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Joan Mary Wheeler decides to step in (unwanted and uninvited) to help Laura Ruffino adopt the four daughters of her late best friend Elizabeth Diamond and blabs confidential information about the family on her facebook page. August 7, 2015

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world.
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“When Elizabeth Diamond was diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer in 2014, the single mom was deeply concerned about what would happen to her four young daughters after she was gone.   But Diamond, who died in April at the age of 40, needn’t have worried. Her best friend, Laura Ruffino of Orchard Park, New York adopted the four girls.”

So starts the article on this adoption (with a bit of help from me on that last sentance) on the Huffington Post, published on July 23, 2015. You can see the original Huffington post here:


Well, it turns out that as the most supreme adoption expert out there, Joan Mary Wheeler decided to step in and give UNWANTED advice to Laura Ruffino via a mutual friend. Er, um, that is Joan WANTED to contact Mrs. Ruffino and advise her. I don’t know if Joan ever got to meet Mrs. Ruffino and tell her how to run her own life. But we have Joan’s full comment that she wrote on both the Huffington Post and on her facebook page on July 23, 10:04 pm. 

A friend of mine is a close friend of the deceased mother, Elizabeth Diamond. When she told me of the mother’s death and the impending adoption, I volunteered to help in the only way I knew: to give advice against the adoption. Why? Because I didn’t want the girls’ true identities to be sealed and then falsified by new birth certificates as this is what adoption does. Using my own life story as proof, I explained that I was given up to a closed adoption one month after the death of my mother from cancer. I was only three months old when my mother died. My father relinquished me to a closed adoption and kept his four older children. My adoption not only took away my family, but took away my birth certificate and gave me a completely new identity.

 I did not want the same thing to happen to these girls. I did not want them to lose their true identities in order to have a home with their mother’s best friend.

 I explained that legal guardianship would be a better choice, that Elizabeth Diamond’s best friend, Laura Ruffino, and her husband, Rico, could be legal guardians as opposed to adoptive parents. Guardianship, I explained, would preserve the four girls’ birth certificates, preserve Elizabeth Diamond’s place as their mother, and at the same time, give the four girls a stable home. Info was transferred to the attorney.

My friend later told me that the adoption was a necessary legal action to protect the girls. There are private, extenuating circumstances concerning the girls’ father. That is why he is not mentioned in the article.

 It was determined that the girls would, indeed, maintain their own birth certificates in this adoption: their birth certificates would not be sealed and no new birth certificates would be made implying that the new adoptive parents gave birth to these four girls.

 For that, I am grateful. These girls lost their mother in April. They did not need to lose their identities upon adoption on top of losing their mother.

The general public needs to know that there are other alternatives to adoption. Promoting adoption, and only displaying the happy side of adoption, is very misleading. The finality of adoption, the striping away of a child’s identity, the sealing of birth certificates and the automatic issuance of a new birth certificate upon adoption are all aspects of adoption that need to be pointed out as unnecessary and harmful to all adopted people.

Now go back up 4 paragraphs and re-read that sentance again and I repeat it here for emphasis: THERE ARE PRIVATE, EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES CONCERNING THE GIRL’S FATHER. THAT IS WHY HE IS NOT MENTIONED IN THE ARTICLE.

Following her posting this on her facebook page, was a discussion between Joan and her anti-adoption friends and one of them asked about the biological father of the four girls and Joan wrote this the following day on July 24 at 5:33pm:

“I was trying to get this family to go for legal guardianship as the father is a s********… that is why the family went for adoption – to keep him away from the girls.”

But less than 24 hours prior, Joan was saying that it was a PRIVATE circumstance about the bio-dad. So who the HELL does Joan Wheeler think she is to BLAB that PRIVATE information on her very PUBLIC facebook page, or ANYWHERE or to ANYONE?

This is coming from someone who keeps saying she is a social worker? No, she is not – she went to COLLEGE for social work, but she has NOT WORKED ONE SINGLE DAY AS A SOCIAL WORKER! And if she WAS a social worker, to breach the confidentiality of a current or prospective client is a a breach of the code of ethics of professional social workers. And there are ways for people to file complaints against a social worker and get their license pulled and censured and terminated from their place of employment. But Joan doesn’t work for ANYONE – she is on Social Security Disability. For her mental problems.

Think I am making this up? here are the screenshots I took of the comments that I quoted above as they appeared on Joan Mary Wheeler’s facebook page. I whited out that information that Joan Wheeler blabbed.

 joan reveals 2

joan reveals 1

Joan Mary Wheeler violated the privacy of people she doesn’t even know and I hope they go after her with a lawyer. And Laura Ruffino – if you read this – I would find out WHO that close friend of yours is that blabbed this information to Joan Wheeler in the first place.

Read Gert’s blog post about Joan’s sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong here: https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/2015/07/30/when-others-adopt-joanmwheeler-volunteers-to-advise-them-against-doing-so-why-because-shes-been-dupedbyadoption/

UPDATE, APRIL 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…




Joan Mary Wheeler is the real horror movie – and one that I would NOT want to see. June 26, 2015

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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Joan Mary Wheeler likes to run her gossip-filled mouth about me and reports that I was raised on horror movies. Contrary to her warped conception of MY childhood (that she wasn’t even around (YAY) to see first hand) – I was NOT raised solely on horror movies. I saw this one, and stuff like Fantasia, Snow White, Cinderella, Dumbo, Bambi, Ol’ Yeller – and a ton of other stuff – at the theatres. So shut up Joan about MY childhood.

And my goodness – I was only 7 years old when Ben Hur came out and went to see that at the theatre. And where would I have gotten the name Top Cat for a kitty we had – if all I did was watch horror movies?

And how could I have been watcing tv stuff like Mickey Mouse Club, Howdy Doody, Captain Kangeroo, Romper Room, Superman, Tom and Jerry, Bugs Bunny, Yogi Bear – when all I did was watch horror movies? – Joan Mary Wheeler is an asshole – plain and simple and has no brains what-so-ever!



another one of Joan Wheeler’s puppets is outed as an asshole – one Heather Cohen June 17, 2015

Posted by Ruth in Uncategorized.
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 On June 14, 2015, I wrote the blogpost  “Joan Wheeler proves that she simply can NOT stop lying about her sisters and tries to manipulate another person to make trouble for me.“  because I found  a comment by one Heather Cohen to Joan Wheeler on Joan’s facebook page, regarding Rachel Dolezal, the white lady who was passing herself as a black lady. At first, I didn’t have a problem with Miss Cohen’s comment, and my initial blogpost was to point out that even when asked a civilized question, Joan Wheeler simply can NOT stop trashing her birth sisters with lies and trying to instigate a person who doesn’t like me (Laura Heath) into joining her in trashing me.

Well, later on, I was re-reading Heather’s comment and I saw this phrase “your kept sisters and their issues? ” – ‘kept’ sisters, meaning, Joan’s birth sisters who were ‘kept’ by their father and not relinquished to adoption like Joan was.

Well, I am one of Joan’s birth (kept) sisters, and I want to know – how does Heather Cohen ‘know’ that I have issues? And what issues are those? – HEATHER COHEN IS A COMPLETE STRANGER TO ME – so how does she know I have ‘issues?’ – Answer – because she has been listening to Joan’s slanderous gossip and lies about me.

I have been saying for years that Joan is a pathological LIAR. She has put forth all sorts of accusations about me and my sisters all over the internet, yet offers no clear PROOF of it. I, on the other hand, have offered police and court documents that prove JOAN MARY WHEELER is the liar – and even handwritten letters and envelopes by Joan that also prove she is a liar.

Joan loves to smear me – anywhere and anytime she can. Hell, she even contacts my job now and then with lies to get me fired. She lies to any person she gets hold of and those weak-minded fools believe her and refuse to even LOOK at the proof – proof that is all over the pages of this blog.

The last fool Joan wrapped around her little finger was one Brian T. Maloney who made it his mission to champion Joan’s cause – to bring me and my sisters down. He failed miserably – because he threatened me over the internet with emotional blackmail – he threatened to expose my “dark dirty secret.” (still have no idea what he was talking about). This Brian fool NEVER met me, and is a stranger to me. So I answered him via the internet – that if he has something to expose about me – that he should go right ahead. But he had better be prepared to explain to the Buffalo Police and the Erie County District Attorney how he knows secrets about a woman he never met, and why is he threatening her on the internet. That was the end of that. He also appeared in court early 2013 when I had pressed harassment charges on Joan – in one of our initial appearances. But after I threatened him with going to the police, he did not show up in court again. And indeed, has gone the way of most people that Joan gets hold up – after she manipulates, charms, uses them, and when they are no longer any use to her – she drops like a hot potato.

So, I read Heather Cohen’s comment and decide to take her full on – I went to her facebook page. I sent her a friend request. And I left her the following private message:

6/15, 1:57pm

“Miss Cohen – if you wish to know about me and my “issues” please ask me directly – why don’t you try to get to know the real me – instead of relying on third-party gossip.

Because ‘inquiring minds’ who want to know about people they don’t know personally should go to the source. To get accurate information. So – I am here for you – what would you like to know?”

Several hours later, I found that Heather blocked me. She has the right. But why? I thought she wanted to know about me. OH, I see, she only wanted to GOSSIP about me with Joan. She is NOT interested in the truth about people. She is just another little bitch. And I made the following post on my facebook page:

so – Joan Wheeler’s little friend Heather Cohen – the one who is so interested in me denied my friend request and blocked me. Gee, what did I do wrong? I used mouthwash today. I’m clean. All I did was extend a friendly gesture to someone who was wanting information about me – I messaged her and told her that if she wanted to know about me, to ask me directly and not rely on Joan Wheeler’s gossip about me. Guess Heather is NOT interested the truth about someone and wants only garbage gossip about me. Well, I suppose that leaves me and you knowing what kind of person Heather Cohen is – an asshole.

and we see again, as we have seen time and time again, concerning Joan Mary Wheeler’s buddies – they are all sick in the head – what kind of person expresses interest in a person they have never met (me) and their ‘issues’ – yet when given the opportunity to speak directly to me – slinks off with her tail between her legs — this is the case of an internet stalker – putting their nose into MY business and MY life – Heather Cohen – stay the fuck away from me or I will see you in court for stalking, harassment, slander and libel.

 Heather Cohen’s original questions.

After discovering this controversy, I read the article, finding that there is an adoption link. This woman had a Haitian and African American siblings who were adopted. She is 100% white. What lessons did she learn from her parents who adopted her siblings. If they were “white” and she was “black” and the adoption insanity and identity problems are a big mess. Joan Mary Wheeler What do you think of this? Especially with regards to your kept sisters and their issues? Inquiring minds want to know.

