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Suffer the wrath of the wronged birth sister who had nothing to do with Joan Wheeler’s adoption (via Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family –) August 15, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
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until my thumb/wrist tendon is fully healed and can do more extensive typing (my one hand typing has gotten pretty good, but not good enough) – I will reblog a couple of recent posts – here’s a good one!

 by Ruth Pace There’s a thread on the adoptee forum entitled Suffer the Wrath of the Adoptee. I’ll read it when I get a chance, but for now, I want to give my opinion on just the title of this thread.  These adoptees like to label themselves ANGRY ADOPTEES. They are angry because for whatever circumstances went on in their lives, they were adopted. I can’t comment on their stories, because I don’t know them, I don’t know what happened. Frankly, i … Read More

via Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family —


Suffer the wrath of the wronged birth sister who had nothing to do with Joan Wheeler’s adoption June 18, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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 by Ruth Pace

There’s a thread on the adoptee forum entitled Suffer the Wrath of the Adoptee. I’ll read it when I get a chance, but for now, I want to give my opinion on just the title of this thread.

 These adoptees like to label themselves ANGRY ADOPTEES. They are angry because for whatever circumstances went on in their lives, they were adopted. I can’t comment on their stories, because I don’t know them, I don’t know what happened. Frankly, it’s none of my business. I can only comment on the adoption that I know all about – that of my younger sister Joan Wheeler, who also calls herself an ANGRY ADOPTEE.

 I can’t control her anger. That is something she has to deal with. Whatever beef she’s got against my father, her aparents, the system – has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I was only 3 ½ years old when she was adopted by the Wheelers. I only heard that we had a new baby sister when she was born, then never saw her. Because of my father’s second wife’s illness, and her need to be placed in the psych center a couple of times, we remaining kids did indeed spend some years in foster care and a year in a children’s home. A couple of us lived here, a couple of us lived over there, and a couple of us lived somewhere else. (My stepmother had two sons of her own, so now there were six kids that needed to be looked after). When I was a little kid, I knew our younger sister was “adopted” and living somewhere else. I didn’t know what the word adopted meant. All I knew was that there was a total of 7 kids – 5 Sippels and 2 Genoveses scattered around. (4 Sippel kids, plus Doris/Joan and 2 stepbrothers).

 Trauma? Nope, because this was NORMAL for us. And from time to time, we would all get back together, and we all saw each other regularly. Where ever I lived, I had tons of friends! We were never mistreated. Eventually it began to sink in what adoption exactly meant and when we were teenagers, naturally we wanted to be reunited with our sister Doris/Joan. And by then, we recognized the fact that because of the legal system, we couldn’t contact her. But we were determined to find her, and we did. 

 When I was reunited with Joan in 1974, I opened up my life to her and my heart. I never judged her. I accepted her as she was. In 1974, I had been on my job for 2 years. In 1971, I had my first apartment, (actually a room in a boarding house), then in 1972, I had a roomie, in 1973, I moved back to my Dad’s house to save money, and to help out with the kids from my father’s third marriage. In May 1974, two months after meeting Joan, I got my first real apartment. In 1975 I met a wonderful man and we moved in together. We lived together for 10 years.

 And Joan was always a part of my life after our reunion. And yes, I accepted her, never judged her, she was my sister. We would do things as my time and my life allowed, just as with every other relationship in my life.

 But by the 1980’s Joan began to lash out at us. She interfered with Gert’s children in 1981-83. In 1985, right after I had my miscarriage, she showed NO sympathy for my infertility. Went out of her way to bring up subjects that she KNEW would hurt me. I know the world does not end when a woman, who has been trying for years to conceive loses her baby, but when someone DELIBRATELY sets out to hurt someone – that is unacceptable. Even during a phone conversation in April 1987, she was babbling on about how she “knows” all about infertility. (no, she knows book stuff, but NEVER experiencing the pain of infertility or the grief of loss of your child – she does NOT know). I told her THREE times during this conversation that I was planning on seeing a grief counselor and I DID NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! To her, or anyone else! THREE times I said this – did she RESPECT MY WISHES? NO! She just kept on blabbing about how she knows about infertility. What a f’ing disrespectful bitch. That’s when I hung up on her and did not contact her. 2 months later I moved in with my present husband. I sent my mail to a friend’s house in Lackawanna NY. For a year, she kept calling my job in the daytime – (I worked nights – still do). I would come in to work and find notes paperclipped to my timecard to call Joan. And I would throw the notes out. After I reconnected with her in 1988, she told me she went to the post office and got my forwarding address in Lackawanna and tried to find me – but the people there said they didn’t know me. ha ha ha – (thank you Hassan).  So who was STALKING whom – even back in 1987? But Joan bitches about ME stalking her when I read her shit online? She’s got a lot of f’ing nerve!

