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Joan Wheeler condemns people who adopt their grandchildren and raises them as their own children, yet stays good buddies with a woman who did exactly that. November 5, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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In Gert’s new blogpost, “Joan Wheeler, angry adoptee, is a glutton for punishment, she seeks it out! Then whines when she’s called-out!” Gert outlines Joan Wheeler’s continued paranoia against us, and Joan’s accusations of harassment to her by us, when we are merely exercising our constiutional right of free speech to offer our opinion on any subject we want. It was in an internet article about a man who was adopted and raised by his grandparents, and passed off as the SON, not grandson of the adopters. And of course, Joan spoke out AGAINST that situation. To see the link to the original article go to Gert’s post.

I am not going to post Gert’s entire blogpost, only my comment to Gert’s post, because it is a blogpost in itself.

Ruth

and speaking of attacks: Joan Wheeler actively engages in attacks on ME! A year ago, November 2012, I visited amazon.com – on my home computer in my home. I work the night shift – 7pm to 7am. On my nights off, I keep that same schedule. I go to bed at 6 or 7am. so if I’m posting somewhere on the internet at 4am, does not automatically mean I’m at work. BUT Joan, in a repeat of what she did to me in 1994-95, in trying to attack me and get me fired from my job – writes a letter to my job, accusing me of computer fraud and misuse. The letter arrived just after Thanksgiving, 2012. I wasn’t told about it until January 2013. In the meanwhile, my employer’s computer security team investigated me, and EXONERATED ME. However, Joan, in her stupidity, goes on the internet (Huffington.com) and admits to being the one who sent the letter. I immediately charged her with harassment. After several delays – we finally battled it out in court on July 23, 2013. Unfortunatly, the judge, as with so many other court officials, pooh-poohed the severity of my enduring 25 years of harassment from my own sister. They have the mindset that sister’s should get along. They have their heads up their asses and this is why some bullies get away with their shit year after year. We are all aware that mentally ill people have more rights then the rest of us, and my harassment charge was dismissed. But Joan LIED on the stand and I detail those lies in this post: “Joan Wheeler perjures herself TWICE on the stand today, July 23, 2013.” 

Now, a week before we went for that final court date, I was “followed” on facebook by a Thomas Heath – who after I investigated him, and outed him, UNfollowed and blocked me. Tom is the husband of a former cow-worker, Laura Heath, with whom I had a small spat with back in May 2010. Laura, being the little idiot that she is, runs immediately to Joan’s facebook page and becomes facebook friends with. Never mind that she never met Joan, and only knew of her thru my bitching about her and her now-dead lying book. (“The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”) In three years, I had barely thought of Laura, then all of a sudden her husband comes into my life – just a week before Joan and I go to court? And there’s evidence on Joan’s facebook page that Laura and Joan are planning on going out for coffee?

So when Joan herself is not actively attacking us, she lies to other people, whines to them, shed tears, that her rotten birth sisters, Ruth in particular, is HARASSING HER. And these stupid brainless people just melt at the sight of Joan’s tears and willingly go along with harassing me.

Brian Maloney for one. Actually threatens on HIS attack blog against us, to expose a dark dirty secret that I have. When he did that, I filed an extension harassment charge, in conjunction to the one I had going against Joan, but the judge (the same one who has been overseeing the case since January 2013) said that Joan was not responsible for Brian’s action and that I could pursue criminal charges against Brian on his own actions. When I informed Brian of this, via my blog, I told him that I will not be held to emotional blackmail and that if he knows my dark dirty secret to spit it out. BUT I warned him – the police and the courts will not look kindly on a strange man telling a woman’s secrets on the internet. What those secrets are, I don’t know. I don’t have any. Brian is a stranger to me because he never met me, nor spoken to me face-to-face, and relys only on Joan’s lies about me. And this my friends, is a continuing ATTACK of Joan – against me. Lies to a strange man and tells him Ruth’s “secrets” and then Ruth gets threathened with blackmail. Cries to Laura that Ruth is taking her to court and all of a sudden, Laura’s husband gets involved in Ruth’s life. Never mind that Ruth has never met Laura’s husband. see my blog post “I am outing Thomas D. Heath and Laura J. Stickney-Heath as stalkers and troublemakers.”

I’ve also been in facebook contact with Laura’s biological daughter, (a Native American) that she had before she married Tom. Tom adopted this girl when she was 4 years old. At the age of 7, Laura put her in a foster home. She herself had a daughter, and Laura got custody of that little girl, who Laura is now raising, keeping her away from the child’s real bio-mom, and is passing her off as her daughter, not her grand-daughter. And Joan is going out to coffee with Laura, plotting with Laura to attack Ruth, but Laura is doing the very same thing that Joan is speaking out against in this NPR article – people adopting their grandchildren and passing them off as their own children. AND Tom and Laura did the same thing that Gert and her second husband did – ADOPTED the stepchild/bio-child. Why does Joan condemn Gert for that in her book, but actively hangs out with Laura and Tom? Because we see that even Joan’s zealous hatred of anything regarding adoption and child trafficking goes out the window when it comes to attacking Ruth. HYPOCRITE – if you’re against adoption – then be against it – ALL THE WAY!

ps – how I got in contact with Laura’s daughter – because Laura and Tom are keeping J.’s daughter away from her – J. routinely googles Laura and Tom’s name – J. lives in another state and doesn’t even know where her 13 year old daughter lives. She came upon my blogpost two weeks ago, and sent me a facebook friend request. But I knew about J. three years ago – from J.’s myspace page – where she putting out messages – looking for her daughter.

How could you Joan, how could you? Be active friends with a woman (Laura) who keeps a child away from her own bio-mom? Isn’t that the crux of your hatred of adoption? ISN’T IT?

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The Flame Against Shame – dedicated to Brian Maloney and Joan Wheeler December 7, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lessons in Life.
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Flame against Shame

A dear friend of mine wrote this yesterday and with her permission, I am sharing it:

“Never beat yourself down for making mistakes. While you should be rewarding yourself for those mistakes, why? Because you learn to grow and learn from those mistakes. If not so, then you would never be here teaching others. Im one to be the first to apologize and ask forgiveness for my mistakes. Then I reward myself with a quote on my fridge, saying., “Hello I’m such a Human”!.”

The other day, Joan’s puppet Brian said this to me and Gert: “If you were not trying to hide something you might be ashamed of, you would not be trying so hard to discredit what was said.”

First, the beginning of his statement does not correlate with the second part of what he said. – When I am writing about “discrediting” Joan – what I am doing is CORRECTING THE LIES SHE HAS SAID ABOUT ME. For example – in her book and on the internet Joan says that I have a criminal record – NO I DO NOT. Joan says that I have been arrested – I have never been arrested in my life. Joan LIES about me in the book. She says that I went to a fertility clinic – NO I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A FERTILITY CLINIC. And even I had – where does she have the right to put that in her book?  Joan LIES in her book that in a court case in 1994 her children were on the stand testifying against me – THIS NEVER HAPPENED. Joan LIES in her book that she never harassed me – I have scanned and posted to my blog actual letters that Joan wrote to my fiance and his mother – trashing me – I have scanned and posted to my blog actual letters from Joan to me and Gert wherein she is harassing me after the Erie County District Attorney told her to leave me alone. I have scanned and posted to this blog an actual letter that Joan wrote to my employer falsely accusing me of computer fraud and in this letter to a complete stranger to me – she is giving this man personal details of my health and my private life. Brian- you need to do your homework and SEE WHAT YOUR LITTLE GOODY-TWO-SHOES FRIEND HAS DONE. These documents were sent to Trafford Publishing and this is why the book is dead.

Brian also says: You may very well have your own story to tell, and that may differ from Joan’s. Each person has their own version of how things happened, and each person has the right to free speech.

Well, now let’s take his last sentance first: “each person has the right to free speech.” – so Brian, if each person has the right to free speech, and I therefore have the right to free speech, as you just said, then why are you bitching about what I say here? You just put your foot in your mouth sir.

Brian says: ” Each person has their own version of how things happened,” – Maybe – HOWEVER – I AM RELYING ON ACTUAL CITY OF BUFFALO COURT DOCUMENTS THAT PROVE THAT JOAN’S VERSON OF HOW THINGS HAPPENED IS A LIE. And I don’t need to have a “different version” to know THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN ARRESTED NOR DO I HAVE A CRIMINAL RECORD. Facts are facts and those are the facts.

These documents have been on this blog for almost three years. Joan has had ample time to examine those documents and refresh her faulty memory and come forth WITH THE TRUTH.

Now as to the accusation that I am hiding something that I might be ashamed of – oh, so now this Reiki healer is stooping to emotional blackmail and threats, just as Joan has done in the past. In her book and on her cyberbullying page Joan threatened us with “exposing secrets” that we don’t want to come out. I have listed here below,in chronological order, SEVEN BLOG POSTS dating from January 3, 2010 to April 4, 2012, where we tell Joan to stop her emotional blackmail – we have nothing to hide and will not be held hostage to Joan’s threats. In fact, here is an additional comment that I wrote on September 21, 2010 in the post numbered 3 below:   I AM A HUMAN BEING WITH MY OWN RIGHTS AND DIGNITIES AND I REFUSE TO BE DICTATED TO BY JOAN WHEELER.   Joan hinted at “secrets” in her book. Secrets that her sister have and are afraid of having put out – we said it once before on this blog and here it is again: WHATEVER SECRETS YOU THINK YOU CAN HOLD HOSTAGE OVER OUR HEADS SPEAK THEM NOW – FOR WE WILL NOT BE HELD FOR EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL BY YOU JOAN! WE WILL NOT OBEY YOU, PROPERLY OR IMPROPERLY.

Now as to being ASHAMED of anything I did in the past: No sir, I am not ashamed of anything I ever did. And Brian had also tried to blackmail me with something I did in the past. But like the fool that he is, he stooped to listening to 30 year old GOSSIP from Joan about a young woman named Shadya. I posted all about her in my post of July 7, 2012.  This post contains scans of a card that I received from Shadya in 1985, putting to rest any filthy gossip about her and me. Grow up gossipers.

To sum up: I met Shadya in 1977, when she was dating the brother of my then husband Abdo. We had gone on a picnic. I thought she was very nice. I did not see for about a month, and one night after Abdo left the house to go to a birthday party and I was home alone, getting ready to go to work, I received a prank phone call. I knew I heard the voice before, but could not place it. But a couple of months later, I talked to Shadya, and recognized her voice. It was she who had made the prank call. She did other things, trying to break me and Abdo up. From 1978 to 1983, yes, Shadya and I did not get along. We had arguments, and one knock-down brawl in September 1979.- She laid hands on me first – so I defended myself. I am not proud of how I behaved, but I am not ASHAMED – there is a difference. I acted badly to this woman. And so did she act badly to me. In 1984, I had a talk with her and I apologized to her. I think I could have handled the situation better than the way I did in 1977, but hey – as my friend said “Never beat yourself down for making mistakes. While you should be rewarding yourself for those mistakes, why? Because you learn to grow and learn from those mistakes.” – Shadya and I forgave each other and in 1985, when I was in the hospital after miscarrying my son, Shadya sent me a card, and when I got home, she called me up and offered to cook several dinners and send them over to me in tupperwares. Shadya no longer lives in Western New York. I know where she lives, and I will NOT tell anyone where she lives. She lives in another state. She is married again. A couple of years ago, on her 50th birthday, we communciated together via facebook. She is doing very well. I am happy for her. She was happy for me that John and I got married, as she had met John in the late 80’s.

So much for Brian trying to get me to feel “ashamed” for what I “did” to an Arab lady whose name begins with an S – as he tried to throw in my face back in July 2012. Oh – by the way, she wasn’t Arab – she was born in the United States to a Puerto Rican woman and an Indonesian/Yemeni man. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU SPREAD GOSSIP JOAN AND REPEAT IT BRIAN!

Shame is a toxic emotion and I do not deal in that. I live my life the way I see fit. I AM a human being who makes mistakes. And from time to time, have made mistakes and mis-quotes on my blog, and when I find them, I don’t just delete and “fix” the post – I OWN UP TO MY MISTAKES – I TELL MY BLOG READERS WHAT I SAID WRONG AND GO ON – NO SHAME INVOLVED. Just as I said above: I have posted actual court documents and even handwritten letters – written by Joan Wheeler herself – that prove that “her side” of the story is a faulty memory at best, or out and out LIES at worst. Joan has had ample time to review those documents and correct her lies and “mistakes.”

I forgave Shadya for what she did to me back in the late 70’s – early 80’s. And I have forgiven myself. Because in 1977 – I was only 25 years old – I am more than twice that age now – and have learned much.

I have not forgiven Joan for ANYthing she ever did. Why? BECAUSE JOAN HAS NEVER APOLOGIZED TO ME, LET ALONE ACKNOWLEDGED THE CRAP SHE HAS DONE TO ME.

Now Brian – go back and read these posts where we have already addressed the issue of supposedly having little secrets and deeds that we want hidden. As usual, Brian – you are a couple of years late in your research and threats. Grow up little man. REAL men, GROWN-UP men, don’t listen to, repeat, nor believe baseless 30 year old GOSSIP! Get with the times man! This is 2012, not 1983. And we have already dealt with the issues of “little dirty secrets” in these old, posts:

1. attention adopion reformers part 2 January 3, 2010

2. Open letter to and about Joan Wheeler, from her eldest birth sister Gert McQueen January 7, 2010

3. Adoptee’s tantrums nothing special – Childhood bipolar disorder article by child psychologist John Rosemund, September 14, 2010 September 21, 2010

4. Facts are Stubborn Things Part 1 November 10, 2010

5.What is the REAL reason behind Joan Wheeler’s rant on the Huffington Post? March 9, 2011

6. Evidence that Joan Wheeler has violated the Code of Ethics of the National Association of Social Workers March 10, 2011

7.The latest “wisdom” from Joan Wheeler, um, well, actually, she’s trying to show that she has some widsom April 14, 2012

COMMENTS:

kimberlyhardingDecember 7, 2012

You are so correct- shame is a toxic emotion!!  Keep putting your story out there. It needs to be heard! I love what your friend says about mistakes – mistakes are truly a means for transformation. Thank youl.

3. gertmcqueenDecember 7, 2012[Edit]

Gert here:

Thank you Kim for your insights!

Ruth said ‘I have not forgiven Joan for ANYthing she ever did. Why? BECAUSE JOAN HAS NEVER APOLOGIZED TO ME, LET ALONE ACKNOWLEDGED THE CRAP SHE HAS DONE TO ME’

This is correct, Joan has NEVER admitted ANY of her dirty deeds/words…she is always right/correct, everyone else is the problem/trouble-maker, etc.

I did in 1992 FORGIVE her for events she did to me in 82, BUT within 9 hours of seeing me that day, she started more crap; that told me alot; she is EVIL, stay away. Then I heard more of what she did to Kathy and Ruth and somehow we all got along without Joan in our lives. About 8 or 9 years ago, when Dad was ill, I WANTED to put all this behind and I called Joan, she tolded me she LOVED me. No she didn’t cause she had every intention of using that phone conversation for another ‘harassment’ to her, by me…but I didn’t know at the time.

When Joan published in nov 2009, that libelous evil hatred of a book against every member of two families, birth and adopted, she did the worst…character asassination of FAMILY. Not only did she violated, the DIVORCE I had with her and DIDN’T stay away, she continued lying and fabricating in the book. I found out only in 2011 MORE dirty deeds she did to family including asking my daughter to commit a crime for her!

Joan, by writing/publishing that piece of garbage, VIOLATED the peace between every member of our family and NOW she has us TILL DEATH DO WE PART. and that is VOW we will keep…

I was willing many years ago to forgive Joan, attempted to 3 times, but this will never be forgiven, nor forgotten…kin-killing is a crime in many places! Joan is a kin-killer and a soul-killer and she has to live with that reputation! She wanted to tell her story, the way she saw it, fine, NOW she can’t get out of it…TILL DEATH DO WE PART

I am not ashamed of anything in my life, some regrets, but not shame! I have already written/spoken about what Joan thinks she HAS ON ME…silly little sleasy ass…and gossiper that she is…to Brian Maloney who obviously relishes hearing gossip and loves to taunt women! Asshole.

PS while typing I noticed that the word ‘assination’ could be the asassination of an ass…does that apply here…if Joan is an ass…then we are doing ass-ination!

breaking news and a warning to authorites about Joan Wheeler, who I believe is a menace to society August 1, 2012

Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness.
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8:00pm, EST August 1, 2012,

CNN reports that on June 7, 2012, Batman Movie massacre killer James Holmes, failed an oral test and then went out and bought a gun, and talked to his psychiatrist. Something he said to her, alerted her and she contacted colleagues on the behavioral threat assessment team that he was a threat.

NO ONE contacted the Aurora police department that he could be a threat.

I have been telling authorities for YEARS that Joan M. Wheeler of Tonawanda, NY is a potential threat. She has harassed me for years. She has stalking me, called my employer almost daily for six months to get me fired over a typing mistake that I had nothing to do with. Despite my employer telling her this, she continued phoning them. She wrote letters to the mayor of Buffalo, a NYS senator and others telling them I have a criminal record, when I do not. I placed harassment charges against her in 1995, but a Buffalo City Court judge Margaret Anderson dismissed the case, saying that “sisters should get along.” Despite seeing black and white evidence – copies of the letters that Joan sent to these people – Joan had the arrogance to make photocopies and sent them to me.

In December 1994, she called child abuse on herself, giving MY name in a rotten attempt to break me and my fiance up. A few months later, I spoke with an assistant district attorney of Erie County and she told me that I was to stay away from Joan. I assured that I was, and asked her if she would give the same directive to Joan. She told me she would. This was just after Judge Anderson dismissed my harassment charges in 1995.

Things were very quiet until 1998, when out of the blue, I recieved an envelope handwritten by Joan, addressed to me and my fiance John, but inside was a letter addressed to my oldest sister Gert about an incident that occured in South Carolina. A man who USED to know Gert, bumped into Joan’s ex-husband and trash talked Gert. So what did that have to do with Ruth? And why was Joan writing to Ruth AFTER the district attorney told the both of us to leave each other alone?

A year later, in 1999, I received another letter from Joan, informing me that my husband got the next door neighbor pregnant. The return address on the envelope was NOT Joan’s address – a friend of mine drove me there – it was the address of a former friend of Joan’s – Bonnie Warren – who was in the middle of a fight with Joan. Bonnie told me that in the year 1997, Joan Wheeler had made a death threat against me – she was asking around for a hitman to take me out.

thank you very much Margaret Anderson for dismissing charges against this fruitcake. But Family Court Judge Margaret Scuzer granted me a one year order of protection against Joan. This was May 1999. In the same month, Bonnie institued harassment  charges against Joan for using her address without her permission to send harassing letters to me.

In the same month, May 1999, a third court case of harassment was instituted against Joan Wheeler by the New York state Town of Eden police department because Joan was harassing our cousin Gail Budziszewski. Joan had telephoned her in the past and written letters. Gail went to the police and they called Joan to tell her not to contact Gail. Gail got another letter and took it straight to the police. they called Joan in front of Gail and asked her if she had sent Gail the letter – Joan answered “yes.” the police asked “after we told you NOT to contact her?” And Joan, in her arrogance said “yes.”

ALSO in 1998 or 1999 – Joan went to have her windshield fixed and the mechanic turned out to be my cousin Ray, Gail’s nephew. Ray was nice enought to invite Joan home for dinner. When Gail found out, she told her nephew to stay away from Joan because she was dangerous. Ray began to distance himself from Joan, and Joan sent me a letter saying that she knew that me, Gail, Ray and my friend Francine were “plotting” against her. Despite the fact that I knew nothing about this and Francine and Ray had never met each other.

Joan began calling Ray’s job to get him in trouble with his boss – three years after she was calling my job to get me in trouble. Again, thank you very much Judge Margaret Anderson.

Joan writes in her book of how she had physically assaulted her adoptive mother and her own children, chronicled in her book of how she routinely took up her own children’s photographs, toys, clothes, school artwork and burned them in the middle of the living room IN FRONT OF HER OWN CHILDREN! She admits in her book Forbidden Family that she drank, drove drunk, went into a deep depression and wouldn’t cook dinner for her kids, wouldn’t even wash her own hair.

In 2010, I sent a letter to Buffalo area therapist Nichole Urdang after this ditz wrote a rave review of Joan’s book for amazon.com saying the book was good. I was horrified. I told Ms. Urdang that she was a poor therapist if she didn’t see that book for what it really was – a chronicle of a woman losing her drunken sotten mind.

Joan’s longtime good friend Rene Hoksbergen, a retired college professor from Utrecht University in Utrecht, The Netherlands, was manipulated and lied to by Joan in 1993 in an attempt to extort money from my sister who lives in England. Because of Joan’s lies, Hoksbergen wrote a letter to my sister in England, sticking his nose into our family business.

Joan had stolen hundreds of dollars from me in 1990 and was now targeting another person. Joan used Hoksbergen, giving him a manuscript of her book to read, which he wrote a forward for (written in 2006). But the final version, published in 2009, contained key lies about him – and me!

Via this blog, I have let Hoksbergen know that I hold him responsible for Joan’s slanderous book, which contains lies – lies like that I have a criminal record. Legitimate complaints were sent to the publisher of Joan’s book, Trafford Publications. Actual court documents and even a couple of the letters that Joan wrote to elected officials in 1994-95 telling them lies about me were sent to Trafford. Trafford’s legal department pored over the evidence and the book, and in May 2011, they pulled the book from publication because Joan violated her contract with them.

In March of 2011, Joan went on the Huffington website to tell more lies about me and my two older sisters – a complaint was sent to Huffington and Joan was kicked off the site.

