Tags: abuse, blaming people for your own mess, contradictions, embellishing the truth, Lies, mental illness, mental instability, misrepresenting one's credentials, misrepresenting one's employment, Narcissistic personality disorder, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, stupidity
What’s the REAL reason Joan Wheeler is going back to the boyfriend from New Mexico?
She says on twitter it’s because he needs her. And she wants to “save” him by getting him to the proper therapy. Oh yeah, right. Like she knows what the proper therapy is. She’s been in therapy for more than 30 years and it hasn’t worked on her.
She also devoted a whole chapter in her stupid book on another abusive boyfriend – she was terrorized to be with him because he was violent – yet she stayed with him because she was trying to “save him from his drinking problems and get him into the proper therapy.” Sound familiar? That was back in 2007 and she failed with him. AND despite him saying specifically to her that he did not want to be in her book, she put him in it as a revenge. AFTER her attempts to save him failed.
So she’s got another guy to save? BULLSHIT. She’s the one who NEEDS him!
In the early fall of 2012, she was on the internet whining that she needed to find a boarder to “save her house from foreclosure.” She found one. He lasted two weeks. The guy actually contacted me via facebook private message to tell me that she is nuts. (thanks, man, I know that already).
So fast forward to the other day, she tweets that a “friend” of hers, “C.” is facing homelessness, and she took her downtown to apply for HEAP. um, BULLSHIT! If you’re facing homelessness, you don’t need HEAP – HEAP helps pay your HOME’S heating bill. If you’re not going to have a HOME, you ain’t gonna need it.
Last night, while she’s tweeting about the latest chapter in The Joni Soap Opera, she’s asking people to keep “C.” in their prayers.
UM, JOAN – YOU GOT THAT BIG HOUSE TO YOURSELF – WHY DON’T YOU PROVIDE “C.” WITH A HOME???? You’re so smart as to how the system works – big ass social worker that you are – you know what programs she can apply for. And YOU can get help for your mortgage and save your house from being foreclosed.
Listen, people, there is no “C.” – it is Joan herself who is facing homelessness. That’s why she NEEDS the boyfriend. So that his SS check can help pay her mortgage. Just last week, she’s bitching about him being a creep, a drunk, a convicted drunk driver, she spent 5 days in a homeless shelter in Taos, New Mexico while he was in jail over the summer, he’s a stalker, a cyberstalker and cyberbully – he showed violent tendencies while she was with him – and now all of a sudden, she’s wanting to resume their relationship so she can find the proper therapy for him. What she’s trying to do is convince him to come back to Buffalo, move in with her, and use his check to pay her mortgage.
How do I know this? Because she stole hundreds of dollars from me in 1989, and tried to extort $$$ from another sister in 1992. She’s a user and an abuser. This guy would do well to stay the hell away from her. She can’t help him – she’s so messed up in her own head she can’t help even help herself! She’s a manic depressive! She’s never held a job for even ONE DAY as a social worker. She’s a sociopath and a psychopath. She needs to be committed.
*if anyone reading this is wondering how do I dare write about Joan’s personal life – Joan wrote a filthy slanderous book with things in it about MY personal life – and lied about it. As to why I’m writing about this boyfriend, if anyone is thinking how is this my business? – Joan MADE it my business when she brought him to Family Court in July 2013 when I had her in court for harassment charges. She MADE him my business when she brought him to my godmother’s wake and funeral and she MADE him my business when she was tweeting about he isn’t on twitter but I am and I am “cyberstalking” her like he is.
Gert here! right on Ruth…what this guy NEEDS to do is READ a copy of Joan’s book, I’m sure she’s got a copy there! He needs to read what Joan has said and done to other boyfriends she’s tried to save! Or better yet, this guy ought to read our blogs, for we not only tell the truth we QUOTE Joan’s words. Joan also tried in 2009 to get our father to; paid for her car repairs and publish the book! I just placed a blog post about this stuff YESTERDAY! Our father’s widow told me that when Joan was ‘taking’ her grocery shopping, Joan would put items in the cart that SHE WANTED and NEVER offered to pay for them. She told step-mother, she didn’t have money. Finally, they refused to allow Joan to take them shopping, Ruth is also correct about HEAP, no address, no money! And at this time of the year, unless there is an emergency HEAP’s money is GONE. And who is the male friend of Joan’s that had to fly in cold weather? Is it the same friend who spend weekend ‘relaxing’ with Joan, as she told on twitter? doesn’t she KNOW that you don’t put your private shit on the internet? what if the guy in NM finds out? Oh I forgot, she doesn’t want me near her! sure, right! mark my words… he’ll get in a program and swear that he’ll behave himself and she’ll allow him to visit and help around the house and then before you know it…HE is paying for her and her house…fools!!
Chapter 21 of Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler – rebutted! November 5, 2010Posted by Ruth in mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
Tags: abuse, blaming people for your own mess, contradictions, embellishing the truth, mental illness, mental instability, Narcissistic personality disorder, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements
Before I get to Chapter 21, I want to address a remark that Joan made on page 186, where Joan relates that at one of the meetings of a local adoption support group she belonged to the group decided to go on television to publicize their plight. She says that I was “uncomfortable” with her going public with our family history of adoption. This is so bullshit! The timeline is early 1980 – and in early 1980 I accompanied Joan to WGRZ-television studios to do an on-camera interview with reporter Rich Kellman to talk about our reunion! If I was so uncomfortable, why would I then consent to being in a television interview myself?
