Tags: abuse, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cowardice, cyberbullying, dishonesty, Disrespect, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, false accusations, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, spreading untruths
this is a different sort of post – during a facebook conversation with Gert and me and a couple of our cousins, the question was asked what did Joan Wheeler do to piss off the members of the family of our mom’s sister.
Part 1 She started with Gail because Gail had grown up with Helen Connors’ daughters – Nancy, Fran and Annie – Helen was the childhood friend of Aunt Catherine and the brother of Edward Wheeler. Joan remembered the Crystal Beach incident when she and Gail were 10 years and they bumped into each other – Gertrude Anetrino – another of Edward Wheeler’s sisters – lived on Sumner St – right around the corner from Bailey and Walden – right where Scheu Park is – where grandpa Jacob Herr and the family lived. – and not far from where I live now.
They used to have nieghborhood days at Crystal Beach – you pre-bought some ride and meal tickets at neighborhood stores for a savings. So in 1966, Gertrude and Helen and all their kids went for Bailey and Walden Day and coincidentally Aunt Catherine went with Ida, Norman and Gail. I don’t know who the adults Aunt Catherine went with, as she didn’t drive. Aunt Catherine and Gail bumped into Dorothy Wheeler and Joan – Gail saw Joan and was confused because she thought it was me, but then it wasn’t. Catherine told her later never to tell me or anyone she saw that girl. Gail then saw Joan’s Holy Communion picture and remembered the kid at Crystal Beach. I don’t know when in Gail’s life she became aware that we Sippels had another sister, but in 1974 when we found her, she told me didn’t like having to lie to me. – this is the one of the “lies” of adoption that Joan is always bitching about – but then she twists things around and in the book BLAMES Gail for not telling her about herself – like – wtf – Gail was a 10 year old kid and didn’t know anything!
Part 2. During the 1970’s me, Joan and Gail would go out discoing and bar-hopping. but Gail never really liked Joan. She sensed from the get-go that Joan was wierd. At her wedding shower (1980), we were having dinner and Nancy and Fran started talking about Joan, and Helen kicked one of them under the table “don’t talk about people behind their back.” I don’t remember which one but they said, “mom, we’re talking about Joan.” – because Nancy, Fran, and Annie grew up with Joan – they knew how wierd she was – apparently she had been wierd all her life. The early 80’s – Gail was busy with her own life as a newlywed and trying to get pregnant. At the same time I was trying to get pregnant. And in 1980, I went back to working the night shift. Neither Gail nor me had much time to spend on Joan. And of course, then we had the troubles with Karen. – Joan felt that Gail was “avoiding her” because the Wheeler cousins were badmouthing her. – but a lot of it was due to what she did to you Gert in 1982. Aunt Catherine was very upset over the whole thing. By the time we had the Herr family reunion at Uncle Mikes house in 1985, EVERYBODY was starting to see Joan for the nut she was and knew what she did to you Gert and were starting to distance themselves from her.
Part 3 – In 1993, Joan’s daughter got sick and this was after Joan stole that money from me and she knew she couldn’t ask me for any family medical history on thyroid problems, so she photocopied a bunch of medical stuff about Cathy and mailed them to Gail. Gail was pissed at her for what she did to me and sent them back to her. Joan waited until after 10 at night and called her on the phone and was screaming at Gail on the answering machine. Kevin wanted to get up and bitch her out, but Gail told him to just ignore her. From time to time, Joan would mail shit to Gail but Gail would always just mark the envelope “return to sender.” which was pissing Joan off even more. By 1994 when Joan ramped up her harassment to me, I sort of withdrew from everybody – and Gail purposely did not call me – because she wanted to prove to everyone that it was not Ruth doing all the trouble at one point Gail called our father up and told him “its not Ruth – it’s Joan.” Joan was now living back with her mother – with no job, kids either in school or day camp (did she ever parent them?) and she had all sorts of time to write letters to me and Gail. I couldn’t get the dam Buffalo Police to listen to me. But in the town of Eden – it was a different story. I don’t remember when – it had to be late 1998 when Joan sent her another letter – and Gail finally went to the police and they sent Joan a letter to tell her to stop contacting Gail – and it was at this time, Gail was battling cancer. When she got the last letter in 1999, she took it right to the police and they called Joan and said “did you send this letter to Mrs. B.? and Joan said yes. “after we told not to contact her?” she said yes. it was the Eden police who started the harassment charge against Joan. – I didn’t know any of this until John and I got married. I didn’t even know Gail and Kevin got divorced. and I am STILL upset that during the last years of her life, Gail purposely did not call me – to protect me – to prove that it wasnt me doing the shit.
Part 4 I can’t remember the exact year – but Joan had a crack in her windshield – and she went to get it fixed and the mechanic was Ray III – Bugsy’s son. Somehow the two got to talking and found out they were cousins. Ray was nice enough to invite Joan home for dinner. When Gail found out – she told him to leave her alone because she was dangerous. I don’t know what she told him. He started distancing himself from her, and she kept trying to call him. This had to be the late 90’s during the height of her letter writing to lots of people. (my job, the mayor, even Jessica, the 17 year old daughter of Nancy -and Jessica had nothing to do with the family drama! – she was bitching out Jessica and Nancy got her on the phone and told Joan the police would be called if she bothered her daughter again). — I don’t have the letter anymore – but I did get one letter that accused me, my friend Francine, Gail and Ray of “plotting against her.” – I called Francine up and she came over for lunch and then I read the letter to her. she started choking on her sandwich and then said “but but, I never met your cousin Ray.” – Joan in retaliation for this “plot” called Ray’s job to say he fucked up the windshield – trying to get him in trouble on his job. — like she was doing to me at my job.
Part 5 – Joan also managed to get Uncle Mattie’s daughter (I can’t remember her name) and Aunt Bertha’s kids Dennis and Becky mad at her as well. – Because she has such a lovely way to relate to people.
and with all this shit going on – for more than 25 years and the courts and the district attorney and the police – if Joan goes off the deep end like that nut in colorado – I will hold the authorities responsible – because they have had plenty of notice about this sick bitch.
And that’s also why I sent that letter to Buffalo area therapist Nicole Urdang, who supposedly read Joan’s book and left a book review on amazon.com saying it was a good book. This was a few months after Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot. And I told Urdang that she didn’t see the contradictions that Joan made in the book – and that Urdang was a poor therapist because she didn’t recognize that the book is not about adoption reform but a chronicle of a woman losing her sanity. and I told Urdang that she is responsible for egging Joan on. As well as Rene Hoksbergen, Lori Corangelo, Russell Thomas, Susan Thompson Underdahl and recently Brian T. Maloney.
I forgot to mention a name on the list of people that I will hold responsible if Joan Wheeler goes off the deep end.- Buffalo City Court Judge Margaret Anderson.
In 1995 I took Joan to court for harassment because of:
Sometime in 1994 Joan’s hospital bill got mixed up with another patient. Joan ASSUMED I did it and called my job. They investigated and found me innocent. They told Joan this. I work as a nurse’s aide, since 1972. Joan puts in her book that I work as a billing clerk to lend credence to this bullshit. The computers on the nursing station are not connected to the billing computers. The mistake was traced to a typo made at 4pm. I worked at that time 11pm to 7am. Not to mention the fact that they can trace everything you do on the computer. But Joan KNEW I did, even though she was told I didn’t. So she set out to change the facts. To change history. She called my job repeatedly for six months trying to get me fired. This is a hospital for god’s sake and we have better things to do than put with a lunatic! Like taking care of sick people and saving lives!
In December 1994, Joan called child abuse on herself, posing as me, She then wrote to Albany NY and told the Child Abuse authorities that I had been placed on probation due to annoyance phone calls. No, it was a six-month order of protection. In February 1995, I received a packet in the mail – from Joan – it contained photocopies of letters she had been writing to: Erie County District Attorney Kevin Dillon, Erie County Commissioner of Social Services Deborah Merrifield, NYS Senator Anthony Nanula, Buffalo Mayor Anthony Masiello, and the Patient Finacial Services Director of my employer. All these letter contained false accusations of me, and telling these elected officials and people at my job that I can’t pregnant, I hate her because she has kids, I hate her because she killed my mom. I’m not married but I’m living a man who’s not the same race as me. I have an arrest record, I am a criminal. AND she wrote letters to my fiance telling him to break up with me. She contacted my future mother in law, trying to tell her I was evil.
So I took all those letters, including the ones to my fiance and his mother and filed harassment charges on her. At one point while I was standing in front of Judge Margaret Anderson, she was looking at the letters and picked one up, turned to the person standing to her right, and said “she wrote to Kevin?” (the district attorney Kevin Dillon). And she was laughing. A judge was laughing at the clear stalking and harassing letters that Joan had written about me. She then dismissed my harassment charges saying: “sisters should get along.”
Oh thank you very much Judge Margaret Anderson – you have clear evidence of someone stalking me, harassing me, writing letters of character assassination, and you dismissed it all. YOU enabled Joan Wheeler to continue to harass me up to the present.
YOU put it in Joan’s sick head that she could harass me and get away with it.
Through the years, when I have told the story of this and showed those letters to people, they were shocked that a city court judge saw all the clear evidence and dismissed it. And we all have one name for that judge and it ain’t very pretty!
- 1. Ruth
AND in November 2009, when I called Joan on the phone to tell her that our Aunt Doris died, she started screaming at me – hurling obscenities at me – I got in my car and went to my cousin Nancy’s house and she calmed down – all I did was make a legitmate phone call, – that even after all the harasment that Joan did to me, that I, her sister, would take the time to tell Joan that the woman she was originally named for (Doris) had passed. What did I get in return? I got hit with a barrage of verbal abuse!
After I left Nancy’s house, I went to my dad’s – where he got a screaming phone call from Joan. He told me then that Joan is mentally ill. By the time I got home – there was a message on my answering machine – from the Town of Tonawanda police saying that Ruth Sippel Pace and my sisters Gert and Kathy were to stop calling Joan. yeah! Joan fucking called the cops on me and named two other people that had nothing to do with it!
When I told Gert, Gert called tonawanda police (long distance) and they told Gert “don’t worry, we know all about her.”
And in January 2011, in a facebook private message conversation I had with Joan’s ex husband, he told me that he has had to call the police LONG DISTANCE (he lived at the time in S. Carolina) to break up fights between Joan and her daughter. Who is being forced at the age of 24 to work two jobs to support herself and her mom. But in a myspace email to me the day after I called Joan about Aunt Doris, my niece is whining “don’t I have a right to a life of my own?” – yet, 3 years later, she’s still stuck with her mother – it reminds me of an old horror movie – sort of like “whatever happened to baby jane?” – but not quite. I fear that not only is Joan mentally ill, but if at the age of 24, you haven’t gotten away from your sick mother, you must be sick yourself. I feel sorry for mentally ill people, but to a point. – especially when you’ve been their target for harassment for years and can’t get it to stop!
After what joan did to me, 1980-82, I left Buffalo and was not aware of many things until 1992 when I started talking again with Ruth. It was difficult to follow because I had lost contact with relatives who were children or not even born when I left and the stories, about Joan’s behavior has always been sick and wierd.
in 1998 I too received a letter from Joan, that she sent to Ruth, to which I answered and told her why is she still bothering me when I told her to get lost in 1982 and then again in 1992?
When Ruth told me about how Joan was harassing Gail I couldn’t believe it…Joan never stops…
And just before she published that lying book she was setting the ground work, on the internet, AGAINST US….and I have the evidence dating back to 2008!
And since the book was published we siblings have gone after Joan’s lying and she has enlisted all kinds of people to ‘get us’ and they have failed because TRUTH WINS OUT. We are NOT DONE with telling all the truths that we know about this very dangerous person.
In a way I feel sorry for the poor sucker Brian, who believes Joan and went out of his way to ATTACK WOMEN he doesn’t know! He has been silent since we exposed the evidence of Joan’s email 2009 attacks on Kathy…and there is MORE evidence…so be aware…if you hang out with Joan Wheeler you will get burnt.
Joan Wheeler is a very dangerous person…we have been telling the world for a long long time….listen up and get away from her.
My answer to Gert’s post ‘Champ has left the building, Joan Wheeler has taken over’ and lots more! June 29, 2012Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, adoption, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cyberbullying, dishonesty, Disrespect, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, embellishing the truth, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, hatred of infertile women, Lies, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, spreading untruths, stupidity, whining
Good morning. I went to bed at 10pm. I was going to stay up and do some blogging, but was just too tired.
So here it is 3:30. I find a bunch of comments on Gert’s post “Champ has left the building…Joan Wheeler has taken over….”
I was going to comment myself, but find I have to much to say – so here is a new blog post.
Thank you Paula for having the courage to write your observations. We have long suspected that people reading our blog and Joan’s blog can tell for themselves that Joan is mentally ill. Joan knows herself that she is mentally ill. She readily admits that she’s been in therapy for over 30 years and describes herself as “damaged.” She finally got something right.
For the life of me, I cannot and have never understood WHY she has gone after me – all these years. Sure, she has hurt Gert and Kathy, and I’ve said it before to both of them – that book was NOT about adoption – it was to trash everyone in her life who ever angered her, and in particular ME. She calls me Brenda in the book. My god, every other page is Brenda this, Brenda that. Is the book a biography of Brenda or a biography of Joan. She writes about my first husband, my job, makes a mockery of my miscarriage, makes outlandish claims regarding a telephone annoyance incident – has a police detective talking nonsense about my pets – yes – my pets! A police officer would not do that. I had my phone listed under a different name – Brittany. She has the police officer asking her who is Brandy Sippel? Joan writes that she told him that was my cat – actually it was my dog – and the officer says the phone bill is under the cats name and Joan says my gas bill is under the other cat’s name. A letter written to Gert’s daughter has her admitting that she knows my phone is listed under Brittany. So why not tell the truth in the book?
And how did I get into court for annoyance calls? Because in June 1993 (at the same time she was making trouble for Kathy, via her pal Rene Hoksbergen), I get a letter in the mail. The envelope, in Joan’s handwritiing, was addressed to me. So I open it up. Inside was a sloppy note, supposedly written by her ten year old son, to my husband. It does not say Dear Uncle John, just Dear John, – and comparing it to Joan’s handwriting – it was her. So I called her up. She hung up on me. I thought we were disconnected. I called again. She hung up. I called again. She hung up. – Well, the sly one had already falsely reported to the Annoyance Call Bureau that she was getting calls. And made them install a trace trap. And calls WERE NOT recorded. She sent that note to bait me, and I fell for it. The following week, my electricity was shut off. I called her again – because she owed me money, – the money that she stole from me in the first place – now I needed it – same thing. She kept hanging up on me. Then she reported me to the police.