In November 2011, the father of one of her friends died. Coincidentally, the father was the long-time attorney and friend of my father, a fact that Joan nor her friend Brian T. Maloney figured out. But after seeing the online obituary and MY sympathy message, Joan figuredout that that attorney, Arthur J. Maloney, was the attorney who handled my father’s adoption of his step-daugher in 1977. Joan who has gone on record to say that she is 100% against adoption and has said online that she hates EVERYONE who supports, promotes and actually carries out adoption. She did not tell Brian that she knew of his father’s connection to my family. Instead, she started manipulating him into cyberstalking and cyberbullying us.  It took us several months of detective work to find out who our attacker was – and once we did, and we let him (and the world) of that connection – (three weeks ago) – he has gone silent.

But Joan has done this manipulation before. In February 2010, she complained to members of the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum about this blog. “If enough of you complain to wordpress, we can shut those fuckheads down.” This blog recieved many obscene comments.

In the fall of 2010, a friend of Joan’s, Russell Thomas came to this blog and called me a bitch. Not once, but two, then three times. I emailed him and told him to stop.

In January of 2011, when my father died, Joan was told not to come to the funeral home when the family was present. but she showed up with Russell Thomas, who was seen by a reliable eyewitness to writing a long message in the guest book in the funeral parlor. She read it and was horrified. She made several phone calls to contact my sister in England, who called me. In the meantime, Gert and I saw it – it was hate message to my father it said: “May he rot in hell from the Herr brothers – Charles, Matthew, Henry, Michael and Richard.”

Richard, was lives in Florida, was actually on the phone around 5pm, just an hour after this message was written. He was in Florida, on the phone with my sister in England. the others – Charles, Matthew, Henry and Michael – ARE DEAD!

With all this bullshit, harassment of myself and other family members, arrogant disregard of directives from authorities (the district attorney and Town of Eden police), the stalking, the calling of my job and Ray’s job to get his fired over BULLSHIT that had nothing to do with our job performances, the total disregard for other people, the lying in the book, the lying on the internet, the lying in person about me and others, the forging or four dead men’s names and one guy who was hundreds of miles away – —  and the death threat made against me in 1997 —–

I AM HEREBY NOTIFYING THE WORLD THAT JOAN MARY WHEELER, OF TONAWANDA NEW YORK IS A DANGER AND MENACE TO SOCIETY.

if anything happens to me or my husband, or our property – I hereby notify anyone that she should be the first one to be questioned.

JOAN WHEELER SHOULD BE LOCKED UP. SHE IS SICK AND I WILL HOLD THE FOLLOWING PERSONS RESPONSIBLE FOR HER BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN WARNED OVER AND OVER:

FORMER CITY COURT JUDGE MARGARET ANDERSON

RENE HOKSBERGEN

SUSAN THOMPSON UNDERDAHL

CHRISTINE MARA MONAHAN

NICOLE URDANG

RUSSELL THOMAS

LORI CORANGELO

BRIAN T. MALONEY

and thanks a lot wordpress for the linking of some of my text to your stupid commercials. this is a serious post about serious issues, and you stick in commercials. shame on you.

Final Notice to Brian T. Maloney (LION) of Williamsville, puppet of Joan Wheeler July 27, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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Final Notice to Brian T. Maloney (LION) of Williamsville, puppet of Joan Wheeler

Brian, the following blog posts are all about you. Until you remove that abusive blog you have against us and offer a public apology to us for sticking your nose where it don’t belong – in MY family’s business and trashing my father after he was dead – these blog posts will remain in existence for all the world to see.

What you need to do is delete ALL posts from your blog – and leave ONE post up recanting all the abuse you heaped on me and Gert – particularly where you called us dogs. And don’t try to squirm your way out of it by saying you were quoting an old adage – “if you lay down with dogs, expect to catch fleas.” – This was directed to a person who supports our blogs and left a comment on your blog. So, no, you didn’t come right out and SAY Gert and me were dogs – but by telling Paula that she was associating with us, she would catch fleas – in essence you WERE calling us dogs. And that doubles your mistake – you not only called women you never met – dogs – but then tried to twist your words and tried to LIE your way out of it. – That doesn’t go very well with your Reiki healing.

Also, you need to change the name of your blog from “Defending Joan Wheeler” to “No longer defending Joan Wheeler.” And in that one post you keep up on your blog you tell WHY you no longer are defending her – because once she found out in November 2011 just who your father was and how your father was the lawyer who handled my father’s adoption of his stepdaughter, Joan kept that from you and whined at you and got you to do her dirty work. She played you for a fool – as a revenge at that dirty lawyer who handled my stepsister’s adoption.

Admit your mistake Brian. But I know you won’t. Because it takes a big man, a big person to admit when they’re wrong. And you are no man. You are a wimp, a coward and a creep.

So here are some blog posts about Brian T. Maloney. and before anybody takes me to task for writing so much about this creep – remember – I knew his father, his father was a long time attorney and friend of my father and stepmother. In representing my family, I left a condolence message on an online memorial guest book when Brian’s father, Arthur J. Maloney died on November 16, 2011. I never met Brian. I don’t know him. But one month after his father died, Brian started cyber stalking and cyber-harassing and cyber-bullying me and Gert. He should have minded his own business. He brought this on himself.

Hey Champ!! (Brian T. Maloney of Williamsville, NY) Where’s your response to our rebuttals, to your defense of Joan Wheeler, on the Buffalo News web site?

How Brian T. Maloney of Williamsville, NY trashed my LATE father on the internet – what he said about a dead man that he never met

Champ, the so called defender of Joan Wheeler, is slacking on the job!! …

Brian Maloney and Joan Wheeler think they are in the right…okay they can have their delusion

I’m putting the brat Brian to bed and ignoring his temper tantrums – because that’s how you deal with brats – give them NO more attention.

Charlatans can be found everywhere and in every field of healing Brian isn’t the only one.

Brian T. Maloney has been exposed in a new comment that I placed on that Buffalo News article by Joan Wheeler (with a screenshot of his blog – proving how he abused and bullied us)

Brian T. Maloney is concerned for my health. aw gee. (my rebuttal after Brian insinuates that I am on psych meds – which I am not, never have been and don’t need to. Another example of his abuse of me.

Brian T. Maloney can’t do any Reiki healing on anyone – because he’s a damaged individual in need of healing himself. – with graphics from Linkedin where Joan and Brian recomended each other on November 11, 2011.

rampaging on facebook – funny? – not so funny when you find out you’ve been trashed by the son of someone you honored – Brian T. Maloney is no healer – he’s a menace! 

Fun and games on Facebook – re: The Nameless One (aka Joan Wheeler) and Brian “Chimp” Maloney (full of baloney) 

What did Joan Wheeler know of the connection of Brian T. Maloney’s father to my father, when did she know it, and I expose another lie in her libelous book 

Brian T. Maloney abuses someone who HONORED his father, Arthur J. Maloney – because Joan Wheeler told him to. (with screenshot of Arthur’s obit and my name from the guest book)

the dangers of writing shit about someone if you don’t know them – a lesson to be learned by Brian T. Maloney 

Ruth admits to a big oopsey! 

Guest post from Gert’s daughter Karen with update from Gert – Karen lets Brian have it for calling her mom and aunt dogs.

Chimp aka Brian T. Maloney continues to show the world what a disgusting moron he is – with graphics proving that he listened to lying gossip from Joan about someone I didn’t get along with back in the late 1970’s. – And she sent me a get well card in 1985. I post the card in this post.

Well Champ/Brian, on his HOW ELOQUENT! post has acknowledged SOME of the comments placed on that post/blog!

Just in case Brian Champ Thomas Maloney tries to deny who he is. 

We know who Champ is!! His name is Brian Maloney and he has left his mark; I found him and now I expose him too.

My answer to Gert’s post ‘Champ has left the building, Joan Wheeler has taken over’ and lots more! June 29, 2012

Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Ruth here
Good morning. I went to bed at 10pm. I was going to stay up and do some blogging, but was just too tired.

So here it is 3:30. I find a bunch of comments on Gert’s post “Champ has left the building…Joan Wheeler has taken over….”
I was going to comment myself, but find I have to much to say – so here is a new blog post.

Thank you Paula for having the courage to write your observations. We have long suspected that people reading our blog and Joan’s blog can tell for themselves that Joan is mentally ill. Joan knows herself that she is mentally ill. She readily admits that she’s been in therapy for over 30 years and describes herself as “damaged.” She finally got something right.

For the life of me, I cannot and have never understood WHY she has gone after me – all these years. Sure, she has hurt Gert and Kathy, and I’ve said it before to both of them – that book was NOT about adoption – it was to trash everyone in her life who ever angered her, and in particular ME. She calls me Brenda in the book. My god, every other page is Brenda this, Brenda that. Is the book a biography of Brenda or a biography of Joan. She writes about my first husband, my job, makes a mockery of my miscarriage, makes outlandish claims regarding a telephone annoyance incident – has a police detective talking nonsense about my pets – yes – my pets! A police officer would not do that. I had my phone listed under a different name – Brittany. She has the police officer asking her who is Brandy Sippel? Joan writes that she told him that was my cat – actually it was my dog – and the officer says the phone bill is under the cats name and Joan says my gas bill is under the other cat’s name. A letter written to Gert’s daughter has her admitting that she knows my phone is listed under Brittany. So why not tell the truth in the book?

And how did I get into court for annoyance calls? Because in June 1993 (at the same time she was making trouble for Kathy, via her pal Rene Hoksbergen), I get a letter in the mail. The envelope, in Joan’s handwritiing, was addressed to me. So I open it up. Inside was a sloppy note, supposedly written by her ten year old son, to my husband. It does not say Dear Uncle John, just Dear John, – and comparing it to Joan’s handwriting – it was her. So I called her up. She hung up on me. I thought we were disconnected. I called again. She hung up. I called again. She hung up. – Well, the sly one had already falsely reported to the Annoyance Call Bureau that she was getting calls. And made them install a trace trap. And calls WERE NOT recorded. She sent that note to bait me, and I fell for it. The following week, my electricity was shut off. I called her again – because she owed me money, – the money that she stole from me in the first place – now I needed it – same thing. She kept hanging up on me. Then she reported me to the police.
I got a call from the police officer and I told him my side of the story. He told me that he would recomend to Joan not to press charges, but she went ahead and did anyway. That’s how she got the Order of Protection against me – and it was for six months. Not for one year as she writes in the book.
by the way, you can see the actual letter in this post.”Did Joan’s 10 year old son write that letter I got in June 1993? Or did Joan herself?”

The following year, a completely innocent typing mistake mixed up her hospital bill and she swore up and down that I had done it. Never mind that I did not, never did, work in the billing office. For forty years, I’ve worked as a nurse’s aide. Joan calls my job and they investigate it. They found me innocent. But she wasn’t going to have it. She KNEW I was guilty and despite being assured by my employer that I DIDN’T do it, she was going to change the facts and set out to destroy me. She called my job for months trying to get me fired. She made that false child abuse call against herself to destroy my relationship with my fiance (now husband), she wrote letters to the mayor of Buffalo. – This took us into 1995. I filed harassment charges against her, but the stupid judge dismissed it, saying “sisters should get along.” – I was so angry. I was victimized by Joan, now I was victimized by the judge.

The harassment stopped after an assitant district attorney yelled at both me and Joan in 1995, but then in 1998, out of the blue, Joan started up again. The assistant DA who yelled at us was not there any more, so I had to start from scratch – and in 1999, Joan wrote me a letter using a friend’s return address – without her permission – and in the letter Joan tells me my infertile husband got the next door neighbor pregnant and they had a daughter in 1993. I go down to the district attorney and they didn’t want to do anything. A friend of mine, who works in the present city government suggested Family Court – and they took my case, slapping a one year order of protection for me against Joan. But she doesn’t write about that in the book – instead, she has all 3 court cases all mixed up and convoluted with a statement that we had a 3 month court battle in 1994. – What she was talking about was the case I brought against her in 1995 – First appearance, she is arraigned and a trial date was set. Second appearance, the case gets postponed. Third appearance, the judge dismissed it. Three short appearance, probably 15 minutes in length each time in front of the judge – gets reported in the book as “a three month court battle” with her kids on the stand testifying against me.

When I read that for the first time – I was like stunned! It was a total fabrication – I’m still amazed that Joan wrote that and actually BELIEVES that things happened that way. Because she really does BELIEVE that things happen the way she reports.

That is why she canNOT ever EVER explain even actual court documents that PROVE WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT WHAT SHE SAYS DIDN’T HAPPEN OR HOW SHE SAYS OR THAT SHE LIED. She turns a blind eye to her own handwritten letters to me and my fiance and my mother in law. She didn’t do that. That’s her story and she’s sticking to it.

She whines and says that nobody knew how to proceed with the reunion. I have already addressed that on my blog – I don’t know what she means by that – that the birth siblings were supposed to be some sort of all-knowing gods?

In 1974, I had just gotten my first real apartment. I had been on my own from 71-72, moved back in at my dad’s to help out watching the little ones. My first “apartment’ was just a room in a boarding house, now I had a full apartment, with my own fridge, etc. A new adult. lol. I was 23, starting late, but was finding my first adult steps. And we had our reunion. What deep psychiatric bullcrap was I supposed to know? All I did was f’ing welcome her into my life. I was working full time nights. When I had a free time – we went out. We got together. We were like new friends getting to know each other, but we were sisters. And we were re-connecting. What the hell did she want from me? Apparrently my life. Because when she started her interfering in 1980, and we started telling her, don’t do that, she would act like a five year old, (whiny) “I didn’t mean it. I don’t know how to act.). She says in her book she was a naive sheltered white girl from the suburbs.) Bull – she was an adult. But yeah, she acted like a brat. By 1980, it was clear to us that she, despite being raised by two parents, did not have the same morals and values that we did. We did not try to mold her to fit OUR pre-conceptions of what Doris might be, we simply put our foot down to someone who began interfering with our lives. Lying to us, and eventually stealing from us. These are things that are NOT tolerated by ANYone.

I recently broke off a freindship with someone who had the nerve to swear at me on my facebook page. At 1 in the morning she calls me up demanding to know why I took her off my facebook page. Then she starts swearing at me on the phone. This is a friend? Not in my book. So I said “goodby” – end of friendship. I don’t allow ANYbody to abuse me, not phyisically, verbally or otherwise. You disrespect ol’ Ruth – be prepared to be thrown out of her life. Boom. End of story.

Joan couldn’t accept that one by one, not only her birth siblings, but her birth father, and other members of both her adopted and birth family turned their backs on her – not because she was adopted, or is a militant adoptee – IT IS JOAN’S OWN BEHAVIOR – HER WORDS AND DEEDS THAT GOT HER KICKED OUT OF THE FAMILY.

Now she gets on the internet and wants people to feel sorry for HER. Because we birth sisters are telling the truth of what happened. We’re being admonished by her in her guise of Chimp to “understand” HER feelings of being adopted. NO way!

I did that back in the 70’s. I bent over backwards for her – all the way thru the 80’s and finally had enough when she stole from me. And from January 1991 to the present, I’ve been punished for simply saying I WON’T BE ABUSED BY JOAN WHEELER ANY MORE.

Joan Wheeler tried to destroy my life. She railroaded me in court. She tried to break me and John up. She tried to get me fired from my job. She wrote letters to the mayor and other elected officials in an attempt to ruin my reputation. She writes that book and trashes me left and right in that book. And worse of all – the worst of it – and she was there – during the years I was trying to get pregnant. And she even borrowed my books on pregnancy and child-raising, and was there when I miscarried in 1985, yet in the book states: “at one point she (me) claimed to want to have children.” then mocks my infertility by saying, “just as well she didn’t get pregnant.”

What does THAT have to do with Joan’s adoption, her reunion, or her adoption reform work? NOTHING -ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It was a pure attack on me – a vicious, below-the-belt comment, written especially to slam me and hurt me, BECAUSE JOAN KNEW HOW MUCH I WANTED A CHILD.

No, I don’t feel sorry for Joan – I hate her. But no, my life does not revolve around her or my hate of her- or this blog. I have a life and a busy one at that. – I actually have not had much time to do a lot of blogging – it has been sporadic lately. Since the last week of January of this year, I’ve had some health issues. And because of being injured on my job last summer, we had fallen behind in some bills, so our finances were strained. So despite my health issues, I did what people with morals and values do – instead of stealing money from someone, sick as I was, I picked up extra shifts at work.

In the meantime, my husband John has been getting his documentation together. He never had his original birth certificate, and despite being a know-it-all about birth certificates and expert in those matters – Joan never helped John obtain his original birth certificate. Well, I did. And by god, I’m not even an adoption expert or birth certificate expert! We just went to Lackawanna and got it. And everything is A-OK.

When John turned 65 a few years ago, he was supposed to be automatically placed on Medicare Part B. We never heard from Social Security. And he is covered under my family plan thru my job, so we never paid any attention. Well of a sudden, our health insurance was denying his doctor bills. So – we had to get all that straightened out. Several weeks ago John went to social security and while there for one thing, made the decision to retire. He was going to retire in 2013, but why wait?

So while we were waiting for all that paperwork, the first week of June, my computer – a netbook, crashed. Gert in the meantime, bought a new computer and shipped me her old laptop, a bit outdated, but still works just fine. AND I went and ordered a new netbook. So now, I got two computers and have been busy transfering files from my external hard drive to Gert’s old laptop and personalizing it. I still haven’t even gotten my new netbook up and running. I turned it on the first day I got it – it works. I installed a game, played it – it works, and it’s been in my office ever since. I’ve been working on the larger laptop in the living room, which will be transfrered to the kitchen by next week for John to work on.

Sooo – John’s social security check came – for two months worth (May and June) and we’ve been busy catching up with our finances. Just yesterday, Thursday, I was downtown paying my county taxes and water bill. It feels good to have zero balance on all our property taxes. And we had to go to our health insurance and show them that now that he has Medicare part B – they need to straighten that out. They said that they will go back and take care of any claims that had been denied. whew!

NOW – today, is John’s last day at work. I have to work this weekend, and of course there’s the holiday coming up next week, which I have to work (hospitals never close ya know). Next weekend, we are going to Red Lobster to celebrate his retirement. Then next month, we have three things to celebrate – both our birthdays, and our tenth wedding anniversary. We have long wanted to check out a restaurant near downtown Buffalo – Chef’s – the official restaurant of the Buffalo Sabres. I’m not kidding – it is! Apparently the players go there for dinner a lot. It’s an Italian restaurant, and must be good – the parking lot is always packed!

I’m also busy with my other passion – Star Trek, and I am head of a local Star Trek group. And a newsletter is due. So I simply MUST get one of my computers hooked up to my printer and get to work. And we are having our July meeting downtown at the waterfront in a couple of weeks. AND I’m still busy with my archiving work. Scanning into my computer pictures, and papers, articles of topics that I’m interested in. I’m interested in many topics, Ancient Egypt, Ancient Meso-America, other historical eras, I love art – Art Deco and Art Neuveau (I can never spell that right).metaphysics, crystals and herbs, AND I’m digitizing my music collection. I have on my external hard drive almost 850 albums of music.With more to go. I love all forms of music – from head banging metal to Mozart.

So with all this stuff going on – I don’t always have to time to blog. And Joan also put me down in her book for me liking horror movies. And just recently slammed me because I have multiple blogs! So f’ing what? I am a multi-faceted person with passion for the things I like. If you ask me, Joan is simply jealous that my life is so rich! And that I get the hell out there and do things I love. And yeah, I do have multiple blogs – one is the main blog about refuting that book, one was set up just to have simple statements from us three sisters that we will not accept abuse from Joan Wheeler. Another blog is set up to share family stories. Another blog is my horror site Midnight and Mythos. John is itching to learn the computer and the internet and contribute to our blog. His screen name is The Cadaverman. That gives you a bit of hint of what you can expect he will write about. 

And two months ago, I set up another blog for my Star Trek group The USS Ari, and to share my vast Star Trek scrapbook. There is a website already –  My Star Trek Scrapbook  by my friend Fred. He has been doing this for a few years now. Last summer, he put up a magazine article from 1979, but was missing the last page. Well, I had that article in my collection, and put that page on my blog to share with him. He suggested I start my own webpage and post the pictures and articles that I have, and this way, he and I can share with each other, and the world, our Star Trek passion. My Ari site is not ready to be up and running – but it will be soon. And Joan, in her guise of Chimp, can put me down, and ridicule me all she wants, because what she is doing by ridiculing me for my passions, and my choice of a tv show or genre of movies, – she is showing the world that despite her being 56 years of physical age, her mental age is that of a 10 year old. Acting like a schoolyard bully – she is the same as those bullying brats on the school bus two weeks ago, that bullied bus aide Karen Klein. By the way, if you click on the link and go see Fred’s site – he also has multiple blogs and likes horror too. So whaddya gonna do now Joan/Chimp? slam Fred for liking Star Trek and horror and having multiple blogs? bitch – your bitchiness is showing. ha ha. That didn’t help your cause any. All you accomplished was to show the world just what an abuser to your sister Ruth you are. You failed to show that YOU do not harass or engage in abusive behavior to Ruth – because — you just did.

So yeah, I got a busy life. And when I have a few minutes to write, I will. But most times, I have very little tiime for losers like Joan and her imaginary playmate Chimp. Another thing people (read Joan/Chimp) fail to understand – that going through her book and blogging about it – it is therapuetic for us. Because we have never ever been able to get a word in edgewise with Joan. When you talk to her in person – she starts arguing, her voice raises, next thing you know she’s shouting at you – screaming – and her voice is so piercing it hurts your ears. And you can’t get your point across because SHE’S now controlling you – by screaming at you, not allowing your opinion to be heard. If you write to her – it’s harassment, if you’re on the phone with her – the second you disagree with her – she hangs up on you. WE HAVE BEEN BULLIED INTO SILENCE FOR MORE THAN 30 YEARS. And the blogs are now a way for us to get a chance to have our say. There is that well-known statement – “there’s two sides to every story.” And Joan as Chimp, has a lot of nerve to say that because WE are writing our blogs, WE are not listening to Joan’s side. ???? WTF??? JOAN’S BOOK WAS HER SIDE. OUR BLOGS ARE ANSWERING HER BOOK AND PUTTING OUT THE OTHER SIDE – THE TRUTHFUL SIDE.

