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A Challenge to Joan Wheeler – Would You Please Explain the Various Court Documents and YOUR own Letters That Prove YOU are a LIAR? November 23, 2010

Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Joan keeps repeating herself over and over and over again that she is NOT a liar. But in my last post about how she has documented FOUR different years that ONE false child abuse call was made in, I posted ACTUAL COURT DOCUMENTS and two of JOAN’S OWN LETTERS that PROVE WITH OUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT JOAN IS A LIAR!!!

Joan keeps saying that her birth sisters are “bothering” her. But she never says specifically HOW! I have addressed this before on this blog. She either ignores this, or comes up with a new lie! And when that lie is exposed, she won’t come back and explain it. I have caught her in several lies and misrepresentations in her book and her blog. And when I have provided the PROOF of the lie or the misrepresentation, she will NOT explain the lie, but just blindly blunder on and keep saying that she is NOT a liar!

How do you explain her insistence that her book is truthful when she says that she signed a complaint against me in February 1993, but I provide the actual court document that has her signature next to a date in July 1993?

How do you explain the fact that she says that she NEVER wrote harassing letters to hurt me, yet I provide an actual letter that she wrote to my husband and mother in law, in which she urges him to leave me. 

How do you explain the fact that in her book she refers to my pet Brandy as a cat, yet I provide actual City of Buffalo animal license that proves that Brandy was a DOG! This proves that 1. Joan is a liar. 2. Joan doesn’t know what she is talking about. 3. Her book is poorly researched. 4. Her book is NOT truthful.

How do you explain the fact that on the internet she keeps saying that she obtained a one year order of protection against me, when I provide the actual COURT DOCUMENT that says it was for six months? And how do you explain the fact that she wrote letters to Albany New York on December 31, 1994 and to the financial director of my employer and told them that I was placed on probation? But it was NOT probation – it was an order of protection! These are two very different things. I was NOT placed on probation – I was given a restraining order – to restrain from contacting Joan. But Joan contacts me – The restraining order was in summer of 1993, yet in spring of 1994, she’s contacting my husband! And in 1999, she’s writing letters to me! She admits so in her book! And admits that she used a friend’s return address to do so! Oh, but Joan is not harassing me, no, no. Just writing letters to tell me my husband fathered a daughter in a vacant house.

I have reported on this letter several times here on this blog – but Joan refuses to address this issue! Just like in her book- she mentions only 2 events in 1995. Her starting college, and her divorce. Oh, but she doesn’t mention that in the spring of 1995, I pulled her into court for harassment – and I provide that letter to my husband as proof – because she’s pleading with him to leave me, asking him to have me drop the charges – and asking my mother in law to turn against me. – oh no! Joan doesn’t interfere in MY life whatsoever and never did! But I provide PROOF POSITIVE that she did and does. But Joan will not answer to this. – WHY?

In the letter she wrote on January 6, 1995 to the director of financial services of my employer, she accuses me of tampering with her medical bill. She writes a 3 page letter, when only one paragraph would suffice. But in this letter, she gives this man, a stranger to me, personal details of MY life, violating my privacy. But at the bottom of the last page of this letter, she is demanding HER privacy! Why the double standard Joan? YOU get to have privacy, but I don’t? ANSWER THIS QUESTION JOAN, AND ANSWER IT RIGHT NOW!!!

Oh, but Joan doesn’t hurt her sisters, never has. As for her assertions that her book is about her and her alone, and her adoption, then what the hell is MY miscarriage mentioned in it? Along with the falsehood that I went to a fertility clinic. And this falsehood was actually in a sentence that contradicted this!

On page 302, she says this about me: “At one point in her life, she claimed to want children and even went through infertility tests with her pervious boyfriend.” Well if I had only CLAIMED to want children, I wouldn’t have gone through infertility tests, now would I? And right here, Joan makes a mockery of my miscarriage of June 5, 1985, where SHE was in the waiting room with my friend Francine, and even drove me home several days later. The next sentence in her rotten book is really very sweet: “Just as well that she didn’t get pregnant because she said she didn’t know how anyone could do it.”

How dare you Joan? You take a figure of speech and throw it in my face, and throw away MY SON by saying it was a good thing I didn’t get pregnant? I DID GET PREGNANT AND LOST MY CHILD! What the hell is the matter with you? Oh, but you didn’t write that book about your sisters, did you? That book was about YOUR life, YOUR adoption, YOUR adoption reunion and YOUR adoption reform work! THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT ABOUT ME NOT GETTING PREGNANT AND YOUR MOCKERY OF THE LOSS OF MY SON ABOUT? My son, who I named in my heart Saied Ali, is my heart. HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME LOSING HIM? AND WHAT DOES MY LOSING HIM HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR BOOK?

 ANSWER THIS QUESTION JOAN! Oh, but Joan NEVER writes things to hurt her sisters, now does she? Oh no! She doesn’t think that even after 25 years, that I would be mourning my son? Here, how about if HER son gets smacked by a car next week? Would Joan care? I doubt it.