Chapter 21, on page 204 is titled “Cancer and Sibling Rivalry.” Joan relates her adoptive father’s battle with cancer and tells of her part in her interference with Gert’s minor children. She then goes into telling her readers of Gert’s anger over this and accuses Gert of harassing her.
I want to take this chapter bit by bit. And this post is about the first 2 bits – the rest will be discussed in future posts.
The first bit is the title of this chapter – Cancer and Sibling Rivalry.
Ahem. Sibling Rivalry is a term used to describe children who are competing against each other for their position in the nuclear family and affection of their parents. Since we Sippel kids were grown by 1981, the time discussed in Chapter 21, this term does not apply here. None of us Sippel kids were “rivals” in ANYTHING. We were not competing in anything. There was no jealousy going on – at least not on MY part, or my sisters Gert and Kathy. Joan, on the other hand, is still jealous that WE were not adopted out of our original nuclear family.
In going over the events discussed in Chapter 21, I see nothing that alludes to Sibling Rivalry. I find the title inappropriate. The events involve Gert’s minor children – Gert is their parent – there is NO room for any rivalry there. As the mother of the children, she is the person who makes the decisions for them – NO ONE ELSE!
I thought Joan is a social worker and therapist! Did she not learn all this while getting her degree? What kind of a therapist doesn’t understand the basics of sibling rivalry? What kind of social worker doesn’t understand that a parent makes decisions about their children and none other?
The second bit I want to discuss is the cancer – or rather Joan’s adoptive father’s bout with it. Or rather, how Joan discusses it.
On page 207, she describes her father’s first exhibition of symptoms of his brain cancer. He had not been feeling right for a few weeks. The subject of alcohol keeps coming up here – why? But then he shows the symptoms of a stroke and he is taken to the hospital, with 2 Wheeler cousins in attendance. Tests did not show a stroke, and doctors suspected alcoholism.
When Ed gets home, he regains partial use of his right side and he telephones his siblings with this good news. Then he attends his oldest brother’s funeral, and he had trouble walking and his speech was slurred. His family thought of alcohol – why? Obviously the man has a history of drinking – why does everybody automatically think of alcohol? If my father had exhibited these same symptoms, nobody would automatically think of this because my father rarely drinks.
So at the funeral, Ed’s brothers and sisters thought he was drunk and made fun of him. Joan and her mother are disgusted. Joan “chokes back tears” at the cruel remarks and at the “insensitivity of the family.”
On page 210, Joan relates that now Ed is in the hospital and he “spoke in sentences and phrases that were unintelligible. This angered and frustrated him.” (This is called aphasia, and the anger and frustration is normal). Joan then tells us that she brought him a flower arrangement and without warning, he picked it up and threw it across the room. Joan says “I cried and shouted angrily at him.” Joan and her mother cleaned up the mess and scolded him like a child.
How dare you Joan? How do you dare yell at a patient? You just got done saying he spoke in sentences and phrases that were unintelligible, and he himself is frustrated over his own inappropriate behavior and then you yell at him!
Do you readers see what a contradictory bitch Joan is? On page 208 she berates his family for “making fun” of him, then 2 pages later relates how she herself yelled at him.
I visited Ed in the hospital one time. And witnessed something that must have been a naturally occurring event in the Wheeler household. I was sitting on a chair near the foot of Ed’s bed, on his left side. His wife was sitting across from me, and Joan sat at the foot of the bed. In making conversation, I brought up a news item that I heard on the network news the evening before.
In Florida, an engaged couple were seeking to get married in the Catholic Church. A priest denied to marry them, saying that in the eyes of the Church, the purpose of marriage was to create children, and the man was paralyzed from the waist down, and could not create children. I thought this was terrible. And I brought up this subject. Joan agreed with me, but her mother agreed with the priest. Raising her voice, Dorothy put forth her opinion that if you couldn’t get pregnant, then you shouldn’t be married. I was appalled! Here she was, a woman who couldn’t get pregnant, and she herself was married! But I didn’t say anything, I have too much manners to say that – but not Joan – she raised her voice in disagreement with her mother. And the fight was on! In a hospital room!!! With the patient witnessing it! At this point in time, Ed couldn’t speak. He just looked first at his wife, then his daughter, and a tremendous sad look was in his eyes. I sat there watching the three and felt sadness for Ed, disgust at Joan and her mother, and shame for myself for bringing up the subject.
Earlier in the book, Joan relates how she and her mother are having an argument in the family car, and Ed yells at them “do you know how the two of you sound?” Apparently this has been going on between the two of them, probably as soon as Joan began to talk. I had already related that I left Joan’s daughter’s 4th birthday party because they ruined the party by screeching at each other and I couldn’t stand the noise.
But getting back to the argument in the hospital room, all of a sudden Dorothy did a strange thing – right in the middle of the arguing, she changed the entire thrust of her argument. At first she was in agreement with the priest, then all of a sudden, she was against the priest. She said at first that if the couple couldn’t have children, then they shouldn’t be married. Now, she was saying that if the two people loved each other, what was the priest’s problem? People should marry whom they want!
I sat there stunned. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! Joan continued with her original stance – against the priest –and then said “that’s what I’m saying Mom, the priest has no business saying they can’t get married.”
