Resistance to facts is futile.If you can’t accept the facts about my life, then by all means – leave this blog. September 7, 2012Posted by Ruth in Dreams, Inconsistent Angel Things.
Tags: adoption, First Amendment: Free Speech, LIBEL, stupidity
“As I have said more than once, my postings are an invitation to understand, not an invitation to argue” – David Gerrold.
Saturday, September 8, is the 46th anniversary of Star Trek. But this post is not about Star Trek, only in passing.
I had the pleasure of meeting David Gerrold and getting his autograph at one of the first Star Trek conventions in New York, either 1973 or 1974. And I’ve had the privilege the past couple of years to have him as a facebook buddy. David is the inventor of those fuzzy little creatures called Tribbles, and he has written other things too. You can see his stuff at his home page at www.gerrold.com
David is always writing interesting things to get his readers to think about political issues, personal growth, human and civil rights. He passes himself off as a grumpy old man, but I’m not sure that’s the case at all. I think that he, like me and Gert, has a low tolerance for bullshit and stupidity. I’m constantly learning from him.
I’m not a paid professional writer, but I do like to write. I’ve got my blogs, and I do write for the newsletter for my local Star Trek group, the USS Ari. A couple of things that I learned from David about writing: get your science right and do your research. If you don’t have your science right and your facts straight, you may as well chuck your piece in the garbage. David recently posted that 90% of what he does as a writer is RESEARCH.
And this is what we’ve been saying all along – and especially in my post about Joan writing about my childhood neighborhood and indeed, about Buffalo’s East Side. click here. What she saw in the 1970’s was NOT the way it was in the 1950’s! And her silly friend Brian, who trashed my father for relinquishing Joan for adoption in 1956, while he didn’t do the same for his children in 1994 made the same mistake. To compare American society of 1956 to American society of 1994 is a fatal mistake. And the ages of the children were completely different. Brian’s youngest child was 10 years old, while Joan was a newborn.
Brian made the mistake of not doing his research. Were there daycare centers in 1956? No. What was the welfare system back then? Not much help. Did my father have relatives able to help out with the raising of his children? No.
Most of Joan’s supporters also failed to do their research. In 2006, when her buddy Rene Hoksbergen wrote the foreword to her slanderous book, he failed to get all the facts from her. She showed him a manuscript that was NOT the final product. The final product contained a huge lie about me and him. Now, this adoption expert and author has egg on his face. He was told way back in 1993 to keep his nose out of our family business. He didn’t listen.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – if Joan has the freedom of speech to write a lie about me, then I have the freedom of speech to correct that lie and tell the truth about me. That is what this blog is all about. As well as Gert’s blog.
Joan tells her readers of her now dead book and on her website and various internet forums all these horror stories about her birth sisters – but never backs up her stories with any documented proof. This blog has been in existence since late November 2009 and I have provided actual court documents and letters to prove that what I say is the truth.
If people don’t like what I write on my blog about MY OWN CHILDHOOD and post court documents from the City Court of Buffalo they can just leave and don’t come back. Because as David said on facebook today: “As I have said more than once, my postings are an invitation to understand, not an invitation to argue.”
This blog is an invitation to know the truth behind a libelous book, and not an invitation to argue with me.
– gratitude extended to David, who graciously gave me permission to use his quote. I owe him hugs, kisses, and a big box of chocolate!
- 1. gertmcqueen – September 7, 2012
Ruth…you did it again!! excellent observations!
When people refuse to let go of their ‘pet theories’ and ‘get with the program’ they are doomed! I’ve seen this time and time again, over the years..I have had far more formidable opponents than Joan Wheeler and Brian Maloney and they, like Joan and Brian didNOT do their homework and therefore lost.