I could go on, and I will – that’s the whole purpose of this blog – to show the world that Joan Mary Wheeler is a liar, a filthy liar at that! She tells the world that she NEVER  wrote anything to hurt her sisters, when I just wrote and said she did. I have provided explicit documentation to prove that she is a liar. But Joan will NOT answer these allegations. She keeps saying that we call her a liar. Yes, we do. Well, Joan, PROVE TO US THAT YOU ARE NOT A LIAR! COME ON, JOAN, SPEAK!

1. Gert – November 24, 2010

I agree with everything that Ruth has said here, in addition, if you noticed in the documents that Ruth posted, as our evidence that Joan lies, that Joan will take any and every opportunity to tell anyone about our lives. She does not care about anyone’s privacy.

Ruth said: “In the letter she wrote on January 6, 1995 to the director of financial services of my employer, she accuses me of tampering with her medical bill. She writes a 3 page letter, when only one paragraph would suffice. But in this letter, she gives this man, a stranger to me, personal details of MY life, violating my privacy.”

In that same letter, Joan tells these strangers things about our(us sisters’)personal lives and our family business…what for? Because Joan has no brains!

Ruth continues: “But at the bottom of the last page of this letter, she is demanding HER privacy! Why the double standard Joan? YOU get to have privacy, but I don’t?”

I agree, what gives here Joan? You want privacy but no one else should have privacy!

come out come out where ever you are Joan and answer the charges against you.


Why did Joan Wheeler write her book Forbidden Family? pure and simple: it is for revenge! September 13, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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From Lisa in a comment to my post “I am not interested in your opinion of me”:

I think I have read most of your site. I just wanted to add to your post above. I came to your site when searching about adoption reform and your sisters name came up. It was wonderful to read your site. Some of your adjectives about your sister are adjectives that I was thinking. She states herself she was spoiled as a child. That mentality is why we have a generation of people who are self centered, does not care about anyone else, materialistic, condescending, arrogant etc etc etc. I know it is not politically correct to say she should be grateful because in reading the two stories it seems like your families (3 Sippel sisters) didn’t have the easiest of lives yourself do to your mom’s death, while she was “spoiled” her words. Anyway I just wanted to support you and your story. Once the adoption reform “gang” gets wind of your story they will be relentless. They have that “vicious gang” mentality. It’s not let’s join together for a cause and explain our side. They will try to pick you apart in every way. Continue telling your story. I think it should come out in how reunion doesn’t always work and the sick need of some adoptees for OBC. Showing that nothing not even a piece of paper will fix what needs fixing in their souls.

 My reply:

Yes, Lisa, Joan was spoiled when she was a child, and well into her adulthood. This is why she never learned boundaries, never learned the word NO, never learned to respect other people’s needs and feelings. It has always been about Joan, Joan, Joan. I could go into a couple of events here, but I want to use them on the blog itself, not comments.

 I usually try to be politically correct, because I believe that all people should have their say. But when their say tramples on other people, than the rules have changed. I have ALWAYS supported Joan in her quest for her OBC, which incidentally, she has. It was given to her. So why the crusade? She SAYS it is so that others who cannot get their OBC can legally obtain it. But as I have asked time and time again throughout this blog, why are personal details of MY life on display? What do they have to do with adoption or adoption reform at all? Pray tell, what does the fact that I, Ruth Pace, am a neighborhood activist have to do with JOAN’S adoption, JOAN’S reunion, JOAN’S adoption reform work? And in the book, when she mentions that I am a neighborhood activist, she puts me down for it, saying that my neighborhood was deteriorating. Well, DUH, yeah, that’s why I became a neighborhood activist in the first place! And my neighborhood is much better, thanks to a lot of my work.

The reason that and other personal details of my live is in the book, is clear – it’s a chance to take a swipe at me, to assassinate my character – because that is the whole purpose of her book – it is revenge writing – to get back at everyone in her life who ever angered her, from the mother who up and died when she was an infant, to the birth relatives who did not step in and take her and raise her, to my father who gave her up for adoption, to the Wheelers who adopted her, to a birth cousin who bumped into her at an amusement park when both girls were 10 years old – because she knew that Joan was in reality, Doris, and this little kid, her birth cousin didn’t tell her. (and in the late 90’s Joan harassed this cousin while she was dying of cancer, until the Town of Eden, NY police, NOT my cousin, but the police themselves instituted a harassment case against Joan. Joan’s hatred and anger continues onto her birth siblings, because we were not given up for adoption. And it is for that fact, she is out to punish us.