Above, I said that Joan “believes” things happened this way or that way, but I’m not so sure that’s true. Because if it was, Joan wouldn’t have a problem with our blogs. No, the real thing going on is this: JOAN DESPERATELY WANTS US TO SHUT UP BECAUSE SHE DOENS’T WANT THE TRUTH TO COME OUT – THE TRUTH OF HER OWN DIRTY DEEDS. But sick and perverted as she is, she keeps talking to us, knowing we won’t shut up. It’s like the child who is misbehaving – acting out to get attention – ANY kind of attention, even getting knocked down again. And by gods, I will keep knocking her down. Until she publicly admits that she set out on a campaign of hate against me. And publicly admits she stole from me and lied about me. And publicly apologizes to me.

Get a life Joan/Chimp – my life is not yours. You tried to destroy my life in the past with all your stupid harassment – but it never worked. Now you get the tables turned on you. It’s called “reaping the seeds that you have sown.” I loved you once. as a sister. But you destroyed that love with your abuse. Now I hate you. Deal with it.

Proof positive that Joan Wheeler is a hypocritical ridiculing bully. April 28, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Joan Wheeler is such a hypocrite.

On March 14, 2012, Joan Wheeler posted the following quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer: “A mind at peace centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe.” She then has a quote from a self-made guru from several years ago talking about Taoism and self-actualization and self improvement.

I think she put that stuff on her website as a hint to Gert and me that perhaps we should not write any more on our blogs. Meaning, she’s hoping we will stop exposing her lies.

I know one thing for certain, she didn’t put that stuff on her blog to reflect HER peaceful mind that is centered and not focused on not harming others.

Because she knows damn well I don’t like being called Ruthie. and what does she do on that thread over at Adoptive Families Circle? She goes out of her way to call me Ruthie – as a dig. Then she dreams up an imaginary playmate called Pilgrim and Champ, and names him Brian. And as Pilgrim/Champ/Brian, further calls me Ruthie several times, then puts me down for liking Star Trek. And in her book, she ridicules me for liking horror movies.

And in her book, she also puts down people living in trailer parks, calling them trailer trash. She forgot that our own brother Butch and his wife lived in a trailer park when they first moved to Arizona in 1976. Was my late brother TRASH Joan?

She sure likes to lay on the name-calling and ridiculing of people on where they live and what they like. In her book, she put down the people living on the East Side of Buffalo (inner city) and ridiculed my involvement in community block clubs – she said the conditions in my area were “deterioting.” Uh DUH! – That’s the reason I became involved in the block club – TO IMPROVE THE CONDITIONS OF MY COMMUNITY.

So getting back to the ridiculing of me for what I like and dislike. Only a schoolyard bully does that people. But haven’t Gert and I been telling you all along on our blogs that this is what Joan is? –  A BULLY! AND A NASTY ONE AT THAT.

“Oh RuthIE – you like horror movies and Star Trek, oh RuthIE get on a starship and fly away – you are dismissed.”

oh my god – do you people see what a BITCH she is?

So – there is more proof that Joan and Pilgrim/Champ/Brian are one and the same. She ridicules me in my choice of what of I wish to called. She ridicules me as RuthIE on her post signed Half Orphan, and ridicules me as RuthIE in the posts attributed to Pilgrim/Champ/Brian. She ridicules me in her book for liking a certain genre of movies. She ridicules me for liking a certain TV show in the posts attributed to Pilgrim/Champ/Brian.

And this all from April 23, 2012 – a mere five and a half weeks after she posted that little ditty from Dr. Dyer. – You know – the one that’s plastered on her website dated March 14, 2012 – the one that I quoted at the beginning of this post – you know – the one that says “a mind at peace and not focused on harming others…”?

Yeah – that’s the one. I guess she didn’t learn Dr. Dyer’s lesson very well.

On our blogs, Gert and I refute the lies that Joan has told about us in her book, in person, and on various places on the internet. We have outlined her harassments to us. We have never stooped to ridiculing her for her likes and dislikes. For example, I know she likes Irish folksinging. I have never put her down for that. I know that she likes Peter Paul and Mary. I have never put her down for that.

I have concentrated on her words and deeds when they are/were detrimental to me or my family. I have never attacked her for her likes and dislikes. But as we see, in the following screenshots – how Joan Wheeler, the 56 year old schoolyard bully attacks me and puts me down for my choice in what I don’t like to be called.

I’ve been called names all my life. I am not defined by that crap. I am not losing any sleep because Joan puts me down for my name and my liking Star Trek.

By the way, Joan, our mother’s middle name was RUTH. As is my first name. RUTH. with no y or ie at the end. That is what her name was, and that is what is on my birth certificate. That is what my mother wished me to be called. For you to ridicule that name – you are ridiculing my mother’s choice in what she wanted me to be called.

Put your head down in shame. Bully.

Joan’s website showing her post of March 14, 2012

here is the proof that she called me Ruthie

and here is her signature at the bottom of the post, dated April 23, 2012

Joan Wheeler – hypocritical bully. shame on you.

The latest “wisdom” from Joan Wheeler, um, well, actually, she’s trying to show that she has some widsom April 14, 2012

Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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I rarely go over to Joan Wheeler’s website – because it’s all the same bullshit over and over. anti-adoption, and how Joan has suffered because of her adoption. Ho-Hum.

SEE END OF POST FOR UPDATED INFO

But this morning, I went over there and found this little ditty that she put up:
A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe. – Wayne Dyer

I like Dr. Dyer. I have several audio cassettes and cd’s of his  motivational lectures. But I think Joan is just trying as usual to pump herself up for her blog-readers. Well, actually, what is going on, is Joan is trying to “stick it” to us again. She has found out the past 2 and a half years that she can’t shut us up. Since we’ve had this blog, and were successful in getting her filthy book pulled from publication, Joan has tried to shut us up several ways.

She went to the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum and incited them to come over to this blog and try to shut us “fuckheads” down. (Her words: “If enough of us complain to wordpress, we can shut those fuckheads down.” And a whole bunch of them came over and left obscene messages here. That was in February 2010. She tried it again in May 2010. A few of them came over. She tried again several months later. Nobody came. She got her then-boyfriend to do it. He left a couple of nasty messages here. She got Susan Thompson Underdahl to try some shit with us. Failed. Just as in the past, she tried to get Rene Hoksbergen (in 1993) to help her extort money from Kathy. And this was just 3 years after she stole hundreds of dollars from me.

She put up a “cyber-bullying” blog to show that we birth sisters of hers are cyber-bullying” her because we dare to take lies from her book and tell the truth. This so-called cyber-bullying” page is in itself an act of cyber-bullying by Joan of us, because it is full of our personal information. And twisted lies.

She keeps saying all over the internet that because we dared to speak up about the truth of our own lives, we are “hurting” her. We are “harassing” her. We are “running her into the ground.” We are making her “go inside herself.” We are making her “have panic and anxiety attacks and be depressed.” – all this, because we find a lie she said about us and we told the truth.

And the worst thing she did was enlist her then-boyfriend to write a hate message in my father’s memorial book in the funeral home, just across the room from my father’s body.

She posted some lying crap about my grandfather on the Huffington Post, and the results were that she got kicked off that website.

On March 5, 2012, she left her first and only comment to this blog, taking a past post of mine, and taking things out of context, tried to show that I was inciting her to commit suicide. I picked about her comment, and even posted an actual photograph of Joan that showed a line in her comment was a lie.

Now we have this quote from Dr. Dyer. Is it to show how progessive she is in her thinking? No, not by a long shot.

Here is the quote again, and pay attention to the bolded words:  A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe.

No, Joan didn’t put that quote up there to help anyone (not even herself), or to show that she’s getting some wisdom – she put that up there to try to “teach” us nasty birth sisters to stop “harming” her.

We’ve been accused of all sorts of harm to Joan. The big one that I was accused of was calling child abuse on her in December 1994 and saying that she and my then-fiance were sexually abusing her children. The caller identified themself as me.

I have posted actual written letter BY JOAN to my fiance and his mother after this child abuse call. In it, she is telling John to leave me, trying to get his mother to turn against me.

In the months before the abuse call was made, Joan was on the phone with my employer calling them almost every day to get me fired over a false accusation that I had hacked into my employer’s computers and tampered with her medical bill. I was investigated and found innocent. Joan says again on her cyber-bullying page that I am a computer hacker. So in 1994, she couldn’t get me fired, so she calls child abuse on herself, and gives my name as the caller, names my fiance as the abuser. This was a blatant attempt to break me and John up. Didn’t work, the fiance is now my husband – 10 years now. – This was also the time frame (1993-1995) that Joan’s own marriage was breaking up.

I’ve been accused of other “harms” to her – read this blog – you’ll find them all documented here.

So now we have Joan, trying to give some “anti-harm” wisdom. Oh really Joan, you’ll have to do better than that. – For one thing, to soothe your guilty conscience, you need to read that page at the top and on the right side menu – “What is demanded of Joan Wheeler.” and I have copied and pasted that entire list of demands at the end of this post.

No, reader, Joan Wheeler is not Miss Goody-Two-Shoes. In reality, she is Ms. Bull-Shit-Boots.

“Anti-harm” wisdom? oh puh-leaze Joan. Like you didn’t mean to harm me when you called my employer repeatedly to get me fired? Like you didn’t me to harm us when you called us “fuckheads” on the adoptee forum? Like you didn’t mean to harm us when you told all those filthy lies in your book? Like you didn’t mean to harm us in that filty rant of yours on your blog in December 2009 when you threatened to expose “all the dirty little secrets” you think we sisters have? That’s called emotional blackmail Joan – and it is HARM. And readers, I have challenged Joan many times in the past on this blog to come forth and tell everybody just what dirty little secrets she thinks she has over us. I challenged her again last month! We have no “dirty little secrets” to have exposed.

So you see reader, what a sniveling little bull-shitter Joan Wheeler is. And a low-down hypocrite.

“A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe.”

Right Joan – if I were you, I would read those words very carefully, over and over and then read this list of demands again. Only one demand has been met, the pulling of the book off the market, and it wasn’t done voluntarily by Joan. We birth sisters did it. By showing documented proof – actual court documents – that Joan Wheeler HARMED us by slandering us in her book.

What is demanded from Joan Wheeler
The Three Sippel Sisters, having read the book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler, have discovered many many falsehoods, lies, misrepresentations, and false accusations of us, our family members, our family situation, and even some of our friends. Ms. Wheeler has also been on her website and various places on the internet spreading these same lies and accusations.

The purpose of this blog is to refute and debunk Ms. Wheeler’s statements that she puts forth in her book and on the internet. We also will discuss Ms. Wheeler’s behavior in real life, because it is detrimental to us and our family.

The Three Sippel Sisters demand the following:

1. Public apology and retraction from Joan Wheeler for the following:

1.Falsely accusing Gert of repeatedly sexually molesting Ms. Wheeler.
2.Falsely accusing Ruth of having a criminal record and being placed on probation.
3.Falsely accusing Ruth of calling child abuse on Ms. Wheeler in December 1994. In the book, she lists it as happening in 1993, on the internet in May and September 2010, she lists it as 1996. – (only a liar can’t keep dates straight – I have scanned and posted an actual letter sent by Joan dated December 1994 to New York State Child Abuse authorities and in it she states the call was made Dec. 1994. Why are there 3 different years listed by Joan in this letter, in her book, and on the internet?
4.Falsely asserting that there was a 3 month court battle in the spring of 1994 over this child abuse call. (which according to her letter didn’t occur until months later, and on the internet, years later). There was never a 3 month court battle between Joan and Ruth. and again, why does she keep mixing up the date of the call? Perhaps because she keeps lying about it.
5.Falsely accusing Ruth of hacking into computers where Ruth works and tampering with Ms. Wheeler’s medical bill in late 1994.
6.For six months of almost daily phone calls placed to Ruth’s place of employment for the purpose of Ruth losing her job. This was AFTER Ruth’s employer’s investigated Joan’s complaint in the fall of 1994, determined that Ruth was innocent, informed Joan of this, yet Joan continued into the spring of 1995 with calling various departments in the hospital and falsely informing them that Ruth did tamper with her bill.
7.Falsely asserting that Ms. Wheeler has had “multiple orders of protection” against the 3 Sippel Sisters.
8.Falsely asserting that the one and only Order of Protection Ms. Wheeler ever received (against Ruth) was for one year, when in reality it was for 6 months.
9.Falsely asserting that the 3 Sippel Sisters repeatedly interfere with Ms. Wheeler’s life and harass her.
10.For using our picture on the back cover of her book without our permission. The book is used for monetary gain, therefore, Ms. Wheeler is making money from our likeness.
11.For writing letters to Anthony J. Masiello, when he was mayor of the city of Buffalo and other elected officials, giving them personal and private details of Ruth’s life, thereby invading Ruth’s privacy.
12.For stealing Kathy’s money and belongings in 1993.
13.For stealing Ruth’s money in 1990 and the bead trim off the wedding dress of our mother, which was Ruth’s property.
14.An apology and explanation that Ms. Wheeler lied to Professor Rene Hoksbergen, and asked him to interfere with Kathy’s life in 1993, thereby invading Kathy’s privacy.
15.For all lies and misrepresentations that are contained in the book and on her website.

2. Joan WILL comply with the following:

1.The complete pulling of the book Forbidden Family off the market.
2. Full return of Kathy’s money and belongings that was stolen by Ms. Wheeler in 1993.
3.Full return of Ruth’s money that was stolen by Ms. Wheeler in 1990
4.The cessation of posting any more about her sisters ANYwhere on the internet, except when discussing her adoption and she is to limit her discussion of her sisters to say that she has 3 older birth sisters, one who first made the contact with her, and due to personality conflicts, any reunion between Joan and her 3 birth sisters has been terminated.
3. Ms. Wheeler will cease her public statements that:

1.Our father was coerced into relinquishing her for adoption. It has always been his assertion that he was NOT coerced.
2. The 3 Sippel Sisters are “trashing” her on the internet via “multiple” adoption reform sites.
4. We Three Sippel Sisters further demand a public apology from Professor Rene Hoksbergen for his interference with Kathy in 1993, and his recent “professional” review of the book Forbidden Family, wherein, he is guilty of spreading a false allegation of sexual abuse by the person of Gertrude McQueen. Professor Hoksbergen did not check any “facts” that Joan Wheeler alleges, and therefore he is guilty also of damaging the reputation of Mrs. McQueen, and the other two Sippel Sisters.

Unless and until ALL these listed items are complied with by Joan Wheeler, (and Professor Hoksbergen), this blog will remain an active blog with every printed lie, misrepresentation, or misdeed of Joan Wheeler’s, either in the book, or on the internet, or real life, WILL be refuted and the truth WILL be documented.  Further, any future lies, falsehoods, misrepresentations, and further invasion of the privacy of The Three Sippel Sisters, their families and friends, will result in the continuation of this blog.

ALSO: Ruth hereby demands that Joan Wheeler’s ex-husband Colby Allen Bell repay every penny of the money he stole from her in 1990. – $490.00. He withdrew $500.00 from the joint checking account that Ruth had with them to purchase real estate (with her permission) to purchase a case of fireworks. Colby was supposed to replace that money when the fireworks were sold. He did not. He repaid Ruth only $10.00.

Further, in 1991, 3 ATM withdrawals were made totalling $400.00 from Joan and Colby’s checking account, causing their rent check to bounce. Joan and Colby accused Ruth of doing it. The following year, Colby was caught on a student video, admitting that it was HE who withdrew the money to support his  habit of frequenting strip joints.

Ruth demands a formal and public apology from Colby from his theft of her money and a formal and public apology  from both Joan and Colby concerning the accusation that she illegally made ATM withdrawals, which could have resulted with a criminal investigation of her by the bank and law enforcement. This could have damaged her reputation irreparably.

Again, until ALL demands here listed are FULLY met, this blog will remain active and the public shall know just what kind of persons Joan Wheeler and her ex-husband are.

2. gertmcqueenApril 14, 2012

Gert here…

very interesting!! So Joan put this little ditty up yesterday? after I posted on my blog

Do we see Joan Wheeler’s childhood anywhere in here? And is it possible for her to ‘heal’ herself?
which contains the article—
7 Steps to Lasting Change: Finding Freedom from Addiction by Deepak Chopra, M.D., F.A.C.P.

In the article he focuses on Childhood Roots of Addiction…

and my point is that Joan Wheeler has had a childhood of many abuses and she has NOT addressed them and that is WHY she is so hateful and angry.

Joan…your karma is catching up to you…you can’t get away from it.

3. RuthApril 14, 2012 [Edit]

right Gert – we have long suspected that Joan suffered abuse from someone when she was a child. She speaks very little of her childhood in her book. Indeed, she hardly ever spoke of her childhood to me while we were close – once upon a time.

In her book, while relating several incidents, Joan goes out of her way to describe hand and arm movements from those who she is talking about. stuff like: Hands up, arm sweeping, arms outstreched, hands open, a swipe of his right arm, palm facing down,a swipe of his open hand in the air, palm side down, upper arms close to his side, elbows bent, clenched fists at waist.swept his arm in the air, palm up to the night sky, ..ran away from me, her arms up in the air, …vigorously waved his finger in the air, hands behind his back,
There are many other such instances. of hand and arm movements.
And people are always snapping and snarling.growling – I have never read a book before in my life that has so much attention on hands hands hands – Joan – this is something you need to tell your therapist – and that ditz therapist Nicole Urdang, who gave a “good” review of this crap book on Amazon – it’s another clue she missed. – readers – I wrote a letter to Urdang in 2010 telling her she was a poor therapist because she missed the clues – this was not a good book at all – it is not helpful in any sort of adoption reform – it’s a manifesto of hate against anyone who ever disagreed with Joan, and a desciption of an alcoholic woman descending into madness.

So Joan is now “against” harming people. right, sure, if she so believes Dr. Dyer’s words, she would put her money where her mouth is – and take down that cyber-bullying blog – because it is nothing but harm to us. Take your own advice Joan and stop harming me and my sisters with your lies.

Joan – if you truly advocate Dr. Dyer’s words – you would make amends for all the harm you have done to people thruout your life. Not just to us birth sisters – but to everyone you have insulted thru the years and in your book. Yes, by insulting Polish people, Catholics, and people who live in trailer parks, you have sent harm to them. – Readers, in her book, Joan refers to people in trailer parks as “trailer trash.” She puts down people who live on the East Side of Buffalo (traditionally teh rough tough inner city.) – So the inner city is rough, has gangs, is economically depressed. Does that mean EVERYone who lives is trash? The mayor of our city lives on the east side. My district councilman lives on the east side. My mother’s family grew up on the east side. My husband’s family lives on the east side (and all my brother in law’s kids went to college). – And I live on the east side. I organized a block club on my street. Attended seminars and meetings with city officials to better the life of not just my neighoberhood, but the whole city. What does Joan do with that little bit of info? – She slams me for it in her book. What asshole slams another person for doing their civic duty by trying to improve the quality of life in their community? – Joan! Because all she knows what to do is insult people and put them down – thereby HARMING them.

Joan, why don’t you just SHUT THE HELL UP?!!!

4. gertmcqueen Gert again…

And before Joan starts again with the lie that we were abused and that HER ADOPTION caused us severe mental illnesses…I will state here NOW…

I was NOT abused as a child. I have never been been treated for any kind of addiction…I quit smoking 12 years ago…I have never been treated of any kind of mental illness or depression…Besides life’s usual ups and downs I’ve NEVER stayed in bed for days! I have held private and government jobs for over 40 years.

And perhaps most importantly….I have taken care of my physical, emotional and spiritual live with an on-going holistic life-style.

Joan’s insistence that we and others are damaged is just another form of ‘projection’ of her own ills onto everyone else.

Joan is a very sick person who harms everyone who stands in her sick way. And…time is ticking away…she isn’t getting any younger and before long she will be on her death bed wishing someone cared about her and gives a shit about her…the harm that she has done to everyone in the birth family is starting to turn itself on to her…

Joan’s face is being rubbed into her own shit, because, she doesn’t know enough to not shit where she lives….

5. Ruth

Oh another thing – I mentioned Joan slams the Catholic religion. She also slammed Pagans.
Way way back in an unprovoked incident of cyber-bullying of her birth sisters in September 2008 on her now-defunct blogspot blog.
At that time, I was the only one on the internet. Gert, having been working on computers and early internet in the mid 1990′s, publishing books, was burnt out and stepped away from the internet. Kathy, had never touched a computer, let alone expereinced the internet.
I had found her blog and saw a rant she did about (ho-hum) her crappy adoption. She was slamming her adoptive family. Then she slammed her birth family. She put out a “warning” to the Three Sippel Sisters to stay out of her life – which we were! Then she went on to slam the Christians for not preventing her adoption – then she said something about Christain and Pagan values.- This was a direct slam against Gert and mine religion. And she knew Gert was a pagan. She talks about in her book. I’m not sure if she knew I was a pagan at the time.
I am what is known as Neo-Pagan, Wiccan. And the most important charge we have is this: HARM NONE.

As I said, the attack on our pagan religion was done in September 2008 BEFORE her book was published. BEFORE this blog was in existence, BEFORE I tried to defend our family from Joan’s lies and misrepresentations of our family in an online news article in October/November 2009.

So Joan the HYPOCRITE has a lot of dam nerve putting up a blog accusing me and my sister of cyberbullying, when it was JOAN herself who began the cyberbullying A FULL YEAR BEFORE THIS BLOG WAS IN EXISTENCE!

