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Doris Michol Sippel fka Joan Mary Wheeler was recently in a depressed state for some time (as per own admission) and WHAM! came out of it into a full-blown manic episode and foaming at the mouth over her anti-adoption and her hatred of her birth sisters. May 7, 2017

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Joan/Doris came across a website by a couple looking to adopt and made a blog post bitching about them on April 30, 2017. I was alerted to her new blogpost via my email because I subscribe to her blog. Not that I’m really interested in what that nutball has to say, but I ‘monitor’ what she writes. I have said in the past that I keep an eye on her online activities to be alerted to when she says shit about me. She calls my ‘monitoring’ her as CYBERSTALKING AND CYBERBULLYING. No, I call it monitoring to see what she says about ME. Keep your mouth shut about me Joan/Doris and then you won’t have pissed me off again. DUH!

So, yeah, I ‘subscribe’ to her blog and when I get an email notification of a new blog post by her – I go check it out. And yep, she did it again! — For a couple of years now, she has actually been posting her anti-adoption stuff (yawn) WITHOUT mentioning her birth sisters – ALL OF SUDDEN, SHE DRAGS US INTO HER SHIT AGAIN. And being spectacularly STUPID in her jab against us. Here’s the quote from her post: “I have had absolutely no contact for nearly 40 years with the sisters who found me. I want it that way. Not because I am against reunion, but because they are cruel, insanely vicious people. “

Let’s see, this is the year 2017 – minus 40 years – that takes us back to 1977. Um, Joan, asshole, did you forget I was one of your fucking bridesmaids when you got married in 1983? WHO drove you and your newborn daughter home from the hospital in 1986? And in your idiotic book you did mention that you and I used to be close, going to the beach together with your kids in 1989. Were you having a Donny Trump incoherent moment there? Listen, sweetie, if you want to be taken seriously, you need to get your math and facts correct – And I am NOT going to deal with “alternative facts” concerning MY life. Don’t forget, you filled your book with ‘alternative facts’ but – my sending the actual police and court documents to Trafford Publications is what counted – the real facts, baby, the real truth of what happened, and because you tried to pull a fast one, lying to Trafford that everything in your book was ‘factual and true,’ MY truthful documents got your book pulled from publication.

Also on facebook, when Joan/Doris shared her blog post to the facebook group “Adoption Sucks” she calls us “evil” – so, I am an evil cruel, insanely vicious person? Really Joan? really? Hows that again where in 2012 you called my job with lies to get me fired? And then you were on twitter dragging me into something I didn’t know anything about and accusing me of doing something, while I was sleeping. — I had no idea what she was talking about until I called a cousin to find out that another cousin’s husband had died, and I was NOT to arrange an adoption of her little girl. -????? newsflash – I’ve never been in the adoption industry.

Well, let’s talk about EVIL here.

 EVIL – calling your sister’s workplace with lies to get her fired. — that’s what Joan/Doris did to me in 1994-95 and 2012.

 EVIL is writing a letter to your sister telling her that her husband got the next door neighbor pregnant – and the house was vacant – that’s what Joan/Doris did to me in 1997.

 EVIL is scamming your sister out of $700.00 – that’s what Joan/Doris did to me in 1989.

Get your ‘evil sister’ straight Joan/Doris.

Let’s talk about LIES Joan/Doris –

Joan/Doris also said on the “Adoption Suck’s fb page that she figured out how to stop us from commenting on her blog. – um, nope, we never commented on her stupid blog. And she said she can’t stop me from liking her latest blog post – um, no, I never “liked’ her latest blog post. — here’s what she said: “Just a reminder, folks: please, let’s have more comments on this over at my blog! I finally figured out how to block my evil sisters from commenting. But I could not blocked them individually from the “Like” Button, so that is why I didn’t activate one. So please, head on over and fill up the comments! Thanks!”

Joan/Doris apparently was also ‘sanctioned’ by facebook because — she was willfully engaged in calling for CYBERSTALKING the website, the private email, and the public facebook page of the couple who were looking to adopt.

May 2 at 11:37pm — Doris Michol Sippel Hmm… I was punished by Facebook and blocked from posting for several days. WHY? Because I posted the contact info for J. HUH? THEY posted it on their blog and Facebook page! Well, I have it on file! Still gonna educated these morons!

UH, Joni/Doris, — maybe you should stop cyberbullying people. Oh? What’s that you said about me CYBERSTALKING AND CYBERBULLYING you when I freely admit to ‘monitoriing’ what you say about me? — Yes, another example of Joan/Doris doing exactly to people what she bitches about people ‘doing’ to her. What a fucking moronic hypocrite.

Now, let’s talk about Joan/Doris deigning to EDUCATE people. — “Still gonna educated these morons!” — she was foaming at the mouth at the couple who want to adopt because they said the wrong word. By the way, the past tense indicated by the d at the end of ‘educate’ was by Joan/Doris herself – the great, the all-knowing, the wonderful heroine of all adoptees. (yeah right). (Joan, dear, if you want to ‘educate’ people, be sure you are using correct grammar and spelling.)

Last time she ‘educated’ someone in ‘proper adoption terminology’ was in November 2017, at her very own first (and probably her last) book signing! She attended a group book signing for local authors sponsored by a local museum and she struck up a conversation with the author to her right, and then when the woman used ‘improper adoption terminology’ – Joan began yelling and screaming at her. No, I wasn’t there to witness it. How do I know what happened? JOAN/DORIS HERSELF POSTED ABOUT IT ON FACEBOOK!!! — Yes, JOAN/DORIS WAS ACTUALLY PROUD OF HERSELF FOR ACTING LIKE A BITCH! I doubt very much that she will have any book signings in the future.

Well Joan/Doris — I will use the adoption terminology that I always have and what YOU yourself always have — we are BIRTH-sisters. NOT sisters at all. YOU gave up the right to call yourself my sister when you finagled that money out of me, reneged on your promise to repay me, and started on your hate-filled harassments of me. Want a refresher Joan – read about your fucking EVIL AND VICIOUSLY CRUEL THINGS YOU DID TO ME – right here on this page of this blog: What is Demanded from Joan Wheeler (click here to be directed to new page–— who’s the EVIL one Joan? YOU ARE.

And as for ‘educating’ people, why don’t you educate your fellow angry adoptees on — infertility, that YOU boasted to me on the phone in 1987, saying “I know more about infertility than you think I do.” — no, bitch, you know nothing. And talk about evil and cruely vicious – THREE FUCKING TIMES I TOLD YOU DURING THAT PHONE CONVERSATION THAT I DIDN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY MISCARRIAGE AND YOU KEPT YOUR FUCKING EVIL CRUEL MOUTH GOING UNTIL I SLAMMED THE PHONE DOWN.

You had given birth to two beautiful children by then, you knew that I had been trying to get pregnant for years, you were at the hospital while I was in surgery to repair the damage from my ectopic pregnancy. But YOU ‘knew’ more about infertility than me? I don’t think so bitch.

Here – why don’t you go educate your fellow angry adoptee who left this evil, cruel and vicious comment to the couple you attacked on April 30,. 2017. “my advice is to just keep fking , one of the little buggers will do the job eventually!”

Joan/Doris, you claim to be an expert in genetics, baby-making, sperm and egg stuff, sperm donors, etc., and with your extensive list of ex-boyfriends, you have the knowledge to educate that particular moron. Not only in how a sperm and an egg might meet or might not meet but in your extensive knowledge in men. You must know more positions that are in the kama-sutra!

aw, was that last paragraph evil and viciously cruel of me? TOO BAD. You asked for it bitch – next time, don’t drag me into your anti-adoption stuff.

But let us continue talking about evil and cruelly vicious people- Remember that time you were part of that discussion group Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change and you ‘angry adoptees’ were pissed at actress Edie Falco being an adoptive mom? And one bitch in that group said “Would someone stuff a sock in her (Edie Falco’s) mouth, soak it in gasoline and set it on fire?”

You, Joan/Doris and all your ‘angry adoptees’ buddies are all a bunch of sick assholes.


gertmcqueen – May 8, 2017 

excellent post! The reason that Joan/Doris was PUNISHED by Facebook was NOT because she published someone’s phone or personal info (which was posted via them on their page) but BECAUSE J/D WILLFULLY cyber-stalked, harassed and called for OTHERS to do the same and then contact FB that the page was spam! J/D did the same thing to that author in Buffalo last Dec. Ruth and my comments are still on the FB page AGAINST J/D’s actions.


She thinks nothing of destroying other people if they DON’T do as she says! She has done this ALL her life! If anyone really WANTS to know about her just read Ruth and my blogs and the back and forth comments on Amazon for her 3 lying books and the forums on Amazon. Sure that would be a LOT of work, but with OUT THE KNOWLEDGE of J/D’s CHARACTER and her past DEEDS AND WORDS, no one can counter her. In other words…if you are HER VICTIM you must take actions against her. How? Spread the words about her to your friends and your agencies, PRIVATELY. Here’s what you NEED.

The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism’ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/ this blog is titled Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor


 this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.

Also see this Facebook page…which is a STUDY of the books.


 In addition…see the ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.

 Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum


 Joan Mary Wheeler forum


 review of first book and 4 comments




you know what? I really hate hypocrites like Joan Wheeler February 7, 2014

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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so the other day, my friend sends me this email about another shit thing on Joan Wheeler’s facebook:


Really Joan? Really?

I had found that same meme on facebook but didn’t do anything with it, but after I saw it on Joan’s facebook, I put it on mine with the following:

unbelievable! some hypocritical bitch that we call The Nameless One – has the f’ing nerve to put this on her facebook! What she does NOT say is how she disrespected ME, her own sister, after I lost my son thru miscarriage, AND wrote in her …filthy book that “it is just as well that she (me) did not have children.” What sparked that sentence? – She was wondering if I would have been a good mother while loving and collecting horror movies. Spending money on horror movies and not on my “children.” What a hypocritical bitch Joan Wheeler is – SHE spent $$$ running around to adoption conferences while her own son didn’t have a proper winter coat when he was around 9 years old. Joan also spent $$$ to go to a rock concert – The Monkees in Sept. 1986, after seeing them already in July 1986 – instead of paying her electric bill. She called me up whining that her electricity was being cut off. What? She has a toddler at home, 8 months pregnant with her second child, and instead of paying her bills, she’s running around to see a concert for a second time? And she questions MY ability to be a parent? Fuck you Joan Wheeler!
and yesterday (February 6, 2014) I had posted the following blog post:
Joan Wheeler deserves NO respect – because she gives no respect
All Joan ever did was disrespect me. Now Joan reaps the seeds that she herself sowed.
and by the way – Joan has been blessed with two children – who are still living – she has absolutely NO idea what it is like to lose a child – she has a lot of fucking nerve posting this stuff.

Joan Wheeler mocks infertility, and her own sister’s miscarriage September 12, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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I placed a comment on my sister Gert’s latest blogpost “Is infertility, by nature or by force, any reason to adopt? or is it a reason for mockery, by Joan Wheeler?”

But I also want to place it here, in it’s own post. Gert brings up the subject of how angry adoptees want everyone to feel sorry for their pain, yet those same angry adoptees don’t give a damn about anyone else’s pain. They actually MOCK people’s pain. And Joan jumps right on board the mockery train. here is my comment:

Joan routinely slams people’s religions – slams people’s choices in life. In her book, she slams poor people (yet laments she’s poor – oh that makes sense), slams people living on Buffalo’s East Side (even though she lived there too). All she ever does is MOCK people for this, for that, for ANYTHING! Then she wonders why NObody ever takes her seriously and runs the hell the away from her.

I myself am an infertile woman, and was on the receiving end of condesending remarks by Joan – LESS THAN A YEAR AFTER I MISCARRIED MY SON.   We were on the phone in May 1987 (I know the month and year – I was packing, moving into the house I live in now). She had just gotten back from one her adoption conferences and started talking about infertility. I told her that I did not want to talk about. I was still greiving my son, who I lost after years of trying to get pregnant. She ignored my request and kept right on talking. I told her again. She ignored me again. I told a third time, a fourth time. She kept right on running her mouth and then made the statement: “I know more about infertility than you think I do.” I slammed the phone down and burst into tears.

What does she know about infertility? Book statistics? Listening to other people? Yeah, Joan knows ABOUT infertitly, but does not know the PAIN of infertility.

Come on Joan, tell the world how your rotten birth sisters never took the time to “understand” you, but don’t tell the world how you stab them in the back and more cruelly, stab them in the heart.

This rotten statement to me was made in 1987, and then in her book published in 2009, Joan continues to mock my infertility and miscarriage. She writes “at one point she (me) CLAIMED  to want to have children,” – even though in 1983, while she was pregnant with her first child, Joan borrowed my books on pregnancy, breastfeeding, baby care. Why would I have those books if I merely CLAIMED to want children. But elsewhere in the book, she says that I was going to a fertility clinic. I never went to a fertility clinic (does she never do any RESEARCH?) – But that’s not the point – the point is – she contradicts herself. If I merely had CLAIMED to want to get pregnant, then why would I be at a fertility clinic?

Then she mocks me further in her book, because I made a rhetorical question “I don’t know how you find time to raise your kids and do all your writing?” Joan mocks me because I do a lot reading, and watch horror movies. Then she writes, “It’s just as well she didn’t get pregnant.”

Way to go Joan. Slam me, slam my dead son. Slam my infertility. Slam my life choices in recreation. Then slam me some more because I never took the time to “understand you.” Oh – go to hell Joan.

My answer to Gert’s post ‘Champ has left the building, Joan Wheeler has taken over’ and lots more! June 29, 2012

Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Ruth here
Good morning. I went to bed at 10pm. I was going to stay up and do some blogging, but was just too tired.

So here it is 3:30. I find a bunch of comments on Gert’s post “Champ has left the building…Joan Wheeler has taken over….”
I was going to comment myself, but find I have to much to say – so here is a new blog post.

Thank you Paula for having the courage to write your observations. We have long suspected that people reading our blog and Joan’s blog can tell for themselves that Joan is mentally ill. Joan knows herself that she is mentally ill. She readily admits that she’s been in therapy for over 30 years and describes herself as “damaged.” She finally got something right.

For the life of me, I cannot and have never understood WHY she has gone after me – all these years. Sure, she has hurt Gert and Kathy, and I’ve said it before to both of them – that book was NOT about adoption – it was to trash everyone in her life who ever angered her, and in particular ME. She calls me Brenda in the book. My god, every other page is Brenda this, Brenda that. Is the book a biography of Brenda or a biography of Joan. She writes about my first husband, my job, makes a mockery of my miscarriage, makes outlandish claims regarding a telephone annoyance incident – has a police detective talking nonsense about my pets – yes – my pets! A police officer would not do that. I had my phone listed under a different name – Brittany. She has the police officer asking her who is Brandy Sippel? Joan writes that she told him that was my cat – actually it was my dog – and the officer says the phone bill is under the cats name and Joan says my gas bill is under the other cat’s name. A letter written to Gert’s daughter has her admitting that she knows my phone is listed under Brittany. So why not tell the truth in the book?

And how did I get into court for annoyance calls? Because in June 1993 (at the same time she was making trouble for Kathy, via her pal Rene Hoksbergen), I get a letter in the mail. The envelope, in Joan’s handwritiing, was addressed to me. So I open it up. Inside was a sloppy note, supposedly written by her ten year old son, to my husband. It does not say Dear Uncle John, just Dear John, – and comparing it to Joan’s handwriting – it was her. So I called her up. She hung up on me. I thought we were disconnected. I called again. She hung up. I called again. She hung up. – Well, the sly one had already falsely reported to the Annoyance Call Bureau that she was getting calls. And made them install a trace trap. And calls WERE NOT recorded. She sent that note to bait me, and I fell for it. The following week, my electricity was shut off. I called her again – because she owed me money, – the money that she stole from me in the first place – now I needed it – same thing. She kept hanging up on me. Then she reported me to the police.
I got a call from the police officer and I told him my side of the story. He told me that he would recomend to Joan not to press charges, but she went ahead and did anyway. That’s how she got the Order of Protection against me – and it was for six months. Not for one year as she writes in the book.
by the way, you can see the actual letter in this post.”Did Joan’s 10 year old son write that letter I got in June 1993? Or did Joan herself?”

The following year, a completely innocent typing mistake mixed up her hospital bill and she swore up and down that I had done it. Never mind that I did not, never did, work in the billing office. For forty years, I’ve worked as a nurse’s aide. Joan calls my job and they investigate it. They found me innocent. But she wasn’t going to have it. She KNEW I was guilty and despite being assured by my employer that I DIDN’T do it, she was going to change the facts and set out to destroy me. She called my job for months trying to get me fired. She made that false child abuse call against herself to destroy my relationship with my fiance (now husband), she wrote letters to the mayor of Buffalo. – This took us into 1995. I filed harassment charges against her, but the stupid judge dismissed it, saying “sisters should get along.” – I was so angry. I was victimized by Joan, now I was victimized by the judge.

The harassment stopped after an assitant district attorney yelled at both me and Joan in 1995, but then in 1998, out of the blue, Joan started up again. The assistant DA who yelled at us was not there any more, so I had to start from scratch – and in 1999, Joan wrote me a letter using a friend’s return address – without her permission – and in the letter Joan tells me my infertile husband got the next door neighbor pregnant and they had a daughter in 1993. I go down to the district attorney and they didn’t want to do anything. A friend of mine, who works in the present city government suggested Family Court – and they took my case, slapping a one year order of protection for me against Joan. But she doesn’t write about that in the book – instead, she has all 3 court cases all mixed up and convoluted with a statement that we had a 3 month court battle in 1994. – What she was talking about was the case I brought against her in 1995 – First appearance, she is arraigned and a trial date was set. Second appearance, the case gets postponed. Third appearance, the judge dismissed it. Three short appearance, probably 15 minutes in length each time in front of the judge – gets reported in the book as “a three month court battle” with her kids on the stand testifying against me.

When I read that for the first time – I was like stunned! It was a total fabrication – I’m still amazed that Joan wrote that and actually BELIEVES that things happened that way. Because she really does BELIEVE that things happen the way she reports.

That is why she canNOT ever EVER explain even actual court documents that PROVE WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT WHAT SHE SAYS DIDN’T HAPPEN OR HOW SHE SAYS OR THAT SHE LIED. She turns a blind eye to her own handwritten letters to me and my fiance and my mother in law. She didn’t do that. That’s her story and she’s sticking to it.

She whines and says that nobody knew how to proceed with the reunion. I have already addressed that on my blog – I don’t know what she means by that – that the birth siblings were supposed to be some sort of all-knowing gods?

In 1974, I had just gotten my first real apartment. I had been on my own from 71-72, moved back in at my dad’s to help out watching the little ones. My first “apartment’ was just a room in a boarding house, now I had a full apartment, with my own fridge, etc. A new adult. lol. I was 23, starting late, but was finding my first adult steps. And we had our reunion. What deep psychiatric bullcrap was I supposed to know? All I did was f’ing welcome her into my life. I was working full time nights. When I had a free time – we went out. We got together. We were like new friends getting to know each other, but we were sisters. And we were re-connecting. What the hell did she want from me? Apparrently my life. Because when she started her interfering in 1980, and we started telling her, don’t do that, she would act like a five year old, (whiny) “I didn’t mean it. I don’t know how to act.). She says in her book she was a naive sheltered white girl from the suburbs.) Bull – she was an adult. But yeah, she acted like a brat. By 1980, it was clear to us that she, despite being raised by two parents, did not have the same morals and values that we did. We did not try to mold her to fit OUR pre-conceptions of what Doris might be, we simply put our foot down to someone who began interfering with our lives. Lying to us, and eventually stealing from us. These are things that are NOT tolerated by ANYone.