 Yes Lisa, you are correct, when you say that the adult adoptees will not be happy when they get their OBC, or find out their birth names, or meet their birth family. Because they are full of hate. They hate the mother that gave them up. Never mind she may have been the 14 year old victim of a rapist or other circumstances. They just blindly pass judgment on the birth mother and anyone who had a hand in their adoption. And that hatred spills onto infertile women, who merely want a chance to be a mother. And this what I believe is at the heart of Joan’s hatred towards me, an infertile woman adopted her. I am an infertile woman. Joan loves/hates her adoptive mother. Joan hates me. I don’t think she ever loved me, because she stole from me and lied to me before I had my miscarriage. But it was when I lost my son, and I told her that I didn’t want to hear any more stories of her adoption conferences that Joan really became my enemy. I didn’t want to hear about babies, infertility, adoption or anything to do with reproduction because at that point, I needed grief counseling.  Joan became angry at me because I told her NO. And spoiled children who grow into spoiled adults cannot stand the word NO. I believe in my heart of hearts her further stealing the hundreds of dollars from me in 1990 was punishment because I dared to cut her out of my life for the years 1987 and 1988. And that was because she would NOT respect me – she would NOT stop talking about infertility. My god, I just had a miscarriage, shut up already! But she HATES infertile women, and now I was an infertile woman, ergo, she must HATE me. She makes a mockery of my miscarriage in her book!  When even Jesus carrying his cross to his death, said “Bless the barren,” when St. Veronica wiped his face with her scarf, and the grieving women, stood nearby. Jesus Christ blessed us, but Joan condemns us.

Joan has a need for revenge. Her book, her blog, her statements on the internet, are not about adoption reform at all — it is REVENGE, pure and simple.

 Why else would she blatantly lie about court proceedings that are on record? These are indisputable records of FACT. The FACT that she was granted a six-month order of protection against me, which was summarily DISMISSED, but she just bowls over that FACT. She says that it was for one year. This is a BLATANT LIE. I have posted that court document to PROVE THAT JOAN IS A LIAR. She doesn’t care. That’s her story and she’s sticking to it. Even though she’s making herself out to be a fool. Anybody with brains and has an 8th grade reading level can read Joan’s words “I had a one year order of protection.” Then read the actual court document “order of protection: August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994.” And anybody with first grade arithmetic skills and who knows the succession of the months, can reason out that from August to February is SIX MONTHS!

 As for the adoptees, they come over here from time to time. That’s ok. They are always welcome to read my blog. I have NEVER once said in my blog that adult adoptees are not entitled to their OBC. In fact, I SUPPORT their efforts to have OBCs amended to a TRUTHFUL document. But other than that, I do not want to get into the adoption/adoption reform issue at all. Because that is NOT what this blog is about. This blog is to REFUTE JOAN WHEELER’S LIES ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY.  I am not interested in Heather in UK’s adoption issues. I am not interested in Mara Rigge’s adoption issues. They have their issues and lives, and they are none of my business. I am not interested in anybody’s else’s issues. EXCEPT if any reader steps forward and says that they are part of a birth family, was reunited with the adopted person, and is now being bullied by that person.

 There are plenty of places in the real world and the cyber world that offer support for infertile women, birthmothers, would-be adoptive parents, adoptive parents, the adopted child, adult adoptees, grief counseling for parents who lose their children, grief counseling for spouse who have lost their partner, but no where is there any help for the siblings of an adoptee. Who stands up for them? And does anybody ever know what happens after an adoption reunion? Oh, they get on Oprah Winfrey and show how they glad they are they found each other. But when the reunion goes sour, what then? Where is there any help? And where is there any help when the soured reunion turns criminal? I took Joan to court in 1995 because of the falsified child abuse call, her calling my place of employment, her writing letters to the mayor of Buffalo, telling him that I have a criminal record when I have none. These are deeds of STALKING! I took her to court and the judge dismissed my case! Why? Because the judge said, “sisters should get along.” WTF kind of answer is that? If I can help ANYone who is in this same type of situation, to help them gear up the courage to stand up to their bullies, than I have succeeded.

 Also, it is clear that Joan is mentally ill. I know for a fact that she was treated for manic depression. In 1999, when her friend Bonnie gave me Joan’s computer and her discs, which contained an early manuscript of her book, Joan had a part of a journal on the computer and she writes about her manic depression. Now, I know that mentally ill people do not ask to be mentally ill. And perhaps some of her actions are caused by her illness, but WHERE IS MY PROTECTION FROM THAT ILL PERSON? When does it stop? Why must I suffer from character assassination? Why must I have my employers be called and told lies? Why must MY husband be urged to leave me? Why must I suffer? Because SHE is ill? NO WAY!  I refuse to be walked on because Joan is ill. I, RUTH PACE HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE A PEACEFUL LIFE! This is guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States! And by the gods, I DEMAND that Joan stop her lies! And I speak for my two sisters Gert and Kathy, and indeed for MY ENTIRE FAMILY. My cousin Gail is dead. Joan harassed her when she was DYING OF CANCER! Joan lies about her in the book. Gail is no longer here to defend herself. So I WILL DEFEND HER.