AND on that blog of 2008, she committed the HATE CRIME of slamming other people’s religion!

NOW she comes on the internet and quotes a motivational speaker’s words against HARMING people?

Joan, SHUT THE HELL UP!

6. Ruth

To this day, Joan goes on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum and other anti-adoption sites and swears at and aobut anybody who is pro-adoption. She cyber-bullys ANY one is for adoption. She swears at them, calls them names.

Joan, my dear, by swearing at people on the internet, for their lifestyles, their beliefs, their choice of family life is HARMING people.

Joan – you are nothing but a hypocrite and a bullshit LIAR.

UPDATE OCTOBER 2017;  I, Gert, am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism’ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/ this blog is titled Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/
this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.

Also see this Facebook page

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoptionStruggleforIdentity1/

In addition…see the ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.

Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum
https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Adoptee-Duped-Adoption/forum/Fx16ZHWP5PQHHCK/-/1/ref=cm_cd_fp_rvt?_encoding=UTF8&asin=B00X520CGW

Joan Mary Wheeler forum
https://www.amazon.com/gp/forum/cd/forum.html/ref=cm_cd_rvt?ie=UTF8&cdForum=Fx3T0YAD0KXNPP5

review of first book and 4 comments
https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Joan-M-Wheeler/dp/1412061547

end

 

Victims of abuse have a responsibilty to not abuse others in turn. Something that Joan Wheeler really needs to learn. March 19, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Uncategorized.
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My facebook friend David Gerrold, of whom I consider to be a mentor, wrote this short essay on March 17, 2012. I found it to be very interesting.

“I was in a seminar series and one of the people in the course shared about being molested as a child. She was still very angry about it, justifiably so. A lot of other people were equally outraged on her behalf.

The seminar leader listened quietly, acknowledge the hurt, the outrage, the anger, then said, “Imagine how screwed up someone has to be to do that to a child.”

He paused, then he added, “Imagine what you have to do to a person to get them that screwed up.”

I have remembered that moment vividly for over three decades — because whenever I get angry at someone for behavior so ugly it makes me start fantasizing about revenge, remembering that one question always stops me.

Imagine what you have to do to a person to get them that screwed up.

It doesn’t mitigate the ugliness. It doesn’t erase the horrific act. But it does mean that I can get past my anger. Just because someone else has fallen into a gutter, I am not obligated to jump down there and roll around with him.”

Ruth here, recently on Gert’s blog, in the post “Teaching Moments Lost on Joan Wheeler,” this subject came up. An adoptee from Australia, eagoodlife left a few comments. I had brought up the subject of Whitney Houston, on how she failed to learn to get abuse and addiction out of her life. Gert made an additional comment, closing with this sentance: “That is the PURPOSE of this blog and the use of the article about Whitney….to LEARN SOMETHING…that a person CAN get abuse and addiction OUT OF THEIR LIVES.”

To which ea goodlike responded: They can and then need to be super careful about not abusing others and being mindful of the rights of others to make their own choices.”

And this what we have been saying over and over and over: that we can recognize that Joan Wheeler was definitely psychologically and emotionally abused as a child, and perhaps physcially and sexually as well. This was done BEFORE the reunion took place. BEFORE the birth family ever came into the picture. To therefore, continually lay the blame of Joan’s miserable life at the feet of her birth family, her birth sisters in particular, is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! To blame innocent people for a miserable life, and then go one step further by not respecting her birth family (and others) and to actively engage in anti-social behaviors (such as harassing letters, stalking, calling someone’s employer with false accusations, interfering with a minor child’s upbringing and parental authority) – Joan turned full circle from an abused person, to an abusing person. She abused Gert when she interfered with Gert’s parental rights. She abused Ruth time and time again. She abused Kathy as well. To even take the abuse a further step – she self-publishes a book that is full of heinous lies – lies engineered to damage the reputations of her birth sisters. That is what the name of this blog means: Refuting the Lies told in Joan’s book. Joan then takes a further step and actually threatens us on her website. She continues her smear campaign against us to this very day!

 I understand what David mean when he says, “Imagine what you have to do to a person to get them that screwed up.” But that doesn’t mean I HAVE to imagine what happened to Joan to get her that screwed up. And I will not condone or accept her abusing me in turn. I have said this many times on this blog and I will continue to say it: I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT HAPPENED TO JOAN THAT “DAMAGED” HER – BECAUSE WHEN SHE BEGAN A 30 YEAR HATE CAMPAIGN AGAINST ME I LOST ANY FEELINGS OF SYMPATHY OR UNDERSTANDING OF HER “PROBLEMS.” HER PROBLEMS ARE NOT MINE.

Quote by David Gerrold used with his permission.

Diligence, Ridicule, Self-Actualization – Joan Wheeler tries to understand Taoism. March 17, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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I generally have a good sense of humor. Sometimes it is a bit irreverant, and most times I don’t take myself too seriously. One thing I don’t laugh too much about is how people address me. In my childhood days, people would call me Ruthie. At the age of 14, I had a moment of self-actualization and I decided I didn’t want to be called that and ever since, have been diligently telling people to call me Ruth.

When my younger brother Steve turned 12, I asked him, “how do you want to be called? Stefan, Stevie or Steve?” He thought about 10 seconds, and said “Steve.” I thought of the little baby who I changed his diapers, who I sat with overnight at Children’s Hospital when he was 5, sick with pnuemonia, the little kid who I always called Stevie, and acknowledged that he was growing up. From that moment on, I called him Steve. I recognized the 12 year old young man in a moment of self-actualization, and respected him.

In my workplace, I am continually telling new people I meet “Don’t put the y at the end of my name.” I have had only one person call me Baby Ruth and get away with it. – He was the husband of one of the nurses I work with.  John is  a sweet heart. A little immature, but is just such a sweetheart.  Last year, a cousin of mine, who I used to babysit, joined facebook and called me Ruthy. I hadn’t seen Nancy since 2003 at her Aunt Gail’s funeral, and before that hadn’t seen her much at all the past 20 years, seeing as she moved away from Buffalo. I told her via facebook, “don’t call me Ruthy.” A week later, a distant cousin sent me a message on facebook, and called me Ruthy. I told her as well, “don’t call me Ruthy.” She got all bent out of shape, and actually started a fight with me. I won’t be bullied by ANYone, so I booted her off my facebook. And then, to prevent any other people from my childhood that are reconnecting with me, to respect me, I wrote this in my facebook intro: “Mae govannen!(welcome) from LadyMoondancer– My name is RUTH, not RuthY, or RuthIE. This is my personal perference, please respect that. I will be 59 years old on August 9, 2011. I am not a baby. I haven’t gone by my baby name since I was 14 years old.”

Now some relatives, because of their age, and having been calling me Ruthy since the day I was born, I will just let them. Out of respect for them. Their children, of my age-group and younger, need to respect me when I ask them not to call me that.  If they forget and still call me Ruthy (as even my sister Gert still does occasionally), I let it slide, because we are all human. But when somebody gets all bent out of shape and starts a fight with me on what I wish to be called – oh no no.

When we were reunited with Joan in 1974, she hung around too many relatives that were still calling me Ruthy. And she would occasionally call me that. I would tell her not to. And eventually she lost the habit. I sometimes called her Joni. She never  objected. I don’t know when, I think in the 80’s when she became a wife and mother, I sort of dropped the habit and called her Joan.

When I started my blog in November 2009, AFTER Joan’s book was published, and I saw the direct reference to an article Joan wrote in 1990 that had my true name in it, yes, I identified myself as Ruth Sippel Pace, the birth sister of Joan Wheeler. By referencing that article and directing her readers to it, she compromised my name. So calling me Brenda in the book was negated. AND she used HER real name AND only changed my father’s first name. And both she and my father, using their real names and photos, were in two articles of The Buffalo News. So my name was further compromised. AND she used a family portrait on the back cover. That clearly had my father’s face. So who is Joan trying to fool?

So now we come to a couple of rants on her website that Joan wrote on December 10, 2009. One sentance she wrote was “And why did I bother to change names in the book? I was thinking of YOUR privacy, but heh, guess it is time to use real names because Ruthie decided to jump the gun.”

Considering her book came out BEFORE I started my blog, no, I didn’t jump the gun. And see how she ridicules me sarcastically by calling me Ruthie. I never addressed this slur against me, until now. Because Joan has the audacity to put the following on her website on March 14, 2012:

A very long time ago, I subscribed to an online newsletter which is now defunct. I had saved the followiing quotes:
 
“When superior people hear of the Way, they carry it out with diligence. When middling people hear of the Way, it sometimes seems to be there, sometimes not. When lesser people hear of the Way, they ridicule it greatly. If they didn’t laugh at it,  it wouldn’t be the Way.”
— Lao-tze, 6th century bce Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism, from Tao Te Ching
 
“People have ridiculed the concept of the Way (or the idea of striving to thinkarete, self-actualizing, self-improvement, etc) for centuries. Remember Lao-tzu’s wisdom that if lesser people don’t laugh at it, it wouldn’t be the Way”.

Ruth here again – um, not sure if the word “thinkarete” is in the dictionary, – nope, it’s not in my Tenth Edition Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. mmm, let’s see, if the word cigarette, is the French “little cigar”, is thinkarete “little thought?” Addendum, March 19, 2012: It seems that thinkarete is a correct term after all – well sort of – it’s a made up term by a self-styled guru who has a couple of blogs on New Age mental health and health foods/nutrition and such. Well, whatever floats your boat! Anyway – Joan made this correction to her blog, attributing that last sentance to: “from philosopher Brian Johnson, Founder of Zaadz and thinkArete” She still doesn’t tell her blog readers what Zaadz or thinkArete is. that’s just plain sloppy, coming from a person with two college degrees and a self-advertised social worker (although she never worked a day in her life AS a social worker – talk about resume padding!) and it’s sloppy coming from a . . writer! And your welcome Joan, your gratitude to me to help you clarify something on your blog has not gone unnoticed. Just clarify it a little more. Accuracy is always good. Mistakes made should be acknowledged as such. 

Taoism has a lot of good ideals. Joan would be wise to study it further. And then put in to practice what she so blithely slaps around on her website. Because she just put the spotlight on her own diligent hypocrisy and ridiculing and bullying others. So Joan, how do you respect MY self-actualization when you sarcastically call me RuthIE on your website?

Joan, all over your cyberbullying page, your Forbidden Family website, on various forums and other internet sites, and in your book, you have repeatedly and diligently ridiculed me and my sisters by telling falsehoods about us. Joan repeatedly and diligently ridicules any one is pro-adoption. Joan repeatedly and diligently ridicules the Catholic Church. In her book, Joan repeatedly and diligently ridiculed the following groups: infertile women, adoptive parents,  Catholics, Polish people, inner city residents, trailer park residents (yes, she called them trailer trash), and poor people.

Joan, until you remove that cyberbullying page, remove all references to your sisters on your Forbidden Family page, come forward publicly to explain the many harassments you committed against me and the many lies you have told about me, you will always be one of those “lesser people” that Lao-tze is talking about. Because if you really were thinking of The Way, you wouldn’t be doing what you are doing.

Here is a screenshot of her webpage where she diligently ridiculed me and diligently denied my self-actualization:

And notice how she diligently threatens us by saying she will “give you trash talk of all the dirty little secrets all three of you have that are not in my book.” – We have addressed this issue before on my blog – we told her that we will not be held to emotional blackmail. That if she has “dirty little secrets” about us, she should just put them out. Because we don’t have “dirty little secrets.” I challenged her once before (about two years ago) to come out with whatever crap she thinks she can hold over me. She never took me up on my challenge. I have been truthful in this blog – to the point of posting actual court documents that prove Joan’s lies about me. Only “lesser people” resort to threats. I don’t threaten, I do. When that distant relative of mine on facebook got all bent out of shape when I told her not to call me Ruthy, she went off on me and threatened to “defriend” me. I read that, and immediately went in to my facebook settings and kicked her right off my friend’s list. Then I blocked her. Then I deleted the entire ridiculous disrespectful post. I didn’t threaten, I did. Because when I see that MY self-actualization wishes are not being respected, I speak up for myself. Because I have certain human and civil rights. And those rights are not negotiable.

“Threats are illogical, and payment is usually high.” — Sarek of Vulcan

gertmcqueen

Gert here…
ah..diligence and ridicule….
I too am very familiar with the Tao Te Ching as well as the I Ching…which I shall quote in this comment.

I was NOT going to say anything at the obvious ‘hit and run drive-by shooting’ that Joan did..but now that Ruth has I have some thoughts. If Joan was really attempting to show her ‘superior’ self, her self-actualized SELF, she would not have done this stupid little ditty. No…she is still the same immature little brat as always.

Like the brat she is, she throws a temper fit on our blog…making the contact with us that she says she doesn’t want and then when the heat is put back on to her, she crawls back under her rock…but can’t resist yet another little taunt at us! Sneak!! she only stuck her tongue out at us!!

Like Ruth at some point in my life I grew up and left my childhood name of Gertie. Likewise, certain people in the family have continue with that name and I let it slide. I have NEVER called Joan Joni, yet in her writings she slips, from those inner visions of her reality, and has me calling her Joni…that is HOW I know she makes shit up. Joan likes putting words in other people’s mouths. Joan has so many words coming from her own mouth that proves her to be anything but self-actualized.

All good comes when we are innocent…I Ching

what good has come to Joan when her lying libelous book, websites and other venues where she speaks are revealed?

Misunderstanding truth creates opposition…I Ching

Joan has opposition because she does not understand the truth…the truth of her birth family…which we, the birth family, have told and will continue to tell.

Joan do the right thing and remove those hateful libelous blogs.

Ruth

When Joan got married in 1983, she decided not to take her husband’s last name as her last name. She even printed up a one-page statement and distributed that paper to all those who were at the wedding. The statement was about how her name had already been changed, against her wishes, when she was adopted. And she went into the whole political thing about the significance of a bride taking on the groom’s last name, and it was all about the woman giving up her identity. But she did wear a wedding ring! And a ring is a symbol that you are “owned” by another person.

Joan tells us on page 228 of her lying book, that when she decided not to change her name “for both feminists reasons as well as adoption-based reasons,” her adoptive mother “couldn’t understand why a woman wouldn’t change her name when she got married.” Joan says that she received harassing letters from her amom, addressed to Joan Bell, or Mrs. Bell, or Mrs. Bell-Wheeler “and other combinations.” Joan says “My mother’s letters were abusive, nasty, and emotionally distressful.”

Well, well, well, Miss Joan Wheeler, so YOU don’t like it when somebody disrespects YOU – but it’s okay for YOU to disrespect others – especially when they have specifically said “don’t call me by (blank) name.”

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. And so AGAINST the ideals of Taoism, Christianity, and just about every religious and spiritual path on the planet. – what did Gert just call you? A little brat? Yeah, yeah, that fits Joan to a “T.”

Joan Wheeler gives her views on motherhood through adoption – again, she is so full of hate, she cannot understand LOVE. February 4, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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On January 31, 2012, Gert posted this very excellant post over at her blog. I want everyone to read it. AND read my comment – because it shows how Joan treated me, her own blood sister, in her book, in regards to the death of my son Saied. – I was only 6 weeks pregnant when I lost him. A friend at work asked me just a couple of weeks ago how did I know it was a boy – and I answered – a mother knows.

 , ,

motherhood through adoption; find out what Joan Wheeler has to say

by on January 31, 2012
I’m updating this post on Feb 2, 2011, because I have found additional information on this topic. It appears that after a poem, by an adopted mother, was posted on Amazon it was posted on the forum and then those adult adoptees, that are advocating for change, had a good time blasting the woman.
 
First here is the poem as placed on Amazon and then on the public forum of Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change…
 
MARKING HIM
Does my little son miss the smell of his first mother? I wonder as the mew of his mouth opens toward a plastic bottle which is not her breast.Sudden new mother, I bury my nose deep into his skull cap of ringlets, his starry cheesiness.In her good-bye letter to him sealed in his album with a birth certificate which now lists my name as Mother his first mother writes she nursed him briefly after he emerged into the second room of his world.

I think of milk volcanic and insistent, answering the newborn’s gigantic thirst,
a primal agreement between generosity and greed.

Sometimes I press my nose to the glass of that place where a mother and my child belong to each other; I cannot imagine coming between them.

But then I want to lick him all over with a cow’s thick tongue,
to taste him and mark him as mine so if the other mother returns,
she will refuse her handled calf smeared with my smell.
© Margaret Hasse, Milk and Tides, Nodin Press, 2008

 
And now…here are some of the comments from the Adult Adoptees about it.
 
An AMom poem  Today at 09:06:29 AM
Why are AP’s SOO fixated and obsessed with breasts and breast milk?  It’s kinda perverted and disgusting.
This woman needs to be locked up and kept away from society.  REEEETTTTCCHHHHHHH
As tragic as this is, what’s more tragic is that it’s the first honest expression of what’s really going on that I’ve ever seen an a-mom admit to.
They all feel it, this one’s just honest enough to say it out loud.
 
1adopteeReply #24 on: September 15, 2010, 01:26:16 PM »
Jealousy of a woman who became a mother in an unnatural act of taking another woman’s infant as her own. You can’t have him, he’s MINE! Insecure, crazy, possessive nutcase.  :piknose:   :naus:
 
And now back to my original post…before I found the above.
 
On an Amazon.com customer discussion thread, called Motherhood through adoption, I found another outrageous statement by Joan Wheeler. The response was to a poem which isn’t really needed here. The point I want to show is Joan’s total hatred of adoption.
 
Posted on Sep 15, 2010 11:27:34 AM PDT
Joan M. Wheeler says:
Jealousy, insecurity, envy of the infant’s true mother. That is what adoption is: taking another woman’s infant as your own. That act perverts the natural order of life itself. I am an adoptee. This poem is disgusting.
 
Gert’s comments:
So let’s get this right! According to Joan, who was adopted because of the death of her mother and the inability of her father from being able to care for her…adoption is a perverted act against the order of life! According to Joan…someone who adopts is taking another woman’s child…what the hell is she talking about? Joan’s mother died! The woman who adopted Joan didn’t take another woman’s child; the child was placed via legal means. That adopted parent was NOT jealous, insecure of envious of a DEAD woman! That adopted parent wanted nothing more than to have a child, and it was probably that woman’s bad luck to have been stuck with Joan!
 
Of course adoption creates motherhood and fatherhood and a family. How does the act of adoption pervert the natural order of life itself? If anything it helps perserve family.
 
Joan is disgusting!
 
Here is the comment I posted on Gert’s blog post: –

I’m surprised that Joan didn’t stand up to the adoptee who blasted breastfeeding – because Joan herself was obsessed with breastfeeding her own son until he was past FOUR YEARS OLD! And she drank much beer at the time because she was told that beer increases milk production.

Joan, – the Earth Mother? no, because when she was pregnant with her first child, her son, was bitching and moaning that she now had to learn about “vitamins and nutrition.” – she was pissed she was pregnant because it would take time away from her all important life as a wronged adoptee!

ps, Joan, who also suffered from low self-image problems because of her flat chest LOVED breast feeding – because she was engorged and bigger at the time. – I know these things, because yes, we were once close where we shared things. – Joan, you gonna publish crap in your book about MY miscarriage – mocking me – actually saying “at one time she (me) CLAIMED to want children…” – ok, you deserve this dig. MY SON DIED AND YOU PUT IN YOUR BOOK THAT I MERELY CLAIMED I WANTED HIM – payback is a bitch.

personally, I think the poem is beautiful – ok, the cow’s thick tongue – but when you witness even a cat giving birth – and I have – and how the mama cat cleans the baby with her tongue – then you get the idea. It is all natural – it is all in the wonderful world of nature. We humans don’t lick our babies clean. We have developed other means for that. – but at one time we must have.

one time a friend of mine said she wouldn’t breast feed her son because “it wasn’t natural.” roflmao! – it’s the most natural thing in the whole world! This is another person who is afraid of silence – as Gert points out Joan is in another post –

Silence is wonderful. Nature is wonderful. A child is wonderful. For an infertile woman to have the chance to cuddle and love a child is wonderful. She didn’t steal him. She was given a gift. She was robbed of the chance to have her own. Another woman, for whatever reason, gave her child up. The infertile woman/adoptive mother didn’t STEAL another woman’s child – she isn’t jealous because some other woman is pregant.

yes we hear of the horror stories of SOME infertile women who abduct infants from homes and hospitals – even go so far as murdering the new mother or pregnant woman. BUT to paint ALL infertile women as jealous nutballs – no, that is not right.

I know of what I speak – I am an infertile woman. I tried for years to get pregnant. And then I did, and I lost my son. – I have never forgotten him. I have never been jealous of other pregnant women. I rejoiced when the following year Joan had her daughter – oh – did she forget to write in her book that it wasn’t her husband who drove her and their new baby home? Oh – who was it? – oh – it was that nasty birth sister Ruth! who despite having lost her own son the year before, still loved Joan’s kids. And cuddled and kissed them frequently. And buried her aunty nose in their little curls and wished their cousin Saied could grow up with them. Alas – it was not to be.

this is the way wordpress messed up the margins: so just scroll down to continue reading. (sorry for the inconvenience). 

  1. I’m surprised that Joan didn’t stand up to the adoptee who blasted breastfeeding – because Joan herself was obsessed with breastfeeding her own son until he was past FOUR YEARS OLD! And she drank much beer at the time because she was told that beer increases milk production.

