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Joan Wheeler goes from manic state to depressive state awful fast over her latest FAILED romance. December 31, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Joan Wheeler goes from manic state to depressive state awful fast over her latest FAILED romance. – all information and quotes are from what Joan Wheeler herself has put out on public internet for all to see. remember – if you don’t want people to read it – don’t put it on the internet.


In a mess that SHE herself created, Joan first rants and raves about a guy she met at a bar back in June 2013. Within two weeks, marriage plans are made. What stupid idiot meets a guy and within two weeks makes plans to marry this total stranger? Joan Wheeler, that’s who. So she goes to New Mexico with the guy in August and the truth comes out. He’s an alcoholic (so is Joan, but she won’t say so in conjuction with this stuff – but did admit to it in her book), he got caught driving drunk and was thrown in jail for 30 days, (my, my, my), his family decided to do some background checking on Joan (wise move considering we’ve got two people who within 2 weeks of meeting want to get married – doesn’t matter if he’s 63 and she’s 57 – they are both thinking like 13 year olds), the family apparently googled her, came to this blog and saw the truth about her – then so did he. Apparently there were words between everybody, and Joan came home, and cried all through September.

Last week, her website got a hit from New Mexico. Never mind that there are tons of people living in New Mexico and any one of them could have gone to her website, and never mind that Gert has personal friends living in New Mexico and it could have been them – Joan sees the hit, ASS-umes that it’s the boyfriend and/or his family and goes off on a bitch fest – a real rockin’ psychopathic rant! Insults the guy – mocking him for his PTSD (and using the tired old stereotype of the crazy Vietnam Veteran – for shame, Joan) AND DRAGS ME AND GERT IN ON IT. (but she’s always bitching that we won’t stay out of her life – and when we are not – she drags us into it!). I say ASS-ume because when you assume something without real evidence, all you do is make an ASS out of yourself – which is what Joan does all the time. She sees or reads something, and right away ASS-umes things about people.

Here are blog posts that Gert and I did about this mess that Joan HERSELF created:

Another one bites the dust! Joan Wheeler, ‘fiancé’ break-up! Gosh, we told you it would happen! by gertmcqueen on December 27, 2013

Joan Wheeler drags me into her f’ed up love life – then bitches about me being in her life. uh, what? December 26, 2013

would somebody please lobotomize Joan Wheeler? December 27, 2013

 Joan Wheeler has the nerve to say she had done no harm. December 27, 2013

Joan Wheeler can now see 2400 miles and “know” what people are watching on their TVs. OMG! December 28, 2013

SOOOO after all that ranting and our blogging, Joan read Gert’s blog and sees Gert’s statement: “DOES Joan have any positive things going into her life? She never tells us anything that is positive in what she does. Nothing about good eating, sleeping, exercise, meditations, readings, etc…she boring! Once in a while is posts some feel good quote, but she doesn’t live it!”

And knowing that Gert takes Zumba classes (my, are we STALKING Gert now, Joan?) Joan all of a sudden says that she’s “getting healthy, being more positive, is thankful for her female friends and taking Zumba classes).

In the evening of December 30, 2013, she’s on the downside of manic depression – she’s on a downer, and lamenting the loss of her latest romance. I didn’t see the garbage until I woke up about 11:30am December 31, 2013. The time frame that Joan wrote her latest stuff – I was busy with my life – doing housework, then watching the special features on the DVD of John Carpenter’s The Fog. (btw, Joan put me down in her book because I collect movies. So? Who the hell is she to comment on how I spend my $$ or my life? She does so, because her life is so miserable, she looks at me and sees my full life, and she can’t have it, so must debase it).

And I can comment on Joan’s life and this mess because SHE DRAGGED ME INTO IT. SHE DELIBRATELY WROTE A TWEET ABOUT THIS FUCKED UP SITUATION THAT CONTAINED A REFERENCE TO HER BIRTH SISTERS (me and Gert). Therefore, we EARNED the right to write about it.

So I get up and meander over to twitter to see what’s up with a couple of tweets I had exchanged with Luke Evans (Bard the Bowman) – o gods! not only is Ruth collecting movies, she’s communicating with people who are acting in them! Quick now! Get the noose and string Ruth up!

So I see what Joan writes and I wanted to puke. I then go over to facebook and see that Gert also had seen it and this is what we say about the pukey shit:

facebook exchanges: from Gert to Ruth Herr Sippel Pace the idiot is crying in her beer…around midnight she says..

Deep pain in knowing it is over. My love. New Year will be better for us both.  I release you, my love. Good bye my Darling. May you find your true love. She lies within. I move on

after all that ranting and raving and saying she’s DONE and getting on with her life and he was a loser…this is so typical of Joan Wheeler!

from Gert Mcqueen so I added a comment on the blog post and incorporated Ruth’s comment and mine into the body of that post and retweeted it…I can’t believe it, YES I can cause this is HOW joan operates, she doesn’t get her way, she throws fits, gets kicked in the face, bitches and screams cause no one loves her, she rants and raves that they are bad and mean to her, then she gets sympathy from others and says oh I’m ok and then in the dark of the night she crys for what she lost asshole

from Ruth Herr Sippel Pace omy god I want to puke with the saccharine fakeness of it all.

and notice now how she’s going out of her way to list different world cultural dances that she’s learning in Zumba class. She’s reacing out to her birthsisters again, albeit in a round-about way. As you noted yesterday, how she’s obviously reading the blogs – after bitching and raving, her tweets turn 180 degrees on how she’s getting healthy and going to Zumba – a clear IMITATION of you. Now, the “world culture” dances – a clear imitation of ME. Because of my past experiences of being a Middle East (belly dancer). She never cared about dance before – only her Native American dances she did as a teenager and in early 20s. And don’t forget – she put me down in her book FOR being interested in the Arab culture. Now SHE is “embracing” other cultures. What a fucking hypocrite!

she goes from calling him a “stalking obsessed creep” to ” My love. New Year will be better for us both.  I release you, my love. Good bye my Darling. May you find your true love. She lies within. I move on” – she said she “moved on” the other day – if that was so – she shouldn’t be going back to write this stupid shit.

Gert Mcqueen yep…I WAS DOING zumba 3 years ago! I had to stop due to medicals reasons and turned to biking instead…but I NEVER mentioned that ONLY my yoga, bike, gym…which she NEVER picked up until just now BECAUSE I made a point of saying she’s boring, unhealthy and never speaks about what good in her life. And if she loved native dance WHY hasn’t she been doing it all along? If you love something, you DO IT. she only talked about it because of the SUGAR DADDY like I said, she was crying in her beer…that’s what she does…she can’t get her way, throws a fit, the other person tells her get lost, she gets insulted, finds things to bitch about and then says she’s done with them, and then when the night is dark and she’s alone she laments her LOSS that she created.

end of facebook exchange.

I am not only wanting to puke, but I see the hypocrisy of it all – having been dragged over the coals in her book for MY interest in other ethnic music and dance – to see this bitch now saying it’s the best thing in HER life! As I said above – she looks at her miserable life, finds it lacking, then looks at MY life, debases it – YET COPIES ME! And Gert!

Now I want to examine this statement made by Gert: “then she gets sympathy from others and says oh I’m ok and then in the dark of the night she crys for what she lost asshole” – when she was ranting and bitching about the boyfriend on Twitter, she made statements that she was “afraid of him.” “leave me alone.” called him a “stalking creep” “obsessive” – and a twitter friend of hers up in Toronto says, “been reading your feed, are you okay?” this lady sees what Joan writes and becomes genuinely concerned for Joan’s safety! And what does Joan say? “oh, I’m all right. He’s 2500 miles away.”

WHAT THE FUCK?  If she’s “all right” and he’s “2500 miles away” WHY IS SHE WRITING THAT SHE IS AFRAID OF HIM? This is what she does – she EXAGERATES things and puts her whiny little “woe is me, poor, poor pitiful me” routine and manipulates people into feeling sorry for her.  So LOOK at what she said about the guy – she’s afraid of him, he’s a stalking, obsessive, alcoholic drunk driver, and he’s coming to get her. – and chances are – he’s probably a sweet guy with a drinking problem. But according to Joan – he’s a monster. AND THIS IS WHY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT ME AND GERT ARE BITCHES – BECAUSE THEY READ JOAN’S SHIT AND BECAUSE SHE’S A MASTER MANIPULATER AND LIAR – AND SHE CAN TURN THE TEARS ON AND OFF – THEY CAN’T BELIEVE THAT HER CRYING IS ONLY AN ACT! – People – she’s a socio-path and knows how to turn the waterworks on. And before anybody recommends that she call the police – please – The Town of Tonawanda (where she lives) already are aware of her and her antics.

Before anybody condemns me for “putting down the mentally ill” and lectures me that I “should have compassion,” – been there, done that. Unless you have been the harassed victim of a mentally ill person – you will not understand. see the home page of this blog. and the page What is Demanded of Joan Wheeler.

Don’t judge me for my anger of Joan Wheeler – until you know all the facts and the hell she has put me through and is STILL doing it – by harassing me by calling my employer a year ago with false accusations designed to get me fired – and just the other day by daring to drag me into her fucked up love life.

And again, we see a mess that Joan herself created. Gert and I had nothing to do with this latest boyfriend, yet Joan drags us into it. So we gave it right back to her. We didn’t start it, but we damn sure finished it. We didn’t ask to be in it, but once we were in it – we went all out. And the mess is all on Joan – I don’t want to hear a word from her that we “interfered” with this shit – IT WAS JOAN HERSELF WHO BROUGHT US INTO IT!

1. gertmcqueen

Gert here…Perfect assessment of the conditions that Joan does to herself and everyone. There’s nothing more for me to say, but…this is the real Joan Wheeler and if you don’t believe us…get in a REAL PERSONAL relationship with her, NOT on the internet, BUT IN REAL TIME AND PLACE, interact with her in the FLESH and within 2 months you will KNOW.

UPDATE January 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version.



 end of update info



Lies, smugness, arrogance – the very reasons why Joan Wheeler’s birth family doesn’t want her around them February 19, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
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The other day, February 16, I posted another reply to Joan Wheeler on The Huffington Post where she admitted on January 22 to the recent (Nov. 2012) harassment/stalking crime of contacting my employer with a false accusation. To see all her comments and all my replys to her in one spot click HERE.

Gert had checked the Huffington page today (February 19, and saw my comment had been approved for posting and we had this little exchange on facebook:

Gert McQueen:I checked this out again last night and it is a very good feeling that Huffington keeps allowing your posts, even after a month! The moderators obviously have SEEN the truth in what you have to say in response to what obviously are lies that JW has said…RIGHT ON

Ruth Herr Sippel Pace: like I said on the phone -I believe that a moderator at Huffington has left the exchange there as a classic case of what NOT to say on the internet (Joan’s comments) and that there can and will be repurcussions (my taking her to task online on Huff and filing criminal charges against her).

Gert Mcqueen: her arrogance as well as her lies just caught up with her, now she does have to pay the piper for the song and dance that she’s been playing on ALL THE FAMILY’S backs!

Ruth Herr Sippel Pace: “her arrogance” – yes – it isn’t just the lies and the harassments, the dirty deeds, it’s her f’ing smugness at times – which tells me she knows EXACTLY what she is doing. Like the time in 1995 when the judge dismissed my charges against her, and FJM and I were coming down the escalator – Joan looked up at me – dead in the eye – and SMIRKED at me. FJM went running down the escalator saying she was going to wipe that smirk off Joan’s face. The smirk left Joan’s face and she went white. She knew what she did and was scared she was going to get her ass beat. She should be thanking me for stopping FJM when I did. I saved Joan from a real ass-beating.

Okay, Ruth here – now I’m not promoting violence. I’m not a violent person. But geez, sometimes I want to just reach out give somebody a good slap right across the chops! But I recognize the consequences of my actions. It isn’t right to put your hands on another person. No matter how much you want to or fantasize or joke about it. When my friend went running down the escalator, I ran after her and stopped her. I told her something and I will post it right here:

“Let her go. She’s not worth you getting into trouble for. One day her crap is going to catch up with her.”

Well, looks like my prediction is coming to fruition. You really do reap what you sow. Joan sowed a LOT of rotten seeds. She is now reaping the harvest of what SHE did. Not Ruth, not Gert, not anybody else. It was Joan herself who CHOSE to contact my job back in 1994-95 with false accusations of computer fraud. It was Joan herself who CHOSE to write harassing lying letters to me, to elected officials. It was Joan herself who CHOSE to write lies in her book – lies that were so flagrant and in direct contradiction of actual court and police documents.

And what is the result? Joan’s lies are coming to light. Her credibilty is shot. oh, too bad. I’ve been saying for three years now, via this blog, that Joan needs to tell the TRUTH. But she keeps chosing to lie. She did it again in November 2012, by contacting my employer with a lie. Then her smug arrogance kicked in and she boasted about it on public internet. And now she pays the piper.

lol, we hear about this stuff all the time on the nightly news. A crime is committed. The police have a suspect, but can’t quite prove it. Or they might not have a suspect. One day, an inmate steps forward and tells the cops “my cellmate was bragging how he/she did this or that.” And BINGO – the crime is now linked to a suspect!

Joan never learns. Because she is so arrogant she thinks she doesn’t HAVE to learn anything. She thinks she can walk her arrogant little ass around MY rights.

She will learn someday. And the learning is not going to be very pretty. And when the ugly truth comes up and slaps her in the face, I will not be extending one ounce of sympathy – because she is bringing everything down upon herself, by herself.


We always have a choice, regardless of circumstances. Although for the life of me, I can’t figure out what “circumstance” there could have been for Joan to LIE about me, STEAL from me, call my job to get me fired, write me a letter falsely saying that my fiance got the next door neighbor pregnant (when the house was vacant). Well, as I said above, it was JOAN who chose to do those things. Nobody forced her to them. Now she reaps what she has sown.

1. gertmcqueen – February 20, 2013 [Edit]

Gert here…and what made her THINK that it was perfectly okay for her to mess with my children and my ADOPTION process? And all the other dirty deeds and words said about me? And then, NOT answer the direct question by me to her on a public forum? Her answer was to ran to Huffington and complaint about me! Typical Joan response to her VICTIMS…scream that they are harassing her! Doesn’t work any longer. Everyone is watching!

Lies, bullying, false accusations, interfering with my life – recent activities and misdeeds of Joan Wheeler February 7, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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On Wednesday morning, February 6, I was on Twitter and saw a suggestion that Twitter put out – to follow motivational speaker  and life coach Anthony Robbins. Having purchased his original Personal Power program (and learning a great deal from it) back in the early 90’s – I am an admirer of Tony. So I “followed” him.

After John and I took care of some business downtown, had lunch and did some shopping, I came home and went to twitter and I find about 3 “life coaches” following me. So I blocked them and wrote the following tweets:



Then the following tweets naturally flowed:

3. at least I didn’t automatically ASSUME that somebody hacked my account. – ARE YOU LISTENING JOAN WHEELER?

4. nor did I automatically ASSUME and FALSELY ACCUSE someone of doing something they didn’t do. – are we learning Joan Wheeler?

5. SICK + TIRED OF BEING FALSELY ACCUSED OF THINGS I DIDN’T DO-Joan Wheeler-get all the facts before you runs your mouth


7. I STAND UP TO BULLIES AND LIARS. Don’t lie, and don’t bully me and we’ll get along just fine.

Lies and bullying – that’s what Joan Wheeler does best. Last month Joan was on a bullying streak and accusing me of things I didn’t do. From hacking into people’s Twitter accounts, to the crazy ASSUMPION and ACCUSATION that I started my twitter account “solely to stalk and harass” her. —  I really hate to bust her ego-bubble, but no, I joined Twitter because an fb friend of mine, a cast member of Ghost Hunters International on SyFy channel invited me to. One night/early morning in July 2012, he talked me through (via facebook) setting up my twitter account and he was my first twitter person to follow, and he was my first follower. I even wrote for my first tweet “well, this is my first tweet and I don’t know what to say.” And he wrote back “very well said Ruth.” Was I thinking of Joan during all that? oh hell no, I was thinking “how cool is this? A gorgeous hunk and cast member of a tv show is talking me thru setting up my twitter account.” – sorry Joan – Robb is just way more cuter than you.

So last month Joan also admitted to breaking the law! Just after Thanksgiving 2012, a letter arrived at my job – accusing me of computer fraud and calling from my job to set up phony appointments for her. This is not the first time she’s done that kind of crap. She’s been contacting my employer about me for bullshit personal reasons and false accusations before. And she’s posed as me on the phone before as well. And by the way – as in the past (1994 and 1995) and now in the present – my employer investigated me. Their computer security system is tight. They can monitor every keystroke I do. In 1994 and 1995 and in December 2012 – I WAS INVESTIGATED AND FOUND INNOCENT.

Then on Saturday, Jan. 26, a family member died. I didn’t know about it – I was working. (I work the overnight shift and sleep in the day and at 2:00am Tuesday I was injured slightly when an elevator dropped several floors and came to an abrupt halt, jarring me. (only muscle strains, thank goodness – a couple days of motrin, muscle relaxer, heating pads and Ben-Gay and I am OK!). After a visit to the ER and getting home at 4am – I go to bed and when I get up – here’s Joan speculating about me and accusing me again of doing something I didn’t do – using the death of a family member as a way to “bother her.” Then she starts her lies about my relationship with this “family group” saying crap like they don’t want me around – which is a laugh because they just invited me to, and I attended, a family get-together brunch on Dec. 23, 2012 – an event that JOAN was not wanted to be at and not invited to.

So I’m just waking up and drinking coffee to find out that while I’ve been sleeping I doing all these things. Things that are imagined and coming out of Joan’s bat-shit crazy head. So I call my cousin Nancy and ask who died in the family. Then I call another cousin to get all the details.

So here’s the thing: Joan is always yakking on the internet that she is not in my life, nor is she interfering with my life. Really? By writing a letter to my job she INTERFERED WITH MY LIFE. By her continous falsely accusing me of doing things I’m not doing, JOAN WHEELER IS INTERFERING WITH MY LIFE. By ASSUMING and ACCUSING me of joining Twitter just to “bother her” JOAN WHEELER IS BULLYING ME AND TRYING TO DICTATE TO ME WHAT INTERNET SOCIAL SITES I MAY JOIN.


Now that she has written a letter to my job accusing me of something I didn’t do and admitting to that on public internet (on the Huffington Post) Joan can no longer whine and lie to her adoptee pals or whine to anybody in her life that she is NOT intefering with my life. — Because she just did.

and I just love how on Huffington she says that we all agreed to stay out of each other’s lives 30 years ago. Well 30 years ago takes us back to January 1983. But in May 1983, I was one of her bridesmaids.(which she admits to in her book). In 1985, she drove me home from the hospital after I suffered a miscarriage. In 1986, I drove her and her newborn daughter home form the hospital. (she doens’t mention these things in the book – because they were nice things about me).  — She does admit in the book that in the summers of 1988 and 1989, I and my fiancé John Pace were very close to Joan, her husband and their children. She mentions that because she wanted to show how close John was to her and was against me. (but somehow we got married and are still together). In the book she says in 1989 she borrowed money from me and I was angry because she didn’t have any money to repay me. Her twisted lies of what really happened: Joan and her ex-husband STOLE hundreds of dollars from me. She made promises to me to repay me, and then left a message on my answering machine saying me that she changed her mind about repaying me, (December 1989). I called her back and that I told her that I wanted nothing more to do with her and told her to get out of my life.

It was because of that theft and her refusal to admit that the theft hurt me that I turned my back on her. I still hadn’t turned my heart against her and tried several times throughout the years to reach out to her,and be nice to her-  even calling her on the phone in November 2009 to inform her of a family member’s death. For which I got repaid with a barrage of obscenties and her calling the police on me! And more lies! I received an email that our Aunt Doris had died. I called my father and told him. Knowing that he too had finally reached the end of the rope with Joan and he had kicked her out of his life some months before, I asked him if he still had Joan’s phone number. He said yes. I told him Joan should be told of Aunt Doris’ passing. I meant for HIM to call Joan. But he was tired, and told me to call Joan. So I did. And after yelling at me – she called him up and yelled at him – an 89 year old man! So how does Joan relate this on the internet? I’m going around asking family members (plural) to get her phone number to bother her.

But it was when that filthy book came out – with the slander that I have a criminal and arrest record – her mocking me being infertile and her mocking my miscarriage – my heart turned black against her. It is because of Joan’s conscious decisions to slander me, falsely accuse me of things I haven’t done, steal from me and lie about it, mock the death of my son, write me a letter telling me my husband got the next-door pregnant when that house was vacant,  and many other harassments – that I have finally removed her from my heart. In 1974, when we were re-united, I welcomed her into my life and my heart. I told her in December 1989 to get the hell out of my life and she refuses to do so. I have suffered now TWENTY-THREE YEARS OF HARASSMENT AND LIES FROM HER. It is Joan’s own actions and words that have killed any love I ever had for her or sympathy I ever had for her “traumas” suffered because of her adoption.

oh – one last word – remember – whenever Joan has ever said that Ruth did this, or Ruth did that – she has NEVER offered any proof! She likes to say that she’s had “mulitple orders or protection against me, dating from the 1980’s.” – but offers no proof. I, on the other hand, have offered ACTUAL COURT DOCUMENTS that proof what she says is a LIE. The one and only order of protection she ever got against me was for six months in 1993 – dated August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994. She never got any restraining orders against any other family member. Joan and I have not been in court “multiple times” either. There were THREE cases – in 1993, 1995 and 1999.

Also in December 2004, I was behind in my property taxes due to loss of income when my husband had open heart surgery. My house was being foreclosed. I swallowed my pride and wrote Joan a nice letter to BEG her for money – she still owes me for all that money she stole from me in 1989. I asked her for even TEN lousy bucks. And she threw me to the curb! She had the nerve to file harassment charges against me. But the court refused to hear it because the letter was not threatening. But she reports that in early in 2005 the judge “dismissed the charges because the courts were tired of it all (the Joan-Ruth feud).

Wait til I get my scanner working again – and I will scan the paperwork from that incident as well!

Remember – what you read on this blog is the truth – and I back up what I say with actual court documents. Because my name is Ruth – put a T in front of it and what do you get – TRUTH.

Joan Wheeler says on Huffington Post that our complaints about her book was baseless. delusional liar that she is. January 17, 2013

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Joan Wheeler said on Huffington Post to Gert that our complaints to Trafford Publications (who published her book Forbidden Family) that our complaints were baseless. I placed the following two comments there today – Thursday, January 17, 2012:

Part 1: Forbidden Family replied elsewhere regarding allegations to falsehoods in her book Forbidden Family: “Your complaints were baseless; POD publisher a scam.”

POD – Print on Demand – Trafford Publication was not a scam. They printed a manuscript that the author said was fully truthful. Their standard contract (available on their website) read that no slanderous, libelous statements would be made. No obscene language or obscenities would be in the manuscript. The author of Forbidden Family signed the contract. A complaint sent to Trafford was sent which included the pages where the author used hate speech against those living in trailer parks, those of the Polish heritage and the Catholic religion. The page numbers were given where obscene language was used. The page numbers where falsehoods about me, my character and the authors constant reporting that I have a criminal record was given to the publisher, along with court documents. Those court documents that proved that the order of protection from 1993 was for six months, not one year, as reported in the book, or that I was sentanced to probation. There were other items sent to the publisher as well.

Part 2: It was determined by the publisher that the author also violate copyright laws by pubishing MY childhood photo on the back of the book, a family portrait taken in 1955. The author was not born until 1956, is not in the photo, was not the photographer, did not get MY permission, nor the 4 other living persons in the photo, for their likeness to be used on a product intended for monetary gain for the author.

Our complaints were baseless over a libelous book? I think not. on my blog at wordpress, refuting a book of lies on a post today I posted actual court documents that prove the author committed libel. The book was pulled from publication because the author violated the legal contract that she signed. She should not now be whining about it and blaming other. The blame lies squarely on her. here are the court documents that prove that Joan Wheeler is a liar January 17, 2013 ruthsippelpace, wordpress


Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family is not only libelous, it’s poorly researched. September 15, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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In my post  “Why must Joan Wheeler continue to tell lies about her birth family?”, I wrote the following:

Joan Wheeler is constantly saying that our family was “poor” and we lived in a run-down neighborhood. Not so. We did live in a back apartment. So? Some houses are constructed up and down. Front and back. Actually, our apartment was the back AND the whole second floor! Our landlord, Mr. Johnson and his wife had the small one bedroom apartment downstairs in the front.

In the 1950′s and 1960′s, the nieghborhood that we lived in, Smith St. near William St. was vibrant. All along William St. was a bustling shopping district. With a large city playground nearby. There were 2 gas stations, a post office, 3 drug stores, several mom + pop delis, a couple of small variety stores, a liquor store, a butcher store, a large supermarket, a Deco restaurant, and we lived about a mile from Central Terminal, the main hub of railroad passenger and freight service.

I also recently quoted my facebook buddy, Star Trek Troubles with Tribbles author, David Gerrold when he said that “as a writer, 90% of what I do is RESEARCH.”

This is where Joan makes a crucial mistake. She doesn’t do her RESEARCH!

Joan was born in January 1956 and by April 1956, was relinquished to adoption. The final papers were signed in January 1957.  During that time, the Wheelers lived on Coit St., near Broadway. Only one block and two and a half blocks up from where we lived on Smith St.  After adopting Joan, the Wheelers moved to a newly purchased house in Kenmore, a northern suburb of Buffalo.

We moved to Smith St. in the middle of the block, between Howard St. and William St., somewhere between January 1947 and May 1948. Gert’s birth certificate says the address where mom and dad lived was 650 Genesee St. and Kathy’s gives the address as 824 Smith. St. We lived in a apartment that consisted of a small back yard, with wild elderberry trees and a wild cherry tree. My paternal grandmother made home made elderberry wine. We had a back shed.

Our home consisted of a kitchen with a separate pantry, a small dining room, living room and a small bedroom where mom and dad slept. (And later, dad and our stepmom). We shared a bathroom with our landlord and landlady, the Johnson’s. Then we had the entire upstairs which consisted of a large bedroom in the front of the house, where we 3 girls slept, a large “playroom” that had a small built in closet with shelves, where house linens were stored. (sheets, pillowcases, tablecloths, towels, etc). A smaller section was used as a closet – our bedroom didn’t have one, so Dad made us one – he put together, using plumbing pipes and plumbing joints, a free standing rack for us to hang our dresses on. We had dressers for our other clothing.