I suggest that every adoptee out there that feels that Ruth and Gert are causing trouble for poor misunderstood adoptee called Joan Wheeler, they really ought to read each and every post on our blogs; there are years worth. Sure such a venture would require some patience because many posts are hard to get through because of our own frustations of having to deal with an mental nut case who speaks without engaging the brain and many who believe her to be the second coming of the savior and, as in the case of Brian, who must be getting far more out of his association with Joan than what she has to offer…anyone, seems to be totally misinformed about anything!
I am not interested in arguments, been there done that. I am interested in getting Joan Wheeler mouth CLOSED. You don’t like that…tough shit!
Why must Joan Wheeler continue to tell lies about her birth family? September 7, 2012Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reunion, being downright nasty, contradictions, embellishing the truth, false accusations, First Amendment: Free Speech, harassment, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, passing assumptions off as truth, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths, stupidity
In her latest blogpost, “Joan Wheeler continues to believe that adoption is an evil that must be stamped out, even as she lies, some more, about the birth family. Gert says: “So Joan Wheeler will continue on spreading her untruths anywhere she can…but…the birth siblings will also be right there, EXPOSING HER. At some point in time those that are hanging on to her coat tails will ‘let go’ because Joan Wheeler’s reputation is CATCHING UP WITH HER.”
Her latest puppet, who is harassing us at Joan’s request (so she doesn’t get her hands dirty) accused us of “ruining Joan’s reputation.” – not so. We are merely “exposing” her lies.
CNN’s Anderson Cooper’s tagline is “keeping them honest.” Exposing lies of politicians and crooked charities. 60 Minutes has a long history of doing the same thing. What makes Joan so special that HER lies don’t get exposed? Does Joan Wheeler have some sort of special immunity that her lies don’t get exposed? If Joan Wheeler has the freedom of speech to tell a lie in a book and on the internet, then we have the right to expose that lie and replace it with the truth. Especially when that lie is about us and how we lived when we were children. She was born in January 1956, lived with my uncle on Fox St. in Buffalo and NEVER in our apartment on Smith St. She was given to the Wheelers in April 1956. Shortly after that, the Wheelers moved to a nice suburb of Buffalo.
So why is she writing about where WE lived in the 1950’s and 1960’s. Her excuse once was that she wrote about us only when our lives intersected with hers. What happened in OUR lives betweeen 1956 and 1974 (the year we were reunited with her) HAS NEVER INTERSECTED WITH HER LIFE AND SHE HAS NO BUSINESS WRITING ABOUT IT. Doesn’t matter that she used one of her screen names, because she uses Legitimate Bastard, 1Adoptee, Half Orpan56, all the time and leaves clues as to who she is and who we are. Especially when she signs her real name, or “Joan Wheeler, born as Doris Sippel”
We have said before and it should be said again: We have no objection to her fighting her cause about adoption reform. All she has to do is refrain from telling lies about our childhood, and our family. She needs to stop writing lies about the circumstance of her adoption. MY FATHER WAS NOT COERCED INTO GIVING HER FOR ADOPTION! She needs to stop saying that no one came forth to help my father keep her. IT WAS NOT POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO KEEP HER! Again – there were no day-care centers in 1956. Welfare did not exist as it does now. My father had to work. His parents were elderly, could not take care of 5 little kids, one of them being an infant. My mother’s siblings also could not take her in. My father was approached by my aunt, who was childhood friends with the sister of the man who adopted Joan. My father THEN consulted his parish priest. HE WAS NOT COERCED AT MY MOTHER’S WAKE. The final adoption papers were signed in January 1957. My father had ample time to reconsider his decision. He did not. He stuck to his original decision. This is something that Joan Wheeler must accept and live with. So he was greiving when he made his initial decision -the fact remains: HE HAD TEN MORE MONTHS TO RECONSIDER THAT DECISION. AND HE STUCK WITH HIS FIRST DECISION – THAT BEING THAT THE WHEELER’S WOULD BE JOAN’S PARENTS.