Then Dorothy did another astounding thing – she attacked Joan – “That’s not what you said – you said the priest was right.” Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor! If I hadn’t witnessed this myself, I would not have believed that a human being could be capable of such turnabouts in an argument, then yelling at another person and calling them a liar to their face, when in reality it was Dorothy who was the liar.
It was really like the classic Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck cartoon:
Bugs: Yes Daffy: No
Bugs: Yes Daffy: No
Bugs: Yes Daffy: No
Bugs: No Daffy: Yes
Bugs: No Daffy: Yes
Except that Joan didn’t switch sides! Dorothy was the one who switched sides and I was in such disbelief and disgust that I believe that was the last time I ever spoke to Dorothy. Up to then, I had respect for her – now I was in contempt of her.
In the car going home with Joan, I brought the subject up. Joan said, “Yes, that is how she is. Growing up, there were many times I was so confused. She had me going in so many circles, I didn’t know what to think, what to say. I was always in trouble.”
I was angry. This is how that woman raised and treated my younger sister? And we see just how and why Joan is the way she is. But that’s still no excuse. She’s been in therapy since the late 70’s. And she is self-aware enough to know that she didn’t like that kind of contradictory lies that confused her, so why does she do it to other people?
We have already pointed out in this blog how Dorothy and Joan have a love/hate relationship. It’s a relationship of hurting each other to show love. And each one seems to want to win the Big Argument. Each one is a control freak. Each one is determined to make the other one change their basic way of thinking, their god-given right of self-determination, which is to say, have their own opinion of a subject. The Big Argument between these two masochistic women is the Argument of Adoption. Dorothy of course sees nothing wrong in it. That is her opinion. That is her dam right to have her feelings on the subject. Joan, as we know, thinks adoption is wrong. That is also her opinion, her dam right to have her feelings on the subject. But do each of these women RESPECT each other’s stance? Does Joan RESPECT Dorothy’s opinion on adoption? NO! In the book, and on the internet, she relates how she keeps badgering Dorothy to change her mind! Even as recent as this year, 2010, where Dorothy is NINETY-FIVE YEARS OLD!
For God’s sake, Joan leave her alone! She has the dam right to feel the way she wants! If you don’t like it – then SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT IT! But no, Joan is out to punish Dorothy – for the fucking sin of adopting her and giving her a roof over her head. Granted, this arguing, this contradictory behavior, the calling Joan a liar to her face was wrong, wrong, wrong. Then get the hell away from that toxic person. No, Joan couldn’t do that – because Mama Wheeler was paying all Joan’s bills her entire life. Joan has never been Woman enough to stand on her own two feet – get a dam job and support herself and her 2 kids. No, the stupid bitch even moved back to Mommy’s house after her marriage failed, and the arguments continued, in front of Joan’s kids. What a life those poor kids must have had.
But as much as I have some grain of sympathy for Joan for being subjected to that lying mother of hers, I have no sympathy of Joan’s life as she has chosen to live it. Because of the rotten things she has done to me – my feelings of familial love has withered.
Gert – November 5, 2010
In the book, and on the internet, she relates how she keeps badgering Dorothy to change her mind! Even as recent as this year, 2010, where Dorothy is NINETY-FIVE YEARS OLD!
The reason Joan badgers her 95 year old mother is because Joan is an ELDER ABUSER.
Joan has in the past attempted many times to do the same to our father and that is the REASON why he has continued to push Joan out of his home, as recently as 2007 or 08, and has told her that they can not be in each other’s presence. My father DOES NOT allow himself to be abused, now at 85 or never!
This is something Joan has never learned, that other people do not live with the constant arguing and yelling and drama and abuse.
The parents are not the only elders that Joan has abused…we have hard evidence and it will be posted on this blog in due time.
So I am naming it as I have seen it, in print, in Joan’s own words and in her own book…Joan is an elder abuser.
Even in her book she writes that during an argument in the car she yells “Fuck you” to her mother, gives her the finger, then jabs the finger in her mother’s face.
Nature vs. Nurture revisited; a mother/daughter dynamic witnessed by Ruth Sippel Pace March 21, 2010Posted by Ruth in mental illness, Uncategorized.
Tags: abuse, contradictions, emotional abuse, false accusations, mental illness, mental instability, Narcissistic personality disorder, passing assumptions off as truth
My sister Gert McQueen says in her post “Nature vs. Nurture”: “She (Joan) shows a very intense love/hate relationship with the adoptive mother, in my opinion one that borders on a form of non-sexual sadomasochism because it appears as if they both get some kind of pleasure from inflicting and from enduring pain and cruelty.”
I not only witnessed first hand a couple of exchanges between Joan and her amom, but the one was indicative of narcississtic personality disorder, in which CONTRADICTIONS OF IDEAS is present, often in the same conversation, even in the same sentance.
In 1982, I drove Joan to Roswell Park Cancer Institute to visit her adoptive dad, who was suffering from terminal brain cancer. I had met this guy before, he seemed nice. (Joan says me and my sisters were disrespectful to him, that is so BS). Anyway, picture if you will, a man laying in the hospital bed. Three chairs assembled at the foot of the bed, I was on his left side, his wife on his right side, Joan at the direct end of the bed. EW was not able to speak, but he was aware of everything that was going on.