On the other side of the playroom, was the entrance to the attic that we shared with the Johnson’s and a small room that used to be a bathroom, but after the ceiling caved in, and the plumbing fixtures removed, it was converted to a bedroom for my brother and stepbrother.  They had bunkbeds and I’m not really remembering how their clothes were stored. But I do remember the old medicine cabinet on the wall was used to store the boy’s army figures.

Around 1961, we moved next door to 822 Smith St, because it was a bigger apartment and we had a separate bathroom. In 1965, Dad bought a house and moved to the Delevan/Grider section, right around the corner from the old E.J. Meyer Memorial Hospital (now Erie County Medical Center – ECMC).

As to the Smith St. neighborhood – Joan makes a big deal about it in her book, when in the 1970’s after being reunited with us, she goes to see where we used to live and was dismayed at the run-down neighborhood. But she fails to realize that what she saw in the 1970’s was NOT the way it was in the 1950’s when we lived there. She failed to do her RESEARCH. – So I went and did it for her.

Today, September 15, 2012, my husband John and I were in the main downtown branch of the Buffalo and Erie County Library, where many historical books and maps and documents are kept. It is a treasure trove for anyone interested in the history of Western New York and the birth of Buffalo, which began with the name of New Amsterdam.  Years ago, (1996)  in researching my present neighborhood, I learned that prior to my house being built in 1910, the whole section was farmland, belonging to the Erb Family Farm.

John and I today went to see the library’s exhibit on the War of 1812. There was a major battle during the War of 1812, when the British crossed over from Canada into the Village of Black Rock and burned almost all of New Amsterdam to the ground.

Many other key battles were fought on Lakes Erie and Ontario. During one overnight battle, our national anthem was written. – remember the lyrics “… gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there.”

During the rebuilding, the name of New Amsterdam was changed to Buffalo. Eventually growing outwards until it encircled the village of Black Rock. Now Black Rock is known as just a neighborhood in Buffalo. – and the exhibit for the War of 1812 in the downtown library has maps and documents, and the corner of where I used to live in the 1970’s with my first husband – Amherst St. and Military Rd., is prominently mentioned. As is the old Pratt and Letchworth steel mill (built in the early 1800’s) where my first husband worked.

Anyway, getting back to my childhood neighborhood, across town on the East Side of Buffalo. Remember where I earlier mentioned a bunch of businesses that I remember as being around where I lived? As long as I was in the library,  I went and looked at the 1959 Polk’s City Directory and came away with the following businesses on William St., from Emslie St. down to Fillmore Ave. Our playground was on William St. starting from Fillmore Ave, to almost Coit St. and is not listed in the directory. There were residences on William St, some were separate houses, some were back or upstairs apartments to many of the smaller businesses, and these residences are not listed. I only want to show that when we lived there, it was a thriving busy shopping district.

Emslie St. had our church and school, Sacred Heart, a couple of blocks south from William St. Our paternal grandmother lived on Howard St. near Krettner St, which is only one block from Emslie. So our grandparents lived within walking distance from our house, and we passed it when we went to church or school.

Starting from Emslie St., the businesses that were on William St. in 1959 were:

Loblaws (a large supermarket)

Uni-Tri Furniture + Appliance of Buffalo

M.H. Fishman – 5 and $1.00

Fosser’s Flowers

Family Store

National Wholesale Dry Goods

Haber Furniture

Lombardo Santo Shoes

Krettner St. intersects

E-Z Shopping Center

Floyd Miller Grocery

George Hoffmann Ice Cream

American Washer Service

Murther’s Home Bakery

Buffalo Picture Framing and Mirror Corp.

Community Liquor Store

Aron Goldberg Furniture

Sherman St. intersects

Marine Trust Co. – bank

Alfred Wallpaper and Paint

Citizen’s Fur Service (a furrier? a FURRIER? In a neighborhood that Joan portrays as poor?)

Cadet Cleaners (dry cleaner)

Ray Lippens Restaurant

Smithey’s Barber Shop

Rudolph Frey – butcher

Frey Sausages

Choice Cut Meat

Stanton St. intersects

E.J. Meyer Hospital Dispensary #2

US Post Office

Fran’s Grill and Restaurant

Lovejoy Loan Association

Ritter Plumbing

William St. Market

Used Furniture

Ben’s Wholesale Furniture

Furniture Manufacturer Wholesale Outlet

Shumway intersects

Bison Sausage

Potts Furniture

Rothschild Inc – wholesale candy

Matty’s Doughnuts (oh I remember this one!)

Sloan’s Second Hand Store

Wolff’s Furniture Store

Quality Wholesale Tobacco

Smith St. intersects

Bory’s Wallpaper and Paint

Fran + Rocky’s Mobil gas station – (I remember the Mobil Pegasus sign – you could see it from our bedroom window)

Tripi’s shoe repair

Mrs. Lottie Radzikowski Beauty Shop

Thelma’s Drapery Shop

Soby’s  Pharmacy

Chandu’s Restaurant (I didn’t know until years later – it was a high class burlesque place!)

Kokouska deli

Coit St. intersects

Club Polka Restaurant

Holy Trinity Ukrainian Orthodox Church

Sanitary Barber Shop

Detroit St. intersects

Select Cleaners

Paul Bochynski Barber

Alice’s Restaurant (oh be quiet)

Video Radio Shop

Krysauf  Restaurant

Industrial Steel Products Machinery

Bazaar Ukrainian Art Store

Bazaar Ukrainian Club

Niagara Mohawk Power sub station

Canopy Grill

Fillmore Ave. intersects

Now it took me all of 10 minutes to write this down at the library and another few minutes to type it all out. So what is Joan’s excuse? Joan with her two college degrees and she can’t even do the basic research for her book.

These pictures show the intersection of William and Emslie in 1910 and 2003. I can’t find any pictures from 1940’s or 50’s. The building that housed the Savoy theatre is still standing, but is vacant. The brown and white structure on the left in the 2003 photo is the YMCA – where our supermarket Loblaws used  be. The vacant lot across the street was where Hammond’s Drug Store was. A lot of changes in a hundred years. Some for the bad, some for the good.

1. gertmcqueenSeptember 16, 2012

Ruth this post is excellent! It proves your great abilities as a researcher and your memory.

>She doesn’t do her RESEARCH! Correct; all of Joan’s research comes from her bigoted adoptive parents and ‘hearsay’ from many birth-relatives, siblings included, where memories are faded and not ‘documented’ while talking to a ‘family’ member. No one KNEW that when they were speaking with Joan from the time we reunited that she was keeping NOTES and writing a book. So the memories of birth family members were then MADE INTO a narrative that fit into Joan’s version of HER STORY. Problem with that way of working is that it is NOT RESEARCH and can not be sold as truth.

>Joan Wheeler is constantly saying that our family was “poor” and we lived in a run-down neighborhood. Not so. Correct; that comes from being raised by snubs that looked down on the birth family, she was raised that way and it comes out of her everywhere

>Wheelers lived on Coit St., near Broadway. Only one block and two and a half blocks up from where we lived on Smith St. After adopting Joan, the Wheelers moved to a newly purchased house in Kenmore, a northern suburb of Buffalo Correct; the Wheeler’s came from the same background and neighborhoods that we all came from but when they moved to the suburbs…well it happens all the time, they are called snobs.

>Gert’s birth certificate says the address where mom and dad lived was 650 Genesee St. and Kathy’s gives the address as 824 Smith. St. Correct.

>and a small room that used to be a bathroom, but after the ceiling caved in, and the plumbing fixtures removed Correct; one of the most exciting memories, we were watching Howdy Doody when the ceiling came down on us and we fled into the kitchen where Mom and Dad were.

>In 1965, Dad bought a house Correct…I married in 65 and never lived in that house.

>when in the 1970’s after being reunited with us, she goes to see where we used to live and was dismayed at the run-down neighborhood Correct; I had the same reaction when I went back to the old neighborhood, but I UNDERSTOOD about urban decay. Joan never sees things in their proper place…only how it will fit into her version and if it doesn’t she makes it fit…that’s called lying.

>Emslie St. had our church and school, Sacred Heart, a couple of blocks south from William St. Our paternal grandmother lived on Howard St. near Krettner St, which is only one block from Emslie. So our grandparents lived within walking distance from our house, and we passed it when we went to church or school Correct; also before we went to Sacred Heart we went to School #40, within walking distance on Pink St off of Smith. And our maternal grandparents lives a few blocks up towards Broadway and Fox St (?) where St Ann’s Church is…I believe our parents were married there and where Kathy and I had received ‘confirmation’.  Ruth’s note: I never went to School 40, by the time I got to school age, we started going to Sacred Heart. School 40 is on Clare St., but to get there from our house, you did walk up Pink St. – It was a short distance from our house. In 1981-85, I lived on Townsend St., about a half mile from our old house on Smith. From 1985, 1987, I lived on the corner of Clinton and Clare Sts, only two blocks from School 40. – St. Ann’s is on Broadway near Emslie – Fox St. is in another neighborhood Gert – close to where the old Twin Fair store on E. Ferry was – Fox St. is where Uncle Rich and Aunt Ann lived. — Ruth’s additonal comment and correction of herself:

speaking of NOT RELYING ON PEOPLE’S HEARSAY – Boy did I just do a big oopsey. Gert is talking about FOX St. I was thinking of BOX St.- with a B. I just had a flash when I was just proof-reading all of this – and said to self – “wait a minute – it was BOX St. off of Kehr St, near French near E. Ferry where my stepmother’s good friend Millie lived. – So like a GOOD RESEARCHER DOES – I checked Google Maps – yep, I was wrong – Fox St., with an F – does indeed run by Broadway.

I remember many a Sunday dinner at Grandpa and Grandma’s Herr’s house and how Grandpa Herr had the wooden spoon ready incase any child did not behave right at the dinner table.

Thanks so much for this Ruth, marvelous work! This is why we are writing to restore our lives, our parents backgrounds, our family honor! Joan Wheeler had no business writing any kind of book about our lives and our parents. She still has no right in talking about us and we will continue to speak out against her until she removes all those hate blogs against us.

2. RuthSeptember 16, 2012

excellent comment Gert – and you are so right that Joan relied on people’s narratives – which can be faulty. – See how I corrected you about the location of School 40 and where Fox St. is? (readers – you have to remember Gert is older than me, and has not lived in Buffalo since 1982. As I said in my note in the body of the post, I lived a half mile from our old house from 1981. Our house was only demolished in early summer 2011. My house on Townsend was demolished in 2009. Grandma Sippel’s house at 177 Howard was demolished many years ago – and another house with the same address is there now. But I know exactly where the original house was – on the corner of Howard and Bond St. – Krettner ended at Howard only a few houses away. In a house on Bond St., just two doors from the corner lived my brother’s best friend George Fischer – and we used to look out our windows at each and make faces at each other – you know, all the stupid things kids do. School 40 is still there, and is still open. St. Ann’s and Sacred Heart are closed. Sacred Heart school was demolished in 2010. I know where Uncle Rich lived on Fox St., because his daughter, my cousin Nancy lives only a mile and a half from me, and certainly remembers where she grew up. I currently live in the Bailey/Genesee section, just a half mile from Holy Name of Jesus church where my parents were married. Right around the corner on Bailey, used to be School 9 where my mother went to grammer school. Uncle Rich went there too, and tells me how he used to leave school, walk down the street one block over my present house, and walk along the railroad tracks that lead right to his house on Scheu Park – which is only less than a mile from my present house. Because I know the neighborhoods of Buffalo’s East Side, I know what stories are correct. Joan never lived on the East Side – except as an adult, when she lived for a few years in the Broadway/Bailey section. BUT and this is a big but – NOBODY TOLD JOAN THAT WE WERE POOR GROWING UP – nobody that is but her adoptive parents. And stupid Joan, BELIEVED them. Like I said, she didn’t do her own RESEARCH. She relied on older people’s gossip – she listened to their “point of view” and tried to pass it off as truth. She relied on people’s recollection of years past – go back and look at MY own recollection – what did I write? – TWO gas stations? But when I did the RESEARCH – only gas station showed up in the City Directory. Then again, the other gas station is at the corner of William and Fillmore – and the Deco restaurant was next to it -on the southeast corner of William and Fillmore. There has always been a gas starion there – and still is. — When I lived on Townsend St. in the early 80′s – I would buy gas there. Townsend is a one-way street, 2 blocks from Fillmore and ends at William St. Where I lived on Clinton St. – 85-87 – Clare St., where School 40 is – is only one block from Fillmore Ave. – and only two blocks from the funeral home where my mother was laid out. So basically, in the 80′s – I moved back to my childhood neighborhood, and now I live in my mother’s childhood neighborhood. And like I said – I did MY research. When I bought my housein 1996 from our landlord, I went to the library, and saw the old maps from the Holland Land Company – I saw where the old Erb farm ended at Bailey. I had already learned the early history of Buffalo/New Amsterdam and the tribe of Native Americans called the Erie who lived in this section – a long time ago. Joan doesn’t learn these things – to broaden her mind – because despite her having  two college degrees, she is ignorant in many things. She has only ONE interest and she bores the hell out of everyone – ADOPTION ADOPTION ADOPTION ADOPTION ADOPTION ADOPTION ADOPTION ADOPTION.

Why must Joan Wheeler continue to tell lies about her birth family? September 7, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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In her latest blogpost, “Joan Wheeler continues to believe that adoption is an evil that must be stamped out, even as she lies, some more, about the birth family. Gert says:  “So Joan Wheeler will continue on spreading her untruths anywhere she can…but…the birth siblings will also be right there, EXPOSING HER. At some point in time those that are hanging on to her coat tails will ‘let go’ because Joan Wheeler’s reputation is CATCHING UP WITH HER.”

Her latest puppet, who is harassing us at Joan’s request (so she doesn’t get her hands dirty) accused us of “ruining Joan’s reputation.” – not so. We are merely “exposing” her lies.

CNN’s Anderson Cooper’s tagline is “keeping them honest.” Exposing lies of politicians and crooked charities. 60 Minutes has a long history of doing the same thing. What makes Joan so special that HER lies don’t get exposed? Does Joan Wheeler have some sort of special immunity that her lies don’t get exposed? If Joan Wheeler has the freedom of speech to tell a lie in a book and on the internet, then we have the right to expose that lie and replace it with the truth. Especially when that lie is about us and how we lived when we were children. She was born in  January 1956, lived with my uncle on Fox St. in Buffalo and NEVER in our apartment on Smith St. She was given to the Wheelers in April 1956. Shortly after that, the Wheelers moved to a nice suburb of Buffalo.

So why is she writing about where WE lived in the 1950’s and 1960’s. Her excuse once was that she wrote about us only when our lives intersected with hers. What happened in OUR lives betweeen 1956 and 1974 (the year we were reunited with her) HAS NEVER INTERSECTED WITH HER LIFE AND SHE HAS NO BUSINESS WRITING ABOUT IT. Doesn’t matter that she used one of her screen names, because she uses Legitimate Bastard, 1Adoptee, Half Orpan56, all the time and leaves clues as to who she is and who we are. Especially when she signs her real name, or “Joan Wheeler, born as Doris Sippel”

We have said before and it should be said again: We have no objection to her fighting her cause about adoption reform. All she has to do is refrain from telling lies about our childhood, and our family. She needs to stop writing lies about the circumstance of her adoption. MY FATHER WAS NOT COERCED INTO GIVING HER FOR ADOPTION! She needs to stop saying that no one came forth to help my father keep her. IT WAS NOT POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO KEEP HER! Again – there were no day-care centers in 1956. Welfare did not exist as it does now. My father had to work. His parents were elderly, could not take care of 5 little kids, one of them being an infant. My mother’s siblings also could not take her in. My father was approached by my aunt, who was childhood friends with the sister of the man who adopted Joan. My father THEN consulted his parish priest. HE WAS NOT COERCED AT MY MOTHER’S WAKE. The final adoption papers were signed in January 1957. My father had ample time to reconsider his decision. He did not. He stuck to his original decision. This is something that Joan Wheeler must accept and live with. So he was greiving when he made his initial decision -the fact remains: HE HAD TEN MORE MONTHS TO RECONSIDER THAT DECISION. AND HE STUCK WITH HIS FIRST DECISION – THAT BEING THAT THE WHEELER’S WOULD BE JOAN’S PARENTS.

ALSO – my father did have a GED for high school. In the early 50’s he went to night school to study drafting, reading blueprints, etc. In 1955 he became employed by the City of Buffalo as Junior Civil Engineer in the Street Paving and Design Department, where he worked until his retirement in 1988. And he made fairly good money.

Joan Wheeler is constantly saying that our family was “poor” and we lived in a run-down neighborhood. Not so. We did live in a back apartment. So? Some houses are constructed up and down. Front and back. Actually, our apartment was the back AND the whole second floor! Our landlord, Mr. Johnson and his wife had the small one bedroom apartment downstairs in the front.

In the 1950’s and 1960’s, the nieghborhood that we lived in, Smith St. near William St. was vibrant. All along William St. was a bustling shopping district. With a large city playground nearby. There were 2 gas stations, a post office, 3 drug stores, several mom + pop delis, a couple of small variety stores, a liquor store, a butcher store, a large supermarket, a Deco restaurant, and we lived about a mile from Central Terminal, the main hub of railroad passenger and freight service. We also lived a couple of miles from the Broadway/Fillmore shopping district that had banks, major shops and stores.

By the 1970’s, yes, the area began to deteriorate. After we were reunited with Joan in 1974, she went to our old neighborhood (we moved in 1965 after my father bought a house). What Joan saw was our old nieghorhood slowly decaying. It’s called “urban blight” and Buffalo is not the only city this happens to. What she saw in the 70’s was NOT what we saw when we lived there. By the 90’s, however, community re-development took charge. Our playground was demolished and a beautiful senior apartment complex arose. Today, there are vast fields where a lot of Buffalo’s oldest housing stock has been demolished. (yes, my childhood home too). These were structures built in the mid-to-late 1800’s. – Joan really should do her homework when she talks about Buffalo’s East Side. The core area where we lived was built for Polish and German immigrants and blacks who migrated from the southern states. In the late 1800’s and early 1900’s, Buffalo was a boom-town. Very different from what it is now.

And as my father’s finances progressed, he put together a down payment and bought a house – the first in his family to own property. The Wheelers had done the same in 1957. Coincidentally, they lived only a few blocks from where we lived! They moved to a hoity-toity suburb of Buffalo (hence Joan’s tendancy to look down on where and how we lived). Well, geez, my uncle, who took Joan in for the first couple of months of her life, lived on Fox St. – another neighborhood that was quite nice in the 50’s and 60’s and sadly, now, is a crummy drug-infested ghetto.

You cannot see a crummy house and think it was crummy from the day it was built – and this is Joan’s mistake. (well one of her mistakes). She also suffers from the prejudicial statements from her adoptive parents who apparently forgot where they came from, because all her life, Joan was told she came from a family that were “too poor to keep her.” Joan was raised as an only child, spoiled rotten. Her mom hand sewed her pretty dresses. She must have used that line as a way to keep Joan grateful to them for adopting her. That was rotten, but that doesn’t give Joan the right to keep on perpetuating that tired old myth – by writing in her book and online that for Christmas 1956 or 1957, her adoptive parents sent over a xmas tree and presents for us!

This is utter bullshit! MY FATHER WORKED FOR THE CITY OF BUFFALO AND MADE GOOD MONEY. In 1956, my father remarried to an Italian lady, who’s mother doted on me. My father’s parents also doted on us. I recently posted on my facebook about how I got started on my love of mythology. My father’s mother gave me, when I was five years old (1957) – a book on Hiawatha. Even though it is a child book, it has some of the original prose of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. – I still have it in my attic. How do I know what year I got it? – cos my grandmother wrote it in the inside cover! It is a quality book – she had to have paid $$$ for it. (see graphics at end of this post). And that’s just only ONE thing. I remember a lot of the toys we had. Even when we lived with our grandparents for a couple of years while my stepmother was ill. – Just as girls today have dolls to learn makeup and hairdos – we had Toni dolls and Breck dolls (sponsored by Breck shampoo and Toni home perms) we had our very own gym set in the back yard on Smith St. not many kids had those. We had the make believe kitchen sets, with running water! (you filled the resevoir in the back). We had the first Easy Bake Oven. My brothers and I had Roy Rogers and Dale Evans cap gun sets. I had a Lucas McCain rifle (tv’s The Rifleman). Davy crockett coonskin hats, Jim Bowie rubber knives. Mickey Mouse Ears and Tinkerbell wands. We had the Visible V8 engine and chemistry sets. Countless paint by number kits and activity books and water color books and sets. I also had a Howdy Doody doll. METAL not plastic dish and tea sets. Stuffed toys. Cars and fire trucks, my stepbrother John had a rubber John Deere tractor! (which he named Basil – go figure!) We had an Elsie the Cow doll.

WE DIDN’T NEED CHARITY FROM THE WHEELERS OR ANYBODY ELSE AND JOAN WHEELER NEEDS TO STOP SAYING THAT BULLSHIT THAT WE RECIEVED IT. In her comments on that site that Gert references in her blog post – Joan also mentions “Catholic Charities.” Yes, our family availed ourselves with their services – AFTER MY STEPMOTHER BECAME ILL! – after Joan was adopted! I don’t know what kind of health insurance my father had back then, but I suspect he had the same problems back then as most families have today. Raising a family of 5 kids is expensive! And in those days, it was NOT the norm for the wife to work. So we were a one-income family, with the added burden of illness. Doctor and other bills to pay. My stepmother was mentally ill and an alcoholic. What Catholic Charities provided for us was social work. NOT monetary contributions. By 1959, when my stepmother was placed in the psych center, we were sent to a foster home and an orphanage. Again, I don’t know the financial obligations of all of that – but I think you have to pay some sort of child support, plus there was the doctor and hospital bills for my stepmother. But even in the foster home, there was still plenty of ample food, clothes and toys. And as I said, in 1965, my father bought a house, taking on a second job as a salesman at Sears. Teenagers in the 60’s were just as expensive then as they are today! But we were NOT poor!

And as far as Joan quoting my father as saying “if I had more education…” blah blah blah – my father was a carpenter. After he bought his house in 1965, he did extensive remodeling. He built a bedroom in the basement! Do you know how much money carpenters make?  My father could have taken that route for a career. (and I do not consider it a menial job at all – to create things with your hands is hardly menial. FYI – one of today’s greatest actors – Harrison Ford worked as a carpenter.- if carpentry is good enough for Han Solo and Indiana Jones, then I’m proud of my dad too!) And don’t forget – Jesus was a carpenter too, having learned the craft from his father Joseph.

So why is Joan NOT proud of the man who gave her the greatest gift of all? – HER OWN LIFE? No, all she can do is write put-down after put-down of him – and us.

AND THAT NEEDS TO STOP. And until she does – this blog, and Gert’s blog will be right here, taking Joan’s bullshit and telling the truth of us and our family.

I didn’t feel like going up to the attic and dragging my copy of Hiawatha down and taking pictures of it – I did find it on google. Apparently it was a 1951 edition, adapted by Allen Chaffee and illustrated by Armstrong Sperry. This is no “Little Golden Book.” This is large – larger than your average 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper.  This is an old friend of mine, along with my Heidi book, another present from my grandmother – which I also still have.

1. gertmcqueen

Right on Ruth!!! Our lives and our family’s lives, our friends, our lovers, our husbands, our children, where and how we lived and any minor or major aspect of our lives have been EXPOSED EXPLOITED AND LIED ABOUT by Joan Wheeler. We shall never stop in exposing these lies and righting our honor. People don’t like it, that’s just too bad.

 2. Ruth

you dam right Gert – if I, Ruth Pace, want to talk about MY childhood – that is my right! anybody got a problem with that? stuff it.

I know what MY life is and was – Joan was NOT there! She knows NOTHING about my life. And I have a dam good memory! I have what is called an eidetic memory – that means I remember things in details. I can remember colors, smells, actual words, the weather, I remember events like my father walking me to Sacred Heart School for a Halloween party – which must have been Halloween 1958. I remember the Christmas party in Sacred Heart’s downstairs gymnasium, around 1958 as well – I actually remember eating a tangerine and walnuts! I remember the Halloween party at the orphanage 1959 – I remember the black and orange crepe paper draping from the cieling, and bobbing for apples. I remember the school year recital at the orpanage where me and my brother Butch tapdanced to the tune of – well I don’t know the title of the song but it went “H-A-Double R -I, G-A-N spells Harrigan.” I remember seeing the 7th Voyage of Sinbad in the auditorium of the orphanage, a first run film, for the kids at the orphan home!

I remember bringing home the living room lamps with my stepmother and stepbrother. She carried the lamps – decorated with antique cars, and me and John each carried a shade. We got them from the S+H green stamp redemption center on the fifth floor of downtown’s Hens + Kelly store.


And if Joan and her deluded friends don’t like it – they can go you-know-where!

Final Notice to Brian T. Maloney (LION) of Williamsville, puppet of Joan Wheeler July 27, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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Final Notice to Brian T. Maloney (LION) of Williamsville, puppet of Joan Wheeler

Brian, the following blog posts are all about you. Until you remove that abusive blog you have against us and offer a public apology to us for sticking your nose where it don’t belong – in MY family’s business and trashing my father after he was dead – these blog posts will remain in existence for all the world to see.

What you need to do is delete ALL posts from your blog – and leave ONE post up recanting all the abuse you heaped on me and Gert – particularly where you called us dogs. And don’t try to squirm your way out of it by saying you were quoting an old adage – “if you lay down with dogs, expect to catch fleas.” – This was directed to a person who supports our blogs and left a comment on your blog. So, no, you didn’t come right out and SAY Gert and me were dogs – but by telling Paula that she was associating with us, she would catch fleas – in essence you WERE calling us dogs. And that doubles your mistake – you not only called women you never met – dogs – but then tried to twist your words and tried to LIE your way out of it. – That doesn’t go very well with your Reiki healing.

Also, you need to change the name of your blog from “Defending Joan Wheeler” to “No longer defending Joan Wheeler.” And in that one post you keep up on your blog you tell WHY you no longer are defending her – because once she found out in November 2011 just who your father was and how your father was the lawyer who handled my father’s adoption of his stepdaughter, Joan kept that from you and whined at you and got you to do her dirty work. She played you for a fool – as a revenge at that dirty lawyer who handled my stepsister’s adoption.