    Joan, – the Earth Mother? no, because when she was pregnant with her first child, her son, was bitching and moaning that she now had to learn about “vitamins and nutrition.” – she was pissed she was pregnant because it would take time away from her all important life as a wronged adoptee!

    ps, Joan, who also suffered from low self-image problems because of her flat chest LOVED breast feeding – because she was engorged and bigger at the time. – I know these things, because yes, we were once close where we shared things. – Joan, you gonna publish crap in your book about MY miscarriage – mocking me – actually saying “at one time she (me) CLAIMED to want children…” – ok, you deserve this dig. MY SON DIED AND YOU PUT IN YOUR BOOK THAT I MERELY CLAIMED I WANTED HIM – payback is a bitch.

    personally, I think the poem is beautiful – ok, the cow’s thick tongue – but when you witness even a cat giving birth – and I have – and how the mama cat cleans the baby with her tongue – then you get the idea. It is all natural – it is all in the wonderful world of nature. We humans don’t lick our babies clean. We have developed other means for that. – but at one time we must have.

    one time a friend of mine said she wouldn’t breast feed her son because “it wasn’t natural.” roflmao! – it’s the most natural thing in the whole world! This is another person who is afraid of silence – as Gert points out Joan is in another post –

    Silence is wonderful. Nature is wonderful. A child is wonderful. For an infertile woman to have the chance to cuddle and love a child is wonderful. She didn’t steal him. She was given a gift. She was robbed of the chance to have her own. Another woman, for whatever reason, gave her child up. The infertile woman/adoptive mother didn’t STEAL another woman’s child – she isn’t jealous because some other woman is pregant.

    yes we hear of the horror stories of SOME infertile women who abduct infants from homes and hospitals – even go so far as murdering the new mother or pregnant woman. BUT to paint ALL infertile women as jealous nutballs – no, that is not right.

    I know of what I speak – I am an infertile woman. I tried for years to get pregnant. And then I did, and I lost my son. – I have never forgotten him. I have never been jealous of other pregnant women. I rejoiced when the following year Joan had her daughter – oh – did she forget to write in her book that it wasn’t her husband who drove her and their new baby home? Oh – who was it? – oh – it was that nasty birth sister Ruth! who despite having lost her own son the year before, still loved Joan’s kids. And cuddled and kissed them frequently. And buried her aunty nose in their little curls and wished their cousin Saied could grow up with them. Alas – it was not to be.

Gert here:

thank you very very much, Ruth, for telling us about the inside stories…yes, the birth sister that Joan condemns, certainly knows what went on behind the scenes that Joan does not tell.

Saturday, Feb. 4, 10:30 am –

Gert and I had a phone conversation yesterday afternoon – and I told her of a conversation on facebook several months ago. A woman I used to babysit is now a mom of 2. She just had her second child a couple of months ago. Her oldest is going on 2 years old. She posted a curious thing on facebook – how she wants to just take a bite out of Hanna. Her friends (her age group and now moms themselves) agreed. – Disgusting? Absolutely not! – After I told Gert this – I said, and she agreed – don’t we all just love to nuzzle a baby? – I well remember changing Gert’s kid’s diapers and then placing my face on their tummies – and giving them raspberries – and gently tickling them, and then going “rar, rar, rar,” and pretend to bite them – I think it’s the most natural thing in the world! And I did it to my baby brother too! And Joan’s kids. Geez – I do it to this day to my cat! – and he loves it! I bury my face in his fur – and he in turn gives me little nips with his teeth on my chin and the tip of my nose. – Imagine that! An entity that didn’t give birth to another entity – and yet they still have that most natural nuzzling/kissing/lightly tasting thing called LOVE!

No, Pippin, my cat didn’t give birth to me, yet he still “tastes” me. I didn’t give birth to him, yet I still (sort of) taste him. I never had the wonderful gift of giving birth – yet I still have that basic instinct of wanting to nuzzle a baby. – to some degree – now in 1988, my cat Morris was having a litter and I had to be her midwife. Into the palm of my hand came out the cutest little black cat. Samantha was born into my hand. And I held her as Morris cleaned her with her tongue. Samantha and I were very affectionate to each other thru the years and in 2004, when it was her time to leave this world, I held her in my arms and nuzzled her while the vets gave her the shot that put her down. She came into this world into my hand, and that’s how she left this world. With me holding and nuzzling her and telling her I loved her.

Why won’t you adoptees give that loving boon to infertile women and adoptive women? Are you all dried up prunes that you can’t understand LOVE? That the pre-requiste for LOVE is giving birth? I love my husband – I didn’t give birth to him. What the hell is the matter with you adoptees? Just because YOU are incapable of love doesn’t give you the right to deny it to others.

new post by Gert McQueen: Is adoption a theft? According to Joan Wheeler it is! January 17, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates.
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new post by Gert McQueen “Is adoption a theft? According to Joan Wheeler it is!” — with a scathing comment by … ME! – because Joan says her kids have no family – hell it ain’t MY fault! read and find out whose fault it really is!

 

some examples of Joan Wheeler’s bad behavior – why nobody wants to hang out with her December 22, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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In her book, Joan complains about my cousin Gail. Gail died of cancer in 2003 at the age of 49. She had been battling it for a few years. And while she was battling cancer, she was being harassed by the bully Joan Wheeler.

Now my sister Gert had moved from Buffalo in 1982 and did not know a lot of what was happening in Buffalo. In an email yesterday, I mentioned something about Gail and Gert emailed me back and said she didn’t know all about the Gail thing. So I elaborated. Then I thought – I was going to get into this on the blog in the future, but since I typed it all out now, I may as well just go ahead and blog it now. So here is what I wrote to Gert this morning, via email. I have only changed a couple of names. Read on and see what a “nice” person Joan Wheeler is.

The Gail thing started in 1993 when Joan’s daughter got sick with the hypothroidism -and Joan wanted information if anyone else in the family had similar medical problems. no problems there, just a mother wanting to give info to the doctors. Since she had burnt her bridges with Gert and Ruth, and was in the process of burning them with Kathy, she turned to the extended family. Nobody paid attention to her and just said they didn’t know anything. Dad was his usual helpful self – meaning – no help at all. Gail got a few phone calls from Joan and ignored her. Then Joan sent a packet of medical information about her daughter to Gail. Gail saw the return address and marked “Return to Sender.” Joan then called her at 10pm, when Gail and Kevin were in bed and left a screaming message on the machine – “don’t you know this is IMPORTANT MEDICAL INFORMATION THAT COULD SAVE YOUR SON?” Kevin wanted to pick up the phone and bitch Joan out but Gail said to just ignore her.

 Sometime in 1997 or 1998, Joan had a busted windshield and went to get it fixed. By chance – the repairman was R.M.III. (h they were both thrilled that they were cousins. And Joan went to his house for dinner. When Gail found out – she told him to stay away from her because of the shit she had done to me. R. gave Joan the cold shoulder and hung up on her once. She called his job and tried to make trouble for him (sound familiar?) In the meantime, I got a letter from Joan accusing Gail, R, me and Francine of plotting against her. Fran came by for lunch and I read her the letter and Fran said, “but – but – I never met your cousin R.”

 Joan started writing letters to Gail, which she kept refusing. Gail made a complaint to the Town of Eden police. They sent Joan a letter telling her NOT to contact Gail. She sent Gail another letter. (by this time it was 1999). Gail was about to return to sender and drop it in the mailbox when she noticed something funny about the return address. It had the wrong zipcode on it – and Joan’s street address wasn’t quite right. The zipcode was actually GAIL’S ZIPCODE! and Joan’s street name was not spelled right. This would make the post office not be able to find Joan’s house and bring it RIGHT BACK TO GAIL. Gail said “enough.” and took it right to the police. They called Joan up and asked did you not get our letter telling you not to contact Mrs. B.?” She said yes. They asked her, “and did you just send her this letter?” She said yes. The police said ok, and hung up. he opened the letter and started reading it and was laughing, and Gail said what was it? And he started reading it – it was the same bullshit about Gail refusing to learn medical information to save her son, and plotting with Ruth to “get” her. While this was going on – the phone at the police station rang and it was Joan wanting to know if they, the Town of Eden police had called her. They said yes – and you will be hearing from the courts as well. It was the TOWN OF EDEN POLICE, NOT GAIL, who instituted the harassment charges on Joan – coincidentally the exact same month that I hauled her into court over the shit letter telling me John got the next-door neighbor pregnant. And because she used her friend Bo’s address (Carol in the book), without her permission – Bo. took her to court as well. So in one month, Joan had to answer harassment charges in Tonawanda, Buffalo, and Eden.

 From 1997 to 1999, Gail got several phone calls and several letters from Joan – and she refused to read them, and DID NOT CALL ME – to keep me out of it. It wasn’t until AFTER she got her one-year order of protection against Joan (the same as me and Bo.) – did she call me and tell me what she did. She wanted to prove to the family that it was not RUTH, but Joan who was doing the shit. And she called Dad to tell him that too.

 And it really pisses me off that Joan had the fucking nerve to show up at Gail’s wake. I was talking to R. III, when Joan and her boyfriend D.s (the one she met online) walked in. R. and I both gave her a dirty look and we both needed to go outside and get a smoke. While we were out there – we noticed everybody else was out there – either standing near us and smoking, or off to the side having fresh air. – My husband John went back inside to take a look – and came out – and said the whole place had emptied out! Even Dad came outside, talking with a couple of the Herr relatives.

 So Joan walks in – and everybody walks out. Even J. left. AND J. asked me when J.’s husband died if Joan would be coming. When I told her no, she said “thank god.” Nobody wants that bitch around.

 (Ruth’s additional comment, on my facebook page, on a link to this post, one of R.’s sisters wrote this:

 D. M. –  Have No Fear I Will Never Run Away From Joan Wheeler, I Will Speak For My Family, She Is Nothing To Us And Never Will Be, She Is A Blight On This EARTH…….NEVER GIVE UP FIGHTING ARE FAMLIYS HONOR,,,

Comments

1. RuthDecember 22, 2011

to clarify – at the end that was J. asking if Joan was going to show up at her husband Jerry’s funeral.

I miss him very much too. He was a wonderful man. And contrary to how Joan portrays the extended family “hating” my father (because of him not wanting experimental cancer treatments for my mother and not saving her life) – this cousin AND her husband, ALWAYS respected my father. And he of them. She always called my Dad, Uncle Leonard (because he was her uncle- and used to babysit us kids) and her husband always called Dad by his first name.

So contrary to how Joan portrays the Herr family as all hating my father – no – they didn’t.

Gert here:
You know…as I’m reading this and I know the characters, it dawns on me that NO ONE CAN MAKE THIS SHIT UP!
No, this is NOT any kind of story to ‘get Joan’! This ACTUALLY happened, by Joan, she has always caused severe trouble within the family, not just to us siblings, as this account of Ruth’s details, but everyone in the family.

do people wonder WHY we siblings have refuted the book Joan wrote, and why we are setting the record straight, and exposes Joan Wheeler for every toxic thing she did to us and our family.

Beware of Joan Wheeler!

3. RuthDecember 22, 2011

you are absolutely correct Gert – I did not make ANYthing up here at all!
And the sisters of R.III, having known what Joan did to their brother and their Aunt Gail, HATE Joan. NOT from any badmouthing that Ruth could have told them – but from THE FACTS OF JOAN’S OWN STUPID BEHAVIOR!

Joan says in her book that I, Ruth, turned Gail against her. No, Joan, YOU turned Gail against you. Do you honestly think that someone, in bed, trying to get to sleep because they have to get up early to go to work, likes getting a message on their answering machine from a screaming lunatic? (oh, that’s right Joan – you never HAD to get up early because you never held down a decent job in your life).

Moving right along – and to clarify another point – there was nothing wrong with Gail’s son. He was in perfect health. Still is. So what was that shit all about? “important medical information that could save your son’s life!” What a f’ing moron! Ok, so Joan’s daughter had some medical issues that may or may not be shared with biological relatives. You just don’t go around SCREAMING such things on somebody’s answering machine! By the time Gail got around to telling me this, several years had passed and Gail and I had were laughing our asses off about it.

Yes, Joan really knows how to impress people. Too bad it’s NOT the impression that she wants people to know about her – there is NO picture that I could paint about Joan that would tell another person how she is – it would not compare to the reality of her behavior! Me telling Gail what a nutball Joan is simply is not the same as Gail having heard first hand Joan’s screaming mouth – yelling stupid ridiculous garbage! And Joan even chronicles in her book how she screamed at people! and physically and mentally abused her own adopted mother and her own son!

Same thing about this blog. I am telling the truth here – and if some morons out there want to continue to associate with Joan – well, I can’t stop them. They will have to find out first hand what a nut she is. Her latest boyfriend broke up with her – after only a few months. Her whole book chronicles one broken relationship after another broken relationship – not just her ex-husband or boyfriends, but – family members from both her adopted and birth families and friends. Even former foster parents of her birth sisters, step-aunt and uncle of her birth sisters. I can add to the list. A former teen pop star and his wife. Two former landlords, a lawyer, a former neighhbor (who lived in the apartment next to her), my ex-husband, my friend, my present husband.

Everybody who has dealings with Joan and eventually gets to know her, and/or suffers from her shitty behavior all do the same thing – run the hell away from her!

UPDATE Jan 18, 2014…via Gert

I want to add a post that is related here where Joan attempted to get my daughter to commit a crime so that Joan could pursue a medical malpractice case. Yep Joan is one sleazy character.

http://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/2011/10/20/evidence-of-how-joan-wheeler-sets-people-against-each-other-and-how-she-exploits-and-tries-to-enlist-my-daughter-into-committing-crimes/

 

Harassing letter from Joan Wheeler to Ruth Sippel Pace May 1998 October 12, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Hey guys! You know how Joan Wheeler is always saying how she NEVER harasses her birth sisters, but it’s her birth sisters who are ALWAYS harassing her? She says in her stupid book she’s never bothered me or anybody else. She says all over the internet, and on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Chance that because she’s never bothered us, she can’t understand why we keep bothering her.

Well, yesterday, Gert and I wrote a couple of blog posts over at Gert’s blog. My post (which is actually a companion piece to Gert’s – is called “Harassing letter from Joan Wheeler to Ruth Sippel Pace in May 1998. You really need to see it – so you can see the REAL Joan Wheeler.

Adoptees: you’re always clamoring for the TRUTH – well, here ya go! Do you dare to put your money where your mouths are? Are you TRULY advocating for CHANGE?  Ya wanna see how one of your own is playing you guys for fools? Will you accept my challenge? Or simply pull the blankets over your heads in denial? – I don’t know about you guys – but if someone is playing me for a fool – I’d wanna know – so I could put a stop to it – because I won’t be played for a fool. But I guess you guys ENJOY being someone’s fool.

Harassing letter from Joan Wheeler to Ruth Sippel Pace in May 1998

UPDATE SEPT 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor!

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoption1

https://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/2016/05/12/joan-mary-wheeler-has-legally-changed-her-name-to-doris-michol-sippel/

Why is Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family dead? Because she killed it herself! June 20, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Introduction by Ruth Pace

 In this new post by Gert McQueen, we see the elaborate scam that Joan Wheeler tried to pull. A scam she presented to her friends and supporters in the adoption reform arena, publishers, fellow adoptees,  and even her own blood kin. Here we go:

Joan Wheeler has so MUCH to answer for and not just to the family but to many many other people. All I can hope for is that people WAKE UP AND SPEAK UP to Joan for the damage she has done. She has left a long long trail of destruction and untruths that it DOES take time for some to come to surface, but, in this age of Internet archives…EVERYTHING comes to the surface!

 In Joan Wheeler’s, now pulled (dead), book she ‘acknowledges’ many people, among them was a Robert Rich from Australia. He is a ‘psychologist, non-adoptee and a content editor’. I wrote him in Dec 2010 about his involvement with the book, how we, the family, see the book and therefore his work on it. I never received a reply from him…no matter I informed him about Joan using his ‘service’.

 After the book was pulled I wrote another letter to him…in part it reads:

Robert Rich; The purpose of this note is to inform you that the book, Forbidden Family, has been pulled by the publisher. It has been proven that the author did indeed lie, slandered and grossly misrepresent many people and situations. My recommendation to you would be to inform Joan Wheeler of your displeasure at being placed in a book that has been found to be slanderous and libelous. Furthermore, I suggest that you seek damages from the author for putting you in this awkward position. (Ruth’s note,  the page that Mr. Rich had out on the internet promoting Joan’s book, was visible a couple of months ago, today, I checked, the page is GONE! – wonder why?)

 Furthermore, there are many people she has named, that ‘support’ her and web sites she has given where she has gone out on and slandered the family, that I may not be able to make any contact with, but, that is NOT going to stop me for showing the world just what kind of double-crosser she is…so hang on to your hats because WE are not done, not by a long shot. Over time I shall be contacting as many people and web sites, named in the book of lies, as I possibly can…to spread the word that Joan Wheeler is a liar, a slanderer and her book is no longer available.

 Some time ago I came across the following… found it to be very very interesting…such a con-artist that Joan is…attempting to tell others how to write a book!!! See my comments at the end…

 The All-White World of Children’s Publishing « sarahpark.com

Aug 14, 2009 My name is Joan M Wheeler, author of : Forbidden Family: A Half-Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism,
readingspark.wordpress.com/…/the-all-white-world-of-childrens-publishing/

 This is what Joan posted to a question about where to publish…

October 6, 2009 at 3:29 pm

halforphan56  

Hi!
A good place to try is Trafford Publishings at:
http://www.trafford.com/
Yes, it is a pay-your-own package and pay for extras, but he advantage is that this publisher is willing to publish well-written controversy. They won’t publish the usual problem-causers such aas porn or hate books, but they are interested in a book that can hold an audiance.
They are working with me as I complete the final stages of my book’s 3rd proof. This has been a very exciting 5 years! I contacted song publishers and purchased copyrights, and for each problem area I brought to Trafford’s attention, they were accepting. Controversy, no problem! Memoir, expose, history, aslong as you are truthful and aren’t out to hurt anyone, Trafford willmore than likely accept your contract. Yes, you have to pay for the publsihing contract and it is expensive, but mainstream publishers are not as willing to publish activist material.
If you do write to Trafford, please tell them that I sent you over! My name is Joan M Wheeler, author of : Forbidden Family: A Half-Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism, due to be published in the next two months!
Good Luck! Let’s get out there and send them some decent manuscripts that tell adoption stories as you would like our stories to be told! Peace, Joan Wheeler***

Now…I, Gert, did post this comment on the site, if it gets on it gets on…at least it is here on THIS blog: 

regarding Joan Wheeler, and her screen names of halforphan56 and 1adoptee and the book Forbidden Family:

 It needs to be pointed out that the book Forbidden Family, written by Joan Wheeler, published by Trafford Publications has been pulled from their selling markets. The book is unavailable and no further copies of it in it’s present form will be printed. The book was pulled by the publisher after several months of investigating the documented proof sent to them by the birth family.

The pulling of the book proves that what the birth sisters have been saying, that the book is full of lies and hate, is correct. For further details see:  ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/

 ***

 Now, my comments about Joan’s posting …Joan NEVER paid for those extras…she paid for a ‘print ready’ package and no one in that publishing house ever saw the ENTIRE manuscript before they printed it. She is basically bullshitting as she speaks. She got various people to ‘content edit’ certain subject materials such as with Robert Rich named above. She told the editing staff, of Trafford, that she had the manuscript edited and she DID NOT pay for that service and therefore they NEVER saw the complete manuscript when they printed it.

 She continues here saying, ‘They won’t publish the usual problem-causers such as porn or hate books’.

 What does Joan think was IN HER BOOK? talk about porn and a hate book! I gave, as part of my evidence to Trafford, a total of about 8 pages that contained porn language…that in itself was CAUSE for the termination of the contract that Joan signed! And as far as hate goes…if the editing staff of Trafford EVER SAW the pages, before the formatting stages, they would have seen all the hate speech within the narrative of Joan’s ‘story’. But, they never saw the content…all Trafford did was to format the manuscript, make the pages and print the book. (Ruth’s note: I also submitted several pages of proof of Joan’s LIES [engineered to slander and libel me]. It was these proofs that Gert and I sent to Trafford in December 2010 that caused them to have their lawyers look over the book, and they determined that the porn, hate, and LIES violated the Terms of Conditions contract that Joan herself signed. Yes, she signed a contract that stated the book did NOT contain porn, hate language or lies. And it was proven that porn, hate language and lies WERE in the book. Therefore, Trafford pulled the book. She can whine all she wants now, and puff up and say she’s getting a lawyer – but any lawyer is going to tell her – “you blew it kid.” – oh and Gert and I will be putting out on this blog those several pages of proof – because we are honest. We give our blog readers full disclosure of what we write and to whom. We deal in truth. – Not only do we deal in the truth – we deal in the truth to EVERYBODY! – Unlike Joan, who tells one person one thing, another person another thing, and another person a third story. Joan thought she was being slick – she told Trafford one story, Mr. Rich another story, Prof. Rene Hoksbergen another story, she showed one version of her manuscript to our father, while submitting another version to Trafford for publication. The version of her manuscript that she showed Rene Hoksbergen was NOT the same version that was printed. Mr. Rich edited only a section of her manuscript, but she told Trafford that the entire manuscript was edited. – How do I know this? Because I recognized a non-existent event in her book. She relates in the book a tale of a three-month court battle between her and me in the year 1994 over a false child report that didnt’ take place until December 1994.  In the book, she relates how the court broke for lunch, and she and her two children were at a water fountain. I supposedly approached her children and said “do you see what your mother is doing to your poor Auntie?”

The “three months” court battle took place in 1995 when I took HER to court for harassment. There were three court dates – one, where Joan was summoned into court to answer my charges, and the judge scheduled the actual hearing date, the second time, it was adjourned to a third hearing date, where the judge dismissed everything. On the second date, the judge had made a general announcement to the room that no children were to be present. On the third date, Joan did bring her children – but they were outside with a babysitter, although it was a school day. In a letter I sent her, where I was telling her to leave me alone, I asked why did she bring her children – to parade them in front of the court – to show them how Ruth was dragging their mother to court? But we see in the book how she says the three court dates (three DAYS of court) gets exagerrated to THREE MONTHS OF COURT BATTLES! And she tells her children one thing, me another thing, and her book readers another thing! I have previously scanned the actual court documents pertaining this case on this blog. Joan is such a CON-ARTIST – you simply cannot trust her!