To make conversation, I brought up something that was on the news. It involved a Florida couple, he was paralyzed in a car accident, and was engaged to be married. The Catholic priest of the girl’s parish refused to marry them because the purpose of marriage in the Catholic Church was to procreate. Since the man could not procreate, he could not marry anyone. Well, Joan agreed with me, and her mother disagreed. Instead of having an intelligent debate, these two women started bickering at each other. Dorothy/Doloris (so contradictory, she uses two names, she was introduced to us as Dorothy, that’s all we knew her by, but then years later, we were told by Joan that we were wrong, her name is Doloris. In the public records in Erie County Hall, she is known as Dorothy Wheeler, aka Doloris Wheeler). Anyway, DorDol was raising her voice saying that if a couple couldn’t have children, they couldn’t be married in the Catholic Church. I was amazed. Here she and her husband couldn’t have children, and were married in the Catholic Church, so what the heck? Joan was raising her voice arguing that that was an old-fashioned judgement call. I wanted to sink thru the floor. “why did you bring this up?” I said to myself. I then looked at the dying man in the bed, (don’t forget we were in a hospital at the bedside of a dying man), and he was looking sadly at his wife, then to his daughter. I felt so bad for him. Then all of a sudden, Dor/Dol changed her arguement, saying, “the priest should mind his own business. Who does he think he is saying he is not going to marry two people who love each other.” I did a double take!
This was like the classic Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck arguing routine, Bugs saying “no,” Daffy saying “yes.” Yes, no; yes, no; yes, no; yes, YES.” Bugs changed his word no to yes in the middle of the argument, and then Daffy, to spite Bugs, changed HIS word to no. Then Daffy stops and realizes what just happened. And Bugs is there smirking.
I don’t remember how the arguement ended, but I do remember saying to Joan in the car later, what I saw and heard her mother do. “Oh yes, that is how she does. I have grown up with her doing that. Sometimes I didn’t know which way to go or what to say when I was growing up.”
Another instance I witnessed was at the 4th birthday party of Joan’s daughter. My husband and I were there at Joan’s house, along with my stepmother. I’m not sure who my stepmother was with, since she doesn’t drive. It may have been one of her daughters. This was in 1990, and my husband was still getting to know my family (we’d only been together for a couple of years). He was in the kitchen talkiing with my stepmother who was from France. My husband visited Paris when he was in the Navy and he and my stepmother were talking about the Follies Begere. Joan walked in the kitchen and interrupted a conversation that she wasn’t even involved in, and started yakking about how sexist the Follies were. I was sitting in a chair in the dining room and witnessed the whole thing. Both my husband and stepmother just stopped talking, because Joan ruined the conversation. Both of them rolled their eyes. Joan then left the room and walked past me and went into the living room where her amother was. I don’t know what started it, but the next minute, they were screeching at each other. Those two harpies ruined a four-year old’s birthday party. Everybody who was there were rolling their eyes, as if to say “there they go again.”
Joan stomped into the dining room, her amom followed her. They were standing in front of me, yelling at the top of their lungs. And very screechy! My ears started to hurt. I went into the kitchen and got my husband. In front of my stepmother, I said, “can we go? I can’t stand this noise.” So we left. I never went to Joan’s house again. She would yell at her kids like that too! Screeching!
Joan had been spoiled while she was growing up. Her mother hand sewed mother/daughter matching outfits, but then, according to Joan, (on Page 319) that when they got Joan home from Family Court, she was covered in body sores, because Joan’s godparents (who had taken her in while my mother was dying), did not take good hygienic care of her. (more on this later). “You had sores all over your body when we got you.” Joan says on page 319 that her mother yelled at her and made her feel guilty, yet fawned on her. In the late 70’s Joan got her first apartment on Bradley Street, just about a mile where I was living with my first husband. I was with her one day when her mother brought over 2 full grocery bags. Meat, fresh produce, bread, canned goods. But then Joan relates (and I witnessed this, as I wa s a bridesmaid), Dor/Dol refused to be part of Joan’s wedding party. Would not sit in the front of the church, but sat at the back. (I still have the video of the wedding). Joan also relates in the book, that Dor/Dol refused to accept Joan’s decision to retain her maiden name after she got married and would sent her letters addressed to Mrs. Joan Bell, and other variations of her name. Yet she continued to pay this grown and now married woman’s bills!
In 1986, The Monkees, a 60’s pop-rock group went on a tour. The closest they came to Buffalo was in Chataugua, New York, south of Buffalo. Joan and her husband were planning on going and asked me if I wanted to go too. I really wanted to, but had no money. But Joan and Colby owed me for some long distance calls Joan had put on my phone, so they bought my ticket. We went and it was fun! This was July. In September, 1986, Buffalo was added to the tour. Joan called me up. Did I want to see them again? Well, sure, but I had other financial obligations, and declined. Joan called me a few days later. She had a dream about Monkees lead singer Mickey Dolenz. She just HAD to go to the concert now. I said “Have fun.”
Two weeks later, Joan calls me crying. Her electricity was getting shut off for non-payment. Let’s see, we have this grown woman, married, she has one child, is 9 months pregnant with her second child, and her electric bill is getting cut off. folk, it doesn’t take a mere two weeks to get the electric company to make that decision! It takes about 3-4 months of not paying for them to send out a shut-off notice! So instead of being a RESPONSIBLE ADULT AND PAYING HER UTILITY BILLS, WHEN SHE HAS A TODDLER AND ANOTHER BABY ON THE WAY, she goes to TWO concerts! I don’t remember what I told her. But a few days later, Joan calls me up: her mother paid the electric bill.