I got a call from the police officer and I told him my side of the story. He told me that he would recomend to Joan not to press charges, but she went ahead and did anyway. That’s how she got the Order of Protection against me – and it was for six months. Not for one year as she writes in the book.
by the way, you can see the actual letter in this post.”Did Joan’s 10 year old son write that letter I got in June 1993? Or did Joan herself?”
The following year, a completely innocent typing mistake mixed up her hospital bill and she swore up and down that I had done it. Never mind that I did not, never did, work in the billing office. For forty years, I’ve worked as a nurse’s aide. Joan calls my job and they investigate it. They found me innocent. But she wasn’t going to have it. She KNEW I was guilty and despite being assured by my employer that I DIDN’T do it, she was going to change the facts and set out to destroy me. She called my job for months trying to get me fired. She made that false child abuse call against herself to destroy my relationship with my fiance (now husband), she wrote letters to the mayor of Buffalo. – This took us into 1995. I filed harassment charges against her, but the stupid judge dismissed it, saying “sisters should get along.” – I was so angry. I was victimized by Joan, now I was victimized by the judge.
The harassment stopped after an assitant district attorney yelled at both me and Joan in 1995, but then in 1998, out of the blue, Joan started up again. The assistant DA who yelled at us was not there any more, so I had to start from scratch – and in 1999, Joan wrote me a letter using a friend’s return address – without her permission – and in the letter Joan tells me my infertile husband got the next door neighbor pregnant and they had a daughter in 1993. I go down to the district attorney and they didn’t want to do anything. A friend of mine, who works in the present city government suggested Family Court – and they took my case, slapping a one year order of protection for me against Joan. But she doesn’t write about that in the book – instead, she has all 3 court cases all mixed up and convoluted with a statement that we had a 3 month court battle in 1994. – What she was talking about was the case I brought against her in 1995 – First appearance, she is arraigned and a trial date was set. Second appearance, the case gets postponed. Third appearance, the judge dismissed it. Three short appearance, probably 15 minutes in length each time in front of the judge – gets reported in the book as “a three month court battle” with her kids on the stand testifying against me.
When I read that for the first time – I was like stunned! It was a total fabrication – I’m still amazed that Joan wrote that and actually BELIEVES that things happened that way. Because she really does BELIEVE that things happen the way she reports.
That is why she canNOT ever EVER explain even actual court documents that PROVE WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT WHAT SHE SAYS DIDN’T HAPPEN OR HOW SHE SAYS OR THAT SHE LIED. She turns a blind eye to her own handwritten letters to me and my fiance and my mother in law. She didn’t do that. That’s her story and she’s sticking to it.
She whines and says that nobody knew how to proceed with the reunion. I have already addressed that on my blog – I don’t know what she means by that – that the birth siblings were supposed to be some sort of all-knowing gods?
In 1974, I had just gotten my first real apartment. I had been on my own from 71-72, moved back in at my dad’s to help out watching the little ones. My first “apartment’ was just a room in a boarding house, now I had a full apartment, with my own fridge, etc. A new adult. lol. I was 23, starting late, but was finding my first adult steps. And we had our reunion. What deep psychiatric bullcrap was I supposed to know? All I did was f’ing welcome her into my life. I was working full time nights. When I had a free time – we went out. We got together. We were like new friends getting to know each other, but we were sisters. And we were re-connecting. What the hell did she want from me? Apparrently my life. Because when she started her interfering in 1980, and we started telling her, don’t do that, she would act like a five year old, (whiny) “I didn’t mean it. I don’t know how to act.). She says in her book she was a naive sheltered white girl from the suburbs.) Bull – she was an adult. But yeah, she acted like a brat. By 1980, it was clear to us that she, despite being raised by two parents, did not have the same morals and values that we did. We did not try to mold her to fit OUR pre-conceptions of what Doris might be, we simply put our foot down to someone who began interfering with our lives. Lying to us, and eventually stealing from us. These are things that are NOT tolerated by ANYone.
I recently broke off a freindship with someone who had the nerve to swear at me on my facebook page. At 1 in the morning she calls me up demanding to know why I took her off my facebook page. Then she starts swearing at me on the phone. This is a friend? Not in my book. So I said “goodby” – end of friendship. I don’t allow ANYbody to abuse me, not phyisically, verbally or otherwise. You disrespect ol’ Ruth – be prepared to be thrown out of her life. Boom. End of story.
Joan couldn’t accept that one by one, not only her birth siblings, but her birth father, and other members of both her adopted and birth family turned their backs on her – not because she was adopted, or is a militant adoptee – IT IS JOAN’S OWN BEHAVIOR – HER WORDS AND DEEDS THAT GOT HER KICKED OUT OF THE FAMILY.
Now she gets on the internet and wants people to feel sorry for HER. Because we birth sisters are telling the truth of what happened. We’re being admonished by her in her guise of Chimp to “understand” HER feelings of being adopted. NO way!
I did that back in the 70’s. I bent over backwards for her – all the way thru the 80’s and finally had enough when she stole from me. And from January 1991 to the present, I’ve been punished for simply saying I WON’T BE ABUSED BY JOAN WHEELER ANY MORE.
Joan Wheeler tried to destroy my life. She railroaded me in court. She tried to break me and John up. She tried to get me fired from my job. She wrote letters to the mayor and other elected officials in an attempt to ruin my reputation. She writes that book and trashes me left and right in that book. And worse of all – the worst of it – and she was there – during the years I was trying to get pregnant. And she even borrowed my books on pregnancy and child-raising, and was there when I miscarried in 1985, yet in the book states: “at one point she (me) claimed to want to have children.” then mocks my infertility by saying, “just as well she didn’t get pregnant.”
What does THAT have to do with Joan’s adoption, her reunion, or her adoption reform work? NOTHING -ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It was a pure attack on me – a vicious, below-the-belt comment, written especially to slam me and hurt me, BECAUSE JOAN KNEW HOW MUCH I WANTED A CHILD.
No, I don’t feel sorry for Joan – I hate her. But no, my life does not revolve around her or my hate of her- or this blog. I have a life and a busy one at that. – I actually have not had much time to do a lot of blogging – it has been sporadic lately. Since the last week of January of this year, I’ve had some health issues. And because of being injured on my job last summer, we had fallen behind in some bills, so our finances were strained. So despite my health issues, I did what people with morals and values do – instead of stealing money from someone, sick as I was, I picked up extra shifts at work.
In the meantime, my husband John has been getting his documentation together. He never had his original birth certificate, and despite being a know-it-all about birth certificates and expert in those matters – Joan never helped John obtain his original birth certificate. Well, I did. And by god, I’m not even an adoption expert or birth certificate expert! We just went to Lackawanna and got it. And everything is A-OK.
When John turned 65 a few years ago, he was supposed to be automatically placed on Medicare Part B. We never heard from Social Security. And he is covered under my family plan thru my job, so we never paid any attention. Well of a sudden, our health insurance was denying his doctor bills. So – we had to get all that straightened out. Several weeks ago John went to social security and while there for one thing, made the decision to retire. He was going to retire in 2013, but why wait?
So while we were waiting for all that paperwork, the first week of June, my computer – a netbook, crashed. Gert in the meantime, bought a new computer and shipped me her old laptop, a bit outdated, but still works just fine. AND I went and ordered a new netbook. So now, I got two computers and have been busy transfering files from my external hard drive to Gert’s old laptop and personalizing it. I still haven’t even gotten my new netbook up and running. I turned it on the first day I got it – it works. I installed a game, played it – it works, and it’s been in my office ever since. I’ve been working on the larger laptop in the living room, which will be transfrered to the kitchen by next week for John to work on.
Sooo – John’s social security check came – for two months worth (May and June) and we’ve been busy catching up with our finances. Just yesterday, Thursday, I was downtown paying my county taxes and water bill. It feels good to have zero balance on all our property taxes. And we had to go to our health insurance and show them that now that he has Medicare part B – they need to straighten that out. They said that they will go back and take care of any claims that had been denied. whew!
NOW – today, is John’s last day at work. I have to work this weekend, and of course there’s the holiday coming up next week, which I have to work (hospitals never close ya know). Next weekend, we are going to Red Lobster to celebrate his retirement. Then next month, we have three things to celebrate – both our birthdays, and our tenth wedding anniversary. We have long wanted to check out a restaurant near downtown Buffalo – Chef’s – the official restaurant of the Buffalo Sabres. I’m not kidding – it is! Apparently the players go there for dinner a lot. It’s an Italian restaurant, and must be good – the parking lot is always packed!
I’m also busy with my other passion – Star Trek, and I am head of a local Star Trek group. And a newsletter is due. So I simply MUST get one of my computers hooked up to my printer and get to work. And we are having our July meeting downtown at the waterfront in a couple of weeks. AND I’m still busy with my archiving work. Scanning into my computer pictures, and papers, articles of topics that I’m interested in. I’m interested in many topics, Ancient Egypt, Ancient Meso-America, other historical eras, I love art – Art Deco and Art Neuveau (I can never spell that right).metaphysics, crystals and herbs, AND I’m digitizing my music collection. I have on my external hard drive almost 850 albums of music.With more to go. I love all forms of music – from head banging metal to Mozart.
So with all this stuff going on – I don’t always have to time to blog. And Joan also put me down in her book for me liking horror movies. And just recently slammed me because I have multiple blogs! So f’ing what? I am a multi-faceted person with passion for the things I like. If you ask me, Joan is simply jealous that my life is so rich! And that I get the hell out there and do things I love. And yeah, I do have multiple blogs – one is the main blog about refuting that book, one was set up just to have simple statements from us three sisters that we will not accept abuse from Joan Wheeler. Another blog is set up to share family stories. Another blog is my horror site Midnight and Mythos. John is itching to learn the computer and the internet and contribute to our blog. His screen name is The Cadaverman. That gives you a bit of hint of what you can expect he will write about.
And two months ago, I set up another blog for my Star Trek group The USS Ari, and to share my vast Star Trek scrapbook. There is a website already – My Star Trek Scrapbook by my friend Fred. He has been doing this for a few years now. Last summer, he put up a magazine article from 1979, but was missing the last page. Well, I had that article in my collection, and put that page on my blog to share with him. He suggested I start my own webpage and post the pictures and articles that I have, and this way, he and I can share with each other, and the world, our Star Trek passion. My Ari site is not ready to be up and running – but it will be soon. And Joan, in her guise of Chimp, can put me down, and ridicule me all she wants, because what she is doing by ridiculing me for my passions, and my choice of a tv show or genre of movies, – she is showing the world that despite her being 56 years of physical age, her mental age is that of a 10 year old. Acting like a schoolyard bully – she is the same as those bullying brats on the school bus two weeks ago, that bullied bus aide Karen Klein. By the way, if you click on the link and go see Fred’s site – he also has multiple blogs and likes horror too. So whaddya gonna do now Joan/Chimp? slam Fred for liking Star Trek and horror and having multiple blogs? bitch – your bitchiness is showing. ha ha. That didn’t help your cause any. All you accomplished was to show the world just what an abuser to your sister Ruth you are. You failed to show that YOU do not harass or engage in abusive behavior to Ruth – because — you just did.
So yeah, I got a busy life. And when I have a few minutes to write, I will. But most times, I have very little tiime for losers like Joan and her imaginary playmate Chimp. Another thing people (read Joan/Chimp) fail to understand – that going through her book and blogging about it – it is therapuetic for us. Because we have never ever been able to get a word in edgewise with Joan. When you talk to her in person – she starts arguing, her voice raises, next thing you know she’s shouting at you – screaming – and her voice is so piercing it hurts your ears. And you can’t get your point across because SHE’S now controlling you – by screaming at you, not allowing your opinion to be heard. If you write to her – it’s harassment, if you’re on the phone with her – the second you disagree with her – she hangs up on you. WE HAVE BEEN BULLIED INTO SILENCE FOR MORE THAN 30 YEARS. And the blogs are now a way for us to get a chance to have our say. There is that well-known statement – “there’s two sides to every story.” And Joan as Chimp, has a lot of nerve to say that because WE are writing our blogs, WE are not listening to Joan’s side. ???? WTF??? JOAN’S BOOK WAS HER SIDE. OUR BLOGS ARE ANSWERING HER BOOK AND PUTTING OUT THE OTHER SIDE – THE TRUTHFUL SIDE.
Above, I said that Joan “believes” things happened this way or that way, but I’m not so sure that’s true. Because if it was, Joan wouldn’t have a problem with our blogs. No, the real thing going on is this: JOAN DESPERATELY WANTS US TO SHUT UP BECAUSE SHE DOENS’T WANT THE TRUTH TO COME OUT – THE TRUTH OF HER OWN DIRTY DEEDS. But sick and perverted as she is, she keeps talking to us, knowing we won’t shut up. It’s like the child who is misbehaving – acting out to get attention – ANY kind of attention, even getting knocked down again. And by gods, I will keep knocking her down. Until she publicly admits that she set out on a campaign of hate against me. And publicly admits she stole from me and lied about me. And publicly apologizes to me.
Get a life Joan/Chimp – my life is not yours. You tried to destroy my life in the past with all your stupid harassment – but it never worked. Now you get the tables turned on you. It’s called “reaping the seeds that you have sown.” I loved you once. as a sister. But you destroyed that love with your abuse. Now I hate you. Deal with it.
Gert McQueen’s review of Rene Hoksbergen’s review of Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler December 27, 2011Posted by gertmcqueen in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: adoption, adoption reunion, by Joan Wheeler, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, Forbidden Family, Lies, spreading untruths
Joan M Wheeler has published a new ‘revision’ of the same old hate manifesto and renamed it ‘Duped by Adoption’. I have created a new blog and Facebook page…
Here are the links to my NEW blog and Facebook page
On Amazon, I have reviewed 7 reviews of this ‘new’ garbage book and created a ‘discussion’ on the Forward, by Rene Hoksbergen.
Here’s the link to the DISCUSSION about the FORWARD on Amazon
Here’s the link to a recent blog post Nov 3, 2015 about the contents of the forward
Here are the related links to blog posts that Ruth and I have already written and addressed topics related to Rene Hoksbergen, the author of the Forward.
https://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/2011/12/27/gert-mcqueens-review-of-rene-hoksbergens-review-of-forbidden-family-by-joan-wheeler/ this one is about the review in LAVAContact2 2010 English translation
NOW BACK TO THIS POST…
I would like to know just what Hoksbergen means when he writes this sentance: “The father tires (tries) desperately, sometimes successfully but often not, to compromise between his children.”