 Joan, you can hang up your keyboard, because your sisters are coming after you. And you have no one to blame but yourself. YOU chose to say the order of protection in 1994 was for one year – no one put a gun to your head and forced you to write that lie. And all the other lies you put in that book, and all the lies you put out on the internet. YOU, Joan Wheeler, YOU did it. And all The Three Sippel Sisters are doing is showing the world what you really are: a lying bitch.

1. gert – September 14, 2010

Again, thank you Lisa, for your words that show that indeed there are people out there that are not fearfull of the truth…

This statement of yours:
“Once the adoption reform “gang” gets wind of your story they will be relentless. They have that “vicious gang” mentality. It’s not let’s join together for a cause and explain our side. They will try to pick you apart in every way.”

This is what is wrong within our culture, the gang mentality, that seeks to destroy instead of build.

I’m not afraid of bullies or gangs. I’ve dealt with more of them than there are of these vicious adoption reform people that Joan hangs out with. I’m also sure that not every adoption reform group are as they are, but, I shall never be bullied by a gang of people that intimidate and threaten. I have more scalps on my belt than are in that little group of obnoxious loudmouths! My agenda is not the same as theirs. My is truth and honor. People in and with gang mentality are not interested in truth and they know not honor.

The gang is very worried, they see that we sisters are not being intimidated and are not going away.
That’s right, every page of that book of filth will be addressed on this blog. Stay tuned for more truth speaking.

RuthSeptember 14, 2010

I’m not so sure if the “adoption gang” is worried about us – but I do believe that some of them are concerned about Joan. Back in February, a certain adoptee couldn’t wait for Joan to join her gang, because she was so “awesome.” Joan had manipulated her into believing that the Three Sippel Sisters were a trio of bashers! O my goddess, what a day they had! Almost 200 hits here, and several nasty comments! Then, silence.

In May, Joan herself, starts her whining herself, urging them to shut down by blog by complaining about me. Which is EXACTLY one of the false accusations she had thrown at me – that I had managed to shut her previous 2 blogs down, which was a lie. Joan herself explained on the wordpress blog the reason SHE shut her blogspot blog down was because she had been censored. As to the wordpress blog – again, SHE shut it down. She moved it over to startlogic. When you went to the wordpress site, you got a message stating that the OWNER shut it down. I had nothing to do it, but she whined that I did. And bitched and moaned that when I did, I was interfering with her life. So what does she do – turn around and tries to do the same to me. Two wrongs don’t make a right my sweet sister. Because you showed everyone what a little pisspot you are right there and then.

And in her May 2010 whines, she passionately pleads to the adoptees “get them away from me, get them away from me.” ‘Scuse me, I’m not near her, nor is Gert or Kathy. Joan doesn’t like this blog for one simple reason – and that is: HER LIES ARE BEING STRAIGHTENED OUT! The whole world, and that includes her adoptee friends, are seeing for themselves, that their “awesome” friend is nothing but a liar, a manipulator and a fraud!
On August 25, 2010, she told another lie about me and my family, stating that we have been physically attacking her for the past 30 years. Which is a direct contradiction of things she has said in the book, and on the internet and, most importantly, on the adoptee forum. Joan has stated over and over that we are intefering with her life, despite that fact that she HAS HAD NO CONTACT WITH US FOR DECADES. So I put the question out there: HOW HAVE WE BEEN ATTACKING HER PHYSICALLY FOR 30 YEARS IF THERE HAS BEEN NO CONTACT?

It is JOAN herself who keeps putting her foot in her mouth, and I suspect that people are starting to see this. And we know for a FACT that not only the adoptee gang has realized this – we got an email from someone who stated that something Joan said about her 3 sisters was “patently false.” And with each whine, with each lie, with each contradiction that Joan has fed her “friends,” her support gets diminshed. The stats for this blog prove this. And the replys that she got on her posts on the forum also diminished in numbers.

ah, the forum – let us address this here and now and be done with it. Yes, I had 2 covert accounts. I have been accused of “spying” on Joan. Let me say this for the  record – I DON’T CARE WHAT IS DISCUSSED ON THE FORUM – I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY ISSUES REVOLVING AROUND THE ADOPTEES – I ONLY WANT TO BE INFORMED OF WHAT JOAN SAYS ABOUT ME – BECAUSE AS YOU SEE, ON AUGUST 25, JOAN LIED ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY AGAIN! I have every right to want to know what is said about ME and MY FAMILY. Anything else – I AM NOT INTERESTED IN IT! And both Gert and Kathy have stated they also don’t care about the adoption issue.
THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT ADOPTION REFORM, SHUTTING UP ADOPTEES, ANTI-ADOPTION, OR PRO-ADOPTION. THIS BLOG IS ABOUT THE SIPPEL FAMILY SETTING STRAIGHT THE TRUTH ABOUT OUR LIVES. TO UNDO THE DAMAGE THAT JOAN HAS DONE TO OUR REPUTATIONS. Someone (Joan) has gone in public and told stories about us. And they are LIES! We have the right to tell the truth about our own lives and straighten out those twisted up stories!
No one is intimidating anyone. The adoptees have their issues – fine. This blog is not about those issues. This blog is about the Sippel Family taking ownership of their lives. Taking it back from a lying, deceitful fraudulant, bitter bitch named Joan Wheeler.