oh and by the way – when I did go to the grief counselor, I told her of the phone conversation I had with Joan. The counselor was appalled! She said Joan was disrespectful of me. (like I need a counselor to tell me that – but it was nice to know that a professional recognized Joan’s rotten behavior for what it was).

 From 1987 to 1988, I did not speak to Joan because of her disrespect to me. BUT in 1988 I tried to have a relationship with her. By 1990, she was at it again. She stole hundreds of dollars from me, we had a fight on the telephone over money she promised me. She called me on the phone and dictated to me” “I know I said that I was going to give you this sum, but I changed my mind.” (paraphrase) I told her to keep the money and I never wanted to see her again.

 This is what started the feud that continues to this day. Because I DARED  to stand up for myself. I NEVER belittled Joan’s activism in the adoption reform field. And it was ME who told her to write her book! (silly me).

 So let’s get back to this “suffer the wrath of the adoptee” business.


 As I said, I was only 3 ½ years old when she was adopted. I had nothing to do with it. From 1956 to 1974, I always wanted Joan in my life. From 1974 – 1987, I accepted and LOVED her. It was JOAN who destroyed our relationship in 1990 by stealing money from me. Money that she knew wasn’t even mine! I had borrowed it from the bank! Joan put me into debt!

 Then Joan set out to PUNISH me for being angry with her. In 1993, she baited me with a forged letter. (see post Did Joan’s 10 year old son write that letter I got in June 1993? Or did Joan herself? ) Like a fool, I fell for it. I called her on the phone, she hung up. I called back, she hung up again. I called again. She hung up. What I did not know, she had a trace trap on the phone. SHE was the one hanging up on me, but she filed a false police report saying that I called her, swore at her and hung up on her. A week later, my electricity was shut off. She still owed me money. I called her on the phone. The first call, I was crying and said, “Joan, don’t hang up, I need help.” She did hang up. I called back, she hung up. Now I was angry, and I did call and swore at her. Admit it- you would do the same. And of course, these additional calls were caught by the annoyance call bureau. So the bitch hauled me into court. No, I was NOT arrested, and yes, a six-month order of protection was given to Joan. The judge told me to stay away from her for six months and everything would be dismissed. No, I was not placed on probation. Yes, I did stay away from her for YEARS.

 In the fall of 1994, Joan’s hospital bill got mixed up with another patient. She swore up and down that I did it. She complained to my employer. They investigated it. I did not do it. She wasn’t going to have it. She set out to change the events. She called my job for the next six months trying to get me fired. In December 1994, she called child abuse on herself, posing as me, and giving out my fiance’s name! Then in February 1995, I get a packet of letters in the mail from her – copies of letters that she had been mailing around to various elected officials in the Buffalo area – one of them being the mayor of Buffalo! These letters included my personal medical history and my life choices, where I worked, where I lived! I filed harassment and stalking charges against her. But the judge dismissed it, saying “sisters should get along.” By the way, during the time frame of December 1994 – April 1995, Joan was writing letters to my fiancé, sending them to his mother’s house, even wrote a letter to my future mother-in-law – the letters telling John to break up with me. She even telephoned John’s mother a few times, to trash me, then her other son grabbed the phone and told Joan if she ever called their m’f’ing house again, she would have to answer to him, and stop bothering his mother!

 Joan continued harassing me. In February 1999, I received two letters from her. One telling me that my fiancé had gotten the next door neighbor pregnant. (the house was vacant). The other one accused me of driving past her house – when at the time, I did not have a car.