Again, as he did in 1993, Dr. Hoksbergen is sticking his nose into MY family’s business. CHILDREN? excuse me, sir, we were all adults with careers. Joan was the only one who refused to grow up, take on ADULT responsibilites and get a job. Many times, throughout the years that we birth siblings and our father tried to get across to Joan to GROW UP – GET A JOB – BECOME A MEANINGFUL CONTRIBUTOR TO SOCIETY. But she always has some excuse.
As to my father trying to “compromise” between us – what the hell does this mean? Along with Hoksbergen’s statement that there were feelings of jealousy, aggression and ignorance from us towards Joan. I ask you Dr. Hoksbergen – WHO TOLD YOU THIS? JOAN? Did you EVER talk to any of us? What feelings of jealousy and ignorance have I ever showed to Joan. What is ignorant is this so-called college professor to say this about me, a stranger to him. I’m ignorant? About what? Oh yeah – Joan’s pathetic life. Dr. Hoksbergen – I was busy building my own life. I had (still do) a career. As did ALL my siblings. We were supposed to stop OUR lives and understand Joan’s petty problems? Of what? She made the choice to marry a man who kept getting fired from jobs. She made the choice to be a stay-at-home mother. She made the choice NOT to get off her ass and get a job like millions of other lower-middle class people. – who also had children to raise. Get your head out of the 1950’s television shows Joan – life is NOT like Leave it to Beaver where the wife/mother stays home and does nothing. Throughout history and all over the globe, women have had to work in the fields, in the homes and after the Industrial Revolution, in factories. As the menfolk hunted, the women worked together to weave cloths, huts, blankets, cook. Women have always worked outside the home – as seamstresses, cooks, servants. If you can afford to make it on one income – the husband’s – that’s great! But if not – and you sit on your ass at home then write a book and bitch and moan about how “poor” you are – you dam right Hoksbergen – I DIDN’T and NEVER WILL show sympathy to Joan for her “financial problems.” I know about financial problems RIGHT NOW. So what do I do? I GOT OFF MY ASS AND WORKED ON CHRISTMAS 2011 to compensate for the fact that my post-open heart surgery husband (aged 68 years) canNOT work extra time and as hard as he used to 30 years ago.
Hoksbergen claims I showed ignorance, aggression and jealousy towards Joan.
Ignorant of what? Joan’s emotional feelings of being adopted? Did Joan EVER put forth ANY attempts of trying to understand OUR emotional feelings? NO – she never did.
Jealousy? Of what? What does Joan have that I should be jealous of? Oh yes – she throws it in MY face that because I lost my son through miscarriage that I am jealous of her because she had two children. And I hated her kids. What a crock of shit and she should be ashamed of herself. I had my miscarriage in 1985, yet she says in her book that in 1989 we had outings to the beach WITH HER TWO CHILDREN. Joan contradicts herself in her book when she is trying to psycho-analyze me. And why is she psycho-analyzing me in the first place? I thought the book was about HER life as an adoptee, not MY life as a woman who’s son died. And Hoksbergen believes every f’ing word this idiot Joan feeds him.
Aggression? WHAT AGGRESSION? Oh yeah – when I slammed the phone down on Joan AFTER SHE STOLE HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS FROM ME. WHEN I CALLED THE POLICE AND TOOK HER TO COURT FOR STALKING AND HARASSING ME WHEN SHE WAS FALSELY ACCUSING ME OF COMPUTER HACKING AND CALLED MY JOB REPEATEDLY FOR MONTHS TRYING TO GET ME FIRED. Oh yes, I admit it – I was aggressive to Joan all right – WHEN I PRESSED HARASSMENT CHARGES ON HER FOR A SECOND TIME IN 1999 WHEN SHE WROTE ME A LETTER TELLING ME THAT MY INFERTILE HUSBAND GOT THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR PREGNANT!
Hoksbergen – you are as delusional as Joan because you took that lying snake’s words as truth.
Getting back to my father’s trying to compromise between us? Again, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Gert, the oldest sibling moved out of Buffalo in 1982, and actually knew NOTHING of the trouble that Joan was causing me. Kathy lived in England, and knew some of the things going on. My brother lived in Arizona, and knew NOTHING of what was going on. I NEVER TOLD MY FATHER ANYTHING. In 2004, when my father was in rehab following open heart surgery, I took my stepmother out to lunch and we were talking about Joan. THAT is when I told her of: Joan’s stealing money from me in 1990, Joan calling my job to get me fired, Joan writing me that letter about my husband getting a neighbor pregnant. My stepmother and my father KNEW NOTHING (FROM ME) ABOUT THE COURT PROCEEDINGS THAT I INSTITUTED AGAINST JOAN. When my stepmother found out – she cried. “We didn’t know this was all going on.”
WHO WAS YAKKING TO MY FATHER MAKING UP STORIES OF FIGHTING BETWEEN JOAN AND HER SIBLINGS? – JOAN – THAT’S WHO! And we were NOT fighting – it was Joan and her bullshit stalking and harrassments that I was TRYING TO GET STOPPED BY CALLING THE POLICE, THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY, THE COURTS.
It was and always has been Joan who was the trouble-maker, not just with me, but others. In my post of December 22, 2011, “some examples of Joan Wheeler’s bad behavior – why nobody wants to hang out with her” I outline what Joan did to my cousin Gail. WHILE GAIL WAS BATTLING CANCER – she had to put up with Joan’s harassments. And Gail, who was like a sister to me, knowing what Joan did to me, wanted to prove to the family that it was NOT me, but JOAN doing all the trouble. She kept me out of the mess between her and Joan and it was GAIL who called my father to tell him what Joan was doing.
So Dr. Hoksbergen – you know NOTHING of what happened/happens in my family – and you need to publicly withdraw your support of Joan, and make a public apology to us – for your contribution to the slander and libel about me, and my sisters Kathy and Gert. Gert did NOT repeatedly sexually abuse Joan. I heard all about the little thing that happened right after it happened – I heard it from both Gert and Joan – and it was ONE experiment that JOAN initiated – and what I heard from both of them, (separately) was the same thing. Joan told me that SHE initated it. Joan is no angel when it comes to these matters. In 1984, being married only one year, with an infant son at home, JOan was at Lulu’s – a roadhouse bar in Kitchener Ontario and had a party – I know about it because she called me up the next day and was crying about it that she didn’t want her husband to find out she cheated on him. And in 1991, she did it again and showed up at my house at 5am, drunk and crying that she cheated on her husband again.
IGNORANCE? Gee thanks Dr. Hoksbergen for calling me ignorant. Well, I never went to college. So I don’t have a college degree. But you, Dr. Hoksbergen, AND Joan, can take your college degrees and shove them where the sun don’t shine – because it is JOAN WHEELER and RENE HOKSBERGEN who are the ignorant ones.
reposting from Gert McQueen’s blog: Was Rene Hoksbergen ever really a friend to Joan Wheeler, or did she just use him like she does everyone? (originally published on December 23, 2011) December 26, 2011Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family.
Tags: adoption, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, dishonesty, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, embellishing the truth, false accusations, Gert McQueen, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Joe Soll, LIBEL, Lies, Professor Rene Hoksbergen, Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, stealing, stealing from your own family, theft
Joan M Wheeler has published a new ‘revision’ of the same old hate manifesto and renamed it ‘Duped by Adoption’. I have created a new blog and Facebook page…
Here are the links to my NEW blog and Facebook page
On Amazon, I have reviewed 7 reviews of this ‘new’ garbage book and created a ‘discussion’ on the Forward, by Rene Hoksbergen.
Here’s the link to the DISCUSSION about the FORWARD on Amazon
Here’s the link to a recent blog post Nov 3, 2015 about the contents of the forward
Here are the related links to blog posts that Ruth and I have already written and addressed topics related to Rene Hoksbergen, the author of the Forward.
https://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/2011/12/27/gert-mcqueens-review-of-rene-hoksbergens-review-of-forbidden-family-by-joan-wheeler/ this one is about the review in LAVAContact2 2010 English translation
NOW BACK TO THIS POST
Post by: J on September 06, 2010, 02:33:45 AM
An adoptive parent on a Dutch forum wrote that if his adopted child asks for his birthcertificate only the names of his adoptive parents are on there. Apparently, they changed the law. It was never like this. To him it feels like fraud. Is there a website about the OBC’s in the US which he can read and gives information about why adoptees are against this? He is very active, and I would like others to read it as well.
Post by: He September 06, 2010, 07:19:31 AM
Post by: C on September 06, 2010, 12:56:17 PM
The idea is that the privacy of the birth mom and the formation of the “new family” demanded that we issue birth certificates like this one. Since that is how we are going to play, I had my full name legally changed and had a new birth certificate issued. It still has my adoptive parent’s names on it, but makes it clear that we are not related since my last name is not the same as either of theirs. Take that! :gottabat2:
Post by: 1adoptee on September 06, 2010, 06:21:44 PM
Verzonden: maandag 6 september 2010 16:10
Onderwerp: Dutch birth certificate for adoptee – question
RE: Dutch birth certificate for adoptee – question
You have your birthcert. And adoptioncert. Nothing changed in holland.
What I find interesting and amusing is that several months ago I sent Hoksbergen a private message via facebook upbraiding him for his support of Joan Wheeler – and I told him in no uncertain terms that he needs to drop support of Joan because of the lies she told about him and me in her book. She says that he came to my house – he was NEVER in my house. She describes me as yelling and screaming at him – no, I never did. I met him once – AT JOAN’S HOUSE. And I barely spoke to the man as I am shy around new people – besides, unlike Joan, I HAVE MANNERS.
I challenged Hoksbergen to come forward and TELL THE TRUTH about his meeting me, his never being in my house, my never yelling at him. – He hasn’t had the courage to come forward. WHY?
Another amusing point – I sent Hoksbergen a friend request on facebook – AND HE ACCEPTED IT! What an ass! I don’t want to be his friend – I wanted to see what he was going to do!
So – he is one my facebook friend list AND on Joan’s facebook friends list. What is he trying to prove? Is he spying on me? Well fine – because when a real juicy blog post here on Gert’s blog – or my blog – gets publicized on my facebook page, it automatically shows up on the newsfeeds of ALL my friends – Hoksbergen included. So he can see right away what we write on our blogs about HIM (when we do) and his little “friend” Joni Wheeler. — wonder just how “friendly” they were! ha ha ha. – I don’t know about the professor – but I sure know about Joan.
My complaint to Trafford Publications concerning the slander and libel contained in the book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler November 30, 2011Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Our Family History, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunion, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, contradictions, dishonesty, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, embellishing the truth, emotional abuse, Eugene Hopkins, false accusations, harassment, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Joe Soll, LIBEL, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, SLANDER, spreading untruths, Trafford Publications
Here it is – at long last – my official complaint to Trafford Publications – the complaint that made them take a look at the book they published. The contract they had with Joan Wheeler was that the book was “ready-to-publish” that is, all editing for content had been done already.
Let me explain. Trafford is a publishing vehicle for authors to self-publish their works. Trafford offers several packages. They offer editing services, but Joan opted out of that. I wonder why? Because one of the articles of the standard contract Trafford offers to their prospective authors is: no obscenities. Yet on page 370 Joan publishes a post card that she received in the mail that had obscenities written on it. (and as usual – she blames ME for it – even tho the handwriting is not mine). – Anyway, she slipped that in under Trafford’s nose – she told Trafford that the book had already been edited for content. Therefore, nobody at Trafford ever read the entire manuscript – they took Joan at her word and published it.
Joan also signed the contract that stated that no slander or libel was contained in the book. She signed the contract under false pretenses. In my last two posts, A Letter I wrote to the district attorney in 1995 sheds light on Joan Wheeler’s harassments of me and refutes the lies on pages 325-333 in her book Forbidden Family and Graphics of scanned court documents, etc. that prove without a doubt that Joan Wheeler is a liar in her book Forbidden Family, I outlined many lies contained in only pages 295 – 342, and provided actual court documents and actual letters (one hand-written by Joan, one typed out, and contains a hand-written note by Joan), that refuted those lies contained in only less than 50 pages in that hideous 600 page plus book.
When Joan signed the contract with Trafford, they took her word the book contained no slander or libel and published the book. When they received my complaint (along with one from Gert), it took them from January 2011 to May 2011 to research my complaint. In other words – someone from Trafford FINALLY sat down and read the garbage they had unwittingly published. Not only did they have to read the garbage that Joan wrote – they had to look through the court documents that I sent them. Then they had to sift through all the convoluted lies and twisting of facts, events, dates that Joan did on those few 50 pages and that I outlined in my post A Letter I wrote to the district attorney in 1995 sheds light on Joan Wheeler’s harassments of me and refutes the lies on pages 325-333 in her book Forbidden Family .
The result? Trafford’s editors and legal staff agreed that Joan, by signing the contract under false pretenses, LIED to them and pulled the wool over their eyes. Their only recourse was to: PULL THAT GARBAGE BOOK FROM PUBLICATION.
I also pointed out to Trafford that the photograph on the back cover of that garbage book is of ME and my siblings and parents. Joan had no right to publish that photograph. It was taken in 1955. Joan was not born until 1956.She was adopted out a year later. She was given COPY of it almost 20 years later. Copies of that family photograph were distributed to many family members during the 1950’s and 1960’s. One of the articles in the contract that Joan entered into with Trafford was that she “was the sole copyright owner of all content of the work.” She did not, and DOES NOT own the copyrights to MY photograph. Joan has a little blurb on her website that the faces are blurry and obscured by text – that is just her trying to get out of the mess that SHE alone got herself into. When I pointed out to Trafford (in a telephone call with Eugene Hopkins, at 11:am on May 9, 2011), that Joan did not get permission from ME (orally or written) to publish MY photograph – Mr. Hopkins agreed right then and there to PULL THE BOOK FROM PUBLICATION!
That happened on May 9, 2011, and to this day, November 30, 2011, Joan, in her delusional state, her continual REFUSAL TO FACE REALITY – still has a link on her website that directs “buyers” of this garbage book to a sales page on Trafford’s website – a page THAT NO LONGER EXISTS because Trafford pulled it down!
Joan Wheeler is a pathological LIAR – she not only lies to people to their face, she lies on the internet. She spent more than half of her life writing her precious book – the book that she invested so much wasted time and energy on – finally got the stupid thing published, but then got it pulled because she not only LIED in the book – she LIED to the publisher that it contained no lies.