Lesson for Heather Cohen to learn, because she is just a jackass as bad as Joan is. Hey – I did give her a chance before I passed judgment on her!

jackass gossip


Joan Wheeler continues to drag me into her useless conversations about adoption problems! August 12, 2014

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Today, on facebook, Joan writes, in a discussion about a book (not her own piece of shit libelous mouthings of raving lunacy, but somebody else’s book:

 Joan M Wheeler (to) Hilbrand W.S. Westra – “you are so very right. I noticed this, too, but didn’t say so publicly as the author is a friend of mine. I think she knows exactly the point you make. And yes, we need to stop pointing fingers at adoptees as the source of our own problems. Adoption itself is the problem from which all others stem. HOWEVER, for many adoptees, like me, who are half orphans or full orphans, one or both of our parents actually did die. That problem was fully discussed by Ken Watson (RIP) at an AAC conference circa 1990. I was dissolved to tears, yet, our good friend, René Hoksbergen nudged me forward to talk with Ken that for me, the loss of my mother to an unfortunate early death was the beginning of lifelong problems for me and my siblings, compounded by adoption soon afterward. And yes, compounded by adopters’ ignorance and willful deception.”

 okay, in this discussion that I really don’t have any interest in, – she SLAMS her birth siblings again by saying “…that for me, the loss of my mother to an unfortunate early death was the beginning of lifelong problems for me and my siblings …”

 Excuse me Joan, I most certainly do NOT have any lifelong problems due to the death of my mother. WHERE is your evidence that I have lifelong problems? I”M not the one constantly harassing people, YOU are. I’M not the one on Social Security Disability because of “psychological problems” – YOU are. I’M not the one who bounces from man to man and has an alchohol problem – That’s YOU. I’M not the one who has been in therapy for more 30 years – YOU are. — The three times I requested counseling – 1. grief counseling after miscarrying my son, 2. seeking advice on PTSD in Veteran’s, as my husband has nightmares due to his years in Vietnam, and 3. overload of stress in 2003 after my husband’s open heart surgery, and the deaths of 6 family members in rapid succession, beginning in the end of July 2003 to the middle of October 2003 and my father’s open heart surgery two and a half months after my husband’s surgery. In all three times – I went to only THREE therapy sessions, lasting only an hour each time – (three hours of therapy for Ruth, compared to years and years for Joan) – and each therapist told me that I was a well-adjusted person. SO SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH ABOUT ME JOAN.

 Earlier today, in response to a facebook post by the comic magazine Cracked about the suicide of Robin Williams, I wrote the following:

 “Cracked.com says: ‘Every time they make a joke around you, they’re doing it because they instinctively and reflexively think that’s what they need to do to make you like them. They’re afraid that the moment the laughter stops, all that’s left is that gross, awkward kid everyone hated on the playground.’

 (my response) – well, I was the gross, awkward kid on the playground that nobody liked and everybody bullied. I have scars from the bullying. I just turned 62 and there are times I remember the names and it still hurts. But I took life on and said “fuck this shit.” I turned my ugly duckling younger self – the one the other girls in school called ugly and became a graceful belly dancer. I became a health care worker because I have compassion.

 I will never commit suicide, because that would be giving in. I will never poison my body with stupid drugs. I will never turn a gun on myself (or others). I will never hang myself. I try new things. I wish I had more money to try more new things. I want to see more of the world. It’s such a beautiful and exciting world – I want to see Paris, Rome, Athens, Rio de Janieros – the Great Wall of China – the tomb of Tutankhamun –

I’m sorry that Robin took the route he did. I loved him as an actor and comedian. I wish he had not done what he did.”

 I also wrote this last night regarding the speculation that Robin Williams depression may have been linked to his heart disease and surgery, and he was feeling vulnerable:

 “John had heart surgery in 2003. He was not, is not depressed. Nor does he take drugs, nor does he drink. We both have an occasional beer or wine.

 Robin Williams said that he felt “vulnerable.” Not sure what he meant by that. Every surgery can be potentially dangerous. Lots of people go thru surgery every day all over the world.

 We can’t be inside another human’s head to figure out what is going on. All I can do is comment from my own experiences. I’ve had several surgeries, and came out not feeling vulnerable. And so has John – and John was scared shitless. Imagine not ever having surgery before – and your very first surgery is heart surgery. Perhaps John has a strong will – after all, he was a Navy Seal in Vietnam for six years. Takes a special kind of man for that job.

 Life is tough. Ya gotta meet it head on. Or get plowed under. I refuse to get plowed under. “

 AND before learning about Robin Williams’ suicide, I had just written the following rebuttal to actor Russell Brand’s “excuse” for drug abuse:

 “I disagree – everybody knows by now how harmful drugs are. You are not born with drugs in your system – YOU made the conscious decision to PUT the drugs into your body. Everybody knows these substances are highly addictive – but, YOU chose to put them into your body. If this “illness” causes you to steal your own mother’s rent money (I know someone on my street who did that) or do the shit my exBFF did to me – and you see these things happening again and again to people in your neighborhood, you read about the theft and violence and greed that taking and selling drugs does not only to the user, but those around them – WHY would you even start taking that shit? I am 62 years old, and outside of smoking some weed, I have NEVER taken drugs, don’t want to take that shit and will never be a drug addict – not even to prescription pain pills, because I take those guys for needed pain relief, then wean myself off that shit.

 My body is my temple – the only bad shit I put into it is coffee, pizza and chocolate – IN MODERATION – and they don’t cause me to steal from people, lie to my loved ones, or treat my loved ones like shit.


The only problems I have right now – are dealing with the fact that Joan REFUSES to stop dragging me into her crap. – Shut the fuck up about me Joan.

never give up

This is what I live by – NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER. Joan on the other hand, dissolves into tears, gets the shakes, is overwhelmed, is stunned, is shocked and runs to the bottle. (her own words in her stupid book and on various places on the internet).

And check out this other recent development from Joan’s lying mouth. 


Joan Wheeler LIES again – about her “employment” credentials!


1. gertmcqueenAugust 12, 2014 [Edit]

Gert here…

Joan Wheeler said…
“…that for me, the loss of my mother to an unfortunate early death was the beginning of lifelong problems for me and my siblings …”

Since when does she get the right to diagnosis ANYONE’s problems! She is NOT qualified to state that her siblings have ANY PROBLEMS. While the loss of OUR mother caused each of us PAIN, it does not equate to having ‘lifelong problems’. Joan knows NOTHING about my life, period. What ever she thinks she knows…is in and comes from her diseased mind!

From the MOMENT that Joan was reunited with the birth family, it was SHE that created ALL THE PROBLEMS. It was SHE who said I was WRONG to ADOPT my own son, that I was an unfit mother, and more. It was SHE who called false child abuse upon me, twice.It was SHE who REFUSED to go to mediation to SOLVE the problems BETWEEN US. It was SHE who asked my grown daughter to COMMIT A CRIME for her! It was SHE who continuously REFUSED to leave me and others alone.

It was SHE who wrote a libelous book BECAUSE everyone HURT HER! And SHE imagined getting rich and famous on the backs of family and friends! Every time SHE speaks SHE insults and drags the siblings in the dirt!

And that is why we siblings have blogs…where the TRUTH comes out.


Overthinking, imagining, speculating, fantasizing – then reporting those erroneous thoughts as fact – this is what Joan Wheeler does on a daily basis November 10, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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This is what Joan Wheeler does – she overthinks, speculates, projects the way SHE would react to a problem onto others, imagines how that person would react, speculates on how that person thinks and acts, thereby creating a fantasy, then begins to actually believe that fantasy, then reports that fantasy as FACT. – Meanwhile, the person she has dreamed up this shit about hasn’t a clue as to what Joan is talking about, is pissed because now a lie is being told about them, calls Joan out on it, gets yelled at, phone slammed on them – and then the whole incident is reported as the other person has now “harassed” Joan and is “interfering with her life.” Joan then escalates the telling of her fantasy, now lying about the person, and the person is left wondering what the hell they did!

like the shit time I called her to tell her Aunt Doris died. (November 3, 2009) After reading email about it, I call my father. Joan should know, she was named after Aunt Doris. Did Dad still have Joan’s phone #? (because a few months prior he kicked her out of his house and life). Yes he did. He was tired. Should Ruth place call? Yes, says Dad. So she does –

Joan – how did you get this number?

Ruth – from Dad.

Joan – NOT a good idea.

Ruth – whatever, look, Aunt Doris died. We thought you should know.

Joan – thank you for that, but —-$%^$#@*&^^?)(&&%$$^ AND DON’T FUCKING CALL ME AGAIN.

Ruth slams phone down and bursts into tears. Goes to cousin Nancy’s house and Nancy calms her down. Then Ruth goes to Dad’s house, where dad says, “Joan is mentally ill.” meanwhile, Joan calls Town of Tonawanda police – Gert, Kathy and Ruth are calling her on the phone harassing her. on the spirit of my miscarried son, I swear this is what happened. – But Joan tells a completely different story. why? – cos she’s nuts. should be committed.

How does ONE phone call, placed by Ruth, get reported to the police that Ruth, Gert AND Kathy as placing phone calls to Joan? Go back to the beginning of this post and learn how Joan’s fucked up brain works, er, DOESN’T work. Because, just because Joan thinks something, that doesn’t make it true.

and by the way – the next day I called Gert, and then she called the Town of Tonawanda police. The officer placing the call to me the night previously had left his name on my answering machine, so Gert asked to speak to him personally. He told Gert: “don’t worry about her, we know all about her.” roflmao!

 1. gertmcqueen

Gert here…excellent post!! I hope the links I put here come in, if not just go to the date, August 18, 2011, on my blog and read them…they are ALL good examples of how Joan does this overthinking and imagining…it is HOW her brain works!

http:/gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/Joan Wheeler’s own behavior….exhibit A on August 18, 2011

http:/gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/Joan Wheeler’s own behavior….exhibit B on August 18, 2011

http:/gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/Joan Wheeler’s own behavior….exhibit C on August 18, 2011

UPDATE, FEBRUARY 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…



The Flame Against Shame – dedicated to Brian Maloney and Joan Wheeler December 7, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lessons in Life.
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Flame against Shame

A dear friend of mine wrote this yesterday and with her permission, I am sharing it:

“Never beat yourself down for making mistakes. While you should be rewarding yourself for those mistakes, why? Because you learn to grow and learn from those mistakes. If not so, then you would never be here teaching others. Im one to be the first to apologize and ask forgiveness for my mistakes. Then I reward myself with a quote on my fridge, saying., “Hello I’m such a Human”!.”

The other day, Joan’s puppet Brian said this to me and Gert: “If you were not trying to hide something you might be ashamed of, you would not be trying so hard to discredit what was said.”