I recently broke off a freindship with someone who had the nerve to swear at me on my facebook page. At 1 in the morning she calls me up demanding to know why I took her off my facebook page. Then she starts swearing at me on the phone. This is a friend? Not in my book. So I said “goodby” – end of friendship. I don’t allow ANYbody to abuse me, not phyisically, verbally or otherwise. You disrespect ol’ Ruth – be prepared to be thrown out of her life. Boom. End of story.

Joan couldn’t accept that one by one, not only her birth siblings, but her birth father, and other members of both her adopted and birth family turned their backs on her – not because she was adopted, or is a militant adoptee – IT IS JOAN’S OWN BEHAVIOR – HER WORDS AND DEEDS THAT GOT HER KICKED OUT OF THE FAMILY.

Now she gets on the internet and wants people to feel sorry for HER. Because we birth sisters are telling the truth of what happened. We’re being admonished by her in her guise of Chimp to “understand” HER feelings of being adopted. NO way!

I did that back in the 70’s. I bent over backwards for her – all the way thru the 80’s and finally had enough when she stole from me. And from January 1991 to the present, I’ve been punished for simply saying I WON’T BE ABUSED BY JOAN WHEELER ANY MORE.

Joan Wheeler tried to destroy my life. She railroaded me in court. She tried to break me and John up. She tried to get me fired from my job. She wrote letters to the mayor and other elected officials in an attempt to ruin my reputation. She writes that book and trashes me left and right in that book. And worse of all – the worst of it – and she was there – during the years I was trying to get pregnant. And she even borrowed my books on pregnancy and child-raising, and was there when I miscarried in 1985, yet in the book states: “at one point she (me) claimed to want to have children.” then mocks my infertility by saying, “just as well she didn’t get pregnant.”

What does THAT have to do with Joan’s adoption, her reunion, or her adoption reform work? NOTHING -ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It was a pure attack on me – a vicious, below-the-belt comment, written especially to slam me and hurt me, BECAUSE JOAN KNEW HOW MUCH I WANTED A CHILD.

No, I don’t feel sorry for Joan – I hate her. But no, my life does not revolve around her or my hate of her- or this blog. I have a life and a busy one at that. – I actually have not had much time to do a lot of blogging – it has been sporadic lately. Since the last week of January of this year, I’ve had some health issues. And because of being injured on my job last summer, we had fallen behind in some bills, so our finances were strained. So despite my health issues, I did what people with morals and values do – instead of stealing money from someone, sick as I was, I picked up extra shifts at work.

In the meantime, my husband John has been getting his documentation together. He never had his original birth certificate, and despite being a know-it-all about birth certificates and expert in those matters – Joan never helped John obtain his original birth certificate. Well, I did. And by god, I’m not even an adoption expert or birth certificate expert! We just went to Lackawanna and got it. And everything is A-OK.

When John turned 65 a few years ago, he was supposed to be automatically placed on Medicare Part B. We never heard from Social Security. And he is covered under my family plan thru my job, so we never paid any attention. Well of a sudden, our health insurance was denying his doctor bills. So – we had to get all that straightened out. Several weeks ago John went to social security and while there for one thing, made the decision to retire. He was going to retire in 2013, but why wait?

So while we were waiting for all that paperwork, the first week of June, my computer – a netbook, crashed. Gert in the meantime, bought a new computer and shipped me her old laptop, a bit outdated, but still works just fine. AND I went and ordered a new netbook. So now, I got two computers and have been busy transfering files from my external hard drive to Gert’s old laptop and personalizing it. I still haven’t even gotten my new netbook up and running. I turned it on the first day I got it – it works. I installed a game, played it – it works, and it’s been in my office ever since. I’ve been working on the larger laptop in the living room, which will be transfrered to the kitchen by next week for John to work on.

Sooo – John’s social security check came – for two months worth (May and June) and we’ve been busy catching up with our finances. Just yesterday, Thursday, I was downtown paying my county taxes and water bill. It feels good to have zero balance on all our property taxes. And we had to go to our health insurance and show them that now that he has Medicare part B – they need to straighten that out. They said that they will go back and take care of any claims that had been denied. whew!

NOW – today, is John’s last day at work. I have to work this weekend, and of course there’s the holiday coming up next week, which I have to work (hospitals never close ya know). Next weekend, we are going to Red Lobster to celebrate his retirement. Then next month, we have three things to celebrate – both our birthdays, and our tenth wedding anniversary. We have long wanted to check out a restaurant near downtown Buffalo – Chef’s – the official restaurant of the Buffalo Sabres. I’m not kidding – it is! Apparently the players go there for dinner a lot. It’s an Italian restaurant, and must be good – the parking lot is always packed!

I’m also busy with my other passion – Star Trek, and I am head of a local Star Trek group. And a newsletter is due. So I simply MUST get one of my computers hooked up to my printer and get to work. And we are having our July meeting downtown at the waterfront in a couple of weeks. AND I’m still busy with my archiving work. Scanning into my computer pictures, and papers, articles of topics that I’m interested in. I’m interested in many topics, Ancient Egypt, Ancient Meso-America, other historical eras, I love art – Art Deco and Art Neuveau (I can never spell that right).metaphysics, crystals and herbs, AND I’m digitizing my music collection. I have on my external hard drive almost 850 albums of music.With more to go. I love all forms of music – from head banging metal to Mozart.

So with all this stuff going on – I don’t always have to time to blog. And Joan also put me down in her book for me liking horror movies. And just recently slammed me because I have multiple blogs! So f’ing what? I am a multi-faceted person with passion for the things I like. If you ask me, Joan is simply jealous that my life is so rich! And that I get the hell out there and do things I love. And yeah, I do have multiple blogs – one is the main blog about refuting that book, one was set up just to have simple statements from us three sisters that we will not accept abuse from Joan Wheeler. Another blog is set up to share family stories. Another blog is my horror site Midnight and Mythos. John is itching to learn the computer and the internet and contribute to our blog. His screen name is The Cadaverman. That gives you a bit of hint of what you can expect he will write about. 

And two months ago, I set up another blog for my Star Trek group The USS Ari, and to share my vast Star Trek scrapbook. There is a website already –  My Star Trek Scrapbook  by my friend Fred. He has been doing this for a few years now. Last summer, he put up a magazine article from 1979, but was missing the last page. Well, I had that article in my collection, and put that page on my blog to share with him. He suggested I start my own webpage and post the pictures and articles that I have, and this way, he and I can share with each other, and the world, our Star Trek passion. My Ari site is not ready to be up and running – but it will be soon. And Joan, in her guise of Chimp, can put me down, and ridicule me all she wants, because what she is doing by ridiculing me for my passions, and my choice of a tv show or genre of movies, – she is showing the world that despite her being 56 years of physical age, her mental age is that of a 10 year old. Acting like a schoolyard bully – she is the same as those bullying brats on the school bus two weeks ago, that bullied bus aide Karen Klein. By the way, if you click on the link and go see Fred’s site – he also has multiple blogs and likes horror too. So whaddya gonna do now Joan/Chimp? slam Fred for liking Star Trek and horror and having multiple blogs? bitch – your bitchiness is showing. ha ha. That didn’t help your cause any. All you accomplished was to show the world just what an abuser to your sister Ruth you are. You failed to show that YOU do not harass or engage in abusive behavior to Ruth – because — you just did.

So yeah, I got a busy life. And when I have a few minutes to write, I will. But most times, I have very little tiime for losers like Joan and her imaginary playmate Chimp. Another thing people (read Joan/Chimp) fail to understand – that going through her book and blogging about it – it is therapuetic for us. Because we have never ever been able to get a word in edgewise with Joan. When you talk to her in person – she starts arguing, her voice raises, next thing you know she’s shouting at you – screaming – and her voice is so piercing it hurts your ears. And you can’t get your point across because SHE’S now controlling you – by screaming at you, not allowing your opinion to be heard. If you write to her – it’s harassment, if you’re on the phone with her – the second you disagree with her – she hangs up on you. WE HAVE BEEN BULLIED INTO SILENCE FOR MORE THAN 30 YEARS. And the blogs are now a way for us to get a chance to have our say. There is that well-known statement – “there’s two sides to every story.” And Joan as Chimp, has a lot of nerve to say that because WE are writing our blogs, WE are not listening to Joan’s side. ???? WTF??? JOAN’S BOOK WAS HER SIDE. OUR BLOGS ARE ANSWERING HER BOOK AND PUTTING OUT THE OTHER SIDE – THE TRUTHFUL SIDE.

Above, I said that Joan “believes” things happened this way or that way, but I’m not so sure that’s true. Because if it was, Joan wouldn’t have a problem with our blogs. No, the real thing going on is this: JOAN DESPERATELY WANTS US TO SHUT UP BECAUSE SHE DOENS’T WANT THE TRUTH TO COME OUT – THE TRUTH OF HER OWN DIRTY DEEDS. But sick and perverted as she is, she keeps talking to us, knowing we won’t shut up. It’s like the child who is misbehaving – acting out to get attention – ANY kind of attention, even getting knocked down again. And by gods, I will keep knocking her down. Until she publicly admits that she set out on a campaign of hate against me. And publicly admits she stole from me and lied about me. And publicly apologizes to me.

Get a life Joan/Chimp – my life is not yours. You tried to destroy my life in the past with all your stupid harassment – but it never worked. Now you get the tables turned on you. It’s called “reaping the seeds that you have sown.” I loved you once. as a sister. But you destroyed that love with your abuse. Now I hate you. Deal with it.

Can I sew Joan Wheeler’s mouth shut? Or smash her fingers so she can’t type any more bullshit? Please? May 9, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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At the Adoptive Families Circle website, Joan keeps spewing crap from her diarrhea mouth. Here are three comments from there. The first from Joan, and then 2 from me. Joan had decided to make a comment on a thread called “All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?” And kept up the same old family garbage that had NOTHING to do with the topic of the thread. Gert came on and left a statement. Which pissed Joan off. And of course, Joan can’t keep her diarrhea mouth shut, so she went off again. Accusing us of stupid things. So I stepped in. Joan’s bullshit comment doesn’t even deserve answering EXCEPT where she fucking dishonors our family AGAIN.  – Joan’s comment is in italics.

All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?

 am tired of my older sisters stalking me and harassing me.

Please note that after any comment I make, it is followed by an attack from one or both of my sisters.

This latest comment was merely copied and pasted, except for the lines “I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, from another thread she posted on after she found me there (http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/topic/3858/ Private adoption vs Agency).

I would like to bring this hostile, confrontational behavior to the attention of the moderators of this blog.

I declare publicly that am not the poster called Pilgrim. I am a social worker and an adoptee. I challenge my sisters to present their credentials. I also state that the poster called “eldersibling” is lying when she states she is an “adopted mother”. She was never adopted by anyone. What she says about me and our stepmother is wrong. Our step mother came to me, crying, because she had to sign relinquishment papers for her husband, our father, to adopt her younger daughter, not the other way around.

This has been the problem since my sisters found me in 1974. They twist stories, make things up, gang together, and attack me.

I have made it clear I want nothing more to do with them. No attempts were made by “eldersister” to reconcile with me. I will not fall for anything they say, as when I did in the past, they turned on me again.

Their statements about me are wrong, as they have been for the past 38 years (after they found me). I suspect that during my childhood before they found me that these sisters had been gossiping about me behind my back. Keep in mind I had absolutely no knowledge that they ever existed because my adoptive parents never wanted me to know the truth.

I have been hunted down all of my life. Nothing I have said on any thread in this website, or any other website, has been lying, or threatening, or naming them. They, however, come here, list my initials, thus leading to my real identity. If I wanted to use my real name here, I would do just that.

The only thing I ask is for them to leave me alone. I wish them no harm even though they continually attempt to do me harm in one way or another.

Many adoptees who post here do so because of the negative experiences we have had. Because we have had “bad experiences” should not be a cause to dismiss what we say. It is a warning. These comments do not come from textbooks. They come from those who have lived adoption. Before considering seriously adopting, you have you before your eyes one of many possible implications of adoption by observing the interaction between my sisters and myself. NOTE: I have NO contact with them in real life at all. They have been told to stay away from me for many decades and they still harass me with the intent to harm me.

Since this thread was a put-down on birthmothers (All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?) I decided to let you know that not all mothers who lose their infants and children to adoption are drug addicts and criminals. I cringe with this accusation as my mother died. I am insulted by the assumptions here at this website. You pre-adoptive and adoptive parents have such low esteem for the parents of your adoptees. THAT I find disturbing. It was not my mother who relinquished me, but my father, and he was not at all a drug addict, nor a criminal. My parents were married for 10 years.

Now, for anyone out there who still believes what my eldest sister says:  “I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, I challenge you to find what I have said to be exploitive.

Obviously, my sisters have been deeply affected by the death of our mother and my relinquishment to adoption and whatever happened in their childhoods. They drew me into their lives and used my naivety (I was a teenager of 18 when they contacted me) against me. They never wanted me to learn about adoption and put me down when I did. I am the adopted one, they grew up together. They defend adoption, yet that is what tore our family apart, and that is what tore my adoptive family apart when the truth was told, against the wishes of my adoptive parents who never wanted me to know the truth. So, by my sisters defending adoption, they are accepting the very institution that caused so much havoc in our lives.

Reunions are both good and bad. Readers here do not know my relationships with other relatives or who I am as a person. You don’t know my adoptive parents, nor do you know what my life as an adoptee has been like. When adoptees search, they do so for similar reasons “normal” people go on Ancestry do com. For adoptees, no, we are not supposed to know, and when we do, we are the troublemakers. There are plenty of stereotypes of adoptees out there. We who come here, do so to speak for the little adoptees who cannot speak for themselves.

So, people on this website feel attacked by me? Then by all means, message me and talk with me. None of you have done that. But go to the older sisters who hunt me down, yes, listen to them, they are the older ones who know better than I do. Listen to what they say about me. If you read their comments, you’ll see that in reality, their sole purpose is to attack me rather than making any meaningful comment concerning adoption itself. 

I would simply ask the moderators to closely examine the comments made by “eldersister” (and the other sister, “birthsibling” on other threads) and decide whether this is the kind of discussion they in fact wish to promote.

Posted by halforphan56 on May 09, 2012 at 12:27am
RUTH – first comment:
I have not spoken anything but the truth.  And this is the only other thread that I have posted on, so halforphan’s statement “(and the other sister, “birthsibling” on other threads)” is wrong. Before she wrote that, I had posted on only ONE thread – singular, not plural. One of halforphan’s faults is that she exaggerates and overblows everything. If she reads 2 posts – she reports it as 5. If she she get one legitimate phone call by ONE sister (to inform of the death of an aunt) – it is reported as “numerous harrasing phone calls by my three sisters.” and calls the police to make a report on all three of us.(???)  – but I digress, just want you guys to take her statements with a little bit of salt. For example, her accusations that I gave her initials that lead to her real name. – Before I came to this site, halforphan filled out her profile here, and listed a link to her blog Forbidden Family – which contains her real name. So she left a way for readers here to find her real name. I never named her in my posts. only initials. This is what I mean that halforphan either outright lies about me or misrepresents what I have said or done.

As an infertile woman, who once considered adopting, and beng “touched by adoption” – my youngest sibling was relinquished to adoption – and having been in an “adoption reunion” – I have every right to be at this website.

I have every right to learn by being here – because my youngest sibling keeps saying I am ignorant of some things.

However, if I find an untruth or misrepresentation of me or my family, do I not have the right to speak up with the truth?

My youngest sibling blithely puts out hurtful stories of my family -such as this: “It took me years to figure out why she said that to me. Turns out, my extended adoptive family heard rumors that my natural father killed my mother, and other sordid tales. The truth is that my father did not kill my mother; he did not want her to suffer any more so he said no to experimental cancer treatment (1956).”

Jesus, it happened 56 years ago – LET IT GO and give the whole family some peace. It hurts to see these old family resentments and accusations of killing and such repeated all over the internet. This is what eldestbirthsibling meant that it is disgusting. Because it is.

All that needs to be said is:

My mother died of cancer three months after I was born. My father could not take care of 5 little kids, and gave me up for adoption.
My adoptive parents and other adoptive relatives told me gossip about my birth family.
When I was 18, my birth siblings found me and we had a reunion. While discovering my birthfamily, I became aware of some personal resentments towards my birthfather by my uncles.  For various personal reasons, my reunion with my birthsisters and other birthfamily members, turned sour.”

WHY must old hurtful gossipy, UNTRUE stories about my mother be forever dragged all over the internet?

WHY must lies be told about ME all over the place?

Lies are being replaced with truth. That is all. Nothing more, nothing less.

Posted by Birth Sibling on May 09, 2012 at 9:37am – Edit Reply

RUTH – second comment:

My mother is dead. My father is dead. halforpan’s adotpive parents are both dead. With the exception of two, all siblings and sibling-in-law of my mother are dead.

Let the dead rest in peace!

Even while living, my father accepted the fact that his former-brothers in law acted out in their grief that their sister died of cancer. She died swiftly. She went into the hospital in Dec. 1955, had the baby prematurely, had exploratory surgery on Jan. 19. She was discovered to be full of cancer. Nothing could be done. My uncles had a hard time accepting that and placed those feelings to my father. Three months later, my mother was dead. It was also HER wish not to go undergo any more treatments.

NOW THAT THE STORY IS TOLD WHERE IT DOESN’T BELONG (on this thread or elsewhere on the interent) – would you please stop repeating the same old tired garbage – please shut up about my mother and father and my uncles. We each have blogs for that.

What my uncles felt toward my father:
1. had nothing to do with your adoption.
2. had nothing to do with your adoption reunion
3. has nothing to do with your adoption reform work.
4. does not need to be repeated ad nausuem
5. whatever lies or gossip your adoptive family told you has no bearing on MY family.

the thread is about birthmoms on drugs and criminal charges? Why is our family’s old stories here? Who put them here first? – as an exploitation – to get sympathy for yourself. Stop!

comments for THIS blog post:


1. gertmcqueen –  
Gert here…

Did you notice how jW side-stepped what I said….
“I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, from another thread she posted on after she found me there about

no she can not ever answer the issues at hand…all she did was cry that she is being harassed…

I placed the following on that thread

in response to halforphan56

I am using HO for halforphan and JW for her real name…

If I said I was adopted, sorry, I am an adoptive mother, who adopted her son, to HO that is a crime, but why is it that HO does NOT answer to what I said, that she interferred in the adoption process of my son and violated my rights to privacy and parental decisions. HO answer why DID you DO that to me? Why don’t you ever TAKE responsibility for the dirty deeds to did to your sisters?

I have left you along since 1981 UNTIL you wrote a libelous book telling all manner of lies…own up to it, and it was YOU who came to my blog and left comments…why don’t you ADMIT that it is you who keeps this up…because you will NOT stop talking and lying about us….

In the book she wrote on page 355 JW says…’social workers have a ethical responsibility to promote a client’s right to self-determination’ and quotes from the National Association of Social Workers’ Code of Ethics…’Social workers should not participate in, condone, or be associated with dishonesty, fraud, or deception’ and footnotes it as #17

Why does SHE NOT live by those ethics? Why does she think she can exploit my family so that she can continue to browbeat others into NOT adopting?

anything else i have to say about her non-issues will be addressed on my blog’

I do have a right to be on this site and comment because I adopted! and I am not telling lies about

 2. Ruth

Joan ALWAYS sidesteps the charges we have put towards her – like why she LIED in her book about me having a criminal and arrest record. I have posted the actual Buffalo City Court documents that show that I was not arrested – I was SUMMONED into court – (big difference) – that Joan was granted a SIX MONTH order of protection (not one year as she reports in the book and all over the internet) and that she wrote to Albany New York in December 1994 to the Child Abuse and Maltreatment Center and told them that I was placed on PROBATION! I have scanned and posted that actual letter that she wrote in 1994 – lying to New York State Officials about me –
1. I was never arrested in my life.
2. The order of protection was for six months, not one year.
3. the judge said it was an order of protection NOT probation.
4. Despite my bringing these lies in her book and on the internet forth, WITH THE ACTUAL LETTER JOAN WROTE IN 1994 AND ACTUAL COURT DOCUMENTS THAT PROVE JOAN IS F’ING LIAR – SHE WILL NOT ANSWER!