AND this delusional LIAR has a facebook page promoting this book. A DEAD BOOK! Ok, she made the page over a year ago – but it’s still in existence. BUT – she recently (October 2011) created an account on The Huffington Post, using this page. A page that promotes a DEAD BOOK! (because she can’t register on Huffington under her regular facebook page – thanks to her posting some lying shit about us back in March 2011 – and she got booted off of Huffington). So what does she do – she re-registers under false pretenses. Using a dead book. Will she never learn NOT TO LIE?
So here is my complaint. There is a list of documents – I’m not going to post them all. Go here to this post to see only a couple of them. They are enough to back up my TRUTH of what happened. And to show how Joan Wheeler LIED in her book about me.
Part 1 of complaint of Ruth Sippel Pace
Re: book, Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler, published by Trafford
Submission by Ruth Sippel Pace, birth sister of Joan Wheeler, author of the book Forbidden Family.
For consideration of Trafford Publishing to rescind their contract with Ms. Wheeler regarding the publication of this book, on the grounds that the book contains many falsehoods, slanderous statements about me, Ruth Sippel Pace and other members of my family. The book also contains references to my life, which are personal in nature, and the author has not been given my permission to discuss with anyone, nor publish them in a book.
Also, my photograph is published on the back cover, my face is clear, even though it is a picture of me as a child. I never gave permission for this picture to be published. The picture of my father’s face is clear. The author’s stance of her changing the names of living person’s in the book is enough to provide privacy does not hold up to the fact that she uses her own real name, Joan Wheeler in the book, identifies the city of her birth and the city of the birth of her birth siblings, as that of Buffalo, New York. Any person with any reasonable intelligence and who ever knew my father, would recognize his picture on the back cover of the book and put names to people mentioned in the book. My father worked for the city of Buffalo in Buffalo’s City Hall for more than 30 years and is well known. We also have a large family, and the Wheeler clan is also very large. Also, the details of Joan’s adoption have been publicized in the past, via a television interview of Joan and myself (together), and newspaper interviews of Joan and my father (separately). In the case of the television interview, both my face and Joan’s were in clear view, and our names were given on camera. In the newspaper articles, both my father, and Joan, had their photographs published, with their names published with the photos.
In a conversation between my sister Gert McQueen and Mr. Tubio, Mr. Tubio requested the most telling of the lies we have found in the book Forbidden Family. I will start by refuting Joan’s narration of court cases that Joan and I were involved in against each other. This narration is on the following pages: 314 – 317, 322-333, 362-368. Unfortunately, Joan not only lies about actual events that happened between us, and the court cases, but mixes up the court cases with each other until there is such a convoluted narration of these events, that I have to resort to first telling you in a few short paragraphs, exactly what happened before I can point out any slanderous comments that are contained in these pages. I do have, scanned copies of actual court documents that support the truth of what happened. These are included at the end of this email, are listed as thus:
01 -Joan’s complaint July 9, 1993
02a – restraining order Aug 9,93 – Feb 9,94
02b – closeup dates restraining order Aug 9,93 – Feb 9,94
02c – closeup name restraining order Aug 9,93 – Feb 9,94
03 – Joan’s letter to Albany, New York Dec 31, 94
04 – Ruth’s complaint 3-7-95
05 – Joan’s letter to John
06 – summons April 19 95
07 – certificate from Buffalo Police Academy 8-29-98
08 – Ruth’s petition to Family Court 6-4-99
09 – summons to Family Court 6-4-99
10 – temporary restraining. 6-4-99
11 – one year restraining order June 24, 99 – June 24, 00
When it is necessary to refer to these evidence documents, during my narrative and the narrative contained in the book, I will be referring to them by their assigned number.
My second email contains the remainder of the many lies and invasions of my privacy that are contained in this book.
I have listed the page number first, then the quote from the book in bold, and my objection/telling of the truth follows. Joan Wheeler refers to me, Ruth Sippel Pace as Brenda in her book. It is my contention that Ms. Wheeler’s purpose for writing the book is a means of revenge and hurting people that have ever disagreed with her. There are many personal attacks on me in this book. Throughout the book, Ms. Wheeler portrays me as an uneducated inner city ghetto dweller with a foul mouth and a person who drinks all the time. I have found many personal hateful slurs directed at me in this book. I believe she included these slurs in an attempt to hurt me, as she has done many things to me in the past 25 years to hurt me. For example, she made a complaint to my job that I was a computer hacker. After they investigated me, found me innocent, and told her this, she would NOT accept it. She called my job almost everyday for several months trying to get me fired. This book is just a continuation of Ms. Wheeler’s hate campaign against myself and others. Throughout the book, Ms. Wheeler puts words into other people’s mouths, those words usually are her own thoughts and she does this to lend credence to her fantasy that people agree with her on the topic she is writing about. And to lend credence that people actually DID agree with her, as she reports in the book.
Right from the beginning, Ms. Wheeler presents a falsehood:
“I believe I have written a fair and accurate account.” “ This is my story as it happened to me.”
I have caught Ms. Wheeler in many out and out lies that cannot be construed as a faulty memory, the most telling is blatant falsifications of actual court proceedings between Ms. Wheeler and myself and the decisions of the court.
The court proceedings between me and Joan had their beginnings in 1990 when Joan and her ex-husband stole several hundred dollars from me. Between 1990-1992, there were many arguments between us over this. The theft of the money was one of previous misdeeds Joan had done to me. It got to the point that in disgust, I told Joan I wanted nothing more to do with her. In February 1993, just before Valentine’s Day, I received a greeting card in the mail. Actually, the envelope was addressed to me. Inside was a Valentine’s Day card, for my husband, supposedly from Joan’s children. It was not a Valentine’s card that children hand out, it was a specialty card, for a “special Uncle.” (this was just the beginning of Joan’s playing games with the mail. I received many envelopes addressed to me, but the letter inside was for my sister Gert (who did not live in Buffalo, or the envelope was addressed to me and my husband, with the letter for me. Joan would also manipulate the return address and zip-codes so that if I attempted to refuse it and “return to sender” the post office’s machines would spit it back for delivery back to me). In May 1993, another envelope addressed to me arrived, inside was a forged letter – supposedly from my 10 year old nephew to my husband, but on close examination, you could tell the sloppy printing was Joan’s.
During this time, Joan was receiving annoyance phone calls and she suspected me. She called the police and the phone company and arranged to have her line tapped. To ensure that I would call her, she sent a Father’s Day card, supposedly from her children, to my husband, and again, the envelope was addressed to me. And I took the bait. I called her, and she said, “hold on.” Click. ?? I called back. “Hold on.” Click. I called again, “Joan, this is Ruth.” I intended to ask why the envelopes were addressed to me, but the contents were for my husband, but then Joan swore at me and hung up. I got tired of her game and gave up.
The following week, my electricity was cut off, as my husband and I were undergoing some financial difficulties. Knowing that Joan owed me over $700.00, I called her. I was crying and said, “Joan, I need help.” She hung up on me. I tried a couple more times. She kept hanging up on me. I got angry and called her and swore at her.
Shortly afterwards, I got a call from Buffalo Police Detective Martin Harrington, who wanted to know why I was calling Joan. I told him exactly what I just wrote here. He said he believed me, and would recommend that Joan drop any charges against me. She went ahead and filed harassment charges on me, signing the complaint on July 9, 1993. (DOC 01) I do not have the summons for that court case, but appeared in front of Judge Robert Russell on August 9, 1993, where Joan was granted a six-month Order of Protection against, on ACD. (Adjournment on Consideration of Dismissal). (DOC 02a). The writing is hard to read, so you must look at DOCS 02b and 02c to make out my name, and dates of the duration of the six-month restraining order – August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994.
Sometime in 1994, Ms. Wheeler’s medical bill from my employer (Buffalo General Hospital) got mixed up with a bill from another patient. Ms. Wheeler accused me of computer hacking and lodged a formal complaint with my employer. I was investigated and found innocent but Ms. Wheeler would not accept this. For several months, beginning in the fall of 1994 and continuing through January 1995, she was calling various departments in the hospital and telling numerous people how “bad” I was. On December 22, 1994, a child abuse call was made against Ms. Wheeler. The caller identified themselves as me, saying that Ms. Wheeler had sex with my husband in front of her children. On December 31, 1994, Ms. Wheeler wrote to the New York State Department of Social Services, Child Abuse Maltreatment Register, in Albany, New York, to request a copy of the information of that call. (DOC 03). In that letter, Joan refers to our court case of August 9, 1993, and informs them that I was put on six months “probation.”
As my then fiancé, John Pace was named in the child abuse call, he was involved in talks with the Child Protective Services people, but HE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING, BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT I DIDN’T PLACE THE CALL. HE WANTED TO KEEP ME OUT IT, WHILE HE WAS TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON.
The first I heard of this was in February 1995, when I received a large manila envelope from Ms. Wheeler. Inside were copies of letters that she wrote to the mayor of Buffalo, the commissioner of our local (Erie County) social services department, the formal complaint she wrote to my employer, and the letter of December 31, 1994 that she wrote to Albany New York. When I read the lie about me being placed on probation in 1993, I filed harassment charges against Ms. Wheeler on March 7, 1995. (DOC 04). On March 17, 1995, Ms. Wheeler sent a letter to my fiancé via his mother’s house begging him to ask me to drop the charges and urged him to leave me. (DOC 05).
We appeared before Judge Margaret Anderson three times, because it was adjourned twice due to a lack of time in the courtroom for the first two dates. On the first date of April 3, 1995, Judge Anderson instructed the court that no children were to be brought to the court. At the next court appearance of April 19, 1995, (afternoon session), (DOC 06), Ms. Wheeler did bring her two children, but they stayed out in the hallway with her friend Carol, even though it was a school day. At one point in the court, while we were waiting for our case to be called, I left to use the ladies room. I saw Carol and the children, but said nothing. Our case was adjourned to a date in May 1995. On this date, Judge Anderson dismissed my case against Ms. Wheeler, saying that “sisters should get along.” I thanked the judge for considering my case and left.
I continued receiving harassing letters from Ms. Wheeler through the next several years. I ignored her. In the meantime, I involved myself in organizing a block club for my street, and became a neighborhood activist to improve the quality of life in my neighborhood. As part of this, I took a short course through the Buffalo Police Academy to be a VIABLE volunteer (Volunteers in Aiding Buffalo Law Enforcement). To be considered for this, candidates had to undergo a background check, and since I had a clean record (the one six-month restraining order had been summarily dismissed, because I had abided by the judge’s instructions to me to stay away from Ms. Wheeler). I had no arrest record, no record of probation, nothing. I was awarded my certificate and appointment to the VIABLE program on August 29, 1998. (DOC 07).
On February 15, 1999, I received another letter from Joan, and in it she tells me that her son saw me driving past her house (DOC 08). This was a lie, as I didn’t even have a car at that time. I called her house to tell her to leave me alone and a male answered, and I hung up, saying nothing. I then sent her a letter telling her to leave me alone. I told her that I did not have a car, did not drive past her house. And that since she had a man now, she should concentrate on her own life and to leave me and MY man alone.
Then on February 23, 1999, I received an envelope addressed to me. I did not recognize the return address, but inside was a letter to me from Ms. Wheeler, informing me that my husband had gotten the next door neighbor pregnant and the child was born in 1994 (totally untrue, as the only children born to women living in that house were 2 boys). (DOC 09).
I met with the woman who lived at the address on the envelope – she was Carol, Joan’s friend who was in the court with Joan’s children. Carol told me that the previous year, Joan had been asking for a “hit man” to take me out. I went to the District Attorney’s office and they said that because it was hearsay, they couldn’t do anything about it. I spent the next two months trying to get harassment charges filed against Joan. I got another manila envelope from Joan, which I refused to open. I returned it, marking it “return to sender” and Joan then manipulated the return address and it came back to my house. I decided to return it to her in person. A neighbor drove me to Joan’s house. His car was leaking transmission oil and he kept a can of oil on hand. He suggested I put the oil on the envelope to prevent Joan from putting it in the postal service again. Which we did and I threw the envelope up on her lawn.
This resulted in Joan calling my house and swearing at me. I talked to several people and they suggested I petition Family Court, as the District Attorneys were tired of the both of us sisters and not taking this matter seriously. On June 4, 1999, I did just that. (DOC 10). They listened to my complaint, and in front of me, they went into the court computer system and found the two previous court cases involving Ms. Wheeler and myself (1993 and 1995). They typed this information onto the complaint that I signed, issued a summons for both me and Joan to appear in Family Court on June 24, 1999. (DOC 11), and granted me a temporary restraining order ON THE SPOT (DOC 12). On June 24, 1999, Judge Margaret Szczur made the temporary restraining order permanent. (DOC 13).
Now we shall examine how Ms. Wheeler presents these facts in her book Forbidden Family.
Pages 314 – 315
Joan is discussing a conversation she is having with Det. M. H. The subject of her threatening to report our sister Kathy to the British Immigration Department comes up, as well as a couple of my pets.
Det. H. did not know that there was any threat to call The Home Office – Back in 1989, Joan got into a snit with Kathy and said to me, “I ought to call immigration on her.” (as a revenge tactic). I told her not to do that. And I hadn’t told Kathy what Joan threatened to do, because Joan promised me she wouldn’t make the call. I eventually did tell Kathy, but it was AFTER this alleged conversation takes place. Joan alleges that the detective asks Joan who Brandy Sippel is, because supposedly, my phone bill is listed under that name. Which is false. Joan tells the detective that Brandy is one of my cats. False, Brandy was my dog. She mentions another one of my cats on page 315, Francoise (this conversation with the detective is supposedly taking place in February 1993). My cat Francoise had been put to sleep in 1992.
Page 316 time frame – February/March 1993
“the detective issued a warrant for Brenda’s arrest to appear in a Buffalo Court. A Restraining Order was then issued to keep her away from me for a year.”
Lie. Joan signed the complaint about annoyance calls from me on July 9, 1993, not in February or March 1993. The calls weren’t made until June 1993. see documents 01, Also an arrest warrant was NOT issued. What was issued was a summons to me by the court, not the detective, to appear in court. When a person is summoned into court, and they do NOT appear, THEN an arrest warrant is issued, and this warrant is issued by the COURT, not any police officer. As I did appear in court, no arrest warrant was ever issued, and I was never placed under arrest. Also the Order of Protection was for a period of six months, NOT one year. (DOCS 02a, 02b, 02c). And this was issued ACD – Adjournment on Consideration of Dismissal, which means that if I stayed away from Joan for the six months, all charges would be dismissed. I did abide by the court’s orders – I stayed away from her and the charges were dismissed. We appeared in court on August 9, 1993, and the Order of Protection was for the dates August 9, 1993 – February 9, 1994.