First, the beginning of his statement does not correlate with the second part of what he said. – When I am writing about “discrediting” Joan – what I am doing is CORRECTING THE LIES SHE HAS SAID ABOUT ME. For example – in her book and on the internet Joan says that I have a criminal record – NO I DO NOT. Joan says that I have been arrested – I have never been arrested in my life. Joan LIES about me in the book. She says that I went to a fertility clinic – NO I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A FERTILITY CLINIC. And even I had – where does she have the right to put that in her book?  Joan LIES in her book that in a court case in 1994 her children were on the stand testifying against me – THIS NEVER HAPPENED. Joan LIES in her book that she never harassed me – I have scanned and posted to my blog actual letters that Joan wrote to my fiance and his mother – trashing me – I have scanned and posted to my blog actual letters from Joan to me and Gert wherein she is harassing me after the Erie County District Attorney told her to leave me alone. I have scanned and posted to this blog an actual letter that Joan wrote to my employer falsely accusing me of computer fraud and in this letter to a complete stranger to me – she is giving this man personal details of my health and my private life. Brian- you need to do your homework and SEE WHAT YOUR LITTLE GOODY-TWO-SHOES FRIEND HAS DONE. These documents were sent to Trafford Publishing and this is why the book is dead.

Brian also says: You may very well have your own story to tell, and that may differ from Joan’s. Each person has their own version of how things happened, and each person has the right to free speech.

Well, now let’s take his last sentance first: “each person has the right to free speech.” – so Brian, if each person has the right to free speech, and I therefore have the right to free speech, as you just said, then why are you bitching about what I say here? You just put your foot in your mouth sir.

Brian says: ” Each person has their own version of how things happened,” – Maybe – HOWEVER – I AM RELYING ON ACTUAL CITY OF BUFFALO COURT DOCUMENTS THAT PROVE THAT JOAN’S VERSON OF HOW THINGS HAPPENED IS A LIE. And I don’t need to have a “different version” to know THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN ARRESTED NOR DO I HAVE A CRIMINAL RECORD. Facts are facts and those are the facts.

These documents have been on this blog for almost three years. Joan has had ample time to examine those documents and refresh her faulty memory and come forth WITH THE TRUTH.

Now as to the accusation that I am hiding something that I might be ashamed of – oh, so now this Reiki healer is stooping to emotional blackmail and threats, just as Joan has done in the past. In her book and on her cyberbullying page Joan threatened us with “exposing secrets” that we don’t want to come out. I have listed here below,in chronological order, SEVEN BLOG POSTS dating from January 3, 2010 to April 4, 2012, where we tell Joan to stop her emotional blackmail – we have nothing to hide and will not be held hostage to Joan’s threats. In fact, here is an additional comment that I wrote on September 21, 2010 in the post numbered 3 below:   I AM A HUMAN BEING WITH MY OWN RIGHTS AND DIGNITIES AND I REFUSE TO BE DICTATED TO BY JOAN WHEELER.   Joan hinted at “secrets” in her book. Secrets that her sister have and are afraid of having put out – we said it once before on this blog and here it is again: WHATEVER SECRETS YOU THINK YOU CAN HOLD HOSTAGE OVER OUR HEADS SPEAK THEM NOW – FOR WE WILL NOT BE HELD FOR EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL BY YOU JOAN! WE WILL NOT OBEY YOU, PROPERLY OR IMPROPERLY.

Now as to being ASHAMED of anything I did in the past: No sir, I am not ashamed of anything I ever did. And Brian had also tried to blackmail me with something I did in the past. But like the fool that he is, he stooped to listening to 30 year old GOSSIP from Joan about a young woman named Shadya. I posted all about her in my post of July 7, 2012.  This post contains scans of a card that I received from Shadya in 1985, putting to rest any filthy gossip about her and me. Grow up gossipers.

To sum up: I met Shadya in 1977, when she was dating the brother of my then husband Abdo. We had gone on a picnic. I thought she was very nice. I did not see for about a month, and one night after Abdo left the house to go to a birthday party and I was home alone, getting ready to go to work, I received a prank phone call. I knew I heard the voice before, but could not place it. But a couple of months later, I talked to Shadya, and recognized her voice. It was she who had made the prank call. She did other things, trying to break me and Abdo up. From 1978 to 1983, yes, Shadya and I did not get along. We had arguments, and one knock-down brawl in September 1979.- She laid hands on me first – so I defended myself. I am not proud of how I behaved, but I am not ASHAMED – there is a difference. I acted badly to this woman. And so did she act badly to me. In 1984, I had a talk with her and I apologized to her. I think I could have handled the situation better than the way I did in 1977, but hey – as my friend said “Never beat yourself down for making mistakes. While you should be rewarding yourself for those mistakes, why? Because you learn to grow and learn from those mistakes.” – Shadya and I forgave each other and in 1985, when I was in the hospital after miscarrying my son, Shadya sent me a card, and when I got home, she called me up and offered to cook several dinners and send them over to me in tupperwares. Shadya no longer lives in Western New York. I know where she lives, and I will NOT tell anyone where she lives. She lives in another state. She is married again. A couple of years ago, on her 50th birthday, we communciated together via facebook. She is doing very well. I am happy for her. She was happy for me that John and I got married, as she had met John in the late 80’s.

So much for Brian trying to get me to feel “ashamed” for what I “did” to an Arab lady whose name begins with an S – as he tried to throw in my face back in July 2012. Oh – by the way, she wasn’t Arab – she was born in the United States to a Puerto Rican woman and an Indonesian/Yemeni man. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU SPREAD GOSSIP JOAN AND REPEAT IT BRIAN!

Shame is a toxic emotion and I do not deal in that. I live my life the way I see fit. I AM a human being who makes mistakes. And from time to time, have made mistakes and mis-quotes on my blog, and when I find them, I don’t just delete and “fix” the post – I OWN UP TO MY MISTAKES – I TELL MY BLOG READERS WHAT I SAID WRONG AND GO ON – NO SHAME INVOLVED. Just as I said above: I have posted actual court documents and even handwritten letters – written by Joan Wheeler herself – that prove that “her side” of the story is a faulty memory at best, or out and out LIES at worst. Joan has had ample time to review those documents and correct her lies and “mistakes.”

I forgave Shadya for what she did to me back in the late 70’s – early 80’s. And I have forgiven myself. Because in 1977 – I was only 25 years old – I am more than twice that age now – and have learned much.


Now Brian – go back and read these posts where we have already addressed the issue of supposedly having little secrets and deeds that we want hidden. As usual, Brian – you are a couple of years late in your research and threats. Grow up little man. REAL men, GROWN-UP men, don’t listen to, repeat, nor believe baseless 30 year old GOSSIP! Get with the times man! This is 2012, not 1983. And we have already dealt with the issues of “little dirty secrets” in these old, posts:

1. attention adopion reformers part 2 January 3, 2010

2. Open letter to and about Joan Wheeler, from her eldest birth sister Gert McQueen January 7, 2010

3. Adoptee’s tantrums nothing special – Childhood bipolar disorder article by child psychologist John Rosemund, September 14, 2010 September 21, 2010

4. Facts are Stubborn Things Part 1 November 10, 2010

5.What is the REAL reason behind Joan Wheeler’s rant on the Huffington Post? March 9, 2011

6. Evidence that Joan Wheeler has violated the Code of Ethics of the National Association of Social Workers March 10, 2011

7.The latest “wisdom” from Joan Wheeler, um, well, actually, she’s trying to show that she has some widsom April 14, 2012


kimberlyhardingDecember 7, 2012

You are so correct- shame is a toxic emotion!!  Keep putting your story out there. It needs to be heard! I love what your friend says about mistakes – mistakes are truly a means for transformation. Thank youl.

3. gertmcqueenDecember 7, 2012[Edit]

Gert here:

Thank you Kim for your insights!


This is correct, Joan has NEVER admitted ANY of her dirty deeds/words…she is always right/correct, everyone else is the problem/trouble-maker, etc.

I did in 1992 FORGIVE her for events she did to me in 82, BUT within 9 hours of seeing me that day, she started more crap; that told me alot; she is EVIL, stay away. Then I heard more of what she did to Kathy and Ruth and somehow we all got along without Joan in our lives. About 8 or 9 years ago, when Dad was ill, I WANTED to put all this behind and I called Joan, she tolded me she LOVED me. No she didn’t cause she had every intention of using that phone conversation for another ‘harassment’ to her, by me…but I didn’t know at the time.

When Joan published in nov 2009, that libelous evil hatred of a book against every member of two families, birth and adopted, she did the worst…character asassination of FAMILY. Not only did she violated, the DIVORCE I had with her and DIDN’T stay away, she continued lying and fabricating in the book. I found out only in 2011 MORE dirty deeds she did to family including asking my daughter to commit a crime for her!

Joan, by writing/publishing that piece of garbage, VIOLATED the peace between every member of our family and NOW she has us TILL DEATH DO WE PART. and that is VOW we will keep…

I was willing many years ago to forgive Joan, attempted to 3 times, but this will never be forgiven, nor forgotten…kin-killing is a crime in many places! Joan is a kin-killer and a soul-killer and she has to live with that reputation! She wanted to tell her story, the way she saw it, fine, NOW she can’t get out of it…TILL DEATH DO WE PART

I am not ashamed of anything in my life, some regrets, but not shame! I have already written/spoken about what Joan thinks she HAS ON ME…silly little sleasy ass…and gossiper that she is…to Brian Maloney who obviously relishes hearing gossip and loves to taunt women! Asshole.

PS while typing I noticed that the word ‘assination’ could be the asassination of an ass…does that apply here…if Joan is an ass…then we are doing ass-ination!

Final Notice to Brian T. Maloney (LION) of Williamsville, puppet of Joan Wheeler July 27, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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Final Notice to Brian T. Maloney (LION) of Williamsville, puppet of Joan Wheeler

Brian, the following blog posts are all about you. Until you remove that abusive blog you have against us and offer a public apology to us for sticking your nose where it don’t belong – in MY family’s business and trashing my father after he was dead – these blog posts will remain in existence for all the world to see.

What you need to do is delete ALL posts from your blog – and leave ONE post up recanting all the abuse you heaped on me and Gert – particularly where you called us dogs. And don’t try to squirm your way out of it by saying you were quoting an old adage – “if you lay down with dogs, expect to catch fleas.” – This was directed to a person who supports our blogs and left a comment on your blog. So, no, you didn’t come right out and SAY Gert and me were dogs – but by telling Paula that she was associating with us, she would catch fleas – in essence you WERE calling us dogs. And that doubles your mistake – you not only called women you never met – dogs – but then tried to twist your words and tried to LIE your way out of it. – That doesn’t go very well with your Reiki healing.