ALSO – my father did have a GED for high school. In the early 50’s he went to night school to study drafting, reading blueprints, etc. In 1955 he became employed by the City of Buffalo as Junior Civil Engineer in the Street Paving and Design Department, where he worked until his retirement in 1988. And he made fairly good money.
Joan Wheeler is constantly saying that our family was “poor” and we lived in a run-down neighborhood. Not so. We did live in a back apartment. So? Some houses are constructed up and down. Front and back. Actually, our apartment was the back AND the whole second floor! Our landlord, Mr. Johnson and his wife had the small one bedroom apartment downstairs in the front.
In the 1950’s and 1960’s, the nieghborhood that we lived in, Smith St. near William St. was vibrant. All along William St. was a bustling shopping district. With a large city playground nearby. There were 2 gas stations, a post office, 3 drug stores, several mom + pop delis, a couple of small variety stores, a liquor store, a butcher store, a large supermarket, a Deco restaurant, and we lived about a mile from Central Terminal, the main hub of railroad passenger and freight service. We also lived a couple of miles from the Broadway/Fillmore shopping district that had banks, major shops and stores.
By the 1970’s, yes, the area began to deteriorate. After we were reunited with Joan in 1974, she went to our old neighborhood (we moved in 1965 after my father bought a house). What Joan saw was our old nieghorhood slowly decaying. It’s called “urban blight” and Buffalo is not the only city this happens to. What she saw in the 70’s was NOT what we saw when we lived there. By the 90’s, however, community re-development took charge. Our playground was demolished and a beautiful senior apartment complex arose. Today, there are vast fields where a lot of Buffalo’s oldest housing stock has been demolished. (yes, my childhood home too). These were structures built in the mid-to-late 1800’s. – Joan really should do her homework when she talks about Buffalo’s East Side. The core area where we lived was built for Polish and German immigrants and blacks who migrated from the southern states. In the late 1800’s and early 1900’s, Buffalo was a boom-town. Very different from what it is now.
And as my father’s finances progressed, he put together a down payment and bought a house – the first in his family to own property. The Wheelers had done the same in 1957. Coincidentally, they lived only a few blocks from where we lived! They moved to a hoity-toity suburb of Buffalo (hence Joan’s tendancy to look down on where and how we lived). Well, geez, my uncle, who took Joan in for the first couple of months of her life, lived on Fox St. – another neighborhood that was quite nice in the 50’s and 60’s and sadly, now, is a crummy drug-infested ghetto.
You cannot see a crummy house and think it was crummy from the day it was built – and this is Joan’s mistake. (well one of her mistakes). She also suffers from the prejudicial statements from her adoptive parents who apparently forgot where they came from, because all her life, Joan was told she came from a family that were “too poor to keep her.” Joan was raised as an only child, spoiled rotten. Her mom hand sewed her pretty dresses. She must have used that line as a way to keep Joan grateful to them for adopting her. That was rotten, but that doesn’t give Joan the right to keep on perpetuating that tired old myth – by writing in her book and online that for Christmas 1956 or 1957, her adoptive parents sent over a xmas tree and presents for us!
This is utter bullshit! MY FATHER WORKED FOR THE CITY OF BUFFALO AND MADE GOOD MONEY. In 1956, my father remarried to an Italian lady, who’s mother doted on me. My father’s parents also doted on us. I recently posted on my facebook about how I got started on my love of mythology. My father’s mother gave me, when I was five years old (1957) – a book on Hiawatha. Even though it is a child book, it has some of the original prose of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. – I still have it in my attic. How do I know what year I got it? – cos my grandmother wrote it in the inside cover! It is a quality book – she had to have paid $$$ for it. (see graphics at end of this post). And that’s just only ONE thing. I remember a lot of the toys we had. Even when we lived with our grandparents for a couple of years while my stepmother was ill. – Just as girls today have dolls to learn makeup and hairdos – we had Toni dolls and Breck dolls (sponsored by Breck shampoo and Toni home perms) we had our very own gym set in the back yard on Smith St. not many kids had those. We had the make believe kitchen sets, with running water! (you filled the resevoir in the back). We had the first Easy Bake Oven. My brothers and I had Roy Rogers and Dale Evans cap gun sets. I had a Lucas McCain rifle (tv’s The Rifleman). Davy crockett coonskin hats, Jim Bowie rubber knives. Mickey Mouse Ears and Tinkerbell wands. We had the Visible V8 engine and chemistry sets. Countless paint by number kits and activity books and water color books and sets. I also had a Howdy Doody doll. METAL not plastic dish and tea sets. Stuffed toys. Cars and fire trucks, my stepbrother John had a rubber John Deere tractor! (which he named Basil – go figure!) We had an Elsie the Cow doll.