Joan is describing an event that took place on Saturday, July 31, 1993 (but she reports in the book it was for August 1, 1993. She and ex-husband were moving and had enlisted the help of my husband. Joan reports that I followed him to her house in my car, began screaming at him in the street, went up to Joan and accused her of having an affair with my husband. Joan says that four witnesses heard me screaming in the street. On page 323 she says: “The Restraining Order against Brenda wasn’t good enough to keep her away. On August 1, 1993…”
Lies, character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace.
As we had not appeared in court yet, nor the restraining order set in place yet, I was in no violation of a restraining order on July 31, or August 1, 1993. I did not follow my husband in my car, we did not have a car at the time. I took the bus there. I had told my husband in the past I did not want him going to Joan’s house because of the trouble she was causing me. He continued to go there to visit with the children. I also repeated this request on July 31, 1993, and Joan overheard me, as she was standing nearby. I was not screaming at him in the street. I did not at any time accuse them of having an affair. I would also like to know who the four witnesses to my screaming are. I did not see four people outside the house. I did see ONE woman standing in Joan’s doorway, while Joan was standing outside the doorway, while my husband and I were on the sidewalk in front of the house. After I talked to my husband, who agreed to return home, I went across the street where Joan’s husband Colby Bell was putting things in his car. As I went to talk to him, it was JOAN who started the screaming, at her husband Colby — that he was not to talk to me. Joan then yelled at MY husband, who was walking down the street away from Joan’s house, that he should not be listening to me and he better leave me. It was at THIS point that I did yell back at Joan to shut up, and just because she can rule over HER husband, she wasn’t going to rule over mine, nor me. It was at this point, two of her friends came out of the house and they were looking at disgust at Joan. I then left and walked down the street to join my husband.
“Brenda didn’t abide by the Order. She continued telephoning me at Brian’s house. Four months of harassment followed. … I had just come home from filing yet another harassment charge against Brenda in a different town jurisdiction.”
Lies, character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace, contradictory statement by Joan.
I did abide by the Order. I did not telephone Brian’s house, as I did not know where he lived, nor the phone number. I did not harass Joan for four months. No additional harassment charges were filed against me in 1993. The contradiction and proof of this lie: if I were in violation of the restraining order, and she did indeed file additional harassment charges against me, I would have been placed under arrest. This did NOT happen.
“The harassment charges against Brenda were dropped.”
Lie. There were no additional harassment charges against me.
Joan describes an event in early December 1993 of a child abuse call that was placed against her and the call also implicated my husband. “It was obvious that Brenda made this ‘anonymous’ report.”
Lie, character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace. The child abuse call was made on December 22, 1994. The caller identified themselves as Ruth Sippel and named my husband. It is NOT obvious that I made this call. What IS obvious is that if I were going to make a prank child abuse call, I would NOT use my real name, nor name my husband and risk him getting into trouble. See DOC 03, Joan’s letter to the New York State Department of Social Services, Child Abuse and Maltreatment Register, in Albany, New York, dated December 31, 1994, which lists the correct date of the child abuse call, which was December 22, 1994. In this letter, Joan states: “We know this report was made by Ruth.” How could she “know?” The matter had just begun it’s investigation. Also Joan states, regarding the court case in 1993 over the telephone calls and she was granted the six months restraining order: “Ruth was found guilty and placed on six months probation.” Here we see ABSOLUTE PROOF of Joan’s history of lying to people about me. And to official people in law enforcement and child protective services!
Page 329 time frame – December 1993 to about March 1994
“What followed the allegations of child abuse and neglect were three months of court dates waiting for the first charges to be cleared.”
Lies. There were NO court dates between Joan and I during these months. See DOC 10, of my petition to Family Court, June 4, 1999, that lists the 2 prior court case between Joan and I were in 1993 and 1995, NOT 1994.
Page 329-330 time frame – early 1994
“Our only recourse was to seek and Order of Protection. Three months of court dates followed. I brought my children to court as they were part of the case and needed to see for themselves just what was going on.”
Lie, there were no court dates between Joan and myself in 1994.
Admission to possible child abuse – Joan does not say that her children were required to be in court, she says she BROUGHT them to a court case between adults. In 1994, her children were aged 10 and 7. Why would anyone drag young children to court to witness this?
Pages 329 –330 time frame in the book – early 1994
“Three months of court dates followed.”
Lies, mixing up years of court dates. The court case Joan is referring here happened in 1995, the case that I brought against her, appearing before Judge Margaret Anderson three times, because it was adjourned twice due to a lack of time in the courtroom for the first two dates. On the first date of April 3, 1995, Judge Anderson instructed the court that no children were to be brought to the court. At the next court appearance of April 19, 1995, (afternoon session), (DOC 06), Ms. Wheeler did bring her two children, but they stayed out in the hallway with her friend Carol, even though it was a school day. At one point in the court, while we were waiting for our case to be called, I left to use the ladies room. I saw Carol and the children, but said nothing.
“The court broke for lunch. The room full of people went to the lobby. My ten-year old son and seven year old daughter went up to the drinking fountain. I was at their side. Aunt Brenda came up to them and yelled, “You see what your mother is doing to me? You see? She drags you in court to see your poor Aunt go through this.”
Lie. This never happened. NEVER. We were NEVER in court in 1994. At no time did I EVER disrespect her children. Telling sign this is a lie (despite the actual court documents): Joan does not say she approached a court bailiff, the prosecutor, judge or any one of many sheriff’s deputies that are always standing on guard to prevent these kinds of altercations.
“Mom and I were granted an Order of Protection against Brenda in the summer of 1994. It was good for one year.”
Lie. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace. Again, refer to DOC 10, my petition to Family Court, June 4, 1999, that lists the 2 prior court case between Joan and I were in 1993 and 1995, NOT 1994.
Also, how could Joan and her mother and her children attend three months of court case in early 1994, Joan and her mother obtain an Order of Protection against me in the summer of 1994, over a child abuse call that HAD NOT BEEN PLACED YET? The call was not made until December 22, 1994, and we have Joan’s letter to Albany (DOC 03) to prove this.
Also, nowhere in the book does Joan refer to the harassment charges I placed against her in 1995.
“Toward the end of May 1994 … my mother were … in the middle of ugly court dates against Brenda.”
Lie, as stated above, there were no court dates for any court case between Joan and me in 1994.
Pages 332- 333 – time frame 1994
Joan is describing the mix-up of her hospital bill. On page 333, she writes: “ A letter arrived a month later stating the error was attributed to a computer glitch and that my sister wasn’t involved. I wasn’t convinced. I called the head of the billing department and told him everything that was going on and that I wanted no further contact from Brenda.”
Admission of Joan’s invading Ruth’s privacy. Proof of Joan having delusions. Proof of Joan not accepting what is true. She made a complaint of computer hacking against me. My employer investigated her complaint. Found that I did not do it. COULD not do it, as I work 11pm to 7am and the computers on the nursing stations ARE NOT EVEN CONNECTED TO THE BILLING DEPARTMENT COMPUTERS. My employer told Joan I was innocent, but Joan refuses to believe it. She is so full of hate against me, that no matter what nice thing any one says about me – she will fly into a rage over it and will not accept it.
Page 333 – time frame in the book 1994
“A few days later, a padded manila envelope appeared on my front lawn. I picked it up. It was covered with a slimy greasy substance that I guessed to be cooking oil. … I was stupid enough to open it up. A note inside stated that ‘You, Joan, have been cut out of my life forever.’ Out tumbled photographs. … cut from ordinary 35 mm photos … they were photos of me, photos of my children. Since there was only one of my sisters living in Buffalo, I knew who had done this—-Brenda.”
Lies, mixing up calendar years of events. As I had already indicated in my narration of The Feud between Joan and myself in the beginning of this complaint, this envelope was the one that I had received from JOAN in the year of 1999. This is the one that I refused to accept, marked “return to sender,” but Joan had manipulated the return address zip code so that the envelope would not returned to her house, but come to my house. This was the envelope that I decided to return to her in person. A neighbor drove me to Joan’s house. His car was leaking transmission oil and he kept a can of oil on hand. He suggested I put the oil on the envelope to prevent Joan from putting it in the postal service again. Which we did and I threw the envelope up on her lawn. (Ruth’s note, November 30, 2011 – When I submitted this complaint, I made an error – I myself had mixed up a couple of events. My neighbor D. did have a car that leaked transmission fluid. At the time that John and I did not have a car. And he would take me grocery shopping – we would frequently have to stop to add transmission fluid, as I would have to a few years later, when I got a clunker car. I only realized my mistake a few months ago (July 2011) when I found a manilla folder that contained the actual letter that I wrote and then I realized my mistake. I’m human, just like everybody else. And when I make a mistake, I own up to it. Joan whines that her book is “to the best of her recollection.” But there is NO way that can be true – I can allow SOME forgetfulness – but to be saying we were in court when we weren’t – to say the court ruled this or that way, when it didn’t, to say that I was arrested, when I was not, to say that she herself was arrested, when she never was – is NOT forgetfulness – it is out and out LIES).
Also, I never sent “cut up” photos of her to her EVER. I did cut her pictures out of photos in my personal photo album, but I had thrown them in the garbage. She only knows of the “cut up” photos, because she had looked at my photo albums in the year 2003 and saw that she had been cut out of my personal photos. We see Joan in all her vindictive glory here, she herself sent me the manila envelope, to make sure she would get it back unopened, I had to resort to putting oil on it so she could not use the post office again in her harassment of me. Then she reports the wrong year of the event, then she takes an event that happened in another year, and pads up her hate campaign against me to say that I was the responsible for the envelope in the first place. AND sent her photographs in an envelope that came from her originally, and I returned to her UNOPENED!
Ms. Wheeler describes herself calling my cousin on the phone and screaming at her.
Admission of Ms. Wheeler harassing Gail.
Ms. Wheeler describes that Gail called the police. And that the Town of Eden, New York police called her on the phone. And then she was summoned into court for harassment.
This is true. Because Gail knew of the harassment that I was receiving from Ms. Wheeler and as she was going through a divorce, as well as battling cancer, she was not going to accept being harassed.
Ms. Wheeler describes her talking to her friend Carol who suggested to Joan to write me a letter using her return address. The letter I received was a hate letter informing me that my husband got the next door neighbor pregnant.
Ms. Wheeler describes me as harassing Carol. (DOC 09)
Lies, twisting of facts, not reporting the facts as they happened.
Yes, I got a letter from Joan from that address. However, Carol did NOT give Joan permission to use her address. And this is a contradiction of Joan’s behavior. She does not want letters from me, but goes ahead and writes letters to me. When I received the letter from Carol’s house, I went to her house. She wasn’t home and the name on the mailbox was not Joan. I left a note listing my name and address and asked why a harassing letter from Joan came from her house to me. I returned to her house a few days later and Carol said that her and Joan had been friends, had a falling out, and no, she did not give permission for Joan to use her address. Carol said that by doing this, Joan was showing her anger at both me and her. Carol began harassment charges on Joan the next day. While I was at Carol’s house, she informed that Joan had made a death threat against me and the next day, I also began harassment charges against Joan. This was also the same month that the Town of Eden Police (and NOT Gail) filed harassment charges against Joan.
See DOCS 08 and 09 to see the hate mail that I was receiving from Joan. 09 was the one that came with Carol’s return address and we see again Joan’s history of lying about the outcome of the court cases. She once again states that I was placed on six months probation, which I was not.
Ms. Wheeler says that she was arrested three times in one month due to these three harassment charges.
Lies. She was not arrested. She was “summoned” to appear in court. An arrest warrant would have been issued if she did not appear in court. Since she did appear for all three of these harassment charges, she was not arrested. Please see accompanying documentation that she was “summoned” into Family Court due to my harassment charge against her. (document number 08).
Page 364 time frame 1999
Ms. Wheeler describes the judge (a male) as not letting me talk and that he kept cutting me off, and that me and my best friend sat directly in front of her and her mother. She also says that I was waving around a document from the Buffalo Police Academy. She does say that in the court case between me and her, I was given a one-year Order of Protection against her.
Lies. Combining two different court cases. Contradictory behavior of the judge as reported by Joan.
The court case that the judge dismissed my harassment charges against Joan was in 1995. It was Judge Margaret Anderson who dismissed the charges saying “sisters should get along.” Judge Anderson did let me speak, and yes, I was not pleased with her decision, but I accepted it. I did not have the document from the Buffalo Police Academy until 1998, where I attended a course there. (DOC 07). A pre-requisite would be a thorough background check on me conducted by the Buffalo Police Department showing that I have a clean record. Which I had, despite Joan saying on page 316 that I was placed under arrest. Part of my harassment charge against Ms. Wheeler was her slandering me by saying that I had an arrest record.
The court case in 1999 was in Family Court, under Judge Margaret Szczur, who also let me speak, and granted me an Order of Protection against Ms. Wheeler for the duration of one year. I did show the certificate of my graduation from the Academy as proof that I did indeed have a clean record. I did not wave it around, I handed it to the judge. The course was in conjunction with my work with the Newburgh Coalition of Block Clubs, under the supervision of then Police Commissioner Rocco Diina, and my city councilman __ . Incidentally, it was Councilman ____ who suggested to me that I institute harassment charges against Joan through Family Court.
If the judge would not let me speak and present my case, why then would she grant me the Order of Protection against Joan.
Ms. Wheeler describes myself and my best friend as loudly proclaiming in the court that we were superior to her because we took the police course.
Lies. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace. Mixing up 2 different court cases. My friend did not take the course with me. My friend was not in the court in this case either. The date she accompanied me was in April 1995. As I did not attend the Academy until 1998, this could not have happened. At no time during the three court cases that I was involved in with Ms. Wheeler did I show any disrespect to any judge or court official, nor did I act out in court.
Ms. Wheeler describes me as throwing computer discs at her in the courtroom. She says her manuscript was on the hard drive of the computer and “it was clear that Brenda downloaded the files.”
Lies. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace. When I was at her friend Carol’s house, Carol had told me that she had received as a gift, an old computer from Joan.. She had called Joan a week prior to come and take it back. Joan refused. Carol put it out on her back porch. She informed Joan that it was going in the garbage. When I came to her house, Carol gave it to me, as it was now her property and she could do what she wanted with it. She also gave me a box that contained computer discs. I brought them with me to the court and when Joan’s lawyer approached me to ask me a question, I gave the discs to him to give to Joan, as they were labeled as chapters of her book. I had not looked at the discs. Her manuscript was not on the hard drive of the computer, but on separate computer discs. And how can anyone determine if someone downloaded files by simply looking at a disc?