Also, you need to change the name of your blog from “Defending Joan Wheeler” to “No longer defending Joan Wheeler.” And in that one post you keep up on your blog you tell WHY you no longer are defending her – because once she found out in November 2011 just who your father was and how your father was the lawyer who handled my father’s adoption of his stepdaughter, Joan kept that from you and whined at you and got you to do her dirty work. She played you for a fool – as a revenge at that dirty lawyer who handled my stepsister’s adoption.

Admit your mistake Brian. But I know you won’t. Because it takes a big man, a big person to admit when they’re wrong. And you are no man. You are a wimp, a coward and a creep.

So here are some blog posts about Brian T. Maloney. and before anybody takes me to task for writing so much about this creep – remember – I knew his father, his father was a long time attorney and friend of my father and stepmother. In representing my family, I left a condolence message on an online memorial guest book when Brian’s father, Arthur J. Maloney died on November 16, 2011. I never met Brian. I don’t know him. But one month after his father died, Brian started cyber stalking and cyber-harassing and cyber-bullying me and Gert. He should have minded his own business. He brought this on himself.

Hey Champ!! (Brian T. Maloney of Williamsville, NY) Where’s your response to our rebuttals, to your defense of Joan Wheeler, on the Buffalo News web site?

How Brian T. Maloney of Williamsville, NY trashed my LATE father on the internet – what he said about a dead man that he never met

Champ, the so called defender of Joan Wheeler, is slacking on the job!! …

Brian Maloney and Joan Wheeler think they are in the right…okay they can have their delusion

I’m putting the brat Brian to bed and ignoring his temper tantrums – because that’s how you deal with brats – give them NO more attention.

Charlatans can be found everywhere and in every field of healing Brian isn’t the only one.

Brian T. Maloney has been exposed in a new comment that I placed on that Buffalo News article by Joan Wheeler (with a screenshot of his blog – proving how he abused and bullied us)

Brian T. Maloney is concerned for my health. aw gee. (my rebuttal after Brian insinuates that I am on psych meds – which I am not, never have been and don’t need to. Another example of his abuse of me.

Brian T. Maloney can’t do any Reiki healing on anyone – because he’s a damaged individual in need of healing himself. – with graphics from Linkedin where Joan and Brian recomended each other on November 11, 2011.

rampaging on facebook – funny? – not so funny when you find out you’ve been trashed by the son of someone you honored – Brian T. Maloney is no healer – he’s a menace! 

Fun and games on Facebook – re: The Nameless One (aka Joan Wheeler) and Brian “Chimp” Maloney (full of baloney) 

What did Joan Wheeler know of the connection of Brian T. Maloney’s father to my father, when did she know it, and I expose another lie in her libelous book 

Brian T. Maloney abuses someone who HONORED his father, Arthur J. Maloney – because Joan Wheeler told him to. (with screenshot of Arthur’s obit and my name from the guest book)

the dangers of writing shit about someone if you don’t know them – a lesson to be learned by Brian T. Maloney 

Ruth admits to a big oopsey! 

Guest post from Gert’s daughter Karen with update from Gert – Karen lets Brian have it for calling her mom and aunt dogs.

Chimp aka Brian T. Maloney continues to show the world what a disgusting moron he is – with graphics proving that he listened to lying gossip from Joan about someone I didn’t get along with back in the late 1970’s. – And she sent me a get well card in 1985. I post the card in this post.

Well Champ/Brian, on his HOW ELOQUENT! post has acknowledged SOME of the comments placed on that post/blog!

Just in case Brian Champ Thomas Maloney tries to deny who he is. 

We know who Champ is!! His name is Brian Maloney and he has left his mark; I found him and now I expose him too.

Can I sew Joan Wheeler’s mouth shut? Or smash her fingers so she can’t type any more bullshit? Please? May 9, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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At the Adoptive Families Circle website, Joan keeps spewing crap from her diarrhea mouth. Here are three comments from there. The first from Joan, and then 2 from me. Joan had decided to make a comment on a thread called “All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?” And kept up the same old family garbage that had NOTHING to do with the topic of the thread. Gert came on and left a statement. Which pissed Joan off. And of course, Joan can’t keep her diarrhea mouth shut, so she went off again. Accusing us of stupid things. So I stepped in. Joan’s bullshit comment doesn’t even deserve answering EXCEPT where she fucking dishonors our family AGAIN.  – Joan’s comment is in italics.

All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?

 am tired of my older sisters stalking me and harassing me.

Please note that after any comment I make, it is followed by an attack from one or both of my sisters.

This latest comment was merely copied and pasted, except for the lines “I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, from another thread she posted on after she found me there (http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/topic/3858/ Private adoption vs Agency).

I would like to bring this hostile, confrontational behavior to the attention of the moderators of this blog.

I declare publicly that am not the poster called Pilgrim. I am a social worker and an adoptee. I challenge my sisters to present their credentials. I also state that the poster called “eldersibling” is lying when she states she is an “adopted mother”. She was never adopted by anyone. What she says about me and our stepmother is wrong. Our step mother came to me, crying, because she had to sign relinquishment papers for her husband, our father, to adopt her younger daughter, not the other way around.

This has been the problem since my sisters found me in 1974. They twist stories, make things up, gang together, and attack me.

I have made it clear I want nothing more to do with them. No attempts were made by “eldersister” to reconcile with me. I will not fall for anything they say, as when I did in the past, they turned on me again.

Their statements about me are wrong, as they have been for the past 38 years (after they found me). I suspect that during my childhood before they found me that these sisters had been gossiping about me behind my back. Keep in mind I had absolutely no knowledge that they ever existed because my adoptive parents never wanted me to know the truth.

I have been hunted down all of my life. Nothing I have said on any thread in this website, or any other website, has been lying, or threatening, or naming them. They, however, come here, list my initials, thus leading to my real identity. If I wanted to use my real name here, I would do just that.

The only thing I ask is for them to leave me alone. I wish them no harm even though they continually attempt to do me harm in one way or another.

Many adoptees who post here do so because of the negative experiences we have had. Because we have had “bad experiences” should not be a cause to dismiss what we say. It is a warning. These comments do not come from textbooks. They come from those who have lived adoption. Before considering seriously adopting, you have you before your eyes one of many possible implications of adoption by observing the interaction between my sisters and myself. NOTE: I have NO contact with them in real life at all. They have been told to stay away from me for many decades and they still harass me with the intent to harm me.

Since this thread was a put-down on birthmothers (All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?) I decided to let you know that not all mothers who lose their infants and children to adoption are drug addicts and criminals. I cringe with this accusation as my mother died. I am insulted by the assumptions here at this website. You pre-adoptive and adoptive parents have such low esteem for the parents of your adoptees. THAT I find disturbing. It was not my mother who relinquished me, but my father, and he was not at all a drug addict, nor a criminal. My parents were married for 10 years.

Now, for anyone out there who still believes what my eldest sister says:  “I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, I challenge you to find what I have said to be exploitive.

Obviously, my sisters have been deeply affected by the death of our mother and my relinquishment to adoption and whatever happened in their childhoods. They drew me into their lives and used my naivety (I was a teenager of 18 when they contacted me) against me. They never wanted me to learn about adoption and put me down when I did. I am the adopted one, they grew up together. They defend adoption, yet that is what tore our family apart, and that is what tore my adoptive family apart when the truth was told, against the wishes of my adoptive parents who never wanted me to know the truth. So, by my sisters defending adoption, they are accepting the very institution that caused so much havoc in our lives.

Reunions are both good and bad. Readers here do not know my relationships with other relatives or who I am as a person. You don’t know my adoptive parents, nor do you know what my life as an adoptee has been like. When adoptees search, they do so for similar reasons “normal” people go on Ancestry do com. For adoptees, no, we are not supposed to know, and when we do, we are the troublemakers. There are plenty of stereotypes of adoptees out there. We who come here, do so to speak for the little adoptees who cannot speak for themselves.

So, people on this website feel attacked by me? Then by all means, message me and talk with me. None of you have done that. But go to the older sisters who hunt me down, yes, listen to them, they are the older ones who know better than I do. Listen to what they say about me. If you read their comments, you’ll see that in reality, their sole purpose is to attack me rather than making any meaningful comment concerning adoption itself. 

I would simply ask the moderators to closely examine the comments made by “eldersister” (and the other sister, “birthsibling” on other threads) and decide whether this is the kind of discussion they in fact wish to promote.

Posted by halforphan56 on May 09, 2012 at 12:27am
RUTH – first comment:
I have not spoken anything but the truth.  And this is the only other thread that I have posted on, so halforphan’s statement “(and the other sister, “birthsibling” on other threads)” is wrong. Before she wrote that, I had posted on only ONE thread – singular, not plural. One of halforphan’s faults is that she exaggerates and overblows everything. If she reads 2 posts – she reports it as 5. If she she get one legitimate phone call by ONE sister (to inform of the death of an aunt) – it is reported as “numerous harrasing phone calls by my three sisters.” and calls the police to make a report on all three of us.(???)  – but I digress, just want you guys to take her statements with a little bit of salt. For example, her accusations that I gave her initials that lead to her real name. – Before I came to this site, halforphan filled out her profile here, and listed a link to her blog Forbidden Family – which contains her real name. So she left a way for readers here to find her real name. I never named her in my posts. only initials. This is what I mean that halforphan either outright lies about me or misrepresents what I have said or done.

As an infertile woman, who once considered adopting, and beng “touched by adoption” – my youngest sibling was relinquished to adoption – and having been in an “adoption reunion” – I have every right to be at this website.

I have every right to learn by being here – because my youngest sibling keeps saying I am ignorant of some things.

However, if I find an untruth or misrepresentation of me or my family, do I not have the right to speak up with the truth?

My youngest sibling blithely puts out hurtful stories of my family -such as this: “It took me years to figure out why she said that to me. Turns out, my extended adoptive family heard rumors that my natural father killed my mother, and other sordid tales. The truth is that my father did not kill my mother; he did not want her to suffer any more so he said no to experimental cancer treatment (1956).”

Jesus, it happened 56 years ago – LET IT GO and give the whole family some peace. It hurts to see these old family resentments and accusations of killing and such repeated all over the internet. This is what eldestbirthsibling meant that it is disgusting. Because it is.

All that needs to be said is:

My mother died of cancer three months after I was born. My father could not take care of 5 little kids, and gave me up for adoption.
My adoptive parents and other adoptive relatives told me gossip about my birth family.
When I was 18, my birth siblings found me and we had a reunion. While discovering my birthfamily, I became aware of some personal resentments towards my birthfather by my uncles.  For various personal reasons, my reunion with my birthsisters and other birthfamily members, turned sour.”

WHY must old hurtful gossipy, UNTRUE stories about my mother be forever dragged all over the internet?

WHY must lies be told about ME all over the place?