Telling the Truth Part 1 – Joan Wheeler – The Three Sippel Sisters September 7, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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A month ago, I blogged a post called “To Tell the Truth – who lies – Joan Wheeler or The Three Sippel Sisters?’

In that post I bring up the subject that strangers to this situation may not be able to tell just WHO is telling the truth here. Now I have been posting actual court documents and actual letters written by Joan Wheeler right here on this blog. Despite having this undisputed PROOF of Joan’s lies, and she KNOWS dam well she lies, Joan keeps insisting that it is SHE who is telling the truth. She gets on her site and starts writing, embellishing and twisting things. We know she reads our blog, (because she keeps whining about it and quoting from it to her adoption buddies). And she has SEEN the documentation that I have provided. But on her site, she keeps rehashing the same thing (ok, I’m a bit guilty or rehashing myself), but the one thing Joan will NOT do – is even mention or acknowledge the documentation that I have provided. As Kathy pointed out in her comment to Myst’s post, Joan has never ONCE acknowledged the pain that SHE has caused US.

I have posted two actual handwritten letters from Joan that were sent to my husband, via his mother’s house, and in them, Joan is clearly trying to turn my husband against me and trying to involve my mother in law in our dispute. My mother in law never met Joan, had nothing to do with her, yet Joan wanted her to appear in court AGAINST ME, when I took Joan to court for harassment in early 1995. So come on Joan! You said on August 25, 2010 on your adoption forum that you did do some wrong things. You said this to your adoption buddies, but not to ME, the one who was hurt by you. You did not say this to Gert or Kathy or Gail. But you say it to strangers.

 And yet Joan, despite her whinings about her birth family keeps saying that she wishes things had turned out better, that we didn’t hate her so much. But she fails to get it through her head that WE DO HATE HER. And we cannot forgive her. Perhaps we can, but first, we must get an apology. Or even an acknowledgement of what she has done to us. So Joan, you say on the adoption forum that you DID do some wrong things – well, tell us, tell the internet just WHAT did you do? Never mind, don’t sweat it, you don’t have to say a bloody thing – because we Three Sippel Sisters will do it for you – and we are – right here on this blog.

And is Joan one iota remorseful of these “wrong things?” NO! On the contrary, she is PROUD of what she has done. Her whole book Fobidden Family is nothing but a manifesto of hate against anyone in her life who had dared to anger her.

As proof of her pride in upsetting people, pages 350-356, she relates an incident of her giving a lecture during for one of her classes at State University of New York at Buffalo (Buff State) while she wasgetting her social work degree. She lectured on infertile women and their selfishness in wanting a child. As if they were bitches for not being able to reproduce. Joan attacked them for seeking infertility treatements, and of course adoption. Joan tells us in the book that the classroom erupted in anger (oh, yes, Joan ALWAYS gets people mad at her). She says that several women ran out of the room to barf. (what a professional term for a professional writer to use. The professional term is VOMIT! – I thought she said this book was properly edited, vetted, checked out – BALONEY! This book is a piece of trash, not only for its content, but its style of writing). 

Joan continues for 7 pages to regale us with the tale of her upsetting an entire roomful of people, including her professor. Her message is clear: infertile women are not entitled to the joys of motherhood. Because of a fluke of nature, they must be condemned  to a life of loneliness. This is the same thing as saying anyone with a birth defect is not entitled to corrective surgery, even if the technology exists. So if conjoined twins can be seperated, we should not – because they were born that way. But Joan doesn’t see it that way – she sees things the way she wants to see them and will play GOD and tell infertile couples to their face (and mine, don’t forget how she rammed this shit at me, just after I lost my son, while I was greiving and I begged her on the phone to stop talking about it) they are SELFISH, they DON’T DESERVE THE LOVE OF A CHILD.  When Joan refused to stop talking about babies on the phone with me in April of 1987, I slammed the phone down. She had just ripped out my heart. Did she care? NO. To this day – JOAN HAS NEVER APOLOGIZED TO ME FOR THIS. She hurt me so bad, my own blood sister – and yet, I turned the cheek and took her back in my life, because SHE WAS MY SISTER AND I LOVED HER. But does she say this to anyone? NO. She will have you believe that I am a bitch. When after she hurt me, and very deeply, I FORGAVE HER! But I retract my forgiveness, because she does not deserve it. JOAN WHEELER IS THE LYING BITCH, NOT ME.