Admit your mistake Brian. But I know you won’t. Because it takes a big man, a big person to admit when they’re wrong. And you are no man. You are a wimp, a coward and a creep.

So here are some blog posts about Brian T. Maloney. and before anybody takes me to task for writing so much about this creep – remember – I knew his father, his father was a long time attorney and friend of my father and stepmother. In representing my family, I left a condolence message on an online memorial guest book when Brian’s father, Arthur J. Maloney died on November 16, 2011. I never met Brian. I don’t know him. But one month after his father died, Brian started cyber stalking and cyber-harassing and cyber-bullying me and Gert. He should have minded his own business. He brought this on himself.

Hey Champ!! (Brian T. Maloney of Williamsville, NY) Where’s your response to our rebuttals, to your defense of Joan Wheeler, on the Buffalo News web site?

How Brian T. Maloney of Williamsville, NY trashed my LATE father on the internet – what he said about a dead man that he never met

Champ, the so called defender of Joan Wheeler, is slacking on the job!! …

Brian Maloney and Joan Wheeler think they are in the right…okay they can have their delusion

I’m putting the brat Brian to bed and ignoring his temper tantrums – because that’s how you deal with brats – give them NO more attention.

Charlatans can be found everywhere and in every field of healing Brian isn’t the only one.

Brian T. Maloney has been exposed in a new comment that I placed on that Buffalo News article by Joan Wheeler (with a screenshot of his blog – proving how he abused and bullied us)

Brian T. Maloney is concerned for my health. aw gee. (my rebuttal after Brian insinuates that I am on psych meds – which I am not, never have been and don’t need to. Another example of his abuse of me.

Brian T. Maloney can’t do any Reiki healing on anyone – because he’s a damaged individual in need of healing himself. – with graphics from Linkedin where Joan and Brian recomended each other on November 11, 2011.

rampaging on facebook – funny? – not so funny when you find out you’ve been trashed by the son of someone you honored – Brian T. Maloney is no healer – he’s a menace! 

Fun and games on Facebook – re: The Nameless One (aka Joan Wheeler) and Brian “Chimp” Maloney (full of baloney) 

What did Joan Wheeler know of the connection of Brian T. Maloney’s father to my father, when did she know it, and I expose another lie in her libelous book 

Brian T. Maloney abuses someone who HONORED his father, Arthur J. Maloney – because Joan Wheeler told him to. (with screenshot of Arthur’s obit and my name from the guest book)

the dangers of writing shit about someone if you don’t know them – a lesson to be learned by Brian T. Maloney 

Ruth admits to a big oopsey! 

Guest post from Gert’s daughter Karen with update from Gert – Karen lets Brian have it for calling her mom and aunt dogs.

Chimp aka Brian T. Maloney continues to show the world what a disgusting moron he is – with graphics proving that he listened to lying gossip from Joan about someone I didn’t get along with back in the late 1970’s. – And she sent me a get well card in 1985. I post the card in this post.

Well Champ/Brian, on his HOW ELOQUENT! post has acknowledged SOME of the comments placed on that post/blog!

Just in case Brian Champ Thomas Maloney tries to deny who he is. 

We know who Champ is!! His name is Brian Maloney and he has left his mark; I found him and now I expose him too.

Can I sew Joan Wheeler’s mouth shut? Or smash her fingers so she can’t type any more bullshit? Please? May 9, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family.
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At the Adoptive Families Circle website, Joan keeps spewing crap from her diarrhea mouth. Here are three comments from there. The first from Joan, and then 2 from me. Joan had decided to make a comment on a thread called “All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?” And kept up the same old family garbage that had NOTHING to do with the topic of the thread. Gert came on and left a statement. Which pissed Joan off. And of course, Joan can’t keep her diarrhea mouth shut, so she went off again. Accusing us of stupid things. So I stepped in. Joan’s bullshit comment doesn’t even deserve answering EXCEPT where she fucking dishonors our family AGAIN.  – Joan’s comment is in italics.

All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?

 am tired of my older sisters stalking me and harassing me.

Please note that after any comment I make, it is followed by an attack from one or both of my sisters.

This latest comment was merely copied and pasted, except for the lines “I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, from another thread she posted on after she found me there (http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/topic/3858/ Private adoption vs Agency).

I would like to bring this hostile, confrontational behavior to the attention of the moderators of this blog.

I declare publicly that am not the poster called Pilgrim. I am a social worker and an adoptee. I challenge my sisters to present their credentials. I also state that the poster called “eldersibling” is lying when she states she is an “adopted mother”. She was never adopted by anyone. What she says about me and our stepmother is wrong. Our step mother came to me, crying, because she had to sign relinquishment papers for her husband, our father, to adopt her younger daughter, not the other way around.

This has been the problem since my sisters found me in 1974. They twist stories, make things up, gang together, and attack me.

I have made it clear I want nothing more to do with them. No attempts were made by “eldersister” to reconcile with me. I will not fall for anything they say, as when I did in the past, they turned on me again.

Their statements about me are wrong, as they have been for the past 38 years (after they found me). I suspect that during my childhood before they found me that these sisters had been gossiping about me behind my back. Keep in mind I had absolutely no knowledge that they ever existed because my adoptive parents never wanted me to know the truth.

I have been hunted down all of my life. Nothing I have said on any thread in this website, or any other website, has been lying, or threatening, or naming them. They, however, come here, list my initials, thus leading to my real identity. If I wanted to use my real name here, I would do just that.

The only thing I ask is for them to leave me alone. I wish them no harm even though they continually attempt to do me harm in one way or another.

Many adoptees who post here do so because of the negative experiences we have had. Because we have had “bad experiences” should not be a cause to dismiss what we say. It is a warning. These comments do not come from textbooks. They come from those who have lived adoption. Before considering seriously adopting, you have you before your eyes one of many possible implications of adoption by observing the interaction between my sisters and myself. NOTE: I have NO contact with them in real life at all. They have been told to stay away from me for many decades and they still harass me with the intent to harm me.

Since this thread was a put-down on birthmothers (All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?) I decided to let you know that not all mothers who lose their infants and children to adoption are drug addicts and criminals. I cringe with this accusation as my mother died. I am insulted by the assumptions here at this website. You pre-adoptive and adoptive parents have such low esteem for the parents of your adoptees. THAT I find disturbing. It was not my mother who relinquished me, but my father, and he was not at all a drug addict, nor a criminal. My parents were married for 10 years.

Now, for anyone out there who still believes what my eldest sister says:  “I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, I challenge you to find what I have said to be exploitive.

Obviously, my sisters have been deeply affected by the death of our mother and my relinquishment to adoption and whatever happened in their childhoods. They drew me into their lives and used my naivety (I was a teenager of 18 when they contacted me) against me. They never wanted me to learn about adoption and put me down when I did. I am the adopted one, they grew up together. They defend adoption, yet that is what tore our family apart, and that is what tore my adoptive family apart when the truth was told, against the wishes of my adoptive parents who never wanted me to know the truth. So, by my sisters defending adoption, they are accepting the very institution that caused so much havoc in our lives.

Reunions are both good and bad. Readers here do not know my relationships with other relatives or who I am as a person. You don’t know my adoptive parents, nor do you know what my life as an adoptee has been like. When adoptees search, they do so for similar reasons “normal” people go on Ancestry do com. For adoptees, no, we are not supposed to know, and when we do, we are the troublemakers. There are plenty of stereotypes of adoptees out there. We who come here, do so to speak for the little adoptees who cannot speak for themselves.

So, people on this website feel attacked by me? Then by all means, message me and talk with me. None of you have done that. But go to the older sisters who hunt me down, yes, listen to them, they are the older ones who know better than I do. Listen to what they say about me. If you read their comments, you’ll see that in reality, their sole purpose is to attack me rather than making any meaningful comment concerning adoption itself. 

I would simply ask the moderators to closely examine the comments made by “eldersister” (and the other sister, “birthsibling” on other threads) and decide whether this is the kind of discussion they in fact wish to promote.

Posted by halforphan56 on May 09, 2012 at 12:27am
RUTH – first comment:
I have not spoken anything but the truth.  And this is the only other thread that I have posted on, so halforphan’s statement “(and the other sister, “birthsibling” on other threads)” is wrong. Before she wrote that, I had posted on only ONE thread – singular, not plural. One of halforphan’s faults is that she exaggerates and overblows everything. If she reads 2 posts – she reports it as 5. If she she get one legitimate phone call by ONE sister (to inform of the death of an aunt) – it is reported as “numerous harrasing phone calls by my three sisters.” and calls the police to make a report on all three of us.(???)  – but I digress, just want you guys to take her statements with a little bit of salt. For example, her accusations that I gave her initials that lead to her real name. – Before I came to this site, halforphan filled out her profile here, and listed a link to her blog Forbidden Family – which contains her real name. So she left a way for readers here to find her real name. I never named her in my posts. only initials. This is what I mean that halforphan either outright lies about me or misrepresents what I have said or done.

As an infertile woman, who once considered adopting, and beng “touched by adoption” – my youngest sibling was relinquished to adoption – and having been in an “adoption reunion” – I have every right to be at this website.

I have every right to learn by being here – because my youngest sibling keeps saying I am ignorant of some things.

However, if I find an untruth or misrepresentation of me or my family, do I not have the right to speak up with the truth?

My youngest sibling blithely puts out hurtful stories of my family -such as this: “It took me years to figure out why she said that to me. Turns out, my extended adoptive family heard rumors that my natural father killed my mother, and other sordid tales. The truth is that my father did not kill my mother; he did not want her to suffer any more so he said no to experimental cancer treatment (1956).”

Jesus, it happened 56 years ago – LET IT GO and give the whole family some peace. It hurts to see these old family resentments and accusations of killing and such repeated all over the internet. This is what eldestbirthsibling meant that it is disgusting. Because it is.

All that needs to be said is:

My mother died of cancer three months after I was born. My father could not take care of 5 little kids, and gave me up for adoption.
My adoptive parents and other adoptive relatives told me gossip about my birth family.
When I was 18, my birth siblings found me and we had a reunion. While discovering my birthfamily, I became aware of some personal resentments towards my birthfather by my uncles.  For various personal reasons, my reunion with my birthsisters and other birthfamily members, turned sour.”

WHY must old hurtful gossipy, UNTRUE stories about my mother be forever dragged all over the internet?

WHY must lies be told about ME all over the place?

Lies are being replaced with truth. That is all. Nothing more, nothing less.

Posted by Birth Sibling on May 09, 2012 at 9:37am – Edit Reply

RUTH – second comment:

My mother is dead. My father is dead. halforpan’s adotpive parents are both dead. With the exception of two, all siblings and sibling-in-law of my mother are dead.

Let the dead rest in peace!

Even while living, my father accepted the fact that his former-brothers in law acted out in their grief that their sister died of cancer. She died swiftly. She went into the hospital in Dec. 1955, had the baby prematurely, had exploratory surgery on Jan. 19. She was discovered to be full of cancer. Nothing could be done. My uncles had a hard time accepting that and placed those feelings to my father. Three months later, my mother was dead. It was also HER wish not to go undergo any more treatments.

NOW THAT THE STORY IS TOLD WHERE IT DOESN’T BELONG (on this thread or elsewhere on the interent) – would you please stop repeating the same old tired garbage – please shut up about my mother and father and my uncles. We each have blogs for that.

What my uncles felt toward my father:
1. had nothing to do with your adoption.
2. had nothing to do with your adoption reunion
3. has nothing to do with your adoption reform work.
4. does not need to be repeated ad nausuem
5. whatever lies or gossip your adoptive family told you has no bearing on MY family.

the thread is about birthmoms on drugs and criminal charges? Why is our family’s old stories here? Who put them here first? – as an exploitation – to get sympathy for yourself. Stop!

comments for THIS blog post:


1. gertmcqueen –  
Gert here…

Did you notice how jW side-stepped what I said….
“I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, from another thread she posted on after she found me there about

no she can not ever answer the issues at hand…all she did was cry that she is being harassed…

I placed the following on that thread

in response to halforphan56

I am using HO for halforphan and JW for her real name…

If I said I was adopted, sorry, I am an adoptive mother, who adopted her son, to HO that is a crime, but why is it that HO does NOT answer to what I said, that she interferred in the adoption process of my son and violated my rights to privacy and parental decisions. HO answer why DID you DO that to me? Why don’t you ever TAKE responsibility for the dirty deeds to did to your sisters?

I have left you along since 1981 UNTIL you wrote a libelous book telling all manner of lies…own up to it, and it was YOU who came to my blog and left comments…why don’t you ADMIT that it is you who keeps this up…because you will NOT stop talking and lying about us….

In the book she wrote on page 355 JW says…’social workers have a ethical responsibility to promote a client’s right to self-determination’ and quotes from the National Association of Social Workers’ Code of Ethics…’Social workers should not participate in, condone, or be associated with dishonesty, fraud, or deception’ and footnotes it as #17

Why does SHE NOT live by those ethics? Why does she think she can exploit my family so that she can continue to browbeat others into NOT adopting?

anything else i have to say about her non-issues will be addressed on my blog’

I do have a right to be on this site and comment because I adopted! and I am not telling lies about

 2. Ruth

Joan ALWAYS sidesteps the charges we have put towards her – like why she LIED in her book about me having a criminal and arrest record. I have posted the actual Buffalo City Court documents that show that I was not arrested – I was SUMMONED into court – (big difference) – that Joan was granted a SIX MONTH order of protection (not one year as she reports in the book and all over the internet) and that she wrote to Albany New York in December 1994 to the Child Abuse and Maltreatment Center and told them that I was placed on PROBATION! I have scanned and posted that actual letter that she wrote in 1994 – lying to New York State Officials about me –
1. I was never arrested in my life.
2. The order of protection was for six months, not one year.
3. the judge said it was an order of protection NOT probation.
4. Despite my bringing these lies in her book and on the internet forth, WITH THE ACTUAL LETTER JOAN WROTE IN 1994 AND ACTUAL COURT DOCUMENTS THAT PROVE JOAN IS F’ING LIAR – SHE WILL NOT ANSWER!


But since we have already done that – her reputation is shot.
And Joan my dear, you did that to yourself. You started the shit way back in 1990 when you stole hundreds of dollars from me, reneged on your promise to repay me, tried to break me and John up, forged a letter pretending to be your own 10 year old son, mailed it to John, but addressed the envelope to me, baited me into phoning you, hung up on me three times when I did call you, falsely reported to the phone company and the police that I was making annoyance calls to you, then you charged me with harassment and you were given a six-month order of protection against. Then the following year, you called my job repeatedly, accusing me of computer hacking, called them everyday for six months trying to get me fired, then you called child abuse on yourself giving out my name and saying that my fiance abused your kids. Then your write to Albany, NY and tell them I was on probation – then you write to the mayor of Buffalo and lied to him about all this bullshit, AND gave him my private details of my life and medical history of not being able to get pregnant.Then in 1999, you send me a letter that John got the next door neighbor pregnant.


She can’t, because then she will have admitted to what she really is: A FUCKING BITCH.



Joan Wheeler needs to stop spreading the same old gossip and lies her adoptive mother filled her head up with. April 16, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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On Sunday, April 15, 2012, on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum,  Joan writes this following comment:

Re: Race, Religion, and Rescue in Adoption: Conference, NYC, October 2012
« Reply #3 on: Yesterday at 04:47:03 PM » 

My adoptive mother always rescued orphans — baby birds, baby rabbits, puppies, kittens — she was raised in an orphange. It made her feel good to take in “strays”. And, no doubt, she loved animals and the other children she helped raise. I was the only one adopted. Yeah, there was that certain outlook in our home. At one point, Mom threw it in my face that “When we got you, you had sores all over your body!” And she said it with such sarcastic, rub it in your face kinda tone. Alright, I was an infant of 4 months, was that MY fault? Did that mean they rescued me?

On March 25, 2010, I blogged about this crap in my post “Joan tells a vicious lie about her own godparents on page 319 of Forbidden Family”   Here is an excerpt of that post:
On page 319, Joan writes: “I also suffered through inconsistency of primary care as my mother lay dying in a hospital room. When I was released from the hospital my godparents took me in. As my adoptive mother told me, when I was four months old my father handed me over to them in family court. They took me home and were shocked to find body sores. My godparents, I was told by my adoptive mother, didn’t take good hygienic care of me in the few weeks they had me. My new parents nursed me back to health and made me feel guilty for it years later. “You had sores all over your body when we got you!” Mom yelled at me. I never understood why she yelled at me as I grew up. She made me feel as if it were my fault. Perhaps I should feel grateful that I was saved.”

On Friday, March 19, 2010, at 8pm, I spoke on the phone with my uncle, who was Joan’s godfather and who took care of her while my mother was in the hospital. My uncle says that Joan had impetigo, and she had them when she was discharged from the hospital. He told me his wife did everything she could to clear up the rash, and was just getting a hold of it, when my father came for Joan and gave her to the Wheelers. My uncle said, “Ann raised 4 children and did the best job. She took good care of Joan.” My uncle was outraged to hear this lie about him and his late wife. He also told me he had already fired off an email to Joan to “straighten her out.”

 So once again, we see how Joan takes something that was told to her and instead of researching it, repeats the lie. She has had many opportunities in the past to ask our uncle if this story was true. But then again, could we have trusted Joan to tell the truth? No, because we see again and again, that Joan interprets facts to support her conclusions about things, if not outright lying about things.

Joan does say in her book and on the internet that her adoptive mother told her this nonsense about her having “body sores.” But does she tell her readers the truth of this gossip mongering? Does she defend her birth-uncle? NO! But all over her book and on the internet, she’s admonishing both her birth and adoptive families for gossip mongering!

She may have said on page 319 of her book that it was her adoptive mother that told her this crap – but she doesn’t follow through with THE TRUTH! And leaves her readers thinking this was the truth – when it wasn’t! Readers of her both her book and this latest retelling of this gossip on the adoptee forum, will leave with the impression that my uncle and his wife didn’t take good care of Joan while she lived with her. This is poor writing at best, and at worst, leaves the reader believing a piece of trashy gossip. Nice going Joan, I though all over your book you don’t like gossip mongering. I thought your book was the truth.

By leaving that vital piece of information out, Joan’s book is NOT the truth – and the result? My uncle was livid when I told him what was in the book. And he wants nothing more to do with her. She was kicked off his facebook page, and just recently his daughter, who just hadn’t gotten around to it before, kicked Joan off her facebook page.

So I suppose I will get the blame there. Of course, as usual, Joan does or says something stupid, insults people and gets them mad at her. And as usual, Ruth will get the blame. Yes, yes, it was Ruth who told her uncle and cousin what was in the book, so I am guilty of reporting it. But am I guilty of writing that gossip in the first place? NO! But Joan, in her diseased mind, will NOT take responsibility for her own actions. She will stew about her uncle and cousin not wanting contact with her, and think to herself, “It’s Ruth’s fault. She told them.” Never mind that they can read English and find that shit out for themselves. Everything all boils down to being Ruth’s fault. Ruth does nothing – but it’s all her fault.

That adoptive mother of Joan’s was a sick individual – she talked trash about us – the birth family and Joan came away believing it. And if she “re-writes” her book and explains that she had impetigo from the hospital – she had better give me credit for it – because as of March 2010, it was ME who reported the truth, and my uncle will not have told her about it – because he wants nothing more to do with her. And if the re-write contains this truth – it will show that she was NOT forthcoming with the truth in the first edition – which means all her statements that her book is a truthful account — FALSE!

1. gertmcqueenApril 16, 2012

Gert here…

And Joan, on her web page, wants to impress people with her ‘not harming people’!!! What a laugh!! Joan doesn’t have a decent bone in her body. All she can do is repeat lies and negative impressions about people, in this case, the birth family. Apparently Joan never was taught that ‘if you don’t have a nice thing to say about someone…keep your mouth shut’.

The birth family’s exposing of Joan’s words and deeds is just that….EXPOSING…the hate, the anger, the negativity that Joan has for any one who opposes her view…she is a very dangerous, vile person. We will continue to point out all these hateful words from Joan’s mouth until she learns to speak with dignity and respect of the birth family.

this particular lie and the retelling of it, is not only disgusting but it proves that Joan has no regard for those, birth relatives, that took care of her. Joan ought to hang her head in shame.

if she has a beef with the adoptive mother, say so, but Joan needs to stop repeating hateful, lies about people that are blood relatives.


More Deluded Ramblings from Joan Wheeler’s Sick Diseased Mind April 6, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness, Our Family History, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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In Gert’s recent post “The beginnings of Joan Wheeler’s Internet campaign against her birth siblings (part 1), Gert revisits the early posts in Joan’s blog and tells about Joan’s ranting on her website on December 9 and 10, 2009. I left a comment on Gert’s post, but I want to post it all here.

But first, I want to address a paragraph from a post of Joan’s from December 11, 2009: Adoption Gone Bad – Not Reunion, where Joan is rambling on about (ho-hum) her crappy adoption:

“Meanwhile, my father was not aware that meddling relatives from his deceased wife’s family would spread filty lies about him killing his wife and that he “could not stand the sight of me” that’s why he “got rid of me”. THAT was the content of hate mail sent to me for decades from anonymous letters whom I suspect are members of my extended adoptive family who listened to these lies and beleived (sic) them.”

Really? My father KILLED my mother? She died of cancer. Her relatives said that? I’d like to know who said that. Because I had never heard it. Here is what happened:

In early winter 1955, Mom, who was pregnant, was not feeling good. By Christmas, she had to go to the hospital. They couldn’t find out what was wrong. On January 7, 1956, she miscarried her baby at 7 months gestation. The baby was placed in an incubator and survived. Mom had exploratory surgery on January 19. She was found to be full of cancer, nothing could be done, so they closed her up.

Meanwhile, her brothers, asked my father to send her to Roswell Park Cancer Institute. I am unclear why, perhaps he didn’t have proper health insurance in those days, but my father said he couldn’t afford a specialist. The brothers talked it over and they agreed to pool their money. (as told to me in a telephone conversation with my uncle in the spring of 2010). Meanwhile, (and this was told to me by my mother’s sister), my mother knew that it was hopeless, and also refused to see a specialist. This is not uncommon, at the end stages of life, sometimes people just “know” it is their time – why bother with treatments etc.? – My aunt also told me she told her brothers this and to “let it go.”

My mother died on March 28, 1956. My uncles, in their grief, blamed my father. This also is not uncommon. Funerals sometimes bring out the worst in people. BUT they blamed him for her death – by not calling a specialist, but NOT killing her. There is a difference.

During the 1960’s, two of my uncles and my aunt lived in the city of Buffalo. I saw them frequently. The other two uncles lived where it was necessary to have a car to see them. We did not have a car in our family. But I did see my uncles from time to time.

I well remember my cousin Judy’s wedding in the early 60’s. I was there with my father. Judy’s husband Jerry, well respected my father. Anytime the family got together for funerals or weddings, or family reunions, my cousins all showed respect for  “UNCLE Leonard.” My uncles, yes, because of the bad feelings, did not associate with my father. But they never disrespected him.

There were two incidents, in 1985 and in 1990, where my Uncle Mike snubbed my father. And my father took offense to it. I told him both times to just let it go. There were no words spoken between Mike and my father – just a snubbing – and in the long run – who cares? – Uncle Mike, and indeed ALL my mother’s brothers – despite their not liking my father, NEVER held any of this against us, Leonard’s children. We were always welcomed in their houses. And loved.

So to refute what Joan blabs on nonsensically and irresponsibly:
1. My father did not “murder” my mother.
2. My mother’s brothers did not ever say he “murdered” or “killed” my mother.
3. Yes, they held it against my father (wrongly) for not taking  my mother to a specialist.
4. Yes, there were bad feelings down the years towards my father.
5. Except for 2 short and relatively insignificant instances, my uncles never disrespected my father.
6. My uncles raised their children to be respectful to my father.
7. My uncles never disrespected me or my siblings, despite their not liking our father.
8. My cousins never disrespected me or my father.

Now here is my comment that I posted to Gert’s post, and it certainly applies to this BULLSHIT that people said my father killed my mother as well:

Joan gets herself into a rage and starts talking nonsense. She does it in real life, I’ve seen in letters she’s written to me – and now we see it on the internet. She will start out quietly and rationally, then rapidly starts talking about things that have NOT been in the conversation – she then pulls those things into the conversation and starts accusing the other person of it. Then her voice becomes rapid and high-pitched and she ends up screaming. And swearing. (maybe she has Tourette’s). Any chance of the other person to continue an intelligent conversation, or even denying what Joan is accusing them of is gone. You have NO chance to stand up for yourself – because if she ‘s in person, your ears are hurting, a fight now starts. If on the phone, as soon as you begin to defend yourself, Joan hangs up on you.

She is an irrational mentally ill person. Like the stewardess who had the melt-down on the plane a couple of weeks ago, Joan is screaming nonsense. The stewardess was yelling the plane was going to crash and she wasn’t going to be responsible – before they even took off – and so does Joan – she takes off on a nonsense tangent – things you don’t even know what she’s talking about – things that happened to her, but not to you. But in her delusions, she believes that YOU did it. She speculates as to your motives. Every little look on your face, gesture of your arm, is interpreted. And usually wrongly. And then – she’s got you!

“Aha!”, she thinks, “I just KNEW it, she thinks I’m a shit head, she’s the one who called me this morning and hung on me. (it was probably an innocent wrong number) – yeah, those f’ing birth sisters of mine – they think I should have died,then they would have had mom to themselves. Well, I’ll show them. I’ll call the police on them. I’ll write to the mayor about them. yeah, because I know that’s what they did to me. They hate me. They’ve hated me for years. I know everything they’ve done.”

And on and on she goes. Then she starts BELIEVING the things that we’ve “supposedly” done. And reports those things as true.

This is a sick woman who seriously needs to be committed to the psych center. She is always whining that she wants HER privacy respected, but as we see in her rants, she blabbed OUR personal business to the internet.