WE DIDN’T NEED CHARITY FROM THE WHEELERS OR ANYBODY ELSE AND JOAN WHEELER NEEDS TO STOP SAYING THAT BULLSHIT THAT WE RECIEVED IT. In her comments on that site that Gert references in her blog post – Joan also mentions “Catholic Charities.” Yes, our family availed ourselves with their services – AFTER MY STEPMOTHER BECAME ILL! – after Joan was adopted! I don’t know what kind of health insurance my father had back then, but I suspect he had the same problems back then as most families have today. Raising a family of 5 kids is expensive! And in those days, it was NOT the norm for the wife to work. So we were a one-income family, with the added burden of illness. Doctor and other bills to pay. My stepmother was mentally ill and an alcoholic. What Catholic Charities provided for us was social work. NOT monetary contributions. By 1959, when my stepmother was placed in the psych center, we were sent to a foster home and an orphanage. Again, I don’t know the financial obligations of all of that – but I think you have to pay some sort of child support, plus there was the doctor and hospital bills for my stepmother. But even in the foster home, there was still plenty of ample food, clothes and toys. And as I said, in 1965, my father bought a house, taking on a second job as a salesman at Sears. Teenagers in the 60’s were just as expensive then as they are today! But we were NOT poor!
And as far as Joan quoting my father as saying “if I had more education…” blah blah blah – my father was a carpenter. After he bought his house in 1965, he did extensive remodeling. He built a bedroom in the basement! Do you know how much money carpenters make? My father could have taken that route for a career. (and I do not consider it a menial job at all – to create things with your hands is hardly menial. FYI – one of today’s greatest actors – Harrison Ford worked as a carpenter.- if carpentry is good enough for Han Solo and Indiana Jones, then I’m proud of my dad too!) And don’t forget – Jesus was a carpenter too, having learned the craft from his father Joseph.
So why is Joan NOT proud of the man who gave her the greatest gift of all? – HER OWN LIFE? No, all she can do is write put-down after put-down of him – and us.
AND THAT NEEDS TO STOP. And until she does – this blog, and Gert’s blog will be right here, taking Joan’s bullshit and telling the truth of us and our family.
I didn’t feel like going up to the attic and dragging my copy of Hiawatha down and taking pictures of it – I did find it on google. Apparently it was a 1951 edition, adapted by Allen Chaffee and illustrated by Armstrong Sperry. This is no “Little Golden Book.” This is large – larger than your average 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper. This is an old friend of mine, along with my Heidi book, another present from my grandmother – which I also still have.
1. gertmcqueen –
Right on Ruth!!! Our lives and our family’s lives, our friends, our lovers, our husbands, our children, where and how we lived and any minor or major aspect of our lives have been EXPOSED EXPLOITED AND LIED ABOUT by Joan Wheeler. We shall never stop in exposing these lies and righting our honor. People don’t like it, that’s just too bad.
you dam right Gert – if I, Ruth Pace, want to talk about MY childhood – that is my right! anybody got a problem with that? stuff it.