A few years later, my cousin Gail called me. Her mother had been friends with a sister of the man who adopted Joan, and Gail knew this woman’s daughters. Well, Dor/Dol had been whining to the Wheeler family that Joan was ungrateful, always taking her money, not paying her back, yadda yadda yadda. Gail felt sorry for her. I told her “Well I don’t.” I told Gail about the bags of grocery, the electric bill, and other instances I know of. I said,”All Dor/Dol has to do is stop giving Joan money and tell her to grow the f up and get a job and pay her dam bills like everybody else on this planet. If she she keeps giving her money, that’s her problem, and she should stop whining about it. Only a fool continues to give another person money when they haven’t gotten paid back from previous “loans.” Gail agreed.
In 1988, Joan wanted to buy a computer to write her book. She didn’t have the money. Yep, you guessed it, her mother gave her the money. BUT after the whole summer, holding the money over Joan like a carrot on a stick. She would say she’d have the money from the bank by a certain day, then say, she didn’t go to the bank. She would tell Joan she giving her $4000.00 that’s right FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS, then it was only 4 hundred. Sick game playing. I told Joan “this woman is toxic. You need to make your mind up. Either you accept her money, on her terms, and live with her sick playing, or tell her once and for all to go to hell.” (that’s what I would do, I don’t let ANYBODY treat me like that! But as we see, these two women are locked together in a sick game of love and hate, give and take, arguing and then talking like nothing happened. SICK! The both of them.
Here’s a real sweet example of how sick they are. On pages 554-55 Joan plays the martyr for VOLUNTEERING to take my 85 year father to his doctor appointments. She snidely says our younger has a motorcycle, and the sister who lives in the same city (me) has a paying job, but a car with high repair costs. Again we see how Joan takes a little bit of info and weaves her own spin of a story on it. I did not have a car for years. I inherited a van when my mother-in-law died. The van was in perfect condition. On December 30, 2004 a distracted driver made a right turn on red in front of me and I couldn’t stop in time. The damage was over $2000.00. The insurance company wanted to total it, my husband and I said no, tow it our house and we will fix it later. At the same time, our house was being foreclosed for back taxes. My husband had open heart surgery in September 2003, and was out of work for a while and we fell behind. I had asked Joan for help via a letter, reminding her of her theft of money from me, instead of sending me even ten bucks, she tried to haul me into court for “harassment!” The court dismissed it, because they could see I was pleading for help. John and I used the car insurance settlement money to pay the back taxes on our house and the gas bills for that winter season. It took us another 2 years to scrimp and save to get the repair money for the van, and it was fixed in November 2006. Hasn’t given us any problems, except the usual – we need new brakes next month. To do the scrimping and saving, I was putting in overtime at work. My husband, post-open heart surgery, could not do any more heavy lifting, he did try it, and got a hernia. In July 09, he had another surgery. His job pays just over minimum wage. As I am the major bread-winner in my household, I am still putting in the extra/overtime. So what? that’s MY business, not Joan’s. I live almost 9 miles from my father. Joan lives less than 4. She doesn’t work. I do. AND SHE VOLUNTEERED to drive my father for his doctor and errands. A volunteer does it because they care, not because they expect to get something back. You do get something back, the feeling of goodness in your heart that YOU HELPED SOMEONE.
Another thing: Joan ASSUMES she knows anything about my van. ASSUMPTIONS DO NOT BELONG IN A BOOK OF NON-FICTION. As she knows no facts concerning my van or my life at this period in time, WHY IS SHE MENTIONING IT? And does the fact that I could not drive my father around in 2004 – 2006 because I was taking the bus HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH JOAN’S ADOPTION? NO! Then why is it in her book? Joan, when you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME. But mostly yourself.
So what does this CARING daughter do to my father when her car broke down? Demanded money from him! He told her “your car is your responsibility, not mine.” right on Dad!
Now, in her book, she whines because Dad didn’t help her. (um Joan, remember what YOU did when someone [ME] asked for help? You turned me down flat, and further, tried to take me to court. And puts in her book over and over that she doesn’t know why her birth sisters can’t stand her. JOAN wants everyone to help HER, but when someone asks HER for help, she turns her back on them. Joan never helped me from day one. Then again, I don’t need anybody’s help. I stand on my own two feet, put in the extra time at work and pay for what I need. And if that didn’t leave me time for college, as Joan uses as a put-down about me, well, Joan, THAT’S MY LIFE, NOT YOURS. I have NEVER complained about not going to college. Why is Joan? Joan says continuously thru her book that people should stop making judgements and comments about HER life. Well it works both ways my dear. Why are you making comments and judgements about MY life? Whether I went to college or not, wanted children or not, HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR ADOPTION, OUR REUNION OR ANYTHING ABOUT YOU AND DOES NOT BELONG IN YOUR BOOK!
On page 554, after my father turned her down for help for her car repairs, Joan relates that she goes back home and tells her amom. This is what Joan relates that her amom says (or rather yelled): “We did all the work – your (adoptive) father and I – and paid for the upkeep of his child. Did he ever think of that? He gave you up for adoption because he could not afford to take care of you. We took care of you. Now the tables are turned. In my advanced age, living on a fixed income. I look back and see that he ahd the benefit of a working wife for thirty-some years! I had to quit my job to stay home with you – his child! Those were the rules to adopt – no sense in adopting if a mother would not actually be with the child. Back then, we had enough money with just Daddy’s income, but now, your other father reaps the benefits of retirement from a two-paycheck income while I watch my Social Security dwindle. Daddy’s pension and medical benefits get cut every year. My out-of-pocket are sky-high, yet he wants us to foot the bill for his transportation!”