But since we have already done that – her reputation is shot.
And Joan my dear, you did that to yourself. You started the shit way back in 1990 when you stole hundreds of dollars from me, reneged on your promise to repay me, tried to break me and John up, forged a letter pretending to be your own 10 year old son, mailed it to John, but addressed the envelope to me, baited me into phoning you, hung up on me three times when I did call you, falsely reported to the phone company and the police that I was making annoyance calls to you, then you charged me with harassment and you were given a six-month order of protection against. Then the following year, you called my job repeatedly, accusing me of computer hacking, called them everyday for six months trying to get me fired, then you called child abuse on yourself giving out my name and saying that my fiance abused your kids. Then your write to Albany, NY and tell them I was on probation – then you write to the mayor of Buffalo and lied to him about all this bullshit, AND gave him my private details of my life and medical history of not being able to get pregnant.Then in 1999, you send me a letter that John got the next door neighbor pregnant.


She can’t, because then she will have admitted to what she really is: A FUCKING BITCH.



Halloween and other horrors. Joan Wheeler is a horror all year round! May 3, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
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roflmao! – in case you need a refresher course in internet slang/shortcut – this means Roll On Floor Laughing MY Ass Off!

And this is just what I’m doing when reading Chimp’s new hatred post. And what bullshit – Chimp professes that he (and we know damn well it’s not a he, but Joan, hiding behind a made up person) – he and Joan don’t hate anyone. Really? Then why the continued use of Gertie and Ruthie – as personal bully digs and ridicule at us? Talk about being “fixated” – Joan is FIXATED on using the name Ruthie, as far back as December 2009. So drop the charade you fool. Or not – if you like making yourself into a laughing stock – then by all means- do so!

But I caught you Joan the Chimp – you fucked up! Because Pilgrim/Champ/Brian has been saying all along that Kathy has said nothing, but then all of sudden Chimps says “If 3 healthy healthy, mentally stable individuals insist on ganging up on one disaled person” – um, how did Kathy get into this all of a sudden? – Because Joan can’t stop lumping us all together. Idiot. Then Chimp says that Kathy seems to have lost interest. – What are you saying Chimp? Either Kathy is insisting on being on the team, or she has lost interest. MAKE UP YOUR MIND! (but see  – I’ve said it before over and over – Joan contradicts herself left and right, even in one paragraph, as we see right here.) And she makes stupid grammar mistakes – she repeated the word healthy – twice. She does that too. So we can tell by the writing style that Chimp is in fact Joan. – Um and another giveaway  that Joan and Chimp are the same – Joan’s posts are always full of misspellings – she can’t even spell the word disabled.

oh, yes, we are “attacking” a disabled person. Never mind this “disabled” person just was on a website two weeks ago ATTACKING pro-adoption people and infertile women. Oh give me a break – disabled my ass! Her herniated disc in her neck and other ailments did not stop HER from attacking and bullying other people online – so shove it JoanChimp.

Chimp also says: “No, I didn’t bother reading it. I’m not interested in adding any more lunacy to my existance..”  — What? do you mean you already HAVE lunacy in your existence? – You got that right you fool. — and by the way FOOL – there is no A in existence! Learn to spell.

Chimp goes on to say:  “The only reason for this blog is to try to get you to mind your own business.” — Excuse me you fool: JOAN’S GARBAGE BOOK AND WHAT SHE SAYS ABOUT US ON THE INTERNET IS OUR BUSINESS! WHEN SHE TALKS ABOUT HER BIRTH FAMILY AND HER BIRTH SISTERS –SHE IS TALKING ABOUT US AND THEREFORE IT IS OUR BUSINESS. – You clearly need to learn English pal.

Another giveaway this is really Joan talking is another attack on religion. Joan is obsessed with other people’s religions and people’s religious values. She is always ranting against the Catholic Church. In her book, on the internet, she said it to our father’s face, causing him to finally shove her out his life forever!

In September 2008, on her blog, Joan attacked Gert and mine’s pagan religion and brought up our “pagan values.” She attacked Kathy’s religion on her blog in October 2009. AND on pages 300-302, Joan is attacking us and putting us down for our choices in religion and spirituality.

Now we have another attack on our values. Joan, pay attention to your own filthy values – oh wait – you have none. Because for anyone to hurt her own sister like YOU did – like stealing hundreds of dollars from her, calling her place of employement for months trying to get her fired, AFTER you were told what you accused her of didn’t happen – WHO ARE YOU TO TALK ABOUT VALUES? But we see how judgmental and two-faced JoanChimp is – She can do anything she wants – but let someone else do the same thing she does – and all of sudden she gets spiritually endowed and preach-happy about values. Bitch.

Oh I absolutely love the crap Chimp says about me ripping wings off of flies and scaring children. WHAT AN ASSHOLE! – This is because Chimp Joan falls into the same HATE propaganda against pagans and shows us what a bigot she is. Just as she published erroneous and hateful propaganda in her book, this nutball comes on to say crap about pagans. What an asshole.

Ripping wings off of flies. What kind of MATURE person says this shit? My god, not even in The Wizard of Oz is the Wicked Witch of the West so hatefully portrayed. That movie perpetuates the wrongful charicature of a witch – green skinned, with a wart on her nose, flying around on a broomstick. But Elphaba NEVER ripped wings off flies. What crap are you listening to Joan? You are so laughable. roflmao! –

Scaring children? Oh – this goes back to her continual digs at me because she says I hate her kids, hate all kids, ridicules me for liking horror movies. Again – we see Chimp and Joan are the same person.

Scaring children? roflmao! In years past, John and I used to decorate our porch for holidays. We stopped when the porch floor got too rotted – we didn’t want anyone getting hurt. Even though we had the new porch put on 4 years ago – we haven’t decorated since – just haven’t had the time. Besides we want to put up lattice-work around the porch to semi-enclose it. And the lattice work will give us a better backdrop to hang things on.

Yes, we decorated for the Winter Solstice, which is the Pagan winter holiday. Got a problem with that Chimp? Too bad. Take it up with the Founding Fathers of this country because they wrote in Freedom of Religion in our constitution. Got something to say about the Constitution of the United States bitch?

But our favorite holiday is Halloween – well the popular American take on the Pagan Samhain. But we enjoy the fun that goes with the whole Halloween thing and Trick or Treat. Our neighbors would decorate their porches with smiling jack-o-lanterns, happy harvest scarecrows, hay bales, corn stalks. John and I – our jack-o-lanterns were scowling faces. We had skeletons and bats hanging from spiderwebs. Giant spiders and giant swamp rats everywhere. Ghouls, ghosts, and goblins were our decor fare.

And our house was the most popular in the neighborhood. John wore a black robe and hood, skeleton gloves and a ghoul mask. When the kids came up and yelled “Trick or Treat,” I would stand behind the door and open it slowly, then John would jump out. Yes, we did scare one girl – she was about 14 – she was scared so bad – she screamed, ran off our porch, across the street, and up the stairs onto the porch of a house across the street from us. Screaming as she went. Then she turned around, and came back, laughing her ass off. She said “You scared me so bad. But I love it!”

So for your enjoyment – here are some pictures of our house decorated for Halloween. You don’t like horror novels, movies or decor Joan – that’s fine. But your continued putting me down for it shows the world for what you are – a schoolyard bully ridiculing another person for their likes and their values.  YOU have shown the world what YOU really are.

We first started decorating our house in the mid 90’s starting with simple things, then graduating into more things.  I put up a small table, covered with an old sheet that I had lightly dyed purple and then dipped briefly into black dye. This gave it a real dirty “graveyard” look. The table had swamp rats and scowling jack-o-lanterns. Under the table, concealed by the sheet, were small speakers leading to a boombox just inside our door that played Halloween music and sound effects. Eventually, we put out another table, on the other side of the porch, that held a “flaming” cauldron, more ghouls and swamp rats and a fog machine.  I dont’ have any pictures that have the flames and fog going. But it looked great!

Here is our house Halloween 2000.  For the previous Winter Solstice, I had put up a huge display of lights to celebrate the coming of the new milennium, with a “2000” sign, that I left up for a whole year, incorporating it into my Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s day, 4th of July and Summer decor.

Here is Halloween 2001, with Brandy our DOG (not cat, you bimbo JoanChimp):

Here are two views of 2001’s decor in the daytime:

This is a skull that John hung in our rec room window. I don’t know what year this was taken, but you should see some of the ghoulish stuff we have in there! Oh yes – we love shopping at The Spirit of Halloween store. And we love going to the various Haunted House mazes in our area.

Here is John in 2001,  in his full costume holding our CAT Samantha. (not dog, JoanChimp).

Now, lastly, here is John in 2001, with the kids of our friends from around the block: ages 12, 4 and 5. Now if a 4 year old, and a 5 year old is clearly at ease with our ghoulish decorations, where does Joan get off saying that because of my pagan religion that I’m scaring kids.  – the one kid has his face blacked out for privacy reasons.


Joan Wheeler gives her views on motherhood through adoption – again, she is so full of hate, she cannot understand LOVE. February 4, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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On January 31, 2012, Gert posted this very excellant post over at her blog. I want everyone to read it. AND read my comment – because it shows how Joan treated me, her own blood sister, in her book, in regards to the death of my son Saied. – I was only 6 weeks pregnant when I lost him. A friend at work asked me just a couple of weeks ago how did I know it was a boy – and I answered – a mother knows.

 , ,

motherhood through adoption; find out what Joan Wheeler has to say

by on January 31, 2012
I’m updating this post on Feb 2, 2011, because I have found additional information on this topic. It appears that after a poem, by an adopted mother, was posted on Amazon it was posted on the forum and then those adult adoptees, that are advocating for change, had a good time blasting the woman.
First here is the poem as placed on Amazon and then on the public forum of Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change…
Does my little son miss the smell of his first mother? I wonder as the mew of his mouth opens toward a plastic bottle which is not her breast.Sudden new mother, I bury my nose deep into his skull cap of ringlets, his starry cheesiness.In her good-bye letter to him sealed in his album with a birth certificate which now lists my name as Mother his first mother writes she nursed him briefly after he emerged into the second room of his world.

I think of milk volcanic and insistent, answering the newborn’s gigantic thirst,
a primal agreement between generosity and greed.

Sometimes I press my nose to the glass of that place where a mother and my child belong to each other; I cannot imagine coming between them.

But then I want to lick him all over with a cow’s thick tongue,
to taste him and mark him as mine so if the other mother returns,
she will refuse her handled calf smeared with my smell.
© Margaret Hasse, Milk and Tides, Nodin Press, 2008

And now…here are some of the comments from the Adult Adoptees about it.
An AMom poem  Today at 09:06:29 AM
Why are AP’s SOO fixated and obsessed with breasts and breast milk?  It’s kinda perverted and disgusting.
This woman needs to be locked up and kept away from society.  REEEETTTTCCHHHHHHH
As tragic as this is, what’s more tragic is that it’s the first honest expression of what’s really going on that I’ve ever seen an a-mom admit to.
They all feel it, this one’s just honest enough to say it out loud.
1adopteeReply #24 on: September 15, 2010, 01:26:16 PM »
Jealousy of a woman who became a mother in an unnatural act of taking another woman’s infant as her own. You can’t have him, he’s MINE! Insecure, crazy, possessive nutcase.  :piknose:   :naus:
And now back to my original post…before I found the above.
On an Amazon.com customer discussion thread, called Motherhood through adoption, I found another outrageous statement by Joan Wheeler. The response was to a poem which isn’t really needed here. The point I want to show is Joan’s total hatred of adoption.
Posted on Sep 15, 2010 11:27:34 AM PDT
Joan M. Wheeler says:
Jealousy, insecurity, envy of the infant’s true mother. That is what adoption is: taking another woman’s infant as your own. That act perverts the natural order of life itself. I am an adoptee. This poem is disgusting.
Gert’s comments:
So let’s get this right! According to Joan, who was adopted because of the death of her mother and the inability of her father from being able to care for her…adoption is a perverted act against the order of life! According to Joan…someone who adopts is taking another woman’s child…what the hell is she talking about? Joan’s mother died! The woman who adopted Joan didn’t take another woman’s child; the child was placed via legal means. That adopted parent was NOT jealous, insecure of envious of a DEAD woman! That adopted parent wanted nothing more than to have a child, and it was probably that woman’s bad luck to have been stuck with Joan!
Of course adoption creates motherhood and fatherhood and a family. How does the act of adoption pervert the natural order of life itself? If anything it helps perserve family.
Joan is disgusting!
Here is the comment I posted on Gert’s blog post: –

I’m surprised that Joan didn’t stand up to the adoptee who blasted breastfeeding – because Joan herself was obsessed with breastfeeding her own son until he was past FOUR YEARS OLD! And she drank much beer at the time because she was told that beer increases milk production.

Joan, – the Earth Mother? no, because when she was pregnant with her first child, her son, was bitching and moaning that she now had to learn about “vitamins and nutrition.” – she was pissed she was pregnant because it would take time away from her all important life as a wronged adoptee!

ps, Joan, who also suffered from low self-image problems because of her flat chest LOVED breast feeding – because she was engorged and bigger at the time. – I know these things, because yes, we were once close where we shared things. – Joan, you gonna publish crap in your book about MY miscarriage – mocking me – actually saying “at one time she (me) CLAIMED to want children…” – ok, you deserve this dig. MY SON DIED AND YOU PUT IN YOUR BOOK THAT I MERELY CLAIMED I WANTED HIM – payback is a bitch.

personally, I think the poem is beautiful – ok, the cow’s thick tongue – but when you witness even a cat giving birth – and I have – and how the mama cat cleans the baby with her tongue – then you get the idea. It is all natural – it is all in the wonderful world of nature. We humans don’t lick our babies clean. We have developed other means for that. – but at one time we must have.

one time a friend of mine said she wouldn’t breast feed her son because “it wasn’t natural.” roflmao! – it’s the most natural thing in the whole world! This is another person who is afraid of silence – as Gert points out Joan is in another post –

Silence is wonderful. Nature is wonderful. A child is wonderful. For an infertile woman to have the chance to cuddle and love a child is wonderful. She didn’t steal him. She was given a gift. She was robbed of the chance to have her own. Another woman, for whatever reason, gave her child up. The infertile woman/adoptive mother didn’t STEAL another woman’s child – she isn’t jealous because some other woman is pregant.

yes we hear of the horror stories of SOME infertile women who abduct infants from homes and hospitals – even go so far as murdering the new mother or pregnant woman. BUT to paint ALL infertile women as jealous nutballs – no, that is not right.

I know of what I speak – I am an infertile woman. I tried for years to get pregnant. And then I did, and I lost my son. – I have never forgotten him. I have never been jealous of other pregnant women. I rejoiced when the following year Joan had her daughter – oh – did she forget to write in her book that it wasn’t her husband who drove her and their new baby home? Oh – who was it? – oh – it was that nasty birth sister Ruth! who despite having lost her own son the year before, still loved Joan’s kids. And cuddled and kissed them frequently. And buried her aunty nose in their little curls and wished their cousin Saied could grow up with them. Alas – it was not to be.

this is the way wordpress messed up the margins: so just scroll down to continue reading. (sorry for the inconvenience). 

  1. I’m surprised that Joan didn’t stand up to the adoptee who blasted breastfeeding – because Joan herself was obsessed with breastfeeding her own son until he was past FOUR YEARS OLD! And she drank much beer at the time because she was told that beer increases milk production.

    Joan, – the Earth Mother? no, because when she was pregnant with her first child, her son, was bitching and moaning that she now had to learn about “vitamins and nutrition.” – she was pissed she was pregnant because it would take time away from her all important life as a wronged adoptee!

    ps, Joan, who also suffered from low self-image problems because of her flat chest LOVED breast feeding – because she was engorged and bigger at the time. – I know these things, because yes, we were once close where we shared things. – Joan, you gonna publish crap in your book about MY miscarriage – mocking me – actually saying “at one time she (me) CLAIMED to want children…” – ok, you deserve this dig. MY SON DIED AND YOU PUT IN YOUR BOOK THAT I MERELY CLAIMED I WANTED HIM – payback is a bitch.

    personally, I think the poem is beautiful – ok, the cow’s thick tongue – but when you witness even a cat giving birth – and I have – and how the mama cat cleans the baby with her tongue – then you get the idea. It is all natural – it is all in the wonderful world of nature. We humans don’t lick our babies clean. We have developed other means for that. – but at one time we must have.

    one time a friend of mine said she wouldn’t breast feed her son because “it wasn’t natural.” roflmao! – it’s the most natural thing in the whole world! This is another person who is afraid of silence – as Gert points out Joan is in another post –

    Silence is wonderful. Nature is wonderful. A child is wonderful. For an infertile woman to have the chance to cuddle and love a child is wonderful. She didn’t steal him. She was given a gift. She was robbed of the chance to have her own. Another woman, for whatever reason, gave her child up. The infertile woman/adoptive mother didn’t STEAL another woman’s child – she isn’t jealous because some other woman is pregant.

    yes we hear of the horror stories of SOME infertile women who abduct infants from homes and hospitals – even go so far as murdering the new mother or pregnant woman. BUT to paint ALL infertile women as jealous nutballs – no, that is not right.

    I know of what I speak – I am an infertile woman. I tried for years to get pregnant. And then I did, and I lost my son. – I have never forgotten him. I have never been jealous of other pregnant women. I rejoiced when the following year Joan had her daughter – oh – did she forget to write in her book that it wasn’t her husband who drove her and their new baby home? Oh – who was it? – oh – it was that nasty birth sister Ruth! who despite having lost her own son the year before, still loved Joan’s kids. And cuddled and kissed them frequently. And buried her aunty nose in their little curls and wished their cousin Saied could grow up with them. Alas – it was not to be.

Gert here:

thank you very very much, Ruth, for telling us about the inside stories…yes, the birth sister that Joan condemns, certainly knows what went on behind the scenes that Joan does not tell.

Saturday, Feb. 4, 10:30 am –

Gert and I had a phone conversation yesterday afternoon – and I told her of a conversation on facebook several months ago. A woman I used to babysit is now a mom of 2. She just had her second child a couple of months ago. Her oldest is going on 2 years old. She posted a curious thing on facebook – how she wants to just take a bite out of Hanna. Her friends (her age group and now moms themselves) agreed. – Disgusting? Absolutely not! – After I told Gert this – I said, and she agreed – don’t we all just love to nuzzle a baby? – I well remember changing Gert’s kid’s diapers and then placing my face on their tummies – and giving them raspberries – and gently tickling them, and then going “rar, rar, rar,” and pretend to bite them – I think it’s the most natural thing in the world! And I did it to my baby brother too! And Joan’s kids. Geez – I do it to this day to my cat! – and he loves it! I bury my face in his fur – and he in turn gives me little nips with his teeth on my chin and the tip of my nose. – Imagine that! An entity that didn’t give birth to another entity – and yet they still have that most natural nuzzling/kissing/lightly tasting thing called LOVE!