 This time, I took her to Family Court. And was granted a one year order of protection against her.  These were the only 3 times we were in court – and in previous posts, I have scanned and posted the actual court documents pertaining to them.

 Joan finally stopped sending me garbage letters, but continued her hate campaign against me. She seethed in anger and I see that it built up in her, year after year. In 2009 she self-published her book and her anger and hate against me is very evident – almost every other page is anger and hate directed at me. She directs anger and hate against other people – but me in particular. She changes events around, LIES and says that it was ME who harassed her.

 So again, let’s get back to the “Wrath of the Angry Adoptee.” Joan is angry, no doubt about it. But WHY is she angry at ME???

Around 1988-89, she managed to get MY former foster-mother mad at her. Joan, in her obsession to “re-connect” with her birth family re-traced her siblings childhood history, going around to the neighborhood we lived in as children, introducing herself to people who still lived there, and even meeting our former foster-mother. Now I had told her something, IN CONFIDENCE – that when I lived there – I didn’t want to be there. That was no reflection on the care they gave me – they were wonderful people – but I wanted to be with my father. What does Joan do? She goes and blabs that to my foster mother and made her cry. She was an elderly woman. She was a friend of one of my cousins, and cried to her. Gail knew my feelings and covered for me – she just said, “oh Joan probably got things mixed up.” But when I heard about it – I yelled at Joan. She sat at my kitchen table, 34 years old, and whined, “I don’t know if I’m doing anything wrong if nobody tells me.” What??? A 34 year old woman needs to be told how to behave? Not to betray things told to her in confidence?

Joan says somewhere in her book, and on her website, and other places on the internet, that the siblings that found her hold some sort of responsibility to her and her state of being after the honeymoon stage of our reunion with her. (my words, not necessarily hers, but the thought is the same). Excuse me. In 1988, she was 33 years old. She should have learned how to behave by then. She should have learned not to lie. She should have learned not to steal. She was raised by two competent people, she went to Catholic grammer school, Catholic high school, Catholic college. In 1988 she had two children of her own that SHE had the responsiblity to teach how to behave, yet she’s asking ME to teach these things to HER??? What the hell does she want from me?




 Joan, you don’t get to write a book that sullies MY reputation! Your book is “your point of view?” BULLSHIT! You wrote intentionally to HURT me. You know damn well that I was NOT arrested and placed on probation. THAT is called slander and libel – because you set out to intentionally damage my reputation. Just look at your history towards me – in 1993 how you filed the false police reports, tried to get me fired in 1994, called child abuse on yourself to implicate me, in 1995 tried to break me and John up and trashed me to his mother, and stalked and harassed me, invaded my privacy by writing letters to the mayor and others, in 1999, you falsely tell me that John got the next door neighbor pregnant. And we are supposed to believe that you did NOT write that shit book to hurt me and it was only “your point of view?”

 Yeah, we know, it is your point of view – YOUR point of view is that I, your sister, who never did a damn thing to you but love you, is trash, and should be punished in your book.


Never fear, I won’t lie – I don’t HAVE to – because the TRUTH about Joan is damning! And she brought it all on herself. 

UPDATE, August 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m (Gert) updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…



Who writes Joan Wheeler’s reviews on Amazon.com? February 15, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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by Gert McQueen, February 15, 2011
 – with additional commentary by Ruth Pace
I find the following ‘review’, on Amazon, interesting in that it does not actually go into much detail as to what actually is in the book. Moreover I find it a bit interesting because of the words that are used. It reads more like Joan has written this review, as she recycles her own words and story-line, with a few of Rene Hoksbergen’s words thrown in for good measure. (Ruth’s note: Does she have his permission to do this? Why doesn’t he write his own review for Amazon.com? Why is Joan plagiarizing him?)
A Compelling Account of Adoption & Reunion, February 5, 2011
This review is from: Forbidden Family (Paperback)

Joan Wheeler has written a compelling, moving, and often harrowing account detailing her life experiences as an adoptee who at age 18 was contacted by a sister whose existence was unknown to Joan. The subsequent reunion with her birth family was emotion-charged and turbulent with profound effects on Joan and her adoptive family, as well as Joan’s children later on. The book also recounts Joan Wheeler’s activism for adoptees’ rights and her efforts and suggestions to reform the adoption system in order to spare others the frustration and suffering she has endured.