I know what MY life is and was – Joan was NOT there! She knows NOTHING about my life. And I have a dam good memory! I have what is called an eidetic memory – that means I remember things in details. I can remember colors, smells, actual words, the weather, I remember events like my father walking me to Sacred Heart School for a Halloween party – which must have been Halloween 1958. I remember the Christmas party in Sacred Heart’s downstairs gymnasium, around 1958 as well – I actually remember eating a tangerine and walnuts! I remember the Halloween party at the orphanage 1959 – I remember the black and orange crepe paper draping from the cieling, and bobbing for apples. I remember the school year recital at the orpanage where me and my brother Butch tapdanced to the tune of – well I don’t know the title of the song but it went “H-A-Double R -I, G-A-N spells Harrigan.” I remember seeing the 7th Voyage of Sinbad in the auditorium of the orphanage, a first run film, for the kids at the orphan home!
I remember bringing home the living room lamps with my stepmother and stepbrother. She carried the lamps – decorated with antique cars, and me and John each carried a shade. We got them from the S+H green stamp redemption center on the fifth floor of downtown’s Hens + Kelly store.
I KNOW WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN MY CHILDHOOD AND IF I WANT TO BLOG ABOUT – I WILL.
And if Joan and her deluded friends don’t like it – they can go you-know-where!
Joan Wheeler lies again about her birth sisters on the Huffington Post site March 4, 2011 March 5, 2011Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Announcements and updates, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, adoption, adoption reform, being downright nasty, contradictions, embellishing the truth, false accusations, First Amendment: Free Speech, fish stories, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths
by Ruth Pace
On March 4, 2011, Joan Wheeler continued her character assassination and smear campaign against her birth sisters. Why? Because Gert and I dared to post a comment on the Huffington Post forum. Which is our RIGHT as Americans.
Answering an article entitled “Adoptees are Americans,” Joan Wheeler had made references AGAIN to her birth family. She has no right to be posting about ME or MY family. In her comment, Joan said that she was adopted when she was 4 months old. In my answering comment, I said that she was adopted when she was 3 months old. Joan answered and pointed out that she was 3 months old when our mom died and was adopted out a month later. I saw that she was correct, and posted again, admitting to my mistake. I do this, see, because unlike Joan, I ADMIT TO WHEN I AM WRONG!
However, Joan decided to take things to a further level. Instead of correcting me and leaving it at that, Joan just HAD to start her lying again. After she corrected me, she goes on to say that Gert and I are stalking her. And she says that she has not had a relationship with us for more than 3 decades.
Call it stalking if you want, but yes, we monitor what Joan posts on the internet, BECAUSE WE AS AMERICANS HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT IS BEING SAID ABOUT US AND OUR FAMILY. If Joan does not like that, the solution is obvious: JOAN NEEDS TO STOP POSTING ABOUT HER BIRTH FAMILY!
Why do we take this stand? Because whenever Joan posts about us, it usually lies, inuendos, misreprsentations, false accusations, and exaggerations.
Case in point: right there in her return comment to me, she says “I have had no relationship with them for over 3 decades!”
THIS IS A FALSEHOOD! This is the year 2011. 3 decades is 30 years, which takes us back to 1981. Well, for crying out loud, I was one of her bridesmaids in the year 1983! She admits to this in her lying book Forbidden Family. And in her book, she relates outings to the beach with me in the years 1988 – 1990!
So when I commented, I pointed this discrepency out to her. What was her response? She goes on the attack – because in her faulty brain, she thinks that I, and my sister do not have the right to correct her. She can correct me, but will not accept a correction in turn. So she posts several posts on the Huffington site and slanders and libels us again.
Sorry Joan, but I am an American. I have the right to comment on the internet when someone lies about me or my family. If you don’t like that, then stop lying. Get used to the fact that whenever you post a lie, it WILL be answered and refuted!
Joan’s problem is that she has diarrhea of the mouth – everytime she tells a story she embellishes it. Witness the fact that she says she has had no relationship with us for over 3 decades! She touts herself as being an author – but she hasn’t learned the basics of truthtelling! She demands the truth in adoption and birth certificates, but does not deal in the truth herself!