Lies are being replaced with truth. That is all. Nothing more, nothing less.

Posted by Birth Sibling on May 09, 2012 at 9:37am – Edit Reply

RUTH – second comment:

My mother is dead. My father is dead. halforpan’s adotpive parents are both dead. With the exception of two, all siblings and sibling-in-law of my mother are dead.

Let the dead rest in peace!

Even while living, my father accepted the fact that his former-brothers in law acted out in their grief that their sister died of cancer. She died swiftly. She went into the hospital in Dec. 1955, had the baby prematurely, had exploratory surgery on Jan. 19. She was discovered to be full of cancer. Nothing could be done. My uncles had a hard time accepting that and placed those feelings to my father. Three months later, my mother was dead. It was also HER wish not to go undergo any more treatments.

NOW THAT THE STORY IS TOLD WHERE IT DOESN’T BELONG (on this thread or elsewhere on the interent) – would you please stop repeating the same old tired garbage – please shut up about my mother and father and my uncles. We each have blogs for that.

What my uncles felt toward my father:
1. had nothing to do with your adoption.
2. had nothing to do with your adoption reunion
3. has nothing to do with your adoption reform work.
4. does not need to be repeated ad nausuem
5. whatever lies or gossip your adoptive family told you has no bearing on MY family.

the thread is about birthmoms on drugs and criminal charges? Why is our family’s old stories here? Who put them here first? – as an exploitation – to get sympathy for yourself. Stop!

comments for THIS blog post:


1. gertmcqueen –  
Gert here…

Did you notice how jW side-stepped what I said….
“I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, from another thread she posted on after she found me there about

no she can not ever answer the issues at hand…all she did was cry that she is being harassed…

I placed the following on that thread

in response to halforphan56

I am using HO for halforphan and JW for her real name…

If I said I was adopted, sorry, I am an adoptive mother, who adopted her son, to HO that is a crime, but why is it that HO does NOT answer to what I said, that she interferred in the adoption process of my son and violated my rights to privacy and parental decisions. HO answer why DID you DO that to me? Why don’t you ever TAKE responsibility for the dirty deeds to did to your sisters?

I have left you along since 1981 UNTIL you wrote a libelous book telling all manner of lies…own up to it, and it was YOU who came to my blog and left comments…why don’t you ADMIT that it is you who keeps this up…because you will NOT stop talking and lying about us….

In the book she wrote on page 355 JW says…’social workers have a ethical responsibility to promote a client’s right to self-determination’ and quotes from the National Association of Social Workers’ Code of Ethics…’Social workers should not participate in, condone, or be associated with dishonesty, fraud, or deception’ and footnotes it as #17

Why does SHE NOT live by those ethics? Why does she think she can exploit my family so that she can continue to browbeat others into NOT adopting?

anything else i have to say about her non-issues will be addressed on my blog’

I do have a right to be on this site and comment because I adopted! and I am not telling lies about

 2. Ruth

Joan ALWAYS sidesteps the charges we have put towards her – like why she LIED in her book about me having a criminal and arrest record. I have posted the actual Buffalo City Court documents that show that I was not arrested – I was SUMMONED into court – (big difference) – that Joan was granted a SIX MONTH order of protection (not one year as she reports in the book and all over the internet) and that she wrote to Albany New York in December 1994 to the Child Abuse and Maltreatment Center and told them that I was placed on PROBATION! I have scanned and posted that actual letter that she wrote in 1994 – lying to New York State Officials about me –
1. I was never arrested in my life.
2. The order of protection was for six months, not one year.
3. the judge said it was an order of protection NOT probation.
4. Despite my bringing these lies in her book and on the internet forth, WITH THE ACTUAL LETTER JOAN WROTE IN 1994 AND ACTUAL COURT DOCUMENTS THAT PROVE JOAN IS F’ING LIAR – SHE WILL NOT ANSWER!


But since we have already done that – her reputation is shot.
And Joan my dear, you did that to yourself. You started the shit way back in 1990 when you stole hundreds of dollars from me, reneged on your promise to repay me, tried to break me and John up, forged a letter pretending to be your own 10 year old son, mailed it to John, but addressed the envelope to me, baited me into phoning you, hung up on me three times when I did call you, falsely reported to the phone company and the police that I was making annoyance calls to you, then you charged me with harassment and you were given a six-month order of protection against. Then the following year, you called my job repeatedly, accusing me of computer hacking, called them everyday for six months trying to get me fired, then you called child abuse on yourself giving out my name and saying that my fiance abused your kids. Then your write to Albany, NY and tell them I was on probation – then you write to the mayor of Buffalo and lied to him about all this bullshit, AND gave him my private details of my life and medical history of not being able to get pregnant.Then in 1999, you send me a letter that John got the next door neighbor pregnant.


She can’t, because then she will have admitted to what she really is: A FUCKING BITCH.



Joan Wheeler needs to stop spreading the same old gossip and lies her adoptive mother filled her head up with. April 16, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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On Sunday, April 15, 2012, on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum,  Joan writes this following comment:

Re: Race, Religion, and Rescue in Adoption: Conference, NYC, October 2012
« Reply #3 on: Yesterday at 04:47:03 PM » 

My adoptive mother always rescued orphans — baby birds, baby rabbits, puppies, kittens — she was raised in an orphange. It made her feel good to take in “strays”. And, no doubt, she loved animals and the other children she helped raise. I was the only one adopted. Yeah, there was that certain outlook in our home. At one point, Mom threw it in my face that “When we got you, you had sores all over your body!” And she said it with such sarcastic, rub it in your face kinda tone. Alright, I was an infant of 4 months, was that MY fault? Did that mean they rescued me?

On March 25, 2010, I blogged about this crap in my post “Joan tells a vicious lie about her own godparents on page 319 of Forbidden Family”   Here is an excerpt of that post:
On page 319, Joan writes: “I also suffered through inconsistency of primary care as my mother lay dying in a hospital room. When I was released from the hospital my godparents took me in. As my adoptive mother told me, when I was four months old my father handed me over to them in family court. They took me home and were shocked to find body sores. My godparents, I was told by my adoptive mother, didn’t take good hygienic care of me in the few weeks they had me. My new parents nursed me back to health and made me feel guilty for it years later. “You had sores all over your body when we got you!” Mom yelled at me. I never understood why she yelled at me as I grew up. She made me feel as if it were my fault. Perhaps I should feel grateful that I was saved.”

On Friday, March 19, 2010, at 8pm, I spoke on the phone with my uncle, who was Joan’s godfather and who took care of her while my mother was in the hospital. My uncle says that Joan had impetigo, and she had them when she was discharged from the hospital. He told me his wife did everything she could to clear up the rash, and was just getting a hold of it, when my father came for Joan and gave her to the Wheelers. My uncle said, “Ann raised 4 children and did the best job. She took good care of Joan.” My uncle was outraged to hear this lie about him and his late wife. He also told me he had already fired off an email to Joan to “straighten her out.”

 So once again, we see how Joan takes something that was told to her and instead of researching it, repeats the lie. She has had many opportunities in the past to ask our uncle if this story was true. But then again, could we have trusted Joan to tell the truth? No, because we see again and again, that Joan interprets facts to support her conclusions about things, if not outright lying about things.

Joan does say in her book and on the internet that her adoptive mother told her this nonsense about her having “body sores.” But does she tell her readers the truth of this gossip mongering? Does she defend her birth-uncle? NO! But all over her book and on the internet, she’s admonishing both her birth and adoptive families for gossip mongering!

She may have said on page 319 of her book that it was her adoptive mother that told her this crap – but she doesn’t follow through with THE TRUTH! And leaves her readers thinking this was the truth – when it wasn’t! Readers of her both her book and this latest retelling of this gossip on the adoptee forum, will leave with the impression that my uncle and his wife didn’t take good care of Joan while she lived with her. This is poor writing at best, and at worst, leaves the reader believing a piece of trashy gossip. Nice going Joan, I though all over your book you don’t like gossip mongering. I thought your book was the truth.

By leaving that vital piece of information out, Joan’s book is NOT the truth – and the result? My uncle was livid when I told him what was in the book. And he wants nothing more to do with her. She was kicked off his facebook page, and just recently his daughter, who just hadn’t gotten around to it before, kicked Joan off her facebook page.

So I suppose I will get the blame there. Of course, as usual, Joan does or says something stupid, insults people and gets them mad at her. And as usual, Ruth will get the blame. Yes, yes, it was Ruth who told her uncle and cousin what was in the book, so I am guilty of reporting it. But am I guilty of writing that gossip in the first place? NO! But Joan, in her diseased mind, will NOT take responsibility for her own actions. She will stew about her uncle and cousin not wanting contact with her, and think to herself, “It’s Ruth’s fault. She told them.” Never mind that they can read English and find that shit out for themselves. Everything all boils down to being Ruth’s fault. Ruth does nothing – but it’s all her fault.

That adoptive mother of Joan’s was a sick individual – she talked trash about us – the birth family and Joan came away believing it. And if she “re-writes” her book and explains that she had impetigo from the hospital – she had better give me credit for it – because as of March 2010, it was ME who reported the truth, and my uncle will not have told her about it – because he wants nothing more to do with her. And if the re-write contains this truth – it will show that she was NOT forthcoming with the truth in the first edition – which means all her statements that her book is a truthful account — FALSE!

1. gertmcqueenApril 16, 2012

Gert here…

And Joan, on her web page, wants to impress people with her ‘not harming people’!!! What a laugh!! Joan doesn’t have a decent bone in her body. All she can do is repeat lies and negative impressions about people, in this case, the birth family. Apparently Joan never was taught that ‘if you don’t have a nice thing to say about someone…keep your mouth shut’.

The birth family’s exposing of Joan’s words and deeds is just that….EXPOSING…the hate, the anger, the negativity that Joan has for any one who opposes her view…she is a very dangerous, vile person. We will continue to point out all these hateful words from Joan’s mouth until she learns to speak with dignity and respect of the birth family.

this particular lie and the retelling of it, is not only disgusting but it proves that Joan has no regard for those, birth relatives, that took care of her. Joan ought to hang her head in shame.

if she has a beef with the adoptive mother, say so, but Joan needs to stop repeating hateful, lies about people that are blood relatives.


More Deluded Ramblings from Joan Wheeler’s Sick Diseased Mind April 6, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness, Our Family History, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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In Gert’s recent post “The beginnings of Joan Wheeler’s Internet campaign against her birth siblings (part 1), Gert revisits the early posts in Joan’s blog and tells about Joan’s ranting on her website on December 9 and 10, 2009. I left a comment on Gert’s post, but I want to post it all here.