— end of comment —

Yep – Joan gets a wild idea in her head and goes off and running with it. Never mind it never happened, it isn’t the truth, it’s a deluded imagining of someone who is very clearly mentally ill. To post on the internet that 1. my father killed my mother. 2. my uncles said this about my mother – IS SMEARING THE REPUTATIONS OF MY FATHER AND MY UNCLES. And make no mistake about it – JOAN LOVES TO SMEAR PEOPLE’S REPUTATIONS. I don’t give a shit if she says she got hate mail from her adoptive family down through the years that said that about my father and my uncles – JOAN HAS NO BUSINESS PUTTING THAT CRAP ON THE INTERNET – SHE IS DAMAGING THE REPUTATION OF DEAD PEOPLE WHO ARE NO LONGER HERE TO DEFEND THEMSELVES! Rumors, innuendos, gossip, and only JOAN’S version of my family’s dynamics.

WHERE ARE THE LETTERS THAT SAYS MY UNCLES ACCUSE MY FATHER OF KILLING MY MOTHER JOAN? POST THEM. — Bah, Joan is liar, she has no letters – all we have is her hearsay that her adoptive family wrote that shit. I don’t believe for one minute that ANYbody wrote that shit.

We have seen time and again, the past two and a half years, Joan throwing accusations out left and right against a whole bunch of people on her blog, on her cyberbullying page, on the adult adoptee forum, and on various other places on the internet. Accusations that are NEVER substantiated with any kind of PROOF! Meanhwile, all over this blog, and our other blog, I have posted photographs, documents, actual court documents, written letters (by Joan) that prove without a shadow of a doubt that Joan Wheeler is a filthy liar. Because of actual court documents that proved Joan lied in her so-called “truthful” book, her book got yanked by the publisher. Joan needs now to remove her cyberbullying page and ALL mention of her birth sisters on her Forbidden Family website. She needs to stop spreading rumors and lies about us and our family. Until these demands are met, this blog and it’s sister blog will stay up and we will continue to harvest EVERY word that Joan says on the internet – and if it is NOT the truth – we will post the truth.

The only way to stop us Joan, is to remove all mention of us from your blog, and come forth publicly and admit you lied in your book and to publicly apologize to us and ALL members of our family for your smearing good people’s names through the mud.

where does Joan get off painting everybody as murderers, harassers, and downright despicable people?
Seems to me that I know who the despicable person is – and their name is Joan Mary Wheeler!

Timeline of computer/internet experiences/involvements of The Three Sippel Sisters – negating the “false facts” of such as put out by Joan Wheeler March 29, 2012

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Introduction by Ruth Sippel Pace

On various places on the internet Joan Wheeler, who lumps her three older birth sisters as one entity, gives false and inaccurate information (mostly assumptions) about her sisters’ uses of computers and the internet. I decided to do a chronological listing of our involvement in those areas. Since Kathy moved to England in 1974 and Gert moved away from Buffalo in 1982, I do not know all the details of their early computer usage. I can only give a detail of my own early computer uses. Actual dates cannot be given, only approximations, but the years given are fairly accurate. This list also contains documentation of Joan’s erroneous interpretations of our computer and internet experiences. Most of this list is done in the third person narrative, with occasional comments in the first person by Ruth.

1. Due to seeing the movies 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) and Colossus: Forbin Project (1970), Ruth develops a keen interest in computers, cybernetics, and artificial intelligence.

2. Early to mid 1980’s: Ruth obtains Atari 2600 and Atari 5200 gaming systems, with plans to buy a Radio Shack Tandy Home Computer, but cannot afford one.

3. 1987.
Ruth buys a second hand Texas Instrument TI99/4a home computer (1981 issue) that teaches BASIC computer programming.

Ruth’s employers begin using a DOS (disc operating system) shared computer network with terminals at all nursing stations to be utilized as a basic patient information system – information such as patients vital signs, lab orders and results and an extensive physician contact directory. Access by assigned username and password only. The system used by nursing staff and doctors is not shared with patient billing accounts or other business aspects of the hospital. Ruth’s only use of the system was to enter patients vital signs. As her assigned password could only access the vital sign program of the computer system, Ruth was not able to access any other system. All keystrokes are monitored.

5. 1989
Ruth takes her first official computer usage course, offered through the Buffalo Public School Continuing Adult Education Program on Wednesday evenings for a total of 8 months, training on an Apple IIa system.

6. Early 1990’s
Gert learns computer usage. Does not own her own computer, but teams up with a co-writer. They are on AOL (very early internet), accessing subject specific private discussion forums, joined by invitation only. Gert does not have a private email, her only email was from her employer, and for internal use only. (and every keystroke was also monitored). After a few years, Gert is burnt out – she had been helping her co-writer publish pamphlets and books regarding their religion.

7. 1994
Joan Wheeler’s hospital bill gets mixed up with another patient’s bill. Joan automatically ASSUMES Ruth did it and lodges a complaint with Ruth’s employers. They tell Joan it is highly unlikely that Ruth did it, because the system used by the nursing staff is not even connected with the business computers. They investigate anyway. The error is traced to a typing error occuring at around 4:00 in the afternoon. As Ruth works the 11:00pm – 7:00am shift, Ruth was not in the building at the time the error occured. (Don’t forget – major companies install security programs in their systems that can track every keystroke). Joan is told of the findings of the investigation, but will not accept that Ruth is innocent. Continues for six months to call various departments in the hospital to tell various employees (that don’t even know who Ruth is) that Ruth is a computer hacker and should be fired.

8. c. 1998
Ruth’s employers switch from DOS systems to Windows systems. New computers are installed throughout the hospital and employees are trained in Windows. The hospital sets up a computer lab in the medical library for employees to train on and access the internet.

9. 1999
Ruth is on the internet for the first time and starts her first email account. Using the computers in the medical library, which the hospital graciously lets the employees use for anything (except porn or other illegal activities). In March, Ruth obtains an old DOS home computer from a friend of Joan Wheeler. The computer, was actually first owned by Joan, who gave it to her friend. When Joan sent a harassing letter to Ruth, using the friends return address, Ruth went to the house, and the friend told her that she did not give Joan permission to her address. She said Joan and her were fighting, The friend put the computer out for the trash just an hour before Ruth got there and told Ruth “take it – I don’t want it.” (it was hers to do as she wished).

10. 2000 – 2006
Ruth continues using the complimentary computers in the medical library, to explore the internet. She joins various discussion forums, content-specific websites, begins to learn HTML to build her own websites. Ruth experiments with website building, and incorporates her own website domain Midnight and Mythos (copyright). These were mostly on the now defunct services of AOL Hometown and MSN Groups. Using the obsolete DOS computer that was originally owned by Joan, as a word processor, Ruth does most of her typing at home, saving to diskette and uses either the hospital’s complimentary computers or public computers in the public library to post writings to her websites.

11. 2002
Ruth is given a computer with Windows 95 on it from friends living across the street from her. This computer was not working correctly but Ruth was able to use it as a word processor.

12. 2003
At their brother’s funeral and family gathering in Arizona, Ruth tells Joan about her websites and invites Joan to join a website that she is building for the purpose of geneology and sharing of family photos. Joan joins the webiste, an MSN Group and posts several pictures. Ruth is able to post a few pictures that she scanned into a diskette at a local Office-Max store. The hospital does install a scanner for the first time in the autumn of 2003, but Ruth does not know how to use it.

December – Ruth’s father has open heart surgery. At the hospital, Joan and Ruth have several nice conversations. Ruth tells Joan that hopefully she can get the Windows 95 computer fixed so she can get more work done on the Family Website. Joan tells her that her live-in boyfriend fixes computers and he might be able to help. Joan actually gives Ruth a piece of paper with her phone number on it. When Ruth gets home, she throws the paper out. She does not want it. Because she knows how two-faced Joan is. If Joan gets an annoyance phone call, Ruth knows she will be the first to be blamed. Ruth also does not want help from anybody living with Joan.

Joan posts a picture to the Family Website but gets the date wrong. It’s an old photograph given to her by my father. It is of Santa Claus, Gert, Kathy and two of our childhood friends. Joan does not know the name of those kids. So I, who knew their names, and in my capacity as website-owner, corrected the description that Joan had given to the picture.

13. 2004
January. Ruth gets sick and is off work for about a week and a half. When she returns to work, she does not see a very interesting email, because it had gotten buried. Ruth is also very busy with personal life – her husband and her father both had open heart surgeries in 2003 (husband in September, father in December). Because of this, Ruth has limited time for her websites.

April – Ruth is cleaning out her email inbox and comes across the interesting email. It is from Joan – sent in January when Ruth was out sick. In it Joan is suspicious of me, doesn’t know how she feels about me “tampering” with HER photograph, thinks I am plotting against her because I am not posting any photos. (she was told that I don’t have a working Windows home computer, do not know how to use a scanner, and was busy with work and personal issues). I sent Joan an email demanding to know what her problem was. Joan sends Ruth a nasty email, begins accusing her of nonsense. Ruth responds, saying the old Joan was back, we had a few months of peace, Ruth doesn’t do anything wrong, yet Joan imagines stupid garbage that Ruth is doing. Ruth tells her to cut it out – the past is the past and if she can’t go forward and do something nice then get off the website. Then Ruth tells Joan, “never mind, it’s not going to work, you keep accusing me of things I haven’t done, so forget the whole project” – Ruth then removes Joan from the website. Ruth is angry and hurt, but knows she tried to heal the rift, but Joan will never change. Ruth vows to never have anything more to do with Joan.

June – The computer that was originally owned by Joan dies and is discarded. Ruth buys a small Brother Word Processor to continue her writing, as she is now a member and second in command of a local Star Trek fan group and is helping with the group’s bi-monthly newsletter.

11. 2006
March. Having been on the myspace social media site for about a year, Ruth finds Joan’s daughter on myspace and sends her a private message – can they get to know each other? For the next 3 years, Ruth and her niece correspond on a limited basis. Niece is in college, holds down a job, Ruth only online an hour before her work starts, or on her lunch break.

June – Having paid off her home mortgage, Ruth buys her first Windows home personal computer, albeit a second hand one.

August – Ruth gets home internet service for the first time. Ruth also assumes full command of the Star Trek group and is responsible for putting out the group’s newsletter.

12. 2007
Gert retires from her job. She does purchase a laptop for her home for personal writing and other uses. Does not subscribe to any internet service, does not go to public libraries, is not on the internet at all.

13. 2008
Having had a limited correspondence with Joan’s daughter, Ruth fully admits to “googling” Joan Wheeler a few times.  Didn’t find much, there was a mention of her son when he was in the Navy. Ruth thought that was nice, her nephew was in the Navy and his mom was proud of him. Ruth does not interfere. Summer 2008, Ruth googles Joan and finds that Joan now has a blog on Google’s Blogspot Blogger – Ruth looks at it – anti-adoption – ho-hum, Ruth has heard it all before, doesn’t even look more than a minute or two. September – Ruth moseys on over to Joan’s blog – same old anti-adoption rhetoric, but then Ruth sees a blog post that is  clearly a ridiculous rant – Joan is blabbing on her adoptive family, then gives out a warning to the “entire Wheeler and Herr clans (The Herrs are my mother’s family) to leave her alone. Then Joan gives a “warning” to The Three Sippel Sisters to “stay out of her life.” (we weren’t in it). Then she rants about the Catholics and their “christian values” didn’t help her not to be adopted. Then she says something about “your pagan values.” – She knows that both Gert and Ruth are pagan, so this was a direct slur against Ruth and Gert’s religion.

What is fascinating and disturbing is this first use of the term “The Three Sippel Sisters” and for them to stay out of her life – We WERE out of her life. The only contact was RUTH having contact with Joan’s daughter – and in one of our private myspace messages, I told Catherine, that I did not want any friction to occur between her and her mother because of me.  Catherine did say that she told Joan that she was corresponding with me, and Joan said that was okay, that Catherine should try to get to know her aunt. Gert and Kathy were in ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT WITH JOAN OR HER DAUGHTER! Ruth made a note of Joan’s rant, but did not respond to it.

14. 2009
Early summer Kathy buys her first home computer and subscribes to the internet. She is so new to the computer and internet, she phones Ruth frequently for techie help. Kathy also gets her first email account. It is during this time, Ruth goes to Joan’s blog and finds it has been removed. A message containing a link to her new blog at WordPress is all that is there. Ruth visits it and sees that Joan has moved most of the content from her old blog to the new blog. Kathy visits Joan blog as well.This new blog is named Forbidden Family, the name of the book that Joan had been writing for the past 30 years. It was no secret that the book was going to be titled Forbidden Family. On her Forbidden Family website, Joan announces that her book is coming out in November 2009.

October- Joan participates in an online article named “Adoptees Face Sting of Discrimination.” The article contains several falsehoods about Joan’s adoption and birth family. Joan proceeds to place 5 or 6 additional opinion comments at the end of the article. These comments contain several falsehoods about her adoption, her birth family, and her birth sisters. Ruth, using an alternate email, and using the psuedonym of Terry, attempts to correct those falsehoods. The comment moderators do not approve her comments.

On Yom Kippur, Joan makes a blog post about Yom Kippur, giving her interpretation of the Jewish holy day atonement. Her interpretation is wrong. Kathy, who is Jewish, leaves a very nice comment, correcting Joan. Kathy uses her email that  contains her real name. Joan approves the comment, and very nicely thanks Kathy for giving the correct information. She also says “I always knew we would re-connect.” Neither Joan nor Kathy identify themselves as birth sisters – The following day, without any further contact from Kathy, Joan removes the comments from Kathy and herself. She then sends Kathy a very nasty email. (cannot recall what was contained in the email). Kathy is alarmed – she acted with good faith. She calls Ruth on the phone – can she make a complaint about this? As Joan is  the webhostess, and commentors are required to leave a valid email, the webhost(ess) canNOT use those emails to send angry and threatening emails to commentors. Kathy files a complaint with WordPress. At the same time, Joan leaves a blogpost giving her opinion on gay and lesbians adopting children. Joan, who routinely bullys anyone who adopts makes comments that were discriminatory against the gay community. Apparently, a gay person lodged a complaint to WordPress about it and WordPress went into Joan’s blog and removed both the gay post and the Yom Kippur post. Joan goes off on a rant – saying she will not be censored! She will find a website that she will pay for out of her own pocket so she can not be censored. Because Joan had already dismantled her first blog, Kathy did not see the “warning” to “The Three Sippel Sisters” – she was able to see a Google cache of it. Because of the complete turn-around of Joan to Kathy (a repeat of her behavior to Ruth in 2003-2004), and her lies on the online article, and Joan’s “warning” to her sisters,Kathy and Ruth agree to begin to monitor what Joan says on the internet about them.  (later on, Joan goes on the internet and accuses The Three Sippel Sisters as being responsible for shutting down her first two blogs. This is false, because Joan shut those blogs down herself).

At this time, Kathy, who had used her real name on Joan’s blog, but did not identify herself as Joan’s birth sister, started her own blog “Chayelet’s Blog.” There are only a few posts on this blog, that do use Kathy’s real name, but still does not identify herself as a birth sister of Joan’s. Kathy writes: “With regard to my comment on your post ‘On the Conclusion of Yom Kippur…’. I am sorry that you chose to misunderstand my intention-which was merely to point out the correct purpose and customs of observing this most holy day in the Jewish calendar.I wrote that comment in good faith, and not with an accusing finger, but I cannot control how you choose to interpret it. I wrote using my username, as I am entitled to do. As regards your unprofessional conduct in contacting me on my private email address, and your further posts regarding my comment, all I can say is – I did not use my religion to get at you or bait you- you yourself chose to use an observance of my religion as the headline and basis for your blog.” The rest of Chayelet’s blog contains only general statements on Kathy’s stand regarding her intention not to be baited, nor abused by Joan and distancing herself from Joan.

Around the first week of November, Joan made an announcement on her website that her book has been published by Trafford Publications and would be available through Trafford and Amazon.com. Kathy and Ruth, knowing that Joan has already put out lies about us on the comment section of the article, “Adoptees face Sting of Discrimination,” they decide to set up their own blog to refute any lies that they knew would be in the book. How did they know there would be lies? Because they had had many years of experiencing lies and betrayals from Joan already. They simply knew her character.

The second week of November, Ruth opens an account with WordPress and begins to build her blog. Not knowing what to call her blog, when she first started it, she simply typed in her name Ruth Sippel Pace. She named the blog “Refuting Lies” and for her first post, and to experiment with the blog, she posted a Happy Thanksgiving graphic. She posted several introductory posts that wasn’t even about Joan or her book. Ruth was trying to get to know how WordPress  worked. Several of the initial posts were deleted, the Happy Thanksgiving one was deleted. Some of the graphics that Ruth posted weren’t showing up the way she wanted them to appear. The order they appeared in wasn’t the way she wanted them. Ruth decides to “shop around” for a new blog host, but ultimately decides to stay with WordPress.

The third week of November Joan’s book was available on Amazon.com and Kathy and Ruth purchase copies of it. Also during the third week of November, on the anti-adoption site, The Daily Bastardette, was a promotional post about Joan Wheeler’s new book.

Ruth received her copy it the first week of December. When she opened it up and merely skimmed through it, she was appalled at the lies in it. And was understandably livid. She remembered The Daily Bastardette post promoting the book and left a nice comment (despite her anger). She identified herself for the first time on the internet by name as one of the birth sisters of Joan Wheeler and the book contained many lies. The webhostess did not post her comment. It was because of the gross lies that Ruth read in the book when she had only skimmed through it the first half hour that she owned it, and the realization that Joan was getting other adoptees to promote and read this lying book, that Ruth went full ahead with her blog, renaming it “Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family.”

Ruth’s blog was only in full force for a week when Joan Wheeler became aware of it and went off on her website. On three seperate rants on December 10, she goes off with spews of hatred, lies and threats.

15. 2010

Having finally received her copy of the book, Gert calls Kathy and Ruth on the phone. She had been aware of Ruth and Kathy’s blogs, but not having access to the internet, did not see them.” When she started reading the book, she wished to comment on it. Gert then went to a public library, and using a public computer, set up an email account. When Gert wished something posted on Ruth’s blog, she would type it out and email it to Ruth, who then posted it on the blog. So this makes Joan’s statement in December 2009 that Gert had “backed off” from any internet usage a falsehood. Gert did not need to “back off” because she had not been on the internet in the first place. This shows us that Joan Wheeler deals with false facts, assumptions and delusions. And out and out lies.

September – Ruth purchaes a small Acer Aspire One netbook for portability with her writing projects. Many times she comes into work an hour before her shift starts, or during her lunch break  to work on her blog or on The Ari Chronciles, the newsletter of her Star Trek group. She sometimes uses the complimentary wireless internet service provided by her employer, which is totally legal and acceptable to her employer. The several times that Ruth had looked at Joan’s blog via this wireless service, and an IP address was captured by Joan, Joan accused Ruth of using several hospital-owned computers to access her blog. Ruth makes a blogpost explaining that many times when a computer is shut down, the IP address can be reset, and she does not use her employers computers for personal use, but uses her own net book. As usual, Joan ASSUMES things that Ruth is doing and ACCUSES Ruth of doing things that she isn’t. As usual, Joan has absolutely no idea of what is really going on, but lets her delusional brain think up scenarios and then reports those speculative (and WRONG) actions as FALSE FACTS.

16. 2011
In the summer of 2011, Gert purchases a small Acer Aspire One netbook, similar to the one that Ruth has, for the purpose of portability with her writing. In July, Gert decides to set up her own blog, a sister-blog to Ruth’s blog.


Gert here…very good time-line! excellent in fact!!

Just want to clarify a couple of things. I believe it was around 1991/92 when I began being tutored, by my mentor, in writing and computer skills. We started out with DOS, eventually getting into various desk-top publishing programs. Our AOL account was used strickly for our subject matter and for teaching purposes. There was only one time, 1998, that someone contacted me, via AOL, about something Joan’s husband said to which Joan contacted me, via Ruth. I wrote a letter to Joan to ‘go away’.

The internet access I had via my employer was strickly monitored…by the Department of Defense and if there was any misuse I would not be allowed to use it. That never happened because I never misused it, by going on the internet.

After my retirement I wanted NOTHING to do with computers, except for my own personal use for my hobbies and ‘real’ letters. It was NOT until Joan Wheeler published that libelous book that I got on the Internet to help refute the lies.


Joan Wheeler FINALLY announces the demise of her book Forbidden Family, but still shows evidence of her silly delusions December 8, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Announcements and updates, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, mental illness, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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I revised the front page of this blog on December 5 + 6, 2011. In that post,  I described what Joan has on her tab “About and Buy.” on her website. On December 8, 2011, Joan renamed that tab to say only “About” and wrote the following:

“Forbidden Family has been taken off the market by Trafford Publishing as of May 2011.
It was a short run, but well worth it.
I believe in my book and future success.
The book is not dead, only sleeping while another opportunity is sought.”

First off, she doesn’t say WHY Trafford  took her book off the market. Why not Joan? Got something to hide? Like the very TRUE reason it was taken off the market – for slander and libel and using a photograph that you didn’t have the copyright of.

If someone is going to make a statement like this bullshit – and she says she believes in her book, she would tell her blog readers WHY the book is not on the market. But like the master manipulator Joan is, she will tell only PART of the story. She won’t tell the TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. Just little bits and pieces of sound bites.

She can say her book is only sleeping, and it’s not dead,but she’s only fooling herself and her blog readers. As to using the phrase her book is not dead – we see evidence that  Joan is reading our blog, because it was here that we say the book is dead. And we see more evidence of her delusions. It only took her seven months to admit that the book has pulled from publication. The book IS dead. She claims that the short run of her book was “well worth it?” Worth having the entire world know what Joan’s true lying nature is and exposed? Joan may  “believe” in her book – that is because Joan “believes” her delusions. She DID write in her book that in 1993 she was granted a one year order of protection against me. I have submitted on this blog the actual court document that says it was for six months. Joan says in her book that I was arrested, and placed on probation in 1993. I have submitted actual court documents on this blog that show that is a falsehood, slander and libel.

Joan continues to insist that she changed names in her book to protect identities. No, she changed only SOME names and kept her own name Joan Wheeler in the book. She put on the back of the book, a family photograph that clearly shows my father’s face. AND she names him by his correct name of SIPPEL. My father worked in City Hall and was well known. In his second wife’s funeral guest book, and his mother’s funeral guest book are the signatures of two prominent local politicians. My father’s colleagues and many other people knew that he had given up one daughter for adoption. This was no secret in the 1950’s and 1960’s. Further, Joan wrote an article called “The Secret is Out,” that was published in England and Holland in the early 1990’s. In this article, she gave out the correct names of ME and one of my sisters. In her book Forbidden Family, she  referenced  this article and where it was published, and named the publication. It is available, so any person with any reasonable amount of intelligence could read her book, find her original article and find MY real name, which is sullied in Joan’s book as a criminal, a computer hacker with my employer, and other disgusting detrimental claims to my good name and character.

Joan says that we sisters identified ourselves first on our blog – no we did not. I started my blog late November 2009. Her book had already come out in the beginning of November 2009. The book Forbidden Family was already offered for sale by Trafford Publishing BEFORE I started my blog. And in September 2008, on a now-defunct Blogger blog, Joan identified her birth sisters. A full year before the book was published and my blog was started. 

I started this blog as the direct result of two internet sites that Joan publicized her “new” book – the first one was actually an interview/article by ABC.com titles “Adoptees face Sting of Discrimination.” In that article, Joan was interviewed and she put forth many falsehoods, both in the body of the interview/article and in 5 or 6 additional comments. I submitted comments refuting her statements, but they were not accepted.  On another website, called “The Daily Bastardette”, was a piece promoting Joan’s book. In that article, there was a falsehood, put forth by Joan, and published by the website’s owner Marley Greiner. I submitted a comment, refuting what Joan told Ms. Greiner. Ms. Greiner did not publish my comment.  I was frustrated, because Joan was able, via these two sources, and her own new wordpress website called Forbidden Family to get out her lies and misrepresentations of my family, but I could not get out the truth. So I began this blog. I had known that Joan had a blog on google’s blogspot for some time, but never paid much attention to it. I did see the warning that she put out in September 2008 to the Wheeler clan, the Herr clan and The Three Sippel Sisters to “leave her alone,” although nobody was bothering her. I made screen shots of that warning, but did nothing else. I ignored the little child.

Apparently, sometime in the summer of 2009, when her book was going to press, she built her wordpress blog and titled it Forbidden Family and began to promote her new book. She transferred all her files from the blogger blog to the new wordpress blog.  In October 2009, on Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of  Atonement, Joan wrote a blog post about Yom Kippur, but got some things wrong. As it turns out, my sister Kathy, converted to Judaism several years ago. She wrote a comment on Joan’s blog, a very nice comment, but it corrected Joan in the points she got wrong. Joan graciously accepted the comment for publication, and even left a nice note, something along the lines “I knew someday we would re-connect.” The two comments stayed on her blog for a few days, when all of a sudden, with no action taken from either me, or Kathy, Joan turned 180 degrees (this is very typical of her) and accused Kathy and me of spying on her, and getting her blogger blog shut down.  ???? What? — and then she dragged Gert into it.

Gert had not been on the internet AT ALL! She had a computer at home, for personal work, did not have internet access, didn’t go to public computers for such. Kathy was brand new to the internet.  With a brandnew computer, wasn’t internet savvy enough NOT to leave her private email containing her name, on the comment she put on Joan’s blog. Joan then emailed her and bitched her out! For nothing! Kathy was upset, and rightfully so. She complained to WordPress, she said that 1. she only corrected some points about the Jewish religion that Joan had gotten wrong, and 2. why was the webhost (Joan) emailing her and threatening her. WordPress went in and took down the post about Yom Kippur, and all comments as well. Joan became enraged! She left a nasty post saying she was not going to be censored. She went out and BOUGHT a website from StartLogic and began building a new Forbidden Family website, and transferred all her files from her wordpress blog over there. And then closed down her blogger blog and wordpress blog – but then said that it was The Three Sippel Sisters who closed her down. Which is a big fat lie. She closed those blogs down HERSELF.

That happened in September, October and the beginning of November 2009. I was not involved AT ALL with the Yom Kippur postings, nor was Gert. But I was sympathetic with Kathy. And I began this blog, the third week of November. I originally titled it, “Refuting Joan Wheeler’s statements about her Forbidden Family.” I ordered the book from Amazon.com the first week of December 2010, and received it a few days later. I opened the book and just glanced at it and saw many lies. I was disgusted. Since this blog had already been started, I went in and changed the title to Refuting the Book Forbidden Family. Her book came out BEFORE I started this blog.  So Joan had done the damage BEFORE my blog was in existence.