As to me throwing things in a court room, if I had thrown computer discs at her in the court room, I would have been arrested for contempt of court. This did not happen, because I never disrespected the court, nor Joan.
Part 2 of complaint of Ruth Sippel Pace
Re: book, Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler, published by Trafford
“We got drunk one night…Brenda picked up the phone…we were drinking and got silly. Brenda panicked…didn’t know what to do. “ “I remember that phone call, I didn’t know anyone by the name of Brenda. I heard giggles and the phone went dead.”
I, Ruth called Joan at 1:30pm from Gert’s workplace, a dentist’s office, during a non-patient day, we knew Joan’s name, but not her address. I began calling Wheelers in the phone book. When Joan answered, I did not give my name at all. I did ask for Joan, did ask where she was at bowling the previous night. Joan asked what number did I want, I repeated her number but changed the last digit, Joan told me I had the wrong number, I apologized, said goodbye and ended the call. I was NOT drunk, nor panicky.
Page 100 – time frame – 1974
“Two days before I left for college, Brenda took me to meet Aunt Doris…she lived 75 miles from Buffalo.”
I, Ruth, did not know how to drive in 1974, did not learn to drive until 1976.
Page 174 time frame 1978
“I had Momma’s wedding dress for only four weeks. … my anger at my sisters and father got the better of me. I drove to Brenda’s house. I threw it (the dress) at her.”
I loaned Ms. Wheeler the dress for the purpose of her having it cleaned and some minor sewing repairs done in the year 1978. She did not return it to me until late 1983, after many pleadings from me to return it. I finally had to ask my father to intervene. Ms. Wheeler brought the dress to my father’s house where I picked it up. The cleaning and repairs were never done.
Page 186 time frame 1980,
Ms. Wheeler wanted to go public with her adoption story.
“Brenda called and said she was uncomfortable.”
Lie. In 1980 or 1981, I accompanied Ms. Wheeler to WGRZ television studios to be interviewed by reporter Rich Kellman on our separation and reunion.
“I didn’t want to live in a trailer park to become trailer trash.”
Bigotry, hate language, value judgment on people who live in trailer parks.
Ms. Wheeler is quoting my father about my father’s second wife, being taken in an ambulance to the psych center. Supposedly he told Ms. Wheeler the arrangements were made for the ambulance to come around noon on a school day, and we kids were coming home for lunch.
“The ambulance attendants took her away in front of the kids.”
The arrangements that were made were that we kids were picked up at school by social workers and taken to the foster home, so that WE WOULD NOT SEE OUR STEPMOTHER TAKEN AWAY SCREAMING IN AN AMBULANCE. We kids NEVER witnessed this. My father would NOT have made arrangements for this to occur as we were coming home from lunch, as he protected us.
Page 270 time frame 1988
Ms. Wheeler describes in 3 paragraphs a funeral of my maternal aunt. She says that her adoptive mother attended the funeral. Ms. Wheeler describes my maternal uncle snubbing my father at the funeral and a conversation in the car with my father reminiscing about my mother, “I lost my wife and that man still blames me. How could I stop her from dying?” Then Ms. Wheeler quotes her adoptive mother as giving sage advice to my father about life and dying.
I was at the funeral. Ms. Wheeler’s adoptive mother did NOT attend the funeral. My uncle may have snubbed my father, they did not get along. I was in the car. My father did NOT say this about my mother. My father very rarely talks about my mother. Ms. Wheeler’s adoptive mother did not give advice to my father in the car, as she was not there.
Pages 276, 277, 278
Ms. Wheeler describes a fictitious account of her friend Dr. Rene Hoksbergen coming to my house and talking to me about adoption. In these pages, Ms. Wheeler describes me and my husband as exchanging dirty looks, portrays me as a wild-woman, jumping up and down, waving my arms in the air, screaming at Dr. Hoksbergen and Ms. Wheeler. She also describes Dr. Hoksbergen lecturing me as though I were a child.
Dr. Hoksbergen NEVER came to my house, and this incident NEVER took place.
“Oh Brenda,” I said, casting a disgusted look at her. “You’re just pissed off because you were trying to get pregnant and couldn’t. Just because you were using a fertility clinic to get pregnant with your partner, something I didn’t know when I wrote my article against sperm donors, doesn’t mean what I wrote is directed at you.”
Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace. Invasion of privacy of Ruth Sippel Pace. (what does my not getting pregnant have to do with Joan’s life?) Hate language, insensitivity to infertile women, as well as a blatant lie. This speech never happened. But, I was not pissed off because I couldn’t get pregnant. Hurt, yes. Also I never went to a fertility clinic. I never objected to any article that Ms. Wheeler wrote about sperm donors.
Pages 296, 297, 298 time frame 1992
Ms. Wheeler describes a scene at a Fourth of July outing in a local park with my father, my brother, my sister Gert McQueen and myself, where Gert and I are supposedly mocking her.
“Heh, she’s useless.” My sisters said sarcastically.
“Yes,” my father continued. “and I want you to know that we want you, Joan, to stop living in the past. You don’t need to be writing about adoption in the newspaper. You should find something worthwhile to do with your life. Taking care of children and writing aren’t getting the bills paid. Look at the others. They’ve done things with their lives. Where are you?”
Ms. Wheeler continues with a description of insults from Gert and “more giggling.”
This is all totally untrue. Ms. Wheeler continues to the middle of page 298 with the description of this totally fictitious scenario. Ms. Wheeler describes a get-together at my father’s house that she was not invited to. There was no get-together, as my stepmother was at her daughter’s house celebrating her grand-daughters third birthday. Ms. Wheeler knew about this party as she was complaining about it to me on the phone the day before.
Pages 299, 300
Ms. Wheeler describes a conversation that she had with her mother about the fictitious scene on pages 296-298.
Character assassination of Leonard Sippel, (my father) Gert McQueen and Ruth Sippel Pace
I did not witness such a conversation, but it could not have happened has the “ridiculing” of Joan never occurred. Ms. Wheeler describes her mother as saying that we sisters started the family gathering in the park. In reality, my dance troupe was booked as performers for the Friendship Festival months in advance by our leader, M. W. with the Buffalo and Erie County Arts Council and The Buffalo Parks Department. As a coincidence, my brother came to town to visit. It was our father who suggested we meet at the park for a small reunion. My neice’s third birthday party was also scheduled with no thought of insulting Joan, her mother, or her husband.
“…my sisters wrote harassing letters in the months after our family reunion of 1992.”
Ms. Wheeler, in italics, presents a narrative that is attributed to have been written by Gert McQueen, Kathy Inglis and Ruth Sippel Pace.
Lies; character assassination of Gert McQueen, Kathy Inglis and Ruth Sippel Pace.
We never wrote harassing letters to Ms. Wheeler.
The letter that Ms. Wheeler attributes to us was never written by any of us three sisters. We believe that Ms. Wheeler wrote this narrative to make it seem that we three sisters “ganged up” on her.
“Why did they attack my work in the Adoption Reform Movement?”
Lie. We never attacked her work in any adoption reform movement.
Ms. Wheeler continues, in italics, her false narrative of a letter supposedly written by us three sisters. — “My sisters included copies of the long, handwritten letters they wrote to the nine adoption reform movement organizations in the United States at the time. My sisters slandered me in an attempt to ruin my credibility as an advocate for adoption reform.”
Out of desperation, I called one adoption leader, Joe Soll, Director of the Council of Equal Rights in Adoption in New York City. Yes, he received my sister’s hateful letters.”
Lies, character assassination of Gert McQueen, Kathy Inglis, Ruth Sippel Pace and Joe Soll.
In an email exchange in May 2010 between Gert McQueen and Joe Soll, Mr. Soll denies ever receiving: 1. a letter from any or all of us sisters; 2. a telephone call from Ms. Wheeler regarding this letter. In his email, Mr. Soll says that what is written about him in the book is “patently false.”
“Harassment from my three older sisters continued… Hate mail arrived at my house…” Ms. Wheeler quotes her ex-husband as saying to her “You’re crazy just like your sisters.”
Lies, character assassination of Gert McQueen, Kathy Inglis and Ruth Sippel Pace
We sisters did not send harassing hate mail to her.
“My sisters telephone my house morning, noon and night and in the middle of the night when most people are asleep. My young children often answered the phone and I heard my sisters – their aunts – yelling obscenities at them.”
Lies. We did not call her house. We did not yell obscenities at her children.
Page 312, 313
Ms. Wheeler lists obscene language and attributes this language to us.
“You f.. B….” “You w….” “You a….. . You f…. c….” “P… on you, you m…-f…”
Lies. Obscene and pornographic language.
Ms. Wheeler in italics relates a fairly decent letter that she attributes to have written to our brother. I have never seen the original, so I have no way of knowing if what she writes here is true. But in this letter, she tells our brother “…my mother and my children and I are still hounded by harassing mail and phone calls from Brenda and company.”
Returning to the book, Ms. Wheeler then writes “I sent a similar letter to my sisters. I added that whatever they had against me needed to be talked out, resolved, so we could be a family again.”
Lies, character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace. Slander of Ruth Sippel Pace to her brother.
The letter that I received from Ms. Wheeler was not nice. It was to accuse me of harassing her that her son saw me drive past their house. Which was impossible, because I did not have a car at that time. A few days later I got another letter from Joan. It was to inform me, falsely, that my husband had gotten the next-door neighbor pregnant. – The house was vacant. See DOCS 08 and 09. Read those letters and see if you can find the sentence “whatever they had against me needed to be talked out, resolved, so we could be a family again.”
Page 359, 360
“My sisters retaliated with yet more hate mail and vicious phone calls. Brenda and her best friend, a tough streetwise woman from the West Side, got in on the act and telephoned my mother, yelling obscenities…Mom held the phone to her ear and mind. I’d hear Brenda’s voice and her best friend’s voice, shouting at us. … “A year of hate mail followed. The envelopes had disguised handwriting and no return address so the police couldn’t trace the mail.”
Lies. Character assassination of Ruth’s friend.
No phone calls were made by me or my friend to Joan or her mother. No hate mail was sent to Joan.
Ms. Wheeler describes a scene in a grocery store where my friend accosted her and swore at her.
Lies, obscene language. My girlfriend lived on the East Side of Buffalo, Ms. Wheeler lives in a northern suburb of Buffalo, where she does her grocery shopping. My friend did not have a car, and wouldn’t drive 5 or 6 miles to a grocery store, when there was one less than a mile from her house. Telling sign this is a lie: Ms. Wheeler does not say that she went to a security guard at the store, or even called the police.
Ms. Wheeler involves my cousin Gail, who at the time was battling cancer and going through a divorce. Ms. Wheeler describes taking her car to be repaired and the repair person was one of my cousins, who I had not seen for more than 20 years. Ms. Wheeler says “exactly 10 days later, an anonymous envelope … arrived in the mail….I knew it was Brenda. (the envelope supposedly contained an defaced article about adoption reform).
Lies. I did not send her any envelope with any article on adoption reform.
Page 360, 361
Joan describes her sending me a letter begging me to stop bothering her and then I called her on the phone..
Lies. I did not receive any letter from Joan at this time, nor did I call her.
Page 365, 366 time frame 1999
Ms. Wheeler describes a falling out she had with my step aunt and uncle and attributes that falling out to me gossiping about her.
Lies, I had not seen, nor spoken to my step aunt and uncle since about the early 1980’s.
Ms. Wheeler describes herself and her mother being “barraged by harassing phone calls. I recognized the voices as being Brenda and her best friend…”
Lies, my friend and I did not call her house.
Ms. Wheeler shows a photocopy of a letter she received in the mail that contains pornographic language. She accuses me of sending this to her. It is not my handwriting. She also blames my friend. Further she states “their language reflected the lifestyles they had chosen.”
Lies, slander. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace and her freind Hate language directed towards Ruth Sippel Pace and her friend. My lifestyle includes a 38 year career as a Patient Care Associate/Nurse Aide at Buffalo General Hospital; organizer and leader of a block club on my street; member of the Newburgh Coalition of Block Clubs, which entailed meetings with local elected officials and police officers; being a VIABLE volunteer with the Buffalo Police Department; I am a former professional Middle Eastern Dancer, former board member of the Beledi Club, an organization for Middle Eastern dancers, and Buffalo and Erie Arts Council. In my job I served on various committees designed to improve delivering quality patient care; I have worked in the following departments in my long career at the hospital: Medical Intensive Care Unit, Respiratory Care Unit, Hospice Unit, Kidney Transplant Unit, as well as various medical/surgical units. Due to my work as a neighborhood activist, I organized a rodent containment petition from the 4 streets surrounding my home, (of which I own, one mortgage having been completely paid off, a second mortgage obtained to replace roof), delivering the petition to the mayor of Buffalo, NY. In 1997 when the Newburgh Coalition of Block Clubs obtained an empty storefront to use as their offices, my husband and I volunteered many hours to provide manual labor, such as installing drywall, painting walls and furniture. As members of the Coalition, I contributed to the monthly newsletter, and helped with the production and distribution of the newsletters, and attended monthly meetings of the Coalition, and did volunteer work at the Coalition Carnival.
I have attended meetings of the Buffalo Common Council, The Niagara Frontier Transit Authority (to help improve public transportation in Buffalo and the surrounding area), organized neighborhood clean-up drives, block parties on National Night Out. Because of much of my civic volunteering, I have been urged by many people to enter local politics. I include in my personal friends, the director of a well known local art center, several local elected officials, two well-known noted cardiologists, one internal medicine physician, one urologist and two other doctors who I have known since their days as interns in the hospital. I maintain friendships with many registered nurses and other nurses aides. I also trained as a union steward in my local labor union representing nurses aides: SEIU 1199, but eventually turned down the appointment of union steward. This does not deter many nurses aides, as well as registered nurses to approach me on advice on our union contract.
For the past 10 years, I also have supervised the production of a bi-monthly newsletter of a local Star Trek fan club, of which two years ago, I became the head of. For this group, I have helped organize local Star Trek conventions and manned tables at conventions, greeting fans and Star Trek celebrities alike. I have formed several personal friendships with some Star Trek celebrities. I will not “name-drop” here, and I only mention my friendships with these celebrities, local politicians and health care professionals to point out that I am far from the foul-mouthed ghetto trash that Ms. Wheeler portrays me as in her book.
My friend has trained as para-legal and also has had many accomplishments in her life. We are highly insulted to have been labeled as foul-mouthed, ghetto trash.