Here are recycled words that have been seen in other places written by Joan Wheeler and/or Rene Hoksbergen:
“compelling, moving, harrowing account, age 18 contacted by sister, unknown to Joan, reunion, was emotion-charged and turbulent with profound effects on Joan and her adoptive family, as well as Joan’s children later on, activism for adoptee’s rights, efforts and suggestions to reform, in order to spare others the frustration and suffering she has endured”
Gosh, that’s pretty much the entire review!
The name of the reviewer is a reference to what the Cheshire Cat said to Alice ‘We’re all mad here’.
Now everyone that knows Joan knows that she frequently is “all mad here” meaning she is all (always) angry here. Joan wants the whole damn world to know that she is ‘all mad here’. She is proud of her anger. She has referred to herself as an angry adoptee.
 Now, All Mad Here doesn’t have a profile nor any other reviews, so why is it necessary for this reviewer to have such a hidden name and city? Why the need to hid? If you like the book then you really shouldn’t have any problem with letting the world know that you like and support the book and the author. But, if you are a coward and just want to be sneaky and cute, fine, hide behind something but you are not doing the book nor author any real favors. People see behind that mask! Anyone who can not put their real name behind a review and stand for what they have to say, have just shown us that they NEVER read the book or just did Joan a favor, or is Joan herself.
Now, Queen City is a reference to Buffalo NY. This is another clue that points to some friend of Joan’s or Joan herself. Does she really think she is pulling the wool over her blood sisters’ eyes? Doesn’t she know that we know what ‘Queen City’ means!
Queen City came about because in its heyday, Buffalo was the second largest city in New York State. The largest being The Big Apple – New York City of course. Buffalo New York has several ‘nicknames’: The City of Good Neighbors, The Queen City, The City of No Illusions, The Nickel City, Queen City of the Lakes, City of Light.
So why the need to be cute and clever here? Why not just come out and say Buffalo and be done with it? Not, Joan, she likes to play games and twist things around. Its just a reflection of her twisted mind.
 So, will the real All Mad Here stand up? Better still, is there any person out there that has DEEPLY READ the book and will stand up and  give a review for it? Hey, there’s lots of material on this blog that you can reference in your review…go for it…will someone write a REAL review of this lousy book!
Ruth’s note: Actually, there were 2 real book reviews. One was written by another adoptee who fairly gushed over the book, which is to be expected from another Angry Adoptee. These people are so full of anger over their rotten adoptions they can’t see beyond their anger and just blindly condemn any act of adoption. Therefore, Joan is a heroine to them, because Joan’s book is nothing but an over-dramatization of Joan’s tortured life. The Angry Adoptee who wrote the review, Heather, is another person who didn’t Deep Read the book. Since Heather is against adoption, to her, Joan’s book is the best thing since sliced bread in thechronicles of anti-adoption. There is no need to Deep Read the book. Because to the Angry Adoptees, anything written against adoption is held to be Gospel Truth. If they were to approach the book with an open mind and Deep Read the book, they would catch the contradictions and inconsistencies contained in this book.  I think that at this point, they don’t want to admit that they were duped by Joan, for fear of appearing foolish. Again, they can’t see past their Anger to realize that if they admit to themselves that they have been led around like sheep, real growth would occur. But they, like Joan, are afraid of growth. They have their Anger, and don’t want to let go of it. 
The other true book review was written by myself. I used my own name. I didn’t put down my city. I had put down “inside a letter box.” Which is a reference to John Lennon’s line in “Across the Universe.” I can’t remember why I did that, it was done over a year ago. And I don’t remember exactly what I wrote, outside of the truthful following: that this book is nothing but a vehicle for Joan to exact her revenge on anyone in her life who ever angered her. Most of the book is just one putdown after another of people who had nothing to do with her adoption.
And I reiterated my father’s words to me about the book: IT BELONGS IN THE TRASH!
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