexington Kentucky. This means that by May of 2011, the original print run of the book had been exhausted. Joan’s initial investment with this vanity press Trafford, was only $800.00. From the original print run, we had bought 4, HeatherUK bought one, Pastor Ruth Willerth of Joan’s writer’s group bought one, I bought an additional one in May 2011, Joan shipped one to Holland, and another to Ohio or Idaho.  Amazon’s sales figures reflected an additional sale prior to May 2011. Gert had already shredded the copies she bought in May. She didn’t notice a date stamped on the last page. So the original print run could hardly have been more than 20 or 25.  – And we had been watching Amazon every week since the beginning of 2010 – with no sales being generated. – yep- Joan’s life was surely so interesting even to the adoptees it was flying off the presses!  – NOT!)

back to Gert:

 For the months of June, July and August my purchases averaged 10 copies a month. That means that Joan RECEIVED an income from those book sales and has to report that income to several government agencies, she will have to file INCOME tax returns to the Federal and New York State. The income she earned in those 3 months will effect her eligibility on the Food Stamp Program and her Social Security Disability income. Joan is a fool to have thought that she could earn a living income from the sale of this lying book! She would have to sell far more than 10 per month to get off and stay off SSI.  (Ruth’s note – and I want my share of this income as she published MY picture on the back of the book WITHOUT my permission – I am entitled to royalties for the use of my picture).

 So was it worth my $1000? Of course it was! Oh sure it gave her a few extra dollars for the summer, but, more importantly she NOW knows where that money and sales came from….me…and she also can now see the picture evidence of that book being destroyed!

 NO lawyer needed to get justice! Truth wins all the time.  

 Continuing on…. in an email exchange, October 19, 2011, with a manager at Trafford Publications I questioned why the availability of the book was still listed on Amazon and received the following explanation.

  “When I do a search on the internal print shop at Amazon I get the following message:

 The current status of this title is “Retired” and is not available for sale through our sales channels

 They show 31 (which almost matches the number your family purchased) books sold and the last one being August 15.

 Our printer in TN still shows: 

5/19/11 Title On Hold

  I apologize that this stills continues, although the print channels show as not available. We will again reach out to our retail partners about updating their records. “

 Now in a phone conversation, with the same manager, later that day, it was explained more clearly to me, that when Amazon shows, for example: available 5 new, 2 used, that is the virtual inventory NOT actual inventory; it is a general sales ‘come on’. Over time that shall be gone. When I spoke with the manager I had said that I purchased 30, which is correct. Ruth purchased 1 and that brings the total to 31, which clearly matches what this manager sees in his internal accounting.

(Ruth’s note,–Here is a bit of an explanation about Amazon.  The books listed presently on Amazon are nothing more than a “bait and switch” come-on. Amazon is a mostly automated site and when a product is unavailable, a customer will get a list of “related” products. As a regular Amazon customer, I routinely get emails with different titles of DVDs, books and MP3 downloads, based on my prior ordering history. Even on my Amazon homepage I get advertisements of different products that are “related” somehow to items that I previously ordered. And if I look for something that is not available, I get “suggestions” of other products.)

Ruth’s additional note – the title of this post “Big Book Burning Burial” is only partially correct. Our plans were to take the shredded papers left of the book and BURN them in my new barbecue grill. I bought the grill, which needed assembling, in July. On July 23, I sustained an injury at work – my right thumb and wrist were severely sprained and was in a cast for the first week and I had to wear a splint afterwards. So I couldn’t assemble the grill, let alone burn the the dam pages. When Gert came to Buffalo for a visit in August, she did the actual ripping the covers of the books. We fanned the covers out on my living room floor to show all the copies of the book that were purchased by us. Everything is still in a box, and next summer, I will put my grill together and have a nice bon-fire. The burial? Oh, well – I will flush the ashes down my toilet – and they will then travel through the sewer lines – where her book belongs. Meanwhile, here are some pictures of us having fun with this digusting lie-filled book that not only trashed us, but our mother. You trash my mother – you get trashed in turn. Joan trashed a LOT of people in that filthy book. Filth belongs in the sewer. And that’s just where it’s going!