Ms. Wheeler describes a scene that happened during my cousin Gail’s wake. She alleges that “Dad asked me to make peace Brenda. I approached Brenda with an outstretched hand to shake her hand. ‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ I said. Brenda ran away from me, waving her arms in the air. Through her tears she managed to flash an intense angry glare at me.”
Lie. Ms. Wheeler did approach me at the wake, calling my name. I ignored her, trying to keep the peace. She called me again. I turned and said “What?” Ms. Wheeler said, “I’m sorry, I know how much Gail meant to you.” I put my hand up to stop her. She was 10 feet away from me. I told her to just leave me alone. I burst into tears and did run out of the funeral home, and my husband and my father both followed me outside. My husband held me and my father said “Joan should not have said anything to you. I will talk to her.” I told my father, “Tell her to leave me alone. Just tell her to leave me alone.”
Ms. Wheeler describes looking at my personal photo albums that I brought to Arizona to attend my brother’s funeral. She recognizes where I had cut her pictures out of my personal photo album.
This is the basis of her accusation that I had sent her those pictures. I had not – I had thrown the pictures in the garbage.
Ms. Wheeler describes another guest at my brother’s house as objecting to my having my sibling’s birth certificates in my personal photo album. Ms. Wheeler has woman saying she is a government worker and is telling me that I have these birth certificates illegally.
Lies. There was no guest at my brother’s house who was a government worker. I obtained my siblings birth certificate legally at Buffalo City Hall by showing proper identification and paying a fee of $35.00 for each birth certificate. As I noted in my introduction, throughout the book, Ms. Wheeler puts words into other people’s mouth, those words usually are her own thoughts and she does this to lend credence to her fantasy that people agree with her on the topic she is writing about. This is one example. Ms. Wheeler cannot obtain HER original birth certificate because she doesn’t have proper identification as a SIPPEL. Therefore she is angry because I do have the proper credentials to obtain SIPPEL birth certificates. To lend credence to her argument that I have the documents illegally, she picks another guest at the house and like a ventriloquist, she writes what she thinks the guest will look good saying in the book.
The information I was gathering is for the purpose of having a complete family tree. The birth certificates are kept together with my mother’s death certificate. This information is that which used to be included in pages of a family’s bible. This sort of information gathering on families has been done for centuries. Incidentally, NO ONE in the family has objected to my having my siblings birth certificates. My father looked at my photo album while in Arizona, as well as my sister-in-law and my brother’s son. They all saw the birth certificate of my brother, and no one had any objection.
Ms. Wheeler continues her rant about my having my siblings birth certificates and notes that I did not have my younger half-brother’s birth certificate in my photo album. She states “I made a mental note of the deeper meaning in Brenda’s chopped up photo album. This was her attempt to make sense out of her…severed family life.”
Lie, personal misguided interpretation of someone else’s thoughts. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace.
How does Ms. Wheeler know what is in my thoughts? I object to having someone publishing their interpretations of my thought processes published in a book. The reason my younger brother’s birth certificate was not in my photo album was because I had not obtained it at that time, due to time and financial restraints. I did obtain it a few years later and it is in my photo album right now. As to the “chopping up” of my photo album, I had just begun in the year 2002 to obtain the documents and actually organizing my photos. They were in boxes, and now were in albums. And my photo albums are even more chopped up now – I have scanned into my computer a full album’s worth of photos, documents and greeting cards into my computer. And those that I have not given away, or put away to be given to other family members, have been shredded and destroyed. I have done all the work up to the year 1970. If Ms. Wheeler saw my photo albums today with no physical evidence of anything prior to 1970, she would put forth the misguided diagnosis that I have tried to destroy my life prior to 1970. Ms. Wheeler did not ask me WHY my photo album was “chopped up” to include the true reason as to why some things were missing from the album, in her book and she certainly did not obtain my permission to put her interpretations of my life and thoughts into her book. I fail to see what MY goal of scanning into my computer a complete family tree and history of our family has to do with HER adoption and adoption reform work.
Ms. Wheeler describes me as looking at a picture of her son and giving a disgusted grunt and turning away from his picture.
Lie. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace.
I looked at the picture, nodded, and said, “Mmm.” I was trying to keep the peace by remaining silent. And this is also indicative of Ms. Wheeler’s contradictory attitude towards my thoughts and words and behaviors. If I do or say something regarding her or her children, husband or adoptive mother, or anyone else for that matter, she jumps on me. If I don’t say anything, thinking that by remaining silent I will keep the peace, Ms. Wheeler interprets my silence as haughtiness or a refusal to acknowledge her presence. If I acknowledge her presence, she psycho-analyzes my words and deeds and always finds me in the wrong. In Ms. Wheeler’s eyes, I am damned if I do anything and damned if I don’t do anything. Read the book you published – you will see almost every other page is an attack on Brenda. “Brenda did this, Brenda did that. Brenda DIDN’T do this, Brenda DIDN’T do that.” I can’t win no matter what I do or don’t do. Her hatred of me jumps right off the pages of this book.
Ms. Wheeler describes my husband (Larry in the book) as telling her that I found her “children’s photos in his wallet and yelled at him that she didn’t want him to have anything to do with me and that included cutting off ties with my children.’
Lie. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace.
Ms. Wheeler has no way of knowing of any personal conversation I had my husband. But I did tell him that I did not want him going to Joan’s house because of the trouble she was causing me. He continued to go there to visit with the children. I also repeated my request on July 31, 1993, when he went to her house to help the family move. She over heard me say this to him, and twists the truth around to make me look as though I were a spying shrew, hen-pecking my husband.
I don’t look in my husband’s wallet. I did know of the pictures of Ms. Wheeler’s children in his wallet, because my husband showed them to me. And they are still there. I have scanned into my computer those photos only about six months ago, and my husband returned the pictures to his wallet in front of me. As to the subject of “chopping up” photos, Ms. Wheeler needs to answer for her own crime, to which she admits to in the book on page 358:
“once a month or so, I scrambled through the house, bagging up my children’s personal belongings, toys, books, gifts, even Russian nesting dolls I’d given my daughter – and threw them away….During these rages I screamed at my children as if I hated them.”
And she told a cousin of ours two years ago that she her own children’s photos, toys, school work, art work, IN FRONT OF HER OWN CHILDREN. (of course she didn’t put that in the book). If her narration in the book of me yelling at my husband for him having photos of her husband or cutting her out of my personal photo album is supposed to be a crime, she is way more guilty than I ever could be. Again, we see where Brenda (supposedly) does (almost) the same thing that Ms. Wheeler does, and should burn in hell for it, whereas Ms. Wheeler is an angel.
Ms. Wheeler describes me as hugging her at the side of our brother’s casket. “We hugged as we sobbed. But her arm dropped as suddenly as she reached out. That would be the last hint of love between us.”
Half Lies. Character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace
I did reach out to her. She was standing to my right. I did reach out with my right arm and put it over her shoulder and drew her to me. I do not recall how long I held her. I was grieving my brother and naturally reached out to my sister. Again we see Ms. Wheeler’s psycho-analyzing my every move. If I hung on to her too long, I suppose she would say that I was accepting her back into my life, which I don’t want. I only wanted to comfort her over the death of our brother. In simply reaching out to her in my grief, I showed that I didn’t hate her. And this was only 3 weeks after my meltdown at my cousin Gail’s funeral.
Ms. Wheeler describes an email exchange between regarding actions on a family photo web site I was building.
“Then I made the mistake of bringing up the past in a private email to Brenda. She flew into a rage, wrote me back saying the website was no place to discuss family dirty laundry, even though I didn’t post my email on the website. … I responded by terminating the email account I opened just for communicating with Brenda.”
Lies. Twisting of the facts.
In 2003, I did build a website. At our brother’s house in Arizona, Ms. Wheeler and I exchanged emails. I needed her email to send an invitation to her to the website. In order to be a member of the website, members DID have to provide the website with their email. Everything was going fine from October 2003 to December 2003. Ms. Wheeler posted a photograph that had my two oldest sisters as children with Santa Claus. Ms. Wheeler had the wrong year on it. I corrected the year. Also moved the photo to the proper forum. As I knew the correct year and as the owner of the site, I had the right to do this. In January 2004, it was Ms. Wheeler who flew into a rage because I had “tampered” with her photo, and accused me of plotting against her. At this time, I did not own a computer of my own. I was doing all online work on public computers. When Ms. Wheeler sent the angry email to me, I was sick for a week and not able to get to a computer. The email got buried. I saw it in April 2004, and could not believe the nonsense. For three months, we were getting along, building a family photo website, (which should dispel any erroneous conclusions that I was trying to make sense out of my severed life, as she puts forth on page 382. (see what I mean about her contradictory interpretations of me? And how she contradicts herself in her own book?). I did answer her email as soon as I saw it. I asked her why was she bringing up the past – why can’t we just go forward? I never said anything about posting family dirty laundry on the website or in my email – (I still have the actual email exchange that proves what she said to me, and my response).
Ms. Wheeler quotes my father as saying “Education, that’s what I needed….if I had more education, I would have kept you. … if I had education, none of this would have happened. If someone would have told me how to keep you.“
Lies. Character assassination of Leonard Sippel
Although I was not present to hear this conversation, I know my father would not, COULD not have said this. My father WAS educated. He worked as a civil engineer/draftsman in Buffalo’s City Hall in the Streets Department. (Ms. Wheeler portrays him as an uneducated laborer, working as a machinist in the book). Ms. Wheeler is insinuating here that if my father was better educated he would not have given her up for adoption. It wouldn’t have mattered. The bare fact is that whatever level of education my father had, whatever occupation he had, he still would have had to go to work everyday to earn money to support his family. He could not do this with an infant. There were no daycare centers in 1956, nor welfare system as we have today. Nor was any family member able to help out. My father’s hands were tied. It is Ms. Wheeler’s continual refusal to face these facts that has her once again, putting words into people’s mouths to support her delusions and fantasies.
Ms. Wheeler discusses her mother sharing photographs of her with her aunts and says: “…my aunts gave these pictures to my natural mother’s sister.”
Lie. My aunt Catherine had only ONE photograph of Joan, taken of her First Holy Communion.
“…my sisters and brother suffered serious, extended childhood trauma. These facts resulted in them imposing trauma on me…”
Lies; speculation on MY childhood experiences; character assassination of Ruth Sippel Pace, Gert McQueen, Kathy Inglis and Leonard Sippel Jr.
These are NOT facts, these are Ms. Wheeler’s statements due to her personal faulty interpretation of our childhood, of which she did not share. Ms. Wheeler is not trained as a doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist or any where in the medical field. She has a degree in social work, but as she has never worked as such, she has no experience in the field. Also, I was never interviewed by a qualified child psychologist (much less Ms. Wheeler) in a medical or similar setting about my childhood. What are Ms. Wheeler’s qualifications to pronounce judgment on MY mental health, my childhood, my life experiences? Or my siblings? And she has no right to publish her OPINIONS on this matter concerning me or my family. I would suggest anyone reading this paragraph read again my life accomplishments, (listed above) and consider my lack of any substance abuse, criminal record or any other anti-social behavior. Read The Book and read Ms. Wheeler’s own admissions of her anti-social behavior, alcoholism, thoughts and threats of suicide.
Ms. Wheeler is describing my father (her natural father)
“Poor, advanced to working class 1950’s, advanced to middle-middle class in 1970’s.”
Lies, character assassination of Leonard Sippel
Ms. Wheeler does NOT portray the true facts about her own natural father, my father.
My father started work for the City of Buffalo in Street Paving Department as a civil-engineer/draftsman on July 20, 1953 and maintained that position until his retirement on September 17, 1988. From 1965 to 1970, he also maintained a part time second job as salesman at Sears. In 1965, he bought a house, the first in his family to own property. He also had 4 teenagers at home, which in the 1960’s, as well as today, is an expensive obligation. Kids and houses are NOT cheap. My father married his third wife in October 1970, and after having a child with him (along with her two daughters from a previous marriage), went back to work as a nurse’s aide in 1972. I was also employed as a nurse’s aide and lived at home and helped take care of the children. The reason my father “advanced to middle-middle class in the 1970’s was because for the first time in his life, he was a member of a two-income family (actually three-income, when I was there 1972 – 1974). My father sold his house in 1975 and took a spacious apartment. The rent was cheaper than the mortgage and all the expenses related to owning a house. This also helped his financial status.
Ms. Wheeler is discussing my father’s second wife.
“How this step-mother was removed from the home, in front of her son and step-children was a form of cruelty to her and emotional trauma to the children. Witnessing their mother and step-mother being carried away in a straight-jacket had lasting effects on them.”
Lies. We children NEVER witnessed this. I myself did not learn of her being taken away in a straight jacket until about 15 years when my sister Gert told me about it. What happened was – my stepmother was having severe mental problems. My father told me once that she was examined by a doctor and it was decided that she should be placed in the psychiatric hospital in Buffalo. He told me that it was all arranged and the day she was placed there, social workers came to our school and picked up us children and took us to the foster home (Gert and Kathy) and the orphanage (me and my brothers). My father was with me and my brothers – I remember him holding my hand as we entered the orphanage run by the Catholic nuns and the huge statue of St. Joseph welcoming us. Gert was about 12 at the time. She told me about 15 years ago, that when she was about 17 or 18, she went back to our old neighborhood to visit some old friends and the mother of one of our childhood friends (who lived across the street from us) told her of the day that our step-mother was placed in the ambulance, in a straight jacket, and she was screaming. All the neighbors witnessed it and they all said it was sad, but were glad that we children were not around to see it. Even the times that my stepmother came home from the psych center and me and my brothers came home from the orphanage, our landlord, landlady, and neighbors NEVER told us what happened. As I said, I myself never knew about it until about 15 years ago (c 1995), much less witnessed it in 1959. Ms. Wheeler had been adopted out of our family in 1956, her family moved to Tonawanda, New York and was not there.
Page 529, 530, 531, 532
Ms. Wheeler again is accusing me and my sisters of harassing her.
(529) “…their joint letter writing campaign after our family reunion in 1992. The following year they wrote lengthy letters to the major adoption reform organizations to tell them what an asshole I was.” (530) “…looking back, now I can see they are tortured souls.” (531) “Each one of my sisters had something to hide, something they did not want me to write about, which I have not written about. … They chose to harass and mock me, so I wrote about it.” “Harassing my husband…Calling our home and yelling obscenities at the our young children. … Calling the home of my boyfriend…. Calling the Child Abuse Hotline and accusing my then 80 year old mother, and me, of sexual abuse.”
All lies. Slander, threats.