 Back to Gert and the original thrust of this post — How do I know (about book publishing)…well…I am a published author, I was an editor of a full-scale international magazine for seven years, I did writing, research, formatting, editing and real self-publishing of my own and others work…so I know what I am talking about.

 She (Joan) continues saying ‘complete the final stages of my book’s 3rd proof’…

 Knowing Joan’s propensity’s for exaggeration I would really wonder about 3 times…but again, she did write an additional chapter and added much to a manuscript just months before the book was published! So, if Trafford looked at it 3 times they really didn’t do a good job of it OR Joan didn’t GIVE THEM all that she wrote, until the end. I still maintain that she added MUCH after the basic drafts were looked over and completed, because she is devious and that’s why there is SO MUCH hate and libelous material in the book.

 And she says,  ‘as long as you are truthful and aren’t out to hurt anyone’

 What a laugh…sorry I’m not laughing…she wrote a truthful book and wasn’t out to hurt anyone?!! The entire book was to hurt everyone she believed hurt her. The entire book was to expose and exploit people.

 Let this be a lesson to those of you who believe that you have a RIGHT to tell her story…don’t write and publish ANYTHING that is untrue, because sooner or later, someone is going to get you…and we GOT YA…Joan!

 We have given, on this blog, direct quotes of Trafford’s own guidelines, all of which Joan violated. She signed a contract, she violated the contract and we the birth family gave the evidence to Trafford that they needed to pull the book from their selling markets. This book will not longer be available.

 Now, lets take a look at what Joan Wheeler has on her web site Forbidden Family…which she needs to change the title of because the book is defunked and by keeping the site as is and where it is she is continuing on with her hatred toward the birth family and others. She needs to make the site only for her adoption reform and not to slander the birth family…anyway…

 On the Q and A: Where to Buy my book…posted Mar 16, 2010 in part she says:

(Ruth’s note: misspellings are due to the great and wonderful published author JOAN WHEELER! We only copied and pasted what SHE wrote.)

 As an author, I am completely in the dark about how this book is being sold and purchased by worldwide book sellers. (Ruth’s note, June 20, 2011 – why is she “completely in the dark?” Why didn’t she find out? What an ass! She just told her readers she’s ignorant! I’m not a published author, and I figured it out! A vendor, no matter where they are located, will recieve an order, notify the publisher they need x amount of copies, when they receive such, they will fulfill the order. DUH!)

 I chose Trafford because they were the best Publish-On-Demand publishers available. There are pluses and minueses to any publishing contract.  I like that the book is available through Trafford Publishing worldwide. It will be available for sale online at thier bookstore for as long as I choose to keep it available, and as long as Trafford is a publisher. This means it will never go out of print.

 Currently I am doing, all media exposure and bookings for lectures and book signings, on my own as I can not afford to pay for these services at the pay-per-services fees through Trafford.

 I had to sent a signed book to Idaho and to The Hague, at two very different and expensive shipping costs.

 All this tells me that Joan put all her eggs in one basket thinking she could pull off a great con scam on the families but not telling anyone what she was up to and by not being fully honest with Trafford and guess what …. she lost!

On June 20, 2011 I googled the book at Trafford and it is NO LONGER listed on Google…now what does that tell you? The book is DEAD. 

Ruth’s additional comment:

Joan says: “I had to sent a signed book to Idaho and to The Hague, at two very different and expensive shipping costs.”

On amazon.com, there is a listing for two used books for over $180.00 – could it be those two “autographed” copies? Other “used” copies are going for around $30 – $40. And why are there USED copies out there anyway? Seems to me that some people, having spent $45.00 of their hard earned cash, got the book, read it and saw the garbage in it and sent it back to amazon to get a refund. $45.00 is a lot of money to pay for a crap book.

Joan, face it – if your book was so damn good, there wouldn’t be any USED copies, and your book would have been flying off the presses! You can sit and whine and say that it is because of OUR blog people didn’t buy it. That may be partly true – HOWEVER, how do you account for the many USED copies available?  Apparently people don’t want that garbage in their house. The book that I purchased isn’t even in my house – it’s at a friend’s house. I don’t want that shit in my house! And apparently, other people don’t either!

and what does she mean ” two very different and expensive shipping costs.” – ok, the Hague – is overseas in The Netherlands, but Idaho? How much does it cost to ship a book to Idaho? About 10 bucks? again, we see how Joan EXAGGERATES things. She is just incapable of telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! Anything she says is always colored with her interpretation of it, her exagerration of it, her embellishing of it. This is why in previous blog posts I have said that she has diarrhea of the mouth – she can’t shut up, she can’t stop putting her own spin on things. And then she wonders why nobody likes her, wants anything to do with her, turns their backs on her, shoves her out of their lives. Her own customers don’t even want the book they bought!)

Gert McQueen answers the secret is out – more evidence of misdeeds and lies by Joan Wheeler May 19, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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by Gert McQueen

There are many essays or blog posts that I have written that have not been seen yet on this blog. Seeing that we are discussing and showing our EVIDENCE I feel it is time for the following to be posted. It is part of a larger essays where I discuss many pieces of evidence about Joan’s lying. And we do have the physical documents to go with it. Here we go:

BUT FIRST…UPDATE, August 2016,

as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoption1

keep this all in mind as you READ this EVIDENCE, then ask your self…is Joan really to be believed?

The next pieces of evidence are in connection to the article The secret is out that Joan wrote in 1990 published in England and the aftermath from it. This article caused great concern because in the article Joan uses her sisters’ real names, interestingly enough not mine. In any event, the publication of that article is what caused certain letters to be written, alerting those agencies, listed in the article, that privacy was not afforded to the persons mentioned in the article. These letters were not ‘harassments’ but legitimate letters of concern for the breach of privacy the author committed. It is only Joan who turns these letters into gross obscene letters in her fabrication of telling of them. 

As I have stated in previous posts, I did not write any letters to Joan and it is a falsehood for Joan to write in her book on pg 308 ‘…my sisters wrote harassing letters in the months after our family reunion of 92’. Which sisters? She does not say, so how can anyone be sure whom Joan is referring to?

(Ruths’ note: as usual, Joan lumps all three of her sisters as one entity. Only thing is, we didn’t write harassing letters to her, either individually or collectively.)

On pg 310 she writes ‘…the 40 page letter that my sisters put together…’ and ‘…my sisters included copies of long handwritten letters they wrote to the nine major adoption…’ Wrong! Joan does not name the sisters because there were no sisters, in the plural. Ruth and I never wrote to those nine major adoption agencies listed in the article. Kathy wrote legitimate letters of concern for the breach of privacy; all else is pure nonsense and fabrication by Joan. Furthermore, Kathy wrote an seven-page letter, not 40 pages; Joan loves hyperbole! (see graphics #4a-4g below).

Hyperbole…exaggeration: deliberate and obvious exaggeration used for effect.

Again, we shall revisit this issue, when I return to the book, after I complete this presentation of the evidence of Joan’s own behavior of fabrication, telling lies, doing harassments, and other deeds that are not in her book. For now it is sufficient to state that we three sisters, who are refuting the lies of Joan, possess proof that she is a liar and user of hyperbole solely for the effect of putting us sisters in bad light.

As part of the fallout from the breach of privacy and Joan’s consistent disregard for returning Kathy’s personal property to her, Kathy in England , demanded her property returned to her. There were negotiations; monies sent by Kathy to Joan, for shipping, back and forth letters, but all of Kathy’s efforts were stalled by Joan because Joan had excuse after excuse for not sending them.

Evidence here: In two letters that Joan wrote to Kathy (ca.1992) we learn from Joan, in one, ‘…yes I did receive the money order…put it in a special account for when I have time to pack everything for you…can’t do it right now…don’t have a car…can’t do anything right now…Colby lost his job…trying to cope with unemployment…I am working two part-time jobs…pay is low…with this new upset…going and finding your scrapbooks will just have to wait…. the records are safe…I’ll let you know when I can get the stuff together…before Christmas…’  and in another ‘…have been sad that our relationship ended abruptly and that I have caused you pain…felt the need to reach out to you…need to apologize for overstepping my bounds in your life…I respect your right to privacy and am sorry for my past behaviors…I ask forgiveness…and hope that we can be friends again…since I’m rather busy now, I will try to pack up your things sometime before Christmas…working two part-time jobs and will be going back to college in the fall…’ (see graphics 1 and 2 below).

So we see from Joan’s own words; that she did receive money to send Kathy’s things back to her, that she put the money in a special account, for when she has time, but she can’t do it now, no car, husband lost a job, coping with unemployment, working two jobs, pay is low, new upset, getting your stuff will just have to wait, let you know when I can get the stuff to you later but sad that our relationship ended abruptly and I caused you pain, need to reach out to you, to apologize, respect your right to privacy, sorry for past behaviors, ask forgiveness, can be friends, but I’m rather busy now, will try to pack your stuff before Christmas, working two jobs and going back to college in the fall.

Would you, reader, buy that brunch of boloney? She was given the money to ship the items but found excuses for not doing so and yet she has the money and time to go back to college! How nice! Priorities!

Neither did Kathy, buy it that is, and when Kathy puts the pressure on to get her property back, Joan enlists the ‘big guy’; Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, the very same that wrote the forward of this book of lies and fabrications! It ought to be noted that the last time the good Dr. saw a ‘draft’ of the book was in 2006, three years before publication! Joan has done extensive rewrites since he saw it. I wonder if Dr Hoksbergen would approve of the published work? Perhaps I shall write him! I’ll think about that!

In the meanwhile, I’ll just inform folks with, yes that’s right, evidence here, just what Dr Hoksbergen said to my sister Kathy on Joan’s behalf. (see graphic #3 below). It ought to be remembered that Joan is a very good con artist. Joan can play the part of the misused, misunderstood adoptee, that the birth family seems to go out of their way to make life miserable for her. This letter by Dr Hoksbergen was written to Kathy in April 1993.

In part he says: ‘…you will be amazed that you suddenly get a letter from a complete stranger…(goes into his educational and professional backgrounds)…connected with the phenomenon of adoption …conference in 1987 I met your sister Joan Wheeler…tried to help her with some of her questions and problems…I very well know the complexity of her life situation and emotional stress this often gives to her…sometimes we have to give adoptees some more time and understanding then we do in other occasions…conference in April I had a long discussion with Joan about many important family related questions. It has become clear to me that she is very sad about the problems she seems to have with you. It is a pity that rather uncomplicated questions of yours, has given deep going emotional stress to at least Joan and as far as I understand also to you. Let me be more clear: you have asked her to send back your goods…last year Joan had a lot of material problems…not having a car, losing her jobs etc…Joan does not have the money…(goes into detail about weight and costs)…it is an idea to ask Joan what precisely you definitely want to have back as soon as possible…the rest could be taken back slowly, when you visit your friends and relations in the USA…to my opinion problems like these should not divide people…related…who might need each other…when people live far away from each other…things easily might become complicated…I would ask you to forgive Joan what you think she did wrongly…I’m sure that her intensions are good…but she has problems to carry out the things you asked her…I know she would love it so much to have a good friendship with you…she has tried to see you in Liverpool…but she does not have the money for it…it is a useful idea if you write me back about your suggestions…if you prefer this in stead of writing directly to Joan…I know that she very much want to solve the problems you have with each other…’

Okay! Here’s what I see in this communication; first and foremost intimidation by a professional with the use of a condescending tone to a woman who has already paid to have her personal property return and is being denied justice. Secondly, what I see is, the continuation of the mixture of intimidation as well as a good dose of browbeating, which btw is somewhat common with the professional attitudes of doctors.

‘phenomenon of adoption’  …since when is adoption a phenomenon?

‘complexity of her life situation and emotional stress’ …do only adoptee have complexity and emotional stress, is this some kind of new ‘condition’ that the rest of the population doesn’t have?

‘give adoptees some more time and understanding then we do in other occasions’ …again, what makes the adoptee some kind of special needs person? Does this mean they are in the same category as the physically and mentally ‘challenged’ individuals are in (for those that are not PCs they are commonly called retarded)?

‘she is very sad about the problems she seems to have with you’ …oh so Joan needs a professional to communicate that sentiment?

‘it is a pity’ …no shit!

‘Let me be more clear’ …by all means, what he is saying is that Kathy and by extension the rest of the birth family ‘needs’ to understand the special conditions that the adoptee has and we must alter our views.

(Ruth’s note: the birth family is not considered to be human, with our own human needs, desires, etc. ONLY the adoptee matters. – BULLSHIT – I am just as IMPORTANT as the adoptee, they are NOT the center of the universe, just because in their view, they got shafted. LOTS of people the world over get shafted every day, adopted or not. Life sucks. DEAL WITH IT.)

‘Joan does not have the money’ … she was given the money, what happened to it and even if she wasn’t given the money why is it that she can’t give back someone else’s property?

(Ruth’s note: What happened to this money, that Joan says she put in a “special account?” I know what happened to it – the same thing that happened to MY money that Joan and I had in a joint checking account for the purpose of buying real estate in 1990 – Joan STOLE it – used if for HER living expenses).

‘had a lot of material problems’ …is Joan the only person in the world with problems, does not Kathy have anything in her life that should be considered here?

‘the rest could be taken back slowly, when you visit your friends and relations in the USA’   …an assumption that Kathy will be visiting the USA, was never in the negotiations to begin with, that’s a direct attempt at turning the whole thing back onto Kathy.

‘to my opinion’ …amazing that he didn’t send Kathy a bill for his opinion, what did it cost Joan for getting the doctor to write this letter?

(Ruth’s note: I wonder as well. All evidence points to  Joan and the doctor being waaay beyond professional ties.)

‘‘ask you to forgive Joan what you think she did wrongly’ …excuse me! what right does this guy have to say such a thing?

‘that her intensions are good’ …intensions my ass, any intelligent person knows that following through is what matters!

‘to have a good friendship with you’ …that falls squarely onto Joan’s shoulders and no one else!

‘it is a useful idea if you write me back.’ …no thank you!

‘that she very much want to solve the problems you have with each other’ …we have heard that before!

So there you have it, the evidence of Joan Wheeler’s own behavior of fabrication, telling lies, doing harassments, and other deeds that are not in her book, Forbidden Family.

Ruth’s additional note – examine carefully Dr. Hoksbergen letter to Kathy – Joan told him that it would cost about $500.00 to ship her belongings to her. Really? Kathy enlisted the help of our father to get her belongings back. My father never owned a car, never learned to drive. So what he did, was TAKE A TAXI-CAB to Joan’s house and get Kathy’s belongings and took them to his house, packed them up and shipped them over to Kathy in three different shipments. On July 7, 1993, the first shipment went out, costing my father $52.75. On August  7, 1993, the second shipment went out, costing $45.95. On November 23, 1993, the third and final shipment went out, costing $52.95. The total my father paid was $150.95 – far less than the $500.00 Joan led Dr. Hoskbergen to believe. And this bullshit happened only 3 years after Joan conned me out of several hundred dollars! Joan is a liar, a thief and a con-artist. She belongs in jail! The letters she wrote to Kathy in 1992 (graphics 1 and 2, are the same kind of nonsense she had feeding me in 19990 and 1991 about the money she stole from me. Apologies, crocodile tears, promises of repayment, excuse after excuse why she couldn’t pay me back, blah, blah, blah, until I finally had enough of her lies and bullshit and turned my back on her completely – I lost around $700.00 to her, and that doesn’t even cover the interest I was paying every month – yes, interest – it wasn’t even MY money Joan stole – it was money I borrowed from the bank – Joan put me into debt – I couldn’t afford to fix my car, I was forced to take a bus in the snow and cold, while Joan drove a car, which she fixed with MY (borrowed) money! As I noted above – this money was in a joint checking account to buy real estate – Joan stole it for her own day-to-day living expenses. After I washed my hands of her in 1991, she went to find another mark – she tried to play Kathy for a fool – she got 50 bucks out of Kathy. Now you know why her birth sisters turned their backs on her. Joan also did NOT return all of Kathy’s belongings: missing are valuable Beatles collectibles: Beatles bubble gum sets, copies of The Beatles Fan Club magazine, a signed sketch by original Beatle member Stuart Sutcliffe. By not returning these items (and others) – Joan is guilty of THEFT. Joan has been asked for years to return these items, I personally saw them in the attic of her house on Swinburne St. in the late 1980’s, so she cannot LIE and say she doesn’t have them.

See the graphics 5a and 5b, below – my father’s receipts! Proof positive that Joan is a liar and a con-artist and LIED to her palsie-walsie, Dr. Rene Hoksbergen. And Dr. Hoksbergen, was so stupid as to be conned by Joan, stuck his nose into our family business, and got a complaint made to his employer, Utrecht University about his unprofessionalism. He apparently didn’t learn his leasson, because in 2006, he was conned by Joan again into writing a forward to her lying book. Unless he wasn’t really conned after all – won’t be the first time a man was drawn into a woman’s web. Just look what Arnold Schwarzenegger did! The bigger they are – the harder they fall. Arnold just fell. Joan just fell. Who’s next? I sent Dr. Hoksbergen a private message via facebook for his explanation and a public apology for his contribution to this lying piece of trash book. He hasn’t responded yet. If he doesn’t, I’ll know my assessment of him is correct.

1. April 27, 1992 Joan apologizes to Kathy (breach of privacy, using Kathy’s name in Secret is Out article, offers up excuses

2. mid 1992, Joan admits to receiving Kathy’s money order, offers MORE excuses

3. Rene Hoksbergen’s letter to Kathy, April 19, 1993; says cost to ship her belongings will be $500.00

4a Kathy’s letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 1

4b Kathy’s letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 2

4c Kathy’s letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 3

4d Kathy’s letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 4

4e Kathy’s letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 5

4f Kathy’s letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 6

4g Kathy’s letter to Hoksbergen, May 2, 1993, page 7

5a Shipping receipts, July 17, 1993 – $52.75 and August 7, 1993 – $45.95

5b Shipping receipt November 23, 1993 – $52.25

Nicole Urdang’s amazon.com review of Joan Wheeler’s trash book Forbidden Family, and Ruth Pace’s rebuttal (re-post) May 15, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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In recent posts, we indicated that a Buffalo, NY therapist, Nicole S. Urdang, who wrote a review on Amazon.com for Joan’s book removed her review. We were in error. The review is still there, but hidden. But I found it.

Ms. Urdang writes:
This is an incredible book. Two books actually. One a memoir and one a call to arms for all adoptees.

Joan chronicles her own deeply moving experience and uses that as a springboard to examine wider issues affecting all adoptees and their parents.

An essential addition to your library if you are involved with adoption either personally or professionally.

 I left this comment:

Ruth Pace says:

This book has been pulled from publication due to an incredible amount of slander and libel, and the author’s use of a family photo on the back cover, that she has NO copyrights to. She never bothered to obtain written permission from those whose likeness she is trying to make money off.
The book is of no help to anyone who has any adoption anxiety concerns, except that it is a chronicle of a woman losing her mind. the author details her alcoholism, anti-social behavior, rages, descent into depression. maybe it could help propel someone into therapy, but the author herself, despite admitting to being in therapy for years, has never learned any life lessons, continuing to blame all her woes on everybody else.

 Now, going back to Ms. Urdang’s review – she says that this book is a “call to arms for all adoptees.” Why? Because Joan herself is mentally ill? Because Joan herself cannot accept reality? The reality being that in 1956 when my mother died, things were NOT as they are today – there were no daycare centers – my father had to go to work – he had no siblings – his parents were elderly and could not provide care for an infant – my mother’s siblings all had large families themselves, MY FATHER HAD NO CHOICE – HE WAS NOT COERCED INTO GIVING JOAN TO ADOPTION! Would Joan have wanted to lie in a crib unattended all day while my father was at his job? Or should he have stayed home and earned no money, and therefore we would all ended up in the streets. There was no welfare system as we have today.

 These are the facts of Joan’s early life – it is her REFUSAL to accept them is what is causing her the great pain and frustration of her adoption.

 In her book she twists the facts around – my mother’s sister did indeed know who adopted Joan and where she was living. She did NOT tell us about her. But when we became adults, we did ask her, and she only told us the name: Joan Wheeler. When I was 20 years old, I placed phone calls to Wheelers listed in the phone book. When I got to Edward, a young woman answered, and when I heard her speak, she sounded exactly like my other sister. I was not drunk when I made this call, as Joan writes in her book.

 Two years later, 1974, we called her and were reunited with her. But by 1981, Joan began interfering with our lives, calling child abuse on one sister, stealing bead trim off the wedding dress of another sister, (and the dress was originally my mother’s)  lying, manipulating people to create strife and tension and fighting between family members. By 1990, she stole hundreds of dollars from me, in 1993, she filed false police reports on me, in 1994-95, she called my employer repeatedly to get me fired, she wrote letters to elected officials giving out personal details of my life, in 1999, she sent me a letter telling me my husband got the next-door neighbor pregnant, and much, much more.

 These actions, that caused me and my family much pain and grief did cause us to turn our backs on her. Would you want to associate with someone who files false police reports on you and calls your job to get you fired?

Perhaps Joan does have a beef against the adoption system because she feels that her adoptive parents “lied” to her. THAT IS NOT MY CONCERN! Just because they lied to her, does NOT give her the right to do all those things to us, her biological kin. Obviously the people who adopted and raised her did not instill a proper value system in her. Again,THAT IS NOT MY CONCERN, as long as Joan’s value system does not cause me and mine any harm. The problem is, it has. Big time.