Joan also keeps insisting that she had the right to publish MY family photograph on the back of her book. NO, she does not, did not have that right. Joan says on her website that she spoke to a literary attorney. If she did, she misled them, just as she misled Trafford Publishing. Joan signed a contract with Trafford Publishing in 2009, but in 2011, when they saw the actual court documents, and what I outlined in the above paragraph, THEIR attorneys agreed that Joan VIOLATED their rules of conduct of authors. 

The photograph in question is of my parents, me, and my 3 siblings. It was taken in 1955. Joan was not born until January 1956. She was not in the photograph. This photograph was widely distributed among relatives in the 1950’s and 1960’s. I don’t care where or when Joan was given a PAPER COPY of this photograph. Joan says that in the photograph, our mother was pregnant with her. We have no proof of that. She looks fat. But that’s not the point. Joan was NOT A LEGAL ENTITY UNTIL SHE WAS BORN ON JANUARY 7, 1956. IN THE WINTERTIME! The photo was taken in the summer or early fall 1955. Joan did not legally exist when the photograph was taken, therefore, she does NOT OWN THE SOLE COPYRIGHTS TO THAT PHOTOGRAPH.

One of the articles in the contract that Joan signed with Trafford Publishing was that “the author is the SOLE COPYRIGHT OWNER OF THE WORK AND ALL ITS CONTENTS.” In order to publish that photograph, Joan needed the permission of those pictured in the photograph. She claims on her website that “no permissions were needed to use this photo.” – WRONG! Because this photo was being put on a work that was to be used for MONETARY INCOME, Joan did indeed NEED TO GET PERMISSION FROM ALL LIVING PERSONS IN THE PHOTOGRAPH. She “claims” she had our father’s permission. I want to see his signature, and it had better have been notarized, because if it wasn’t -it doesn’t prove a thing – because Joan has been known to forge things.   

I am in that photo, as well as my sisters, and Joan DID NOT GET OUR PERMISSION IN WRITING OR ORALLY to publish OUR likeness on a vehicle for her to make money. Joan in the past has tried to skip around the issue by saying the faces were blurry and obscured by text. WRONG! The faces are not that blurry, and text does obscure faces of my mother, my brother, and my two sisters. BUT MY FATHER’S FACE AND MY FACE ARE CLEARLY VISIBLE. Since my likeness has been placed on a body of work that garnered income for Joan Wheeler, WITHOUT MY PERMISSION – I hereby demand my share of all monetary sums from all sales of the book Forbidden Family in the years 2009, 2010, 2011. 

Many people in  the Buffalo area know my father, they know his last name, they know my mother’s maiden name, which is given out in the book. That photograph is well known by many people. We have a large family, and everybody knows who Joan Wheeler is. Joan had her picture published in The Buffalo News,with her full name given out – and she spoke about adoption. The following week, my father was interviewed by The Buffalo News and spoke about her adoption. In the interview HIS FULL REAL NAME, ALONG WITH HIS PHOTOGRAPH was published.

 Because of her many years of writing articles for The Buffalo News and other places, Joan’s name and circumstances of her adoption have been well publicized. On the internet, BEFORE the book was published, Joan herself was using a name that DID NOT LEGALLY BELONG TO HER! She wrote many opinion pieces throughout the internet on adoption, using the signature “Joan Wheeler, born Doris Sippel.” – Therefore, she gave out MY legal maiden name BEFORE the book was published.

In 1980, both Joan and I appeared on a locally produced human interest news story about adotion reunion. We were interviewed by reporter Rich Kellman and the half-hour show was televised on WGRZ-TV of Buffalo, New York. In this interview, we both gave our names, she as Joan Wheeler, and me as Ruth Sippel. Our faces were not concealed.  Neither Joan, nor I, were paid any moneys for this televised appearance.

Many people know me, and know that I have an adopted-out younger sister that I was reunited with, and they know her name as Joan Wheeler.  Many people  have known that for the last 30 years Joan wheeler has been writing this book. Therefore, when that book came out, and Joan started publicizing it on the internet, and it was available for sale, someone sees it, sees the author “Joan Wheeler,” sees the photograph, and knows that photograph – they can know EXACTLY who Joan is writing about. Whether she changed ALL the names or only SOME of the names.

Also, Trafford Publishing puts out a guideline for authors. One of the guidelines says, “even if you change names, if someone can recognize themselves in your book, you can be sued for slander and libel.” 

In a recent correspondence with Gert McQueen, Americans for Open Records Lori Corangelo says in defense of Joan: “first time wrtiers make mistakes.” oh – well! First time drunk drivers who kill people make mistakes too. riiight.

Excuse me Lori, these are NOT “mistakes” that Joan did. She was given a specific contract with Trafford. She signed that contract KNOWING FULL WELL SHE WAS MISLEADING THEM. And when their attorneys learned the TRUTH of the matter – they pulled that filthy book from publication. It IS DEAD.

It has been listed as available on amazon.com. But – it is a “print on demand” situation. Once the original print run was exhausted, any new orders via amazon would be printed and sent to the buyer. BUT just two months ago, in a conversation with Trafford PUblishers, it was revealed that Trafford has pulled the book from even that status. They know that book is LEGAL TROUBLE for them and want nothing more to do with it. Amazon is a mostly automated site. It is going to list 3 copies as a come-on – a “bait and switch.” There is more to this story and will be posted next week. We have just been busy. We have several blog posts waiting to get up.

People need to learn once and for all that Joan Wheeler is a con-artist. She is a consumate liar. She could sweet talk and charm even Adolf Hitler! She will only tell a literary attorney and/or agent what they need to know to approve her work. She did it to Trafford. And as soon as they found out that she conned them – they pulled the plug on her. Lori, are you stupid or what?

Joan – remember – you can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time. And your days of fooling people are over! You can keep on insisting your book is the “truth” and keep on ignoring actual Buffalo City Court Documents and YOUR OWN HANDWRITTEN LETTERS TO ME AND OTHERS that prove otherwise.

For Joan to LIE about past police and court documents, even her own handwritten letters shows just how mentally disturbed and brain dead Joan Wheeler really is. I am begging someone reading this blog, to please, please, get Joan to a place where she clearly needs to be – The Buffalo Psychiatric Center.

LORI CORANGELO AND OTHERS: I think you’d better read this: from the pdf. file of Trafford’s Publishing’s “Terms and Conditions.” These are the Terms and Conditions that Joan Wheeler agreed to when she signed (under false pretenses) her contract with Trafford and the ones that she VIOLATED – she had hate speech in her book, obscene language, had me saying things that I didn’t, labeled me as a computer hacker with a criminal record and used MY photograph. 


2.1. You represent that you are the sole copyright owner of the Work and all of its content.

2.2. You represent that the Work does not infringe upon any statutory or common law right of copyright, libel or privacy of any third party.

2.4. You further represent that the Work does not contain illegal, unlawful or objectionable material including, but not limited to, pornography, obscenity or hate speech. You acknowledge that the Work is not plagiarized and does not include falsely attributed statements of third parties.

3.(Trafford’s Legal Responsibility
3.2. We reserve the right to refuse to provide and/or to discontinue ALL Services upon our discovery of any violation by you of these Terms and Conditions, any other actions, omissions or misconduct by you with respect to Work, and/or your performance under these Terms and Conditions. In the event a complaint is made by a third party regarding the Work, we reserve the right to suspend the Services in accordance with Section 7.1 until such time as the complaint is satisfactorily resolved, as determined by us in our sole discretion.

Tell us again Lori of how Joan made a “mistake” – you are full of shit, and so is Joan.

Comment by Gert McQueen: 

This is very very interesting, indeed!!
As Ruth says:
“There is more to this story and will be posted next week. We have just been busy. We have several blog posts waiting to get up.”

There is definetly true! There is so much more to the story of Joan’s lying book and it’s DEATH! Stay tuned!

Make no mistake…the book, as she wrote it, is DEAD, it will never be republished. And…if she EVER writes another, she had better NOT mention the names and lives of the birth family…we give NO PERMISSION, for her to earn money off our names and lives.
Furthermore, we shall be always watching her to make sure she NEVER LIES ABOUT US AGAIN.

4. gertmcqueenDecember 12, 2011

Gert here…again…
Thank you Ruth for giving such a detailed clarification of the time line of when Joan published, on the internet and in print, lies about us, and when we got involved.

For the record…I had no knowledge of what Joan was doing, nor did I care, for years…I had about 3 contacts with her since 1980 and each one was used AGAINST ME by her.

In Dec of 2009 I was in the middle of a physical move when both Ruth and Kathy called me telling me that Joan published the book! I did not get to see a physical copy until late Jan 2010. I then got an email account and started emailing my posts to Ruth for her blog. It wasn’t until July 2011, when Ruth had a injury, did I get a blog of my own. In the past two years I have learned and read many many things that Joan has done that I was not aware of before but now that I am I shall make sure that everyone knows about them.

So Joan and anyone else out there that wants to believe in their own bullshit, be my guest and continue to lie to yourselves! But, truth wins out and liars are always shown for what they are!

If Joan is waiting for another opportunity she is going to wait for a long long time. Her story has been written and her history is NOW known. Any other book written by Joan will be looked at very carefully, believe me. Her book is not sleeping, it’s dead. Joan doesn’t understand the difference. Once a liar always a liar and anyone who thinks they can get another book published by that liar had better understand the nature of libel…it always follows you.

Beware of helping Joan Wheeler, you could find yourself in a law suit.


Joan Wheeler’s condemnation of her birth sister Ruth smacks of stupid judgment – and Ruth turns the tables right back on Joan. September 23, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Having Fun with Disfunctionality, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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In Gert’s post “Joan Wheeler’s attempts at ‘Mending the Broken Pieces of Our Lives’” Gert discusses something that Joan addresses on page 370, about a piece of hate mail  that Joan received in the year 2000, which of course, she attributes to — you guessed it – ME.

WHY is it always ME?  The writing is not mine. Joan does say the note MIGHT have  come from my friend.

I got news for you Joan – if you are writing a NON-fiction book, you can’t have MIGHTS in this book. You either present the FACTS or you don’t. My friend just might be taking you to court for this. – Remember the guidelines set forth by Trafford to prospective writers about slander – “If a person can recognize themself in the work, you can be sued for slander.” And since it takes no rocket scientist for “Brenda” to recognize herself and “Brenda’s” best friend – we know who you’re talking about.

And this postcard, that Joan received, has two different handwritings on it – and neither handwriting is mine, nor my friend’s.

And I just love how Joan describes me and my friend – “their language reflected the lifestyle they had chosen.”

 EXCUSE ME? How dare Joan say such a thing? MY lifestyle? What does that mean Joan? Are you saying because I use cuss words I am a tramp? I’m not the only person who uses cuss words.

 Well, Joan, by that definition, YOU condemned YOURSELF and every person on The Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change – because YOU, Joan, called me “fuckhead” on a post there. Your good friend Mara swears regularly over there and on other websites. Mara even came to my blog and told me to go F myself.

 Using swear words should NOT be a condemnation of a person’s lifestyle. And it is a judgment call on Joan’s part. Well, Joan, as I pointed out, since YOU have a filthy mouth and all the “adult” adoptees on that forum also have filthy mouths, let’s use YOUR own judgments Joan. Your filthy mouths are reflections of the lifestyles YOU adoptees have chosen.

 But as we see again and again, Joan simply MUST show her sisters, and RUTH in particular as being a pig or worse. (After all, she did call me swine on her website).  And Joan did she say in her book that I lived in the inner city and that people living in the inner city were trash.  Trash? Well, for a period of time (1988-1990) Joan herself lived in the Inner City. Again, using JOAN’S own judgment, residents of the Inner City are trash. And since Joan lived in the inner city, she is calling herself trash.

 So, let’s see, MY lifestyle – right. This past Sunday, Sept. 18, marked my 39th anniversary of my being hired as a nurses’ aide. All at the same facility. I have worked the night shift, 11pm – 7am all those years, (except for 4years in the 70’s when I had to get up at 5am). I have done hands on patient care. I have worked in various medical/surgical nursing units throughout the hospital. In the late 80’s, I worked on the cardiac floor, and a step-down respiratory unit, then 4 years in the medical intensive care unit. Then I worked 5 years on the gyn/floor which also include 7 beds assigned for hospice. Since the year 2000, I have worked on the renal/kidney transplant floor.

 In 1995, I served on a committee that helped redesign patient care. In 1996 I attended union steward training classes. In 1999 I attended classes which earned my New York State Certification. Three years ago, I attended classes and am now a Patient Care Assistant – which means I do more work. In addition to nurse aide duties, I am now a phlebotomist.

 During the past 39 years, I have gained the respect from my co-workers throughout the hospital. Aides, nurses, supervisors and doctors have given me their respect.

 In my personal life, from 1980, when I first began taking lessons, to the mid-90’s, I was a professional Middle Eastern Dancer, and also served on the Board of Directors of The Beledi Club.

 In the mid-90’s, I began to explore local politics – With my husband and a few friends on my street, I organized a Clean-Up Campaign, organized a Rodent Control Petition to be submitted to the mayor of Buffalo. In 1997, under the Newburgh Coalition of Block Clubs, I organized a Block Club for my street and surrounding area. My husband and I did volunteer work in the Coalition office, manual labor, such as installing drywall, painting, etc. I contributed to the Coalition newsletter, and helped to distribute that. In 1998, after a thorough background check, by the Buffalo Police Department, (which turned up NO arrest record, contrary to Joan’s stating that I have one), I attended class at the Buffalo Police Academy to become a VIABLE volunteer. (Volunteers in Aiding Buffalo Law Enforcement). This enabled me to do man the Police Satellite Station at the Coalition and take in Quality of Life complaints.

 Due to my work in the Coalition, I have attended meetings with the mayor of Buffalo, members of the Buffalo Common Council (of which, one of them, is now my personal friend), and members of the police department.

 I have been urged in the past, by neighbors, extended family members, acquaintances, and even a former Common Council member, to run for political office.

 In the year 2000, I hooked up with some local Star Trek fans and joined their group The USS Ari – a chapter of Starfleet International. I began contributing to the club’s newsletter, finally taking over the newsletter completely in 2005, and in 2009, I became the head of this group.

 During all this, after having bought my house in 1996, and paying off the mortgage in 10 years, I have landscaped my property and done much hands-on improvements. I don’t like to cook. But I can wield a mighty mean reciprocating saw and staple gun. – I’ve always been a bit of a tom-boy! Is this what Joan means? That I don’t dress in dresses? Yeah, I prefer to wear jeans and slacks – so what? So did Katherine Hepburn! And may I remind you – I was a belly dancer – one of the most graceful and sensuous dances around. I can be a lady – or a construction worker! Just because I don’t like to cook, doesn’t mean that I can’t cook. I can cook very well.

 On my job, I give encouragement and compassion. I have held the hands of the dying. And comforted their families. I have cradled the mother who just miscarried her baby. I have rejoiced with my patients when their organ transplant is successful, and cried with them when it has failed. Yeah, I empty bedpans. So did Dr. Christian Barnard, the surgeon who performed the world’s first heart transplant. He worked as a male nurse’s aide in his pre-med days, working his way thru college.

 From 1975 – 1985, I was with a most amazing man from Yemen. He didn’t have much of a formal education, but he was so intelligent. He taught me so much. And encouraged me in many things. He was not your typical stereotype of an Arab man – no, Abdo respected my independence – even encouraged me. Even after we amicably broke up, and he returned to his homeland, when he came back to Buffalo in 1994, he was still a good friend to me and my present husband. so much so, that when he died in 2003, even my present husband John broke down and cried.

 John – I can’t even begin to write about him. For if I did, I’d never stop typing. Suffice it to say that he has been my best friend from 1978 to now.

I really believe that Joan’s putting down my lifestyle has more to do with her BEING JEALOUS OF ME, then an accusation. I have had two amazing husbands, who never cheated on me. (Joan’s marriage was full of infidelitys, from both sides). Both my husbands always held down jobs, and even when they were laid off, (the Arab guy too), pitched in and did the housework. Both my husbands placed me on a pedestal, while Joan’s husband did not. Right around the time Joan’s marriage was falling apart (1990-1994) was the same time Joan was actively trying to break me and John up. It was during this same time, Joan was calling my place of employment trying to get me fired.

 Getting back to that obscene note that Joan puts in her book. – Gert postulates that perhaps Joan, in her mental madness wrote the note herself. There is that possibility. Joan is certainly quite capable of that kind of subterfuge. She did after all, forge a letter, pretending to be her own 10 year old son, and sent that letter to me. Joan is always playing games with the post office. In letters to my cousin Gail and me, Joan has deliberately put down the wrong zip-codes in return addresses.  For example, in one harassing letter she sent to Gail, it was correctly addressed to Gail, but the return address was Joan’s name, but the street address, city and zipcode was Gail’s. This way, if Gail marked “return to sender”, the post office would send it right back to Gail. Joan did the same to me. In 1999, Joan even used a friend’s address, WITHOUT HER FRIEND’S KNOWLEDGE OR PERMISSION – to send me a letter telling me that my husband had gotten the next-door neighbor pregnant.

 In reading the obscene note, there are references to “I smell fish. Summer’s Eve and Mr. Clean. And an accusation of Joan being a “Hoe.” Joan seems stuck on that word Hoe. Earlier this year, I had rebutted an online comment of Joan. She had used one of her screen names HalfOrphan. I began my rebuttal using the complete name HalfOrphan, but then shortened it to HO. I had no intention of calling her a whore. But she went on the Adult Adoptees forum and said that I did. I pointed out that there are chocolate cakes called Ho-HO’s. But what does Joan see? – Whore.

 Who sent that card to Joan? I don’t know. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t my friend, who incidentally also has a very good lifestyle, having worked in a mortgage title company, a paralegal, and as a receptionist in the x-ray department in a hospital run by the Buffalo CATHOLIC Hospitals. As a single mom, she raised her son, who is now, at the age of 22, working in his uncles’ home construction company. Her son, unlike many of his age group, has never been in trouble with the law or done drugs or other stupid things. He is a very caring young man, who once, when I was taking care of him (when he was 10 years old), I was snoozing on the couch, went upstairs, got a blanket, and tucked me in.

 Yes, I live in the inner city. And I have seen many things, including a young man being shot to death right in front of my house. Later in the police station, I comforted his family, including his grandmother, who witnessed his slaughter. I have fought with the drug dealers and others in my neighborhood, making my neighborhood a cleaner, safer place to live. And what does Joan do? She actually puts me down in her book for this!

There are three possible scenarios for this postcard. Number One – how do we really know that Joan REALLY received this note (and indeed other pieces of hate mail she reports) in the mail? She does not give us a picture of the envelope. Number Two – how do we know that Joan didn’t have a friend (or friends, because there IS two different handwriting on it) write this thing out, Joan photocopied it for the book, just to portray ME as a disgusting piece of slime. OR Number Three – a pissed off wife or girlfriend of one of Joan’s many liaisons could have sent it. With the references to Joan’s anatomy – there is that distinct possibility.

 Joan reports that I have sent her some harassing letters. No, any letters I sent her were in response to garbage that I had received from her. I just spent several days scanning those letters into my computer. Yes, I kept the originals, having sent Joan only the photocopies of what I wrote. I have also transcribed them. Yes, there are some “cuss” words contained in my letters. But you will be shocked to read what I wrote – not shocked at my use of colorful metaphors, but what my letters allude to – Joan’s own rotten behavior and harassing letters that she sent to me. I also have some letters that Joan sent, and some letters from another family member. These will be posted to this blog in time. They will knock your socks off.

In a phone conversation I had with Joan’s ex-husband in 1998, I mentioned that I was just putting anything Joan sent me in a box. Apparently he told Joan this because in a nasty email to me in 2004, Joan says “I don’t care how much paperwork you have against me.”

 Oh, Joan, you arrogant little weasel, you will care. Because people will see the “real” you. And they will see just who the bully has been all these years – YOU, JOAN WHEELER – YOU!

1. gertmcqueenSeptember 24, 2011

Gert here:
Well said Ruth…you have given us a very good summary of some of your accomplishments in a ‘upward mobility’ kind of way…you have worked to improve yourself and your quality of life and you take no nonsense from fools and idiots…

Nowhere, I repeat nowhere, does Joan do the same thing, all she does she talk about her lack in life and how everyone is out to get her…

I particular liked this of what you said upon:

Apparently he told Joan this because in a nasty email to me in 2004, Joan says “I don’t care how much paperwork you have against me.”
Oh, Joan, you arrogant little weasel, you will care. Because people will see the “real” you. And they will see just who the bully has been all these years – YOU, JOAN WHEELER – YOU!

This is so true, people who live in glass houses should NEVER throw stones…and in the case of letters, Joan has left alot of paper/stones around for us to throw at her house of glass…
We have only just begun.

Ruth here again:

Did I forget to mention in my assessment of my lifestyle, that I also a wicked sense of humor? ha ha ha. Speaking of pigs:

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (O.M.G.!!!)

 A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy. I’m still not over the pig.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is … attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (Honey, I’m home . What the…?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still can’t believe that pig …quality over quantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.)

A cat’s urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (Talk about a southpaw.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?) 

Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler Chapters 22, 23, and 24 pages 222 – 257 – REFUTED! – Part 2 by Ruth Pace March 25, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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 In a post written by Gert McQueen on May 10, 2010 and posted to this blog last week on March 16, 2011, Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler Chapter 22- More of the same, payback’s a bitch and what is Joan going to do! Gert says the following about Chapter 22, A New Family “it’s more of the same stuff we have read before, another redundant chapter.”

 I agree, more whining, more digs aimed at her birth sisters.

She starts out the chapter by saying that prayer and meditation from an aunt and uncle helped strengthen her spirituality. Influenced her in inner healing. Really? I don’t see much evidence to this. Her spirituality? To what? To have that confidence in one’s own spirituality that there is no need to trash another person’s religion? HA! We see Joan trashing the Catholic Church left and right and her sisters’ (me and Gert) Neo-Pagan paths. Inner healing? HA! All over the book and to this day, Joan writes about her tormented inner life.

On page 222, she relates how she saw two Liverpool, England musicians in concert in Buffalo, New York. These 2 people knew our sister Kathy in Liverpool. Joan writes, “I wondered why Edith (Kathy) didn’t take me to see them in Liverpool.” Oh whine.

Well, let’s see, why didn’t Kathy take her to see them? Does Joan mean to see them perform or see them socially? As the poor writer that she is, she doesn’t make the distinction. But there are lot’s of reasons why Kathy didn’t take her to “see” them. Maybe they weren’t performing when Joan was there. Maybe they were out of the country, performing in Germany maybe. Maybe one of them had the flu. Maybe one of them had a death in the family! Did Joan ever bother to ask Kathy? And maybe put the dam TRUTH in her book? NO! And quite frankly WHO GIVES A SHIT? And what does this have to do with Joan’s adoption, Joan’s adoption reunion, and Joan’s adoption reform work? NOTHING!

This is an example of why this book is a piece of shit! The book is peppered with these kinds of questions! Questions from Joan’s tormented mind – but she never gives her readers the TRUTHFUL answers to these questions. Joan just loves to SPECULATE on people’s motives of their day to day lives. She should stop that shit and pay attention to her own miserable life. Maybe put into practice what Aunt Helen and Uncle Dom were trying to tell her.

But Joan doesn’t want to do that – she doesn’t bother to do proper research – and tell the truth. It’s much easier to write a speculative question, because it’s a clever ploy – to show that Kathy was a negligent bitch to Joan – she didn’t take Joan to see a couple of musicians. You know, Kathy knows a lot of musicians in England, seeing as she is a musician herself. So Kathy is supposed to take Joan to meet every single musician that she knows. On the outside chance that they may travel to the States and perform in Buffalo. Yes, everyone on the planet must plan their lives to please Joan. Introduce her to EVERY person they know because if they don’t, she will feel slighted and insulted and whine about it in her book. And it’s a clever ploy to put another insulting dig against one of her birth sisters without the reader being aware of what she is doing.

On page 244 Joan writes this about me: “Brenda (me) was a big comfort. She loved baby Aaron (Joan’s son) and came to see us often.” Remember this when she writes all over the internet how I hate her kids. Notice how Joan contradicts herself left and right – that’s because she can’t stick to the TRUTH!

Another thing she likes to do is LIE about me concerning  her kids is that I am jealous of her because she has two kids and I am infertile. In June 1985, I suffered a miscarriage, after several years of trying to conceive. Yet, she writes that I’m taking her son to outings in 1985. And both of her kids to the beach in 1989 and 1990.  She just can’t stick to one story.

On page 248, she writes about the backlash of her doing an interview in the newspaper on adoption and getting a few facts wrong. This topic is covered in Gert’s post and I have already written about it. But she says on page 248 “There was no one to help me cope with my feelings, except my year-old son.” Um, what was I? Chopped Liver? I thought she said that I came to visit her often! She didn’t say between page 244 and 248 that we suddenly stopped speaking to each other.

On page 253, summer of 1985, she writes, “Brenda and I frequently took 18-month-old Aaron on outings.” Later on in the book, in the years 1988-90, she says the same thing, as we did go to the beach a lot with her kids. But on the internet, on The Huffington Post, she said that she didn’t have a relationship with me for more than three decades. Do the math people: 3 decades = 30 years. 2011 minus 30 is 1981. But it’s right there in black and white on page 244 we’re at the beach in 1984, and on page 253, we’re taking her son to outings in the summer of 1985.

On page 252 she relates how she goes to Charleston, South Carolina to visit her husband, who had gone there for a better job. She says she wasn’t impressed with the city. Well, she is entitled to her opinion, but on page 257, she states she didn’t like the houses in Charleston, because they were “poorly made with staples instead of nails.” What? She is a construction expert? Let’s see, she made this expert opinion in 1985. In 1989, Hurricane Hugo blew into Charleston. While two-thirds of the city’s houses suffered varying degrees of damage (Wikipedia), the city was not leveled. So I guess Joan’s expert assessment on building codes goes in the trash.

Joan goes on to say that her husband suggested a double-wide trailer. She writes: “Bad enough we were already poor; I didn’t want to live in a trailer park to become trailer trash. Maybe that was his goal, but it wasn’t mine.“

Trailer Trash? Trailer Trash? Where does she get off putting people living in trailer parks as trash? What a disgusting, stereotypical, discriminatory thing to say. Does she forget that her own birth brother and his wife, lived in a trailer park when they first moved to Arizona?