1. Dorothy, YOU chose to adopt Joan. Nobody forced you.
2. Joan VOULUNTEERED to transport my father.
3. Both Dorothy and Joan CHOSE to not work when they were younger and in better health, thereby building up their social security/old age pension.
4. As an electrician at Dunlop Tires, EW made a dam good income. Auto workers, steel plants workers, paid very good money. I know a lot of retirees and widows of retirees from both Chevy and Bethlehem steel and they are getting enough. It is called PLANNING FOR YOUR FUTURE.
5. such snidely remarks. Jealousy. reaping the benefits of two-income social security. well, that’s the way of the world people. Oh, Joan can’t get a job. Listen, I have congenital scoliosis. My right leg is slightly shorter than my left and I have curvature of the spine because of it, causing chronic back problems. I now have athritis in my spine. But I am still at my job. Which entails a lot of heavy lifting. I have allergies. I am exposed to all sorts of germs in the hospital. I am constantly sneezing and hacking and blowing my nose at work. (ask my co-workers). I already know and have planned for, that I have to work until I am 70 to get my full social security, and my pension from BGH. John is also working until he is 70. And in the meantime, I am remodeling my house. Me, doing a lot of the manual work. Tearing down walls, up in the crawlspace, cleaning out the dirt, laying down insulation and the plywood sheets. John, post open-heart surgery, nails down the wood. We see what needs to be done, AND DO IT! If we can’t, then we PAY for it. No whining involved.
The two of these whining, self-serving, jealous, judgemental biddies need to be put out of their misery.
I find it hard to believe that Joan would print the things she does in that book. How can she say on one hand that Dad was ‘dirt’ poor when he married and had children when he wasn’t and then say that he has more income today, with retirement and SS than she ever will. Can’t have your cake and eat it too.
and for her to repeat a statement from the adoptive mom, worst than tackless, not right, nonrepectful to repeat such coming from a sick woman
these people Joan and the adoptive mom think that our father was dirt poor and that is why he place joan up and that the wheeler did him a huge favor in raising joan and that now he ougtht pay them, I could go on up you’lll have to wait til I write my blog entries to read more, I am not done with Joan yet.
A Contradiction by Joan Wheeler, which one is the lie? December 25, 2009Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler.
Tags: contradictions, Lies, Narcissistic personality disorder
One of the most telling characteristic of a person with Narcissitic Personality Disorder, is that they frequently contradict themselves. Here’s a good example of one that Joan Wheeler makes:
Yesterday, on December 24, on her blog, she says the following: “My natural mother was very pregnant with me at Christmas 1955. She went into the hospital two days after Christmas and never came home. Neither did I.”
On page 288 of her book Forbidden Family she claims that my father told her that she DID come home. She says that he told her “I brought you home for 24 hours.”
So, which is it Joan? You never came home, or you came home for 24 hours? Which is the factual account of your life? Your blog or your book?
See, Joan, you need to learn to TELL THE TRUTH IN EVERYTHING! Then you wouldn’t get caught up in all your LIES!
Narcissistic personality disorder December 14, 2009Posted by Ruth in mental illness, Uncategorized.
Tags: mental illness, mental instability, Narcissistic personality disorder, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements
Now I have long suspected that my sister Joan Wheeler was mentally unstable. I’ve said so for more than 20 years. When she blasted me with another round of verbal abuse during my phone call of November 3, 2009 (where I called to tell her that her godmother had died), I was deeply hurt. I knew that our track record was not so good. But I really did not think she would go off on me the way she did. Silly me. Anyway, I was so hurt, I just burst into tears when I hung up on her. I went to my dad’s house. While I was driving over there, she had called him, an 85 year old man, (of whom she gets on the internet and to elicit sympathy reports that he is dying), but on November 3, she screamed at him on the phone, resulting in him hanging up on her. That day, my father told me, “Joan is mentally ill. You cannot reason with her.”
Now I am NOT posting this in order to attack Joan, I have not built this blog to attack Joan. The purpose of this blog is twofold: To get out the truth behind Joan Wheeler’s adoption and what happened to our family afterwards. And to tell the truth behind our reunion with our little sister and why that reunion went bad. It went bad because of Joan’s arrogance, her meddling in family affairs and our lives, her harassment of us and subjecting us to emotional and verbal abuse. She has disrespected almost her entire birth family (those have not been engaged in a harassment war with her are simply those she has a use for).
Joan Wheeler, in her book Forbidden Family, and on various internet sites, her own blog sites, adoption reform sites, discussion forums, and in comment sections on various sites on the internet, keeps putting forth a false account of her adoption, even though she has been told the truth by the one person who should dam well know the truth: my father.
I INTERRUPT THIS POST WITH AN UPDATE APRIL 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor!