No, Pippin, my cat didn’t give birth to me, yet he still “tastes” me. I didn’t give birth to him, yet I still (sort of) taste him. I never had the wonderful gift of giving birth – yet I still have that basic instinct of wanting to nuzzle a baby. – to some degree – now in 1988, my cat Morris was having a litter and I had to be her midwife. Into the palm of my hand came out the cutest little black cat. Samantha was born into my hand. And I held her as Morris cleaned her with her tongue. Samantha and I were very affectionate to each other thru the years and in 2004, when it was her time to leave this world, I held her in my arms and nuzzled her while the vets gave her the shot that put her down. She came into this world into my hand, and that’s how she left this world. With me holding and nuzzling her and telling her I loved her.

Why won’t you adoptees give that loving boon to infertile women and adoptive women? Are you all dried up prunes that you can’t understand LOVE? That the pre-requiste for LOVE is giving birth? I love my husband – I didn’t give birth to him. What the hell is the matter with you adoptees? Just because YOU are incapable of love doesn’t give you the right to deny it to others.

Suffer the wrath of the wronged birth sister who had nothing to do with Joan Wheeler’s adoption (via Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family –) August 15, 2011

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until my thumb/wrist tendon is fully healed and can do more extensive typing (my one hand typing has gotten pretty good, but not good enough) – I will reblog a couple of recent posts – here’s a good one!

 by Ruth Pace There’s a thread on the adoptee forum entitled Suffer the Wrath of the Adoptee. I’ll read it when I get a chance, but for now, I want to give my opinion on just the title of this thread.  These adoptees like to label themselves ANGRY ADOPTEES. They are angry because for whatever circumstances went on in their lives, they were adopted. I can’t comment on their stories, because I don’t know them, I don’t know what happened. Frankly, i … Read More

via Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family —

Suffer the wrath of the wronged birth sister who had nothing to do with Joan Wheeler’s adoption June 18, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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 by Ruth Pace

There’s a thread on the adoptee forum entitled Suffer the Wrath of the Adoptee. I’ll read it when I get a chance, but for now, I want to give my opinion on just the title of this thread.

 These adoptees like to label themselves ANGRY ADOPTEES. They are angry because for whatever circumstances went on in their lives, they were adopted. I can’t comment on their stories, because I don’t know them, I don’t know what happened. Frankly, it’s none of my business. I can only comment on the adoption that I know all about – that of my younger sister Joan Wheeler, who also calls herself an ANGRY ADOPTEE.

 I can’t control her anger. That is something she has to deal with. Whatever beef she’s got against my father, her aparents, the system – has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I was only 3 ½ years old when she was adopted by the Wheelers. I only heard that we had a new baby sister when she was born, then never saw her. Because of my father’s second wife’s illness, and her need to be placed in the psych center a couple of times, we remaining kids did indeed spend some years in foster care and a year in a children’s home. A couple of us lived here, a couple of us lived over there, and a couple of us lived somewhere else. (My stepmother had two sons of her own, so now there were six kids that needed to be looked after). When I was a little kid, I knew our younger sister was “adopted” and living somewhere else. I didn’t know what the word adopted meant. All I knew was that there was a total of 7 kids – 5 Sippels and 2 Genoveses scattered around. (4 Sippel kids, plus Doris/Joan and 2 stepbrothers).

 Trauma? Nope, because this was NORMAL for us. And from time to time, we would all get back together, and we all saw each other regularly. Where ever I lived, I had tons of friends! We were never mistreated. Eventually it began to sink in what adoption exactly meant and when we were teenagers, naturally we wanted to be reunited with our sister Doris/Joan. And by then, we recognized the fact that because of the legal system, we couldn’t contact her. But we were determined to find her, and we did. 

 When I was reunited with Joan in 1974, I opened up my life to her and my heart. I never judged her. I accepted her as she was. In 1974, I had been on my job for 2 years. In 1971, I had my first apartment, (actually a room in a boarding house), then in 1972, I had a roomie, in 1973, I moved back to my Dad’s house to save money, and to help out with the kids from my father’s third marriage. In May 1974, two months after meeting Joan, I got my first real apartment. In 1975 I met a wonderful man and we moved in together. We lived together for 10 years.

 And Joan was always a part of my life after our reunion. And yes, I accepted her, never judged her, she was my sister. We would do things as my time and my life allowed, just as with every other relationship in my life.

 But by the 1980’s Joan began to lash out at us. She interfered with Gert’s children in 1981-83. In 1985, right after I had my miscarriage, she showed NO sympathy for my infertility. Went out of her way to bring up subjects that she KNEW would hurt me. I know the world does not end when a woman, who has been trying for years to conceive loses her baby, but when someone DELIBRATELY sets out to hurt someone – that is unacceptable. Even during a phone conversation in April 1987, she was babbling on about how she “knows” all about infertility. (no, she knows book stuff, but NEVER experiencing the pain of infertility or the grief of loss of your child – she does NOT know). I told her THREE times during this conversation that I was planning on seeing a grief counselor and I DID NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! To her, or anyone else! THREE times I said this – did she RESPECT MY WISHES? NO! She just kept on blabbing about how she knows about infertility. What a f’ing disrespectful bitch. That’s when I hung up on her and did not contact her. 2 months later I moved in with my present husband. I sent my mail to a friend’s house in Lackawanna NY. For a year, she kept calling my job in the daytime – (I worked nights – still do). I would come in to work and find notes paperclipped to my timecard to call Joan. And I would throw the notes out. After I reconnected with her in 1988, she told me she went to the post office and got my forwarding address in Lackawanna and tried to find me – but the people there said they didn’t know me. ha ha ha – (thank you Hassan).  So who was STALKING whom – even back in 1987? But Joan bitches about ME stalking her when I read her shit online? She’s got a lot of f’ing nerve!

oh and by the way – when I did go to the grief counselor, I told her of the phone conversation I had with Joan. The counselor was appalled! She said Joan was disrespectful of me. (like I need a counselor to tell me that – but it was nice to know that a professional recognized Joan’s rotten behavior for what it was).

 From 1987 to 1988, I did not speak to Joan because of her disrespect to me. BUT in 1988 I tried to have a relationship with her. By 1990, she was at it again. She stole hundreds of dollars from me, we had a fight on the telephone over money she promised me. She called me on the phone and dictated to me” “I know I said that I was going to give you this sum, but I changed my mind.” (paraphrase) I told her to keep the money and I never wanted to see her again.

 This is what started the feud that continues to this day. Because I DARED  to stand up for myself. I NEVER belittled Joan’s activism in the adoption reform field. And it was ME who told her to write her book! (silly me).

 So let’s get back to this “suffer the wrath of the adoptee” business.


 As I said, I was only 3 ½ years old when she was adopted. I had nothing to do with it. From 1956 to 1974, I always wanted Joan in my life. From 1974 – 1987, I accepted and LOVED her. It was JOAN who destroyed our relationship in 1990 by stealing money from me. Money that she knew wasn’t even mine! I had borrowed it from the bank! Joan put me into debt!

 Then Joan set out to PUNISH me for being angry with her. In 1993, she baited me with a forged letter. (see post Did Joan’s 10 year old son write that letter I got in June 1993? Or did Joan herself? ) Like a fool, I fell for it. I called her on the phone, she hung up. I called back, she hung up again. I called again. She hung up. What I did not know, she had a trace trap on the phone. SHE was the one hanging up on me, but she filed a false police report saying that I called her, swore at her and hung up on her. A week later, my electricity was shut off. She still owed me money. I called her on the phone. The first call, I was crying and said, “Joan, don’t hang up, I need help.” She did hang up. I called back, she hung up. Now I was angry, and I did call and swore at her. Admit it- you would do the same. And of course, these additional calls were caught by the annoyance call bureau. So the bitch hauled me into court. No, I was NOT arrested, and yes, a six-month order of protection was given to Joan. The judge told me to stay away from her for six months and everything would be dismissed. No, I was not placed on probation. Yes, I did stay away from her for YEARS.

 In the fall of 1994, Joan’s hospital bill got mixed up with another patient. She swore up and down that I did it. She complained to my employer. They investigated it. I did not do it. She wasn’t going to have it. She set out to change the events. She called my job for the next six months trying to get me fired. In December 1994, she called child abuse on herself, posing as me, and giving out my fiance’s name! Then in February 1995, I get a packet of letters in the mail from her – copies of letters that she had been mailing around to various elected officials in the Buffalo area – one of them being the mayor of Buffalo! These letters included my personal medical history and my life choices, where I worked, where I lived! I filed harassment and stalking charges against her. But the judge dismissed it, saying “sisters should get along.” By the way, during the time frame of December 1994 – April 1995, Joan was writing letters to my fiancé, sending them to his mother’s house, even wrote a letter to my future mother-in-law – the letters telling John to break up with me. She even telephoned John’s mother a few times, to trash me, then her other son grabbed the phone and told Joan if she ever called their m’f’ing house again, she would have to answer to him, and stop bothering his mother!

 Joan continued harassing me. In February 1999, I received two letters from her. One telling me that my fiancé had gotten the next door neighbor pregnant. (the house was vacant). The other one accused me of driving past her house – when at the time, I did not have a car.

 This time, I took her to Family Court. And was granted a one year order of protection against her.  These were the only 3 times we were in court – and in previous posts, I have scanned and posted the actual court documents pertaining to them.

 Joan finally stopped sending me garbage letters, but continued her hate campaign against me. She seethed in anger and I see that it built up in her, year after year. In 2009 she self-published her book and her anger and hate against me is very evident – almost every other page is anger and hate directed at me. She directs anger and hate against other people – but me in particular. She changes events around, LIES and says that it was ME who harassed her.

 So again, let’s get back to the “Wrath of the Angry Adoptee.” Joan is angry, no doubt about it. But WHY is she angry at ME???

Around 1988-89, she managed to get MY former foster-mother mad at her. Joan, in her obsession to “re-connect” with her birth family re-traced her siblings childhood history, going around to the neighborhood we lived in as children, introducing herself to people who still lived there, and even meeting our former foster-mother. Now I had told her something, IN CONFIDENCE – that when I lived there – I didn’t want to be there. That was no reflection on the care they gave me – they were wonderful people – but I wanted to be with my father. What does Joan do? She goes and blabs that to my foster mother and made her cry. She was an elderly woman. She was a friend of one of my cousins, and cried to her. Gail knew my feelings and covered for me – she just said, “oh Joan probably got things mixed up.” But when I heard about it – I yelled at Joan. She sat at my kitchen table, 34 years old, and whined, “I don’t know if I’m doing anything wrong if nobody tells me.” What??? A 34 year old woman needs to be told how to behave? Not to betray things told to her in confidence?

Joan says somewhere in her book, and on her website, and other places on the internet, that the siblings that found her hold some sort of responsibility to her and her state of being after the honeymoon stage of our reunion with her. (my words, not necessarily hers, but the thought is the same). Excuse me. In 1988, she was 33 years old. She should have learned how to behave by then. She should have learned not to lie. She should have learned not to steal. She was raised by two competent people, she went to Catholic grammer school, Catholic high school, Catholic college. In 1988 she had two children of her own that SHE had the responsiblity to teach how to behave, yet she’s asking ME to teach these things to HER??? What the hell does she want from me?




 Joan, you don’t get to write a book that sullies MY reputation! Your book is “your point of view?” BULLSHIT! You wrote intentionally to HURT me. You know damn well that I was NOT arrested and placed on probation. THAT is called slander and libel – because you set out to intentionally damage my reputation. Just look at your history towards me – in 1993 how you filed the false police reports, tried to get me fired in 1994, called child abuse on yourself to implicate me, in 1995 tried to break me and John up and trashed me to his mother, and stalked and harassed me, invaded my privacy by writing letters to the mayor and others, in 1999, you falsely tell me that John got the next door neighbor pregnant. And we are supposed to believe that you did NOT write that shit book to hurt me and it was only “your point of view?”

 Yeah, we know, it is your point of view – YOUR point of view is that I, your sister, who never did a damn thing to you but love you, is trash, and should be punished in your book.


Never fear, I won’t lie – I don’t HAVE to – because the TRUTH about Joan is damning! And she brought it all on herself. 

UPDATE, August 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m (Gert) updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…



I am so sick of Joan Wheeler’s whining about her adoption and her birth certificate and nobody understands her and –and — I’m going to throw up now May 1, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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On June 10, 2011, The Buffalo News finally published Joan’s letter, proving her whine about Buffalo being a conservative city worthless – see Joan, if you would SHUT UP your stupid insults on everyone and everybody and GIVE PEOPLE and The Buffalo News A CHANCE – they just might come around to doing what you want. Jumping up and down and screaming and yelling that they won’t publish your letter made you just look like the whiney brat that you are – GROW UP!

“You can look back at your past, and feel sorry for yourself – or you can look back and see how it served you.” — author unknown

BEADY Eyes are everywhere, so qwitcher bitchin!

On Friday, April 29, 2011, Joan Wheeler makes an announcement that she had submitted a letter to the editor of our local newspaper, but she didn’t want to post it before its publication, to prevent her birth sister’s “beedie” eyes from seeing it. roflmao! This “accomplished” writer doesn’t even know how to spell “beady!” – Okay, we’re all human, we all make spelling and grammar mistakes, and the occasional typo on the internet. I just had to point Joan’s faux pas out because she’s always so full of herself and her own “self-importance” and “importance” to the adoption reform community. She just needs to be taken down a peg or two. And of course she needs to be taken down, because AGAIN, she insults her birth sisters. She doesn’t like the fact that we, her birth sisters are monitoring what she writes about us. We know for a fact, despite her saying that she doesn’t, she DOES read this blog. And so do some of her adoptee buddies. Do we call them names bcause they read our blog?

Listen, it’s the internet – you’re going to get all kinds of people, wanted or not, reading what you write. So suck it up. But see, Joan just loves to bitch. She goes on to say that The Buffalo News won’t publish her editorial. How does she know? She must have called them up and bugged them. I will tell you the procedures The Buffalo News has for accepting a letter via email or snail mail. You must provide them with your name, address and phone number. If they are interested in your letter, they will call you on the phone, to verify that you did indeed submit the letter. Sometimes this phone call may take a week in coming. If you get no phone call after a week, you can be sure that your letter will not get published. They do NOT contact you to tell you that they are not going to publish your letter. And sometimes, even though you get a phone call from them, they still do not publish your letter. I know this, because I have submitted letters to the Buffalo News and some have been published, others have not. I don’t get all bent out of shape about it – because I have other venues that I can turn to.

What was Joan’s letter about? The usual redundant whine about her birth certificate. With four short additional sentances about President Obama and his birth certificate. Now Pres. Obama produced his birth certificate on Wednesday, April 27. And Joan is complaining on Saturday, April 30 that the Buffalo News won’t publish her letter. Geez, Joan, give the editorial staff a break – maybe they will call you on Monday!!

But I have feeling that they probably won’t publish her letter? Why? Because they have published letters of Joan’s in the past – and about the same subject! It’s called a NEWSpaper, Joan, your letter hardly contained anything NEW, just the same tired whine that Joan moans about day in and day out, ad nauseum. And the newspaper does not HAVE to publish her letters, my letters, or anybody else’s letter. That’s a fact of life Joan, accept it.

And people, yes, The Buffalo News HAS published letters of Joan’s in the past. she even has some of them posted on her blog.  And as for her charge that we live in a conservative city and the newspaper won’t publish her letter – um she admits on her blog that they HAVE published her letters. – See there, another LIE from Joan Wheeler.  And if they won’t publish you anymore Joan, I suggest get another venue – how about Artvoice? And the other grass roots news publications in around Buffalo. oh oh – I did it now. Joan will probably go and make a PEST out of herself to those publications. That is the real reason that I suspect The Buffalo News didn’t publish her letter – they probably saw her email and said “oh no, it’s that Joan Wheeler nut again” But then again, this is all pure speculation – Joan may be pleasantly surprised on Monday or Tuesday and get that phone call from The Buffalo News and by next Saturday, open up her newspaper (or check online), and see her letter published. I won’t bother to read it – I’ve seen it before. And so have the editors of the Buffalo News. Because Joan repeats herself over and over and over and over and over and over. But she never gets her point across to the important people. And neither do any of the other angry adoptees. Why? Because they are so full of their anger, they don’t know how to talk to people. I have seen Joan and another adoptee post at some internet sites, and the moderators have to tell them to stop swearing. I have seen Joan totally removed from the Huffington Post.

Yes, any of my readers who on Friday read my posts about the crap lies that Joan spread on The Huffington Post, when you clicked on the links in my post, and got the message “This profile has been removed,” that’s because Joan was REMOVED from The Huffington Post for violating that site’s rules and violating human civility and privacy customs and rules – yes – she went online and accused my grandfather of being a sexual predator, my grandfather, who has been dead since 1959, two years after Joan was adopted out of our family, and Joan NEVER met, had his reputation smeared by this bitch called Joan Wheeler! Further, Joan said that I, and my sisters were sexually molested by our grandfather. This is a LIE! And even if it were true – what kind of bitch spread this shit on the internet? – The BITCH called Joan Wheeler – that’s who.

And YES, We Sippel Sisters contacted The Huffington Post and alerted them to this abuse! And within a half hour – Joan was KICKED OFF THE HUFFINGTON POST!

Joan, you need to control the diarrhea of your mouth. NO ONE is going to take you seriously when you talk shit like that. And that goes for the other angry adoptees as well, who bore people to death with their anger, their self-pitying angst, their refusal to GROW UP and see that other people are in pain too! Oh boo hoo – I was adopted. My amom is a BITCH! Yeah, well the world is full of bitches. And god forbid that their amom was a rape victim and they unfortunately were the product of a rape, and the amom couldn’t handle raising the child, to be constantly reminded of the RAPE. Oh boo hoo, the child was adopted –  they care about the rape victims pain? You know, it may have been more than just a simple forcing of the woman- it may have been extremely VIOLENT. Do those adoptees care? No – they don’t see an amom as a human being who has pain, and suffers too. AND MAKES AN ALL TOO HUMAN THING CALLED A MISTAKE! Is Joan or any other adoptee MISTAKE- FREE? What gives them  (or anyone) the right to hurt a human being just because they themselves have been hurt? When you go around spreading hate against adoptive parents and infertile people, you are not helping your cause, all you’re accomplishing is turning people against you.

 Yes, there are some toads out there who don’t care about their children – we just locked one bitch up who after years of abusing her biological disabled daughter, killed her. She also encouraged the girl’s half brother to sexually assault her and on the day of Laura Cummings death, her brother was told by their mother to pour scalding water on her, then she was raped AGAIN, then her mother strangled her. SOMEONE should have adopted Laura! god help me, I wish I could have. That poor woman, for all her 23 years was TORTURED.  Oh – did I say that horrible word? ADOPTION! yes and I’m proud of it. Joan, grow up. You are not the only human on this planet to have experienced pain. You are just not that important.

Please google Laura Cummings – walk one minute in that girl’s shoes – then shut up about your friggin adoption pain. Fucking crybabies.

from The Buffalo News: By Jay Tokasz and Gene Warner NEWS STAFF REPORTERS

Published: February 27, 2010, 10:08 AM
 A good night for Laura Cummings meant being allowed to sleep on the kitchen floor in her family’s North Collins home.

Usually in the weeks leading up to her death, she was forced to sleep shackled to a metal chair with a sack over her face.

Days were even more nightmarish for the 23-year-old mentally disabled woman, who was held captive and brutalized, allegedly by her own mother and half brother, according to an Erie County Grand Jury indictment returned Friday.  Cummings’ short life ended Jan. 21 with a long, tortuous death and a trail of missed chances to get her to safety.