In a comment to my post What is the REAL reason behind Joan Wheeler’s rant on the Huffington Post?  March 9, 2011, Gert listed the National Association of Social Workers Code of Ethics, “Social Workers’ Ethical Responsibilities to Clients.”

In Item 07 – Privacy and Confidentiality article d, we find the following:

Social workers should act to prevent and eliminate domination of, exploitatin of, and discrimination against any person, group, or class on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, color, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, age, marital status, political belief, religion, immigration status, or mental or physical disability.

Joan likes to spout off and brag that she is a “social worker,” but in her usual contradictory self, she also says she is “unemployed, due to disabilities.” If she’s unemployed, then she is NOT a social worker. She also brags that she is a member of the National Association of Social Workers.

WELL, in her putdown of people living in trailer parks, she is in violation of that code where it says “Social workers should act to prevent and eliminate ….discrimination against any ….CLASS…”

Okay, it talks about social workers and their clients, which Joan doesn’t have any clients, because she’s not working, but if Joan is feeling this in her heart and personal life, how would she treat a client if she had any? Just how would she treat a client that lived in a trailer park, considering she considers people living in trailer parks as trash. Perhaps we should count our blessings that Joan is NOT a working social worker – she’d be very detrimental to her clients with her bigoted way of thinking – and heaven help any client who ADOPTED a child. Yes, yes, I’m indulging in a bit of speculative thinking myself – but we all know dam well what Joan would do. It’s right there in her book – she has chronciled herself putting down people in meetings, classrooms, her own professors and classmates while getting her social work degree, even the Association of Social Workers. I guess I’m not really speculating after all – just telling the  truth, using Joan’s own words from her own trashy book. After all, it’s right there in black and white on page 257: trailer trash.

The Social Worker’s Code also doesn’t include a client’s income, but it does say CLASS, which in this case would be poor people. And Joan already said that her and her husband and year old son were POOR, so in other words, she was putting herself down.

After Joan puts down residents of trailer parks, Joan then says “I wanted a better life.” I can’t fault her there. Everybody wants a better life. That’s why they GET OFF THEIR ASS AND GET A JOB! TO WORK TOWARDS THAT BETTER LIFE!

In writing about her birth brother in 2003, when the family goes to Arizona for his funeral, Joan writes in her book about how “rich” he and his wife were. No, they weren’t “rich,” they were upper middle class. And their beautiful house was the reward of years of WORKING AT JOBS!

In 1976, when my brother and his wife moved to Arizona, they filed for bankruptcy, sold their belongings, packed up their little Toyota Corolla, and drove across the country in search of their better life. And through hard work, they achieved it. And yes, at first they lived in a TRAILER PARK! And they weren’t TRASH! But again, as we see over and over and over again throughout this TRASHY book, Joan M. Wheeler puts down her birth family as trash. The only trash from the Sippel family is Joan herself and her book.

Joan doesn’t want ADOPTEES to be discriminated against – yet turns around and says this discriminatory statement against residents of trailer parks.

My first apartment in 1971, was a room in a boarding house. I was working as a cashier for Twin Fair, a K-Mart type store. I then roomed with an older woman, while I took classes in 1972 to become a nurses aide in September 1972. In early 1973, I moved back to my father’s house to help out with the kids, while working full time nights at the hospital, where 38 years later, I am still working. During 1973 and into 1974, I saved my money and in May 1974, I got my first real apartment. In 1975, I moved into a larger apartment with my first husband, and each subsequent apartment was a bit nicer than the last. In May 1987, my present husband and I moved into a rented HOUSE, which in 1996, we bought off the landlord.

I’m also looking for the “better life.” And am working towards it. My husband and I are secure in our house, doing renovations as time and money permits. Our long term plans are to have the renovations done in about 10 years, and then turn our attention to the acquiring and landscaping of the empty lot next to us.

What’s Joan doing? Living in fantasyland. Waiting for a movie to made out of her trashy book. Sorry Joan, not even Oprah is going to feature this trashy book on Oprah’s Book Club – because when she sees how you put down trailer people, she’s going to see you for what you are – a bigot, and a liar. Someone who puts down and insults and lies about her own birth family. And don’t even try to ride in on the adoption coattail – just because Oprah recently introduced her adopted out birth sister to the world. Oprah isn’t stupid, nor is most of the world – we all see Joan for what she is.

And what will Joan do? Now that her meal ticket is gone.

addendum: March 26, 4:40am. by Ruth Pace

The following is from an adoptee forum. And I have a question for the author: Romany, have you Deeply Read the above and what your buddy Joan has said about poor people being TRASH?


Title: Re: Single mother’s…Thanks Huckabee for your insight..
Post by: Romany on March 06, 2011, 03:17:35 PM

The trouble is – people like him divide the world into “good” (educated, moral, productive, financially sound) and “not good” (uneducated, immoral, unproductive, poor).  There are no educated, immoral, productive, poor people just as there are no uneducated, moral, unproductive, financially sound people – or any other combination.  The “good” people have all the “good” attributes and the “not good” people have nothing.  Morality (his version) leads to good things and immorality (his version) leads to bad things because that’s what his god tells him.

And according to her book Forbidden Family, Joan Wheeler also divides the world into “good” people – those who do not live in trailer parks, and “not good ” people – those who do live in trailer parks.  I don’t even want to touch Joan’s “morality” because I dont’ think I can – she doesn’t have any morals.

In her book of lies, called Forbidden Family, Joan Wheeler’s statements about my father, are false! February 14, 2011

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
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by Gert McQueen, February 14, 2011

Having just recently died on January 11, 2011 my father’s life needs to be reclaimed and remembered for what it was, an honorable life. Joan Wheeler’s versions of my father’s life, that she needed to create, to substantiate her inner reality and make it into her ‘truth’ which she published, is not a truthful portrayal of my father.

Joan’s truth is NOT the truth.

Joan Wheeler has gone to great lengths to present a ‘life’ history of my father, her birth father, and this life history is not based on any facts of his life but presented solely for the ‘convenience’ of Joan’s ‘story-telling’. Joan’s story has an agenda to it, and as such, her presentations of key individuals are geared for that agenda. Joan’s book is long, way too long and because of its length, as well as being disjointed and perverse, can greatly confuse the average reader.

It is not an easy task to show where the agenda is, how it is perverse and how the lies are incorporated because the author, Joan Wheeler, is a manipulator. She is counting on the average reader to be so overwhelmed with her bullshit that they won’t see the inconsistencies and the lack of proper protocol in her so called professional social work assessments. She is able to blind a reader with her bullshit, but anyone who really knows her and the people she presents are quite capable of seeing past the bullshit. So I hope that I am able to point these inconsistencies out without confusing the reader anymore than necessary. I hope that the reader of my assessment of Joan Wheeler’s work understands that I have indeed read, deeply, this entire book of lies. I could write a book on this disgusting book of lies called Forbidden Family.

In my study of the lies of Joan’s statements, as they relate to the falsehoods about my father, I have pointed out in several other posts, that may or may not have gotten on the blog yet, many inaccuracies but here I am going to address only certain issues within Chapter 38, pgs 482-566. We must remember that Joan Wheeler says she is a social worker and that this chapter, called ‘A Social Work Assessment’, is her attempt to show that she can put together a ‘social work assessment’, sort of like doing a research paper. In my mind she failed! It is a piece of junk!

According to Joan, the ‘psycho-social-economic histories of main people in my adoption’, that is Joan’s adoption, are very very important to Joan’s agenda! That is the whole purpose for Joan’s lies…for if she can present her bullshit and pass it off as the truth, than she has her research paper and her agenda. But, as her bullshit is exposed, for the lies that they are, Joan’s story is worthless! And she is worthless!

Joan’s assessment is limited and self-serving because it is only presented as proof for her agenda. Joan offers for the ‘psycho-social-economic histories of main people in my adoption’, her self, natural mother, natural father, stepmother (who btw has absolutely NOTHING to do with Joan’s adoption and is technically NOT Joan’s stepmother but is only Joan’s natural father’s currently wife/widow), adoptive father and adoptive mother. I repeat: Joan’s own title here contains these words ‘main people in my adoption’. My father’s current wife/widow had absolutely NOTHING to do with Joan’s adoption. And by omission, Joan does NOT have any histories of her siblings, who were most definitely and most importantly part of the family dynamics related to her separation and adoption out of our family.

One of the main reasons (the agenda) that Joan includes MY stepmother is because it is part of Joan’s agenda…that my father had more economic advantages than her adoptive parent (mother), later in life, which has nothing to do with the premise of this assessment in the first place, that being that of the ‘main people in my adoption’. You cannot shift the basis of an assessment at whim! The assessment is either about the adoption or the economic situations in later years not both simultaneously.

Joan’s assessment, also as part of her agenda, attempts to reconcile, in her mind, the differences, that prevented an ‘open adoption’ and at the same time the similarities that could have made possible that ‘open adoption’. The problem is that Joan has not presented the assessments in any coherent manner and does not take into account the facts that two separate family backgrounds were NOT similar in the first place and in the second place any attempt to make them similar makes the ‘assessment’ null and voided! Another problem with this assessment is that it is full of extensive use of Joan’s own editorial comments. A social work assessment, by nature is to be unbiased; it is to present facts free of and from any personal editorial comment. Therefore this whole assessment is null and voided! She failed! This work is junk!

But to make sure of its importance, Joan instructs the reader, on pg 482, that ‘this assessment is complicated to read, but necessary to understand.’ Why is that statement necessary, because, Joan is TELLING the readers, don’t worry, just read it and take my word for it all, it is most important…in other words…just listen to my bullshit and don’t worry that I’m just a talking head without a brain! This whole business of her assessment CAN NOT be understood because it is totally biased for one purpose only…to prove that Joan is CORRECT, when in fact she is totally INCORRENT. This assessment is not the work of a social worker presenting facts. Instead it is a self-serving indictment AGAINST all who ALLOWED her to be adopted.


Joan’s has greatly dishonored my father by not telling the truth of his life. She not only lies about his life but also is very ‘selective’ in what aspects of his life are important to her agenda.

Examples of how Joan’s truth is not the truth, and how she has an agenda to promote, is in her constant telling the reader, in the book and elsewhere, that her adoptive mother and her natural father are ‘dying’ or ‘had a turn for the worst’ or had this or that illness and hospitalization. Actually, the truth is that Joan has a great deal of illnesses herself, and has a great fear of death. She has a great sense for the melodrama; her constant refrain is that some parent is on their deathbed. On pg 478, in one of her rants against the government she says that ‘the government better hurry up, my father is dying.’ The book was not published until November of 2009 so at the time that she writes this statement ‘father is dying’, he wasn’t in any immediate state of dying. He was dying then, as we all are, one day at a time. But Joan’s need for the melodrama makes it sound as if death was imminent. And it continues on…pg 553 with a date of 2008 in the text, Joan tells us, that she told a nurse, who was wheeling her adoptive mother back into her room, that ‘my father was dying, too’!

And Joan’s gives us the very reasons why she speaks with such melodrama, because it results in her gaining some kind of sympathy, ‘the nurse compassionately called out, both parents at once!’ Joan has to tell the readers that she didn’t fully explain the situation to the nurse, that those ‘both parents’ were not married to each other nor that she ‘had a third parent who was aging, too’…namely the wife of the natural father. This is how Joan manipulates people…via clever use of words and phrases.

Again, on pg 556, with a date of April 2009, she states, ‘both of my parents were dying’ and again on pg 560, ‘both of my remaining parents are near death’ and even greater melodramatics ‘my natural father will die believing I rejected him’. And as usual, Joan does not give the whole story and omits her own misdeeds and wrongful words. No, long before Dad actually died, January 2011, he knew that Joan was a mentally disturbed person who wrote a book of lies and he finally had reached his limit with her and he rejected her.


Through out the ages, individual persons make memorable lives for themselves, their families and for future generations to remember. The only thing that remains after death is your refrain (reputation). My father, like so many of his generation, was a ‘self-made’ man. This quality is certainly not limited to my father or his generation, but I am speaking here of my father.

My father’s obituary, which he wrote himself, ought to have ‘some’ elements of truth in it, after all who would know about a person’s life but the person himself! So we shall start with some basics. Some of the italics are directly from the obituary.

My father was an Army veteran of World War II. In the army he was a technician fourth grade within a Fighter Squadron, stateside from 1943 to 1946.

I worked as a civilian employee at a Veterans Administration Hospital and at an US Army base for over 22 years and know just a little about what troops go through during and after service. My father’s military service is no small thing; it means that he had ‘training’ and was ‘supporting’ the troops before, during and after their training and fighting, during a major world war!

But Joan Wheeler NEVER mentions my father’s military history, in this assessment or anywhere else in the book!

My father earned a GED and studied drafting for a year in technical school.

I am not aware of what conditions existed in my father’s life that prevented him from finishing high school or when he received a GED but ‘earned a GED’ implies that ‘work’ was done and indeed had to be done to get a General Education Degree. My father married in 1946 and started a family in 1947 and he worked to support the growing family. In 1952/53, alone, my father was raising a family, working full time in a bike repair store and going to technical school part time to learn drafting…that is no easy task.

But Joan NEVER mentions any of this in the book!

My father worked as a junior engineer for Buffalo’s Department of Public Works from 1953 to 1988, that’s 35 years! And of course, he had a good retirement. He earned it!

My father was a civil servant; he worked within a major city department. His job depended on the knowledge and skills that he had to perform a certain job. There were years where my father worked two jobs to support his family! In the course of my working life I too was a civil servant within the federal government and know a little of how demanding it is to obtain and keep a job for that long. I too have a good retirement. I earned it too! Many people earn good retirements and my father deserved his pension.

But Joan Wheeler NEVER mentions this! Joan only tells about her own lack of employment and her own low-income status. She too could have had a long-term employment with a good retirement, if only she ever went to work in the first place!

My father had many interests including painting, playing chess and reading.

My father taught my brother and I the game of chess. Who taught my father? He taught himself as he taught himself how to paint! Whenever I visited him we played. I played 5 games of chess with my Dad in 2009 and again in 2010 and he never allowed me to win; I had to win a game by skill! I know something about painting as I paint myself and it is not an easy thing to accomplish, it takes patience to read and study techniques and time to master the techniques. One of my father’s paintings, a replica of a Greek icon of Jesus, is in residence at the Greek Orthodox Church in Buffalo N. Y.

Reading, I have many memories, since I was little, of seeing my father reading, late at night. He had a large library and we shared the thrills of reading many of the same authors! Some of the last gifts I received from him were two of his great books on painting and a complete set of Sherlock Holmes, leather bound! In the last two years of his life I shipped many books to him that he did not have and he enjoyed reading them all!

All of my siblings, not Joan for she was not raised as a sibling and was not privy to what was part of everyday life with my father, are avid readers. It is well known that when one reads and reads and reads, one becomes quite well rounded in all areas of life, for reading begets worldliness!

But, it matters not what interests my father had per se. Joan Wheeler NEVER mentions anything about them!

My father also did some world traveling in his retirement; particularly France, Greece and England, and he studied languages. My father was a worldly man. He studied and involved himself in other cultures. He was a self-styled and self-made man.

But Joan Wheeler NEVER mentions this! She probably is not a wide reader for her book shows the lack of well roundedness and worldliness!

My father was very active in his church.

Joan doesn’t even know that Dad was Greek Orthodox! She maintains that he was Roman Catholic, which she insults at every opportunity. Joan never gets anything correct. 

On pg 294 she states that she confided, about her marriage problems, to her father, stepmother and adoptive mother and said that all three were Roman Catholic! She also states that the advice that all three gave her were based on ‘Jesus would help’ which she quickly pointed out, to the readers, that ‘they ignored that I wasn’t a Christian.’ The point being, that no matter what anyone said to Joan, if she disagreed, she would not tell you pointedly but instead kept it to herself as a another reason why everyone is out to get her.

Dad had left the Roman Church in the late 70s when the Roman church would not recognize his marriage to a ‘divorced’ woman, his wife. She was always of the Greek Orthodox tradition and Dad turned to the Greek Church. That is the church that both of them were very active in.

As I’ve pointed out here, Joan’s truth is just NOT the truth.


Now let’s get to her assessment and it’s falsehoods and compare them with the truth. Italics here indicate quotes from the book pages 487 – 495.

While I am not qualified to speak about Joan’s adoptive parents as to any accuracy in the assessments, it does seem to me that there is a certain amount of selective bias, by Joan, in what she presents and how she presents it. She must be true to her agenda and if you don’t understand that you will not understand the assessment.

Each person has different segments that she assigns, at her whim. This assessment does not follow proper scientific procedures. Just taking two aspects of this assessment here, Level of Education and Economic Class, she tells us…

For herself:

Level of Education: Two Bachelor Degrees: Art, and Social Work.

She has nothing about what and how many languages for herself but has it for the others. What no high school education? Degrees without the work history to go with them are meaningless. This is presented to show that she is ‘educated’ and therefore has the authority to present this bullshit. Also, what is the purpose of telling us her current educational background or anything else about herself? It has nothing to do with her adoption! This is just a way to keep her agenda going…to show the world that adoption messed up her life! I would ask…who paid for that education that she has? But of course, it was the adoptive parents!

 Economic Class: Born into poverty, raised in working class, when married took care of children while husband worked low pay jobs or was unemployed, divorce transferred back to poverty, trapped in low income temporary jobs, chronic illness in mid-life, disable, limited low income.

This is purely a self-serving assessment! She was NOT born into poverty, her father had a job, and her adoptive father had a job! Raised in working class is neither special nor unusual; it is here purely to establish her own personal assessment. What does her ‘life’ conditions have to do with her adoption? Nothing! She is presenting an agenda…she wants the world to know about her horrible life conditions. This assessment is supposed to be about the ‘psycho-social-economic histories of main people in my adoption’ NOT the adoptee! What Joan has written here and everything else on this segment of her assessment DOES NOT belong here, for Joan cannot assess herself as one of the ‘main people in my adoption’. Again, this only proves the inconsistencies and wrong-headedness that she has with all persons she is ‘assessing’ and the hidden reasons (agenda) behind it. I will be addressing this further as we go here but for now it is very interesting to note that Joan has painted a picture of herself that is self-limiting with the purpose of proving that adoption DID THIS to her, the adoptee. She has gotten ahead of herself here in an assessment by showing her agenda…this is another proof of the junk science of this ‘social work assessment’.

For my mother:

Level of Education: High school; English only language

Economic Class: Poor, working class, stay at home mother dependent on husband 1950s.

Nothing unusual here except the insistence of Joan to portray parents as ‘poor’, as in inferior to some ‘other’ standard, known only to Joan. Joan really has no conception of what constitutes ‘poor’. My mother’s family was NOT poor. There were long-held jobs within the railroad industry. I well remember large over-flowing dinner tables of food and people! Nothing that I have heard or seen, via pictures, show that my mother’s family was ‘poor’. During the time and culture that my parents lived, it was the ‘norm’, not the exception, for a wife and mother to stay at home raising the children. ‘Dependent on husband’ is another agenda phrase of Joan’s and has nothing to do with the true condition of my parents’ home life or circumstances.

For my father:

Level of Education: High school, night school, English primary language

She doesn’t say, in this assessment, what he went to night school for. It was for drafting. I would think it important to show the ‘upward mobility’ factor, even if that phrase was not in vogue at the time.  If there is a reason to have language as a factor in this assessment it escapes me.

Economic Class: Poor, advanced to working class 1950s advanced to middle-middle class in 1970s, his present wife worked, two-income household.

Again, this ‘assessment’ is tainted by the agenda of Joan Wheeler, who insists that her father was ‘poor’. As I stated above for my mother, my father’s family was NOT poor. My father’s father worked on the railroad, his mother was a cleaning lady (Ruth’s note, she also worked at Dixie’s Hats, designing hats) and there was an uncle who lived with his parents who contributed to the income. My siblings and I lived with my father’s parents when we were young or were taken care of by them, when my mother was ill. I remember many large over-flowing dinner tables of food and people! Nothing that I have heard or seen, via pictures, show that my father’s family was ‘poor’. My father’s own status, after the war, was again NOT poor! Anything related to his economic class after 1956 is not and should not be a factor in this or any other assessment, for after 1956, he was no longer Joan’s father and his life circumstances are irrelevant!

My father’s remarriages, after the death of my mother, which was the reason why Joan, as an infant, was placed out of the family via adoption, have absolutely nothing to do with Joan’s adoption. The mentions of my father’s marriages are only presented to further Joan’s agenda…one, that her natural father had more resources in later life than her adoptive mother and two, that Joan’s siblings had various forms of ‘trauma’ that Joan believes supports her agenda that adoption is harmful. If you do not understand Joan’s agenda you shall never understand her assessments. 

I am NOT presenting my father’s wives here because they have nothing to do with Joan’s adoption and should never have been mentioned in the first place in the book. I shall, in future posts, talk about what was said about these people by Joan and why they never should have been mentioned.

For adoptive father:

Level of Education: Less than 8th grade, night school later in life

So here we again see the mention of ‘night school’ but nothing about what was taken. As stated before I know nothing about the Wheelers but I do know, from pg 465, that this man worked for Dunlop Tires as an electrician.

Economic Class: Poor, working class 1940s-1980. Two-income household 1940s to 1956, one-income household after 1956

So for someone with only an 8th grade education and night school he had obviously learned a trade to support his family, therefore he was NOT poor! The inclusion of this statement, ‘Two-income household 1940s to 1956, one-income household after 1956’ is totally inappropriate for this assessment! It has no bearing on Joan’s adoption, but is only here to further Joan’s agenda…to prove that the adoptive family’s income went down when they adopted, therefore putting them in a lower income bracket from the natural family.

 For adoptive mother:

Level of Education: High school, Polish spoken at the orphanage, English taught but not spoken. Learned to speak English after age 16 when orphanage life ended and she moved back home with her father.

This is a good point to look at the language ‘assessment’ by itself:

self…no language mentioned

natural mother…English only

natural father…English primary language 

adoptive father…no language mentioned

adoptive mother… contains an extensive explanation…Polish spoken at the orphanage, English taught but not spoken. Learned to speak English after age 16 when orphanage life ended and she moved back home with her father.

Why is the parameter of ‘English’ not followed for all and why the variations of the parameter? Why the need for an extensive explanation when something like, perhaps, Polish primary language English secondary, would be more in keeping with the set parameters. Does Joan have a prejudice against Polish as a language and an ethnic group? She certainly says so in many places in the book! What is the purpose behind all this, what is the agenda, what is Joan Wheeler attempting to prove, assign and justify? Could it be some hidden prejudice against her adoptive mother? I believe that is the case, here and elsewhere. Joan Wheeler feels that it is her adoptive mother who is the central figure in all that has happened to her via her adoption. But that is only my opinion.

Returning to the adoptive mother’s ‘assessment’.

 Economic Class: Poor, advanced to working class 1940’s. As a condition to become an adoptive mother, she quit her full-time job as a commercial seamstress, became financially dependent upon her husband. One-income household beginning in 1956, reduced to fixed low income in elder years, 1982-2000s. (Ruth’s note – Joan fails to note that her adoptive parents lived in the inner city at the time of her adoption. In 1957, when the adoption was finalized, they had bought their own house in a northern suburb of Buffalo, and by the 1970’s owned 2 more properties for rental income.)

Ah…see the AGENDA! Joan wrote this assessment in 2009 just before publication of the book and after her attempts to get natural father to give her money to publish the book, fix her car and other things. Joan tells, all in the book and I shall get to it all, about how she sees that the natural father has more than the adoptive mother. Joan describes, in painful details, how the adoptive mother tells Joan that the natural father MUST give her money for book, car, food, etc. On pg 554/555 we read a rant by the adoptive mother about how she and her husband ‘did all the work…paid for the upkeep of his child…he gave you up…we took care of you…my advanced age…fixed income…’ And it goes on and on in greater delusions.

But actually the great agenda, that of the wide disparity of economic security between adoptive mother/daughter and the natural father began many many years before 2009. We see the beginnings come out in 1992 as Joan tells everyone, in the book, what (supposedly) her adoptive mother told her, pg 299/300, ‘…(Gert) didn’t apologize for calling you repeatedly and yelling at you before and after Dad died in 1982.’

That is a reference to the one letter that I wrote to Dorothy Wheeler telling her about the misdeeds that her daughter Joan did to my minor children and my family. I never knew that her adoptive father was ill and died for I had problems to fix after all the trouble that Joan did to my family. But these two women began to harbor ill towards the natural family and in particular my father once the adoptive father died.

Getting back to what Dorothy, the adoptive mother said to daughter Joan, in 1992…‘that’s what’s wrong with your sisters…they didn’t have a mother and look how they turned out…’ and ‘he lived without you for 18 years…look at the heartache we’ve gone through these past 18 years, damn it…what has he ever done for you…you that father of yours…’ Of course there’s much more of that kind of shit!

What major fact that is missing here in the minds of Joan and her adoptive mother is this fact of adoption; when someone adopts they take all responsibility for the one they are adopting. It is NOT something that changes later in life. The adoptive parents were responsible, from the moment they adopted, and they have no right to impose themselves on to the natural parent later in life. My father knew what his responsibilities were and he expected others, including the adoptive parent(s) to know theirs. My father was not responsible to pay for anything for Joan, as he was not responsible to pay for anything for myself or my other siblings when we became adults.

A condition at the time of adoption, where someone, the mother, had to quit her job to take full care of the infant was the same condition that the nature father was forced to give up said infant…there was no one in his family that was able to take full care of the infant! This is a point that Joan does not want to accept…she was adopted out because there was no ‘full time care-giver’ and when her adoptive parents adopted her, the mother HAD to quit work to become the ‘full time care-giver’, period, end of story, fact of life. 

I would have to state that this woman who became Joan’s adoptive mother, during her marriage, was NOT poor, her husband was an electrician at a major company and had a good salary and retirement. She was financially dependent on the husband in the same ways that my mother was to her husband as is the custom in our culture when SOMEONE has to stay with the children! And why would anyone adopt an infant and then leave that infant in someone else’s care!

My second husband and I adopted my own birth son, when he was 16. There was no need for a full-time caregiver and therefore I did not have to quit my job. But, I also no longer received ‘child-support’ from the natural father and my second husband TOOK FULL RESPONSIBILITY for the child he adopted! That is what happens economically with adoption.