NOW BACK TO THIS POST
Joan says he was talked into giving her up for adoption, that he was under duress, that the Catholic Church talked him into giving her up. She blames her adoptive family, The Wheelers for coercing him to give her up, then she says The Wheelers blame him for giving her up. She says that members of the Wheelers and my mother’s family blame my father for separating the rest of us kids. NO. There were no daycare centers in 1956. There were no adults to help. My father’s parents were elderly, my grandfather was deaf and had one leg, my grandmother worked two jobs. My father had no siblings. My mother’s siblings were getting old, and the others had a bunch of little kids and babies of their own. One brother of my mother offered to adopt ME, so how could my mother’s family blame my dad for separating us, when one of them offered to do so? (with love, I may add, my uncle and his wife were the sweetest people you’d ever met). As for the Wheelers: it was one of the Wheelers who first suggested that Joan be adopted: her brother and his wife were childless, so she approached my mother’s sister, a childhood friend of hers, and my aunt then approached my dad. So again, how could the Wheelers be blaming my dad for giving her up. And how could my mother’s sister be blaming my dad, when it was her who approached me dad. My father told ME personally many years ago that after he was approached by my aunt, he thought long and hard about it. He consulted his parish priest (that’s how the Catholic Church got into this), he consulted a lawyer. The adoption became finalized approximately NINE MONTHS LATER. In those nine months, my father had ample time to reconsider his decision. So whatever garbage you have heard from or read from Joan Wheeler concerning the facts of her adoption is a bunch of lies. She doesn’t even get her lies straight. She does say it was a Wheeler relative who wanted the baby. But does she not then say it was the Wheelers who blast my father doing this? Go back and read her comments on the ABCNews.com article “Adoptees face sting of discrimination.” Put yourself mentally back in time to 1956, when there were no daycare centers, no welfare system like we have now. Nowadays, when you have a baby, you can simply go downtown and get everything provided for you. Rent on voucher, food stamps, WIC, medical and dental for yourself and your baby, appliances, utilities paid for, spending money; your whole existance, and your child(ren) are all taken care of. Not 50 years ago. And all the people involved in Joan’s adoption were all acting to take care of her physical being. To ensure she had a roof over her head, clothes and food, diapers changed, bottles given. Who would have done that if she were laying in a crib all day unattended and my dad at work to earn money to pay the bills?
Joan knows all this, she’s a mother herself, but of course never worked a blasted day in her life while her kids were babies. And she always had her mother and daycamp to help out. MY FATHER HAD NO SUCH HELP! And because we, her birth sisters, have tried for years to get her see the TRUTH of what happened to her, and to us, we have been singled out as targets for her abuse, her lies, her harassment.
In this blog, what I have written and scanned and posted, has always been to prove that I, Ruth Sippel, and her two older sisters, (we, The Three Sippel Sisters) are NOT the ones who are doing the lying, the bashing, the trashtalking, the manipulation, the soap opera plots, the interfering, the meddling, the harassment. It is, and always WAS Joan. I have scanned and posted some of the actual letters that I have received from Joan. Any letters that I have written to her, and I will scan and post them (those that I still have) to prove that the purpose of MY letters were always to plead with Joan to STOP her abuse and harassment and LEAVE ME ALONE! and for her to SHUT UP! When I, or any of Joan’s birth or adoptive families have told her to shut up, it was not for her to shut up about her adoption reform work (unless she had talked about til the point we were nauseous), but mostly we were trying to get her to SHUT UP AND STOP HARASSING US.
Joan’s manipulation of the truth, her lies, her contradicting herself while posting one thing on one internet forum, then another thing on another forum, are all indictive of someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
So I learned a little bit of NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder) and want to share it with you. There’s a long list of traits here, and I have noticed all but 2 with Joan, and the last three, being about work, sleep and eating habits, I have no knowledge. But what fits Joan Wheeler to a “T” is the last 4 paragraphs. Please read all this post, and especially pay attention to the last 4 paragraphs. Readers here who may personally know Joan Wheeler, control your blood pressures! And if you are in a public library, I know it will be difficult to keep silent. You will all want to jump up and shout to the universe: THAT’S JOAN! THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT SHE DOES! AND IS! Any phrase outlined in bold is MY emphasis on these phrases. Because this is exactly what I have noticed in Joan. Others may recognize the same phrases, or not, or they may notice other phrases that are of particular importance to them. Happy reading.
*************************The following is NOT my writing. But taken from several sources. But dang, those last 4 paragraphs could have been written by me. Because I have LIVED it.! I have experienced it from Joan Wheeler! **This is printed here for informational purposes only. To understand why Joan Wheeler is the way she is. ***************************************
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by dramatic, emotional behavior, in the same category as antisocial and borderline personality disorders. Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include: Believing that you’re better than others; Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness; Exaggerating your achievements or talents; Expecting constant praise and admiration; Believing that you’re special and acting accordingly; Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings; Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans; Taking advantage of others; Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior; Being jealous of others; Believing that others are jealous of you; Trouble keeping healthy relationships; Setting unrealistic goals; Being easily hurt and rejected; Having a fragile self-esteem; Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional;
Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it’s not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don’t value themselves more than they value others. When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don’t receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may insist on having “the best” of everything — the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance. But underneath all this behavior often lies a fragile self-esteem. You have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism. You may have a sense of secret shame and humiliation. And in order to make yourself feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and efforts to belittle the other person to make yourself appear better. Essentially, narcissists are unable or unwilling to trust either the world or other people to meet their needs. Perhaps they were born to parents unable to connect emotionally and, thus, as infants learned not to let another person be essential to them in any way. Perhaps NPD starts later, when intrusive or abusive parents make it dangerous for the child to accept other people’s opinions and valuations. Maybe it comes from a childhood environment of being treated like royalty or little gods. Whatever the case, narcissists have made the terrible choice not to love. In their imaginations, they are complete unto themselves, perfect and not in need of anything anyone else can give them. (NB: Narcissists do not count their real lives — i.e., what they do every day and the people they do it with — as worth anything.) Their lives are impoverished and sterile; the price they pay for their golden fantasies is high: they’ll never share a dream for two.