A grand jury indicted Cummings’ mother, Eva M. Cummings, 51, and her half brother, Luke J. Wright, 31, on charges related to the homicide, but authorities continued to be confounded by the apparent lack of community concern for the defenseless woman’s welfare.

“There were a lot of people who knew what was going on and said nothing, and that is a sad commentary on the human condition,” said District Attorney Frank A. Sedita III.

Clues and reports about mistreatment inside the apartment at 2052 Sherman Ave. popped up frequently over the years. Siblings and other relatives said they called Child Protective Services and Adult Protective Services. Whispers floated around town, including at the food pantry, that Cummings was being tied up at home.

“This is the problem today and nobody wants to get involved,” added Caroline Lee, who lives down the street from the Cummings apartment.

The pantry was one of the few places in town where Laura Cummings, a petite woman with short brown hair who rarely made eye contact with people, was seen in public away from her home.

Lee called Laura Cummings’ younger brother, Richard, about the suspected abuse, and Richard contacted Erie County Adult Protective Services.  “They never went inside the household and they never filed for a warrant to go inside,” said Richard Cummings, who is serving in the Air Force and is stationed in North Carolina. “I’m wondering why … Adult Protective Services didn’t do anything about it.”

Instead, the abuse intensified over the last few months of Laura’s life, said investigators. “Starting in November, there’s a significant escalation of her debasement as a human being,” Senior Trial Counsel Thomas M. Finnerty of the DA’s Office said. “It was happening on a daily or nightly basis.”

Finnerty, who has prosecuted a number of heinous crimes in his 17 years in the DA’s office, called it “the worst case I’ve ever seen.”  “It’s sadistic, and it’s allegedly sustained over a long period of time,” he said.

That was especially true of the unlawful imprisonment of Laura Cummings, in the weeks preceding her death.

“She’s restrained more often than she’s not,”Sheriff’s Capt. Ronald L. Kenyon said.

At other times, she was treated as an inanimate object, draped with a blanket so that visitors who stopped by the apartment wouldn’t know she was there, according to authorities.

Eva Cummings and Luke Wright were indicted on a total of 15 charges in connection with the suffocation death of Laura Cummings. They are expected to be arraigned at 2 p.m. Monday before Erie County Court Judge Sheila A. DiTullio.

Eva Cummings faces a second-degree murder charge, while her son is charged with five sexual assault charges. Both are accused of using a broomstick to sexually attack the young woman, as well as forcing her to touch her own waste and scalding her with hot water, according to the indictment papers.

Mother and son also are accused of unlawfully imprisoning Laura Cummings because of her mental disability — an elevated hate crime charge.  “It’s a hate crime because it’s motivated in whole or substantial part by the belief or perception regarding the victim’s disability,” Sedita said.

Eva Cummings could face a possible sentence of 83 years to life on five charges, while her son could face 142 years to life on 10 charges, prosecutors said. The charges, based on extensive investigation by four Erie County sheriff’s detectives and statements from both suspects, paint an extremely troubling portrait of the alleged abuse against the young woman who talked with a speech impediment, had difficulty swallowing food and was said to have the mental capacity of a pre-teenage girl.

Sedita and Kenyon praised sheriff’s Detectives Gregory McCarthy, Dennis Fitzgibbon, Matthew Noecker and Jack Graham.

The efforts of the Sheriff’s Department were dogged, Sedita said.

“They didn’t stop. They interviewed basically the whole town of North Collins.”

Both mother and son are charged with unlawful imprisonment and endangering the welfare of a mentally disabled person.

“If the allegations are true, it is clear that the defendants did not treat Laura as a human being,” said Sedita. “In fact, if these allegations are true, one wonders if either one of them even considered Laura to be a human being.”

Laura Cummings’ tragic life might have gone in a different direction on several occasions, starting when she was a youngster, according to various sources. As a child, she and other siblings were placed with foster families in Florida that tried unsuccessfully to adopt the children, said Patricia Wright, Laura’s half-sister.

The Cummings household, in North Collins and prior to that in Olean, was well-known to Child Protective Services in Erie and Cattaraugus counties, family members said.

Patricia Wright, 27, said she reported abuse to Erie County Child Protective Services and Erie County Family Court more than a decade ago.  “I stopped talking to them when I was 17 years old because there was nothing being done,” said Wright, who was legally adopted by a family friend and is pursuing a bachelor’s degree in forestry management. “I kept trying to tell them, You need to get those kids out of there.’ And they said, ‘No there’s nothing we can do.’ “

Patricia Wright said she was physically abused for years, resulting in a broken ankle and cracked vertebrae in her back.  “I would get hit with baseball bats, spoons, anything that mom could grab a hold of,” she said. “We got hurt every day. She didn’t take us to the hospital.”

She was even locked in a closet for a week, and her brother, Luke, sneaked her bread and water, she said. After spending time at a facility for teenagers, Patricia Wright was legally adopted by Roland Grotke, a neighbor of her grandparents in East Otto. She said she tried to return to the home and rescue Laura, but was rebuffed by her mother.

“I knew my Mom was kind of off upstairs,” said Patricia Wright. “I knew she was incapable of taking care of a person like Laura, who needed that extra help.”  Neither Richard Cummings nor Patricia Wright had been allowed to visit Laura Cummings in recent years, they said.

more on this sad case. poor child.


Why I don’t give a DAMN about Joan Wheeler’s adoption trauma or any other “trauma” she’s going through April 15, 2011

Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
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by Ruth Sippel Pace

clarification, I copied and pasted a post that Joan had placed on the adoptee forum, and I answered here, on my blog. In the past, Joan has accused me of stalking her on the internet to see what she writes – call it stalking if you want, I call it “monitoring” what Joan says about me and my family. Because I have the right to know what is written about me. And if it’s a lie, I will mostly definitely straighten that lie out. Don’t like what I’m doing Joan? – too bad. THEN STOP WRITING ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY ON THE INTERNET – AND MOST IMPORTANT – STOP LYING ABOUT ME.  A month ago, we sent this same message – after Joan got on the Huffington Post to smear our reputations and my grandfather’s reputation. – Whenever I see that Joan has writted stuff about me – I will be right there – because that it is my right. — Ruth Sippel Pace, April17, 2011, 11:17pm.

  The other day I wrote an answer to this post that Joan placed on the adoptee forum:

 “Realize that whatever trauma they have lived through, real or imagined, is what is driving them to hurt you.”

 I answered:  “Yeah, I get that Joan – whatever CRAP you went through as a child you are now taking out on your birth sisters. .. Well, I don’t give a DAMN what you went through. I don’t give a DAMN that your adoptive parents lied to you – you don’t get to write a book and tell lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. You don’t get to get on the internet and tel lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. AND THAT’S THE TRUTH!”

 I see that’s a bit harsh and wish to explain. When I was first reunited with Joan, and was getting to know her – I most certainly DID have sympathy for her for her “adoption trauma.” Of all her birth family, I believe I was the most supportive of her. It was ME who told her to “go for it,” when she first had the idea to write a book. It was ME who accompanied her to WGRZ-TV studio for a taping of human interest story on adoption reunion. This was in 1980 or 1981. – (addendum – April 18, 2011,) – addition, April 27, 2011: Anyone wishing to verify this story, contact reporter Rich Kellman at WGRZ-TV studios, 259 Delaware Ave, Buffalo, NY 14202. I’m not sure if they would still have records of this taping, but I don’t think it would hurt to ask. This verifies that I, one of Joan’s birth sisters, did indeed SUPPORT her in her adoption interests and causes, and did indeed have a relationship with her 30 years ago, despite her LYING and saying that we did not. I, Ruth Sippel Pace, provide documentation of everything that I say on this blog, contrary to Joan Wheeler, who gives NO proof, NO documentation, to prove her LIES.

 and why didn’t these 2 instances of me supporting her and her adoption cause make it into her book on adoption? She writes about herself going to all these adoption reform meetings and conferences, her letters to the editorial pages of newspapers, but she doesn’t mention going to WGRZ-TV to be interviewed by reporter Rich Kellman? She was on TV, talking about adoption reunion, and she doesn’t write about it in her book about adoption? – She writes about how even a couple of people in the adoption reform field discouraged her to write her book – yet fails to write how I, her “horrible” birth sister actually encouraged her to write the book AND appeared on TV with her to discuss our reunion. – NO, she can’t write about that, see, because it would put into questiion her continual lying statements that “she had to be silenced” about her adoption interests. The only time we try to “silence” her is when she bores us to death on the subject or when she LIES – which is just about 99% of the time.

Although I did not agree to her tactics regarding my oldest sister’s Gert’s children – in fact I was appalled at Joan’s interference and bullying Gert over the adoption of Gert’s son by her and her new husband. And when she called child abuse on Gert over daughter, I was very angry with Joan.

 In 1983, I was a bridesmaid in Joan’s wedding. She had borrowed my mother’s wedding gown 4 years earlier, volunteering to have it restored. She and her seamstress used the gown as a model to make a copy of. But then Joan removed bead trim off the original dress and put it on her own. She promised to replace the trim. She never did. When I got the gown back several months later, she had never restored or cleaned the gown. I waited until she asked me to babysit for her, and when that day came, I brought a pair of scissors with me and removed the bead trim from Joan’s gown – because the trim belonged to me – on my mother’s wedding gown – that my father had given me. – This was the first theft that Joan committed against me.

 As the 80’s progressed – so did Joan’s bad behavior. Yet I continued to have a relationship with her. (despite her saying on the Huffington Post that we did not). I had been trying to conceive and had several books on pregnancy and child rearing. Joan even borrowed some of them – and I had a hell of a time getting them back. (so much for her saying in her book that I had merely “claimed” to want to have children). It was Joan who drove me home from the hospital in June 1985 after my miscarriage, and it was ME who drove her and her new daughter home from the hospital in October 1986.

 In June 1987, Joan and I were on the phone. I was still grieving the loss of my son, (indeed, to this day, I still grieve), and I told Joan that I did not want to discuss infertility. But did Joan respect my wishes? No., she kept on talking about it. I told her 3 more times I did not want to talk about it. She kept on talking. I finally yelled at her to shut up and hung up on her. What kind of idiot keeps talking about a painful subject when the person asks, then finally demands that they don’t? I did not speak to Joan for a full year. I did not write to her. I did not call her.

 But in 1988, I did call, and we reconciled. This was the time that we spent many days at the beach with her children – the summer of 1988, I was on disability for a back injury at work. I was going for physical therapy in the mornings, and enjoyed afternoons at the beach with my sister and her kids. These outings continued through the summers of 1989 and 1990, when my work schedule permitted it.

 But Joan continued her bullying of me. And stealing from me. In 1990, we decided to buy an apartment building together. I borrowed money from the bank for a down payment. The money was in a joint checking account to be used for lawyer fees, real estate broker fees, etc. By September 1990, we didn’t find an apartment building that would suit us, and we dissolved the partnership. When the back account was closed, there was a lot of money missing. Joan confessed to me that she had been using the money for her day to day living expenses. I was livid. I borrowed this money from the bank to buy real estate, not to support Joan, who had a husband – who had a job. Our lawyer was to return part of his fee – and he sent us a letter that I would receive half, and Joan would receive half. Joan and I agreed that when she cashed her check, I would get the cash, because the lawyer’s fee was paid for out of the money that I had borrowed and placed in the account.

 Then Joan called me on the phone and stated that she was keeping the money. I had finally had it with her bullshit bullying me and told her to keep the fucking money, but she was not my sister, and to stay away from me.

 We did have a couple more interactions during the following year, mostly she kept calling and giving me excuses why she couldn’t repay me the money that she STOLE from me. Each time I just kept my distance.

 Then by 1993 the out and out fighting began. For more details on the meddling, Joan’s stalking me, her pranks, her trying to get me fired from my job, her writing bullshit letters to elected officials about me – see my post of November 2, 2010, What is demanded from Joan Wheeler – the purpose of this blog.

 I remember shopping with my cousin Gail once, around 1991, and I were talking about Joan and the shit she had done to me. I told Gail, “I don’t know who I’m more angry at – Joan for doing this shit, or myself for allowing her to do it.”

 Gail said, “You do it because you love her. You are trying to be a sister to her. I had some issues with my sister Ida, but this is different. Ida didn’t steal from me or tell lies. You need to put your foot down.”

 And I did. In 1991, I refused to be Joan’s doormat any longer. And that’s when the real shit began and continues to this day. THAT is why throughout her book, the one person in Joan’s birth family that is the most written about in her filthy book is ME. Almost every page is Brenda this, Brenda that. (she calls me Brenda in her book). Because I had turned the cheek so many times to her shit and continued to take her shit – then when I stood up for myself – Joan set out to punish me along with other people in her book.

 And I state here and now: I am a human being and do not deserve to be treated the way Joan has treated me. She had a wonderful person (me) who loved her. Who accepted her – as she was. I never judged her. I supported her. I loved her. BUT NO MORE. SHE PUSHED ME AWAY FROM HER – SHE TURNED MY LOVE FOR HER TO HATE. My hate for her has NOTHING to do with Joan’s imaginings that I blame her for our mother’s death, or her stupid lying shit that my grandfather molested me and I am jealous that Joan was adopted out and escaped that abuse. What a crock of shit – my grandfather never molested me or my sisters. But Joan will stop at nothing – she loves to tell lies about me and my sisters.

 The reason I hate Joan is because of her own actions to me. Joan needs to take responsiblity for her own choices in life. At the age of 16, she made the conscious decision to search for her birth family. She didn’t have to look for us – we found her. (our bad). But we had no idea that our younger sister was a such a BITCH. We took her to our hearts, and she betrayed and hurt each and every one of us. And one by one, we all turned our backs on her -even our father threw her out of his house several times, the last incident being in 2009, where he called his lawyer and REMOVED Joan from even his pre-planned funeral arrangements and his self-written obituary.

 It is all on Joan. She did this. She treated her birth family like shit and we Sippels are not shit.

And that is why I reiterate what I wrote to Joan the other day and I don’t give a DAMN that it is harsh:

 I don’t give a DAMN what you went through. I don’t give a DAMN that your adoptive parents lied to you – you don’t get to write a book and tell lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. You don’t get to get on the internet and tel lies about Ruth Sippel Pace and her kin, without Ruth refuting your lying shit. AND THAT’S THE TRUTH! 

Here is the gist of my post of November 2, 2010 – a concise listing of the shit that Joan has done to her birth family.

The purpose of this blog is to refute and debunk Ms. Wheeler’s statements that she puts forth in her book and on the internet. We also will discuss Ms. Wheeler’s behavior in real life, because it is detrimental to us and our family.

The Three Sippel Sisters demand the following:

1. Public apology and retraction from Joan Wheeler for the following:

  1. Falsely accusing Gert of repeatedly sexually molesting Ms. Wheeler.
  2. Falsely accusing Ruth of having a criminal record and being placed on probation.
  3. Falsely accusing Ruth of calling child abuse on Ms. Wheeler in December 1994. In the book, she lists it as happening in 1993, on the internet in May and September 2010, she lists it as 1996. – (only a liar can’t keep dates straight – I have scanned and posted an actual letter sent by Joan dated December 1994 to New York State Child Abuse authorities and in it she states the call was made Dec. 1994. Why are there 3 different years listed by Joan in this letter, in her book, and on the internet?
  4. Falsely asserting that there was a 3 month court battle in the spring of 1994 over this child abuse call. (which according to her letter didn’t occur until months later, and on the internet, years later). There was never a 3 month court battle between Joan and Ruth. and again, why does she keep mixing up the date of the call? Perhaps because she keeps lying about it.
  5. Falsely accusing Ruth of hacking into computers where Ruth works and tampering with Ms. Wheeler’s medical bill in late 1994.
  6. For six months of almost daily phone calls placed to Ruth’s place of employment for the purpose of Ruth losing her job. This was AFTER Ruth’s employer’s investigated Joan’s complaint in the fall of 1994, determined that Ruth was innocent, informed Joan of this, yet Joan continued into the spring of 1995 with calling various departments in the hospital and falsely informing them that Ruth did tamper with her bill.
  7. Falsely asserting that Ms. Wheeler has had “multiple orders of protection” against the 3 Sippel Sisters.
  8. Falsely asserting that the one and only Order of Protection Ms. Wheeler ever received (against Ruth) was for one year, when in reality it was for 6 months.
  9. Falsely asserting that the 3 Sippel Sisters repeatedly interfere with Ms. Wheeler’s life and harass her.
  10. For using our picture on the back cover of her book without our permission. The book is used for monetary gain, therefore, Ms. Wheeler is making money from our likeness.
  11. For writing letters to Anthony J. Masiello, when he was mayor of the city of Buffalo and other elected officials, giving them personal and private details of Ruth’s life, thereby invading Ruth’s privacy.
  12. For stealing Kathy’s money and belongings in 1993.
  13. For stealing Ruth’s money in 1990 and the bead trim off the wedding dress of our mother, which was Ruth’s property.
  14. An apology and explanation that Ms. Wheeler lied to Professor Rene Hoksbergen, and asked him to interfere with Kathy’s life in 1993, thereby invading Kathy’s privacy.
  15. For all lies and misrepresentations that are contained in the book and on her website.


2. Joan WILL comply with the following:

  1. The complete pulling of the book Forbidden Family off the market.
  2.  Full return of Kathy’s money and belongings that was stolen by Ms. Wheeler in 1993.
  3. Full return of Ruth’s money that was stolen by Ms. Wheeler in 1990
  4. The cessation of posting any more about her sisters ANYwhere on the internet, except when discussing her adoption and she is to limit her discussion of her sisters to say that she has 3 older birth sisters, one who first made the contact with her, and due to personality conflicts, any reunion between Joan and her 3 birth sisters has been terminated.


3. Ms. Wheeler will cease her public statements that:

  1. Our father was coerced into relinquishing her for adoption. It has always been his assertion that he was NOT coerced.
  2.  The 3 Sippel Sisters are “trashing” her on the internet via “multiple” adoption reform sites.


4. We Three Sippel Sisters further demand a public apology from Professor Rene Hoksbergen for his interference with Kathy in 1993, and his recent “professional” review of the book Forbidden Family, wherein, he is guilty of spreading a false allegation of sexual abuse by the person of Gertrude McQueen. Professor Hoksbergen did not check any “facts” that Joan Wheeler alleges, and therefore he is guilty also of damaging the reputation of Mrs. McQueen, and the other two Sippel Sisters.

Unless and until ALL these listed items are complied with by Joan Wheeler, (and Professor Hoksbergen), this blog will remain an active blog with every printed lie, misrepresentation, or misdeed of Joan Wheeler’s, either in the book, or on the internet, or real life, WILL be refuted and the truth WILL be documented.  Further, any future lies, falsehoods, misrepresentations, and further invasion of the privacy of The Three Sippel Sisters, their families and friends, will result in the continuation of this blog.

ALSO: Ruth hereby demands that Joan Wheeler’s ex-husband Colby Allen Bell repay every penny of the money he stole from her in 1990. – $490.00. He withdrew $500.00 from the joint checking account that Ruth had with them to purchase real estate (with her permission) to purchase a case of fireworks. Colby was supposed to replace that money when the fireworks were sold. He did not. He repaid Ruth only $10.00.

Further, in 1991, 3 ATM withdrawals were made totalling $400.00 from Joan and Colby’s checking account, causing their rent check to bounce. Joan and Colby accused Ruth of doing it. The following year, Colby was caught on a student video, admitting that it was HE who withdrew the money to support his  habit of frequenting strip joints.

Ruth demands a formal and public apology from Colby from his theft of her money and a formal and public apology  from both Joan and Colby concerning the accusation that she illegally made ATM withdrawals, which could have resulted with a criminal investigation of her by the bank and law enforcement. This could have damaged her reputation irreparably.