So right after I posted the “To Tell the Truth” post, Joan scrambles and tries to point out that SHE is the one telling the truth. But she doesn’t do it with hard evidence, instead she uses old newspaper clippings and editorials giving HER stand on adoption! And what does all THAT have to do with her trying to break me and my husband up? NOTHING! And just because she wrote a bunch of stuff in newspapers and a reporter got a few things mixed up gives HER the right to stab me and my sisters in the back? And in my case, twist the f’ing knife around and around and try to destroy my life? Yes- she tried to destroy my life – she set me up with the phone company – baited me with a falsified letter, knowing I would phone her, kept hanging up on me, yet reported to the police that it was me who was hanging up on her. She called my job repeatedly trying to get me fired. She tried to break me and my husband up. She involved my mother in law. She wrote lying letters to the mayor of Buffalo, she wrote lie after lie about me in that trash book of hers. Even asked for a hitman to kill me! (how’s that for rehashing – and I will keep repeating Joan’s sins until you numbnuts get it!).

And people wonder why I hate her. Are you as dense as Joan?

Next post: Telling the Truth Part 2, from Gert McQueen.

A most vile and hateful lie in Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family December 25, 2009

Posted by Ruth in Lies in the book Forbidden Family.
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 On page 302 in her book, Joan Wheeler says the following about me, “At one point in her life, she claimed to want children and even went through infertility tests with her previous boyfriend. Just as well she didn’t get pregnant because she said she didn’t know how anyone could do it.”

 First of all, this statement is another one of Joan’s contradictions. She says I “claimed” I wanted to get pregnant. This statement suggests that I had lied and that I did NOT want to have children. Joan continues, “..even went through infertility tests with her previous boyfriend.” Well, which is it Joan? Did I want kids or NOT? If I did, then of course, I would go through tests, as you admit in your book. Then why the phrase ” she ‘claimed'”? Then she says, in a very disgusting, not very professional way, “Just as well she didn’t get pregnant because she said she didn’t know how anyone could do it.” How could any one say this about ANYONE, let alone her birth sister, who she claims over and over in her book that she never did anything to do? How inhuman and what a filthy thing to say.

Second part of the phrase, I said I didn’t know how anyone could do it, referes to a conversational thing. For example, my one girlfriend has said to me many times, “I don’t know how you do your job (empty bedpans of sick people in the hospital).” Well, you just do. Same thing when I said that statement. And by the way, I would know how to do it. I’m not stupid. I took care of my oldest sister’s kids when she worked a job and went thru night school. In 1973, I moved back to my dad’s house to help out with the kids. In early 1974 when my stepmother was in the hospital for over a month, I was the adult woman in the house (and working full time night shift). I took care of my 2 and a half year brother, and my two stepsisters, ages 14 and 7. I made them breakfast and sent them off to school. Made lunch for them when they came for lunch. Got them started with their homework and when my dad came home from work, I went to sleep for a few hours then went to my job. And took care of a two year old all day long. And had another 2 year old, son of a nurse, who worked the 3pm – 11pm shift, from about 1 in the afternoon to about 4, when her other babysitter got out of school and could come and get him. And this nurse, to this day, is still one of my friends as well as her son.

But to get back to Joan’s hateful remarks about me and my wanting children. On page 260, she is relating events in the year 1986. She says that I was having problems because my Arab boyfriend broke up with me, and now I was dating a black man. First, she never got my permission to write about my personal information. But since she has been publicizing my information, Joan completely “forgets” to tell you about my miscarriage on June 5, 1985. My Arab “boyfriend” and I had lived together for 10 years. He was NOT my boyfriend, he was my husband. We were not legally married, but we were married in our hearts and in everything we did. When we met people, I did not introduce him as my “boyfriend”, but as my husband, and he referred to me as his wife.

In the Arab culture, he had an arranged marriage when he was still a teenager. They married in 1971. In 1973, he came to America for a better job. He had always planned to bring his wife and his baby son and toddler daughter over here. In 1975, he met me. And fell in love. He never loved his wife. He hardly knew her. But he respected her. While we were together, he sent money for their support. And in 1979, went back to Yemen to divorce her so he could legally marry me. He stayed in Yemen for a year.

In 1980, he came back to me, with his divorce papers. We did not get married, because at this time, he began to have a drinking problem. This was due to the fact that his baby son had died while he was in Yemen. We discussed this (Joan, were you there during our private conversations? No? Then how do you know I merely claimed to want children?) We decided that we wanted children of our own and we did want to get married. He got a job at Worthington Compresser, and we moved to an apartment that was closer to his new job. We began saving our money to pay for our wedding. But I was having doubts because of his drinking. Then he got laid off and took a job in an Arab grocery store, working 12 hours a day, 6 days a week.

We were working on our problems, and we were trying to have a baby. I was tired of my job, emptying bedpans and wanted something better. I had no money for school tuition or time. I wanted to go to Cosmetology school. And we wanted a child. ABDO changed his address to a friend’s house a few blocks away from us. If I were to get pregnant, I could then go on welfare, get help for living expenses, go to cosmetologly school, and then get a job as a beautician. This is what the welfare program is designed for, to help people get out of poverty, and get a good job. (by the way, I’m still emptying bedpans, and the pay is much, much better than it used to be. Due to union reforms, etc. I am happy where I am).