Traits: amoral/conscienceless; authoritarian; care only about appearances; contemptuous; critical of others; cruel; disappointing gift-givers; don’t recognize own feelings; envious and competitive; feel entitled; flirtatious or seductive; grandiose; hard to have a good time with; hate to live alone; hyper-sensitive to criticism; impulsive; lack sense of humor; naive; passive; pessimistic; religious; secretive; self-contradictory; stingy; strange work habits; unusual eating habits; weird sense of time
The most telling thing that narcissists do is contradict themselves. They will do this virtually in the same sentence, without even stopping to take a breath. It can be trivial (e.g., about what they want for lunch) or it can be serious (e.g., about whether or not they love you). When you ask them which one they mean, they’ll deny ever saying the first one, though it may literally have been only seconds since they said it — really, how could you think they’d ever have said that? You need to have your head examined! They will contradict FACTS. They will lie to you about things that you did together. They will misquote you to yourself. If you disagree with them, they’ll say you’re lying, making stuff up, or are crazy. [At this point, if you’re like me, you sort of panic and want to talk to anyone who will listen about what is going on: this is a healthy reaction; it’s a reality check (“who’s the crazy one here?”); that you’re confused by the narcissist’s contrariness, that you turn to another person to help you keep your bearings, that you know something is seriously wrong and worry that it might be you are all signs that you are not a narcissist]. They will complain about the same things for years on end, but only rarely do anything to change what dissatisfies them so badly. Narcissists are (a) extremely sensitive to personal criticism and (b) extremely critical of other people. They think that they must be seen as perfect or superior or infallible, next to god-like (if not actually divine, then sitting on the right hand of God) — or else they are worthless. There’s no middle ground of ordinary normal humanity for narcissists. They can’t tolerate the least disagreement. In fact, if you say, “Please don’t do that again — it hurts,” narcissists will turn around and do it again harder to prove that they were right the first time; their reasoning seems to be something like “I am a good person and can do no wrong; therefore, I didn’t hurt you and you are lying about it now…” — sorry, folks, I get lost after that.
Anyhow, narcissists are habitually cruel in little ways, as well as big ones, because they’re paying attention to their fantasy and not to you, but the bruises on you are REAL, not in your imagination. Thus, no matter how gently you suggest that they might do better to change their ways or get some help, they will react in one of two equally horrible ways: they will attack or they will withdraw. Be wary of wandering into this dragon’s cave — narcissists will say ANYTHING, they will trash anyone in their own self-justification, and then they will expect the immediate restoration of the status quo. They will attack you (sometimes physically) and spew a load of bile, insult, abuse, contempt, threats, etc., and then — well, it’s kind of like they had indigestion and the vicious tirade worked like a burp: “There. Now I feel better. Where were we?” They feel better, so they expect you to feel better, too. They will say you are nothing, worthless, and turn around immediately and say that they love you. When you object to this kind of treatment, they will say, “You just have to accept me the way I am. (God made me this way, so God loves me even if you are too stupid to understand how special I am.)” Accepting them as they are (and staying away from them entirely) is excellent advice.
The other “punishment” narcissists mete out is banishing you from their glorious presence — this can turn into a farce, since by this point you are probably praying to be rescued, “Dear God! How do I get out of this?” The narcissist expects that you will be devastated by the withdrawal of her/his divine attention, so that after a while — a few weeks or months (i.e., the next time the narcissist needs to use you for something) — the narcissist will expect you to have learned your lesson and be eager to return to the fold. If you have learned your lesson, you won’t answer that call. They can’t see that they have a problem; it’s always somebody else who has the problem and needs to change. Therapies work at all only when the individual wants to change and, though narcissists hate their real selves, they don’t want to change — they want the world to change. And they criticize, gripe, and complain about almost everything and almost everyone almost all the time. There are usually a favored few whom narcissists regard as absolutely above reproach, even for egregious misconduct or actual crime, and about whom they won’t brook the slightest criticism. These are people the narcissists are terrified of, though they’ll tell you that what they feel is love and respect; apparently they don’t know the difference between fear and love. Narcissists just get worse and worse as they grow older; their parents and other authority figures that they’ve feared die off, and there’s less and less outside influence to keep them in check.
Narcissists lack a mature conscience and seem to be restrained only by fear of being punished or of damaging their reputations — though, again, this can be obscure to casual observation if you don’t know what they think their reputations are, and what they believe others think of them may be way out of touch with reality. Their moral intelligence is about at the level of a bright five- or six-year-old; the only rules they recognize are things that have been specifically required, permitted, prohibited, or disapproved of by authority figures they know personally. Anyhow, narcissists can’t be counted on not to do something just because it’s wrong, illegal, or will hurt someone, as long as they think that they can get away with it or that you can’t stop them or punish them (i.e., they don’t care what you think unless they’re afraid of you).