Again, until ALL demands here listed are FULLY met, this blog will remain active and the public shall know just what kind of persons Joan Wheeler and her ex-husband are.

Now ask me if I care about any “trauma” Joan is going through. – I don’t.

Additional comment by Gert McQueen, Saturday, April 16, 2010:

Ruth’s newest post called…Why I don’t give a DAMN about Joan Wheeler’s adoption trauma or any other “trauma” she’s going through is very well said! Excellent! Concise! Accurate!

 And yes the purpose of this blog is to refute and expose every dirty thing that Joan Wheeler has done to our entire family and we shall NEVER stop exposing the TRAUMA that Joan has done to us!

 I would like to add something more to this item:

 1. Public apology and retraction from Joan Wheeler for the following:

 1.       Falsely accusing Gert of repeatedly sexually molesting Ms. Wheeler.

 1(a) Falsely accusing Gert and husband of child abuse to her daughter. Those charges were PROVEN to be totally FALSE and were EXPUGED by the State and never were to be EXPOSED by anyone including Joan.

1 (b) Joan and Doctor Hoksbergen’s statements about me sexually abusing Joan are based purely on some kind of adoption pyschobable nonsense…there is no truth to such nonsense…these false accusations (sexual abuse and child abuse) are Joan’s attempts to ‘hit below the belt’ at me for NOT continuing a sexual three-way that Joan wanted to have and continue.

 I stand by my decision in 1981…I divorced her from my family…I renounced her then and I maintain that denouncement…Her conception and birth to my parents was an ACCIDENT OF THE FATES. She is NO SISTER and I shall continue to refute her lies to my dying day!

A Challenge to Joan Wheeler – Would You Please Explain the Various Court Documents and YOUR own Letters That Prove YOU are a LIAR? November 23, 2010

Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Joan keeps repeating herself over and over and over again that she is NOT a liar. But in my last post about how she has documented FOUR different years that ONE false child abuse call was made in, I posted ACTUAL COURT DOCUMENTS and two of JOAN’S OWN LETTERS that PROVE WITH OUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT JOAN IS A LIAR!!!

Joan keeps saying that her birth sisters are “bothering” her. But she never says specifically HOW! I have addressed this before on this blog. She either ignores this, or comes up with a new lie! And when that lie is exposed, she won’t come back and explain it. I have caught her in several lies and misrepresentations in her book and her blog. And when I have provided the PROOF of the lie or the misrepresentation, she will NOT explain the lie, but just blindly blunder on and keep saying that she is NOT a liar!

How do you explain her insistence that her book is truthful when she says that she signed a complaint against me in February 1993, but I provide the actual court document that has her signature next to a date in July 1993?

How do you explain the fact that she says that she NEVER wrote harassing letters to hurt me, yet I provide an actual letter that she wrote to my husband and mother in law, in which she urges him to leave me. 

How do you explain the fact that in her book she refers to my pet Brandy as a cat, yet I provide actual City of Buffalo animal license that proves that Brandy was a DOG! This proves that 1. Joan is a liar. 2. Joan doesn’t know what she is talking about. 3. Her book is poorly researched. 4. Her book is NOT truthful.

How do you explain the fact that on the internet she keeps saying that she obtained a one year order of protection against me, when I provide the actual COURT DOCUMENT that says it was for six months? And how do you explain the fact that she wrote letters to Albany New York on December 31, 1994 and to the financial director of my employer and told them that I was placed on probation? But it was NOT probation – it was an order of protection! These are two very different things. I was NOT placed on probation – I was given a restraining order – to restrain from contacting Joan. But Joan contacts me – The restraining order was in summer of 1993, yet in spring of 1994, she’s contacting my husband! And in 1999, she’s writing letters to me! She admits so in her book! And admits that she used a friend’s return address to do so! Oh, but Joan is not harassing me, no, no. Just writing letters to tell me my husband fathered a daughter in a vacant house.

I have reported on this letter several times here on this blog – but Joan refuses to address this issue! Just like in her book- she mentions only 2 events in 1995. Her starting college, and her divorce. Oh, but she doesn’t mention that in the spring of 1995, I pulled her into court for harassment – and I provide that letter to my husband as proof – because she’s pleading with him to leave me, asking him to have me drop the charges – and asking my mother in law to turn against me. – oh no! Joan doesn’t interfere in MY life whatsoever and never did! But I provide PROOF POSITIVE that she did and does. But Joan will not answer to this. – WHY?

In the letter she wrote on January 6, 1995 to the director of financial services of my employer, she accuses me of tampering with her medical bill. She writes a 3 page letter, when only one paragraph would suffice. But in this letter, she gives this man, a stranger to me, personal details of MY life, violating my privacy. But at the bottom of the last page of this letter, she is demanding HER privacy! Why the double standard Joan? YOU get to have privacy, but I don’t? ANSWER THIS QUESTION JOAN, AND ANSWER IT RIGHT NOW!!!

Oh, but Joan doesn’t hurt her sisters, never has. As for her assertions that her book is about her and her alone, and her adoption, then what the hell is MY miscarriage mentioned in it? Along with the falsehood that I went to a fertility clinic. And this falsehood was actually in a sentence that contradicted this!

On page 302, she says this about me: “At one point in her life, she claimed to want children and even went through infertility tests with her pervious boyfriend.” Well if I had only CLAIMED to want children, I wouldn’t have gone through infertility tests, now would I? And right here, Joan makes a mockery of my miscarriage of June 5, 1985, where SHE was in the waiting room with my friend Francine, and even drove me home several days later. The next sentence in her rotten book is really very sweet: “Just as well that she didn’t get pregnant because she said she didn’t know how anyone could do it.”

How dare you Joan? You take a figure of speech and throw it in my face, and throw away MY SON by saying it was a good thing I didn’t get pregnant? I DID GET PREGNANT AND LOST MY CHILD! What the hell is the matter with you? Oh, but you didn’t write that book about your sisters, did you? That book was about YOUR life, YOUR adoption, YOUR adoption reunion and YOUR adoption reform work! THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT ABOUT ME NOT GETTING PREGNANT AND YOUR MOCKERY OF THE LOSS OF MY SON ABOUT? My son, who I named in my heart Saied Ali, is my heart. HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME LOSING HIM? AND WHAT DOES MY LOSING HIM HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR BOOK?

 ANSWER THIS QUESTION JOAN! Oh, but Joan NEVER writes things to hurt her sisters, now does she? Oh no! She doesn’t think that even after 25 years, that I would be mourning my son? Here, how about if HER son gets smacked by a car next week? Would Joan care? I doubt it.

I could go on, and I will – that’s the whole purpose of this blog – to show the world that Joan Mary Wheeler is a liar, a filthy liar at that! She tells the world that she NEVER  wrote anything to hurt her sisters, when I just wrote and said she did. I have provided explicit documentation to prove that she is a liar. But Joan will NOT answer these allegations. She keeps saying that we call her a liar. Yes, we do. Well, Joan, PROVE TO US THAT YOU ARE NOT A LIAR! COME ON, JOAN, SPEAK!

1. Gert – November 24, 2010

I agree with everything that Ruth has said here, in addition, if you noticed in the documents that Ruth posted, as our evidence that Joan lies, that Joan will take any and every opportunity to tell anyone about our lives. She does not care about anyone’s privacy.

Ruth said: “In the letter she wrote on January 6, 1995 to the director of financial services of my employer, she accuses me of tampering with her medical bill. She writes a 3 page letter, when only one paragraph would suffice. But in this letter, she gives this man, a stranger to me, personal details of MY life, violating my privacy.”

In that same letter, Joan tells these strangers things about our(us sisters’)personal lives and our family business…what for? Because Joan has no brains!

Ruth continues: “But at the bottom of the last page of this letter, she is demanding HER privacy! Why the double standard Joan? YOU get to have privacy, but I don’t?”

I agree, what gives here Joan? You want privacy but no one else should have privacy!

come out come out where ever you are Joan and answer the charges against you.

Telling the Truth Part 3 – Joan Wheeler – The Three Sippel Sisters September 20, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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This is the third and final installment of our Telling the Truth series. Go here for Part One: Telling the Truth Part 1 – Joan Wheeler – The Three Sippel Sisters by Ruth Pace, September 7, 2010 and here for Part Two:  Telling the Truth Part 2 – Joan Wheeler – The Three Sippel Sisters  by Gert McQueen, September 9, 2010 – in answer to a 5 part retro piece that Joan Wheeler had on her site. We do not care what Joan writes on her site, or at other place on the internet, except WHEN IT PERTAINS TO US AND  OUR FAMILY, OR WHEN SHE CONTINUES TO LIE ABOUT US. iF SHE WANTS TO SPREAD LIES ABOUT US, WE WILL TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT HER. – Ruth, September 20, 2010.

J is Joan, G is Gert, with additional comments by Ruth:

Part 4: The Buffalo News 3-Part Series Search for Yesterday (Adoptive Parents Dilemma) 1984    J: 2010.08.11 I’ll let this article speak for itself

 G:…I have no real need to discuss the article here, only interested in Joan’ words today.

J:  This type of negative publicity influences public opinion, including our legislators. Over the decades, there has been a tendency to make this an “either – or” topic: either you have a good reunion, or you have a bad one, with nothing in between. In the mental health fields, such as social work or psychology, we see that life itself is a collection of shades of grey. Life is a series of good and bad experiences with lots of ups and downs. People go with the flow. Same is true with searches and reunions. Many adoptive parents of the past are now viewing their adoptees with greater understanding of their losses due to the adoption itself and are more open to search and reunion.

G:…Joan makes herself sound like she has it all together. Far from it! This is how Joan manages to get people to see only what Joan wants them to see. Joan knows all the right words, how to pull the emotional strings of other adoptees, she is a con-artist. Even if someone really reads the book, like we sisters are, you will see the ‘real’ Joan emerge. She is soft-spoken, unless crossed, she is meek, unless crossed, she’s understanding, unless crossed. And, she is an unconscious maniac, has no problem laying it all out for the reader to see her violent mental outbursts. And, she is so brain dead that she doesn’t realize that real sane people, adoptees or not, see right to the core of who she is…a nut case. So yes, stay tuned here to this blog because we shall show you the real Joan.

J:  Legislation and public opinion toward adoptee and natural parents’ access to the true original birth certificate has slowly gained momentum. It depends on who you talk to.

 G:…certainly does depend on who you talk to. And heaven help the person that disagrees with Joan, for you shall reap the full extend of Joan’s wrath. Keep reading this blog to see how we sisters address every page of the disgusting book that Joan has written that is full of lies.


Part 5: Response to The Buffalo News 3-Part Series Search for Yesterday: Adoptive, Birth Parents See Reunion Problems: My Natural Father Speaks Out 1984     2010.08.13

J:  Appearances are deceiving, or are they?

 I honestly don’t know where to begin.

G:….Even without the article here I have comments. Yes, appearances are deceiving. Joan is not whom she presents herself as. And if she doesn’t know where to begin, why the hell is she reprinting these articles? Is her real purpose to help with adoption reform? I doubt it. No, the real reason is to show that she has always told the truth but it is other people that have misrepresented her. Bull Shit. She is writing this 5 parter because we the sister questioned her telling the truth.

J: Right from the start there are the two adoptive mothers who are defending their rights to someone else’s child:

“I don’t want to sound unsympathetic to birth parents”

She just did by dismissing their loss of their child.

“I wouldn’t want someone else to say ‘she’s my daughter’.”

Wow, such denial of the facts of life coming from an adoptive mother who probably was infertile so she thought adopting (taking) someone else’s child as her own was the best choice for herself and the child. Guess what? Her Korean girl IS some else’s daughter!

This “all or nothing” thinking is what causes problems in adoption.

“…chances for a reunion with her biological family are lessened. We didn’t adopt internationally because of that, but it’s a fringe benefit of adopting from another country…That’s one problem you’d almost never have to deal with.”

Really? This adoptive mother contradicted herself. She told me, via a phone call back in 1984, that the only reason she adopted foreign children is make sure her children would never have contact from their birth families.

G:…Personally these issues don’t concern me. But what I do see here is another example of how if Joan’s view is not accepted how Joan has an immediate negative reaction. Joan never accepts another’s reasoning. She never accepted the reasons that our father had when he placed her up for adoption, or years later when he ADOPTED a step-child. She never accepted the reasons I had for ADOPTING my own birth son with a second husband. In the case of her own adoption she ‘believes’ that our father was coerced into giving her away and she is very hostile about that. In the cases of adopting a step-child (my father and myself) Joan reacted extremely hostile to us, never once accepting the real reason that those two separate adoptions were done….for the LOVE OF THE CHILD. Stay tune right here on this blog for I shall write all about how Joan’s reactions and interference not only damaged and hurt two family but everyone else in the family! Joan is NOT an advocate to adoptive parents. If you are an adoptive parent you had better ran for cover, far away from her.       Ruth’s note – and if you are an infertile woman run far far away from Joan – because she HATES infertile women.

 J:  So, the adoptee’s right to know her own natural parents and siblings and country of origin is seen by her adoptive mother as a problem that is avoided because the chances of reunion are next to nill because the birth family is in Korea? How convenient for the adoptiveparents, or at least this adoptivemother. Notice that adoptive fathers are absent from this article, and even in the series presented in my previous post. Also note that natural fathers are absent from discussion involving illegitimate births.

How am I able to write about this now, nearly 26 years later? Because I took notes.

I’d like to know what that cute Korean toddler of 1984 has to say now in 2010 when she realizes that (by the will of her loving, forever, real adoptive parents) she was held in captivity because her adoptive parents didn’t love her enough to give her the freedom necessary to build her own self identity.

There are so many blogs out there now written by adoptees of color who were adopted by white people and brought to America. These adoptees do not like what was done to them. I sure do hope that this family has done quite a bit of healing for the adoptee’s sake, if not for the sake of the misguided adoptive parents.

G:…Golly gee, she kept notes…okay…but in the book she goes on a raging rampage and destroys and burns all kinds of pictures and memos of her life with her CHILDREN and does it in FRONT OF THEM.       Ruth’s note: She burned her children’s toys and baby pictures in front of them in the middle of the dam living room! She should be up on charges of child abuse – the mental anguish she put those kids thru and for almost burning down the house while the kids were in it! – f’ing lunatic!

Wait till I get to that part in the book and post that entry! Oh yes, Joan is a crazy person as well as a liar, for if she says here (2010) that she can write about something 26 later because she kept notes, then was what she wrote in the book, about burning everything a lie or is she lying now? Oh, she did say, in the book, that a copy of the manuscript for the book was not burnt. Must be these articles and notes were too precious to her to burn when she went on a rampage in front of her children. KEEP YOUR CHILDREN AWAY FROM HER.

And are you really hearing what Joan is saying here? How she mocks adoptive parents? She never sees the love that those people have for the children, only that they allowed the child to be ‘held in captivity’ and they were not given ‘freedom to build own self identity’. Joan is PROJECTING her life, her identity, her trauma, onto every child that has been adopted. Joan is NOT an impartial advocate and as such should never be counseled. Adoptive parents are ‘misguided’ and are not giving ‘healing’ to the adoptee. Stay clear of Joan!     Ruth’s note: quoting Gert “She never sees the love that those people have for the children,” How can she see the love there, she has no love for her own children, to burn their pictures and toys in front of them, to forge a letter posing as her son and send it me as bait for me to get her to call her on the phone and entrap me for annoyance phone calls. She used her own child as a pawn to get at me.

J:  “I think it would be difficult for any child to have two real mothers and two real fathers…”    Yes, it is a difficult path, but all adoptees DO have two mothers and two fathers and they are most certainly REAL. Both sets are real in the adoptee’s life. To deny that is to warp the adoptee’s sense of self.

The other adoptive mother said:

“But I’m not in favor of my daughter finding her mother and forming a relationship…I think it would take away from our relationship, and I feel there would be a strain on our relationship.”

I still meet adoptive parents today who feel this way. It’s that “All or Nothing” thinking again. The shades of grey are there in real life, but not in adoption. Or that’s just the way adoptive parents want it. The  adoptee needs both sets of parents, with or without a relationship, because, whether or not adoptive parents realize it, the adoptee already HAS a relationship with her natural parents. It is the bonds of biology, of genetics, of being hard-wired to have inherent qualities of temperament and talents and allergies and muscle structure and facial features. With such selfishness of these adoptive parents, it is hard to see any real love there. I see possessiveness and desperate attempts to claim “mine, all mine!”, but this does not speak well of adoptive parent attitudes of 1984.

G:… Joan should not talk about ‘shades of grey’, she has never understood that in real life. See how she ‘takes on’ the adoptive parents? Who is she talking about? Her adoptive mother! Everything related to Joan’s adoption and her views for reform are filtered from her experience with a crazy woman who adopted her. Okay, that was a tough break but it isn’t the end of the world. To promote a dual relationship with both adoptive and natural parents, simultaneously, DEFEATS the entire PURPOSE of adoption! No child, let along 2 sets of parents, can have a balanced healthy mind and life living like that. Certainly medical records are important to be shared but the whole purpose of raising a child, by one set of parents, is to have parental authority over said child. Having two sets of parents simultaneously would only create an unbalanced child.

This statement of Joan’s …”With such selfishness of these adoptive parents, it is hard to see any real love there. I see possessiveness and desperate attempts to claim “mine, all mine!” …comes directly from Joan’s personal life experience with the adoptive parents. NOT EVERY PERSON is like her adoptive parents, who were desperate people when they adopted Joan. Tough break! To use one’s own unhealthy life as an example for proof for adoption reform is not a scientific measure. At best, it only proves the selflessness of Joan and her own inability ‘to see any real love there’. That is not acceptable for adoption reform, to hate one’s own adoptive parents!

 J:  Like I said, this attitude is still alive in adoptive parents today.

“The birth parents don’t seem to realize the relationship has ended once the papers have been signed. I think it’s a real invasion of privacy when they attempt to meet the child.”

No, it’s the adoptive parents who don’t realize that the relationship between the adoptee and her natural parents continues throughout her lifetime, even if there is no contact. The adoptee feels the loss. The natural parents feel the loss. And we’ve seen natural parents coming out by the thousands, in America and in Korea and elsewhere, to put an end to “taking someone else’s child as your own.”

G:…Here is the proof that the real enemy to Joan is the adoptive parents who take a child away from the natural parents.  

 J:  “Giving birth doesn’t make the parents. It’s the caring and loving and growing with the child that does.”

 And natural parents have been coerced into giving up their children to adoption out of shame. They were prevented from the actual parenting of their own children because of that permanent separation. We know from organizations such as Origins and Concerned United Birthparents that these mothers desperately wanted to do the natural acts of parenting, but were forced out of the their child’s lives.

Being pregnant and giving birth are natural events and are most certainly the very essence of life itself. It is the adoptive mother in this article who berates pregnancy and birth because she was deprived of experiencing the very events she puts down.

G:…I really have no desire to have a debate pro or con over various issues related to adoption, I’m only concerned about Joan’s use of exploiting our families for her own self-gratification. It’s too bad that Joan does not see how stupid she sounds….Joan’s own children were denied the very ‘essence of life’ from her, their mother, because of Joan’s mentally unbalanced views of birthing and parenting. I shall bring this all out in my blog entries.     Ruth’s note: quoting Joan: :  “Giving birth doesn’t make the parents. It’s the caring and loving and growing with the child that does.” Oh yeah, Joan, I see where you cared and loved for your own children – going on a rampage in front of them, detailing in your book how you came home drunk in front of them. Yep, you sure cared for them!