When Joan posts on the internet about adoption, we are silent, because we don’t care about her adoption reform work. It doesn’t bother us one whit about her passion on adoption. But when she starts posting about us, or our family, you better believe we sit up and take notice – because as AMERICANS, we have that right. And we claim that right.
Joan, accept it – we are watching. If you post about us, it better be the truth – because we will always come right back at ya!
Joan Wheeler — The Puppet Master December 8, 2010Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, being led around by the nose, being manipulated, blaming people for your own mess, cowardice, dishonesty, embellishing the truth, First Amendment: Free Speech, getting others to do your dirty work, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, hiding behind others, letting oneself be manipulated, Lies, puppet master, puppet on a string, puppets, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, spreading untruths, stupidity, ventriloquists, whining
In my last post Joan Wheeler AGAIN plays fast and loose with the facts of MY family! I tell of Joan going on another internet forum and tells lies again about my family. Gert and I, exercising OUR Freedom of Speech right, left a couple of comments. Joan’s cronies Russ and Mara went on and bashed us. roflmao! What’s the matter Joan? Can’t speak for yourself? gotta have someone else talk for you? Ain’t Woman enough to stand up for yourself?
I said once before on this blog to Russ ol boy – that Joan was manipulating him, pulling his strings and his head was full of sawdust.
It seems that my assessment was correct.
For once again, Joan the Puppet Master is at work again behind the scenes. She has Mara on one knee, Russ on the other. She has her hands in their wooden heads, working their mouths, making them do what she is too cowardly to do herself.
Joan, the quintessential liar and bully, goes onto an internet forum and talks trash about my family. When it has nothing to do with HER adoption or her anti-adoption agenda. Then she wonders why her family gets upset! Then when her family, excercises their right to debate her, can’t take it. She whines to her puppets: “oh help me, my sisters are mad at me again. Help me, make them stop.” She doesn’t see that she can stop us herself – by not talking about us and lying about us.
For some reason, Joan can’t learn this.
And neither can her puppets. They love to be lead around by their wooden noses.
Fools! Joan is a ventriloquist. With her fingers flying fast on the keyboard, she tells you guys what to do, what to say.
Wake up fools! Pull back the curtain and see who is really behind your thoughts! The Great and Powerful Puppet Master of Joan!
ps, if you guys have the right to go to PUBLIC internet forums and talk, then so do I! You fools do NOT own the internet. I have the Freedom of Speech to go where I want, say what I want. Just because your Master, Joan Wheeler tells you that her sisters can’t does not make it so. Got news for you – we can, and we will. Deal with it.
1. gert – December 8, 2010
But you know, Joan does keep certain things quiet from the puppets and she also lies to them…She told them that she had removed mentioning us on the Forbidden family site and I thought she had…well she didn’t…she still has a notice up about us sisters and she is continuing with her promotion about the cyberbullying site.
How can her puppets get anything done, in regards to having Joan stop yaking about us, as they in the past said they wanted, when Joan lies to them and doesn’t tell them what she is doing…namely sullying our names and reputations.
We want mention of us OFF the forbidden family site, that site is for ADOPTION REFORM not for promoting her sisters.
So you see, until Joan removes mention of us and advertising and sending readers to a cyberbullying site in a site that says it is about adoption reform, namely forbidden family, she is lying to her puppets and she is harassing us.
2. Ruth – December 8, 2010
Another thing the puppets haven’t caught – in the past their puppet master has instructed them to come over to this blog to harass us. BUT she instructed them NOT to come from the Adoptee Forum! She instructed them to come from other websites.
Isn’t this a direct violation of Joan’s complaint that we use multiple IP addressess and different wireless connections to go to her site? My, my, my, we see Joan’s double standard of harassment there!
the poor puppets haven’t figured that out yet, because they have sawdust for brains.