Photo Gallery – When Gert bought her first shipment of books, it was delivered to a friend’s house near where she lives – he had a chopping machine that chops books up – in one swoop – sort of like a guillotine – CHOP! When Gert placed her second order, she had them shipped to my house. Her third shipment was delivered to her house and again she and her friend had a happy time ripping up books! Gert brought all the covers with her when she came to my house in August for a visit. Since my right hand was out of commissiion, Gert ripped the covers off the books that I had. Here are some pictures for your enjoyment.

First up – Covers of Forbidden Family on Ruth’s living room floor.

Next are covers and several copies of the hideous book.

the short little thing front center is a guillotined book – oh so appropriate for this book!

Next are two pictures of Gert having fun ripping up a book and placing them in an appropriate box.

Now we have Gert placing a cover in an even more appropriate receptacle – the litter box of Pippin, Ruth’s cat.

and now – for the best picture of this collection: a cover of Joan Wheeler’s shitty book Forbidden Family alongside some shit in the litter box. Shit belongs with shit!


1. chayeletDecember 16, 2011
Oh joy! My copy is yet to be destroyed- haven’t done so yet as I’ve too much else to do- but it will be shredded in the coming months, rest assured.
Oh yes, yes, JOY, JOY, JOY

As I am NOT finished writing about that book, I still have a copy, which has been falling apart at the seams, literally and I did complaint to Trafford about that.

I still have some covers that need to be destroyed and will have to use scissors because the shedder doesn’t like the paper and they are too TOXIC to burn!!

There’s you’re christmas gift Joan Wheeler!

3. RuthDecember 16, 2011

ARE WE NASTY? Some people may think so – but I’m not any more nastier than Joan.

Let’s see – 16- 18 years ago Joan made my life a living hell. She baited me to phone her (and like an idiot, I did) and filed annoyance calls complaint on me, hauled me into court even after the police heard my side of the story and recommended that she NOT take me to court. She did anyway. THEN she actively tried to break me and my fiance up. She tried to get me fired from my job. She tried to get me into jail – when I had done nothing wrong.

If I had lost my job or gone to jail, I would not have been able to make my mortgage payments and I would have lost my house – Joan wanted me jobless, homeless, penniless.

Then she writes me letters telling me my infertile husband got the next door neighbor pregnant, tries to get a hitman to kill me.

Then she writes this f’ing book where she trashes me left and right.

Yeah, so tell me I’m nasty. And I’ll say “oh yes.”


4. RuthDecember 17, 2011

oh Joan – sorry to hear that your springtime love didn’t last – there IS a reason that ex’es STAY ex’es.

be sure to blubber on sneaky Laura’s shoulder when you guys have coffee. You are both sneaky liars who act like little girls and deserve each other. ha ha ha

Readers who are wondering what that’s all about – go to this post “A Lesson in Life: Duplicitous People are All Around You – Trust Your Instincts. and – Joan Wheeler jumps at the chance to try to stick it to me the beginning of June 2010.” and read how an ex cow-worker of mine couldn’t stand for me to boot her off my facebook page and then exhibited behavior more fitting to a 10 year old child than a grown woman. ha ha ha  and Joan just couldn’t WAIT to glom onto her – a match made in heaven – two wackos having a friendship begin because all they both wanted to do was gossip about Ruth. Oh they are both sooo mature! –  – that cow-worker is NOT a typo!

comment #5 is a trackback link, not a typed messaged comment.

6. gertmcqueenDecember 20, 2011

Gert here:

In the excitment of getting this post up and running we did not include ALL photos, including ones showing me burning the book! In July I had a bon-fire and burnt 6 copies of that vile book. It is NOT an easy thing to burn a book, whole. It is best to rip out the pages and put those in the flames…but I did it!

Harassing letter from Joan Wheeler to Ruth Sippel Pace May 1998 October 12, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Hey guys! You know how Joan Wheeler is always saying how she NEVER harasses her birth sisters, but it’s her birth sisters who are ALWAYS harassing her? She says in her stupid book she’s never bothered me or anybody else. She says all over the internet, and on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Chance that because she’s never bothered us, she can’t understand why we keep bothering her.

Well, yesterday, Gert and I wrote a couple of blog posts over at Gert’s blog. My post (which is actually a companion piece to Gert’s – is called “Harassing letter from Joan Wheeler to Ruth Sippel Pace in May 1998. You really need to see it – so you can see the REAL Joan Wheeler.