 Because of Joan Wheeler’s actions she was banished from our family. She will not accept this. She will not accept the consequences of her own actions. She cannot get it through her head that because of the many times she has HURT us, we don’t want her around us. It is her refusal to get these things through her head that is causing her pain. And at this point, I don’t give a damn as to whatever “trauma” she has gone through in her life. I am dealing with the trauma that Joan has caused ME.  And to see this lie-filled book, to open this book, to read on these pages, LIES about myself, is HURTFUL.

 A call to arms? Why? So these “damaged” individuals can turn around and do damage to other people? NO WAY!

 So now this lying book has been pulled off the market, good riddance I say.

 And I add this small comment to Ms. Urdang, indeed to EVERYbody who knows Joan Wheeler, whether personally in Buffalo, or on the internet: TELL HER TO STAY AWAY FROM ME AND MY FAMILY AND STOP WRITING LIES ABOUT US.

 Joan got slapped down and slapped down real hard with the pulling of her precious book from publication. And that’s the consequences of her actions. That’s life Joan, DEAL WITH IT. TAKE YOUR PSYCHOSES AWAY FROM US AND LEAVE US ALONE!

Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family has been pulled from publication part 2 – Joan thanks her birth sisters for exposing her lies. May 10, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Statements from The Three Sippel Sisters.
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by Gert McQueen
 
On Joan Wheeler’s web site for Forbidden Family she wrote a Thank You on May 6, 2011. In her usual way of hiding new attacks upon blood family she placed it under a new ‘tab’ on the site…she believes herself to be clever.  

 She wrote this mocking thank you in response to finding out, on May 6, that Trafford Publications, who publishes her book, told her that there were some problems with the book, they were pulling the book, but she did have the ‘option’ of a rewrite. Besides Joan’s general stupidity two other things are very obvious with this ‘thank you’ of Joan’s.

 Number one, Joan really doesn’t have a CLUE as to what she was told about her book…that it was PULLED, that it will NOT be printed AGAIN, until or unless, there is a REWRITE. That means that after all current physical books are gone there will NOT BE ANY MORE PRINTED. Any inquiry to purchase the book, be it bookseller or individual, must go to Trafford to order the book, because they print it, but will find that it is NO LONGER AVAILABLE. How do I know? Because I’ve been talking to Trafford Publications for over 4 months!

 Number two; she has found herself a writing ‘coach’, for these 4 paragraphs are NOT fully Joan Wheeler’s words. How do I know? Because I have read and know Joan’s writing style and her choice of words, as they are written in her book and on various web sites, and they are not used in this smug ‘thank you’.

 As usual I quote Joan’s word, in italic, and then I answer. I may break up her paragraphs for easier commenting and understandings. 

 Joan said: Adoption is a controversial issue. As with any issue, there are more ways than one to view it. I have written a book which puts forth my personal experiences as an adoptee and while I speak from my own point of view, there are issues which other adoptees may have encountered.

 Gert says: The blood family’s objections are not with any issues of adoption. Any of our personal views and opinions on that ‘controversial’ issue has nothing to do with what we have against and with Joan Wheeler or her book. Joan cannot use and abuse relatives for the sake of telling HER story…without impunity…there are consequences; that is the blood family’s objections not adoption itself. We also object to Joan’s insistence on saying that we, the blood family, have suffered or are suffering because she was adopted! What utter garbage! That thought and belief is strictly a fabrication and figment of Joan’s mind due to her and only her upbringing and has no basis on truth or reality in relationship to the blood family! Joan has lived her life with adoption syndromes and has projected all that crap upon others to promote her agenda. She hasn’t a clue as to what kind of a person I am…why…because she hasn’t had any meaningful contact with me for over 30 years and the two contacts she did have she manipulated to suit her own purposes in the book! 

 So, our issues are with the way Joan Wheeler has portrayed us individually and collectively as a family, with gross dishonor, with the pure intent to magnify and sensationalize a tragic death of a mother and those that were left behind. We totally object to Joan’s ‘views’ of our lives and her attempts to capitalize on us for mere financial gains because she doesn’t work, never has worked and needs a source of income. Not on our backs!

 She says that she has told her experiences as an adoptee…no…she has put forth her ‘point of view’. That point of view is not the reality, from those that have suffered from her, over the years, and continuing on with the publication of this book. We the blood family NEVER gave her any permission to use our lives for her personal crusade against adoption. Our refuting blog’s purpose is to set forth the truth from Joan’s lies and gross misrepresentations. There is no one that will gain any insights to help them with their own struggles of adoption by believing what Joan Wheeler has written about HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES, for Joan is a mentally ill person! Buyer and reader beware!

 Joan said: I could not have written this book without the assistance, albeit unintentional, of my natural family. As it happened, I was found by siblings I did not know existed. It is due only to that that this book was made possible. The full-blooded sisters who found me have, through blogs which can only be described as hostile, have contributed enormously to bringing Forbidden Family to the attention of those who are interested in the different aspects of adoption and what happens when siblings are separated by adoption. For their assistance in doing so, I thank them.

 Gert says: Yes, indeed the natural family knew nothing about the fact that Joan was planning, for years, on using our lives for a smut filled book directly from her diseased mind where she ‘exposes them all’ (Joan’s words pg 452 of her book). That is why Joan could NEVER follow up with the many attempts, by various blood relatives, at reconciling with her over the years, for to do so, would mean that Joan’s book and her life story, as she knew it, could not be written or published.

 So what did the blood family get for ‘finding’ her? Nothing but pain and grief! And, she can’t even tell the story, here, truthfully! She says ‘the full-blooded sisters who found me have’…what happened to the full-blooded brother who was also there in the finding of her? Forget the fact that he is now dead but, like our father, had suffered at the hands of Joan and who distanced themselves from her years before their deaths. No, Joan only wants to go after the sisters because we are standing in the way of her fantasies, for every time she mentions the blood family we answer her!

 She also is lying here by saying that we have ‘blogs’, there is only one that is refuting her lies! Again, Joan is a liar for it is Joan herself that has two blogs where she very much attacks the blood family. We are hostile? Well depends on which side of the fence you happen to be on! From our side it is Joan who is hostile as in her second blog against us. Joan’s belief that we ‘have contributed enormously to bringing Forbidden Family to the attention of those who are interested in the different aspects of adoption and what happens when siblings are separated by adoption’ is yet another figment of her misguided understanding of how people are viewing her. If Joan is thinking of her fellow adoptees, well then, she is only one of many sick individuals that feed on each other’s sick lives. They are her fellow victims, they are only interested in browbeating the world into seeing their views and they deserve each other. On the other hand, I have seen for myself how sane thinking people view the angry words of people like Joan who is only kidding herself that she is helping her cause.

 What actually happens to siblings separated by adoption? I don’t really know and don’t give a damm. I know what I suffered, by the hands of a sibling that was placed in adoption and then reunited with us! My life before her was great! I was not suffering from lack of knowing her! The 8 years that she was in life… was total hell! My life after I divorced and banished her from my life was doubly great! I did not suffer from lack of her in my life ever! I am only NOW SUFFERING because she wrote a lying book about my life and family and has the gall to rub salt in old wounds that she caused in the first place. No, adoption separation is not the issue; the issue is Joan’s sick interference in the lives of others! Beware!

 Joan said: If you have read their blogs, you will find their views of my book, and of me, and will read their personal accounts of what it means for them to have found their long-lost baby sister. Yes, you will find their bitterness, jealously, resentment, accusations and allegations which they have made. You can then form an idea of the real, concrete issues surrounding adoption, particularly, my adoption and the detrimental effects that separating siblings has on all involved.

 Gert says: Here again, Joan is fantasying, she really believes she is the great savior for those in adoption trauma, what bullshit. I don’t dwell on what ‘it means to have found their long-lost baby sister’ for I know, first hand. Joan has this warp view that because we ‘lost’ her we are ‘damaged’…far from it! Joan has a theory and she has tried to make us fit into her theory, problem is, we don’t buy her theory and neither does anyone else that is sane and/or wants to keep a crazy person away from them. No thank you Joan…I have been very happy in my life since that day in 1981 when I told you to GET LOST. It is only since you published a book of lies in 2009 that I have even a thought of you and now you have my FULL ATTENTION, the attention that YOU WANTED all your life, but never had. Stop projecting your loses onto your sisters, we don’t give a damm about you. What point of Joan’s life are we jealous of? Got me! No thank you! I have my own life, always had my own life, like my own life and am not jealous of anyone. Again, Joan is showing the world her own lack of character!

 Joan said: Without the assistance of my full-blood sisters and their blogs, it is doubtful that Forbidden Family could have achieved the level of publicity it has. I recognize that, as with any controversial issue, there will be those who will take one side without examining the other and those who are willing to allow others to do their thinking for them. These people are not my audience I am speaking to those who have the insight to examine both sides of an issue, and only then draw whatever conclusions they chose.

 Gert says: There is a great deal of difference between publicity and sales. There is also the level in the kind of publicity one gets. Contrary to what Joan believes the publicity, of this book of lies, that has come from us sisters, is exactly what we have intended…to show the world how crazy Joan Wheeler is and how to counter such a individual if one, such as Joan, is in their lives. So, Miss Joan, once again you have misread what actual reality is! And again, Joan is showing us her faulty logic and double-speak to confuse the reader. READ DEEPLY here! She is clever with words…and she believes every word of her own propaganda.

 Joan said: My intention in writing this book was not to attack or impugn anyone, but merely to relate my personal experiences in the hope that it may be of benefit to others. Any discrepancy in names, or dates, are due to me trying to protect the anonymity of those involved (they themselves have gone public with their identities), but the incidents and circumstances are accurate.

 Gert says: Why does she feel the need to tell us, again, her intentions…of course it was to attack and impugn, the entire book is a raging attack on everyone and everything that favors adoption! Does Joan really believe that the world is full of fools and that they can’t see the details of a mentally ill person in the name of Joan Wheeler as she tells her life story?

 And here are more lies. It was Joan herself that made public our real identities, not once but several times. On Pg 634, footnote #15 of Forbidden Family she references her article The Secret is Out, written and published in 1990 where Joan published our full real names. We objected to that then and as Joan tells it, we harassed her. No! If she was not ‘outing’ the identities of us in the book Forbidden Family then WHY did she put in the reference to an article that identifies us and where anyone could find that information? And then why on the web page for Forbidden Family does she have our names? Why does she have a SECOND web page, with our names were she spreads more vicious lies and hate? Why does she go on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change and tell our names and whine and cry and ask for their help in beating us up?

 And the incidents and circumstances are NOT accurate, as Joan portrays them, that is why there is this refuting blog…to tell the truth.

 Further more Joan went out on the Internet and made public our identities…and here is the proof.

 from a google search:   

Personal Injury Law Questions – I am a disabled social worker on

Dec 19, 2009 Refuting Some of Joan Mary Wheeler’s Statements « Refutting There is another sister by the name of Gert McQueen who lives in Watertown,
www.justanswer.comPersonal Injury LawCached
 
 Customer Question

I am a disabled social worker on SSI; limited income. I just published a book that is memoir and social activism. I am an adoptee reunited with my natural family for 35 years. My three old sisters (ages 57, 61, 62) have been harassing me by various methods for over three decades, and so have adoptive relatives. They attacked me for: writing articles in the paper for adoptees’ civil rights to our sealed birth certificates and now, because I have published my book. I’ve had numerous Orders of Protection, but they keep bothering me. I want them to stay away from me forever. No contact at all. My sisters that I was reunited with have used hate mail, hate phone calls to invade my home and homelife. They’d die down for a few years, and then start up again. They even charged my then-80 year old adoptive mother with sex abuse, and me, because, according to the workers who showed up at the door, “I was having sex with my sister’s boyfriend on the living room couch and my mother forced the kids to watch.” We went through three months of court in 1997 to clear our names. Now, my sisters are publically humiliating me. They shut down my two former blogs because they do not want me to write a book about my life. Yes, I followed a lawyer’s advice on how to write a book. I am an adoption activist. They read my website, twist what I say, and then they post malicious and libelous material on their blogs naming me outright. I went to the police. No help. Freedom of Press. Really? What they are writing is turned away readership from my blog, which means, I have not only lost credibility, but business in not selling my book. How can I get them to cease and desist? Thank You, Joan Wheeler Buffalo, New York USA My website: http://forbiddenfamily.com My book’s sales link: http://www.trafford.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000137652 My sisters’ blogs to attack me: http://chayelet.wordpress.com/ — Kathy Inglis uses the name of Chayelet. This woman lives in Liverpool, England • ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/…/my-journal-of-joan-wheelers-abuse/ – Cached This woman lives in Buffalo, New York, several miles away from me. • Refuting Some of Joan Mary Wheeler’s Statements « Refutting There is another sister by the name of Gert McQueen who lives in Watertown, New York. How can I protect myself from them?

Submitted: 465 days and 17 hours ago.
Category: Personal Injury Law
Value: $15
Status: CLOSED
 
 Optional Information

State/Country relating to question: New York
Already Tried:
Police, no help, they said Freedom of Speech so my sisters can say anything online that they want to, even namimng me outright and maliciously defmaing me. I feel my personal and professional reputation has been ruined. I cannot afford to pay for a lwyer as my income in only$697 per month. But I could sell the book and write more books. Please look at those websites and tell me what I can do. Also, the one inn Liverpool states that I haev tried to deport her. I have no idea what she is talking about. I have not seen her since 1979 when I visited Liverpool, UK. We last spoke on the phone in 1988. The three sisters have written me a letter “throwing” me out of the family in 1992. I do not have contact with tham at all, but they find ways to harass me. Like getting my unlisted phone number from another relative and calling me. Now, it is cyber bullying and stalking and nalicious attacks upon me. Can I get them to pay me restitution for malicious defamtion of character and lying which drives people away frommy website?

 Accepted Answer
 You can stop your sisters and you can sell your books. You can sue them for harassment and intentional infliction of emotional distress. This way you could get monetary damages and an injunction to stop them from bullying you on their blogs. If they are preventing people from buying your book, you may also have a claim tortious interference with contract. You can also sue them for libel and slander, for lying about on their websites. You may also have another claim for tortious interference with contract because they froced you to shut down your websites. However, you will need a lawyer who can take this case to trial. There are personla injury lawyers who charge on a contingency fee basis. This way, they do not get paid unless you win. Call your local bar and ask for names of personal injury lawyers who specialize in these types of claims. Research these names. Go on www.marindale.com. Good luck and remember to press accept so that I may get credit.

Read more: Personal Injury Law Questions – I am a disabled social worker on SSI; limited income. I just – JustAnswer http://www.justanswer.com/personal-injury-law/2whab-disabled-social-worker-ssi-limited-income-just.html#ixzz1GoJRY46R

 And continuing on… what information does Trafford Publishing give to their potential authors…here are a couple of interesting points taken from their site.  (Ruth’s note: the sentances underlined below are the key points that Joan violated in her book and was the basis of the PUBLISHER’S decision to pull the book.- and what we have been saying on this blog since December 2009!)

 What is considered libel?

Libel has a variety of definitions throughout the United States depending on each state’s laws, but in general it is a written false defamation, or the publication of any statement that could cause damage to an individual or organization’s character or reputation.

 How can I protect myself against libel in publishing?
Although truth is in most cases a defense in a libel case, it is often difficult and lengthy (thus expensive) to prove in court. If your published book tells a true story about events that occurred, the first step to protect yourself is by changing the names of people or organizations in the book. However, simply changing a name from “Jim” to “David” is often not enough. If a person or others can recognize themselves from the situation, places or events even if their name is changed, you can still be sued for libel. Changing the location also helps to distance the story so that it is unrecognizable to real people. You can use a pen name to further distance any recognizable trail back to you or, most importantly, the real person, in order to avoid trouble.

For instance, imagine an individual reader knows you, the author in real life. If you make claims about your husband’s doctor, even if you change your husband’s name and the doctor’s name, but you keep your real name, it is pretty clear to someone involved who you are talking about in reality. By using a pen name and changing the name of people in the book, this will help to further remove the specifics and protect you against any libel claims.

Voicing an opinion is not libelous; however, be careful that you are not actually making an accusatory statement. Even if you say “in my opinion” before a statement, that does not automatically make the statement an opinion if you are speculating or asserting something about someone.

Do not make the following statements or claims, as they are clear grounds for a libel case: Falsely accusing someone of a crime, or having been charged, indicted or convicted of a crime; falsely identifying someone as the carrier of an infectious or loathsome disease; falsely charging someone or an organization with a claim that discredits or disqualifies a business, office or trade and lowers their profitability; and falsely accusing someone as being impotent.

Seriously consider if you are self-publishing a book that makes statements or reveals information that could damage someone, and consult a legal advisor if you are concerned.


Gert says: So there you have it, Joan in her self-importance deemed it a good thing for herself to use her real name and not take the advise of her publisher. She did not want to distance herself from those that she was writing about because she gave more than enough information in the pages of her book for ANYONE who knows the family to IDENTIFY the family and individuals and that is WHAT we sisters have been saying to the world…Joan Wheeler is a liar and her book is garbage and full of hate and disease.

 Joan said: It is my sincere hope that my sisters will continue to help publicize Forbidden Family as it is a must read for those interested in a thoughtful, in depth look at the issues surrounding this unnecessary closed adoption, and the possible ramifications on future families in reunion. And I would like to thank those who have read the book. I hope I have given them as much to think about as the satisfaction they have given me!

 Gert says: Rest assured Joan that we will indeed continue to show light on the book of lies that you wrote! If anyone is really willing to part with $45 to get anyone of the remaining copies of it, perhaps they ought to get you to sign it…for you are indeed a first class act…of stupidity! She is so full of herself to believe that her book is a ‘must read’ and that it is a ‘in depth look’ at the issues! Oh yes, she has given much for people to think about. Where are ALL those positive reviews of this great and wonderful book? There are only four that I have seen and I have debunked them all! So Joan, how about getting all those that you claim have benefited from this great and wonderful book to come forth and write something and put their names to it!

 What is your next act going to be Joan? You bombed with this one! A rewrite? Gosh to rewrite this book of over 600 pages, and take out all the stuff of your birth family will probably leave you with perhaps 200 pages! Better get busy and start that rewrite because this first book is DEAD!   

from Ruth – I shall be putting up my views on Gert’s post tomorrow – May 11, 2011, in the meantime, I have been authorized to post this comment from Kathy Inglis:

 I wasn’t going to comment, but, must say Thanks to Gert for enlightening me with regard to what Trafford consider as Libel. And all thanks to both Ruth and Gert for their tenacity in this matter.

 My one and only comment to Ms Wheeler is that she had better pray I never win the Lottery, because it is only lack of sufficient funds on my part that I have not taken legal action against her, apart from the fact that, even if I had funds, I’d use them for something more worthwhile. But you needn’t think you’re off the hook, sweatheart- that you will never be. Have a nice life, Joni Baby. Your FULL BLOOD SISTER KATHY.

 

THE BOOK FORBIDDEN FAMILY BY JOAN M. WHEELER HAS BEEN PULLED FROM PUBLICATION BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN PROVEN TO THE PUBLISHER THAT JOAN LIED IN THE BOOK! May 9, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Statements from The Three Sippel Sisters, Uncategorized.
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Readers of this blog and Joan’s website may be interested to know that:

THE BOOK FORBIDDEN FAMILY HAS BEEN PULLED FROM PUBLICATION BECAUSE OF THE MANY LIES TOLD IN IT.

Joan says on her website today, “thank you for the phenomenal publicity that we have given her.”

Roflmao! Another delusion from a person who needs to have psych medications!

Joan M. Wheeler has egg on her face – she has been EXPOSED as a LIAR and a CON-ARTIST!

The “phenomenal publicity” contained in this blog “Refuting the Book Forbidden Family” has always been to chronicle and PROVE with actual documents that Joan is a LIAR. Only an IMBECILE thanks the people who have brought attention to the fact that they are a LIAR!

There cannot be many actual copies of this book – She had to SELF-PUBLISH it, with the lowest package that the company offered – $800.00 – do the math people – the selling price of the book is $45.00 – it is offered on Amazon.com which gets about 40% of the monies. Trafford gets it’s cut – they have to make a profit – so figuring at least 75% going to Amazon and Trafford – that leaves $200.00  from her initial investment! Divide that up – I get about 4 and a half copies! We can account for 5 copies right off the bat. And having spoken on the phone with a representative from Trafford, we got this statement: “It is hardly a best-seller.” Roflmao! So who is Joan trying to fool? – Don’t be fooled by this con-artist – she’s a liar, she’s been exposed – she is dead in the water.

She may try to come up with a “new and improved” book, but rest assured, The Three Sippel Sisters will be right there to make dam sure she tells the truth.

So here is the email I sent to the publisher Trafford/Author Solutions over the weekend, and their response? THEY PULLED THE BOOK!

Now stop and ask yourself the question WHY? Why would the company pull the book just because I, Ruth, emailed them – BECAUSE THEY SEE THE PROOF THAT YOU DELUDED PEOPLE AND JOAN WON’T ADMIT TO: THAT JOAN M. WHEELER IS A LIAR! – Of course those people who see right through Joan’s lies are not delusional and know just what kind of nonsense, word-twisting, fact-twisting propaganda Joan is capable of. For Joan to try to justify her lies by saying she purposely mixed up dates and events to protect identities is BULLSHIT!

To lie about the length of an order of protection is protecting NO ONE! To stretch the actual time of six-months to one year does nothing to protect ANY one’s identity. To LIE about a non-event (a 3 month court battle and further LIE that “Brenda” accosted her children outside a court room was done to put her birth sister in a bad light and garner sympathy for herself UNDER FALSE PRETENSES). Don’t be fooled by her propaganda! She has said over and over that everything in her book was the TRUTH. Now, by saying she “mixed up dates and events” she is ADMITTING THAT SHE DID NOT PRESENT THE TRUTH. Like a true snake with a forked tongue, she is trying to cover her ass. DON’T BUY IT! Her own daughter says  “my mother is crafty at twisting words.”