But first, I want to address a paragraph from a post of Joan’s from December 11, 2009: Adoption Gone Bad – Not Reunion, where Joan is rambling on about (ho-hum) her crappy adoption:

“Meanwhile, my father was not aware that meddling relatives from his deceased wife’s family would spread filty lies about him killing his wife and that he “could not stand the sight of me” that’s why he “got rid of me”. THAT was the content of hate mail sent to me for decades from anonymous letters whom I suspect are members of my extended adoptive family who listened to these lies and beleived (sic) them.”

Really? My father KILLED my mother? She died of cancer. Her relatives said that? I’d like to know who said that. Because I had never heard it. Here is what happened:

In early winter 1955, Mom, who was pregnant, was not feeling good. By Christmas, she had to go to the hospital. They couldn’t find out what was wrong. On January 7, 1956, she miscarried her baby at 7 months gestation. The baby was placed in an incubator and survived. Mom had exploratory surgery on January 19. She was found to be full of cancer, nothing could be done, so they closed her up.

Meanwhile, her brothers, asked my father to send her to Roswell Park Cancer Institute. I am unclear why, perhaps he didn’t have proper health insurance in those days, but my father said he couldn’t afford a specialist. The brothers talked it over and they agreed to pool their money. (as told to me in a telephone conversation with my uncle in the spring of 2010). Meanwhile, (and this was told to me by my mother’s sister), my mother knew that it was hopeless, and also refused to see a specialist. This is not uncommon, at the end stages of life, sometimes people just “know” it is their time – why bother with treatments etc.? – My aunt also told me she told her brothers this and to “let it go.”

My mother died on March 28, 1956. My uncles, in their grief, blamed my father. This also is not uncommon. Funerals sometimes bring out the worst in people. BUT they blamed him for her death – by not calling a specialist, but NOT killing her. There is a difference.

During the 1960’s, two of my uncles and my aunt lived in the city of Buffalo. I saw them frequently. The other two uncles lived where it was necessary to have a car to see them. We did not have a car in our family. But I did see my uncles from time to time.

I well remember my cousin Judy’s wedding in the early 60’s. I was there with my father. Judy’s husband Jerry, well respected my father. Anytime the family got together for funerals or weddings, or family reunions, my cousins all showed respect for  “UNCLE Leonard.” My uncles, yes, because of the bad feelings, did not associate with my father. But they never disrespected him.

There were two incidents, in 1985 and in 1990, where my Uncle Mike snubbed my father. And my father took offense to it. I told him both times to just let it go. There were no words spoken between Mike and my father – just a snubbing – and in the long run – who cares? – Uncle Mike, and indeed ALL my mother’s brothers – despite their not liking my father, NEVER held any of this against us, Leonard’s children. We were always welcomed in their houses. And loved.

So to refute what Joan blabs on nonsensically and irresponsibly:
1. My father did not “murder” my mother.
2. My mother’s brothers did not ever say he “murdered” or “killed” my mother.
3. Yes, they held it against my father (wrongly) for not taking  my mother to a specialist.
4. Yes, there were bad feelings down the years towards my father.
5. Except for 2 short and relatively insignificant instances, my uncles never disrespected my father.
6. My uncles raised their children to be respectful to my father.
7. My uncles never disrespected me or my siblings, despite their not liking our father.
8. My cousins never disrespected me or my father.

Now here is my comment that I posted to Gert’s post, and it certainly applies to this BULLSHIT that people said my father killed my mother as well:

Joan gets herself into a rage and starts talking nonsense. She does it in real life, I’ve seen in letters she’s written to me – and now we see it on the internet. She will start out quietly and rationally, then rapidly starts talking about things that have NOT been in the conversation – she then pulls those things into the conversation and starts accusing the other person of it. Then her voice becomes rapid and high-pitched and she ends up screaming. And swearing. (maybe she has Tourette’s). Any chance of the other person to continue an intelligent conversation, or even denying what Joan is accusing them of is gone. You have NO chance to stand up for yourself – because if she ‘s in person, your ears are hurting, a fight now starts. If on the phone, as soon as you begin to defend yourself, Joan hangs up on you.

She is an irrational mentally ill person. Like the stewardess who had the melt-down on the plane a couple of weeks ago, Joan is screaming nonsense. The stewardess was yelling the plane was going to crash and she wasn’t going to be responsible – before they even took off – and so does Joan – she takes off on a nonsense tangent – things you don’t even know what she’s talking about – things that happened to her, but not to you. But in her delusions, she believes that YOU did it. She speculates as to your motives. Every little look on your face, gesture of your arm, is interpreted. And usually wrongly. And then – she’s got you!

“Aha!”, she thinks, “I just KNEW it, she thinks I’m a shit head, she’s the one who called me this morning and hung on me. (it was probably an innocent wrong number) – yeah, those f’ing birth sisters of mine – they think I should have died,then they would have had mom to themselves. Well, I’ll show them. I’ll call the police on them. I’ll write to the mayor about them. yeah, because I know that’s what they did to me. They hate me. They’ve hated me for years. I know everything they’ve done.”

And on and on she goes. Then she starts BELIEVING the things that we’ve “supposedly” done. And reports those things as true.

This is a sick woman who seriously needs to be committed to the psych center. She is always whining that she wants HER privacy respected, but as we see in her rants, she blabbed OUR personal business to the internet.

— end of comment —

Yep – Joan gets a wild idea in her head and goes off and running with it. Never mind it never happened, it isn’t the truth, it’s a deluded imagining of someone who is very clearly mentally ill. To post on the internet that 1. my father killed my mother. 2. my uncles said this about my mother – IS SMEARING THE REPUTATIONS OF MY FATHER AND MY UNCLES. And make no mistake about it – JOAN LOVES TO SMEAR PEOPLE’S REPUTATIONS. I don’t give a shit if she says she got hate mail from her adoptive family down through the years that said that about my father and my uncles – JOAN HAS NO BUSINESS PUTTING THAT CRAP ON THE INTERNET – SHE IS DAMAGING THE REPUTATION OF DEAD PEOPLE WHO ARE NO LONGER HERE TO DEFEND THEMSELVES! Rumors, innuendos, gossip, and only JOAN’S version of my family’s dynamics.

WHERE ARE THE LETTERS THAT SAYS MY UNCLES ACCUSE MY FATHER OF KILLING MY MOTHER JOAN? POST THEM. — Bah, Joan is liar, she has no letters – all we have is her hearsay that her adoptive family wrote that shit. I don’t believe for one minute that ANYbody wrote that shit.

We have seen time and again, the past two and a half years, Joan throwing accusations out left and right against a whole bunch of people on her blog, on her cyberbullying page, on the adult adoptee forum, and on various other places on the internet. Accusations that are NEVER substantiated with any kind of PROOF! Meanhwile, all over this blog, and our other blog, I have posted photographs, documents, actual court documents, written letters (by Joan) that prove without a shadow of a doubt that Joan Wheeler is a filthy liar. Because of actual court documents that proved Joan lied in her so-called “truthful” book, her book got yanked by the publisher. Joan needs now to remove her cyberbullying page and ALL mention of her birth sisters on her Forbidden Family website. She needs to stop spreading rumors and lies about us and our family. Until these demands are met, this blog and it’s sister blog will stay up and we will continue to harvest EVERY word that Joan says on the internet – and if it is NOT the truth – we will post the truth.

The only way to stop us Joan, is to remove all mention of us from your blog, and come forth publicly and admit you lied in your book and to publicly apologize to us and ALL members of our family for your smearing good people’s names through the mud.

where does Joan get off painting everybody as murderers, harassers, and downright despicable people?
Seems to me that I know who the despicable person is – and their name is Joan Mary Wheeler!

Joan Wheeler is strangely quiet after we get her “press release” yanked. June 28, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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This is very wierd. In the past, when Joan has falsely accused me and my sisters of shutting down her blog(s) and shutting HER up (oh how I wish we had THAT power), she has been very vocal about it. But the ONE time we DID get her lies yanked off the internet, she has nothing to say!!!!

In the post titled “Joan Wheeler issues press release for her “new” book – no, it’s still the stupid book of idiotic lies, and even her press release is bull”  posted on June 22, 2010, are the statements that we Three Sippel Sisters wrote to the website that hosted the “press release” for her “new” book. The book Forbidden Family came out late November 2009. It is now 7 months later. This book is not new. This website is merely another vanity website, a place where Joan can “publicize” her lying book, trying to drum up business. I really could care less, EXCEPT in her press release, was yet ANOTHER slam against her birth family. She claimed that her birth family “terrorized her to the brink of suicide.” THIS IS SLANDER AND LIBEL! If Joan was at the brink of suicide, it’s because she needs professional help, or else she threatens suicide for attention. And she did it in the past – to me, in my apartment in 1986. Because her then husband Colby moved to South Carolina for a better life and gave her an ultimatum – move to South Carolina (where she would have to leave her new-found birth family in Buffalo) or get a divorce. She came to my apartment and was whining about it, and actually threatened suicide. I don’t remember her exact words, but I could tell it was just for attention – it was all dramatics. Joan should have gotten a career as an actress!

Well, I fired off a separate complaint to the website stating that Joan’s lying statements about her birth family driving her to suicide was slander and libel and even told them about that suicide “threat” in 1986.

We Three Sippel Sisters are taking credit where credit is due: we fired off our complaints to the website, and they yanked Joan’s bullshit press release off the internet.

So why does Joan need to issue a press release months after her lying book has been published? Because it is not selling! I could have told Joan a long time ago, that her book was NOT going to sell. Why? Because it is NOT a true book about adoption reform, it is merely Joan’s “payback” to everyone in her life that ever disagreed with her or made her angry. The book is not about her adoption or her reunion. If it was, it wouldn’t have stuff in there about MY life, like I was a neighborhood activist in the 1990’s. What does that have to do with HER adoption that took place in 1956 or her reunion with her birth family that took place in 1974? I will tell you what it has to do with even adoption reform: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. So why is it in her book? It is just a bit of tawdry gossip about me, that is all. Because I live in the “inner city” where conditions are less than perfect, so she paints me as white trash. And yes, conditions in my neighborhood weren’t all that great, but they have greatly improved. Why? BECAUSE I AM A NEIGHBORHOOD ACTIVIST! I organized and headed a block club on my street. I had discussions with the police chief of Buffalo, the mayor, my district councilman, and others. Joan holds me up to ridicule in her book just because I was/am a neighborhood activist. What kind of person puts down another person for their efforts in trying to improve the quality of life in their hometown, for fighting drug activities, for taking a stand against guns and violence in our streets? I will tell you what kind of person does that: a screwed up nutball like Joan Wheeler, who is so full of hate towards me that she talks about me like I was slime. Yet whines and complains if somebody “talks” about her!  She wants it both ways! JOAN will put down other people, but gets mad if they put her down. Typical narcissistic bitchy behavior.