The adoptive mother’s, Dorothy, income was reduced just as the millions of elders are! It is not anything unusual. When her husband died, in 1982, she had a pension from her husband’s pension, that’s the way it is done! If she didn’t work whose fault is that? Certainly not my father’s. If Dorothy didn’t like the outcome of the decisions that she and her husband made in 1956/57 that’s too bad! That is the way of life, live with the consequences of your actions and decisions. (Ruth’s note – and this goes for Joan herself, in the year 2011 – she never wanted to work – now that’s she too old to start a career, NOW she sees her mistakes – she IS poor, and forces her daughter to work 2 jobs to support them – I was in communication with her ex-husband last month and he corroborates this – he thinks it is “disgusting.”)

My father’s economic circumstances were never Dorothy Wheeler and Joan’s business, after 1956/57. His advancements and income and subsequent marriages and his pension have nothing to do with them and the decisions that were made in 1956/57.

I am an elder living on a fixed income of retirement and social security. I do not get any increases in my income! I and I alone were responsible to guarantee that I would have an income in my elder years. I was married twice but never long enough to gain any social security from them. I always had to depend on my self, alone. This is an example for others to learn and plan for your own retirement, early!

This assessment is junk science for another reason…because it changes its focus in the middle and becomes a mockery of itself! First Joan attempts to portray the natural father/family as poor and then in the middle the focus moves to the lower income status of adoptee herself and finally the focus goes to the NEED for the adoptive mother/daughter to have support from the natural father! (Ruth’s note – see how Joan contradicts herself.)

Joan’s agenda actually has several parts to it and the educational and economic segments became convoluted over time and, having to be altered, as the adoptive mother aged and income became a huge issue. Joan did some massive rewrites and additions to the manuscript to fit in her ever changing agenda; chapter 38 was wholly written between April and July 2009, as stated in the book pg 482. And through out chapter 38 the reader learns more and more about Joan’s agenda, which isn’t adoption reform. Joan is so unconscious as she tells the entire world just how desperate she had become. I have already started writing about this chapter in another post. It will take several posts to complete all of the various pieces of mentally disturbed aspects of the agenda.

Joan Wheeler had the audacity to place, on the front page of ‘Part1’ of this book of lies two of the Ten Commandments. She herself insists throughout the book that she is NOT Christian. Yet, she feels that she can use Christian theology when it suits her purpose! Hypocrite! She ought to be ashamed!

The two she uses are: Honor your father and your mother and Thou shalt not bear false witness.

So, Joan, how did it work out for you and your agenda! What have you gained?

Disownment and disinheritance! Was it worth it?

Getting Back to Basics – Refuting the book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler December 24, 2010

Posted by Ruth in a. What is demanded from Joan Wheeler - the purpose of this blog., Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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The past couple of months have been quite busy. Joan Wheeler has been upset because we found and refutted some major lies in her book Forbidden Family, published by Trafford Publishing. We posted an email from adoption expert Joe Soll wherein he said what Joan reported about him in the book was “patently false.” We posted an open letter to adoption expert Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, who wrote the forward to the book, because he wrote an unprofessional review of the book, based on his belief of some Joan’s lies. He never bothered to check out the facts of some of the things Joan alleges in the book, took Joan’s word as gospel truth, and by doing so, is a partner in the sullying of Gert McQueen’s character. Joan didn’t like this, took the stance that we were “pestering adoption experts,” and began attacking us on various places on the internet. And we answered every one of her attacks with our truths!

But now the time has come to get back to the major thrust of this blog – Refuting the Book Forbidden Family.

Gert has already written several posts, and they are backlogged right now. Our method is, Gert writes her review, going through the book page by page, sometimes paragraph by paragraph, then I read it, and the chapters and pages in the book that Gert is writing about, I add my own comments, or whole separate post, and then it all gets posted on the blog. Our next section will be Chapter 22, which begins, coincedentally, on page 222. I have other committments in my life, but this section will be posted the first week in January 2011.

In the meantime, to refresh anyone’s memories, or to get new readers up to speed on some of the more blatant lies we have found in the book, here is a listing of posts wherein we have found lies, and the TRUTH behind those lies. You can find these and more by looking at the list of categories over on the right hand side and seeing posts listed under those categories. by the way, many of these posts are accompanied with graphics – I have scanned actual court documents, photographs, even letters written by Joan herself, which prove without a shadow of a doubt that she LIED in the book.

A Listing of Lies told by Joan Wheeler in her book Forbidden Family and elsewhere

Lies in the book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler

the book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler is full of lies

Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler pages 316, 324, and 330 Clear evidence of lies

A most vile and hateful lie in Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family

A Challenge to Joan Wheeler – Would You Please Explain the Various Court Documents and YOUR own Letters That Prove YOU are a LIAR?

Open letter to Professor Rene Hoksbergen and rebuttal of his “professional” review of Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler

Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family – Personal psychodrama, lies and other things that don’t belong in a book.

Joan Wheeler – Forbidden Family Chapter 14 – Refutted!

Joan Wheeler LIES about Dr. Rene Hoksbergen in her book Forbidden Family


 Joan tells a vicious lie about her own godparents on page 319 of Forbidden Family

 Why did Joan Wheeler write her book Forbidden Family? pure and simple: it is for revenge!

 Joan Wheeler’s book Forbidden Family deliberately falsifiies the facts

 Joan Wheeler issues press release for her “new” book – no, it’s still the stupid book of idiotic lies, and even her press release is bull.    (and after we complained to the webhost, her press release got yanked, due to the falsehoods in her book)

 Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler should be revised

 What is demanded from Joan Wheeler – the purpose of this blog.

 Kathy Inglis’ answers to Joan Wheeler’s caricature of her in the book Forbidden Family

 Guessing Game Time – What year did that child abuse call against Joan Wheeler really occur? 1993? 1994? 1995? 1996? Joan has reported all 4 years! -why can’t she make up her mind?

 Joan Wheeler, in her book Forbidden Family, can’t tell the difference between a dog and a cat. WTF?

1. LisaMarie – January 5, 2011 
I have been reading your blog. It makes sense to me. I came to your sight in reading about adoption reform (I oppose adoption reform- I am for mutual consent). I relize that is not your interest. However, that is how I have read about your sister, half orphan. She needs help. She says she is a social worker. I wouldn’t want her to work with anyone I know. Perhaps that is why she is unemployed. I find the whole group of reformers to be full of hate, self centered and many should get psychological help. Any normal person beside reformer could read you blog and understand what went on. A different time, a difficult situation that your whole family has gone through. You and your sisters and dad are dealing with life your sister is stuck in a pity party and will never move on. Her life will be miserable until she gets the help to deal with the issues she has. As much as I would like to say move on forget about her till she gets help I realize that those of us who are not pro the adoption reform movement but blieve in mutual consent who would happen upon your sight would not get to hear the other side of the poor Joan story she portrays in forums and comment sections of articles. Your story needs to be heard. So I say continue your blogging. I’m one more person following. Not knowing your family, being of your generation your story make more sense. A dad with several children to take care of without help at a time where there wasn’t gov’t help he thought he was giving Joan a better chance at life. Your life was no less difficult. We all deal with tragedy, hardships and heartaches. I understand some adoptees including Joan may have feelings about adoption but the fact is your dad and family (as most family do) did the best they could with the situation. It’s to bad Joan lives in a dark place that she can’t enjoy her life and move on. What will happen to her when the reform movement ends her life will really be over. She needs to portray herself as she does, she needs to twist the story to fit her needs, without she has nothing, it is what she lives for. Sad for her, unfortunate for your family. Good luck to you

2. Ruth – January 5, 2011
thank you Lisa Marie
I would love to just throw my hands up in the air and see “fuhgedabout it!”

But what people don’t realize is that in her book, and on the internet, Joan has SMEARED MY CHARACTER! By saying that I, Ruth Pace has an arrest and criminal record is DAMAGING to me. If I were to apply for a new job or career THIS COULD HURT ME!
Who does Joan think she is that she LIES about me?
I would sue her, but what would I get? She ain’t got nothing. Would I try to take her house? please – I don’t want it. The county taxes alone are over $2100.00. Mine are only $129.00. – cos we get the veteran’s exemption. And I love my own house. a bit raggedy, but it’s MINE. I already paid off the mortgage once, but put on a new roof and porch.
And oh, the pity party for poor Joan – she has arthritis in her neck – (as she reports in her book). oh my! Well I have scoliosis – curvature of the spine AND arthritis in the spine. Back pain and I are old friends. Yet I work in a job that requires heavy lifting. AND I have a touch of IBS,
AND I have chronic sinus troubles. AND I got hot flashes AND thyroid problems with major fatique problems AND just started 12 hour shifts. But I get my ass to work! It ain’t fun to empty a bedpan with poo, BUT I DO IT TO PUT FOOD ON MY TABLE AND ROOF OVER MY HEAD. With today’s economy, sure, I got my financial struggles too. But then I WORK OVERTIME! I have at times worked EIGHT NIGHTS IN A ROW! Because I AM AN ADULT WHO HAS HAD A JOB WITH THE SAME PLACE FOR 38 YEARS.
So why doesn’t Joan get off her lazy butt and get a job? Because then she would be a self-sufficient ADULT. And then she wouldn’t be wallowing in poverty and then she would have one less thing to whine about and garner sympathy.
I will continue to blog my truth and the reform puppets and Joan can simply lump it. Because I don’t feel sorry for them at all.

. Gert – January 5, 2011
thank you Lisa Marie…you said:
“She needs help. She says she is a social worker. I wouldn’t want her to work with anyone I know. Perhaps that is why she is unemployed.”

We, the birth family, have known that Joan needed help after about the first year we knew her…give or take around 1975! Joan has never worked as a social worker, period and never will. She can’t work because she has too many psychological problems and can’t keep herself together to hold down a job. She herself describes her afflications in great detail in the book, she is only a social worker on paper. She ought become her first client.

And while I think about it, does and will NYState disability know that Joan is collecting $$$ from the sale of that book of lies? If she is collecting any sales monies she had better reported it to the State, if she doesn’t that’s called fraud.

Lisa Marie also said:
“I find the whole group of reformers to be full of hate, self centered and many should get psychological help. Any normal person beside reformer could read you blog and understand what went on.”

I’m guessing that there are some real reformers out there, but, those types that you are talking about, on that forum, which Joan is one, are not reformers, but bullys…they go out on the internet
and browbeat potential adoptive parents and adoptive parents from adopting because they are against adoption because they think adoption is the cause of their individual and collective sicknesses. Instead they ought to grow up and accept the life that was given them and change themselves and be happy for a life…but no…

These people are just plain sick…but that does not given them nor Joan, in this case, the right to lie about my life and those in my family…hence…that is why we have this refuting blog…and yes…we are not done…we shall be back with more…

We have lives, so when our individual lives allow us to get back to business, we shall continue…don’t you worry!

Thank you again, Lisa
“Your story needs to be heard. So I say continue your blogging. I’m one more person following.”

We shall!

Guessing Game Time – What year did that child abuse call against Joan Wheeler really occur? 1993? 1994? 1995? 1996? Joan has reported all 4 years! -why can’t she make up her mind? November 19, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Black and White Evidence of Joan Wheeler's Lies: Letters, Court Documents, Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Back on December 22, 1994, somebody called child abuse on Joan Wheeler and said a nasty lie about her and MY husband. Joan keeps insisting I made the call. Well, the caller identified themself as me. But I am not so stupid as to make a prank child abuse call and give out my real name! I also am NOT going to call child abuse on my own husband. Why would I do that? I don’t want him to get into trouble.

This call came at the same time that Joan was complaining to my employer that I had hacked into hospital computers and fouled up her bill. Sorry, I work as a nurse’s aide, 11pm to 7am. Don’t have access to the billing computers. The computers on the nursing stations were not even linked to the billing computers. My employer checked into her complaint, found that I was innocent, and told Joan this. But she wasn’t going to have it. She was going to MAKE me guilty. So she called the hospital everyday for several months trying to get me fired.

I have posted here, below, a 3 page letter that Joan wrote on January 6, 1995 to the billing supervisor where I work. In this letter, she accuses me of tampering with her bill. She says the first mix-up occurred in February 1994, and the most recent was on December 14, 1994. She also confirms that the child abuse call was made three days before Christmas 1994 on page 3 of this letter. Since this mix-up with her bill was occurring in December 1994, I believe she made that child abuse call herself, so that I would get the blame, and my fiance John would leave me. She even sent letters to him via his mother’s house telling him to leave me. I have posted below Joan’s own letter to John referring to this harassment charge. Oh poor Joan had an exam on the day we were scheduled to go to court. And she wanted my husband and mother in law to appear for HER.

My employer never told me about Joan’s allegations. They knew I was innocent, and obviously chalked Joan up to be a crackpot.  Because they didn’t fire me, Joan decided to make those phone calls designed to get me fired. In March 1995, I had a problem with my paycheck and came in during the daytime to get the problem fixed. That is when I finally found out about the phone calls to my employer, and I pulled her into court for harassment. I was told that these calls started in the fall of 1994. I was told this by the secretaries of the nursing office. I also talked to hospital administration and they confirmed that they had investigated me and found me innocent. They also confirmed the almost daily phone calls for several months placed by Joan Wheeler trying to get me fired. They told me that I had nothing to worry about – my job was secure, and Joan was a crackpot. They described her phone calls as “bizarre.” And many times, they simply hung up on Joan.

Please note that on page 3 she demands privacy for herself, but gives pertinent details of MY life to this stranger. All she had to do was say that “my sister, who is employed at your hospital, and I do not get along. There has been previous court-related issues between us. Is ts possible that Ruth tampered with my bill?” Why the drama? Why does she go to everybody and blab MY personal life to people, yet DEMANDS privacy for herself? Because she is a bully.

On page 341 in her book, Joan writes that she entered Buffalo State College as a social work student in January 1995, and her divorce became final in the autumn of 1995. Not one mention of my court case against her in April 1995. Yet, she writes letters to my husband referring to the court case, pleading with him to get me to drop my harassment charges against her, because she had an exam on that date. Why wouldn’t she mention this court case in her book? BECAUSE THIS WAS A CASE THAT I, RUTH SIPPEL PACE INITIATED AGAINST HER AND SHE KNEW SHE WAS IN THE WRONG. Unfortunately, the judge threw it out, saying “sisters should get along.” Joan also didn’t mention in her book, and she won’t tell you (but I will) that she not only wrote letters to the financial supervisor where I work, but also the mayor of Buffalo and other elected officials telling them details of my private life! Then she mailed me copies of them! These letters and the phone calls to my employer were the basis of my harassment charge against her. Joan will only report on mail that she received from me – funny how she neglects to report on mail that she sent TO me. Isn’t that strange? Not really, because a bully will have you believe that they do nothing wrong. Here is the letter she wrote to my husband and mother in law referring to the 1995 court case:

On December 31, 1994, Joan wrote to the Child Abuse center in Albany New York. (this was also in the packet of shit she mailed to me). This letter is posted here as well. Please note that she indicates that the date of the call was made in December 1994. She also lies to officials in Albany and says that I was sentanced to six months probation. No, Joan was given a six-months order of protection against for phone calls of June 1993. (Joan says on page 314 in her book that she signed the complaint about those phone calls in February 1993. – which would have been impossible – as this would have been 5 months BEFORE the calls were made). – See the complaint below, dated July 1993.


Also on page 2 of the letter she wrote to my employer, she says that I was found guilty on August 9, 1993 for annoyance phone calls and was placed on six months probation. (again, no, it was not probation, it was an order of protection), and this ended on February 9, 1994, but on page 324 in her book, she is relating an incident of August 1, 1993, and says I was in

violation of the order of protection. So she has the date wrong on this – but does correctly state it was an order of protection, and NOT probation.

Joan says on the bottom of page 328 in her book that the child abuse call was made in early December 1993, and on page 329 we went to court over this in 1994. No, we did not. How could we be in court in the spring of 1994 when December 1994 and the call hadn’t occurred yet?

In 1999, Joan sends me this harassing letter stating that the child abuse call and it’s court battle occurred in 1995.

In September 2010, Joan posts on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum that the child abuse call occurred in 1996. On her new cyberbullying blog, dated October 2010, she still refers to the year 1996 as the occurrance of this child abuse call. Here is the screenshot of her citing that year .

Joan keeps insisting her book is the truth. How can it be? She states in the book the call was made in 1993 and I provide letters here written by her giving the true date of 1994, and a bullshit date of 1995. And I provide the screenshot here where she says it was in 1996.

To sum up:
I was found guilty of making annoyance phone calls to her in June of 1993 – she had baited me with a forged letter from her son to my husband, but the envelope was addressed to me. When I called her, she kept hanging up on me. A week later, my electricity was shut off – I called her for help, as she still owed me money. Money that she STOLE from me.She kept hanging up on me. She reported to the police that I was calling and swearing at her and hanging up on her. She was granted a restraining order against me from August 9, 1993 – February 9, 1994.

On February 1994, a mix-up of her medical bill occurred, and she accused me of doing it. Another mix-up occurred on December 14, 1994. Starting some time in the autumn of 1994, Joan begins calling my employer almost everyday for several months to various departments in the hospital, where Joan was trying to get me fired.

A phony child abuse call was made about Joan on December 22, 1994. This call was made to implicate me, as the caller identified themself as me, and named my husband as the child abuser along with Joan. On December 31, 1994, Joan writes to Albany New York about this child abuse call, and lies to the authorities about me being placed on probation. On January 6, 1995, Joan writes to the financial supervisor at my hospital and correctly gives the dates of the child abuse call, but again lies and says that I was placed on probation. She does give the correct dates of August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994 of the six months order of protection. but in various places on the internet and in her book, she says that she was granted a one year order of protection. She gives FOUR different years that the child abuse call was made, and in the book says the call was made in early December 1993.

The truthful date of the call was December 22 and the year was 1994. NOT 1993, NOT 1995, NOT 1996. The actual date was December 22, 1994, NOT early December 1993 as she says in the book.

And the truthful date of the order of protection she got against me was August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994. And it was an order of protection, NOT probation. She signed the complaint against me in July 1993, NOT February 1993.

Seems to me that Joan is either a bullshit artist, a liar, or someone who just writes any old thing that pops up into her head. Whatever, it still produces the same result – it negates her claim that her book Forbidden Family is a truthful book, because she just can not and will not tell the truth.

Joan Wheeler presents herself as a social worker, an adoption reform expert. She pats herself on her back on how “smart” she is. She is soooo knowledgeable about the law (is she a lawyer?) She is soooo knowledgable about adoption law and practices. (again, is she a lawyer?) Yet with all her telling her book and blog readers how smart she is, with her college degrees, she can’t seem to get dates straight in her book and on the internet. And she doesn’t know the difference between an order of protection and probation. Also doesn’t seem to know that the difference between being summoned into court to answer a harassment charge and being placed on arrest. 

Joan – if your book is not selling – perhaps the reason is because you are a liar and you didn’t write your book correctly? All you had to do was stick to the truth of things. It is not my fault people aren’t buying your book – it’s your own fault. If you had stayed to the truth in all things – because when you don’t, people will not trust you, nor believe what you have to say or write. I didn’t hold a gun to your head and force you to write 4 different years about that child abuse call. I didn’t force you to lie about the duration of the order of protection you obtained against me. All I did was what any honorable investigative reporter does – report the truth. What readers do with what YOU write and what I write is up to them. People don’t want to read nonsense from a liar. People don’t want legal or psychological advise from a person who can’t keep important data straight.

You had no business reporting lies about me or anyone else. Now your lies are catching up to you. You have only yourself to blame.

1. Gert – November 19, 2010

Joan, why don’t you just do the right thing…say you are sorry for all the lies you have said in the book and on your web sites and ask to be forgiven by your sisters! That would go a long way to repairing the damage you have done. Start by forgiving yourself and then ask us for forgiveness! You know, Joan, that you must start to do the right thing…Do It!

while we wait for Joan to do the right thing…

Joan is very very worried about how much we sisters are writing about her book, for you see, she is afraid of what is coming up! Yep, Joan knows the truth and she has seen in the past year that we sisters are very determined to expose all lies of Joan’s. So she must ‘head us off at the pass’, so to speak, by continuing her basic rap that we sisters are after her and that we are harming her etc etc.

Do the right thing Joan

—-crash! Ruth destroys the stereo, cos she can’t stand rap music and she can’t stand the friggin whining that she has heard over and over and over and over and over-the same old refrain

Facts are Stubborn Things Part 2 November 10, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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Facts are Stubborn Things Part 2 by Gert

Now, before going back to pg 214, we must clear up some things regarding my daughter. She had some issues dealing with her natural father’s rejections, my re-marrying and subsequently having a new father in the house. Both my children had not had a father in residence for over 10 years before I remarried. Couple that with puberty and two aunts, Ruth and Joan, who were closer in age to her and more willing to take what she said about her home life as ‘not within the norm’; what teenager likes the rules at home. My daughter had a pattern of various forms of ‘running away’, from finding school mates that were inappropriate, to hanging out with the older kids, to wanting to belong to a Black church group, to finding a woman who had a mental illness who wanted to adopt her, to wanting to have a baby. Yes we were strict, we had to be. Yes we had problems, we were in counseling! But remember this, this was the beginning of the age, culturally, where the parents’ authority was being undermined by not being able to discipline there own child. The child had the rights, the parents’ only right they had was to pay the bills! I had a counselor who would not tell me, when I asked where my daughter was, when she ran away, because of my daughter’s confidentiality, but I had to pay the bill! And yes not everything was perfect and peaceful and pleasant at home. Yes there was domestic violence, but there was no sexual abuse of any kind regardless of appearances and teenage opinions. …. facts are stubborn things.

So on pg 214 Joan states that my daughter told her about changes in family behavior, skinny dripping in particular and Joan takes it upon herself to see ‘huge red flags’ and so she ‘…suspected her (my daughter) to be in danger of sexual abuse by her step-father….with a former co-worker from the NY State Division of Youth…discussed and agreed there was concern and made the phone call to child abuse hotline.’ And as she said ‘the next few months were pure hell’.

What Joan, again, does not write about is that she was warned by Ruth not to involved authorities, they had no real evidence to any abuse, that to do so would cause real trouble, but Joan never listens to anyone but herself and yes it was pure hell. But it is not true, as Joan states, ‘…that (my daughter) was removed from her home and placed in foster care.’ That all happened because of Joan’s actions with a runaway child, my child and much later than when Joan states it happened and how it happen! On pg 221 she states that we moved hundreds of miles away and that my child was placed near me for visits and that all this happened in 1981, wrong, wrong and wrong. Here then is the real story…. facts are stubborn things.

As mentioned before my daughter had a runaway problem, we had to keep close tabs on her at all times. My second husband’s family was based in the country outside of Binghamton NY and we, as a family, had traveled there and visited many times since 1979. As a family we decided to move from Buffalo NY to Binghamton for quality of life issues, we found jobs and moved there August of 82. It was over a year since we adopted my son and that we had any contact with Joan. Of course my daughter did not like this move. Here’s a fact of life, she was a minor, she does not dictate what the family does, the parents do and Joan and Ruth did not like the fact that we took the children away from their ‘roots’. Too bad! I will not now as I did not then justify my decisions I made for my family and no one, blood relative or not, has the right to interfere with my minor children, period, end of story. …. facts are stubborn things.

So we moved and within one week my daughter is a runaway. This is when ‘it was pure hell’, in the fall of 1982 and it started with Joan taking the words of a runaway minor and calling child abuse on the parents, her own sister! Don’t believe all this self-serving crap of hers on pg 214, its all bullshit. As far as the phone calls at that time, yes there were some phone calls, I was trying to find my daughter! But did I do all that Joan says I did like ‘every two hours until 4 AM every day of the week’, is she nuts? I lived hundreds of miles away, still had to go to work while I searched for my daughter and I had another child to care for. It is only in Joan’s diseased mind that sees other doing what she herself does. …. facts are stubborn things.

To make a very long painful story short, my daughter runs away, missing person’s report is filed, family members are called and are asked to make calls to Ruth and Joan, we the parents are lied to, my sisters knew where she was, she was with them. When I find out that my daughter is back in Buffalo, at her old school, we travel back there to collect her. There is a physical confrontation between parents and child in the school where daughter says ‘rape’, police are called, and daughter is taken away and given in temporary custody to Ruth. Because of different counties I have to go back home and then file a PINS (person in need of supervision) with Family court in county where my child is residing. It is during this time period that Joan calls the child abuse hotline, not earlier. (Ruth’s note: Joan called child abuse on Gert twice – the first time before the family moved from Buffalo, then again after Karen ran away).  While waiting for Family court dates I am investigated no less than on three separate charges of child abuse. When finally arriving at court and am granted the PINS and request that she be put in a foster home in the country so as to lessen her means of running away. So let me be perfectly clear here: once I found my daughter and was in court it was I who asked for her to be place in foster care, for I knew then that no one else could touch her. I was lucky, my daughter was one month shy of 16. If she were 16 or older I would have lost any hope of gaining control of her behavior for the laws state that at 16 a person can do as they please, but, the parents still had to pay the bills! …. facts are stubborn things.

I then asked for a home study to be done on my two sisters who had sued me for being an unfit parent. How interesting that after my family had passed investigations to adopt that all of a sudden we were abusers and unfit! My sisters were proved to be unsuitable to raise a child. My child was placed in a foster home near where we had already moved to, in other words where we already lived, where my child ran away from, not the way that Joan portrayed it on pg 221. The results were proven that my husband and I acted in every way ‘rightfully to protect our minor child’ and were ‘not guilty of any form of child abuse’. I still have the original 16-page document if anyone cares to check my account of this tragedy. But the damage that Joan started and did was long lasting.  …. facts are stubborn things.

My daughter stayed in the foster home for about a year and then she ran away again, this time not from me but from Social Services and Family Court. In early 1984, at the age of 17, I petitioned the court to give my daughter her emancipation, which meant her freedom. She became a full-fledged adult at 17, not entitled to child support, which also relinquished me from any debts related to her. She married shortly after that. …. facts are stubborn things.