Many of these lies have already been addressed. But now is added this new statement that each one of her sisters have something to hide. This implies a threat. I have no idea to what Ms. Wheeler is alluding to here. I have nothing to hide. As I stated above: I do not engage in criminal or anti-social behavior, do not abuse substances (I barely drink), I have had a long career as a health-care worker (38 years with the same employer), and have been involved in the performing arts and as a neighborhood activist. When I took a course at the Buffalo Police Academy, a background check was done on me, and nothing showed up. So just what is my secret that Joan Wheeler thinks she has over me?
“I wrote about my sisters, and anyone else, at the point where our lives intersected.”
Lie. Falsely writing about me and my siblings witnessing my siblings witnessing our step-mother being placed in an ambulance is not a point where our lives intersected. As I stated above, Ms. Wheeler was adopted out of our family in 1956, and the event took place in 1959. Yes, the Wheelers did coincidentally lived one block over in 1956, then they moved three blocks away shortly after adopting her, and in 1957, they moved several miles away from us. Ms. Wheeler’s life did not intersect with ours until 1972, when I was placing phone calls to Wheelers in the phone book and her life did not fully intersect with ours until 1974 when we were physically reunited with her.
Even so, this “intersection” of our lives does not give her the right to violate our privacy and tell lies about us in this book.
Ms. Wheeler discusses our brother.
“Our sisters poisoned him against me for 11 years.”
We did not “gossip” to our brother about Joan. And how does she even know a time duration for this? It was Joan herself who was calling him, writing letters to him and trashing us to him and his wife that turned him against Joan. He quite naturally became disgusted with having his sisters trashed. Proof – Ms. Wheeler admits to trashing us to him on page 359, as I have already addressed this issue. I repeat it:
Ms. Wheeler in italics relates a fairly decent letter that she attributes to have written to our brother. I have never seen the original, so I have no way of knowing if what she writes here is true. But in this letter, she tells our brother “…my mother and my children and I are still hounded by harassing mail and phone calls from Brenda and company.”
Gert McQueen answers the secret is out – more evidence of misdeeds and lies by Joan Wheeler May 19, 2011Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, adoption, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, bullying, cowardice, dishonesty, Disrespect, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, false accusations, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, stealing from your own family, theft, whining
by Gert McQueen
There are many essays or blog posts that I have written that have not been seen yet on this blog. Seeing that we are discussing and showing our EVIDENCE I feel it is time for the following to be posted. It is part of a larger essays where I discuss many pieces of evidence about Joan’s lying. And we do have the physical documents to go with it. Here we go:
BUT FIRST…UPDATE, August 2016,
as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…
keep this all in mind as you READ this EVIDENCE, then ask your self…is Joan really to be believed?
The next pieces of evidence are in connection to the article The secret is out that Joan wrote in 1990 published in England and the aftermath from it. This article caused great concern because in the article Joan uses her sisters’ real names, interestingly enough not mine. In any event, the publication of that article is what caused certain letters to be written, alerting those agencies, listed in the article, that privacy was not afforded to the persons mentioned in the article. These letters were not ‘harassments’ but legitimate letters of concern for the breach of privacy the author committed. It is only Joan who turns these letters into gross obscene letters in her fabrication of telling of them.
As I have stated in previous posts, I did not write any letters to Joan and it is a falsehood for Joan to write in her book on pg 308 ‘…my sisters wrote harassing letters in the months after our family reunion of 92’. Which sisters? She does not say, so how can anyone be sure whom Joan is referring to?
(Ruths’ note: as usual, Joan lumps all three of her sisters as one entity. Only thing is, we didn’t write harassing letters to her, either individually or collectively.)
On pg 310 she writes ‘…the 40 page letter that my sisters put together…’ and ‘…my sisters included copies of long handwritten letters they wrote to the nine major adoption…’ Wrong! Joan does not name the sisters because there were no sisters, in the plural. Ruth and I never wrote to those nine major adoption agencies listed in the article. Kathy wrote legitimate letters of concern for the breach of privacy; all else is pure nonsense and fabrication by Joan. Furthermore, Kathy wrote an seven-page letter, not 40 pages; Joan loves hyperbole! (see graphics #4a-4g below).
Hyperbole…exaggeration: deliberate and obvious exaggeration used for effect.
Again, we shall revisit this issue, when I return to the book, after I complete this presentation of the evidence of Joan’s own behavior of fabrication, telling lies, doing harassments, and other deeds that are not in her book. For now it is sufficient to state that we three sisters, who are refuting the lies of Joan, possess proof that she is a liar and user of hyperbole solely for the effect of putting us sisters in bad light.
As part of the fallout from the breach of privacy and Joan’s consistent disregard for returning Kathy’s personal property to her, Kathy in England , demanded her property returned to her. There were negotiations; monies sent by Kathy to Joan, for shipping, back and forth letters, but all of Kathy’s efforts were stalled by Joan because Joan had excuse after excuse for not sending them.
Evidence here: In two letters that Joan wrote to Kathy (ca.1992) we learn from Joan, in one, ‘…yes I did receive the money order…put it in a special account for when I have time to pack everything for you…can’t do it right now…don’t have a car…can’t do anything right now…Colby lost his job…trying to cope with unemployment…I am working two part-time jobs…pay is low…with this new upset…going and finding your scrapbooks will just have to wait…. the records are safe…I’ll let you know when I can get the stuff together…before Christmas…’ and in another ‘…have been sad that our relationship ended abruptly and that I have caused you pain…felt the need to reach out to you…need to apologize for overstepping my bounds in your life…I respect your right to privacy and am sorry for my past behaviors…I ask forgiveness…and hope that we can be friends again…since I’m rather busy now, I will try to pack up your things sometime before Christmas…working two part-time jobs and will be going back to college in the fall…’ (see graphics 1 and 2 below).
So we see from Joan’s own words; that she did receive money to send Kathy’s things back to her, that she put the money in a special account, for when she has time, but she can’t do it now, no car, husband lost a job, coping with unemployment, working two jobs, pay is low, new upset, getting your stuff will just have to wait, let you know when I can get the stuff to you later but sad that our relationship ended abruptly and I caused you pain, need to reach out to you, to apologize, respect your right to privacy, sorry for past behaviors, ask forgiveness, can be friends, but I’m rather busy now, will try to pack your stuff before Christmas, working two jobs and going back to college in the fall.
Would you, reader, buy that brunch of boloney? She was given the money to ship the items but found excuses for not doing so and yet she has the money and time to go back to college! How nice! Priorities!
Neither did Kathy, buy it that is, and when Kathy puts the pressure on to get her property back, Joan enlists the ‘big guy’; Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, the very same that wrote the forward of this book of lies and fabrications! It ought to be noted that the last time the good Dr. saw a ‘draft’ of the book was in 2006, three years before publication! Joan has done extensive rewrites since he saw it. I wonder if Dr Hoksbergen would approve of the published work? Perhaps I shall write him! I’ll think about that!
In the meanwhile, I’ll just inform folks with, yes that’s right, evidence here, just what Dr Hoksbergen said to my sister Kathy on Joan’s behalf. (see graphic #3 below). It ought to be remembered that Joan is a very good con artist. Joan can play the part of the misused, misunderstood adoptee, that the birth family seems to go out of their way to make life miserable for her. This letter by Dr Hoksbergen was written to Kathy in April 1993.
In part he says: ‘…you will be amazed that you suddenly get a letter from a complete stranger…(goes into his educational and professional backgrounds)…connected with the phenomenon of adoption …conference in 1987 I met your sister Joan Wheeler…tried to help her with some of her questions and problems…I very well know the complexity of her life situation and emotional stress this often gives to her…sometimes we have to give adoptees some more time and understanding then we do in other occasions…conference in April I had a long discussion with Joan about many important family related questions. It has become clear to me that she is very sad about the problems she seems to have with you. It is a pity that rather uncomplicated questions of yours, has given deep going emotional stress to at least Joan and as far as I understand also to you. Let me be more clear: you have asked her to send back your goods…last year Joan had a lot of material problems…not having a car, losing her jobs etc…Joan does not have the money…(goes into detail about weight and costs)…it is an idea to ask Joan what precisely you definitely want to have back as soon as possible…the rest could be taken back slowly, when you visit your friends and relations in the USA…to my opinion problems like these should not divide people…related…who might need each other…when people live far away from each other…things easily might become complicated…I would ask you to forgive Joan what you think she did wrongly…I’m sure that her intensions are good…but she has problems to carry out the things you asked her…I know she would love it so much to have a good friendship with you…she has tried to see you in Liverpool…but she does not have the money for it…it is a useful idea if you write me back about your suggestions…if you prefer this in stead of writing directly to Joan…I know that she very much want to solve the problems you have with each other…’
Okay! Here’s what I see in this communication; first and foremost intimidation by a professional with the use of a condescending tone to a woman who has already paid to have her personal property return and is being denied justice. Secondly, what I see is, the continuation of the mixture of intimidation as well as a good dose of browbeating, which btw is somewhat common with the professional attitudes of doctors.
‘phenomenon of adoption’ …since when is adoption a phenomenon?
‘complexity of her life situation and emotional stress’ …do only adoptee have complexity and emotional stress, is this some kind of new ‘condition’ that the rest of the population doesn’t have?
‘give adoptees some more time and understanding then we do in other occasions’ …again, what makes the adoptee some kind of special needs person? Does this mean they are in the same category as the physically and mentally ‘challenged’ individuals are in (for those that are not PCs they are commonly called retarded)?
‘she is very sad about the problems she seems to have with you’ …oh so Joan needs a professional to communicate that sentiment?
‘it is a pity’ …no shit!
‘Let me be more clear’ …by all means, what he is saying is that Kathy and by extension the rest of the birth family ‘needs’ to understand the special conditions that the adoptee has and we must alter our views.
(Ruth’s note: the birth family is not considered to be human, with our own human needs, desires, etc. ONLY the adoptee matters. – BULLSHIT – I am just as IMPORTANT as the adoptee, they are NOT the center of the universe, just because in their view, they got shafted. LOTS of people the world over get shafted every day, adopted or not. Life sucks. DEAL WITH IT.)
‘Joan does not have the money’ … she was given the money, what happened to it and even if she wasn’t given the money why is it that she can’t give back someone else’s property?
(Ruth’s note: What happened to this money, that Joan says she put in a “special account?” I know what happened to it – the same thing that happened to MY money that Joan and I had in a joint checking account for the purpose of buying real estate in 1990 – Joan STOLE it – used if for HER living expenses).
‘had a lot of material problems’ …is Joan the only person in the world with problems, does not Kathy have anything in her life that should be considered here?
‘the rest could be taken back slowly, when you visit your friends and relations in the USA’ …an assumption that Kathy will be visiting the USA, was never in the negotiations to begin with, that’s a direct attempt at turning the whole thing back onto Kathy.
‘to my opinion’ …amazing that he didn’t send Kathy a bill for his opinion, what did it cost Joan for getting the doctor to write this letter?
(Ruth’s note: I wonder as well. All evidence points to Joan and the doctor being waaay beyond professional ties.)
‘‘ask you to forgive Joan what you think she did wrongly’ …excuse me! what right does this guy have to say such a thing?
‘that her intensions are good’ …intensions my ass, any intelligent person knows that following through is what matters!
‘to have a good friendship with you’ …that falls squarely onto Joan’s shoulders and no one else!
‘it is a useful idea if you write me back.’ …no thank you!
‘that she very much want to solve the problems you have with each other’ …we have heard that before!
So there you have it, the evidence of Joan Wheeler’s own behavior of fabrication, telling lies, doing harassments, and other deeds that are not in her book, Forbidden Family.
Ruth’s additional note – examine carefully Dr. Hoksbergen letter to Kathy – Joan told him that it would cost about $500.00 to ship her belongings to her. Really? Kathy enlisted the help of our father to get her belongings back. My father never owned a car, never learned to drive. So what he did, was TAKE A TAXI-CAB to Joan’s house and get Kathy’s belongings and took them to his house, packed them up and shipped them over to Kathy in three different shipments. On July 7, 1993, the first shipment went out, costing my father $52.75. On August 7, 1993, the second shipment went out, costing $45.95. On November 23, 1993, the third and final shipment went out, costing $52.95. The total my father paid was $150.95 – far less than the $500.00 Joan led Dr. Hoskbergen to believe. And this bullshit happened only 3 years after Joan conned me out of several hundred dollars! Joan is a liar, a thief and a con-artist. She belongs in jail! The letters she wrote to Kathy in 1992 (graphics 1 and 2, are the same kind of nonsense she had feeding me in 19990 and 1991 about the money she stole from me. Apologies, crocodile tears, promises of repayment, excuse after excuse why she couldn’t pay me back, blah, blah, blah, until I finally had enough of her lies and bullshit and turned my back on her completely – I lost around $700.00 to her, and that doesn’t even cover the interest I was paying every month – yes, interest – it wasn’t even MY money Joan stole – it was money I borrowed from the bank – Joan put me into debt – I couldn’t afford to fix my car, I was forced to take a bus in the snow and cold, while Joan drove a car, which she fixed with MY (borrowed) money! As I noted above – this money was in a joint checking account to buy real estate – Joan stole it for her own day-to-day living expenses. After I washed my hands of her in 1991, she went to find another mark – she tried to play Kathy for a fool – she got 50 bucks out of Kathy. Now you know why her birth sisters turned their backs on her. Joan also did NOT return all of Kathy’s belongings: missing are valuable Beatles collectibles: Beatles bubble gum sets, copies of The Beatles Fan Club magazine, a signed sketch by original Beatle member Stuart Sutcliffe. By not returning these items (and others) – Joan is guilty of THEFT. Joan has been asked for years to return these items, I personally saw them in the attic of her house on Swinburne St. in the late 1980’s, so she cannot LIE and say she doesn’t have them.
See the graphics 5a and 5b, below – my father’s receipts! Proof positive that Joan is a liar and a con-artist and LIED to her palsie-walsie, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen. And Dr. Hoksbergen, was so stupid as to be conned by Joan, stuck his nose into our family business, and got a complaint made to his employer, Utrecht University about his unprofessionalism. He apparently didn’t learn his leasson, because in 2006, he was conned by Joan again into writing a forward to her lying book. Unless he wasn’t really conned after all – won’t be the first time a man was drawn into a woman’s web. Just look what Arnold Schwarzenegger did! The bigger they are – the harder they fall. Arnold just fell. Joan just fell. Who’s next? I sent Dr. Hoksbergen a private message via facebook for his explanation and a public apology for his contribution to this lying piece of trash book. He hasn’t responded yet. If he doesn’t, I’ll know my assessment of him is correct.