Well, we tried to get pregnant, it wasn’t happening. My cousin was also having problems getting pregnant. She and I both had a hysterosalpingogram, and both our HUSBANDS (hers legally and by love, mine, by love),  had sperm count and motility tests. We did not go to any fertility clinic, as Joan claims that I did in her book. We were working with our gynacologists. My cousin told me of her doctor, and recommended I go to her. I had nothing against the doctor I was seeing, in fact, he was a gem. Held me when I cried, when another month went by and I wasn’t pregnant. But for some reason, all my life, I am more comfortable with a woman doctor. In fact, today, ALL my doctors are women.

By 1985, Abdo’s drinking was getting worse. He felt useless. He hated his job. He tried to go to school, but although he could speak English fluently, he couldn’t read it. He couldn’t understand the textbooks. And in March of 1985, his mother in Yemen died. He made plans to go back to Yemen. He told me he wasn’t sure if he would come back to Buffalo. His family needed him. His parents were both dead, he was the oldest son. Who would take care of his younger brothers and sisters? In May of 1985, he left me to take care of his family.

All through the month of May, after he left, I had some vaginal spotting. I was in middle of changing doctors. My previous doctor was on vacation, and my appointment with my new doctor was not until the second week of June. I wasn’t having any pain, so I wasn’t worried. I had some spotting before. By the begininng of June, I noticed a lump in the middle of the right side of my abdomen, and I started bleeding heavy. I called my girlfreind, she came over and told me I looked pale and took me into the hospital. I almost passed out in the emergency room. They admitted me under the care of my new doctor, who was informed by telephone who I was and what happened.

The following morning, (a Sunday) I had emergency surgery. Joan was in the waiting room with my friend, who had called her to tell her what happened. While I was in the recovery room, Dr. Trini B. told Francine and Joan that I had just had a miscarriage. She told them not to tell me, she wanted to tell me herself. Francine told me that while I was being put into my room, and she and Joan waited outside in the hallway, Joan asked her, “should we tell her she lost a baby?” Francine said, “Joan, the doctor said NOT to tell her.”

I was about 6 weeks pregnant, it was an ectopic pregancy and I was brought to the hospital just in time. An ectopic pregancy is one where the fertilized egg gets stuck in the falopian tube. The baby grows and when it gets to the point where the tube cannot accomodate the fetus, the tube explodes and there is internal bleeding. Many women DIE from this. I was one of the lucky ones. But my son was not lucky. He DIED. (I know in my heart it was a boy). Does Joan care that my son DIED and I almost DIED? Apparently not from the statement she makes that I “claimed” to want children. And she was there!!!! SHE was the one who drove me home from the hospital a few days later!!!! And again, she doesn’t want to tell her book readers how in the early 80’s when I was trying to get pregnant, I had several books on pregancy, breastfeeding, childrearing. I loaned her those books when she got pregnant in 1983. And had a hell of a time getting them back!

She says several other times in the book that I am jealous of her because she had children. Why would I be jealous if I had only “claimed” to want children and I wouldn’t know how anyone could do it? But this is another contradiction on Joan’s part. She can’t seem to make up her mind what she wants to write about me and the issue of me getting pregnant and wanting children. She correctly relates that in the summer of 1985, she and I took her 18 month old son to outings to the beach. (page 253).  But does she say in her book who drove her and her new born daughter home from the hospital in October 1986? It was me! Why would I consent to this if I was jealous of her? I was suffering from depression from losing my son, but loved Joan enough and loved her children enough to drive the new baby girl home, and still go on outings to the beach.

I was able to this, because I had the whole summer of off work due to my recovery of surgery and miscarriage. I had just lost my son, but still loved her son. How was I jealous then? BUT, I WAS having problems. I was now single, I lost the child I was trying for 4 years to have. I did not have the emotional support of my son’s father. I told him over the phone, and he broke down crying. He had lost another son. But does Joan care ANYTHING about the pain that Abdo and I went through? NO!

Abdo ended up staying in Yemen for 9 years. During that time, his drinking problems increased. His cousin Mohamed, went to Yemen for a visit in 1986 and told me that Abdo was now drinking whiskey straight from the bottle, not even cutting it with soda or ice. By the time Abdo came to Buffalo in 1994, he had developed diabetes, had lost all his teeth. In 1999, he had a small stroke, and was in the hospital (where I worked) for over a month. He did not learn a very valuable lesson. He continued drinking and smoking. He went back to Yemen on July 4 2003, for his daughter’s (from his first wife) wedding. On August 19, he had another stroke and died at the age of 49.