J:  Hurray for Dr. David Brodzinsky — a former Buffalonian! — for his professional statements. Dr. Brodzinskihas gone on to be a prolific writer on the psychology of adoption. He is the co-author or co-editor of five influential books on adoption,  including The Psychology of Adoption (1990); Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self (1992); Children’s Adjustment to Adoption: Developmental and Clinical Issues (1998); Adoption and Prenatal Drug Exposure: Research, Policy, and Practice (2000), and Psychological Issues in Adoption: Research and Practice (2005).

Still, Dr. Brodzinsky’s statement in this 1984 article raises concern:

“He doesn’t see the issue in terms of ‘rights’. Adoptive parents have the same rights or lack of rights as all parents have…”

 Auh, what about the adoptee’s rights? The International Adoption Reform Movement has made great progress since 1984: Bastard Nation, the American Adoption Congress, Council on Equal Rights in Adoption, Adoption Crossroads, Origins, Concerned United Birthparents, Senior Mothers and hundreds of adoptees’ blogs, mothers of loss blogs, oh, and The Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute, to name a few entities out there promoting adoptees’ rights.

G:…adoptee rights!!! As children they have the same rights as every other child….to be cared for! And by that means there is NOTHING in the laws that govern civilized cultures that parent SHOULD OR OUGHT to LOVE THEIR CHILDREN. It’s all about physical/mental care and nurturing. No parent, natural or adoptive, owe the kid anything more and once they are of legal age they are, by definition, are adults.

J:  Now, about my natural father’s photo in the paper and his statements.

First thing that must be said: He did not want to be identified in my book, so I changed his name and any other identifications that could lead to him today. BUT, he chose to go public in 1984. He called the newspaper to defend himself. For what? I have always had respect and love for him, and especially his third and present wife, my loving step mother. Nothing I ever wrote put him  down in any way.

As a result of this article, at that time in 1984, my natural father and I healed a five-year period of silence between us. We continued in a growing and loving father-daughter relationship. He was actively involved with my two children, two of his many grandchildren, and we shared tender moments. My father tearfully relayed to me what happened when my mother died — a story he had not been able to tell me in detail until after 1984. He cried when he told me that he “gave the baby — you — up, up, … up for adoption.” I could see remorse in his face and in his heart.

G:…It is only speculation on my part, but, I can understand why he would have chosen to ‘go public’ in a newspaper article but not in a book. The same reason why I have stated for myself. Newspapers are ephemeral, that is they come and go. Books are a more permanent item. I didn’t speak out about Joan’s article writing or anything else she has done, until, she published it in a the book.

Our father says that he called to ‘defend himself’ and Joan doesn’t understand why. As he states, he abided by the law, again that is something Joan has no concept of…obeying the laws of the land and the privacy of others. And no, Joan has not always loved and respected our father or his wife. After reading Joan’s book and seeing how she portrays her relationship with Dad I have no belief in the words she has just written. Wait till I get to those pages in the book in my blog entries. Contrary to what Joan believes and what she constantly states, our father has no remorse about having placed his child up for adoption. Joan is a browbeater, a manipulator and she can easily lead someone into a psychological place, where she wants that person. Today, in August 2010, I state for the record, having just come from a physical visit with my father, that he DOES NOT HAVE TO MAKE ANY STATEMENTS EITHER WAY FOR ANY DECISIONS HE MADE IN HIS LIFE. HE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE MADE TO FEEL AS IF HE COMMITTED A CRIME BECAUSE JOAN BELIEVES HE DID. Today, Joan browbeats her dying adoptive mother, convincing her that she was WRONG to have adopted!

Ruth’s note: Many decisions were made about ME when I was a minor. Some I didn’t like at the time. Now at the age of 58, I can well understand those decisions. When I was 7 years old, I was very unhappy to have been placed in an orphanage – and I well remember crying myself to sleep many nights in the home. But what was the alternative? Being home alone? With no parent or adult to supervise me? It is not right for a 7 year old child to come home to empty house after school and open up a can of soup to eat. This is also AGAINST THE LAW!  My father’s second wife was mentally ill and spent time in the psych center. My father had to work – there was no welfare system in the 1950’s like we have today. There were NO DAYCARE CENTERS – therefore, my father had no choice but to place us kids in the home and foster homes. HE DID WHAT HE DID FOR OUR BENEFIT AND TO KEEP US SAFE! AND HE DOES NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY WHATEVER DECISIONS HE MADE FOR HIS OWN CHILDREN. WHEREVER WE WERE, AND THIS INCLUDES JOAN – WE WERE WELL FED, HAD CLOTHES AND SHOES, A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS, A GOOD EDUCATION, RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING, MEDICAL AND DENTAL NEEDS TAKEN CARE OF.  To this day, we see on the news, children being neglected, being beaten, forced into pornography and prostitution – NOT ONE OF THE SIPPEL KIDS, INCLUDING JOAN, HAD TO ENDURE THAT – BECAUSE MY FATHER MADE THE RIGHT DECISIONS FOR ALL OF US. Get over it Joan.

  J:  Since the printing of this article, my father and I talked of how newspaper reporters make situations worse by exaggerating points. He wanted to be sure the public knew he “abided by the law” and stayed away from me while I was growing up. My father and I talked of how the articles did not accurately portray how the adoptee and her adoptive family and natural family are effected by a reunion that went out of control. Too many people butting in, saying harsh words, trying to interfere with the adoptee adjusting to her reunion.

G:…So if Joan’s NOW knows all this, and knew it before she started this 5 part series, why in the hell didn’t she state it from the get-go? Because Joan likes suspense and drama, she wants to play it for all it’s worth.

J:  When this article was written, there were unspoken words between my father and I. In 1979, he thought that all I wanted was to get my hands on my sealed records, to talk about the past, to ask about my deceased mother. His worst fear was that I’d hate him for what he had done. After the publishing of this article, we came together to discuss our sore spots, coming away with a greater understanding of each other. We have spent an immense amount of personal energy since then in building a personal relationship that is much different from the relationships he had with his other children from his first wife and the children he has with his present wife. We accepted each other and what the past has done to us.

G:…Oh isn’t that idyllic! Unfortunately not all of it rings true. Whenever ANYONE has a ‘personal relationship’ with Joan, it ALWAYS ends up, rather quickly, to one of immerse pain and hurt given out by Joan herself to the other person. So look here at the time-table. The article is written, published in 1984, that ended a 5 year silence. So she was ‘found and reunited’ in 1976, then has period of silence (no contact) for 5 years, then another attempt at a relationship in 1984. I can tell you, and I will in more detail in later posts, that there was another separation, in 1992 that lasted for another several years. Then it was on and off again, until she offended Dad in 2008. I will say more of that in a bit. Joan likes to whitewash certain aspects of her relationship with Dad, and others, so you the reader, you the one looking for advice with adoption reform are always being fooled and conned by Joan. Don’t believe me? Keep reading my posts in which I will detail every dirty deed that Joan has done. And BTW Joan does not accept anyone nor what the past has done to us.

 J:. One summer night in 1987, just shortly before midnight, I knocked on my father’s door. I was despondent because my adoptive mother had just been diagnosed with cancer. I told my father I can’t bear to lose another parent to cancer. My first mother died of cancer, my adoptive father died of cancer. Slowly, my adoptive mother’s cancer went into remission, only to resurface in recent years, but that night my natural father said to me: “I will always be here for you. We may not have the legal binds, but we have something stronger. We not only have the ties of blood, but we have the emotions in our hearts.”

G:…This is an example of Joan’s need to have constant drama in her life. It’s really too bad that Joan never took what Dad said to her to her heart. If she had she would STILL HAVE NOT ONLY A FATHER BUT SISTERS. It is only Joan that pulls the plug on relationships.

J:  Sadly, through the passage of time, and the realization that I went full steam ahead, completed and published the memoir I said I was going to write since 1976, those old fears and resentment rose up again. When asked to, my father read a rough draft of my book in 2004. He clarified points. I made corrections he asked me to make and said I represented him in a clear manner. He read another draft of the book again in 2008. This time he said it all could have been avoided if he had gotten some help. I agree. He was alone in his decision to split up his family.

G:…Again, Joan misrepresents. It was NOT ‘old fears and resentments’ that ‘rose up again’, it WAS Joan’s insistence that she get more information out of our father and get his APPROVAL. Joan’s ways of getting what she wants is through browbeating and intimidation. I’m sure that is how, if he ever did say it, that he said ‘it could have been avoided if he had gotten some help’. And the reason I say that is because WHAT HELP WAS HE DENIED? What help was there to be gotten under the circumstances of his life at that time? Everyone makes decisions with what is available to them at any given time. It is only Joan who refuses to accept that reality. If only, if only, if only is how Joan views anything. I don’t see how any form of adoption reform can help anyone when you have a browbeater in the mix. Joan is a browbeater and I shall prove that in my blog entries.

J:  Then, in 2009, I added a Social Work Assessment, of which, my father did not understand. He reacted out of emotion and fear that I do not love and respect him. That is not true. I do love him and respect him. The Social Work Assessment of my adoption was written in analytical style and encompasses all parties to my adoption. My natural father did not understand it. There were other aspects that entered into why we are again not speaking to each other: a disagreement between my natural father, my adoptive mother, and myself; so, my natural father and I parted ways again.

G:… This ‘social work assessment’ is flawed, there are many many errors in it. I can see how my father would not understand it, I don’t! I see no reason for it after all the pages of drama and lies that went before it. And what is Joan’s reaction to Dad’s reaction? He is the one who reacts out of emotion and fear and projects on to her no love and respect! No Joan you do not love and respect him, you never have.

Ruth’s note: the reason nobody can understand the “social work assessment” is because it IS flawed. Joan starts with a topic, gives a fairly basic assessment, then tries to give a real-life example to prove her social work theories. But during many of the examples of real life incidents, Joan goes off on hate tangents again. The “social work assessment” section is peppered with more digs and hatred at people who have angered her throughout her life. And she gives her own flawed judgments against the people she is making a “scientific social work assessment” against. She CANNOT make an unbiased social work assessment on her birth family, adoptive family, her adoption, and any aspect of her life, for the simple reason that she is writing this assessment FROM HER OWN VIEWPOINT! Therefore, it cannot be scientifically accurate, medically accurate, psychologically accurate. And I have pointed out many times, in my blog where, if she is not out and out lying, she gets many facts WRONG! Like relating in her book that my pet Brandy is a cat. This is inaccurate – Brandy was a 65 pound Siberian Husky/Alaskan Malamute mix : DOG!

     Can the scientific, medical, or social work, adoption reform fields trust any of Joan M. Wheeler’s social work assessments/theories/conclusions if Ms. Wheeler does not know the difference between a dog and a cat, or at least ATTEMPT to get the FACTS STRAIGHT IN HER BOOK????

So Dad reads a draft of the book in 2004 and then again in 2008 and his comments about it to others are that ‘Joan will never get it published because she will never be satisfied with it.’

And here’s another cryptic remark of Joan’s “There were other aspects that entered into why we are again not speaking to each other: a disagreement between my natural father, my adoptive mother, and myself; so, my natural father and I parted ways again.” What bull shit! No there was no disagreement! It was browbeating by Joan and venom and hate from her adoptive mother that fueled Joan’s continued harassment and browbeating to my father that severed the relationship, for the last time.

 Here’s the truth, amazingly she puts it in the book but doesn’t recall it here, in real time! For some time Joan had been helping both Dad and his wife with shopping and doctor errands. Good! But then she browbeated Dad by saying to him that he treats her as a cab driver and doesn’t give her any gas money. Did she ever ask for money? Did she ever say that she doesn’t mind helping him but could be spare some money for gas? No, in her usual non-thinking manners she demands money from him. And informs him that her car needs repairs and he should pay for the repairs because she is driving him around town. So Dad, no dummy, gives her $20 for ‘cab fare’ and tells her he no longer requires her services and her car is her responsibility. Joan goes home to adoptive mother who has a fit telling Joan that they (adoptive parents) helped him out, years ago, when they adopted Joan. They paid for all of Joan upbringing and upkeeping for ‘his’ daughter and now when they are ‘down and in need’ he can’t come to help them out.

 Isn’t that nice! Is this the usual exchange between adoptive and natural parents and child? Is this the reason for adoption reform? I thought that those people adopted a child to love and care for and not to hold as a source of ransom when she is dying against an elderly man! So where is Joan’s love and respect for her birth father? Certainly not on anything she writes! And Joan advocates open adoption where both sets of parents interact with the child! Good God! I’d ran as fast as I could from crazy people.

 J:  I went ahead with my goals. The book is out now. My adoptive mother doesn’t like it. My natural father doesn’t like it. No one looks good in this book, including me. The true destruction of adoption in my life had to be told, with or without the approval of others.

G:…Yep she went ahead with her goals and everyone’s life is exposed and exploited! Of course no one likes it. Dad said the book belongs in the garbage. Dad says that he does not want to see or hear from Joan. We three sisters are refuting every thing in it. The true destruction was caused by the adoptive parents and in Joan’s mind. It did NOT HAVE TO BE TOLD. Joan’s life is a sad life because she chooses it to be so.

Ruth’s note: EXACTLY – As I said before, I was unhappy as a child. Because of me having to be in an orphanage and then a foster home. I don’t dwell on it. I accept it. I have MOVED ON!  I do not choose to have an unhappy life. Joan wallows in misery because she loves it!

 J:  I wrote it to prevent another family from being permanently separated by adoption.

I wrote my book to make sense of my life with the facts as they were presented to me.

G:…No not true. Joan’s reasons for writing it was because she is obsessed and in love with herself.

So Joan, now that you have written the book, does your life make any more sense to you now?

Ruth’s note: no, her life still does not make any sense because she is still whining about it.—–I told her once before – back in 1991, when she called me up on the phone (yes, SHE called me on the phone – so much for her saying that she has had NO CONTACT with me for over 30 years) – she called to cry because she found out her husband had been unfaithful. – oh gee wow! What news! Less than a year after getting married, and with an infant son at home – Joan herself was unfaithful. And her husband had an affair, then she did, then he did, then she did, then he di…..sigh. (take a breath) …. Well, when she was on the phone and crying, I broke into her sobs – “Look, I’ve had enough of this. If he’s so dam bad, if your marriage is so dam bad, GET A DIVORCE! BUT LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU STOLE MY MONEY – YOUR HUSBAND BLEW IT AT THE STRIP JOINT – YOU BOTH USED ME FOR MY MONEY – NOW YOU’RE WHINING – SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

And I called my father the next day – he apparently had a call from Joan – whining about her husband and he told her “IF HE’S SO BAD, GET A DIVORCE – EITHER SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT!”

But whining Drama Queens don’t WANT to stop whining. It’s their reason for getting out of bed each day!

Here is an excerpt from my actual journal about this: and so much for Joan saying she has not had contact –     Near the end of August 1991, I received a phone call from Joan. She was crying hysterically because she had just seen Colby on the public access channel of our local cable television company. Apparently, the brother of one the strippers that attended the Fourth of July party made a video for one of his college courses. The subject was a sort of biographical essay on strippers that also included interviews with men who go to the strip joints. The video was made during the summer of 1990, and Colby was one of men interviewed. On the video, Colby admitted that he went to the strip joint quite frequently, and also admitted to spending a great deal of money in this establishment. I guess we know where Colby spent the $500.00 fireworks money that he was supposed to put back in the bank. Instead of replacing the money, he was at strip joints spending it and having a good time, while I was working my ass off, paying that money back to the credit card.     While Joan was crying on the phone, I reached the end of my rope, I was sick and tired of the lies, the stealing, the many “second chances” I gave her and Colby, and now I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach with the realization of how I was used by these low-lifes. With the realization of where my money went, I just turned to stone inside. And now I had to hear about another one of numerous marital infidelities (from both Joan and Colby).     As soon as I was able to get a word in, I told Joan that I was sick of hearing about her marriage problems. I told her that John and I sometimes have fights and all,  but I keep my butt at home where it belongs. I told her that John and I may have never taken marriage vows, but we are faithful to each other. I told her that she and Colby took the marriage vows, but they don’t honor them, with Joan’s extramarital affairs. Three that I know of in August and September 1991, and March 1992, and a party in Ontario, Canada not even a year after she was married with an infant son at home.     Joan was not expecting me say this. She thought that I would feel sorry for “poor Joan and all her problems” yet again. Her voice miraculously became free and clear of hysterical tears. She cut the conversation short and got off the phone.     

 The next couple of months Joan and Colby went to marriage counseling, and (according to Joan) during one of the sessions, Colby admitted to withdrawing the $200.00 that had caused their rent check to bounce, and to falsely accusing me for it. Joan wanted me to attend one of their counseling sessions to confront Colby and make him admit his lies, but I refused. I told her that I had been a victim, and I was not going to use MY time to attend one of THEIR sessions. I told her that SHE made the commitment to Colby when she married him, but I made no such commitment. I also told her that when a person loses a friend or a relationship with a family member because of their own actions, they should not be surprised. I also advised her to get a divorce. Any man who would spend his sister-in-law’s money at a strip joint and withdraw money from the bank causing his rent check to bounce, clearly does not have the best interests of his wife and children in mind. Providing food and shelter for his children were more important than watching nude dancers. Joan told me that her own lawyer had said that what Colby had said on the video was grounds for divorce.     In retrospect, I believe that I should have gone to their counseling session to confront them both and make Joan admit to her lies as well as Colby. During this same time period, Joan tried to elicit sympathy from our father about her failing marriage. He told me that he said to her, “I do not want to hear any more of your marital problems. If he’s that bad, divorce him or shut up.”    By the end of October 1991, I had grown so disgusted by the two of them, I just never returned her calls. I made up my mind to have nothing further to do with them.     

I wrote those words in 1991 – 19 years ago – has anything changed? Joan is still a whiner – still a liar – still trying to pawn all the blame of her actions onto somebody else. And does she listen when somebody gives her advice? NO. I told her to get a divorce in 1991. She didn’t until 1995. She won’t take anybody’s advice, because you see, that advice just might solve the problem –and she doesn’t want the problem solved. If the problem gets solved, why then, she won’t have a reason to whine and play the victim and wring sympathy out of people. Didn’t the adoptees tell her months ago to stop reading my blog? And no, she lied AGAIN – because she doesn’t just read the google alerts – she posts things on her site that show us that she DOES read this blog. By either coming directly here, or using Google reader. We’re not stupid Joan.

You carry on in the same old way
No lessons learned from yesterday
Talk of changes lost in pages of paperwork…
  – Jon Anderson, title song of the 1997 Yes album “Open Your Eyes.”

1. Gert – September 21, 2010

I was NOT aware of things that happened in Joan’s marriage…for the simple fact that I DIVORCED myself from Joan in 1982 and had NO CONTACT with her for years and years. Sure I heard a couple of stories over the years, but never to the detail that Ruth is able to provide us, for Joan USED Ruth for years and years.

And you readers, you friends of Joan wonder why Ruth is so angry!!!

Truth wins out!