If I am white trash because I live in the “inner city,” well so is Joan, because she lived only a mile and a half from me – also in the inner city. When she puts people down for living in the inner city, she puts herself down. It is called “transference.” There are things about HER life, HER personality, that she can’t stand, and instead having the guts to be a WOMAN and changing what she doesn’t like in her life, she will transfer the putdowns onto other people and put them down. And her favorite scapegoat is ME, and from time to time my other sisters. Gosh, I just had a thought – if I were to have a heart attack and die tomorrow – Joan’s whole reason for living (blaming me for everything that is wrong in her life) – will be gone! Maybe she will up and commit suicide. Oh my! I better be sure to take my Lipitor and my Omega 3 fish oil capsules to keep my heart healthy. I don’t want to get blamed, even posthumously, for Joan’s suicide! roflmao1 and believe you me, Joan would blame me – she would leave a suicide note – it would read: “My birthsister Ruth died of a heart attack last month. Things are going awful in my life. My book isn’t selling. The readership on my blog is down. In fact just last week, another post of mine got shut down by her. Yes, I know she died, but I just KNOW she is responsible. I don’t know who else to blame for my own screwups, Ruth is gone. What am I going do? I can’t blame anybody else. So I will just end it all.”

roflmao! – just another example of Joan Wheeler Speak!

Onwards, while ignoring bratty Joan Mary Wheeler’s whines. May 21, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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We Three Sippel Sisters, having yesterday responded AGAIN to charges of harrassment, gossiping about, lying about, stalking, cyber-stalking, bullying, cyber-bullying and interference with/to Joan Mary Wheeler, have decided that from now on, we will simply ignore the little brat and her temper tantrums and her whines.

I think we have said about 5 times already that Joan does not want anyone, including her 3 birth sisters, to do ANY of the things I listed above, but she will do ALL of the above to us, and others.

We will NOT however, be intimidated from gathering any research about Joan’s continued harassment,  gossiping about, lying about, stalking, cyber-stalking, bullying, cyber-bullying and interference with/to US and OUR FAMILY. Joan is not the Queen of the internet. Nor is she our mother. She is nothing but a hypocritical, lying, 54-year-old brat, who continuously goes whining to her adoption buddies or throws temper tantrums when she doesn’t get her way, or sees that the world just is not going to revolve in the way that she wants it to.

I was watching The Young and the Restless today. One of the characters said an interesting thing to another character. I want to say this to Joan:


Think about it Joan.  You are all alone in the world. You have pushed EVERYONE away from you. Your birth family, your adoptive family, your friend Bonnie, who gave me your computer, many others. Do you not see a pattern? YOU, and YOU alone are doing it all to YOURSELF. And you can’t face that. So you lie about everyone (including yourself) to shift the blame onto everyone else. You lost ME, because you stole from me. But you wanted to blame ME for your loss of me, your birth sister, so you concocted little schemes like sending forged father’s day cards and notes supposedly from your son to my fiance, but addressing the envelopes to me. Just so I would respond and then you could parade my response around as an incident of “harrassment.”  click here to read about a letter that came to my house in June 1993. The envelope was addressed to me. It was in Joan’s handwriting. with her return address, but inside, there was a letter supposedly from her 10 year old son written to my husband. We had also recieved a Father’s Day Card under the same circumstances.  This post contains the actual letter that her “son” wrote, along with a sample of Joan’s own handwriting. There are a lot of similarities. The following letters are all the same: a, e, r, t, with the same way that Joan has of mixing printed and cursive. Something a 10 year old wouldn’t do. Also, the letter is addressed Dear John, but if Dennis had written it, it would have been addressed as UNCLE John. And like I said, why would Joan mark the envelope to ME? With her return  address? Shouldn’t the envelope been addressed to John, with the return address as Dennis. I no longer have the envelope, but I think the letter speaks for itself. What kind of woman uses her own child to engineer a response from someone, then use that response and say it is “harassment.” no, the real harassment has always been FROM JOAN.

THOSE DAYS ARE OVER! People are now seeing through your manipulations, your game-playing, your schemes and your lies. You don’t know it yet, but we have a surprise for you.

You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.  And Joan, my dear, your days of fooling people are OVER!

1. chayeletMay 21, 2010 [Edit]

Hear,hear! ‘Bye JW.

2. Gert – May 22, 2010 [Edit]

Ruth speaks the truth!
In the past you have attempted, and in many ways succeeded, in keeping us sisters from speaking out, but that has changed. You and only you published a book of lies and fabrications and now we have our opportunity to speak our truth and there are many many many surprises awaiting you. So I suggest you stop whining because no one is listening to you. We are all too busy telling the truth and undoing the harm that you did.

Cyber Stalking or merely reading a blog on the World Wide Web -Dictator Joan issues another selfish decree! May 20, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler.
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roflmao! So we are accused of cyber stalking again. um, correct me if I’m wrong – but if a thing is put out on the internet, then it is meant to be READ? And just how would Joan Wheeler know what is on our blog, and that we are “cyber-stalking”? By reading something here on our blog? Well, as you see, DICTATOR  Joan Wheeler wants to come here to read our blog, but she declares that we CANNOT read hers. geez!

Joan, my dear, you do not own the internet. And if you are putting MY name on YOUR adoption discussion forum, than I claim the right to see what is being said about ME! YOU do not own MY name, I do. If you talk about me on the net, I want to know about it.

Oh, but whiny little Joan Wheeler, all over her book bitches and moans when she finds out (or even imagines) when people are talking about HER. But she thinks she can talk about ME and doesn’t see that is a double standard.

Grow up Joan. “oh, they’re talking about me again.” Well, you talked about me on May 8, 2010 and directed your buddies here. It’s ok for YOU to cyber stalk ME and put MY name out on discussion forums, but we can’t do the same? And FYI: We are NOT doing the same.  We are not going on a bunch of websites talking about you. We could care less about you. And this blog is NOT about YOU: it is about ME and MY SISTERS, refuting YOUR lies. And we are not talking about YOUR life, we are talking about OUR lives. Your life gets mentioned when it has affected ours. And by they way, YOU talked about OUR lives in your book! So what’s your beef? What an idiot! Joan can talk about MY life, but I can’t talk about hers. Joan can go on the internet and talk about ME, but she doesn’t want ME to go on the internet and talk about HER. Talk about being a bully! Joan Wheeler – consummate cyber bully. Like she has been all her life. She has no self-esteem, so to get her way, she resorts to bullying. Do as I say, not as I do, is her command! Joan, YOU DO NOT COMMAND ME! I do as I see you do. uh, I mean, isn’t that what you want? Us to think like you? No? Well what the hell DO you want? pshaw, I don’t care what you want. You sure don’t care what I want, and never did. I was just a piece of dirt to you. A piece of dirt you thought you could steal from and get away with it. well, in a sense you did, because you never repaid the money you stole, but you know, what goes around, comes around. You’ll pay for all the crap you did to me and my sisters. And I think it’s coming round.  If isn’t evident at the moment, it will shortly. I don’t know when, but things are going to blow up in your face.  lol.

oh, and thanks for the publicity to my blog. oh! sending more people over here to read all about the crap you did to us and the lies you’ve told about me and my family! roflmao! stupid is as stupid does. thank ye, thank ye, thank ye! lol — well peeps, you are all quite welcome to come here and read anything you want! That’s why it’s here! I WANT people to read it. Why else would I be typing this stuff up and publishing it? Just to practice my typing skills? lol.

by the way, Joan, nice job obtaining John’s birth certificate. thanks a bunch. lol. Miss Know-it-all, knows all about birth certificates. Promised John to help him get his, but couldn’t.  Why not? I thought she was the EXPERT in such things. tsk tsk. No worries, we went and got it ourselves, with absolutely no problem.

everybody, on three, sob for poor little Joanie. She can dish it out, but can't take it. boo hoo. cry for the little Joanie. sob


1. Gert – May 20, 2010 [Edit]

Joan has said ‘They read my website now, just have they have done to my other blogs. If they don’t want me in their lives, they have no business reading my website. They are obsessed with me and are determined to bring me down. I will not let that happen.’

This is Gert talking and I have NOT been on Joan’s site. It is no us that is obsessed, how would Joan know what we are saying if she is not reading our blog?

The above statement by Joan and other things are out there on the internet! Free for all to see, can’t be controlled! Listen carefully, Joan, no one is stalking or bullying you, it is all in your ‘inner life’. The purpose of this blog is so that us three sisters can have our own voices heard, without being charged, by you, of harassing, stalking or bullying you. Those days are over!

You wrote a book great! It is NOW the subject of a great deal of reading, pondering and writing reports about its contents. That is what happens when you ‘go public’, you are subjected to praise and criticisms, it is not harassing, stalking or bullying. Face the facts that it is you and only you that is afraid of what we are saying about the contents of the book.

An evil deed, like freshly drawn milk, does not turn sour at once….

Joan your evil deeds over the years of slaundering us, telling lies, fabricating nonsense with malicious intent about us, browbeating, harassing, and varioius deeds of omission (so you don’t look bad) are coming to fruition. You were the one who wrote a book, now deal with the fall out from it!

I will say what has to be said and no one Joan will stop me. I have only just began and I will not stop until I have addressed every single page of your book of lies and fabrications that deal with the lives of myself, my children, my sisters, my parents and everyone else that you mention in this book of filth.

2. RuthMay 20, 2010 [Edit]

I agree with Gert.
Go back and read the title and subtitle of this blog:
Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family
what Joan Wheeler doesn’t want us to do: expose her lies and tell the truth about us and our family

everything has a link in a chain of events:
1. Joan wrote a book. that book was full of falsehoods and slams against her own blood kin.
2. Joan goes on the internet and slams her own blood sisters – as far back as September 2008
3. A blog is put up to TELL THE TRUTH behind the falsehoods in the book and what Joan says on the internet

Cause and effect, my dear, cause and effect.
and as with most bullies, Joan can dish it out, but can’t take it. too bad, my dear. as Gert just wrote: “You were the one who wrote a book, now deal with the fall out from it.”

why is Joan Wheeler against Free Speech March 15, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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1. Joan puts out a book that gives erroneous details of MY life.

2. Joan goes on the internet and gives erroneous details of MY life.

3. In her book, Joan tells lies about me and my family.

4. On her blog, Joan tells lies about me and my family.

5. Joan is now asking her friends to gang-assault WordPress with complaints to have me shut down.

6. I have never asked my friends to do this to her.

7. Joan threw a hissy fit when WordPress censored one of her posts. She said “I will not be censored.” But she wants to censor me?

Excuse Me. Joan, are YOU the only one who can write about  the life of the Sippel family? Last time I looked, MY name is Sippel. YOU wrote a book about MY mother. MY family! Then I have the same right to write a blog about MY family. And what I am doing, is pointing out where YOU tell lies about MY mother and MY father, and ME!