Unfortunately the damage that my daughter did, by the word rape, which was put in her mouth by my sisters and carried to the abuse hotline and to the court by Joan, destroy my family. Did Joan win anything here, did she stop any abuse? No all she did was destroy a family. To this day my children, both of them, hate her as does my former husband, his family and I. The stress of those days killed our marriage, all that man wanted was to be a father to my two children, but because Joan is so wrongly obsessed with faulty thinking about adoption she had to kill my family…. facts are stubborn things.

Steak or Hot Dogs? Joan Wheeler hasn’t a clue what the Sippel kids ate – and this has WHAT to do with her adoption? November 9, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Lies in the book Forbidden Family, Our Family History, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements, Uncategorized.
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From Gert to Ruth:

I just had to address this issue, saw it late last night and stayed up late to do it….so unbelievable even though it is out of sequence I believe that it will serve a purpose… that she is no social worker…so Ruth if you can post this soon….

Joan Wheeler’s book is so full of nonsense it is an overwhelming bunch of garbage.

Taking a peek ahead into the depths of the craziness that Joan has written, I found something that just boggles my mind and felt the need to bring it up now. Chapter 38 is called ‘unequal treatment of 1 half-orphan out of 36 resulted in a traumatic  life outcome – a Social Work Assessment’

It begins with ‘April – July 2009’ meaning of course she wrote it or massively rewrote it just before publication. It continues ‘this assessment is complicated to read, but necessary to understand’. I ask you what has Joan written that has been easy to understand? This entire chapter was an ‘afterthought’ of Joan’s so she could continue with her rants under the guise of ‘social work’. What a joke Joan is! Anyone with or without a degree can tell that Joan is nuts. This is the chapter that she says our father couldn’t understand, which btw caused him to say to others that it belonged in the trash! I’m not ready to comment on this chapter in full…in time it will be addressed…but there is one short paragraph that caught my eye.

Under a title of ‘known and unknown rumors against my natural father’ it defies reason has to what that title or what she has in it has to do with her adoption and how it was an ‘unequal treatment’ and how it resulted in a traumatic life for her, for she wasn’t there. It is Joan’s attempt to prove that her traumatic life is because of all the things she has put into this afterthought chapter.

Steak or Hot Dogs?

I can’t imagine how she can believe or devise these tales but as always she has to put her own spin on it. There are many outlandish tales cooked up by the adoptive family because they had some kind of weird idea about my parents and our economic circumstances and Joan has taken them to be ‘true’ and the reason why she is so traumatized. Bull Shit. Here then is one small paragraph that Joan has written on pg. 542 which caused her trauma!  (Ruth’s note: how in God’s holy trouser’s could what we Sippel kids ate for supper when Joan wasn’t living with us caused her trauma is way beyond me!)

One story that has circulated for decades is that in the years before and after my birth and disappearance to adoption, my father fed my siblings hot dogs while he (and presumably my mother and then my siblings’ step-mother) ate steak. When I asked Dad about this, his explanation made sense to me since I, too, raised children. Parents do their best to provide quality food, but when children prefer to eat hot dogs because they taste better to kids, it is easier for parents to give in than to fight about dinner. There is also another explanation – that my father sent my brother to the Broadway Market to buy hot dogs for dinner. He took his time walking home, eating the uncooked hot dogs on the way. There was no dinner for the rest of the family.’ (Ruth’s note: this sentance makes no sense – it does not compute! – When she says that there was no dinner for the rest of the family – does she mean to imply that my father and mother (or stepmother) ate a steak dinner in front of us kids while we went hungry? HOW DARE YOU JOAN! We kids ate supper EVERY FUCKING EVENING! My father and mother/stepmother  was responsible enough to make sure there was adequate groceries in our house for EVERYONE to eat. Not like JOAN and her ex-husband – in another section of her book she says that money was short that often HER kids had one meal a day. That’s a reflection of JOAN’S poor parenting and financial irresponsiblity! She couldn’t feed her kids? Yet she had money to zip around the place attending adoption conferences! Or going to rock concerts! But when money was short, and HER kids ate only one meal a day – did she get off her lazy ass and get even a part time job in the evenings at the Tops Supermarket one mile from her house? Before Joan starts painting the Sippel kids as deprived, she needs to take a close look at how she treated her own kids – like crap!)

This is pure hogwash! I haven’t a clue how she could possible believe such a tale and then put it in a book about her adoption! The basic true story was related from birth relative to adoptive relative and then turned into totally false-hood by the adoptive relatives for reasons of their own. But Joan NEVER researched the truth of the story and instead adds things on, that are of course not true and embellishes it with her own ‘time period’ thought patterns. 

One can tell that it is another ‘Joan centric’ tale because she starts it out with her birth and ‘disappearance to adoption’ as if B.J. (before Joan) had some kind of great turning point in the way our family lived.

Here is the truth and beginning of the tale: My father was raised an only child after an elder brother died. His mother was very protective of him and of his health in particular. She always maintained that her son should have the iron in steak so that his blood was strong and he would not become weak like the son that she had lost. When my father and mother married, his mother would bring a steak to my mother, every week, telling her it was for her son. My mother, being a good daughter-in-law, thanked her mother-in-law and put the steak in the freezer till she had enough to feed the entire family. There is nothing more or less to the story, simply that my mother was no fool. She knew enough to keep her family fed with or without the additional weekly steak that her mother-in-law, my grandmother gave her.

Most of the time during and after my mother’s illness and death we children lived with or were taken care of by our grandparents. Then Dad remarried and his mother came again to her new daughter-in-law, my stepmother with the ‘steak’ for her son. This did not go over well with my stepmother and it was probably she who fed us other meat, again, because she was the wife and in charge of the household and kitchen, not my father.

What Joan tells in this tale is not true and it suffers greatly from total fabrications. She says that she asked Dad about this, well I have no way of knowing if that is true or not but it seems that even if he attempted to give an explanation of it that explanation was embellished by Joan. Dad is a guy and some guys just don’t think about how and what kind of food got on the table. Joan doesn’t think! In the 1950s the world was different, the husband gave the wife the ‘grocery money’ and that was that. So Dad did not feed his kids anything, his wife did! And he ate what was put in front of him!

Joan states, ‘Parents do their best to provide quality food, but when children prefer to eat hot dogs because they taste better to kids, it is easier for parents to give in than to fight about dinner.’ This is Joan’s inner mind working again, subjectively and certainly putting words into someone else’s mouth. This might have happened in Joan’s home with her adoptive parents and then with her children but it certainly didn’t happen in my father’s home. This statement is an editorial comment, has nothing to do with the story at all. Joan was NOT THERE, she would not KNOW that as a child, in my father’s household, if you didn’t eat what was put in front of you, you stayed there all night till you ate it and if you didn’t you had it for breakfast, or, you went without and went to bed hungry!  (Ruth’s note: This is correct, not only in our house, but our grandmother’s house, and in the foster home that we were in for a few years. This is why I will not eat, to this day: oatmeal, lima beans or brussel sprouts. The women in our lives, our father’s mother, our step-mother, our step-grandmother and our foster mother, were strict. They did not cook a meal only to have a child waste it).

Here are some other very important facts that Joan does not know about. While there was the Broadway Market it was not in the neighbor and my father would never have sent my brother or any of us there to purchase anything. There was a local butcher within 4 blocks from home where we went for meat. Joan doesn’t know that because she wasn’t there and the adoptive relatives were not there! All she and they know is the Broadway Market!

Joan then continues saying about my brother that, ‘He took his time walking home, eating the uncooked hot dogs on the way.  There was no dinner for the rest of the family.’ Again, made-up, sounds more like something The Beaver would have done, but not a real kid who was sent to the store to get something. If anyone of us did such a thing forget about dinner, which was called supper at our house, you would have been sent to bed with a ‘licking’.  (Ruth’s note: again, the women in our lives were strict – we got a good smack on our backside when we misbehaved. Something more kids need in this world of kids AND adults not having any self-control or sense of self-responsibility).

Joan knows nothing about what happened in our family because she either wasn’t born yet or she was adopted out as an infant. (Ruth’s note: this sentence makes perfect sense to me – how the hell does Joan know what we Sippel kids ate for supper? SHE WASN’T THERE! I WAS! I KNOW WHAT WE ATE, WHAT WE DIDN’T EAT – AND HOW OUR FAMILY EXISTED! AND SO DOES GERT AND SO DOES KATHY – NOT JOAN. Joan keeps saying that her adoptive family, both her parents and the extended Wheeler family LIED to her about her adoption, and the existence of her siblings. How does she know that they weren’t also LYING to her about our family life? And how the hell do THEY know about it? THEY were NOT part of our family growing up! The only contact between the two families was my mother’s sister Catherine – and she raised her kids the same dam way – her husband always had liverwurst sausage in the fridge and limburger cheese – and NOBODY touched them! – and by god NOBODY touched Uncle Ray’s stuff! BUT, I ate dam well at Aunt Catherine’s house and I ate the same food that my cousins Norman, Ida and Gail had! – so this bullshit about what we Sippel kids ate came from the LYING WHEELERS! – And they sure taught Joan how to lie).

These tales are fabrications told to her by her adoptive parents and Joan hasn’t got the good sense to keep them out of print. She really ought to be ashamed of herself. She really ought to go after her adoptive relatives and leave the birth sisters alone.

(Ruth’s note: a competent social worker would know not to publish “urban legends” such as the steak/hotdogs or Butch eating hotdogs walking down the street. Better still, a COMPETENT social worker would get to the root of the “urban legend.” But since Joan DIDN’T bother to consider a family anecdote that sprang from either a faulty memory, or out-and-out LIES from her adoptive family, this clearly shows us that Joan is no dam social worker).

Addendum from Ruth:

I have already addressed this family anecdote about us Sippel kids eating hotdogs in my post Photos from the Past  March 15, 2010. You have to scroll down to see what I wrote. But to save you the trouble here is what I wrote:

Joan also says on page 542 that our father fed kids hotdogs while he (and presumably my mother and then my siblings’ step-mother) ate steak. This is a family anecdote that Joan in her “brain fog” has gotten wrong.

What happened was this: my father’s mother was from the old-school, she would send over a steak every Friday for my dad. My mother, and then later my stepmother would say “thank you,” and put it in the freezer and the next week, another steak would come, and then we all would eat steak. and yes there were times that we kids would eat hotdogs.

As to the next “story” that my father sent my brother to the Broadway Market for hotdogs, and he ate them on the way home, leaving no dinner for the rest of the family, this makes no sense. Broadway Market was 2 and a half long blocks up Smith St. and then 5 short blocks over. There was Matty’s Deli right around the corner if we needed something in a hurry. Besides, there was Loblaw’s at the corner of William and Emslie only 5 blocks away and Joan was not there, I was. I went shopping every week with my stepmother. We had money for dinner people. come on. What Joan is doing is having “brain fog” in hearing another family anecdote that my brother was sent to the store and probably did eat the hotdogs. I WAS THERE, I HAD DINNER EVERY NIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! (Ruth’s note, November 8, 2010 – Gert is right – we did call it supper in our house. My husband John and I call it dinner in these present days of 2010).

And if we were so “poor” how come we had one cat, 2 parakeets, turtles, fish, Visible V8 Engine set, chemistry sets, build your own radio kits, a backyard gym/swing set, electric football game, kitchen sets with hoses to a bottle to supply running water, the first Easy Bake oven, Chatty Cathy dolls, Nancy dolls, Janet Lennon dolls, Elsie the Cow doll, some doll, if memory serves, The Breck Doll, sponsored by Breck shampoo, where you learned to style hair, and these weren’t Barbie doll sized, but big – their heads were at least 3 or 4 inches across! I had a Drink and Wet doll who was at least 15 inches long! The first Lite Brite sets. Sno-Cone set. I had a chair and desk set with reversible top – chalkboard on one side, artist easle on the other, paint by number sets, the original Cootie and Mr. Potato-Head.

AND we had our living room set from Ethan Allen furniture (NOT cheap) – colonial style! with a couch that opened to a bed. Colonial style rocking chair, coffee table (of which I had until the early 80’s), colonial style dining room furniture, of which I have TO THIS DAY, one of the chairs – it’s sitting four feet away from me right now! I vividly remember being with my step-mother and step-brother bringing home the living room lamps from downtown Buffalo, Hens and Kelley. AND if we were soooo poor, how come every week, my step-mother took me, my brother and stepbrother downtown to the movies, usually to see the new sci-fi, stuff like “The Cosmic Man” “Hypnotic Eye” “Attack of the 50 Foot Woman”  “Invaders from Mars” “Darby O’Gill + the Little People.”  We saw Fantasia, went to the circus, I vividly remember not liking the clowns and my stepmother holding me. And all the junk we brought home. I also vividly remember my stepmother taking ME alone to see the brand new Hayley Mills film, The Parent Trap. My brothers and I had Roy Rogers capgun sets, complete with belts, which my grandmother didn’t like. Rubber Jim Bowie knives, Davy Crockett hats. I had a Howdy Doody doll who came to the hospital with me when I had my tonsils taken out at 7 years old, where I threw a temper tantrum because they shut my tv off just as Chuck Connors The Rifleman came on! (I had to leave my rifle home, dad wouldn’t let me take it).  All these brand new toys, and pets, but we were poor? I DON’T THINK SO!

(Ruth’s note, November 8, 2010: The Wheelers [but I suspect it all came from Mama Wheeler] thinks we Sippel kids were soooo poor. We came from the “inner city?” Oh yeah? Well, so did THEY! We lived on Smith St. They lived on Coit St. – ONE BLOCK OVER, TWO BLOCKS UP! So Dorothy/Doloris (yes, she goes by two names), take your suburbian snootiness and shove it – ‘cos you came from 3 blocks where we lived – THE INNER CITY!)

And pray tell: what does all this have to do with the supposed purpose of the book Forbidden Family – Joan’s adoption, Joan’s reunion with us and adoption reform? – ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

Gert – November 9, 2010

Ruth states:
‘And pray tell: what does all this have to do with the supposed purpose of the book Forbidden Family – Joan’s adoption, Joan’s reunion with us and adoption reform? – ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!’

True, absolutely nothing! Joan is totally against any form of adoption, because, she was adopted and her adoptive parents, lied to her, kept secrets from her, betrayed her and when she was ‘found’ by birth relatives, her adoptive family further betrayed, lied and harassed Joan for having a birth family. Nasty business for sure from the adoptive family, but hey, that is not the birth family’s blame.

Joan repeats, at nauseum, her tramatic life as a basis for adoption reform. NO! Joan’s life is what it is because of Joan, NOT adoption. It’s about time that Joan got out of the fog and get the hell over it! She was dealt a raw deal, well she isn’t the only one. She is suffering now because she CAN’T stand the fact that three birth sisters are finally able to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Joan get a life before you find your self on your death bed all alone and wondering how you got there with no one!

This blog will continue to truth tell and refute everything in that book of garbage!

New whine by Joan Wheeler – and how she shifts the blame off herself onto other people. September 15, 2010

Posted by Ruth in Contradictions of Joan Wheeler, Joan Wheeler Speak - how Joan views the world, Joan Wheeler's abuse and harassment of her birth family, Refuting Joan Wheelers statements.
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A few days after her lie on August 25, 2010,  Joan makes another rambling whine. And contradicts herself again. On August 25, she says we’ve been attacking her physically for 30 years, then on Sept. 1, she’s back to saying there’s been no contact.

She also says the reason she wasn’t posting was because of me. Oh, but didn’t she say back in May she wasn’t posting because she was busy with getting her amom into the nursing home, doing all the stuff necessary for legal stuff with the house, and daily visits to her amom, etc. etc. etc. NO WHERE IN MAY WAS I MENTIONED AS THE CAUSE OF HER NOT POSTING! SHE SAID SHE WAS BUSY. Now she would have you believe it’s all my fault. See how she blames me for her life? Oh, give me a break! – she said that our blog was upsetting her, but not preventing her from posting. – remember the whine and plea for help “get them away from me, get them away from me.” um, Joan, be Woman – get us away yourself. Stand up on your own 2 feet. Because the only person who created this mess is –YOU. You wrote the book, not the adoptees.

There seems to be only a handful of  buddies who support her. And apparently an administrator was ticked off because a link was made to our blog back in the original plead for help for Joan – made by a buddy of Joan’s back in February 2010 .But then more links are put up – does Joan not listen when the administrator obviously doesn’t want no links? Then Joan sloughs the blame off herself and onto her buddy! well, technically, yes, it was Joan’s buddy who did post it – BUT IT WAS AT JOAN’S BEHEST! Now, can you people see how you are being deceived, manipulated, and USED by Joan? She wants YOU to clean up her mess! She lies about people, gets upset because the people she lies about are angry, but instead of acknowledging her contribution to the anger, or cleaning it up herself – she goes whining to other people, expecting them to do battle for her. baa baa sheep. I told you guys before: PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT SHE SAYS, BECAUSE SHE SAYS ONE THING ON A MONDAY, AND A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THING ON FRIDAY!

 And by the way, I do NOT use my employer’s computers – I have my own personal laptop. Again, people are being deceived by Joan. How does she know what I use? Is she there? No? Did she see me? No? Then how do you know what I do? Because Joan told you? Joan is a proven liar!

And no, there is no threat from me or my sisters to Joan or to the adoptees. I said it in my last post – this blog is for the purpose of finding Joan Wheeler’s lies, putting those lies straight, and refuting her contradictory lying statements. If you examine this blog – The Three Sippel Sisters are not interested in, nor posting anything to do with adoption issues, EXCEPT when they pertain to OUR FAMILY. We may give our personal postition on adoption, based on our personal experience, but we are not joining, nor condemning, any adoption, adoption reform, OBC reform, or anything else related to adoption.

As to Joan’s reaction to my angry posts: what did she think was going to happen? Has she not learned the rule of cause and effect? You tell a lie about someone, and they might get angry!


There really is a very simple solution to this Joan – and that is for you to STOP LYING!  And stop whining when you are caught in your lies!

and Joan, would you get your lies straight? If we have been nothing but trouble since 1974, why do you have a whole chapter in your book about your wonderful visit to Kathy in England, the Star Trek  Convention in 1975 with me? Why was I one of your bridesmaids? You mention great times you and I had at the beach in the 80’s with your babies. Meeting herman’s hermits at Uncle Sam’s nightclub.

as for the child abuse call – it was made by YOU in December 1994. In the book you say it was made in December 1993. Now in your whine it was made in 1996!

can’t you make your mind up?

remember the old saying about telling the truth – because then you don’t have to remember the lies? Joan, Joan, JOAN,——— STICK TO THE TRUTH – because you put your foot in your  mouth SIX  TIMES in your whine. you are getting things mixed up because you can’t keep your lies straight.

and no, I, Ruth Pace did NOT call child abuse on Joan. Joan did that herself in a pathetic attempt to break me and my husband up. THINK! people think – If I’m going to place a false child abuse call against Joan, I’m not going to give them my real name AND name my own husband as the perpetrator- I’ve known John since 1978 – we were best friends! In 1986, we were both single and then became romantically involved. In 1987 we moved in together. In 1996, we bought our house off our landlord and in 2002, we got married! WHY WOULD I CALL CHILD ABUSE AND NAME HIM AND RISK HIM GOING TO JAIL WHEN THIS IS THE MAN I LOVE???? AND AT THE TIME OF THE CALL (DECEMBER 1994)  WE WERE PAYING $360.00 RENT TOGETHER, WHICH I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO AFFORD BY MYSELF IF HE WAS IN JAIL!!!!!! And Joan right away writes him a letter, sends it to his mother’s house and URGES HIM TO LEAVE ME.




Comment by Gert McQueen, September 15, 2010:

In processing out the lies and misrepresentations that Joan has in her book, hard evidence, namely letters, have come to surface. They will ALL be posted on this blog to show that Joan indeed is the intimidator and manipulator of many many dirty deeds that she SAYS comes from her birth sisters.

Even without hard evidence, Joan has done many many dirty deeds to her birth family. Joan is not innocent. Our sole intent here is to reclaim our own honor back from the dishonor that Joan has written, in the book, and elsewhere, about us.

As early as this morning, as I read in Chapter 33 of her book…for I am indeed writing my rebuttals…I find yet again, more lies and misrepresentations. Joan makes up so much drama that she TRULY BELIEVES her own shit!!

Anger? oh yes, we have anger, but it is not anger that is driving us to refute Joan’s versions of our lives. It is the very fact that Joan has sullied and garbaged up every member of her birth family, including our father…who wants NOTHING to do with her for the shit she continues to do to the family…as recently as just a couple of years ago, as the damn book was going to press.

So Joan and friends, there is NOTHING you can say or do that will stop us from exposing Joan for all she has dumped on us.

Joan wrote the book, she told the lies, she now has to deal with those she dishonored.

additional thought by Ruth, September 15, 2010, 10:30am –

Joan doesn’t get to be angry. She is the one who keeps spreading lies and untruths. If her lies are slapping back in her face – well that’s just too dam bad, now isn’t it? no, Joan, YOU don’t get to be angry. You are playing with the big girls now. And big girls don’t lie, they tell the truth. And truth ALWAYS wins out.

ok, here’s another contradiction she makes in her whine – she says she is looking for a job, but with crap like our blog, prospective employers will be offended. then she says later down, that she is very sick with illnesses and cannot work full time or at all.



ok people – look at what she is writing – because you’re not seeing it! Many people don’t ‘read’ clearly, they miss alot, they don’t ‘read between the lines’ they make assumptions, they label…wrongly…
That’s how they get caught off guard, because they were not paying attention in the first place. that is Joan’s whole problem and her undoing. Sure, right, she is looking for a job and she has to blame it on us…before hand…that she won’t be able to get a job because of us. This is Joan manipulating you again. She is laying the groundwork that if she doesn’t get a job it’s because of us. (thanks Gert)

Speaking of “poor little Joanie’s reputation” – What goes around comes around. Back in autumn 1994 – early 1995, Joan accused me of hacking into my employer’s computer and messing up her bill. The hospital investigated, traced it down to a typing error and told her I didn’t do it. I work as a nurse’s aide NOT a billing clerk as Joan says in her book. I work the night shift – 11pm – 7am. (Dory – what time was it when motor33 applied? AFTER 10pm, right?) I am not in the building at 4pm when the typo happened. They do have the technology to see what people do on computers. And I’m still working there, I didn’t get fired, because I didn’t do anything. But Joan wasn’t going to have it. – She was going to change the FACT that I didn’t do it, so she called the hospital EVERYDAY FOR SIX MONTHS, calling the nursing office, calling the different nursing units badmouthing me – telling people that didn’t even know me – that I was a bitch, do they know what kind of people they have working for them – this is a dam hospital – where we are taking care of sick people, saving lives, and Joan is bothering busy people during the daytime with this shit, trying to make me look bad and lose my job. So now, 15 years later, SHE’S worried about prospective employers thinking SHE looks bad? What Joan did to Ruth 15 years ago is coming back to haunt her! KARMA BABY, KARMA! SUCK IT UP!!!! – You didn’t care about RUTH’S reputation with her present employers, so why should anyone care about YOUR reputation with prospective employers..

And please people THINK! She says each time they are posting their hate filled crap.
No, Joan – YOU are the one who posts the hate filled crap. We are merely answering you. We do not say anything to anything you have to say in general – ONLY to those things you say about US!

And perhaps the adoption issue in our family has affected us – but what has affected us even more is the continued TRASHING OF US that you keep doing! Why, Joan, WHY, must you keep making up stories about us? WHY do you say that you have been physically attacked for 30 years by us when you know that that is NOT TRUE? Do you see anything on my blog about ANYthing you have said on the internet in the past month? EXCEPT that lie? You have things on your blog about the ACLU, a letter to somebody called Debbie Jacobs, you’ve given support to forum members, urged others to write about an adoption issue – has ANYthing been said about those things on this blog until now? And they are being brought up as an example. NO, the only time we say anything is IN ANSWER TO YOU!And this whole blog IS AN ANSWER TO YOUR BOOK! You had a choice when you wrote your book – you could have chosen to write a truthful insightful book. Instead you wrote a trashy LYING book.You have a choice in the here and now. Continue your writing for your interests or continue writing LIES about your family.

The ball is in your court Joan. And stop playing your little games. We can see what you’re up to – bah – you’re looking for a job and if you can’t get one – it’s my fault! BALONEY! You’re not looking for a job – you said before you are permanently disabled and on SSI. and you just said in your whine you are “sick with illnesses and cannot work full time or at all.”
Do you see what a snarky snake Joan is?

and meaning no disrespect here, but if Joan’s amom is on the path to leaving this world (she has been doing this since last October when Joan first said this on the comments for the  ABC or CBS interview Adoptees Face Sting of Discrimination), Joan says in her whine that she needs to pay attention to her amom. Well then, Joan, PAY ATTENTION TO HER. Why are you on the internet telling lies about your birth family and your birth sisters in particular? Do you not have something much more important to do?

But of course, see how Joan BLAMES us for HER life? Oh yes, WE are driving to her house everyday, dragging her out of bed, forcing her to her computer, forcing her to sign on, forcing her to google her own name, forcing her to put her fingers to the keyboard, forcing her to type her lies, when she is supposed to be taking care of her mother. Riiiiiiiggghhhht. Dammit Joan, would you PLEASE take accountability for YOUR OWN ACTIONS! STOP BLAMING ME AND MY SISTERS FOR EVERY THING IN YOUR LIFE! IF YOU GET A DAM ZIT ON YOUR FOREHEAD – I GUESS THAT’S MY FAULT TO!

Gert – September 15, 2010

I want to make this perfectly clear…

Adoption, pro or con, reform or not, has nothing to do with why us, the birth sisters, are refuting Joan’s book and everything else she says about us, anywhere, which we will continue to do until we die or Joan pulls the book and gives us a public apology.

Joan recently said that ‘adoption is the reason we are the way WE ARE’. That is a patent falsehood! Adoption has nothing to do with it. Adoption is WHY JOAN IS THE WAY SHE IS.

We sisters are setting the record straight as far as what Joan has done to us, individually and collectively and to how she has presented our family. Our positions are all about Joan, not adoption. So please, get off the point that we give a damn about adoption…we DON’T. We are not concerned with any issue related to adoption, outside of our personal opinions which are a non-issue here.

Our issues are all about Joan’s lies, fabrications, manipulations, intimidations, and all sorts of techniques to get her way and to lay blame on others and not onto herself. Our issues are to restore our personal lives from the garbage that Joan has presented. It is an honor issue, not an adoption issue.

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