THE 11 HUMAN RIGHTS by Dick Sutphen – submitted by Ruth Pace. and applying to them to a liar like Joan Wheeler May 8, 2010Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
Tags: abuse, being downright nasty, emotional abuse, false accusations, First Amendment: Free Speech, harassment of an adoptee's birth family, Lies, mental illness, theft
For a number of years, I have read articles and listened to self-hypnosis, self-help tapes from Dick Sutphen. dicksutphen.com I receive a weekly newsletter in my email from Dick and his wife Tara. I also attended a couple of seminars from Dick and Tara in Lilydale, NY.
Joan’s book Forbidden Family is full of such angst, such torment. She is such a tormented soul. Have her years in therapy done anything? Apparently not. A person can be addicted to therapy. They can WANT to be in therapy and NOT WANT to get better. This is to perpetuate the victim mindset. The sympathy ploy.
So in the interest of basic human rights, of which, Joan has trampled on mine, time and time again, I am posting Dick’s article here. Read it and learn. AND WOULD SOMEBODY TEACH THESE THINGS TO JOAN, BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY HER MOTHER NEVER TAUGHT THE WOMAN BASIC MORALS.
THE 11 HUMAN RIGHTS by Dick Sutphen This month, I’ve received a couple requests to post my “11 Human Rights,” so here they are. These rights allow for expression instead of repression. The assertive individual grants them to all others while demanding them for himself.
1. You have the right to do anything as long as you do not purposely hurt someone else and you are willing to accept the consequences.
2. You have the right to maintain your self-respect by answering honestly even it does hurt someone else (as long as you are being assertive rather than aggressive.)
3. You have the right to be what you are without changing your ideas or behavior to satisfy someone else.
4. You have the right to strive for self-actualization (to be all you can be).
5. You have the right to use your own judgment as to the need priorities of yourself and others, if you decide to accept any responsibility for another’s problem.
6. You have the right not to be subjected to negativity.
7. You have the right to offer no excuses or justification for your decisions or behavior.
8. You have the right not to care.
9. You have the right to be illogical.
10. You have the right to change your mind.
11. You have the right to defend yourself.
Live your life doing things because you want to do them or because as a personal value judgment or compromise, you have agreed to do them. Any decision resulting in loss of self-respect is unacceptable. Do not do things because they are expected of you or because you think you should or because you will feel anxious or guilty if you don’t.
Assertion is commonly mistaken for aggression, but understand that to be assertive means that you are standing up for your basic human rights. Aggression is a matter of forcefully violating the rights of another, and there is no excuse for such behavior.
An important part of assertiveness is showing consideration for the feelings and rights of others, without letting your kindness or empathy be used as an opening for manipulation. Realize that background conditioning has made everyone good at manipulation and people will use your vulnerability as an opening. The better they know you, the better they know your vulnerable areas. So, the assertive individual becomes an expert at expressing his rights, needs and feelings in a kind way. She shows equal respect for the same rights, needs and feelings of others.
People often avoid being assertive because they feel others will dislike or avoid them if they speak up and say what they really feel. That is not a rational justification for allowing yourself to be manipulated. If, by any chance, someone stopped liking you because you said “no,” are you going to miss their friendship? If you are one of the millions who go through life thinking that a wrong word, refusal or assertion is going to end a relationship, it is time to realize that is simply not how things work. Such thinking is usually based on such a strong need to be liked that you sacrifice your own self-respect, often without realizing it. You also probably fail to distinguish between being liked and being respected.
Now is the time to become an assertive individual. You have basic human rights that others are going to have to learn to respect, just as you will respect their rights. As a free, assertive individual, you will actually learn to give and take more fairly than ever before, thus becoming of more service to yourself and others. Now is the time to become relaxed about revealing yourself through your words and actions and to begin to communicate openly, directly, and honestly with the people in your life.