Adoptee friends of Joan: Do you see how you are being manipulated by Joan? Did she not write the other day a post and provide a link about “gang-stalking?” And now she is asking you guys to do the very same thing to me? To gang up and send a bunch of complaints to WordPress? That is called “gang-stalking” my friends, and Joan just asked you do the very same thing she is accusing me and my sisters of doing to her. THINK ABOUT IT! Stop and ask yourself this question: If I read someplace somebody writes a blog and tells a fabrication of my life, surely I have the right to correct that fabrication?

Well, don’t I have that right? Joan says in her book that I was arrested and placed on probation in 1993.  I PROMISE YOU PEOPLE ON THE GRAVE OF MY MOTHER THAT I WAS NEVER PLACED ON PROBATION.  I have produced scans of actual court documents that PROVE THIS. I have proven that Joan is a liar. But she will keep telling you people that she is not a liar? And ask why I am writing this blog?

I AM WRITING THIS BLOG TO CLEAR MY REPUTATION THAT JOAN HAS SMEARED IN HER BOOK. I have never been arrested in my life. Joan says that I have a criminal record. THIS IS A LIE!

Now go ahead, and say that I am “unhinged.” Really. The unhinged one is Joan. I have never even thought of suicide, but Joan admits that she has been in the past. Her book tells of one fight after another with just about every one in her life! gods I am sorrry that she has so many psychological problems, but THAT’S NOT MY FAULT. She lies and says that I have placed thousands of annoyance calls to her house and swore at her kids. THIS IS NOT TRUE!

But does she say what she said to me on November 3, 2009, when I called her to tell her a family member died? She went off on me, screaming obscenities at me. Then called the police on me and named my other 2 sisters, who had nothing to do with the phone call. Then she called MY FATHER, an 85 year old man, and screamed at him! Because he gave me her phone number. I was protecting him, he sounded tired when I called him about my aunt. So I thought I would make the call. Well jesus christ, flog me with whipps for placing a phone call to tell adopted Joan that the women she was originally named for DORIS died. well f me!!

The verbal abuse I got from Joan was horrible. Obscenities. I burst into tears. Oh, but only JOAN has feelings huh? What about the rest of us? MY MOTHER DIED TOO YOU KNOW. When I was three years old. I HAD NO MOTHER.  But Joan continues to write about her talking about xrays showing tumors. dam it, that IS MY MOTHER SHE IS DISHONORING. Joan writes disgusting rumorss in her book that my father wanted to bury my mother in the nude! Admits it’s a rumor, than all over the book, she laments when people spread rumors about HER!

But it’s ok for Joan to spread a hurtful rumor about my father like that. And now I’m trying to get out the truth, and she doesn’t like it.

my father loved my mother. I and love them both, even tho my mamma died and I didn’t know her.

Joan is nothing but a bully, who throws temper tantrums when she doesn’t get her way, and won’t fight her own battles. Goes crying to her friends. ‘HELP ME.’ Instead of being a grwon woman.

Joan, you sullied my reputation on your blog and in your book. All I am doing is telling the truth. I WAS NEVER ARRESTED. I WAS NEVER PLACED ON PROBATION. Joan makes a mockery of my miscarriage, WHEN SHE WAS THE ONE WHO DROVE ME HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL. HUGGED ME WHEN I CRIED WHEN I LOST MY SON. yet says in her book that I merely ‘CLAIMED”  to have wanted children. I also had several books on pregnancy, breast-feeding, Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care; Our Bodies Ourselves. And Joan knows I had those books because SHE BORROWED THEM when she was pregnant with her son. If I had merely “claimed” to want children, I wouldn’t have those books now would I?

But I don’t have the right to tell people via my blog the truth of MY life? WHY NOT?

Joan Wheeler: STOP LYING! March 14, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Uncategorized.
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new blog post by chronic pathological liar Joan Wheeler, March 13, 2010

Joan, OUR FATHER WAS NOT COERCED INTO GIVING YOU UP FOR ADOPTION! No matter how many times you say this, you will never change the fact that my father was NOT coerced into giving you up!

People, if you read that and believe that lie, you are so gullible! I have it from my father’s mouth, HE WAS NOT COERCED!

He was grieving, yes, he was now a single father with 5 kids, 1 of them an infant.

THERE WERE NO DAYCARE CENTERS IN 1956! His parents were elderly, could not take care of a baby. In her own lying book, Joan says that her adoptive mother told her that when they got her, she was covered in body sores. This is a f’ing lie! MY UNCLE AND HIS WIFE, JOAN’S GODPARENTS TOOK CARE OF HER. Their son Jim was born the same year. Ann took care of two infants. AND DID IT WELL!





One big contradiction: on one page she says about me: “at one point Brenda “claimed” to want to get pregnant.”  then on another page, she says, “she went to a fertility clinic.”

Actually, it is all on page 302, and she contradicts herself IN ONE WHOLE SENTANCE. “At one point in her life life time she (me) claimed to want children and even went through infertility tests.”



Joan Wheeler insults gays and lesbians in her latest blog post February 25, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler.
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Sunday, Feb. 28

For those who take offense to what is my truth, then so be it! I’m not going to hide my thoughts for fear of offending someone. Joan had her turn at writing HER truth in her book Forbidden Family. Now it is MY turn to write MY truth. Why do you people think it is ok for Joan to trash me? But I’m not supposed to claim my right as a human being to put out the truth? No way! You people only know Joan through the internet, through her writing. She’s a good writer, that’s why I encouraged her to write her book waaay back in 1980. Didn’t know at the time that she would use that book to spread filthy lies about me. You people may have met her in person in conferences. Don’t be deceived. She is an actress. She uses and abuses people. If you people knew Joan in person, you’d be amazed. Why her own SON wants nothing to do with her, and she admits this in her book! Even at a funeral recently, the wife of the deceased person asked if I had spoken to Joan, I said no. She said “good, I don’t want her here.” Nobody wants her. She keeps harping on her extended adoptive family hates her. AND her birth family. Stop and ask yourselves WHY? Why does ONE person have sooooo many people who can’t stand her? And she admits in her book that people don’t like her.
As to me not posting the comments I received? Why should I post them? Not one of them was a disagreement with me, they were ALL abusive and attacking me. One was even full of obscenities.  And the person with the filthy mouth was the ringleader. Trying to get a bunch of her internet bullies to gang up on me. But could only find 5 people to back her up. lol. Out of over 200 views! wow, 6 against 1. and resorting to such potty language. roflmao!

If you disagree with me, then say so. You didn’t disagree with me, you attacked me. I do not respond to attacks and abuse. I do not respond to bullies. I will not be bullied or abused by anyone. Not Joan, not her internet bully buddies, not ANYONE! Got that?
So if you don’t like what you see here, you have my leave to go elsewhere. Sticking your heads in the sand or up your behind will not change the truth. Joan has lied in her book and on her blog and in person that I was arrested and placed on probation. I have provided actual court documentation that proves that this is a lie. And that FACT cannot be changed.
If Joan is depressed, it’s her own guilty conscience at work. Or most likely, since she has no conscience, she is ashamed and embarrassed that her filthy deeds to her own sister and others are now out in public for everyone to see. She had no conscience when she called my job repeatedly in 1994 and 1995 trying to get me fired. She had no qualms in stealing more than 700.00 from me, along with her husband. She had the balls to try to split me and my husband up. She even lies about her children. And used them as pawns in our feud. She says there was a three month court battle in 1994. I have provided actual court documentation that shows this never happened. She claimed that her children were there in the court because it involved them. Again, I have provided actual court documentation that shows this never happened. This is why she is depressed. Because her lies, her thefts, her schemes and her misdeeds are now for everyone to see.
These facts cannot be changed. I have not relied on faulty memory, but actual letters from her, letters from me, (photocopies), letters that she sent to elected officials giving them my private personal and health details, and letters she sent to my mother in law. Just yesterday I posted a letter from our lawyer that says in essence that Joan is a liar.

On February 23, 2010, Joan wrote another diatribe against falisified birth certificates. This is her sole reason for living. To correct the falsified birth certificates issued to adoptees. If that is her sole purpose in life, who am I to say anything? What I want to write about is Joan’s propensity for her mouth that keeps getting her into trouble.
The issue she is blogging about on February 23 is the fact that two gay men were awarded the right in a court of law to have both their names placed on their adopted child “birth” certificate. Joan calls the men “stupid” and “numbnuts.”

On February 24, 2010, in a follow up post, Joan writes the following: “Gays and Lesbians: go back into the corner. You can come back out only when you recognize and honor the facts of life for another human being.”

Excuse me Joan, who are YOU to tell a group of people to go back into the corner? Just because you think they are in error, does not give you the right to deride them. Isn’t the purpose of your blog to EDUCATE people on falsified birth certificates of adoptees and the psychological/socialogical effects of adoption on people? How do you think you are going to educate people when you insult them?


Then when the insulted or the hurt person speaks up for their right not to be insulted, or speak up for their right to have an opposing viewpoint from Joan, she will go off on a tangent, insult and hurt them more. Then when she sees that person is now her enemy, she wonders why they don’t like her, refuse to see how her own behavior made them an enemy of her, and then just blithely say that that person is an idiot, stupid, a numbnut or worse.

If she suffers any backlash because of now enmity of this person, she will sit and blame that person for the rift. Typical narcissistic behavior.

Joan has been told time and time again by MANY people that her own behavior is the contributing factor to the fact that nobody likes her or wants anything to do with her. But she is too stuck on her importance to see that. It’s not her fault. Nothing ever is. It’s always the other person’s fault. See, she was adopted, that’s why she can’t behave. oh puh-leeze!

follow up:   gosh, I hit a nerve. settle down Potsie!

Attention Adoption Reformers part 1 January 2, 2010

attention adoption reformers part 2  January 3, 2010

Attention Adoption Reformers – Part 3 January 5, 2010

Joan Wheeler, coward. Won’t stand by what she says. January 5, 2010

Ruining someone’s personal and professional reputation December 12, 2009

evidence of harassment of me by Joan Wheeler June 1998 December 12, 2009

Whining Teflon Dictator Joan at it again. December 28, 2009

The Triple Filter Test before saying something about anybody January 16, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Dreams, Inconsistent Angel Things.
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In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?”

” Wait a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.” “Triple filter?” “That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my student let’s take a moment to filter what you’re going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and…”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?”

“No, on the contrary…” “So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you’re not certain it’s true?” The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. “You may still pass the test though,because there is a third filter – the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?” “No, not really…”

 “Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful,! why tell it to me at all?” The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

Lesson to be learned Ms. Joan M. Wheeler!!!!

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