I have said MANY times on this blog that Joan continuously mixes up dates and events and presents them in an untruthful manner. I have challenged her MANY times to come clean. I have said again and again that even when confronted by actual documents and her own handwritten letters to explain the discreencies, all she does is say she is telling the truth. For a year and a half this blog has been saying this over and over. For a year and a half she kept saying that – why all of a sudden is she changing her story? Because on Friday, May 6, she was told to do revisions of her book – and by posting her “thank you” on her website on Friday, she is COVERING HER LYING ASS! But after receiving an email from me on Monday morning (May 9,) the decision was made BY THE PUBLISHER that instead of a revision, the book Forbidden Family will be pulled in its entirety.

Her rationale of  lying was “Protecting identitys?” BALONEY! If she wrote ONLY the truth – the identity would still be protected – but what readers don’t know – is that in back in the early 1990’s she published a short article called “The Secret is Out” and used OUR TRUE NAMES! Anybody in the adoption reform field who read that article, then read the book Forbidden Family would already KNOW our names – because Joan had already published our names 20 years ago. So who is Joan kidding when she says that WE identified ourselves on this blog first – now SHE did. She did NOT protect our identities. Joan used her real name in the book. Sh used her real birth name Sippel and put MY family’s photo on the back – and it takes no genius in the City of Buffalo to recognize my father, a well-known employee at Buffalo City Hall, and many people knew about his giving his daughter for adoption – to put 2 and 2 together and identify me and others in the book.

She also puts in her book, my mother’s true name – and since MY name is in her obituary – published in 1956 – MY identity is right there. And smearing somebody’s reputation, whether you use their true name, or not is just simply the same thing – a smear campaign. Joan, you cannot weasel your way out of it – you are a LIAR! Plain and simple as that! LIAR!

Here then is my letter to the publisher:

May 6, 2011 –

Eugene Hopkins

Trafford, Author Solutions

Dear Mr. Hopkins,

I am the younger sister of Gert McQueen, with whom you have been in discussions with for the past few months over the book that your company published, “Forbidden Family” by Joan M. Wheeler.

I know that you had received our complaint about this book back on January 21, 2011. I also emailed you my co-complaint on this book. Included in my email, I attached several scanned official court documents pertaining to court cases between Ms. Wheeler and myself.

It is my understanding that recently you remarked to Gert that you were reluctant to get involved in a “family squabble.” Mr. Hopkins, Ms. Wheeler ceased to be a legal family member to us when she was adopted out of our family in 1957. Although we were reunited in 1974, I cut ties with her in 1990 after she stole hundreds of dollars from me. She further alienated herself to me in 1993 when she filed a false police report against me, over phone calls that I placed to her house, (in response to a letter she sent me). I called her house, and she said to me “hold on,” and hung up on me.  She then reported to the police that I was placing threatening calls to her. I was summoned into court and Ms. Wheeler was granted a six-month order of protection against me.

In her book, that your company published, she records this incident, but claims that I was placed under arrest (I was not.), that she was granted a one-year order of protection against me (it was for six-months), that I was placed on probation (I was not), and that I have a criminal record (I do not). 

I covered this and more in my emailed complaint to you and provided the actual court documents that prove that Ms. Wheeler lied, committing the crime of LIBEL in her book, that your company published.

In another part of her book, Ms. Wheeler describes a three month court battle between me and her in the year of 1994. This is completely false.

Also, on the back cover of the book, which your company published, is a family photograph that is of my parents, my siblings, and myself. Ms. Wheeler herself is NOT in the photograph at all – and the picture was taken BEFORE Ms. Wheeler was not even born, therefore, she wasn’t even a member of the family pictured on the back of her book. I have never given Ms. Wheeler permission, orally, or in writing, permission to use my photograph on her book. Also, since the photograph was taken sometime mid-1955, and Ms. Wheeler was born on January 7, 1956, and then 4 months later adopted out of the family, she does not OWN this photograph. She may “own” a paper copy of this photo, but since she was NOT a legal member of the family depicted in the photo, she does NOT have the legal right to publish it and gain monetary gain from it.

Whether you think of me and Ms. Wheeler as “family members” or not has no bearing on the basis of our complaint – that is being that Ms. Wheeler (and your company) has/have published my picture without my legal consent. In lying about a three month court case between us in 1994, and lying about the length of time the order of protection granted to her in 1993, Ms. Wheeler is presenting falsehoods about the City Court of the City of Buffalo. When Ms. Wheeler presents in her book that I was placed under arrest, she is presenting falsehoods about the Buffalo Police Department.

Further, may I ask you Mr. Hopkins, should a person be subjected to such slander and libel with no recourse, simply because they are related to the perpetrator? The issue of Ms. Wheeler being related to me and Gert is a NON-issue. Ms. Wheeler lied in her book. That is all that should concern you.

Gert tells me that several times in her conversations with you, you have told her that our complaint is in your legal department, and you have yet to hear back from your lawyers.

On your website is the Terms and Conditions for authors to agree to when submitting their work for publication. I cite the following items that Ms. Wheeler is in violation of YOUR own Terms and Conditions.

2. YOUR LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY

2.1. You represent that (i) you are the sole copyright owner of the Work and all of its content.

   Ms. Wheeler is in violation of this because she has MY likeness on the back of her book, WITHOUT my consent.

2.4. You further represent that the Work does not contain illegal, unlawful or objectionable material including, but not limited to, pornography, obscenity or hate speech. You acknowledge that the Work is not plagiarized and does not include

falsely attributed statements of third parties.

.    Ms. Wheeler is in violation of the second sentence, because as I pointed out above, she has lied about actual court proceedings between her and me.

I further cite YOUR Terms and Conditions as presented to authors on your website:

7. TERMINATION OF AGREEMENT

7.1. Suspension of Services. Upon a breach, default, or failure by you to comply with these Terms and Conditions or the failure to cooperate with us in the provision of any Services, we will have the right to suspend any or all performance until you cooperate with these Terms and Conditions and/or cooperate with us in the provision of Services.

Since I have just pointed out that Ms. Wheeler IS in violation of 2.1 and 2.4 of YOUR Terms and Conditions as presented on your website, Mr. Hopkins, you have NO choice, but to pull the book Forbidden Family off the market, your website, and your advertisement of it on Amazon.com. I don’t understand why your lawyers cannot come up with a timely interpretation of your own terms and conditions, the definition of the term libel, and the application of the term libel to Ms. Wheeler’s statements of me in her book that you published.

On page 670 of the Tenth Edition (1994) of the Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary are the following definitions of the term LIBEL:

–          A written or oral defamatory statement or representation that conveys an unjustly unfavorable impression.

–          A statement or representation published without just cause and tending to expose another to public contempt.

–          Defamation of a person by written or representable means

–          The act, tort, or crime of publishing such a libel

I believe that all four definitions cover what Ms. Wheeler has done in her book. By falsely reporting in her book that I have an arrest record, she is conveying a unjustly unfavorable impression.

You have stated to Mrs. McQueen that you do not want to be in the middle of a “family squabble.” This is no “family squabble.” It is accurate accusation of libel and a justifiable demand for the pulling of this book.

I expect to be hearing shortly on your decision to do a right and lawful action: the pulling of this libelous book.

Thank you for your help in this matter.

Very sincerely yours,

Mrs. Ruth Pace

cc: Kevin Weiss; Kevin A. Gray; Gert McQueen

Evidence that Joan Wheeler has violated the Code of Ethics of the National Association of Social Workers March 10, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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by Gert McQueen and Ruth Pace

In my post  What is the REAL reason behind Joan Wheeler’s rant on the Huffington Post? on March 9, 2011, I said the following:

“Joan says she is a social worker. Ethical social workers do NOT tell things about their clients. I am not Joan’s client, but if I were, I’d sue the f’ing bitch for blabbing my confidentialities. And not even going by that, do you people not see her for the scumbag she is, that she hints in her book that she is holding “secrets” blackmail over her birth sisters? What kind of morals does Joan have that she threatens us in her book via emotional blackmail? And what kind of morals do readers of her book have and see nothing intrinsically wrong with a person who does that? “

 Gert then listed the Code of Ethics for Social Workers. Today, in this post, Gert lists the Code again, and outlines Joan’s past behaviors that show clearly how she has VIOLATED the Code of Ethics for Social Workers. Here is Gert’s post for today.

 On page 563 of Joan Wheeler’s book of lies, she quotes the codes 4.04 and 6.04 as her reasonings why social workers are wrong. Key words here are ‘her reasonings’, for Joan ALWAYS knows better than anyone, including an organization that has codes of ethics. Here are those codes (6.04 is the same as (b)

4.04 Dishonesty, Fraud, and Deception
Social workers should not participate in, condone, or be associated with dishonesty, fraud, or deception.

6.01 Social Welfare
(d) Social workers should act to prevent and eliminate domination of, exploitation of, and discrimination against any person, group, or class on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, color, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, age, marital status, political belief, religion, immigration status, or mental or physical disability.

Then she gives her own ‘recommendations’ to the social work profession for change! This is nothing short of an extension of her beating her own drum…nowhere has Joan submitted to the National Association of Social Workers for any changes! She is just mouthing off to the thin air…no one listens nor hears her.

But she believes that this book will be the avenue for major changes…and she ends with saying this: I demand restitution for my life as a person duped by adoption.’

What an asshole!! Since when are adoptees some kind of ‘group of people’ that gets ‘restitution’, like Native Americans. Not only is Joan an asshole she is a crazy one! The people that ought to get any form of restitution are her victims.

Now lets look at Joan Wheeler’s behavior. You readers judge for yourself as to whether or not Joan is in violation of ethics.

1.06 Conflicts of Interest
(b) Social workers should not take unfair advantage of any professional relationship or exploit others to further their personal, religious, political, or business interests.

Gert says: in the book there is evidence of Joan using her ‘profession’ to get a boy friend the ‘needed help’. The whole of the book is nothing but exploitation…of each and every member of both birth and adoptive family members. Joan’s main purpose for publishing the book was to EARN MONEY and get a movie deal! instead of getting a job. Sounds like exploitation to me.

1.12 Derogatory Language
Social workers should not use derogatory language in their written or verbal communications to or about clients. Social workers should use accurate and respectful language in all communications to and about clients.

Gert says: Well we have all seen Joan’s language…in the book, on her web site for the book and my gosh a whole web page dedicated to the use of derogatory language and descriptions of family members. Looks like a violation of this code!

4.02 Discrimination
Social workers should not practice, condone, facilitate, or collaborate with any form of discrimination on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, color, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, age, marital status, political belief, religion, immigration status, or mental or physical disability.

Gert says: discrimination…Joan has provided many many episodes of such violations

4.03 Private Conduct
Social workers should not permit their private conduct to interfere with their ability to fulfill their professional responsibilities.

Gert says: Joan’s private conduct is such that she ought never to utter that she is a social worker. Her conduct, behavior and words show just how disgusting she is.

4.04 Dishonesty, Fraud, and Deception
Social workers should not participate in, condone, or be associated with dishonesty, fraud, or deception.

Gert says: Oh my…do I really have to tell about the dishonesty, fraud and deception that Joan has and is still doing?

4.05 Impairment 
(a) Social workers should not allow their own personal problems, psychosocial distress, legal problems, substance abuse, or mental health difficulties to interfere with their professional judgment and performance or to jeopardize the best interests of people for whom they have a professional responsibility.

Gert says: Do you not see this violation Joan? Get yourself some major help and drop the social work angle…you are no good to anyone because you are a sick person!

(b) Social workers whose personal problems, psychosocial distress, legal problems, substance abuse, or mental health difficulties interfere with their professional judgment and performance should immediately seek consultation and take appropriate remedial action by seeking professional help, making adjustments in workload, terminating practice, or taking any other steps necessary to protect clients and others.

Gert says: It says so right here…get help for yourself! But we all know that you won’t because you know better than anyone else! But you are in violation of this code.

4.06 Misrepresentation
(b) Social workers who speak on behalf of professional social work organizations should accurately represent the official and authorized positions of the organizations.

Gert says: and how does Joan Wheeler’s words and actions benefit the profession and organizations that she speaks for? Do you really want her to represent you?

6.01 Social Welfare
Social workers should promote the general welfare of society, from local to global levels, and the development of people, their communities, and their environments. Social workers should advocate for living conditions conducive to the fulfillment of basic human needs and should promote social, economic, political, and cultural values and institutions that are compatible with the realization of social justice.

Gert says: Joan would have to have a sense of conscience to fulfill this code. Joan is a low-life.

(d) Social workers should act to prevent and eliminate domination of, exploitation of, and discrimination against any person, group, or class on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, color, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, age, marital status, political belief, religion, immigration status, or mental or physical disability.

Gert says: Until Joan gets a life and alters her views she is in violation of these and many many others of the code of ethics. Not only has she been duping everyone she has duped herself. We all ought to be grateful that Joan can’t work due to her mental disabilities for if she did have a client that client would be in some serious trouble. It’s bad enough to be a family member with a unethical person like Joan in the family, exploiting them and lying about them!

What is the REAL reason behind Joan Wheeler’s rant on the Huffington Post? March 9, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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by Gert McQueen and Ruth Pace

This is the particular exchange that threw Joan Wheeler into a huff on the Huffington Post:

 Joan’s post:

Mrs Delacour,

I am not grateful to be adopted. Why would I? My adoptive parents knowingly and willingly prevented me from knowing my own full blood siblings during my childhood and that is child abuse. Yes, my natural father relinquish ­ed me to adoption when I was 4 months old just after the death of my mother. He kept the other 4 children. That alone is hurtful, but my adoptive parents knew my father and open visitation could have been arranged. But my so-called loving adoptive parents kept me all to themselves ­, alone, in their sheltered cocoon of adoption-l ­ove. I should have been told the truth.

Now about the birth certificat ­e issue: I was born the 5th child to married parents. My original birth certificat ­e states that there were 4 other children born to this mother. I was given a name and my long form birth certificat ­e states the date and time of birth in the hospital. My natural father gave this document to my adopting parents when he relinquish­ed me.

Gert’s comment

Child abuse!!??? Get a grip! Not knowing any blood siblings is NOT abuse, dear sister!

And you should not throw stones around so freely particular­ly when you have called two false abuse charges at me in the past, because you knew better! Wrong, you were wrong, then and you are wrong now.

There are reasons why in adoption you don’t get to know the blood family, and it certainly isn’t because anyone is doing any kind of abuse! That is only in your mind!

There were NOT such things as open adoption/v­isitation in your case, dear sister. You are beating a dead horse! It was not hurtful that you were placed in adoption and separate from the other four…the ­re was NO ONE to take care of YOU, dear sister…a ­nd you did NOT have the same fates that we had. And don’t even go there and blame that on adoption!

Why don’t you stop being so hateful to the people who gave you so much!! Who paid for your college education, that you don’t use? Your siblings didn’t have all the benefits that you had in adoption. Being grateful is one of the greatest gifts you could give yourself, but, you would rather stay poor and in hate.

Instead of hating adoption and everyone who adopts, why don’t you try living a life for a change.

Ruth’s comment:

So, a couple of days after this exchange, because we Sippel Sisters DARED to post an opinion on an internet site, Joan goes on a rampage and cuts and pastes stuff from her lying cyberbullying page. In an effort to “silence” us. Joan thinks she owns the internet. Joan can post things, but her birth sisters are NOT allowed to post. Too bad, Joan, you don’t own the internet, you don’t own Huffington Post, you couldn’t control your sisters, and you couldn’t control Huffington Post. Your arrogance got you kicked off!

So when Joan saw she couldn’t control us by preventing us from opening an account on Huffington and accessing our American Constitutional First Amendment Right to Free Speech, Joan decides that even her own cyberbullying crap wasn’t good enough. So she adds an additional slur against us – the bullshit about our grandfather molesting us when we were kids.

I have to hand it to Joan – she really needs to get a job writing for a soap opera. She’s good at the cliff hangers! In her book and on her website, she hints that she has “secrets” that her birth sisters don’t want her to tell. We have gone on this blog about a year ago and asked her what those secrets are. She has never responded, until now. So this is the SECRET! Are there any more secrets Joan? Come on, OUT WITH IT NOW! STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH. I’M CALLING IN YOUR BLUFF! I WANT TO SEE MORE DELUSIONS FROM YOUR SICK BRAIN SO I CAN HAVE ANOTHER GOOD LAUGH! I want to see some more of your “torpedos of  truth.” roflmao! You could give Charlie Sheen a run for his money. — got Tiger Blood? ha ha ha!

O my gosh, do you people see what a scumbag she is? Let’s suppose for one minute that her allegations are true. Joan says she is a “social worker.” Ethical social workers do NOT tell things about their clients. I am not Joan’s client, but if I were, I’d sue the f’ing bitch for blabbing my confidentialities. And not even going by that, do you people not see her for the scumbag she is, that she hints in her book that she is holding “secrets” blackmail over her birth sisters? What kind of morals does Joan have that she threatens us in her book via emotional blackmail? And what kind of morals do readers of her book have and see nothing intrinsically wrong with a person who does that? Do you think people who write the laws of America is going to listen to this whackjob and take her recommendations to change birth certificate access laws?  They are going to see her for what she is – a liar and someone who tries to hold her own birth family blackmail by threatening to tell lies and secrets about them. And then makes sick lying allegations about a very serious thing – child sexual abuse! Every adult survivor of child sexual abuse should slap Joan in the face for what she has lied about, for it makes a mockery of what they endured. NO ONE has the right to lie about something this serious.

 I say again Joan: OUT WITH IT! Because me and my sisters are not going to succumb to emotional blackmail by you. Whatever “hold” you think you have over us, forget about it. You have none. All you have is your lies. And now, for the FOURTH time, Joan, I am challenging you to a lie detector test.  Silence speaks volumes. She won’t answer me on this one because she knows the truth would stick in her throat and choke her.

So now I ask you Joan, WHO told you that I was molested by my grandfather? My grandfather? Let’s see, nope, he died in 1959. My grandmother? Nope, she died in 1965. Me? Nope, because I wouldn’t tell you about something that never happened. Was it my father? Nope, because again, it never happened. And speaking of my father, notice how Joan comes out with this bullshit AFTER my father is dead – because now my father can’t get in her face for her smearing his father’s reputation! Like he turned his back on her in 2009 for her insulting his religion and his mother.

 So getting back to Joan’s statement to Mrs. Delacour “I am not grateful to be adopted.”

 Well, shit, if the allegations against my grandfather were true, wouldn’t Joan BE grateful to have been adopted out and escape the alleged molestation?

No, I believe something else is going on here. And it is something that I have wondered about for years. Joan HATES men. She HATES my father for giving her up for adoption. She HATES her birth siblings that were NOT adopted. She HATES adoption. She HATES the fact she was adopted. She HATES her adoptive parents. She is so full of hate and rage. So full of hate and rage, and  disproportionally so.

WHY?

 Because  it was not the Sippel Sisters were sexually molested as children, I believe IT WAS JOAN WHEELER HERSELF WHO WAS SEXUALLY MOLESTED AS A CHILD, PROBABLY BY A WHEELER RELATIVE! 

Gert McQueen adds this comment:

Joan Wheeler says she is a Social Worker and as such she is bound by their codes of ethics. Well perhaps she ought to be brought up on charges of violation of the codes of ethics of Social Workers. Any takers? I think I might!!!
 
In part Ruth has said:

“Joan says she is a “social worker.” Ethical social workers do NOT tell things about their clients. I am not Joan’s client, but if I were, I’d sue the f’ing bitch for blabbing my confidentialities. And not even going by that, do you people not see her for the scumbag she is, that she hints in her book that she is holding “secrets” blackmail over her birth sisters? What kind of morals does Joan have that she threatens us in her book via emotional blackmail? And what kind of morals do readers of her book have and see nothing intrinsically wrong with a person who does that?”

 It just so happens that I have the ethic codes and what do they say?

The National Association of Social Workers codes of ethics.

1. SOCIAL WORKERS’ ETHICAL RESPONSIBILITIES TO CLIENTS

1.07 Privacy and Confidentiality

(a) Social workers should respect clients’ right to privacy. Social workers should not solicit private information from clients unless it is essential to providing services or conducting social work evaluation or research. Once private information is shared, standards of confidentiality apply.

(b) Social workers may disclose confidential information when appropriate with valid consent from a client or a person legally authorized to consent on behalf of a client.

(c) Social workers should protect the confidentiality of all information obtained in the course of professional service, except for compelling professional reasons. The general expectation that social workers will keep information confidential does not apply when disclosure is necessary to prevent serious, foreseeable, and imminent harm to a client or other identifiable person. In all instances, social workers should disclose the least amount of confidential information necessary to achieve the desired purpose; only information that is directly relevant to the purpose for which the disclosure is made should be revealed.

(d) Social workers should inform clients, to the extent possible, about the disclosure of confidential information and the potential consequences, when feasible before the disclosure is made. This applies whether social workers disclose confidential information on the basis of a legal requirement or client consent.

(h) Social workers should not disclose confidential information to third­party payers unless clients have authorized such disclosure.

(i) Social workers should not discuss confidential information in any setting unless privacy can be ensured. Social workers should not discuss confidential information in public or semipublic areas such as hallways, waiting rooms, elevators, and restaurants.

(q) Social workers should not disclose identifying information when discussing clients with consultants unless the client has consented to disclosure of confidential information or there is a compelling need for such disclosure.

(r) Social workers should protect the confidentiality of deceased clients consistent with the preceding standards.

 Gert says:

Sure looks like violation of the codes of ethics for the National Association of Social Workers to me! I say again, any takers? Anyone willing to press charges against Joan Wheeler for ethics violations? No takers? Well, I guess that’s the next thing I ought to look into!!

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