Adoptees: you’re always clamoring for the TRUTH – well, here ya go! Do you dare to put your money where your mouths are? Are you TRULY advocating for CHANGE?  Ya wanna see how one of your own is playing you guys for fools? Will you accept my challenge? Or simply pull the blankets over your heads in denial? – I don’t know about you guys – but if someone is playing me for a fool – I’d wanna know – so I could put a stop to it – because I won’t be played for a fool. But I guess you guys ENJOY being someone’s fool.

Harassing letter from Joan Wheeler to Ruth Sippel Pace in May 1998

UPDATE SEPT 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor!




Joan Wheeler’s condemnation of her birth sister Ruth smacks of stupid judgment – and Ruth turns the tables right back on Joan. September 23, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Having Fun with Disfunctionality, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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In Gert’s post “Joan Wheeler’s attempts at ‘Mending the Broken Pieces of Our Lives’” Gert discusses something that Joan addresses on page 370, about a piece of hate mail  that Joan received in the year 2000, which of course, she attributes to — you guessed it – ME.

WHY is it always ME?  The writing is not mine. Joan does say the note MIGHT have  come from my friend.

I got news for you Joan – if you are writing a NON-fiction book, you can’t have MIGHTS in this book. You either present the FACTS or you don’t. My friend just might be taking you to court for this. – Remember the guidelines set forth by Trafford to prospective writers about slander – “If a person can recognize themself in the work, you can be sued for slander.” And since it takes no rocket scientist for “Brenda” to recognize herself and “Brenda’s” best friend – we know who you’re talking about.

And this postcard, that Joan received, has two different handwritings on it – and neither handwriting is mine, nor my friend’s.

And I just love how Joan describes me and my friend – “their language reflected the lifestyle they had chosen.”

 EXCUSE ME? How dare Joan say such a thing? MY lifestyle? What does that mean Joan? Are you saying because I use cuss words I am a tramp? I’m not the only person who uses cuss words.

 Well, Joan, by that definition, YOU condemned YOURSELF and every person on The Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change – because YOU, Joan, called me “fuckhead” on a post there. Your good friend Mara swears regularly over there and on other websites. Mara even came to my blog and told me to go F myself.

 Using swear words should NOT be a condemnation of a person’s lifestyle. And it is a judgment call on Joan’s part. Well, Joan, as I pointed out, since YOU have a filthy mouth and all the “adult” adoptees on that forum also have filthy mouths, let’s use YOUR own judgments Joan. Your filthy mouths are reflections of the lifestyles YOU adoptees have chosen.

 But as we see again and again, Joan simply MUST show her sisters, and RUTH in particular as being a pig or worse. (After all, she did call me swine on her website).  And Joan did she say in her book that I lived in the inner city and that people living in the inner city were trash.  Trash? Well, for a period of time (1988-1990) Joan herself lived in the Inner City. Again, using JOAN’S own judgment, residents of the Inner City are trash. And since Joan lived in the inner city, she is calling herself trash.

 So, let’s see, MY lifestyle – right. This past Sunday, Sept. 18, marked my 39th anniversary of my being hired as a nurses’ aide. All at the same facility. I have worked the night shift, 11pm – 7am all those years, (except for 4years in the 70’s when I had to get up at 5am). I have done hands on patient care. I have worked in various medical/surgical nursing units throughout the hospital. In the late 80’s, I worked on the cardiac floor, and a step-down respiratory unit, then 4 years in the medical intensive care unit. Then I worked 5 years on the gyn/floor which also include 7 beds assigned for hospice. Since the year 2000, I have worked on the renal/kidney transplant floor.

 In 1995, I served on a committee that helped redesign patient care. In 1996 I attended union steward training classes. In 1999 I attended classes which earned my New York State Certification. Three years ago, I attended classes and am now a Patient Care Assistant – which means I do more work. In addition to nurse aide duties, I am now a phlebotomist.

 During the past 39 years, I have gained the respect from my co-workers throughout the hospital. Aides, nurses, supervisors and doctors have given me their respect.

 In my personal life, from 1980, when I first began taking lessons, to the mid-90’s, I was a professional Middle Eastern Dancer, and also served on the Board of Directors of The Beledi Club.