2. RuthSeptember 21, 2010 

yes the details are there – because I kept a journal –
and dam straight I’m angry – I had MOVED ON from Joan – was willing to leave all this shit in the past until JOAN got on the internet and in September 2008 begand the cyber-bullying by bashing The Three Sippel Sisters on her blogspot blog. I had been on the internet since 2000, and had NEVER blasted her – except for the email exchange between us in April 2004 – and that was PRIVATE – and involved a family photo website. Then 4 years later JOAN started the shit by using the internet as a new tool to harass and badmouth us. so much for her buddies to tell me that Joan wants peace -SHE STARTED THIS SHIT!
THEN in October 2009 she attacked Kathy, and in the comments section of that Adoptees face the sting of discrimination, Joan told LIE about me and my father – that’s when I started this blog – and when her book came out – I read her filthy lies, the past anger came flooding back – I can’t tell you the shit I felt back in 1990 when Joan and Colby stole money from me – Colby came to my house and whined “can’t you just forget the money – I don’t want to go home and hear Joan yell at me.”
this was money I took out as a cash advance from a credit card – $4000.00 at 18% interest – Joan dipped into it STOLE money to fix her car – when MY car broke down a few months later – I had no money to fix it – because I was paying off the credit card – and Joan was warm in her car – while I was at the corner freezing lugging home groceries on the bus.
You wonder why I’m angry – again Myst – and big mouth Rus – and where the hell is Sweet Mara – PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES – stop listening to Joan – how would YOU feel if YOUR OWN SISTER used YOUR money to fix HER car, then YOUR car broke and you are freezing in zero degree weather thinking of your broken car. (ant then to read in that filthy book that she merely BORROWED the money – NO! She STOLE IT. And Colby used $500.00 of MY money to get his rocks off at the strip joint! The two of them will burn in hell.) and in 2004, I sent her a letter BEGGING for even TEN DOLLARS to help me save my house from foreclosure and the bitch tried to take me to court for HARASSMENT – because I dared to ask for MY money back, or even just TEN BUCKS! 
And that is only ONE beef I have against the bitch called Joan Wheeler. – the money is basically a non -issue, because I actually have won a $500.00 raffle in 1997, $600.00 from New York Lottery win four in 1998 and other small money prizes – WHAT GETS MY GALL IS JOAN’S ATTITUDE THAT SHE USED ME, STOLE MY MONEY, AND LIES ABOUT IT AND TURNED HER FUCKING BACK ON ME WHEN  I BEGGED FOR HELP.  I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT I EVER DID TO DESERVE THIS SHIT FROM SOMEONE I LOVED.


Why did Joan Wheeler write her book Forbidden Family? pure and simple: it is for revenge! September 13, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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From Lisa in a comment to my post “I am not interested in your opinion of me”:

I think I have read most of your site. I just wanted to add to your post above. I came to your site when searching about adoption reform and your sisters name came up. It was wonderful to read your site. Some of your adjectives about your sister are adjectives that I was thinking. She states herself she was spoiled as a child. That mentality is why we have a generation of people who are self centered, does not care about anyone else, materialistic, condescending, arrogant etc etc etc. I know it is not politically correct to say she should be grateful because in reading the two stories it seems like your families (3 Sippel sisters) didn’t have the easiest of lives yourself do to your mom’s death, while she was “spoiled” her words. Anyway I just wanted to support you and your story. Once the adoption reform “gang” gets wind of your story they will be relentless. They have that “vicious gang” mentality. It’s not let’s join together for a cause and explain our side. They will try to pick you apart in every way. Continue telling your story. I think it should come out in how reunion doesn’t always work and the sick need of some adoptees for OBC. Showing that nothing not even a piece of paper will fix what needs fixing in their souls.

 My reply:

Yes, Lisa, Joan was spoiled when she was a child, and well into her adulthood. This is why she never learned boundaries, never learned the word NO, never learned to respect other people’s needs and feelings. It has always been about Joan, Joan, Joan. I could go into a couple of events here, but I want to use them on the blog itself, not comments.

 I usually try to be politically correct, because I believe that all people should have their say. But when their say tramples on other people, than the rules have changed. I have ALWAYS supported Joan in her quest for her OBC, which incidentally, she has. It was given to her. So why the crusade? She SAYS it is so that others who cannot get their OBC can legally obtain it. But as I have asked time and time again throughout this blog, why are personal details of MY life on display? What do they have to do with adoption or adoption reform at all? Pray tell, what does the fact that I, Ruth Pace, am a neighborhood activist have to do with JOAN’S adoption, JOAN’S reunion, JOAN’S adoption reform work? And in the book, when she mentions that I am a neighborhood activist, she puts me down for it, saying that my neighborhood was deteriorating. Well, DUH, yeah, that’s why I became a neighborhood activist in the first place! And my neighborhood is much better, thanks to a lot of my work.

The reason that and other personal details of my live is in the book, is clear – it’s a chance to take a swipe at me, to assassinate my character – because that is the whole purpose of her book – it is revenge writing – to get back at everyone in her life who ever angered her, from the mother who up and died when she was an infant, to the birth relatives who did not step in and take her and raise her, to my father who gave her up for adoption, to the Wheelers who adopted her, to a birth cousin who bumped into her at an amusement park when both girls were 10 years old – because she knew that Joan was in reality, Doris, and this little kid, her birth cousin didn’t tell her. (and in the late 90’s Joan harassed this cousin while she was dying of cancer, until the Town of Eden, NY police, NOT my cousin, but the police themselves instituted a harassment case against Joan. Joan’s hatred and anger continues onto her birth siblings, because we were not given up for adoption. And it is for that fact, she is out to punish us.

 Yes Lisa, you are correct, when you say that the adult adoptees will not be happy when they get their OBC, or find out their birth names, or meet their birth family. Because they are full of hate. They hate the mother that gave them up. Never mind she may have been the 14 year old victim of a rapist or other circumstances. They just blindly pass judgment on the birth mother and anyone who had a hand in their adoption. And that hatred spills onto infertile women, who merely want a chance to be a mother. And this what I believe is at the heart of Joan’s hatred towards me, an infertile woman adopted her. I am an infertile woman. Joan loves/hates her adoptive mother. Joan hates me. I don’t think she ever loved me, because she stole from me and lied to me before I had my miscarriage. But it was when I lost my son, and I told her that I didn’t want to hear any more stories of her adoption conferences that Joan really became my enemy. I didn’t want to hear about babies, infertility, adoption or anything to do with reproduction because at that point, I needed grief counseling.  Joan became angry at me because I told her NO. And spoiled children who grow into spoiled adults cannot stand the word NO. I believe in my heart of hearts her further stealing the hundreds of dollars from me in 1990 was punishment because I dared to cut her out of my life for the years 1987 and 1988. And that was because she would NOT respect me – she would NOT stop talking about infertility. My god, I just had a miscarriage, shut up already! But she HATES infertile women, and now I was an infertile woman, ergo, she must HATE me. She makes a mockery of my miscarriage in her book!  When even Jesus carrying his cross to his death, said “Bless the barren,” when St. Veronica wiped his face with her scarf, and the grieving women, stood nearby. Jesus Christ blessed us, but Joan condemns us.

Joan has a need for revenge. Her book, her blog, her statements on the internet, are not about adoption reform at all — it is REVENGE, pure and simple.

 Why else would she blatantly lie about court proceedings that are on record? These are indisputable records of FACT. The FACT that she was granted a six-month order of protection against me, which was summarily DISMISSED, but she just bowls over that FACT. She says that it was for one year. This is a BLATANT LIE. I have posted that court document to PROVE THAT JOAN IS A LIAR. She doesn’t care. That’s her story and she’s sticking to it. Even though she’s making herself out to be a fool. Anybody with brains and has an 8th grade reading level can read Joan’s words “I had a one year order of protection.” Then read the actual court document “order of protection: August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994.” And anybody with first grade arithmetic skills and who knows the succession of the months, can reason out that from August to February is SIX MONTHS!

 As for the adoptees, they come over here from time to time. That’s ok. They are always welcome to read my blog. I have NEVER once said in my blog that adult adoptees are not entitled to their OBC. In fact, I SUPPORT their efforts to have OBCs amended to a TRUTHFUL document. But other than that, I do not want to get into the adoption/adoption reform issue at all. Because that is NOT what this blog is about. This blog is to REFUTE JOAN WHEELER’S LIES ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY.  I am not interested in Heather in UK’s adoption issues. I am not interested in Mara Rigge’s adoption issues. They have their issues and lives, and they are none of my business. I am not interested in anybody’s else’s issues. EXCEPT if any reader steps forward and says that they are part of a birth family, was reunited with the adopted person, and is now being bullied by that person.

 There are plenty of places in the real world and the cyber world that offer support for infertile women, birthmothers, would-be adoptive parents, adoptive parents, the adopted child, adult adoptees, grief counseling for parents who lose their children, grief counseling for spouse who have lost their partner, but no where is there any help for the siblings of an adoptee. Who stands up for them? And does anybody ever know what happens after an adoption reunion? Oh, they get on Oprah Winfrey and show how they glad they are they found each other. But when the reunion goes sour, what then? Where is there any help? And where is there any help when the soured reunion turns criminal? I took Joan to court in 1995 because of the falsified child abuse call, her calling my place of employment, her writing letters to the mayor of Buffalo, telling him that I have a criminal record when I have none. These are deeds of STALKING! I took her to court and the judge dismissed my case! Why? Because the judge said, “sisters should get along.” WTF kind of answer is that? If I can help ANYone who is in this same type of situation, to help them gear up the courage to stand up to their bullies, than I have succeeded.

 Also, it is clear that Joan is mentally ill. I know for a fact that she was treated for manic depression. In 1999, when her friend Bonnie gave me Joan’s computer and her discs, which contained an early manuscript of her book, Joan had a part of a journal on the computer and she writes about her manic depression. Now, I know that mentally ill people do not ask to be mentally ill. And perhaps some of her actions are caused by her illness, but WHERE IS MY PROTECTION FROM THAT ILL PERSON? When does it stop? Why must I suffer from character assassination? Why must I have my employers be called and told lies? Why must MY husband be urged to leave me? Why must I suffer? Because SHE is ill? NO WAY!  I refuse to be walked on because Joan is ill. I, RUTH PACE HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE A PEACEFUL LIFE! This is guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States! And by the gods, I DEMAND that Joan stop her lies! And I speak for my two sisters Gert and Kathy, and indeed for MY ENTIRE FAMILY. My cousin Gail is dead. Joan harassed her when she was DYING OF CANCER! Joan lies about her in the book. Gail is no longer here to defend herself. So I WILL DEFEND HER.

 Joan, you can hang up your keyboard, because your sisters are coming after you. And you have no one to blame but yourself. YOU chose to say the order of protection in 1994 was for one year – no one put a gun to your head and forced you to write that lie. And all the other lies you put in that book, and all the lies you put out on the internet. YOU, Joan Wheeler, YOU did it. And all The Three Sippel Sisters are doing is showing the world what you really are: a lying bitch.

1. gert – September 14, 2010

Again, thank you Lisa, for your words that show that indeed there are people out there that are not fearfull of the truth…

This statement of yours:
“Once the adoption reform “gang” gets wind of your story they will be relentless. They have that “vicious gang” mentality. It’s not let’s join together for a cause and explain our side. They will try to pick you apart in every way.”

This is what is wrong within our culture, the gang mentality, that seeks to destroy instead of build.

I’m not afraid of bullies or gangs. I’ve dealt with more of them than there are of these vicious adoption reform people that Joan hangs out with. I’m also sure that not every adoption reform group are as they are, but, I shall never be bullied by a gang of people that intimidate and threaten. I have more scalps on my belt than are in that little group of obnoxious loudmouths! My agenda is not the same as theirs. My is truth and honor. People in and with gang mentality are not interested in truth and they know not honor.

The gang is very worried, they see that we sisters are not being intimidated and are not going away.
That’s right, every page of that book of filth will be addressed on this blog. Stay tuned for more truth speaking.

RuthSeptember 14, 2010

I’m not so sure if the “adoption gang” is worried about us – but I do believe that some of them are concerned about Joan. Back in February, a certain adoptee couldn’t wait for Joan to join her gang, because she was so “awesome.” Joan had manipulated her into believing that the Three Sippel Sisters were a trio of bashers! O my goddess, what a day they had! Almost 200 hits here, and several nasty comments! Then, silence.

In May, Joan herself, starts her whining herself, urging them to shut down by blog by complaining about me. Which is EXACTLY one of the false accusations she had thrown at me – that I had managed to shut her previous 2 blogs down, which was a lie. Joan herself explained on the wordpress blog the reason SHE shut her blogspot blog down was because she had been censored. As to the wordpress blog – again, SHE shut it down. She moved it over to startlogic. When you went to the wordpress site, you got a message stating that the OWNER shut it down. I had nothing to do it, but she whined that I did. And bitched and moaned that when I did, I was interfering with her life. So what does she do – turn around and tries to do the same to me. Two wrongs don’t make a right my sweet sister. Because you showed everyone what a little pisspot you are right there and then.

And in her May 2010 whines, she passionately pleads to the adoptees “get them away from me, get them away from me.” ‘Scuse me, I’m not near her, nor is Gert or Kathy. Joan doesn’t like this blog for one simple reason – and that is: HER LIES ARE BEING STRAIGHTENED OUT! The whole world, and that includes her adoptee friends, are seeing for themselves, that their “awesome” friend is nothing but a liar, a manipulator and a fraud!
On August 25, 2010, she told another lie about me and my family, stating that we have been physically attacking her for the past 30 years. Which is a direct contradiction of things she has said in the book, and on the internet and, most importantly, on the adoptee forum. Joan has stated over and over that we are intefering with her life, despite that fact that she HAS HAD NO CONTACT WITH US FOR DECADES. So I put the question out there: HOW HAVE WE BEEN ATTACKING HER PHYSICALLY FOR 30 YEARS IF THERE HAS BEEN NO CONTACT?

It is JOAN herself who keeps putting her foot in her mouth, and I suspect that people are starting to see this. And we know for a FACT that not only the adoptee gang has realized this – we got an email from someone who stated that something Joan said about her 3 sisters was “patently false.” And with each whine, with each lie, with each contradiction that Joan has fed her “friends,” her support gets diminshed. The stats for this blog prove this. And the replys that she got on her posts on the forum also diminished in numbers.

ah, the forum – let us address this here and now and be done with it. Yes, I had 2 covert accounts. I have been accused of “spying” on Joan. Let me say this for the  record – I DON’T CARE WHAT IS DISCUSSED ON THE FORUM – I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY ISSUES REVOLVING AROUND THE ADOPTEES – I ONLY WANT TO BE INFORMED OF WHAT JOAN SAYS ABOUT ME – BECAUSE AS YOU SEE, ON AUGUST 25, JOAN LIED ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY AGAIN! I have every right to want to know what is said about ME and MY FAMILY. Anything else – I AM NOT INTERESTED IN IT! And both Gert and Kathy have stated they also don’t care about the adoption issue.
THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT ADOPTION REFORM, SHUTTING UP ADOPTEES, ANTI-ADOPTION, OR PRO-ADOPTION. THIS BLOG IS ABOUT THE SIPPEL FAMILY SETTING STRAIGHT THE TRUTH ABOUT OUR LIVES. TO UNDO THE DAMAGE THAT JOAN HAS DONE TO OUR REPUTATIONS. Someone (Joan) has gone in public and told stories about us. And they are LIES! We have the right to tell the truth about our own lives and straighten out those twisted up stories!
No one is intimidating anyone. The adoptees have their issues – fine. This blog is not about those issues. This blog is about the Sippel Family taking ownership of their lives. Taking it back from a lying, deceitful fraudulant, bitter bitch named Joan Wheeler.

A commment by Lisa and my reply – discussing how Joan Wheeler has ruined her position in the family with her lies. September 11, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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this was a comment left on the Telling the Truth Part 2 by Gert McQueen. And I have my reply to it.

Lisa Marie – September 11, 2010 [Edit]

Glad I found you site. I’ve encountered your sister on the web. I knew parts of the story, her anger of not having OBC, a mom who died and anger with adoption. It was interesting reading your side. Your side seems more real especially for the times. Many of the adjectives you use to describe her would be how I would describe her when reading her comments. Don’t be upset with her lies. You have the one thing she craved her whole life. Each other. She forgets the WHOLE family went through difficult times. Everyone did the best they could. It’s always easy 20 years later to say if only, or should of could of would of. She may have the limelight now but look who she has alienated and that limelight only lasts so long. Good Luck to you and your families.

My reply:

Thank you Lisa. What you say about regrets we may have 20 years down the line is absolutely true. But in all honesty, I don’t know what I could have done better. Because I did nothing wrong. I examined things I did – nope, nothing. So what did I do? I stood up for myself. When someone steals money from you, you stand up to them. This is what I did to Joan – I stood up to her and told her that stealing money from me was wrong – the whole feud between me and her broke open because of that, but in reality, it was simmering for a few years. I felt disrespected, walked on, stabbed in the back when Joan refused to acknowledge the pain I had when I lost my baby. And to have her bring it up to me AFTER I ASKED HER TO STOP, was torture, simple inhuman torture. I don’t know what I had done to deserve such treatment from someone who I wished to be reunited with my entire life. I accepted her into my life. In the 70’s we went disco-dancing, to the movies, everything. If I couldn’t relate to her as a sister, at least she was a good and true friend, until – I don’t know! All of a sudden – she was doing wrong things to me – and after she stole from me, the harassing letters started. The calling of the police on me, baiting me into calling her on the phone, hanging up on me when I called, then turning around and reporting me to the Annoyance Call Bureau. What did I do to deserve this? And to try to get me fired from my job, when I have a mortgage to pay for? And to try to break me and my husband up?

 Lisa, you do advise me not to get upset about her lies, and that is good advice, except for one thing – her lies are geared to destroy my reputation. And my life. To write a letter to the mayor of Buffalo and tell him that I have a criminal record – that can hurt my chances of ever having a political career! And I have been urged to enter politics. From the mid 1990’s to even just a month ago. Because I am also a neighborhood activist, head of the block club of my street, for which Joan ridicules in her book!

But I do know that I have the truth of my life – and that wins out above all. Even when just a couple of months ago, when a cow-worker (not a typo) of mine, showed me she was not the type of person I wanted to be around, got mad at me for unfriending her at facebook, and ran right over to Joan’s facebook page. (can we say acting like a 10 year old? lol), even then, I could care less – because that person is nothing to me. And in that very act – she showed people what a two-faced snot she is.

 But with Joan – she is very sweet to you in person, she can pull you into her web, she can deceive you with her little machinations and manipulations until you are in so deep you can’t get out. And when you try to get out – WATCH OUT! Because once you’re on her enemy list, be prepared for your life to turn into a living hell.

 y life was a living hell from 1990-2000. She almost succeeded in breaking me and my husband up. She had his head twisted around and I was ready to throw him out of the house – because he deserved it for taking HER word against mine – my own husband! The only reason I stuck through it, was because I knew what was going on, that Joan was at the bottom of it, and I’d be damned if I was going to throw my relationship to the dogs – because that was what SHE wanted. She was NOT going to direct my life, I was. (this was at the same time she was trying to get me fired from my job).

Then because he wasn’t leaving me fast enough to suit her manipulations, (calling child abuse on herself, posing as me, and naming him), she tried a more direct tactic – she sends me a letter saying that he got the next door neighbor pregnant! Then he finally saw what I had been saying all along – that Joan is dangerous!

 And yes, I was upset on August 25 to read that now she is saying that her natural family has been physically attacking her for 30 years! Because she said it just before the anniversary of my brother’s death. How despicable. And this is a lie – we are not around her to lay hands on her. And she certainly didn’t put that in her book – she goes out of her way in the book to detail harassment letters she received and blamed ME for, but then in another part of the book – she says they were from her adoptive uncle! But no mention of ANYbody putting their hands on her.

 I am glad Lisa, that you have the intelligence and wisdom to see through her silly comments. To put two and two together and see just ehat is happening. That I, and indeed, my ENTIRE family have been wronged by Joan. Joan is a troublemaker. She likes to harass people, to do dirty deeds against. I swear she got her ideas from watching soap operas! She did use to watch General Hospital when that Heather Webber was on. Oh my goodness the crap Heather used to pull! But Joan is 100 times worse. lol

 Have a Blessed Day Lisa!

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