Now first you must understand. Back in the 1970’s when Abdo and I were together, we met a wonderful young lady. Francine. She was dating Abdo’s younger stepbrother. But then she met an older man, John. They moved in together and lived together for 6 years. The four of us, Abdo and me, Fran and John were inseparable. There was never any kind of “wife swapping,” but we were all very close. From 1978, John and Fran were my best friends. In 1983, Fran and John broke up. On July 1, 1985, I had already made plans to move into a new apartment, but couldn’t do any lifting because of my miscarriage and surgery. John and Francine came to my aid. As well as the sons of one of my cousins. They all helped me move. John helped me that first summer of 1985, where I didn’t have the emotional support of my son’s father. By 1986, our friendship developed into romantic love. In May of 1987, we moved in together. In 1996, we bought the house we were living in off our landlord. In 2002, we got married. We had some rocky moments, but we are still together, 22 years strong. If anyone is jealous of anybody, it is Joan, who is jealous of me, because of my strong relationships with both my husbands.

When Abdo came back to Buffalo in 1994, we did not get back together, because I was now with John. I love John. But there will ALWAYS be a part in my heart that belongs to Abdo, and John knows this. John also loved Abdo, as a brother,  and broke down and cried when I told him Abdo died. (Abdo’s cousin Shawqi had come to our house to tell me). The years that John and I didn’t have a car, Abdo would loan us his. A couple of times he would come by with a couple of six-packs of beer, and watch the Buffalo Sabres hockey games with John, while I went grocery shopping.

By the way, when Abdo came back to Buffalo in 1994 and learned about Joan’s antics, he also wanted to punch her in the mouth. Joan certainly has a way with people. She somehow always manages to turn them against her. But she won’t take responsibility for her actions. It’s always SOMEBODY ELSE’S FAULT! or it’s MY fault. All thru her book whenever something goes wrong in her life, or somebody writes her a nasty letter, or calls her on the phone, IT IS MY FAULT! Every other page, it’s Brenda badmouthed me. Brenda did  it. Brenda Brenda Brenda. Is this a book about her adoption or her hate for me?

Joan says on page 379 when she tells about Abdo’s death, “I was sad for Brenda, but she had Larry for almost 20 years.” I don’t understand this sentance. What does one have to do with the other? The father of my son was dead. He was my first love. Yes, I love my husband John, (Larry in her book), but this has nothing to do with it. And I will tell you now, as I told Joan then, 2003 was a horrible year. On July 21, John’s grandfather died. July 28, his mother died. On August 4, my cousin died. On August 19, my ex-husband and still good friend died. On September 1, my brother died. Does Joan feel anything about the losses I was going thru? NO. All she cares about is whining in her book how I cut her pictures out of my photo albums.

And now I will you WHY I cut them out and wanted her OUT of my life for all time! By early 1987, it was clear that I was not coping with the loss of my son. I would break down in tears if John and I were shopping and I we walked thru the baby department. A mother with her baby would walk past me, and I would start to cry. I started drinking. But I saw what was happening to me. I quit drinking, and arranged to see a counselor.

In the summer of 1985, Joan had written an editorial to the newspaper about surrogate mothers. She ended that editorial with the following sentance: “Infertile couples should look to their selfish reasons as to why they want a child.” I was so hurt. I didn’t realize that I was being “selfish,” when all I wanted to do was what Mother Nature gives to the animal and plant kingdoms: THE ABILITY TO REPRODUCE! I felt betrayed. On the surface, Joan was all nice to me. We were still going to the beach together with her toddler son, just weeks after I lost my son, and here behind my back, she was writing editorials and saying infertile women were selfish!

In early 1987, Joan went to an adoption conference in Philadelphia. John and I found the house we were moving to. I was in the middle of packing. After her editorial, I didn’t trust her anymore. I hadn’t even told her that John and I were moving in together. But the day she got back from Philadelphia, she called me on the phone. All full of talk of her conference. She even threw in the comment that there were representatives of infertile couples there. I told her. “Joan, I don’t want to talk about this.” “oh, but Ruth, it was such an enlightening conference. I learned so much about the psychology of adopted people.” “Joan, I don’t want to talk about this. I have an appointment in 3 weeks to see a counselor because of my depression of losing my son.” “Oh, but Ruth, I learned so much about inferility. The people at the conference….” “JOAN, I SAID I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS, IT’S TOO PAINFUL! After I go for counseling about my depression, perhaps I will feel like talking, but I don’t want to right now.” Did she LISTEN TO ME? NO!! She then said “Oh, but Ruth, I know much more about infertility than you think I do.” Oh really? NOBODY WHO HAS NOT LOST A CHILD COULD EVER KNOW HOW ABOUT INFERTILITY. AND ANY CHILD’S LOSE AT ANY AGE, IS WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. TO THIS DAY I MOURN MY SON. DOES JOAN CARE ABOUT THAT? HELL NO!!

I didn’t say another word to her on the phone. I slammed down the phone and unplugged it. Crying hysterically, I drove over to John’s house. “That bitch. I oughta to punch her lights out,” was John’s reaction. When I moved, I had my mail forwarded to a friend’s house in Lackawanna, so Joan couldn’t find me.

next part: Joan stalks me, trying to find me, and calls repeatedly to my work leaving messages. talks to a supervisor at my job and tells her my personal information, steals money from me, and tries to break me and John up.

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