 In the mid-90’s, I began to explore local politics – With my husband and a few friends on my street, I organized a Clean-Up Campaign, organized a Rodent Control Petition to be submitted to the mayor of Buffalo. In 1997, under the Newburgh Coalition of Block Clubs, I organized a Block Club for my street and surrounding area. My husband and I did volunteer work in the Coalition office, manual labor, such as installing drywall, painting, etc. I contributed to the Coalition newsletter, and helped to distribute that. In 1998, after a thorough background check, by the Buffalo Police Department, (which turned up NO arrest record, contrary to Joan’s stating that I have one), I attended class at the Buffalo Police Academy to become a VIABLE volunteer. (Volunteers in Aiding Buffalo Law Enforcement). This enabled me to do man the Police Satellite Station at the Coalition and take in Quality of Life complaints.

 Due to my work in the Coalition, I have attended meetings with the mayor of Buffalo, members of the Buffalo Common Council (of which, one of them, is now my personal friend), and members of the police department.

 I have been urged in the past, by neighbors, extended family members, acquaintances, and even a former Common Council member, to run for political office.

 In the year 2000, I hooked up with some local Star Trek fans and joined their group The USS Ari – a chapter of Starfleet International. I began contributing to the club’s newsletter, finally taking over the newsletter completely in 2005, and in 2009, I became the head of this group.

 During all this, after having bought my house in 1996, and paying off the mortgage in 10 years, I have landscaped my property and done much hands-on improvements. I don’t like to cook. But I can wield a mighty mean reciprocating saw and staple gun. – I’ve always been a bit of a tom-boy! Is this what Joan means? That I don’t dress in dresses? Yeah, I prefer to wear jeans and slacks – so what? So did Katherine Hepburn! And may I remind you – I was a belly dancer – one of the most graceful and sensuous dances around. I can be a lady – or a construction worker! Just because I don’t like to cook, doesn’t mean that I can’t cook. I can cook very well.

 On my job, I give encouragement and compassion. I have held the hands of the dying. And comforted their families. I have cradled the mother who just miscarried her baby. I have rejoiced with my patients when their organ transplant is successful, and cried with them when it has failed. Yeah, I empty bedpans. So did Dr. Christian Barnard, the surgeon who performed the world’s first heart transplant. He worked as a male nurse’s aide in his pre-med days, working his way thru college.

 From 1975 – 1985, I was with a most amazing man from Yemen. He didn’t have much of a formal education, but he was so intelligent. He taught me so much. And encouraged me in many things. He was not your typical stereotype of an Arab man – no, Abdo respected my independence – even encouraged me. Even after we amicably broke up, and he returned to his homeland, when he came back to Buffalo in 1994, he was still a good friend to me and my present husband. so much so, that when he died in 2003, even my present husband John broke down and cried.

 John – I can’t even begin to write about him. For if I did, I’d never stop typing. Suffice it to say that he has been my best friend from 1978 to now.

I really believe that Joan’s putting down my lifestyle has more to do with her BEING JEALOUS OF ME, then an accusation. I have had two amazing husbands, who never cheated on me. (Joan’s marriage was full of infidelitys, from both sides). Both my husbands always held down jobs, and even when they were laid off, (the Arab guy too), pitched in and did the housework. Both my husbands placed me on a pedestal, while Joan’s husband did not. Right around the time Joan’s marriage was falling apart (1990-1994) was the same time Joan was actively trying to break me and John up. It was during this same time, Joan was calling my place of employment trying to get me fired.

 Getting back to that obscene note that Joan puts in her book. – Gert postulates that perhaps Joan, in her mental madness wrote the note herself. There is that possibility. Joan is certainly quite capable of that kind of subterfuge. She did after all, forge a letter, pretending to be her own 10 year old son, and sent that letter to me. Joan is always playing games with the post office. In letters to my cousin Gail and me, Joan has deliberately put down the wrong zip-codes in return addresses.  For example, in one harassing letter she sent to Gail, it was correctly addressed to Gail, but the return address was Joan’s name, but the street address, city and zipcode was Gail’s. This way, if Gail marked “return to sender”, the post office would send it right back to Gail. Joan did the same to me. In 1999, Joan even used a friend’s address, WITHOUT HER FRIEND’S KNOWLEDGE OR PERMISSION – to send me a letter telling me that my husband had gotten the next-door neighbor pregnant.

 In reading the obscene note, there are references to “I smell fish. Summer’s Eve and Mr. Clean. And an accusation of Joan being a “Hoe.” Joan seems stuck on that word Hoe. Earlier this year, I had rebutted an online comment of Joan. She had used one of her screen names HalfOrphan. I began my rebuttal using the complete name HalfOrphan, but then shortened it to HO. I had no intention of calling her a whore. But she went on the Adult Adoptees forum and said that I did. I pointed out that there are chocolate cakes called Ho-HO’s. But what does Joan see? – Whore.

 Who sent that card to Joan? I don’t know. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t my friend, who incidentally also has a very good lifestyle, having worked in a mortgage title company, a paralegal, and as a receptionist in the x-ray department in a hospital run by the Buffalo CATHOLIC Hospitals. As a single mom, she raised her son, who is now, at the age of 22, working in his uncles’ home construction company. Her son, unlike many of his age group, has never been in trouble with the law or done drugs or other stupid things. He is a very caring young man, who once, when I was taking care of him (when he was 10 years old), I was snoozing on the couch, went upstairs, got a blanket, and tucked me in.

 Yes, I live in the inner city. And I have seen many things, including a young man being shot to death right in front of my house. Later in the police station, I comforted his family, including his grandmother, who witnessed his slaughter. I have fought with the drug dealers and others in my neighborhood, making my neighborhood a cleaner, safer place to live. And what does Joan do? She actually puts me down in her book for this!

There are three possible scenarios for this postcard. Number One – how do we really know that Joan REALLY received this note (and indeed other pieces of hate mail she reports) in the mail? She does not give us a picture of the envelope. Number Two – how do we know that Joan didn’t have a friend (or friends, because there IS two different handwriting on it) write this thing out, Joan photocopied it for the book, just to portray ME as a disgusting piece of slime. OR Number Three – a pissed off wife or girlfriend of one of Joan’s many liaisons could have sent it. With the references to Joan’s anatomy – there is that distinct possibility.

 Joan reports that I have sent her some harassing letters. No, any letters I sent her were in response to garbage that I had received from her. I just spent several days scanning those letters into my computer. Yes, I kept the originals, having sent Joan only the photocopies of what I wrote. I have also transcribed them. Yes, there are some “cuss” words contained in my letters. But you will be shocked to read what I wrote – not shocked at my use of colorful metaphors, but what my letters allude to – Joan’s own rotten behavior and harassing letters that she sent to me. I also have some letters that Joan sent, and some letters from another family member. These will be posted to this blog in time. They will knock your socks off.

In a phone conversation I had with Joan’s ex-husband in 1998, I mentioned that I was just putting anything Joan sent me in a box. Apparently he told Joan this because in a nasty email to me in 2004, Joan says “I don’t care how much paperwork you have against me.”

 Oh, Joan, you arrogant little weasel, you will care. Because people will see the “real” you. And they will see just who the bully has been all these years – YOU, JOAN WHEELER – YOU!

1. gertmcqueenSeptember 24, 2011

Gert here:
Well said Ruth…you have given us a very good summary of some of your accomplishments in a ‘upward mobility’ kind of way…you have worked to improve yourself and your quality of life and you take no nonsense from fools and idiots…

Nowhere, I repeat nowhere, does Joan do the same thing, all she does she talk about her lack in life and how everyone is out to get her…

I particular liked this of what you said upon:

Apparently he told Joan this because in a nasty email to me in 2004, Joan says “I don’t care how much paperwork you have against me.”
Oh, Joan, you arrogant little weasel, you will care. Because people will see the “real” you. And they will see just who the bully has been all these years – YOU, JOAN WHEELER – YOU!

This is so true, people who live in glass houses should NEVER throw stones…and in the case of letters, Joan has left alot of paper/stones around for us to throw at her house of glass…
We have only just begun.

Ruth here again:

Did I forget to mention in my assessment of my lifestyle, that I also a wicked sense of humor? ha ha ha. Speaking of pigs:

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (O.M.G.!!!)

 A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy. I’m still not over the pig.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is … attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (Honey, I’m home . What the…?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still can’t believe that pig …quality over quantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.)

A cat’s urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (Talk about a southpaw.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?) 

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